Almost Famous (2000) Script

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You want to be Atticus Finch. Good!

I like him. Why?

Well, he's honest. Yes.

He stands up for the right thing. Yes.

And he's a good father. He is.

Did it all by himself. Did what all by himself?

Raised his kids. He didn't!

Who was the woman that came every day?

Calpurnia. Calpurnia. He remembered.

What about Boo? What?

Boo's the most interesting character in To Kill a Mockingbird.

Excuse me.

I'm a teacher. "Xmas" isn't in the English language.

It's either "Merry Christmas"...

...or "Happy Holidays."

Thank you.


Tell me about Livia.

She killed everyone so her son could be king. Like Nixon.

Please, please, please.

Anita? Hey, Mom.

Want something to eat? No, thanks. I already ate.

Are you sure? I made soy cutlets. I'm fine.

Wait. You've been kissing.

No, I haven't. Yes, you have.

I can tell. You can't tell.

Not only can I tell, I know who it is. It's Darryl.

What you got under your coat?

Why can't we listen to our music? It's about drugs and promiscuous sex.

Simon and Garfunkel is poetry.

The poetry of drugs and promiscuous sex.

Honey, they're on pot.

First, it was butter. Then sugar and white flour.

Bacon, eggs, bologna, rock'n'roll, motorcycles.

Then, it was celebrating Christmas in September...

...when it wouldn't be commercialized.

What else will you ban? You wanna rebel against knowledge.

I give you the Cliffs Notes on life. We're like nobody else I know!

I'm a college professor. Why can't I teach my own kids? Use me.

Darryl says you use knowledge to keep me down.

He says I'm a "yes" person and you are raising us in a "no" environment.

Clearly, Darryl doesn't hear "no" much.

I can't live here! I hate you!

William hates you. I don't.

You don't even know the truth.

Don't be a drama queen. Feck you!

This is a house of lies!

There it is.

Your sister used the "F" word. I think she said "feck."

What's the difference? The letter "U."

Are you really in our grade?

Hey, guys! Check it out. William doesn't have any pubes.

How old are you, man? He's not a man.

He's a baby. Bet he doesn't get zits.

Everyone has hair. What's wrong?

How old are you, like 2? How pathetic!

Where are your pubes?

I had them.

I shaved them off.

He's a funny guy.

See you, pubes.

Hey, noodle. Hi, guys.

Put on your seat belt.

We got our annuals.

Received your annual. Right, received.

I look so much younger than everyone.

Enjoy it while you can.

Mom, it's time.

Can this wait till we get home? Pull over.

Tell him the truth. Tell him how old he is.

He knows how old he is.

Kids make fun of him because he looks young.

Nobody includes him. They call him "The Narc."

They do? What's a narc?

A narcotics officer. What's wrong with that?

Come on, you guys. It's no big deal.

I'm 12. She skipped me a grade.

Big deal. I'm a year younger. They're 13, I'm 12.

Aren't I?

I put you in first grade when you were 5 and didn't tell you.

So I'm how old? This will scar him forever.

Don't be Cleopatra. We have to be Mom and Dad.

You put too much pressure on him. When he rebels in some odd way...

...don't blame me. How old am I?

You skipped an extra grade.

You're 11.


So you skipped fifth grade.

They pad the grades too much. Eleven?!

You also skipped kindergarten. I taught it to you when you were 4.

This explains so much.

You've robbed him of an adolescence. Adolescence is a marketing tool.

Honey, I know you were expecting puberty...

...but you'll have to shine it on for a while.

Who needs a crowd?

Who put such a high premium on being typical?

You're unique.

You're two years ahead.

Take those extra years and do what you want.

Go to Europe. Take a look around.

See what you like.

Follow your dream.

You'll still be the youngest lawyer. Your dad was proud.

He knew you were a predominately accelerated child.

What about me?

You are rebellious and ungrateful of my love.

Somebody's gotta be normal around here.


This song explains why I'm leaving home to become a stewardess.

We can't talk? We have to listen to rock music?

I love you.

Man, take good care of her in San Francisco, man.

One day...'ll be cool.

Look under your bed. It'll set you free.

Watch the plant.

You're 18 and I can't stop you.

She'll be back.

Maybe not soon.

Here's a theory for you to disregard...

... completely.

Music, you know, true music not just rock'n'roll, chooses you.

It lives in your car, or alone, on your headphones...

...with vast, scenic bridges and angelic choirs in your brain.

It's a place apart...

...from the benign lap of America.

Did you know "The Letter" by The Box Tops...

...was a minute, 58 seconds long? It means nothing. Nil.

They take two minutes to accomplish...

...what Jethro Tull takes hours to not accomplish.

You see, this is fatuous, pseudo blubber.

You know, which is fine...

...but to foist it off as art...

The Doors? Jim Morrison?

He's a drunk, posing as a poet.

I like them. Give me The Guess Who.

They got the courage to be drunken buffoons, which makes them poetic.

It's an honour to have the great rock critic and editor of Creem...

...back home in San Diego, Lester Bangs.

Live, "American Woman"?

Have you ever...? The most brilliant piece of gobbledygook ever!

Give me some "White LightlWhite Heat."

Lggy Pop!

Amen! Put this on. This isn't on your playlist.

Isn't it a bit early for that? Not for me.

That was Lester Bangs, this is Alice Wisdom and here is lggy Pop.

So you're the kid sending me those articles from the school newspaper.

I've done stuff for a local underground paper.

What are you, the star of your school? They hate me.

You'll meet again on their journey to the middle.

Your writing is good. Too bad you missed rock'n'roll. It's over.

Over? It's over.

You got here for the death rattle. Last gasp. Last grope.

At least I'm here for that. What do you use?

Smith-Corona Galaxis Deluxe.

You like Lou Reed?

Early stuff. Lately, he's trying to be Bowie.

He should just be himself.

But if Bowie's doing Lou...

...and Lou's doing Bowie, Lou's still doing Lou.

If you like Lou.

You take drugs? No.

Smart kid.

I used to do speed.

And sometimes a little cough syrup.

I'd stay up all night, writing and writing.

I mean, like 25 pages of dribble.

You know, about the Faces, or Coltrane.

Just to fucking write.

All right. It's been nice to meet you.

Keep sending me your stuff.

I can't spend all day talking to my many fans.

I understand.

Goodbye. Yeah, goodbye.

Bye. Bye.

You need a ride?

No, man, I took the bus.

Once you go to L.A., you'll have friends like crazy.

But they'll be fake friends. They'll try to corrupt you.

You look honest, they'll tell you everything.

But you cannot make friends with the rock stars.

Is it okay if I... lf you're to be a rock journalist...

You don't get much, but you'll get free records from the record company.

There's just fucking nothing about you that is controversial.

God, it'll get ugly. They'll buy you drinks.

You'll meet girls. They'll fly you places, offer drugs.

It sounds great, but they aren't friends.

They want snobbish stories about the rock stars' genius.

They will ruin rock and strangle everything we love about it.

They're trying to buy respectability...

...for a forum that's gloriously and righteously dumb.

You're smart enough to know that.

The day it ceases to be dumb is the day it ceases to be real.

Then it just becomes an industry of cool.

You're coming along at a very dangerous time for rock'n'roll.

I mean, the war is over. They won.

And 99% of what passes for rock these days...

...silence is more compelling.

So I think you should turn around, go back and be a lawyer or something.

I can tell from your face that you won't.

I can give you $35.

Give me 1000 words on Black Sabbath. An assignment?

Yeah, yeah.

You have to make your reputation on being honest...

...and... know, unmerciful.



If you get into a jam, you can call me. I stay up late.

