A Touch of Class (1973) Script

That away, yes, sir. That's one.

Let's go, boy. Let's go, baby.

Come on then. Check to him.

Man: Go, go, go!

Safe!

That's it. Come on.

Pitch it in.

Man: Run, run, run!

Fair ball!

Fair ball? That ball was foul, you blind son of a bitch!

It was that side of the tree!

By 5 yards that ball was foul!

What the hell do we have a tree for?

Why do we have a tree if the ball falls 5 yards that side, and you still call it fair?

Give me my ball.

Give me my kid... huh?

If you've finished trampling on him, that is.

Oh, right.

Thank you.

Come on.

There you go, pal.

You all right?

Can I have my ball? What?

You're holding my ball.

Oh, your ball.

Thanks. Any time.

What about your ball?

Come on.

♪ what he has is pure pizzazz ♪

♪ plus a touch of class 0 ♪

♪ it's all there, that expertise ♪

♪ plus a touch of class 0 ♪ 

♪ & he walks in and grins that grin ♪

♪ 7 and they all fall en amasse ♪

♪ got to be the total he ♪

♪ plus a touch of class 0 ♪

♪ & you'll find you'll adore her cool ♪

♪ plus that touch of class 20 ♪

♪ 5&8 want to toast the maxi most ♪

♪ I'm simply raise your glass ♪

♪ uninvolved "cause he's resolved ♪

♪ into hit and run them past ♪

♪ & so he thought till he got caught. ♪

♪ it by a touch of class ♪»

♪ & so he thought till he got caught. ♪

♪ in by a touch of ♪

♪ 58 just a touch too much of ♪

♪ mine just a touch of class? ♪

Cab! Cab!

Taxi!

Oh.

Oh. Share it?

Why not?

Man: Where to?

Where to?

80 grovenor street, please.

Lady's going to 80 grovenor street.

I'll be going on.

That is exactly 60 pence with the tip.

Forget it.

It's the right amount. I take this trip every day.

Not necessary.

How kind. I'll buy a house in the country.

Terrible weather.

Oh, filthy.

If you live in London, you have to expect it.

Do you live in London?

I do. - Me too.

Really? Five years.

Good lord. Practically a native.

Last habitable city in the world, London; Wouldn't you say?

Yes, I would.

You can do anything you like. Nobody bothers you.

No.

My name is Steven Blackburn.

Vickie Allessio.

Oh, sounds Italian.

It's my husband's name.

Were those your kids in the park?

Yes.

Nice-looking little boys.

Thank you, but one of those little boys is a little girl.

Oh, I see.

I suppose your husband likes to sleep late on Sundays.

Yes, he does.

I suppose you like to go home and cook him a nice breakfast.

No.

Don't you like to cook?

I love to cook. Doesn't he like to eat?

He loves to eat.

I-I don't understand.

We have different kitchens... His is in Milan.

That's a shame.

Please don't cry. He found another cook.

Oh.

Thank you very much.

Mrs. Allessio?

You have a very good memory.

What about tea? “When?

Tomorrow?

Fine.

The Churchill.

Oh, great. See you then.

What time?

Um, 4:00.

You sure it won't break up your day?

Don't cross-examine me in the rain.

I'll be there wet, but I'll be there.

Steven:

Just a second, Terry. Good afternoon.

How about lunch tomorrow? We haven't had tea yet.

If I can change one appointment, I can be clear.

I know nothing about you, except you play baseball.

And from the way you played, you obviously don't do that for a living.

I'm in insurance, I'm married, I have two kids, and I'm a Leo.

What about lunch tomorrow???

I think we ought to see how tea goes.

See how tea goes.

I'll talk to you later, Derek.

Who's Derek?

Derek is my male secretary.

Tea for two, please.

And what do you do?

I'm in the rag trade.

Ah, buy or sell?

I steal.

Steal?

I steal designs from Dior, Cardin, Givenchy, and I send them to my boss Mr. Sam Fingleman of New York, who makes them up in very cheap materials.

Sounds like very creative work.

Thank you.

Where'd you learn that, Paris?

No, Italy. I took a course in Milan.

Enter Mr. Allessio, also in the rag trade.

No, he specialized in charm. It comes easy to Italians.

We were married for several years and had two children and three cars, and he kept the cars.

What about child support?

He won't send me anything for the kids if I don't send him something for the cars.

What about your wife?

Good-looking, bright, articulate.

She can start a fire with two pieces of wood.

We've been married for 11 years, and not once in all that time have I ever been unfaithful to her in the same city.

Where is she now?

Out of town. What about lunch?

What do you have in mind? Just lunch.

Where?

I know a cute little continental restaurant.

Italian?

Yeah, continental.

It's discreet, out of the way.

It's sort of a hotel.

It's Avery nice hotel.

It's got good food, great wine...

It's... l mean... it's... it's...

Oh, what the hell? A girl has to eat.

It's difficult to steal in France because they expect you to steal.

Waiter.

I'm boring you.

Not at all.

Why are you asking for the check?

I would've liked coffee.

Of course.

It's just that, um, I've got this friend, and he's got this little, um...

Little place upstairs.

I thought we'd have some coffee and a little, uh...

Cognac?

You've been there before.

I'm wildly guessing.

Well, shall we?

Why not?

Why pay for something when you can get it for free?

Hmm?

I didn't mean that to sound the way it sounded.

Please forget I ever said it.

Certainly.

Where do I go?

This way.

Thank you.

Thank you, sir.

Steven: How long have you been divorced?

About 6 months.

You had 2 kids in the first 3 years?

I had 2 kids in the first 2 years.

Was he Catholic?

No, he wasn't Catholic, and I wasn't careless.

I just wanted those kids, but I don't know, it all suddenly became extremely finis.

Then why'd you keep his name?

It was the only thing he was giving away.

My God, you ask a lot of questions.

People either hate it or love it.

It's about 70/30.

Milk and sugar?

Sugar, please. Sugar.

You know, it's a funny thing...

I can always tell about people.

I know immediately when I'm relating to someone.

I felt it right away with you.

Do you feel it?

Well, I... l must be feeling something.

Otherwise, why am I sitting here when I should be out stealing

"Saint Laurent's" new Autumn line?

Exactly.

Can I say something to you?

In the past two days, you have picked me up in the rain, given me tea, bought me lunch, and lured me to this hideaway with the intention of getting me into bed for what you Americans so charmingly call a quickie.

Is that a fair resume so far?

Why do women always think the worst?

Why does sex always have to be the first thing... yes.

Well, I'll be honest with you...

I'm a divorced woman, I'm under a lot of strain, I am not sleeping too well, and I could do with some uninvolved sex with someone who loves his wife and isn't going to be a pain in the ass when it's over.

