Absolute Beginners (1986) Script

Ba-ba-ba, ooh Ba-ba-ba, ooh

Ba-ba-ba, ooh Ba-ba-ba, ooh

I've nothing much to offer

And there's nothing much to take

I'm an absolute beginner

But I'm absolutely sane

As long as we're together

The rest can go to hell

I absolutely love you

But we're absolute beginners

With eyes completely open

But nervous all the same If our love song Could fly over mountains Could laugh at the ocean Just like the films There's no reason To feel all the hard times To lay down the hard lines It's absolutely true Ba-ba-ba, ooh Ba-ba-ba, ooh I remember that hot, wonderful summer when the teenage miracle reached full bloom, and everyone in England stopped what they were doing to stare at what had happened.

The Soho nights were cool in the heat, with light and music in the streets.

And we couldn't believe that this was really coming to us at last.

Nobody knew exactly why.

But after so many dreary years of bombs and blitz and slow rebuilding, no sugar, no jam, nothing sweet anywhere, with the whole English world dressed in gray it seemed forever.

Suddenly life broke out in warm colors again, so young and beautiful that a lot of people couldn't stand to look at it.

For the first time ever, kids were teenagers.

We had loot, however come by.

And loot's for spending.

And where there's loot, trouble follows.

No?

During my last teenage year, I kept myself by taking photographs.

Naughty pictures for profit.

And solid street pictures for love.

So that when the blossom went off, and the flower turned to plastic, me and my friends could remember how it looked.

Money for looks. Money for film.

Do you like it?

But most of all, money for Suzette.

You got it.

My beautiful Crêpe Suzette.

Don't be late, Colin.

What, no trousers, Ken? That's fine with me.

Yeah, this is England. Go back home.

Come on. Is this enough?

All right, 50 quid. But that's for two of you, right?

Where to, girls?

Mandy's house. Hey.

Oh, you bitches, where are you going?

It was England all right, but very un-English.

Every class, every income, every kink.

Boys, girls, black, white, yellow, bent, versatile, all on equal terms.

Bye!

Hey, Joe, we got us some fun!

All right.

Let's have a night on the town, baby.

What a big boy, isn't he?

Ooh.

You naughty child.

Leave off.

Take it easy.

Bloody teenagers.

True, sometimes a knife came out.

But that was always between friends.

You behave yourself, you're all right here.

It's not in Soho where some sex maniac leaps on your back and violates you.

That's strictly for the respectable neighborhoods.

All right then, come on. I've got half an hour to kill.

Me and my pals are regulars down here.

Every night the same old young faces.

Wizard.

Wiz, a real child of the pavements.

Baby face like a mask over his 2,000-year-old soul.

A colored cat named Cool.

So cool for reasons too obvious to mention.

Fabulous Hoplite.

Our own low-rent Oscar Wilde and a very well-connected boy.

Dean Swift.

A sharp modern jazz creation.

Expensive habit.

No bread.

Whoo-hoo! Big Jill.

Hiya, big boy. Give us a flash. Ooh!

Chicks only for Big Jill.

But a boy's best friend anyway.

Christ. Midnight.

Hey, nobody.

Open up.

Just doesn't do to be late for a girl like Suzette.

Hi, doll. Hi, hon.

You nearly lost me there.


Cool, honey.

Hold this.

Mods!

Trads!

Mods!

Trads!

Mods! Mods! Mods! Mods! Trads! Trads! Trads!

Mods! Mods! Mods! Trads! Trads!

Yum-yum. Crêpe Suzette.

Nice enough to eat.

Careful, Wizard.


Hey, Dorita, can I walk you home?

The streets have eyes, Cool.

And my mom and dad would kill me.

Why roll the dice, Dorita, if you didn't want to bet, huh?

It's one thing in there, but it's different on the streets.

Look, I've gotta go. Taxi!

Taxi!

Come on, Suze. Hey!

Whoo!

Come on, it's not that late. Your place or mine?

Some of us have to work for a living.

I have to be at Henley's show tomorrow morning.

Why do you work for that creep, hon? He's just using you.

You could take your designs anywhere.

I'm using him, too. I may even get to Paris this year.

Paris, France?

Oh, Colin.

Look, he could help you, too, if you'd let him.

You could take pictures of my designs.

We'd work together.

I told you, I'm not taking pics of a lot of high-class tarts wearing your silly hats.

And certainly not Henley's glad rags.

Oh, sorry, I forgot.

You're taking all those pics for your exhibition.

Right!

The one you're having in your wildest dreams.

Taxi.

Hold it! Taxi! Go on, get out of here.

You should be at school in a few hours time, you ratty little sod.

Take me there. Let me in. Come on, let me in.

Look, I found another client for you.

Harold Charms, the pop mogul?

He could easily find his own dirty postcards.

You'll do it. You're down to your last pair of mock crocs.

And you promised to take me to dinner tomorrow night.

Money isn't everything.

I know. But...

Well...

It'll do until everything comes along.

Help! Somebody!

Stop! Please, stop!

They've got knives!

Colin.

Help! Help! No!

Don't get involved, Colin.

Oh, let's get out of here.

Taxi.

Over here.

I need my beauty sleep.

Where to, luv?

Bayswater.

Okay. Jump in.

Well, last chance, Colin.

See you after the show tomorrow, all right?

And don't be late.

Last chance.

She means business, all right.

I couldn't even afford a down payment.

But anyway, you don't get a girl like Suzette on the never-never.

It's not that I've got anything against money,

it's just what you have to do to get it.

Still, there's always tomorrow.

At least, there's other casanovas in the same boat.

Napoli, the land that time forgot.

We always came home with the night shift.

Now you might say, "If you're so cute, kiddo, "how come you live in a disaster area like this?"

