54 (1998) Script

I'm not gonna bullshit you.

It was the greatest party in the history of the world.

My boss used to say, "the road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom."

Maybe it did.

One thing's for sure, it was the ultimate escape from a fucked up city in a fucked up time.

But like any great escape, it never lasts.

One moment it's all around you and the next, it's gone forever.

It was the late '70s, and everybody was screwed.

The recession, the mile-long lines at the station, the hostage crisis in Iran.

When I look back at it now, it's crazy I can remember any of it.

It feels like flashes from somebody else's life.

We were all looking for a way out, some place to go, some place to belong. Nobody knew where, especially me.

There I am, Shane O'Shea. I was 19 years old and I had nothing.

Now, my dad would say I had more than he did at my age, but fillin' gas tanks at a Jersey City station, goin' to the same dive with the same gang, tryin' to pick up on the same chicks was not tons of fun.


I'm sorry.

It's just that-- look at you, you're so...

You wanna go out tomorrow?

I know this place where the pizza's dynamite.

What? I'm from Montclair, right?

And you're from Jersey City.


So I don't go out with guys from Jersey City.


I knew the real place to be was right across the river.

But it seemed like another world.

I used to go there with my mom.

She did makeup for this TV show and took me to work with her a couple times.

I loved being around the stars. It was like magic.

My mother always told me I could be anything I wanted to be.

Mom died when I was 12.

This was Dad. His idea of the good life was a can of Schlitz and Carol Burnett on the tube.

I had to get out of there.

I had to make a change.

All right, all right, all right!

Move over.

What? What you laughin' at?

What's with the hair? What do you got, the new look?

Look at this guy! Look at this guy! Where's my hair?

What are you talkin' about? You look like Vidal Sassoon.

If you don't look good-- We don't look good.

Shit. I should have borrowed my brother's platforms.

Do I look short? No, you look all right. Fix your collar.

I don't know, man.

You better have put on new underwear. Get the fuck outta here!

Hey, you guys, you guys, you guys.

Before we go in, check it out.

Oh, take me home ba-- Who are they?

That's Julie Black from All of My Children. She's my fuckin' dream girl.

Julie Black. She's from Alpine. My aunt does her ma's hair.

Saw her once, too, hangin' out at the Alpine Inn.

Alpine Inn? We should stake her out.

Where was this taken, anyway?


You know, Studio 54. Ain't you never heard of it?

That place is full of freaks. And girls.

And fags. Come on, you guys.

Listen, you know who was there last night? Jacqueline Bisset.

You know who she is? Yeah, I fucked her.

All right, you turkeys can stay here and rot, for all I care, but I'm gonna go see if I can get a look at Olivia.

Olivia Newton-John?

Ow-oooh! We ain't there yet?

Fuck you, Jersey!


We'll save you a place in line. Hey, wait!

You m-- You gonna leave me here with these freaks?

Oh, my God. Hey!

Step back.


I can't let you in here. You're wearing an ascot. You look like an asshole.

No. Go home. Sorry. No.

Hey, come on! Over there.

That's us. Go in, go in.

Excuse me. Excuse me, he just pointed at us.

Okay, just you. What? Say what?

Just you, not him.

Ladies-- Hey, man, he's my friend. You can't--

Girls, please, stand back, please. Step back, please.

Step back.

Oh, my God. Don't be a spaz, man. Go for it.

All right, but don't wait for me. I'll find my way home.

Okay, you guys, come on. Go in, go in.

No, not you.

Please. Hey! Take your fuckin' hands off me, you jive-ass turkey!

Fuckin' gorilla! Fuck you! Sorry, guy.

Steve! Hey, Steve! What?

Not with that shirt.


I said, not with that shirt.

That's your ticket in, man.

You're hot!

That's how you get in. Welcome to my party, handsome.

Go for it, Shane!

You wanna check that bod, sugar?

Mirror, mirror on the wall.

Who's the fairest of them all?

Truman? Truman Capote, where are you?

Here, sugar! There you are.

In honor of your fantastic new face lift, I thought I'd get you a couple of things.

And-- and to make sure that the lift sticks, I thought we should all "Knock On Wood."


¶ I better knock, knock knock on wood

Well, the thing about stars is, they're short.

You talk to any of 'em? Kind of.

Like who? Who?

Like-- I don't know, but you should have seen all the photographers.

