Ass Backwards (2013) Script


Oh, breathe that in.


Mornings in New York.

Got to tell you.

It's another gorgeous day.

Oh, I never get sick of Mother Nature.

It's just so lush here.

I never understand why people say it's so hard to live in Manhattan.

I know!

Oh, spoke too soon.

Let's go over.

Hello, sir.

It's a pleasure to meet your acquaintance.

I'm Kate.

And I'm Chloe.

Kate me, Chloe her.

Kate and Chloe.


We've got some things for you.

Yeah, buy one more and get a medium frozen yogurt on me.

And this is a 12-hour energy shot.

It just lets you keep your sparkle.


All right?

Oh, well, thank you!

Honestly. It's who we are.

Thank you.

>> [ Effeminately ] Why don't you go just put a fucking animal inside yourself and call yourself a fuck party, 'cause that's what the government's doing to all of us.

>> Thank you. Have a great day.

>> Bye!

>> Thank you.

I got energy!

I got energy!

>> He's in a tough spot.

Homeless and battling sexual identity?

That's a tricky combo.

And one I respect.


Nice guy, too.

Oh, lovely.


I don't want to waste anyone's time today.

There are a lot of people who work in my industry who are gonna make you promises that they really can't keep.

But I feel I should tell you that I've got a lot of other couples who are banging down my door, trying to do business with these ovaries.

In fact, my eggs are some of the finest that you will find in Manhattan.

And right now... today... they are ripe for the picking.

Ma'am, you cannot conduct your meetings here any longer.

You can't sit here all day without ordering a coffee.

This is my good friend, Seth.


I didn't hear a "no" from you guys, so I'm gonna go ahead and take that as a maybe.

And remember... Kate Fenner, C.E.O. Of Fenner enterprises, egg donor to the stars!

That's craigslist for you.

[ Clears throat ]

Okay. You must knock.

I cannot do what I need to do out there if things are crazy in here.

We're at places.

Thank you, places.


[ Whispering ]

[ Mid-tempo dance music plays ]

New York City!


[ Horns honking ]

Morning, sparkle. >> Morning, special lady. [ Water bed gurgles ]

Whoa! >> Whee! Whee!

Okay, time for our horoscopes. >> Yeah, what's mine say?

Uh-oh. Chloe? >> Hmm?

Is that what I think it is?

It's from the pageant. [ Water gurgles ]

"The town of Neptune invites you... Anniversary beauty pageant"?

[ Both laugh ] >> Um... Um... No, thanks. >> I'm all set.

I'm good here. >> I'm okay, thank you, sir. Oh, my God, when we tell Laurel about this tonight, she's gonna die! >> She's gonna be dead.

[ Sighs ] Thanks, but no spanks. We're not going.

Yeah, we're not going, and that's the end of the discussion.

So, the 50th anniversary... they're just inviting everybody back to compete.

Wow. This is... >> Really something.

I can't remember the last time I thought of our pageant days. >> Oh.

Pssh! >> I haven't thought about that in ages.

Little Kate, when you grow up, do you want to be a mommy who enters the workforce or a mommy who stays home? >> Um... Well, can you maybe repeat the question?

When you're a mommy, do you want to enter the workforce, or do you want to stay home?

Workplaces are where people work. >> Are you a moron, kid?

[ Audience laughs ]

Such fun times. >> Here she is, singing the song Tammy Wynette made famous.

Take it away, little Chloe! [ Audience applauds ] [ Microphone feedback buzzes ]

[ Loudly and off-key ] ? stand by your man ? give him two arms to cling to ? >> Jesus, kid, you're blowing everybody's eardrums out.

Back off the Mike!

[ Loudly and off-key ] ? stand by your man ? and tell the world...

[ audience boos ] >> All right. Come on. That's enough.

How about some Mike technique, huh? [ Booing continues ]

Those were the days.

It's little Megan! [ Audience applauds ] Spent four hours on that hair, such a patient girl. And now the moment you've all been waiting for.

Please give a big round of applause to Neptune's newest little li'l, little miss Laurel. [ Audience applauds ] >> ? I can dream about you ?

Little Laurel... it's her second win in this category. This girl is just a winner.

Don't cry. I thought you were really good out there.

I loved your answer. >> And you really do have the voice of an angel.

Well, your answer wasn't easy, and that scares people. >> [ Sighs ]

Honestly, Chloe, even if we did want to go, I don't think we'd be able to find the time.

Okay, who has the time with our careers blowing up the way they are?

And so, yes, up until then, my entire life had been about winning... winning the crown,

winning the modeling contract, winning the husband. But what I would soon learn is that helping others would be my greatest win of all. >> Wow.

Okay. >> Wow! >> That's...

Yes! >> Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Shh!

The proceeds from today's sales will go to Laurel's ladies, my charity, which gives makeover to low-income gals so that they can have the opportunity to look like me... If only for one day. >> Thank you, Laurel.

Wow! Thank you, Laurel! >> People, get up!

You are such an inspiration. I'm a huge fan. >> Okay, she gets it!

You're embarrassing yourself. >> Book, please. Who am I making it out to?

Good one, Laurel! >> If you haven't bought a book, I'm gonna have to ask you to... silly goose. It's Kate and Chloe. >> Kate and Chloe?

Kate me, Chloe her. >> Kate and Chloe. >> ThaKate and Chloe, from my pageant days? >> There she is. >> She's on the page.

Yes, of course. I want you to know that both of you have been in my prayers all these years. Coming in dead last couldn't have been easy.

Well, you know, that was then, and this is now. So, I'd say we're doing pretty good. >> Not too shabby. >> Now, if we can let the paying customers in, shall we? >> Yes, we should. >> Guys, keep a single file, okay? >> She does not have all day, so, in and out.

Have your books ready. >> I'm actually headed to Neptune next weekend.

They asked me to... >> compete in the anniversary pageant?

Yeah, we got an invite, too. >> No, they asked me to be a celebrity judge.

Can you even stand it? What have the two of you been up to since the circuit?

[ Sighing ] Oh, God. >> Chloe, I know for sure you haven't been doing anything creative. Talent was never really your thing, was it?

You know what, actually, Laurel? Chloe's been performing every single night for crowds of about 500-plus. Well, you do.

Wow! That's really surprising. What about you, Kate?

If times serve me, you weren't the brightest bulb in the light shop.

Okay, Kate works in the medical profession now. Got to have big-time brains for that. >> What do you specialize in? >> You know, I don't have a medical degree, per se... >> she's an egg donor. >> Yeah.

But she's got big dreams of managing other girls' eggs when she inevitably ages out of the field. >> That's long-term stuff, but it's gonna be exciting.

I love the way the two of you aren't embarrassed about where you are in life.