Well, for one thing, as you might imagine, it's cheap.

Cash to the landlord once a week.

But otherwise, goods circulating on a more or less informal basis.

I saw that.

But the thing I love most about these streets was the thing that made some people positively hate them.

Because here, nobody cared where you came from or what color, what you did or who you did it with.

Santa Maria.

Unfortunately, it wasn't exactly Suzette's idea of a desirable address, which is why I've never brought her home.

Catch. How's that?

Come on!

Come on, you owe me two months' rent, and I'm not going until I've got it.

You can't charge rent for that, Saltzman.

You need to put a roof on it first.

Hiya, Big Jill. Hiya, lady killer.

Oh, Napoli, Napoli, Napoli Not the one in Italy Come on, darling.

Home.

Sweet and sour home.

People often ask me how I became dressmaker to the Queen.

My answer is always that I owe it all to my wonderful clientele.

And I can only hope that you kind ladies will grace our latest collection with your favor.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Henley's new Elizabethan collection.

Opening with a selection of costumes de baigneuses, with a touch of rococo, in aquamarine, bouteille, and nuit.

Decorated with cerulean oysters, pearled fish, scallop shells and shimmering starfish.

Guaranteed to sink any passing ship.

And for evening wear, our shell and mermaid creations in crepuscule and turquoise and inlaid with over

18,000 Majorcan pearls.

And for the more daring among you, our latest bikini styles in oyster and coral motifs.

Henley, you have got to be kidding.

I mean, you are not seriously going to show these gowns in Paris.

Honey, they will laugh you off the stage.

And, Henley, hemlines can't come down.

They've got to go up.

Really, Dido, there's nothing worse than the back of a woman's knees.

They remind me of uncooked rock cakes.

Somebody help me!

Oh, God, Suzette. I'm just taking off my...

Oh, Colin.

I said I wouldn't do this. And here I am doing it.

A few painless shots, and I can pay for dinner.

That's what I call integrity.

But you've never heard it like this, Mr. Charms.

It's a sure-fire hit.

Just look at these fame-starved urchins putting on the agony, all trying to sing like hillbillies, just praying for Harry Charms to snap them up and sell them into pop slavery.

I mustn't throw stones, especially not at Americans.

Yanks invented teenagers.

England for the English, and all that.

But being anti-Yank's a sure sign of defeat.

I've got the tickets for the Stravinsky recital.

Harry Charms, I've got an appointment.

He's in there.

Do me a favor, don't drive me mad down there.

He was precious, all right.

Loonies.

And very nasty in the wrong hands.

Listen.

You know the three most useless things in the world?

The Pope's balls, a nun's tits, and a good write-up in The Record Mirror.

Harry Charms?

Who are you? My name's Colin.

Sonya, how many times do I have to tell you...

Suzette sent me. Oh.

I've come about the dirty pictures.

Dirty pictures? No, no, no.

Where'd she get that idea from?

Do you mind?

This is the Harry Charms Stable of Stars.

Each one a star in their own right. Come and sit down.

No, over here.

Whitey Britain, Charles Harold, Zesty Boy Swift.

All my own discoveries.

And over here...

At least one more, maybe two.

They don't know it yet. Neither do I, for sure.

Right, come in here and have a look.

All right, settle down, everybody.

All right, stars?

Right.

It's not just their talent, you see, it's mine.

Look at this.

Stand up. No, not you, you.

No, not right. Who else?

You, let's have a look at you.

I'm a great drummer.

Too many cream buns.

Naming them, taming them, famousing them up.

Oh, he's very musical. Oh, he's a great mover...

Leave it out, Mum.

You could be right.

Well, Colin, I've got a new song.

With your help, I'm gonna make it a hit.

Well, there's gonna be some changes What a mover.

Around the garbage can Get a shot, Colin, get a shot.

When you lean, lean right forward. That's good, baby.

It's a hit. We've got a hit. I can feel it.

I may look like a little kitten That's good. Give it to us, baby.

Boom it out. Yeah! Ooh!

Look out, big cat, a little cat's moving in Yeah, yeah.

Now move your hips.

Move your hips forward, back. Now twirl them around.

Come on, baby, boom it out, baby!

Sing it, baby.

Baby, boom it!

Baby Boom!

Baby Boom! That's it!

Get a shot of Baby Boom.

Until I start to roar

Come on, Suzette, I need to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll pin you underneath. Oh, God, I'm caught!

Stop, Camilla. Stop.

Get off! Stop.

Will you get off?

Oh!

Oh, Henley, you've been holding out on me, you rascal, you.

Watch it, will you?

Oh, I love this look. What do you call it?

Henley, this is one of yours?

I'll bloody well get you for this!

There she is! Her!

Oh! Bravo, bravo.

Get her!

Ooh!

Va-va-voom!

Heya!

Oh, Henley, you're a genius.

Get this.

I'll bloody well get you for this.

It's a very exclusive club. It's here somewhere.

I know I had it. I had it...

What seems to be the problem?

This gentleman, sir.

Look out. What are you doing?

I don't think she'd appreciate your presence here right now.

Come on. What's that supposed to mean?

Come on, boys!

Look at that!

Disgraceful!

Fantastic! Wow!


Henley! Henley! Henley! Henley!

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you, thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

You have witnessed an historic event.

The birth of Henley's young idea.

Bravo. Bravo.

Darling, I didn't know you were so talented.

Let's talk about it over dinner.

But a friend and I were going to eat.

Well, the Paris collections start next week.

I know a lot of people who'd like to get acquainted with you, design-wise.

Would you like to meet Yves? Christian?

I'd love to.

I've got whores!

I've got whores!

Anybody want a whore?

Out of the way. Watch out. Thank you.

Less lust.

Young men and young women.

Two coffee, coffees coming up.

