A Christmas Cruise (2017) Script

♪♪

♪ I'’m flying high in the Christmas sky ♪

♪ Headed home to you ♪

♪ When the winter wind ♪ PAM: If there'’s anything in the world that challenges my concept of "perfectly normal," it'’s Christmas, that one time of year our society decides it'’s okay to pretend a fat man in a red suit comes down our chimneys to give us presents, and that tinsel is acceptable home decor.

♪ Whoa, whoa ♪ And it just so happens that my humble tale begins during that oh, so festive time of year.

[phone ringing]

Hey, Ma, is everything okay?

Well, your father wants turkey this year.

What?

You know how we always have the Christmas ham?

Well, for some reason, he'’s decided in his mind that we should have turkey this year.

It'’s fine, Ma. I was really hoping you would be with me on this one, sweetheart.

Of course I'’m with you.

I'’m just saying that if Dad wants turkey, I'’m fine either way.

I'’ll be there just like every Christmas before.

So should we set an extra place for someone you might bring with you this year?

Just me, Mom. Is there anything else?

I'’m in the middle of a deadline.

For your book?

Not for my book. For my job.

How about I give you a call back later, and we'’ll discuss this turkey or ham crisis together, okay?

I'’m sorry to bother you.

I know it'’s not for a couple of more weeks, but we'’re so looking forward to seeing you for Christmas.

Me too, Mom, me too.

Feel free to bring someone.

Goodbye, Mother.

Ten more days till Christmas, Pam!

I don'’t have time to talk, Toby.

I'’m trying to finish up this article.

Do you want a reindeer cupcake?

I just baked a new batch last night.

No, thanks.

It'’ll get you in the Christmas mood.

I don'’t have time for Christmas just yet, okay?

[thump] Did I just hear somebody say they baked a new batch of reindeer cupcakes?

I sure did! Ooh, gimme!

A merry 12 more days before Christmas, Louise.

Back at ya, Toby!

[laughing]

Ho ho ho.

[phone ringing] What now, Ma?

Okay.

♪♪

I like Toby, I do, but I am trying to get my story in, and between his cupcake interruptions and antler distractions, I can barely string a sentence together.

You deserve better than that, Pam.

But I'’m not the one who hires the office assistants.

I mean the job. They work you nonstop.

I'’m surprised you were even able to make it out tonight.

I'’m a writer. I don'’t get time off.

Yeah, but working that long and that hard, you should be writing your own stuff.

It'’s all of my own stuff.

I mean stuff you love, stuff you care about.

Do you know how long it took me to become a staff writer at a major like New York Minute?

You could self-publish your book.

I gotta finish it first.

Aha. There we go, You'’re onto something.

You need to take some time off and finish your book.

I need to pay my rent. [laughs]

That'’s what I need to do. Hi there.

Oh. Hi yourself.

What you drinking?

Tell you what. Let me finish with my friend, and then I'’ll let you know when I need a refill?

We'’ll be waiting.

I know you will.

T-T-Y-S.

That means "talk to you soon," right?

Well, look at you.

You have been busy since the divorce, I'’ll give you that.

And you need to get busy, if you know what I mean.

The friend is cute.

Your cute and my cute aren'’t the same.

Whatever happened to that guy Mark from accounting?

It'’s complicated.

You'’re complicated.

Is it so complicated to want someone who understands the little things?

And by little things, I assume you mean understanding when you cancel on dates because you have to work?

Okay, so I was a little preoccupied.

But to be honest with you, we weren'’t a good fit.

And it'’s all about making good choices, right?

What do you mean?

Well, you'’ve just become liberated.

I remember what that'’s like.

You'’re out there, you'’re dating, and you feel like you'’re 18 again.

It'’s amazing. But sooner or later, you realize that you'’re not 18 again.

Life is short, you know?

You find yourself out there searching for someone who makes you feel like--

Eighteen?

You know what? I'’m done with you.

I'’m going back to work. Oh, wait.

I haven'’t even shown you the surprise yet.

What surprise?

Merry Christmas!

What is this?

A Christmas cruise?

It'’s a five-day boat trip from San Pedro, the port of Los Angeles, to this tiny little island about 200 miles out on the Pacific.

It'’s a resort called Christmas Island.

Oh. It'’s just one day there, three days on the island, and one day back.

My designer friend got me tickets for me and a date, and I don'’t have a date so I figured I'’d bring my best friend and find a date on the boat.

She even got me tickets to LA.

It'’s really called Christmas Island?

Yeah, it'’s a theme resort.

Oh, let me guess the theme. Pirates? Arrr!

It'’s gonna be amazing, okay?

It'’s only open one month out of the year, and they'’ve got nightclubs and surfing, diving, tours of the island, and lots of single guys, all Christmas themed.

Santa Claus? Not my kind of cute.

No, the cruise is Christmas themed.

The guys are a variety pack. It'’ll be so fun.

Becky, it sounds like an amazing present, but this time of the year for me getting off work, I just can'’t take off a week and... go out to California with you.

Hear me out. The cruise leaves in two days.

We'’ll just fly out to LA, go on the cruise, and I'’ll have you back by next week, and then you'’ll have plenty of time to work yourself to death.

Stop.

You said it yourself: Life is short.

And whether you wanna admit it or not, you need an escape.

Just think about it tonight. Okay? For me.

Okay.

To our Christmas cruise.

Ho ho ho.

[laughing]

♪♪

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Arlo.

[phone ringing]

Hey, Mom. Crisis averted.

We will have hamand turkey.

It'’s gonna be a real feast this year.

Sounds good. Are you home?

I just got back, actually.

Oh, were you out on a date?

Just out with Becky.

I'’ve actually gotta do a little work, so I'’m glad you worked everything out.

It'’s 10:00. You work so hard.

It'’s the job, Mom.

Just as long as you love it.

You do love it, don'’t you, sweetheart?

I'’m a writer in New York City.

What'’s not to love?

Just once I would like to see someone standing next to you when I open the door.

Yeah, me too, Mom.

Either way...

I can'’t wait to see you.

Love you, Mom.

Give Dad a hug for me, okay? Bye.

Morning. Boss wants to see you.

Okay.

He said now.

I'’m never gonna get ahead.

Want a reindeer cupcake? Live a little.

Pam, I took a gander at this article about the millennials influencing the city infrastructure.

It'’s true, you know.

That'’s exactly what I was going for.

Yeah, but it'’s boring.

Boring?

Yeah, well, not the writing. It'’s just the subject matter.

I mean, it'’s just like, the millennial thing has just been done to death.

I mean, you'’ve been here for, uh--

Yikes. You'’ve been here for a long time.

Where are you going with this, Arlo?

Look, when my father gave me this place, I know what everybody was saying around here.

You do? Yeah, of course, of course.

But I still want to do something special.

I mean, I'’m reading these things, right?

And I'’m just like, "Oh, boring. I'’m asleep."

I wake up, I read this one, and I'’m back to sleep again.

I'’m so bored! I'’m bored that I'’m bored!

With all due respect, you are new to this.

Yeah, but you'’re one of my favorite writers around here.

You'’re the only one I think who has a lick of talent.

And excellent taste, and I'’m catching on very quickly.

So here'’s the deal.

I think we need to just have a little change around here.

Right? We gotta keep up with the Postand the Times.

Speaking of the times, everyone is reading the news on the Internet now, which is an improvement because now you don'’t get the ink on your fingers.

I always hated that thing because it'’s like the news.

The news is dirty. You can'’t take the dirt out of the news.

It'’s a whole thing. What are you working on now?

