Bad Therapy (2020) Script

I know. It's really, really stupid.

The rules say, oh, you can't have bra straps showing.

I think it's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Right?

Like, no bra straps? What's with that?

Yes, thank you! I know.

You don't look ready to go. Stop it!

Two minutes!

Oh, I've got an unbelievably busy day today.

I'm meeting Roxy for coffee at nine, and then I've got five houses to show.

Everybody wants to sell, but who can afford to buy at these prices?

Hmm.

It's yummy. Hmm.

I'm trying to unclog your heart.

My heart is not clogged.

You eat like a teenager.

Let's face facts.

Oh, come here.

It's time for you to face facts.

Okay?

Face it.

Louise!

Hmm, you smell great.

It's that perfume you got me for my birthday.

Oh, yeah? Good for me.

Oh.

All right. Let's go. Backpack.

Okay, I'm getting it.

Will you take these, please? Yeah.

Okay.

Bye.

Hey, Louise, laces.


Goodbye to you.

Yuck.

Hello.

Amigo!

Rob's Cafe, yes, yes. You read my mind.

Could you give me like a half an hour?

Yeah, order me, I don't know, the No. 2 special, over-easy bacon on the side, and you know what?

While you're at it, why don't you throw in a neat little stack of buttermilk pancakes?

How about that?


Oh, hey.

Hi.

Oh, hey.

You look amazing. Thanks.

Did you do something to your hair?

I washed it.

Hmm, looks really good.

Thank you. So, can you tell?

I'm pregnant.

Oh, my God!

I couldn't say anything until I was at least 12 weeks along but I finally heard the heartbeat.

Oh, my God! That's so exciting.

Actually, I should say heartbeats.

Twins?

Triplets.

I know! I know! I know! I know! Oh, my God! Okay.

I mean, I knew... I knew this was a possibility because of the fertility drugs, but Nicky is shitting bricks.

Therapist has to work to calm him down.

Oh, I didn't know you saw a therapist.

Ah, triplets, I can't believe it.

I'm gonna have a house full of kids.

I only going to have to wreck my body one time.

I mean, I'm just... I'm over the moon.

I've already hired a nursery designer.

Is it helping?

Oh, God, I'm buying everything in sight.

No, I mean, the therapist.

Why? You guys don't go?

No, but I think maybe we should.

Problems?

It's mostly just money stuff.

That's why I think I need to get a new job.

No, no, honey, you are married.

It is the man's job to make the money.

Yeah, Bob doesn't care.

He's fine with things the way they are.

He better care if he wants to stay married to you.

All right. Just play it half speed from right here.

That's good. All right. So, now, let's keep... it's after this, time right, okay, stop, pause, see? Right there.

Do you see it? Run it back frame by frame, frame by frame, slowly, a little bit further, and right there. Look, they're dancing.

See it? Polar bears dancing.

Yeah. Ha? That's our cover.

That's our cover. Print that image. That's great.

You must be so happy. That's great.

But... but back... back to the house.

So, Larry, I mean, I think it checks all the boxes, right?

It... it, you know, it's got the-the pool, the Jacuzzi, yeah, and it's great for entertaining.

Oh, can you hold on one second?

Larry, I need one second. I'll be right back.

Hi.

Yeah.

No, no, I'm... I'm... I'm waiting right here for you. Yeah.

Uh, no, I can't come back at seven tonight.

No, no, no, no, it's fine. These things happen. We... we'll reschedule it.

You have a great audition, okay?

Good luck! Bye.

Larry, it's me, I'm back. Thanks for holding. Okay.

I think that if you want the house, you're gonna have to make an offer.

Hello, Larry?

Ugh!

I hate real estate. Uh-oh.

What the heck! It will get better.

I don't know, maybe it's just a midlife thing.

Life is just...

Maybe you should get a new job.

I like my job.

Of course you do, and that's what I love about you. You're so easily pleased.

I want a break from all the drudgery.

I mean, I want my life to expand.

Yes, I know... I know what you mean.

You do? Yeah, I do. I do.

You do? I do. I do. I do.

That's why I think that if we had a baby...

I told you I don't want a goddamn baby.

We must have been insane not to resolve this before we got married.

Huh! Baby? Yeah, a baby! Who's gonna take care of the baby and all the stuff for the baby and everything like that?

Guess what? Roxy's pregnant with triplets.

In your wildest dreams you cannot imagine the torture the triplets would be, and our marriage would snap like a twig.

She and Nick are in some kind of therapy like marriage counseling or something.

Oh, Jesus.

I think we should try it.

It doesn't mean that there's something wrong with us.

It just means that we want to understand each other better.

It... it's totally normal.

It may be totally normal, but why do we need it?

Because we do, because it's a good idea.

We're fine the way we are, and you talk about money issues, right?

We're just... we're gonna pay to... to invite a complete stranger into our lives?

Well, we could, for example, get a little help with the baby question.

I mean, couldn't we at least try it?

It could change our lives, right?

I'm against it, but... but if it'll make you happy, I'll try it once to make you happy.

You are such a wonderful man.

Oh.

Hmm.

If we hurry, we got some time before Louise gets home.