Can't you two get a room?

Move it!

I will tell the whole truth, and others will continue what I have begun.

I am like Zola...

I'm in a trance!

I'm your boy, Suze.

Forever and ever.

Every man is a reasonable being.

Scram.

Hi, Colin.

Hi, hon.

I don't believe it.

How come you're not late?

I made sure.

Listen, Colin.

I can't make dinner tonight.

I've got to work.

Don't be like that, Suze.

Why didn't you turn up? I did turn up.

No, you didn't, Colin.

I did. Ask your Uncle Henley. He knows all about it.

I even did the Harry Charms shots for you.

Oh. Don't worry about it, Colin.

Stay on here in the Land of Oz, with the Wizard and all those other creepy pals of yours and you'll never need to know.

I've gotta go.

You ask me what I want When I thought I'd made it clear Although I won't stop loving you You can never have me near Don't blame me I never asked you to fall No one's gonna stop me from having it all

Having it all You'll never stop me from having it all Having it all You'll never stop me from having Having it all


Having it all You'll never stop me From having it all You've got to accept I'm no ordinary girl And I'll never fit In your perfect little world Don't take it lightly Baby, I'm not bluffing To get what I want I'll stop at nothing Having it all You'll never stop me From having it all Having it all You'll never stop me

My reasons are simple So don't ask me why I'll never forget you Good Bye

Less lust through less protein.

Have you ever chased the night That sailed in front of you On a boat that's bound for hope But left you in the queue With the shouting, waving, taunting Flaunting friends that's cruel Telling you that every lie you ever heard was true Have you stood up on that dock Have you ever had it blue Ooh, ooh Doo da doo doo doo da doo doo

Have you ever woke to find the morning didn't come Undelivered with the paper stolen by someone Found the milkman bound and gagged And with shackles round the sun And the holder of the keys turns out to be the one The girl you had your heart set on Have you ever had it blue Have you ever had it blue Have you ever had it blue The days really drag by when it's hot.

No Suzette to make the time fly.

Five days without her.

It seemed like a year.

Back to the old ancestral seat.

I still have my darkroom.

Down in dreary Pimlico, where my parents live.

If you can call it living.

Hello, Ma.

Hello, blitz-baby.

We present Tony Hancock, Sidney James, Jim Kerr, Hattie Jamieson, Kenny Williams in Hancock's Half Hour.


What are you doing in my darkroom, Jules?

My name's Vern, ain't it?

Moron.

So why do you keep calling me Jules?

Come in.

Hello, Dad.

I tried to stop him moving in.

Been misbehaving with the lodgers again.

Bloody wogs.

Thanks, Dad.

How's the photo album going?

All right. Here, have a go at those.

You're not still on the poor old 1930s, surely.

It was a terrible time to be young.

Poverty. Unemployment.

No light at the end of the corridor.

It's better now, even with the bomb.

Hold it a minute. We'll not do this.

Should've had my youth along with all these drip-dry shirts and sputniks, not like then.

Come on, Dad, you're toughening it up a little, aren't you?

You and Ma look like you were having a good time in these snaps.

My wedding day.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

I wish it was tomorrow, then I'd cancel it.

It's not that bad. You should get out more often.

What do you hang around this dump for?

'Cause the dump has to look respectable.

She keeps him here.

Ignore him, Dad.

He's nothing to do with me.

And keep him away from my pictures.

I don't want my image splattered all over the ceiling in the morning.

You really are a horror. A real unidentified slob from outer space.

Is that a fact?

Well, you're a traitor to the working class.

Well, Suze, that's the way it goes.

If you could see my weirdo family, you'd never have to ask why I left home.

Poor Dad, sweetest bloke you'd ever want to meet, locked up with his pre-war photo album and his sad memories.

Mum trying to keep her looks, always carrying on with the lodgers.

Half-brother Vern, born middle-aged, thick as two bricks and you wouldn't even want to imagine what he gets up to.

Hi. If this is adult life, I think I'll stay an absolute beginner forever.

Something's happening, but I'm just gonna turn a blind eye If I see no evil I ask no questions and I hear no lies Get them down to the kitchen and wash them.

Can't communicate with minds that are small With some people it's like talking to the wall And the fella who walks away Lives to battle another day And I've really got no appetite For a fight Sign here, Governor.

Not tonight What the hell is going on in there? Coming, Mum.

All I want is a quiet life Anything for a quiet life No ambition to rock the boat When I can just stay afloat And be content with a quiet life All I want is a quiet life Anything for a quiet life Here, wash these.

Hear no evil, see no evil Speak no evil at all You naughty boy.

Confidentially, between these walls I'm on top of it all I'd rather have 'em think I'm deaf, dumb and blind Than aggravation every time I speak my mind Keep spoonin', have a quiet life Anything for a quiet life What, you lazy sod, what you doing in here, anyway?

Get upstairs and vacuum the carpets.

Panty, bra.

I could easily blow my top Hello, Dad.

Start a row, but why start now

Give your daddy a quiet life Give your mama a quiet life Anything for a quiet life Oh, the telly's on the blink.

Vacuum cleaner. Dad!

Switch that bloody thing off!

Hey, what's going on?

Look, get off. Come on here, pretty baby.

Switch it off!

Give your daddy a quiet life Give your mama a quiet life Anything for a quiet life Confidentially, between these walls I'm on top of it all

Colin?

Son, I want a word with you about your dad.

I'm busy. Oh, it's important.

How's the male harem?

The Pal Joeys? The gigolo lodgers?

Grow up, Colin.

Bed-and-breakfast, evening meal?

You nasty little bastard.

Mother should know.

Gotta snap out of this.

I'm too young for tears.

Suzette will be back...

Sooner or later.

Time's on my side.

Nice day.

Yeah, so I hear.

