A Little Help (2010) Script

Rinse please!

Hi! I'm Laura.

Sorry I'm late.

Late!

I saw you last time you were here, right?

Uh, no, maybe a year or two ago.

Listen, I need to be at work by...

Don't worry, I'm gonna get you all polished up and out of here in no time.

Open up.

Sorry.

Rinse please!

Don't Rinse!

I wasn't going to.

Here, just gonna get another one of these.

Rinse please!

Shut up!

Okay, open up.

So, any teeth problems?

Uh, just a little sensitive to cold sometimes.

To coal?

No, cold.

Oh. I was gonna say...

Flossing regularly?

Oh, yeah. Uh-huh.

Good.

Just don't use that super-waxy stuff.

I try to tell my husband that, but he just... ignores me.

He's, um...

I mean, he's great.

Everything's, you know... great.

It's just the flossing thing, really.

But, I mean, I should really say something, right?

There's so much... wax on that stuff.

It doesn't scrape any of the...

The plaque?

Rinse please!


And the Dow Jones dropped a whopping 3% today...

Closing at its lowest level thus far for 2002.

In local news...

Mayor Mike Bloomberg will hold a news conference tomorrow to discuss the city's plans for commemorating the first anniversary of the terrorist attacks of last September 11th.

Though it's been over ten months since the World Trade Center Twin Towers were destroyed in those attacks cleanup is expected to continue right up until the ceremonies begin.

WCLX news time is 3:41.

Shit!

Denny! Dennis!

Whoa! Ugh!

Hi, honey!

Dad was supposed to pick me up.

Yeah, he had to work late again.

Why?

I don't know.

How was camp?

I saw a girl's tit.

Ooh. How was it?

"How was it?"

I don't know, I just...

She jumped into the pool and her bathing suit came down for a second.

Besides, she's only eleven, it wasn't much of a tit.

Still, it's something.

I thought he wasn't going to work so much this summer.

Who? Dad.

I thought you were gonna start doing fulltime at the dentist so he wouldn't have to work so much.

What happened to that?

I, I haven't...

What's that smell?

What? That's from like a year ago.

God, you are such a liar, mom!

Hey. Hey, ow! Ow! Come on!

That's illegal, you know!

Hey, wanna sing along to the radio like we used to?

Open the windows!


I'll get it!

Dad?

Oh, hi, aunt Kathy.

Fine. Yeah, hold on.

Hello?

What happened?

Nothing.

The phone dropped.

Did you get my message? No.

About tonight? The barbecue for the twins' birthday?

Oh, yeah.

Well, gee, thanks so much for the call back, Laurie.

Don't start. I'm begging you.

But you're all coming, right?

Um, yeah.

When is it?

I'm almost home.

My sister and Paul are having a barbecue.

We have to go.

What? Laura, I'm exhausted.

We have to go. Otherwise, it's a whole thing.

What is it with these people and barbecues?

I mean, do they own a fucking cattle ranch?

We're leaving now, so see you there.

No, no, wait, all right? I'm literally pulling into...

Oh!

Hi, dad.

Hey, buddy.

♪ And how could it be my valentine ♪

♪ Okay, let's go ♪

Whoo!

That's my favorite part!

It's a hit, though! It's a hit!

Totally vibin' on this right now! Ow!

What?

Stop it! Stop what?

Stop encouraging him.

Who, Kyle? He's good!

Oh, I'm sorry, maybe he's not up to your standards. He's no Seal.

That's not funny.

He actually told me the other day he doesn't want to go to college.

Congratulations, I know that's what you're secretly hoping for.

What, I am not...

Okay, first of all, college is expensive.

Maybe it's not for him.

Anyway, shouldn't it be his decision?

No! He's an idiot!

So are most professional musicians.

Have you ever heard Keith Richards speak? Have you?

All right, whatever... Okay, I rest my case.

Did you even light the grill yet?

There's nobody here.

My parents are here, and Laura and Bob and Dennis are on their way.

Would you just cooperate with me one time in your life?

Just once, as a novelty.

And what is wrong with Seal?

He happens to be a genius.

The face thing is weird, I don't know...

Okay, boys, time to stop now!

Cut!

Stop please!

Rehearsal's over, honey.

Help your father light the grill and set up.


Nice shot, bro. Thanks.

Wendy, that is way too many deviled eggs.

It's not.

I'm making them into a pattern like in the book.

This is for if you're having a big party!

Mom, go away!

Fine.

So, darling?

Yeah, mom?

With Bob having to work so much...

I was wondering, how are you managing with Dennis?

Fine.

Oh.

What do you even mean?

Nothing.

Just the boy seems so attached to his father these days, that's all.

Well, we're having a great summer.

We're doing a lot of stuff together.

Such as?

Today, we sang in the car on the way home from camp.

I know...

Bob needs to be home more, and I've talked to him about it.

I can't imagine this is helping matters.

Hey, there's the hottie!

Hi.

How you doing? You good?

Mm. Is the grill lit yet?

Yes, Kathy, the grill is lit. You can die a happy woman now.

Dad! I had those in a pattern!

It looks a little vaginal.

It's a starfish!

Why does everybody have a comment?! It's really ridiculous!

Hey. Hey.

What's goin' on, Roberto?

Not much. It's hot out, isn't it?

Mm-hmm. I know.

So, it's good to finally get you over here.

You missed our last couple of cookouts, huh?

Yeah, yeah, I just, uh...

You were gonna work less this summer, I thought. Wasn't that the big plan?

Yeah, that was the plan, but the...

This commercial office space is still flying, so...

Well, that's certainly not a bad thing.

No, no, no, I just thought real estate slowed down in the summer especially this year, with interest rates back up.

I thought I read that in the times.

I don't know, maybe not.

Yeah, well, we, uh...

We have a lot of overseas clients.

Overseas, got it. Got it.

Boo!

God damn it, dad!

Hey!

Let's watch the language.

There are, like, so many rich kids at this tennis camp, it's disgusting.

Well, you're not exactly in the slums here, darling.

That's not even the point, grandma. They're spoiled brats.

Then they should elect you their queen.

Shut up!

