Alter Egos (2012) Script


On capitol hill today, the senate will vote on a bill to cut funding for superheroes.

They think they can change anywhere.

The world is not their changing room.

Superheroes who are balancing multiple identities have a fragile and even tenuous grasp on reality.

Since the superheroes imprisoned all of the supervillains over ten years ago, they have had no enemy to fight.

That, coupled with recent press coverage of superheroes living on luxury lifestyles with taxpayers' money, has raised questions about whether the government should continue subsidizing the supercorps.

Up next..

[Upbeat pop music]

No effing way.

Oh, God.

I love superheroes.

Are you fishman, man?


Which one are you?

I'm Fridge.

The "F" stands for Fridge.

It's short for refrigerator.

My name's Jose Maria de Las Mercedes acostaz.

Okay. People just call me moon dog.

Great. That's great.

Yo, 'frigerator, dude, you want some?

You know, I don't think that I can.

It's good shit.

Aren't you working?

It's off-season, man. There's no one around.

I'm kind of on duty, so...

What happens when superheroes get high?

I don't know.

Do their powers get stronger?

I don't know.

All right.

Stay super, bro.

You, too. Stay super.

[Suspenseful music]

You know, it's funny.

Your name is C-Thru, but I can see right through you.

Are you working for somebody that wants to help me escape or someone that wants to kill me?

Shut up.

You're not doing this job for the money, are you?

It's for the promotion, the status you want, the respect you want.

Everybody thinks superheroes win the lottery, huh?

Because they're born with powers?

No one wants to appreciate the hard work, the sacrifices that we put in every day.

Damn it.

Feels good to speak to the shrink once in a while, doesn't it?

Hey. Hey.

How are you?

Good. How you doing?



I--I was gonna knock, but then I remembered that you could-- see through walls, yeah. Right, so I just...

What are you doing in this place?

I got a really bad stomach flu last night, and I had to stop here, and so I called you in for backup.

Wait a minute, aren't you supposed to have, like, a police escort or something like that?

Solo on this one.

Cops aren't our biggest fans at the moment, you know?


I'm actually feeling better now.

You want to get some breakfast? I'm starving.

No, you know what?

I think let's just handle the prisoner transport.

You and I can get some food some other time.

You know, protocol says that, um...

We can't move him till dark now.

What? New protocol?

I'm supposed to hang out with Emily's mom later, damn it.

Hey, you know, but there's a diner right down the street.

Why don't we get in our civvies and go?

I got to get out of this thing. My butt is itching.

I'd rather keep the suit on.


You know, I just feel more comfortable as Fridge.

How long have you had this thing on?

A pretty long time.

Pretty long time.

But you got civilian clothes in the bag.

Don't look through my stuff, okay?

Please. All right.

All right. I'm just--please.

I forgot. I forgot how much you hate that.

It's the weirdest thing.

But, you know, you really should get that thing washed eventually, and take a shower.

I think my phone's dead.

I guess I'll just send Emily an email.

Where's the check-in office?

Try where it says "check-in."


All right. Good.

All right, I'm gonna, um...

I'm gonna go back to my room for a minute and get something.

I'll catch up with you in a bit.

[Phone ringing]

C-Thru, talk to me.

Tell me, how's the mission going?

Well, he hasn't done it yet, sir.

This is time-sensitive, C-Thru.

Why are you stalling?

And may be going through some kind of identity crisis.

It's my opinion that we find an alternative person to-- no, no, no. It's got to be Fridge.

Don't question my amazingness.

Sorry, sir, I would never question your amazingness.

You realize, C-Thru, if this works, you're gonna get that big promotion we've been talking about.

Right, and I'm also doing it for the corps, sir.

For the corps!

♪ This is not a good day to call me ♪

♪ because I can not spare some sympathy ♪

♪ my own feeling is mostly unclear ♪

♪ and when I'm talking to you I'm not here ♪

[Bell dinging]


Are you with the other one?

Yeah, C-Thru. Room 40.

Um...Can I use your Internet?

That's against our policy. Sorry.

Yeah, I know, but...

I'm Fridge, so...


The refrigerator.

New ice on the block?

Cold boy? No, I-- it's not doing anything for you at all?

There's nothing there.

I don't really follow superhero stuff.

I shoot ice out of my hands.

Look, let me show you what I'm talking about.


[Ice crackling]

And there it is.

That's $15 for the mug. What?

No, no, I was just trying to show you that I could-- you freeze it, you pay for it.

All right, I'll pay for the mug.

Look, can I use the Internet, please?

I'm a superhero. You got to help me.

I thought that meant that you're supposed to help me.

Well, if you were being robbed or raped or something, I would help you.

Somebody say superhero?

I fight crime, too.

Oh, great.

Yeah, I applied to be one of you guys.

They said my power wasn't complete enough.

Jimmy, please?

No, I don't blame supercorps.

You know, they have their standards.

Want to see my power?


Yeah, sure.

[Whooshing sound]

I can turn invisible.

[Whooshing sound reverses]


But only for 2.3 seconds.

Well, that's not-- that's not bad.

That's not bad. I, uh...

