A Lady Takes a Chance (1943) Script

Vacation central tour 49 now loading...

For Kansas City, Cheyenne, Pendleton...

And the wonders of the west.

Oh, hello, Malcolm. Hello, Molly.

Oh, how lovely! Oh!

Come on in. All right.

I'll sit there.

Where do you want this? Well, up here, I guess.

All right.

Where's your luggage and everything? Greg has it.

Greg? He stopped to get me something to read.

Oh. Brought me in a taxi. Wasn't that nice of him?

Oh, I don't know.

You don't like Greg, do you? I hate him.

Malcolm, why can't we all be friends?

Because I hate him. Malcolm!

I put the other bag in the luggage compartment.

Thank you. Greg. Hi, Malcolm.

Nice to see you. How've you been? Fine, thanks.

This is for you, honey.

A guide to the west. Oh, wonderful.

350 illustrations. Really?

You don't say? You know, I always think it's interesting...

To see things you've only seen pictures of before.

Gives you a kick. You know what I mean? Pardon me, Malcolm. I'll get this up here.

Can I help you? No, I'll manage, thanks.

What's all this? Oh, that's a present from Malcolm.

Isn't it lovely?

Yeah. Better not eat too much of it, though. That'll make you sick.

Looks like you're out west already. Yeah.

Molly? Malcolm? No, thank you.

No, thanks.

Gee, you look swell, Molly. Doesn't she, Malcolm?

That's what I always tell her.

Well, I guess it's these flowers.

Mr. MacGarnigal gave them to me. Oh.

Nice old guy, MacGarnigal. Yeah.

Hey, Duchess, where are you? Hello, Bob.

Oh, I see we have a quorum here.

How are you men, anyway? Fine.

Nice to see you. Here, Duchess. Eat your head off.

Oh, thank you!

Oh, you shouldn't have done it.

Ah, don't be silly.

Uh, put it up there next to the other one, will you? Sure.

Mine. Excuse me, please.

You'll pardon us. I'm glad I'm here anyway.

I didn't think I was gonna make it for a while. I'm up on the road with my taxi...

Don't tell us about it. No.

Is there anything I can do for you? Yeah. Get married.

Listen, brother... I'm not gonna have you acting like this.

Well, I... well, I-I guess you'd better be going.

Well, good-bye, Molly. Good-bye.

And, uh, think it over.

You know, about what we were talking about the other night?

Yes, I will. Good-bye.


Yes, Greg.

Good-bye, Bob.

So long, Duchess.

Good-bye, boys. Good-bye.

Good-bye, watch out for snakes.

Yeah, all kinds.

Honey, do you mind if I ask you a question?

Why, no. Go ahead.

What are you going away for?

Oh... I hope you don't think I'm forward for speaking first, but after all, one of us had to speak first, so what's the difference which one?

My name's Molly J. Truesdale.

Florrie Bendix. How do you do?

Glad to know you. Glad to know you.

How are you enjoying the trip so far?

Oh, fine. Not me.

I wish I'd have known. I bet I wouldn't have come.

Why not? Why not?

Look at the no fellas.

That's all right with me.

Hello, everybody. Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello.

I'd like to have your attention for a minute. You're gonna have mine for the next 14 days.

So it isn't asking for too much, is it? No, that's what I thought.

I'd like to introduce myself to you. My name is smiley Lambert.

But you folks can call me smiley Lambert. That's pretty cute, isn't it?

How are you? Good to see you. All set for 14 breathless days?

Doesn't mean you have to hold your breath, now does it?

How are you, sir? Glad to see you. Yes, sir, a big, happy family.

The idea is not to get in each other's hair.

Hair today, gone tomorrow, I always say.

Got an idea you don't like me, brother. Well, I'll grow on you.

Yes, sir, grow on you. How are you, girls? Having fun?

Good to see you. How are you? Well, look at this little man here.

All set for a nice, little trip? You're all right, Sonny.

We've got... Well. Sex appeal, folks, right over here.

Yes, sir. Sex appeal. Oh, you pretty, pretty, pretty.

Well, we'll be leaving in about two minutes...

Change seats with me, will you? I certainly don't blame you.