Please don't fight on your birthday. Thank you.

It was six days ago.

Speaking of fights, I saw myself on TV last night.

They showed the first Clay-Liston fight on that ESPN Classics.

I was there, of course, covering for the post...

And when Liston threw in the towel...

First man in the ring, kid!

Yeah, yeah, you told me that once, actually.

I actually caught the end of that last night, Warren.

You see me, Paul? First man in the ring.

Yeah, yeah, no, I saw you.

I'm pretty sure you were third guy in, though.

What?

No, no, I'm not including Liston and Clay!

I'm talking about reporters!

Yeah, no, no, I know, I just think that two reporters got in right before you.

That's impossible. Who was in before me?

Dad, calm down. I said who was in before me?!

Calm down, dad.

One guy had a hat on, I think...

That is a lie!

I'm gonna call the network right now and I'm gonna get a copy of that film!

Warren, don't start calling people.

Then tell the man who was in first!

You and the guy with the hat were pretty darn close...

So I'm gonna give you second.

Hey, you were second!

First, God damn it! It's documented! Come on!

Grandpa, relax. He's just shitting you.

Paul, why would you do that?

It's a joke. That was so mean, dad.

First man in, wiseass.

And you know what I said to Clay when I ran in?

I said, "Cassius, you are the greatest!"

And that's where he got the moniker... from me.

Okay, now that's bullshit.

It's what? Bullshit.

Bullshit bullshit!

Grandpa, it splatter me every time you do that!

What's wrong with you?

Warren, you need another?

Yeah, I want a cheeseburger with two pieces of cheese on it.

One for Clay and one for Lister.

Jesus, take it easy, will ya?

It's only my third.

Yeah, right.

Fuck, it's hot out there.

What do you want?

Look, let's just skip the dance, okay?

If you wanna say something, just say it.

What do you think I wanna say? I have no idea.

I think you do know, because you just said that like you knew what you thought it was I wanted to say.

You know, you're a delightful drunk.

You're paranoid and incoherent. It's a beautiful combination.

How come you're late so much?

Working. Is that a tough concept?

Then how come I get your voice mail all the time?

Probably because when you call me, I'm in a meeting.

Well, what about this, what's-her-name, Julie?

Why doesn't she pick up? Where's she?

'Cause she's in the meetings with me, okay?

Laura, now you wanna drop this? I'm not in the mood for this.

I've been feeling like crap all day, and I'm not gonna talk about this.

Are you getting sick?

No, I'm not.

It's just...

Dennis is disappointed that you aren't coming home as much as you promised.

Then why don't you do something with him, huh?

I walk in the door, you know where he is?

He's in front of the computer, and where are you?

You're sitting in the kitchen and you're swilling beer!

We're doing the cake for the twins now.

I have to light the candles. I'll do it.

Oh, no, that's all right, dear. Mom, I'll do it, okay?

I'll light the candles, I'll bring out the cake...

And everyone will sing, it's gonna be awesome, okay?

So I've got it. Thank you. Buh-bye, buh-bye.

Well, then do it now, please. I'm doing it, okay?!

They're in the drawer right there.

See, I've got it. Thank you, okay. Good-bye. Good-bye.

Thank you.

Do you want me to help you?

No.

Was one of your meetings at the Cherokee Hotel?

I found the receipt in your pants this morning when I took it to to the dry cleaner.

Oh, Christ...

It's the Iroquois Hotel, all right?

Get your fuckin' indians straight, and yeah, you know what?

It was a meeting, okay? It was a lunch meeting.

And I submitted it for reimbursement.

What did you submit? It was in your pants.

You got me, Columbo. You're brilliant!

Oh, my God! I can't believe it!

You know what? I'm not fucking Julie, okay?

I'm not fucking the one-armed recycling guy or anybody else.

You got a lot of fucking nerve bringing this on me, too, all right?

You checked out of this marriage way before I did.

No, no, I checked out after you.

Way, way before.

After you! After you started working late all the time and not wanting to have sex any more!

Yeah, after you stopped taking care of yourself and being somebody a person might wanna come home to!

Correct me if I'm wrong.

What are you doing with the candles? All right, they're 15, they're not 80.

Laura, come on!

Laura, stop it.

Don't leave it open!

It's rude!

Laura!

Laura, stop it!

Ugh!

Normal, normal, normal, normal.

I was halfway home, you know.

They called me back for this.

Well, what do you think it was?

There was no chest pain, right?

No, no, I was dizzy, I couldn't get a full breath, and it was just a lot of that.

Happened before tonight?

Um, yeah, a few times, and actually earlier today.

Really? You didn't tell me that.

Well, it wasn't that bad.

Well, what were you doing when it happened the other times?

I was just in meetings.

Use drugs, cocaine?

No, never.

That's true, actually.

Ever feel it when you're exercising?

I haven't worked out in a couple weeks 'cause I've got a bad ankle.

During sexual intercourse?

Um... I don't...

We haven't...

It's been a couple of months.

I don't really remember.

I think the last time was Memorial Day.

Because that's when my parents took Dennis...

All right, I don't think he needs to know everything.

Jesus.

I was just trying to answer his sexual intercourse question.

You had an anxiety attack, my friend.

You eat a couple of Xanax before those killer meetings of yours.

Pay up front.

So you're really okay?

I am really okay.

Get some sleep. It's late.

Can you pick me up from camp tomorrow?

We'll see.

I will try.

I lost two pounds.

Goodnight, buddy.

I love you.

I love you, too, dad.


Honey.

Honey.

Will you close the door or kill the light please?

Bobby?

Yeah?

I'm sorry about tonight, what I said...

It was stupid. I trust you.

I want you to know that, okay?

I'm sorry.

Okay.

And I'm gonna start taking better care of myself.

I wanna look good again for you.

I'm gonna stop smoking and drinking, and work out.

And I'm gonna ask for more hours at work so you can be home more often, okay?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, honey?

Uh-huh.

Laura, please.

I love you.

I love you, too, sweetheart, but honestly, just not...

It's okay. You don't have to do anything.

All right, hey, hey, hey.

No, you don't have to do anything.

I want to, okay?

