Baby's Day Out (1994) Script

[ Baby ] Boo-boo.

[ Sighs ]

Couldn't we read another book?

We've read this one a hundred times.


Nanny Gilbertine is so tired of the Boo-boo book, she could just gag.


All right. All right.


"One fine and sunny day, "Baby Boo's nanny Henrietta said, "'Baby Boo, "'today you shall go on a wonderful adventure.

"'You will see the many sights of the big city.'

"After a lovely breakfast, "they walked down the lane to the corner...

"where they boarded a big blue bus.

"They were on their way to the big city.

"Baby Boo felt very grown-up indeed, for this was his first trip away from Mother and Father."

Did I tell you?

Baby's having his picture taken this morning.

Say hello to Old Willy for me.

Old Willy isn't doing it.

I've hired Downtown Baby Photographers.

Old Willy's been photographing Cotwell babies... since the Great Depression.

Old Willy hasn't had a picture in the paper in over 20 years.

Everyone we know has had their baby's picture in the paper.

Baby Bink is almost a year old and virtually unknown.

I can't count the number of times I've been asked... why we're keeping our baby a secret.

You're right.

The only way to quiet that kind of talk... is to have our small-minded friends open up their newspapers... and see a photograph of the prettiest baby in the city.

Get out! Get out!

Come on, let's go!

I said move it!

Get up there!

Get over there! Let's go!

Get moving!

Off with the fuzzy pink and blue sweaters. Nice and slow.

Ed, does it matter which one of us wears pink or blue?




Where is that little--

Dinner with the Westphals tonight. Be gorgeous.

Don't forget to do your breathing exercises...

Dr. Phillips suggested to reduce stress.

I have breathing scheduled at 11:00.

Peggy's been reminding me for a week. Bless her soul.

Have a wonderful day.


What did you forget?

Oh. My pen.

Thank you, Andrews.

What else?

Darling, you know how I hate games in the morning.

Oh! Of course.

Goodness gracious. How could I forget?

Don't you get--

Don't you get into any mischief while Dada's gone.

Won't it be exciting when he can understand... all the wonderful things we say to him?






Whoa. Bye-bye.


He can't look too butch, but he can't look too feminine.

He has to look angelic, like a little prince.

That would suggest blue.

Blue? Won't that look like we're trying to match his eyes?

Won't that be too obvious?

I see lots of babies with blue eyes and blue outfits.

What kind of babies?

Rich babies? Pretty babies?

Regular babies? Important babies?

Regular babies.

Baby Bink is not a regular baby.

Buff buff buff buff buff buff.

Look how shiny they're getting.

Here we go. Here we go. There we go.

Now, now.

Now, now. Almost done.

This is simple. Ready?

Oh, very, very handsome. Let me see.


Get the gear.

Get the gear.

He didn't say, "Get the gear, Veeko."

Come on, let's go. I'm the supervisor. You get the gear.

You got the blue sweater. You help me get the gear.

[ Doorbell Chimes ]

Heads up.

[ Phony Foreign Accent ] A most pleasant... and charming good day to you, sir.

I am Mr. Charlie-- photographer, the babe-- entirely at your service.

You were expecting us.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

Photographic equipment.

Look at this place.


We ain't here to nick no bric-a-brac.

We're here for the hit of a lifetime.

You want to be a shoplifter, go to J.C. Penney.

You really think we can get away with this?

No. I'm here because I've got a wild curiosity about the electric chair.


What a gorgeous baby.

You must be so proud.

I'm Mrs. Cotwell.

I am Mr. Charlie.

Shall we begin?


Mr. Francis, if you'll go to the vehicle... and retrieve my light... meter.

[ Groaning ]


[ Chortling ]

[ Laughing ]

I'm going to be rich.

I want individual photos of Baby Bink.

Baby Bink?

What an absolutely delightful name.

It's a pet name for Bennington. Certainly.

I want individual photos of Baby Bink, and then I want a portrait of the two of us.

Whatever you wish, however you wish.

You've photographed the children of a number of my dear friends.

Those pictures are forever appearing in newspapers and magazines.

It is true.

His picture's never been published.

That cannot be.

It's true.

I am sure, in the not-so-distant future, this little fellow will be very well-known.

I want your very best.