This is the old necking department, folks, in case anybody's interested.

We used to call this a saloon. Everybody came here here for scotch and "sofa."

You're right with me, ain't ya? Right with me all the time.

Now, folks, we'll be off for the smoothest, most comfortable ride you ever had.

Yes, sir, the easiest, smoothest, most comfortable ride you ever had.

And I'm the boy that's gonna tell you about it. Okay, major. Let her go.


Hot dog? No.

Are you all right?

I, uh, guess so.

Folks, it was a happy landing...

You sure you ain't busted no place?

Uh, well, I'm pretty sure.


Hey, Duke. Are we all right?

Sure, sure, Waco. We ain't hurt?

We ain't even shook up.

If we woulda rode that other horse, we'd have taken the day money.

Yep. We sure woulda.

Hey, mister.

Oh, hello.

Would you mind giving me your autograph? My what?

Would you sign my program? I want to keep it as a souvenir.


I don't mind.

"Duke Hudkins."

Thank you very much, Mr. Hudkins.

I, uh... I don't get sat on every day.

Well, good-bye.

Hey, lady!

You want to sign my program?

Me? Well, gee whiz, Mr. Hudkins, I don't...

I don't sit on people every day.

Oh... sure.

This is, uh, pretty fancy.

I don't know whether you can read it or not.

"Molly J. Truesdale."

Let's go, Molly.

What? Well, you like beer, don't you?

Well, isn't it funny what can happen...

Just because somebody...

Happens to sit on somebody?

Where are you from?

The east. Is that so?


Where are you from?

West. Is that so?



? Oh, if you're troubled by the blues watch those swingin' feet ?

? They'll have you dancing in your shoes, I'm telling you buddy, they can't be beat ?

? King of swing you sing with me promise not to abdicate ?

? Fall in line and don't be late ?

? Stayin' and swayin' and singin' and swingin' and yeah ?

Two beers. Coming up.

Well, I must say...

This is certainly an extra added attraction.

How's that?

Well, there was nothing like this included in "all expenses paid."


Do you mind if I feel your arm?

Go ahead.

That's what I thought.

Well, here's to ya.

Maybe you don't like beer. Oh, no.

No? Oh, no, no, I mean...

This is fine.

You know, I think it's...

I think it's nice for two people to just...

Sit and talk, don't you?

Yeah, if they have something to... talk about.

Gee, you must have...

Just about a million things to talk about.

Well, sure. I have.

Thank you.


Waco, come here.

I want you to meet my better half. Anything you say, Duke.

Waco, this here's Molly. Sit down, sit down.

Good to see you, Molly. How have you been? Uh, just fine.

I, uh... I don't believe I got your name.

Waco, like in Texas.

That's very interesting.

How did they happen to name you after a place in Texas?

Other way around. They named the place after me.

Oh, really? Biggest liar in the world.

Tell her a lie, Waco. Oh, ho, ho, ho. Well, let me see.

Uh... oh. I never would have figured the time we all slept in one bed.

Hiya, Linda belle. Why, you bowlegged hunk of nothin'.

How you doin', Duke? Good. Sit down, sit down.

Yes, sir. Here we were, in an old bed.

Molly, I want you to meet an old, old friend of mine, Linda Belle.

How do you do? Howdy, Molly.

It was a folding bed... Why do you want to make out for I'm so old?

Why, you've been hanging around here since they fought Indians.

Speaking about Indians, that reminds me of a story.

You hear tell about the old Indian custom of scalping white people?

Well, I introduced the custom of white people scalping Indians.

Really? Yes, ma'am, and the first occasion...

Took place not more than a hundred feet from where you're sitting.

Well, maybe 200. Hiya, Duke. What cooks?

Well, what do you know? Lill and Carmencita.

Sit down, sit down.

More beer! You know, as I was saying...

Molly, I want you to know Carmencita.

And Lilly. How do you do? How do you do?

Lill, this here's Molly. Howdy, Molly.

Molly, as I was a-sayin', this here injun seen me comin'...

So he up with his tomahawk! Say, what's the idea of giving me the brushoff?

Peg, sit down. I threw my bowie knife right straight at him.

Duke, you old snakebite.