Thank you. >> Listen. If you two need any help from Laurel's ladies, you'd certainly qualify. So...

Bye, Cheryl. Bye, faith. >> Thank you.

I don't think Laurel got the full picture of where we are. >> How could she have?

She only got a snapshot. >> I mean, I don't want to go back to the pageant.

No, thanks, right? >> The only reason I could even think of to go is to just get some much-needed vacation time for you and me. >> Yeah, we barely get to see each other. >> I mean, look. We don't need to go back for ourselves. That's clear. >> I mean, we could go back for the other girls, you know? Sort of raise the bar, so to speak?

Elevate the proceedings? >> Yeah. I mean, not that it matters.

'Cause it doesn't. >> Okay, but if we did go back there...

Both: We would win. [ Introduction to aha's "take on me" plays ]

[ Horn honking ]

? Take on me [ Cd skipping ] ? take on me ? take on me

? take on me ? take me on-on-on-on-on ? I'll be-be-be-be-be gone

in a day or two-two-two-two-two-two two-two-two-two-two ?

Bye-bye, Manhattan! >> Until we meet again!

You know, it's great to be completely untethered. >> Unfettered, with only our

most prized possessions on our backs. >> I got to say.

I'm glad we got evicted. >> Oh, I'm loving this. Confession?

What's up? >> I'm starting to feel a little bit badly about our competitors.

I know. They have no chance. Should we pray for them? >> I have already been sending prayers up to the big guy all morning. >> You got to surrender it, you know? Just throw it up and then give it to him.

You know? It's hard for them, because you are gonna kill the q&a portion.

I know. And you're obviously gonna destroy on talent.

It's just hard, 'cause they're nice. >> Oh, they're so sweet.

If they weren't nice, it would be different. >> So sweet.

You are off course. Please turn around. Please go in northern direction. >> No, I want British Richard. >> Let me give you a hand, 'cause I need these babies to stay pristine. >> Thank you, Chloe, but I need to learn to work with these tips. These are the face of my business. >> You got to look the part to play the game.

That's just that. >> [ British accent ] Calculating roads.

Starting navigation. >> Wow, that voice. He is hot. >> Gorgeous.

>> I'll direct you to Neptune, Canada. >> I feel like he's someone you could trust. >> Yeah, Richard's a good man.

Baby girl? Hey. You okay? >> I'm okay.

Just it comes in waves. >> Listen. I don't want you to think that in the midst of all this craziness of today that I've forgotten it's a really hard anniversary for you. >> It's a tough day. >> Yeah!

I mean, how long has it been since you and Stephen broke up? It's about 9...

>> 91/2 years. Very fresh. >> Like yesterday.

Yeah. >> Oh. [ Exhales deeply ]

Okay, that's doing something. >> Good. Good! It might be too soon for me to make a call, but I got a pretty good feeling he's circling back any day now.

>> Yeah? >> Yes! >> He is, isn't he?

>> Yeah! >> He is. He's coming back. He's coming back!

>> Yes, he is! He's coming back! >> I know he is. >> Per Richard, we have got a very long drive ahead of us to Neptune. So, that means no stops that aren't absolutely necessary, okay? >> We stop to eat and pee.

>> Right. >> And I say we don't even do that.

No matter what, the end. >> Perfect. >> I like candy when I can get it. There's an exit! There's an exit!

Get off! [ Tires screech ] >> Chloe, we need this.

This place is a gold mine. >> Oh, my God, Kate, that girl looks just like you.

She looks like she could be your daughter. >> Oh, my God, Chloe.

That is hilarious. She's like my mini-me. >> She could be your egg baby.

Ever wonder how many you have running around out there? >> Mama.

>> Huh. This. And that one. Good. >> I'm sorry, but do you have another card? >> What? >> It's probably just the strip.

You know what? Actually... >> I got one. I got another one.

>> Why don't you try 9723? >> Yeah. [ Beeping ]

>> No dice. >> What? That's craziness. >> I am shocked right now.

You know what? Let's not mess around. Bring out the big guns... 8765.

>> No more fooling. >> Yeah. >> No.

>> Do you want to try 6439? >> No. No, she's no good.

That shabby chic sale at target totally did her up. >> 6253?

>> Are you on crack? Okay, she bottomed out when we morphed our faces with celebs' to see what our babies would look like. 8765?

>> No. We drained her on the Nigerian prince who e-mailed us about all that trouble he had getting home. >> Kate... That's the last of our girls. >> All right. I am going to call credit-card companies. Lady Einstein's got to figure this one out.

Shit. Chloe? It went buh-nuh-nuh-nuh. >> I can't believe you went buh-nuh-nuh-nuh at a time like this. >> Give me your phone.

>> My phone's out of juice 'cause I left the charger behind in order to make more room for... >> your scrapbooks, right. >> Um... Do you have cash?

>> Cash. >> Now, how would that work? All right, okay.

We just need to figure out a way to, like, live. >> [ Gasps ]

Look! A little, old bunny. Can we keep him?!

Please! >> Chloe, we're not keeping a wild animal.

That's insane. >> So, we just leave... Andrew out here to die, in this foreign wilderness? >> We do not need a pet right now.

We need cash. >> I'll take amazing care of him.

>> Chloe... [ Sighs ] ...You honestly think that being responsible for another life is what we need right now? Actually, being responsible for another life could be exactly what we need right now. >> Yay! We're parents!

[ Cellphone ringing ] >> Ahoy! >> Hi, dad.

>> Hey, Bruce. >> What can I do for you girls? >> Listen.

Kate and I are in a little bit of a pickle, and we could use some help... specifically, some sweet cash money. [ Receiver clicking ] oh, shit balls!

>> Bruce? >> I bet he's out on the yacht. He gets, like, no service.

>> [ Sighs ] Chloe... Isn't his house on the way to Neptune? >> Yeah, it is. >> Let's surprise him.

>> He just moved to this new, fatty condo in this, like, super-exclusive gated community.

>> We stay the night in the lap of luxury, which we deserve after all this driving.

>> He gives us money, which he loves to do. >> We're back on the road in the morning. >> Refreshed, refueled, refinanced!

Careful. >> You want me to? No, okay. Here.

Yeah, but... It's really tight with the whole family in here together.

>> No, one more time. >> Try this way. >> I'm really starting to understand why people don't use these anymore. >> It just doesn't make sense.

>> ? All these people talkin' 'bout you now ? ? they don't make no difference, no ? >> thank you. >> Both: One, two, three.

Mmm... [ Both mumbling ] >> one, two, three...

>> Both: Juice. Juice? I said, "Jews."

One, two, three... >> Both: Basketball. >> Wow. That was weird.

We are, like, so on the same page sometimes. >> Damn it!