Um, I am finishing up the article on the Syracuse Dog Show.

See, that'’s not what we need.

You don'’t like dogs?

No, I love dogs. Don'’t like Syracuse.

I went to Syracuse.

It'’s a lovely school.

I don'’t fully understand the orange thing, but here'’s what we need.

We need something that'’s just young and sexy.

Look, young doesn'’t always equal sexy, sweetie.

It'’s just that--

Nah, you'’re right. I'’ll give you that.

Let me try something different then.

I'’ll make it very simple.

You bring me what I need, and I will make you New York Minute'’s managing editor.

You serious?

Managing editor?

I already told you that you'’re my favorite writer here.

What do you say?

What do you want me to do?

I have no idea.

I have no idea.

Hey, holidays are coming up.

Yes! It'’s like a romance, finding love during the holidays piece.

You'’re single, right?

Yeah, but, um...

I have to be honest with you.

I just don'’t think that I'’m a good fit for this because my love life is nothing to write about.

That is very sad to hear.

All right, well, you know, it'’s actually not a bad thing because then it becomes a wish fulfillment piece, where a single woman is trying to navigate the landscape during the Christmastime holiday, and that is what our readers will connect to, so it'’s very good that a woman your age is writing this article.

My age?

How old do you think I am?

You are a very beautiful, talented, and sophisticated woman.

Good save. Thank you.

And there are other beautiful, talented, sophisticated women who are gonna be very alone during the holiday.

Why? Because it'’s just impossible to meet anybody worth a pint of pomegranate juice in this city, so we just need to put you in a place where we know that it'’s gonna be a done deal.

Me? You'’re gonna put me?

It'’s like an undercover exposé, where we don'’t want them to know that you'’re a reporter.

We want them just to see you as a...

Beautiful, talented, sophisticated woman.

Yes! Exactly. Gotcha.

It'’s just we gotta brainstorm where you'’re gonna go.

Okay, where? I don'’t know!

We just gotta send you somewhere that'’s warm and tropical and like an escape.

It'’s gotta be an escape.

Tropical and warm, huh?

You know, it'’s gotta be like where you find love, you know, and then it'’s an adventure.

Alro...

I think I found the place.

♪♪

♪ Can you feel it in the air ♪

♪ This Christmas ♪ PAM: Wow, that'’s big!

When was the last time you were on a cruise ship?

Never. My family was more into camping.

Our vacations were always at state parks.

Are the waves gonna be choppy?

No, this ship'’s so big, you won'’t even feel the waves.

Good.

What are you doing?

Just writing down a few notes.

Pam, we'’re on vacation.

I know. I'’m just writing down my first impressions of the boat for my journal.

[clearing throat]

Okay, I'’m putting it away.

All right, let'’s go. All right.

♪ Feels like Christmas ♪

[ship horn blows]

Bye! Merry Christmas!

I think we'’re the only people on this cruise who remember the '’90s.

I like that. I'’m hoping to meet someone who thinks Britney Spears is an oldie but a goodie.

Hey, are you guys excited about the Christmas cruise?

Do you know they serve all-you-can-eat shrimp here?

Are you taking the cruise just for the shrimp?

He thinks with his stomach.

That'’s not the only thing I think with.

I'’m Jessica Noel. Hi.

Soon to be Jessica Noel Holland.

And this is my fiancé, David Holland.

Pamela Stevenson. Congratulations.

Becky Monroe. Hi.

Hi.

So is this your first time on the Christmas cruise?

It'’s my first time on any cruise.

We met on this cruise a few years ago.

How romantic.

Can I please just take down a few notes? Please?

Only if you promise to go just a few hours without jotting something down.

You got it.

Just try to live in the moment.

Take it all in.

Is your memory really failing you that much that you have to write everything down?

I just wanna be accurate. Accurate?

Your news reporting is starting to affect your journaling.

You really need to rethink this job.

There'’s gonna be a change soon.

Good. And if you don'’t put that up when you'’re done, I'’m throwing it overboard.

You got it. Done.

MAN OVER P.A.: All passengers to Christmas Island.

All aboard!

♪ Old St. Nick'’s got a new bag of tricks ♪ Welcome aboard the Christmas Queen, the holliest, jolliest ship to sail the Seven Seas.

Oh, you be sure and check out our shrimp farm on the Mistletoe Deck.

Welcome aboard the Christmas Queen, the holliest, jolliest ship on the Seven Seas.

Oh, be sure to check out our Christmas trees.

♪ Santa'’s back in town ♪ Welcome aboard the Christmas Queen...

[gasps]

We had a deal.

What are you doing? I warned you.

PAM: I was just taking down a few more notes.

It is beautiful. Okay, so enjoy it!

Ladies, does this belong to one of you?

Go get it.

Um, yes.

It'’s mine. Thank you.

I certainly don'’t mean to snoop. It was open on this page.

Good writing. "There'’s opulent holiday decor adorning the sleek ocean liner, appropriately setting up passenger expectations for immersion in holiday fantasy."

Wow. "So many young beautiful people searching for escape."

That'’s good. I like that. It'’s really good.

I know. Travel reporter.

No, no, it'’s my journal.

Sorry. I didn'’t mean to read your journal.

You'’re really a good writer.

You should try doing it professionally.

Thank you. I'’m actually a writer.

I work for the New York Minute.

Are you serious?

I love the New York Minute. Are you kidding me?

I have a subscription to the New York Minute.

You know, some of my friends, they give me noise because I still get hard copies instead of going digital.

But this is amazing. I love your--

I'’m a child of the '’90s, you know?

Me too! What a crazy coincidence, huh?

So are you writing an article about the cruise?

No, no, no, I'’m just on vacation with my girlfriend Becky.

I'’m Pamela Stevenson.

Jake. Jake Rockwell.

Are you with anyone?

Actually, I am.

Oh.

Here with everyone.

You'’re the cruise director.

That I am.

And listen, I wish I could continue this conversation.

I love having it with you, but it'’s gotta wait because I have places to go and people to greet and miles to go before I sleep.

That'’s Robert Frost, you know.

I know.

All right, so enjoy the cruise, relax, and I will see you around.

What?

I thought this would be good for you.

Oh, come on. He'’s the cruise director.

He just ditched me to go and be with everyone else.

Seemed pretty friendly.

That'’s my point. He'’s friendly with everyone.

But you'’re not always friendly with everyone, and that looked like an ice breaker to me.

Isn'’t it against the rules for the crew to fraternize with passengers?

Yes, and I think it'’s about time you started breaking the rules.

And there'’s a couple rules I'’d like to break myself.

Becky!

I am really blown away at how big the boat is.

We'’re gonna have a blast. I know I'’m excited.

So we'’re 302, right? 302.

Here we go!

[gasps] Oh!

I love this color.

I love the bed.

And where am I supposed to sleep?

You know I like sleeping alone.

There must'’ve been some kind of mistake.

Yeah, I'’ll say. I'’ll just go talk to the cruise manager.

Purser Purser, cruise manager, whosever in charge of the beds.

I'’ll just tell them to give us another room.

Wait! Let'’s check out the view.

Ohh!

Come! Get over here!

Okay.

I don'’t wanna switch rooms if we have to lose this.

PAM: Oh, it is beautiful.

BECKY: Are the waves still gonna be a problem?

This is a great gift. Thank you.

My pleasure. But I do need one thing from you.

And what'’s that?

Just consider it a Christmas gift to me.

Okay.

And I know this is a hard concept for you, but just try.

Try to have fun. I am having fun!

I'’m serious. I love you, but you are constantly working.