I don't need much time.

Mom!

What?

I need more time than that.


Hi.

How are you? Traffic was stupid.

It was.

Yeah, yeah, terrible.

Welcome.

I'm Judy Small. Please come in.

So the best way to begin is for you to tell me a little bit about why you're here.

Um, I guess

I just really want our marriage to be the real thing.

You think it isn't the real thing?

No, I... I didn't... no, I didn't mean that.

I... I just... um...

For whatever reason I think I just... I don't feel satisfied.

Why do you think that is?

I don't know.

I met my first husband when I was in college.

We fell in love, and we got married, and we had Louise, and one day I woke up to a ringing phone and he was dead.

He was out fishing at night with his friends and

he fell overboard and was killed by the propeller.

I am sorry.

For five years I took care of Louise all by myself.

I made all the money.

I paid all the bills, and I took the garbage out, and I guess I just-

I kind of want to be taken care of.

And you feel that Bob doesn't take care of you? No, I... I mean, yes.

I love Bob.

I just-

I think maybe I want more than he does.

He... he doesn't seem to care about money at all.

No, I care.

I care. It's just that money has never been that important to me.

I just want to be happier I guess, you know, I want... if true happiness exists, and I think it does, I mean, I definitely tasted it with Bob.

If happiness is out there, I just really want it.

I see.

Why are you here today, Bob?

Well, yeah, Susan pretty much dragged me here.

Tell me, what is it you do professionally?

Oh, um, I'm the Head of Programming at The Nature Channel.

I love that channel.

You do?

Yes, I find animals just so fascinating.

Oh, well, I just uh... you're going to love this.

I just finished this special about polar bears.

Just remarkable animals.

Remarkable.

Well, that's splendid.

I just want our marriage to be the best it can be, to be as strong as it can be.

Is there something wrong with that?

Do you have ideas about how I might be able to help you in this regard?

Well, yes, I mean there are a few things, maybe one, or two, or three.

First, there's the issue of, you know, how we both feel about money, how much we need to feel secure.

I think that's a big one. Hmm.

And then there's the issue of whether or not we have a baby.

Mm-hmm.

And then there's our family dynamic, you know, Louise, my daughter, she's 13 years old and she's lovely.

She's a blossoming young woman, really, and

lately I wonder if it's getting complicated for Bob.

What?

What are you even talking about right now?

The other morning, in the kitchen, I saw you looking at her. She was in her underwear.

Yeah.

Yes.

I see Louise.

I'm not looking at her, not in the way that you're implying at least.

I can't even believe you're saying this.

You know what? I think... I think I'm a pretty damn good stepfather, and a good husband...

Yes. too for that matter.

I love Louise.

I love Susan, but a comment like that, that is just damn hurtful.

It's damn hurtful.

Perhaps Louise should join us next week.

If you think that's helpful, yeah.

I defer.


So are you and Bob getting a divorce?

Oh, baby, of course not.

No. Well, then why are you seeing a shrink?

Never mind. Don't tell me. She sees lots of couples.

Don't tell me that. That's really gross.

Really, gross? Mm-hmm.

Oh, it's so gross. Yeah, it's disgusting.

Listen, you are a very important part of this family, and you are my favorite person in the entire world so I want you to come with us next time we see her.

No way. Yes.

No! No, I... I won't do it. You are going to see her.

No. Yes, you are.

Yes, you are. No.

Yes!

SeƱor. Amigo.

How are those polar bears coming?

Good, yeah, almost set to go.

Great.

Uh, you got a minute to talk?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no problem.

What's up?

Clarette got pink-slipped at Disney so she's freaking out about finding a new job, and I don't exactly blame her 'cause times are tough.

Yeah, I'm sorry to hear that, man.

Yeah, so our income just got cut in half, and now she decides she wants to get married, and buy a place with a swimming pool up in the hills.

I thought you and Clarette were married.

No, just... just keeping house.

Anyway, that's... that's not why I'm here.

Um, you know, Annabelle Bernard down in accounting?

Dark hair, great legs, short skirt.

Yeah, yeah, sure, Annabelle.

We... we started this thing, you know, nothing serious.

Just a couple of days a week at lunch, and then yesterday she comes into my office, closed the door behind her, as soon as that happens, man, my heart went through the floor

'cause she's in love with me, wants us to quit our jobs, move to Mexico.

Seriously?

Yeah.

And... and I'll tell you what scares the shit out of me. It's... it's not Clarette.

I... I can handle Clarette.

It's... with the world turned upside down these days, all she has to do is point the finger and my ass is grass.

Sexual harassment? You think she'd do that?

Nowadays? Come on.

These women will do anything.

Wow! Well, have you tried talking to her?

Have you ever tried talking to a woman especially one that's pissed off at you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Um-

Um, do you want me to talk to her?

Oh, man, would you?

Yeah, sure.

You're a gentleman and a scholar.

No, it's my pleasure.

Thank you. For sure.

Hey I'd love to stick around, but I got an appointment across town I got to get to.

Job prospect? Yeah, no, no, no, no.

Marriage counseling.

Ooh. Yeah.

Good luck. Thank you.