>> ? All night long, believe me ? ? let that beat control your body ? ? you and me ? there's no one watching

? come on ? we can rock this party

>> 'mones. My hormones. >> Wow!

I guess I never knew you gave them to yourself like that. >> Oh, yeah, every 12 hours.

These eggs don't cook themselves. >> [ Chuckles ]

>> Oh. [ G.P.S. Beeping ] >> everything okay?

>> Uh... >> Changing destination. >> Yes, totally.

Just, um, appears that we may have driven a hop, skip, and a jump in the wrong direction.

For some reason, Richard is thinking we're going to Neptune, Canada.

>> Why would Richard think that? >> I don't know if these tips plugged in the wrong address by accident. [ Groans ] better not have.

>> Well, how long have we been driving in the wrong direction for?

>> Well, just like... Just like all of today. >> [ Groans ]

>> Are you mad? >> No. [ Laughing ] of course not.

Einstein couldn't cook a can of soup, and you are exactly the same way.

>> Thank you, Chloe. >> Okay. Yes. >> We are making tracks starting... Right now. >> Yay! [ Horn honks ]

>> Hey! Oh, look out, buddy.

[ Dog barking in distance ] >> Garden. The terrace seems sort of dim.

Where's the... [ Door opens ] [ Insects chirping ]

Dad? >> Chloe? >> This is your dad's new condo?

Oh, boy. >> Hup, hup! >> Oh!

>> Okay.

Good night, moneybags. >> Good night, Bruce. >> Oh.

What? Whoop! Good night, stinker. >> Good night, dad.

>> I love you, girls. >> Love you, too. >> Love you, dad.

>> Don't let them bite! [ Women scream, laugh ] >> good night.

>> Good night! Oh, my God. Can you believe him?

I honestly... >> oh! Okay. >> I can't believe that...

>> oh. Oop. Bruce, do you need a hand with that?

>> Dad?

Whew! >> I mean, I don't understand. He was always offering us money

in those rare cases of emergency. >> Like when we needed your business cards printed. >> When we needed those publicity stills taken of you.

>> Obviously, the water bed. This doesn't feel great. These are a lot of... Feelings.

>> Yep. I don't like this. I don't like this one bit.

Okay. Let's play a fun game. Let's pretend that we never came here.

No, come on. We're just at home, and we're watching some of our favorite programs. >> Let him you know that you love him and that you support him, okay? >> I'm not going to rehab! >> Brian, you got two choices- recovery or death, and I promise you, it's gonna be one or the other.

>> Brian had such a sparkle when he was younger. Can you believe it got so bad?

>> Actually, Chloe, I can. He was addicted to meth and sex. It's a very tricky combination for someone. >> Another Ambien? >> Yes, thank you.

Both: Boop! >> That's all you have to do s say yes, and we're extending all of our hands to help you. >> Um... Before I go, I want to smoke this 20 bag I have.

>> If that's what it's gonna take to get you down there, then that's okay.

>> All right, I'll go, man! >> Oh, my God! He's going! >> Oh, thank God.

Oh, thank God. See? I told you. Rehabilitation always cheers us up. >> I feel so much better, and, Brian, sweet boy, you're in our prayers tonight big-time. >> Here, here! [ Microwave beeping ]

>> Sleep okay, dad? >> Like a king. >> I don't think that's plugged into anything. >> Wish I could spend more time with you gals, but it's the busy part of my season. I'm selling gold nuggets on ebay.

I can't believe nobody's ever thought of it. I misspell the word "nugget" on the website. >> I'm sorry. Come again. >> I leave the "g" out of the word "nugget." This way, I get all the traffic from the people that don't know how to spell. I figured, I didn't know how to spell it, so you bet your ass there's a lot of people that don't know how to spell it, either.

I mean, it's a surefire way to make money. I mean, I have to...

I had to sell the mall kiosk, unfortunately. >> Oh, no.

>> It turns out people, they don't want to buy hats that are made specifically to wear backwards. They'd rather just buy a regular hat, you know, turn it around.

>> Pfft! >> Right! You win some. You lose some.

The money will come rolling in soon. >> I guess I was hoping maybe you'd be gearing up for... Retirement soon? >> No, I can't retire.

Having a daughter's too expensive, especially if she's got a friend who's got a taste for sharper image. [ Laughs ] I'm just kidding with you, Katie. >> [ Chuckles ] >> I'm gonna help you guys.

>> You know what? >> No, no. If there was ever an emergency, this is it. I'm gonna get the two of you to that pageant double-time.

I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna get you some of my credit cards. [ Hair dryer whirring ]

>> Okay, you know what, dad? I'm... we're okay. >> Really?

>> We'll be fine. We're gonna get there, anyway. So...

See, Chloe? It's not our fault. Of course we thought he was doing well. [ Engine turns over ]

Okay, all right. Clearly, we got a little bit too comfortable, but, honestly, that stops today, Chloe. Enough is enough, and this may have been a wake-up call for us.

We're very big girls, and we are going to get to that pageant on our own steam.

>> And if all else fails, we can always fall back on our real-estate investment property.

>> No! Chloe, we never sell that real estate.

You know that.

We bought that property 10 years ago. It's for our retirement, not to get us out of a tough spot. It's where number one and number one are gonna head when we close up shop. Sheesh. Thank God I'm here.

Otherwise, you'd sell that... >> [ Voice breaking ] Wait. I'm, like, feeling some more feelings... Big feelings. >> Again?

>> [ Moans ] >> All right, okay. Shit.

All right, Chloe, let's just start a sing-along, and we can distract ourselves.

? Oh-oh-oh >> no, no. I think I need to talk to someone. >> Oh. Okay, shoot.

>> No, like, a... Therapist? >> Well, I mean, I do work in the medical field.

Go on, Ms. west. >> So, after the powder-puff game, when Stephen said, "let's break up," it came as a total shock to me. >> Mmm.

>> Because for starters, and this is really bringing some stuff up right now, we were both in "the sound of music." I mean, he was... [ Girl laughs ]

>> ...we'd just gotten back from the youth-group ski trip, where he told me liked me on the lift, and then he fingered me for the first time. It's not so much that it hurt...

>> can I stop you for one second, Chloe? I love where you're going with this, by the way. I think it's the right direction.

I just think it's gonna be important for you to remember that you have a really special friend in Kate. Speaking of her, she sounds like a great gal.

>> She is. Honestly, sometimes I wish she could see you.

>> Love to meet her. >> She's wonderful. You know, let's get back to Stephen, 'cause there's so much stuff to unpack there. For instance, the look on his face when he sees me with that crown on my head. >> But why are we assuming that you'll win? >> Oh, I mean, both me and Kate. We'll both win.

Won't we? >> Actually, I've never thought about it before.

