Axolotl Overkill (2017) Script


That's what I was going for, that one fucking sentence I never ever wanted to hear again.

It doesn't matter if I talk about it or not.

I've been repeating myself for 20 years in this glitter, dirt, and sequin system.

Can't stand it.

So you can imagine how freaking disgusted I am by all the pseudo-experienced bastard around us, but never, never being confronted to any real difficulties, except maybe-- maybe a rheumatism or a broken heart.

And then they're going to tell you how to live your life and what's acceptable or not acceptable.

And you're not even a social taboo.

All you are is kitsch.

The only thing I can tell you is no.

They don't know anything, except maybe--

oh, fuck.

This crazy fucking consciousness that, you know, has to be all tidy and neat.

And when it's not tidy and neat, they take this brief jaunt into some drug hell.

And-- and then they go to wild parties and puke all over their fancy 1940s Gucci dress, and that's that.

I hate people.

Did they even have Gucci dresses in the '40s?

ALICE: Is there something wrong?


Why are you being so aggressive?

I'm not aggressive, Alice.

Yes, you are. You're scared.

You're aggressive. And it's OK.

It's just a bit irritating.


Gigo, hurry up. This isn't a pilgrimage.

Fuck you, man.

Fuck you.

Here, want a burger? No.

Come, want some burger?


It's vegetarian.

Are you nervous or what?

We're making small talk and you're nervous?

Oh no. The Persian ladyboy pulled out his gun again.

Gimme a ghetto fist.

Ghetto fist.

Ghetto fist is the best, man.

There are so many gross guys out there.

They go to the toilet, pull their pants down, take a crap, What's this shit? wipe with one sheet of Goodwill toilet paper, pull up their pants and leave without washing their hands.

So I won't shake hands. I only ghetto fist.

Maybe prison will be really nice. Nice?

ALICE: It's going to be fantastic-- great food, nice work activities.

Some sexy female tax dodgers.

Some sexy .

ALICE: Exactly.

I need a cigarette. drug-smuggling beauty queens from Mexico.



Huh? MaulwŸrfe. Maul-wŸrfe.



Say it.

They're calledMaultiere, not MaulwŸrfe.


Maultiere.Say it. No.

Say it.


Say it, bastard. ALICE: No, I won't.

Say it. ALICE: Fuck off.

Yeah. Say it!

ALICE: No. -


Whatever. MIFTI: .


MIFTI: Please say it.

ALICE: No, I won't.

Please, for me. Fuck off.


Tiere.Say Tiere.

Say . No.

MIFTI: Yeah.

That's good. Yeah.

MIFTI: Correction.



We should get married first.

Who's "we"?

Nobody knows all the trouble I've seen.

Nobody knows all the trouble.

Glory, glory, glory hallelujah.

Glory, glory, glroy hallelujah.

Are you fucking crazy? What are you yelling for?

Look at my fucking hair!

So? You're self-confident. I am not!

Neither am I. I've got my weird belly, you've got your hair. Except it's super pretty.

Anika, what do you want? I want you to count to 30, get up, dry your damn hair, and go to school! You promised, Mifti!

What? Start counting!

One, two, three, four, five, six... seven, eight, nine, ten...

Keep going. 16, 18...

19, 20, 21...

So, 30 seconds are up. Anika, no! Give me two more minutes!

Please, please Anika! What should I do?

Hit you till you get out of bed?

I'd really love to hit you, but unfortunately I can't, okay?

You can. No!

You just have to set your mind to it. I'm gonna puke.

Stop pretending you've got post-traumatic stress disorder.

You're not too depressed for school, you're lazy. You wantto rot!

I know your life is shit. What?

Justin Bieber's life was shit too. But he fixed his hair, and made millions.

Now he's with Mila Kunis. Bullshit.

Ashton Kutcher's with Mila Kunis.

Bieber just beat up Orlando Bloom 'cause she had an affair with him.

So, are you going to school? No.

Anika! Get up! I'm sick of this!

Hey, hey, hey! No!

Ouch! You're coming with me!