I want art.

I want you to set a new standard for beauty in baby photography.

I so welcome the challenge, madam.

And, to that end, may I ask one small favor?

May I have some time alone with the child?

Oh, I need his complete attention.

The great bond between you and your son, his love for you will distract him.

I need to study his marvelous little features... to learn how best to photograph him.

He does well with persons he is not intimate with?

Does he?

He's a friendly boy, but he may not like--


Madam, if I might make a suggestion?

Your garment du jour, while extremely magnificent, is so colorful...

I'm afraid it will dominate the photograph... and detract from your natural beauty.

I knew this outfit was wrong.

I'll be back in 15 minutes.

Take all the time you need.

If he gets cranky, read him his book.

How invaluable.

Thank you.

Mr. Andrews, hurry to the attic... and get the winter wardrobe. But, madam--

Hurry, Gilbertine.

There you go.

Take the book.

[ Shouting And Laughing ]

Bink really deserves this moment in the spotlight.

It's too bad that baby pictures don't go on the front page.


Yeah. Uh!

I've never shoplifted.

Everybody out!

We got to make this fast.

I'm sorry it took so long.

Where's Bink?

[ Chuckles ]


Huh? You're a smart guy.

How do you tell the front from the back on these diapers?

Are there pockets in the front?

Very funny.

The front and the back are the same.

Then it probably don't make no difference.

Put him in them regular baby clothes.

That fruit suit's a dead giveaway that he's a rich kid.

Come on. Come on.

Good boy. Good.


[ Baby Bink Laughing ]

[ Panting ]



How do I know this milk won't burn the kid's throat?

If that matters.

Try it on some skin first.

Ow! Ow! Hot! Ow! Ow!

What's the matter with you?

I better let it cool down.

[ Laughing ]

You like that?


Huh? Watch the baby.

[ Laughing ]

Very good.

Now see if it works the other way.

It works.


Put him in the bedroom.

The more he sleeps, the less attention he draws from the neighbors.

And keep an eye on him.

Here you go, kid.

That little doo-doo machine is my retirement money.

All right.

Nappy naptime, little jerk.

Go to sleep real nice, 'cause, uh, Mr. Teddy Bear over here, he's been up all night drinking with the Barbie dolls, and he needs his rest.

All right. Drink your milk. Take your nap.

Drink your milk! Take your nap!



You got any suggestions how you get these things to eat and sleep?

Sing him a song.



* Mary had a little lamb *

[ Snickers ]

* Little lamb *

* Little lamb *

* Mary had a little lamb *

* Her hair was white as snow *

* And *

* Every which way that Mary went *

* The lamb was right behind her *

* It followed her to work one day *

* Work one day Work one day *

* It followed her to work one day *

* And Mary lost her job *

Um... Eddie!

What else did Mary's little lamb do?

Didn't he put Humpty Dumpty back together again?

That was Nat "King" Cole.

Nat "King" Cole... stuck his finger in the pie... and yanked out the bird.

How can a lamb put a Humpty together again?

He ain't got fingers.

* And then she went to unemployment **

Norby, knock off the singing and read him his storybook.

If you can.

Want to hear a story?

Let's see here. What do we got here?

[ Crunching ]

"Manny and Baby Boo...

[ Snorts ]

"Strol-led through...

"the great big...




"Department store.

How many, many things there were to buy..."

Or steal, if I was writing that book.

Or steal, if I was writing this book.

[ Camera Clicking ]

Mrs. Cotwell.

Dale Grissom, FBI. I'd like to ask you a few questions.

You'll have to ask me later. I'm going to look for my baby.

I'd rather you didn't. I need you here.

Don't coddle me, Mr. Grissom.

Mrs. Cotwell, there are five million people in this city... and thousands of places where your boy could be.

It would be pointless and dangerous... for you to go out searching for your baby.

Now, I've been through a number of these cases.

I understand how you feel.

Have you ever lost a child?

No, ma'am.

Then you can't possibly know how I feel.

I apologize. But would you stay here?

Please? For your baby's sake?


[ Snoring ]

[ Wings Fluttering ]

[ Cooing ]

[ Snoring Continues ]



[ Man On TV ] Great bait action in fresh or saltwater!