I don't know that both you and Kate can win. >> What are you saying?

I don't know. I think that only one of us can win.

So, one of us will win, and on of us... >> Will lose?

[ Horn honks ] [ Both scream ] [ Screaming continues ]

[ Both panting ] [ Steam hissing ]

Listen. I'm starting to feel like this pageant was a real piss-poor

idea. Why should we even go? I don't want to win if it means you'll lose. I couldn't bear a second of success without you.

I feel the same exact way. >> You know what? We are not going, and that's it.

You know what? That's it. >> We're not going. >> We're gonna hitchhike our way back to New York, and we'll stay with friends. >> Or new friends that we meet until we find a place. We are not going. >> Nope.

I'm not going. >> See, what I hate about this is putting our young, supple bodies on parade on the open road. >> If we hitchhike, we have to be prepared for what everyone's gonna want. >> [ Sighs ]

Like, when do we get some peace, people?! >> Leave us alone.


Ha-cha-cha. >> Mama Mia. Who is that dark knight?

? Dime-store diamond ? dime-store diamond >> you little ladies need some

help? I'll send our resident mechanic out here.

She'll fix your van up in no time. >> Where exactly do you live?

In a safe haven, where the fraudulent chains of patriarchy don't bind you.

Aah! >> ? dime-store diamond [ Insects chirping ]

That was amazing. All right. You all right there, Chloe?

I'm okay. >> Okay, just... >> I'm okay.

Ah, the classics. Oh! Ah. Neat.

Good for her. >> Hey, come on in! Come on in. There they are.

Sit right down here. >> Thank you. Looks delicious.

Wow. >> Well, take and pass along. Who has the salt and pepper?

So, where were you women headed when I picked you up? >> Well, we are headed back home to New York City. We were originally headed to compete in this beauty pageant.

Beauty pageant? The very same men who would put women up on a stage to degrade and judge them are the very same men we wear these whistles in protest of.

I was admiring those. >> The moment a man is sighted... or, as we call them, rapists... the whistle is sounded. >> It should be.

And punishment is duly administered. >> I never thought of it like that. >> Ah, we live in a world very far removed from the competition of beauty pageants. Here, we don't compete against other women.

We share our talents together. We share everything. Now, let's bow our heads in pagan prayer. >> You know what they're really saying, don't you?

Yeah, they're not coming out with it, but the message is clear.

...keep our sisterhood safe. >> They want us to go to that pageant.

Yep. And we're going. >> ...This place, where there is only love...

I love you, sister. >> ...Friendship... >> I love you, too, sister.

[ Drum beating ] >> Oh-ah! Oh-ah! Oh-ah! Oh-ah!

[ Chanting ] Haaaa! [ Roars ]

Damn! Wow! >> Whoo! >> Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

Go, go, go, go, go! >> Wow! God.

Who will lend a talent now? >> Ooh, Chloe will. Chloe will. >> Oh, no, not tonight.

She's being so modest, you guys. And all of you will be able to say you knew her when, because Chloe here is about to blow up any second.

[ Groans ] >> Go out there! >> Okay, okay.

Chloe, Chloe! >> I will be performing a piece by en vogue, entitled

"my lovin'" or "you're never gonna get it."

[ Whispering ] ? you're never gonna get my lovin' ?

? never gonna get my lovin' ? I remember how it used to be ? you never were this nice

? maybe next time... >> What did I tell you guys? Is she a star?

[ Monotone ] And now it's time for a breakdown. [ Whispering ]

? Never gonna get it ? never gonna get it [ Insects chirping ]

[ Light applause ] Not too shabby. >> So nice to have young blood here. >> Yeah. Sister solstice is gonna go the way of the dodo bird unless we find another way to market it to young people.

I mean... >> Oh, my God, that's so sad. [ Gasps ]

I'm sorry. You guys, everybody here knows that Kate is, like, a hugely high-powered c.E.O, right? >> I don't like to talk about it.

No, no, no. Kate could help you guys come up with a new business plan in her sleep. Kate, would you get up there and do what you do?

Help them. Go! Kate! >> Because I like you guys.

Because I like you guys. >> Kate! >> All right, all right.

Um... [ Clears throat ] Okay.

Let me think. Let me think. Um... Okay, so you need younger members. That's the problem. >> Mm-hmm.

Okay, we can do that. So, what do you do? What do you do? What do you do?

You could go to another country, and you round up... you round up a bunch of women.

So, you fly them over here. No, I'm so sorry, actually. You don't.

Because part of a successful business plan is keeping the costs low.

So, you put them in a bunch of big boats. You really just stuff them in there. Then, they have a nice, cozy ride over here.

And then, voilà, they're here. They work the land by day, and at night, maybe they develop new types of music. They become very popular. And, eventually, everyone wants to be just like them. [ Light applause ] [ Insects chirping ]

You're welcome. That one was free of charge. Not the next time.

Ooh! [ Clears throat ] Anytime, you guys.

[ Clears throat ] [ Insects chirping ]

[ Knock on door ] >> Knock, knock, knock. >> Come in!

Ooh! [ Chuckles ] Well, your van's ready.

So, you'll be all set in the morning. >> Oh, thank you so much.

Listen. We don't have any money just right... oh, stop! Your money's no good here. You know, it's been so nice having you both here. Night-night. >> Night-night!

[ Chuckles ] [ Door closes ] >> Wow.

There it was. Oh, God. I'm no dummy.

Vans for free? Nothing in this life is for free, Chloe.

Looks like it's time to pay the Piper. >> [ Sighs ]

[ Woman snoring ]

[ Insects chirping ]

[ Whistle blows ] >> Rape! Aah! >> Oh, my God!

[ Women screaming ] >> Come on! Go, go, go, go! [ Screaming continues ]

[ Rifle fires ] >> Aaahhhhh!

I don't understand. Why are they so upset? >> Qwen was asking for it.

She should have said, "thank you." >> Right! I mean, right?

I don't know. I guess maybe there's a possibility that they didn't like us like that. >> There was a remote possibility.

I mean, look. Even if we weren't quite their cup of tea, they had no right to treat us like we're animals. >> Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, no, no, no, no! >> What?! >> Andrew!

Oh, my God! Who's Andrew?!

Save our bunny! >> What happened to him? >> Um...

He... >> Well... >> It's so terrible.

We saved him from the wild. He was... >> And then, he wouldn't eat or drink. He, like, refused to get out of the back of the van.

It can get really pricey if we have to perform surgery. >> [ Voice breaking ] There is not a price we could put on the life of our pet! >> All right.

I can't believe we almost killed sweet, little Andrew. >> We almost raped qwen.

We... >> she practically begged us.

[ Sighs ] Wish we could get on the road. >> Yeah.

Let's get to stepping here. >> Magic waits for no man... Or beast.

