Alone for Christmas (2013) Script

Who's there?

I know someone is out there.

Show yourself coward.

That looks good.

I wonder who put that there?

Hey where's the dog?

Keep quiet.

Hello my beauty.

The bone works like a charm every time.

Come on. Let's get out of here.

Who are those guys?

Oh boy, I'm really in the doghouse now.


Mama.

Huh?

I heard something downstairs.

Mama. Columbus. It isn't Santa.

Christmas is still a day away.

I know! This is something else. I sense danger.

Mama.

Mama.

We're not watch dogs. Nobody is robbing the house.

Mama.

You heard that, right?

Yeah but...

Mama.

Do not fear young madden. Your hero has arrived.

Mama.

Wait.

She's trapped in one of these packages.

Mama.

Mama. I want to pee.

Poor thing soiled herself.

Quick, before she runs out of air.

Columbus, it's a doll.

Huh?

Mama.

Bone, what did you do?

Busted!

Give him some love. Give him some love.

Here sit down baby. Yes!

He brought down the whole tree.

It was savaged! Opened all the presents.

Nope. We called this year.

The nerf Bazooka?

Are you kidding me? My parents have gone mental.

I would have canceled the whole holiday.

Not that it would have mattered that much.

There's barely been any snow this year.

It doesn't feel very Merry anyway.

I'm telling you Hunter, this is going to be the worst Christmas ever!

Dylan, a moment?

I'll catch you later.

Thank you. Umm, Look. I'm sorry guys but Bone can't come with us to Grandma's this year.

She's getting too old and we can't risk Bone knocking her down or ripping up her furniture.

He's been acting wild lately.

So he's going to stay at the Kennel and that's how it's got to be.

I have to put my foot down.

I am the boss. I am the head of this house hold.

But Dad!

But we just moved to this house, he's gonna freak out.

Well... Yeah.

Guys it's only a week.

Bone will be fine.

Those Kennels are like prison camps.

Mean brutal mutts.

I hear that if a dog enters the big house wearing a sweater he'll get shanked.

Won't he be lonely?

We will be back before he even knows we left.

And Columbus will keep the rest of us company.

Okay. I guess.

I hope Bone packs a sharp chew stick.

Now, we have a long drive ahead of us, so get washed, dressed, and pack up.

And don't leave any food out for the mice.

I don't want this house destroyed.

Before we have a chance to destroy it ourselves.

Oh and use the shower downstairs please.

The hot water knob is still broken. This house has old pipes.

Move it on out.

The faster we get to grandma and grandpa's, the faster we get eggnog. Yay! Eggnog. Eggnog. Eggnog.

What's Eggnog?

I'm so sorry that I ruined Christmas.

Got a few bad dogs and a newspaper to the nose.

No biggy. I can handle it.

But aren't you mad you're not going to grandma's?

Thought this was just a time out.

I'm going to miss the big turkey dinner.

I'm the worst brother ever.

Look, you're just new here.

You don't understand our place.

Don't try to be something you're not.

A hero. Yeah.

I know. I just thought...

You see a beware of dog sign outside this house?

No.

That's cause we're family pets.

Our jobs are simply to fetch the paper and... take them on brisk walks.

You're right.

And from this day on I promise to never act like a watchdog again.

Intruder!

I got it! Guys hurry up!

Oh! Happy Holidays. Hi!

You must be the new owners. Yes.

I saw you had a hold on your mail so I, here.

Really? Yeah.

I saw you move in the other week.

I got a pricy looking package for you.

Somebody stayed of the naughty list this year I see.

Dylan! A package from uncle Rich.

Socks! Uncle Rich, you shouldn't have.

Worst Christmas ever.

Thank you, I wasn't sure if I'd get here before we left.

Left?

Oh yes, we are going upstate to be with family for the holidays.

Fantastic! Would you like for me to hold your mail for you?

Oh, no, that won't be necessary.

If you could, just leave any packages in the back porch.

You got it Mrs. C.

Thanks. Oh! And this is for you.

Ah, is that a tip? I can't accept any tips.

