Bad Ben 7: The Haunted Highway (2019) Script

(air whooshing)

Guess what, I got a new job.

Doing what you might ask.

I now work for the ridesharing service DropUOff.

Now you may be saying to yourself, "Tom, don't you need a car to give people rides?"

Guess what, Tom Riley's got a car, baby.

I went to auction today, and I had the winning bid on this.

And if you don't recognize it, that's my old van.

I won it back for less than I owed on it when it was repossessed.

So I gotta do a little work, get a couple things installed, but by tonight, you'll be able to call Tom Riley when you need a ride.

I'm back baby.

(phone chirps)

Hey, Jose, can I take this now?

(door thunks)

(engine turns over)

[Auto Assistant] Front dash cam connected.

Rear dash cam connected.

Interior dash cam connected.

Now according this, I have to pick a voice.

Number one, Kevin Spacey.

[Kevin Spacey] Hi, this is Kevin Spacey--

No that's creepy.

Oh, I'm sorry, you don't like this voice?

Number two, Jeff Goldblum.

[Jeff Goldblum] This is Jeff Goldblum, this is the DropUOff dash cam.

Number three, this one is perfect.

[Morgan Freeman] This is the DropUOff dash cam.

Morgan Freeman, yeah.

[Morgan Freeman] Feels good, doesn't it?

All right. [Morgan Freeman] Door ajar.

(door thunks)

(air conditioner blowing)

[Morgan Freeman] Door ajar.

All right, ready for work.

[Morgan Freeman] Door ajar.

(door open alarm beeping)

(door thunks)

(papers rustling)

[Tom] What the fuck is this?

(slurping drink)

No return address and no post mark, so this was obviously hand delivered.

(paper rustling)

What the fuck is this?

It's an amulet of some sort.

What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?

(slurping drink) Well,

nothing in the envelope.

Is that glowing?

Well, for right now, it's going in there.

(glove box closing)

(seat belt alarm beeping)

Who sends me this shit?

(seat belt buckles)

The fuck is that?

(wind whooshing)

(phone beeps)

Oh, I don't know what the fuck that was, but I got my first customer.

(slurping drink)

All right, let's see.

I should be coming up on it here soon.

There it is, 26 Silver Lake Drive.

Gary? Yeah.

Hi, I'm Tom, I'm your DropUOff driver.

All right.

[Morgan Freeman] Door ajar.

How you doing tonight?

Ah, not too bad.

(seatbelt clicks)

So where am I takin' ya?

352 Steelmanville Road.

Say that again.

352 Steelmanville Road in the township.

You have a GPS, right?

Don't worry, I'm very familiar with the location.

What's going on there? Why?

I'm just curious. Just drive.

(car whirring)

(Gary yawns)

So ya lived around here long?

No, not really, it's kinda new.

Sorry, am I talking too much?

A little bit.

(chuckles) All right.

So have you ever been to this house before?

Nope, first time for everything though, right?

No, I'll just keep my mouth shut.

The house got a little bit of a history.

That's why I asked why you were going there.

Is it really old or something?

No, it's not that.

It's like 20 years old.

How's it have history then?

Well, I actually owned this house for a little while.


Do you believe in ghosts?

No, it's garbage.

All right, forget I said anything.

So, what's this here?

That is a rideshare driver's dash cam.

There's one in the back that sees the road behind me, in in case I get rear-ended.

There's one out front in case I have an accident.

And then there's this one inside that keeps an eye on me and the passengers in case there's any problem.

Like what kinda problems?

Well, like in case ya hit me or something.

Do you get hit a lot?

No, actually, to be honest with you, tonight's my first night driving for DropUOff, and you're my first passenger.

Well, look at that, lucky me.

And this camera here is my body cam, so anything none of the, if I have to get out for any reason like to help somebody up to their house with groceries or something, this covers that.

So all my bases are covered.

I can see that.

Got a camera on every angle, huh?

Just about.

The fuck are all these people doing out here?

(car revs)

Okay, here we are.

(blinker clicking)

[Morgan Freeman] Now, hold on, hold on now.

(seatbelt alarm beeping)

Okay, good night, have a good time.

[Morgan Freeman] Door ajar.

(door thunks)

I can't believe he's going in that house.

(crickets chirping)

(bass music in distance)

(air whooshing)

Let's see.

All right, here we are.

(blinker clicking)

That's gotta be him.

David? [David] Yeah.