This must be your lucky day.

Not in this overworked little joy station where the sheets haven't been changed in a week.

I have to be back in my office in half an hour.

If you would like to arrange a nice weekend somewhere, away from London, preferably in the sun, please do.

I would be very happy to go with you.

Say something. Is it adeal?

Probably do us both a world of good.

You rather more than me.

Terribly sorry. It's all right.

I have another one.


Anything special, Derek?

Uh, no, not really.

Just the weekly sarcastic note from New York.

Donnelly is still wondering why Paris keeps running ahead of us on sales and adjustments.

Also, Braithwaite took his usual upside-down look at this lot, and started measuring your chair size.

Anything else?

Isn't that enough?

Would you mind getting me one of those continental weather reports?

Continental weather report.

Yeah.


Oh.

Excuse me.

Uh...

What?

Oh. Come in.

Good afternoon.

Got a surprise.

What?

I've arranged us a week in Spain.

Could you just move? Because I'm trying to sketch, and I can't actually see through you.

A week? I said a weekend.

You can't just spend a weekend in Spain.

Who's going to look after my children?

Who's going to run this place?

You'll love it... Warm winds, great food, buffet right by the swimming pool, big soft towels...

You can see Gibraltar.

I would adore to see Gibraltar, but I have a dog that needs exercise, a cat that is losing its hair, and a model who can't stand straight.

Maggie, please.

There are no problems that we cannot overcome.

Why aren't you at the airport?

Because, my dear Mrs. Allessio, I am only mortal.

I'm not "Apollo".

God gave me hands, not wings.

What an oversight.

Just sign it. I've got a car waiting.

Hello, I'm Cecil Fleurmat. Steven Blackburn.

Buying or selling? Begging.

A customs declaration should be typed.

It'd take forever, sweetie pie.

I only type with one finger, and I've hurt it.

Please don't tell me how.

Vickie, there's a long-distance call for you.

It's New York.

Here, get that to the airport.

Teatime, Maggie.

Sam, how are you?

No, I'm fine. Yes.

No. Let them run the ad.

They'll be there 11:00 your time.

Listen, Sam, are you standing up?

Well, then sit down because I know you very well, and what I'm about to say will get you terribly excited.

Guess where I'm going tomorrow? Spain.

Marbella. - Marbella.

It's near Malaga.

It's near Malaga.

No, no, I'm not going alone.

I'm going with a fella, a very classy fella.

That doesn't make you excited?

Oh, you're getting old because it excites the hell out of me.

Yes, I will. I will do that.

Yes, goodbye.

I told him you're a classy fellow. Are you?

Got to be. I live around the corner from disraell.

There we are. Thank you.

Come on, Josie.

Well, here we are at last.

Gently does it, Gloria.

Thanks, daddy.

Don't you think we should've wired Steve we were coming?

Why spoil his fun? This way, he'll have a lovely surprise.

Good afternoon.

I'm Miss Ramos. Can I help you, sir?

My name is Blackburn.

Reservations... 2 round trip tickets to Malaga, night flight tonight.

Thank you, Mr. Blackburn. I'll just check.

The seats are available, sir.

Oh. Charge mine to my travel card.

I'll pay for the other one in cash.

Why not charge both tickets, Mr. Blackburn?

See, this is a business card.

I charge my ticket to the business.

They pay for it, and the other is a surprise vacation trip for my mother.

What is your mother's name?

Vickie. Vickie Allessio.

Allessio?

She remarried. I'll get the tickets.

Here you are, sir...

One for Mr. Blackburn and one for Mrs. Allessio.

Oh, I'll take that. I'm Mrs. Allessio.

Happy mother's day.

Just tell me one thing.

Why do you have to leave tonight, on the very day mommy and daddy arrive for a visit?

When the S.S. Saramigoso rammed into the S.S. Antonio, ripping out its double-headed corkscrew turbine rotor shaft, they didn't know about mommy and daddy's visit, or I'm sure they would've avoided each other.

You could send braithwaite.

That's alli need now.

Why don't you both go down? We didn't come to see you.

We came to be with our babies.

I'd love that, grace, but Gloria hates the place.

She can't stand the wind, the food...

Isn't that right, dear?

We were there last September. It was miserable.

In July, it's gorgeous.

It really is. You'll enjoy it.

Ask her nice, Steve.

You might have yourself a pretty roommate.

Why not try it, dear?

Maybe in July it won't have the wind and the lousy food and the heat and the flies.

Think I can still get a ticket?

And that's another thing... That's easy.

What are you flying? "Iberia".

Want me to call?

No, I'll get it.

You know the number? - Yes. Yes, I do.

If you have any problems, I know Valdez very well.

He runs the outfit. He'd be glad to help you.

If I need him, I'll call him.

Hello, iberia, this is Mr. Blackburn.

I made a reservation...

Miss Ramos: Hello, this is Miss Ramos.

Oh, you're still on.

Yes, our night girl got sick.

I need one more ticket on your Malaga flight.

It's for Mrs. Blackburn.

Your grandmother? My wife.

We can confirm that reservation, Mr. Blackburn.

The party will be you, your wife, and your mother.

Thank you, Miss Ramos.

Well...

That's that.

Come on, dear, we'd better pack.

Just close the door, please.

Come on, dog. Quick, quick.

"Si" a lovely ride in the car  in you go. All right, cat.

Good.

Oh, dog, when are you going to learn to walk?

Oh...

God, you're heavy.

Oh...

Are you a mad thing? What are you doing?

My mother is allergic to cats, dogs, and birds.

See you next week.

But I've got a dog and a cat and a bird.

Then you'll have 2 dogs, 2 cats, and 2 birds.

You'll have 2 of everything, Cecil.

Are they housebroken?

I can only vouch for the bird.

Oh, my god.

Come along, shim.

Gloria. - Mm-hm?

Have I ever criticized you about the way you raise the children?

No. Never.

This time I think you're blowing it.

We're going to come back to two really screwed-up kids.

You know what your folks are like...

Bicycles for this, roller skates for that.

They bribe them for affection.

Remember when Billy came back from a month with them?

The kid wouldn't smile until I gave him $3.

There's a time when you think of yourself, and there's a time when you think of the children.

What's iberia's number?

I'll do it, dear.

I suppose there is only one practical solution.

That's right.

Hello, "Iberia"? Miss Ramos?

We'll take the kids with us.

This is Mr. Blackburn, and we'll take the kids with us.

Take the kids with us?

You're right. They'll be better off with us.

Are you serious?

I'll make some excuse to mommy and daddy.

Well, make the reservation, darling.

Miss Ramos, I'd like to add two to that party...

My son and my daughter.

They're just little children, miss ramos.

Do you take little children that late at night?

Oh, you do.

