Antiquities (2018) Script

Oh, there's my sweet boy!

Hey. Come on in.

Oh, so good to see you.

Yeah, you too.

There's my guy!

Yup. Oh, yeah.

We were getting worried about you.

Oh, I remember those.

Yeah.

How was your trip? It was good.

Are you hungry? Yeah, I'm starving.

Oh, come sit down. Come sit down.

Here, you can have that chair.

There he is.

Look at my guy!

Oh, hey!

Thought this guy, right here, was never gonna show up.

Uh-huh.

Oh, hey, Nanaw.

She wanders around a lot.

Let me get that, right there, real quick.

Is there anything interesting in the evening paper, son?

What is it?

Ah!

Look at the nosy parker over there wondering what we're up to.

Oh, not a whole lot, Walt.

Just slashing prices on Ground Round.

Mm-hmm. I'm gonna tell you, since the last time you've been here, This guy right here... ...nuts.

He's loosing it.

I don't know where the off switch is on this guy. Oh, hey.

He's lost it.

We need to get one of those crazy jackets that tie up really tight in the back.

We should really do that to him.

But seriously... Seriously.

We're, uh...

We're getting real busy down at the store.

And, uh... You know we could...

We could really use some help.

Wonder who we could find?

Hmm.

Well, I don't know...

I really, sorta had my mind set on working where my dad worked.

Mm-hmm. Oh, my...

Switching gears on us, Papa.

Oh, no, no, Pennyfeathers. Pennyfeathers.

Walter, we understand.

You'll be a heck of salesman where ever you go.

You know, your daddy was a great salesman back at the antique mall. Mm-hmm.

Ice cream to Eskimos.

Down there they say, "He could do anything."

Oh, that reminds me.

All your daddies stuff is in boxes up in that attic.

Feel free to go through anything you want up there.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Oh, it just does my heart good to see you following in your daddy's footsteps like this.

Let's dig in.


Hi.

I'm supposed to meet a man named Dewey Ray.

Oh, yes. Of course.

Ooh. Uh.

Hello? Hello?

Oh... Hello?

Did I tell you about my ankle?

Keeps turning on it's self... Uh...

...on account of the rheumatoid.

They want $20,000 for it.

I mean, hell, all it is is a block of wood with a hinge. It's not the money...

It's just... It's just the principle of the thing.

But I don't mind the money.

I can afford to get my titties done on account that one is...

...is larger than the other one.

Oh.

Yes.

I know you. Pill time.

Here we go.

If I... If I don't set a timer, then I don't remember.

And if I don't remember, well, I won't die...

But, it won't be good for nobody.

Hmm... Hmm.

What was I doing?

You were about to tell me where Dewey Ray's office is.

Oh, yes.

But, seriously...

Do you think I should get my titties done?

Yeah, I... Hmm. Don't... don't, uh... Look at how they rest.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

You're not looking.

Yeah, I... I, uh...

I'm gonna ask this guy.

Thank... Thank you, though. Uh...

Maybe I should just...

Just a little off the nose.

What's that? It's a package.

I know what it is, Stonehenge. What's in it?

Just sign it, please?

What do you eat for breakfast? Boiled eggs?

I bet you eat sawdust and shit logs, don't you, boy?

You suntanning your underwear?

I'm gonna keep this.

Mama, I don't know about this place sometimes.

It's times like this, I wish you were still here.

Honey, you're mama's on line one.

Hey, Mama.

No, it's just sometimes I don't know about this place.

No, I just don't think you trust me.

So, it's because you don't trust me.

Why would your pills be under the bubble wrap, Ma?

I don't see 'em.

Are you on your clonipine again?

And you're wearing a nicotine patch?

Okay, I got to go.

I got to go. I got to go.

What can I do for you?

Uh, I am looking for a Dewey Ray.

Do me a favor. Don't ever...

Touch my figurines again, please.

I'm sorry. Mm-hmm. All right?

That right there is Brigadier General M. Jeff Thompson.

Swamp Fox of the Confederacy?

Probably the most irascible man of the entire Civil War.

And I'm restaging the Battle of Fredericktown.

Do you even care about the Battle of Fredericktown?

Uh... These were my daddy's things.

He used to whoop me.

He'd put his foot right about there on my neck and hit me with a shovel.

He was a good man.

Sounds...

...complicated.

Probably his most prized possession.

Arkansas toothpick used by Jeb "Golden Spurs" Newton himself at the Battle of Stench Creek.

It's a bond between a boy and his daddy.

It was forged by the James Blight.

A white-hot fiery conflict much like or love.

Sometimes I'm wearing shorts and that's too heavy.

So I carry this.

That's a nickle he gave me.

Also very important.

And also forged in heat.

So these are all battles that the South won.

The South won all these. That's right.

You get a lot of customers for that sort of thing around here?

Connoisseurs.

But mostly, I sell candy bars.

Boys, we have a store meeting after lunch.

Big announcement to make.

What are you gonna do?

Let everybody know you take it up the seat?

Your mama takes it up the seat.

And I mean literally.

Bent over that 66 inch L-shaped laminate desktop just the other day.

Did I tell you I'm married to Blundale's mama.

No, sir. We haven't met.

Are you Dewey Ray?

Mm-hmm. I'm Walt Prior.

I believe we spoke on the phone.

Dennis Prior's boy.

Look at you.

Now that you mention it, you're the splitting image.

You're Dennis' boy? Yup.

Ooh, your dad and I had some good times.

We worked here together during school.

This is where I actually met Blundale's mama.

Yeah, I was a 18-year-old senior, muscles out to here.

Getting more tang than Buzz Aldrin.

And she was a experienced woman, boy.

She ran hot.

Face get all red during sex. Okay.

Thanks, Dewey.

Speaking of running hot.

Did you get that timing belt fixed on your truck, son?

I'm not his son.

We went to school together. Same time.

Yeah, been like a father to him, at least since so far all the sex I had with his mama.

Hey, Walter, first job.

Can you help Jimmy Lee over there put that Mrs Claus oh his tree?