Anika, are you nuts? You stupid slut!

You're fucking crazy!

What are you crying for?

Classic. I get shot, and you die.

Just go to school, Mifti. Please.


It's okay, you can stop crying. I'm going.

Can I wear your jacket? Which one?

The, the... What's it called? Duffle coat?

Of course. You don't have to ask.

How's your arm? Still a little swollen.

You can't be serious. I don't have to go to school.

This is the end. Yup. Everyone's unconscious outside.

I don't believe you. Doesn't matter. It's true.

Nuclear war? Chemical weapons, artificial intelligence, who knows? Close the windows.

Too late!

--oh, it may be so what is wrong with you.

Maybe say to you I can help you find little peace of mind.

You don't need to learn.

It's all in your mind.

Walk out that door, you're gone.

And I know never needed you.

Well, I'll follow you down the helipad for you.

Instead of potatoes, can I have noodles from that bucket?

Don't you mean bin? Okay, from the bin.

From which bin? The third one from the left.

You could've just pointed. And dessert.

You had dessert. No, I didn't.

Bullshit. You already took a dessert.

Are you mental? Shut up.

Stand up, cunt, and take a bow.

Excuse me? Stand up, cunt, and take a bow! Now!

I'm sorry, Mrs. Pegler.

No, I'm sorry. It's not her fault I stick out here like a sore thumb.

I said, "Stand up, cunt, and take"... Don't repeat it!

I just stopped taking Citalopram. Now you know.

Is that like Viagra? For schizophrenia. - You know it?

Yup. Been on Lorazepam for two months. Bipolar?

More like post-traumatic stress. And borderline?

Then they don't have a clue.

Borderline is like unexplained abdominal pain. Total bullshit!

Trust me, borderline doesn't even exist.


That totally hurt.

My God.


Didn't you play the prostitute in Tatortlast week?

No, that wasn't me.

Yes it was. Oh, okay. It was me.

I was good, right? The episode wasn't great, but I was good, right? Shit, what's she doing here?

Community service. Yup.

You'll feel like shit. Fuck you.

You'll feel like shit tomorrow. I won't.

You will... You're dumb. I hate you.

Yeah, disturbing the peace. I screamed, "Palestine doesn't exist!"

It was a huge scandal. I almost had to leave the country.

Because of "Palestine doesn't exist"? And I was speeding.



Without a license.

I'll race you. What?

One, two, three...

Hey! You suck!

Out of the way!

Open up! Police!

You must be the daughters. Yes. Hello.

Come on.



I'm the king of steel furniture.

And where'd you get that?

I had someone make it for me.

This Indonesian New Yorker.

No, that's different.

If you say that, and trace it back to social issues you end up denouncing third world people even more!

All I'm saying is that terrorism is an upper class pursuit.

No, Papa! No, no, no!

You're making terrorism out to be an acceptable career.

It is! And it's modern! Like consulting or web design.

That's the reality! Take Bin Laden.

Stockhausen calls him a video artist. And it's true.

And Hitler's a mass culture icon. Right!

You can see Stalin as a genius of modern art.

Just look at Moscow! How about some Chianti?

Go fuck yourself! Fuck you!

Man, fuck you!

I didn't mean you. Sorry. It's okay.

Fuck you!

Fuck you!

Fuck you!

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

No, fuck you.

Up your ass.

Up your ass.

You're a cocksucker.

Yeah, Papa.

You're a cocksucker.

You're a dick brain.

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da.

Don't get so upset.

I'm only saying this so it's less abstract.

Don't search for the causes of terrorism. There aren't any.

It's just the promise of making a career as terrorist.

If there's an opportunity for success, people take it. End of discussion.

Where's your brother? He's mad you blocked his cards.

Mad? Pissed off? Come on!

Paternal ass-kicks bring him closer to his goals.

What goals exactly? A nuclear family? Money?

The path is the goal.

Quit smoking, or you'll look like your Aunt Irmgard in no time.

Your mom had a sister? Several.

They all died of cancer in Castrop-Rauxel.

Bad genes, darling. Thanks, you too.