Hey, Cool? Yeah?

Couldn't lend me a quid, could you?

Crazy, man. What're you doing?

Over here.

Take all this crap furniture and all your little schwartzes, and piss off out of it.

You know, there's something odd around these parts.

Yeah, so what else is new?

All the other families are moving out or being moved out.

Which, to my mind, means somebody else is moving in.

Who the hell would wanna move in around here?

Trouble.

It's only your kid sister.

Hey, Cool, I know you was rolling dice last night, and I'm gonna tell Mama on you, Mr. "I'm Cool" Cool.

I'll tell Dad as well, and it'll mean big trouble.

See you later, Cool.

God, I love this city.

And I never wanna leave it.

'Cause though it seems so hard and untidy, if you get to know it well, if you're its son, it's always on your side, come what may.

That's what I imagined, anyway.

Hello, bad boy.

What are you doing pounding around down here?

Well, I've moved down here.

My God, it talks.

And why's it moved down here?

'Cause I moved in with me gran. She lives here.

Anyways, I live where I like. It's a free country, isn't it?

Face it, Ed, all you old-style Edwardians have been put out to pasture in the provinces, where, no doubt, you'll live forever.

But down here, Ted is definitely dead.

Never.

You're an old man, and only last week a snot-nosed little kid.

Watch it.

Your problem was never being a teenager in between.

Teenagers? Get out of here.

That's kid's stuff.

Drown the lot of them.

If you say so, sucker.

Yank!

Go home, Yank!

And take sambo with you.

Hi, Cool. What's he doing here, man?

Are you all right, Colin? What's going down?

Hey, who threw that brick?

Was it you?

You bloody hooligan!

Oi, come here, I want a bloody word with you.

Oi, what's your game over there?

Hey, we're trouble on the rubble at the bum side hop It ain't never gonna stop

Come on, Teds We're trouble on the rubble And the bum side is the hop I know you don't like it but it ain't gonna stop Like it or lump it you can't show us the door We licked Hitler in 1944 Ted ain't dead Yeah, look at my bleeding window.

We could use them, Mr. Saltzman.

They've got nothing better to do.

And if we use them, what's it gonna cost?

Ted ain't dead, Ted ain't no dead We all have not too much to say Ted ain't dead, he's alive Ted ain't dead Gonna kick you in the head

Since I was a young boy Round about 13 I knew rocking Ted would outlive any passing scene Still do now, still do now Still do now Still do now, still do now Ted ain't dead Oh, hello, Ted

Here they are, my two latest discoveries, Eddie Sex and Baby Boom.

Hey, Colin.

I'd asked everyone, but Suzette hadn't been around in weeks.

Now this is urgent.

I need a new whosit for my whatsit, you dig?

Tough.

Give me your jacket, Eddie. And they're all mine.

My boys!

What a mover! What a mover!

We want Baby Boom! We want Baby Boom!

Go on, give her a kiss.

We want Baby Boom! We want Baby Boom!

Hold it.

This teenage scene's getting out of hand.

Yeah, well, you should know, Wizard.

Hello there, pop pickers.

You will give my boys a mention, won't you? That's it.

Hello, pop pickers.

Sorry, boy.

I won't regret it when the teenage label's torn off my drip-dry, sky-blue jeans.

It's not working! I want my money back!

Shut up and keep singing.

I may look like a little kitten New label.

They never know the difference.

Oi! I'll show you the real thing later, girl.

And you big old ginger Toms That's his kick, not mine.

Must all be missing persons when I've gone, along Baby Boom, 14 years old with a mental age of nine.

It blows younger every year.

From what I hear, your snaps played a certain part in that spermlet's rise.

Don't knock it, Colin. Milk it, shake it, rake it, make it.

Take it for all it's got.

The power of youth.

Have you seen Suzette, Wiz?

You're a born adult number. Good for your girl.

Paying for nosh.

You need educating.

Hi, Wiz.

Hello. Hello.

Shut up.

Wiz, you're a real specimen.

I'm surprised they don't use you in some experiment.

Her name's Dorita. Going into business.

What?

You heard.

Gotta blow. Give my hi to Crêpe Suzette.

You should hear them all meow Look out, big cat, little cat's moving...

Look out, big cat, little cat's moving in Look out, big cat, little cat's king cat now


Hello?

Hello, Suze?

Oh, Colin. It's you.

What are you doing these days?

I'm getting ready to go out.

Where you going?

Well, I'm going to Dido Lament's party, if you must know.

Dido Lament, the gossip columnist.

That vampire?

Chumped-up spivs and body snatchers, that's her scene.

Watch out, Suze. You don't know what you're getting into.


Deary me, child, what are you doing here?

Socializing, like everyone else.

Everyone you hate. All the parasites are here.

Oh, the Fabulous Hoplite.

Dido.

And a new friend.

Not your usual type, Hoplite.

Doesn't swing my way, sugar.

Dido, this is Colin.

Colin is one of olde London's hottest talents, with his camera.

Well, honey, if you're so handy with this little thing, why don't you fix me up with a few party snaps?

What's the price these days?

You do it for love.

Cocktail, madam? Sir? Ah!

To life! Thanks.

To love.

Careful, child.

It's got alcohol in it.

Selling out Selling out, selling out

To love.

Well, you've never seen my little place here, have you?

Uh, oh. Oh, oh, darling.

Darling.

One-hee One-hee Two-hee Two-hee Can he Can he May he? Maybe Colin, I'm so glad I caught you.

I've got so much work for you. Now call me.

Dreadnought, seven, seven, double seven.

Dreadnought, seven, seven, double seven.

Bitch.

I'll see you later, Fido.

It's Dido.

Oh, what a shame.

Nobody's wild about Harry.

Are you ready for something a little more potent?