I'm sorry. Am I hired?

I don't give a shit. Do you want to be hired.

Yes, sir. Okay, first job.

Make sure Jimmy Lee don't fall.

Kill himself.

Hey, let me help you here.

Oh. Aren't you a dear.

Honey, you didn't have to do that.

There you go. Looks perfect.

Uh, I'm Walt.

James Lee Williams.

But you can call me Jimmy Lee.

Okay. Have a seat.

Come on in. Let's talk. Okay.

It's my little living room.

Oh, yeah.

I like your shoes, Jimmy Lee.

Oh. They're alligator shoes.

♪ Alligator shoes ♪

♪ Alligator shoes ♪

♪ If I don't get some I'm gonna get the blues ♪ Do you know that song?

Yeah. May... Maybe.

Are you new here? Yes.

I just came in from Little Rock.

Oh. Well, I'm sorry.

I'd just as soon pitch a golf ball at a monkey's butt as go to Little Rock but it makes sense because you have a very innocent style.

I bet the girls go for you, don't they?

Uh... I bet they do.

I bet they do.

Hmm. Um, did you happen to know my dad, Dennis Prior?

As I live and breath. You...

Dennis was your daddy?

Yeah. Yeah, he was. Oh, heavens to Betsy.

Everybody's got a story about Dennis.

You know who you should talk to first, though, is old Coach McGee.

He has the booth back there with the baseball cards, He was your daddy's boxing coach.

Hey, new guy? Hmm.

Can I talk to you a second?

Yeah. Uh, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, Walter.

Hey there, Delaney.

You're not going anywhere. You're gonna be the princess.

Yes, 'cause you're gonna be a princess.

I just wanted to get you away from him.

That guy freaks me out.

Oh, I think he's pretty harmless.

Yeah. Until he starts making up songs about you.

You stick with Blundale and me, you should be all right.

Want to go to lunch with us later?

Uh, yeah. Sure.

Oh, it's just a protein shake.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's organic.

I've been doing the Navy Seal workout the last couple of years.

My brother's a Navy Seal.

I don't talk about him much.

Secret missions and all that but...

I trained with him, though.

How do you train with the Navy Seals if you're not a Navy Seal?

Who is that?

Who, Ellie? She works here?

Yeah, she's got a pottery booth upstairs.

She went around the world or something.

Half of Europe and one of the other ones.

And she's from here?

Born and raised.

I hear she went for some sort of treatment too, but you didn't hear that from me. Hey, Ellie.

Hey, Delaney.

You're looking good.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I lost like 20 pounds while you were away.

No you didn't.

Hey.

Hi.

I'm Walt Prior.

I'm new.

Did you touch my stuff while I was gone?

Did I what?

Because the treatment that he mentioned was for rage issues.

And if you touched my stuff while I was gone, I will stomp a mud hole...

No, I just started. I promise I did not touch...

...anything.

I don't even know... what stuff is yours.

So...

Oh, your face. I'm just kidding. Relax.

Oh, wow. I was...

I was really intimidating, wasn't I?

Yeah. Yeah.

I was never in treatment by the way.

It's nice to know what the rumors are though.

One thing that is not a rumor, Delaney's parents...

First cousins.

You can tell.

Facial asymmetry, bed wetting, his teeth never meet.

Uh, so you went around the world, huh? Yup.

Did you go alone or...

Me alone? No. No, no, no.

Well, yeah, I went there alone but...

Oh, come on, I was never really...

Alone-alone if you know what I mean.

Wow, this is too easy.

It's like shooting fish in a barrel.

I'm kidding, Walt.

Oh... Oh...

You're wound really tight, you know that?

Have you always been that way?

No, um... Okay.

Confession time.

When I was little, I didn't think fat people could feel things.

Well, your turn.

I got invited to a lunch.

So, uh...

I should probably... Yup.

Okay.

Hey, man, what do you know about Ellie?

What like measurements and stuff?

No. No, like, she's kind of weird, right?

Is that just her sense of humor?

Well, I know she jokes about her period a lot if that's what you mean?

Okay. Um...

Do you know if she's got a boyfriend?

I just...

Some times I have a tough time telling the difference between a nice girl being flirty and a flirty girl being nice, you know.

Well, I don't think so.

She got kind of messed up

'cause her brother got killed in a car crash out on 35 a few months back.

Her parents became shut-ins or something.

That's why she went on that trip and everything.

Come on, I got chicken burning. Ticktock, ticktock.

Excuse me?

I'm sorry, papo, I didn't mean to rush you there.

Have at it.

Do you have a problem?

Yes, sir. You smell like a creek.

What do you got coupons?

You got one of them for the next year of your life?

Come on. You may only have moments to live.

Go.

Go. Come on. Gather your rose buds.

Asshole. Idiot.

For me and whatever the old man of the sea is having.

What's wrong with you?

Walt?

Oh, uh... Nothing. I'm good.

What?

My trainer says I can eat whatever I want to once a week.

You mean your brother?

Yeah, my brother.

Bet my life savings you don't live three more years.

Tell Walt what you have there.

Nothing.

Please. I want to hear you tell him.

It's a little plate and fork.

It's a little plate and fork.

And why do you have a little plate and fork, Delaney?

So, I don't eat too much.

Isn't that about the saddest thing you ever heard?

Always seem sad, Delaney.

You don't seem to miss any meals in your anguish.

I'm on Lipitor.

Walt, are you...

You enjoying your job so far?

Yeah. Yeah, I am.

Good. You know we got that big meeting today.

What do you think that's about?

It's about the future, Delaney.

You two idiots can die in your sleep for all I care.

But not me. I got ambitions.

Shoot for the moon and if miss, I fall back among the stars.

Been my philosophy.

Well, ain't the moon closer than the stars, Blundale?

As most of you know, many years ago I met... and I fell in love with Blundale's mama.

Sticky Vicky herself.

She the light of my life.

And many years later, upon her retirement, I was made General Manager of this here place.

Now...

