Awara Paagal Deewana (2002) Script

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

No... please don't shoot.

[STAMMER]

I'm willing to do as you say. I made a mistake.

I'll never make this mistake again.

I have three wives... they'll all be widowed.

I have 13 children and 26 dogs... they'll all be orphaned.

The moment I held the gun to his temple...

...the colour drained out of his face!

Bloody lawyer!

What mistake did the lawyer make, sir?

He walked into my bedroom to tell me that the cops were looking for me.

Without even knocking on the door. Is that all?

Did you treat the lawyer like a dog for just that much?

Moron! I was in bed with his wife!

Wouldn't I get bugged? What then?

You know, I'm a large-hearted man.

Before dumping him in the sea, I felt pity for him I didn't want to torture the poor guy, so I killed him just like that.

I dragged him by the neck and took him to the terrace. I gave him a choice.

Will you jump on your own? Or must I push you?

That was it!

He started screaming "I'm dead... help!"

Is someone there...? Help.


Awesome!

Daddy!

Oh my God!

Daddy has got a heart-attack.

Call the ambulance. Hurry up. Call his son. At once!

Have you got the gun?

Yes.

It's a .45 magnum model tdk. With infrared night vision.

Shoots three rounds per second.

Even the world's best police force doesn't have this gun.

It's a boon to global terrorism.

Good weapon. Thanks.

This is treason.

What did you say? That gun is sold to someone else.

Your father and Guru Gulab Khatri made a deal.

No double-crossing the boss.

Who's stopping me?

My loyalty to the boss.

[GROANING]


Take this pistol and leave the country.

You must take this pill.

Pill...? Yes.

You'll feed me a pill?

You're the one who'll get it.

If I die, I'll not spare you.

[HEART RATE MONITOR BEEPING]

Lawyer...

Please, put that gun away. Else, I'll end up just like you.

Phone... I have telephoned your son.

He should be coming. Moron! Not my son.

I told you to call my son-in-law. My son is a son of a mule.

Yes. I agree.

My daughter's husband... he's a gem!

Where is my son-in-law?

Where is Guru?

[ENGINE REVVING]


[ENGINE REVVING]

He's dangerous.

MALE: - Sir, he is Guru Gulab Khatri. Get him.

[GUNSHOTS]

[GUNSHOTS]

He's dangerous.


He's dangerous.

[GROANING]


[GROANING]

He's dangerous.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello.

MALE 2: Your father-in-law is in hospital. Come quickly.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[TYRE SCREECH]

Father.

How did this happen? It's over, son. I've little time.

I got to let you in on something I've hidden from you all along.

What is it? Last year out of the American deal...

...I got diamonds worth 10 billion.

And I...

And what did you do Daddy? I planted a mango tree.

Drop mango. What about the diamonds? Don't. They will rot.

Diamonds... rot...? Ass! Not diamonds. Mangoes.

Unless you pluck mangoes in time. I'll have every tree plucked.

What about the diamonds? Diamond! She was my best cow.

Gave 10 liters of milk a day. Any ox would die for her.

Make sure you give her a memorial. Don't chew my brains.

Reminds me of a great dish your mother used to cook.

I could've chewed up her fingers, that was when she fed me herself.

Diamonds! Worth 10 billion! Where are they stashed?

Diamonds! Father.

Son! In the American bank. Rs. 75...

Diamonds worth Rs. 75? I owe the laundry Rs. 75.

Make sure you get my suit and loincloth. If you drop dead...

I'll spend the rest of my life in a loincloth.

Where are the diamonds?

Die... die... Diamonds... where...?

Dye my hair before my funeral. I want to die young.

Diamonds! Where are they?

Vikrant! [SCOFFS]

Where are they?

Father.

[HEART RATE MONITOR BEEPING]

I am reading out the will that Baba Baldev Prasad wrote before his death.

It goes to say...

...that he has bequeathed his entire estate...

...in three equal parts, to be distributed amongst...

...his son Vikrant, his adopted daughter Preeti and his son-in-law, Guru Gulab.

Diamonds worth 10 billion lies deposited...

...in New York Bank, New York City, in America.

The bank will release the diamonds...

...only on personal signatures executed by the three of you, in person.

Should any of the three die, two will sign...

...and the death certificate of the deceased is to be produced.

Should two of the three die, two death certificates may be produced.

The third will sign. Should all die, the diamonds will pass to Champaklal.

Who's this Champaklal?

I'm going to kill him right away.

How can you? I am Champaklal. Your advocate.

Oh you are the one? Bloody lawyer! This must be one of your ploys.

What are you doing? Let go of me.

At least hear out one final point in the will.

What final point?

Should I be the first one to die no one gets anything.

All the diamonds go to a cattle-rearing trust.

No one gets anything, if I die. Please think about it.

Let me know when I got to go to America to retrieve the diamonds.

I'll be there.

I'll send you...

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello. Hello.

Guru... Preeti speaking. Yes go on.

Our marriage was a compromise we went through quietly...

...for the sake of Daddy's happiness.

Ever since the wedding we have never been together.

What husband and wife? We're strangers.

Now that Daddy is no more, I want to put an end to this farce.

We ought to separate. I know why you want a divorce.

GURU: A share in your father's diamonds goes to his son-in-law. Which is me.

Divorced, I'm no longer your husband. Nor your Daddy's son-in-law.

You and Vikrant will grab my diamonds. I'm not interested in diamonds at all.

Shut up!

Listen to me, Guru.

What a quandary you have left me in?

My step brother wants to grab my estate.

And that Guru... he doesn't even know that Vikrant is after his life.


[GROANING]

Must be hiding inside! Come on, in... quick.

Security has been tightened. He cannot escape.

Yes, sir. Listen. [SIREN WAILING]

[SIREN WAILING]

Cell phone? Lighter? Loose change? Anything on you...?

I'm asking you.

[GROANING]

Send backup commandos.

Freeze.

Surrender.


[GROANING]

[ELEVATOR DOOR OPEN SOUND]


Last night, Guru Gulab Khatri shot the Home Minister dead.

While he was attending inauguration ceremony.

The police have announced a city-wide red alert.

NEWS ON TV: All roads leading out of the city are sealed.

Check posts are up at railway stations, bus stations, airports.

The whole city is being watched by the police. The police claims...

...that he will be taken dead or alive in a matter of hours. [SIREN WAILING]

The situation in Delhi has worsened. [SIREN WAILING]

[TYRE SCREECH]

[RUNNING FOOTSTEPS]


[AEROPLANE ENGINE REVVING]

Hello.

Not hello.

Get shocked.

Shocked to hear Guru's voice?

GURU: You want to frame me?

You tried to kill Guru for a handful of diamonds?

GURU: Now it's your funeral.

Because Guru knows where you are.

You don't know where I am.

Guru.

He escaped.

Sir, I told you before. Crime never pays.

Shut up!

He isn't getting away. I'll find him.

Somewhere, sometime, someone... will surely give him away.


"Wayward, crazy, insane..."

"...your lover has become..."

"...your eyes have ruined me."

"My love..."

"My love..."

"I give you my heart."

"I give you my heart"

"Wayward, crazy, insane your lover has become..."

"your eyes have ruined me."

"My love..."

"My love..."

"I give you my heart."

"I give you my heart."

"You are my monsoon..."

"I pine for you..."

"...to the depths of my soul."

"I met you, I found out..."

"I'm hopelessly in love..."

"...your eyes have ruined me."


"All I got to tell you..."

"...in your arms..."

"I want to stay."

"You mean everything to me."

"...I'm in love with you..."

"...your eyes have ruined me."

"My love..."

"My love..."

"...my heart goes out to you."

"I give you my heart."

Anu.

My dentist darling!

Anu.

Twelve already? Do you find a clock in me?

No darling, it's because you don't get up before 12. So I thought it's 12.

Come on. Honey!

You know Mummy screamed at me today. But we slept separate last night.

You never told me you're sick. I'm not.

Then why didn't you put the clothes out to dry?

By the time I finished washing it was 2 a.m.

I don't know when I dozed off.

I like that.