Yes, Mr. Blackburn, and I can confirm that for you now.

Thank you.

Right.

We've just been confirmed.

Oh, good.

And please make sure they clean their teeth.

Bye.

It's the airport, please.

Maria, get the children up and packed.

We're taking them to marbella.

Maria, lay out their beach things.

I'll check it all out in a moment, okay?

I'll go help Maria. Just a second.

Hello, "Iberia"? Miss Ramos? This is Mr. Blackburn again.

I want 2 more seats...

For a Mr. and Mrs. Wendell Thompson.

Yes, my father-in-law and my mother-in-law.

What are you doing?

You don't think they came all the way to England to give up a chance to spoil their grandchildren, do you?

They're going to be down on the next plane.

Oh, god, it's turning into a pilgrimage.

I know.

You better go down alone.

I think that makes sense, dear.

Miss Ramos, cancel my mother-in-law, my father-in-law, my wife, and my children.

Just you and mother.

Roger.

You free?

Um, it's "Iberia". There's a lot.

If you went around, it might be easier.

How much do I owe you? - 2 quids.

Goodbye. Bye.

Thanks very much. Cheers.


Hey, Steve! Steve!

Over here, it's Walter.

Steve: Hello, Walter.

How you doing?

Where you headed? Malaga?

Yeah. So am I.

Who you with?

Nobody.

Good. We'll sit together on the plane.

Oh, swell. Walter: That's terrific.

I hate to sit with strangers on a plane.

They try to tell you the story of their life.

They really annoy you.

Gloria all right?

Fine, great. And the children?

Children are great, great, great.

Say, look, Steve, while I got you here, there is something I wanted to talk to you about.

I got this screenplay ready to shoot.

It's a western with "weirdos".

Got these "Apaches", see, and they start sucking this "peyote" root.

Drives them all out of their gourds, everyone starts banging everyone else.

It's got everything... Pot, sex, massacres, orgies.

You can take the whole family.

It's going to cost about $600,000.

Think Gloria's old man would like to go in for a couple hundred thou?

What?

The picture... I just told you.

Oh, sorry, Walter, that's my deaf side.

Do you think Gloria's father would like to invest a quarter of a million dollars in my new picture? No.

Are you sure?

I'm positive, Walter. He's been approached before.

You know something?

I liked you better before, when you couldn't hear me.

Hl. Good evening.

I ordered a car, a Fiat 124.

Oh, yes, senior Blackburn.

If you'll complete the papers, I'll get the keys.

A Fiat 124 is really a Fiat.

Yes.

It's not a bad car. It will hold all the luggage that you put into it.

Don't talk to me. What?

Don't look at me.

What's the matter? - Walter: Hey, Steve-boy!

That's what's the matter.

Hi, Walter.

Son of a bitch.

Boy, you'd think those customs guys would know me by now.

What a mess. Excuse me, miss.

I beg your pardon.

Stand by, pal. I may need you.

I'm Walter Menkes of "Menkes films".

I'd like a Fiat 124.

Woman: I am very sorry, senior. We have not one car left.

Oh. Oh, you got a car.

Huh? - A car.

Oh, yeah.

Good, you can give me a lift.

Oh, you can find him a car. He's a friend of mine.

What's the sweat? You drop me off at "Los Monteros".

They've got cars. - Listen, it's right on your way.

Patty and the kids are waiting.

What about those cars out there?

They are all reserved, senior.

But you must have something.

We do have a Fiat "600" that has just been returned, but I'm a little bit nervous about the clutch.

He'll take it. What do you mean?

Do you know what a "600" is?

Yeah, I know... it's a kiddie car.

It's this big. - Oh, Walter.

You got to step outside to shift gears.

You don't drive it. You mail it.

You put it in the water, it becomes an outboard motor.

All right, Walter. You take my car.

I'll take the "600".

This is stupid. ...It's not stupid.

It is stupid. I'll drop you off.

We'll have a nice ride, pleasant talk.

It's no good, Walter. “Why not"?

I've got a trick back. If someone else drives, it could easily go right into spasm.

Spasm? Spasm.

You know, you're a very sick fellow with the ear and the spasms.

Walter, it's 2:00 in the morning.

I gotta drive 2 hours. Please take the car.

Can I at least buy you a meal?

Sure. Tonight?

Great. Dinner?

Fine. Why should you be alone?

Just you, me, Patty, and the boys.

We'll have a fun evening.

After dinner, I will read you the screenplay.

Oh, I look forward to it, Walter.

Uh, miss, can I give you a lift?

Thank you. I'm being met.

Oh.

You should go. It sounds like a lot of fun.

What is this?

Where do I sign?

Here.

Ever been in one of these?

In Italy when I was younger...

And shorter.

Can you manage this?

Yeah, on my knee. Anything else?

Well, there's this.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Now, remember, sir, if the clutch gives you any trouble, you change in "Mar Villa".

I'll keep it in mind.

Have a pleasant trip.

Bye-bye. "Adios". Thank you.

That's second. It's an Italian gearbox.

Oh. Oh, thanks.

No, no, that's third. First is up here.

See, you...

Oh, I see. That's it.

Good thing you're here.

Ready? Yes.

Nervous? No.

That's my girl.

It's a nice little car. It spins right along.

You're still in first.

Oh, I see.

Use the clutch.

Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.

There's a car coming.

Okay.

There's a truck. It's trying to pass you.

Go around!

You're still in third.

Would you like to drive? No.

You're sure? Positive.

Good.

Besides, I didn't bring my license.

For God's sake.

You'd think there'd be a "porter" or something.

Hey, listen, leave this stuff here, and I'll come back for it.

It's all right. I've always wanted long arms.

Are you all right?

Steve: I'm all right.


Good morning, sir.

My name is Blackburn. This is Mrs. Allessio.

We wanted a suite.

Moment, sir.

I am sorry, Mr. Blackburn, but there's no reservation for a suite.

It's a room, a double room.

Any objections?

Anything, as long as it has a view of Gibraltar.

We will see Gibraltar?

Yes sir.

This way, please.


Just one moment, please. What is that?

What is what?

Does Gibraltar have washing hanging all over it?

What are you talking about?

Because if it doesn't, we don't have a view of Gibraltar.

What do we have a view of?

Roughly, I'd say the laundry.

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

They don't even have big laundries down here.

What is that out there?

It's the laundry.

It's the laundry.

I told you we want to see Gibraltar.

We want a room with a view of Gibraltar, comprende?

Yes sir.


What we'd like, senor, is a room with a view and a toilet with a seat.

That's not asking too much, is it?


Vickie.

Hmm?

Why don't we unpack in the morning?

Aren't you tired?

Only of unpacking.

I see.

Very well.


Would you like that light on or off?

