A Fine Madness (1966) Script



Samson, you up?


Idiot! Granite head!

I almost had it!

Your eggs are getting cold.

Oh, Samson.

Samson, I got to go.

I can't...


Samson, I'm late.

You tell her... Now!

Morning, Mrs. Shillitoe.

Good morning, Mrs. Fitzgerald.

If you have a minute...

Well, I'm kind of late for work.

He insulted my husband again yesterday.

Okay, well, I'll tell him to lay off, all right?

You keep saying that, only he's getting worse.

Well, it's this... you see, this thing he's working on.

Have a nice sunstroke, Mrs. agastini.

Mr. Shillitoe!

Mr. Shillitoe, I must talk with you.

Mr. Shillitoe!

Mr. Shillitoe!

Mr. Shillitoe, you're behind with subsistence payments!

We'll have to take court action!

Mr. Shillitoe!

Mr... children, please. Please! Mr. Shillitoe.


Hey, can you help a fella out?

15 cents... For the subway.

Mr. Shillitoe!

As of today, you're four weeks behind with subsistence payments... $300.


Don't "aah" me. Unless you pay up, the former Mrs. Shillitoe will have to take court action.

15 cents. 15 cents for the subway.

And you know what will happen if she does.

If they hadn't raised the fare, you'd be settling for a nickel.

What foul typhoon blows from the crib to this?

Mr. Shillitoe, please.

Think. Use your imagination.

You've got to get to... Baltimore, Mr. Shillitoe, please.

And the fare is 10 bucks.

Listen to me, please.

Will you let me have 10 bucks to go to Baltimore?

Mr. Shillitoe, I mean it.

You don't want to go to jail again.

It could be three months this time.

If you don't pay the arrears by tonight, I'll serve your with a...

I'll get you your blood money!

By tonight, or else!

Hey, 90 cents to get to Newark?

Oh, get away!

You can start in here.

Mr. bingham is out of town for the week.

Stone walls do not a prison make.

Do they make a prison?

I beg your pardon?

The hell they don't!

This is where they make them.

We don't make them here.

We're e.E.F.I.N.S.


Yes. E.E.F.I.N.S.

E-e-f-i-n-s... electronic equipment for interplanetary navigational systems.

It's used in the rk-402.

You mean that this is going to conquer all that?

Of course.

That's our universe.

Watch your step, pouty-mouth.

Stars are fragile stuff.

Miss walnicki...


These are Mr. kussman's estimates of the zy101-4678w.

Thank you, Mr. lukov.


I need your name for our records.


Hank longfellow.

I'm miss walnicki.


Why did you call me pouty-mouth?

Forget it.

No. Why?

Because you are.

I've never been called pouty-mouth before.

What factory turned you out...

Radcliffe, Smith, vassar?

I don't know what you're talking about.

I went to secretarial school.



Everything's red.

Annatto sand, fuchsin sky, vermilion sun.

Merely different shades of red, but they tell you that it's a rainbow so you won't know you're in hell.

Ha ha ha!


There's a tasty red, made from the dried-up bodies of female insects.

Ha ha!

Why don't you volunteer yours?

Why, Mr. longfellow.

I don't know why I'm doing this.

Miss walnicki...

Miss walnicki...

Do you have $300?

There doesn't seem to be anyone in there, but the doors are locked.

It feels like soap!

Where's miss walnicki?

There was someone cleaning Mr. bingham's office.

Get the key!

Where's miss walnicki?

I'll find her!

Are you sure this is the right key?

Will please someone check the cafeteria for miss walnicki!

I've looked everywhere.

We'll find out what's going on in here!

Mr. longfellow...

What going on in here?

Help! Help!

Help! Help!

Come on, folks. Back to work, please.

Please, coming through! Coming through!

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

All right. Everyone, get back to work.

Go back to your desks, please!


Samson, what foam?

Rhoda, come and get your order.

Listen, Samson, can't you apologize or something?



Yeah, I know. It's 300.

Samson, I can't borrow any more money from him!

Will you stop yelling?


All right!

Listen, I got to go.

I'll do the best I can.

All right.

Yeah. OK. Good-bye.

Hey, get me my apple pie, will you?

What about my bologna sandwich?

Excuse me.

Yeah. You get pie with that.

He's got to call at noon?

Well, he's been laid off.

What did he do now?

Nothing. It's the slow season for carpet cleaning.

Yeah, yeah. Sure.

For what, knocker?

75 bucks a week alimony for what?

I don't even remember her name.


Yeah. Beverly.

I'll tell you the secret of life, knocker.

Never marry a Beverly!

Why did you?

Why? She said it was just a formality.

Just a formality...

Japan surrendered with less formality.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look, knocker, you're my last hope.

Now, this is the big one, it's beginning to flow.

But I need time and peace!

Look, I can't write poetry in jail.

I've tried it.

I told you... Not another dime.


Hey, Samson!

Hi, Rhoda.

Hi, Angie.

Come on.

Hey, Samson, Mr. butter's got some great news for you.

Hello, Samson.

Mr. butter, when was the operation?

He don't mean anything.

I mean everything.


Won't you at least listen to what he's got to say?

Well, tell him what you told me.

I've arranged a cultural luncheon for the woman's league for tomorrow afternoon at Picasso hall.

Yeah. This guy playing the harp.

And endicott brown reading his poetry, but endicott's come down with laryngitis.