You made breakfast, you broke teeth in the clinic...

...you dusted the house, you did the dishes, you washed the clothes...

...and you didn't doze off?

You dozed off just in time to dry the laundry?

Why didn't you keep your take from the clinic yesterday under my pillow?

No, darling. I am so sorry. I completely forgot...

I swear, I am so sorry.

I don't know how I dozed off...

...I was tired... I wanted to give you the money.

Darling.

I desperately need 20 dollars today. 20 dollars?!

I'm only asking for 20. Not 20,000 I am... PARAMJIT: - Shut your mouth. [ECHO]

Asking for money from ladies up in the morning spells bad luck for men.

I just got to buy a new tie and my spell of bad luck will be over.

What? A new tie?

What about the tie you took a year ago? Did you have it for dinner?

It's too dated to even look at.

How dare you?

For 25 years, your father-in-law wore that tie. And he never said a word.

After only a year, it's dated for you?

I tell you.

Next you'll find me and my mother dated enough to be changed?

Of course... What?

Not.

Of course not. MANILAL: - Biswajit...

Biswajit... there you are.

Biswajit...

Tell me, which one will you wear? Will he ever stop mixing up names?

What are you doing with all those? You bought a score of them yesterday I just want to know which one you want me to iron, darling Biswajit.

Paramjit. Paramjit... who...?

I'm Paramjit, the woman you married. Sona, tell your mother not to scream.

Daddy, my name is Mona. Not Sona. That's the mess with these clothes I even forgot her name, Parimal! I'm not Parimal. I'm Anmol.

What's wrong with you Chunilal? Manilal.

Who's Manilal? Your name is Manilal. Manilal Patel.

When did I name myself that...? From childhood.

From childhood? Yes.

That's been my name ever since I was a kid...?

And you tell me now?

Okay, I'll remember! I'm Methilal Jesus? You just said I'm Methilal...?

Out! Get out!

Make breakfast. Or, I'll have you for breakfast.

Not today. Yesterday's scars haven't healed yet.

Come on brother-in-law.

Brother-in-law? I'm your son-in-law. At home, we're slaves anyway.

NEWS ON TV: The French children put up a show.

What have I gotten myself into for a green card?

And now I'm dicing green vegetables.

NEWS ON TV: News from India.

Guru Gulab Khatri, the infamous mafia don...

...the assassin of the late home minister is still at large.

The assassin who specialized in killing his quarry over a cup of coffee...

...has fallen out with rival don Vikrant.

Unconfirmed sources say that Vikrant has announced a reward...

...of 20 million for news of Guru Gulab Khatri.

However this is not confirmed yet.

Now some sports news.

You heard that? A 20 million reward! What?

Unless we don't hurry with the breakfast...

...those two hoods will declare a 2 dollar reward on our heads.

Hurry up, bring the tea. Oh yes.

Daddy, American chopsuey for me. I won't.

Why won't you? I want 50 dollars.

What?

We don't charge you for eating and you want 50 dollars to cook for us?

I need it for buying grocery. Did I ever want to get paid for cooking?

Last week I gave you 50 dollars. You haven't yet settled the account.

I will settle. Accounting isn't as simple as eating. Takes thinking.

If there's a mess-up, you'll be after my life.

Just let me have 50 dollars. I'll settle the accounts later.

Give... What?

I must have the account tonight.

Sure. I don't want to be kicked out.

Come on Tolmol. Not Tolmol. Anmol.

Oh!

Come on son-in-law. Let's go.

Why are you upset about? Don't you want to break some teeth?

Come.

Why are you so glum?

I chased happiness all the way to America.

And what I get is so much misery...

I'm tired of this life of servitude.

I understand everything.

All day in the clinic, scraping dollars that I will give to my mother-in-law.

And yet, a life worse than a slave?

I want to run away to India as soon as I get a chance.

Been looking for mine, for 25 years.

But Satyajit has my passport. Who's Satyajit?

Your mother-in-law, my wife. All my fault...

...were it not for my marriage, were it not for my daughter...

...you'd never have been miserable. Here, keep 20 dollars...

...20 dollars...? You wanted it, didn't you? Keep it.

But you...? I'll fudge up the accounts.

For every 20 minutes I spend shopping, I take 3 hours writing the account.

Don't forget the pants, get yourself first class stuff.

Come on. Come with me.

Drop me at the grocers.


TINA: Hello, Dr. Anmol's dental clinic. May I help you?

Sorry, no appointment before 2 weeks, honey.

No means no. Can't you understand?

When do I get your appointment?

I love you my favorite, don. I love you.

Tina! Stop it.

What are you doing?

Oops.

How many times have I told you? Read a book on dental surgery.

But all you do is collect photos of goons. Strange fancy.

Not fancy. Passion. Obsession.

Emotion, I'm in love, sir.

It was tough setting up the clinic. Send the patients in.

I got to leave early today.

Today's a bad day...

Hey doctor, what's your problem? You're always tensed.

My wife is a pain in my neck. Cut off the neck.

What...? Get rid of your wife.

Get rid...? Divorce her.

She won't give me a divorce. Why not? She doesn't love you.

Won't even let you touch her, so what's the marriage about?

No servants in America. And if they are, they charge a lot.

Oh yeah!

Mona has even threatened me with half suicide if I think of divorce.

What? Half suicide? What do you mean by that?

If it takes 30 pills to kill someone, she will take 15.

And she will write a note saying that I drove her to suicide.

She won't die, but she will kill me.

Oh so sad!

You're worse than an ass that belongs neither in India nor in America.

Really. I wonder for how long me and my naive father-in-law...

...will keep dangling from the tail-ends of our respective wives.

Don't worry, Doctor.

Every dog has its day.

What? I'm dog...?

[CHUCKLES]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

Hey, stop!

You don't hear? No dumping garbage here.

Strange! No dumping! You don't get it? I'm screaming myself hoarse.

Have you sold your ears? Hey! No dumping garbage here.

I'm being polite because you're new. Hey flower-boy, what's your name?

Listen gentleman... Listen gentleman?

What kind of name is that? No dumping here. You don't get it?

I'm sorry.

Sorry? You think this is India? You can get away with a sorry?

What happened? For an hour I'm telling this moron...

...not to dump garbage here.

Tell him to pick up the garbage. Else...

Else... what? I'm warning you...

...if I lose my head... I'll give you a thrashing.

[INDISTINCT]

[INDISTINCT]

Really? First you litter, then you say "Really"?

If I lose my head... I saw him on TV.

Damn where you saw him! If I lose my head...

He's the one with a 20 million reward. He's a big underworld don from India.

Underworld, or underwear... so what if he's a don?

That's Guru Gulab Khatri.

The assassin who kills over a cup of coffee..

He's a don.

He's a don...? Yes.

Big-time. Don...?

So what will you do if you lose your head?

I was saying, no sooner than I lose my head...

I also cool down.

You're new here, no? Got to tell you... as a neighbour.

Dump your garbage here. Go on.

Lovely site. Where else do you dump?

I am Anmol Acharya. Dentist.

If there's ever a bad tooth, tell me. And I am...

What is my name?

In the heat of the moment, I always forget names.

Someone just asked me, Manilal, where are you going?

Manilal. Yes.

He is smart.

In that house over there... I'm the housewife... house-husband.

Come over, anytime for tea. Come on, have coffee with me.

Where? Come on.

No... No...

Come on. I've got to do the chores.

Come... keep the chores for later. I got to do the laundry, the dishes.

Then you come along. I got chores to do too!

Run!

Come on, somebody have coffee with me.

Drape the windows black! Why are you screaming?

Use Ranjit's dress if you have to! I'm Paramjit. Not Ranjit.

Whoever you are, he'll kill you Mona! Our neighbour is an Indian don with a reward of 20 million on him.

A 20 million reward? Let me take a look at him.

Where are you going? How does he look...

He isn't advertising the reward and I'm not going to let you go out.

Mummy! Anmol won't let me take a look! You broke my daughter's heart again?

I did nothing... Go on and tell me if he's nice.

He's a goon! He's going to kill you! Don't you understand Karanjit?