Whichever you prefer.

How about on? Certainly.

Would you do me a very big favor?

I thought that's what I was doing.

Would you mind getting on the other side?

What's wrong with this side?

Nothing. It's more natural for me being on that side.

I don't want to make an international incident, but it's more natural for me this side.

We always started this way.

We? - Me and my Italian.

You see, he had this tennis elbow and a bad shoulder, and, anyway, I just got used to this side.

It doesn't work for me.

Why not?

I'm deaf in my left ear.

What's that got to do with it?

I won't be able to hear you.

I'm not going to say very much.

You're going to breathe, aren't you, sometimes?

That sounds pretty good.

Who knows? A word of encouragement may slip out at the right moment. It could do wonders.

What?

Shall I walk around?

Oh, well, why don't you just slip over, and I'll slide under?

No, I think it's better if I slip under, and you slide over.

Why don't we just roll toward each other?

It's getting awfully late.

Why don't you just get on top and hope for the best?

Well, I've heard it put more romantically.

Indeed.

Christ, you're beautiful.

My god, you can see Gibraltar.

Where?

What's the matter?

Spasm. I'm in spasm. What?

What do you mean?

Either you're in spasm, or you're not in spasm, and I'm in spasm.

Oh, my god. - Oh, boy.

What do I do? I don't know.

I think you better call the doctor.

Yeah, get the doctor. Oh, don't move.

Please don't move.

How do I get the doctor if I don't move?

Very slowly, that's all. Very slowly.

Please calm down.

Oh, god.

Man on radio: Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.

Another beautiful day on the costa del sol...

Oh, god...

Look, I can't reach the phone.

If you can just...

Steve: Please. Please get the phone. Please.

I've got the phone, I've got the phone.

Ow.

Help!

What's "doctor" in Spanish?

What is Spanish for "doctor"?

The Doctor.

Are you sure?

I think so. It sounds Italian.

Well, maybe it's Italian. It's foreign.

You tell them.

Please, please, I'm in spasm.

Could you... Could you send a doctor?

Man: Easy, easy.

Gently, gently.

Now, what precisely were you doing when this thing happened?

Well, I..l was just sort of...

We were making love.

We were making love.

So in the middle of making love with this woman, you turned to see Gibraltar, "si"?

"Si".

I see.

Now I am going to turn you over, so relax.

Very gently, gently.

It's coming, it's coming.

Relax. That's it. Would you give me a hand with the foot?

A hand with the foot?

Yes, give him a hand with the foot.

Thank you.

Now very gently.

Relax, relax.

How do you feel?

Better.

Better.

Good.

Now you can put him back in the bed.

Thank you.

All right.

Okay, easy.

Oh.

Vickie: How's that?

Give him this.

This?

To sleep.

To sleep.

Rest good, and do not try to make love again until you can touch your toes.

Touch my toes?

Like this.

Then everything will be all right.

Bye.

Bye. Bye.

Bye. Vickie: Thanks.

Doctor: Bye. Steve: Bye.

Vickie: Thanks.

Thank you.

Can I have the pills, please?

How are you enjoying the trip so far?

Nice, nice.

That's what I thought.

Mmm. Oh.

Aren't you going to get under the covers?

No.

Nice, nice.

Boy: Mom, come on, get me one of these.

All the guys have one.

Woman: No, no, no, no, no.

Boy: Why not, mom?

Excuse me. Do you speak english?

I try, but I'm an American.

Well, I have a son about the same size as yours.

Could I borrow him for a minute?

Oh, you can have him all day if you want to.

Thanks very much. Do you mind? Thank you.

Are you British? Yes.

From London?

Me, too. We've been living there for years.

What did you say your name was?

Well, I didn't, but it's Allessio, Vickie Allessio. Thanks.

Where are you staying? ..."Guadalmina".

Maybe you and Mr. Allessio would have dinner with my husband and me.

Well, that's very kind of you, but I'm afraid I'm right out of Mr. Allessios.

Oh, well, hey, are you here alone?

Um, yes, yes.

That makes it easier.

Well, it doesn't actually, you see, because...

Thank you...

I'm here for sort of a rest.

And I'm on a diet, and, well, you know how it is.

Thanks for the use of the chest. Bye-bye.

Oh, Mrs. Allessio.

How do you spell that?

2 I's, 2 s's, and I'm out a lot.

Nerd!


Hello.

How are you feeling?

I can touch my toes.

Can you?

Oh.

Oh.

You do realize I have just greased myself with two tubes of very expensive suntan oil?

I couldn't help noticing.

Mmm.

Pardon me for asking, but did you always get what you want when you wanted it?

Even before I knew what to do with it.

Listen, if we're going to eat, and I really think we...

Are you still asleep?

I feel marvelous.

I fell asleep before I could say thanks.

Oh.

How do you feel?

Fine, but they do stop serving lunch in 10 minutes.

Everything okay? - Mmm-hmm.

I booked a table, but you know what they're like.

You know what I mean. How was it for you?

Very nice.

Very nice? Yes.

Just very nice?

Well, what's wrong with very nice?

Well, "very nice" is hardly the phrase to describe two bodies locked in heavenly transport.

You wouldn't chisel "very nice" in granite under rodin's "the kiss."

"Very nice" is when you receive a get-well card from your butcher or the television repairman.

That's very nice, but for what we just did, the operational comments range from "lousy" to "sensational,"

"the rockets went off," or "the earth moved."

Oh, for god's sake. These things take time.

This is a body, not a machine.

You don't just press a button, and pow! The earth moves. =it moved for me.

Well, lucky you.

My god, you're all the same...

This obsession with male sexual prowess.

It's so typically American.

Oh, is it?

It is, if you don't mind me telling you.

I don't mind you telling me, not a bit.

It's just that phrase I can't stand, "typically American." Why not?

There's no such thing as typically American.

It's a big place, America.

Which typically American Americans do you mean, the cab drivers in New York?

The coal miners in Pennsylvania?

The students at Berkeley?

The mormons in Utah, the Harlem globetrotters?

How about the daughters of the American revolution?

Are those the ones you mean? I'll tell you something.

They're all throwing rocks at each other.

The only thing that's typically American about the 200 million Americans is that they never do anything typically alike, and that goes for humping, too.

You ought to know that.

Well, of course.

I've had it off with all 200 million of them!

Don't be an idiot.

Why are you so angry? The earth moved for you.

I've never seen anyone change so fast in my whole life.

I haven't changed.

I'm the same sweet sex-crazed typical American I was 20 minutes ago.

And just remember this...

There is no better way for amanto start the day than with that bracing, glowing, ego-building feeling of knowing that he has just struck out in the sack.

"Struck out in the sack," is, I assume, a mixed metaphor, undoubtedly American, and probably nasty.