Oh.

Oh, God.

Okay.

Laura, stop!

Fuck!

I'm sorry. What?

I don't know. Ow!

I'm...

Help me!

I'm sorry.

Open again, please.

Yeah, there's definitely something going on with that molar.

I'm gonna have Dr. Kellman take a look after we finish with your cleaning.

Laura?

Yes?

What are you doing here?

Well, right now I have Mr. Daniels, and then I have a 10:00 and a 10:30.

Laura, today is your husband's funeral.

Not till 3:00.


She actually came to work today. I couldn't believe my eyes.

Well, you know, they say work can be therapeutic.

Not in my office, it ain't.

That doctor was only in there for five minutes.

He didn't take a family history, he only did one stupid test.

He might as well have just killed Bob himself.

Just strangled him with piano wire.

More cake?

These things are so sad and awful.

Yeah. Actually, this is my second one this year.

My father died back in January.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, yeah, thanks, but it was for the best.

Oh, had he been ill?

No.

Wait, I'm trying to explain something.

I was the only reporter Reggie Jackson would talk to the entire season, and not because I went easy on him, because I understood the complexities of his situation.

You gotta use your brain. It was a whole different universe back then.

You gotta understand.

When I lost my husband, God rest his soul, I thought my life was over.

But you know what? Here I am. Here I am.

Uh-huh.

I play tennis twice a week, singles, and I'm on the board of three major charities.

Does that sound like my life is over?

No.

No, it doesn't, does it?

No.

When the Mets desperately needed it, on a day when Mike Piazza has left base runners... they pitch...

How ya doin', champ?


What's going on?

I feel like I'm in trouble or something.

Don't joke, Laura.

I wasn't.

Look, Laurie, it's nothing bad, we just want to help you sort out some things right now.

Okay.

I mean, you're devastated, we all are, but there are things that need to be taken care of...

Important things that no one was thinking about until two days ago.

Like what?

Well, first of all, finances.

What's the situation?

Like, what investments, how much life insurance did Bob set up... do you know?

Um, not offhand.

But, overall, are you set up to get enough income?

I don't...

You don't know?

You don't know if you're gonna be able to pay your mortgage and feed your child?

Not offhand.

Kathy, just... Keep going.

All right, look, Paul and I know a good lawyer.

Now, he is willing to sit down and go over things with you and help you figure out where you're at.

You already talked to him? About me?

Yes, Laura, I talked to him about you, because obviously you're not thinking about these things right now.

Did you consider asking me first? It is my life.

She is only trying to help you.

Now, frankly, I think you should show her a little bit...

For Christ's sake, Warren, close the door!

I'm trying to stay in the conversation, all right?

Go and talk to the attorney, Laura.

There is something else, too.

Dennis.

Your father and I feel very strongly that, when the school year begins, you must switch him from public school to Newbury Friends School.

Now, we are prepared to pay his entire tuition.

Mom, I told you this six months ago, he doesn't want to go, okay?

We only applied because you made us.

He needs the structure.

He needs the attention they can provide.

Mother, it doesn't make any sense for us to commute from Port to Huntington.

It's a half-hour drive, he doesn't know any of the other kids there.

You listen to me, young lady!

Without his father around, that boy is in trouble...

Deep trouble.

And he needs more help than he can get from a mother who is nothing more than a spoiled, self-indulgent teenager.

You do this, you know. You bring this on yourself.

Okay, then.


Hey. Hey.

Wow.

He's getting really, really good.

I know, isn't he?

When he was a kid, he was just this sweet, dumb fuck-up, but he always had soul.

It was just a matter of how it was gonna come out.

Well, there it is. Yeah.

Maybe taking him with me to the radio station all these years, maybe that helped.

I don't know.

You're a good dad, Paul.


And it's back to school day, kiddies... pencils, books, dirty looks, the whole nine yards.

I had to drag my kids into the car this morning.

Of course, it was 4:00am.

Gee, they hate it when DJ Dad has to carpool.

For those feeling their pain, here's Long Island's own Eddie Money.

You really have your kids now, or was that just bullshit?

Huh? Your kids. They living with you again?

No, the ex wants to take 'em back to Pakistan.

You believe that shit?

Fuckin' cunt.

I bet if you went to Pakistan, she'd stay here.

It's not funny, asswipes!

What the fuck are you laughing at, fucker?

It's supposed to be... A great school, great school.

Yeah, I know.

Well, it is.

And it's a chance to make...

New friends.

Check.

I'm sure I'll make thousands.

Can I come in with you?

Just today, because it's the first day.

No.

Why not?

It's gay.

I have time.

It's up to you.

People, make sure to leave plenty of time for the rain, 'cause as my ol' grandma used to say, it's a mofo out there!


No, no, it has to happen this month, Alan.

Because it has to, that's why.

Yeah, okay, fine, then just tell him it's not gonna happen at all.

'Cause this isn't a game, Alan.

This is not a game! Come on!

I'm sorry. I had to take that.

It's fine.

Lot of dishonest, scummy people out there.

Not a problem.

Okay. So, I went over all the material that you sent me, plus what I got from your accountant.

Here, let me give you that.

Okay.

What is it?

Oh, it's just a summarized version of your financial information, your equity, your debts, your protected income, blah, blah, blah.

It's all summed up on the last page there.

Do you mind if I set this down?

No, go ahead.

I don't wanna put it on the horse books.

Oh, here, I'll take it.

Really? Sure.

Careful, it's dripping a little. So it is.

I don't even know why I drink those, because they just make me have to pee so bad.

Do you now? Because...

Uh, no, no, no. Actually, yes, but I can wait.

My dad would never pull over the car on long trips, so holding it in is kinda a skill from my childhood, if you can even call that a skill.

Can you just tell me if I'm broke or not?

Look, Laura, you're probably gonna be okay here.

Um, did your sister not mention anything else that we might be discussing today?

Like what?

She didn't mention anything at all?

Can you give me a hint?

No, I'm happy to tell you, I just thought that she would...

Are you aware that I'm a litigator?

Okay.

Your sister sent you to me because I'm a litigator.

I specialize in medical malpractice.