Sit down. Sit down!

More beer!

What's the matter?

What's the matter? What do you think, what's the matter?

Well, I don't know what I think what's the matter.

Well, then, it just doesn't matter.

I take a girl places, it's kind of unusual she don't have a good time.

I butted in. Oh, you did not.

Well, to tell you the truth, Mr. Hudkins, this isn't what I came out west for.

It's just that I've been sitting on that bus for so long, and you don't know how big this country is...

Until you've got to cross it in a sitting position.

Then, I don't know, you came along, and I just thought... Maybe I'd have some fun.

Sorry you didn't.

I'm sorry too.

Would you like to have another chance?

All right.


Oh, tension!

Oh, no, no, no. Wait till he pays off.


Ones, dice!

Oh, little Joe, once!

Four! We win!

A four? Yeah. You see... I'll explain later.

How much money we get?

We-we've got $283.

Are you sure? Yes.

Here we go. Coming out.

77 once, dice!

Come on, buddy. You're holding up the game. What'll it be?

Shoot the bundle.

You mean all of it? Sure.

A buck he's right. You got it.


What? What's the matter?

You gonna start betting against it?

Oh! Oh! Changed my mind.

Hold it, fella. You got troubles?

No. I just want to tell you the house rules.

Like what? Like we've got a $25 limit here.

Oh, since when? Hold it, brother.

Pick up your money, and let's play nice, huh?

All right.

Give me paper for this.

Why don't you let the lady roll? Be a gentleman, hmm?

Molly, sure. Go ahead. Roll 'em.

Uh, well, I'll try my best.


Shooting 15 only.

Yeah, well, how do you know until you... Honest.

Shooting the five only.

Shooting a buck.

And she rolled snake eyes.


Don't ever leave me, Molly.

Don't ever leave me.

You know, it really pays to have a good time with you.

Oh, say, what time is it? Maybe I'd better be getting back to my bus.

Oh, it's early yet. Shot of Irish. Right. Two?

Uh, no. I'll have, uh...

I'll have cactus milk, please.

Huh? Cactus milk.

Did you ever see 'em milk a cactus?

How's about it? How's about it? How's about it?

How about what? My rye-ginger ale.

You didn't order any. Wanna make something out of it?

Oh, no, sir. Boy, you look too tough for me.

How'd you like to step outside?

How are ya? Never better.

Never better? No.

Hey, you're pretty lucky. Can't lose, eh?

Well... You ain't foolin' me, big boy.

You're just lucky on account of your little girl makes you lucky.

Well, you got something there.

Where is she? I took all his dough and flew the Coop.

What's you say? I said she took all my dough and flew the Coop.

W... why don't you lend me...

That lucky girl of yours for a few minutes?

I'd like to win something. You don't want to do that.

You want to go out and find your own little old lucky girl.

That's just what I said. Why don't you lend me that lucky girl?

You can't lose.

Whew! Oh, he's all right. Just having a good time.

So am I, Duke.

So am I.




What's the matter?



Are you all right?

You want a glass of water?

Jeepers! What was that?

Cactus milk.

Well, jeepers! What was in it?

Tequila, applejack, gin and cactus milk.

Jeepers! Gosh, you really had me scared.

Shaking like a leaf. Give me another shot of Irish.

Right. Anything for you, lady? Cactus milk.

Huh? Make it snappy.

Well, here's your fortune, you little old lucky fella.

I'll show you that little old lucky girl.

Come on. Blow some luck on these for me.

Come on. Hey. That's enough.

Are you all right, honey?

See you later.

Thank you.

We're not leaving, are we? Think we'd better.

Liable to be some rough stuff here tonight.

Heads up!

You all right, Duke?


My better half.

Well. Well, I think this is just about...

The most interesting evening I've ever spent.

Oh, it was nothing.

You got the time?

You're okay.

You, uh, married?

Well, if I was, do you think I'd be doing this?

Why? What are you doing?

Well, this.

You're not married?

Of course not.

I don't want you to get the idea...

That I've never been asked, because I have.

What happened?

Oh, I just never met the right fella, that's all.


You married? No.

'Course, I don't want to give the impression I ever asked anybody.