[ Snickers ] >> Hey... So... Since it doesn't matter who wins... and don't take this the wrong way. >> Never.

If you were to, say, hunker down, really just kind of refine anything before we get there... and don't take this the wrong way. >> Chloe, I couldn't.

I would give a little more thought to the q&a portion, simply based on the proposal you outlined for the sisters. I just feel like sometimes you have so many brilliant ideas... and don't take this the wrong way. >> Mnh-mnh!

That sometimes it comes off like you don't have a clue what you're talking about.

Hmm... You know, what you saw with the sisters, that was idle chit-chat. >> Okay. >> Yeah, because when I get to the pageant, I'm gonna be blowing it out. >> Totally!

Totally. And the only reason I said anything is because it doesn't matter who wins. >> Right.

Since it doesn't matter who wins... oh, you know what? I don't want you to get upset.

Shan't. >> Well, I do feel I need to tell you, as your best friend...

I don't want you to get upset, but I think you may want to work on the singing a little bit. I'm just not sure that it's totally as in the bag as you think it is. >> How do you mean? >> Well, I don't want you to get upset because I think that you have such a beautiful voice. >> Thank you.

But I don't know if it's all that time you spent in the box or what, but I think it's gonna be super-important day of that... We hear it. Your voice, that is.

Well, I was conserving for the pageant, so... >> Ahh!

Well, that makes sense. [ Chuckles ]


Thanks. >> Hello, ladies. Andrew...

Is recovering nicely. >> Oh! >> Oh, praise to j.C.!

Oh! >> Oh! 2,000 bones?!

Are you kidding me?

Kate, we got to sell that real estate, okay? How else are we gonna get Andrew out and get to the pageant? >> Chloe Elizabeth west, I have told you a million times, we do not touch that real estate. >> You know that. >> Okay.

Well, beyond selling our most prized possessions, I have no idea how we're gonna get there.

Stuffed bears and dogs, hot-lips phone, cheap China figures, cassettes, dishes, "babysitter club" books. >> You brought a lot of stuff. Wow!

Is this everything? >> Everything but my scrapbooks. They stay.

Oh. I mean, scrappies or no, we are about to make a mint.

Got some pretty nice pieces. >> All right, sweet baby dolls, I totaled up all your trinkets, and I can give you all... $40 even for it. >> I'm sorry.

That can't be right. I've spent thousands of dollars on my things.

Your numbers are way off. >> Well, puddin', I can't tell you what you spent on it.

I can only tell you what it's worth... $40. >> This shit is her life.

This is her entire universe. So, I guess I'm just to infer that this person standing beside me is worth $40? >> Mm-hmm. >> No.

You're not making this easier. >> $40, sweet peas. Take her or leave her.

Wait, Kate. Which prized possessions did you bring?

Maybe they can sweeten the pot. >> Oh. Yes. >> Right. But what's in it?

Do you mean, besides my hormones? >> What's your prized possession? Right. But what are we selling? >> That's all you brought on a road trip, sugar? >> [ Sighs ] Just give it to me.

Bye. I'm gonna pray on them girls. Pray on them hard.

She made it seem like we don't have anything, but I don't think that's true.

Me neither. We have a lot of stuff, Chloe. >> Yeah.

Like what?

[ Insects chirping ] Poor, little Andrew! This place is so depressing.

Ugh! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! My leg, my leg, my leg, my leg, my leg! Chloe? >> There.

It's okay, Andrew. >> Okay.

This is a really nice motel. >> Oh, yeah. I don't mind this.

I mean, so what if we couldn't afford a room? >> Totally.

[ Insects chirping ]

[ Yawns ]

We'll be okay, right? At the pageant? >> Yeah!

I mean, definitely. [ Insects chirping ] I mean, we've come so far, right? >> Have we? I mean, I thought so, but...

Yeah, me too.

? I got my party dress on ? I got my shoes that get me gone ?

? and if you want... >> Chloe. >> Spring break.

Must be nice. >> Got to go. >> Yeah.

Let's go! >> Having fun. >> ? it's been a day excuse me, young lads. A lady is present. Thank you.

? I'm doing okay ? 'cause if it dumps, I bump it back and bump it back till it's play ? >> hi.

Hello. >> ? something feeling good is money ?

? I got my party dress on ? I got my shoes that get me gone ?

? and if you want, you come along ? ? I got... I got...

[ laughs ] >> ? I got my party dress on ? I got my shoes that get me gone ? >> cute suits. >> Hey, ladies, you're blocking our sun. >> What are you guys even doing here?

Yeah, this isn't a sexiest geek convention. You guys are, like, just so, just... Old. [ Laughs ]

? I got my shoes that get me gone ? ? and if you want, you come along ? ? I got ...I got >> [ Laughs ]


You know, I feel like those girls must have been on something.

I mean, the kids these days. >> They're so hopped up, they don't know what's going on.

[ Gasps ] Katherine Maxine Fenner, look. $500!

That's enough to get us all the way there! >> "Amateur nite."

Chloe, it must be a karaoke contest! >> Your sign called for amateurs, which so clearly implies youth, which we have in spades.

Fine. Whatever. Who cares? Who's dancing first, "blue eyes" or "big tits"?

Oh. [ Audience cheers ] >> All right, everyone, give it up for Mercedes benz. That's the way she likes it, fellas.

Suck it! >> Now, welcome to the stage two new girls, blue eyes and big tits! >> Nice to meet you. Hi. Kate Fenner.

Fenner enterprises. Nice to meet you. [ Hip-hop music plays ]

? Please believe... ? >> Barry? Boost up the music.

[ Music gets louder ] >> ? 'cause I'm the boy, baby ? ? yo, 'cause I'm the boy ?

Do something! ? ...On the street ? ? 'cause I'm the boy, baby ?

? 'cause I'm the, 'cause I'm the ? 'cause I'm the ?

[ Light applause, cheers ] [ Audience hoots ] [ Audience applauds ]

[ Audience cheers, whistles ] >> Oh-oh-oh!

Yeah! >> There you go. There's something... crawling.

Right? We like crawling. [ Cheering continues ]

? 'Cause I'm the boy, baby ? ? 'cause I'm the boy, baby ? >> ow!

Ow! [ Gagging ] >> You're choking her.

You're choking her. >> ? 'cause I'm the boy, baby ? 'cause I'm the ?

'Cause I'm the ? >> whoo!

? 'Cause I'm the boy, baby ? >> ? 'cause I'm the boy, baby ? >> ? 'cause I'm the boy, baby ?

Enough of the Beyoncé shit. Take something off!

That ain't legal. >> We're gonna lose our license again.

[ Cheering continues ]

Thank you very much.

If you hadn't taken your pants off, we'd be on the way to the pageant by now.