Hey, are you that Matt Herschel kid?

No.

What are you, stupid?

Herschel doesn't even go here any more.

Plus, he's not that fat.

He looks like him, man.

Here's the thing... the EKG ruled out heart attack, right?

But as we now know, it wasn't a heart attack, it was...

An arrhythmia. An arrhythmia, right.

Good, good, which actually is visible on an EKG, but it's very small, very hard to spot, especially if you're looking for heart attack, which shows up like blowing, like an earthquake.

So he just didn't see it?

Obviously not, but more importantly, he missed a huge clue that it might be there.

Now, when Bob collapsed, he was running.

Is that correct? He was running down the street?

I assume my sister told you that?

Uh-huh, yeah, she filled me in on a few of the basics, you know.

What other basics, that I was drunk and we got in fight and he had to chase me?

No, no, nothing, nothing, no.

Anyway, the point is, Bob was running, so his heart rate was elevated at the time.

That's the thing that should have made this schmuck's radar go up.

Now, when Bob had his fatal attack, I'm sorry, what was he doing then?

His heart rate was definitely elevated.

See, there you go. What was he doing?

He was... I was...

Doing a sex act.

Oh. Okay.

A normal one.

Nothing with like ropes or...

I guess the fight was over then, huh?

Anyway, you see what I'm saying.

The doctor could have saved Bob's life with a proper diagnosis, but he was negligent, Bob died, so here we are.

Now, would you like to proceed with the lawsuit?

I don't think so, no.

You don't think so?

It's just that, um, lawsuits and suing people, it's not my thing.

So, no.

Laura, I don't think you understand...

This is an open-and-shut case.

The insurance companies will not even let this go to trial, we are gonna settle in the high six figures, maybe seven.

This is what I know from 22 years of litigating.

Yeah...

No, thanks.

Look, here's the thing...

He did ask.

The doctor, he asked Bob if he was exercising or... having sex the other times he got the symptoms, and Bob said no, that he was just at meetings.

That's possible, an arrhythmia can happen...

What if he was lying?

Who? Bob.

About his heart rate being elevated the other times.

What if he was lying?

Why would he be lying?

Because I was standing there.

Okay.

So, if he was lying, that changes things, right?

I mean, as far as malpractice is concerned, right?

No.

No?

No, no.

This, this lie is purely hypothetical, it's unprovable.

But, wait, wait, no... It's not relevant what might have...

If Bob didn't tell the doctor the truth about...

Laura! Stop!

Please.

Look, you're obviously a very moral, honest person, I've got nothing against that.

But, let's look at the big picture here, okay?

You are the victim here.

You're the victim of other people's mistakes.

That is precisely why insurance companies exist, to protect people like you from getting wiped out from other people's mistakes.

Wiped out? What do you mean wiped out?

Well, I didn't wanna alarm you. You said everything was okay.

No, I said things would probably be okay, and quite frankly, I thought you'd be proceeding with the lawsuit.

I just assumed that you would.

But the fact is Bob, as we say in the legal trade, fucked up, okay?

He should've set up a trust for you, he didn't.

He should have more life insurance for you, he doesn't.

By the time you pay your estate taxes, you will have basically nothing left to live on.

I have my job.

What does the dentist pay you? Forty, fifty thousand?

Thirty-eight five.

But they are really nice and I can get more hours.

Mm-hmm, well, unless they're nice enough to let you and your son live in their office, you have a problem.

Can I pee now?

Hey, buddy. Don't sweat this too much.

You still got your amp out here if you wanna come out and practice.

Just move it against the wall so there's room for your mom's car.

That's why she's making me stop the band?

So she could park her car in her precious garage again?

No, no, no, we talked.

We both decided you need to focus on school for a while.

Hey, tenth grade, it all counts now, right?

School blows dogs.

Well, I don't know if it blows dogs... per se.

Got a message for your wife...

She got what she wanted, so she can go fuck herself.

Give her that message.

Okay, uh, should I have her call you if she has any questions or...?

What's going on there?

Ah, she really wants him to stop playing for a while so he can get his grades up.

You agreed?

Yeah, well, you know, she does have a point.

Oh, Jesus!


Yo, guys, I gotta go, all right?

See ya, Dennis. See ya, guys.

Hey, mom.

Hey, honey.

Hey, so it looks like you made some friends after all, huh?

Yeah. Come on, let's go.

Mrs. Pehlke? Yes?

Hi. I'm glad I caught you. Hi. I'm Lilly Gallagher.

I'm Dennis' social studies teacher.

Oh, hi, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Look, I'm sure you need to get going, but I just wanted to, um...

I heard about Dennis' father.

Oh, yeah...

I guess he told some of the other children, and word got around.

I am so sorry. It's tragic.

Thank you.

I can't imagine how hard it's been for both of you. Yeah...

Anyway, I just wanted to say, for whatever it's worth, he was a true hero.

Yeah...

Who?

You have to tell the truth! No!

Dennis, your father did not die in 9/11!

I know, but what's cooler, okay?

What's a cooler way to die, 9/11 or a u-rithma thing?

Dennis! What's cooler?!

9/11 is cooler, but...

It is cooler!

Dennis!

If you don't tell the truth, I'm gonna call the school myself!

No! You can't!

Everyone'll think I'm a freak! You can't!

Well, I can't just let people think that...

What do you even care, anyway?!

The school's like five towns away!

It doesn't affect you! That's not the point!

You can't just lie to people like that!

Oh, my God! All you ever do is lie!

You make up all these lame excuses to people for not being somewhere!

You lie to dad about how many beers you had!

You say you don't smoke but you really do!

Those are different! Those are tiny little things!

And they don't involve major events of world history!

Oh!

What's wrong?

I wanna kill that dog so much!

Okay, what did you say, exactly?

That his real estate office was in one of the towers, or something?

I... I said he was a fireman.

What?

He brought three people out and went back in.

Why did you say that?! It's cooler!

Why did you say any of it?! Why?!

I don't know! Why?!

I don't know! I just said it!

Some kid was asking me stuff about myself, and I just said it!

Shut up!

Come back here! Come back here!