It's okay to laugh.

I just think this whole thing is weird.

Laughter can be very constructive sometimes just for the release of it.

I laugh between sessions, alone, right here in my office.

Oh, bless you.

Thank you.

There.

Bingo!

Hmm, one sneeze.

If I didn't have my hankie, bacteria, germs would've spread amongst us all.

Think of your conflicts as germs, left unchecked, without a hankie, they spread among you... the three of you, living unit.

I have never really felt like a germ before.

Well, other than mortality itself, it is the human bond most essential, a web that ensnares us all.

Ensnares?

Yes, I'm referring to the thread of life that wraps us around and binds us.

Hmm.

Um, do I have to be here? 'Cause I have homework.

Louise, this is your chance, in the safety of this room to say anything you want.

Well, there is something

since I'm here.

Baby, we wanna hear what you have to say. Go ahead.

I have no freedom.

My mom is scared to let me do anything ever since my father died.

That is not true.

I'm 13, and I can't even go on a sleepover.

You've been on a sleepover.

Once, and then you showed up in the middle of the night in your pajamas with Comfy Cream.

You'd slammed your finger.

It was 'cause the girl having a sleepover only had a dad.

Oh, not true.

Yes, it is. It is so true.

No, it's not true! Yes, it is.

It's true, right?

You know what? I think your mother just wants what's best for you.

Louise, just so I understand, are you saying that your mom, what, is afraid of men?

She definitely doesn't trust them.

I cannot believe that you're saying this.

Can I go? Can I, please, be done, Mom?

Fine by me.

Bye, sweetie.

Bye-bye. Mm-hmm.

You... you do understand that you have to take everything Louise says with a big grain of salt.

I'm really pleased that I got the chance to meet her.

You know what? I should say right now that Susan is a wonderful mother.

Thank you.

I needed that.

Okay. Well, I've had this chance to see you as a family unit, and there are some certain tensions.

What would you think about the idea of me spending time alone with each of you?

I think that sounds like a great idea.

Hmm.

There's this new couple, the Howards, typical LA couple.

Their problems are very ordinary as is she, but there's something about the husband,

something elusive.

It's a quality.

It's very difficult to define.


I've just learned that Judith Smolinsky James is in Los Angeles.

Apparently, she's resumed her practice there under the name of Judy Small.

What did he say? Judy who?

It was inevitable.

Someone please fill me in.

She was removed from our roster two years ago for unprofessional conduct.

It was an unfortunate incident of counter transference enactment.

Why do I not know this?

You must have blocked it?

Whose case?

Yes, she was mine.

A severely narcissistic woman, unanalyzable, entirely without boundaries, but with an intact capacity for reality assessment.

For 15 years she had a spotless record.

I mean, essentially this woman was raised by wolves.

It was a classic case of soul murder.

So what are we supposed to do? Howl at the moon? Dangle red meat?

I... I think she still has a contribution to make.

Except for the patient in Boston who killed himself.

Her method was unorthodox to say the least.

Look, I'm not saying that mistakes weren't made.

Mistakes that I am trying to rectify, but I will tell you all that unofficially I have been trying to find her.

She's drawing you into a boundary violation.

Well, I'm certainly being drawn into a role change, but I'm the only authority figure she's got.

Okay.

Dress code.

Stress code.

...appearing in torn-tattered, dirty clothing, skin-tight short shorts, beach clothing or other garments inappropriate for blah, blah, blah.

Try this on.

Good.

Aren't these perfect? Noisy.

Perfect. Yeah.

I know. I'm wearing the blue tights that I cut up the other day.

Mm-hmm. And the shirt that I cut up with the red top under.

We're leaving.

One second.

Bye, baby, have a good day. Bye.

Thanks, Mom. Hmm.

Love you. I love you, too.

We should do this every day.

Ditto.

You two.

Yes, you two.

Ladies, I know you were at the assembly last week, right?

Yeah, sure.

And you're aware of the new dress code?

Sort of.

No torn clothing.

These clothes aren't torn.

We cut them ourselves.

To my office.

Discuss this further.

James, how's this finger? Come with me too.

And the rest of you, homeroom.

Come on.

You've got no idea how much dough this place takes in.

Our work is lining other guys' pockets.

They're raking in it upstairs on our backs.

I got all the numbers.

I know how much you make every year.

125, right?

Well, yeah, you know, I'm gonna ask Beaver for a raise.

They all gonna be rat shit.

Beaver pulls in 10 times that much, and that's before bonuses. Ten times?

Look, we start our own outfit.

We don't have to limit ourselves to that nature crap.

We can do whatever we want.

Well, I like the nature crap.

All the big media companies need content right now.

It's the same drumbeat every day.

Content is king.

Parents are looking for a place to park their kids and we can provide that.

Who's our partner? Motherfucking nature.

Walter's got all the contacts.

He can sell ice to fucking Eskimos.

We get to keep doing exactly what we're doing right now except this time we're lining our own pockets.

Okay.

Okay. So why do you guys need me?

We're great at making deals. You're great at making product.

Conservatively, we're gonna quadruple our take home in the first year, but remember, Beaver gets one whiff of this and we're fucked.