I bet you I even got in one of their pictures.

Think Farrah ever goes there? Maybe.

And Lee Majors? Probably.

What about Princess Grace? Sure, I bet she goes all the time.

Really? Maybe we can touch her when she goes by.

And we'll tell her that Mom named us after her. - Hey, kids!

Hey, Dad.

Hey, baby. What? Hey, Dad, can I borrow the keys tonight?

What for? Shane was in the city last night and he wants to go back.

The city? Yeah, Shane was just telling us how he went to Studio 54 last night.

Studio 54? That's that big disco everybody's talking about.

Where all the stars go. Yeah, Dad, you shoulda seen it.

Hey, I saw a star once-- Bob Hope.

Did you see him there?

Thanks for the memories, Dad, but it wasn't a Korean War show.

So Shane, tell him about that black lady you danced with.

Yeah, she was up on this bridge, singing and she looked right down at me.

A negro? Yeah.

What else, Shane? Well, I went up into the balcony.

It was pretty--

It was pretty... dark.

Outside the compound they were burning an effigy of President Carter.

They were chanting, "Death to Carter."

He's right out there in the hallway if you want to see him for yourself.

He's gorgeous? Gorgeous? He's gorgeous. Look for yourself.

What's two plus two? Huh?

You'll be fine. You're right, he's gorgeous.

Come on in.

Where do bad little bartenders go if they don't go to hell first?

Xenon. Right. A fate worse than death.

So, as of tonight, the new bartender will be...

Rhett. Choice.

Oh, and we got a new busboy. His name is Shane.

Shane! Shane, come here, come here.

Couldn't find the right size.

And remember, it's you boys who are truly New York's finest.

One Chablis. Hey, kid!

Chablis. So, uh, what'll it be?

What'll it be?

Where did they get you, Rocky? Philadelphia?

No talkin' to the animals, busboy.

Hang in there, baby.

Greg, man, can you help me please?

This is how it works.

Keep the bottles and the glasses off the dance floor.

Now, remember, keep the champagne cold, and keep it flowing.

You gotta pay attention to the V.I.P. area.

Steve doesn't want 'em ever to have to pour champagne themselves.

Now, listen up.

After everybody's all gone, you check the banquettes.

We usually find some pretty good stuff.

Is that Julie Black?

Think so. Ready? Yeah.

Hey, Fiorucci! How are you?

You know, I'm such a big fan of yours. Your windows are great.

Grazie. Thank you. Great.

You're so Italian and adorable, I wanna eat you with a spoon.


I really gotta get out of here and get some sleep, I swear.

Hey. Hey, Stevie! Hey, pussycat.


Pleasure doin' business with ya, paisano.

Thanks. All right. All right? No problem.

You know, I'd say it was this big.

Oh, stop. No, at least.

Did you get his number? It ain't the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean.

Did your mother teach you that? His father.

He sounds kinda defensive to me.

Hey, I think we're freaking the new kid out.

Hey, how'd you do tonight? Good. I made quite a bit, I think.

He doesn't mean the tips. You went up to the balcony with Patti, hmm?

Word gets around fast, I guess.

So, did she do the accent? Um, so how was she?

Really great, you know. She's a model.

Really? Have we seen her in anything?

Yeah, Vogue. French Vogue.

Yeah, she told me Cosmo.

She told me Women's Wear Daily. Hey, listen, I don't care if it was Sears and Roebuck. It was hot.

She told you Women's Wear Daily? Stop!

Ooh, I feel a fight comin' on.

No, no way, sister.

And the extra plate. Yeah.

All right, cough it up. There we go.

Hey, don't take anything until everybody puts their stuff down.

Didn't you get anything? Oh, wait.

Hello, friend.

We make...

Every night.


And that would be before Uncle Sam gets his teeth into it.

Well, let me put it this way-- what the I.R.S. doesn't know won't hurt them.

You can dance with a celebrity or a garbage collector or a female impersonator, you know.

The secret is, is that I'm kind of a philosopher.

I understand that the path of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.

Do you ever read Blake? I have.

Yeah, I love Blake. That's always--

Tiger, tiger, burning bright.

You see his eyes? It looked like he was on something.

He's just tired.

I don't think you should go back there, buddy.

Yeah, right.

I need you here with the girls when I work late.

Dad, I work there.

All them weirdos runnin' around like something out of National Geographic. You don't understand.