Look, a generation of Cinderellas, and there's no slipper coming.

You wanted to be Abraham Lincoln. You wanted to be Atticus Finch.

You want to get high?

I just have to listen.

That's what Lester said. As long as this is just a hobby.

I'll pick you up right here at 11:00 sharp.

If you get lost, use the family whistle.

Good luck. Thanks.

Don't take drugs!

"Don't take drugs!"

Yes, Mother!

Hi, I'm William Miller.

I'm from Creem magazine to interview Black Sabbath.

Not on the list.

Sir, I'm a journalist... You're not on the list.

Go to the top of the ramp with the girls.

We won't bite!

What happens after I go to...

Who are you with?


I'm with myself. Who are you with? What band?

I'm here to interview Black Sabbath. I'm a journalist.

I'm not... Not a... You know.

You're not a what?

You're not a what?

I'm not a...


We are not groupies.

This is Penny Lane, man. Show some respect.

Groupies sleep with rock stars because they're famous.

We're here for the music. We are "Band Aids."

She ran a school for Band Aids. We don't have intercourse.

We inspire the music. We're here because of the music.

Marc Bolan broke her heart, man. It's famous.

It's a long story.

I'm retired now. Visiting friends.

She changed everything.

She was the one who said, "No more sex.

No exploiting our bodies and hearts."

Right. Just blow jobs, that's it.

It's all happening! It's all happening!

It's all happening. This is our journalist friend.

Journalist friend, meet Polexia Aphrodisia...

...Estrella Starr...

...and you are... William Miller.

Here comes Sabbath! Ozzy, Tony, it's us!

It's me, Polexia!

I think I saw Sapphire.

"Does anybody remember laughter?"


Come on!

Passes, girls! Come and get them!

Oh, no, not this one. Who brought Opie?

He's with us.

Don't go anywhere, Opie. I'll take care of this if I can.

Come on, boys, pick it up! We're an hour and a half late.

I'm coming, I'm coming.

Freddy! Open up! It's Stillwater! We're on the show!

I'm a journalist for Creem magazine.

Oh, the Enemy. A rock writer.

I'd like to interview you or your band.

Look. I'm sorry, but could you please fuck off?!

We play for the fans, not the critics.

Russell, Jeff...

...Ed, Larry. I really love your band.

The song "Fever Dog" is a big step forward for you.

And you guys producing it instead of Glyn Johns...

...that was the right thing to do. And Russell, the guitar sound... incendiary.


Way to go.

Hey, man! Don't stop there.

I'm incendiary too, man. I didn't mean "fuck off."

How are you doing? He's with us. This way, bro.

He's not on your list! Here's a list of people who belong.

Hey, Red Dog!

We're playing you tomorrow night, man.

Yeah? How you doing, brother?

Good to see you.

The Allman Brothers Band's number one roadie.

How are the guys? Having a ball, man. Having a ball.

We have an Allman Brothers Band party, man.

Everybody's boogying, getting off. It's like family.

We got these now. Check that out.

You can taste the colour with your mind.

You'll be in Maryland? Yeah.

All right. Dickey and Gregg send you their love.

Take it easy. Take it easy, brother.

Good, man.

People have a hard time explaining rock, really explain rock'n'roll.

Maybe Pete Townshend, but that's okay.

Rock'n'roll is a lifestyle and a way of thinking...

...and it's not about money and popularity.

Although, some money would be nice.

It's a voice that says, "Here I am...

...and fuck you if you can't understand me."

And one of these people is gonna save the world.

That means rock'n'roll can save the world...

...all of us together.

And the chicks are great. But what it all comes down to is that "thing."

The indefinable thing when people catch something from your music.

Wait, what am I talking about? The buzz.

The buzz, and the chicks, the whatever... an offshoot of the buzz.

Like you saying you liked "Fever Dog." That is the fucking buzz!

Found you a pass.

Thanks. I got in with Stillwater.

Oh, Stillwater.

Now you're mysterious.

How old are you?

Eighteen. Me too.

How old are we really?

Seventeen. Me too.

Actually, I'm 16.

Me too.

Isn't it funny? The truth just sounds different.

I'm 15.

What's your real name?

I'll never tell.

The Enemy!

Russell! Hey.

This is Penny Lane.

Penny Lane, Russell Hammond.


Penny Lane, like the song. Have we met?

Come here, man. I wanna tell you something.


It's not what you put into it. It's what you leave out.

Listen to Marvin Gaye, a song like "What's Happening Brother?"

There's a single "woo" at the end of the second verse.

You know that single woo? Yeah! I know that woo!

Yeah! That's what you remember. It's the silly things.

The mistakes. There's only one and it makes the song.

It's what you leave out. That's rock'n'roll, what you leave out.

You're the enemy. Are you 18? Yes.

There you go, still young enough to be honest.

Bring the lights down.

Hey, get the Enemy in here.

San Diego! Ready, baby?

Good evening, San Diego!

Stand right over there.

Would you please welcome...

... from Troy, Michigan:


You want to come to L.A?

We'll be at the Riot House all week.

Riot House? Yeah.

The Continental Hyatt House.

It's on Sunset Strip.

Oh, yeah, right. Sunset Strip.

Well, tell your friend...

...Miss Penny Lane to call me. Tell her:

It ain't California without her. We want her around, like last summer.

Say it just like that.

Got it. I'm under "Harry Houdini."

I get it.

Come on, let's blow this spot! Hey, Enemy.

Come up to L.A., we'll talk some more.

Bye, Opie. See you later, Jeff, Polexia, Dick.

Scully, Ed. See you, Mick, Gregg. Later, guys.

Bye, Opie.


Hey, Red Dog. I'll see you later, man.

The Wheel. Frosty.

Ainsworth, I'll see you around, man.

Penny! Hey, be cool.

Penny, you just missed Russell.

He's at the Riot House and said for you to call.

He's under the name Harry Houdini.

You know about the Riot House, right? I think I've heard of it.

He had a message. He said:

"It's not California without you. We want you around like last summer."

No! He said, "Tell her it ain't California without..."

I get the gist. Right.

So how well do you guys know each other?

Call me if you need a rescue. We live in the same city.

I think I live in a different world.

Speaking of the world...

...l've made a decision.

I'm gonna live in Morocco for one year.

I need a new crowd.

Do you want to come?


You sure? Ask me again.

Do you want to come?

Yes, yes.

You've gotta call me. Okay.

It's all happening.

It's all happening. It's all happening.

You all right?

Yeah, yeah. Great.

And it's not about money and popularity.

And the chicks are great.

Hey, Darryl. Hey.

So, your sister's a stewardess now. Yeah.

She and Mom are still...

I'd say not speaking, but I don't know that they ever did.

The things we did inside these walls.

That's okay. I don't wanna know.

It is my room now. We flew the friendly skies.

Okay, okay.

You seem cooler.

I am thinking about going to Morocco.

Tell me if you need a little help with your mom.

A little may not be enough. She still freaks me out.

She's famous. Listen...

Go ahead and do whatever you were doing.

I'm just gonna hang in here a moment. Okay.

I worry about drunk drivers.

Mom, I'm 15.


Yes. You're 15.

And, here's that money I owe you.

Your father's favourite joke. I don't do it as well.

No, I thought that was pretty good.

Small bills on the outside. Call if they're drunk.

I will call you if anyone, anywhere, gets drunk.

And don't take drugs. Very funny.

See? Sense of humour.

Have fun at the dance. I'm glad you're making friends.

Mom, stay. Okay.

Love you.


I always tell the girls, "Never take it seriously.

Never take it seriously, you never get hurt.

If you never get hurt, you always have fun.

And if you ever get lonely... just go to the record store and visit your friends."