Don't worry about it, Colin.

Stay on here in the Land of Oz, with the Wizard and all those other creepy pals of yours, and you'll never need to know.

Who are you talking to?

I'm talking to you.

Don't bug me.

What are you doing here?

Let's get legitimate.

Why don't you disappear?

How far are you going?

Hey, man, I'm going all the way.

We'll never live this down, man.

I don't care what people say.

If I become a swinging somebody I'll get my Crêpe Suzette I'm selling out Selling out Selling out Selling out

It's ready. Ah!

Selling out Don't try to stop me Selling out I'm pulling out Are you with me or without me Let's party.

Yeah!

Right. Go and circulate. Why don't you push yourself forward.

You know, give it some of that.

Oh, Hoplite. Who got you ready?

Hi, Call-Me-Cobber.

He's researching a TV Special.

Do you know any authentic teenagers?

What are they?

Teenagers are the new economic class.

This is the age of the teenager.

It's my aim, it's my mission in life, to bring pop culture to the masses.

Uh, why don't you give me a ring?

My number's Speedwell... What is my number, anyone?

Speedwell 8-7-6-5.

Yes, that's it.

What he actually wants to know is, do you teenagers have an active sex life?

Well, do you?

None of your business, nice bitch-girl.

Oh, I love anger.

You know, you and I ought to argue sometime.

Selling out Selling out Good idea. You need a nose job, Harry.

Having it all Having it all Having it all You'll never stop me We meet at last, Colin.

Harry's been telling me all about you.

Fantabulous.

Selling out Selling out He tells me you have integrity, just the kind of thing my agency stands for.

Tomorrow's watch, today.

I can use a guy like you.

Bell me. Mayfair, zero, zero, double zero.

What was that?

Mayfair, zero, zero, double zero.

Oh.

Oh, I'm seeing double Selling out Suze.

Come on, surrender Selling out It's what she's hoping Do you like my designs? What designs?

Colin, what are you doing here?

I'm selling out. What are you doing here?

Selling out

Selling out Selling out

I can still see you, Colin.

The French have a word for it.

I don't care what the French call it.

He's an old queen, and I call it disgusting.

I can understand why he'd do it. But you?

He's just using you. You're just a front for his...

Is this some kind of a gag?

What, you going out with Suzette?

Aren't you a little old for her, Henley?

I'm only 37.

Thirty-seven?

Around the waist, maybe.

Afraid that can't be, dear boy.

I'm afraid we've named the day.

Show him, my dear.

Not now, Henley.

Show him.

You couldn't afford her in the first place.

You'll ruin everything.

We'll never live this down, man I don't care what people say If I become a swinging somebody I'll get my Crêpe Suzette I'm selling out


My friends, a specter is haunting Britain.

The specter of immigration.

People of Kensington, time is running out.

But a great man has returned to our shores, and he has chosen these streets to launch a campaign, which will cleanse the country of this pestilence.

Now is the time to act.

Come to the public meeting and hear him speak about this evil.

It is a black tide, which threatens to engulf our country.

Only last week, in Tilbury Docks, a black spider over 8 inches long was discovered, concealed in a crate of bananas from Africa.

Your women are being sold into sexual slavery, to pander to the lust...

Give me that. ...of the African barbarians.

The time for talking...

"Way out." I'll see you out with pleasure.

What, the hell, right do you think you've got coming here, stirring up trouble?

You want to smell my broom?

You shut up, curly-locks.

Naturally, we're doing all we can for anyone who can't afford it.

You know what I mean? Little incentive schemes.

Don't you worry.

Is this who I think it is, Maury?

He lives at one of ours, in Ladbroke Crescent.

Bright boy. He'll land on his feet.

Hey, ease up.

Hello, Tradewind.

Jump in.

Close shave, Colin.

City's full of people, kid.

People looking for rainbows, Colin.

Cantare Oh, oh, oh, oh But I've been looking for you.

Ho, ho, ho!

You deserve a drink, Colin. It's over there.

I don't drink.

Well, not anymore.

Smoke? Take a strand.

You're never alone with a strand, Colin.

What's this?

A housing development for newlyweds.

It's lovely.

No, it's not, son. It's horrible.

But it's lucrative.

Which brings us back to you.

I've been looking at your photographs.

You are talented. Smile.

But you're wasting your time.

I think I can safely say you could get anything you want.

Ow!

By working for me, Colin.

What, selling things to people who don't want them?

Never things, Colin. We don't sell things.

We sell dreams.

Rich. Mellow.

Dazzling. Radiant.

Fresh. King-size.


Do you hear what I hear? Do you see what I see?

Colin, I want you to use your imagination You wake up one morning and you ask yourself Why am I so exciting?

What makes me dramatic?

You're trying to say something about yourself This dazzling crime of wisdom You fall for reality You're bruised and bewildered Then you learn to fall in love with yourself That's motivation You raise yourself high, presenting your soul You step from the shadows, you hear the command An image to dream, you tremble permission Tomorrow's rewards flood the skies of today You're swept by the tide Of delight's every dream A life of such powerful meaning Now you has class Now you has flash Now you has mass motivation

There's an image I can recommend There's a product you will die for Here's a nightmare that will never end Gets you fired up burning Then you go, go, go, go You know you got something You know you got style We don't take much, just a little bit That's motivation Welcome to the world of your dreams, Colin Where you can do what you want Commit horrible sins and get away with it Lust

Gluttony

Pride

Anger

Sloth

Avarice

And jealousy

You know you got something You know you got the style We don't take much, just a little bit That's motivation No more false illusion Good bye to confusion Stand out from the madding crowd Motivation is symphony Symphony and style That's motivation It's thrilling Original That's motivation Scintillating Charismatic That's motivation As fresh as tomorrow That's motivation Say what? Motivation New soul Now you has class motive Now you has mass motivation!