Did you have sex after our last session?

Bob and I?

Yes.

You mean right after?

Susan, we're trying to understand how you are, just you and Bob together, your sexual dialogue.

So you're here to satisfy Susan, is that the pattern? Her needs dictate?

I don't know. Yeah, yeah, probably.

I don't have a single couple in my practice that doesn't have some conflict in this area.

Um, I'm confused because that's not really our problem.

She knew what I did when she married me, and what can I do about that?

Of course she did. Yeah.

And you're a man and you have needs of your own.

Yeah, well, I'm not sure Susan's too concerned about that.

Sex is one way that we stave off a fear of loss which feels particularly resonant for you.

You've already lost one husband.

You don't want to lose another.

Oh, God.

I don't think that I'm afraid of losing Bob, do you?

Have you been faithful to him?

To Bob? Yes. Absolutely.

And what do we know about his sexual history?

I mean, he was 39 when we married so he must have known a lot of women.

He does seem to appreciate women.

You could tell that so quickly?

Well, we can run, but we can't hide.

It's not uncommon for women, especially women who tend to be controlling, to become competitive with their adolescent daughters.

No shit.

Has he been faithful to you?

I'm sorry. What was the question?

So could the tension be from something else?

Like what?

Your sexual history.

Why? Why did... did Susan say something or-

Did Susan say something?

Sheila, right? It happened before we were married.

That's so unbelievable.

Okay.

So I had this one-night thing with an ex-girlfriend named Sheila.

I confessed to Susan because it made me realize that I was in love with her.

I proposed to her that night.

I can't believe she's still angry.

I cannot believe it.

Trust is like a muscle.

Once it's torn, it's difficult to repair.

Better watch out. Mom is in a pretty shitty mood.

Thank you for the warning.


How's your day?

Fine. Louise!

I just saw her leave.

What? I... I just sent her to her room.

Honey, maybe just this one time you should let it go.

Yeah? Yeah.

It's gonna be dark really soon, and she's out there all alone.

I don't think that's really safe, do you?

Ha. Considering the fact that there's been three robberies in this neighborhood in the last six months, to say nothing of the fact that I sent her to her room.

Sounds like you guys had a pretty tough afternoon.

Oh!

What the fuck?

Hey, you know what? I think we need a vacation.

Oh, yeah? That sounds great. With what money?

Don't you worry about money, okay? Our money situation is about to change for the better.

How? What happened?

Let's rent a convertible, drive up the coast, stop whenever we feel like it, rent motels by the hour, no-tell motels.

Hmm, that does sound good, doesn't it? Mm-hmm.

Did Beaver give you a raise?

And Louise can stay with friends.

Hell, she's probably old enough to stay here by herself.

I am, definitely.

The next time I tell you to go to your room I expect you to stay there.

Will you tell her that I'm getting too old for the room stuff?

Tell her yourself.

I'm getting too old for the room stuff unless you need permission from your therapist.

Oh.

I am trying very hard to deal with a lot of confusing and difficult things which is why I sought out Judy Small so I would appreciate it if you could give me a little bit more respect.

Well, Judy Small is a loser.

I didn't ask you for your opinion, but because I care about your thoughts, um, go ahead, tell me.

What do you think?

I don't trust people who wear scarves.

I wear a scarf.

No, you don't. Hey, hey, come on.

Let's... let's just all cut each other a little slack, huh?

Thank you. Exactly.

I need to watch somebody turn... someone has to turn...

I know but it's... it feels like... it feels like years.

Oh, how are my babies?

I will see you fine ladies later.

Bye, Nick.

Do you and Nick ever talk about what happens at Judy Small's, like, outside of the office?

No. Nick and I don't talk at all. That's why we're going.

She has me and Bob going separately, and I... we don't even talk about it.

I don't know if I like it or hate it.

I love being pregnant.

I mean, look at me, I'm glowing.

There was this guy getting a cappuccino yesterday who said he had to put on his sunglasses

'cause I was so dazzling.

Hey, you don't get to be depressed while I'm pregnant.

I'm not depressed.

I'm just a little discouraged.

Susan, you are not pulling another one of your no-shows.

You are coming to Nick's launch party.

Stern is gonna be there. I need you to meet her.

There are gonna be a lot of big people at this thing.

I thought Nick was a writer.

Writing is not big money. This thing with Stern is big money.

Now, I have until four o'clock today to decide on the stencils for the baby's rooms.

I have it narrowed down to koala bears, and sailboats, and then these adorable little Raphael angels.

So do you want to help me?

Mm-hmm. Okay.

Hi, Juanita.

Can we have the stencils on the counter in the kitchen, por favor?

So cute. Oh.

Also, can we have a pitcher of iced tea? Pretty, pretty, por favor.

Thank you.

Twenty-three more minutes?

Oh, my gosh.

I can't believe we just have to sit here.

Detention so sucks.

I hate this school.

It sucks.

We're such idiots.

We're out of here.

Where are you going?

Later.

I'm not allowed to take public transportation.

Me neither.


Hi, person!

Judith, it's Ed Kingsley.

I've been trying to reach you for some time.