So you and Russell... No!

Russell has a girlfriend, and I can't even say her name.

It's all happening. I'm about to use you as protection.

These guys are with Alice Cooper. I'll pretend I don't know them.

Does Alice know you're here?

I'm just showing my very dear friend William Miller around.

He's a very good friend of Lester Bangs.

I'm responsible for his moral conduct.

Penny Lane! God's gift to rock'n'roll.

I'm retired. And don't argue with me!

Retired? Again? It's Reg. Humble Pie's road manager.

Penny, come to Portland with us.

Have we met? Have we met?!

I've made a decision. I'm going travelling to India.

And then, I'll learn to play the violin.

Then, I'll go to college for one year.

There's nothing they can teach you in college.

Call Alice, under the name Bob Hope.

I heard you were with Russell. Please, I throw the little ones back!

I lost my head!

Martin Bell's a fucking asshole. And I'm in love with Jeff.


Harry Houdini, please.

Houdini. Harry Houdini! It was Sable.

Who's Sable? We had this really great night.

And he said it was going to mean something. And I'm in love with Jeff!

I saw them on the 7th floor.

Mr. Jimmy Page, Mr. John Paul Jones, Mr. Robert Plant.

Mr. Robert Plant signed... T-shirt five minutes ago.

Dude, please don't smear it.

He touched this pen.

Vic is a Zeppelin fan. I picked that up.

He tours with them, but not "with" them.

Yeah, they're on the 12th floor now.

There's no bigger Zeppelin fan than Vic.

Very dear, very close friend of Lester Bangs.

William Miller.

Hey, you're that comedian.

Leonard! Blow me!

Okay, time to put on the lampshade.

Ladies and gentlemen!

At this time, please extinguish all smoking materials...

...for the captain has turned on the "No Smoking" sign.

Your seats and tray tables should be locked...

...and in their full upright position.

The hell with it.

Play on. Miss Penny Lane.

Thank you. Thank you.

Act One, in which she pretends she doesn't care...

...about him.

Act Two, in which he pretends he doesn't care about her...

...but he goes right for her.

Act Three, in which it all plays out the way she planned it.

She'll eat him alive.

We've gotta stop them.

Stop them?

You were her excuse for coming here.

I need ice.

I'm worried about people using her.

She brings out the good in everybody else, but what do they do for her?

It kills me. Do you have any pot?

No. Not on me.

Do you smoke? No.

But I grow it.


Grow it. You're funny.

Funny. If you were only taller and English and rich and a guitar player.

And older.

I'd... I'd be somebody else.

Yeah, good point.

The Enemy.

I'm always around if you wanna talk more.

Okay. All right.

Bless me, Father, for I may sin tonight.

How does it end?


The story about the girl who dumps the guy who has the ex, ex-wife.

Calls her a hundred, okay...

...five times and doesn't even leave a pass in San Diego.

Wake up.

I'm retired.

I never believed you anyway. You're too good-looking and talented.

You're retired like Frank Sinatra is retired.

Miss Penny Lane, let me tell you what rock'n'roll will miss.

The day that you truly retire.

The way you turn a hotel room into a home.

The way you pick up strays wherever you go.

The way you know the words to every song.

Every song. Especially the bad ones.

Mostly the bad ones.

That green coat in the middle of summer.

The real name that you won't reveal.

I could keep going, but my glass is full.


Come to Arizona?


We leave Thursday morning at 9 a.m., and pack light this time. Jesus.

- William Miller? This is he.

This is Ben Fong-Torres. I'm the music editor at Rolling Stone.

We got some copies of your stories from the San Diego Door.

Is this the same William Miller? Yes, it is.

"Voice of God," "Howling Dogs," "The Spirit of Rock'n'roll."

- This is good stuff, man. Thanks.

Thanks. Thanks.

I think you should be writing for us. Any ideas?

How about Stillwater? Stillwater?

"Hardworking band makes good." New album out, their third.

Starting to do something. Crazy.

Let's do 3000 words. We'll join the band on the road.

Don't let the band pay for anything.

We can only pay, let me see, 3000 words...


All right, a grand.

What's your background? Are you a journalism major?

- Yeah. What college?

I need you to do that thing that fixes the garbage disposal.

I certainly know how my lady gets when you don't snap to it.

- Crazy. Crazy.


Beware, beware...

...of Rolling Stone. They'll change your story...

...they'll rewrite it, you know, turn it into swill.

Besides that, what would be wrong with it?

You got starry eyes, my friend.

Look, do the story.

Who cares, you know? It'll be good for you.

Remember this: Don't do it... make friends with people who are trying to use you... further the big-business desire...

... to glorify worthless rock stars like Stillwater.

Don't let those swill merchants rewrite you.

- "Swill merchants." That's good. Yeah, swill merchants.

What are you listening to? Stillwater.

Stillwater? Fucking kid's doing drugs.

No, no, no, no.

No more than four days and I want a phone number where you are.

Call me twice a day, and do not miss more than one test!

And no drugs.

Oh, this is a big mistake.

Come on, Doris, you darling bus. You can make it.

This is what I was talking about. Russell, excuse me.

I was wondering if we could talk when we get to Phoenix.

I want to interview everybody and want to start with...

...just you and me. Absolutely.

I've got a thing in a couple days.

What? Oh, it's a thing.

Where you go there to graduate.


I never graduated. Look what happened.

You're here interviewing me.

No, no, no, no.

Don't put that in Rolling Stone. In our bios, we all graduated.

Him with honours.

We'll figure out something later, okay?

Just enjoy the ride.

Keep playing that song. All right.

I need to stay in your room. Russell's in a bad mood.

He's very Bob Dylan in Don't Look Back. He's trying to write.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah? Sure.

You okay?


Come by in a few minutes for that interview.


Is this Mr. Miller?


You have a message from Elaine.

Your mother.

She's a handful.

I know. She freaked me out.

Tell her to stop.

I'm worried, man.

No, you can trust him. He's a fan.

But it's Rolling Stone.

He looks harmless, but he represents the magazine that trashed "Layla"...

...broke up Cream, ripped every album Led Zeppelin ever made.

Don't forget the rules. He is the Enemy. He writes what he sees.

If I don't get into a room and take a Valium...

Although it would be cool to be on the cover.

You're gonna get me in trouble.

You're so trying to get me into so much trouble.

Oh, my God.

Simon Kirke from Bad Company is by the pool.



Go away!

Should I come by later?

Yes. I'm in too truthful a mood!

Maybe that's a good thing. Go away!

You okay?


Go away!

Don't worry. Come to the radio interview tonight. Okay?

Go away!

Bye. You're so rude.

The guitar and songwriting of Russell Hammond.

Vocal stylings of Jeff "Bebay." Jeff "Babey." "Babay."

"Bebe." Bebe.

"Fever Dog."

The band is Stillwater.

Watch with your mind as they materialize.

Look at the dogs wearing the funny hats juggling just for you...

...freaks and family.

It's Quince...

...with Stillwater, here, live. It's the Night Circus.

Every minute a baby is born somewhere.

Life. Death.

Hermetically sealed bags of human emotion.

Bags of love.

Bags of kindness.

How'd y'all get together?

Not to get into a me thing, but I did start the band...

...sometime ago and I placed an ad in a magazine called Peaches.

And Russell Hammond answered.


It was a gift from God. Nobody plays like Russell.

Shit, man. Thank you.

You might wanna hit that delay button, Quincy.


Now we're talking, right?


Why the fuck wait for an interview to say something nice about me?

Why not say it to my fucking face? I tell you every time you nail something.

Everybody pays you compliments.

It's not my fucking job to kiss your fucking ass.