I'm your boy, Vendice.

For most of the summer, then, Suze and I only saw each other in the smart magazines.

At least she could follow my meteoric career as a professional teenager.

She must've known I was only doing it for her, so she wouldn't have to slip into that world completely alone.

"From now on," I said, "I'm gonna be a tough, tough nut and a very practical boy."

My exhibition could wait.

It's funny, once you make up your mind to let go and sell out, it's one damn check after another.

Money at the best time to have it, when you're young and strong.

Money to catch Suzette when she falls.

And she's gonna fall.

Wait and see.

And as for photography, well, it isn't exactly difficult, is it?

Right. Hands on the handlebars.

Hands on the handlebars, Dean, right? And turn away from me.

Hands on the handlebars, and turn around to profile.

That's it, just hold it there.

That's, uh, that's great, Dean.

Right, feet off the handlebars, and look straight into the lens.

Dean, straight into the lens, man. Come on.

That's it. Just hold it right there.

That's lovely.

Teenage phenomenon.

Crashing into the TV casbah, are we, Colin?

That's the name of the game, Dean.

Can't say I'm not displeased.

Cool it, man. These are serious shots.

And this is a real pearl. And this is Mr. Dean.

Smash his trash.

Just one more, Dean. Hold it.

Dean, just one more. I haven't finished the session.

Hey, Reptile.

Hiya, Wiz.

Where'd you get the new skin?

Like it?

It's all right. Must've cost a few bob.

What've you been up to, then, stranger?

Haven't seen you around the track lately.

Well, I've moved out of Napoli.

It's not England anymore, is it?

I've got a pad down here now.

Yeah?

And I got a brand new racket.

Do you want a free sample?

Poodle parlor. Yes.

Oh, no, we only do the straight shampoo.

Yes. Ten minutes?

That'll be fine.

Eat.

Match me, Wiz.

Yeah, that's a nice suit, Colin.

Formula works, doesn't it?

The power of youth, remember?

See, lover girl's younger than me.

None of the poodles is under 50.

It works like a dream.

Wet dreams, Wiz.

Risky.

Seedy.

No class.

You could keep it clean and unreal, look, like me.

That's a bit rich coming from a kid I've known around town for flogging dirty pictures.

I was just in that kick for giggles, Wiz.

I've moved on.

Yeah, I knew you'd go up in the world once you got rid of that girl.

Or did she get rid of you?

You wouldn't understand.

Motivation, that's what you need.

Self-motivation.

She's jailbait, and you're the one who'll end up inside.

Can you imagine me in a court?

Who's gonna believe a baby face like me could be in this racket?

If you could see yourself now, you'd realize you don't look young at all.

You just look old.

Old and used.

Yeah, well, it's an old business, isn't it?

Anyway, if the cowboys come down on me, you'll have the money to bail me out, now.

You're so flash.

Don't be so sure.

You'll come running. You adore me.


Happy honeymoon!

Long life, everything crash In the world if we use the gas Move out.

Say hello to the TV cameras for me.

You're going now, then?

Gimme a break. See you later at Chez Nobody's.

Adios, bambino. Adios!

Two...

One...

Cue, Cobber.

Hi there, pop pickers.

Tonight, the teenage phenomenon.

I have with me in the studio Amberley Drove, conservative member for Beckensfield, and a former headmaster.

Top pop picker, Harry Charms.

Hello there, pop fans. Nice to see you.

We have that delightful lady newshound all the way from the U.S. of A, Dido Lament.

Hello.

And last but not least, Colin.

Don't he look good, eh?

Hooray!

He's a teenager who's really going places.

Ladies and gentlemen, teenagers, let's get with it.

Now, Colin here snaps the habits of his fellow teens, capturing them alive.

Well, uh, half-dead, some of them.

What?

I've often wondered what you'd get if you crossed Jayne Mansfield with an orangutan.

What's he saying that for?

What the hell do you think you're doing? Colin, it's all right.

That bourgeois bastard.

He's the kind that's turned this scene into minks and jags, and little homes in Teddington.

Now, that's more like it.

Colin, are teenagers really as highly-sexed as we are led to believe?

I mean, if the right girl came along, would you bother to tie the knot or is that just old square talk?

What the hell do you think you're doing? These are my friends.

More of that later on, all right?

Now, Harry, you're the toast of Tin Pan Alley, I see.

I see also that you just recovered from a very unsuccessful nose job.

Can you still smell success in your teenage discoveries?

Well...

First of all, may I say how marvelous it is to be on your show tonight with my latest discovery.

You know, my boys are always being criticized for the way they move.

And it's a great shame we still can't show what they do below the waist.

Amberley, I think we'll bring you in here, now.

I mean, you have actually taught teenagers yourself, haven't you?

Yes, Cobber, I did.

And I think it taught me a great deal.

I've always been a firm believer in that old maxim, "Spare the rod and spoil the child."

Of course, the root cause of the problem seems to be the unbridled promiscuity they seem to have inherited from the colored influx to these shores.

And all these loud clothes and jungle rhythms only serve to fan the flames...

Get your hands out of my trousers!

Who said that? Colin, will you sit down?

Cut. Call the musicians.

I've got a message for you and you and all you telly witchdoctors and advertising pimps.

Get that boy off camera. Get down there.

Colin, sit down!

All you old sordids with your toupées and your falsies.

Get off the set.

This teenage ball had a real splendor in the beginning.

Cue, Baby Boom, get on.

Because we found out no one could spit in our faces anymore...

Whoo! ...because we've loot to spend at last.

And our world must be our world, the one we wanted.

But it's over now. Finished.

You've choked it!

This teenage fishbowl is as real as your rug, pop picker.

Darling, have you deserted your guests?