[ Cooing ]

Boo-boo! Boo-boo! Boo-boo!

[ Laughing ]

Hi hi.

[ TV Show Continues ]

Boo-boo! Boo-boo! Boo-boo!

[ Spits ]

[ Spits ]

Do you gotta do that?

[ Spits ]

I like to look nice.

You got to spit?

I don't know about you, but I don't eat pieces of my body.

[ Spits ]

[ Spits ]


What'd I do?

You spit on me!

I did not!

Somebody did.

And you're the only one in the room.

[ Laughs ]

[ Snoring Continues ]

You jerk!

Shh! Quiet. You're gonna wake up the baby.

The baby's on the roof!

No, no. No, no.


Aah! Aah!


Come on, Norby.





Ed, what happened?

Eddie, are you okay?

People shouldn't leave these things lying around.

What are you doing, dope?

It was in the way.

What happened?

All right. Pick him up.

Eddie! Ed, you're drooling.

Eddie, come on, Ed.

Come on.

Eddie, what happened? Eddie?

What? This way?

[ Mumbling ]

Oh, great. That's got to be at least a thousand feet.

Ed, we're going to have to jump.

We're gonna jump? Yes.

On three. Ready? Okay.

One, two... One, two... three! three!

Eddie! Eddie!

[ Screaming ]

[ Screaming ]

Ed, look... out.

[ Knocking On Door ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Knocking ]

[ Knocking ]



Where do you want me to sign?

Uh, anywhere is fine.

H-Have a nice... day.

You old bat.

Which way?

This way.

Let's go!

[ Moaning ]


Are you all right?

How can he be all right?

The guy fell off a building!

He's probably got contusions, concussions, contractions.

What's the matter with you?


[ Veeko ] Okay, just take it easy.

Eddie, how you feeling?

Eddie, how many fingers I got up? Two.

Not you. Eddie, say something.

Here, here. Put him here.

Sit down on the bench. Sit down. You okay?

[ Coughing ]

Eddie, when we first seen you fall, our first thoughts were with you and your family, should you not survive.

I prayed, Eddie.

Shut up!


[ Screaming ]

All right. Take it easy. Take it easy.

Maybe get to the right of him.

Please, Eddie, we don't want to get a ticket.

Get to the right, Eddie! Get to the right! Shut up!

Get out in front of him. I'll jump on the back.

You're making me nuts! Okay, okay. Don't get crazy.

Just drive. Just drive. I'll tell you.

See that lady?

There he is! I see him! There he is!

We got him. We got him.

He's gone! We lost him! [ Horn Honks ]

Look both ways! Look both ways!

[ Cat Screeches ] I think you hit a cat.

There's the bus, Eddie.

Did you see it? He's getting ahead of us.

There's the bus again!

Driver, next stop, please.

Wait! I don't see him. [ Horn Honks ]

[ Screaming ]

There's the bus!

I see the bus! I'll get him!

Wait! Wait! Stop the bus!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I forgot something! Stop the bus!

Wait! Wait! Wait! Hello!

Stop the bus!

Stop the bus! Wait! Stop the bus!


Did a baby get off this bus?

A little guy, about two feet tall.

It's an emergency!

I didn't have nobody today with a baby.

He was by himself!


He must've got off!

Oh, great.

We're through.

If you didn't park your van on the sidewalk, people could get by a lot easier.

If you'd limit yourself to a couple of pork roasts a day, you wouldn't need to worry about it.

You heard me.

Some people...

Eddie, how could he get off?

I seen him. What?

He's in the big broad's purse.

Yeah, this is Carl in 157.

You know anything about a missing baby?

Boss! Yeah, I see her!

How can you miss her? She's as big as a building!

Will you stop it?


We'll give her a sandwich. Give her a sandwich.

She don't need a sandwich. Look at her.

That's my whole point.

Wait. Wait. Wait. [ Mumbling ]

[ Chattering ]

Shut up.

[ Laughing ]

Go for it.



Get her, Veeko! You got her, Veek!

Get her, Veek! Get her, Veeko!

Get her, Veeko! You got her, Veek! You got her!

Hang in there. You got her, baby!

[ Woman ] Who's next?


How about you, Mr. Comedy?

"We'll give her a sandwich," huh?

"Big as a building," huh?