Well it's not exactly a tip. No, no, no, no, gifts at all, okay.

Postal Policies seriously I can get canned.

Well I won't want to get you into trouble.

Just know that your family will have a great holiday is a reward enough.

Well, thank you.

Jake.

Jake. Happy Holidays to you and yours.

I'm ready to go.

What a weirdo.

I hope the rest of this neighborhood isn't this creepy.

That's cause he's a postman.

No. It's something else.

There's something fishy about him.

True. He reeks of fish and body spray.

It's disgusting. I could smell him from here.

I'll keep an eye on him.

Stop with the macho yapping.

Jake is nothing more than a smelly harmless creep.

How's everything going back here?

Sweet as sugar.

$20 from aunt June.

And for Billy a stick of gum to do something special with.

Score! A gift certificate for Chuckle Cheese.

We have out Christmas Eve dinner.

Nah, we're cleaning out the new house tonight.

Oh, I thought we'd go Caroling?

Kid with a bike at 2 o'clock.

Hey!

I think I saw this place on that police show you and mom like to watch.

We're there now. Pretty high security.

Didn't see any sniper towers.

More of a white dog collar person.

But Daddy does he have to go?

Yeah. Well...

Mommy, what do you think?

I love Bone, just as much as you do but he was bad.

You won't like it if Dylan opened up all your presents.

Right. Like a care about little Miss wet myself.

Now give him one last hug goodbye.

We need to get on the road.

Be good Bone.

See ya Bud.

Alright buddy. Be careful in there.

Come on Bone.

Merry Christmas Dude. Come on, here we go.

Come on boy. That goes double for you Columbus.

Huh, I know it doesn't look like much but, well we'll see. Alright buddy.

Hello?

Hello?

Save yourselves.

No tag. You're it.

Oh!

Dog poop.

You're going to clean that up?

No, I'm covered in dog poop.

Hey how you doing? I'm Anthony Anthony.

But my friends call me, Triple A.

I'm good.

What's the other A for?

Other A?

Well you said, Triple A.

Oh, yeah! I can see why that's confusing. Yeah.

So, who's the little guy?

Oh. Bone.

My wife's name was Bone.

Really? I'm just kidding with you.

You know what, it's too hot outside.

Why don't we go inside?

Come on Bone.

Come on in. Watch yourself, watch these guys.

Come here.

So, how long are you in for Bone?

Just a couple of days. I had called earlier but... you seem really busy so.

No. This isn't busy.

Sometimes I have 5 times the amount of animals in here.

5 times? But...

Sir, I can see you're hesitating.

I'll tell you what I'm a do, I'm gonna give you $10 dollars off.

Oh, it's not that. $30 dollars.

You seem like a nice guy.

$6 dollars?

I... Wait?

$6 dollars?

I'm bad at this Sir.

Look you seem a little overwhelmed, so Come one Bone.

Look Sir, I need this okay.

I love dogs. I love dogs more than I love people.

I understand times are tough but...

Bone is family.

And he's like my family too man.

I'm gonna treat him like I treat my little brother.

And I love my little brother.

Most of the time.

But Sir look, I love these guys.

I play with them all the time. We don't go hungry.

We just have fun and play.

I treat them like they're all in my house.

I'm not throwing them in some cage and some boarding house somewhere.

I know this doesn't look like your fancy dog spa with the fancy dog food.

And the massages.

Huh?

Massages?

Sir, I have been doing this for 23 years.

15 weeks. About 9 hours. 15 minutes.

Oh, and I forgot to tell you.

I'm on TV.

You have a TV show? Yes I do.

Well, I kinda, I have a show. Well no not really.

See it's on a TV show but it's a TV show. There.

Oh! A surveillance camera. Yes!

And you can take that and plug it into the worldwide Internet.

You know. Contraption. In fact my little cousin, I thought he kept sending me all these free movies Turns out that I'm in them.

Hi mom. Whoa! I'm on TV.

You know um... I don't know.

Sir please, it's Christmas.

I will take very good care of Steve.

Bone.

Really?

He looks like a Steve.

Look Sir, I don't have children.