You need this vacation. You need to relax, escape.

Escape.

You don'’t seem relaxed. I am relaxed! Stop!

We'’re going to have fun.

Yeah, okay, fun.

Passengers, welcome to theChristmas Queen, the holliest, jolliest ship on the Seven Seas.

This is Captain Clyde, your lovable ship captain.

We are about to leave port to embark on our 41st annual Christmas cruise.

If you direct your attention outside the portside windows, you can wave goodbye to your loved ones as we sail southwest... -Okay, it'’s a nice view. to the world'’s only Christmas-themed resort, I mean... Christmas Island.

What'’s the face?

Well, we really don'’t have anyone to wave to.

Oh, maybe we'’re looking in the wrong direction.

Uh-oh. Oh, yeah.

Be right back.

[ship horn blows]

[knocking]

Can I help you? You'’re the--

Yes, you'’re the hotel cruise manager, right?

Well, I have a complaint about my bed.

It'’s not comfortable enough? Not exactly.

It'’s just that we were supposed to have two beds, and there'’s only one.

You wanna handle this one? Yeah, sure.

I have to bring some extra towels to that family in 4B.

Oh, okay.

JAKE: I got it covered, Boss.

Wow.

Hey, hello again.

Hello again.

So, uh, how can I help you?

You wouldn'’t also secretly be the captain or something?

No, I wish I was the captain, I really do, but no, I'’m not.

What'’s the problem?

It'’s our cabin. Stateroom.

Huh? It'’s not called a cabin.

It'’s called a stateroom.

Let me guess. You don'’t like the decor.

Oh, no, I love the color scheme.

Green'’s my favorite color.

It'’s just that my stateroom only has one bed.

Oh. You still call it a bed, or do you call them something differently on the boat?

The ship.

You call the bed "the ship?"

Doesn'’t have something secretly to do with you thinking you'’re a captain or something, does it?

Heh heh.

No. Listen, a bed is still called "a bed," and a boat is called "the ship."

Gotcha.

I'’ll tell you what.

Why don'’t I have somebody bring up a rollaway bed to your stateroom as soon as possible?

Is that okay? A rollaway?

Can'’t you just move us to a different room or something?

Have you seen how many people are on this boat?

Maybe we could trade with a couple.

A couple?

Yeah, someone with more beds than they may need.

I am so sorry, but we'’re doing the best we can here.

How about this? Why don'’t you give your room number to the cruise hotel manager, and we will get you a rollaway bed like we promised, huh?

We'’re on a boat, and I'’m going to sleep on a rollaway.

Well, it won'’t roll away while I'’m sleeping, will it?

[laughs]

Yeah, no, absolutely not. You'’ll be just fine.

You know Rollaway Monthly?

They just recently gave us an award for having the most comfortable rollaway beds on any cruise ship anywhere in the world ever.

Wait a minute. What?

That doesn'’t sound like a real publication to me.

I will make sure you get extra pillows, extra comforters.

And between you and me, I'’m gonna give you an extra rollaway bed... for free.

Okay, sold.

Okay, good.

Um, I'’ll just, uh, roll away.

There you go.

♪♪ BECKY: What could you possibly be writing about now, the gingerbread man?

Hey! What do you have against Christmas decorations?

I love Christmas decorations.

The eyes just remind me of my ex.

Your ex is a cookie now?

Hello again.

Hey! Hi!

Mind if we join you? Sure.

PAM: What'’s so funny?

You'’re sitting in the exact same spot I was sitting in when we first met.

Really?

This is our table. You all wanna sit here?

Oh, no, it'’s okay.

Me and my friends decided it would be fun to take a cruise and get away.

And someone told me about the buffet on this ship.

Do you know they serve...

All-you-can-eat shrimp.

You mentioned it. [laughing]

My buddy and I were getting ready for dinner, like tonight, and I took one look at this one, and I knew we'’d be together forever.

Aww.

BECKY: Who are you waving at?

[drumroll]

♪♪ Ho ho ho!

[applause]

Ho ho ho!

Ho ho ho, everybody.

Your pal Santa was out at sea, catching some tasty waves, and he decided to drop by here for an early visit.

Have you all been good girls and boys this year?

I can'’t hear you!

Yes, Santa! [cheering]

Whoo-hoo! [laughing]

All right then! It'’s time for presents.

Yes! All right!

Sarah and Courtney Johnson, come on up and receive your Christmas gift.

Thanks, Santa.

They'’re perfect!

Just seven more months.

He'’ll be wearing these like a champ.

Thanks, Santa! Merry Christmas, ladies.

Merry Christmas.

How did Santa know that?

He just always knows the right present.

It'’s a trick, right?

Pamela Stevenson. It'’s you!

Pamela Stevenson, I have a Christmas present for you.

Oh, wow.

Thank you, Santa.

Uh, it'’s a little big for a gift card to House of Coffees, but thanks, Santa!

Whoo!

Merry Christmas.

It'’s cute.

Open it, open it! The suspense is killing me.

SANTA: Rebecca Monroe.

That'’s me, that'’s me!

Wait to open yours until I get back, okay?

Got it.

Thanks, Santa.

What is it? What'’d you get?

Hmm. Well, it'’s pretty, but I'’m not particularly into fish.

You should wear it anyway, like a good luck charm.

SANTA: David Holland and Jessica Noel.

Oh, that'’s us.

Come on up!

Such a cute couple. I know.

[applause]

Ho ho ho!

Well, open it up, sweets.

SANTA: Merry Christmas.

Oh. Look at that.

Um...

"And so it begins, the time of your life.

Congratulations, Jessica and David."

What did I tell you? Santa'’s never wrong.

Well, are you gonna open it or stare at it all night?

I don'’t know.

It'’s probably something kinda lame, like your gift.

Oh, it'’s not lame. It'’s starting to grow on me.

I think it'’s real gold.

BECKY: Come on.

Wow.

It'’s beautiful.

My mom got me a set just like this when I was nine years old.

Oh!

I wrote my first short story in it.

Well, that'’s lovely.

Looks like Christmas-cruise Santa strikes again.

Yeah.

What are you doing?

It'’s 10:00, and everyone else is partying.

You'’re already in your PJs?

I was, uh, just writing a few things down.

For a second, I was hoping that cruise director was in here.

Becky! You'’re coming to the lounge.

There'’s so many cute guys there.

Maybe tomorrow, girl. I'’m--

[yawns] I'’m beat.

Pam! We had a deal.

You'’re on vacation, and you'’re gonna have fun.

Who says I'’m not having fun?

I just did.

You are gorgeous, and you'’re one of the sweetest, most talented women I know, and it'’s time you let some lucky fella see that.

Now come on.

Yes, ma'’am.

♪♪

♪♪ [continues]

You know, there'’s a lotta cute guys on this cruise.

Mm-hmm.

Meaning if the one you'’re looking for doesn'’t show up, you could always just find another one.

I don'’t know what you'’re talking about.

You don'’t? No.

It seems like you'’re looking for somebody in particular.

Pam.

What?

Oh, oh, me likey.

Hey, ladies, would you like to dance?

I'’m Paul. This is Gil.

I'’d love to. I'’m Becky. This is Pam.

I'’m really not into dancing.

Oh, thank God, '’cause I got plantar fasciitis something fierce.

It'’s like my, my socks are made of thumb tacks.

I have to sleep with my feet on these two blocks of ice at the end of my bed.

I woke up one morning hypothermic, third-degree frostbite.

They almost had to amputate my feet.

They were black and shriveled up with skin flaking off.