Oh, poor dear.

No, no. No. You can take his place, and then you read your poetry.


You want me to read to housewives and mothers?

These are very intelligent women.

Then you read to them.

You've got a nice soprano voice.

All right.

But I thought you could use the $200.

200 bucks, Samson.

You only got to recite for 20 minutes.

Nothing doing!

You owe it to your work, Shillitoe.

Your one book didn't reach too many people.

How many copies did it sell?


Deserved better.

I'm not a performer!

Samson, 200 bucks!

That's 10 bucks a minute!

I don't perform!

Mr. Shillitoe!

Hey, rollie, do you want to make it 400?


How about 300?


Mr. Shillitoe!

Mr. Shillitoe!

I'll take it.

Mr. Shillitoe, I got a subpoena!

I don't know.

Perhaps I'd better have lelage Davenport read her poems.

Women don't like listening to another woman.

No. They sure don't.

He'll be all right. You'll see.

They'll love him.

All right. Noon tomorrow, then.



Put on the fights.

Yeah. All right.

Don't worry, Rhoda.

He'll get another job.


He's very unusual.


No, I do understand.

You can not discuss case histories that way.

Yes, well, doctor, in your opinion... it's not scientifically valid.

In your opinion, can analysis really help the artist, the man of genius?

Well, yes. It depends on the artist.

It depends on the analyst, of course.

Well, let's take the classic example... the writer who's dried-up.

The blocked writer?


Oh, yes. I've had great success with that problem.

Rhoda, the fights!

All right already!

Well, now. Oh, yes. Well...

As I said, the person of genius is my special interest.

Well, he's an extreme from so-called normality in the same way that, well, a man of evil is.

See, these are the edges...


Of the human spectrum, so to speak.

One thing I find to criticize in my profession... more and more psychiatrists are dealing only with the middle of this spectrum.

They're confining themselves to those fundamentals of behavioral analyses which are no longer challenging.

This is a dangerous sign.

Well, doctor, dangerous for who?

Who? The psychiatrist or the patient?

From our point of view, from the psychiatrist's.

You see, for our work now, in the present and the foreseeable future, it really must be largely intuitive.

Doctor, you mean largely guesswork.

Seriously, Dave. Dave, listen. No.

See, from there, it isn't very far to becoming pill and serum dispensers.

See, I think that psychiatrists must move farther and farther towards the ends of the spectrum.

Yes, but just a moment, doctor. In a democracy like ours, shouldn't we be more concerned...

Morning, Ava.

Good morning.

I'll just have orange juice with my coffee.

...eventually tackle the two areas about which we still know next to nothing.

Scott's on a hunger strike.

Is that so?

I suppose we could always feed him intravenously.

Did you read my speech for tonight?

I'm talking about the extremes.

That's the important thing...

Not yet.

...merely keep a neat little file of cerebral symptoms, motor symptoms, sensory symptoms, visceral symptoms, etcetera, etcetera.

Where do we go from there?

What's simsims?


I'm going to be out of town Friday.

What's symptom?

Well, a symptom is something that... don't give in to her.

Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!

You eat your breakfast.

I won't.

Oh! Can't we have that thing off?

No harm done.

Look at this mess!

It's the school bus. They are coming right now.

The school bus, Mrs. west.

All right. I heard you.

Take them downstairs!

They're coming! They're coming! Who?

Daddy, flip me! Flip me!

Oh, all right.

Turn around. Turn around.

Oh, excuse me. It's Dr. Vorbeck.

Dr. Vorbeck on the phone.

I'll tickle you!

Dr. Vorbeck on the phone.

Oh, tell him to come right up.

He says to come right up. Thank you.

Busy day today?


Thought you had a harp lesson this afternoon.


Why not?

Because I'm a lousy harpist.

My teacher's giving a recital.

I'm going to that.

Well, that ought to be fun.


All right. Let's have it.

I'm sick of harp lessons, I'm sick of modern dancing lessons and painting lessons, and I'm sick of the kids!

I'm bored.

You know, for a moment, you sounded like one of my patients.

Maybe I should be.

At least I'd see you once in a while.

Darling, if there's anyone who doesn't need psychoanalysis...

It's you.


We'll talk, really talk, tonight.

Your banquet's tonight.

Oh, damn. That's right.

Good morning, doctor.

Good morning!

See you tonight.




Hello, Freddie.


Oh, tense, darling, very tense.

You think so?

Oliver says I'm the one person in the world who doesn't need analysis.

Everybody needs psychoanalysis.

You think the inner recesses of my mind would be interesting?

Be at my office tomorrow, 10:00, and we'll find out.

Freddie, if I ever think she needs help, I'll see that she gets it.

Now, come on. Let's go.

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!



Thank you, Mr. genkov.

Thank you.

That was absolutely brilliant.

Thank you.

And now, we, of the woman's league of the seven arts have a very special treat in store for us...

Mr. Samson Shillitoe...


Mr. Shillitoe has most graciously consented to read for us from his own book of poems, hellebore.

Hellebore, incidentally, is a medicinal herb which, in ancient times, was used to cure madness.

I looked it up.

Mr. Samson Shillitoe.


Once upon a time, a boy wrote, "hail to thee, blithe spirit," and they kicked him out of school.

And a man wrote...

"Here I am a poet that does drink of life as lesser men drink wine."

Him they locked in a cage.

So when another man wrote, "put them all together, and they spell...