I understand you're in Los Angeles, but it's important that we speak.

We have some matters that I think we need to discuss.

So, please, call me.

It's not too late to reach a deeper understanding.

Oh, my God.

That's Judy Small. She's the marriage counselor.

Hey, yo, marriage counselor!

What are you doing?

Oh, crap.


Oh! Oh, my God.

She marked me.

You need to tell your mother.

I'm not allowed to take the bus.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

I was hoping that by embarking on this journey that my life would get better, but as weird as it sounds, I think it's getting worse.

How do you feel it's getting worse?

Well, I've found myself daydreaming about my first husband, wondering what my life would be like if Dominic hadn't died.

You know, it's crazy, this life that we have, you know, like you pick a husband which means you pick a life, and he dies so it dies.

Has it occurred to you you're longing for justice?

Justice?

Payback for Bob's past sexual infidelity?

He told you about that? About... about Sheila?

It's important that we get to the root of these issues.

Oh, God, but I... I didn't think he still cared about that.

Did you think it was trivial?

Are you not aware that your husband is an exceedingly attractive man?

I know he's an attractive man.

It may be that you need to take action.

Take action?

In order to make peace with his sexual history, you may need to rebalance the sexual scales.

The sexual scales?

The power dynamic.

I'm so confused.

You may need to even the score.

Hey!

Hi.

So tell me upfront, is this work or pleasure?

Hmm.

Hey, can I get a martini straight up twist? Thank you.

Or does this have something to do with Reed and Walter's new business venture?

Wait, wait. How did you hear about that?

Oh, Reed mentioned it to me a while ago, you know, pillow talk.

Oh, hmm.

No, no, that has... that has nothing to do with that, or your work by the way which is great, yeah, across the board, excellent.

Yes. Cheers!

Thank you.

No, Reed came into my office the other day, and he's concerned that- that there might be some, I don't know, bad blood or...

What an asshole he is?

Ha-ha.

You know how, uh,

sometimes you can want something but then not even realize that you want it?

Yes, yes, I do.

I had wanted to leave my husband for a very long time, and then when Reed stepped in, I just-

I kind of just let myself get carried away by him.

The shock was how fast and scared he ran because I never even mentioned the word sexual harassment, but since he put it in my head, I don't know, I mean,

I'm tempted, and I would do it, too, if I had to, you know, just to protect my job.

Well, of course you would, of course, no question.

You're married, right?

Yes, I am.

Yes, you are. There it is, the evidence.

I was married for 13 years.

Wow! Just three for me.

Ooh, that's long enough.

Well, yeah.

Hmm, you want to get another one of these?

Yeah, why not?

I mean, I have time for a quickie.


Thank you.

Thank you.

Hi.

Oh, thank you.

Yippee! I think I found you a job.

What?

Pinot furniture, genius designer, you have to fly to San Francisco to meet him.

Okay? Oh, thank you.

Okay.

You have to meet Serge. He's married to Stern.

Now, she's a star, but he's pretty amazing.

Serge, this is my friend Susan.

Oh, hello.

We have known each other for... Oh!

Oh, I'm sorry.

Serge is the host of the stellar affair.

Delighted to have you. Spread your wings, celebrate.

Thank you. This is Stern.

Stern, this is my friend Susan.

Hi, welcome.

Cheers. Cheers.

All right. Let's do it.

Hmm.

Yeah. Hmm.

So tell me, I'm curious...

Mm-hmm.

...how did it all work, you know, like, did your... did your husband move out?

I'm... no, I'm just... I'm just curious about the logistics.

I'm a logistics guy.

Do you want to know the secret to a divorce?

Hmm.

It is the best thing in the world.

It is fantastic.

I mean, I just can't believe how long I tied myself in knots trying to avoid it.

It's like taking out the trash.

You do it, and bam! It's done.

Wow! So just like that? 13 years? Out.

Done.

So tell me another secret?

What?

So now you want to know all my secrets, huh? No, no, no, no, no, no.

Yeah. Some I do wanna know, yes.

All right. Well, the truth is, it's all easy, everything,

anything.

Huh.

Once you realize that everything is structured to keep us down...

Pressed down.

Yes, frightened of ourselves.

Yeah. But not you?

Uh-uh.

No, not me.

Not anymore.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

No, no, no, no! Yes!

Everybody drives better on two martinis.

Everybody knows that. Oh.

That, sir, is my carriage.

I can't.

This... this is my chariot.

Have a good night. Good night.

Sorry. I'm so sorry.

Hello. Where the hell are you?

Oh, shit, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I... I was held up at work and I... I'm leaving right now. Bye.

Hurry, please.

I'll see you at work.

To our new venture!

And to those of us lucky enough to get in on the ground floor...

There's nothing I love more than making money.

Hey, we saw an opportunity and we seized it.

Yeah. Perch me that deal!

Wooh! Yeah.

Cheers, darling, cheers. Right. Right.

I'm sorry I'm late. Crazy traffic.

South Island, they'll see you.

Congratulations, Nick.

Thank you. Well, that's the point of money, darling.

We don't want to be sitting ducks for the apocalypse.

That's the symptom, the fear of O.