I know my life won't go down in history textbooks or anything but work has always given me a reason to get up every morning.

Whether I was running the Antique mall or selling amphetamines out of the trunk of my 1976 Chrysler Cordoba.

But...

I'm afraid those chapters are coming to a close.

Born alone we die alone, friends, you're never happy.

But work... gives us meaning, give us purpose, give us a reason to believe that our lives, however brief, are significant.

Now, all I got in this world is this job, a 70-year-old wife, occasional lifestyle diabetes, and a 1967...

Mustang Shelby Convertible that Vicky wants me to trade in for a Winnebago.

So, in a month, I'll be leaving here... for good, to travel with her.

Ivy park after ivy park, each one a little more pitiful and depressing than the last until we hit all the states.

Our moronic accomplishments emblazoned on a magnetic map on the side of the RV.

And only her scooter chair to escape our 150 square foot hellhole in her insipid, insane shit.

And so, I need a replacement, people.

In the coming weeks, I'll be taking applications for the position of General Manager and Director of Estate Sales.

And I'll be interviewing from outside as well as within.

So, if any of you are interested including you select vendors, let me know.

Let me know.

Well, you'll know where I'll be.

Let's get back to work.

Walter!

Let me see you in my office.

Yes, sir.

Hey.

Hey.

Look I'm sorry if I made you feel all uncomfortable and awkward earlier.

No. No, it's okay. Well, let me make it up to you.

I'll buy you coffee after work.

No. No, no. It's uh... I'm good. It's okay.

Oh, uh... Yup.

What? No?

Walter! Need to see you in my office.

Walt, how long you been here?

Uh, today. I started today.

How are you, by the way?

I'm good.

I never met a person have a bad thing to say about your daddy.

I know this isn't the easiest thing to deal with especially since it happened like it did.

I got a therapist lady in town.

Got me through a tough time.

I'm gonna set it up and you're gonna see her.

Yeah, I appreciate that but I-I don't think that I really...

I had some trauma. Mm-hmm.

My sisters husband was taken too soon.

He owned a chicken farm out off of, uh...

Behind the old wax museum.

It's at, uh, Henry Street, Maple, down up and through there.

Well, anyway.

By the time anyone found him, his arms and legs were chewed off.

Once that thing got him to the ground it literally ate him to death.

The... chicken?

A chicken?

No, the bobcat, son.

Chickens only grow to about eight pounds.

I don't think they have teeth, do they?

I don't, I don't think so.

Now, where was I?

Death.

There is not a day that goes by that I don't think, why the world did that bobcat eat all the skin but leave all that organ meat?

Whole torso right there.

So!

What did you think about the meeting?

It was, it was good.

Now, you got that look.

The look of management.

I really appreciate that, Mr. Chism, but, uh, I definitely don't want to step on anyone's toes, and I know that Blundale... Yeah, yeah, Blundale...

The man's mother didn't think he'd be a good fit for this position.

This, this position requires people skills.

Someone like you.

Like us.

And the only toes you need to worry about stepping on are under this desk, covered in athlete's foot.

See, I laced-up my old track shoes recently, keep my stamina up.

Get it?

Sex stamina.

Listen. Just go to this estate sale with me.

Let's see if it's something you'd even be interested in.

And if it makes you that uncomfortable, Blundale does not have to know about it.

We'll keep it between us.


Hey, good morning!

Hey, Walt!

Oh, I see you found those little boots!

Oh yeah, aren't these great?

Yeah.

Oh, look at this.

This'll be your great grandpa.

My goodness, he was a good man.

They said he had a... heavy heart, though.

Heavy...

Heavy heart.

And... why is that?

Made of gold, ha!

Ha! Yep, yep.

Ha ha. Yep.

You know, he built this house with his own two hands.

No, I didn't.

He sure did, he sure did.

With this hammer, actually.

Really? Well, maybe not this hammer, but... one like it, I'm sure.

I, uh...

I think I remember my dad saying that he got arrested for bootlegging at one point.

Uh ha!

Now that's rich.

I dunno. He said that a few times actually.

No, no, no.

I, I'm sure old Dennis was just funnin' ya.

All right, I'm gonna, I'm gonna head out.

Yep!

Yep... yep, yep, yep.

Have you ever been to counseling before?

No, no I haven't.

And what made you wanna come see me today?

Um, I didn't, necessarily.

I mean, uh, Dewey Ray Chism suggested that I did.

Because, uh, my dad died recently.

Did you have a good relationship with your father?

Yeah, I think so.

Uh, my dad grew up here.

So I came back to... get to know who he is.

Uh, was.

Uh...

Get to know who he was as a kid.

That kind of thing.

Uh, is that... is that weird, er...

So you came back here to...

To live in his old house, talk to the people that he knew, work at his old job, go through all his old things.

Yeah, yeah that's a little weird, isn't it.

Little weird!

Little weird!

I'm sorry, please ignore her.

She's a therapy animal.

Uh, it's a very innovative new therapy for narcissists.

Hm. Parrots back what they say, so they can reflect upon their words a little more carefully.

Ah.

Very helpful.

So.

You were saying?

Oh, um...

Is this... crazy?

Is this crazy what I'm doing? Is this crazy!

Stop it! Is this crazy!

Beverley.

Sorry, she just, she gets a little nervous around new patients, so.

Um, let's see.

You were talking... about...

Dead father?

Dead father?

Dead father?

Dead father?

Stop it, Beverly.

You are ruining this for me!

Do you understand?

That has never happened.

Please continue.

Hey!

Take a look at the set on that gal.

Oh yeah.

Look at those dirty fellas.

Lord, I bet she could throw that left one over her right shoulder, couldn't she.

In a good way!

Just wanna get between 'em, don't ya?

Little bit a this.

Look at us, couple of old tomcats!

Boys will be boys, Maxine girl.

This is the way we talk.

Yeah, he's a natural athlete.

Not big, mind you, but natural 'cause he was smart.

I didn't even know he boxed.

Yeah! I remember that fight he had with this boy, Two Gun, Big ol' corn-fed son of a bitch, you know.