You know, there are therapists that can help you work on that if you want to hold it longer.

Nah, it's okay.

I got all the power I need right here.

Jimmy, can you please put your gun away before you hurt yourself?

You guys aren't allowed to carry guns, are you?

[Door creaking]

No, uh...

[Door creaking]

Is there a problem here, officer?

Two superheroes.

How blessed we are.

Please holster your firearm, sir.

Or what?

Are you going to see through it?

[Chuckles weakly]

You know, superheroes used to be allowed to pack heat, until one of them went on a rampage, shot his wife, and then shot himself.

Let me tell you something.

That superhero's name was restore-o, and he was a great man.

Look, we're both on the same side here.

The same side, huh?

Then why is the government cutting your funding and not ours?


Would you please just go?

That's the last time I'm going to tell you.

This isn't over.

[Whispers] I love you.


Can I use your Internet now?

No! Oh, my God.

And you still owe me for the mug.

You are so annoying.

Sorry about this.

You can charge that to the room.

Hey, I'm sorry that asshole cop mentioned your dad like that.

Oh, who cares?

I'm used to it, right?

Your dad was a great superhero.

Really? How great could he be?

Either he did what everybody said he did, or he was too stupid, he just let it happen.

Yeah, well, the supercorps said he didn't do it.

Then why couldn't they prove it?

Well-- no, no, no, no, no, no.

I don't want to debate it.

I don't want to talk about it.

I've got my own life. Got my own problems.

Like, for example, when I don't meet Emily today, she's gonna hate me, exactly like she hates Brendan.

Unless I create another alter ego for myself.

Don't do that.

I might do it.

When's the last time you were Brendan?


Technically, this is supposed to be my day off.

You have to clear your schedule.

You don't just punch a clock on a mission.

With great power comes great respon-- yeah, all right, I get the point.

Can I call her from your phone?

You can't use a superhero phone.

What is she going to think when she sees the caller I.D.?

That I was going to Hampton bays to meet you, so I don't think she's really going to freak out.

You told her about this mission?

She's my girlfriend.

Oh, come on, man, no. She's Brendan's girlfriend.

She's not supposed to know about superhero stuff.

Okay, well, it's not really that simple.

Because she's, um... She's cheating on me.

On Brendan.


With me. Fridge.

Look, bottom line is that Emily is not happy with Brendan.

She doesn't want to be dating some broke wannabe cartoonist.

This is a seriously unprofessional situation.

She deserves more than just hanging around, ordering takeout, and watching reruns with that guy.

Is that for dramatic effect?


Calling him "that guy"?

It's you. You're him.

You're that guy.

It's funny. I don't feel like him.

Not, like, one little bit.

I actually think that I'm taller than Brendan.

You think that's possible?


And then I remembered that Fridge was always a way bigger hit with the ladies.

So when I, Fridge, saw her walking down the street, I froze the sidewalk, right, to make her slip and fall so that I could catch her and save her.


And then...It was amazing.

She had never looked at Brendan-- at me--like that before.

And then when I, Brendan, called her to ask what she was doing that night, she said she was sick and had to stay in, when really she had plans with me, Fridge.

I took her to some place that Brendan could never afford.

There were these guys who owed me a favor.

I kept their freezer cold during the blackout.

And then we went back to her apartment.


One thing led to another...

[Glass shattering]

You see why I don't want to change back into my alter ego?

If I become Brendan, who knows what he's going to do?

He might do something stupid, and break up with her.

Then he's going to ruin this great thing that I've got going on with Emily.

Y-you know, you really shouldn't be saying this in front of anyone.

Superhero stuff, alter egos, top secret.

No, because people are going to think that you're insane.

Why can't you just be happy for me?

You know, the sex with Fridge is way better.


Wait, why is it better?

Chicks dig the costume.

They dig the costume.

[Clears throat]

Oh, we're not accepting superhero credit anymore.


We take cash.

[Door creaking]


Damn it.

Jimmy, I know you're there.

I brought you a present.

So you can test out your fashion line on something.

Um, it's a little bit small for that.

And it's not really a fashion line.

It's just a hobby.

Well, unfortunately, hobbies are illegal in this town.

Gonna have to frisk you, ma'am.

You really...

You don't have to frisk me.

Your tits are so much nicer than my wife's.


That was a compliment.

Okay, here's the thing:

I felt sorry for you, because your wife kicked you out.

Now I don't even really feel sorry for you.

What do you feel?


Do you want me to get divorced so that we can make it official?

I don't want it to be official.

Because I will. Never was official.

You can go now.


I can't believe the crap they write about me.

I mean, my suits aren't taxicab yellow.

Ugh, of course.

It goes to voicemail, but her mailbox is full.


What happened to you, bro?

You used to be such a ladies' man before you met this girl.

[Sighs] I don't know.

Love changes you, I guess.

I wouldn't call it love.

It's more like kryptonite for your balls.

All right, look, why don't you go back to the front desk, but this time, go as Brendan?


Maybe she'll feel sorry for him.

[Upbeat pop music]

[Horn honking]

Suck my balls, superfreaks.