Why not?

Don't believe in it.

Well, lots of people are married. They seem to like it fine.

No, they don't. They just make out they like it...

'Cause they're ashamed to admit they made a mistake.


I was... Just been thinking.

I wish instead of this old hay wagon being here, I wish it'd been your horse.

Hmm? We'd have landed on him...

And gone riding someplace.

Yeah. Yeah.

Riding through the night like the wind.

What's your horse's name?

Sammy. Sammy.

Well, that's a wonderful name for a horse.

Heigh-ho, Sammy. Heigh-ho, Sammy.

I got a horse too.

No foolin'?

What's his name?

Gwendolyn. Gwendolyn?

Must be a mighty fancy animal.

Oh, she is.

She's white. White all over, except for a little splotch right here.

Nice. Yeah.

You should see her go riding through the night.


I never seen an eastern horse yet that was...

Any good for roping.

Gwendolyn can do anything.

Oh? How high can Sammy jump, for instance?

Well, I don't know. I...

Well, I don't mean it as any reflection on Sammy, of course, but Gwendolyn can jump ten feet.

Holy smokes!

Straight up.

Can she run?

She can even run backwards.

Backwards? Well, not very fast, of course.


Oh, she's wonderful.

Her... her nose is like velvet.

And her coat...

Is so soft...

And her eyes...

You ought to see her eyes. They're...

Well, they're like hamburgers.

Lady, that's a lot of horse.

Where do you keep her?

In my head.

She's the loveliest white horse...

That ever was.

With that... that little splotch right here.

Of course, the only...

The only trouble with Gwendolyn is...

Nobody can see her but me.

When did I ever meet a girl like you?

Where did I ever meet a...

Fella like you?

I, uh...

I think we better go...

Put me on my bus.

Let's go.

I, uh... I think we better go.

All right. Let's go.

Yeah, I think we'd better.

We're early. Yeah, I guess.

I'm always early for buses.

Trains too.

It's just the way I am.

It's a good way to be.

If, uh, you ever come east to New York, why...

Well, sure, I-I will.

You got a pencil?

No, I... I... Oh, well, I got one.

Plaza 3-3098.





If, uh, you call about 5:00, I'll be there.

Oh, I may not be heading east for a year, maybe.

Oh, well...

Well, I'll be there if you call around 5:00.

All right.

I wonder where my bus is.

Uh, maybe it's around back.

Maybe if wed ask somebody.

Hey! My suitcase! What? Where?

In there, on the floor.

Do you suppose that bus went and left before 10:00?

How do you know that's your suitcase? My pajamas are hanging out.

I always leave my pajamas hanging out so I'll know which one is mine.

Lookit, mister... Are you the lady with rainbow tours?

What happened to my bus? Well, here's your suitcase.

What's the idea of them going off before 10:00 like they said?

Huh? 10:00...

You must've been having a right good time, lady.

What am I gonna do? They said to tell you...

You can catch the bus when it gets to coming back.

Back? Yep. Comes back through gold city.

Gold city? We're playing there Thursday, Friday and Saturday.

Well, she can catch her bus there Saturday, 8:00 A.M.

But I'll miss the Columbia gorge, the pacific ocean, the Puget sound.

And the waterfalls of seven delights.

Lots of folks has missed 'em.

Me and Waco, we're driving to gold city tomorrow.

All that ways across the country.

What do I get for it? Gold city.

Good night, lady. You got hay on ya.

You just...

You just don't know, Duke, how I've been...

Counting on the waterfalls of seven delights.

Oh, they ain't anything.

Yeah, I know, but when you haven't even...

Seen a waterfall with one delight...

Well, I guess...

I'd better go look for a hotel.

You may have a little trouble. What?

This here being a rodeo town, the hotels are usually full.

But you're gonna have my room.

Oh, where will you sleep?

I don't usually have much trouble.

Duke. Hmm?

I just wish all ladies in distress...

Could meet up with fellas like you.

Let's go.

I feel very conspicuous.

Hey, chief. A bottle and two glasses.


How many? Give me two.

This is a very nice hotel.

Glad you like it.

We're giving up our room, Waco.

That's awfully nice of him.