Your daddy walks over to Two-Gun and, uh...

Two-Gun, just, pow! Right in the mouth.

Knocks his mouthpiece out.

Your daddy looked at me and winked...

Took that mouthpiece and threw it over his shoulder.

Went right on back in there and fought the other two rounds without a mouthpiece. You ready?

Oh, yeah.

Thank you so much, coach.

Oh, sure. Any time, any time.

Right, coach.

Um.

Did you happen to say anything to Blundale about me going today?

Of course I did.

Had to.

You're taking his place.

Yeah, yeah.

It's just that, uh, I thought that we had talked about maybe not saying anything to him?

Oh yeah.

I remember.

Have I ever told you the parable about the turtle and the scorpion?

Uh, no.

The turtle shouldn't trust the scorpion.

Not totally sure that you understand parables.

I'm not sure that you understand scorpions.

Hey, uh...

Could you give me a minute and I'll be right out?

Yeah, mine will be the Mustang out front, thumping some Creedence.

Hey!

Hey!

Hi.

So I just wanted to say that that all came out wrong the other day.

What?

Oh, you mean the "No"?

Yeah.

Uh...

I think I just got caught off guard.

Oh, you mean that you just weren't paying attention.

Wow.

That's even worse than now.

You really shouldn't talk so much.

Yeah. Um...

But...

If you ever do wanna hangout sometime, I would definitely like to do that.

Yeah!

You know what, I'm good.

Thank you, though.

Yeah, okay, no big deal.

I am gonna go ahead and, uh, you know, head on out, so.

Wow, that's it, huh?

Oh, Peter Persistence over here.

You were joking.

Oh no, I don't wanna hang out with you ever.

Okay, I'm done.

I'm done. I'm done.

With the joking.

Yes, you can take me out tonight.

Oh, uh, actually I promised Nanaw I'd take her to bingo tonight.

That's great!

I love bingo!

And nanaws.

I will pick you up at 6:15.

Four-fifty for the old credenza.

And 600... for the sideboard.

Woah!

I see ya.

Sir, you're just like your daddy.

Don't get emotionally involved.

Hmm?

I'm gonna go get started in the kitchen. Come in there when you get caught up.

All right. All right.

How much for the glasses?

You wan this reading glasses?

Yeah! How much?

Uh, those aren't for sale.

Excuse me?

Well there's plenty of stuff around here that's for sale, but these aren't.

Hey!

Won't you take a look at this ol' boy right here?

Huh?

Hell, I like 'em boots!

Oh, yeah, thanks.

They were, they were my dad's Just found 'em.

I know how important a dad's things are to his boy.

Speaking of which, what did you think of the estate sale?

Yeah, hey, look. I didn't mean to get in the way or anything like that.

In the way?

Come on, now.

Ain't nothin' like a little healthy competition hurt nobody, huh?

Yep.

Okay.

There he is!

Look at him!

Looks to me like you may have a date!

Who's the victim there, Walt?

Uh, just a girl.

Just a girl?

You know, I was just a girl to Henry once.

But then I sacrificed my body to birth his child.

Nine pounds, six ounces.

Hey, hey! What do we got here?

Ho-ho!

Oh God, that's nothing.

Just some more of my dad's stuff that I found in the attic.

You know, Dennis's crazy friends would, would put those under the bed and try to get him in trouble with Mom and Dad.

I'd clear 'em out so he didn't, of course!

He must've saved some as a joke.

Give me those, Spence.

Well, I hope "just a girl" gets a name real soon and we get to meet her!

Dad, Spence, come on. Leave him be.

Okay, Mom. Go get 'em, tiger.


Whew!

Woah, uh, you okay?

Yeah!

I'd invite you inside, but I just took a huge number one.

A number one?

Yeah, you know, I'm not good with numbers.

Uh, those, those power lines are really intense.

Oh, yeah, you get used to 'em.

Well, except sometimes the TV turns on by itself, and I think I can read people's minds now.

Pick a number one through ten.

Uh, okay, um...

Okay.

Uh, got it.

Now, say it out loud.

Oh! Uh...

Four.

Yes!

Four!

Look at you!

All right, you ready?

Uh, Ellie, this is Nanaw.

Oh, hi, Nanaw!

Okay.

Well...

What's your nanaw's name?

Uh...

I, uh...

I don't know her name.

You don't know your nanaw's name.

Oh, yeah, well she's not my nanaw.

Uh, my aunt and uncle run a bed and breakfast, and, uh, she came to stay about 20 years ago and just, kinda, never left.

Who did?

Yeah, you did! Yeah!

Let's play some bingo!

I-26!

N-41!

O-71!

G-54!

Yes! Bingo!

I told you I was gonna win.

That's a bingo, folks!

Whoo-hoo!

Thank you!

Thanks! Thank you, everyone.

Going with the ham.

Spinal cut, too.

You jealous? Little bit.

I love it here.

I love bingo, I love ham.

So what's next, cowboy?

Oh, you won so we could leave.

Is that it?

That's how it works?

Well, I wasn't gonna say anything, but...

This one over here?

Not winning anything.

You've not played bingo with her before?

We've done it once or twice, yep.

Uh...

Hey, uh...

On a serious note, uh... Ooh.

A serious note?

I just wanna say that I was sorry to hear about your brother.

Yeah, well.

He was a real son of a bitch anyway.

Really?

Nope.

He was my best friend.

Hey, do you like to go on rides?

Rides?

So you don't want to talk about your brother.

Are you afraid of rides?

Um... Rides!

Are you scared? Okay!

Are you afraid of heights?

Are you? We'll find out.

They're closed.

Oh look.

They're open.

Ta-da!

No, no, no. No.

No. Yes.

Now you just sit right down here, Nanaw.

You sit down and enjoy the show.

Which, which show?

Have you always been such a baby?

What are you...

How do you even know how to do this?

Ha!

I know how to do everything!

I run this town.

Okay.

Come on! Yeah. This...

We'll turn it off, and then we'll just... Um, oh my gosh.