Son of a bitch.

Hey, how do I look?

You got a little dirt on you.

But good.

Good. You look...Normal.

How do you feel?

Emily's cheating on me.

Man, I got to dump the slut before she dumps me.


Dump Emily? But I thought...





How can I help you?


I need to break up with my girlfriend.

Like, today. Like, right now.

Not on my account, I hope.

I'm kidding.


Wait, sorry-- you're serious?


Why are you telling me?

Because I'm afraid that if I don't do it right now, I'm gonna lose the courage.

So despite what that sign says, I have to use your Internet.

So I can email her and break up with her.

That's not a really nice way of breaking up with someone.

Well, she's cheating on me, so...

Oh, I see.

Yeah, that's messed up.

Look, you know, this isn't particularly pleasant for me, or easy.

I know; I've been trying to end something with someone for weeks.

What's stopping you?

His inability to understand words that come out of my mouth when I talk.

Is he foreign?

Nope. Just stupid.


You 100% sure that she's cheating on you?

Pretty sure.

The guy that she's cheating with kind of told me.

You know him?

I know him. We're sort of, like, friends.

Ouch. Jesus, dude.

Oh, it gets worse.

The guy's a superhero.


I had a couple of those idiots come in here.

Yeah. They seem like such jerks.

Guess she likes men in tights?

What is with that?

It's like each one's got to have his own stupid little outfit?


They're such egomaniacs.

Fine. I sympathize.

Really? Come with me.

Thank you.

No porn, though.

I can't promise anything.

Is there a really cool bug there or something?


Well, why are you staring at the wall so closely?

I'm staring through the wall, genius.

I'm a-- I'm a superhero.

What's your superpower?

X-ray vision, moron.

Can you see through my clothes?

No. Why not?

I mean, I can, but I don't want-- ugh!

Well, what else can you do?

Do you have X-ray hearing?


But I can read lips pretty good.

Well, that's not really a superpower.

Isn't there a joint somewhere that needs to be smoked?

How do you compete with superman, who has X-ray vision, but tons of other cool powers, too, like flying, running really fast?

Catching bullets with his teeth's pretty cool.

Superman is a totally fictional, made-up character.

He's not real.

Real superheroes only have one superpower.

That's why we work together in the supercorps.

So you know the real identities of all the superheroes in the supercorps?

Yeah, I know a lot of them.

Is Sandra bullock a superhero?


Salman rushdie?

Yeah, salman is.

Look, I got to get back to work.

Me, too.

[Glass squeaking]

"You are a cheating slut.

I am breaking up with you."

You know what I do when I'm feeling insecure about something?

I don't know if I'm feeling insecure--

I tell myself, "be who you are.

"Say what you feel, because those who matter don't mind, and those who mind, don't matter."

Okay, wow, well, that's really good.

I should get you to write this.

Oh, I didn't write it. Dr. Seuss did.


What, you think it's weird that I quote Dr. Seuss?

No, I love Dr. Seuss.

He's like Shakespeare.

You know, I only understand, like, 30% of it, but the 30% that I do understand, is just unbelievably beautiful.

That is what is so great about Dr. Seuss, though.

I mean, he has all these weird names for things, like, um, barbaloots.

Barbaloots. Truffula trees.

Oh, man. The lorax.

Are truffula trees the ones that look like these mega-delicious cupcakes?

Yeah, pretty much everything in Dr. Seuss's world looks like something that would give you a sugar high.


It's making me hungry.

You're procrastinating.

Hit "send."

[Mouse clicks]

How do you feel?

Incredibly good.

I feel really good. Good!

So what brings you out here, anyway?

Oh, uh, I illustrate nature books, so I'm out here drawing nature stuff.

Will you draw me something?

Yeah, absolutely.

I mean, not right now, because I have performance anxiety.

I get shy.

[Cell phone buzzing]

You watching Fridge? Yes, captain.

Well, on the camera, I can see shrink trying to kill himself.

Wait, what?

[Dramatic music]

I'm not playing this.



Why did you stop me?

If you want me dead, what difference does it make who kills me?

Why are you in such a rush to die?

Oh, so now you're the shrink, huh?

You know, if he wants to die, then why don't we just let him kill himself?

Then we don't have to go through with this.

Please don't be a moron, C-Thru.

We need this on tape.

Stop annoying me.

Are you staying in town?


Well, no, I'm not, actually.

I'm not staying anywhere.

Do you need a room for the night?

Um... Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, I guess I do.


Does it ever get, like, scary out here, all alone?

Because it's not quite like the shining, but it's a lot like the shining.


Well, it's fun not having my parents around.

And we have a boat at the dock, so I go out on the water a lot.

Plus, you never know who you're going to meet.

I feel like somebody must have paid you to be nice to me.

Um, I think that would make me some kind of a call girl?

Well, that's not exactly what I meant.

Okay, you're room 26.


So do you want to-- I got to, um-- sorry, go ahead. You first.

I was just wondering if you're hungry.

If you want to have lunch.

Uh, no. Yes!

Yes, no, I would love to have lunch.

Groovy, okay.