But these guys are like my children.

All of them. I love them all.

The fat ones.

The skinny ones. The little ones.

I'll take really good care of your dog, I promise.

Yeah boy. Come here.

What do you... What do you think?

Alright good.

Okay.

Really? Really.

But I get to watch Bone on TV.

Every channel, 364 hours a day.

Don't you mean a year?

No he's not gonna be here that long.

Unless you want him to be and then...

I can cut you a really good deal sir.

No, that's okay.

Well, great! And Merry Christmas.

Ah, you too.

Alright buddy. Come on buddy. Come on.

Come on. Let's go. Come on, let's go.

Okay.

Oh! It is freezing out there!

Let's get a little heat on.

How'd he take it?

Uh, he took it like a champ.

The own is... well he...

He likes dogs.

You think he'll be okay?

I hate to think of him in a cold kennel.

Sharing a water bowl with 10 other lonely mutts.

I'm telling you. It's not that bad.

Alright guys buckle up.

Okay.

Here we go.

It's gonna be fun.

I'm so sorry Bone.

I'll see you after Christmas.

Alright. Come on.

That's it. Right in here.

Okay. Go ahead and find a mattress you can call your own.

And the doggie door is in the back, okay?

Just feel free to hang out and chill, okay.

I'll be in the living room watching Clash of the Empires, if you want to come out there and veg out or something.

Alright Steve.

Hi I'm...

What did I... He's a little spooked man.

From me? I don't scare anyone.

Neither does he.

Hey look, I'm sorry.

Go away! Sure but...

Go away!

Come on. Let's leave him alone.

Did you unplug all the appliances?

Yeah. And the lights are on timers?

Taken care of.

And all the doors and windows are locked?

Yes, dear.

Did you lock your bedroom window Dylan?

Gosh I hope so.

I pray that someone doesn't steal my awesome new socks.

Hey, how about we stop for a little hot chocolate?

Huh?

We're only 4 hours from your parents' house.

Let's not spoil the kids' appetites.

Yeah, I can't wait for a big bowl of grandma's left over Mac and cheese.

You know what? He's right.

She only makes a fuss over Christmas Day dinner.

Yeah.

Is this fun? Yeah.

Hey how about this place?

We'll be back on the road before you know it.

Alright. Even I can use a break from grandma's stale Mac and Cheese.

I miss Bone.

Oh sweetie.

Let's not start that again. You'll see him in 6 days okay?

Why not now?

Dylan hand me your tablet.

There's no app for fix my lousy Christmas.

I checked.

Bone!

Look at that!

Bone is holding court.

He looks happy too.

Told you he's make friends.

He does look happy.

I wish he could see us too.

So what happened?

Happened man?

To him. Oh, Cupcake.

Oh man. That's a messed up story.

He seems angry.

He should be. He lost his bite.

His bite?

He's a watch dog man.

And all he did was watch.

One part watch. No part dog.

The robbers came into the house, took everything. Then left.

And he didn't do anything?

Nope just watched. See, watch dog.

Not action dog. Not stop the thieves' dog.

No everyone can fight.

I know. But he doesn't know that.

I know what I know.

Oh hey! Cupcake! I didn't notice you there.

I let the intruders get into the house.

I lost my bite.

I don't have a bite.

We all have a bite.

Some of us just don't know it yet.

So what happened?

I ruined Christmas for my family.

As punishment, I got sent to this hippie commune doggie jail.

While they went up to the mountains to play in the snow.

Hey man! Don't be so hard on yourself.

I heard there were like 200 robbers with big guns, and a rocket, and magic spells!

It was 3 idiot robbers that smelled like fish and body spray.

Fish? Body spray?

Yeah. Why?

Where do you live?

Off oak park. Why?

That's my street.

I know some one that smells like fish.

Could be the same guy.

Of course it's the same guy.

How do you know him?

He was at the house today. Before we left.

He was casing the joint.

Casing the joint?

Yeah. He's going to do the same thing to your family, like he did to my family.

You're going to get robbed.

And then you are going to stay here for the rest of your life.

I think there's a 2 week limit man.