Hey, I understand a lot more than you think.

Female impersonators dancin' with negros. Dad...

I don't think that a kid like you should be around that.

What? I think you should be goin' to college.

Dad. I flunked English. You could go on your wrestling.

I never won! How could I go on my wrestling?

I never hardly won. You don't belong there!

Just shove it! Hey! Shane, come here!

I am looking for American foxes... for their big American breasts.

What will it... What will it be?

Can you guys help clean up the bar?

We are.

Oh, looks like your wedding was dynamite!

Oh, put this away.

This is Anita's studio. Far out.

What's this? Oh, these are just for motivation, like when you put a picture of a fat person on the fridge.

So play me something. Yeah, she's so unbelievable.

Honey, play something for him. Oh, no, no, I'm really tired.

I'm really, really tired. I mean, I've been screaming all night.

Okay, I'll play something simple.

I can't do this.

That was excellent.

No, it wasn't.

Shane, follow me.

This place is bad, man. You can just stay as long as you want.

Really? Mi casa es tu casa.

And in mi casa, there are three basic food groups-- solids, liquids and hot smoke.

Bye, Dad.


Listen, Gracie, I'm sorry about leavin' you and Kelly like this, but I should have been out of the house two years ago.

No shit, Shane.

Yes, we want variety. Yes, you gotta toss the salad.

But no, that doesn't mean letting whores and yids in like last night.

They were your cousins, Stevie. I don't care... if it was my mother and my father, they looked like shit.

Okay, Stevie. No, no, no "Okay, Stevie," no "cool its," come on.

Family, my ass. Let's go.

These fuckers are hot. What do you think?

Fabulous, love. Now get outta here.

Get outta here! Let's go!

Hey, can I talk to you about maybe puttin' somebody on the list?

No, man, you have to talk to Steve, and he's been working 72 hours straight, so you tread lightly.

The I.R.S.? Oh, please.

Even though you pay me like a cashier, I'm the accountant in this place and it's me who's going to go down with you if you get it by blabbing your big mouth all over the place.

Do me a favor. Throw out that nasty weed of yours, because paranoia's setting in.

Hi. Hi.

How's the new kid? You need a little something for the night?

Buck tells me you've been doing a good job.

What sign are you?

Uh, Cancer. Cancer. Good people, Cancers.

What do you think, Viv?


Steve, um-- I wanted to talk to you about, uh--

I got some friends, and, um...

I wanted to find out about maybe putting them on the list.

Do they look like you?

One's my cousin. Okay, let me explain something, kid, okay?

Okay, once a month, the nephew of the King of Saudi Arabia, right, flies 7,000 miles to dance here for one night, all night, then gets back on his plane at sunrise.

He tells me it's the only place on Earth that he feels totally free.

So, naturally, I-- we... have a responsibility.

So, I repeat, do they look like you?

They're my friends.

Fine. I'll put them on the list.

But they better look like you.



You're a mess. Come here.

I'm gonna fix you up.

Hey, did you sleep with somebody to get your job?

My job? Please.

Here we go.

Listen, Shane, you better watch how much you party, or you could get fired.


Ah, I don't do that crud. Nothin' up the nose.

Come on, you need a little equalizer.

Come on, you look like Stevie.

Shane, look. It's Billie Austin.

Billie? What's her deal?

She knows everybody. Especially everybody in the music industry.

Help me out. She's into coke. You wanna meet her?

Look again, man.

Shane invited us. Shane O'Shea, he works here.

Come on, man. I'll give you my watch. Hey.


Fuck this guy, man. Fuck this.

Excuse me, get the fuck out of my way, please.

Oh, thanks. Diana helped herself to the last of my snow.

Ugh! Recording artists.

Uh, you know, Anita's a recording artist too. Oh.

Wonderful. What label?

Well, I don't really have one yet.

Oh. Oh.

Well, send me a tape. I'd love to hear it.

Oh, thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

As a matter of fact, I think I have a tape here with me.

Yeah, yeah. Here.

The recording isn't that great, you know.

This doobie's tan excellent.

I just made it with, like, home equipment, and so--


¶ I won't work for nobody but you They're cute.

I just love discovering...

new talent.


Hey, paisano!

How you doin'? I really scored tonight, didn't I?

All right, cowgirl.

Put that on there. Easy, easy.

Whoa! Anthony?