Really? Yeah. You wanna grab a drink?

Getting drunk is the only thing that will kill this pain.

Uh, sure.

It'’s really bad on my ulcers and not good for my gout, but what else is there to do on a cruise, right?

[Gil groans]

Gotta say, Jake, the honeymoon was pretty fantastic.

[Jake laughs]

It was pretty nice being on dry land for a change, you know what I mean?

Not long for the South Seas, are you, Bob?

How about you?

What about me?

Come on, Jake, every woman at my wedding was wondering why you were there alone.

Ah, come on, man, that was by choice.

You know I had a lotta fun at your wedding.

Yeah, yeah.

But I also noticed you weren'’t particularly interested in any of those women.

What do you want from me, man? I was friendly.

Of course.

You always are.

But you'’re not fooling me, Jake.

It'’s kinda like how you were at my wedding.

What do you mean by that?

You act like you'’re enjoying yourself, but deep down, you kinda know something might be missing.

Have a good night.

You too.

♪♪ [continues]

Is that a jade angelfish?

I study those, for real.

Study?

I'’m a marine biologist.

Do you have any idea how rare and beautiful those fish are?

So you like my necklace?

It'’s perfect.

[Becky giggles]

Ohh...

Oh, I need this drink more than ever.

Mm.

Oh, that'’s so much better.

Oh! Oh, my stomach.

GIL: Aw, I used to be on my feet all the time.

Really? Oh, yeah, yeah.

I was a professional speed walker.

We did a walking race all the way from Miami to Los Angeles.

Came in third place. Had sponsorships and everything.

Really? Yeah.

But then my calcium deficiency caused my arches to collapse.

I had to get a dual hip replacement.

One of them'’s actually made of teak wood.

Ended up getting wood worms for a while, but some antibiotics took care of that.

I'’m fine now. Okay.

You seem a little uncomfortable yourself.

You okay? Is it-- Oh!

It'’s the heels, isn'’t it? Yeah, it'’s the heels.

I know all about that.

I had to wear heels when I was a lingerie model in Paris for a while. [phone ringing]

Thank God. Hey, I'’ve got a call.

I need to take this. Oh, okay, sure.

Just a minute, okay? Excuse me. Watch those arches.

Gonna sit down right here on the floor for a second.

[groaning]

PAM: Arlo? What are you doing?

It'’s gotta be like 3:00 in the morning there.

ARLO: I went out tonight, and I almost fell in love.

What happened?

She threw a drink in my face, but then she didn'’t wanna come home with me.

I'’m sorry.

I even told her about the boat.

You have a boat?

It'’s my father'’s boat, right?

And it'’s technically a yacht, so I guess I was lying about the boat thing, I don'’t know.

But speaking of boats. -Ship.

Huh? Never mind.

What'’s going on, Arlo?

How'’s it going on the barco de amor?

Well...

That'’s Spanish for "boat of love," by the way.

This cruise storyline, I'’m telling ya, it'’s a winner, it'’s a winner.

But you just gotta make my life easier.

Right now you'’re out there on the high seas, and I'’m sure it'’s just filled with lots of beautiful women.

Arlo? And men.

I'’m sure there'’s lots of handsome men there.

See, you understand at your age. You get it.

Meet some guy, escape a little, and find your story.

And when you do, you come home and get to work, and before you know it, you'’re gonna be spending so much time thinking about how you'’ll fill this huge office with swanky furniture that you'’re not even gonna realize that you'’re alone.

Right?

I can'’t wait to see what you come up with.

We'’ll talk soon, huh?

All right. Be safe, Arlo. Bye.

Don'’t do it.

Don'’t do what?

Jump.

[laughs] What on earth makes you think that I would jump?

Ho ho ho, young lady, you'’d be surprised.

Once every couple of years, a passenger gets the bright idea of, you know, going over the railing.

Then we gotta throw a lifeboat in the water, and then somebody'’s gotta fish '’em out of the water.

It'’s a whole thing, you know? It gets complicated.

Why aren'’t you in there dancing?

Mm. I don'’t like to dance.

I find that very difficult to believe.

Why aren'’t you in there dancing?

I'’m off duty for a few minutes, just taking a little break.

One of my favorite things to do is come out here and just be quiet.

Peaceful.

I mean, look out there.

That open sea laid out before us, it'’s beautiful.

Makes you think.

I know what you mean.

Funny, when I first came on the boat, I was scared that I was gonna get seasick, but... this is nice.

It'’s nice.

Enjoying yourself so far?

So far.

Santa'’s little gift, did you get that?

Did you have something to do with that?

How did you know?

Ah, that old notebook of yours was getting full, as far as I could tell, and you did mention that your favorite color is green.

It'’s the details. You gotta pay attention to little things.

I heard that there was a policy about the crew fraternizing with passengers.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that'’s a big policy.

That'’s a big rule. We don'’t do that.

Hmm.

Of course, technically...

I'’m off duty for a few more minutes.

And?

Would you care to dance?

Oh, there you are!

Ah, I brought you a freshie.

I myself am on number seven, which brings my pain level down to an eight.

Cheers.

Oh, hey!

It'’s Jordan.

Jonas, Jasper.

It'’s Jake.

That'’s what I said.

Were you able to find me those corn scrapers?

Otherwise I can just use a cheese grater from the kitchen.

I'’ll bring '’em by your room. Don'’t you worry about it.

I got you covered.

Oh, thank God, thank God.

JAKE: Well, uh...

I gotta go back to work.

Good night, Jake.

Good night.

♪ Everybody put a smile on your faces ♪

♪ Time to open up your arms and embrace it ♪

♪ The spirits of the islands have come today ♪

♪ Hey-oh ♪

♪ So drink it in and let your body keep a-moving ♪

♪ Ain'’t nothing to it ♪

♪ Just keep doing what you'’re doing ♪

♪ Let the music in your heart take you away ♪

♪ Hey-oh ♪

♪ Hop, hop, hop Have a good time ♪

♪ Hop, hop, hop Head in the sunshine ♪

♪ Hop, hop, hop Come and dance with me ♪

♪ Hey-oh Feel the music move you ♪

♪ Like the winds upon the water ♪

♪ Every mother, every father, every son and daughter ♪

♪ Hop, hop, hop Come and dance with me ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Every day'’s a holiday when you'’re on the ocean ♪

♪ You feel the breeze upon your suntan lotion ♪ Isn'’t Paul great? He'’s really not my type.

I'’m sorry. I know you'’re not feeling his friend.

GIL: I feel like I got Satan in my slippers with a thousand pitchforks.

I gotta-- I need to sit down.

Oh, I should'’ve worn my orthopedics.

Never choose fashion over comfort.

[Gil groans]

What gave you that idea?

We'’ve been walking around for hours.

Maybe we should find somewhere to stop and chill out.

Yeah, and maybe with an enormous ice-cold drink?

Eggnog! Eggnog?

[scoffs] Are you serious?

Suddenly I just got a craving.

[Gil groans] Where you going?

I gotta get some reception.

Need to check on my fantasy team.

We made the playoffs.

Fantasy team? He'’s obsessed with his fantasy football team.

GIL: It'’s not an obsession.

Fantasy teams are important. I need to get Wi-Fi.

If you want to later, come by my room, and I'’ll introduce you to the team.

Some of the top draft picks.

And if you can'’t make it, I'’ll meet you for drinks later.

Sure about that?

Positive! [groans]

[horn honking] Watch out! Coming through!

Jake! Oh, I mean, um...

What are you doing here?

I thought you'’d be back on the boat.

The ship. Ship, right.

