All the Boys Love Mandy Lane (2006) Script

Good to go?

Mandy Lane.

Hi. Someone got hot this summer!

Thank you. Shut up, faggot.

Hey, Mandy.

Hey, why don't you come with us? Jake, there's no room.

There's plenty of room.

Where are you guys going? My place.

Little pool party.

Sure, we'll go.

Who's "we"?

Yeah, who's "we"? You and me.

Sweet.


Open up, man!


What, no bathing suit? That sucks.

No big deal.

Just go in your underwear.

You have no idea how hot you are, do you?

No. This is cute.

I like this. What is this? Stop!

Come on, don't be shy about it.

Strip right here.

Let everyone see what colour those panties are.

What the f**k?

Dude!

Laugh now, you f**king dick!

Dylan, stop.

Mandy, I was just playing around with this kid.

Mandy, no... He saved my life, man. This guy, he's amazing.

He's a winner. You're f**king amazing, you know that?

So you're OK? I'm fine.

Fine.

Easy, easy.

I come in peace.

What, she won't talk to you now?

That figures. Look...

Let's just play nice and be friends and get the f**k off my roof.

Okay?

So how are you gonna do it?

Do what?

Seal the deal.

I mean, look. Look down there.

Every stupid idiot has the exact same goal.

What makes you any different?

I don't need to be different.

Jesus, are you even listening to me?

I know her.

She's not gonna fall for some jock who tried to drown her best friend.

Face it, man, you're boring.

You're marshmallow, like an American Idol...

Get off my f**king roof, Emmet.

This went well. What are you doing?

Careful, man. Look.

She's looking at you right now.

Waiting to see what you do.

Well?

It's not that far.

You've f**king done this before, right?

She'll love it.

I promise.

You know what? F**k it, you're too drunk.

Don't!

Don't tell me I'm too fucking drunk in my own fucking house.

I'll do it with you, then.

Come on!

Let's jump to Mandy.

See if she can catch us.

Dylan, get down from there.

You, too, you fucking loser.

Ready?

One.

Two.

Three.

Mandy Lane!

Somebody get help!

Oh, no!

Hey, you stupid fuck!

Look what you made him do!

What the hell just happened?

Eagle, Eagle, we're the best! Better than all the rest!

There she is, boys.

Mandy Lane.

Untouched.

Pure.

Since the dawn of junior year, men have tried to possess her, ..and to date, all have failed.

Some have even died in their reckless pursuit of this angel.

I've invited her out to my ranch this weekend.

My kingdom.

So I ask you, gentlemen, am I the sh*t?

To which I reply, yes, I am.

But will she come?

Hi.

Chloe! Chloe, listen.

F**k off, Red. Is she in?

I'm working on it.

Let's water up!

What's up, man?

She better come, dude.

She'll be there.

And I got first dibs.

Yeah, we'll see about that.

I can see your nipples.

Obviously.

How do you get 'em that hard? It's a secret.

You go, Mandy Lane!


Mandy!

Finished it.

Not now, Emmet.

Um, Mandy's, like, busy. She doesn't have time for love poems.

Creepy boy. Can't he take a fucking hint?

Not friend any more.

Go jump off a roof, Emmet.

Check out what I just got.

Is it contagious?

Does it explain that thing on your face?

Whatever, smarty-cunt. Seriously, check it out.

Tasty, huh?

Marlin, don't get me wrong, but you're all pudge.

That thing's gonna get lost in the folds.

I'm not fat.

OK.

I think it's nice, Marlin.

Hey! You're coming this weekend, right?

Right. You Okay-ed it with your aunt?

I will. Well, you'd better.

You only finish junior year once.

Sh*t, dude!

She's coming.

She's coming to my ranch, dude!

Hey, Jake?

I got first dibs though.

No, you don't! Say it again, man. Say it again.

I don't need to say it again. I only say things once.

Emmet's not going, is he?