Mother," him they gave respect, reverence, money, money...


What's wrong with a poem to mothers?

I happen to be a mother.

Briar, briar, limberlock, 12 geese in a flock.

The old ones ride the young ones' backs, and they can't get over the chimney stacks.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means stop passing the buck to babies.


But, Mr. Shillitoe...


Please, ladies, please.

I do think we should let Mr. Shillitoe continue.

Shall we proceed?



Have you had love?

How was it told?

With diamonds and brocade?

Did he ever say he loved your moments of glad grace?

Or did he ever say, "o my love is like a red, red rose that's newly sprung in June"?

Women you are.

Red, red roses you are.

Then blossom.


Open your corsets and bloom.

Let some metaphors...

Creep above your knees.

I don't like that a bit.


I'll read to you.


Where do you think you're going? Sit down.

Don't you walk out on me!

You puerile, insolent, sniffy-snob, culture-chasing vulture!

Go look for blossoms in a hardware store!

You're dying for lack of this!

Go on to the gallows! Run!

To the gallows!

Shut up!

Sit down!

Ladies of the moral rectitude and seven sins society...

You tuberculin-tested hags, I oppose the fabulous immensity of your nothingness!


He's doing what?

Rhoda, get off the phone!

I'll be right there.

One American on a kaiser.

Two goulash, hold the corn.

Easy on the Mayo.

What are you doing?

Rhoda, where you going?

Rhoda! Rhoda!

All right for you!

It's obvious he's no poet.

Watch that orchid!

I never was so embarrassed!

You leave him alone, you silly bitches!

Come on, Samson!

Don't touch him, or I'll bash you over the head!

You better watch out, you old bags!

I'll let you have it right across the head!

Spine snappers! You don't want my poetry!

You want my liver!

Out! Out! Out! You go away, you...



You ought to be put away!

Ruining our lovely luncheon!

Get him out of here before I call the police.

Samson, what happened?

They didn't like my reading.

You're gonna pay for this damage.

Take it out of my 200 bucks.

He doesn't expect to be paid for what he's done?

What do you mean?

You promised him 200 bucks.

I'll die first.

They'll never let me be chairwoman of anything again.

Now, lo... You invited him.

But he didn't recite a single poem.

Everything he says is a poem.

Now give me my 200 bucks.

Don't give it to her!

Oh! You give me that money!

You better give me that money!

Don't give it to her!

Please! Please!

I can't take any more!

All right! This is disgusting, and you're immoral to take it.

He's finished! He can't write anymore! He can't hold a job!

Whatever talent he did have is gone!

You go drop dead, and I mean right now, you fink!


Ha ha ha!

Here I meet my mockers, scorn for scorn.

Samson, what happened?

I tried to tell them, Rhoda.

I really did.

Why did I have to be a poet, Rhoda?

Why a poet?

Why not a Saint?

Why this everlasting song?

Something's wrong somewhere.

All right, Leonard. Excuse me.

Come on, honey.

Evelyn. Evelyn.

Leonard, will you leave her alone?

Please! Evelyn. I'll take care of her.

You'll tell everything to mother later. Yes.

I've asked the patient to have her husband come in.

It's possible that he's encouraged her infidelity, So I shall ascertain any lack of virility on his part.

You can't come in here... lady, it's very important.

I told you, you must be referred by your physician.

And I told you, I'm not the patient!

Well, now, if you don't leave... hey! Hey!

Hey, listen!

Dr. west?


It's about Samson.

Everybody's been telling me that he needs help... you know... your kind of help.

Young lady, in order to take on another patient, I'd have to give up one of my present cases.

Well, so?

That's impossible.

But he's very important!

Well, of course he is.

Doctor, you're due at the institute.

In know. I know. Miss bueler...

They called about the article again.

Well, I'll finish that tonight.

Now, miss bueler, make an appointment for Mr...

Shillitoe. Samson Shillitoe.

Samson Shillitoe.

I think, maybe... Try Dr. huddleson.

No, you don't understand!

It's got to be him!

Dr. west. Dr. west.

Now there's $200 there. How many treatments will that buy?

No, no. Pay whoever the doctor is as you go along.

Oh, no. I got to get rid of this today.


Sure. If he finds out about it, pow!

Sorry. You see, Samson always says to me... excuse me.

Wait a minute!

He doesn't really hit me. He just comes close!

You must understand I'm not complaining about it... excuse me. Sorry. I'm late. I have to go.

I saw you on television, and you said you could help writers.

I have helped writers who've wanted to be helped, but I've never heard of a writer named Samson Shillitoe.

Well, you should have!

Now, now, listen.

T-this is the buffalo courier express.

"With hellebore by Samson Shillitoe, "a new voice is heard

"throughout the land.

At last we have a tendentious poet."

Tendentious means he's got a cause.

I know.

Now, this one... this one in the poetry journal is a half a page long.

"Mr. Shillitoe seems determined

"to stand apart

"and to forge a new poetry, and since poetry his made from life..."

Hey, wait... Wait a minute!

Go away, will you?

What kind of a doctor are you?

I don't take patients in the middle of fifth Avenue.

Now go away, will ya?

Oh, no. You gotta listen to me.

Even the New York times said they're looking forward eagerly to his next book.

Oh, lady!

I'm not talking about some phony teaching at a girls' college.

Samson is a dedicated man!

He's a great poet!