It'll do.

And may I point out, as you have never noticed women are different from men?

They require time, a little sensitivity.

English women.

All women!

Anybody but a superannuated boy scout would know that.

End of conversation!

Ha! - Oh, boy.

"Oh, boy," what?

Nothing.

It just takes time to know a person.

It certainly does.

Time and trouble.

Lots of time and lots of trouble.

Right. Do you want lunch?

Just a sandwich. I'm going to play golf.

Good. I'll trail along.

You don't have to.

No, but I can use the exercise.

I'll say. God knows you didn't get any this morning.


Okay, Enrique, $100 for the first nine, $100 for the second, and $100 for the 18.

Understands? - Yes sir.

"Mucho bene". - I shall win, though.

Are you gambling with this child?

It's not gambling.

These kids have a lot of Spanish pride.

So instead of tipping him, ilet him win a little.

Oh, so he wins, does he?

Yeah, if he can.

I see.

What is that supposed to mean?

What is what supposed to mean?

"I see." That supercilious cold-assed english way of saying "I see."

It means I'm delighted the boy has a chance to win.

I would hate to witness a spectacle of a grown man who has to beat an 8-year-old.

He's 13, he smokes, goes with a flamenco dancer, and he gives me 2 shots aside.

Be.

You going to count that? You play 4.

She was talking.

You lie 3. You play 4.

You know, winning is not that important, Enrique.

You learn that as you go through life.

That's right, Enrique. It's how you play the game.

Nice shot.

Nice shot.

Vickie: Alright.

Try and stay off the green, will you?

What is it?

My cousins would like to bet on me.

Your cousins? - "Si" starting from here? - "Si".

$100, $100, $1007? - "Si".

And they're going to give me two shots aside?

"Si". - Okay, it's their money.

Enrique: Senior, my cousins' friends would like to bet on me.

Steve: Your cousins' friends would like to bet on you?

Enrique: "Si". - Steve: Same action as before?

Enrique: "Si". - Steve: Okay, kid.

Enrique: Hey, senior.

Steve: What is it?

Enrique: My cousins' friends' cousins would like to bet on me.

Steve: Your cousins' friends' cousins?

Enrique: "Si". Steve: Same action as before?

Enrique: Yes.

Steve: Okay, kid. Get out the way you got in.


Vale.

Yeah!

Excuse me.

Steve: Hey, fellows, what are you doing?

What's all this?

Here is your money.

Ah, forget it. I just got lucky.

You win a few, you lose a few. Here.

Buy the boys a drink.

See you later.

What's bugging you now?

Apart from the fact that you're still in second?

Yeah.

All right, I'll tell you.

This isn't a romantic holiday. It's approving ground.

I think you brought me here for the same reason you had to beat that little child.

You do, huh? - I do, "huh".

I also have a feeling that your wife gives you two shots aside, and she doesn't walk off feeling too happy, either.

Yeah? Since I came here with you and not "Sigmund Freud", which was my 1st mistake, I've had all the amateur analysis I intend to take. Is that clear?

Perfectly, and you're still in second.

Look, I'm going down to malaga to take care of my business.

I figure I'll eat out... alone.

You'll enjoy the company.

Walter: Hey, Steve.

I just called your room.

I wanted to find out if you're still free tonight.

I sure am.

Good. Antonio's at the port, at 8:30.

Good. See you then.

Okay. Where are you going?

Business.

Oh. How's the clutch?

What? - The clutch!

Fine. Okay.

Hello.

Woman: Miss Allessio? Yes.

This is the lady you met this morning, remember?

The one with the little boy. You borrowed his chest.

Yes. How are you?

I was wondering if you'd go to dinner with my husband and me tonight.

That would be very nice.

Great. We'll pick you up about 8:15.

I look forward to it.


Good evening, sir. Mr. Menkes' table.

Hey, Steve. Steve, over here.

Hello, Walter.

Sorry I'm late.

It's all right.

Hello, Patty. - Hiya, Steve.

How are you?

Walter: Steve, this is Vickie Allessio.

You two are in the same hotel.

Vickie, this is Steve Blackburn.

Mr. Blackburn.

Mrs. Allessio.

Well, we're off and running, but you got to be careful.

He's a slow starter, but he finishes fast, so watch yourself. “Wally.

Huh? What's wrong?

They're two healthy, normal people down here on their own.

No ties, no responsibilities.

It makes your mouth water.

Wally.

What would you like to have to drink?

Whatever Mr. Blackburn would like. Whatever Miss Allessio would like.

Well, what about sangria?

Walter: Yeah, they say sangria's great.

Lovely. Fine.

"Camariery"?

It's very Spanish and we're here.

Could I have some water, please?

Oh waiter? "Camariery"?

I was just telling Wally this afternoon, it's such a shame that Steve's wife couldn't come.

You'd just love her. Wouldn't she, Steve?

They'd be crazy about each other.

Really.

Oh, she's such an amazing girl.

She's had every advantage, and you'd never know it.

No pretenses, no airs.

She sounds wonderful.

Why didn't you bring her with you?

I wish I had.

Well, you'd never get Gloria to leave those kids.

She devotes herself to them night and day, especially the little one.

How old is Josie now?

Seven.

Walter: Cute as a button, but she's got a bit of a...

What is it, Steve, a metabolism problem?

Metabolism. - Oh, dear.

So she's a little on the heavy side.

Of course.

Could I have some more wine, please?

Waiter?

But Josie's really a lovely girl, and once she gets finished at the orthodontist's, she's going to be gorgeous.

She has crooked teeth?

I think we can find something more interesting to talk about than my daughter's metabolism rate or fixing her teeth.

We could talk about my kids' teeth, but they never stopped eating long enough to get them fixed.

Did I say something wrong?

Oh, boy.

"Oh, boy" -ing again.

What's bothering Mr. "Sensitive" now?

How would you know about sensitivity, picking on an innocent child?

I did not pick on her. I'm sure she's a lovely girl...

A lovely fat girl with crooked teeth.

They're not crooked. They just overlap.

That's crooked.

Oh, boy.

Let's call a truce, okay?

That's fine by me.

Good. You really are extraordinary.

I've never known a grown man whose feelings could be hurt so easily.

Do you come from a large family?

Yes.

Lots of brothers and sisters?

Mm-hmm. ...There you are then.

Your mother spent too much time with those other children.

What is this, a seminar on family relations?

You finish chopping up my daughter, you start in on my mother?

There you go again. - Well, why not?

It's a strange time for someone to start attacking someone's mother.

I was just talking.

I don't call that just talking, tearing apart a little old lady who never did you any harm.

I don't believe this.

She was a marvelous woman, and I'll tell you this.

We may not have been the richest kids in the neighborhood, but I never went to school with a dirty shirt.