Not so easy making jokes with my fist in your mouth.

I'm not afraid of you.

[ Eddie ] Come on. She's crazy!

Anybody else want to take a shot?

[ Growls ]


How did you get out of Mother Goose Corner?

So, you got a nasty little surprise for me?

You guys are worthless!

Yeah, right, Eddie. Blame us!

You know, I'm getting sick of your insults.

[ Eddie ] Then why don't you quit?

Oh, yeah. Let you two have all the money.

What money? The kid is gone!

There you go, my little escape artist.

If you were a baby lost in the big city, where would you go?

$5.00. Okay. For you.


Oh, thank you.

Mom, baby.

Speculation that a ransom figure... in the millions of dollars was mentioned.

Security is tight around the Cotwell mansion... and at Cotwell Industry Towers downtown.

Ronnie Lee has more on the story. Ronnie.

There's no official word from police, but our sources tell us... that a nine-month-old baby boy was abducted... at approximately 10:00 this morning.

We have confirmed that a photographer and two assistants... from the Downtown Baby Photographers studio... were scheduled to photograph the missing child... at the Wallington Hills estate today.

A spokesman for the photography studio declined to comment.

[ Belches ]

[ Ronnie ] Extremely tight on the 900 block.

In fact, police and FBI units... have essentially sealed off the area.

Earlier I attempted to reach millionaire Bennington Cotwell... at his downtown office.

Though reporters were turned away, a reliable source informed us that Cotwell had left by motorcade.


The spokesman for the company said that Mr. Cotwell was unavailable.


Hang on a second.

Keep rolling.


Aah! Aah!

[ Woman ] Be very careful. They're fragile.

Be sure they don't tip over now.

No, don't. Not this one.

[ Ronnie ] Even when what they're looking for... is right under their nose.

And, uh...

I think that will be too crowded.

[ Engine Starts ]



You know, we're always, like, this close.

[ Rings ]

[ Rings ]


Hello, is this Mr. Cotwell?

Yes. Who is this?

My name's Depke. Depke, Joe. Joe Depke.

Yeah, listen.

I might have some information... on the whereabouts of that child.

Take cover and cordon off the other end of the street.

Shut off the corner!

We're going to need all you people as witnesses.

I seen the baby.


Right across the street on the curb.

Where'd he go? Where'd he go?

It's the craziest thing. I don't remember.

Maybe we'll take a little ride. See if you remember then.

You want money.

Don't embarrass me. Don't insult me.

Please. Your money's no good here. Put it away.

Where's the baby?

House across the street.

Second floor.

McCray's. No guarantee.

Listen, mister, I didn't know your kid!

I just saw his picture on TV!

I called because I care!

Your name's McCray?

Yeah. What did I do?

We're looking for a missing child.

These are my kids.

You don't mind if we take a look?

Hello, ma'am.


Sir, in here!


You have a beautiful little boy.

Thank you, ma'am.

I'll pray he comes back to you.

These kids are all I've got, so I know how I'd feel if I was in your place.

I hope you never are... for your children's sake.

[ Baby Cries ]

Sorry we inconvenienced you.

I'll be with you in a second.

I'm sorry for the trouble.


I believe in my heart... that someone somewhere... watches over the baby.

Yes, I hope so.

You have everything? Are you sure you have everything?


[ Eddie ] I can't believe this!

You know, it ain't the wisest strategy to kidnap a baby, then let the damn thing loose on the streets.

Babies crawling in traffic tend to draw attention, don't you think?

To the-- to the-- to the left, I think. See? The cab!

Excuse us! Excuse you?

Got you now, you little--




My money!

[ Horn Honks ]

[ Cabbie ] What, I park in your space?

Come on. Come on. [ Horn Honks ]

Wait, wait. Wait. Wait for the cars.

There he is! There he is! Right there!

Go! Go ahead!

Okay. Hang on.

Eddie! Eddie, Eddie!


Don't go!

Go! Go!

Right now! Watch your feet!

I got a plan. Wait! Stay there!

Excuse me. Go! No, wait!

[ Screaming ]

Let's move!

[ Screaming ]

[ Crash ]

I worked at Burger King three years.

This is worse than that.

Don't blame me.

We'd be resting easy if butterfingers here hadn't lost the kid!