Well, I'll let you get settled in, and then we can do it in, say, an hour?

Yeah, great. Groovy.

You know, I myself, if I could have a superpower, I'd want to be super sexy.

You know, you'd get into all the great nightclubs.

Yeah, you know, I don't think that would be my first pick for-- were no sexual relations between that woman and myself.

We need pistols. You've seen the movies.

You shoot 'em in the leg. You get 'em down.

How am I going to do that with this?

[Flames crackling]

The reason that he seems so far behind, is that he's way out in front.

I mean, I'll give you an example.

You know, '89, sunburn was taking me to nirvana shows.

This is pre- teen spirit.

That's why we started the superbag initiative.

But then the superheroes just started leaving their bags everywhere.

I didn't think we'd have to explain to them, you know, you take the bag with you.

I mean, you don't leave your clothes in the park when you change, right?

I don't have to explain that to you.

You'd think a superhero might get that.

[Knock at door]

Dude, where the hell have you been?

I've been looking everywhere for you.

Did she see you knock on my door?

No, who? Because she hates superheroes.

So, I'm sorry, but I can't be seen with you.

Who? You, you!

Dude, you know, I saw you with that needle in your arm.

It's just...Medical. It's fine.


I mean, Jesus, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine. It's not important.

What's important now is--

I'm glad you finally showered.


Come on, put this on.

It's time to meet the prisoner.

Hi, have you seen Fridge?

Scrawny blue guy? He shoots ice out of his hands?

Yeah. Yeah, I seen him.

He's here. Where is he?

He's right over there. Up there.


Hey, is there some kind of party here?

You know, I don't want to jinx anything, but, um, man, I think I'm, like, falling in love.

With who?


The girl at the front desk.

What about Emily?

Emily? I dumped her.

She was cheating on me.

Weren't you listening to anything I said before?

Yeah, you said that the sex with Emily was better than ever.

The sex with Fridge was better.

Look, it doesn't matter now, because you know what?

I've got claudel.

Great, you bond over Dr. Seuss, and all of a sudden you're ready to get married.

Oh, very nice, tea bags. You've been spying on me.

Not spying, dude. Keeping tabs.

I mean, we're on a mission here.

And, frankly, your behavior's been unsettling.

I don't get it.

Why do we have to meet the prisoner?

I mean, aren't we just transporting him?

No, this is what I've been trying--

Fridge! What the hell?

Can you focus please? Fridge?

What is she doing here?

Who? Emily.

No, no. Fridge!


You. Emily?

You've got some nerve breaking up with me in an email.

I don't have time for this.

Accusing me of cheating.

Who do you think you are, Batman?

No, I don't think I'm Batman.

Can I talk to you over here, please?

Ow. Don't hit me.

How did you find me?

The note that you left on my pillow, you idiot.

Jesus Christ.

I am just going through some shit right now.

Well, don't take it out on me, dickhead.

Don't do that.

Can I say something please? What?

Can I say one thing? What?

I really like you.

You do? Yeah, I do.

We had some good times together.

Then why do you want to break up with me?

Why do you think?

I don't know. That's why I'm asking you.

Really? Yes, really.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Uh-huh, why? Yeah.

Um... Why?

Shit. You know what?

I'm going to, um...

Can you give me one second, please?

What? I need one second.

Come on. What the hell, Fridge?

Come on, Fridge!

Excuse me, ma'am.

I was just looking... For a friend of mine.

You know, that's very rude.

Oh, sorry.


I don't have time for this.

Fridge! What are you doing?

Hey, claudel.

You got my 15 bucks?


Oh, shit, the mug.

Right. Um...

Just let me say that I'd like to apologize about that.

I don't believe you, cold sore, or whatever your name is.

[Chuckles] Yes.

[Clears throat] Okay.

Right. Great.

I will be right there.



Claudel! Hey!

I'm really sorry to keep you waiting.

Oh, I figured you forgot. Um, no biggie.

Are you still on for lunch?

The thing is, could we push lunch back just a little bit?

I'm kind of loaded down with work stuff.

Brendan? Who the hell is this?

Emily! What are you doing here?

What do you think, idiot? Oh, God.


Can I talk to you a moment alone, please?

God damn it. You know him?

No, no.

No, absolutely not.

It's important.

Does anybody look like they need to be saved here, captain honeybuzz?

We're all safe here, so you can go.

Thank you. Back to the hive.

I'm sorry, um-- this is my girlfriend.

This is my ex-girlfriend, Emily.

So you lied when you said you had work?

Oh, no, I didn't lie, because I have work.

Oh, is that what I am to you, Brendan, work, huh?

No, damn it, I didn't mean that when I said work.

Wow, okay, you two seem like you have a lot to discuss.

No. Yes, no, we do.

I'll see you around.

Great, that's great.

Thank you very much. You're welcome.

What are you doing here? Are you here to apologize?

Apologize to you?

Have you lost your mind?

Well, no, because I know you're sleeping with that superhero, Fridge.

Yeah, guess how. He told me.


But you two are the same person.

Who the hell told you that?

Oh, come on. You look the same.

You sound the same. You smell the same.