Mrs. Pehlke, did you love your husband?

Yes.

I'm sorry, could you speak up, please?

Yes. Yes, I can speak up.

And I loved him. Yes to both.

Were you happy in your marriage?

Were you satisfied and content with the relationship?

Yes, it always made me very happy and proud to be married to such a brave... fireman, like him.

And I'll always be proud of the fact that, before he died, he was able to save those... three people.

What was the last thing he said to you that morning?

I don't remember, exactly.

As I told you before, I was a little intoxicated.

And do you remember what you said to Dr. Bronstein?

About the last time you and your husband had sexual intercourse?

Yeah.

We hadn't had sex since...

Memorial Day.

Oh, that's so sad.

Wendy, come on!

Where is she?!

Probably having a grand mal seizure from the honking.

She's the one who wanted to get in early for debate club.

Wait, why are you here? Shouldn't you be at work?

I had some stuff to do first.

Wendy!

I couldn't find my hat! My God!

Bye, Wendy. Bye, daddy.

See you tonight. All right.

Jesus.

See ya, dad.

God, this traffic is...

You know what my dad used to say when I was little?

The Long Island expressway is the biggest parking lot in the world.

Well, it was funny at the time.

Come on.

Here we go.

♪ I should've known it from the very start ♪

♪ The girl would leave me with a broken.. ♪ Wrong. Come on, sing!

No way.

You used to love it.

Yeah, when I was one.

♪ I miss her lips and the smile on her face ♪

♪ hum-da-hey-da-hey-da-hey-hey ♪

♪ The touch of her hand and that girl's warm embrace ♪

♪ hum-da-hey-da-hey-da-hey-hey ♪

♪ So if you don't wanna cry like I do ♪

♪ Keep away from-a Runaround Sue ♪

♪ hum-da-hey-da-hey-da-hey-hey ♪

♪ oh ♪ All right, that'll be enough of that.

Do not smile.

I love that song, don't you?

Of course, that was Dion, with his great classic Runaround Sue, and I am absolutely thrilled to tell you that we have the man, the innovator himself right here in our studio...

Living legend Dion DiMucci.

Welcome, sir. Thank you.

Dan, great to see you again.

Well, apparently you don't age, because you look just like the kid who came out of the Bronx.

Yeah, right. Sure.

I'm glad we're on radio here so no one can dispute that.

So you've got a new record coming out, right?

CD. Yeah, that's the word.

CD.

Yeah, but they look like little records, don't they?

So tell me, these are all new versions, new masters of your classics, right? How'd that come about?

No way.

Just a labor of love.

I have a great band. You know, the old records are short.

We wanted to lengthen them.

It's a party album.

Oh, oh, it's like Doug Clark and The Hot Nuts?

That kind of stuff?

♪ Nuts ♪

♪ Hot nuts ♪

♪ You get 'em from the peanut man ♪

So what happened exactly?

How'd you lose the filling?

Ah, I was eating popcorn.

Last night, I was at the Coliseum for that Ultimate Fighting thing.

Oh, I love U.F.C.

I wouldn't have guessed that.

Anyway, I felt kinda silly... I mean, I'm whining about my toothache, meanwhile there's a guy in the ring bleeding from both ears.

What's with that bird, anyway?

It's supposed to be soothing.

What, you're not soothed?

It fucking creeps me out, actually.

You like that thing?

Yeah... In a casserole, maybe.

Huh...

You're pretty sassy for a hygienist, aren't ya?

♪ Walk downtown, baby ♪

♪ Have your fun ♪

♪ Downtown, baby ♪

♪ Have your fun ♪

♪ If you wanna rock and roll ♪

♪ I'm the one ♪

♪ Jackie told her brother, mama told her cousin too ♪

♪ The woman got a mind, knows exactly what she's gonna do ♪

♪ Drop down, baby ♪

♪ Yeah, let your daddy see ♪

♪ You wanna rock and roll ♪ I know, right?

♪ I can set you free ♪ Okay, check it out.

Try something.

I don't know where he gets it from.

Yeah.

Wow...

All right, all right.

I'm gonna take lessons from you.

So what did they finally get for that place across the street, do you know?

The Fishbecks? Last I heard they dropped it to like a million four.

I talked to Miranda, that realtor we know, yesterday.

She said a million two.

They took one...

No balls, man, no balls at all.

The Fishbecks? No, The Fishbecks have plenty of balls.

He's got one, and the wife has got half a dozen, at least.

What the hell are you talking about?

The Fishbecks. Would you just stop?

And by the way, why did you tell Miranda that I was three years older than you?

I didn't say that.

She said you said three. It's one.

Why would you say three?

I don't know... I rounded up?

You look younger with your hair longer, I've told you that.

Kathy looks very good for her age.

Yeah, 90.

By the way, smarty, how'd you do on your math test today?

Fine.

"Fine"? What does that mean?

Does that mean you passed or...?

He wasn't in school today. What?

You little twat.

He can't call me that! Punish him!

I can say "twat." He just said "balls."

I wasn't referring to an actual pair of testicles.

And I wasn't referring to an actual twat.

Stop that!

Don't encourage him. What is wrong with you?

Come on, what the hell did I say?!

Okay, everybody, please.

Thank you.

Now, why weren't you in school today?

Not that it's gonna prevent your punishment, but why?

I took him down to the station with me... to meet Dion.

"Dion"? Dion who?

Dion DiMucci.

You know... Dion.

I... I'm stunned, Paul.

I thought that we were gonna try to help our son get an education.

I know, I know, but... Your son is failing math.

I know, but Dion is a legend.

His music will be around a lot longer than math.

Oh, right, it's a joke again, right.

Oh, I guess I'm just too old to understand.

You know what? I am done.

You raise your son by yourself.

And you know what? You can just take him out of school and go on tour with his band.

I don't care any more. Cool.

Kathy, it was one time.

Kathy...

I once picked up buddy holly... hitchhiking.

Oh, stop it.

Hello? Oh, my God.

Hey, hi.

Sorry, you scared me.

You scared me.

I thought you were watching the game with my dad.

Yeah, no, I was. I just came out here to...

Oh, okay.