How was I to know that it was merely a topless bar? And, by the way, I had to do something out there. I turn around. The next thing I know you're shaking your tatties everywhere. >> And the people loved it! >> Don't fight, pretty ladies.

Is that... >> No. Brian from rehabilitation?

A meth addict with a heart of gold! >> Just a splash of sex addiction. >> Well, who could blame him for that?

Comes with the territory. >> All right. Okay. Honestly, Chloe, just try to be cool in front of him, because celebs really don't like you to drool all over them.

You, too, okay? Just remember... Brian and I are titans of the same industry.

We're both stars. May we join you? >> Is anybody sitting here?

No. >> Okay. Um... Hi. I'm Kate fenner.

Hey, I'm Brian. >> I know who you are. Can I just say, you're just as good-looking as you are on TV, and I know that sometimes that doesn't happen with everyone.

So... >> I'm Chloe. >> Hi.

[ Laughs ] >> Yeah, so, I keep getting picked up by the cops for shit I didn't do. >> God! How dare they persecute you, Brian, when the entire world saw you get clean. >> Small town, small-minded people. >> Yeah, I'm a sex addict, not a sex offender.

Exactly! >> Two different things. >> Brian hickman?

That's me! >> So nice meeting you. >> You too.

Oh! [ Breathing heavily ] >> Oh!

Kate fenner and Chloe west. >> Thank you so much, officer Fitzgerald.

I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is, your car's been impounded. The good news? It looks like that crackhead is about to post your bail. >> [ Sighs ] He really does have a heart of gold. >> Aw! I can't believe we're at Brian's house! >> Oh, my God, it looks so much smaller than it does on TV.

[ Gasps ] That's the hole he punched in the wall after he lost custody of Taylor and Lesean! >> Chloe, I totally recognize that pipe.

No, it was here! Fuck! >> Bri?

Goddamn motherfucker! Cocksucker! >> Bri guy?

Oh! Whoa! >> Motherfucker! >> Hey.

Everything okay, buddy? >> Who the fuck are you? Get the fuck out of my goddamn house! >> Brian, it's Kate and Chloe. >> You know, Kate and Chloe?

Kate me, Chloe her. >> Kate and Chloe. >> Oh, yeah!

Why didn't you say something? >> We should have. >> I thought there was intruders in my house. I was like, "I'll fucking kill you!"

How'd you find me here? >> You invited us, sweetie. >> You brought us here.

Yeah. >> Oh, God, that's so good. >> Hello.

Hi. >> Hi! >> Um... You want a drink?

I would love one. >> Whatever you want to do. >> I'll, uh, I'll get some drinks for you. >> Soda water with a splash of cran would be great.

All right. How's whiskey? >> That's fine. >> Okay.

It was after I got kicked out of "promises," I hit rock bottom. >> Sorry to interrupt you, but lower than we saw on the show? Oh, yeah... way lower. >> Wow!

Then, I sort of... I got... >> I got to stop you for a second, because I'm just struggling to imagine what you could mean when you say lower, because I could stake my life on this. I thought we were at rock bottom with you.

Was I wrong about that? >> Oh, yeah. Things got worse for a while.

Wow! Wow. It's unbelievable. >> Whoa! Okay.

Okay, continue. >> Yeah, talk about it, man. >> Continue.

Rock bottom came for me... >> Yeah. >> ...When I started selling my sperm for a dirty fucking buck. [ Sniffling ] I'd get so fucked up and loaded, cracked out of my fucking mind. And I'd show up to band practice and...

You can tell us, Brian! >> I'd whisper the words so soft...

No one could fucking hear me. [ Crying ] >> There, there.

Just hug me. >> It's gonna be okay. >> You guys give me strength.

[ Unenthused ] Great. I'm so happy. >> [ Unenthused ] Yeah.

I'm gonna get my journal. I should write this down. >> Okay, okay.

[ Sighs ]

Wow! Sounded eerily familiar. >> It did.

Guess celebs really are just like us. >> [ Sighs ]

What the hell am I sitting on? Oh, come on! Brian's reading it?!

It's that goddamn pageant! It fucked us up. We lost...

And then we just kept on losing. Maybe we are losers!

Chloe... I mean, maybe we can change that.

I mean, look at Brian. Look at what he's done with himself.

Brian, no! >> [ Coughing ] >> What is in that pipe, and I want you to be honest with me right now. >> Are you retarded?

It's crystal. >> You went to rehab. You got a second chance.

You started over! >> Yeah, keep telling yourself that.

Some of us? We're just born fucking losers who will die that way.

That is not true, Brian! We can go back, and we can change things.

Nobody changes. Recovery? Recovery's fucking bullshit.

Brian, pass the pipe.

That's good.

Thank you. >> ? take on me ? take on me, take on me,

take on me ? ? take me on-on-on-on ? I'll be-be-be-be-be-be gone in a day or two-two-two-two-two two-two-two-two-two-two-two-two two-two-two-two-two-two-two-two two-two-two-two-two-two-two-two two-two-two-two ?

Let me lead. We're turning, Chloe. >> No, we're not turning, 'cause

I'm not ready to turn. >> We're turning now. Turn!

Will you just fucking stop it already?! >> Brian.

I thought I knew where rock bottom was. You guys are sick.

What are you talking about? >> No, you got to go. I'm not gonna watch it anymore.

I am not enabling this disease for one more second! If it's some fucking stupid beauty pageant that made you do this, then you got to go and deal with it.

Now go! Get out of my house! >> Aah! Aah!

Go! Get out! >> Jesus! [ Siren wails, dog barks

[ in distance ] Oh! I have to pee.

Yeah, well, so do I. >> Where the fuck are we?! >> I don't know!

This isn't exactly how I pictured rolling into the pageant.

Uh, yeah. Me neither. >> But I would have been there by now if it weren't for you wasting an entire day driving in the wrong direction! >> We wouldn't have even gotten this far if it hadn't been for me! >> This far?

I could have gotten us this far. >> Well, I guess I'll have to take your word for it since you have to drive once! Oh, perfect. Grab your locket again, Chloe.

You're so delusional. You honestly think that a guy who broke up with you

91/2 years ago is even gonna remember who you are? >> The only reason I think that is because you're the one who's always telling me he's gonna call any day now.

I feel like you told me that because you don't want me to leave you.

You think selling your eggs is a business. [ Scoffs ]

You call them my product. >> You're not a businesswoman, Kate.

You're a hen. Human livestock. Actually, no.

You know what you're the c.E.O. Of? >> What? Say it!

You're the c. E.O... Of dum-dums.

Well, at least I've tried. >> Come on. You're the one who's always telling me my career is gonna blow up any second. >> Your career?!

What career, Chloe?! People stare at you from outside a glass cube.