You fuck the same. We fuck the same?

No, not really. But I'm your girlfriend, okay?

I know these things.

That superheroes have these alter egos to hide among civilians.

So you made up this Clark Kent-type loser, okay?

I'm just trying to help you get free of this geek.

You're just so much more passionate when you're in that Fridge costume.


Please? No, no, no.

Look, Brendan is the real me.


Brendan is the real me.

Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure.

Well, why would you choose Brendan?

It's not a choice, Emily.

That's just the way it is.

Well, you should know that I'm not gonna choose Brendan.

Right, see, and that is why we are breaking up.


I want to hear that from Fridge.

Fridge is not available right now.

No, no, I came all the way here to talk to him, not this loser.

So if you want to break up with me, do it in your Fridge costume.

That's not gonna change anything.

This loser is breaking up with you.

We're over.



And, for the record, it's not cheating if it's with the same person.

Okay, I take that back.

Just so long as you promise that you will never reveal my identity to anyone.

You're insane.

I can't believe I let you ice all over my face.


Well, that is a woman who reads her emails.

I don't know what to say. I'm--I'm-- should I upgrade you to the honeymoon suite?

No, we are 100% broken up.

I promise you.

You were just making out all over the parking lot.

She kissed me.

The last thing that I need is another guy who has another girl.

I know. I'm really sorry about that.

Look, I want to get to know you better, and I want to have lunch with you, just sometime closer to dinnertime.

Are you asking me to dinner?

Will you have dinner with me?



That's very good news.


Hey, dude.

Look, I'm sorry I've been out of it, but I got everything sorted out now.

Emily's gone.

I got a dinner date with claudel.

Weather's clearing up.

So let's just focus on the mission, right?

So what'd you want to tell me about the prisoner?

He's your parents' killer.

Okay, wow, Jesus. I said I was sorry.

You don't have to be a dick about it.

I'm not joking.

I'm serious.

The supervillain who killed your mom and dad is in that room.


What are you talking about?

Nobody knows what happened to my mom and dad.

The supercorps knows.

My dad had a gun in his hand. He was framed.

You don't believe me?

Go in there, and ask him yourself.

He's tied up.

The supercorps told you this information, not me?


They're afraid of what you might do.

But I think you deserve to know.

I think you deserve a little bit of time alone with him.

And if he should happen to try to escape and get hurt...

Or killed...

No one will blame you.

I'm gonna kill him.


Wait, what else do you want, man?

This is the guy who killed your mom and dad.

What about the supercorps oath, huh?

What about rule #27, no revenge?

Nobody follows that rule.

I mean, if I do this, then what's the difference?

I'm no better than he is. No better than he is?

You think you're exaggerating just a little bit?

I mean, this guy's a psychopathic killer-- all right, fine, you know what I mean.

I kill him, I'm a villain, too. Technically.

All right, if you don't want this-- no, I'm not saying I don't want it.

I'm just...

Trying to think.

I can't stop thinking about this one memory of my dad.

Is this what he would have wanted me to do?

He was a healer.

Well, I guess the one thing he couldn't heal was himself.

So, look, this guy's obviously dangerous.

When you go in there, I don't want you thinking about Emily or claudel or any other stupid girl.

Dude, come on. I'm a pro.

Just be careful.

I'll be out here if you need me.

[Whispers] I'm sorry, buddy.

My associate sent me in here to...

Ask you some questions.

You say "associate" as if he wasn't some pervert trying to see through everybody's clothes.

What's the "f" stand for?


Short for refrigerator.

Ice controlling-- one of the most common superpowers.

That explains it.

All the best names were probably already taken-- freezer burn, snowman, and the first openly gay superhero, ice queen.

How's that make you feel?

Captain amazingness chooses our names.

Captain amazingness? Who chooses his name?

The leader of the supercorps names himself.

Sounds more like he's got the midlife crisis, don't you think?

You know, I know why you're really here.

You're trying to decide whether or not to kill me.

How do you know that?

Your body language tells me.

Not moving tells me you don't want me to read your body language, which proves that I'm right.

There's something different about you.

Did you forget to take your serum?

What serum? What are you talking about?

What the hell was that?

You're a telemorph.

I'm a little rusty.

Why didn't he tell me?

[Inhales sharply]


Oh, there we go.

[Bright rhythmic music]

What the hell?


Come on, Fridge. Focus.


You can do this.

I will not...Let you...

Get inside...Of my head.

Well, I'm just getting warmed up.

But you...Don't...


[Voices whispering]


What are you doing?

Your name is Brendan?

Oh, God.


That's how you killed him-- mind control.

You're Matthew's son.

Don't you say that name.

You don't get to use that name.

Oh, God.

Is this when you make me kill myself, like my father?

Brendan, you're my nephew.

That's bullshit.

It's true.

Brendan. Brendan, you're my nephew.

No, you're a liar. Get out of my head.

It's true, Brendan. We're family.

No, that's impossible.

Matthew was my older brother.

You look just like him.

Jimmy, you're drunk.

No, I'm not.

I came here to tell you I'm not going to be divorcing my wife.