How did it go, anyway? What?

You know, the...

How embarrassing. What's it called again?

The urn burial of my mother?

Yeah, it was really nice.

... like a teenager.

I mean, Marky Mark was somebody we... Grew up with.

Right, we grew up with him. And he's an incredible actor!

Ever since "The Departed", I've been totally hooked on him.

I saw "Shooter", too. I'm totally in love.

Very nice. If I wasn't married, Marky Mark... I mean Mark Wahlberg...

You're in love with Mark Wahlberg?


Hey! What?

-The Internet isn't working. -You have to restart it.

Do we have any bread? Nope, just mold.

Fish in the freezer or something? Yes, but I wouldn't eat it.

I know it's your birthday, don't worry! It's not that, I'm just hungry.

Cool robe! Isn't it?

It was the lining of a silk robe Grandma sewed, but it got taken apart.

No Champagne? No, that's way too dangerous.

No... It is, terrible things can happen.

A cork broke through my friend's glasses. She got shards in her eye and went blind.

So, yeah.

That's not funny.

Happy birthday.

Thanks. Cheers, Mifti.

Excuse me? "Cheers"?

"Cheers"! "Good morning"! Where'd you learn that?

What's up with you? It's called being polite.

Calm down. I pick it up in everyday life.

Calm down yourself, spaz. Spaz.

Come on, people. Do I get a present?

Here, a new iPad. Awesome!

0-0-0-7. Thanks!

What? 0-0-0-7. The passcode.


There's an auction open. Where?

Oh yeah. Look at this. What do you think?

I think it'd look good here, in the kitchen, or in the hall when you come in.

You'd open the door and see one of those chairs.

It'd be a real eye-catcher. Why in the hall, and where?

At the end of the hall. An eye-catcher. But where exactly?

At the end of the hall when you come in. You'd see it all the time.

It'd add value to the flat. "It'd add value to the flat."

This isn't the economics department. Who cares about value?

Cancel. 37 minutes left. Yes, cancel it.

You're the highest bidder. Right from the start.

They're super cheap.

Take a look at these lines.

This is the site... Hello? Hello?

Could you all please stay with me, stop talking, and take a seat?

This is the site where the worst barbarism in human history took place.

Don't pretend you're not interested. Auschwitz was way worse!

It's true! What you see before you is a former neck shot execution facility.

It was a technique used in the Nazi era to murder 8,000 victims in this camp alone as inconspicuously as possible. They were lined up...

You shouldn't smoke here. Why can't we smoke?

The trash is full of cigarette butts. Because people smoked here despite the ban, and then someone collected the butts.

Why are you pointedly taking out your cigarettes?

What? We can't smoke here? No, you can't.

Shit, what are we gonna do now?

We're going to leave the camp in a minute, but first, please take a look at that pedestal over there.

It marks the location of a building where 600 people deemed biologically inferior were murdered.

And they all died!

Mr. Kroschinske, maybe we really just needed a FŸhrer.

Excuse me?

Do you have a problem with the people here? The teachers? Did you get raped?

No! What's the problem? Your constant inappropriate behavior.

Okay, I said FŸhrerat a camp. I wasn't thinking.

Now Mr. Kroschinske thinks you publically questioned his leadership.

And that's what bothers you about this?

My grandpa was a leader: he was the last German lieutenant released from Russian prison camp.

For ten years, all they had to eat was boiled potatoes, until he taught the Russians 17 other ways to cook them.

Finally something new on the menu. Right.

Want a coffee? Sure.

Your grandpa was a lieutenant. My grandfathers were in the Wehrmachttoo.

And your other grandfather? He was Russian.

Bred attack dogs for the Red Army. When Gorbachev took over he doused himself with acetone and set himself on fire.

In the cucumber patch. My mom ran over, tried to extinguish him.

Is that a spider?

Hey, Mrs. Pegler! Sorry, that never happens to me!

Who are you?

What are you doing in there? Riding the train!

Where's it going? To Barcelona! To fight!


Whose kid is this? No idea.

Hey! Edmond! Edmond!