Not a big star, Chloe. >> Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? What am I? Come on. Come on.

You're a human oddity. >> [ Gasps ]

[ Both urinating ] >> I'm starting to think I could do a lot better getting to this

pageant on my own. >> Yeah. I'm thinking I should have been on my own a long time ago. [ Vehicle approaching ] >> Hey, sir?!

Sir? >> Sir? So sorry. We're just really turned around.

See, we've been driving for four days from New York City, and we're trying to get to Neptune.

Four days? You're only four hours outside of Manhattan.

Neptune's only a town away.

Okay. We're going to be... Just fine.

Hello. You've reached 411 connect. Please deposit 50 cents to

continue. >> [ Sighs ]

Hello? Hi, sweetie. Hi, little girl.

Listen. Maybe you could help steer me in the direction of, I don't know, civilization? Maybe you could take me back to your house, and I could talk to your daddy or your... Mommy? Oh, God.

Okay. So... Is your school around here, or... Hey, do you talk at all?

? I love myself ? I want you to love me ? when I feel down, I want you above me ? ? I search myself ? I want you to find me

? I forget myself ? I want you to remind me ? I don't want anybody else

? when I think about you, I touch myself ? ? ooh, I don't want anybody else ? ? when I think about you, I touch myself ?

? oh, I don't want anybody else ? ? oh, no

? oh, no ? oh, no ? you're the one who makes me come runnin' ? ? you're the sun who makes me shine ?

? when you're around, I'm always laughin' ? ? I want to make you mine

? I want you ? I don't want anybody else ? when I think about you, I touch myself ? ? oh-oh ? oh

? oh-oh ? oh ? I don't want anybody else

? when I think about you, I touch myself ? ? oh, I don't want anybody else ? ? when I think about you, I touch myself ?

? I touch myself ? I touch myself ? I touch myself I love you all! >> ? I touch myself ? I touch myself

? I touch myself ? I don't want anybody else ? oh, no

? oh, no ? oh, no all right! Give it up for everyone we've seen today and for yourselves

and for our sponsors.

Well... If it isn't Kate and Chloe. Where the shit have you two

girls been?! >> Is there any way we could still just run in there real quick? >> Baby lils, li'l lils, and little missus are almost done!

Okay. >> Ms. Neptune is up next. We have done tech, dry run, dry run with tech, dress, speed-through dress, no costumes, speed-through dress, props, costumes, no makeup, walk the curtain call, and lunch. If the audience sees you, it's because I'm lighting you.

If they hear you, it's because I'm miking you. If they applaud, it's because I'm working my little heinie off. So, if you want to be in my pageant, you better be here to win.


Places! Places for models in motion!

How about those teen gals? Okay. Weren't they great? Now, what can I say about this next group? Um, let's hear it for the ripened beauties competing for the Ms. Neptune award! [ Audience applauds ] Excuse me.

? The world's got so dark, I need some guidance to see ? ? 'cause this pain in my heart

is taking everything from me ? [ Material rips ] [ Audience applauds ]

Fuck! >> ? please give some love to me ?

? 'cause I'm feeling so alone right now, it's suffocating me ?

? God, give me strength to keep on walking ? ? God, give me strength to keep on walking ? ? God, give me strength to keep on walking ?

? God, give me strength to keep on walking ? ? the air's got so thick, I find it hard... ? >> all right, let's hear it for all our potential Ms. Neptunes.

Yeah. That's it. Move it. Sidestep out of here.

Thank you. Up next, the talent portion of the show.

[ Irish folk music plays ]

[ Audience applauds ] >> Let's hear it for Tara. >> Competition is stiff this year. >> That was her Nana's favorite song.

Hot in here. >> Fenner, you're up for talent. You look like shit.

Kate fenner is up next, performing an original tap dance.

[ Audience murmurs ] >> Hi.

Oh, my God... her 'mones. She must be off her 'mones! >> Hi.

[ Murmuring continues ]

Oh! [ Glass shatters ] >> And that was Kate fenner, everyone. Let's welcome Ms. Jennifer Pagano, with a rendition of "we didn't start the fire."

[ Panting ]

I'm here. I got a b12 shot from first aid. >> I'm fine.

Just leave me here. I just need to be with the ground for a little while.

Just go. You're gonna win. I'm very happy for you.

What are you talking about? You have to get back out there. This is what we've been waiting for. This is what we came all this way to do.

It's okay. You have less competition. >> Kate, if you're not competing out there, then I'm not competing, either.

Really? >> Yeah. >> I don't feel well.

Chloe? >> What is it? >> You're the best friend I've ever had. >> And you're mine. >> Ooh!

That feels good. >> Bet that feels nice. >> Yeah, there she is.

Chloe west, you're up next for talent. >> Got to go!

Chloe? Chloe? >> Yeah.

Just make sure they can hear you out there.

[ Audience applauds ] >> Ha ha ha! A juggler with a message... how often do you see that? And now, here to perform Whitney Houston's

"the greatest love of all," Ms. Chloe west. [ Audience applauds ]

Bright up here.

[ Singing unintelligibly ] ? never to west in anyone's shadow ?

? if I first, if I... At least I live as widespread red ? ? eee-eee-eee, eee-eee-eee ? no mattered what they take from smay ? ? they can't take away my rentity ?

They can't take away her dignity. >> ? the greatest love of them ? ? is jealous to my friend ? not here to rest your fill

conclude! >> ? it is the greatal you stun fell ?

? st [ Light applause ] ? e-e-e-east

[ light applause ] Thank you, Neptune! >> Chloe west, thank you.

That's... that's... that's our talent portion. Let's move on to q&a.

Fenner? Fenner, move your arse. Q&a is next. Go, go, go!

Nothing we like more than questions and answers, huh? Let's get some people out here to answer questions. >> Listen, listen, listen, listen.

Just stick to what you know out there, okay? >> Okay.

All right. [ Clears throat ] Uh, Ms. fenner, if you would, please, describe for us the strides women have made in the last half-century.

Don't screw it up. >> Whoa! Fenner gets a tough one!

Uh... The strides women have made. Okay.

Uh... Well, you know what? I'd like to open up this discourse with a definition from Webster's dictionary, which would posit that women are not men.

I'm sorry. Actually, I'm gonna head in from a different angle, because this is reminding me of an old military adage. You know what?

Has anyone seen the movie "an officer and a gentleman"? [ Sighs ]

I don't have a fucking clue. I have no idea. I don't know.

There's nothing happening right now. Nothing.

I don't know. I don't know! I have no idea!

I don't know the answer. Thank you! Thank you!

You're welcome. >> Yes! >> Wow!

Let's get on to the next... >> I did it. >> You didn't know.