I'm going to get back with her.


She loves me.

I'm glad.

'Cause what happened between us was a mistake.

Yeah, my mistake.

To think that I almost lost my marriage for you.

Well, then that worked out for the both of us, didn't it?

Yeah, it did.

Okay, Jimmy, you can go.

If you want me to leave, then you should probably call the cops.

Oh, wait.

I'm the cops.

Okay, Jimmy, you're freaking me out.

You're cheating on me with one of those superheroes, aren't you?

Cheating? We were never a couple.

That doesn't even make sense.

[Plate clattering]

You're an asshole.

I know, but the problem is, is that you're just so cute.

Don't you touch me.

You always smell so good.

I just want to tear off--

Jimmy, I said "no."


[Glass shattering]

That really hurt!

That is no way to treat your lover, lover.

Get away from her.

This is the faggot you're dumping me for?

♪ Here he comes to save the day ♪ What are you gonna do, X-ray boy?

You're probably checking my balls right now, aren't you?

You don't want to do that.

You better kill me.

Because if you don't, you're going to have to watch your back every day for the rest of your goddamn life.

Say you're sorry to the lady, and get out of here.

Are you all right? Yeah.

[Door slams]

I think he's gone.

He's gone.

How could nobody know that you were brothers?

He was a superhero. I was a supervillain.

If the world found out that we were brothers, it wouldn't have been good for either one of us, so we kept it a secret.

But why would you do it?

I mean, how could you kill your own brother?

It's not what you think.

It's complicated.

I'll just show you.

[Voices whispering]

No, don't do that.

Don't just inject it into my mind.

I want to hear you say it.

Matthew was my idol.

And when our parents died, he joined the supercorps.

And he married a superhero, your mother.

And together they ran off to save the world, abandoning me, his baby brother, who--who needed him most.

Yeah, I was jealous at first, when he had superpowers.

But then my superpowers started to kick in, although I didn't understand what was happening.

I could hear people's thoughts.

I thought I was going crazy.

I saw dozens of doctors.

I was in and out of mental institutions.

Where was he?

Then, one day, electric death pulled up in his stretch, and he told me that the voices I was hearing was the beginning of mind control, and that I was special.

One in a billion.

He told me that if I worked for him, he could help me hone my powers, and that the world would just open up like a flower, offering me all of its sweetness.


And pretty soon, I was the most powerful supervillain around.

And then it was Matthew's turn to be jealous.

He decided that he was going to tell the world that we were brothers, so that my guys would turn against me.

Fair man that he was, he gave me a warning.

He came and made me an offer.

He brought your mother, windchill, with him, and she tried to convince me that the supercorps could take care of me.

How could they take care of me?

And even if they could, being a superhero didn't seem like much fun, as I guess you know.

So I decided I had to stop them then and there.

Why like that? Why did you use his own gun?

I flew into a rage.

Next thing I knew, he pulled his gun.


She hit the ground.

He hit the ground.

[Whispers] I lost control.

I lost control.

You have to believe me.

It was an accident.

I swear it was.

I'll show you an accident.


Why aren't you stopping me?

Because I want you to do it.

Damn it. My truffula tree cupcakes.

Poor guys. [Sighs]

I was making them for this guy I met today.

You put a lot of work into them.

Dr. Seuss would have been proud.

You must really like this guy, huh?

Yeah, I guess I do.

Listen, um, thanks. I mean it.

No need to thank me.

Not just for stopping him, but for stopping me.

I would have cut his balls off.

If I knew that's all you were gonna do, I would have let you do it.

Still, it feels better to do the right thing.

You know what I mean?

Yeah. Yeah, I know what you mean.

[Whispers] What am I doing?

I got to, um...

I got to go fix something.

Brendan, wait.

Don't do it.

Get out of here, C-Thru.

I was wrong.

I shouldn't have brought you here.

What the hell are you talking about?

Five minutes ago, this was my chance for revenge.

Not like this.

Superheroes shouldn't kill anyone.

No, this doesn't make any sense.

What's he not telling me?

I can't read his thoughts.

He's using the mind-control inhibitor.

That's not true.

Mind-control inhibitor?

What was in that syringe? Nothing, I told you.

That's how they captured me, 15 years ago.

Shut up. The prison guards still use.

We got to go, now. Well, what's your plan?

You just gonna leave me here? This isn't about you.

Uh, C-Thru? Brendan, don't listen to him.

He's trying to get inside our heads.

C-Thru! What?


[Telephone ringer dings]

[Ominous music]

What happened?

It's okay to show him how you feel.

Why don't you tell us how you tried to set me up?

Don't listen to him, Brendan.

Why don't you tell me why you didn't give me the serum?

I came back to save you.

To save me?

You know what, man?

Just for once, I want to hear you tell me something that's actually true.




It was a setup.

That's why we chose this out-of-the-way place.

Supercorps needs an active supervillain so that people need us again.

Then we can get our funding restored.

For that you were going to let me die?


He was supposed to be your friend.

You were supposed to be my friend.

That's right. He betrayed you.

He set you up and left you here to die.

Brendan, don't.