You okay, €neas? Yup.

Still wound up from ballet class? Yup.


Chill. He's my friend's kid. She'll pick him up tonight.

And what's that? That's Vanessa. She's staying a week.

Don't leave her alone more than six hours. They're pack animals.

Because they think their pack is gone? Right, then they panic.

Commander, set course for the second moon.

But we're headed right for that asteroid belt!

Come here, Vanessa. Come here!

High five! Again, high five!

She's still hungry. Crazy! She ate loads.

EDMOND: Now come on, spin.

Come on, spin!


All right.


Why won't she spin for me? No idea.

Mifti, take the kid outside. What?

EDMOND: High five.


Why me? Because you got expelled from school.

EDMOND: We did it.

All the other mice built tunnels and things, but mine just sat on the roof...

doing nothing.

What I really wanted was a turtle.

But they live a really long time.

Yup. Mama didn't want that.

And Best Supporting Actress goes to... Could you turn it up, please?

Great, thanks.

Thank you.

Good evening.

As many of you know, acceptance speeches are better left to your worst enemy.

Anyone can make a declaration of love with only their emotions at stake.

It only gets interesting when they have to pay for it. Not necessarily... with money. It could be their former existence, their health or their life. Thank you.

Mifti, look. It's the photo you took of me last week.

Where's your prize? Oh, shit.


Man, it was sogreat in there!

It totally wasn't boring, and it totally didn't last 48 hours.

I'll start by applying the white in the inside corner, and now the highlight...

... under the eyebrow.

I don't have white! Why is a 7-year-old putting on makeup?

... with the white again... But I don't have any white!

For the next step, we take the dark grey...

When the elephant goes to the disco...

Shut up! I have to concentrate. When the elephant...

OPHELIA: goes to the disco look how he...

What elephant?

Don't hit me. Be nice to me. Ouch!

Please! No! No!

When the elephant goes to the disco... Come on!

It looks pretty good, huh? It looks like shit.

It looks like crap.

How does it look? Great.

It looks super pretty.

When the elephant goes to the...

You guys had sex when you were 15,14,13?

Normally that'd provoke a reaction. Like what?

Scruples, maybe?

But you're in love, irrational, and that'll last a few months.

But don't walk around like a bulldog just because she's a pervert.

And that's her now. Tell her I'm in the shower.

Mifti's in the shower!

Where are you? My battery's dead!

Yeah, okay.

See you soon.

Is that your dead mom? It's Julianne Moore.

Who? You don't know Julianne Moore?

Nope. Have you ever seen a movie?

Nope. I just don't have the patience.

Alice, the mob boss... Where'd you meet her?

In the supermercado.

Classic! Hey, you guys look hot!

What did he just say? "You guys look hot."

What did you say? Hot.

What's hot? You.

You stupid asshole! I'll kill you!

Go on, run, you little whore!

Run, you little slut! I'll kill you, asshole!

Show us respect, you fuck!


Could you help me with the chicken?

I don't know which one to buy.

Are you talking about chicken?


Um, can you help me with, uh, chicken?

Um, I don't know what chicken I have to buy.

And how should I know whether your mother wants chicken soup or roasted chicken?

My mother's brain dead.

That's what I thought when I was your age.

No, seriously.

Brain dead in hospital.

Cardiopulmonary bypass.

Me and the devil walking side by side.

Hello? Hey, where are you?

We can't find it! Where are you?

We can't find it. In front of you.

Aren't you gonna ask? I won!

Where's the prize? I lost it.

I don't know you. I'm Olli.

Fancy that! You know him?

From the supermarket?

So, what are your hobbies?

When love goes, hobbies remain.

That's pretty.

Did you make it up?

No, Goethe did.

So where's your fiancŽ?

Why? She should know about our affair, and that you just gambled away your restaurant empire.

Yeah, maybe she should.

Are you crazy? That's a narcotic!

You know it can narcotize you! Or not.

If you get narcotized, you stop breathing!

Then you don't get any oxygen, and that's bad!