No.

This bird's going.

Hold on! How many boys are going?

Aunt Jo, I can take care of myself.

I know. These people invited me.

New friends. Don't you think I should make new friends?

Wouldn't that be, like, good for me?

It is good to see you playing with this new crowd.

They seem very mature. They are.

And... And responsible and normal.

Just give her permission, Mother. It seems to be going in that direction.

My parents would let me go.

OK. Thanks.

But be careful.

I will, I will. Thank you, Aunt Jo.


Would you like to hit this? Would you?

What's with all these marks?

Jake's hooked up with a girl from each one of those states.

There's, like, 40 states in California.

42.

And the f**ker's parents are taking him to Alaska in August.

So who gets it this weekend?

Chloe.

And Mandy.

Yeah, right.

At the same time.

Has Jake said anything about getting back together with me?

Not that I can think of.

Would you even tell me if he did?

No, ma'am.

Damn it!

I am trying to f**k your best friend here.

Give me a little cooperation. Alright.


Hey, man, Check this out.

Oh, sh*t! Whiteout on three?

Let's do it. Yeah, f**king blue 42 and sh*t.

Yeah, let's do it.

Excuse me?

Sir? Yeah?

Can I get some directions? You know your way around here pretty good?

Is this a map? I know some things.

We're looking for the 305.

You want some? No, thanks.

Thank God for little brothers with ADD.

How's that working out?

Has his behaviour improved? Whatever.

Dude, you gotta trim that thing!

F**king Sherwood Forest!

Well, here's 71.

I don't know the 305.

Never heard of it? No.

This is where we are, right here.

Alright.

But I don't see it on here, son. I just don't see it.

Well, thanks for trying, man. We'll, uh...

Good luck to you, man. Thanks a lot.

Now, those are some mighty fine-looking ladies. Yeah, they are!

Alright, man.

Thanks, asshole.

Hey! Shit!

Man, did y'all see Lane?

She was, like, a pro with the getaway vehicle.

Let's rob a bank, huh?

You totally corrupted her, Jake.


What the hell's going on back there?

There is no f**king way I am taking my car in there.

My dad will kill me if I scratch it.

It's cool. There's room in here. Sit on laps.

Uh, I'd like to walk.

You guys are not walking. It's another mile to the ranch.

Are you kidding?

I am not walking.

OK.

I'm game.

I'll send the ranch hand back down for y'all.

And there won't be much time for walking, or, uh... anything else, Bird.

I guess they'll be talking when we get back.

Talking?

About us.

You know we're all trying to get you, right?

Get me?

Get with you.

Look, here's the deal.

I'm not like the other guys.

I mean, I love 'em.

They're my boys an' all, but... I'm just not like them.

I have respect for the woman.

I can see that.

Can I hold your hand?

Can I kiss you?

It's just a kiss.

Hey. Don't mean to disturb y'all..

..but Red asked me to circle round and bring you up to the house.

I'm Garth.

Mandy Lane.

And I think we should get going.

Alright, hop in.

Hold on.

Pull!

Thanks.

Welcome to paradise, dudes! Yeah!

Hi, Mandy.

Don't worry.

I'm not planning on sleeping in here.

You're not? Please!

I'm gonna sleep in a room with a boy in it, thank you.

Maybe go visit Garth, the cowboy babe.

The ranch hand?

Like you didn't notice.

This useless piece of sh*t!

Let's go. It's time to get you ladies wet.

Meet us at the lake.

Sure you don't want company? Like you could keep up.


You bitch!

Nice, nice, nice! Mandy!

Come on in, the water's good.

Get in!

Shit!


Jesus.

Damn!

Oh, my! I'm gonna say it, man!

Mandy, I love you! I love everything about you.

Your aunt and your cousin Jen.

Come here, baby.

Come here, baby. I love it.

Jake!

He got it!

Give 'em to me! And she's naked.

Jake! Damn it!