You have to go there. You have to stop them.

Stop them? How? I can't call 911.

This room doesn't even have a phone.

And we don't have thumbs.

What's gotten into Columbus?

He acts like understands Bone, He does. He hears him saying "My family abandoned me".

Hey it's not that.

Look, he's made new friends to celebrate Christmas with.

Okay. We'll be back in 10 minutes.

Okay.

Let's go troops.

Our home is in danger, and Bone needs my help.

What's the plan here again?

We're hiding from the warden.

Who? Triple A?

He's gonna know we're under here.

Under these blankets we're completely invisible.

It's common knowledge.

Well he's gonna know we're under here now.

No necessarily.

Human also have a terrible sense of smell.

Oh! Not this bad.

My eyes are watering.

For the first time, I can see color.

Don't worry about it.

Hey strange dog, you ready?

This is our big chance. I'll make it count.

I'm so happy. I'm so happy.

No. I'm doing the pee dance. Skippidy do.

Nailed it man.

Nailed it. You gotta go out little guy?

Alright come on. We'll go relieve ourselves together.

Come on. Let's go. Let's go.

TMI dude. TMI.

Now!

You cannot contain us man.

I am invisible!

You're one messed up little doggie. You know that?

Get over here. I got you. Come on.

Keep it low. Quite.

My belly is getting scratchy. Ready?

Go! I'm tired. Run Bone. Run!

Find your bite.


Hey man, you gotta help me get out.

My brother is in trouble.

Think puppy think. Hmm.

Parking brake. Hmm.

All I'm saying is that I believe that Rudolf's nose glowed because he was raised by a nuclear power plant.

What about prancer and blitzen?

Comet? Cupid? All of them grew up there.

That's why they can fly.

Nearly there.

Got it.

Oh dear.

Excuse me, you folks driving the dark blue SUV?

Yeah, why?

Well it's driving itself around back.

I'm free!

Oh no!

Okay. The bumper is scratched. The window broken but we're fine.

Dad, you better check the policy.

The puppy might not be insured as an additional driver.

Where is Columbus?

There he is?

This better work.

What's the battle plan boss?

Same as always. Look for small items.

Easy to carry.

Jewelry. Antiques. Gifts that haven't been opened yet that can be returned for cash.

If anybody sees an easy make oven.

No.

They make little delicious chocolate cake.

No. I do all the cooking.

No, easy bake oven!

Gotta get faster.

Hey! Hey! Whoa!

Commandeering this. Thank you.

Hey! Dylan is right.

This is the worst Christmas ever.

Still want TVs? Laptops?

Electronics are okay.

Sweet. Technically the easy bake oven is powered electronically by a light bulb.

I don't recognize this van.

It smells like fish and body spray.

Jake.

Most of the police force is off duty celebrating with their families and such.

As long as we don't make a racket... we should have all day.

How's it look?

We're clear.

Let's do it.

Come on. Come on.

Back! Go, go, go, go!

Why did those go off?

Let's just split and come back later.

They're gonna be gone for a whole week.

How about we do something fun like go Caroling.

Today is optimal. We hold on and wait out the alarms.

I stopped them.

But why isn't anybody coming out of the houses?

They must be on vacation too.

I've got to stop them.

Bet they'll fall for this.

This will help them stick around.

This will be a wash out.

I'm gonna get into so much trouble for this.

Let's heat thing up a little.

Hope this sticks with them.

Can't wait to see who steps on these.

Hot sauce facial wash.

Hopes this raises their pulses.

I think that was the last car alarm.

Good.

Games a foot.

Remember, play it smart.

Right.

Play what smart?


What game are we playing smart?

Seriously, I don't know the rules.

Who goes first.

Can I be the thimble?

Shut it up.

Now Rob, don't break any windows. I'm not 100% sure about alarms.

Dude I'm a professional.

I think I know...

Stop! Stop! I'm stuck.

Get me off from the bottom. Sure. Gotcha!

Should we push or pull?

What are you waiting for?

Just hold on.

What? We didn't even touch you.

Who was that?

Something hit me in the head.