What do you think we came here for? Oh!

Oh, my gosh.

Everything is difficult with you. Ah!

Just, here. Here's your high chair 'cause you're being such a baby.

Just sit down!

There you go.

You have fun.

No! No, no, no, I'm not doing this by myself.

Oh, no. Come on.

No, no, no, don't... Someone has to run this or else...

Don't. Oh, no, it's already started.

You better not unhook it because that would be bad Oh no! Oh no!

It's not supposed to make that sound!

Oh, my god! Walt!

Okay, are you serious?

Are you serious right now?

So serious!

Does it have a stop? Is there a stop button?

But I can't stop it until it's over.

Have you done this before?

Wait...

It'll be okay. Don't... Slower, slower!

I don't... I can't slow it down! I don't know how to!

I just know how to work the lights!

You wanna go faster? No! That's, that's good!

Okay!

Okay, that's good!

Oh my god!

Look at you having so much fun!

Now, hun, you can't be mad at him for that.

Have you talked to your mother about this?

I just don't trust him, Jimmy Lee.

Excuse me for a second.

Ma'am...

Ma'am!

How old it this?

Let me take a look.

Oh, yes. This is from 1983, but I'm afraid that this one is not for sale.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

I thought this was a booth.

It is.

Sorry about that.

Is this one vintage as well?

Oh, you know what?

This one is from 1983 as well.

There is a year-round Christmas store.

It is just up the street, and they're gonna have everything that you want.

You don't want my old junk.

Come again though!

You gotta be making a fortune.

Oh, please.

Women like that can't have nice things.

Did you see her shoes?

Blundale!

I need to see you in my office!

Geez.

Good luck!

Training for what?

Because I think he'd make a good manager.

Who, Walt?

What's he ever done?

Let's go down the line of the last three estate sales you've been in charge of.

I don't wanna hear this.

First, Mrs. Pierce.

You know that house burned completely to the ground.

Insurance fraud.

She planned it for years.

Remember Mrs. McCuster?

That dog was the last thing she had from her husband.

How was I supposed to know that dog was dumb enough to swallow hooks?

Mrs. Hazel.

I see the two of you going to the bathroom, come out five minutes later.

She has a broken hip.

So I'm to blame for a calcium deficiency.

I'm not asking you, Blundale.

I'm telling you.

Train him!

I'm heading home.

Your mother's cooking pie rolls.

You're welcome to come and eat.

Just be gone by 8:00.

It's Tuesday.

I mean, I take these pills that make me retain water, but, well, you ever seen one of them pregnant spiders?

Hmm?

You look nice to me!

Oh... well, thank...

I'm sorry.

Ooh, you're giving me butterflies!

I guess ever since Randall left, compliments are few and far between!

Randal was your husband?

Legally?

Uh, yeah, I guess.

Um, left me two years back, so.

What? really? Why would anybody leave you?

Guess he wanted something new.

Because we all want something new eventually.

That's okay.

Because I'm gonna have something new myself soon.

That's right.

Like them titties I was telling you about.

Or I'm a shave a little off the schnoz.

Oh, those actually aren't for sale.

They're, uh, they're a set.

You know, you could... Yeah, just, just out.

I don't know why he keeps that booth, considering he won't let anything go.

What do you mean? He doesn't sell anything?

If you pay attention next time you're back there, he's recreated one of his childhood Christmases.

He won't get out of it.

Blundale's looking for you.

Oh, I gotta take this, sorry.

How are you doing, Gail?

Sore, mostly.

I've been blasting my bi's a lot.

Poundin' the plates.

That's good.

I saw your sister at Crank's Grocery but didn't have a chance to say hi.

How's she and Vernon doing?

They're getting a divorce.

Oh, good for her!

Huh.

Don't think you're supposed to do those in a row like that.

No, I do five at a time, so I don't have to remember later.

You said you never wanted to sell Mom and Dad's house.

Well, I guess I am ready to move on.

You okay with selling?

Yeah, I mean, I can't even step into the place.

I've just been waiting on you.

Yeah, I know.

I'll talk to an agent and get all the paperwork done.

Okay.

I love you. Love you too.

Yeah, I pretty much load up on multivitamins as soon as I leave the gym.

I've been taking so much ginko I feel like I can hear what my neighbors are thinking.

Yeah.

The vitamins have pretty much cut my body fat in half.

Well, that's something, huh?

Half. Wow.

You know who I think is very fit?

Walt.

He must run, or do one of those, like TV type workouts or something, 'cause he's just slender as a piece of pie.

Yeah.

Yeah, I used to be a little like that, when I was you know, a kid, but I think the girls prefer a more muscular build.

Well, nothing wrong with being hefty.

What did you say Blundale needed?

Nothing, man. Like it matters.

Oh, happy family!

Like all them meals at a special for inbreeds.

Walt, can I just see you a second here?

Good news, squirt.

Dewey Ray wants me to train you.

Train me for what?

You playing possum with me?

Talkin' about management, friend!

Looks like somebody's finally getting out of the kiddie pool, gonna start swimming in the deep end.

See that little broad right there?

Go help her out.

Go on.

Make me proud. Okay.

Hi, ma'am. Can I help you find something?

Well, I'm looking for a statue, about 12-16 inches high, and it's of a man in an old-fashioned bumblebee swimsuit and he's running with a pink flower.

And he has to have an orange bathing cap on.

Okay, let me check for you.

There you go.

No, that's not it.

Walt.

She there, batshit crazy.

Comes in here, every week, and wants the same thing, then doesn't want it.

She's perverse, it's like she needs friends or something.

Here's what we're gonna do.

You need people skills for management.

Watch this.

Hey, hey! We don't need your kind in here.

Your hair looks like you just came through a birth canal.

And you know it.

Hmm? People skills.

That is a terrible way to treat somebody.

Shit, if it only worked.

She'll be back next week.

So how'd it go last night?

With what? Huh?

On the date, with my niece.

Niece. Yeah, you did.

Ellie? Yes, Ellie.