Jake! Jake! No!

Shit!

Nice shot, man.

Jesus!

Throw a few rocks before you go swimming. Give the snakes fair warning.

Good Lord, Garth! Goddamn!

Thanks, dude.

Thank you.

Now I could really use a drink.

Thank you.

We got an ace.

Waterfall!

It's your turn, Red.

Thank you.

Truth or dare?

Truth or dare?

Dare.

Go out to the barn and, uh... suck off the horse.

You are such a sick little fuck.

We agreed an R rating, remember? That's triple X. That's creepy.

You're drunk!

I get to go.

Truth or dare?

Mandy?

Mandy?

Truth or dare?

Dare. Yeah!

Go outside and invite Garth to join us.

What? No. Don't. Why?

Do!

OK.

What? No, stop that! He could...

Seriously, don't sneak up on him or anything. He might shoot you.

I think I'll be OK.


Garth?

Hey, Garth?

Garth?

You in there?

You looking for me? No.

Yeah. Um...

I was just... getting some air.

Wondering if you, you know...

...wanted some.

Air?

Uh... company.

Actually...

...they kind of dared me to come out here and invite you in for a drink.

Uh...

So you wanna come?

I do, but... I can't.

I don't think Red's father would approve.

Yeah.

It's silly that we're all inside.

Well, they all seem to be doing alright in there.

Well...

Sure you don't wanna come in? Pretty sure.

Well, um... OK.

Bye.

Red, who told you it was cool to wear shorts and cowboy boots?

Marlin, have you ever had a lesbian experience?

When was the last time you jerked off?

Have you ever seen your dad's wiener?

Is it true what they say about black guys?

I don't know. Is it?

Your dad's gay, right?

When are you gonna give up that cherry?

When are you gonna give up yours? Ooh!

Spit or swallow?

Who has the smallest pecker in the room?

Who does have the smallest package in the room?

What?

Sorry, Jake.

Sorry!

What the fuck are you laughing at? It's just a joke.

Come on, man, take it easy. Have another drink.

Why don't we take a break, guys? No! We're just getting started.

Not a big deal, dude. Not a big deal. Chill.

Really, it's... not a big deal.

Know what? Fuck you guys.

Jake... Let him go. What do you care?

You don't know when to quit.

Blow me, chubs.

Fuck you!

What the fuck? You whore!

What the fuck does she care?

Oh, my God.

She's totally in love with Jake.

Jake?

Come on, Jake.

I didn't mean it was small.

I just meant it was the smallest one at the table.


Jake?

C'mon, Jake. It was just a joke.

There you are. You OK? That was bullshit.

Poor baby... No, don't "poor baby" me.

Let me see if I can help.

You've helped enough. Stop it, Marlin!


See? It gets big when it gets hard.

They all get big when they get hard.

Assholes!


Shit!

Better? Oh, yeah.

My turn.

Let's go finish the game.

Wait. Jake, you're gonna go down on me, right?

Uh-uh.

Why don't you go get Red to do you?

I am sick and tired of you fucking little boys.

I'm gonna go fuck the cowboy, Jake! You fucking little prick!

Come on, Jake. It's dark in here. I can't see.

Jake, come on.

Jake?

Come on, it's not funny any more.


Nobody say shit about his cock.

Where's Marlin?

She mentioned something about fucking the maid.

Ranch hand, dude.

Whatever.


Will y'all get me a beer?

No. No.

Fine. Anybody else want a beer?

No, thanks. Alright.

Ah, shit!

Perfect.

Perfect.

Jake, go get Garth to start the genny, OK?

Hell, no.

I just got you a beer.

Probably busy boning Marlin anyway. Somebody help me!

Dude, go help Chloe. No way, bro.

Someone should go outside and sort the generator.

Fuck it, I'll do it. I'm serious!

I'll go help Chloe.

Um, I should go get the candles.


So where is everyone?