Dear God!

"Polio" shots, first electric blanket on the block, great food in the winter.

You lie there and hack away at a woman like that.

Dear God, suddenly I'm in bed with your mother.

"In bed with my mother"?

That has got to be the most disgusting thing I've ever heard in my life.

What are you doing now?

I am leaving the "sanatorium".

I've had enough therapy.

I'm going back to London tonight.

It'll do us both a world of good.

You bet your ass.

What a washout this has been.

I'm going to press it in my book of memories.

You know what you should have been?

A cestode worm, and do you know why?

A cestode worm has a complete set of male and female sexual organs in each of its 100 sections and spends its whole life copulating with itself.

Wouldn't that be lovely?

You could have taken you away for the weekend.

You would've had you all to yourself!

And all those questions...

"Was I good?" You were wonderful.

"Did the earth move?" The house fell down.

"Am I manly?"

No, but you're a great worm.

You missed your profession...

A worm, humping its way through life, and badly.

Thank you.

Where do you think you're going?

London... it's where I live.

You can leave tomorrow.

Oh, no. I've had this place with you or without you.

Though it means sitting on the same plane, I am going home to my thin children with their straight teeth.

Go tomorrow.

I am going now!

All right.

Okay, but I don't want to hear one more word out of you ever.

Understood?

Perfectly, so listen very clearly, because this is the last thing I will ever say to you: Make a reservation.

Not necessary, and if you're not downstairs in that car in 10 minutes, I am leaving without you.

You can stay here and find another worm and hold another seminar.

Can I help you, sir? Flight 826 to London.

Two tickets, please.

Flight 826 to London is full.

Flight 826 to London is never full.

It is tonight, sir.

When did the last two tickets go?

Just a few moments ago.

Press that in your book of memories.

When is the next plane to London?

11:30 tomorrow morning.

11:30 tomorrow morning?

Can I help you, miss?

Thank you. I'm getting very good at this.

Good night. Good night.

Welcome to the house of mirth.

One phone call. One stupid phone call.

It would have cost you 7 "pesetas".

You could have won that from your "caddie".

Steve: Oh, yeah?

Boy, I've had a bellyful of your chickenshit "innuendos", your snotty insults, your "smartass" needling.

Oh, get stuffed, you big schmuck.

Listen to "Princess Grace" here.

Bertha ballbuster, you're as tender, sweet, and feminine as "Attila the Hun".

You should know.

You should have a uniform and whistle.

You direct traffic in bed, out of bed, on the phone, in the car.

Talk about penis envy. You invented it.

Oh!

Now.

Now.

Man: Don't... don't break the lamps!

Bozo!

Excuse me.

Mind your back!

All right...

You typical... typical American!

Is this a way to treat a hotel?

Okay. Okay.

Don't do it!

Ow!

I'm sorry.

Easy!

Bloody American... typical!

Thank you very much. Good night.

Now, Mr. "Know-all".

Ooh!

Oh!

Damn you!


For God's sake, my one chance to be raped, you can't get your bloody trousers off.


Isn't that Vickie and Steve?

Oh. I guess they're getting together.

I hope we haven't started something.

With Steve? Not a chance.

He's probably selling her a policy.

She just grabbed his arm.

What should she grab? She just met him.

Keep your eye on the bull.

Crowd: "Ole"!

Be!

Be!

Be!


You can't tell me they weren't holding hands.

Oh, you're fantastic.

Two people reach for a peanut at the same time, and right away they're holding hands.

You got a mind like a house detective.

You should know.

Just pass me the potato chips...

After you've checked them out for fingerprints.

Oh, boy.

Got no pajamas with my monogram lo

 ♪ and just like papa, I am what I am 0. ♪ 

♪ but she loves me. ♪

♪ she told me she loved me last night 0 ♪

♪ all last night oh, yes ♪

♪ both: I' she loves me 22 ♪

♪ she told me so last night ♪

♪ all last night & ♪

♪ she loves me ♪

♪ she told me so last night ♪

♪ 7 & la da dee la da dee la da dee dop ba says dop, ♪ that's awful. ...I thought it was beautiful.

Were you in love when you wrote it?

Of course. I was 18, in college, and in love. Weren't you?

No.

At 187?

No.

When was the first time you fell in love?

I didn't. “What"?

Well, that blind passionate selfless all-out whatever I have never felt.

Maybe I'm not capable of feeling it.

I don't believe that.

Why not? I'm your everyday cold-assed supercilious englishwoman, remember?

I'm terribly sorry I said that.

Don't be. It warmed things up quite a bit.

It did? - Mim-hm.

I'm very pleased to hear that.

Mr. Blackburn.

What is it?

Your tickets to London. They're confirmed.

Oh, no, no.

We don't leave till the 26th.

This is the 26th.

You leave at 5:00.

Thank you.

Shall we take a swim?

Yes, please.

Hey!

Hey! Look alive down there.

Ready when you are.

Lights and camera.

Alright.

Action.

Walter: Steve!

Hey, Steve!

Aah!

What's so important you have to crash in like this without calling?

I have to make an appointment? This is business.

There is nothing about your business...

It's not my business. That's too intelligent, keeping my nose in my own business.

This is none of my business: You and the lady.

I don't know what you're talking...

At the bullfight, the beach, the bars, the restaurant, the airport.

What are we doing? Where are you going?

I have something I'm going to say, how do you want it? In front of her here or up there by ourselves?

Listen carefully, 'cause I know what I'm talking about.

I'm one of the walking wounded.

It's true.

Even a schlub like me gets action once in a while.

Most of it's tired quail that flies south the next day, but once and only once did I hook into the real thing.

It happened in Malibu.

Oh, boy, was she something.

We had a great setup. We had a shack on the beach.

She cooked. I ate. We dug each other.

You know what a thrill this is...

To while away my last hours here listening to the plot of your next movie?

This was for real, Steve, and it was fantastic, but then the guilt started tearing me apart.

Bill.

Wait. I went to a shrink five times a week to hear the same questions... "Do you love the girl?"

"I love the girl."

"Do you love your wife and kids?" "Of course."

"Would you give them up for her?"

"No."

"Would you give the girl up?"

"I can't. I love her."

$18,000 later, he came to the key question:

"Do you love her enough to give her up?"

That's the one that pinned me to the rack.

One cockamamie question cost me $18,000, and that doesn't include the kleenex I used up crying.

I didn't go back to the coast for five years.

By that time she had twin boys and a kidney-shaped pool, went to weight watchers every Thursday night.

I've got to go meet Patty and the boys.

We're going on some picnic.

That's all I need now is Spanish ants.

You two may be just two ships that passed in the night, scraped hulls for a week, in which case relax and enjoy.