Well, I just came out for a beer and a smoke myself.

The other kind.

Ah, a little impromptu degeneracy festival.

That's exciting. Come on up.

Mm?

Mm, no, thanks.

Pot makes me kinda paranoid.

All right.

Look, your mom!

Oh, God.

Oh, God damn it.

Wow, you start off paranoid.

Oh, no, that's all I need right now is for my mother to catch me smoking pot.

What could she do?

What could she possibly do to you at this point in your life?

I don't know.

More of the same, I guess.

So does Kathy know you come out here to...?

God, no.

Are you kidding? She'd pass out.

And on the way down, she'd call the FBI.

No, I keep my weed stash well hidden...

Just right next to my kiddie porn.

You don't have kiddie porn. No...

Not kiddie.

I don't know... What's the cutoff?

Stop it. You're making me wonder.

Oh, no, I'm just a mid-level perv, nothing exceptional.

Although, I guarantee you, every man worries what his wife will find in his closet if he drops dead one day.

Oh, God. I am sorry.

That's was what you call... right there, that's what you call a faux pas.

Don't worry.

It's the weed.

They should make this stuff illegal.

So, how you doing with all that, anyway?

What, widowhood?

Yeah.

Um...

Fine, I guess.

"Fine?"

I don't know, I mean, I'm a mess, but I was a mess before, so I don't know what's from what.

It's gotta be different, though.

I guess.

The lies are different.

Oh, here's something that's different...

Um, a guy asked me out today.

What? Who?

This guy, a patient, but not one of mine usually.

I was covering for Donna.

Um, he's a computer something-or-other.

Wow.

Goin' out with him or...?

No. No.

I mean, he's okay looking, and he's nice, but...

I don't know, it was just weird that it happened, you know, just like out of the blue.

Well, you've got that allure, Laura Pehlke. That allure!

Yeah, I think it was the bloody smock that put him over the edge.

Oh, man.

When I was on the tennis team in high school, I used to check you out all the time from the practice courts.

You and those other two girls, always smoking behind the gym.

Oh, um, Brittany Nuzzolese and Rhonda Calvaruso.

Yes! Oh, my God. Yeah.

You had those red jeans.

And that laugh.

Oh, that laugh... It made me nuts.

I used to purposely hit the ball over the fence and go, "a little help!"

You remember that?

Um...

I think so.

Yeah, you never helped.

I'm sorry. I was kind of oblivious back then.

I still am, I guess.

But you knew I was in love with you since, like, seventh grade, right?

No.

No. Come on.

How can you be that oblivious, Laura?

I used to talk to you every day...

About some stupid homework assignment or whatever crazy thing I could come up with.

And you were always really polite to me, which I appreciated, but then as soon as you could manage it, you'd...

Pfft! Just walk away.

I remember I thought you were funny.

Oh, well, that's nice.

No, I didn't mind you walking away.

Then I got to watch you go down the hall.

You had that great ass...

Oh, had.

Yeah.

Have.

Oh, my God. I'm sorry.

I'm such an idiot tonight!

And I'm gonna shut up. No.

Mmm.

Can I admit something really strange and disturbing because I'm stoned?

Please.

Okay...

Um, this is gonna sound...

Okay, wow.

Okay, the main... not the main reason, but a big reason that I married Kathy...

Was that she was your sister.

I always thought that if I could be married to you, everything would be okay.

But that wasn't gonna happen, right?

So there was your sister.

She wasn't as pretty as you, but she wore her hair longer then.

And from certain angles I could kind of imagine that she was you.

So I married her.

Huh.

How's that working out for you?

Not so well.

Where were you?

Having a cigarette. Don't start.

I wasn't going to say a word.

Back from my walk!

God, he's obsessed. He walks even in a blizzard.

So, I spent a few minutes with Dennis.

He seems all right, considering.

Yeah, he's all right.

So, the new school is working out, then.

In its way, yes.

Okay, sweetheart.

She's right here. Hang on a sec.

Laura? It's for you. It's mel.

Mel? Why is he calling me here?

He said he's been trying to find you all day, so he decided to try here.

Hello?

You gotta be picking up your messages, kid.

I can't be hunting you down like this when I need you.

Sorry. What's up?

How well do you know this girl who worked with Bob...

Julie Cantoni?

What about her?

The other side called her in for a deposition.

Tomorrow afternoon. Any idea why?

She's the one, right? She's the girl?

Laura?

Yeah.

Yeah, well, don't sweat it too much, kid.

I mean, really...

Even if she does tell, it won't kill the case.

It just might make them feel more bold, that's all.

Meaning what? Oh, I don't know.

These things are such psych-out games.

The worst case is they lowball us on the settlement and we're forced to go win this thing in court.

Now, how well do you know this Julie character?

Think she'll say anything?

I don't... Are you eating?

The thing is, our life would be a lot easier if she didn't say anything at all about...

You know...

But what are you gonna do?

It is what it is, right? What can we do?

I know it's late. I'm gonna let you go, Laura.

Have a good night.

So, what's going on?

What?

With the lawsuit. How far along is it?

Um, it's...

I think I'm gonna drop it, actually.

Drop it? Now? Why?

Kathy, I hate this thing so much.

I can't keep...

I just need to move forward, you know?

That's insane, Laura!

I know that this isn't fun, but right now it's your whole financial future!

I can figure out a way to manage. People do it.

We can move into an apartment or...

No, but you're so far into it now!

Mel said the depositions are almost over!

If you know that, why did you just ask me how far along it was?

I don't know all the details.

I ran into him at a party and he mentioned it. That's all I know.

Kathy, why don't you just do it?

Why don't you sue Dr. Bronstein and tell me how it all comes out, okay?

Oh, will you just grow up! What? It was your idea in the first place!

I'm obviously just getting in the way here!

Oh, I am so sick of this family treating me like an overbearing witch!

My brother-in-law was killed by an incompetent doctor...

Am I not supposed to care?

You care too much.

Do you care at all?

Go to hell.

Because I really wonder sometimes...

Do you even slightly appreciate what you got when you married Bob?

What you were lucky enough to get?

"Lucky"?