The fear of O?

Ouroboros, the serpent that eats its own tail.

Right, right.

None of us is immune.

It happened to me last week.

Why, what happened?

I'm driving home from the gym at 6:00 a.m., Mulholland, I'm at a red light when three guys cut me off, pulled me out of the car, stick a gun in my face, and discuss whether or not they're gonna blow me away.

They take my wallet, my watch, my rings, my cell phone, get in the car, and drive off.

It's the end of a civilized world.

It is inevitable.

I, for one, refuse to surrender.

Did they find your car? Who the fuck is they?

Darling, be nice.

They... there ain't no they.

You can kiss goodbye the idea that there's someone out there who is gonna make it all better because the guys on the white horses have all run scared.

That's true, yeah.

Where on earth did you find these people?

Oh, I know. Aren't they great? Stern is fabulous.

Are you okay? You look dehydrated.

Um, I need to talk to you about Judy Small.

Ah, I am getting fat.

You are pregnant with triplets.

Yeah.

Judy Small thinks that I should have an affair.

She said I needed to even the sexual score because, you know, Bob had that thing with Sheila.

But that doesn't count. That was before you were married.

Judy Small seems to think it counts.

Maybe she just thinks you need to have a little fun, huh?

Let's see what I have here. Oh, so...

Yes.

Have fun.

Try these.

In fact, take the bottle.

I can't take it anymore 'cause I'm pregnant.

They'll help you unwind.

I need to unwind.

You really do. I'm really stressed.

You really are. Okay.

Ah. Mm-hmm.

Go on. Ahh.


Yeah! You should get out more.

Come on. We're going home.

Right now. Now.

This way.

Bye.

Wooh! Who's next?

Bob Howard, you are a tight, secretive, little man.

Jesus Christ! How much did you have to drink tonight, huh?

Oh, boo-hoo.

I guess you'll have to tell your therapist all about it.

Oh, wow!

Maybe I should have an affair.

Yeah, maybe you should. Why? Are you thinking about it?

Maybe.

You're incredible, you know that?

Do you mean me, or do you mean Sheila?

Sheila?

She must be on your mind or else you wouldn't have told Judy Small about her.

I didn't tell Judy Small about her. You did.

I didn't tell Judy Small about your sexual transgressions.

She told me that you told her so don't pretend that you didn't.

This is so fucked up. Yeah, bingo!

Your fault.

Bingo. Bingo.

You know what, Susan? If you were smart, you'd know that I'm a man.

Yeah, such an attractive man.

Yeah, that's right.

I'm an attractive man with needs of his own.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

You know, I'm... I'm having a really hard time getting comfortable with your suggestion that I even the score.

Is that what you think I said?

That's what I know you said.

I mean, you can't be implying that I'm the one who said I should have an affair.

I would entertain that idea.

That's a very real possibility, and you can certainly grant me that you must be finding your impulses pretty scary, hmm?

Isn't that what you learned by your behavior at the party?

Bob said he didn't tell you about Sheila.

I can't discuss what Bob said or didn't say.

You know I don't think you like me very much.

This is going to help you

relax and open.

Okay.

Why don't you tell me whatever is going through your mind?

All right. Uh...

Oh!

You know what? I had the craziest dream last night.

Oh.

Yeah.

Wow.

Tell me about it.

Um...

I was on this rowboat with Annabelle.

You know that woman from work I told you about?

Yes.

Yeah, so we were on this rowboat and... and, you know, she's there and I'm watching a fish-

just luminescent fish like a rainbow trout.

And so, I'm... I turned back to Annabelle and she's undressing.

Actually, you know what? No.

That's not true.

I was undressing her, and we are in a hotel room, and she was naked except for this black brassiere.

And she took the brassiere off, but when she did, I don't know, I get tangled up around my head or something.

I just... I couldn't see anything.

Even in your dreams your sexual wish is frustrated.

Yeah, that... that's exactly what I thought.

I was feeling frustrated and entangled, then I was home, and I was laying on the couch, and all of a sudden there was a loud knock, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

It was scary.

I jumped out. My heart was beating like a rabbit.

I ran over to the door and I answered it.

Then there was this woman standing there, but you couldn't see anything

'cause it was nighttime, and there was, you know, not a lot of light.

I couldn't tell who it was.

I think it was Annabelle,

but I also think it might have been you.

Yes.

Go on.

And I-

and I felt this powerful desire, and the end.

It was really weird.

It's so painful to feel that I have to win your approval.

Of course it's sexual.

She's caster eating him, and there's such just such agony to sit by and watch which is all you analysts know how to do anyway.

Oh, how good it would feel just to fire you.

You know that? Such a suck at chat.

It's just so hard 'cause I'm doing everything that I know how to do.

I just know I'm right this time.

It can't be what you say.

It can't!

It just can't.

I know it.

And I've tried several times to reach you, Judith, so please call me back.

I'm in Los Angeles, and you know the number.

I... I look forward to hearing from you.

I want to talk to you. Okay.

About the therapy.

Okay. I'm having second thoughts.

Second thoughts, huh?

Okay.

Um...

Thank you. Thank you, baby.

What is that?