You heard what those reviews said, and they were only about a collection of small poems!

You see, he's writing this big poem, and now it just won't come out.

And it's bigger than anything he's ever done!

Almost five years he's been working on it, but now, it just stopped.

Like you said, he's blocked.

Don't you understand?

You know, when the poem is going right, he's in another world, and words are just bouncing all over the place, and there's just nothing like it.

You know, sometimes it can start in the middle of the night.

It can start anytime at all and in the craziest places!

Don't you understand?

It's tearing him apart, and there is nothing I can do because I don't know where his inspiration comes from!

I mean, wherever it comes from, it sure doesn't come from me.

Now, look, I couldn't possibly... now listen! I haven't cried since I was 3 years old, but I'm afraid he's going to do something dumb!

I mean, a lot of writers kill themselves when they get like that!

You got to help him!

Please! You've got to help him!

All right! Mix it up! Mix it up! Let's go!

What did I tell you, kid?

You've just got to...

He ain't here.

Thought I'd look around.

Just, keep doing what you're doing.

Hey! Hey!

All right. Get up.

Get up!

Give it to him.

I hereby serve you this subpoena, and officer quirk is my witness.

Take it!

Take it!

Take it!


Oh, now you've done it, Shillitoe!

Assaulting an officer of the law!

Shillitoe, you come back here!

Mr. Shillitoe, you come back here!

Open this door!


You open this door!

Do you hear me?

Come on.

Open this door!

You better get out of town, Samson.

I'll need 15 minutes.

OK, OK. Git.

In the name of the law, you open this door!



Go borrow a suitcase from the fitzgeralds!

Where are we going?

None of your business.

It's my business if I'm going there, ain't it?

Cob city, Indiana. OK.?


I've got an uncle there.

Come on, hurry up! Hurry up!

Listen, Samson, you can run away from here, but you can't run away from yourself.

Now, get the suitcase!


Hey! How we going to get to Indiana?

By bus! Now, get packing! And give me the 200 bucks!



Well, I haven't got it.

Give me that dough.

I can't. I gave it to Dr. west.

You're pregnant?

No. He's a psychiatrist.

A psychiatrist? Stop kidding around!

I'm not kidding.

You gave it to a psychiatrist?

Why? Did somebody tell you a psychiatrist can cure stupidity?

Samson, it's not for me. It's for you.

For me?

And hitting me is not going to get it back because I already paid for 20 visits in advance.

You gave him my money?

Samson, it's only 10 bucks a visit.

Usually he charges a lot more than that, but he's interested in your case, you see?

My case?

Yeah. There's his card. It's 41-a park Avenue.

You're supposed to be there at 3:00 tomorrow.

You decided that I needed a psychiatrist?

Well, you need help.

You decided... you, with a brain smaller than a pygmy's gene?


Poem's taking shape!

I need time, a place to work!

And you gave my money away!

Samson, I did it for you!

Samson! Oh!

See what's happening!

I did it for you!

The nerve!

Samson, you don't understand!

I did it for you!

Oh, come on! Help her!

Don't you hit her!

Stop it, or I'll call the police!





Oh! Oh, my leg!


Come on!

You rotten bully!

Get your hands off of me!

I've got to get out of town!


You shouldn't be walking around loose!

Go to Indiana! I don't care where you go!

You're crazy! You're nuts!


Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Let's go?


I'll walk you to the elevator.

You'll what?

Well, I've got to go to the office.

Oh, no, Oliver.

Just for a little while.

No, Oliver. That's three nights in a row.

I'll be back in less than an hour.

Not tonight, please!

Oh, honey. Now, look.

I've got to finish dictating that article.

You know how important it is.

After tonight it will be done.

Do it in the morning.

I'm at the institute in the morning.

Oh, please.

The deadline is tomorrow.

It has to be typed and delivered by noon.

Nuts with the article. Let's go to bed!

All right. Get ready.

I'll be there in 45 minutes.

What the hell are you doing?

Dr. west?

Who are you?

Are you west?


You owe me 200 bucks.



Samson Shillitoe?

Right. 200 bucks.

Now I promised your wife under no conditions would I'd give you the money.

I'm pretty good at karate.

Oh, you would be.

Come on, west. Give me my dough.

No. Absolutely not.

You can't need the money that much.

No. But I think you need me.

You idiot!

You really think so?

You appear to be much too intelligent to stoop to name-calling, but if it helps you relate to me, call me anything you like.


Quite frankly, I didn't want you as a patient.

My schedule is overcrowded as it is.

However, your wife told me certain things that made me change my mind.

What things?

Well, for one, that you've been unable to write.

West, you stick to mending scratches of disappointment.

One of the rules of a tragic time is that real enemies must never meet in open combat.

But, I don't think we're enemies.

No? You protect what is, while I envision what can be.

We're not enemies?

That's nicely phrased.

Nicely phrased?

You sound just like a woman.

"Oh, you say things so beautifully."

"I could listen to you forever!"

And by forever, a woman means, at most, 20 minutes.

Yeah, but you still get involved with them.

No. They get involved with me because they know I'm capable of a beauty more real and lasting than theirs.

The cunning little beasts can't stand it.

They interfere with your work.

Oh, look!

Give me my money and let me get out of here!

Shillitoe, listen, do you have any idea how dull most of my patients are?

But of course.

Look at it from my point of view.

Do you realize how rarely I get a case that's any real challenge?