Is it all there? Yeah, count it.

Oh! How much they pay you to wait around for me?

Enough. Yeah? You're Italian, right?

Right on. Yeah?

You ever need to increase your paycheck, you come to me.

I got the best party favors in the place.

All right? Yeah.

Yeah! Ooh!

You, uh-- Greg.

Take it. Uh, but I have to--

Give it to him.

Come on! You've-- You've... never seen my palace.

Rhett-- when did he quit?


I'm crushed. He was incredible.

Whoa. Cowboy, easy. Easy.

Here, try this.

Ooh, you learn fast.

I bet I could do that job.

Should I talk to Stevie for you?

I don't know.

My friend's been waiting for that job.

Do you want it?

Yeah, I want it.

What would you do to get it?

Hey. Hey.

Empty it.

Go ahead, go ahead.


Rhett, the brand new bartender, quit.

Thinks he's gonna model.

Really? Yeah.

He, uh, met Scavullo, and he thinks he's got it made.

You're a handsome guy.

Bet you could model if you were a little taller.

You're from Iowa or something, right?

New Jersey.

And now you're rubbing elbows with the most influential people on the planet.

Not bad for a kid from, uh... somewhere. New Jersey. Thanks.


It's a new world out there.

Old labels and prejudices don't apply anymore.

Right. Right.

You do a special job for us. Important.

Before you, I only let bartenders deal with Anthony, but Viv trusts you.

It's a good job. I take it seriously. Yeah.

She also says that you're married to Anita. Yeah.

And that you never go with the other boys.

Yeah. I mean no, I don't, uh-- I'm not gay.

Labels. I'm sorry, I forgot, Mr. Rubell.

"Mister." Oh, I'm "Mister," I'm "Mister."

I'm "Mister."

Oh, that's good.

Well, you know what? I'm not gay either.

I want to suck your cock.

I'm married.

No one gets married at your age, unless they're trying to prove something.

I have to go. Sorry. Okay?

Bartenders make a lot of this.

I know. Come here.

Come here.

I-- I can't. I'm married, and she's waiting.

You really are that straight. I'm sorry.

No, no, no, no. I-- I respect that.

Let me apologize to you.

You have the body of David and the face of a Botticelli.

Bottle of what?

Just say thanks, darling.


It's really funky, but I don't know if it's me.

Darling, I don't think you realize what is you.

I just want to look cool when I'm out, like I'm a New Yorker.

What you are is part of Billie's Big Bang Theory.

Stop it.

I expect you to get to the center of it all, Shane.

Right where you belong.


No, it's not "okay", Shane.

If you want something from somebody, you're gonna have to take it.

But first, find out what they want and then let them have it.

Who is it?

That oughta be illegal.

May I help you?

Rhett quit... the job, and I... you know.

Let me get this straight. You want a job.

Shouldn't I be takin' my pants off?

Of course, everyone knows that Rhett is history, and Shane will take his place.

Well done.

Look at you!

I told you you were a winner.

You did. Bet you'll rule this place by New Year's.

How about a drink on me?

How about the best fuck of your lifetime?

We were both right. Hmm?

I'm too short and I don't suck cock.

Well, there's nothing you can do about being short.


I'm gonna make us some real money.

I got other ideas.

I name thee "Shane 54."

Come on, guys!

I'm sorry about the job.

I apologize. Hey, Steve screwed me again, okay?

No surprise.

Well, I'll get you in, the next spot that opens up, I promise.

I can do it on my own, okay?

But I wanna help.

You guys are like my family now.

Thanks, man. All right.

But you gotta prove you're into it.

That you'd do anything for it.

No, not me.

All right, listen, man. Do you know how lucky we are?

We're at the center of the entire freakin' universe. You gotta go for it.

I don't care about all of that bull, all right?

I'm there for the money, you know? I'm there for Anita.

Then do it for the money. Do it for Anita.

Let my boss suck my cock for my wife's sake?

That makes tons of sense.

Don't be so literal, man. I'm just sayin', get in the game.

I'm makin' a home here, Shane.

This is what counts.

All right, suit yourself.

I'm goin' for the palace of wisdom.

Good night. Good morning.

Come on, I want to introduce you to him.

He doesn't want to be photographed tonight.

He doesn't want to be photographed, okay? Okay. Thank you.

Come on.

Stevie, darling, how are you?