I see.

Lots of luck.

He was right, your fat friend.

He was right.

He loved the girl enough to give her up, but my god, $18,000?

I could have told him for a lot less.

I'm not giving you up.

What?

I'm not giving you up.

Look, I know I'm selfish and I'm neurotic.

And American. American.

Married. - Married.

Spoiled. And spoiled.

Which is precisely why I'm not giving you up.

Why can't we get a little flat in soho?

We'll see each other whenever we can.

If you're worried about breaking up a family, forget it.

There's going to be no families broken up.

Take my word.

I think that soho makes a lot of sense.

You can walk there.

I can take a taxi, the tube, or the 22 bus.

Vickie, what the hell have we got to lose?

Which part of soho did you have in mind?

Oh.

Do you like Chinese food?

Oh, I love Chinese food.

There is a street called macclesfield street.

Do you know it? - Oh, yes.

Vickie: You've had a flat there before.

Steve: Oh, many times.


Ah, what's the flat number?

Um, 4d.

They're all named French. You think they're related?

Only in price. Only in what?

Price.

What do you think?

It's... it's not bad.

It isn't, is it, really?

I mean, it's got distinct possibilities.

Sure.

Oh, god. - Be careful.

Oh, wow.


Hello. You moving into 4d?

Yes. Yes, I am.

Oh, I'm dora French. I'm in 5d, just above.

Hello.

Oh, uh, if it'll get a bit busy, anything you can't handle, know what I mean?

I'd be most obliged.

Of course. It would be my pleasure, certainly. Yes.

Thanks. Not at all.

Bye. - Bye.

This is the second day she's forgotten her lunch box.

Would you like some coffee?

No. I ate too much. "Coq au vin" was perfect.

Thank you.

I think I'm going to walk it off.

Take Dilly with you. Dilly?

Yeah. Take him with you.

You think he should go out in the rain?

It stopped an hour ago.

Oh, yeah, right. Dilly, come on.

Taxi!


Hello. ...Hi.

Hi

Oh.

Sorry about this.

That's alright.

Are we eating?

That is what we arranged.

Oh, right, right, right.

What are we having?

"Coq au vin". Well, I hope you're hungry.

I can always eat. Good.

I'll just put Dilly down.

Take your coat off.

How did you manage to get away?

Well, actually, I'm... I'm out walking the dog.

Goodbye, "coq au vin".

Wait... your sweater!

Oh, god, oh, god.

Okay? Give me that, give me that.

Come on.

Come on. Oh, Crikey, you've got four arms.

Thursday, Thursday.

Thursday. Go on.

Is that you, dear?

Yeah. How did it go?

Was he a good boy or a bad boy?

I'm gonna take him out for another 20 minutes.

That's silly. - No it isn't, dear.

If you train a dog, you gotta train him right.

Dilly. Come on, Dilly. Come on, boy. Come on, Dilly.

Taxi!


I've had a job offered me.

I wasn't going to tell you.

I wasn't going to take it, but I know now it's the only way out.

Where?

A long way away... Johannesburg.

Oh, Eric.

My brother's out there.

They're opening a hospital, they want me.

It's a fine opportunity, really.

I'll take Madeline and the boys.

It's been torturing me...

The necessity of making a decision one way or the other.

I haven't told anybody... Not even Madeline.

Do you want me to stay? To turn down the offer?

Don't be foolish, Eric.

Eric: Forgive me?

Woman: Forgive you for what?

For bringing you so much misery.

Woman: I'll forgive you if you'll forgive me.

How will it end with us?

Oh, don't talk about it. I don't know.

It'll end. Everything ends.

Woman: All that was a week ago...

Socks, please.

Woman: Incredible it should be so short a time.

Today was our last day together...

Our very last together...

Dirty enough?

It's beautiful.

Those last few hours went by so quickly.

Sunday?

Oh, yeah, Sunday.

Sunday.

As we walked through the station, I had no thoughts at all, only an overwhelming desire not to feel anything ever again.

Man: What do you say?

Safe. The game's over.

Excuse me.

Sorry.

Here you are. You're not leaving?

I have to. We're taking the kids to lunch.

Didn't I tell you? No.

I thought I mentioned it. I'm sorry.

That's alright.

You didn't go to any trouble?

No. It's alright. You sure?

Truly. Do you have time for coffee?

I don't even have time to take a shower.

Are you going to take your kids to lunch?

Something like that? Yes.

Really, it's alright. Don't worry.

You're sure? You look worried.

I'm only worried you'll be late.

Have a nice day. And you.


Cecil, it's me.

Listen, how would you like to come over for lunch, stay for dinner, play some chess, watch television, and kiss me goodnight?

I'm sorry. I've already made arrangements for all that.

Vickie: Of course you have.

Bye.

Bye.


The picture is about set.

I hired this hot new director.

Sensational. 12 g's.

He's 24yo, he's got hair to here.

He has to use a shoehorn to get into his pants.

The guy wears bracelets.

He has heels like that. “Walter...

The guy's last picture was a smash.

Kind of a group grope in 3-d.

Walter... When you see those big boobs coming out of the screen at you, you better duck.

Walter...

Walter. “What?

You remember that talk we had in Spain?

Don't tell me that's still going on.

You told me that you broke up because you loved her, but you didn't tell me how.

Only one way, pal.

According to the rules laid down by the Geneva convention, kick her in the teeth... Lay it on the line.

Sometimes you got to be cruel to be kind.

I got it. Lunch is on me.

I hate to see a guy losing them all.

Hey, could you lend me a couple of pounds?

Why don't you sign, Walter?

They won't let me do that in here anymore.

My treat.

Assorted colors, you know, from up there.

Okay. ...Thank you.

Hello?

Hi. Can you make it tonight?

I thought this was your night for the symphony.

I can get away for a bit. I want to talk to you.

Can you get a sitter and meet me at the flat?

Oh, well, okay. Fine.

Good. See you later.

Bye.


I'm in a hurry. Alright.

Well, I must say it is flattering that you'd give up Beethoven for me, even if it's only for 30 bars. Drink?

No, thanks.

Vickie... yes.

Why don't you sit down?

Thank you.

Vickie... yes again.

I think I'll have that drink.

You said you had something you wanted to say to me.

I do, I do.

I...I have something that I...l want to say to you.

Uh...

Um, well, I've been doing some thinking about us, which is natural...

Yes, yes, yes.

And, uh...

It's...

Well, what I wanted to say was that, uh...

It's just that, uh...

That, uh...

I love you very much, and I can't seem to get you out of my mind, which is not that important, but, uh...

Oh, my God.

Oh, you are so ignorant about what is important.


What are you doing?

Hey. Taking your coat off.

Oh, no, no, no, we can't... no, we can't.