I don't see nothing. It hit me hard.

Okay. We'll get you out really quick like.

Who's doing that?

1, 2, 3.

Stop! Stop! Stop!

What is happening?

Slipper soap for slipper folk.

I think I need to sit down.

Up there.

An open window.

There's a ladder.


Enough fooling around.

How you doing Diesel?

Who's this little one?

It can't be... Santa?

72 East Oak Park huh?

You're a long way from home.

Nick, what are you doing back there?

Looks like Diesel's got a friend. A friend?

Let's get you home before Christmas little one.

We need to take a little road trip mother.

Well Nicholas we need to be home, remember the kids.

Oh, they'll be alright.

This little one in the back needs to be with family.

Who are you? I'm Columbus.

Why are you here?

I'm trying to save Christmas and my big brother.

Save Christmas?

That's adorable.

Where you going?

I'm just trying to help my brother stop some fishy criminals from robbing my family's house.

Watch dog, huh?

I've done security work. Salvage yard.

Nothing like sinking your K-9s into an intruder's arm.

Ripping it out of it's socket, and, and going for the jugular.

Now that's worth living for.

Uh... That's true.

Hey! Stop!

You have our dog!

They can't hears us! Hey!

Stop!

We're bring chased.

If they catch up to us I won't be able to help Bone.

I got this.

A really big dog threw a 2x4 at us and we're spinning out of control.

Worst Christmas ever!

No! What is it?

My battery is dead.

Go around to the side door.

At least you won't hurt yourselves there.


One bungee cord.

One garage door.

And...

One reindeer antler.

Alright.

Get to work.


He's a mean one Mr. Jake.

Sweet. Bean dip.

I shouldn't.

Hey who want tiramisu?

Don't touch that it's hot.

Thanks for the heads up.

You okay buddy?

Wake up.

Robbing this house is ruining my Christmas.

And so are these mouse traps.

Oh, god.

This is ridiculous.

Where did that that dog come from?

Why does he have a rope?

Don't move.

God boy. Who's a good boy?

Okay. Okay.

Don't be angry. We're all friends here.

We're going to have to make a break for it.

Well, what about Rob? Collateral damage.

He won't be missed.

You gotta wake up buddy.

Hey, it's a doggy.

Oh, nuts!

Here we go.

1, 2...

Who could that be?

Just ignore them. Let's pretend we're not home.

I think they know somebody's home already.

Carolers.

"Hark the angels sing. Glory to the new born king."

"Peace on earth and mercy mild."

"God and sin is reconciled."

"Joyful all ye nations rise. Joyful all ye nations rise."

Where'd the dog go? He nearly killed us.

Who you calling? My cousin.

My family's other civil servant.

Wait. Quinten?

That psycho? Oh man. That dude is bad news.

He's effective and an expert at this kind of thing.

Hello. I'm looking for Cindy McEntire.

Oh, hello Cindy.

I have a lead on the were about of your dog.

Sush you. Oh no.

I understand there is a reward.

I wanna go home.

Yeah, I don't want that.

Here is what's gonna take to pecure my services to find your Bubbles.

One case of diet Apricot Snapple. If it isn't diet no dog.

$200 dollars a day whether I find him or not.

Lunch when I finished the job.

And I like the crust cut off my sandwiches.

Yeah it's not a deal breaker but it is in your best interest that there be no crust.

Also you got to get mayor to get off my back, and... chance the zoning in front of my duplex because I'm getting way too many parking tickets...

What, what do you mean you don't know the mayor?

Hang on.

Happy time pet finders how may I help...

Stay put. Don't do anything I'll be right there.

Cindy it's simple. No Mayor...

No Bubbles.

Come on.

Give.

I thought it was righty tighty lefty loosy?

Yeah, well, most of the time it is.

But sometimes it's righty offy lefty ony.

Hey we're having a father son manly moment huh!

What do you think?

I can't wait to enter it in my diary.

How I spent my Christmas vacation.

Dad showed me how to strip lug nuts and we both shared sickness.

Geepers! Worst Christmas ever.

Alright that's enough.