I lost the kid? I lost the kid? That's news to me.

Who put himself to sleep reading the kid's nursery story?

Who left the window open?

That was me.

You idiots are the reason we don't got the kid.

As far as I'm concerned, you can drop out now, and I'll keep the five million myself.

Frankly, you don't deserve a penny!

You'd stiff us. Wait a minute. Wait a minute!

Don't get hot, Eddie. Don't get hot.

We're all just a little tired from getting all torn apart.

Oh, like I like to fall off buildings and jump in ditches.

That's the breaks. We're dealing with a baby.

Babies are obviously more dangerous than we thought.

Go figure, Eddie. They're so small!

When I boxed, the guys I most feared... were the ones who feared nothing.

Babies are like that. They ain't afraid of nothing.

Baby tracks.


[ Grunts ]


[ Screaming ]

[ Growling ] [ Screaming ]

[ Screeching ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Laughing ]

[ Continues Laughing ]

The kid's in the gorilla cage.

There's goes our five million bucks, huh?

No. I think the ape likes the kid.


You got long arms.


I can't reach it, Eddie.

That's it. You got it.

Okay. Now come over here.

That's it. That's it.

Easy does it.

That's it. That's it.

Slow, slow, slow.

Easy. Uh-oh.

That's it. Nice monkey.

Nice monkey.

Yes. Yes.

There you go.

[ Crying ]

He's starting to cry, Eddie.

He's going to make the monkey mad.

Uh, Eddie. He's getting up.

I'm afraid, Eddie.

Veek, please, please, just stare him down.

Stare him down.


That's it.




Ooh! Aah!

[ Screeching ]

[ Animals Screeching ]

Shut up!

[ Growls ]

Hey, King Kong. Hey.

Hey, over here.

I'm a banana.

I'm a coconut.

I'm an entire fruit salad.

Over here. Hey, hey! Look, I'm the jungle boy.

Over here. That's it. That's it.

Now you got it.

I got him.

I got him.

[ Roars ]

That's a bad monkey. Bad monkey!

[ Roars ]


[ Snoring ]

[ Roars ]

[ Screaming ]



Careful, Eddie.

Aah! Ah-ah-ah!

[ Baby Laughs ]


I know you don't want to hear this, but...

the kid's gone again.

I'll get it.

This morning, all I wanted was my baby's picture in the paper.

I got my wish.

Where's your mommy?

Hey, Eddie, maybe he went down a rabbit hole.

We're serious about our work.

You want to make jokes, join the circus.



Step on it, Eddie.

Baby, starboard side.

Starboard. What?

Port. Port, port, port.


Point! Nine o'clock.

[ Eddie ] Where is he?

He's over there. 6:30!

Step on it.

[ Laughs ] You're ours now, moneybags.


Did Baby Bink miss his Uncle Eddie?

Come here!

Get him!

Did you get him?

No! Come on!

Where'd he go?

He went down a rabbit hole.

Careful those rabbits don't chew your face off, Ed.

Shut up, Veeko. Just shut up!

No problem, fellas.

It ain't a hole. It's a tunnel.

And what's every tunnel got?

Ooh! Don't tell me. I know, I know.

It's uh, uh, uh...

Tollbooth at the end.

Are you always this stupid, or do you do this just to annoy me?

A tunnel has two ends.

This one's here, and the other one's--

Where? Where?

Eddie, Eddie, Eddie!

[ Eddie ] Get him, Norby! Get him!

Don't let him get away!

Here he is, Eddie.

[ Laughing ]

Today ain't your lucky day, eh, shorty pants?

That wasn't so hard.

Beautiful day, huh?

You know anything about that vehicle?

Yes. It belongs to us.

You left the engine running.


I did.

I've been having-- baaa-ttery trouble.

We just stopped by to admire the beautiful-- beautiful flo-- ow-- wers.

Have you guys, uh, seen a baby around here?

The park is full of...


Yeah, well, there's been a kidnapping.

Well, that's a crying shame.

It's amazing what people will do for money.

Yeah, for five million.

If we see anything...

[ Burps ]

Excuse me.

If we see anything, we'll be sure to notify--










Ahh. Ah-ah-ah!


[ Norby ] Got a bad heart.