You know, I'’m in charge of passenger activities on and off the ship, and Old Trusty right here is official resort transportation.

There'’s a dance class in 10 minutes.

If you'’d like to attend that, I can have my partner, the elf over here, to take you two, or you can take a tour of the island with moi.

Hmm.

Dance class? That sounds fun.

I'’m game.

Elfie man, take my two people over there to the Hale Club, help get '’em set up, okay?

Are you sure you wanna...

Oh, right.

I'’ll meet up with you later. Have fun.

Well... looks like it'’s just you and me.

Sure does.

You know, I'’m still on the clock, but I might be persuaded to give a nickel tour of the grounds.

Hey, that sounds fun.

Show us the most beautiful place on the island.

Yep.

Hang on, kids.

♪♪

All right.

We are here.

Wow.

Babe, how many times have we been on this cruise, and we'’ve never seen a view like this?

JESSICA: Stunning.

Hey.

Yeah.

I thought we should give '’em a little privacy, you know?

Very perceptive. Thank you.

Wow. Okay. Right?

Gotta give it to you. This is a great view.

Yeah, it sure is.

Yeah.

[clicking]

Maybe we should just try and enjoy this right here, huh?

Oh, I was just trying to take pictures for my...

Never mind. Yeah, I know, I know.

I know exactly what you'’re doing.

Beautiful, huh?

Sometimes you just gotta appreciate the little things in life.

So this isn'’t your first cruise ship.

I mean, um, how long have you been in travel?

Me? Um, a long time.

But, you know, I was in construction for years, and I started off in an accounting office.

You were an accountant?

You'’re damn right I was, if you can believe that.

My first job, I was an accountant.

I didn'’t last that long though.

My marriage lasted slightly longer.

After my divorce, I kicked around a couple things, and now here I am.

Yeah.

And what about you?

What about me?

How do you find yourself on the edge of this beautiful cliff in the South Pacific?

What does your boyfriend think about you taking off on a long excursion like this sea cruise, huh?

I don'’t have one at the moment.

Really?

What, is it a law that I have to have one?

No, no, no, not at all.

I'’m just, uh, I'’m just a little surprised that such a beautiful, talented, wonderful woman like yourself is still single.

Hmm.

How many women have you brought to this spot?

Honestly? Um...

One.

Oh.

Counting today.

[laughs] Right, right.

What, right? That surprises you?

It'’s just, you seem like the exact type of person that would do this type of thing all the time.

Really? That'’s what I seem like?

What kind of person is that?

A ruggedly handsome cruise director, huh?

A ruggedly handsome cruise director?

You heard me.

What are you doing?

I'’m not too sure.

You know I'’m telling the truth.

I haven'’t brought anybody, no one, up here, if that'’s what you'’re thinking.

Oh, so now you know what I'’m thinking.

I think I do.

GIL: Help! Help!

Oh, thank God! Oh, no.

Joe! I mean Jerry! Is that you?

It'’s Jake! Oh, God!

Hey.

I was trying to find reception, and this eagle swooped out of nowhere, and it flew off with my phone.

That'’s when I went after it.

You know I can'’t run '’cause of my feet.

Sorry, guys. And then this badger came out.

It attacked me, but I fought it off my shoe.

Did you say a badger?

Come on, man, let'’s get it together.

You'’re a mess here. Let'’s take all this stuff off.

You'’re gonna be all right. We'’ll get you some water.

Come on. Let'’s get outta here. Come on. Help in there.

We got a ride for you. I'’ll sit in the middle.

Come on, come on, come on.

I'’ll sit in the middle. Come on.

All right. You got it, you got it.

All right, all right, okay.

Oh, man, what the-- What'’s the matter?

The battery. The battery needs to charge up.

Are we stuck here? No, we'’re not stuck here.

We can just call someone for a ride or something, right?

We'’re not gonna get a signal on this side of the island.

Okay, um...

We'’re gonna walk back to the resort.

It'’s only a 20-minute walk from here.

No, I can'’t! I can'’t! My feet will fall off.

Yeah, okay, I figured you'’d say that.

So then we'’re gonna follow this road through Candy Cane Orchard, right?

And then we'’ll get a signal there.

Someone will come and get us. It'’s gonna be fine.

Pam, you come with me. You three stay here.

Let'’s do this, okay?

JESSICA: Are you sure you guys are gonna be okay?

Yeah, we'’re gonna be just fine, I just gotta get my trusty flashlight here to--

With my...

Darn it!

We'’ll be back for you guys as soon as we can. Come on.

Oh, please hurry! My feet! Please!

JAKE: So you'’re just working 24/7.

Yeah, but I have a plan.

See, I have been a journalist my entire adult life.

I'’ve worked my way up the ranks at New York Minute, and it is about to pay off.

And then what?

What do you mean, "And then what?"

And then what are you gonna do with the rest of your life, huh?

You know what I'’m talking about: having fun, relationships, enjoying what you worked for, that kinda stuff.

I love writing.

You don'’t love working at the New York Minute.

Like I said, we'’re about to make big changes, and I'’m gonna be a part of that.

Okay, what about working with this kid?

Kid?

Yeah, maybe it'’s not what I want to be doing, but nothing in life is perfect, right?

Okay, so what do you wanna do?

I mean, if you could write anything, anything at all, what would it be?

My book.

This might sound funny, but...

I'’ve just been writing so much for the job that I don'’t have time for my book.

Hmm. [sniffing]

I smell an excuse in the air.

Jake. What?

Nobody is paying me to write my memoirs.

Anyways, you are the last person to be lecturing somebody else about long-term goals.

What is that supposed to mean?

It means I don'’t think you have any.

Really? Really.

Hey, now.

You know what I do?

I cast my fate to the wind.

How can you live like that?

There'’s no plan, no discipline.

That would drive me up the wall.

Oh, you? I bet it would. But for me, it'’s easy.

You know, instead of plotting the next 10 years of my life, I get out, and I live my life.

Yeah, I get to travel, I get to meet great people, I get to experience incredible things.

Do you even have a home?

Yeah.

We'’re headed to my home right now.

Speaking of ship. What?

Dang it. Still no signal.

You know what I think? You want that promotion so bad that you'’re forgetting what you even want it for.

I don'’t even know what that means.

It means that you'’ve got time for everything.

You work hard, and you can still live life.

You can be happy.

Who says I'’m not happy? Well, are you happy?

I don'’t know.

Maybe you just need somebody to remind you in your life.

I guess you think you'’re that somebody.

Well, maybe I am.

Maybe.

There'’s only one way to find out.

[phone chimes]

Ooh, ooh! What is that?

We got a signal, right? Yeah!

Okay, this is what we'’re gonna do.

We'’re gonna get some help, and this right here, right now, we gotta keep this whole thing under wraps.

Tomorrow evening, it'’s gonna be busy, and so I'’m gonna carve out some time if I can.

We'’re gonna get together. Meet me then, right?

Sounds like a plan. Okay, good.

We got a signal. Let'’s go.

♪♪

So what happened between you and Jake?

Come on! I'’ve known you long enough to know when you'’re keeping something from me.

You do that whole pouty lip thing.

It'’s not pouty lip. It'’s a medical condition.

It'’s not a condition. It'’s your kissing-Jake face.

[laughing]

I knew it! You and the cruise director!

Scandalous!

Keep it quiet. Keep it down.

I don'’t want him to get in trouble.

So you admit it.

Just keep it quiet, okay?

You like him though.

Oh! Hey, ladies!

Hi, gorgeous. Hey.