Hi, I'm Tom, I'm your DropUOff driver.

[Morgan Freeman] Door ajar.

How you doing tonight?

Pretty good, you? Good.

Let me try and catch this light.

I'll never catch that light.

(car revs)

Maybe I will, son of a bitch. (David chuckles)

So where am I taking you?

352 Steelmanville Road in EHT.

Really? Yeah.


Oh, it's just I just took somebody there earlier.

What's the guy doing, you going to a party or something?

Nah, I have a job interview there.

A job interview at this time of night, on Halloween?

Just, just drive. Sorry.

(blinker clicking)

Who was the other guy you dropped off there?

Does it look like I have some competition or?

He didn't say he was going for a job interview.

I don't know, I mean, assuming he is, I don't know.

He's kind of a dummy.

I shouldn't say that.

You're about to meet him.

You're gonna tell him, then he's gonna rate me on the DropUOff app.

I'll get a one star my first night of driving.

If he's a dummy and I get the job, I'll rate you five stars to counteract his one star.

So I'll have two and a half.

So what kinda job are you applying for?

I'm, honestly I'm not sure.

They called me and like, "We have a job for you."

They were kinda vague about it, and I asked them if I had some time to get ready, and they said just come as you are.

Well, just judging by the fact you're wearing shorts, I guess you're doing that.

Not that I'm being critical or anything.

So you don't know what the job is you're going to an interview for?

Late on Halloween?

I figure if they singled me out and happened to call me, it must be some good opportunity.

Well, did they tell you they train you?

Yeah, they said they will do onsite training, so no experience necessary.

Mmh, well find out if they have two positions open, because I qualify for no experience necessary.

But I won't go in and be your competition.

So you lived here in this area long?

Couple months, kinda been hard to find work out here, so I was hooked with the jump on this job.

At this point, I kinda just need money, regardless what the job is.

Well, it's coming up here on the left.

(blinker clicking)

Here we are.

(crickets chirping)

All right.

Looks, fuck. Good night.

[Morgan Freeman] Door ajar.

(door thunks)

I think you wanna go up the front.

I think you wanna go up to the front.

(window whirring)

I think you wanna go up to the front.

[David] Oh yeah.

(window whirring)

Yeah, he's a real fucking Einstein there.

(crickets chirping)

(window whirring)

Where the fuck is this guy?

This is the address.

Hi. Jesus Christ, dude.

You scared the shit outta me.

Lionel? [Lionel] Yes.

Hi, I'm Tom, I'm your DropUOff driver.


[Morgan Freeman] Door ajar.


(engine revving)

So where am I taking you tonight?

352 Steelmanville Road, Egg Harbor Township.

Wow, popular place. What?

Well, you're the third person I'm driving there tonight.

Are you going for a job interview too?

Just drive.

In case you're hungry, there's some chips in there.

I'm on a special diet.



Actually, the shape you're in, you look like a guy that likes a good steak.

How do ya like it cooked?

Very rare.

Well, we're coming up on 352 Steelmanville Road.

(blinker clicking)

(crickets chirping)

Wait here, I'll be a little while.

All right if I wait though, there's an extra charge.

Will that cover it?

Yeah, that'll do. Good.

[Morgan Freeman] Door ajar.

But wait here, you understand?

All right, can you give me an idea how long?

(door thunks)

Okay (sighs).

(crickets chirping)

Can't have that now can we?

(static crackling)

(Tom snoring)

♪ Far away, you might hear ♪

♪ All of your ignorance that just ♪

♪ Won't endear ♪

[Radio Announcer] All right, and you've been listening to "Won't Endear," the new release from David B. Lloyd, and it's Halloween, South Jersey.

And here's something creepy for ya.

Police are on the lookout for Lionel Nazario, six foot two, 180 pounds, a physically fit Hispanic male in his early 30s.

He's wanted for questioning in the disappearance of multiple people in the area, oh.

He was last seen wearing a tank top, gray hooded sweatshirt, and jeans, and is considered very dangerous.

Now if you spot an individual matching this description, please call 911.

This is Josh Robert Thompson 103 WBHT Radio, and now back to your favorite tunes.

(rock music)


(radio silences)

Come on, dude, what the fuck?

[Morgan Freeman] Door ajar.

(crickets chirping)

Where the fuck is this guy?

He said wait a little while.

(doorbell rings)




Dude, I've been waiting out there forever.