May I?

Help yourself. Thank you.

What could psychiatry have done against the rages of Beethoven?

Could I have cured Edgar Allen poe of drink or saved Van gogh?

What is this poetry that you sacrifice everything for?

Why do you write it?

We can only get the answer from the artist himself, and here you are.

Perhaps a writer of great potential...

Or maybe a phony.

Well, there's nothing I can do but take the time to find out.

After all, I have been paid in advance.

"Do not confuse the difficult with suffering.

To be sad is easier than going mad."

Look, west, I'm in a jam with the cops.

I need my dough to get out of town, honest.

You don't believe me, do you?

No, I don't.

"We've come a long way toward ignorance, and all uphill."

What does that mean?

That could put you out of business.

Shillitoe, I've heard enough to know that you have a good mind.

It's alive, alert, inquisitive.

Give me my money!

There has to be no reason for despair.

What despair?

Your wife has told me about your moods.

She's afraid you might kill yourself.


Oh, women.

Somewhere they got the idea that laughter means happiness.

So from the moment you're born, they tickle your feet and Chuck you under the chin till you laugh yourself sick.

And the moment you stop, the moment you have one serious thought, you're on the brink of suicide.

Mind if I borrow your book?

No, help yourself.

Look, west, if you're so interested in making me me happy, give me my money back.

Now, go home.

Either you give me back my dough or start earning it right now!

You know what time it is?

"Then a sigh, "like the caves of hell sighed

"when the incestuous mother

"uttered the name death.

"The sound reverberated... farewell...

"And again and again... farewell, farewell."

What does that mean?

Where are you going?

Good night.

What do you mean, good night?

If you can't interpret a simple dream, I want my money back.

Good night.

Where am I supposed to go?

Go home.

I told you I can't.

A cop's after me.

What did you do?

I couldn't pay my alimony.

West, tonight, the third part of my poem began to take shape.

I need a place to work.

Let me stay here, just until morning.

I'll dedicate it to you, to west.

Dr. west.

My secretary gets here at 9:30.

I'll be gone by 9:00. Cleaned up, locked up, gone.

You'll be back for your appointment at 3:00?

Don't worry. I still want my 200 bucks.

It's only 190 now.

You just had your first session.

All right, Samson.

Come on in and see what you did to me.

Who the hell are you?

I said, "who the hell are you?"

I'm looking for Samson Shillitoe.

Well, you're wasting your time because he never discusses his poetry.

Where is he?

How in the hell should I know?

Where is he?

Right now he's about halfway to Indiana, and if you don't get out in about 2 seconds, I'm going to start screaming, cop or no cop, you understand?

1... 2...


Look out!

I'm going to report you to the precinct, you fascist finkhead!

Maybe you'd all like to come in and watch!

Leonard, change your attitude?

Keep quiet.

Don't tell me to keep quiet.

He's doing it to mock me.

Your fancy doctor wants to see me, so I'm here.

And our son and your wonderful mother are witnesses.

That mensch.

He's got a heart as black as the Ace of diamonds.

Dr. west?

He's not here.

When's he expected?

What time's your appointment?

I don't have one yet.

You got to have an appointment.

You work with Dr. west?

You one of his patients?

In a way.

What's wrong with you?

Nothing. What's wrong with you?

I am not a patient.

Don't be smug. It could happen just like that.

My wife Evelyn, she's the patient.


My name's tupperman.

Mine's swinburne.

Dr. west told my wife to ask me to stop here.


Nah. She wasn't married, just pregnant.


No. Let me see.

The embezzler, peeping Tom...


It was nice meeting you.

Come here.

What's that?

I think it's your wife.

My wife?

Not until we're sure she's 331.

How do I know what number she is?

How many times she been here?


Suffers from mild hysteria.

It ain't so mild.

Must be her.

File 3311, 4th visit.

Today, the patient admitted that she'd recently committed adultery.

It was this act which caused her hysteria and her coming to me.

Dana, take a little stroll so your mother and I can talk?

I'm tired!

Dana, I said stroll.

Evelyn, you're holding out on me.

I have nothing to say...

Except to Dr. west.

Dr. west.

Suddenly, he knows better than your own mother.



I've asked the patient to have her husband come in.

It's possible that he's encouraged her infidelity, so I shall try to ascertain any lack of virility on his part.


Lack of... that's you.

Lack of... Lack of virility?

You're going to ascertain my virility!

How is this for virility?

How is this?



How's this...

Take it easy.

Easy, now.


Oh, Evelyn.



Everything she wanted I gave her.

The diamond wrist watch, a mink coat.

Not a jacket, a full-length.

She wants a psychiatrist, so I let her have a psychiatrist.

Did I ever complain about the $35 a visit?

He only charges me 10.


Come on. She's outside in the car.

You tell her everything you heard, swinburne.

Nah. I don't want to get involved.

Oh, please? Please?

I'll do you a favor someday.

I'm in real estate. You need an apartment?

I need a room to work in, but I got to have it today.

Done! Come on.

We'll throw her mother out.

You can have her room!

You thought you'd get away with something?

Again, you underestimated me!

You and your fancy doctor!

I know everything! Everything!

And swinburne here will back me up, won't you?

Evelyn! Evelyn!


It's him! Get him!

It's him!

Let me out!

Get out! Come here!

Evelyn! Evelyn! I'm sorry!

Oh, Evelyn, darling!