I'm Paramjit! Your name won't matter. A bullet will.

Shut the door. He's dangerous.

There could be a shootout!

Really? Yes!

What do we do now?

Let's pack for Mumbai! I'll do the packing.

You get the passports. I'll book the tickets.

I'll give the money. Get the tickets right now. - Yes!

Come on. Come on.

Stop.

No need to buy tickets. My word! How about flying for free?

If the ticket-checker comes, we'll tip him 5 dollars. Like we did in Rajkot.

No one is going anywhere.

I've seen through your ploy! How about using the ruse of a don...

...to make a getaway? No! He's real, dangerous, deadly Don.

And I'm a deadly witch. That's beyond doubt.

Shut up! Just go to the kitchen and do your work.

Golden chance! Slipped out of our hands! The same hands, we shall use to cook.

Son-in-law..

So many steps!

Come on, quick! To the police! Police... why?

I wrote out his letter, for the police. Read. Is it proper English?

What is this? About the don next door.

And see the signature? I have used a pseudonym. Ajit.

Who's Ajit...? My wife.

But... When the goons get to know...

...who wrote this letter, they will kill them.

And then the police will kill the goons. Two aces in one letter.

Now quick! Kick start it. This is a car.

Then use your fingers. It needs a heave. Battery's down.

Battery's down.

Would you like a lift?

He's dangerous.

We'll manage.

Come on, I'll give you a lift. Who needs lifts? We're on ground floor.

We don't any lift. Yes.

We'll manage. Oh yes, we will I mean, a lift in my car. No... we'll manage.

Just 15 miles. He walks 7.5. I'll walk 7.5.

Where are you headed?

Not to the police station. What?

Police station.

Not police. Post office. Yes! Post office.

Look! I got to post this letter. Take care of it.

No... you keep it. You're senior. You're junior. You keep it.

I'll post it for you. No! Why take the trouble?

We'll post it. What's this enthusiasm about?

Something exciting in the letter? Nothing about you.

Nothing special about you. Make sure you never write about me.

I don't like being written or read about. Get it?

We don't even know you. We don't even know you're from India.

Daddy?!

And he doesn't even know that you're carrying a 20 million reward.

You got any idea about that? No you don't. There...

Come on.

[SCREAMING]

[TYRE SCREECH]

I don't like being subject of gossip. Pisses me off.

I bit the doctor who delivered me. Bit him? Why?

He was screaming, congratulations, you have a boy.

As if it remained to be said. So I bit him and he died.

No. No. Hey, but...

I don't bite anymore. How nice! Got the rage under control?

Age mellows, you know. Now my parrot bites.

Parrot? You got a parrot? We never saw.

I'll show you.

You keep the parrot in the pocket?

Doesn't it peck when you keep it in the pocket?

What is this?

That's no parrot! Someone fooled you!

That's a knife! The kind you dice vegetables with.

This is my talking parrot.

It has only to use it's beak on someone...

...to make you talk like a parrot. No, not me.

You look the innocent types. So I'll give you 3 lifelines.

Time please. Let's get this clear.

Three mine and three his... total of six, no?

Get that? Total of three. One and a half for each of us...

Don't laugh, he will kill us.

I love your smile.

My smile's nice too. Come on, let's have coffee.

No! I'm fasting! I'm fasting too.

Let's have coffee.

We're caught between a stone and a hard place.

Come in. You'll are back?

Darling I was waiting for you.

Are we in the wrong house? No, you've come to the right place.

Mona, get cold water for Daddy. No! I use hot water to wash the dishes.

Not for the dishes, for a drink. How about a yoghurt shake?

A picture of fidelity? You mean loyalty?

Have dinner. You must be hungry? Famished! But first I cook, no?

If you let go of me, I'll cook.

Dinner is ready. Dinner is ready.

What's this?

Darling! When did you get married again? You didn't even invite me...?

Now stop standing and staring and come on and eat.

There's the sweet you love. My sweet?

Don't you eat it! They must be up to something.

Darling, you dream of going to India, don't you?

Who's this darling? How dare he steal my dream?

I'm talking about you. Here are your passports.

Ours...? Yes.

And air tickets.

Passport!

Glory be to the Goddess!

Bloody wretch!

Bloody dog!

Harlot!

What are you saying?

That's what I thought you were. For no reason.

No one has ever given a divorce so lovingly.

My darling, when I leave your prison, and roam freely in India, I'll dream about you. Really.

Come on pin ball. Yes.

Stop!

I'm not divorcing you.

I'm only sending you to India for 10 or 12 days. - Yes.

She's only letting us out on bail!

Yes. And you'll return from India with that 20 million.

20 million? You want a dowry? At this age?

Oh, shut up!

Look at this.

That's the address here. Yes.

We should never come back here.

Look behind.

Where...?

Look here. Okay here.

That's Guru Gulab Khatri.

Yes, you will tell Vikrant in India that he is our neighbour.

No we won't do it. No we won't do it.

You will have to do it!

No! We'll not go to India! No! We'll not go to India!

Fine! Then I will send this pic...

...and I'll tell him that you are hiding Guru Gulab.

We don't want to die at the hands of Vikrant.

Then you have to go to India. No! We won't go!

Then get ready to die.

Dusting in half an hour! Dishes in 15 minutes.

Ten minutes for washing and ironing! Five minutes to cook dinner.

Two minutes... One minute! We will go to India.

Good.

You're staying in Room 502 in Hotel Le Meridien.

Get ready to leave tomorrow morning.

Wow!

Going to India? Then they've set you free?

No, I'm going on business. At least it's a holiday.

I hope it isn't forever. Don't worry doctor.

If God's sending you to India, it must be for the better.

Okay bye.

Listen... take care of the clinic while I'm gone.

Guru Gulab Khatri is reported to have escaped from India.

Hello, Tina. Guru.

Tina, hello.

This is a photo of Guru Gulab Khatri from the internet.

A dangerous mafia don is lurking behind...

My handsome don.

...this handsome face and that innocently alluring smile.


"It was in solitude on a wondrous day that the beauty met a maverick..."

"...and a strange throb coursed their hearts."

"It was in solitude on a wondrous day that the beauty met a maverick..."

"...and a strange throb coursed their hearts."

"I've sworn..."

"I'll love only you."

"I can't suppress my passion."

"Come into my arms."

"I'm restless."

"Let this distance be no more."

"Ever since I met you, Cupid's arrow has pierced my heart."

"Life has become miserable, I'm dying for you."

"It was in solitude on a wondrous day that the beauty met a maverick..."

"...and a strange throb coursed their hearts."


"A strange thirst throbs in my veins."

"I'm caught in the spell of a new restlessness."

"Your love drives me crazy."

"They're about to lose themselves in love, they're crazed."

"Look at them, insane. They are daydreaming."

"I've sworn..."

"I'll love only you."

"I can't suppress my passion"

"Come into my arms."

"I'm restless."

"Let this distance be no more."

"Ever since I met you. Cupid's arrow has pierced my heart."

"Life has become miserable, I'm dying for you."


"My love, stop me."

"I want to steal a few moments from you."

"In my tresses let me hide you."

"Lost in love's fires they drew close..."

"...and nothing in the world could stop them."

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

Let's take a wash before we go out looking for that goon.

We aren't seeing any Vikrant. Then who will give us the reward?

He will give us the reward, but he will kill Guru Gulab Khatri.

Is that correct?

No, but how do we face the wives?

I've worked it out. We'll tell them that we never found Vikrant..

Yes, that's good idea.

Let's live it up for a week! No washing, no doing the dishes.

Just order room service! First class idea.

For your innocent looks you are very clever.

Bill everything to the account.

Where are the lights? No lights in the hotel?

What's that?

Mannequin...? But not unclothed.

A mannequin dressed like a smuggler? I'm seeing one for the first time.

Gold... that looks real.


What happened to him? No idea.

Arrived...?

Arrived...?

Stammers. What did you say?

Nothing. Sorry, I think we're in the wrong room.

Come on daddy.

You're in the right room. Then you are in the wrong room?