They're all fucking.

Really?

And just where are you, Mandy Lane?

Right here.


What are you doing?

Oh, uh, trying to get the power back on.

Right.

Red check the fuse box?

I think I can get it started.

Don't you have a girlfriend in there?

Yeah, I think I might.

Well, I'd run back in there before I lose her.

What the hell are you talking about?

We're on the grid here. Power ain't got nothing to do with the generator.

Those little fuckers.

Hope they get the power turned back on.

Yeah, I wouldn't count on it.

Yeah, I thought we could use some alone time.

Jake.

What?

What are you doing? Nothing!

You know what?

You walk around this place like you think you're better than us.

I do not think I'm better... And you know what? You're not.

Shit! I think we're pretty much on the same page here, don't you?

In fact, Lane, I think we're a lot alike.

You want what I want.

Turn the power back on, Jake.

Why the fuck did you come here anyway?

Good question.

Hey, look, I understand you. I really do.

Don't forget that shit. I don't have a problem with Marlin.

But if that fat bitch has a better chance at Jake than I do, then why is it my fault that she has body-image issues?

Like, that's her problem, you know?

She makes a choice to be fat, so it's totally all on her, you know?

It's like... what does that have to do with me?

What does that have to do with Jake, you know?

It's like...

You know what I mean?

I have no idea what you're talking about.

You OK?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.

Yeah, she's fine.

And I'm bored.

Messing with the fuse box wasn't fun?

Oh, no. No, that was fun. It was fun, wasn't it, Mandy?

Thanks for starting up the genny.

Come on, Bird. We were just playing with you, man. We cool?

OK.

Hey, Chloe, how about a swim? Skinny-dip.

Just you, me and the beautiful creature again.

I'm sorry, um... didn't you, like, fuck Marlin tonight?

I did, actually. Lane?

Last chance to get a piece.

Well, back to the well, then.

No. No, no, no, no. No keys.

Jake, you can't drive.

Jake, please! Don't wait up, ladies!

Hilarious! Give me the fucking keys! Jake, give me the fucking gun, dude!

Marlin!

Where you at, you crazy bitch?

Marlin!


What the fuck?

That you, babe?

Hey! What are you doing?

Are you crying or puking?

Not that it makes much difference to me, but...

Nah, I'm just playing with you.

Here, Have a drink.

Don't give me the silent treatment. Have a drink.

It'll make you feel better.

C'mon, baby, have a drink.

Come on, have a drink.

Oh, shit!

Who the fuck?


Wait, wait, wait. Did you guys hear that?

It's just Jake messing around.

No, no, no. He's drunk and he's in a truck and he's got a gun.

OK, that's bad.

Shit!

Bird, go get him. Fuck that.

I'm not doing it. He's been an asshole all night.

Don't look at me! I'm not going out there to get shot.

Yeah, just let him cool off.

Oh, my God! OK, fine. I will go get him myself.

Damn it!

I heard a gunshot. What the hell's going on here, Red?


Look, I don't care what you do. I really don't.

But if you're drinking and whatever, I don't wanna know, right?

I don't need to know.

It's not us. But no guns.

You're the one with the gun.

You've been drinking a lot and doing a lot of whatever you're doing..

..so I'd suggest you call it a night, alright?

Take it, man. We're done. I'm not gonna take it, Red.

Just sit tight and wait till the morning. We'll have a big time then.

I would feel much safer if you were here.

Well, I'm leaving, darling.

Oh, and, uh... if I hear one more gunshot..

..I'm calling your dad.


Lane? Lane?

Is he single?

Why the sudden interest in the ranch hand?

Just curious, that's all.

So, well, is he?

Well...

Well, he was married and then his... his wife died tragically.

Oh, my God. That poor thing.

He's poor alright.

I bet your mom likes him.

Yeah. Both my parents liked him.

They love having a marine around the house.

Oh, my God.