That's my brother's girl.

Was she adopted? Were you adopted?

Hey, Delaney.

What are you doing?

Helium.

Makes things go better when I'm depressed.

I wanna ask out Dolores Jr.

It was like she doesn't even know I'm alive.

Oh, come on. Of course, she does.

I don't know, man.

Have you not seen how she looks at you?

Yeah, of course, she, like, totally wants it.

Yeah.

See? I've thought so. Sometimes, she'd give me that fast eye, Walt.

I know, and that's because you're a hell of a guy, Delaney.

She'd be lucky to have you.

Go ask her out. Okay.

Hey, Walt.

Thanks, buddy.

Hello, how are everybody tonight?

Good. Huh? Good?

Young couple always late. Huh?

Man take too long to do his hair.

Yup.

You like egg?

Egg.

That seems a little inappropriate.

Hey, string bean, show's over here.

I'm killing myself for you here.

What you want white guy?

I guarantee you, white guys suck.

Ooh.

Oh, man, look at you.

Just a few days in town, and you're already making friends.

Yeah. Yeah.

So what are you doing here anyway?

Um, I cam to learn about my dad.

You don't know your dad?

No, I did know him.

Um, he died. A while back.

And, I guess after he died, I realized I didn't really know him as well as I thought I did, you know?

So you guys weren't very close?

No, no, we were, actually. Uh...

Never felt closer to anyone.

But we-we didn't really talk though.

I mean, we could say, "I love you" to each other, but looking back on it, I think that maybe just saying "I love you" all the time was a way for us to avoid ever getting deeper than that.

Does that make any sense?

I think so.

I don't know, maybe I didn't know him.

The last few months of his life, we didn't talk at all, actually.

Why not?

Well, after my mom died, uh, he started to drink and I told him that I was done unless he got help.

And he never did?

Called me, the day before he died.

Wanted to meet me.

What for?

I don't know. He died on the way.

Well, you know, it's the same with you though.

I could imagine losing Sarah.

Yeah, well, it's...

You don't talk about it much, do you?

I don't talk about him because he's gone, and there's nothing to talk about.

How he died, the way that he died...

Yeah, I barely know the details about how it happened.

But what good does it do for me to know that?

Life's too short for unpleasant things.

Oh, here comes the old onion volcano.

Do you think that's healthy?

Well, not if there's flames shooting out of it. No.

I mean your brother...

I know!

Oh! Oh, uh...

Who, hey! You don't pay?

Hey, hey! I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Listen, I am so so sorry.

I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.

You don't have to talk about it. No, it's fine. I...

I should not have asked about your dad, and I did, And I just... Oh, God!

Hey, I can...

I can take you home, if you wanna go home.

No. no, no, no.

No, we, um...

Let's go out.

Now, there's um, there's this place that I go, and I just... I think, by myself, and I really don't take anyone there, but...

I'd like to take you there.

Okay. Okay.

Whoo, Pixi!

Hmm?

Yeah, I don't think this is... Get up there.

No.

If you get up there and dance with Miss Pixi, I'll kiss you tonight.

That way, you don't have to worry about me projecting you.

Yeah, I...

Okay.

Okay.

There he goes.


That's nice. What does that mean?

Oh, I got it to mean "freedom," but it just means "free."

The Chinese don't even have a word for freedom.

Isn't that sad?

Oh, uh...

Oh, hey, I can't give you all that.

You just did. Oh, no, no, no.

I will tip you, I just can't give you the whole thing.

Do I look like a vending machine?

Yeah, it's just...

That $100's all the money I have.

I can earn it.

No, no, no, I don't want you to earn it.

I-I just need smaller bills.

I'm not worth $100 to you?

No, no, of course you are!

You make me sick.

Way to go, A-hole!

So...

So, I would say that we should get some ice cream, but apparently, you spent all your money on hookers.

Uh, her name was Pixi.

Okay?

And she earned it.

Okay.

Uh...

I...

I really do need to talk to you about something.

Uh, I need to talk to you about something, too.

Uh...

I know that we haven't kissed or anything yet, but...

I'm pregnant.

It's a boy.

He's due next week.

I was thinking about naming him...


Okay, come here.

Okay. Okay.

You're crazy.

Okay.

Come here.

Goodness, sir.

My dad showed me this once.

The electricity in the air.

Wait, wait.


Sorry.


Hey!

You want a piece of this?

I'll show you.

You don't want a piece of this today!

Do you think I should've gone with the titties?

No, no.

Oh, you do, don't you?

No, no, no, I think the nose was definitely the right decision.

Yea? okay, 'cause, well, the doctor did it for half the price of a normal nose job on account that hr only took half off.

So, now, I could still afford to get the one titty bigger so they'll at least match.

I don't know.

I have had about enough of this shit!

How was your night with Ellie? Did y'all have a good time?

Yeah.

I heard what you did to Pixi.

Pervert.

That girl's a saint.

I mean, except for the part where she takes her clothes off for money.

Oh, that Pixi? Pixi at Crazy Girls?

I love her show! Oh!

Randall and I used to go all the time.

Well, he used to go a lot, without me, mostly.

Kind of the beginning of the end, I guess.

But I went once.

Ellie put me up to it. It was more of a dare than anything... Oh, so she's a dare to you now?

No, she is not a dare to me.

Come on, you... It's not what I meant, and you know it.

Oh!

Damn it!

Just proves to me that you're unfit to be her boyfriend.

Or to work at this place.

Idiot.

Oh, my goodness.

Dewey, you sold your Mustang. Yup.

All right, you know what, Blundale?

Hey, Dewey Ray.

I think I do want that management position after all.

Sure, whoa cares? Y'all will die anyway.

Jimmy Lee, need to see you in my office.

I need to go get Daddy.

Jimmy Lee.

I can't do this anymore.

Well, that's what I keep telling you, Dewey.

You have to stand up to her.

It's your booth.

I can't allow you to stay here.

What do you mean?

You're a good man, Jimmy Lee.

It's killing me to do it.

Wh...