I don't know. What's the problem?

No return address.

Hmm.

Is there a note?

Uh...

No signature.

Okay, but what does it say?

It says "What you desire."

Is this a joke?

Well, I didn't send it. Of course you didn't, but who the hell did?

Don't ask me. I don't... I'll call the company.

Is there something you wanna tell me?

No, absolutely not.

Okay, fine, whatever, but I'm telling you this.

I want us out of the therapy.

What? You don't think...

I don't know what to think, but I want that woman out of our lives.

You're breaking your commitment to therapy.

It hasn't worked for me.

Well, you refuse to open up, but your need is bottomless.

You're in flight.

My needs are not bottomless.

You're running away, Susan.

No, I'm not.

You are, but at the same time you want my love.

This is foul.

You want my love, and you're willing to undermine Bob in order to win in my eyes.

I don't even know what you're talking about.

I have to get on a plane to San Francisco tomorrow so I'm gonna go now.

Oh, to San Francisco?

I am leaving and I am not coming back.

That is why I came here.

Aren't you concerned about Bob and Louise being alone together while you run off to San Francisco because you are a morass of hungers and impulses, and you just jump into therapy, and just as quickly you just jump right out because you got to go.

You got to go off to San Francisco.

Oh, not even a care about the chaos that you leave in your wake.

You think that you don't need me?

I think you're the one who needs help.

You need me.

Oh, Susan, you need me.

You need me, Susan!

You need me!

Fuck!

Oh, I hope I lose my mind.

I hope I go crazy and hallucinate.

Let me try. Wow.

Hold it in, don't breathe.

Your mom smokes pot?

She's scared I'll find out.

Well, you know what? My mother is scared of doors.

My mother is scared of buttons. Why?

My mother... my mother is scared of the word mucus.

My mother is scared of the word horny.

Oh, that's so gross.

Oh, I'm starving.

Let's order pizza.


It's been a long time, Judith.

Two years, seven months, nine days.

I assume there's a reason you hunted me down.

Well, I wanted to talk to you.

Oh.

Talk.

I hate talk.

Look, no one even knew that you resumed your practice.

Why should they? And why shouldn't I?

Judith, please don't play childish word games.

You don't like word games, Dr. Kingsley?

Judith. They stole... no, you stole my livelihood.

I was framed.

I understand how you felt, but I did everything that I could.

No. Perhaps I could have done more but nonetheless I...

No, no. I... I did.

I did everything for Benjamin Price.

I did everything.

I did more than any therapist on earth would have done for him.

No other ethical therapist in the opinion of the licensing board.

Look, Judith, it's not too late.

You still have a chance to redeem yourself, to appeal, and I will support you in that.

Oh, God, spare me the lecture, Dr. Kingsley.

Look, you don't even have a license to practice.

It's California.

Nobody here cares about licenses.

Judith, you're making a mockery of me.

Bingo!

Look, you were always a challenge, but I had hoped that you'd make more progress, that you'd dismantled some of those self-destructive impulses.

I think you need to return to therapy.

You think I need more treatment?

Well, we weren't finished when you left.

So you came here to rescue me?

Is that what you did?

Oh, it's so kind.

Oh, Dr. Kingsley, that is so, so dedicated.

If you return to New York we can complete your therapy there.

Well, then why wait? Let's do it right here, right now.

Let's go, Dr. Kingsley.

What did you expect when you violate all the tenets of neutrality when you follow me like an animal, when you hunt me down, when you violate my privacy?

I am such an interesting subject to you, am I not, Dr. Kingsley?

Flattering yourselves? I need you? I don't need you.

I don't.

Ask yourself this, why are you here?

Why are you crossing boundaries yet again, Dr. Kingsley?

Everything I learned, I learned from you except that when I needed you, you abandoned me!

Bingo! Bingo! Bingo!

Judy!


Hello.

I thought you'd never answer.

I'm sorry. I was stumped on at a crossword clue.

I have to go in like two minutes. I have dinner with Ronald.

Oh, yeah? Well, uh, I mean, how'd... how'd it go? How'd the whole thing go?

The furniture was beautiful, but I'd have to commute.

Just, um, anyway, can I say hi to Louise?

Um, no, I told Louise she could spend the night at Zoe's.

Um, what are you gonna do tonight?

Nothing.

I'm doing the crossword, gonna eat some pizza, probably look at pictures of cars I can't buy on the internet.

I love you.

I love you.

Well, some stupid clue.


Hi.

Hello.

Is Susan here?

No, no, actually. No, she's not. She's in San Francisco.

San Francisco?

Yeah.

Back tomorrow.

I'm sorry. Would you like to come in?

You know, sometimes I just wanna light a light bulb, just like that, I guess, snap and fly a bike with E.T., you know, like a, b, c, d... What?

What did you say? E. T., j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, TV.

You wanna watch E.T.?

No.

I wanna fly a bike with E.T., you know?

You wanna know something sad?

Um?

See, if I were to find an alien, I'd kill him.

Don't even look at me.

That's... I'm looking.

Shit!

Hey, Mom.

How's Louise?

Louise? She's staying over at her friend's house tonight.