Hi, how are you? Hi.

Shane, this is Andy. Oh, hi.

Andy loves it down here, don't you?

Don't you, Andy? Oh, yeah. It's great.

It's really brown.

Write that down, darling. Andy, come here.

Don't mind them, baby. They don't seem to.

He may look like a kid, but he is the best lay in the club.

Fucked me unconscious.

All right, tell me if you know who this is:

"What? When? Where? It's, like, so weird down here. I been--"

Do you know who that is?

A very charming boy.


Relax, kid.

Good morning!


Hi. You are? Shane.

Anita, let's go.

I touched her.

So have half the casting directors in New York, honey.

I got it.

And you're in for a treat.

He'll fuck you unconscious.

You're killing me! Later.


Ohh! What's wrong?

I started to take a leak and it felt like razor blades.

Uh-oh. What?

Hey, don't tell me that's your first.

My first what?

You got the clap, man.

Shit. Wake up.

Penicillin, huh?

We must be neighbors. I live just--

Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me.

Shane O'Shea.



Thanks, Dottie. It's Mona.

But that's just between you and me too, okay?


Grandma, look it. Oh, that's beautiful!

Now, can you say hi to Shane?

Hi. Hi.

Is that a tape recorder?

That's it. All right, let's see.

Well, I'm from Jersey City, which is close to Bayonne, so you can say that

'cause it sounds better.

And I'm a bartender but I'm really more of an entertainer.

I do impressions, all kinds, really.

I can do anybody.

Just give me a little more... yeah... there you go.

The magazine guy said I was one of his best models ever.

I said, "put that down."

What, you all a sudden you care about the shit people check?

That is not shit, darling.

That belongs to a very big photographer who left it in my hands, all right?

Yeah, right, like a big photographer checks his camera.

When you're on that many 'ludes, you check your wife.

Shit! Shane! What?

He's gonna know now. No he's not, look.

What are you doing, you stupid idiot?

Some bitch is out here screaming for her purse.

We got any extras?

Hey, look, Pocahontas, if you didn't come here to work, you shouldn't have took the shift.

Eat me.

You're too impulsive, Shane.

Way too impulsive.

Ludes, angel dust, and this-- this is MDA.

This is why the Studio's such a great party. This month, anyhow.

Wait a minute, you deal heroin?

Piss off. I don't deal nothin' addictive, all right?

It's just disco dust-- coke.

Pounds of coke.

My bridge and tunnel shipment.

Mostly speed and laundry detergent, but you won't need any of that stuff.

Here, give me that. Stop it.

Come on, I wanna help. You guys do everything.


You tryin' to turn me on?

No, I'm trying to cook. Say that again.

What? "Sal de mi cocino."

Come on, let me go.

Oh, I was just after the spoon.

The spoon.

You bastard!

You jealous bastard! You jealous bastard!

Fuck off!

- I told you nothing's going on. Bullshit!

Greg, baby, you're talking about Shane.

It'd be like doing it with my own brother.

How could you-- How can I? I caught you.

I told you before we got married that I was not your slave.

Right. No smothering, Greg, all right?

- Right! Right! Right?


You can do it too, man.

Hey, midget, I hear you've got some choice MDA.

Yeah, 20 each. For you, 25.

Oh, eat me raw, Tom Thumb.

I never pay for my drugs. And I don't take Medicare.

Ooh! Ha, ha, ha.

Hey, hey, you got that 300 you owe me?

It's Romeo's birthday tomorrow.

Catch me later, I promise.

No ticket, no coat.

Just look for it.

Do you know how many black leather jackets with poppers and a cock ring in the left pocket we got back here?

Seems like you owe everybody money now.

I owe you 50.

No, no, no. Now.

But I... Your boot.

Okay, I want in. Say what?

Ah, sorry, kid. I dunno if you could handle it.

Come on, man. I mean it. Hey...

Greg, come on, please.

Okay, right on. But you're gonna need some capital.

Just a loan.

Thanks, baby.

Sweet meat, sweet meat, give Disco Dottie her funky little treat.

Hey, Atlanta, we need more champagne on the banquette.

Anthony's having a cow. He said we were short a thousand the other night.

Yeah? Yeah.

I got a friend at Xenon who'll put you to work and not bitch about it.

Hey, why don't you go dance, okay? It's slowing down out there.

Yeah, there you go.

What? I'm letting you go. You're fired.