Excuse me.

The police.

Thank you.

Walk them to the car.

My entire reproductive system is about to go up in flames.

Is that a Fleetline van?


Is-- Is it?


Yep. Yes, it is.

I thought so.

My brother drives one of those... for this dry cleaning firm he's with.

Oh, yeah. They drive a lot of those.

Louie's had a lot of trouble with his.

And-- give me a second.

I'll think of what he said is the problem with the, uh, electrical system.





There's this little relay thing...



I think you should move the van.

I have a frog in my throat.


And a brush fire in my undershorts.

Get them out of here!

It's just a bad battery.

I think we should move it before the engine dies.

Yeah, it's just the battery.

Come on. Let's--

[ Sniffing ]

[ Sniffs ]

You sure can tell summer's here.

People got those barbecues going.

[ Sniffs ]

Smells great, doesn't it?

Come on, let's go move the van.

I'll be right with you.

I just have a cramp in my leg.


[ Horn Honks ]

Take it easy.

[ Horn Honks ]



No! No, it's okay.!

Aah! Aah!

I got it!



Aah! Oh! Aah!

Oh! Oh! Aah!


That's how you put out campfires.

Is that... a fact?

I used to do it in Boy Scouts.

You toasted your marshmallows... over a pile of flaming gonads?

We usually used logs.

Follow that kid!

We'll meet you on the other side.

I'm sorry, man, but it was an emergency.

You were blazing pretty hard--

Shut up!

Oh, boy, Eddie.

You got burned clear through your skivvies.

[ High Voice ] Baby Bink!

It's your mother.

Baby Bink.

I'll kill him. I'll kill him.

I'll kill him. I'll kill him.

I'll kill him. I'll kill him.

[ Clears Throat ]

I'm sorry, ma'am.

I haven't forgotten your feelings.


My feelings don't matter.

Yes, they do.

They do very much.

The love my baby's gotten has been as much yours as mine.

Probably more.

Where's my little boy?

What's he doing?

If he were home, he'd be going down for his nap.

[ Snoring ]

[ Snoring ]



[ Horn Honks ]

[ Engine Stops, Backfires ]

Uh, I got bad news.

The kid's... in there.

No, wait. You can't go in there.

There's a guard-- Eddie, no! Eddie, wait! No!

There's a guard!

He's asleep, you moron.

Where is he?

Come on, knucklehead! Where is he? Huh?

Of course.

Where else would you be?

Let's go get him.


Baby, 12 o'clock.

Uh... up there.

We'll be with you in just a minute.

Lingerie, home furnishings, men's hats, babies.

[ Norby ] Wait a minute. We passed him.

[ Eddie ] Exactly, moron.

We'll grab him as he goes by.

That's a good plan, Ed. We grab him as he comes by.

You grab him.

I grab him?


As the girder comes up, you jump out on it and grab the baby.

Me? By myself?

Just step out on it. It ain't difficult.

Why me?

Norby is scared of heights.

Why don't you grab him?

Nobody asked me!


Okay, okay.


That's it. Don't miss it!

I'll get it.

Don't miss it! He's coming.

All right!

I'm not touching it. There it is!





Here he comes. Get him!

How'd he do that?

Baby luck.

Eddie! Help me!

He asked for you, Ed.

He ain't thinking straight.

Don't look down.

What are you doing? Eddie, don't!

Eddie, no! I'm going to faint!

Didn't I tell you not to look down? Pull me back, please!

I'm losing my grip.

Pull me back, please.

Grab him by the leg or I'll let you go!

Don't look down.

Okay, we got him, Ed.

There you go. Okay, good. You got him.

Up! Up!

You're going the wrong way!

Up! Up!

Rest on my feet!

I could use a hand here!

Hey, quit being a crybaby!

Get up!


Not down. Up! Where you going?


You're doing good.

You got to get back up.

I'm losing him, Eddie. Quit fooling around!

Give me a hand.

Oh, what's the matter with you?




Get off of me!

There he is! There he is.

Come on! We'll take the stairs.



It's coming back down. Get ready.

Jump, jump.

Okay, I'll wait for another.

Jump. Jump.


[ Thud ]

My... spine.



I lived.

Get back up here!

[ Baby Laughs ]

Come here, you little ball of grief!