Go on, get going. I'm in the right room too.

Then we're in the wrong hotel? Hey! Right hotel. No melodrama.

Stand right there. Strange! Right room, right hotel...?

Are you staying with us? But we paid for double occupancy.

So... why don't you pay us? Indirect income, get it?

We'll adjust. We booked first, so we take the beds.

You can sleep on the floor. Now let's transact.

How about an advance? Shut up. Or you're done for.

Do you know who I am? You never told us.

The biggest of dons in India call me Lil' Umbrella.

Umbrella! That's what he sells! We don't need umbrellas, big or small.

Not the rainy season, so we don't need umbrellas.

If I buy an umbrella, I got to account for it, you know?

Find someone else. Dimwit! I'm here to kidnap you.

Look Tarpaulin... Lil' Umbrella.

What's Lil' Umbrella? That's my name.

So what? You called me Tarpaulin.

Why would I call you Tarpaulin? Because you thought that's my name.

What should be your name? You just called me Tarpaulin.

But you just said Lil' Umbrella. I said Tarpaulin because you said so.

But why should that make you change your name? Stick to one.

I get confused. You understood, right?

He drew this out of that! I'll use it to cut yours out.

If I lose my head, I'll kill you! Move.

Where to...? To Crazy Anna.

[SHIP HORN BLARES]

Anna! Anna!

Anna! Anna!

Anna! Anna!

Anna! Anna!

Anna! Anna! Anna!

Anna! Anna!

Anna! Anna!

Anna! Anna!

Anna! Anna!

Anna! Anna!

See him? Crazy Anna! Yes. He's playing with sticks.

Anna! Anna!

Anna! Anna!

Come on. Come on.

Anna! Anna!

[GROANING]

Anna! Anna!

Come on.

Come on.

Anna! Anna!


[HEARTBEAT]

Come on.

Come on.

Anna! Anna!

Anna! Anna!

Anna! Anna!

Anna! Anna!

Anna! Anna!

Anna! Anna!

Who are these samples? Imported samples.

New York. Oh!

Here to see Vikrant? No, he's fibbing.

But I'm lucky to have met you. Come on, let's go.

Hey...

You don't say no to Anna. Or I'll skin you alive.

And all you'll be left with is... What?

What shrinks when skinned? Pencil.

No, the stuff you skin and you suck... Watermelon...?

Shut up... the stuff that's long on both ends...

...juices out of either end... what do you call that...?

Sugarcane...? Yes, sugarcane I'll skin you till you're only left with so much.

He's absent-minded, just like you. I only forget names.

He forgets stupid things. He says you're absent-minded.

Shut up.

Looks like I got to show you monkeys what the cage is like. Come on.

What...? Stop gaping and move.


Hey Umbrella! Yes?

Take care of these pigeons...

Okay, I will. I'll meet Vikrant.

Where are you going?

Lovely colour, no...?

No you don't piss in that. It'll change the colour of the water.

It's a swimming pool.


Yes?

Come. Vikrant wants to see you.

Where did you guys see Guru? I can't remember.

Do you guys know the punishment for lying?

Why would we lie, Prashant? Quiet.

They won't open their mouths like this. We need to put it in their mouth.

Now what's that...? Milk?

Not milk. Then?

It turns red when it's heated up. A rod.

Right, a rod. The cold part, that is.

Cold part? So why heat it up at all?

The cold part will remain inside. How will you pull the hot part out?

But how will you shove it in? Go and get it. Go on.

Just asks stupid questions.

Sure, I'll get it. Red hot... Hey, don't bother.

Gravy bro, we'll tell you. Not Gravy. Call him Crazy.

Actually, he's come to live in our neighborhood.

The first time he got into a brawl...

I understood he is a thug like you.

You call us thugs? Not you...

I'm talking about him, battery. Call me Umbrella!

This guy's going to run out the batteries in my mind!

Crazy, what proof that these monkeys are speaking the truth?

Solid proof, actually. His name is Ramu Raghavan.

And here... on the back of his neck, he has a tattoo of a rose.

What name?

Trying to figure out the name, and you'll forget yours.

But he's speaking the truth.

Guru does have a tattoo. See.

Sister...

The two of them have seen your husband. In America.

Why've you run out of steam?

It's nothing.

Crazy, take them both to America. And kill Guru there?

Just keep 20 million rupees ready. No, you'll only track him down...

...and inform me.

When I come over...

...you'll kill him in my presence.

The moment I receive his body you'll have your money.

Once Crazy Anna gives his word...

...you could say he's lost his... what? Finger.

Not finger. It's...? Hair?

Not hair. Name the word, or I'll slit your throat.

The throat! Yes, throat.

Once I give my word, be sure Guru has a slit throat.

Throats will be slit all the time. But how are we spending our lives?

What happens of the reward we ought to get, Sankrant?

Laugh.

[LAUGHING]

Come on.

Daddy, listen to me... Listen!

I don't think we're getting a penny from them!

Why? Yes.

Didn't you see how they laughed at us?

Let's pack our bags and take the first flight back to America.

No way. If we return empty-handed, our wives will kill us.

We'd rather die at our wives' hands than die here.

Oh yes. The two of them will at least be hanged.

Good idea.

Pigeons, what've you been whispering? We were only waiting for you.

Good night, Raincoat. Good night.

The name is Lil' Umbrella, what?

Call me the wrong name, and I'll drive this knife into your head!

Smart-ass, go to the room and... Chain? You find those in trains.

Take a blanket and go to sleep! That's how we sleep. Come.

Where are you going? You go there... and you go here.

To the bathroom? There are mosquitoes there. How will I sleep in there?

Stop raising questions, bloody mosquito repellent!

Till we fly for America, you're staying with me.

So he doesn't fly away. Get that?

Skip the drama. Move! Let's go.

Every night, do you...?

Not in the nude. I sleep with my clothes on.

Not nude! Do you bathe? Twice.

But I bathe in the nude, Vinod.

I've got so much to do! I've got to bump off Khatri in America!

Don't drive me out of my mind!

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello. Hello.

Guru? Brother? Gulab... Go on.

Guru, your danger is in life.

Some place far you run, so know gets to no one.

Whether someone gets to know or not, I know everything.

You're at the Le Meridien hotel in Mumbai right now. In room 502.

How did know get to you? Relax.

I know about everything you're doing in Mumbai.

But just remember. Your second lifeline has run out too.

Hello, Guru. Gulab!

He's got me tensed. What am I going to do?

Give me an idea, God... Let the bell ring! [DOORBELL]

God...?

[DOORBELL]

[DOORBELL]

You...? Here?

Now don't misunderstand me... I didn't want your husband caught.

The way the gangsters behave... I just don't like it.

I had to come here because of Mona. Mona?

My wife. Unfortunately!

She loves money, not me. She wants the 100 million reward. Not me.

I'm just a dentist. You can ask my father-in-law, if you don't believe me I hate bloodshed...

I'm telling you the truth.

I want to go far away from this bloodshed too.

I have something to say to you.

It's this will that has bound us all together.

Father distributed the diamonds worth 10 billion in such a manner...

...that it turned Guru and Vikrant into bitter enemies.

Now I've started to understand.

I want you to make my husband see reason.

Neither do I want him killed, nor am I on Vikrant's side.

I'm even willing to give him my share of the diamonds.

I only want him to give me my life back.

What does that mean? I want a divorce.

You want a divorce too?

So do I.

It's five months since we were married...

...and we haven't spent a moment together in these five months.

He never ever loved me, nor did I love him.

He was only waiting for daddy to die...

...so he could swallow his wealth.

You're so innocent and beautiful..

Yes.

Nobody ever said that to me.


[KNOCK ON THE DOOR]

Open the door! Hurry. Lil' Umbrella!

Open the door! [KNOCK ON THE DOOR] What am I going to do?

Open the door, I say! In the bathroom...

No, under the bed! Are you dead already?

There's no room here. Behind the curtains. Quick!

I'll break down this door! Lil' Umbrella!

[KNOCK ON THE DOOR]

Tomcat! Is that how you sleep? What are you doing here?