You can't fire me. Why would you want to?

Your sticky little fingers. Didn't you think Anthony would notice?

Notice what? Oh, you're embarrassing yourself.

Here. Your severance.

Stevie, I've worked for you for ten years.

I helped you get your first steak house.

If there's money missing, look someplace else.

I already did, but he's an asset.

You've been here too long. You're...

You're paranoia is getting to me.

Are you saying you know I didn't do it?

Anthony's having a cow, okay? And somebody's head has to roll.


What're you talkin'? Talkin' bout scruples, man.

You should talk, who got me into party favors?

That's just for the dough. I ain't doin' everything else.

I ain't doin' everything neither.

Shit, man. I got plenty of scruples.

Yeah, when they're convenient.

Listen, I've been in Interview Magazine.

I ate breakfast with Cheryl Teague.

I stood on the terrace of a Park Avenue penthouse and watched the fuckin' sunrise over Midtown naked.

You see what I'm saying? No.

I'm saying I'm getting closer and closer.

I can almost touch it. Touch what?


Just everything.

Where's the article?

I just wanna know you're all right.


You know what? We should...

No, forget it. We should what?

Nothin'. Come on, we should what?

Billy invited me to this dinner at Liz Vangelder's house.

There's gonna be all these entertainer people there.


And I'm goin'. Alone?

Do you wanna go? Yes, I want to go.

What do you mean, "you wanna go? Are you serious?"

Settle down. Would you take me?

Yeah. Yes!

What is it?

Hi. I'm Shane. This is Anita. We're Billie's friends.

Yes, of course. I'm Liz Vangelder.

Well, the nightlife here is amusing enough, I suppose, but believe me, nothing compared with London in the swinging '60s.

- Come on. Where'd you find them?

L'universite de cinquante-quatre.


The bartender at 54. Oh, you sly puss.

Bringing the bartender to table.

Tsk. Steve is holding auditions for a New Year's act.

A new New Year's act. He says he wants something fresh.

Ain't nobody as fresh as me.

I might even have a tape with me, you know, in my purse.

Really? Yeah.

Good. I have a tape deck in my limo.

Take me anyway.

You know, I can do a really good impression--

I've got it. You have the essence of Errol Flynn. Hmm?

Who? Darling, you know who Errol Flynn is.

Oh, yeah. Arrow Flint, right.

You know, you are the most gorgeous troglodyte I have ever seen.


I don't know who the fuck Arrow Flint is either, but don't you know what a troglodyte is?

Yeah, it's like a diamond.

No, Shane. A troglodyte is like a caveman.

He called you a caveman.

And that makes me a cavewoman.

Anita, are you ready?

Yeah, in a minute.

What are you doing? He's giving me a break.

And, Shane, lay off.

Did you hear Romeo's quitting? Say what?

On New Years'. Can you say something to Steve for me?

Yeah, yes. Sure as shit, man.

Yeah? Yeah, I promise. I promise.


Merry Christmas, you cunts.

Ladies and gentlemen, a Christmas present from me to you.

Every night I think about staying home.

But then I come to my senses and give myself a good kick in the ass.

Oh, morning music. Who wants to dance?

Me! Come on, everybody. Let's go upstairs.

Come on, let's go! It's boring down here.

At least upstairs it's still snowing.

I like it when it's boring.

This is great down here, huh?

Usually I hate Christmas.

Me too.

Watching everybody's family celebrate.

All I had was my aunt.

And she gave me a pair of socks and call it a night.

Yeah, my family would be glued to "It's a Wonderful Life" or something phony like that.

I always thought Christmas should be banned.

Same here. We're in sync, man.

Right on.

The only other person that I ever felt in sync with my entire life was Anita.

You're lucky.

So is she.


You got her, she's got you.

And you got us.

Most of all, you got you.

I mean, you're somebody.

You're "Shane 54."

Don't cry, man.

You're the lucky one, don't you get it?

I would give anything to be in your shoes.

Come on. Lay off.

Let's get out of here.

Fuck off. I'm not your slave!

You two were down there an awful long time.

¶ This new joy that we've found

You know, I told him before we got married.

I told him what the deal was.

I said, "I love you, but I need my freedom.

I need to have fun. Maybe not forever, but for now."

And he said, "Okay, okay, whatever you need.

I want you to be free."

My ass! I could kill him when he fuckin' gets like this.