Whose fucking job is it? Because my ass is dying for a kiss.

I know yours is too.

It's my fucking job. I think you're all geniuses.

And to all the folks out there: Smegma.




The song is "Love Thing."

Your mind is starting to take effect.

They've come to watch you swallow fire.

You scream...


...on the Night Circus.

I thought that went well. Yeah. Absolutely.


- May I speak with William? He's in the bar with the band.

They're back from the radio station. Is this Maryann with the pot?


No. This is not Maryann with the pot.

This is Elaine, his mother.

Could you give William a message, please?

Tell him to call home immediately. And also tell him...

...I know what's going on.

Okay. But I'm just gonna say this, and I'm gonna stand by it:

You should be really proud of him.

Because I know men, and I'll bet you do too.

He respects women, and he likes women.

And let's just pause and appreciate a man like that.

You created him out of thin air. You raised him right.

He's having a great time. He's doing a good job.

Don't worry, he's still a virgin, and we're all looking out for him.

You know? That's more than I've ever said to my own parents.

So there you go.

This is a maid speaking, by the way.

Can you please hold it down? Sorry, ma'am!

Russell. So, what is it you love about music?

Shut that thing off and I'll tell you the truth, all right?

Look. Fuck, I trust you, so I'm just gonna lay this right on you.

Just make us look cool.

I will quote you warmly and accurately.

Well, that's what I'm worried about.

You see, some of us have girlfriends back home, you know?

Some of us have wives.

And some of the people that you meet on the road...

...are really amazing people.

Like you.

Some of the stuff that happens, it's good for...

...a few people to know about, as opposed to, say...

...a million people.

Understand what I'm trying to say? Yeah.

They say you're dangerous.

You see everything. Most people...

...are just waiting to talk.

But you listen.

I grew up with these guys, but I can't play all that I can play.

I'm past them, as musicians, but...

...the more popular we get, the bigger their houses get...

...the more responsibilities, the pressure.

The harder it gets for me to walk out on them.

Then you forget.

Forget what it's like to be a fan.

It doesn't sound like music anymore.

It sounds like... maintenance, or something.

"Lifestyle maintenance." That's...

I used to be able to hear...

...the sounds of the world.

To me, it sounded like music.

Now, I don't hear it...


Do you understand what I'm saying?


What am I doing?

I'm telling secrets to the one guy you don't tell secrets to.


We'll do the interview tomorrow.

Okay. Okay.

So tonight it's...

Well, friends.

Yeah, right. We trust you.

Larry Fellows...

What is your role in Stillwater?

What is the chemical you add to the chemistry?

I'm the bass player.


And when you take that away...

...what would be missing, stylistically?

What chemical?

A bass?


What's going on? Russell got electrocuted!

Okay, everybody be cool!

Come on! Let's get on the bus! Let's go!

Who's taking care of us? What about the gear?

I'll deal with it. Get on the bus!

Come on! Let's go! Hey, cowboy.

You the manager? That and more.

You didn't finish your full set, man.

Listen, pal. Your shoddy stage setup almost killed my guitarist!

You trashed my dressing room and didn't do 25 minutes!

Don't fuck with my band's safety! Fuck you, man!

I'm gonna report you to every promoter in this country!

I'll call Frank Barcelona! You don't know him!

You're all amateurs!

Come on! You want it?

What do you got?

Watch the shirt, fuck!

I'm gonna kick your ass.

Take it easy, man.

I hope you got a lawyer.

Make a live album! This is your last tour!

What? What? What is that? What are you, Bruce Lee?

Come on.

Take it easy.

Lock the gates!

Go through the fucking gate.

Lock the gates on these fuckheads!

Where's my goddamn cart? William?

I forgot to tell you. Your mom called.

She says you gotta call home immediately.

And she says to tell you, "I know what's going on."

So I'll see you guys in Topeka, okay?

Amateurs! You don't know who you're dealing with!

Lock the gates!

You want to buy a gate? Yeah!

You just bought a gate!

Hey. Give that to me, William.

Give me that.

Russell, wake up.

Wake up. It's a girls' running team.


Let it go, fellas. Let it go, buddy.

When are we getting to Topeka, man?

Larry, you're a sick individual. Wake up, man.

Look at all the tasty-looking high school girls.

We can't stop the bus for every girl in shorts.

Hey, when we go to Morocco...

...we should wear completely different clothes...

...and be completely different people.

What will our names be?

What do you think of Russell?

I like him.

But that's between us. Because I am a professional.

Give them a break. There are problems in the band.

Off the record. What problems?

Okay, I got it.

Your name should be Spencer, and mine will be Jane.

I can't keep up with you. Oh, no one can.

You're coming to Cleveland, right?

Cleveland, Ohio? Oh, no, no, no.

I have to get my interview with Russell before Greenville.

You've got to help me, okay? Here's the thing about Russell.

He's my last project.

I only do this for a very few people, and I think we should do it together.

Because all the guys are good, but he could be great.

What's your real name?

All right, let's go.

Oh, it's okay. I'm easy to forget.

Just leave me behind!

I'm only the fucking lead singer!

So, Ed Vallencourt, what do you love about music?

You said you'd tell me where you were.

- And call twice a day. I know!

- You said you wouldn't miss any tests. I'll be home for graduation.

- Mom... Where are you?

Right now, Topeka, then Greenville, then home.

What about graduation? We had an agreement.

I'm sorry I didn't call you yesterday.

I miss you and I don't understand why I've driven my kids so far away.

By all rules, don't I get you for another three years?

Was I not fun?


This is Beth from Denver.

She's one of the legendary original Band Aids.

She's clairvoyant! I can't read your mind or anything.

I mean, I pick up things here and there.

Estrella says hi.

She says I can stay in your room. Sure.

Great! I've got some...

...hydroponic pot!

Wow, your aura is really fantastic!

- It's this beautiful purple colour. I love you.

I missed the last thing you said.

- Your aura is purple! I love you.

- What? Purple! It's purple!

- Mom, what? Your aura is purple!

I miss you and I love you!

I love you.

All right.

Fire away. I'm ready.

Do you have to be sad to write a sad song...

...and in love to write a love song?

Is a song better if it really happened to you?

Like "Love Thing." Where did you write that? Who is it about?

When did you get so professional?

Gentlemen, your first T-shirts have arrived.

It's the record company's mistake, and they will pay.

T-shirts are gone... band happy. All right?

Can we just skip the vibe and go straight to us laughing about this?

Yeah, okay.

I can see you want to get into it.

How can you tell? I'm just one of the out-of-focus guys.


Let's take a good look at it, all right?

See, you love this T-shirt.

It lets you say everything you want.

Well, it speaks pretty loudly to me.

It's a T-shirt.

Do you give a shit about a T-shirt?

I'm just hungry. Let's just go find some barbecue or something.

I'll always tell you the truth.

You doing coke again?

Oh, yeah, all the time.

This is big stuff, man.

From the very beginning, we said I'm the front man...

...and you're the guitarist with mystique.

That's the dynamic we agreed on.

Page, Plant. Mick, Keith.

Blackmore, Gillan.

But somehow it's all turning around.

We have got to control what's happening!

There's a responsibility here. Excuse me.

Didn't we all get into this to avoid responsibility?

I can't say any more with the writer here.

Trust him. Say what you want.

I work as hard, or harder, than anybody on that stage.

You know what I do? I connect.

I get people off!

I look for the one guy who isn't getting off...

...and I make him get off.

Actually, that you can print!

And yet, why do I always end up feeling like I'm a joke to you?

You want to pretend this won't be a very big band? Well, it is!

You call yourself a leader of this band...

...but your direction allowed this T-shirt...