Maxine doesn't cause any trouble, and I'm just gone for an hour, so whenever I have to go get Daddy...

It's not that.

You haven't paid rent for that space in three years.

Well, in this economy, I don't really see how anybody could be expected to... pay rent.

Jimmy, I mention this to you every six months.

You won't let anything go.

Please don't do this, Dewey.

You know how Vic is.

She wants me to retire, do this cross-country thing with her.

And we can't do that unless all booths are working.

And I'm sorry, Jimmy Lee.

I'm sorry too.

You know...

I wish that Bo...

This is a nasty nasty thing to say to you, but I wish that bobcat would have gotten you instead.

Jimmy!

Hey, Dolores Jr.

Oh.

Hey, sweet lump of man.

How are you?

I was wondering if you'd like to go out to get something to eat one night.

Uh.

Or, if you don't, it's... Whatever.

Well, Uh...

Let me heal my nose first, but then, yes, I think I would like that very much.

Oh, no, I don't wanna wait.

I think your new nose looks great.

Well, if you insist.

Oh, and it could be a date, too, I guess. Right?

Well, then, it should, it should be very fancy because I'm very swanky.

Swanky!

Oh, swanky!

I should...

Is that a fireplace? Oh, then let's have champagne by it.

Oh. Oh, good.

'Cause I was gonna pick you up in my uncle's limo and we can eat stuff on those little crostinis and we were gonna go up in a hot-air balloon to watch the sunset.

I was just joking, hon.

No! no, no, no.

You don't have to do anything special for me.

Seriously? Yeah, of course.

Okay then.

Ellie thinks I'm a nice guy.

Right? like, I'm not gonna stick up for myself.

That's what Blundale thinks, isn't it? That's what he thinks.

I don't care what he wants.

I don't care about his feelings.

What's wrong now?

Well, I don't know if you know this about me, Walt, but I have kind of low self-esteem, and I overcompensate for my shortcomings by lying to make myself seem better, or smarter, or more desirable to others.

At least, that's what my aunt says.

She's into self-help and Sudoku and all that.

Is this about Dolores Jr.?

Yup.

Delaney, you don't need to lie.

She likes you.

Yeah, I know that now.

I promised her all this stuff and I got away with it, 'cause she said she didn't want too big to do, but that made me realize that this girl deserves honesty.

She deserves an honest man.

But I get into these situations and I seize up.

And the untruths just start coming out...

Hey, Dolores Jr.!

Oh, there you are.

Listen, Delaney, I've been thinking.

All my life, I've tried not to be a bother to anybody, and it turns out, I got my wish.

So, if you wanna go in a limo or a hot-air balloon, that's just great by me.

Well, okay.

But you can't, because you already canceled those things.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, okay. Well, that's...

Oh, but I could get them back, no problem.

Probably with puppies, and roses and fireworks and stuff, too.

Have a seat.

Okay.

Look, I owe you an apology.

I realized the anger I had is not about you.

It's about Dewey Ray and my mother.

What I wanna do, figure out a way to make it up to you.

Your dad used to wear those boots in here shined up real nice everyday.

I wanna do that for you, if you'll let me.

No. No, no, no. Come on! Truce.

Please.

Okay.

There you go, sport. That's it.

Now? Yeah, now.

All right.

Perfect.

I'll be right back.

Give me a few minutes. Le me go get my shoeshine kit.


Oof.

Blundale?

He must really not like you.

Hey, Delaney, how about you give me your keys?

I'll lock up for you tonight. Hmm?

Mm, okay.

Thanks, Walt.


Wow!

Now, is that a slaughtered M. Jeff Thompson, the most irascible of all Confederate soldiers?

What in the world happened here?

You know exactly what happened, you son of a bitch.

Well, looks to me like someone historically corrected all your Civil War battles.

Good for them! You killed them!

You murdered hundreds of Confederate soldiers.

Uh, okay, uh, first of all, they're toys, and secondly, I didn't kill them, the Union did.

They're my battles!

You're rewriting history!

The South won all these!

That is Gettysburg! Get-tys-burg!

One of the biggest battles in the Civil War.

My wars can end any way I want them to.

You weren't invited to play!

Oh, you gonna...

You gonna take your ball and go home?

No! Because this is my place!

Okay, now we are getting to what this is all really about.

Yeah, that's right. I'm screwing this cat, you're holding its ears.

I've been here 20 years, you've been here two weeks!

And you don't like that very much, do you?

Runny Blundale?

What'd you call me? Oh, yeah, that's right.

Dewey Ray told me.

Shit your pants at 8th grade basketball camp, and you've been known as Runny ever since.

Get out of my mall.

Hey, is that... Is that Runny Blundale?

The guy who shit his pants at 8th grade basketball camp?

Sure is, you could tell by the shit in his pants.

Your daddy was the first person to ever call me that.

Is that so? That actually makes a whole lot of sense.

You ain't no better than he was.

Drunk, crashing into her brother.

What?

Oh, yeah. Highway 35 is a pretty dangerous place.

You know what? If you want the job that bad, you can have it.

I quit.

Limo should be here soon.

It might have had car trouble.

Limos have a lot of carburetor trouble, on account of their...

You know, so long.

Oh, is that right?

Yeah.

I'm gonna be pretty upset if he's not here on account of carburetor trouble, seeing as how he had all the roses and puppy and all that stuff.

I like puppies.

I feed four in my neighborhood.

We could take my car, so, you know, we don't miss the hot air balloon ride before it gets too late. Yeah.

Yeah, he, uh...

He called. We may not be able to go up, because it's too cloudy.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, where are you going?

Uh, we all like you here, Delaney.

I like you.

I was just looking for a... nice dinner with you, and your sweet company, instead, I got lies.

And if I wanted lies, I would have called my ex-husband.


Oh, excuse me, could you tell me where I might find a chicken broth, please?

Uh, I don't think we have that.

Well, I could substitute vegetable broth.

Nope, don't have that, either.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

We actually have both those items, Walter.