Yeah, lucky.

Being pretty is luck, Laura, that's all it is.

McDare and Arnold?

Yeah, this is Julie. Who's this?

Um, I don't, uh...

I mean, I really wanna help you, Mrs. Pehlke.

It's just that lawyer guy said it's, like, illegal to...

No, I know.

Well he just said if I don't tell the tru...

Okay.

Okay, I will.

♪ God bless America ♪

♪ Land that I love ♪

♪ Stand beside her ♪

♪ And guide her ♪

♪ Through the night with the light from above ♪

♪ From the mountains to the prairies ♪

♪ To the oceans white with foam ♪

♪ God bless America ♪

♪ My home sweet home ♪

♪ God bless America ♪

♪ My home sweet home ♪

Lucky Laura.


Brian, hi.

Hi. Hey, Laura.

Hi, sorry I'm late. Hey, don't worry about it.

I missed it a couple of times. I didn't know it was in a...

Really? I think I said that when we spoke the other night.

Did you? Yeah.

Oh, well, I'm here. Yeah.

Hi. Hi.

Hi.

Take a seat. Thanks.

Oh.

I'm glad you changed your mind about getting together.

To be honest, I didn't expect to hear from you.

Well, you did.

Yeah, and you look pretty great.

Thanks.

It's probably making a delivery or something.

You know how those trucks are.

Hey, guys. Can I get you something to drink?

Beer, glass of wine?

Double vodka on the rocks.

Yeah, um, same. I'll take the same.

All right, coming up. Thanks.

So...

What do you do again?

Do I smell oatmeal and salad?

Oh, yeah! Oh!

Oh, you fucking bitch!

Tell me I'm the best! I'm the fucking best, right?

Yeah! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh. Oh.

Oh, yeah. Ahh.

Well, I certainly would, if my own room had been...

Oh, yeah.

God damn! Phew!

Wow.

Damn.

Hey, hey, can you not light that in here?

My mother died of lung cancer.

Yeah, well, my husband died in 9/11.


Mrs. Pehlke?

Yeah?

Oh, hi.

I just wanted to make sure that was you and not a burglar or something.

Yeah. I just need to go change.

Dennis is... What?

Oh, just, Dennis is in the den, watching TV.

He finished all of his homework except for the math.

I didn't even understand it, so I couldn't really help him. Can I show you?

See? It's like metric conversion stuff.

We never even learned this at Schreiber.

It's like decimeters and stuff.

I told him you might know it because I figured you learned it at hygienist school, maybe.

Hey, mom.

I'm showing her the math.

She won't know it. Maybe she will.

Did you? What?

Did you learn metric conversion in dental hygienist school?

Uh, yeah. I don't know.

Listen, Amanda, you can go. What do I owe you?

Twenty, but I was gonna do the dishes first.

Oh, no, that's okay, you can just leave.

I would've done them before, but the homework thing slowed me down.

It'll only take a minute.

Hey, mom, this kid from school asked me to go to his birthday party tomorrow.

Can you take me? It's in Glen Cove.

I think so. I have to meet with the lawyer tomorrow. I don't know what time.

Please, just leave them. You know what my mom says?

When you babysit, leave the kitchen cleaner than...

Leave them!

Leave 'em.

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

Good night, Dennis.

See ya.

What's with you?

Where did you even go tonight?

I went out with a friend. Now go to bed.

Did something bad happen?

God damn it, why won't you just shut up?

I just asked if... Please stop! Please!

Mom! I didn't... It's the dog!

It's the fucking dog!


Hey! Douchebag!

You want the ball? You want the ball?

Come on! Get the ball! Get the ball! That's right!

Get the ball! That's right! Get the ball!

Hey, asshole! Fetch!

Hey! Hey! What are you doing?!

Why are you doing that to my dog?!

Oh, shit! Come back here!

Ginger! I saw what you did!

Go get my dog! That's my dog! Ginger!

I saw what you did! I saw what you did!

You come back here!

Mrs. Cosolito, what happened?

Your son tried to kill my dog! He tried to kill my dog!

What?! Dennis!

Where's the dog?

I don't know, she ran after the ball!

She's never been out of that yard, she'll get lost! She'll get killed!

Good! That stupid dog should get killed!

What kind of mother raises a monster like that?!

You're a terrible mother! A terrible mother! I hear things!

Fuck you! Shut up!

You shut up! Haven't you done enough already?!

Find my dog!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll find her.

Find Ginger, or I'll tell the police!

I have a nephew with the nassau county police!

I'll tell him what your son did!

I'll tell him what kind of a mother you are!

What kind of monster you raised!

Ginger!

Ginger!


You suck!

And this... cannot...

Be... in my... house!

What are you gonna do? Huh? Tell everyone the truth?

Go ahead, I don't care! No! I don't care!

You can tell people that your father was Spiderman, I don't give a shit!

You are such an asshole to me! I don't care any more!

Good! You suck, anyway! You suck! You!


This offer is bullshit. It's just bullshit.

Can I see it?

No, 'cause it's bullshit.

Can I see it?

You wanna see bullshit?

I wanna see the paper.

It's 150,000.

That's a big "go fuck yourself."

We can thank bush for that, that vicious little prick.

He's got his buddies down there in the insurance companies playing so rough now...

I wanna get a response back to them today.

I'll take it.

No, you're not gonna take it, Laura.

When someone says, "go fuck yourself" you don't go fuck yourself, do you?

Sometimes.

Listen to me, the courts in this district are solidly pro-plaintiff.

We will win this judgment, it's just might get a little bloody, that's all.

They're gonna bring up Bob's affair with the girl.

She told?

Yeah. Yeah, she tried to lie, but they tripped her up.

It was kinda comical, actually.

But don't worry about it, trust me, okay?

In fact, I think it's gonna make the jury more sympathetic to you.

Mel, 150 is enough. I can manage on that.

Laura... I just want this to be over!

Laura! We're gonna win this case, okay?

God damn it!

Do you wanna live hand-to-mouth?

Don't you want a little security here?

Let's think about David here, huh?

Dennis.

How long's it gonna take?

Two years, maybe three.