Move.

I've been knocking on the door.

They were glaring at me.

Where were you? Where...? In the bathroom.

But the bathroom's on that side. I can even see it in the mirror.

Mirror? You look in the mirror when you pee?

Don't drive me crazy! And pack your bags.

We're taking the flight, no? Get on with the packing.

Or I'll open you up and you'll forget the bathroom.

Where's this fragrance coming from?

I've sprayed it.

You...? Yes.

Ladies perfume.

Here... smell this. Stay away!

Don't get close, buster.

Whose is this?

Mine. I wear it in bed every night. This is what I was looking for.

In the bathroom. Really?

Don't you want to wear anklets too? What a thing to say. Come, sit...

Hey! You appear weird to me.

Now pack your stuff. Move!

In a moment.

How will I tell you? What?

Till yesterday, I had no purpose for being in India.

No cause. What does that mean?

I mean, after spending some moments with you...

I have not only found a purpose for being here...

...but also a reason to live. What nonsense are you talking?

Whatever happens, I'll even lay down my life to return your happiness to you.

I'm not leaving you now. Shut up!

I'll cherish your memories in my heart.

What for? Till you belong to me...

I can have no peace. Step on the brakes!

Your end is here! Faggot!

Watch your tongue, or I'll shove this knife into your...

You're still stuck on that? And kill you!

Always end your line.

Are you father-in-law and son-in-law?

You have doubts, Damodar? Watch it, rat!

You take me for a gay? They call me Lil's Umbrella.

The two of you are suspicious guys! Father-in-law and son-in-law, eh?

I understand everything!

Pack the aircraft. We've got to travel in the stuff.

We're flying!

[AEROPLANE ENGINE REVVING]

[FOOTSTEPS]

Here we are. In Singapore. Singapore?

We were going to America, weren't we? What have you been up to?

This is America, all right. Just clearing my doubts, you see.

This is the first time I've ventured outside Mumbai.

Not Mumbai. Say outside the country.

That's just what I thought. We're outside something!

Anna...

I've made a grave mistake. What mistake?

Mistake.

I know. Mistake. What mistake?

I called Guru Gulab Khatri from Mumbai...

...and told him that I've revealed his whereabouts to Vikrant.

What...? Have you gone mad? Let him go!

He's not mad. You're mad! You call Anna mad?

You call Anna mad?

I was very scared, so I told Guru Gulab Khatri the whole truth.

Nice thing too. He's going to finish you now.

Vipul, you've ruined everything! You're going to die first...

...and then, you. Me too?

I have a wife and a daughter! Find a way, Snazzy...

Not Snazzy. My boss's name is... [STAMMER]

Tell me tomorrow. I'm in a hurry today.

Find a way, please I suggest we go and hide under the bed at home. What say?

Guru Gulab will get there before you can do that.

There's just one way of saving your lives.

We won't go to your place. We'll go elsewhere.

Where?

Isn't Anna coming with us? He's gone to fetch something.

So he's coming here on a horse?

Why did you have to play the honest man?

Do you know what a dangerous man Guru is?

It's so dark in here... Where have you brought us?

We're not at the movies, are we?

I'll switch on the light. Where's the switch, Umbrella?

.As if I come here every other day! Look for the switch, guys...

Where is it? Can't find the switch...

Gotcha! It's made of rubber, is it? Moron! It's my nose.

Pressing my nose.

The father-in-law son-in-law duo.

You're back after giving Vikrant a contract to kill me?

Please understand, my brother... we have made a mistake!

Forgive us, Guru. We went astray. Our wives forced us into it I don't have the time today. But when I tell you my sad story...

...you'll have tears in your eyes..

Hey, gun!

Run! He is here.

The devil and the deep blue seas!

This way. Don't go there. This way.

Anna, watch the gun.

Don't shoot.

Scared you, didn't we?

[CHUCKLES]

Look at their faces! You guys are friends?

They turn out to be buddies.

Vikrant offered me 20 million to finish Guru.

And Guru has offered me 50 million to finish Vikrant.

So, we're getting together to wait for him.

Let Vikrant arrive.

Brilliant! What a twist! Wow!

Can I hug you? What a man you are Guru!

Move!

[BIRD CHIRPING] [FOOTSTEPS]

Excuse me sir. Call for you.

Hello. Hello.

Why're you yelling? I can hear you.

Crazy Anna here. Speak.

What the jokers said turned out to be true.

ANNA:Guru really lives in their neighborhood.

Catch that and come over. Catch what and come over?

That...

How will I know if you make signs over the phone?

One moment, sir.

Umbrella, come here.

What's that thing called which flies in the air?

One moment, sir. Crow.

Not crow. It flies in the air. We fly it.

Kite? Not kite...

...it's what we sit in and fly.

One minute. Plane!

Catch a plane and come over. Did you think I'd walk to America?

Hang up now. I'll come and explain the plan to you.

All right, sir.

Didn't I tell you? Someone or the other would surely lead us to Guru.

He's in America. In America. What's he doing there?

He must be having a nice time with the money that belongs to me.

He must be dancing and singing as usual.


[SINGING IN ARABIC]

[SINGING IN ARABIC]

[SINGING IN ARABIC]

[SINGING IN ARABIC]

[SINGING IN ARABIC]

[SINGING IN ARABIC]

[SINGING IN ARABIC]

[SINGING IN ARABIC]

[SINGING IN ARABIC]

"O beloved... where are you?"

"She steals my heart, takes me for her own..."

"...my beloved has left with my heart."

"You suddenly appear before me..."

"and set my heart racing."

"You look at me; You look away."

"You smile... God Almighty!"

"You suddenly appear before me..."


"You are a golden beauty."

"You are intoxicating all the way, my love."

"The spell you cast, the magic you wield..."

"has this crazy man bowled over by you."

[SINGING IN ARABIC]

"Your eyes..."

[SINGING IN ARABIC]

"they steal my heart."

[SINGING IN ARABIC]

"You suddenly appear before me..."

"and set my heart racing."

"You look at me; You look away."

"You smile... God Almighty!"

"You suddenly appear before me..."


Vikrant is bound to come.

He's going to be ferreted out to be killed like a rat.

May I say something, Guru?

What just something?

Say a lot of things. Talk as much as you wish to.

Actually, I met your wife in Mumbai. She's very sweet.

I mean, she's very sweet-natured.

She has sent a message for you.

What message?

She had no hand in whatever Vikrant did to you in Mumbai.

According to your father-in-law's and Preeti's father's will...

...the diamonds worth 2 billion...

...which you, Vikrant and Preeti are going to inherit...

...she has absolutely no interest in it.

All she wants from you is a divorce.

She told me that if you gave her a divorce...

...she'd give you her share of the diamonds...

Don't take up for my wife, okay?

Neither am I giving her a divorce, nor am I leaving her.

And don't you dare meddle in my personal matters.

Or I'll bury you right here. Forget it.

Let's go to your house and discuss important matters.

No, you guys can't stay at my place. Why not?

Vikrant is not to be trusted. He must've set dogs on your trail.

He'll get to know that we're into this together.

So where are we going to stay? On the pavements in America?

Go and stay at their place. My house. Get that?

Where do you guys stay? Bang opposite Shani's house.

Not Shani. It's Guru. And where does Guru stay?

He stays in front of our house.

So where do you guys live?

We live in opposite houses. Why?

I'll straighten him out. Wait. Stop.

What happened?

He's crazy.

We don't know the cops here. Else, I'd have give it to him.

I'm back in hell!

Wow!

[STAMMER] It's amazing, isn't it?

You finish it before I do? I said it's fantastic!

You'll discover it for what it is, only when you step in.

What? That's a brawl in Gujarati.

Don't you have any servants to carry our luggage?

We're here, aren't we? This is our duty I'm Coolie No. 1 and he's Coolie No 2.

Spring to the task, son-in-law. And get ready to play the game.

[DOORBELL]

Here come our millionaires! Hurry up...

...and grab the money from them!

Come on in. Come...

The most horrifying place on earth. Our house.

And over there is our room.

That kitchen? Yes, that's where we always are.