I wonder who fucking lives in this place now.

(metal clanking)

What's that noise?

(metal clanking)


Oh, what the fuck?

(Tom sighs in relief)

(cage shaking) (dog barks)

What the fuck?

Okay, I'm outta here.

Lionel, Lionel I'm leaving if I don't find you in the next 30 seconds.


(loud thumping) (Tom gasps)

Lionel, are you down there?

Hello? (stairs squeaking)

(deep rumbling)

(gasps) What the fuck? Hello?

(loud banging)

(Tom gasps) Guys?

(door slams)

(crickets chirping) (air whooshing)

(deep rumbling)

(air whooshing)

Guys, are you fucking with me?

'Cause I'm not scared of this house.

(screeching and feet stomping)

What the fuck?

(door slams)

(Tom breathing rapidly)

What the fuck do I do now?

Is that Gary's jacket?


(crickets chirping)

(footsteps crunching)

(footsteps crunching)

(Tom gasps) (Lionel hissing)

(Tom breathing rapidly)

(Tom grunts)

What the fuck? What the fuck?

What the fuck?

[Morgan Freeman] Door ajar.

What the fuck was that out there? Jesus Christ.

Is he gone? Oh, Jesus Christ!

[Morgan Freeman] Door ajar.

Get the fuck outta there.

Get the fuck outta here, get outta here.

Wait, don't leave.

Get the fuck off of me.

(door slams)

(car revs)

(car roars)

What the fuck was that?

What the fuck am I doing at this job?

Everywhere I go, this ghost bullshit.

(phone chimes)

Mitch Marsico? Seeco?

Well, he looks like a normal dude.

(crickets chirping)

Where the hell is the driver?

I told him to wait.

(garbage cans thunk)

Please don't bite me, man.

Where is he?

He got in his car, and drove away and left me here.

Did he see anything?

I'm not sure.

He went around back and then came out screamin'.

Fuck, I cannot have witnesses.

Get him on the app.

Get him to come back.

I doubt that's gonna work.

Just do it.

Okay, okay I'll do whatever you say.

Just don't, don't kill me.

Just do it.

Why do I always pick up so many of these people at shopping malls and strip malls?

Doesn't anybody own a house?

All right, it's coming up here.

I see you Mitchell.

That must be him.

Nice fucking sneakers, Dorothy.

(window whirring)

Mitch? [Mitch] Yeah.

Hi, I'm Tom, I'm your DropUOff driver.

[Morgan Freeman] Door ajar.

Hi, Tom, how ya doing? Good, thanks.

Well, I'm doing better now.

I've had a night, so where am I taking you?

Just drive, I'll tell you where.

Do you live nearby here?

Yeah, down over there at the apartments.

I just wanted to get picked up over here.

(scoffs) Why you afraid I'm gonna see where you live?

That's none of your business.

All right.

So, yeah, it's pretty sad.

This Kmart's closing.

Why is that sad?

Well because it's one less store we have around here, and it's, Anyway, I'm just trying to make idol chitchat.

I didn't know Kmart was the thriving center of culture around here, you know.

You know, part of our business, part of being a driver for DropUOff, how we do business is based on the ratings we get, so I wanna make sure you have a pleasant experience.

I don't wanna ask you why you're being such a dick to me.

If you wanna make it a little more pleasant, maybe a little less of this maybe.

Okay, you just tell me where to turn.

[Mitch] Uh-huh.

So you plan on letting me in on the secret on where we're going here?

(sighs) Yeah, turn right up here.

(blinker clicking)

Another right.

(blinker clicking)

This is going out towards the woods.

That's the idea.

And you're gonna go right again right here.

Awful lot of rights.

(blinker clicking)

That's good 'cause my left blinker's burned out.

No, it's not.

[Mitch] Are you a comedian on your day off?

Dude, what the fuck?

I'm just trying to make conversate, I'm sorry.

Yeah, you're gonna make another right.

Please give me five stars. Uh-huh.

(blinker clicking)

All right, make a right up here.

Man, this is out in the middle of nowheres, dude.

This is like the boonies.

(blinker clicking)

So, seriously, where am I taking you?

All right, we're going to a spot in the middle of the woods, 'cause I'm, I'm meeting a girl.

All right, ya happy?

I'm happy for you.

All right, that's weird.

Right here. Right here?

Yeah, right here. Here?

[Mitch] Yeah. You're fucking crazy.