Well, Duke, I...

I just can't tell you how wonderful you've been, and...

I'll help you.

Oh, no, don't bother. I can do this later.

Nice hanging closet here.

Plenty of room. Yeah.

Well, it's just been wonderful. You don't know how...

We'd better get the wrinkles out of these...

Oh, no. I'll... I'll do it.

A swell chiffonier.

Plenty of drawer space.

Room for all your little, uh, things.

Come in!


Duke! Gee, you look beautiful.

Duke! Well, what's the matter?

Well, what's the matter? Well, what do you think, what's the matter?

Well, I don't know what's the matter.

Just trying to kiss you.

Where are you going? I can sleep in the park, can't I?

All they got there is bears and hyenas.

Fine old park.

Stay here.

I'll get. I can always drink by myself.

Hop in. We're going to gold city.

Never mind.

Oh, come on. Hop in. No, thank you.

She's wacky.

Why? Because she said no?

She ain't my type.

Too suspicious.

Mighty pretty.

She's wacky.

I got to admit, Duke, I feel kind of sorry for the poor little critter.

All alone. Big, heavy suitcase.

She don't want to ride with us.

As far as I'm concerned, she can take her... Where is she from?

I don't know.

New York City someplace.

Well, as the man said, "east is east and west is west, and never the two should meet."

Or something.

Shut up.

Hop in.

Thank you very much.


I'll never forget the time... Clean up the tinware, will you, Waco?

Oh, anything you say, Duke.

Lookit, Miss Truesdale, is there any good reason for you and me...

To sit around here insulting each other?

I insulted you, Mr. Hudkins? I'm sorry.

Quit calling me Mr. Hudkins.

Anything else I could call you, Mr. Hudkins, would hardly be appropriate for a lady to utter.

Lovely night.


Dishes all washed?

Well, they ain't exactly washed, but they won't draw flies, I guess.

I remember way back... Time to bed down.

Hope you don't mind sleeping on the same desert with me.

He's pretty fresh, isn't he?

Well, he's in the open air all the time.

Funny. Last night for a while...

I thought he was just about the nicest fellow I'd ever met.

He generally has that effect on 'em at first.

Here, Waco.

Go on, beat it.


What's the matter with him? Showing off, that's all.


Easy, boy.

Whoa, Sammy.

Got yourself all excited for nothing, didn't you?

Now, go on, relax.

Good night, boy.

Aren't you gonna put a rope on him?

How'd you like to have me put a rope on you? I wouldn't!

Well? Well, I'm not a horse.

What's the difference?


Not about a thing like that, there ain't.

Well, I guess it's all in the way you look at it.

Anything that ties you down is no good.

Like a steady job, or if I owned a ranch.

Well... well, I thought every cowboy wanted to own a ranch someday.

Every cowboy? Not me.

Think if I owned a ranch. Could I go where I want when I want to?

Or do?

Well, I guess not.

Think of instead of just Sammy, I owned 20 horses.

I'd be in the horse business.

I don't like any business 'cept the one I'm in.

What's that? Livin' the way I like to.

By myself.


It's great. You ought to try it sometime.

No. Uh, I don't think so.

It's sounds lonesome.


But me, I don't like ropes.

Good night. Good night.

Say, could you...

I'm sorry, Sammy, but it's either you or me.

You're bigger.

Wh-what's that?


What did you do with your blanket, you doggone fool?

What's all the commotion?

Holy smoke.



Sammy sneezed! Pack the car!

By gum, I thought it was injuns.

Get goin'. We got to get to gold city and fast.

Come on, boy. Get in the trailer.

Of all the silly...

Sammy! God bless you.

No respect for nothin'.

Stealing a horse's blanket.

Sammy sneezes. No breakfast, no lunch.

Ain't you afraid you'll lose your bus?

Doesn't come till tomorrow.

Never saw such a fuss made...

Just because a horse sneezes.

After all, it's just a cold in the nose. I've had plenty of colds in the nose.

I'm sorry to have kept you waiting for so long.

I don't mind. It's just...

You've got a pretty sick horse, mister.

I thought first, maybe it was just a cold.

Maybe it is. I-I can't be sure yet.