Now I got you!

You ain't gonna crawl away from this one.

Hee hee.


Oww! That hurt!

[ Giggling ]



That hurt!


That's it!

No mercy!

[ Groans ]

This ain't no nursery school battle of wits anymore.

This is my 5'10" of guile, gut and gristle... versus your two-and-a-half feet of goo-goos, gagas and giggles!


If the Milwaukee mob couldn't kill me, no milk-puking little thumbsucker's... got a candle's chance in a cyclone... of getting the better of me.

[ Giggling ]

Where you going?

Come back here.

[ Giggling ]

This isn't funny anymore.

My money!


Huh? Ahh.



I thought I saw a baby crawl around the corner.

Good night, Donald.



[ Veeko ] Hey!

We're down here!

Hey, Ed!

We'd better go before I dry!

[ Veeko ] Ed, can you see the baby from up there?

Just hang on, and we'll come on up. I got an idea.

We've got some news.

I don't know if it's good, but it's not bad.

Since the media broke the story, calls have been coming in.

There's was a report of a man looking for a lost baby on a bus this morning.

A baby missing from a department store care center.

Another at 3:00 at the zoo.

Shortly after that, at a downtown park.

And a final report, not long ago, at--

A building under construction.

Yeah, that's right.

He's doing everything in the book.

I know where he is.

"Before returning home for supper, "Nanny and Baby Boo... stopped at the old soldier's home to visit Mr. Tinsel."

That's where he is.


[ Man On TV ] They're back, Frank.






[ Baby Coos ]



[ Laughing ] Come on over.

It's the kid!

On television. The one that--



Come on, hon. That's it. Come on.

* This is the army Mr. Jones *

* No private rooms or telephones *

* You had your breakfast in bed before *

* But you won't get it there anymore *

* This is the army Mr. Brown *

* You and your baby went to town *

* She had you worried *

* But this is war *

* And she won't worry you anymore *

* No, she won't worry you *

* Anymore **

Oh, baby.

You had quite an adventure today.



It's what he calls his book.

He lost it today.

We'll get you another one, sweetheart.

[ Gasps ]





Oh, I see. That's nice.


That's not a boo-boo.

That's a clock, a ticktock.

Was there a ticktock in his book?


Well, he's pointing to--

He's pointing to--

His boo-boo. He's not pointing at the ticktock.

He's pointing to his boo-boo. He wants his boo-boo.

I thought he was getting a new boo-boo.

He means his boo-boo's back there. That's where he's been.

Radio Rogers and McCloskey. Tell them to turn around.

We're going back to the ticktock to get the boo-boo.

And send for backup.

Boo-boo! Boo-boo!

Hey, Eddie.

Sure you don't wanna go check to see if they left the money?

Oh, that's a good idea.

We get the living hell tore out of us by a baby.

Three fully-grown men versus fifteen pounds... of pink flesh with a mouth.

Now, what chance you think we got... of strolling into that alley... and coming out with anything less than 140 years in prison?

No, thank you!

This is a hexed situation.

We walk away while we're still ahead.

We took a lickin' and kept on tickin'.

We'll go back to banks.

Dealing with grownups.

I don't want no kiddie stuff.

We did all right with banks.

Or a convenience store every once in a while.

Keep things interesting.

You know, one thing I learned from all this--

I ain't never gonna have any kids of my own.

[ Norby Chuckles ] Yeah.

Seeing as you burnt down the only tree in your forest, I wouldn't worry about it.

Oh. Oh.

Why don't you shut up?

I don't want to ever hear another word... about that rotten, snake-bit baby.


I'm serious.


I'm hearing that little vermin in my thoughts.

I want to erase him from my mind.

Boo-boo! [ Laughing ]

Did you hear that?

[ Veeko ] Yeah.

Know what it sounds like?

Boo-boo, boo-boo, boo-boo, boo-boo.


He's back.

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

You dirty, no-good little stool pigeon!

You're surrounded.

Throw down the boo-boo.

And put your hands over your heads.

This is the end of the story.

Good night, sweetheart.

Good night, Bink.

[ Giggles ]

[ Mother ] Did I tell you?

The baby's having his picture taken tomorrow.

Say hello to Old Willy for me.

I will.