I could just kill him.

What's wrong?

Shane, Shane, stop. Shane, Shane.

Let him watch. It's his bathroom.

The Dow Jones continued its slide today, bringing the drop to 90 points.

The news from Washington--

Hey! God, where have you been?

It's great to see you, Gracie! Those for us?

Whoa! Tinsel teeth! Thanks to you.

I shouldn't have took your money. Let's go in. I'm freezing.

Whoa, nice car! Is it yours? I'm famous, you know.

Yeah, I know. We saw you in the paper, dancin' with some old lady.

And I read that Princess Grace showed up there too.

Did you tell her about us? I was off that night.

Oh. Come on. I'm starved.

Why don't we go for a ride? No one's home, anyway. What?

They-- They went to Aunt Mary's.

Ricko's aunt got into the Studio one night and she told Dad she saw you putting somethin' up your nose.

She's such a liar! Right?

Hey, maybe you can come in after I talk 'em into it.

No, thanks! But-- But, Shane!

Don't make him right about you, Shane.

There's nothin' wrong with this stuff, Gracie.

He drinks. It's the same thing. Good.

I wanna try one of these.

Could I get a cappuccino, please?

Excuse me?

Wrong side of the river.

Hey! Shh!


I'm Shane. We met at the-- Yeah. I know who you are.

Uh, would you mind-- Could I--


Uh, what are you doin' out here?

Spending the week with my parents.

Yeah. You look like you crawled out from under a rock.


It hasn't been the greatest homecoming.

I see.

Hey, waitress! Two cups of coffee, please.

When in Rome.

It's a whole 'nother world, huh?

You'll learn. Two languages, two sets of clothes, two sets of friends.

You kept your friends out here? Well, no.

Actually, the clothes were a lot easier.

It's insane, isn't it?

I mean, Manhattan is a whole 'nother problem. Up one minute, down the next.

The story of my life, one thousand percent. Two thousand percent.

You know, I've had so much coffee, I'm ready to take flight.

Hold on.

So you remember today.

Thank you.


Who'd have thought? Huh?

You were so sweet.



Mark, come on.

I've been here every holiday. It's New Year's Eve.

Go home, honey.

Come on, let me in. You again? No, no, no. You look horrible.

What are you, James Caan? You can't come in here.

Greg! Hey, man, it's great to see you.

But I thought you quit.

No way. I couldn't miss Anita tonight.

Plus, I should meet up with my very-possibly girlfriend.

Girlfriend. Is that where you've been? Yeah.

Julie Black, man! Bullshit!

I'm not jivin' you, I swear. That's great, man.

Hey, look. I gotta go find Anthony. You need any party materials?

No, thanks. Not tonight.


All right, it's not all of it, but--

I don't want your money.

Technically it's yours.


I knew I could trust you.

By the way, Herb saw your photograph in Interview and he wants to put you in his calendar.

I don't know.

I'm not into nudies anymore.

I'm thinkin' of tryin' other stuff.

Really? Like what?

Somethin', I don't know. Maybe I'll be a photographer.

I've been around enough cameras.

When you can't learn how to come home at night, you're moving out.

It's my apartment! What's wrong with everybody tonight?

Honest to God, I hate the holidays.

Remember what happens tomorrow?

It's a new decade, turkey.

The new bartender gets announced.

Oh, right. Heck yeah. It's looking good for you for sure, man.

Really? You talk to Steve? Choice.

Hey, Shane.

What happened on Christmas Eve? Just forget it.

Hey, if you ever need anything, you let me know, okay?

I'm there for you.

I love you, man.

I love you too.

Hey, hey.

I have to talk to you--

Your fairy tale wish just came true.

I've got a very special job for you tonight.

All right, but I-- Grace Kelly's coming, and I want you to take care of her.

No shit! Yes, but try not to say "shit" around her, okay?

She is from Philly, but I don't think she does that anymore.

No, not tonight. Not tonight!

Never, never, never come to me like that!

Are you sleepin'?

Is Gracie there?

Well, tell her I'm gonna meet Princess Grace tonight.

No kidding! No way!

You need a hand, Mister, uh, Steve?

Oh, yeah, please.

Yeah, the cat's blocking the door.

"Gato blocko porto."

Yeah, over there is good with the cat.

Kitty cat.

Shane said he talked to you about the new bartender spot.