A cowboy and a soldier? I just got wet.

You know, Ned Willis was trying to recruit me.

I think he got traumatised by the Gulf War. He saw a lot of people die.

He doesn't seem traumatised. Nah, he's just like that.

The guy's seriously traumatised. Classic shell shock.

Oh, my God. Can I just go hug him?

That is so sad. So sad.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God, oh, my God! I just saw somebody covered in blood!

You put so much shit up your nose, I don't believe a word you say.

No, I mean it. I just saw somebody!

Hey, Chloe, it's been a long night. I swear to God, I saw someone.

There's nobody out there. There's nobody around for miles.

Look, I'll prove it.

No! Red! I'm gonna prove it to you.

There's nobody.

Fuck! Get down, get down, get down!

There's no one out there.

Chloe? Chloe, are you okay?

Yeah. I think we're all just real tired.

I'm fine.

You OK?

I'm fucked. Sit down.

I have to go to the bathroom.

I don't want to go by myself.

OK. OK, let's go. Yeah?

OK, I got you.


Where's the light?

OK, girl. Yeah? You're safe?

You'll be fine. You're calm.

Right?

Like a monk. Yeah, right.

Thank God.

Yeah? See?

You're gonna be fine.

Thanks.

Your hands are shaking. Are you OK?

Yeah. I'm fine.

Jake and Bird both tried to kiss me.

They did?

You're so much prettier than me. Chloe...

No.

You are. It's fine.

This will make you calm.

Open up.

No, no. Yeah.

Now swallow.

Swallow.

Hi. We got a little impatient. Sorry.

That's nice.

You good? I'm fading.

We should all crash, at least for a couple of hours.

Yeah. Jake and Marlin can find their way home.

Yeah. Probably asleep already, cuddled up under some juniper bush.

Y'all want to go inside?

There's plenty of beds. We can all, uh...

I'm not gonna make suggestions. It'd be weird to make suggestions.

We'll figure something out.

Here he is.

OK. He's gonna want attention. Just ignore him.

Don't fucking indulge him.

Hey, jackass!

Oh! Fuck you, man! What's going on?

Fuck this shit.

Bird! Bird, come back here! You fucking bastard!

Bird!

Garth, listen, I'll straighten this out.

Man, Garth. Please, dude. Dude, please.

OK, now I am begging you. I implore you.

Please do not pick up the phone. Don't call my dad. Do not...

Please, I take full responsibility. Nothing burned. We're OK, we're fine.

Garth... Please.

You rock. Thank God.

Dude, you can... go back to sleep.

I'm not going anywhere, buddy.

OK, dude, but, you know...

Hey, Jake!

Jake, man, you need to chill.

Hey, Bird. Hop in.

Emmet? Now, what the fuck are you doing here?

Get in the truck.

What, you gonna shoot me?

What the fuck is wrong with you? She having fun in there?

What's going on in there? Is it fun? Answer me!

I saw you try and kiss her today, out on the road.

What are you talking about? What did she taste like?

Where the fuck is Jake and Marlin? Doesn't matter.

I'm not even here right now.

I'll be dead in the morning.

And you, you won't even fucking make it that far.

You're just like all the rest.

Rest of who, man? Who's dead?

You're not listening!

Everyone.

Over here. What's the matter, Bird? Where you going, buddy?

Oh, Birdy, Birdy, Birdy, Birdy.

Where am I?

I'm over here.

Can't you see?

I'm sorry, Bird.

No, I'm not.

About 40 head. Most of them had real bad lesions and a lot were dropping calves.

What happened to them?

My dad had to sell 'em to the neighbour.

Your dad didn't sell the herd, Red. You can't sell 'em when they're sick.

So what did you do to 'em?

Well, it's the only thing that you can do. I put 'em down.

Well, my dad said... He said to take care of 'em and I did.

Single-handedly.

Leave it alone, Red.

You shot them.

Yeah. I shot 'em.