God, I had such a blast with you in that dance class.

You got some moves, you know that?

You guys know about the Christmas ball on the last night of the cruise?

That'’s gonna be so fun.

But I don'’t think Gil'’s gonna make it.

I mean, his feet are bothering him.

He is a wreck.

Mm. So sorry to hear that.

I'’m pretty sure she won'’t have a problem finding another date.

PAUL: Yeah? Are you as good a dancer as your friend here?

I don'’t dance. I'’m a professional wallflower.

You should try it. You might like it.

I'’m good.

Bye. Bye.


"There is a certain inescapable, old-fashioned charm to Christmas Island.

At every turn, the streets are festoon with tinsel and candy canes.

The smell of gingerbread is in the air, and the people are..."

Festoon.

That doesn'’t sound right.

[phone ringing]

Hello, it'’s Pam.

ARLO: It'’s me.

Oh, hey, Arlo. How'’s the city?

Cold, damp, too many people.

Oh, I went out to meat packing last night, I went to this club.

It was like booming, you know?

Boom, boom, boom, boom! All the way up to 87th Street.

Anyway, there was this girl that was out on the dance floor that I had to go talk to and ask her name, and you know what she said to me?

I have a feeling this is not gonna go well.

She said, "Amy." And?

Actually, I turned around, and I walked away.

Why?

'’Cause it was the name of the first girl that I ever fell in love with in first grade and that girl, she broke my heart, so--

Wait a second. You'’re telling me just because the name reminded you of a bad experience that you missed out on the chance of having a good one?

When you put it that way, you make it seem like I missed a very good opportunity.

So how'’s it going for you?

Uh... Are you smiling?

I can hear you smiling over the phone right now.

How can you?

I wasn'’t thinking about writing about myself.

My friend, she met this hot guy.

Yeah? All right.

Your friend. I like where this is going.

This is like a double-trouble story.

You should write about that too.

It'’s not exactly what you think.

Yeah, I think I should'’ve gone on this cruise.

I think I'’m missing out. I'’m gonna book it for next year.

Anyway, the whole thing sounds great.

Just remember, more steamy, more circulation.

Steamy? Or sexy. Whatever.

Oh.

Just a shame it'’s gotta end though, right?

What do you mean?

It'’s not like you'’re gonna stay on that boat forever.

Pam?

Ship. What?

It'’s called a ship.

Oh, yeah. No, you'’re absolutely right.

All right, well, hey, I can'’t wait to see this final piece.

It sounds like you got plenty of material, so just remember one thing for me, Pam: sexy.

You got it, Arlo, sexy.

Bye.

"On my first excursion from the ship to Christmas Island, I met a charming marine biologist, Paul, who complimented me on my jade flounder necklace."

[knocking]

Yes?

Hmm. What'’s this?

"Looking forward to seeing you.

Secret Santa."

Hmm, sexy.

"As night fell over Christmas Island, we found ourselves stranded, yet finally alone.

And though it was forbidden, we couldn'’t resist it any longer.

Our bodies pressed against each other for just a moment, our hearts throbbing as our lips deliciously met."

Now that'’s sexy.

♪♪ Oh!

Paul said this place was great.

You know, I notice he didn'’t join us tonight.

Because you'’re my best friend, and I wanted a girls'’ night, especially since you didn'’t do anything with me last night.

Hey! Hey!

Are you all singing karaoke?

If I work up enough courage.

Ho ho ho! What could I get the two lovebirds to drink tonight?

Can I get a Sleigh Ride, please?

DAVID: Make mine a Midnight Clear.

I'’ll be right back in a twinkle of Santa'’s nose.

I don'’t know if that was a song or a drink request.

♪♪ JAKE: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, seasons greetings and welcome to Karaoke Night at the North Pole Bar.

Hey, all right!

So I want you to pick up that old Christmas book and thumb through it and pick out your very favorite Christmas song and get busy!

♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly

♪ Fa la la la la La la la la ♪

♪ '’Tis the season to be jolly ♪

♪ Fa la la la la La la la la ♪

♪ I am happy So are you ♪

♪ Fa la la la la la La la la ♪ Can we get a drink? Yeah.

Hey, I'’m Max. Welcome to North Pole Bar, Ho ho ho.

Hi, Max. What'’s the drink special?

It is the I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.

Are you serious?

What'’s in it?

Eggnog, peppermint, a little bit of--

You know what? Don'’t tell me. Surprise us.

It comes with a Christmas cookie garnish.

Oh, make it two.

You got it.

We'’re not really gonna sing karaoke, are we?

Oh, yeah. It'’s gonna be fun.

♪ Fa la la la la La la la la ♪

♪ I'’d avoid that brown bean dip ♪

♪ Fa la la la la La la la la ♪ Here you go, ladies. Oh, thank you.

You'’re welcome.

Okay, well, here'’s to having fun.

Cheers. Cheers.

♪ Fa la la la la La la la la ♪ Ooh, wow. Wow.

Ugh...

There'’s the cookies.

Thanks, Max. Thank you.

It'’s better with the cookies. Are you okay?

I'’m wonderful.

♪ Fa la la la la La la la la ♪

♪ I will guide you through the forest ♪

♪ Fa la la la la la La la la ♪

♪ Help me sing this silly chorus ♪

♪ Fa la la la la La la la la ♪ Okay.

So we'’re gonna do something a little bit different tonight.

I'’m gonna look around the room and find a lucky passenger to--

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!

My name is David Holland.

Holla!

Oh, wow.

Most of you probably know me from my beautiful bride-to-be, Jessica.

And I just-- I just wanted to get up here and...

I love you.

I love you too, but stop.

Do you?

Are you-- Are you sure about this?

'’Cause I'’m kinda scared. Are you scared?

JAKE: Okay, David, David. It'’s over, it'’s over now.

Here, let me have the mic.

I feel like-- Wait, David.

Give me that microphone! Everybody, David Holland.

Give him a hand! Jess!

And Jessica, his bride-to-be.

There you go. Go get your girl!

[laughs]

Okay, well, let'’s continue the party, shall we?

Who'’s next? Let me...

Ma'’am, right there, what is your name?

Ma'’am? Now, you know you know my name.

Kind of a salty attitude, don'’t you think?

Why don'’t we see if you have a sweeter voice.

I think I need some fresh air too.

Hey, uh...

Give me that mic.

And a C, a bouncy C.

♪ Jingle bells Jingle bells ♪

♪ Jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪

♪ In a one-horse open sleigh, hey ♪

♪ Jingle bells Jingle bells ♪

♪ Jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪ PAM: Hey.

Mind if I join you?

I'’d actually love someone to talk to right now.

You'’re divorced, right?

That'’s what you wanna talk about?

We'’re not gonna end well, are we?

What do you mean?

David and me.

Why would you say that?

I think you two make a great couple.

But I would be lying if I didn'’t say that I detected jitters from you.

You too? David said the same thing.

What are you afraid of?

When I met David, when I saw him there, standing with that plate of all-you-can-eat--

Shrimp? You know what?

It was actually crab legs.

Okay.

Anyway...

I just knew.

And he made me laugh, and he made me... everything.

And every day after that, it just got better and better.

And I'’d be lying if I said that every day was amazing, but he was always there for me.

I'’m having a hard time detecting what the problem is.

What if we fizzle out?

I mean, what happened to you and your ex?

We fizzled out. See?

It was a different situation.

I'’m not even 30 yet.

Oh!

Are you bragging?

No, no. It'’s just...

I haven'’t done anything yet, and I'’m about to settle down.