No, no.

That little body of yours doesn't quit, does it?

You're a boxer or somethin', right?

Wrestler. Wrestler.

Good. You're awake.

You don't want to-- No, no.

But you know what? I wouldn't mind watching you and your wife, Anita-- watching you two wrestle around a little.

Come on. Hey, hey, hey.

She didn't mind putting on a show for me with Shane, banging away in the bathroom on Christmas Eve.

You would've been proud, it was a good show.

All right, I know I screwed up a lot last year.

But I want to start all over, all new and I wanna be your friend, just your friend.



Happy New Year!


Greg, what are you doing?

Oh, my God.

Have you gone crazy? Greg!

What the fuck is wrong with you?

I let you into my family and you fucked my wife!


It's over.


Just stay away from me.

Hey! It's Errol Flynn!

It's great to see you, man. I've been callin' but I-- H-H-Hold on.

My date's being crushed like a grape.


I wondered if I'd see you.

Some of us are going back to Roland's place later.

He wants to know, you wanna join us?

Actually, it'll just be us three.


I think you've had enough, darling.


Some paid a lot of money for this.

Happy New Year, baby.

Sweet meat, sweet meat...

Give me your hands, hun.

Take a deep breath.

Everything's fine.

There you go, Shaney.

Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six.

Five. Four. Three. Two. One!

Happy New Year!


First, I want to tell you all something... that most of you already know.

I love you.

Yeah! - Love you too, Steve!


Secondly, there have been a few little rumors floating around... about me and a certain government agency.

But rest assured, that's all taken care of.

Just try and tangle with me!

Right on, Steve!

And now, I want to introduce to you a brand new talent, a talent for the '80s that I discovered in the coatroom, believe it or not.

Please welcome... Anita!


Sing it with me!

You better get someone.

Turn on the lights!




- Get an ambulance. Get her up.

You got her?

Careful! - Let them through!

Let's clear a path here, people, please.

Hey, hey, hey!

Princess Grace is here, and she's thirsty.

What? This way. You're on. Come on!

Shaney! Shaney, it's been a mean night, okay?

I'll cry about it tomorrow. I will.

But tonight, the show must go on. Let's go.

I-I-I can't talk to anybody!

We did it to her! This place did! Hey! Come on!

You can't blame yourself 'cause she couldn't handle her drugs.

Come on. Let's go. Come on. Come on.

It'll calm you down. Come on. Take it.

This isn't right. Princess Grace is here.

Okay? Princess Grace.

We lost a friend tonight! No, no, no. I lost a friend tonight.

No offense, but you were just another pretty face to her.

She was my friend. She was completely nearsighted.

She couldn't tell one of you from the next.

Now get it together. Get downstairs.


Don't forget how replaceable you are, Little Lord Fauntleroy.

Try tellin' them that, Stevie.

Remember, I'm one of New York's finest. I'm Shane 54.


Like there wasn't a Gabriel 54 and a Rhett 54.

Bullshit. Oh, no.

Don't tell me that's the first time you ever read an Interview magazine.

Oh, no!

Fuck you!

You troglodyte.

Hey, where you goin'? Huh?

The door's that way! He's out!

I love you.


Let's go, sweetie. We have to get some pictures before the ambulance arrives.

Anita... This is your chance, mon petit.

Greg, I'll be right back, okay?

I promise.

Who are you?

Greg, you gotta get outta here.

Listen, I'm sorry about what happened.

I've been a big fuckin' scrupulous shithead.

Right now, I'm tryin' to help you, man.

Buck, where's Steve?

They're here.


I-I-I knew you'd come to your senses, meine kleine Shane.

I went downstairs to get my keys, and they're raiding the office.

Even from here, those suits look cheap.

Steve. Aren't you gonna get out of here?

Where would I go?

Let's go, Shane.

What are you guys doin'? Steve wants you out!

Get off of me! Yo, Billy! Come on!

You're pissin' me off, Shane. Greg, help me!

Come on!


Come on, guys!

Get outta here.

I gotta get my wallet! Get outta here.

Keep moving.

Steve! Steve!

Hey, these handcuffs are too tight!

Put your head down, get in there. Get in the car.


Make a statement, Steve.

What happened?

Hey, hey!

If you two didn't look like such dorks, I think I'd be jealous.

No smothering.


You want a ride?

Nobody else, it's just me.

No thanks.