...when you allowed Dick to manage us. Because he's your friend!

Don't you see, man? The T-shirt is everything.

Is it my turn now? I think we should, for once, say what we really mean.

This is the part where you quit! Right, I'm so predictable.

Deal with it.

I'll say what nobody else will say. What?!

Your looks have become a problem!

All right, okay, enough! Break it up.

Everyone out of the room for five minutes.


Yeah. William. Sorry.

Come on, man. Come on.

Let's go find something real.

From here on out, I'm only interested in what is real.

Real people, real feelings.

That's all I'm interested in from here on out.

You're real.

Thanks. You know... know all about us, and I don't know shit about you.

Tell me, what's your family like?

My dad died of a heart attack.

My sister believes that my mom is so intense...

...that she had to escape our family.

They can't find a way to get through it.

They don't even speak anymore.

Plus, she gave me all her albums, and now she's a stewardess.

It's good to talk about.

Really good. But here I am telling secrets... the one guy you're not supposed to tell your secrets to.

You're Russell from Stillwater.

Well, yeah, on my better days I am Russell from Stillwater.

Want to go to my friend Aaron's party?

I know you're a big rock star and all...

...but want to hang with good people and have a good time?

We're just real Topeka people, man.

Oh, my God. Holy shit. Fuck!

I grew up with that lampshade.

I love this kitchen. I fucking love this kitchen!

That's William over there. Hey, William!

You, Aaron, are what it's all about.

You're real.

Your room is real.

Your friends are real.

Real, man, real. You know? Real.

Real, you know?

You're more important than all the silly machinery.

Silly machinery. And you know it!

In 11 years, it's gonna be 1984, man. Think about that.

Want to see me feed a mouse to my snake?


Can I have that bitchin' belt?

Take it.

Thanks, man. Thank you, brother.

We should probably get back with the others.

Oh, it's over. Hey...

...there's acid in the beer that's in the red cups.

That's mine.

Topeka. Check it out.

Please, don't give him any more acid. Thank you.

Dick? Dick, I got him.

He's okay.

He is on acid, though.

I can't really tell. How do you know when it's kicked in?

I am a golden god!

Yes, you are!

I am a golden god!

Hey, Russell.

Don't jump.

And you can tell Rolling Stone magazine...

...that my last words...


"I'm on drugs."

I think we should work on those last words!

Oh, I got it, I got it, I got it.

I got it. I got it. This is better.

Last words:

"I dig music."

"I'm on drugs!"

Just come on down...

...and we'll go back to the hotel.


Jump. Jump!

Somebody help him.

I'll save you, Russell!

They've been crying for you like a bunch of whimpering pussies.

Oh, the band's over.

This is my family now. That's right.

Right. Definitely. It's over.

He's staying with us. Let's just go to Greenville.

We'll listen to some great music, we'll finish the tour...

...and then we'll leave those ungrateful fools behind.

Then we'll come back here, where you'll live.

That sounds good. He can stay in our basement.

I see what you're doing. I like it. Okay, good.

Come on.

I got it, man, I got it.

That felt kind of good, though.

Excuse me, kids.

Look at him. He's taking notes with his eyes.

How do we know you're not a cop? Huh?

The Enemy? Stop fucking looking at me!

He's your guardian angel.

Don't worry. He only means half of what he says.

Which half?

Just help me get my interview.

I have to go home, Dick. Okay, okay.

I have to go home. Look.

You saved the tour. That's good enough for now, okay?

Come on, big fella, let's go. I hurt the flower.

Did you, man? You hurt the flower? That's nice. Come on, on the bus.

Ladies and gentlemen, the evening is over!

We hope you all enjoyed yourselves, and we'll see you all again in 1974.

Good evening!

I have to go home.

You are home.

In Carl Jung's opinion...

...we all have a sixth sense, intuition.

When you feel you can't live without someone you just met...

...this could be the memory of a past love from the collective unconscious.

Or it could just be hormones.

I'm sorry, I can't concentrate.

Rock stars have kidnapped my son.

Most of the fuckups in the world...

... come from the brain, not the instincts.

My whole thing is to try and...

My thing is to make my brain go away.

But I can't, except on stage.

The brain should be a softening influence on the instincts...

...but the instincts should drive.

Trying to reconcile the brain with ancient urges.

The way the brain interprets these instincts... a heavy trip.

Vallencourt, are you getting on the bus or what?

Come on, let's get on the bus.

U sually I'm brain...

... and Russell is instinct.

But when we're both instinct...

... that's when we make the most memorable music...

... because it's the best.

Show me any guy who said he didn't want popularity...

...and I'll show you a scared guy. I've studied the history of music.

Most of the time, the best stuff is the popular stuff.

It's safe to say popularity sucks.

It allows you to forgive yourself if you suck.

And I don't forgive myself. Do you?

Lester, Rolling Stone is calling me.

I don't have my key interview.

Days are going by. You're flipping.

That's good. All right.

This is how you blow their minds. He'll ask you...

- This is Ben Fong-Torres, right? Yeah.

He'll ask you how the story's going, and this is what you do.

Tell him... know, it's a... It's a "think piece"...

Think piece.

... about a mid-level band...

...struggling with their own limitations in the, you know...

...harsh face of stardom.

Harsh face.

Yeah, he'll wet himself.

All dressed up and no place to go.


I'm bored.

Who hid the Quaaludes from me?

I have to pee.

Wow! Cute.

Let's deflower the kid.

Whoa. Hold on, hold on.

Wait. I should leave.

I think things are going backwards for me.

Backwards? Well, I don't know. I just...

I thought maybe we could hang out. You know, do some stuff back home... regular stuff.

Get to know each other a little bit better, and then I'd see you pee.

I mean, you know, that's just the way I usually do it.

You're one of us.

If you come to Cleveland...

...Bowie will be at Swingo's, America's greatest hotel.

I'll introduce you to him, and his security guard, Dennis.

Don't you have any regular friends?

Famous people are just more interesting.

Well, I would be worried that they were using me.

Boy, if this was the real world...

Not that anybody's using you!

No. Hold on.

I'm not famous. But...

Your time has come. Did Russell call?

Deflower. Opie must die.

Pants him, girls. Stop. We're talking.

Opie must die.

No. Okay, this isn't funny. No, come on!

Up! Please.

Guys, come on. I have to write.

Come on, Penny, join us.

Take a vacation from yourself. Leave this up to professionals.

Don't worry, William.

I've seen the future, and this all works out reasonably well.



Hello. This is Ben Fong-Torres calling from Rolling Stone.

Hi, Ben Fong-Torres from Rolling Stone.

Hello, hello.

Hello, Ben.

William Miller, this is your editor at Rolling Stone. How's the story?

I'm getting good stuff out here.

Yeah, it sounds like it.

Man, I need some...

Now, listen. Get it together, man.

We're professionals. I don't need to tell you this.

You're not there to party. We already have Hunter Thompson.

You're out there to interview and to report.

Now, this isn't Creem. This is Rolling Stone.

This story is due in four days. How is it shaping up?

It's a think-piece about a mid-level band...

...struggling with their limitations in the harsh face of stardom.

That's great.

I like what we're saying. Let me try and get you 1000 more words.

Now, it's in consideration for the cover...

... but don't tell the band.

The cover.



Some coffee.

Me too.

Greenville is so boring.

You know, any other city in the world, and you'd still be a virgin.

Oh, God. Oh, God. What?

I've never written anything more than a few pages in my whole life.

Don't worry, baby, you will. I gotta find Russell.

I gotta find Russell. Oh, will you take the laundry?

Take the laundry?

What am I to you? Huh? Tell me.

Tell me right now.