And I see you and your friend, and you guys are beautiful, smart, sophisticated, talented women.

You guys seem perfectly happy.

I mean, do you even have a desire to get married again?

I haven'’t even thought about it again until this cruise.

Look, I don'’t know how things will end, but... if something so big starts with a spark, anything can happen, right?

I mean, it could explode or blow up in your face, or it could catch fire and warm your heart forever.

Sweetie, don'’t let the jitters stop you from taking that chance, okay?

Thank you. You'’re welcome.

You know what? What?

I'’m gonna go find David, and I'’m gonna warm him up.

Get him, girl! [laughing]

Good luck!

You'’re an absolute wonder, you know that?

You better stop sneaking up on me like that.

Oh, yeah?

I think you like it.

I gotta admit, though, I'’m a little disappointed that I didn'’t get to hear you sing.

Oh. What, were you disappointed that you didn'’t get to see me make a fool out of myself?

You know, I read a few of your articles, and I was listening to what you said to her, and I'’ve gotta tell ya--

You were listening?

Yeah, I caught the tail end.

Pam, you have got such a big, beautiful heart in there.

Why are you so afraid to show it off?

I'’m not afraid.

Then why are you shaking?

I am not shaking.

You are absolutely trembling.

It'’s-- It'’s cold out here.

If it'’s so cold, come here. I'’ll warm you up.

May I remind you that you are still on duty?

I just got off.

[door closes] ♪ Fa la la la la la la la la ♪

♪ '’Tis the season-- Someone'’s not so jolly ♪ What'’s the matter?

I just got finished reading, "Finding Love on a Christmas Cruise."

Oh.

Oh? You'’ve been writing this whole time.

It hasn'’t been a vacation. I can explain.

Explain what? I thought you wanted to spend time together.

I do! And have fun for a change.

I did! The only reason you came was to write this article for New York Minute.

I feel used.

Arlo told me that if I wrote that article for the Christmas edition, that I would be promoted to managing editor.

That'’s the only reason why I did it.

How was that supposed to make me feel any better?

Well, because I'’ve had a blast on this cruise.

Last night for me was--

Where were you anyway?

What, Jake?

What? But that'’s amazing!

I thought you were just embellishing for the story.

At first I was, but... that man is amazing.

Oh, my, you really--

I'’m gonna invite him to my parents'’ house for Christmas dinner.

Whoa, that'’s serious. Yeah.

I'’m kinda nervous.

Oh, don'’t be nervous.

Becky, I am so sorry.

I should'’ve told you.

But believe me, this is the best time that I have had in a long, long time.

I feel like I'’m 18 again.

Oh, that reminds me. I gonna meet up with Paul.

Oh, whoa, hey.

Yeah?

Thank you.

It'’s about time, girl.

Agreed.

[door closes]

♪♪ Okay, everybody in. Gotta get the snowman.

Silly face, silly face. Come on, now.

Right, all right. Here we go.

♪♪ [continues]

Mmm! Really?

Okay. [laughing]

♪ Take a jet plane across the stars ♪

♪ Don'’t care where we'’re headed long as it'’s you and I ♪

♪ High above the clouds ♪

♪ Where the sun always shines ♪

♪ Anywhere we go feels like paradise ♪

BECKY: I can'’t believe it'’s the last big night of the cruise before we head back to LA.

I wonder what would be the perfect ending?

PAM: I can think of a few things.

I bet they all start with Jake.

CAPTAIN OVER P.A.: Attention, landlubbers, this is your indefatigable captain speaking.

As this will be our last night on Christmas Island, we'’ll be winding things down with our traditional celebration.

Keep your eyes on the main thoroughfare.

It looks like Santa has temporarily grounded his sleigh and is riding around in his spiffy holiday land vehicle.

Santa! [cheering]

Ho ho ho!

Merry Last-night-of-the-cruise.

Christmas Queenpassengers, follow me.

Why not? [laughs]

SANTA: Yo ho ho.

PAM: Jake, what'’s this about?

This right here?

This is the miracle tree.

It'’s hundreds of years old.

Never get any taller than that.

Every year on the last night of the cruise, passengers, they come here, and you see all these presents?

They leave them all around the tree.

They get collected up and passed around to needy kids in Los Angeles.

It puts things in perspective, doesn'’t it?

I guess we forgot to bring a gift, huh?

Oh, no. Come on, no.

Don'’t worry about that. It'’s okay.

You know, when the Christmas cruise first started, it was to celebrate the one time of year where people set aside their differences and put up these little shiny lights, this beautiful little miracle tree and to celebrate everything that'’s right in the world.

It still is.

It'’s sometimes easy to forget about all that though, huh?

Thanks for reminding me, Jake.

Yeah, thanks, Jake.

My friends.

♪ Joy to the world ♪

♪ The Lord is come ♪

♪ Let Earth receive her king ♪

♪ Let every heart ♪

♪ Prepare Him room ♪

♪ And heaven and nature sing ♪

♪ And heaven and nature sing ♪

♪ And heaven ♪

♪ And nature sing ♪

♪ He rules the world ♪

♪ With truth and grace ♪

♪ And makes the nations prove ♪

♪ The glories of ♪

♪ His righteousness ♪

♪ And wonders of His love ♪

♪ And wonders of His love ♪

♪ And wonders and wonders ♪

♪ Of His love ♪ PAM: Merry Christmas!

JAKE: Merry Christmas!

[ship horn blows]

♪♪

I have to admit, I love the gowns.

Thank you for the loaner.

It'’s one of the perks of working in fashion: the clothes.

My goodness gracious, you look drop-dead gorgeous!

You guys clean up pretty good yourself.

Cleaned up... yet still ruggedly handsome.

Yes. If you guys were to rescue us from some dangerous spies, please dress like this.

That'’s a deal.

♪♪ It'’s our song.

Madam.

Okay.

Paul'’s a pretty good dancer. Yes, he is.

So'’s your friend.

Yeah.

Hey.

Would you care to dance?

I told you, I have three left feet.

I got four, so come on out here. Come on the dance floor.

Okay. Don'’t be shy.

You'’re gonna do just fine.

Yeah.

See there? Look at that.

Oh. You'’re dancing.

Oh, I would love to see the look on my mother'’s face.

And why'’s that?

Well...

every year I go home for Christmas dinner and since the divorce, my mother always asks me, "Are you bringing someone?"

[laughing]

And when my mother asks, "Are you bringing someone?" she means...

BOTH: Someone special.

Exactly.

And she always, without fail, thinks I'’m kidding when I tell her no.

She thinks I'’m going to surprise her, so she'’s doubly disappointed when I arrive by myself.

Wow.

That'’s a whole lotta pressure right there.

So I was wondering, if you weren'’t doing anything, would-- Would I like... to go home with you this Christmas and meet your mother.

Yes.

I would love to do that.

I would love to meet your mother.

But the truth is, I have two more cruises after this one, and I'’m gonna be on the high seas until early January.

I-I...

Hey, Pam, no, look at me, look.

I'’m sorry. I'’m really sorry.

You know how serious I take my job, right?

And you of all people must understand that--

No, no, it'’s okay, I understand.

I understand.

It'’s just that this change of pace has been really good for me, and...

I thought maybe switching things up... might be good for you too.

I'’m gonna go get some fresh air.

Excuse me. Yeah.

Sure.

You'’re upset.

Why would I be upset?

Pam.

You'’re an amazing woman, you know that?

But you'’re breaking up with me.

No, no, of course not. No, I don'’t want you to go.

You mean stay here? Yes.

So you want me to quit my dream job, move out of my nice apartment in New York, and follow you around on the high seas.