He abandoned you, Brendan.

You've been carrying this pain around with you your entire life, and he deserves to die.

Don't listen to him.

He deserves... No one.

To die!


[Ice crackling]

He made me do it.

He wanted to die.

He confessed to everything.

This clears my dad's name.

We've got to tell the supercorps.

They know.

They were watching.

There's a camera.

So it's all on tape. They heard everything.

There's no sound.

There's no sound?

We didn't need it.

Okay, then you've got to call captain amazingness.

Tell him what happened.

Yeah, maybe...

Maybe there's still time.

Still time for what?

Maybe I can stop him.

[Phone ringing]

What are you talking about?

Hey, C-Thru, job well done.

Thank you, sir.

We got it all on tape.

Sir, is it possible that we can still--

I just sent out the story with the clip.

Get to a TV. It's all over the news.

You should be proud, C-Thru.

You just saved the corps.

What did he say?

What did he say?

Even when you're not fighting supervillians, your teeth are fighting plaque.

Bring you an emergency news bulletin.

Refrigerator, the superhero known as Fridge, has turned to the dark side.

His whereabouts are unknown, but in this exclusive video clip, you can see Fridge committing the murderous act.

Experts are analyzing the footage right now to find out where exactly it could be.

The supercorps are organizing their efforts to find him, and captain amazingness says it's a shame they don't have the funding they once had.

He asks for the cooperation of all citizens.

If you see this villain...

You son of a bitch.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, I know what this is about.

Yeah, it's about the supercorps.

It's about our company getting its funding back.

Oh, come on, you never once questioned captain amazingness's motives?

Yeah, of course I did.

That's why I came back.

God damn it.

I slept with margo amazingness.


Yeah, I slept with captain amazingness's wife, okay?

He must have found out.

You're serious.

Yeah, totally serious.

When? Christmas party.

She had that miniskirt.

No. Knee-highs.

Crazy red heels.

No, it can't be about that. Then why me?

No, captain amazingness-- if they want a supervillain, why not take one from jail?

There's got to be over 400 of them there.

Why me?

I can't even talk to you. I got to go.

I'm about to be hunted down by the goddamn supercorps.

I'm gonna make this up to you, man.

I'll hide shrink's body.

That will slow their investigation for a bit, and--

I don't know, give you some time to get out of the country or something.

Don't act like you're doing me any favors, okay, asshole?

And listen to me very carefully.

As far as I'm concerned, from now on, you and me are strangers.

Hey, Brendan. What?

You know, for whatever it's worth, that girl claudel really likes you.

I mean I just saw her down there making cupcakes with Dr. Seuss drawings on them.

Well, that might have been nice, C-Thru, but I don't think she really wants to go on the run with a supervillain, do you?

Couldn't hurt to ask.


Margo amazingness, really?


Oh, yeah.

Oh, um, moon dog, do you know where claudel is?

She said it's okay if I use her jewelry-making kit.

Yeah, okay.

I'm making this for that superhero, Fridge.

Think he'll like it?

[Chuckles bitterly]

I think he would have loved it.

But he's a supervillain now, so you might want to keep your distance.

Eh, supervillain, superhero-- those are just labels, man.

Yeah, right. Look, have you seen claudel?

Yeah, she's out back. Great.

Hey, how did you know my name?

You look like a moon dog.


Before you say anything, I just--

I want to tell you some stuff.

Um, I'm Fridge.

I was a superhero.

And not a very good one.

That's why you were acting so strange, 'cause you couldn't tell me who you really were.

No, who I really am is Brendan--is this guy.

I just didn't want to tell you about Fridge, because, well, you seem to hate superheroes so much, so...

I don't hate superheroes.

It's just, um, complicated.

Oh, no, I get it.

I just wanted to say that before I met you, my life was an emotional nightmare, basically.

And you saved me from that.

You did, because you seemed to like me for the real me.

And that felt really nice.

And I just kind of wish that we could start from scratch.

Well, you know, there's nothing stopping us from doing that.

We just met.

Well, actually, there is one thing stopping us.


There is a giant conspiracy to use my alter ego to get government funding back for superheroes.

Wow. Yeah.

So that's it.

No dinner?

[Romantic music playing]

♪ you don't need to leap over buildings ♪

♪ in a single bound

♪ or run to me faster

♪ than the speed of sound

♪ you don't need X-ray vision

♪ to look into my heart

♪ you're my hero just the way you are ♪

♪ just the way you are

♪ you don't need to fly around the world ♪

♪ to show a girl a good time

♪ you don't need telepathy

♪ you can already read my mind

♪ and you don't need super strength ♪

♪ to hold me in your arms

♪ you're my hero

♪ just the way you are

[dramatic music]


Who's that?

I can explain.

This is good.

This doesn't involve the cops.

I suggest you put the gun away.

You know, I always wanted to be one of you guys-- colorful uniform, publicist, alter ego.

By day, detective Jimmy fontaine.

And by night, doctor invisible.

Maybe...Captain unseeable.

We can do that.

That's where I belong.

That can still happen. Just put the gun away.

You know, at least claudel made me feel special.