Of course not, Henley.

I'll be down in a minute.

You old faces, here I am...

Cut.


It's Colin.

Thanks.

Colin!

Colin! Colin!

We're so proud of you.

You were so fantastic.

Come here, stud.

Uh-huh.

Sit down.

You're just in time, stud.

Feast your eyes on a vision.

Athene Duncannon.

Pretty little thing She held all the magic So hard to believe Never too far away It's hard to conceive Never thought she'd have to go Never thought she'd leave It came like a killer blow A killer blow

Funny, isn't it That a little girl could make the world Seem so small Hard to believe The little girl can seem so tall And the thing that he calls love Isn't thick enough She had to go That's the way it goes

Killer blow Oh Girl, her love has wings That took her to the things He couldn't give She's got the kiss of life Kiss of life Kiss of life She's goin' where it's so easy to live

It's so easy to leave

Searching for the scent of content Oh, no!

It's a killer blow Ooh, ooh Aah, aah

Killer blow


Get along without me, boy Get along without me You see, things aren't quite What they seem to be Get along without me Wipe me

Out of your dreams

I'm no angel I know this may come

No!

As a killer blow Killer blow Killer blow


She can go to hell.

They can all go to hell.

Over! Turn it over!

Bollocks off the top floor and get out!

What's up, Ed?

Look what you made me done!

Stupid.

Fry the bastards!

Niggers out! Niggers out!

Fry the bastards, you black scum!

You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain Your kind of love drives a man insane You broke my will, what a thrill Goodness gracious, great balls of fire I laughed at love 'cause I thought it was funny You came along and you moved me, honey I changed my mind, this love is fine Goodness gracious, great balls of fire You're shite! We're white!

Goodness gracious, great balls of fire

Is that you, Cool?

No, I'm not Cool.

Oh, no. What do you want?

First of all, about these platters.

I wanna sell 'em.

Is there anything else?

Yeah.

Flikker sent me.

Who's Flikker?

He heads my gang, see.

He wants Cool out of here.

Yeah. Well, you tell Flikker I'm getting some sleep.

You don't tell Flikker.

Ed, you can go piss up your leg.

Well, what about these platters, then?

How much do you want for 'em?

Five pound.

I'll pay anything to get rid of you.

All right, you asked for it.

Right, let's have you.

I give in, Col!

Oh!

I heard some trouble.

Yeah.

That's it.

Him?

His crew and Flikker just introduced themselves to my family.

Those are my records.

And this is my kid sister's toy!

I told you there was gonna be trouble.

Let's get rid of him.

Yeah.

Who is this Flikker character?

You wouldn't know.

You haven't been around here lately.

Flikker leads the Teddy boys...

They're just hooligans.

Listen! They're organized.

They're an army now.

They have a general behind them.

And they wanna kick us out of your country!

What are you talking about? This is your country, too.

You think so?

I'm on your side, Cool.

Well, that's nice of you, Colin.

But you don't know what side you're on.

The truth is, Colin, you're on your own.

He's right.

It's been building with the heat all summer, right in front of my eyes.

How could I have missed it?

These have always been my streets.

"Henley. Partners."

What's this?

It's a new housing development for newlyweds.

It's lovely.

No, it's not, son. It's horrible.

Yeah, that's their star, the bastards.

Suzette couldn't know about this.

Could she?

Suze.

Is this really you?

No.

You are...

But I married him.

Why don't you skip, hon?

I can't.

He can't stop you, Suze.

I've ruined what we used to be.

It's all just a mess.

It's just a mess.

What do you know about this, Suze?

It's... It's one of Henley's companies.

He seems to think it's going to make him a fortune.

Hello.

What, no cocktail, Susan?

Sorry, Henley. What will it be?

Shall we make it a Between the Sheets?

White City Properties, Henley, anything to do with you?

Not that it's any business of yours, young man, but yes.

It's a company I have a small interest in.

And would that be the same company that's redeveloping West 11?

Bitters?

You know what I mean, Henley. Redeveloping.

Knocking down old houses, putting up new ones.

Down the hatch.

It's just a cover-up, isn't it?

The whole thing.

The corset, the royal jelly, and you, Suzette.

Susan, did you invite him here?

Well, young man, as you obviously weren't invited, I suggest you leave.

Haven't you got enough already without hiring Teds to put people out onto the streets?

Please.

Jesus, Suze.

We must keep Great Britain white!

That is our theme for tonight.

Hate in church and hate in school, hate at home, hate in your hands, hate's the way to clean the land!

Hold it, boys!

Hey, this summer, it won't last forever?

Oh, yes, it can.

It'll last until the calendar says stop, Daddy-O.

Hey, it's not Daddy-O. It's Mario.

Listen, Henley, I'm...

Look, I've told you before not to call me here.

If you don't get over a bit lively with some cash we're gonna be bang in trouble.

What on earth are you talking about?

I've got a feeling the whole thing's gonna blow up on us!

You bloody fool, can't you take care of anything for yourself?

Hope you're proud of yourself, Saltzman.

Get outta my way.

Did you get the pictures, Dido?

Boy, you really wanna nail this guy, don't you?

It's not just Henley.

There's someone else involved.

Someone we both know.

In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if this was his idea.

Like who?

Let's just say he's moving out of selling dreams, into property development.

My, my, my.

Well, it seems you've been a naughty boy, Vendice.

There he is, the nigger lover!

See the chickie run.

Come on, lads, let's get him.

Come here, you!

Quick, Jill, inside.

What's going on?

Shut the door. Is Cool in the house? Where's Cool?

Haven't seen him all day. Don't know where he is.

Come on. Run for it! Get out of the way!

Get away!

Hitler had the right idea.

Don't knock him, son.

You need him here.

Jackboots smashing up your rear.