Sorry ma'am, they're both on aisle three, both on the right side.

Thank you. Mmm-hmm.

Ho, there, cowboy.

If you ever don't know where something is, just ask one of us, okay?

Walt.

Come on, Walt. Can you turn that frown upside down?

Big sales day today.

Need your head in the game, buddy.

Just put a big, dumb smile on everything.

Is that right, Uncle Henry?

Excuse me?

Let's not deal with the reality of anything.

Well, I didn't know that Grumpy McGrumperson was on the payrolls.

I thought it was my nephew Walt.

He was an alcoholic, Henry.

My dad was an alcoholic.

How about we all say that together, can we?

Chicken broth lady, my dad was an alcoholic.

My dad caused the accident, and you all know it.

It was a no-fault accident, Walt, it said so right there in the police report.

Oh, is that right?

How about you all paper the wall in your house with that police report, huh?

Maybe help you sleep at night.

So, catch me up since our last session. What's new?

Let's see, I had a nervous breakdown in a grocery store, while wearing a polka dot bow tie, I yelled at my family, and I think I might have ruined a relationship with the most amazing person I have ever met.

Oh, oh, and I work with the Devil.

So what do you got for me? Is there a pill for that?

I'm gonna be honest, Walter.

I sense some hostility toward me.

Oh, no, no, it's not just towards you.

I'm equal opportunity, I'm pissed at everybody.

And why do you think that is?

Why am I mad?

Uh-huh.

Are you even writing anything?

I've had a really bad week.

And my therapist says that I still need to draw happy things on days like this.

Okay, uh, I gotta be honest, I'm a little confused at what's going on right here.

Well, life can be very confusing, Walter.

No, I'm talking about in this room, right now.

Oh, you know, the burden of consciousness.

It's like...

Can this really be happening to me?

I mean, everyone talked about it...

...because, let's be honest, our brain...

Okay, okay, okay.

I'm sitting here telling you that I think I might have just lost a girl that I'm falling in love with, and you are drawing puppy dogs with sad eyes.

And there it is.

There what is?

Textbook displacement, Walter.

You see, your frustration is not about me.

It's about things not going well with Ellie.

Yes. I just said that.

My father!

My father! And that'll do it.

My father!

Holy mackerel. Would you look at this?

What, are you turning this into a museum?

How you doing, Walt? Nah, I'm fine.

What in the world happened to these?

Oh, I ruined 'em. It was... It was stupid.

I haven't worn 'em since college, anyway.

Wait, those are yours?

Well, sure. Whose did you think they were?

Um...

I'm really sorry about earlier. I don't...

No, don't apologize.

I am not as naive as you think I am, Walt.

Your dad did have a problem.

But he was getting help.

I knew that much.

You have to forgive me.

Your dad was 90 days sober.

And he was on his way to give that to you.

I guess I felt that if I gave it to you, then I'd acknowledging that he really did have a problem.

I wasn't ready for that.

It really wasn't his fault, kiddo.


Hey.

Hey, man.

You okay? Me, I'm great.

Did you talk to Dolores?

Nah. You know what? I didn't.

It's better this way.

And her nose has been bleeding a lot, too.

So that's kinda gross.

What are you doing here?

Just got my last check.

Hey, Delaney. Yeah?

Talk to Dolores, man.

Hey, Walt.

You seen Ellie?

Talk to her, man.


You've reached Ellie's voicemail, leave a message.

Freakin' ass...

Gas belching piece of Detroit city bullshit.

Every day, it's something else.

New roaders yesterday.

Gas line day before. And it's not the money.

No, that's not what I'm afraid of.

What I'm afraid of is, side of road, broke down, somewhere like Gallup, New Mexico, sun beatin' down on my black ass, or Drake, North Dakota, breaking my frozen knuckles on a socket wrench.

And from the inside of the RV, I hear Vicky's little squeal, nails on a chalkboard voice, squeaky screaming, "Dewey! Dewey!

"What is it this time, Dewey?

"And can you get my water pills, Dewey?"

I'm a man.

Watch this.

Vicky, I'm a man, I'm keeping my job.

Jimmy Lee, you can keep your booth.

You can pay me or not, I don't care anymore, and I make the rules.

Thank you.

Thank you, Dewey. Mmm-hmm.

From the bottom of my heart.

Hmm. Yeah, you're my man. Thank you.

Blundale, you are a terrible stepson and an even worse human being.

And before you say anything and do anything, you need to sit and think why so many people don't like you.

You're fired.

You gonna fire me? I quit.

Well, either way, you gone.

Walt, I knew your daddy.

Five, six years.

How long did you know him?

My whole life.

And who was he?

You came here to find out more about your dad, right?

Who he was to all of us.

Who was he to you?

He was great to me.

Okay, now.

Are you going to live his life, or are you gonna live your own?

You gonna be all right, boy.

You're gonna be all right.


I know you're mad at me, but just let me say a few things.

I lied a lot, and I shouldn't have.

I wanted to impress you, and I got nervous.

And when that happens to me, sometimes...

Delaney, be quiet. Listen.

Now I don't care if you drive a sports car or a scooter.

What impresses me the most is someone I can trust.

I've realized something about myself.

I'm getting my nose fixed back.

I don't know if it's possible, but I'm looking into it.

And I'm not getting my lopsided titties fixed.

I like myself.

You should, too.

Good.

Now, say you're sorry.

I am sorry.

Good. I'll pick you up at 7:00.


How's my favorite niece?

Hey.

You need to know something about Walt.

I'm really not in the mood.

Okay? I already know how you feel about him.

I can't stand him.

And for once, it's not about that.

Walt's dad wasn't drunk, Ellie.

It was a wet night.

The wreck was no one's fault.

I shouldn't have said what I did.


Hey. Hey.

I have to tell you something about the accident.

Blundale told me... No.

I already know.

Why didn't you tell me?

I don't know.

I've never been here.

I took every road possible to avoid being here.

Honest to God, how do you...

How do you let yourself feel these things and not let it tear you apart?

Hey, I genuinely have no idea.