I'm sorry for everything I said!

I know who that was. He shampooed our carpets.

Get a doctor!

I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything I said.

We'll talk about it. Everything will be all right.

No, I think we should build.

As we're on our way up with the glissando, build more. Keep building.

Down one and build together.


That's it. Build.

Excuse me.


Oh, Dr. longfellow, he isn't here.

He said something about a meeting at the institute.

And as so often happens with chimpanzees upon reaching maturity, Jo-Jo became savage.

He killed two other chimps, an orangutan, and a big baboon.

So what do we do with Jo-Jo?

What do we do with such a dangerous creature?

Do we isolate him forever?

Do we kill him?


There is another way of eliminating this catatonic state.

So the zoo authorities gave me permission to use my method.

The Menken transorbital prefrontal technique.

The procedure is simple and exactly the same as I use on humans.

I lift the eyelid and make the insertion through the conjunctival sac and orbital plate into the orbital surface of the frontal lobe to a depth of exactly...

4 centimeters.

I will not appreciably damage any of the cortex, but with an arc swing of the instrument, I cut the inferior quadrant of the lobe, passing just anterior...

thank you.

Just anterior to the tip of the lateral ventricles.

Of course, this must be done to both major and minor lobes for the operation to be effective.

But the beauty of this technique is that it can be done almost anywhere, even in the doctor's office.

Ha ha! Marvelous!

So I vote we let Dr. Menken leucotomize all the nasty chimpanzees we have as patients.

I've never appreciated the prussian sense of humor.

I'm not prussian. I'm viennese.

Dr. Menken, why have you insisted on showing us this?

I thought it obvious, doctor. You the head para park.

Dr. Kropotkin is resident director.

The rest of us are members of the board.

You want to use psychosurgery at para park?

On violent cases, yes.

But this is a creature from the jungle.

If it had been raised in a healthy environment... nonsense. As I've just told you, he was a destructive... what you have told us proves nothing.

There are organic differences between the ape's brain and the human's.

My technique has had the same success on humans.

I've already done it more than 30 times.

But in a well-organized organic society...

I thought we'd progressed beyond lobotomies.

This is not the old-style lobotomy!

It's the Menken technique.

Anyway, you talk of progress.

You've still got them on couches.

I resent that.

Why? How far have you progressed from your precious Sigmund?

Dr. Freud!

He wasn't Sigmund to me, and he isn't Sigmund to you.

I demand an apology.

Oh, come on.

Are we scientists or diplomats?

All right, let's keep it scientific.

Whether you call it lobotomy or leucotomy, or the Menken technique, the method is imprecise and always destroys brain tissue.

The patients live in a lower emotional level, and the damage is irreparable.

So what alternative do you offer?


Understanding their fathers?

These were destructive people, and years of wallowing in self-pity while you held their hands, isn't going to make them any less so.

If you give these people a congenial environment, then the stresses and strains of everyday life will not affect them.

Let me go! Let me go!

Let me go!


Give... give me that money!

I need it! You mercenary freak!

No, it's all right.

It's OK. Let him go!

Give me that money!

Let him go! It's all right!

West, my money.

Excuse me.

I want to talk to you. Come here. Come here.

Listen, I just might be able to get you into para park.

Para park?

It's a private hospital.

There's nothing you won't do to keep my money, is there?

No. You'd be one of the special cases admitted free.

Oh, yeah. Bargain basement.

Of course you realize the police couldn't touch you as long as you're at para park.

Or maybe you prefer prison to a quiet room where you can work.

See, it depends on me getting my colleagues to go along.

Dr. west comes out on Saturdays, and he'll want a session with you.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, you will have group therapy, but remember, if there is anything that you should want to thresh out, I am available.

Are you sure I'll have a private room?

Oh, yes.

And I'll be left alone to work?

Of course. Communicate with your muse.

Don't worry. No one will disturb you.

Did you call him today?

Yeah. He's progressing nicely, thank you.

They've been telling you that for two weeks.

They'll never cure him.

Shut up. They're doing miracles these days.

Maybe you ought to go out and visit him.

No. They said not yet.

Well, don't worry.

These doctors know what they're doing.


It... it says surgery there.

Technical term.

Now, that's not so technical.

I know what that means.

In medical terminology, many things come under the heading of surgery which you might not think so.

The extraction of a tooth, for example.

You call that surgery?

So if you'll just sign here...

Believe me, it's the right thing to do.

I don't want to do anything that's gonna hurt him.

Of course not.

Like I said, it's just like having a tooth out.

Listen, I had one out right here, you see...

Mrs. Shillitoe.

And it hurt like hell.

You'd like your husband home again as soon as possible, wouldn't you?

Yeah, but I think I ought to talk to Dr. west about him.

Because he's the one who's taking care of him.

Yes, but as I've explained, Dr. west is the head of para park hospital, so even with your signature, no treatment can be given to your husband unless Dr. west and his fellow specialists approve.

So, what are we?

Are we doctors, or are we a part of the disease?

The others... Mechanics.

They fix leaks in the plumbing.

I say tear out all the pipes and start from scratch.

Thanks, Vera.

If you want better people, then you must give them a better world.

Please, Sammy, don't work any more today.

...I got to work, Vera.

Oh, but you should relax just a little.

You're right. I know.

Dr. Kropotkin?


Dr. Kropotkin, Dr. west is arriving.

Thank you.