There's no way I'm marrying you. Waste and squander your lives, until you... until death jumps in your faces, you bastards!

Gloria, you know what my daughter does...

Fuck you! ... when she's mad?

She screams "Fire!" And "Rape!" Shut up!

Plus her hair's on fire. What are you laughing about?

Not bad. Why are you laughing?

You horrible actors.

You dirty little actors.

Totally! But that thing about your...

I'll just go.

I feel like I'm coked up to my eyeballs.

I'm always chopping the stuff.

That's how I am.

I'm just the best person. A good person.

Then you know what she does? How she is?

She opens the fucking door and forgets that she's called.

Then she says, "Hmm, all I ate today was a kiwi."

Hey there.

You bored? A little.

Look. Can I interest you in a...

... pop-up zebra? Feel like kissing me?

You feel like kissing me? Somehow, yeah.

Well, gosh. Then just do it.

Let me finish my cigarette.

I'm going to the bathroom. Have fun.

Where's our teenager...

... son? Where's our teenage son?

I washed glasses here once.

Drunk out of my mind.

I sliced my hand right open.


When I was a young girl, I used to seek pleasure.

When I was a young girl, I used to drink ale.

Right out of the ale house and into the jailhouse.

Right out of the barroom and down to my grave.

Right down to my grave.

Come, Mama.

Come, Papa.

Sit you beside me.

Come, Mama.

Come, Papa.

Pity my case.

'Cause my head, it is aching.

My heart, it is breaking.

My body's outdated, and I'm bound to die.

Oh, it's light. It's light out.

I can't walk anymore.

I'll stay here. Just leave me here.

No, no, no. I'll curl up right here, and sleep.

Good night. Take care. I love you guys.

Get up!

I can't carry you.

We totally need more cocaine if we want to make it home.

Hey! Shit. Facebook isn't working.

We have to go to the radio tower. No! Not to the radio tower!

Please! Not to the radio tower!

Oh no, a hurdle! Jump it! No, we'll go through it.

Why do we have to go to the radio tower? I don't get it.

Because Facebook isn't working?


Open the door.


Where were you? I don't know.

You were gone three days! Tell me!

The neighbors. Tell me where you were!

I really don't know.

Maybe you should...

... go see somebody again.

It can be really helpful sometimes, just to... I don't know.

See somebody? An analyst or life coach, or something.

Sure, if it helps you.

You can get used to little sleep.

You can boost creativity and productivity by taking 20-minute naps every four hours.

I read that you sleep through 25 years of your life.

It's pretty shocking to read that.

Stop being so anti. I have to breathe secondhand smoke.

That sucks. I said sorry.

Sorry doesn't help me much.

It'd be really great if you could draw me a tree and a person.

On here.

A tree? That's right.

A tree here, and a person here. Any person.

A skinny tree.

It's a birch tree.

It's not a birch tree.

We don't have so much time. And you still have to draw a person.

So if you could finish up, that'd be totally...

... fine. Then I'm done.

Turned out great.

Now a person? Wait. Where's the bottom and the top?

That's the bottom and the top.

Well, actually... Okay.

You're only supposed to use one pencil, but it's totally fine.

What's he holding?

Nothing. That's his hand. Or is it a woman?

It's a man.

Can I take a look?

This is a practice, and it gives off vibrations.

And these vibrations...

... can turn negative, and that's really hard to get rid of.

And I work here every day.

And you're basically something like a...

... palliative psychiatric patient. Yeah.

What a nice surprise. Come on in.

No way, man!

Yeah, take a seat.

So, what seems to be the problem?


Okay, anything else?

Wanna get a coffee?

Yeah, let's go.

Okay, then we'll take five bottles of mineral water.

Anything else?

"Ice from pistachio". What is that?

A new country in the Balkans?

Should we just go?

But she was pretty nice, the waitress. Yeah.

Wait a second.

How's this?

Would it be really stupid if I got out here?

No, not stupid at all.

It's fine.

Excuse me, could you let me out after that light?

No, I'm getting out. No, I live right here.

I'm getting out. It's fine.