Hold on. You said the change has been good for you.

Yes, on vacation.

You can'’t live your entire life on vacation.

I thought your dream job was being a novelist?

I live in the real world, Jake.

This is not the real world.

This is some type of fantasy land where you can make it Christmas whenever you want.

Meanwhile, I have to pay bills, taxes.

I'’ve gotta find out where I'’m gonna live and whether or not my boss is gonna fire me because I don'’t finish my article edited on time.

You'’re not happy.

How many people do you know that end up happy?

I don'’t know. I'’m looking around this ship and it seems like a lot of people are happy.

Have you talked to everyone on this boat?

Oh, I forgot!

You'’re the cruise director.

Well, most people are gonna have to go home too, Jake.

But you don'’t.

Jake, you can come and stay in New York, have a great Christmas there too.

I mean, we don'’t have palm trees and waves, but there'’s Christmas lights on Fifth Avenue.

And the Rockettes and ice skating.

I know. I know all about this, Pam.

I know there'’s a big blowout on New Year'’s Eve as well.

I know.

Pam.

This is my life.

I want you to be part of my life.

My life is not on a ship, Jake.

And your life isn'’t working for that paper either.

All the articles that I'’ve read that you'’ve written-- your friend Becky, Jessica, the girl who'’s scared to get married, me-- you'’ve offered all of us great advice.

Now let me offer you some.

Take a chance. You hear me?

Take a chance and bet on yourself.

And you gotta focus on your writing.

You gotta get that book together.

'’Cause you know something? I believe in you.

And other people, they--

Pam, they believe in you.

Now it'’s just a matter of... you believing in you.

So where does that leave us?

With a lot of Christmas memories.


"Christmas Cruise."

By Pamela Stevenson.

♪♪


♪♪

♪ You gotta shake it like Santa ♪

♪ Ooh ♪ Merry Christmas, Pam!

Merry Christmas.

How was your Christmas cruise?

Life changing.

Ooh, that calls for a celebration!

Of course.

Oh! You want a snowman cupcake?

I spent three days baking a huge batch for the party.

It'’s my specialty.

Actually, those look pretty great.

But it looks like you outdid yourself this time, kiddo.

TOBY: Nailed it!

Oh, hey! Hey, hey.

This is Amy. Amy!

I'’ve heard so much about you. Nice to meet you.

It'’s so nice to meet you too. Happy Hanukkah.

Same to you.

And this is the new managing editor of the New York Minute.

What? Yes, yes. I read the article!

Are you kidding me? It was fantastic!

I loved it, I loved it.

So I suggest to you that you start interviewing the most handsome personal assistants you can find.

Actually, I was thinking--

I love when you'’re thinking. She is such a great thinker.

I think I'’m gonna need some time off.

Yeah, great! You earned it. When do you wanna come back?

I'’m not coming back.

You'’re going after the guy on the boat, aren'’t ya?

The ship. Huh?

I'’m not going after anyone.

I'’m an intelligent, talented, sophisticated woman.

If any man wants to be with me, then he'’s gonna have to come and get me.

And I am finally gonna write my book.

Yeah, I'’m gonna stop talking about it, and I'’m gonna be about it.

That'’s what I wanna do.

Attention, workers.

It is time for Christmas karaoke!

[cheering]

Now, since I'’m obviously the headliner, do I have any volunteers for an opening act?

Pam. Really?

Really.

Whatcha got?

I got a lot. What are you in the mood for?

Um...

How about something with...

[snaps fingers] Yeah, a little bit of sass.

♪♪ PAM: Okay, um...

♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪

♪♪ [continues]

All right.

J-Jake?

No, no, please, don'’t stop on my account.

Go ahead.

Jake, what are you doing here?

I thought you needed saving.

Oh, Jake, the time that we spent was amazing.

I'’m so grateful that I met you, and the fun that we had, but...

I can'’t live on a ship.

I could visit occasionally, but... there'’s a whole world out there that I wanna see, and...

I wanna be my own captain.

And I wanna be your first mate.

Really?

After you left, I spent a few days at sea.

I'’ve never felt more alone in my life.

It just wasn'’t the same.

And if you'’re not gonna be there with me, I don'’t wanna be out on the sea.

[cheers, applause]

Okay, now I think there'’s just a few more special people that I need to meet.

Agreed.

Oh, baby.

♪♪

♪ My baby'’s home ♪

♪ So far away ♪ Mom, Dad!

Come on in, you guys. Thanks.

Oh! Hey, Mom.

Welcome home, baby.

I got somebody I want you to meet.

This is Jake.

Hi.

He'’s a total fox!

[laughing]

Merry Christmas. So nice to meet you!

JAKE: You too.

Huh.

♪ No, it ain'’t easy ♪ PAM: And so, having quit my dream job and still riding high on the spirit of Christmas, I went to the one place where I could forget all my troubles for a while and just enjoy the holidays.

Merry Christmas, Dad!

Home.

In the end, I remember what Jake had told me about the little things.

They weren'’t just details.

They were the things we hold on to when we need to remember something wonderful.

♪ All year long, it'’s the same old song ♪

♪ It'’s so hard to break away ♪ PAM: The first memory shared in a great relationship.

Or trading dream jobs that we thought would make you happy for ones that actually do make you happy.

"My first instinct was to take a picture with my phone, but Jake said to just try enjoying it.

And I came to realize that that went for just about everything, whether it was sunsets or setbacks or a crisis or even Christmas.

Life is short.

Why not try to have some fun?

The end."

[applause]

Thank you. Thank you.

PAM: But in the end...

Thank you. the most important memories all seemed to start at home with the people you love.


Hey.

Hey.

What'’s this?

Only one way to find out. Open it.

"I'’m so glad that we found each other."

I wanted you to have that.

Your big beautiful heart.

Merry Christmas, Jake.

Merry Christmas, Pam.

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Feel the love all around ♪

♪ See the smiles across this town ♪

♪ '’Cause the kids are counting down ♪

♪ It'’s a Christmas state of mind ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Baby, let'’s watch the snow fall down ♪

♪ This Christmas ♪

♪ I'’ll light the fire and hold you close ♪

♪ The twinkled lights ♪

♪ The stockings full ♪

♪ We'’ll let the holidays fill our soul ♪

♪ Friends and family ♪

♪ Come around to make the season bright ♪

♪ Everywhere around the world ♪

♪ People feel it in their heart ♪

♪ Yes, the magic is about to start ♪

♪ Feel the love all around ♪

♪ See the smiles across this town ♪

♪ '’Cause the kids are counting down ♪

♪ It'’s a Christmas state of mind ♪

♪ There'’s a ton beneath the tree ♪

♪ Carols sung in perfect harmony ♪

♪ It'’s a Christmas state of mind ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Give me a little mistletoe ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Let the holiday cheer begin ♪

♪ With the ones you love ♪

♪ And blessings from above ♪

♪ I never want to let this feeling end ♪

♪ '’Tis the season ♪

♪ For happiness and joy around the world ♪

♪ And you'’re the reason ♪

♪ I can feel it my heart ♪

♪ Yes, the magic is about to start ♪

♪ Feel the love all around ♪

♪ See the smiles across this town ♪

♪ '’Cause the kids are counting down ♪

♪ It'’s a Christmas state of mind ♪

♪ There'’s a ton beneath the tree ♪

♪ Carols sung in perfect harmony ♪

♪ It'’s a Christmas state of mind ♪

♪ There'’s a ton beneath the tree ♪

♪ It'’s a Christmas state of mind ♪