Everyone thinks the pitcher has the ball, but really the first baseman has the ball, and everything's going good for the other team.

Cool party, huh?

Uh, yeah.

So everything's going good. There's a man on first and a man on third.

I may not be able to stay the whole time.

Me and my mom were maybe gonna head down to Ground Zero a little later.

Cool.

But if the pitcher goes on the rubber, then it's a balk, and then you get your base.

You get a free base.

So when the runner takes his lead...

We've got news and weather comin' up, but right now, Jerry Rafferty on WCLX Classics.

Enough of this Dion shit, let's get Avril Lavigne down here, huh?

Avril Lavigne? Are you listening to this?

What? I'd bang her. Put a bag over her head first, but...

You wouldn't need to. There'd already be a bag over your head.

Ho! Ho!

Comedy!

Paul?

Yeah, Rhonda?

You have kind of a weird call on line two.

Who?

She wouldn't say her name.

Sounded like she was crying.

Ooh, maybe the hooker from the Queensborough bridge.

The tranny!


Hi.

So, what's going on?

We used to all skate here. Remember?

Yeah.

The security guy told me they're not opening it at all this year.

They're gonna redo the whole thing.

So is that why you called me here?

No. I went...

I went to a bar. I shouldn't have called you.

I'm sorry.

It's okay. Hey.

What did you wanna tell me?

I can't. I can't, Paul.

Just tell me. Hey, it's okay.

It's okay. What?

I wish I would've returned your tennis ball.

In high school?

When you said, "a little help"?

I wish I would've helped.

We had a whole basket of balls.

But I didn't help. I didn't help.

I didn't do anything I should've done back then.

I didn't understand anything back then.

I didn't understand anything until about two months ago, and now...

Now, what?

I don't know. It's just...

You know like when you said you had those feelings for me, like, if you were with me, everything would be okay?

Yeah.

Now... It's the reverse.

It's the reverse.

We were just 20 years too late.


God, you're such a beautiful girl, Laura.


We should get out of here.

Yeah.

Oh, this bites. Why do I have to be here, anyway?

Because he's your cousin and he went to your birthday party.

That's 'cause you invited him.

I don't know any kids here, mom. They all go to his school.

Well, I have errands, so you're here.

Deal with it. I'll see you at 5:00.

Ugh.

What are you doing?

I need gas.

I've been below "E" since yesterday. I'll never make it home.

You want me to pull over and wait?

No, just go on to my house. I'll be two minutes behind you.

Okay.

Laura?

Hi.

Nancy Feldman.

Hi.

Seth Feldman's mother.

Our sons were in the same group at day camp this summer.

Oh, right! Hi, hi.

Hi.

So, how ya been doing?

Oh, okay.

Laura, I was so shocked when seth came home from camp that day and told me that Dennis' father had, you know...

Died. Yeah.

Heart attack, right?

Arrhythmia.

I'm so sorry.

How's Dennis dealing with it?

He's okay.

He's at Newbury Friends this year.

It's been good for him.

Oh, Newbury Friends?

My husband's cousin's son goes there... Adam Walton.

In fact, I just dropped Seth off at his birthday party.

Oh, yeah, Dennis is there. He's at the party.

He is?

What a small world! Is that funny? Is that funny?

Yes, it is. It is funny.

Oh, in fact, it's actually a Godsend because seth didn't know any other kids there.

And I'm sure that Dennis will be surprised to see one of his camp friends, huh?

Yes, he...

Oh my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, God.

What? Are you okay?

Oh, God. Oh, God.


Hey, I know that kid. I went to camp with him.

What's with the tattoo?

His father died in 9/11.

Huh? Where'd you hear that?

Oh, my God. You gotta be kidding me. Come on! Come on!


There she is...

I have him waiting for you over there.

Disgraceful...


It's all right.

Oh.

It's all right. It's all right. It's all right.

It's all right. It's all right. It's all right. It's all right.

It's all right. It's all right.

It's all right.


Hello?

Paul?

Anyone home?

Daddy?

Oh, hello, sweetheart.

Ooh.

Where's your mother?

Um, Kathy's car is gone. Did they go out?

Oh, right, the girls went out shopping.

It is saturday, right?

Yeah.

Are you looking at old pictures?

Yeah, a little stroll down memory lane.

What the hell else do I have to do?

God. Look at us.

We're so young.

I tell ya, blink of an eye.

I remember a moment here, a moment there.

The rest...

Gone in the breeze.

Look at you, though. Oh, God, such a beauty.

Much prettier than your sister.

Don't tell her I said so.

You've told her... Many times.

Yeah, yeah, but always while I was complimenting her on something else, like her organizational skills.

Which are first-rate, by the way.

You were always my pride and joy.

Such a free spirit.

I don't think your mom or Kath ever really appreciated that about you.

But you did.

Yeah, sure.

Then why didn't you stick up for me more?

Hey, look at this... That's me and Tom Seaver, right after the Mets won the '69 series, and Seaver's pouring champagne on me.

No, look, 'cause Paul is always saying how Seaver was pouring champagne on Howard Cosell, but look, look how wet my sport jacket is, huh?

The point is, sweetie, I was there.

I got my story. Front page.

I know.

I'm not talking about the sports section, I mean the whole paper.

I know.

Honey, listen to me, nobody handed that to me.

'Cause when all is said and done, everybody has to make their own way through.

I don't know.

That's just the way it is.

I love you, daddy.

Yeah.

Where's Paul?

I don't know.

He came in, then he said he had to go for a walk.


I didn't know you could play.

I can't.

I just taught myself this one riff when I was in high school, so people would go, "hey, man, you're good, keep playing," at which point I would decline, appearing to be admirably humble about my musical gift.

Did it work?

I never had the guts to actually try it.

This was my first chance, and I blew it.

So there you go.

I knew you weren't gonna show up, Laura.

I'm so sorry, Paul. No, it's okay.

Don't apologize.

It's funny, I had this feeling as soon as I pulled away from the gas station.

Like it was inevitable.

Something happened.

Well, inevitable things always do.

That's how they get their name, right?

You helped me so much, Paul.

Well, truth be told,