No, I'm getting out. Here's a twenty to cover it.

I'm getting out! That's cute, but it's fine.

I'm getting out.

Bye. See you soon, okay?


Where to?

It doesn't matter.

What's that supposed to mean?

That I'd like to sleep with you.

Have I picked you up before?

Not that I know of.

What? Nothing.

Are there laws? I haven't checked in a while.

No idea. It doesn't matter anyway, right?

Yeah, sure. I don't want to seem like a square.

I'm not the kind of guy who worries about laws, but...

What happened in the news yesterday? A big earthquake in Chile. 8.4.

And how's Asia doing?

Asia's doing well.

Can you even say that: How's Asia?

I think Asia's doing great. The economy...

Are we... ... is booming.

Are we a jaded generation?

It's oldies night soon. Genes.

Can you drown in the gene pool?

Brain pool? Gene pool.

Gene pool? Can you drown in it?

Sperm. Gene pool. Biology. Didn't you pay attention?

Where are we going, anyway? An industrial park.

So no one will hear me scream.

Now you're just gonna go? That's nice.

First she wants casual sex, then she leaves.

You can call me if you want to spend Christmas in jail.

Then what? I'll report you.

It'd be nice. Three meals a day, basketball on the weekends.

Fuck, my shirt. And you can fuck up your life, and then cry, "It's all because of the rape!"

They always blame it on rape. I should probably get raped for real.

Yeah, maybe.

I can do it now, with my leftover hard-on.

I'll do that for you.

It'd be too intense for you. Can I drop you off somewhere?

No, it's nice here.

Wait! Wait, my love!

Wait for me! Don't drive away! I didn't mean it!

Glory, glory hallelujah.

Nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody.


Nobody, nobody, nobody.


Nobody, nobody, nobody.

I tried to tell the white man.

Nobody, nobody, nobody.

But he could not understand.

Nobody, nobody, nobody.

I tried to tell the black man.

Nobody, nobody, nobody.

But he refused to take my hand.

Nobody, nobody, nobody.

MIFTI: Can I smoke in here?

Or is that not-- well, I mean, I can also smoke outside if it's a problem.

ALICE: You're crazy.

Beds were invented to smoke in.

Have you never seen a film from the '70s?

MIFTI: Sure.

ALICE: Which one?


ALICE: Which one?

Um, um, well, I think it was the where-- the one where that guy--

ALICE: That guy?

Uh-huh ALICE:

The guy and--

ALICE: Yeah?

--a girl--

Ah, there's a guy and a girl.


Wow, that's so interesting.

They were driving a car.


And then they--


--drove to a house.

And in that house, they lay in bed and smoke.

You've never even seen a fucking movie from the '70s.

And that's the movie.

That's it?

Yeah, I think I remember that movie.

Yeah, I think that was the movie.



I like your eyes.

You do?


I like yours.

Please. No, you're not eighteen.

I'll leave you my coat and my dog. I don't like dogs.

I don't like coats. Can I use the bathroom?

We don't have bathrooms. I'm sorry.

Is she here? She's this tall, with brown hair.

Lots of people are that tall and have hair.

Can I have a shrimp? What?

Can I have a shrimp from the fridge?


How did you get here?

Officers put me in a thingy... a taxi.

Are you even listening? No!

You know why? Because you're shit!

You're a piece of shit! Get the fuck out of here!

I can't stand you being here!

Are you really leaving, or what?

What do you expect? You're screaming at me!

Then go! Go to fucking Hollywood!

Nobody wants you here! Just because I'm dying, doesn't...

You're not dying, Ophelia! How would you know?

Are you God? Do you think you're God?

What's wrong? You're flipping out! Go to bed!

Are you scared of me? Yeah, I am! What's wrong with you?

Should I call an ambulance?

I can't help you, that's all.

That's no reason to cry.

You know the feeling...

You're sitting in front of a pill box

'cause he couldn't keep his dick in his pants, and Mama?

Shouldn't they have left us with our mothers?

They were with us, we weren't with them.

The rivers. What rivers?