I'm trying. I would appreciate a little effort from you.

Dad, I think... I know what you think.

This trip is horrible and that you're miserable.

And it's a disappointment.

I... Just because you are unhappy doesn't mean that you have to make everyone one else unhappy.

Dad, look. No you look.

This holiday season is about sharing and caring, and about being jolly.

You think you could be jolly, just for one day.

Dad. Hey, let me finish alright?

Christmas is about your little sister.

She still believes in the magic. Don't ruin that for her.

You gotta focus on the big things not the little things.

Now what did you want to say?

Is the spare tire a little thing or a big thing?

The spare tire is a little thing. But it's a big...

Oh! Hey!

That's my tire!

It doesn't make sense.

Why would a family leave their dog here a whole week.

Maybe it's not their dog?

Maybe it's a stray that wondered in through the doggie door.

I knew the Connelly's had a little yapping puppy but... could be they have another dog the quiet one that keeps to himself.


You'll know me.

You know what I do for a living.

I'm not gonna do it for a measly $50 dollars this time.

I want $60.

The rest of that bean burrito.

It's a chimichanga.

Deal.

So cuz, I'm not sure what kind of breed this is.

It shouldn't be much of a problem. I don't think he bites.

They all have a bite.

I've been doing this for years.

I've seen every kind of Canis Lupus Familiaris.

You see that there chief?

3 stiches from a Great Dane.

Who didn't care to be put down.

This bite mark here.

Courtesy of a chihuahua. Angry little cus name pepi.

Came into inches of cutting into a vital artery.

Suppose you get a lot of scars in your business.

Nothing like the one that I got here.

The mental scar that will haunt me forever.

So, we was traveling back from the port of Bordeaux.

A small single engine plane carrying a cargo of illegal, endangered animals...

Fourteen French Toy Poodles.

Since when are poodles endangered?

Crash landed in the middle of the Atlantic.

Eleven men went into the water.

Plane went down in 12 minutes.

Didn't see the first poodle for about half-an-hour.

Eleven-incher.

You know how you can tell that in the water, Chief?

No.

By lookin' from the rhinestone collar to the poofy tail.

Because we were smugglers, no one was looking for us.

Very first light, Chief,

doggy come cruisin' by,

Wagging his little tail.

And that Poodle, he looked right at you.

Look you right in the eyes.

See poodles have lifeless eyes.

When he's coming, he doesn't seem to be livin'...

Till he bites ya, The ocean turns red, and despite all your poundin' and your hollering those poodles come in and... they rip you to pieces.

Hold up. Wait a minute.

Are you sure these poodles aren't possibly sharks?

I told you, we were carrying poodles.

Why would we be flying with a cargo of sharks?

Yeah man, don't ask stupid questions.

I've never been so frightened.

Waitin' for my turn.

I'll never put on a lifejacket again.

Them dogs, they could of taken us all out all at once. But they just...

let us bob in the water like squeaky toys.

It's not their teeth that are dangerous; it's their mind.

They're crafty.

And that's their bite.

And that's the worst bite of them all.

Bite huh. Wait till you get a load of my bite.

How long is this gonna take?

Yeah, I kinda need to use the John.

Can't go to the dog. Gotta let the dog come to you.

Just go. Make it quick.


We got a nibble.

Reel him in. Not so fast... we don't want to spook him.

Doofus, will you ever learn?

Hey! I got it.

Hooked it!

Yep.

Yep.

Now!

Man, he's a strong one.

A real fighter.

He's either he's very smart or very dumb.

Guys. Guys.

No.

I think he's caught up on something.

You guys have got to...

Must have gone under the house.

Where have you been?

You missed all the action.

We almost had him.

I think we should just go home.

It's still a little time for caroling.

This dog is a tricky one.

He's smart.

But he hasn't met me.

I'm gonna be a shock to his system.

I don't get it. Me neither.

See I have this cattle prod and you shock animals with it.

We didn't see that.

Yeah, it's like electricity. High-voltage.

Yeah we understand now.

Yeah.

Why don't you boys stay here and watch a master.

Do his work. Ha.