Easy. There's no use beating around the bush.

Maybe pneumonia's started, and maybe not.

If it hasn't, he ought to be okay.

But if it has, well, there ain't much I can do.

I can't tell you yet just what the chances are.

I'll be taking X-rays and smears and...

Why don't you come back here...

Around 5:00 or 5:00 this afternoon.

Then either he'll be okay, or, uh...

Or we'll know.

You got a fine horse, mister.

Well, I'll be doing everything I can.

Gettin' late, Duke. Better go.

Wish it was me that was sick instead of him.

I could tell him where it hurts.

He can't.

Oh, Duke.

It was all my fault.

If anything should happen, I don't know what I could do to...

It's all right, Molly.

It's been nice knowin' ya.

I was right about him.


He's the most unusual man I ever met. Sure is.

He certainly is the right fella for the right girl. Yeah.


Hey, Molly.

I... I'm not leaving just yet.

You better. No, you go on. I'll stay here.

If anything happens, I'll let Duke know. I want to give you a little advice.


Go home. I'm going home tomorrow.

Go now. Why?

Molly, I'm an old man, and I like you.

But I know Duke, and I know women, all kinds.

I know your kind.

You're a fine gal, but if you don't watch out, you're gonna get your heart broke.

Love is the best thing there is, I guess, but you're barking up the wrong cowboy.

Any fella that can love a horse can love a girl.



Watch for the twist down now.

Here comes the fall to the ground, and he's put him down.

Try to watch him he don't stick down his head. He ain't too trusting.

What time is it? Oh, you got another hour.

What time is it? Oh, uh...

Ten after 4:00. Then we ain't got another hour. He said 5:00, didn't he?

Okay, okay.

And kinda watch him you don't drift to the left. Just keep an eye on him.

I'll handle him. Thanks. It's nothin' at all, Duke. I'm sorry about Sammy.

I heard about Sammy. Yeah?

When are you going to know? Pretty soon.

Here's your next bulldogger, Duke Hudkins.

High-mounted well, placing his horse in now behind the barrier.

Time is ready, flags going up.

- You ready?

Unchain him.

Duke! Duke!

Duke. Sammy's... What is it?

Sammy's what? Sammy's...

There he goes! And watch this one. Here he goes.

The jump, and he...

Jeepers! Duke!

Sammy's what? He's okay!

Okay? The vet says he's gonna be all right.

Waco, he's okay. Glory be!

Well, don't start crying, Molly. There's nothing to cry about.

Come on! Oh, see slim gets his horse, will you, Waco?

That Humboldt's a good doctor.

He sure got Sammy feeling frisky in a hurry.

He's the man I want to see if I ever get sick.

Come on!

Hiya, boy.

Waco says to tell ya he's waitin' for ya down at the restaurant.

Got so hungry, he couldn't wait no more.

Oh, friend of mine. How do you do?

How do? Have you a vacancy?

Haven't got a thing, lady. Oh, dear.

Oh, I was hoping you might have.

Yeah. It's just for overnight.

You sure? Oh, yes. You see, my bus...

Well, I got a party comin' into number 12 about noon tomorrow.

Oh, I'd be out by then. Okay.

Course, if you change your mind, I can't help ya.

Oh, no. You see my bus... I have to...

Yeah. It's the fifth one over, right next to Duke's.

Oh, thank you.

You're welcome.

Want to go downtown and have some supper? You mean right now?

Oh, Waco's waitin', and...

Well, I thought we might eat later.

Oh! Hey, Duke!

Where you been? I been a-waitin'.

I'm not hungry. You look hungry.

Uh, we're going to eat here. Where?

Right here. We're going to have a little home-cooked dinner for a change.

Yeah. Is there a grocery store near here?


Find her one, will you, Waco? I gotta get cleaned up.

I'll go get the car. I'll be with you in a minute.

I want four nice Iamb chops, please.

Your a-move.

Uh, look, could I have four nice lamb chops, please?

Josephine! Well, I'll be gosh-darned.

You sure look different. Well, I... My name's not Josephine.

You changed your name, too, huh?

My gosh, you kids. You think I'm somebody else.

What's the matter? Nothing. He thinks I'm somebody else.