They rounded them all up and shot them in the graves.

They say the blood rose for three days.

And now they're all dead!

Are you okay?

No way, man. Fuck.

I have to go now.

Where are you going?

You live here.


Early this morning, when you knocked upon my door.

Early this morning, when you knocked upon my door and I said, hello, Satan.

I believe it's time to go.

Me and the devil walking side by side.

Me and the devil walking side by side.

I'm such shit, Mifti.

See, see, you don't see why like you'a dog me 'round.

They don't see why people dogging me around.

And, action!

JŸrgen, I don't want any drugs in my flat!

And cut!

Endboard! 27/6, take 10.

And cut.

Why are you here?

There's a film crew in there. I know.

It's Frauke's graduation film.

A murderer kills with frozen bread and then eats the evidence.

Not a bad approach, huh?

What are you doing here?

Why are you standing there?

They say dolphins are so intelligent, but really, if I swam around with the disabled all day, they'd think I was smart too.

Are the guinea pigs selling well?

Not really.

What are those? I think they're Strawberry poison dart frogs, but I forget all the names.

If you smoke a lot of weed, and try to learn the names, it's totally psycho. Almost as psycho as him.

He drives me totally crazy.

I call him White Hitler, because of that black bit, you know?

What are those? Baby axolotls.

What? Axolotls. They grow this big!

It's the best animal ever.

It's like Disney invented them.

They're salamanders in the mole salamander family.

Mole salamanders? Yeah, and what's crazy is they never really grow up. They spend their lives as...

What's it called again?

Did he just sneeze? He's never sneezed before.

Anyway, they spend their lives in a gill-breathing, larval stage.

And if you cut part of them off, it grows back, all Siegfried and Roy like. The best animal ever.

Do you know what Alice is up to?


I've got the feeling this aquarium... Don't you think it's too small for these monster-sized goldfish?

Is this the furniture?

I guess you forgot to check the sizes.

Come on, Anika. Talk to me.

Say something! Anything! Tell me I'm shit or something!

Come on, talk to me!

What am I supposed to do?

In any case, last night she dragged herself out of the restaurant, very sad, and said...

... that she wanted closeness.

And that she felt like a cactus that never gets watered.

And what did you say?

I said that I felt like a cactus that always gets insulted.

I just don't get her. Maybe it's because you tend to choose women who want things.

And then you say, "My girlfriend DŽsirŽe, she wanted companionship, or...

... my girlfriend Jane wanted more humidity."

It's just some stupid pattern, Daddy.

I'm flying to Tokyo in a few days. Nice.

Isn't that awesome? Sure.

Want to go to Tokyo? No.

I'm not a good tourist. I get suicidal just thinking about it.

Italy, with its two thousand years of tourism, maybe.

But real travelling: discovering Laos and Cambodia and shit...

Have you ever been on a plane? No.

Really? You've never left the country? No.

Well, we went to France once.

On the coast, or whatever you call it.

Do you need money, or clothes or something?

Do you need to use the bathroom?

I just want to be nurtured.


All this will be yours, my son.

As far as the eye can see.

All those parcels of land, to the horizon and back again.

So you like real estate?

Where's my damn passport?

Hey there! Hi!







This is Jens. Look! He's swimming.

He's dead. He's not dead!

It's not a fish, man. It's an axolotl.

It's a goldfish! It's not a goldfish! Asshole!


Who's Silke? Do you know a Silke?

"Bernd and Luise congratulate you on your wedding."


Bang! Is that real?

Of course it's real. Put it down.

Why? Put it down!

You think I'll shoot you? Yes, I do, moron!

I won't! Stop it!

I won't shoot! Put it down!

Bang! Oh, fuck!

Boom! Oh, fuck!

I'm scared shitless. Come on.

It's not funny.

I'm starting to feel better. I'm not.


What do you think this is? An umbrella.

A hand blender.

A book of Romy Schneider photos. "I'm such a victim!"

Another coffee table book. The Last Photographs of Marilyn Monroe.

"Congratulations, you motherfuckers!"



Are you doing well?