No, no, no, this is ridiculous.

We can't do this. I've got to be at Albert hall.

You don't have to be at Albert hall at all.

They're playing "Beethoven".

Vickie: Beethoven won't mind.


You've been gone a long time.

Are you alright? - Fine, fine.

Did you leave the house that way?

What way?

With a golf sock.

Well, I must have.

How could that happen?

How many times have I told you keep the kids out of my drawers?

Okay, Steve.

And from now on, don't rush me when I'm dressing.

Alright.


The actuarial reports, their sales receipts.

Well, that's it, Derek. I'm off to lunch.

It's... it's been a long time between lunches, huh?

Nice of you to keep score, Derek, but not essential.

What shall I say if someone calls?

I told you... I'm out to lunch.

One of the long ones or the short ones?

What if I told you it was none of your business?

I'd say it was along one.

You like your job here, Derek? Just keep talking.

It'll be one of the short ones.

Hello. Oh, just a moment.

It's for you.

I told you... I'm not here.

Oh, I think you are, sir.

Hello?

Vickie: I'm not going to be able to make lunch.

What happened?

What didn't happen?

I mean, the dyes are all wrong, none of the colors... go away!

They've screwed up all the orders, the sizings are all wrong.

I have to get to the warehouse and sort it out.

Can't you put it off 'till tomorrow?

I can't. They have to be on the plane for New York today.

Listen, can you make dinner?

I don't think I can.

Vickie: Well, I can get a sitter.

I think we got something planned.

Dinner could go on all the way through till breakfast.

Breakfast, huh? Let me see what I can do.

God bless you, Mr. Blackburn.

Now, what was all that...

Would you get me one of those Italian sandwiches, Derek?

A long one or a short one?

Just get the sandwich, Derek.

Hello?

Hi. Didi catch you?

I'm going out the door.

Don't hurry. What?

I have to get a prospectus out to New York and Oslo immediately.

Oh, my God.

If I work straight through, I can be there by 11:00.

Why don't we forget tonight? If you've got to work, work.

Don't blow a fuse.

Can you... hold on a second.

Hello. Could you wait just one second, please?

Vickie, don't be ridiculous.

I will be there by 11:00 no matter what happens.

If work isn't done, I'll finish it later.

Is that okay? Perfectly.

You're sure? Absolutely.

I'm sorry I sounded like such a twit.

Forget it. I'll see you at 11:00.

Hello... - Hello?

Gloria: Hello, Steve? - Hello, Gloria.

Where are you?

What do you mean? I'm here at the office.

You're supposed to be home. The curtain goes up at 7:30.

What curtain?

Preview of the new pinter play, unicef benefit.

I'm on the committee.

I forgot. I got to get a report out tomorrow.

It's going to take me hours.

Then finish it after the play.

Come home now.

I am not walking into that theater alone.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

What time does the play finish?

10:30. - Alright, but I'm gonna have to work later, Gloria, much later.

Alright, but come home now.

All right.

Oh, Christ.


Oh, no.

Oh, don't tell me.

Oh, damn.

Oh, well.

Oh, hello.

Hello. We met on the stairs.

Yes, how are you?

Very well. Thank you. I'm sorry to bother you.

But do you have oregano?

Christ, I hope not. I had a checkup last week.

No, actually, it's a herb, and, um, I was doing some cooking, and I ran out.

Oh, no.

I don't have much use for my kitchen, know what I mean? Of course not.

But there's a delicatessen on Dean street just across shaftesbury Avenue.

Of course there is. I'll try there. Thank you.

Hello. Good evening.

A jar of oregano, please.

14p.

14p. Cheers. Thanks very much.


Hello.

Hello. - Hello.

Finish your work?

No. I got to get back.

Must be a very important account.

Tremendous. Tremendous.

45 ships, $70 million in insurance.

Ooh, what's that?

Um, it's "chicken hunter".

Mmm. What's that smell?

Oregano. Oregano.

And, uh, I ran out of it earlier this evening.

I did, and I had to go to the delicatessen to get some more.

Mm-hmm. At this hour?

At this hour, and a funny thing happened on the way back from the delicatessen.

I bumped into shaftesbury Avenue just as the theaters were letting out, and how was the play?

I tried to call... Of course you did.

I did, Vickie.

Gloria rang after you hung up, and she's on this committee...

Oh, a committee.

I called you right back, but your line was busy.

Look, take your wife to the theater.

Don't give me any of this bullshit about $75 million and 85 billion ships.

It's no bullshit, only it was 45 ships and $70 million.

I'm fed up with you.

I'm fed up with this arrangement.

I'm fed up with hanging around on the off chance that you may condescend to drop in between the baseball and the golf.

And if you don't have to take your children to kew gardens.

If you want a whore, step outside...

Press any of those buttons marked French.

You are a thoughtless, callous, selfish...

Do not... just do not touch me.

Do not.

Oh, Christ.


I'm beginning to sound like a wife.


Inland telegraph? This is account 12087.

Goes to Vickie Allessio... A-double I-e-double s-i-o...

8 Macclesfield street, flat 4.

Message.

Darling, our fat friend was right...

Only it didn't cost $18,000.

It cost a lot more.

Signed Steve.

Could you read that back, please?

That's it. Thank you.

Wow.


Inland telegraph?

This is 12087.

I sent a telegram about 20 minutes ago.

I'd like to stop it. Can you do that?

12087.

You can?

Cancel it immediately. Thank you.


"Steve..."

"Steve, you made me feel 18 for the first time in my life..."

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit, shit, shit.


Vickie.

Vickie, I got some lasagna at the terrazza.

Come and get it.

Vickie?

Vickie!

Taxi!

♪ we were close toit all ♪

♪ caught the rainbows we chased ♪

♪ then we watched the sky fall ♪

♪ all that love went to waste ♪

♪ mine what we had was the end ♪

♪ mite could not be erased ♪

♪ & that's the pity, my friend ♪

♪ all that love went to waste. ♪ 

♪ if we only could have guessed ♪

♪ that it wouldn't stand the test. ♪

♪ 5 we'd have played it all for jest ♪

♪ and have been each other's guest ♪

♪ We'd have smiled and walked away ♪

♪ while it still was light and gay. ♪

♪ but now here's that rainy day ♪

♪ mite we held back a bit & ♪

♪ mine every time we embraced 02 ♪

♪ then we might have saved some of it ♪ taxi!

Whoa!

Oh.

Would you care to share it?

Are you married? Yeah.

You take it.

♪ Mite we just walked ♪»

♪ instead of raced ♪

♪ man just made love ♪

♪ mine that lovely love♪ »

♪ name might never have gone ♪

♪ into waste ♪

♪ mine we just walked ♪»

♪ instead of raced ♪