And that's the bathroom. With running hot and cold water.

Go ahead and do your laundry, if you have any.

Welcome!

Wait there!

What's happening here? What beggars have you brought home?

Don't worry, this is a daily affair. She doesn't know, you see.

They're my friends. They've just arrived from India.

Now what is your name...? Lil' Umbrella and Crazy Anna.

They'll stay with us for some days. Why will they?

This is no lodge, is it? It's enough that we let you live here.

Go on now. Get out. Listen to me, darling...

Have I ever listened to you?

No. So why must I now?

Right. Get going then...

...pick up your bags and get lost. Out.

Will you leave or must I throw you out?

[STAMMER]

Don't you spit here!

He's not spitting. The poor guy has a stammer.

And this dumb guy talks in sign-language.

So why must you bring the deaf and the dumb to this place?

Go and admit them to a hospital! Go. Get going!

[STAMMER]

Right now! Get out...

You've been shooting your mouth off!

Will you carry on, only because I'm quiet?

Out of my way! Let the breeze through.

Shut up!

You shut up!

Don't you dare yell at Lil' Umbrella.

How dare you talk like this with my mummy?

Madam, enough of your chatter. Or else, that thing in your head...

...what is it called? Brains.

Women don't have brains in any case.

What's that thing in the head the Lord once tamed...?

Arrogance? Arrogance.

I'll rid you of it in a second. What are you staring at?

We're going to take a bath. We want hot tea before that. Okay?

Let's go.

She's staring...

Anna.

Guru and Vikrant are playing with diamonds worth billions.

And we're going to get just 50 million?

The promise I've made to Guru is final.

I'm not interested in those diamonds worth billions.

Fantastic! Fantastic, Anna!

You're a man of your word!

I get to learn so much from you today.

I'd make a bonfire for what you said! Fantastic!

Fantastic!

Fantastic!

I'm not interested in those diamonds worth billions.

It's just that the crazy one is interested in them.

Try some laddoos. We made them.

And tell us quickly where the 20 million is.

Actually, Mona... Hey!

First eat the laddoos, okay?

Let me tell her, or she'll pull out the laddoo from my mouth.

Nothing's going to happen. Just eat it up.

Paramjeet.

I didn't know you made such excellent laddoos!

Forget the laddoos. Let's talk about the millions.

Mummy, forget 10 million, we haven't even got a single rupee.

What...?

We are trapped because we tipped him off about Guru Gulab Khatri.

Crazy Anna's going to get the entire reward.

What?

The two of them are going to get the reward?

The two of them are going to get the money.

We're happy to have the laddoos.

Don't you touch the laddoos! Keep it back in the plate.

And go and prepare breakfast for the guests. Go into the kitchen.

I told you to tell them after we had eaten the laddoos.

But you had to tell him first. We spent so much...

...to send them to India, and they achieve nothing!

Baby, we have guests at home. You will look after them won't you?

Of course, mummy.

As if you need to ask.

Doctor.

Doctor.

Oh, my God!

What happened, doctor? Is anything wrong?

Nothing. So what's all this about?

What will I tell you, Tina? I'm going out of my mind.

Ever since underworld don Guru Gulab Khatri has...

...come to live in the neighborhood... What?

The underworld don! Guru Gulab Khatri lives in your neighborhood?

I didn't speak in Hebrew, did I? And you tell me about it today?

Doctor, he's my dream man.

Come on. Hurry up! Tina what's wrong?

Come on! I've got to meet him. Listen, Tina...

[DOORBELL]

Do you take this for a charitable home?

You see a doorbell and start ringing it?

Who's going to pay the electricity bills?

No, I brought someone to meet you.

Are you a doctor, or a pimp? You mustn't do such things, son.

Get that? Go on now. Get lost, scram.

What happened?

I'm here to meet you, buddy... not to bump you off.

Who's this fast number?

She's my secretary and...

I know. Aged ten. Ten years? He doesn't look ten.

At ten, he used to play the harmonium in a train. Right?

He was a beggar then?

He has made all this out of his alms!

Which train was it?

In the harmonium, he used to smuggle liquor.

From Mumbai to Gujarat, from Gujarat to Mumbai.

Serving a two-year sentence at the Arthur Road jail...

...he held the jailer's gun to his temple on the pretext of polishing his shoes...

...and escaped in two months. Salim Talwar of Bhendi Bazar.

...He brandished a harmless knife at him and sent him out of limits.

She talks too much. Meena's going to explode.

Tina, who? My secretary, Tina.

What is it with her?

Don of Paratha Galli. Babu Batli.

You made him run along the lake, in broad daylight...

...with not a shred of clothing... Wrong. He was wearing shoes.

Yes. And you soon became the don of that area.

Who are you? Where are you from? Come on inside.

[CHUCKLES]

You have my bio-data printed on your mind.

You're a dangerous girl, I swear. Here's a token of our friendship.

Isn't this the gun you shoved into Babu Ballpen's mouth?

That's the one. Keep it...

Thanks.

You love guns and dons, I can see. Don't your parents object?

My mother died when I was still a kid. My dad died 10 years ago.

In fact my father was in the same profession.

Have you ever heard of Chiman, the boatman?

You're Chiman, the boatman's daughter? Yes.

Chiman, the boatman's daughter? Oh yes.

Come here.

Chiman was your father? God! She's Chiman's daughter!

She comes from a family of thieves!

He was the one who taught me to handle an oar.

He was my guru! My father was your guru?

So you become my Guru now! How about my fee?

Shut the door on your way out.

All right. Certainly, certainly.

He's asking us to leave. And you want to drink? Hurry up.

Sorry.

So we leave the brother and sister to their chat, okay?

Let's go.


You?

I've brought some hot milk for you.

You drink some first.

You drink some.

Drink.


Umbrella...

What is it? Milk. For you.

You drink some first. Well?

Drink some first.

Okay.

Hey...

What...?

What are you laughing for?

You ought to have had a little. I'd have drunk some too.

Slowly... you and me...

...don't you know the trick?

Damn!

Slowly, you sip it. Gradually.

You've finished the milk. What will I drink now?

What will I drink?

Hey! Hmm.

You offered milk to a snake.

Only to make its venom sweeter.


"He who seeks tears and laughter..."

"...must fall in love."

"He who seeks to go mad..."

"must fall in love."

"He who seeks to gain and lose..."

"must fall in love."

"He who bears every atrocity..."

"he who bears all the pain..."

"must fall in love, my love."

"He who seeks tears and laughter..."

"must fall in love."

"He who seeks to go mad..."

"must fall in love."

"He who bears every atrocity..."

"he who bears all the pain..."

"must fall in love, my love."

"He who seeks tears and laughter... must fall in love."

"He who seeks to go mad... must fall in love."


"It causes anguish, it lends solace."

"It makes us famous. It makes us infamous."

"It causes anguish, it lends solace."

"It makes us famous. It makes us infamous."

"In a moment of union lie years of separation."

"There's merry-making in love; in love, there is loneliness."

"There's merry-making in love; in love, there is loneliness."

"He who seeks to dream..."

"ought to fall in love."

"He who seeks to go mad... ought to fall in love."

"He who wants to gain and lose... ought to fall in love."

"He who bears every atrocity..."

"he who bears all the pain..."

"must fall in love, my love."

"He who seeks tears and laughter.. Must fall in love."

"He who seeks to go mad... must fall in love."

"He who wants to gain and lose... ought to fall in love."

Guru, the Black Crow is taking a white aircraft tomorrow...

...and landing at daytime.

Is the Black Crow all alone? Oh no. The mynah's with him.

We'll fix the birds. Let them land. I understand.

You plan on starting a zoo, right? Shut up. Why must you speak?

Crazy...

Trap the birds in your net...

Clip their wings and have them. Stamped at the local museum.

Just don't worry. The two birds are going to be...

Stamped. They're stamped already.

We'll show them the wings, take the pieces of glass...

...and fly away. Fly away where?

What are you talking about? I don't understand anything.

Don't you know? I don't I always ask the wrong man.

Doctor, that's the lingo of the mob.