What am I to you?

Excuse me, sir, will you sign for this?

Good morning.

Please go the fuck away!

We'll do the interview in Cleveland.

No, I can't go to Cleveland.

Come on, man, we'll have more time there.

Don't be tense.

Come to Cleveland.

Come to Cleveland. Come to Cleveland.

Come to Cleveland. I can't go to Cleveland.

Can we help it if we like having you around?

Come to Cleveland.

I don't want to go to Cleveland, okay?

I want to go home.

I like it when you yell.

I'm not gonna let you miss out on the rock mecca of the Midwest.

You're with us.

Rock'n'roll. Rock'n'roll.

I know, I know. "It's all happening."

Hey, how you doing? Hi.

It's Stillwater! Oh, my God!

Hi, welcome to Swingo's. You must be Stillwater.

"Memory of a Free Festival," that's vintage Bowie.

Ziggy Stardust is mass media. It's hamburgers for the apocalypse.

It's Bowie!

Jeff and Russell are the band's figureheads...

...but the true Stillwater fan...

...knows that the purity, the core of Stillwater, comes from Ed Vallencourt.

Hi, Mom. I'm gonna fly back Monday morning.

No, I'll only miss one test. I'll make graduation.

Tell her you're a slave to the groove.

Hey, Mom, it's Russell Hammond. I play guitar in Stillwater.

How does it feel to be the mother of the best rock journalist we've met?


You got a great kid here. Don't worry.

We're taking good care of him. You should come to the show...

...and join the circus. Listen, mister.

Your charm doesn't work on me. I'm onto you.

Oh, of course you like him.

Well, yeah.

He worships you people. That's fine as long as he helps make you rich.

- Rich? I don't think so. We sit... Listen to me.

He's a smart, goodhearted 15-year-old kid...

... with infinite potential.

You're not talking to some apron-wearing mom.

I know about your decadence. I shouldn't have let him go.

He's not ready for your world of compromise and diminished brain cells.

Am I clear?

- Yes, ma'am. lf you break his spirit...

... harm him in any way...

...keep him from his chosen profession, which is law, something I value...

... you'll meet this voice in person...

...and it will not be pretty. Do we understand each other?

- Yes, ma'am. I didn't ask for this role...

...but I'll play it.

Now go do your best.

"Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid."

Goethe said that.

It's not too late for you to become a person of substance.

Please get my son home safely.

You know, I'm glad we spoke.

All right, boys. All right.

Your mom kind of freaked me out.

She means well.

From Troy, Michigan...

... would you please welcome to Cleveland...


When you play a great show like tonight...

I need everyone's attention, please.

Girls, I need five minutes with the band alone.

Right. Well, it seems the rumours are true.

The record company's sent a big-time manager here... try and talk you into replacing me.

It's Dennis Hope. You've all heard of him.

He has all the big bands, and he wants five minutes with you.

Well, I think we've gotta do this.

Send him in. Bring him in.

We'll send him out on a rail! All right.

We'll do the interview in Maryland. You can fly home from there.

We got a manager who's been with us all along.

Respectfully. We all have our roots.

Bands should hold on to their roots.

Those roots need to be augmented.

I'll tell you the truth. I may enrage some...

...and enthral others. I don't give a fuck.

Your manager here needs a manager.

Example: If you hadn't run out in Phoenix...

...we could have sued over Russell's hand.

But you left, negating the contract, forfeiting the deposit.

You travelled a long way to pay that promoter to electrocute you.

Your damages have put you in the hole.

You owe the record company more than you got.

But there's money to be made.

I brought a plane. More shows to make up the difference.

Respectfully. We travel by bus.

Doris is the soul of this band.

That bus has been our home since we were the Jeff Bebe band.

I'd travel on a pogo stick to make more money.

You could play more dates.

It's not about money. It's about the music and turning people on.

Clearly. Respectfully.

But on the distasteful subject of money...

...just know that you're all making it, right now...

...and it's all out there.

I'm just talking about bringing it back here.

Why pay for something we can do?

You know how not to get charged for the ice below Chicago Stadium?

You know how to do a headlining tour?

Do you know Claire Rothman in L.A? Know Bobby Cowan, Danny Marcus...

...Lisa Robinson?

Know Frank Barcelona?

This is Cleveland! Where's Kid Leo? Where is he?

You know how to get a record not pressed, but played?

I didn't invent the rainy day, man. I just own the best umbrella.

You may believe this will last forever. It does not.

Your biggest fan right now... Your biggest fan... gonna go to college, buy clothes, spend that money elsewhere.

And you know what? They'll tape your record from a friend.

You gotta take what you can, when you can, while you can...

...and you gotta do it now.

That's what the big boys do.

If you think Mick Jagger'll still be there...

...trying to be a rock star at age 50, you're sadly mistaken.

Well, thank you, Dennis.

We'll think about what you said. Oh, no...

...l'll think about it. I'm not auditioning.

I came here to decide if I want to represent you.

So I'll stand outside and think about whether I wanna stay.

It was a good show.

I miss him already.

You're coming along at a very dangerous time for rock'n'roll.

The war is over. They won.

They will ruin rock'n'roll...

... and strangle everything we love about it.

Put them up. I don't know what that was.

Donkey dick, man!

A donkey dick is funny everywhere.

Is Russell here?

Hey, the Enemy! Come on in, son.

Welcome to the road manager poker party.

This game's been going on for two years. Come on, find a spot.

Mick's with The Who. How you doing?

Raymond's with the Eagles. Reg is with Humble Pie.

I think you know Red Dog. Hey, brother!

We developed this system of poker over time... play in any condition, which helps.

We let Russell in because he brought hash.

The press is here. Don't mention me, or The Eagles.

I'm done. I'm out.

I'm in. All right.

Side proposition to the winner: For 50 bucks and a case of Heineken...

...l'll throw in three ladies...

...including Miss Penny Lane and the famous Band Aids...

...who have to leave the tour before New York.

Okay with you? Russ is getting soft.

Is that okay? Okay.

It's a deal.

Show them.

Three lovely ladies in the custody of Humble Pie.

Be good to them, Reg. We owe you $50 and a case of Heineken.

All right.

Joint? Know how I know this is good stuff?

How? It's from Crosby.

Is that the Crosby weed? It's from Crosby.

Oh, I'm in. I'm in.

Give me a light. I want fire.

Look, nobody's feelings are getting hurt here.

She knows Leslie's coming to New York tomorrow. Everyone understands.

It's the circus. Everyone's trying not to go home.

Nobody's saying goodbye.

Quit looking at me like that.

I'm making a wish.


Penny, our friend Has gained another year But long ago she threw it in gear She rocked the south The east, the west Could we get off this tour As Black Sabbath's special guests

She says she's retired But we've heard that before She chose us In Penny Lane we trust She is a fan of this band Much more so than us

Thank you, baby.

Who wants the "P" in Penny?

Happy birthday.

Thank you. Sorry the plane isn't bigger.

I'll take a piece.

Who didn't get cake?

Any extra plates?


You think you can fool me.

I can read you. I know what you're thinking.

What's that? You're worried about me and Russell.

Yeah, I gotta work on that.

You're so sweet.

God, if there was more of you in him.

Don't tell me this stuff. I want to like him.

Did you miss a test or something?

You have no idea. I know I'm not on the plane.

I won't go with another band.

I could go with the crew, but that'd be pathetic...

...and the girls are all going with Humble Pie.

So if you could find out from Russell...

Forget it, I'll fly myself. I have lots of partial tickets.

I know his ex-wife- current-girlfriend thing will be...

That's not a good idea.

What are you saying? Did Russell say something?

I don't know anything. I know he wants me there.