Well, she's not. Oh.

Uh, look, could I please have four nice Iamb chops? I'm in an awful hurry.


Lamb chops. What are you gonna get for Duke?

They're for Duke. Oh, he won't eat 'em.

He most certainly will. I fix them in a very special way.

Excuse me.

I don't care how you fix 'em. He's liable to throw 'em at ya.

Not me. I'm not his better half... not yet.

Hey, what about it? I'm hungry. Uh, not yet!

You look pretty... Right pretty.

I might as well tell ya, Duke. I don't approve of this whole thing. What whole thing?

You goin' over there for dinner and all.

Well, a man's gotta eat, don't he? Not like this, he don't.

I tell ya, that little gal over there means business. - So do I.

Listen, Duke, you're a wild horse, and you ain't never been busted.

But that don't mean that you ain't never gonna be.

Oh, don't worry. Ohh, she ain't for you!

Remember what you told me?

Women is like socks... Ya gotta change 'em regular. This gal's different.

All ready!

This gal's different, and you're gonna find it out. - You sound like a wife.

Come in.

Would you like to sit here? Why? Ain't supper ready?

Yes, but I thought we might have our cocktails here.


Smells good. What do we got? You'll see.

Well, here's to ya.

What is it? It's tomato juice.


It don't taste like it. - It's the way I prepare it, with lime juice.

It's good this way, isn't it?

Yeah, if you... Like tomato juice.

Oh, are you hungry?

Well, to tell you the truth... yes.

Well, let's start then.

This is your place, here.

Hors d'oeuvres?

What's the matter?

Lamb chops.


I never eat lamb chops. But they're good.

Come on. Let's go downtown and get a steak.

Oh, try them.

But I don't like them. I never ate them, that's why.


I don't like them. I like steak.

Hey. They're all right.

You see?

They taste just like steak.


Maybe we oughta eat outside... More light out there.

What's so wonderful about light?

Nothin' 'cept... I just bit my thumb.

Too bad we haven't got some beer.

Yes, isn't it?

You got everything. Thank you.

Got any more meat?

No. No, but you can have one of mine. Here.


Now, eat your salad, Duke. It's good for you.


I'll get the dessert.

Apple pie? No.

Rice pudding? No, something else.

I don't like anything else. Why?

'Cause I never eat anything else, that's why.

Well, I hope you like this, 'cause it's a surprise.

What is it? Well, it's a kind of a surprise for me too.

I got it at the store. It's called "sunset on the desert" special.

Made me think of you. Of me?


Demitasse now or later?

Oh, it don't matter much.

It looks just wonderful, doesn't it? Mm.


Mmm, it's good.

Mmm. It's good.

Duke? Hmm?

You know, all we've been together, and...

All the fun we've had and everything, and... Mm-hmm?

There's about a million questions I'd like to ask you.

What's the matter?


Oh, my. Duke.

Here. Here, take some of this. Maybe it'll loosen it.



Ooh. You all right?


Gee. Gee, I'm so sorry.

It's all right.

It's just that...

I wanted everything so fancy for you.

Hmm, uh, let's...

Let's get the dishes washed, and then...

Maybe we can talk, and...


This'll only take a minute.

Hurry up, slowpoke.

Duke, what's the matter?

Plenty. I'm drunk. What?

I haven't had a drink all day, and I'm drunk.

Well, gee whiz, I thought we... I know what you thought, but you thought wrong.

I guess you don't want any more than any other girl wants.

But you come to the wrong place. I'm not built that way.

Built what way? I'm not gonna get hooked, that's what way!

Maybe this sort of thing works where you come from, but it don't work around here!

Well, I... Leave me alone! Quit tryin' to hook me!

I'm not trying to... I got my own way of livin', and I'm not gonna have anybody changin' it.

I don't want... And don't start cryin'.

Who's crying? Just let me say it.

If I wanted to get hooked...

I'd let you hook me.

I don't know of nobody that...

But I don't wanna get hooked!

Hey, look.

Molly! Oh, hello.

Gee. How are ya, kid? Say, what goes on with you?

I simply missed the bus. It can happen.

Oh, gosh, honey we were so worried. You've no idea.