But you had to try and rob me of that as well, didn't you?



No, no, no, hold on a second.

That could be dangerous.

Well, aren't you used to danger, being a superhero?



I don't even have my uniform.


You don't need your uniform.


But I thought you said you were Fridge.

I was.

You didn't get the joke, babe.

I said, "freeze," and I'm dressed as the freezer.

Fridge. It's short for refrigerator.

Jimmy, what are you doing in that outfit?

I'm a superhero now.

All I have to do is change this letter to a "g" for gun power.

He shot C-Thru.

It's a bird. It's a plane.


It's a stupid dead bitch.


[Ice crackling]


Oh, God.

Oh, no. I'm gonna be fine.

No, no, no, no, no. No, I'm gonna be fine.

It's okay. Don't worry.

You're gonna be okay.

Yeah, no, seriously, I'm gonna be okay.

[Warbling tone]

You healed yourself. You've got-- healing powers, yeah.

Why didn't you tell me?

I was gonna tell you.

I've just kept it a secret for so long.

I just didn't want it to be the only thing that people cared about.

[Breathing heavily]

Yeah, tell me about it.

You okay?



Come on. Can you get up?


Oh, dude.

Can you heal him?

Well, if he's still alive, I can.

[Warbling tone]

Come on, bud.

Claudel saved you. She's got superpowers.

Yeah, let's keep that on the d.L., please.

Brendan-- look, just save it, all right?

You're one lucky piece of shit.

Jimmy's dead.

I can't heal him.

Oh, man.

Well, he did shoot you.

So what happens now?

As far as I'm concerned, that's Fridge right there.

Fridge is dead.

Just as I was starting to like superheroes.

I'll take it from here.


I got a report to write about a dead superhero.

Hey, Brendan?

You think you'll ever forgive me?



Over my dead body.

♪ Good night I say to you ♪

♪ good night

♪ dream

♪ of all the impossible

♪ and when you wake

♪ you'll see

♪ that all these dreams aren't fake ♪

♪ they're real

♪ not impossible

♪ believe

♪ you'll be all right

♪ sad things

♪ you keep inside

♪ so go

♪ tell me what it's like

♪ tell me what you like

♪ about when you dream

♪ ooh-ooh ooh-ooh

♪ ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

♪ ooh-ooh ooh-ooh

♪ ooh-ooh

With their funding fully restored, the supercorps determined that Fridge, whose body was found washed up on shore, was not evil, but only under the mind-control powers of shrink, who faked his own death to escape custody.

Shrink is still at large, and considered incredibly dangerous.

New evidence shows he was responsible for the deaths of two superheroes in 1992.

Supercorps leader, captain amazingness, has pledged to spare no effort in capturing shrink.

For the first time, the supercorps has confirmed the identity of one of its members.

Fridge has been identified as local police officer Jimmy fontaine.

His family and friends claim they are not surprised to find out that Jimmy was a superhero.

"He had a true love for justice," his wife says.

"He was one of the good guys, and that's rare."

The other day, I took my third-grade class into the park, and three third-graders found underwear in the bushes.

Do I think guns are good?

No, I don't, really.

But I would sooner have a gun in the hands of sunburn than some law-enforcement officials.

What am I going to do with a taser if a guy is half a mile away?

I need pistols.

I'd even go so far as to say, you know, I would put a stealth bomber in his hands.

Superheroes, like yourself, are getting their powers younger and younger these days.

Well, I mean, some people think it's like the hormones in the cows and that we spray on crops, but I think it's cosmological.

Now, we know what kind of problems puberty causes in a normal human being, so we can only imagine what must be going through the mind of these troubled teenage individuals who suddenly have-- suddenly have fire coming out of their fingertips or pieces of metal flying at their body.

I once had a young patient whose parents thought, "she's just bumping into things."

But really things were bumping into her.

See, she had just developed magnetism and couldn't control it.

[Romantic music]

♪ you don't need to leap over buildings ♪

♪ in a single bound

♪ or run to me faster

♪ than the speed of sound

♪ you don't need X-ray vision

♪ to look into my heart

♪ you're my hero just the way you are ♪

♪ just the way you are

♪ you don't need to fly around the world ♪

♪ to show a girl a good time

♪ you don't need telepathy

♪ you can already read my mind

♪ and you don't need super strength ♪

♪ to hold me in your arms

♪ you're my hero

♪ just the way you are

♪ you don't need a Batmobile

♪ to take me to the prom

♪ don't have to be the man of steel ♪

♪ to diffuse this little bomb

♪ all you got to do is open up your heart ♪

♪ you're my hero just the way you are ♪

♪ you don't have to move mountains ♪

♪ to show your sweetness

♪ 'cause, baby, you move me

♪ without telekinesis

♪ don't need to take me to the moon ♪

♪ to show me all the stars

♪ you're my hero just the way you are ♪

♪ don't have to stop one of the trains ♪

♪ with your bare hands

♪ or befriend supervillains

♪ just to stop their evil plans ♪

♪ believe me when I say

♪ I loved you from the start

♪ you're my hero

♪ just the way you are