All right, call me if you need a ride back.


[Morgan Freeman] Door ajar.

(door thunks)

What a weird ass fucking place to get dropped off.

Oh well, what the fuck is, oh, dude, dude.

You left your wallet.

Where the fuck is this guy? Goddamnit.

[Morgan Freeman] Door ajar.

(footsteps crunching)

[Tom] Where the fuck is this guy?

I can't see a fucking thing.


Mitch, it's Tom your driver.

(footsteps crunching)

(twigs snapping)

This is like Friday the 13th and fucking every horror movie I've ever seen all wrapped up in one.


Mitchell, pull your pants up.

I need to talk to you.

The fuck.

Mitchell, where the fuck are you?

I got your wallet.

Just leave it.

[Tom] All right, all right.

I'm putting it down right out here.

I'm leaving it right there.

Let me get the fuck outta here.

(chewing loudly)

(slurping drink)

(phone chimes)

Mmh, that's weird.

That's where I dropped Mitch off.

That must be his booty call.

Okay, Courtney.

(window rolling down)

What the fuck is she holding?

Courtney? Yeah.

Hi, I'm Tom, I'm your DropUOff driver.

Okay. [Morgan Freeman] Door ajar.

What's in the bag?

Oh, just some stuff.

What kinda stuff?

Just, just stuff.

Where's Mitch? Mitch?

I, okay, it's none of my business.

I just dropped somebody named Mitch off at the same spot.

I don't know.

30 minutes ago, okay.

It's a weird place just to pick somebody up.

Is something moving in that bag?

No, it's just, it's nothing, it's just me.

You can turn left here.

Here or there? Up there.

(blinker clicking)

So I would ask that when you rate your ride, you give me five stars because I'm just such an excellent driver and conversationalist.

Even though I ask too many questions, like about what's in the bag.

Yeah, it's just stuff like I said.

What the fuck was that? God.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm sorry.

Something fucking bit me. Oh.

Fucking South Jersey.

It's not greenhead season.

Can we stop?

I just need something to drink.

Sure, there's a place right up here.

(bag crunching)

All right, I'll be here.

[Mitch] Dude, help me out.

What the fuck?

[Mitch] Over here.

Oh, what the fuck is in this bag?

Dude what did she do to you?

Just take me back to my body.

Christ, all right.

All right, so what should I do about her?

[Mitch] Fuck her.

All right, nevermind.

Yeah, sorry, sweetie.

You can go cut off somebody else's fucking head.

[Mitch] Yo, dude, can you open this a little?

Ah, fuck. Jesus Christ.

All right, we're almost there.

(bag crunching)

[Morgan Freeman] Door ajar.

[Tom] You want an aspirin or something?

Tourniquet, maybe? [Mitch] I'm good.

[Tom] Dude, you sure you don't want me to take you to a hospital or something?

[Mitch] Oh, no, don't worry about it.

We do this all the time.

[Tom] You do? [Mitch] Yeah.

[Tom] What are you, Frankenstein?

(footsteps crunching)

(gasps) What do you want me to do, Mitch?

What did he tell you?

[Mitch] Nah, just hand me over.

I'll be fine, don't worry.

Give that to me.

Get outta here.

[Tom] Jesus Christ, fucking Carrie.

Lemme get the fuck outta here before I get my head chopped off.

(footsteps crunching)

I knew I shoulda gone with Uber or Lyft.

Why can't I get a normal passenger? (phone chimes)

Professor Anne Bach-Starling.

She looks normal.

Wow, this place is nice.

How the fuck am I gonna get outta here?

Well, that's fucking creepy.

Obviously, she does not know my history with clowns.


Are you coming?

(phone chimes) What the fuck?

Sorry, Tom, I got picked up.

Well that's just fucking great.

Whoa! (engine revs loudly)


[Morgan Freeman] Door ajar.

Where did it go?

All right, I'm getting the fuck outta here.

(clown growling)

What the fuck?

Dude, I'll run your ass over.

(engine revs loudly)

What the fuck?

(engine revving)

Get the fuck outta here!

(growls loudly)

What the fuck, what the motherfuck?

Get the fuck outta here!

Get the fuck, get the fuck outta

[Morgan Freeman] Door ajar.

(growling and snorting)

[Tom] Get the fuck outta--

(clown screeching)

Get the fuck away.

(clown snarling)

(clown screeching)

What the fuck?