Wake up!

Don't go to New York.

Why are you yelling? I thought we were going to Morocco.

There is no Morocco. There's never been a Morocco.

There's not even a Penny Lane.

I don't even know your real name.

If I met a man in the real world who looked at me the way you...

When and where does this "real world" occur?

I mean, I am really confused here. All these rules...

...and all these sayings and nicknames.

Honey, you're too sweet for rock'n'roll.


Where do you get off?

Where do you get "sweet"?

I am dark and mysterious and pissed off!

And I could be very dangerous to all of you.

I am not sweet.

And you should know that about me. I am the Enemy!

You should be happy for me.

You don't know what he says to me in private.

Maybe it is love, as much as it can be for somebody...

Who sold you to Humble Pie for 50 bucks and a case of beer?

I was there.

I was there!

Oh, God.

I'm sorry.

What kind of beer?

Welcome to New York! You can be nervous.

You should be. Just be yourself and leave a pint of blood on the stage.

Hey, William.

We showed you America. We did everything but get you laid.

No. Yeah?

I'm from the Church of Lenny. We bow to his will.

He is the king of kings.

Can I get an autograph? Made out to who?

She's here. To Lenny.

Can I have your autograph? Yeah.


Room's fully stocked. Air conditioning's on.

You look stunning. Thanks. See you later.

All right, bags in five!

Cars leave for the party at 6.

Oh, God.

There are lighter souvenirs, you know.

I kept thinking I was gonna go home the next day.

So did I, 15 years ago.

That's the wrong bag, you idiot!



It's all happening. They're here.

Zeppelin are here. They are here. They're at the Plaza.

Sapphire and Miss Penny Lane are there too.

They're all staying under the name "Emily Rugburn."

Wait. Penny Lane is here? Emily Rugburn.

William Miller?

Sir, you have an urgent call.


This is Jann Wenner, publisher of Rolling Stone.

Congratulations, it's a cover.

Leibovitz will shoot them in L.A...

...but we need you in San Francisco...

... tomorrow. You can finish the story here. Talk to Ben.

You can tell the band. Alison, our fact-checker, needs you...

... to transmit whatever you have of the story tonight.

There's a mojo at the Daily News you can use.

A mojo?

A mojo. It's a modern machine that transmits pages over the telephone.

It only takes 18 minutes a page.

As soon as people leave, I'll fit you in.

Excuse me. Got an I. D? No.

Hey, man, he's cool.

Dennis, how's it going? Great.

Well, enjoy.


I'm going to England with Deep Purple in an hour.

Don't forget me, okay?

It's all happening. I must vamoosh.

Hey, the Enemy.

We got a table back there. They're all looking for you.



You're gonna be on the cover of Rolling Stone.

Are you serious?

The cover of Rolling Stone.

And we made it together.

And they don't just put somebody...

...with one little hit on the cover of Rolling Stone...

...fucking magazine, man!

Damn it, I'm gonna enjoy this.

When I first bought the magazine...

...The Beatles were on the cover.

The Beatles.

Four of them, four of us.

Thank you!

Who is that girl?

She's creeping me out.

She's not with any of you, is she?

Yeah, she's with me.

So, who's gonna shoot it?

I want Annie Leibovitz.

I love Annie's stuff. She does great stuff.

I am no good at goodbyes.

And you...

...are the last...

...of my old-time friends.


Polexia went to England with Deep Purple.

Can you believe that?

Even Sapphire went someplace else.

All she left was her Quaaludes.

Oh, wonderful.

Where's Beth?

Where's my friends? Where are all my friends?

Front desk? Could you please send a doctor?

Room 537.

Penny, get up!

I'm up.

My wife's had an accident with some Quaaludes.

So tired. You gotta get up, Penny.

Penny, get up. Get up.

You know that. You know that I'm retired.

I've always been. I'm retired, and I'm tired.

Jane Abbott. Miss Jane Abbott.

Miss Judy Stanton.

Raymond Sanchez. Mr. Raymond Sanchez.

Seats and tray tables.

Seat back and tables locked.

And our pending graduate...

...William Miller, not present.

Why doesn't he love me?

And to the class of 1973...

... we say, don't forget to remember yourselves as you are today:

Full of hope, and the dream that everything is possible.

And remember this, 20 years from now...

...when we all own home computers...

...and we all travel in electrical cars...

...that move swiftly, high above our city...

...that the key to the future, is keeping today alive...


Forever! Forever!

Penny, no! Wake up!

Well... that I have your attention...

...I know you've heard this before, and I've never said this to anybody.

Nobody who didn't legally have to say it back to me.


Oh, God, why am I so nervous?

You'll never remember this.

I love you.

And I'm about to boldly go where...

...many men have gone before.

Who do we got here?

What's her name? Emily.

Okay, sweetheart, sit up, sit up, sit up.

Good girl. What'd you take? I'll get her legs.

What did you take? Okay.

What did you take? I don't know.

Yes, you do. Tell us what you took.

Emily, we have to pump your stomach, okay?

Emily, wake up. Got the tubes. Here we go. Water.

All right, you'll have to swallow this tube.

All right? Open, open, open.

Come on. Don't fight us, we're trying to help.

Relax. Come on, swallow. Swallow.

I know. I know.

Swallow this now. No, don't bite on it.

Swallow. Emily, come on, swallow.

Just relax. Got it. Very good.

There we go. All done. All done.

Feed some liquid into your stomach.

You never did half of what you said.

It was in the middle of "Midnight Rambler."

Keith Richards saw me...

...and came to the front of the stage. He pulled me out...

...and he took me backstage...

...and gave me a Coke, ice...

...and a lemon.

And I never went home.

I've done twice the things I said I did.

What about your mom?

She always said, "Marry up.

Marry someone grand."

And that's why she named me "Lady."

She named you "Lady"?

Lady Goodman.

Lady Goodman.

That's great.

Now you know all my secrets.

You've got me.

See you back in the real world.

Thank you...

...William Miller.

Hey, Lady!

Welcome to Eastern Airlines nonstop...

... to San Diego.

In preparation for our departure today...

... we'd like to ask, please, that you extinguish all flammable items...

... and return all seats and tray tables to their full...

- that your seat belts are securely fastened.

And do make note of the emergency exits.

Why didn't you come to the party? Bob Dylan came.

He was at our table for an hour or so, right?

Yeah. Just rapping.

Bob Dylan at our fucking table. I was looking for you to introduce you.

What happened to you last night?

It's a long story.

Hi, this is Craig, your pilot.

We've caught the edge of an electrical storm.

Oh, my God.

- Electrical storm? Buckle up tight.

Rock and roll. We shouldn't be here.

My God! Whoa, baby!

Doris, we miss you!

All right, listen. We're gonna try and land in Tupelo.

We found a field to land in. A field?

I can't breathe, man.

It'll be a rough set-down, but we should be fine.

Just hang in there, and we'll get you out of this.

Everyone says it's so glamorous out here.

He just said we're gonna die.

Oh, my God!

If something should happen... Maybe I never said this enough.

I love all of you.

I once hit a man in Dearborn, Michigan. A hit-and-run.

I hit him and just kept on going. I don't know if he's alive or dead...

...but I'm sorry.

Not a day goes by I don't see his face.

Oh, my God!

Look, I love you all too. You're like family to me!

Especially since Marna left me.

I want you to know, if I took an extra dollar here and there...'s because I knew I'd earned it.

I slept with Marna, Dick. I did too.

I waited until you broke up with her, but me too.

I also slept with Leslie, when you were fighting.

You slept with Jeff? Yeah, but it didn't count.

It was the summer we were free of all rules.

And you say you love me! I don't love you, man. I never did.