I serve in the Royal Air Force, fighting for this country in the war.

What's going on, Cool?

I have a medal to prove it.

I even met Mr. Churchill and shake him hand.

This is my country.

We must leave it up to the police to protect us...

Don't worry, Colin.

Remember, this is England.

But without force. That is not the way.

Do something before we are forced out of here.

You're sitting there doing nothing.

Shut up and listen!

I've got to split.

Look after yourself.

But you're talking a whole load of shit!

Right.

We don't need no representations or committees.

What we need is a few pieces of iron and my organization so when they do come in here tonight, we can defend ourselves!

If you go down to the woods today You're in for a big surprise If you go down to the woods today You'll hardly believe your eyes Nigger lover!

Lynch the bastard!

Lynch the bastard!

Good night, golliwog, sleep tight!

You have a better solution.

Have some real fun!

Burn the bastard!

What in God's name do you maniacs think you're doing?

I'm not paying you to cause this sort of trouble.

That's all right, Mr. Saltzman.

This one's for free.

Never. That's not my game.

Get on with it. I'm going.

Saltzman, come for yours!

Die! Die! Die! Die!

Henley!

Henley, stop. Stop, Henley.

Oh, God.

Leave him!

Come on, let's go!

Cool!

Suze. Get the hell out of here!

Hey, you.

Hello, boys. What's happening?

You choose the wrong night to be white.

Hold it.

What're you doing around here?

Cool it, kiddo.

Come to the real teenage ball.

We don't want the Blacks or Jews, yellow, red, brown or blue, and let's kick out the homos, too!

Fascism is here to stay.

Trains on time. Regular pay.

Jobs for all the Christian whites.

Hate's the way to win our fight!

Hate's the way we shall unite!

Give me your hands to make us free!

Give me your fists to crush the beast!

Give me your pain and misery!

Give me your vote for victory!

Keep Britain white!

White!

Keep Britain... White!

This guy's flipped, man.

Look. You wanted kicks and fantasy.

Whose side you on, teenager?

Keep Britain white!

That's the last white breath you'll draw.

Get him!


Take this.

Stop it.

Break it up. Leave it out.

Go get him, Misery.

My man.

Go! Get him. Dust him over.

Get off! Stop it!

What's the matter with you crazy bastards?

They're ruining it.

Hello, and welcome to the streets of Notting Hill in torment.

The flaming passions of hatred consume these streets known as Jungle West 11th.

Rent asunder by the passions of the color riots.

And we have violent teenage gangs roaming free, causing panic in the streets.


Come on!

Take that.

Down the club, quick.

You bet.

Open up. Open up.

Let us in. Come on, open the door.

Come on, Paul. We're friends.

Hurry up. Good. Thank God for that.

An uneasy calm is finally returning to these troubled streets.

The question now is whether this divided community can work together to heal the wounds.

Their task is not easy, as a fuse has been lit and the whole area threatens to blow sky high.

Hello, Mum. Get off. This is national television.

Suze!

Colin!

Let me through.

Hi, hon. Colin.

You all right?

Suze.

Hon.

Run! Run, Suze!

Don't drop me! Don't drop me!

You all right, Jill?

Colin, where's Cool?

Leave it!

There's nothing you can do now.

If you go down to the woods

He's crazy.

You don't learn.

What's up? Lost your cool?

Cool!

Didn't get me, did you, Flikker?

Golliwog pie.

You'll die for that, Flikker!

Colin!

Get off him! Leave him alone!

Leave him alone! Get off him!

Leave me alone!

Cool!

Get off.

Come here, you.

Why don't you pick on someone your own size?

Wiz.

Yeah, a real nigger, chocolate drop?

Where you gonna run to now?

Get up, Cool! Get up!

Fight! Die!

Where are you? Show yourself!

Come on! Where are you?

I was put up to it.

I was paid!


You ain't worth it, whitey.

All right, Cool, nice one.

We'll be back.

So what?

Now whether you're white or whether you're black Here comes a real exclusive medical shark attack A medical thing called "So what?"

Oh, yes, we're in '58 So what?

The year of absolute beginners So what?

This is no ordinary year Why not?

Let me explain it Why not?

There were race riots in the streets So what?

In the longest, hottest summer So hot Stirred up by ignorance and hate So what?

And indecent people So what?

I had to fight like me be mad

Ba-ba-ba, ooh Ba-ba-ba, ooh Ba-ba-ba, ooh Ba-ba-ba, ooh I've nothing much to offer

There's nothing much to take

I'm an absolute beginner

But I'm absolutely sane

As long as we're together

The rest can go to hell

I absolutely love you

But we're absolute beginners

With eyes completely open Finders, keepers.

But nervous all the same If our love song Could fly over mountains Could laugh at the ocean Just like the films There's no reason To feel all the hard times To lay down the hard lines It's absolutely true Ba-ba-ba, ooh Ba-ba-ba, ooh Ba-ba-ba, ooh Ba-ba-ba, ooh

I just can't believe it.

It's the most incredible thing that's ever happened to me.

It'll ruin his career.

Nothing much could happen

Nothing we can't shake

Well, we're absolute beginners

With nothing much at stake

As long as you're still smiling

There's nothing more I need

I absolutely love you

But we're absolute beginners

But if my love is your love

We're certain to succeed If our love song Could fly over mountains Could sail over heartache Just like the films If there's reason To feel all the hard times To lay down the hard lines It's absolutely true


Ba-ba-ba, ooh Ba-ba-ba, ooh Ba-ba-ba, ooh Ba-ba-ba, ooh Ba-ba-ba, ooh Ba-ba-ba, ooh Ba-ba-ba, ooh Ba-ba-ba, ooh Ba-ba-ba, ooh

Ba-ba-ba, ooh