[Morgan Freeman] Door ajar.

Get the fuck away from me.

(clown snarling)

Door ajar.

(door slamming)

Cocksucker! (clown growling)

Fucking get the mother fucking piece of shit bastard, cock, fucking ghost motherfucking whores!

(door slams)

(door slams)

Fucking tired of this bullshit.

I worked too fucking hard my life to put up with this shit.

(engine revs)

Fucking, that's it.

All right, that does it.

I'm done for the night.

(air whooshing)

(cell phone chimes)

(deny ride chime)

(blinker clicking)

Home sweet home.

(crickets chirping)

[Morgan Freeman] Door ajar.

(cellphone chimes)

(deny ride chimes)

(cellphone chimes)

(deny ride chimes)

(cell phone chimes)

No, dude, ain't happening. (deny ride chimes)

I've been trying to reach him for about an hour now.

He keeps rejecting all of my calls.

Dammit, you have no further use to me then.

Wait, wait, wait, I have an idea.


The DropUOff app, it shows you the location.

Where is he?

The PatCon campground.

I can't go there, too many people.

I have an idea.


It's a lot faster than walking.

You know that I've tasted your blood.

I can track you, anywhere.

I will find you if you don't bring him back.

If I bring him back, will you let me live?

Perhaps, but if you do not, you will surely die.

(zipper unzipping)

[Tent Occupant] Hey! I'm sorry.

[Tent Occupant] Get outta here, ya pervert!

My bad, wrong tent.

(footsteps crunching)

(zipper unzipping)

[Morgan Freeman] Door ajar.

(engine cranks)

(seatbelt alarm beeping)

(crickets chirping)

[Morgan Freeman] Door ajar.

(door ajar alarm beeping)

Where the hell is he?

(door thunks)

Where the hell is he?

(camera shutters)

What are you doing? Watch.

(texting clicking)

(text alert ding)

[Tom] Fuck!

(zipper unzipping)

Son of a bitch, son of a bitch.

Yo, yo, what the fuck?

They stole my fucking van.

Goddamn, what the fuck am I gonna do with this?

I haven't ridden a bike in 30 years.

Oh, fuck!

(Tom breathing rapidly)

[Morgan Freeman] Door ajar.

Where the fuck are the keys?

Where the fuck are the keys? Where?

Looking for this?

(doors lock)

(doors unlock)

Oh, fuck, he's got the fob.

You're an idiot.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, God, no.

(door ajar alarm beeping)

Get your fucking mouth away from me.


No, no, I'm warning you.

(Tom groans) (Lionel grunts)

This Bela Lugosi motherfucker.

Fucking trying to kill me.

What the fuck? You want some of this?

No, no, relax, it's just me.

Is that a fucking bite on your neck?

Just, just one bite mark, couldn't be bit three times.

Should I check his pulse?

[Tom] He's a vampire, motherfucker.

He didn't have a pulse to begin with.

Find my fucking keys.

C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, get in the fucking car.

[Morgan Freeman] Door ajar.

Come on, let's get the fuck outta here before something else show up.

Oh, my god what is that?

(sighs) I don't fucking know, and I don't fucking care.

Let's just get the fuck outta here.

I fuckin' told you, I fuckin' told you you should know where you're going.

Job interview, I'm going to a job interview.

At fucking that night time of night, on Halloween?

You shoulda known it was some sorta bullshit.

I mean, I wouldn't have guessed it was you were going to Dracula's house, but still you had to know something was wrong, that it just wasn't right.

I mean, come on.

It's tough times.

Sometimes we need money.

You gotta take every opportunity that comes to you.

Well, money's not gonna do you any good if you're fucking dead now, is it?

I guess. You guess.

If you, you know what?

That's why I don't have fucking kids.

You're why I don't have fucking kids.

So was Gary in that house when you went in there?

I heard some noise rustling around upstairs, and I just, I didn't know what was going on.

Next thing you know out of nowhere, get bit from behind.

I'm thinking it was a dog or--

Am I clear that way? Yeah.

I'm fucking looking.

Jerkoff, flashing your fucking lights.

Here's my suggestion for you.

It's coming up on the holidays.

Wal-Mart's hiring.

I even saw a help wanted sign at the Kmart that's closing, okay, so that's at least now 'til Christmas, and guess what?

I seriously doubt you're gonna have to go there late at night for an interview.

It'll probably be during the day.