Doctor? Arnold.

Good afternoon, Mrs. west.

Doctor, could I talk to you for a minute?

Yeah. Come over here.

Exactly what has he done?

What ain't he done?

Have you been bothering him?

No. You know the group therapy meetings... yes.

Well, they ain't meetings no more.

They're lectures.

And how about the new ripple bath.

It's supposed to be for all the patients, only he's always sittin' in there writing.

Well, suppose we let Dr. Kropotkin deal with that.

Dr. west!

If you ask me, they're having an extra-marital relationship.

Thanks. Hello, doctor.

Dr. west, Mrs. west.

I'm so glad that you got here before Dr. Menken.

We should talk about his wanting to operate.

Don't worry. There won't be any surgery here. Excuse me.

Lydia, this whole thing shouldn't take more than an hour.

Well, let's see. One hour your time's about 6 hours standard time.

Excuse me.

I'll, see you inside.

Come on, now. Be a good girl.

As soon as the meeting's over, we'll go down to the bay and find a special place for dinner.

Talk to the patients. They like company.

Maybe I should have brought my harp.

All right! All right!

Hello, Freddie!

Lydia, darling! So good to see you.

Where's Oliver?

With Dr. Kropotkin, I think.

And left you all alone?


If you were my wife, I...


You wouldn't be out of my sight for a second.

I think your meeting is ready to start.

Menken with his knife.

If Freud knew.

See you later, darling.

Good-bye, Freddie.

Oh, excuse me!

What's so fascinating?


The ripple bath. I was curious.

If you want to go first, go right ahead, but don't dawdle.

No, thank you.

Don't let me disturb you.

We've met before, sort of.

I know. You're one of them.

One of what?

Intake valves with maternal tendencies.

We can't all live in the world of Apollo.

What would you know about Apollo?

Oh, some of us intake valves have read a little.

Well, this place seems to be agreeing with him.

Oh, yes. He's adjusting very well.

He's been working very hard on his poem.

He's on the third part.

I'll show it to you.

You know, this might be a great help at the meeting.

Oh, no. I...

I'll get his permission.

Very well. You want I should look for him?

No. I'll find him.

You might look in the hydrotherapy room.

All right, don't worry. I'll talk to her.

Thank you, doctor.


I thought the meeting was ready to start.

Yeah. In Dr. Kropotkin's office.

Aren't you coming?

I'll be there in a few minutes, yes.

Oliver. I...



Hee hee hee hee!

Ha ha ha ha!


Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

And what does this place offer as a cure?

Painting, ping-pong, and whirlpool baths.

How has the patient been responding?

He seems to be happy.

Happiness is not a psychiatric term.

I mean, he is functioning, he's identifying, and he is actually writing.

Oliver, we are discussing Mr. Shillitoe and his accomplishments.

Dr. Menken has proposed surgery.

I have insisted!

He is not a chimpanzee!

He's destructive! I've been investigating...

But he's responding to treatment!

Dr. west, tell him.

Yes, tell me.

How are you curing his violent spells?

Well, it's really... it's much too early to say.

We have been helping him with understanding, with encouragement, and with his environment.


I appeal to you as scientists.

I demand a chance to prove I'm right!

He is not violent now!

Of course! Not here in a cocoon!

But could he stay here for the rest of his life?

But your technique is a form of castration.

You will make him a vegetable.

You will destroy his passion.

And what about his gift?

What gift?

His poetry.

To hell with his poetry!

I want to make him a useful social human being!

I think maybe the poetry is a substitute for sex.

Yes, the man's obviously not successful with women.

His wife has given her consent.

She wants to help him.

I insist we take a vote. I vote yes.

I vote an emphatic no.

I say no.

Dr. Vorbeck?

I'm considering.

If I say no, no operation.

And if I say yes, then...

Dr. west has the deciding vote.

I think under the circumstances, I say...


Thank you, Dr. Vorbeck.

You are another mechanic.

Well, you have lost, anyway.

We all know what Dr. west feels.

Your methods have failed on this man.

Make it official, Oliver. Vote.

Oliver, for the well-being of the patient, for his wife, for society, you must vote yes.

It's two for, two against.

Give them your "no" vote, doctor.

I say...


Thank you.

76 degrees.



29.85 and falling.

There's a 90% probability of thundershowers commencing in late afternoon and continuing through the night with little prospect of clearing by morning.

The weekend forecast is for intermittent showers with an expected drop in temperature.

Sammy... Run!

What's happened?


Was that his wife?

You've got to get out of here! Run!

You guys ought to be ashamed.

You know, you got dirty minds.

I was just asking the guy for a match.

Oh, shut up, will you?

Some job for grown men.

Compared to you, I'm a shining example!

It's him!

Stop! Pull up!

I can't till we get to the other end.

Call the other side.

Keep your grubby hands off!

My poem! They took it! My poem!

Hey, you! Stop!

Where's Rhoda?

She's busy.

One American on a kaiser.



They took my poem.

I got to get it back.

Did you hear?

I heard you.

It's only 30 miles.

You can get there and back in a couple of hours.

I'll draw you a map.


I'm not going anywhere.

Come on, Samson. She's busy.

You gotta go.

You walk out once more, Rhoda, you're through.

Don't worry. Don't worry.

You got to go!

I've got to finish that poem.

Well, then you go get it yourself!

You come marching in here!

You haven't even seen me since you threw me down the stairs!