I can't cope.

ALICE: I know the feeling.

Um, do you want to go back in or get a drink?




MIFTI: I'll just sit here.

Are you sure?


Fuck you.

Fuck yourself.

Showdown in the men's room?

Find a proper boy your own age. Like him, for example.

Please don't go.



Early this morning, when you knocked on my door.

Early this morning, when you knocked on my door, and I said, hello, Satan.

I believe it is time to go.

Me and the devil walking side by side.

Me and the devil walking side by side.

And I'm gonna see my man until I get satisfied.

See, see, you don't see why, and you dog me round.

Say don't see why people dog me around.

It must be that old evil spirit so deep down in your ground.

You may bury my body down by the highway side.

You may bury my body.

What's this?

Is this your room? Yes.

How old are you? Seven.

Clean up your toys. No.

Go on, clean up the frogs in the kitchen. Go.

And you? Did you sleep well?

We didn't have sex, sadly. In case you're wondering.

What time is it? Noon. You slept 12 hours.

That's my ex-wife. Just come out when you're ready, okay?

Hello, Mifti.

Take a seat.

Mifti, this is Alice.

ALICE: I think I've met before, haven't we?

In the supermarket?

Do you want some aspirin?



Those with cheese?

Does she speak?

I think so, yes.

Have you heard that Joan Collins died yesterday?

Oh, my god.

Yes, I heard about it, and I could cry a whole week and then another week because I didn't know that she was still alive.

Where's your bathroom? Last door on the right.

How you doing?


Are you offended?

Where's the dog?

Don't act like you're sad it's gone. Aren't you allergic, anyway?

Allergies are psychosomatic. She's only allergic because a dog bit her the first time she had her period.

Don't you remember? Well, I do.

Hi! Is my father upstairs?

Ah, so this is the brother!

Hey, did the dog eat the salamis? What salamis?

The two Christmas salamis I gave you. A tip was hanging there yesterday.

Those were two huge salamis.

The dog must've finished them off.

She's the first dog ever to eat two huge salamis in one month.

In one week! As superfood.

Are we gathered here for a reason, or...

We, uh...

I... You're worried about me.

You skip school and drink too much. Get off your high horse or you'll be sleeping at the bus stop!

That's a bit harsh. How would you have put it?

Blood relatives...

Why can't we kill off this model?

Murder and carnage is the only way out, or as in my case, utterly tragic rejection. Exactly.

I... What?

We're worried about you.

You total losers.

I'll just take a piece of cheese, then I'll fuck off.

So, if I understand correctly, the film is about weak bonds? Yes, love relationships where promises are only valid the moment they're spoken.

In all relationships, even between countries or companies.

That's the terrible part. So, there's an old German saying: You shouldn't talk to your food.

Could you imagine eating an animal you had a close relationship with?

Maybe a fish.

Although, it depends on how close we were during its development.

A dog? No, no, no. A rabbit? No.

I don't think I could, no.


Fuck you!

No, no, no! Not now! What?


Fuck you!

Fuck you!

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!

Fuck you!


Fuck, fuck.


Lone highway, my ass!


If I could only be sure that you love me, baby.

If I could only be sure that you love me, baby, I'd climb the highest mountain.

I'd swim the deepest sea.

I'd take on all your misery just to make you happy.

I'd turn my world upside down.

I'd turn my smiles all into frowns.

I'd do anything at all, yeah, if you'd just let me love you, baby.

If you'd just let me love you, baby.

If I could read your mind so you love me, darling.

If I could read your heart so you never leave me.

There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you.

I'd give my life away and my too, yes, I would.

I'd turn my world upside down.

I'd turn my smiles all into frowns.

I'd do anything at all, yeah, if you'd just let me love you, baby.

If you'd just let me love you, baby.

I'd turn my world upside down.

I'd turn my smiles all into frowns.

I'd do anything at all, yeah, if you'd just. let me love you, baby.

If you'd just let me love you, baby.

Whoo, yeah.


If you were to leave me, baby, I could never dream.

If you was to leave me, baby, I could never dream, no.