None of us love you.

You act above us. You always have. Finally, the truth.

You just held it over us, like you might leave.

Like we're lucky to be with you. And we had to live with it, man.

I had to live with you...

...and now I might die with you, and it's not fucking fair!

Please, enough!

I'm still in love with you, Leslie.

I don't want to hear any more. Shut up, Jeffrey!

It's all happening. What the fuck!

Whatever happens, you're dead! Don't be self-righteous.

Not now, man.

You were sleeping with Penny, that fucking groupie...

...last summer up until yesterday.

Tell Leslie that!

Shut up! I quit!

I'm gonna kill you! I quit!

"That groupie"?!

She was a Band Aid. All she did was love your band.

And you all used her.

All of you. You used her and threw her away!

She almost died last night while you were with Bob Dylan.

You're always talking about the fans, the fans, the fans.

She was your biggest fan, and you threw her away!

And if you can't see that, that's your biggest problem.

And I love her! I love her!

Fuck it!

I'm... I'm gay!

Thank God, we're alive! We're alive! We're gonna make it!

Write what you want.

Leave your package on the desk.

I'm not a messenger, I'm one of your writers...

...William H. Miller.

He's just a kid.

Go right on in.

You're William Miller?

Yep. Oh, baby.

Did anything happen? After $600 in room-service bills?

Did you tape Hammond?

Where were you? What did you want to write?

This reads like their version.

You obviously saw more than you wrote about.

Something must've happened. Push up Flippo's Who cover.

Good. It'll take me three days to do this.

It's all handwritten...

...on little bits of paper.

It's a puff piece. They call women "chicks."

I have a problem with that. You want them to like you.

Ben, you told me to send what I had!

It's not finished. Give me tonight to work on it.

Oh, man.

You made friends with them.

See, friendship is the booze they feed you... get you drunk and feel like you belong.

Well, it was fun.

Because they make you feel cool.

- Hey, I met you. You are not cool. I know.

Even when I thought I was, I knew I wasn't.

Because we are uncool.

While women will always be a problem for guys like us...

...most of the great art in the world is about that very problem.

Good-looking people, they got no spine.

Their art never lasts.

They get the girls, but we're smarter.

- Yeah, I can really see that now. Because great art is about...

...guilt and longing...

...and love disguised as sex, and sex disguised as love.

Hey, let's face it, you got a big head start.

I'm glad you were home.

I'm always home. I'm uncool.

- Me too. You're doing great, you know?

The only true currency in this bankrupt world... what you share with someone else when you're uncool.

Listen, my advice to you...

... I know you think these guys are your friends...

...if you want to be a true friend to them, be honest...

...and unmerciful.

"I'm flying over Tupelo, Mississippi, with America's hottest band...

...and we're all about to die."

Dark, lively. Yeah, yeah, and it gets better.

Did this all really happen? I'll check the quotes.

I just got off the phone with Rolling Stone.

Me too. What's he using? He's using it all.

This according to the fact checker.

So what. "So what"?

We come off like amateurs.

Some average band trying to come to grips with success.

Jealous and fighting and breaking up.

We're buffoons! "Rock'n'roll can save the world"?

"The chicks are great"? I sound like a dick.

You are a dick. I never said that.

Maybe we don't see ourselves the way we really are.

Is it that hard to make us look cool?

He has you on acid, screaming, "I'm a golden god."

They used him to fuck us. They'll probably just put you on the cover.

Wait. I never said, "I'm a golden god."

Or did I?

We never took him seriously. Now it's serious.

I liked him as a person.

He was never a person. He was a journalist!

You had the right idea all along.

How about the flight? It's all there.

It's unspecific who says what.

No names are noted in the embarrassing sequences.

It's just obvious who's who and we're fucked!

I told him he could write what he wanted.

They haven't talked to Russell.

Deny it to the fact checker. One call. Then they can't print it.

Is that true? This is war, my friend.

If you'd met me earlier, he'd have never been here.

He'll live. Let's identify the goals here:

T-shirts, foreign markets, your contract, merchandising...


...realizing your dreams, money, cool...

...meeting the Beatles.

Let's put all of it in the pot. It all depends on mystique.

Not giving too much away.

I'm going to L.A. Call if you need me.

Before I go, let me give you a lesson in mystique.

You can only have one. Which one do you want?

Which one are you gonna choose?

As long as you can't see what's in this hand...'ll always want it more.

It's phenomenal, to be honest with you.

Sophisticated, intelligent. We only cut out a couple of graphs.

Jeff Bebe's mom sent over a shoebox full of childhood photos.

She did? It's gonna look fantastic.

The band just denied 90 percent of the story. It's a fabrication.

You weren't honest. And worse, you wasted our time.

Did you talk to Russell Hammond?

He's the one who denied it.

Now wait a second. Denied it.

We're going with The Who. Manuscript's in my office.

He's just some fan. What do you expect?

Ben! Wait!

You guys, this is my brother.

Nice to finally meet you. You have a good day.

You guys, I'll deadhead back later.

I think I'm needed.

See you.

You look awful.

But it's great.

You're living your life.

You're free of Mom.

Hey, I'll take off work.

Let's have an adventure together. You and me, finally.

Anywhere you want to go. Anywhere in the world.

This isn't my idea of a good time.

Just get me to my bed. I'll deal with her.

I forgive you.

I didn't apologize.

Hey, Sapphire.

Hey, boy.

I hate goodbyes. Me too.

All right, so I didn't like you much.

Do we have to like each other?

I sort of thought so.

I think it would've worked against us, I really do.

You know what they say: All the great partnerships hated each other.

We didn't hate each other that much, did we?

No, maybe not.

I could work on it, though.

I just can't picture you with Leslie.

I'm the you they get, when they can't get you.

Sorry. Forget it. It's cool.

I'll see you later on. All right. See you.

Is Penny okay?

The Quaaludes incident?

Well, it wasn't pretty.

She could've died.

I always told her not to let too many guys fall in love with her.

Guess I was wrong. One of them saved her life.


What do you care? I mean, we all know what you did to him.

I mean, everybody knows.

Even Penny Lane.

Something tells me, 20 years from now...

...we'll remember her.

And not much else.

Can you believe these girls?

None of them use birth control, and they eat all the steak.

I mean, they don't even know what it is to be a fan.

You know, to truly love some silly little piece of music...

...or some band so much...

...that it hurts.

Hello, Penny?

It's Russell. Don't hang up.

I can't really talk now. I'm in a roomful of people.

Actually, I'm alone.

I won't call again, I promise.

But I need to see you face to face...

... because I'm never as good as when you're there...

... and I can see myself the way you look at me.

And I'm sorry. If we could just get together and talk...

Let's say all the things we never said.

Give me your address.

I'm coming to you...

...this time.

Got a pen?

Hello, Penny.

Hello, Penny.

I'm Russell Hammond.

So this is the famous Russell Hammond.

Come in.

Is she home? Who? Anita?

Where am I? Hello?


You know, when we spoke, I felt that we connected.

Oh, man...

My son is very important to me too.

And I do think you owe him an apology.

I appreciate you showing up. No, no, I agree.

There's hope for you yet, Russell.



So this is...

...where the Enemy sleeps.

You know, I think we both wanted to be with her.

And she wanted us to be together.

You should give her a call.

You both live in the same city.

You really think I should? Yeah.

That girl really cares about you.

Man, I never even knew her real name.

Oh, I called your magazine...

...and told them the truth.

I don't know what they'll do, but I said every word you wrote was true.

We are gonna do this one more time.

So, Russell...

...what do you love about music?

To begin with...


Tickets! How much?

Morocco. Seat by the window, please.