Well, I just admire you, so...

Will you protect us from the bandits?

Yeah, I'll do that.

How about teenage boys? Yeah, them, too.


You OK? Yeah.

Chloe gave me this... pill.

Made me really tired.

God, I can't sleep. Don't let me fall asleep.

Coffee will help.

It's an odd group of friends.

Yeah.

You seem... I don't know. Different.

It's cos I am.

My parents died when I was little.

Sorry to hear that.

Somebody did a good job raising you.

My aunt.

She took me in.

Wouldn't have a sister, say, about ten years older, would you?

Cousin Jen.

She's 21.

She'd do a number on a nice man like you.

I don't think they're coming back.


Hi. You've reached Robert, Nora, Emmet...


They killed. They started to kill.

Now, what's going to happen here in a matter of few minutes is that...


... being so bewildered with many, many pressures on my brain, seeing all these people behave so treasonous. It was too much for me.

You OK?

Mandy?

I think we need to get out of here.

Hey. We need to get up, OK?

What's going on? You guys are scaring me.

Garth, Garth!

Where did you get hit? I got hit here.

It's OK.

Chloe, we're gonna get out of this, OK?

We're so fucked. It's dead.

Somebody's out there!

Who? I don't know.

I need to get you all to a car. I'm not leaving you alone.

I'll go.

Look, I brought us here. I'll get us out.

Do you think they're OK? Jake and Bird?

And Marlin?

Go. Out the back. Go.

Go.

Wait! I'll go with you.


Let me see this.

Come on. Go on. I can't!

Come on. Let's go. Stick together.

I can't breathe any more.

Oh, God!

Listen to me. Let's go! Just leave me here!

Chloe! Listen, we'll walk.

But they're waiting!

Thank God!

It's totally OK.


No!

Get up!

Oh! Get up!

Please get up. Get up!

Please.

In my cabin, the keys to the Jeep. Go.


Oh, God!


Look at you go, Chloe! You got nowhere to fucking go!

Fucking freak! Fucking whore!

Huh, bitch? Whoo-hoo!


Oh, God!


Mandy!

Mandy!

Chloe!

Come here, Chloe! Chloe!

Come here!

I'm here, I'm here. Shh. They're all dead.

They're all dead.

Hush. It'll be OK, it'll be OK.


What took you so long?

Look how bloody you are. Yeah. It just keeps gushing.

You OK?

Yeah. OK.

Brought presents.

No, no. You keep it.

It's good?

Um...

I put everything in here, you know, for the copycats and the cops.

I think they'll appreciate it.

Will you sign it for me? Don't make fun of it.

Mandy, it's the only way any of them will understand.

Alright.

I never read it, anyway.

Can I keep this, too?

All yours.

So what now?

I guess we do it.

Um... I know we said that we'd both take pills, but I think you should take the pills and then shoot me in the heart.

But do it a bunch of times cos they don't always die the first time, like Jake.

Oh, um, and just don't shoot my face cos my mom would want an open casket.

Emmet...

Here. Give me your hand. I have to watch you do it.

I mean, I trust you, but, you know...

It's OK.

Don't be scared.

It's just us now.

I'm not scared.

Are you?

Take them.

OK?

That's why you did all of this, right?

Is that what you wanted?

I'm doing it for you.

You should never do anything for me.

Mandy, don't.

Hey, we had a plan. We're gonna die now.

One of us will.

Help! Garth!

Help!

Garth!

No, no!

Mandy!

Mandy!


No! Stop it!

Not so fast. Faster than you.

Why are you fucking with me?

We did everything we wanted! We're the only ones left!

I love you.

You fucking knew that!

Let's just be friends.

We're different.

You said so!

I did everything right!

You fucking die with me. Die with me!

Die with me.

Mandy, fucking die with me! Fuck you!

Die with me!

I think I'll finish high school first.


Garth.


You did it.

You saved us.