Here poochie, poochie, poochie.

Come on where are you, you little mutt.

You think you're smarter then me? Huh?

Let's turn this baby up to 10.

We'll see how smart you are.

What was I thinking?

Come on. Come out, come out wherever you are.

Come on.

Are you my mama?

What?

Are you my mama?

Mama. I love you.

Mama. I want to pee. Baby have to pee.

Why you! Kidding me.

What happened guys? Did we get'em?

Hey cuz, you okay?

I'd like a chimichanga please.

Sure, sure, sure.

Here you go.

You okay to drive? Drive? Okay.

Great. Buckle up. See you at the family barbecue.

This is taking longer then we planned.

I have to get the van back to the fish market for delivery.

So, fine that dog and put him to sleep.

Sleep huh. I have plenty more tricks up my collar.

Sweet.

What's the matter doggie?

Stuck in the laundry chute?

It serves you right. You little trouble maker.

Who did that?

Is that the dog?

Guys I'm stuck.

And very claustrophobic.

I shouldn't have had that bean dip.

One glass ornament.

Didn't hurt dog.

You're gonna have to try harder than that.

Huh. One pointy lawn dart.


That burns.


Come rob a house they say.

Oh, steal a whole bunch of presents they say.


What's going on?

Help me. Jake Somebody. Anybody.

Rob what are you doing in the laundry chute?

I thought I lost a sock. Huh?

I'm stuck and there is something very sharp in my butt.

Is that jingle bells? I thought it was the dog.

You though the dog knew Jingle Bells?

Just get me out of here.

Stretch your leg up towards me.

It was a lawn dart The walls are closing in.

I just got skewered and...

Oh gosh! Give me some warning will you!

Hold on.

Anybody out there?

Anybody?


Get me out of here.

I can't reach you from here.

I got an idea.


Wait. It's getting kinda hot in here.

Are you okay dear?

I've worked for the big guy quite some time.

Mostly herding reindeer.

You are so lucky!

Santa what I really want for Christmas is a raw hayed steak, A pigs ear, A new tennis ball.

Oh, and one of those plastic hot dogs that squeak when you into them.

But most of all, I want my family to have a safe and happy holiday.

That and a squeaky hot dog.

Okay, we're all good. There spare is on.

But now we don't have any dogs for Christmas.

Oh, honey, don't you worry. We are gonna find Columbus.

KC don't forget, Bone is perfectly safe and happy.

Hello?

Yes it is.

Listen, before you get mad at me I just want to let you know there is a perfectly good explanation.

Explanation? Yes.

What explanation?

Umm, explanation is why I can't find Steve.

Steve? Steve!

Who is Steve?

You don't know your dog's name? Are you kidding me.

Wait, is it wrong number?

My dog's name is Bone.

Oh! Bone! That's right.

So? Is Bone, okay? What happened?

No. No, he's missing. What?

Yeah. I can't find him. I have no idea where he is.

You said you'd take care of Bone like he's your own brother.

Honestly, I haven't seen my brother in 8 years.

I have no idea where he is either.

You...

Hey Pulling... Hey! Hey!

Rob you out?

Why do I smell Barbecue?

Help! Help!

You guys! I'm getting really pruny in here.

Jake?

Don't ask.

Dude, I thought you were a Sasquatch.

I think we should cut our losses and Bail.

I don't care.

Where are you?

You're a dead dog.

This way boys.

Over here. I've got a little treat for you.

Hold, hold. Hold on. Hold on. What? He's right there!

No, he's a sneaky little mutt. I don't trust him.

I'm grabbing him before he gets away again.

Come on.

A little further.

Alright.

A little further.

Gotcha!

After we clean up your house, on our way out of town we are going to drop you off.

Offa bridge that is!

Merry Christmas boys!

Now fill your bags with presents!

1, 2...

And... 3.


Who is it this time?

I think it's Santa.

Get back. Be quiet.

Merry Christmas!

How can I help you on this glorious early morni.

I believe this little rag-a-muffin belongs to you.

Oh yes, yes, yes. We've been worried sick about her.

Him. Him. Him.