The Black Crow is Vikrant; the mynah is his sister.

They're landing in America. We make a meal out of them...

...and quietly have a dinner. Get that?

Get what she says? There's a party. With lunch and dinner, see?

Listen, party-hopper.

Before they land here, we'll garland the two of them.

Sure, go ahead. You must always welcome the guests.

But what flowers will you use? Rose or jasmine?

This is America. You've got to place an order in advance.

Not that! I'm talking about the wreath you offer to the dead.

Get that? How would I know I've never been dead. You'll know when you die then.

All right... but how will I see it when I die?

You can see it when I die! When are you going to die?

I'll die only after killing you! If the two of us die...

...how'll we see what wreath it is? Hey Umbrella.

He is calling.

Skip the nonsense.

You guys think I've started an enquiry counter here?

You guys think so?

How many of you?

Once I'm done with, I'll give three diamonds to each of you.

Wow, diamonds.

Stop kicking up a racket.

I only need to make sure that Preeti and Vikrant are killed...

...and produce their death certificates in bank.

Sister, hurry up. It's time for the flight.

Coming.

[PHONE RINGING]

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello.

Nonsense.

Hurry up, we're getting late.

[PHONE RINGING]

[PHONE RINGING]

Pick it up... Go on!

[PHONE RINGING] Come on.

Damn! Shit!

[ANNOUNCEMENT AT AIRPORT]

[ANNOUNCEMENT AT AIRPORT]

They've switched on so many lights. And they call it America.

Why are we guys here?

We're here to see the lighting at the airport!

Why's Vikrant all alone? Are the others travelling second-class?

See how he's walking.

Welcome to America.

You had a nice flight, I hope? You're not late. We've just arrived.

Shut up!

The prey doesn't suspect anything, does he?

No inkling at all, sir.

We're only waiting for your orders.

What is it?

Nothing... you had no problem during the flight, did you?

Let's go.

Get in.

We'll meet at the hotel and chalk out the further plan, Anna.

All right.

Get in.

Threw you out, didn't he?

That's what happens when you get into someone' else's car.

Come on, let's get into our car.

Don't look that side. She's gone.

Get started Guru. The Black Crow has flown into our trap.

GURU: Very good.

Where are you taking them? Grand Hyatt.

I'll have them check in there and come over. Okay?

GURU: Come quickly. We'll talk it over.

All right.

I've booked a suite on the top-floor.

So don't worry about security.

You needn't worry about Vikrant safety.

His security reaches the place he wants to visit, before he gets there.

Think only about Guru.

Let's go, sis.

You're going to stay with me. No way!

I can wander the entire day, but have to return home at night.

You don't know how my wife is.

Shut up! Lil' Umbrella you. Me?

I can't sleep in a new place.

You aren't going to sleep anyway.

So I can sleep in peace. What say, Anna?

Right.

Stay with him, so you can keep an eye on the clowns around him.

Right.

Don't move.

Hold it.

[GROAN]

Let him go... what are you doing?

Hey, come on. Move.

He has taken the entire top-floor and says it's not going up.

What's not going up? That thing which goes up and down.

An umbrella? No, not an umbrella.

That...

It's that thing that takes four or five guys in.

No vulgar talk! There are women around.

It isn't vulgar talk. How am I going to explain!

What do they call it...? The lift.

Lift. Guru, the lift. Lift.

He says no one is going up.

Don't worry, Crazy. I'll deal with him.

His thugs hang around the lift, right?

I'll get on the wall like a lizard one night...

...get into his room and beat the daylights out of him.

I'll fix him nice and properly...

Guru... What is it?

Guru!

Umbrella, what are you doing here?

Was I expected to kill time there?

Didn't I tell you to keep an eye on Vikrant?

And Vikrant was kidnapped by Guru's men!

Who kidnapped him? You sent those Chinese thugs.

What Chinese thugs did I send?

This guy looks Chinese to you? Do they look Chinese to you?

So who were those guys? One moment. I say...

...those guys who came to kidnap him, did they leave a business-card?

Shut up, Umbrella.

We must first find out where those Chinese guys have taken Vikrant.

Will we have to go to China to find him now?

I can't even speak the language. Can you speak it, Mangal?

Shut up!

Vikrant has been kidnapped. Whom are we going to bump off now?

How'll we get the death certificate?

How'll we get the diamonds from the bank?

If you don't get the diamonds, then my share of three diamonds is lost.

You can't handle anything properly, railway-line.

I've been noticing. You're no good. It isn't his mistake.

It was the Crazy Anna's plan. A stupid plan!

No, Mummy. It was Guru's plan. Guru's plan was fool-proof.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

Quiet... quiet...

Shut up!

Shut up! Shut up!

Listen... whose call was it?

Vikrant's such a... Such a what?

Such a what? That which has little babies...

What babies? Puppies? Cubs...?

Whatever... who has babies?

The mother has babies.

Not mother. What is the mother's husband called?

What do they call the mother's husband?

Uncle! Uncle! No, daddy...

...uncle is the mother's brother. The mother's brother is an uncle...

One moment!

This woman is a mother. Mona's her daughter...

...what will she call her mother's husband?

I don't know. Mohanlal.

Father!

Father!

He has turned out to be our father in wisdom.

The guy we took for Vikrant turned out to be his duplicate.

The real Vikrant is coming in... what do you call it?

Mail? Plane.

He's coming in a plane.


Well done, Anna.

We mustn't waste anymore time.

We must finish Guru Gulab Khatri. Where will we find him?

ANNA: There's this Indo-American charity dinner today.

ANNA: - He must performing there. VIKRANT: - Very well then. Let him perform.

VIKRANT:And we'll finish him off right there.

ANNA:All right, sir. Just keep the money ready.


"My love..."

"sweetheart..."

"My love"

"...sweetheart..."

Don't touch me!

"My love..."

"sweetheart."

"I'm all alone, and it's difficult"

"...with danger everywhere around."

"So come to me, my love."

"No one is escaping me..."

"my love."

"No one is escaping me, my love."

"I'm known for being wayward... crazy and insane."

"Come to me, my love."

"Come to me, my love."


"Come to me, my love."

"Come to me, my love."

"The nights will change..."

"so will the prattle."

"Moments of love will merge with desire."

"The nights will change... so will the prattle."

"Moments of love will merge with desire"

"I'm on a high, my heart says..."

"look at me."

"Come to me, my love."

"Come to me, my love."


"Come to me, my love."

"Come to me, my love."

"I aim for him."

"It all depends on how he makes it."

"His life is in danger..."

"whoever stands before my gun."

"I aim for him. It all depends on how he makes it."

"His life is in danger... whoever stands before my gun."

"I'll take you in my arms, play with your tresses..."

"beware, my love."

"Come to me, my love."

"Come to me, my love."

"Come to me, my love."

"Come to me, my love."

"Come to me, my love."

"Come to me, my love."

"Come to me, my love."


[SIREN WAILING]

Hello. Hello. Hello.

Hello. Hello. Put a coin first.

This is a mobile phone. What coin?

Hello, police station?

Police, police this is one dead body. Sleeping in the car.

On the bridge.

This wooden bridge along the sea...

Brooklyn bridge, Brookyln, Brooklyn.

What cops!

My name is Lil's Umbrella.

Give me the phone... Lil' Umbrella. and cut the crap.

What cops are these? The guys in Mumbai are better.

[SIREN WAILING]

[SIREN WAILING]


Out with it, my friend... three diamonds for me.

My boss Crazy Anna sees it first.

My boss will show it to me first. My Guru will show me first.

To hell with all that... give me the diamonds.

[SIREN WAILING] There seems to be fire somewhere.

[SIREN WAILING]

For the murder of Vikrant, you're all under arrest.


Come on, move up. Come on, move here.

Get going, I said come on.

Come on. Come on now, get moving.

Yeah, good, move. This way.

Come on.

Keep going.


You? Vikrant?

How come... He's alive?

He's not a ghost, is he?

You bite the dust at my hands again, don't you?

You thought Vikrant was dead?

Sacrificed for diamonds worth 2 billion?