I had no idea. >> You had nothing. >> Nothing!

[ Both sigh ] Yes!

Time to line up. This is it. This... Is it.

This is where it started, huh? >> Yep.

This is where it all began. >> He was, like, talking. I was a good singer, you know?

Okay, here we go. Here we are. We're ready. Ladies and gentlemen, it's my supreme pleasure now to introduce to you the legendary, undefeated small-town girl turned superstar, Ms. Laurel Kelly.

Gorgeous, Laurel! >> There she is. Look at that, huh?

Whoo! Knows how to walk downstairs. Still looks great.

No, not standby! Now! Now!

All right. Now, the moment you've all been waiting for.

We got the results in. All tallied up. See if they're written in English. [ Audience laughs ] In third place...

[ Drumroll ] >> I just have to say that I was so proud of you up there.

Thank you. >> Ms. Amanda Solnick. [ Audience applauds ]

Pretty lady, all right. In second place... [ Drumroll ]

I am so proud of you. >> Oh, thank you. >> Let's hear it for Jennifer Pagano! [ Audience applauds ] So close, almost... second place. And in first place... [ Drumroll ]

I just feel so good to be honest with each other. >> And feel the feelings, even if they're big feelings. >> And it doesn't matter if we win or lose.

I'd like to introduce you to your new Ms. Neptune, Colleen Mcniff!

[ Audience applauds ] >> ? she's the one everybody wants ?

? will I be the lucky one? ? could I be the only one? ? and she's the girl that's once, once in a lifetime ? ? and I found her

? now will she be mine? ? will she be mine? >> No!

[ Audience gasps ] >> No! >> No!

Why do you win?! I wanted to win! >> When is it our turn?!

Why?! Why?! >> No! >> Why?!

It should have been us! Why do you get to decide if I'm pretty?!

>> Sherry, faith. >> [ Roars ] Oh, you better run!

Aaahhhh! [ Both yelling ] >> why?!

Why are you doing this?!

>> That must have been really bottled up all these years. >> I had to get that out of my

system. >> [ Sighs ] >> I'm getting the losers off stage. Reset to cue 72. >> We're not losers.

>> We're Kate and Chloe. >> Kate me, Chloe her. >> Kate and Chloe.

Do you need help with the cleanup? I could...

>> no! No! Just go! Go! >> Okay, we're going, we're going, we're going. You need to find to Andrew.

[ Birds chirping ] >> Life is good, huh? >> Oh, it's the best.

>> And being a barista really isn't that bad. >> I don't mind it.

And I love living in the Bronx. >> Me too! >> ? don't you worry, there, my honey... ? >> it feels so good to leave the past behind.

>> ? But we've got our love to pay the bills ? ? maybe...

>> And have nothing but the future ahead of us. >> ? maybe I want to do what bunnies do with you ? ? if you know what I mean ? oh, let's get rich and buy our parents homes in the South of France ? ? let's get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and... ? >> aren't you glad we never sold this real estate? This place is our future. It's our pie in the sky.

>> ? ...on a Mountain, making everybody look like ants from way up there ? >> I think when the time comes, we're really gonna love it here. >> Together "forevs." >> ? oh, let's get rich and buy our parents homes in the South of France ? ? let's get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance ?

>> I got to pee. >> Me too. >> Where?

>> ? ...making everybody look like ants from way up there ?

>> ? I love it

? I love it

? I got this feeling on a summer day when you were gone ?

? I crashed my car into the bridge ?

? I watched

? I let it burn

? I threw your shit into a bag and pushed it down the stairs ?

? I crashed my car into the bridge ?

? I don't care

? I love it

? I don't care

? I love it

? I love it

? I don't care

? I love it

? I don't care

? you're on a different road

? I'm in the milky way

? you want me down on earth, but I am up in space ?

? you're so damn hard to please ?

? we gotta kill this switch

? you're from the '70s, but I'm a '90's bitch ?

? I love it

? I love it

? I got this feeling on a summer day when you were gone ?

? I crashed my car into the bridge ?

? I watched

? I let it burn

? I threw your shit into a bag and pushed it down the stairs ?

? I crashed my car into the bridge ?

? I don't care

? I love it

? I don't care

? I love it

? I love it

? you're on a different road

? I'm in the milky way

? you want me down on earth, but I am up in space ?

? you're so damn hard to please ?

? we gotta kill this switch

? you're from the '70s, but I'm a '90's bitch ?

? I don't care

? I love it

? I don't care

? I love it

? I love it

? I don't care

? I love it

>> ? sitting up tonight

? thinking about the way she smiled at me ?

? I can't believe she noticed me ?

? I got to have that girl

? she makes me want to say the things I know she'd never say to me ?

? she's the one everybody wants ?

? will I be the lucky one?

? Could I be the only one?

? And she's the girl that's once, once in a lifetime ?

? and I found her

? now will she be mine?

? Will she be mine?

>> ? Let the beat control you

? let the beat control you

? let the beat control you

? let the beat control you

? all these people talkin' 'bout you now ?

? they don't make no difference, no ?

? we always have the rhythm here, in our blood and in our souls ?

? so, let the beat control you now ?

? there's nothing here to care about ?

? just you and me

? let's break it down

? so, follow me

? I'll show you how

? all these people talkin' 'bout you now ?

? they don't make no difference, no ?

? we always have the rhythm here, in our blood and in our souls ?

? so, let the beat control you now ?

? there's nothing here to care about ?

? just you and me

? let's break it down

? so, follow me

? I'll show you how

>> ? the beat! The beat!

? The beat! The beat!

? The beat! The beat!

? The beat! The beat!

>> ? Let the beat control your body ?

? you and me

? there's no one watching

? come on, we can rock this party all night long, believe me ?

? let the beat control your body ?

? you and me

? there's no one watching

? come on, we can rock this party all night long, believe me ?

? there is nothing stopping you ?

? there is nothing stopping me

? so, let the beat control your body, baby ?

? there is nothing stopping you ?

? there is nothing stopping me

? so, let the beat control your body, baby ?

? all these people talkin' 'bout you now ?

? they don't make no difference, no ?

? we always have the rhythm here, in our blood and in our souls ?

? so, let the beat control you now ?

? there's nothing here to care about ?

? just you and me

? let's break it down

? so, follow me

? I'll show you how

? all the people gather 'round now ?

>> ? the beat! The beat!

>> ? All the people break it down now ?

>> ? the beat! The beat!

>> ? There is nothing stopping you ?

? there is nothing stopping me

? so, let the beat control your body, baby ?

? there is nothing stopping you ?

? there is nothing stopping me

? so, let the beat control your body, baby ?

? all the people, gather 'round now ?

? so, let the beat control your body, baby ?

>> ? the beat! The beat!

? The beat! The beat!