These guys are thieves. They don't live here.

Down Diesel. Settle.

Sweetheart.

We gotta be going.

Of course. Of course. Can I offer you anything for a reward.

That won't be necessary.

I'm just so glad to get him back to those who love him.

God bless you Sir. Ma'am.

Bye.

Take him to the others.

A donation has been made in your name

to the Fuzzy Pet Foundation.

Stop. Stop. Get in. Get in there.

Get in. Get in there.

Columbus! Bone!

I bet someone will read his tag and bring him back home.

Yeah, you're probably right honey.

I hope Columbus doesn't catch a cold.

It's Christmas and all they can talk about are the dogs.

I know. We should have brought both of them.

They're family.

And family always comes first.

I can't believe you did all that on your own.

That's an incredible journey.

Sorry bro, I should have listened.

We're not watchdogs. We're not heroes.

No, you were right all along.

All you have to do is find your bite.

And I found mine.

Your bite?

We might not have pit bull jaws or greyhound speed, but we have something other dogs don't have...

We're potty trained!

No. I mean yes.

But that's not the point.

We have a family that loves us and we'll do anything for them.

A faithful and unbridled spirit.

Yeah, I've got that.

Time to take these guys down.

What do you say little bro?

Do you want to help me save Christmas?

Darn Skippy.

Cry havoc and lets slip the dogs of war.

Shakespeare wrote that.

Shakespeare? The cat down the street?

We've got bite. Let's get chomping.

Hey Diesel, do you want to stop by for some breakfast?

Diesel?

Something wrong dear?

That's everything.

No that's not everything. Where are the dogs?

Really? They're trapped in the closet.

The family won't be back for another week.

There isn't any food or water in there.

Oh, I know they're going to die, I just want to be there when it happens.

Now go get them!

They're gone!

I can't believe that worked.

Under a blanket dogs are invisible.

Common knowledge.

They go out. They got out? How?

Maybe he picked the lock with like a wire hanger or something.

A wire hanger? What is he? MacGyver's dog?

Doesn't matter. We got everything. Let's go.

Find them now!

Here puppy puppy.

I'm gonna find you.


Gotcha!

Oh yummy! Treats for Santa on the mantel.


Let's see what we have here.

The signal.

You're mine now.

Rob?

Told you guys I'm claustrophobic.

Let's turn up the heat.

Keep it tight, Rob.

Clench up.

Oh no.

There you are.

Come here.

There it is again. I smell Barbecue.

You know a lot of good tricks.

Let's see how well you play dead.

Let's see what you got.

Mano y Dog-o.

Gotcha!

Okay, not a bad move.

Way to go pooch.

It's a little late to be buffing up.

You're not gonna slip away this time.

I love the piney smell of freshly spilled floor wax.

Hey that's not cool.

Turn it off!

Turn it off!

Turn it off!

Turn it off!

Now to ring your door bell.

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.

Sit!

Stay. Heel.

What's that sound?

I just wanted to go caroling.


Easy... Bake... Oven.

You did it Bone!

No, you did it buddy.

Yeah, yeah you're right.

Don't get cocky, kid.

Hey do you smell barbecue?

Take that!

Thank you stranger.

Diesel!

Bone, think you can introduce me to your friend over there?

I'll see what I can do.


Bone! And Columbus is here too!


That's a heck of a couple of watch dogs you go there Mr. Conley.

Protected the whole house.

I suppose that's true.

So one of my dogs traveled cross country with Santa to meet the other one.

And take down a ring of international diamond thieves and destroyed the whole house in the process.

Best Christmas ever!


Snow!

It looks like it's going to be a real Christmas after all.

Wait, it won't be a real Christmas without grandma and grandpa.

Could it be?

Mom what are you doing here?

So that's why there's a German Shepard here.

Diesel's here? Yeah!

Oh! So this is your new house.

Diesel!

Grandpa! Grandma!

Oh my goodness.

We'll get the snow. Good to see you.

I'm glad you guys are here. Oh it's so nice.

We're related to Santa?

It's a Christmas miracle.

Come on guys let's go inside. Yeah.