The guy who landed first was me. The real Vikrant.

I faked that kidnap drama.

The one who got killed was a fake.

According to police records, Vikrant is dead.

His sins and his crimes are dead with him.

I'll bury all of you here and start life afresh.

Give me the diamonds.

Hurry up and give me the diamonds.

The diamonds are here.

[INDISTINCT]


The diamonds are lying in the car!

Stop there...

Anna... Wait let's search.

Anna, where is the bag?

Hurry! Step on it!


Hurry up. They are following.


Oh God!

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Take it back...

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[GUNSHOT]


[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Get out of the car.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

It's ruined.

Anna, don't go forward.


Look for the diamonds in the car.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Where are the diamonds? Not here...

[GUNSHOTS]

The diamonds are with Vikrant. Follow him, Anna.

Come on. Vikrant!

Come on!

Hurry!


[GUNSHOTS]

[TYRE SCREECH]


[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Umbrella?

Hey blackie!

God! Save me from him!

You're going to die anyway... so give it to me!

Save me from this guy first!

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Daddy! Give me the diamonds.

Here! Tina!

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Someone help us!

Help! Anna!

Come on run! Run!

Run!

Come on run.

Run!

Fast.

Hey, Guru.

You're not going away! You can't defeat me!

No... I'm not going to spare you!

Scoundrel!

I won't spare you!


Guru. Come. Come. You're back! Come.

We were...

I know you were waiting for me.

Who has the bag of the diamonds? Out with it. Let's split it.

Oh yes. Let's split it. Bring out the diamonds.

Out with it, Mother. Sure. Bring out the diamonds.

Out with the diamonds. I never ever saw real stones.

Out with it. Rotten mango!

They're diamonds... not stones! Out with the bag.

Sure. Out with it. Why are you asking for permission?

Why are you guys asking one another to get out the diamonds?

Where's the bag?

Crazy, where's the bag son? I don't have it.

Umbrella, give me that bag. Okay boss.

Mammo, give them the bag.

I don't have it. No?

No. Oh yes, I remember... I threw the bag to Mona.

Mona darling, let's have the bag.

I don't have it. What?

I mean, when those monsters advanced towards me...

I tossed the bag to my sidekick. What are you talking about?

You gave that bag to me? No keeping it all for yourself, son.

Let's have that bag now. At least give me those 3 diamonds!

Wait, I remember...

...when I was saving Tina, I gave the bag to Manilal.

So catch hold of Manilal! What say?

Why're you staring at me, tarpaulin? Lil' Umbrella!

Who's Lil' Umbrella? My name is Lil' Umbrella.

So what's with your name? Don't drive me mad, Manilal...

He's Manilal! I told you! Catch hold of him!

You're Manilal! But you said you're Manilal.

Manilal, come on.

The diamonds are not with me!

So who has the diamonds, if not you?

Speak up, or I'm going to make you sing like a parrot!

I remember! It's Popatlal! Now who's Popatlal?

The guy who was fighting there... Who?

Now what's his name...? Fevicol!

Fevicol!

This guy didn't give the diamonds to Vikrant, did he?

You've uttered every bloody name! So who is it? Fevicol or Popatlal?

To Ranipal. And who's Ranipal?

Rekha's husband. Who's Rekha now?

My daughter. He gave the diamonds to Anmol.

That's what I've been telling you. You've driven us all crazy!

How many names will we play with? We have the name now, don't we?

So let's have the diamonds. But where is Anmol?

Think again, Anmol. Guru has a terrible temper.

He could even kill you.

There's no turning back for me, Preeti.

I promised to return all your happiness to you.

Now is the time.

Hello.

This is Anmol here. Where did you go away to?

Where are the diamonds?

Preeti and the diamonds are both with me, Guru.

So what are you doing there? Come here immediately!

No, Guru. No?

ANMOL: The two of us have taken a decision.

What decision?

We don't want to live in your world anymore.

What are you getting at?

I mean, I don't want to live with Mona.

So tell your wife that you don't want to live with her! Why tell me?

Just bring the diamonds here!

Preeti wants to be free of her marital obligations too.

To hell with Preeti! Just get the diamonds here!

I'll give you the diamonds. But I have a condition.

What condition?

You'll have to separate from Preeti. Bloody monkey!

You dare put conditions to Gulab Khatri?

I won't give her a divorce. Do whatever you want to!

What do you love more? The diamonds? Or Preeti?

I love the diamonds.

So sign the divorce papers and come to the docks at 5 this evening.

The two-penny dentist asks Gulab Khatri to divorce his wife!

It's impossible.

You...

[SOBBING]

Tina.

You cheater. Flirt.

I was blinded by your love. And you...?

You don't love that woman. You haven't spent a moment with her.

You haven't even touched her.

Your marriage with her was a farce.

And yet, to nurse your false ego, you don't wish to break it.

This is certainly not what I expected from you.

Tina, for the first time in my life, I've thought of another human being...

...other than myself. And that's you.


Come on.

Well Crazy? You betray me?

You've been the biggest ingrate yet and talk to me about loyalty?

You think Anna is deaf?

You will have a ball with 2 billion rupees...

...and expect me to rot with a few million?

Give it to me... Go on! Don't stare at my face!


Don't be afraid, Anna! I'm on my way!


You can't get away with the diamonds, Guru... I won't spare you!

You bloody...

Anna! I'm coming!

Crazy... over here.

Enough of your song and dance. Throw the bag to me now. Go on.

Hurry up! Throw the bag to me. Give it away, Anna. He'll kill me.

Be comfortable Crazy.

And watch your balance, please. Umbrella, take care of your boss.

Yes.

You shoulder the responsibility now, okay?

Why're you giving me extra inches? At least give that to me...

...what do you call it? What...? He can't tell me!

At least give me a stool. Don't move.

Or Crazy will be twisted forever.

Know what, Crazy? The whole world knows I always keep my promise.

You and I had a deal for 50 million worth of diamonds.

Here you are... diamonds worth 50 million.

And here's a special offer for Diwali.

Three diamonds free for both of you! Free!

I'll make a move now.

O one who leaves...

...turn back and look at me...

Guru!

Anna... What?

Can you hold your breath for 5 minutes while I get the stuff together?

Shut up! I'm in this soup because of you.

I'll beat you up when I get my hands on you.

I've adjusted with you all my life, Anna.

Can't you adjust with me for 5 minutes? Stand there quietly.

How about 4 minutes? Stand there, I said!

I'll come back and stand here. Just keep standing!

Keep standing... don't move.

I got into this mess because of you. Stay there!

Diamonds.

What are you doing? Free my hands first! Anna, I'm coming.

Fool!

What is the matter? Why are you so sad?

I've been thinking... What?

We're returning to India, but I have nothing to give you.

Not even a house.

I can give you nothing except my love.

You can give me love, can't you? And who says you have no house?

You have such a large heart... I'll live in it.

Mad girl... when the bills arrive, the heart won't do.

You'll need cash to settle them. Daddy, you?

Yes, daddy. Look at this.

What are you doing in these clothes? Forget the clothes and take this.

What is it? Just keep it! Don't ask.

Diamonds?

But who gave you these diamonds? I'll tell you. His name...

I've forgotten the name again!

I've done nothing... I did nothing!

That's how my son-in-law is... I didn't do a thing!

Shut up... I haven't done anything.

Shut up.

It hurts.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

Here you are. That's Preeti's share of the diamonds.

Your three diamonds are in it too, you rascal.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

You're such a nice guy... No abuses!

Don't say such things. Guru never takes away what is someone else's due.

Get that? Very well...

Let's go and drink coffee. No...

Let's have some coffee. Not coffee.

I'm fasting today... Oh, come on I'm fasting today! Please.

I couldn't ever imagine Guru would have such a big heart.

Forget about him. Just make merry, why worry about details?

Anmol... Preeti... may you always be happy.

You're amazing, daddy! How come?

You remembered our names!

Did I...?

This is a miracle!

As soon as I get the diamonds, Jayantilal's problem is solved!

Manilal! Manilal, who?

Oh! Oh man!