Yeah, we even put through a long-distance call. Yeah, I paid.

Well, I hope you're none the worse for wear, kid, like they say.

Just what do you mean by that, Mr. Lambert?

Nothin'. My goodness, I never saw such touchy people.

Come on, Molly. Come on over here. Come on.

Molly, you gonna tell me everything?

Well, there's nothing to tell.

Oh, sure. I bet you could talk all the way home.

Well, I'm not gonna. All aboard! All right, folks.

Here we go. Plenty of things to do, plenty to see.

Still at it, isn't he? You have no idea.

All right. Come on. Recess is over.

Come along. Move along. In you... bought a little flower there, huh?

All right, folks. Here we go. Everybody up.

You all right, Joe? Let's take it away.

All good things must come to an end. Yes, sir, that's right, so let's face it.

And until we meet again, folks, remember one thing...

? There's no place like home ?

? There's no place like home ?

? And though it's very humble ?

? There's no place like home ??

I must say, this is my favorite part of the whole trip.

Remember, Molly, if you ever get stuck for an extra female some nights, you've got my number.

Yes. Well... good-bye now.




Hello, Malcolm. Ahh.

Oh, thank you.

That's sweet.


Hello, baby. Ohh, welcome home.

Bob. Gee. Come on. My cab's parked outside.

I guess I was here first, Bob. I said, my cab was parked outside.

I don't care. Listen, fat boy.

Who do you think you're pushing? You're gonna get worse than a push...

If you don't give me that bag. Bob, everybody's looking. Please.

You touch me once more... Give me that bag!

I've never liked you, Bob. You may as well know it.

Listen, maybe you can't understand English. I said, my cab was double-parked outside.

I don't care if it is double-parked. You shouldn't have brought it.

Shouldn't have brought my cab? No! Your big, yellow taxicab.

Look, my cab isn't yellow, and when I toot, get out of the way!

Oh. Break it up!

Oh, hello, Bob.

"Hello, Bob"? Just a minute!

Now, listen. We're all going together, or else I shall go by myself.

Well, I was here first!

What are you doing here? I thought... I know, but you thought wrong.

Just a minute. Well...

I, uh... I met him out west.

You-you better put me down, Duke.

I, uh... I want to introduce you to my friends.

Uh, Mr. Hudkins, this is Mr. Stone.

How do you do? Howdy.

Mr. Hastings. Hello.

And Mr. Starkey. How do you do?

Molly, who is this guy? Who are you? Well, I just told you...

Well, I... I don't know.

Duke, what are you doing in New York? I just came to take you back.

Now? Pretty soon.

Tour number 49 leaving for Kansas City, Tulsa, Phoenix and Los Angeles. Now.

Just a minute, Buffalo Bill. Bob, I wish you would let me take care of my own...

Where do you think you are, on the prairie? Why, no, I, uh...

Mm! Duke!

Have a nice trip.

Just a minute. I'm not going anyplace.

What's the matter with you? Are you crazy? Haven't I anything to say about this?

I can tell you one thing... I'm certainly not going to get on any old bus.

I just got off a bus.

As a matter of fact, I don't even know whether I should be speaking to you...

After the things that you...

No, honest, Duke, I mean it. If you want to sit down and talk things over for a few minutes, that's one thing, but I-I'm not getting on any bus!

Now, look. If you...

You're certainly mistaken, Duke. That's all I've got to say.

Hello, hello, hello, hello. Folks, I'd like to have your attention for a minute.

You're gonna have mine for the next 14 days, so it isn't asking for too much, is it?

Even if I change my mind, even if I wanted to go back with you, I couldn't.

I'd lose my job. That's all right. I got a job for ya.

Huh? I divorced Waco.

I got an idea you don't like me. Well, I'll grow on ya, brother.

Howdy, partner. Glad to see ya.

Hello. - We'll be leaving in about two minutes, folks.

So don't get impatient. Just as anxious to get started as you are.

In about five seconds, we'll be off with the smoothest, most comfortable ride you ever had.

Yes, sir. Smoothest ride you ever had, and I'm the boy who's gonna tell you about it.

Okay, Major. Let her go. Contact!