I didn't throw you!

My ankle was like a grapefruit!

Did you care?

Did you wonder if I was hurt?

Did you even bother to call me?

We haven't got a telephone.

Or send me a post card?

A post card? No!

And then you come marching in here and you start drawing me maps!

You ignorant, ungrateful lump!

I'm asking you to save my poem!

I don't give a damn about your poem!


Rhoda! Samson!

Well, it's mine.

You see, Arnold, I told you he'd come back for this.

Who is it?

Your dear Freddie.

Oh. Hello.

Good morning.

He' isn't here. He left about half an hour ago.

Dr. Menken picked him up.


Aren't you going to para park?

I have better things to do.

Oh, Lydia.

Even in the morning, you...

You look so lovely.

Freddie, don't be silly!

The maid.

It's her day off, and your children are at school, and Oliver is at para park.

Let go!

All right, all right.

Let's talk a little first?

I have to get dressed.

I'm late for an appointment.

Suddenly, you are afraid of a little talk.

It wasn't so long ago, you were begging me to analyze you.

I was just trying to make Oliver jealous.

Oh, I understand.

An American making love is like a Hungarian playing baseball. Ha ha!


Is this any good?

Get out of here!

No more acting aloof with me!

Stop it! Freddie, stop it!

Stop struggling.

You're hurting me!

Stop struggling.

Lydia, I... what are you afraid of?

We are only two nervous systems reacting to each other.

Stop struggling.

Lydia, darling.


Oh, Freddie.

Don't laugh at me.

If you don't leave now, I'll tell Oliver.

You wouldn't do that.

Oh, wouldn't I?




You don't want...

He should have Menken cut me up, too?

Is that why they went to para park?


I thought you knew. I mean...

Lydia, he saw you in the ripple bath.

I mean...

What went on didn't influence Oliver's decision.

Where is he?


Dr. west.

Dr. west is in the examination room.

Let me in!

Let me in!


I thought there was going to be an operation.

Oh, Mrs. west.

If I knew you were interested in psychosurgery, I would have invited you.

Dr. Menken.

Mr. Shillitoe is coming out of anesthetic.

Good. Good.

Perhaps the next time.



I hate you.

I always find this an intensely moving moment... science walking hand in hand with humanity...

To have changed a destructive, antisocial creature into a responsible citizen.


He'll be able to make a living, to provide for his loved ones, to take his rightful place in the community.

Mr. Shillitoe.

Mr. Shillitoe.

You feel better?

You feel...

More relaxed.


Give me back my poem!


Orderly! Orderly! Quickly!

We need some help!

You parasites!

Dirty thieves!


Murderers! Give me my poem!

Give me my poem!

I don't understand.

It works on most people.

OK. I'll tell her.

Two goulash, hold the corn.

Bologna on kaiser.

Bananas and berries.

Two burgers.

Hey, where's the ketchup?

What does that look like, marmalade?



You better take the afternoon off.

What for? What did I do?

Nothing, but your neighbor just called.

Your husband's home.

Where are those c.B. Platters?

Don't! Don't, Shillitoe!

Don't! I warn you!

Bloodsucking legal hyena!

That thing's going to cost!

Stuff your courts, your subpoenas, your decrees, your judges!

Let me go! Let me go!


Now you have to be in court at 10:00 tomorrow morning.

And if you don't have the alimony, you're going to prison for 6 months! 6 months!

Let me go! All right!

That mirror... 50 bucks.

How much does he owe you?

How much?


Who do I make it out to?

Beverly Shillitoe.

Who's that?

Shut up.


This won't bounce?



Don't forget. There's another 75 due next week.

Hey, what was that check for?

Rhoda, Lydia.

What was it for?

She's a patron of the arts, and she believes in my poetry.

Well, so do I.

You? You said you didn't care about it anymore.

She doesn't understand my work.

I do, too! Yeah?

Yeah, I understand a lot of your stuff!

Are you all right?

Never better.

You just got me out of jail.

Now I'm going to finish this damn poem.

Please, I have to talk to you.

Go ahead.


Nothing doing!

Keep out of this!

I'm leaving my husband.


What are you going to do?

Join Apollo?

Hey, did you hear that, knocker?

The only hope for the world is for everybody to move in with me.


Don't make fun of me.

I'm not! Where's your luggage?

Now wait a minute!

She can have the couch.


Then you can have the couch.

Samson, there's no room... you're out all day!

She can help with the cleaning, the cooking.

What are you talking about?

You want to join Apollo.

You're out of your mind!

Oh, the words of Mercury are harsh after the songs of Apollo.

Samson, I want to talk to you.

Come on.

Hey, Samson!



Hey, Samson!

You didn't mean that about her moving in with us, did you?

I mean everything.



I think your poetry's the most important thing in the world, sure, but now with the alimony and everything, I think you ought to get a job.

Not until I finish the poem.

Well, sure, I know you got to finish it, but...

Samson, there's something else I got to tell you!


Remember when you asked me if I was pregnant?

Well, I was afraid to tell you before, but it's been more than 4 months now.

Well, I got to stop work soon.

Samson, say something.

Samson, say you ain't mad at me.

I'm not mad at you.

Come on.

Samson, are you sorry?


Well, show me you're not sorry.


No, now. Come on, Samson.

How long does it take to throw one?

Oh, I missed!

Here. Hold this.

Shut up!

Get out!


Out! Out!