So try get, why don't you get a little fucking closer on my tail, you motherfucker?

Goddammit, I hate drivers around here.

So what happened?

You got bit from behind.

So you just walked in there, there's nobody in this fucking house, and you're just hanging out there, and then something bites you from behind.

When you walked in an empty house, you didn't think that was strange?

I've been in worse situations so I didn't think--

You've been in worse situation, what kinda fucking situations do you get into?

I've been in worse situations.

I need to meet your fucking parents.

No I don't.

After I drop you the fuck off, I don't need to see you again.

Probably a good idea.

Probably a good idea.

Yeah, it's gonna break my fucking heart, and let me tell you something, motherfucker.

I got your address.

If you fucking rate me below, I fucking took you away from your death.

I gave you an escape from your fucking death.

You better rate me five stars.

After you left me there.

I left, what do you mean I left you there?

I fucking dropped you off.

Oh, that's right, I did throw you outta the fucking car, didn't I?

Yeah. When we got back.

Yeah, but you stole my van.

So I guess that makes us even.

Makes us even.

Fucking, do you know how lucky you are to have me as a driver?

Because I'm Tom Riley, all right?

No ghost, no fucking vampire, no anything, what the fuck is that?

Anyway, nothing can fucking, I just seem to outwit 'em all somehow.

You're lucky I was your driver tonight.

If you were that fat fucking prick Mike, who drives around this area, and he picked you the fuck up, you'd be dead.

Or he might be dead 'cause he'd make quite a meal.

Bet ya that fucker, what do we have nine pints of blood in us?

I bet ya that fucker's got 10.


Do you think I should see a doctor about this?

I don't know fucking know.

See a veterinarian. [David] What?

I don't know.

I don't know what the fucking treatment is for a vampire.

Is this your fucking house? Yeah.

All right, get the fuck out.

Get out.

[Morgan Freeman] Door ajar.


(door slams)

What a fucking night.

I wish I knew why all these weird things happen to me.

Why tonight all these strange people and paranormal things have been drawn to me.

[Morgan Freeman] They are attracted to the amulet.

What? Are you telling me that because of this amulet, all these things have been coming to me, drawn to me, following me?

So if I get rid of this it stops, right?

[Morgan Freeman] Get rid of it and see.

All right. It's gone.

Weird stuff over, back to normal.

[Morgan Freeman] Feels good, doesn't it?

(cellphone chimes)


Well, she is on my way.

All right, I'll pick you up.

Where the hell is this chick?

It's like the middle of nowhere.

Is that someone standing there?

Holy shit.

Hi, I'm Tom Riley, I'm your DropUOff driver.

I'm sorry, I don't know how to pronounce your name.

[Morgan Freeman] Door ajar.


Lucinda, that's a pretty name.

So where am I taking you?

I live on the outskirts of town.

Just drive. Okay.

[Morgan Freeman] Now, hold on, hold on now.

Put your seatbelt on.

[Morgan Freeman] Whoa, that's right.

[Tom] So I don't mean to cross any lines here, but I got this friend.

He's a big guy, his name's Ben.

He's kinda would dig a chick like you if you'd like to meet him.

[Lucinda] How big?

(heavy rock music)

Hey, fuckface, you know why I gave you zero stars in the DropUOff app?

It's 'cause you fucking left me there, and I wasn't fucking dead yet, so fuck you.

Yeah, shut it off.

(heavy rock music)

♪ Take a number and take a seat ♪

♪ Chill out because you're about to feel the heat ♪

♪ You're pop culture waiting to be made ♪

♪ Now shut and get ready to get paid ♪

♪ You've heard the warnings all the same ♪

♪ But hey just don't do it all in vain ♪

♪ Now what are you gonna do with your ♪

♪ 15 minutes, 15 minutes of fame ♪

♪ Take a number and take a seat ♪

♪ Chill out 'cause you're about to feel the heat ♪

♪ You're pop culture waiting to be made ♪

♪ Now shut up and get ready to get paid ♪

♪ You've heard the warnings all the same ♪

♪ But hey just don't do it all in vain ♪

♪ Now what are you gonna do with your ♪

♪ 15 minutes, 15 minutes of fame ♪

♪ You've heard the warnings all the same ♪

♪ But hey just don't do it all in vain ♪

♪ Now what are you gonna do with your ♪

♪ 15 minutes, 15 minutes of fame ♪

[Tom] Good girl, Sable. Where's Archer?