Oh! Slumber party.

That's right, yeah.

Please, sit down.

You know, as much as I was hoping to see all three of you, I'm actually quite happy that it's just you.

Oh, yeah? Mm-hmm.

How's that?

Why do you look so scared, Bob?

I'm not scared. I... it's just, you know, it's unusual when your therapist drops by your house.

Yes, it is very unorthodox, I will grant you that.

Do you want me to leave?

No, I'm not...

I don't want to be rude. I... no.

Come sit.

I have to tell you something.

I've received some just very devastating news.

I have to leave LA.

I have to leave and I don't expect to come back.

I don't have a lot of time.

And I feel like we have some unfinished business, you and I.

Do you?

This is... I...

What if you just sit back,

relax, and allow yourself to use this very last chance

to free yourself?

Have you two been smoking marijuana?

Uh-uh.

It looks like you two have been smoking marijuana.

Yeah.

All right. We are taking Louise home right now.

Now, just allow yourself to relax and drop in to this present moment.

A moment where you can remember who you are.

Do you remember who you are?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Have I told you you're a man?

Hmm. You're a man, right?

Mm-hmm.

A man has needs.

Lots and lots of needs.

When no one hears those needs, when those needs aren't met, a man can forget himself.

Did you forget yourself, Bob?

What if I told you that you could have

anything you

wanted?

Bye.

Don't tell your mom that I yelled at you. I want to remain in her social circle.

I don't wanna be shunned.

Go.

I love you. I love you more.

Hey, we'll say goodbye 'cause you're allowed to see your friend again.

That's how it works.

There's nothing wrong with that.

You lied to us, such a party pooper.

Not if you're laughing when you forgot...

Oh, my God.

Mommy's gonna kill you!

Louise. Go away!

Please come inside. Go away!

It's cold out here. Leave me alone!

Go!

Uh,

whoa.

I feel so good to be home.

Yeah, we're very happy to have you home.

That guy was such a jerk. Oh, my God. It was embarrassing.

Sweetie, are you alright?

Do you want to come out from underneath that hoodie and tell me what happened? 'Cause I can tell that something happened.

Uh, is somebody dead?

Jesus Christ! What the hell happened?

I came home last night and Bob was on the couch with Judy Small, and it was really, really gross.

Judy Small? The therapist was in our house?

Naked, and they were on the couch doing stuff, and he was wearing a mask.

First of all, let me just say that... that I'm sorry, and no one was naked.

I let... I let something terrible happen but...

How can there be a but? I mean, and in front of Louise?

Louise, sweetheart, please go to your room.

Susan, as God is my witness, the woman... the woman came here to seduce me.

I think I'm gonna vomit.

I'm not pleading innocence.

Oh!

My therapist, our fucking marriage counselor, on the first night in our marriage that I go away?

I didn't... I didn't invite her here.

The whole thing is just fucking insane.

You were naked wearing a mask.

I'm trying... I'm trying to tell you that under the circumstances the mistake- the very egregious and indefensible mistake was it was very difficult to resist...

I'm gonna fucking kill you. I'm gonna fucking kill you!

Susan, you don't...

I swear to God I'll do it when you're sleeping.

I'm gonna stab you in the heart with a meat thermometer.

I'm gonna cut off your balls with a corkscrew.

Susie, you don't have to be reacting this way.

Just... Just get out of here. I want you out now.

Please. Get out?

Please, just go. I don't wanna see your face!

Go! Get out!


Let's get a one room, please, just me.

Stay overnight.


Judy.

Have a good day.

Bob, what a splendid surprise.

Oh, sorry, I tried to call your cell, and then your home number wasn't listed though.

Well... I didn't know how else to find you.

I've been very busy packing, making arrangements.

Hmm.

Have a seat.

It's okay.

Uh...

I came here today to ask you to talk to Susan for me and maybe just explain things to her.

Darling,

you're so scared, cornered, misunderstood.

No, I love my wife, and I don't want to lose her.

Of course you don't.

So please, please just talk to her and just tell her that this whole thing was insane.

Insane?

Yes.

I would do almost anything for you so, yeah, okay, I could talk to Susan.

I could tell her... um, I could tell her that it wasn't you who undressed me, but it was I who undressed you, and you didn't take me, but I who hoped in the course of one reckless erotic journey...

Maybe this was a bad idea.

Oh, just enough with the flagellation over a lousy blowjob, please, it's insulting.

Seriously, you need to relax, Bob.

Let's do this.

Let's do a calming exercise.

I'm nervous, and now I'm exhausted.

Just a nice breathing exercise. Can you do that for me?

Please, please, Judy, will you just talk to Susan?

I will talk to Susan if you promise me that you're gonna do this for me, okay?

You're gonna be a good boy.

Yeah, I will do anything you want.

Okay. You're gonna count from 10 down to one.

Okay? 10...

Ten.

Nine.

You are not listening to me.

There's no more money.

It's all gone. Everything.

Nicky invested every single penny of our money with that lying bitch, and she just cut and ran.

What are you doing here?

I live here, remember?

Oh, God, don't remind me.

I just spent $200, money we don't have, unblocking my energy.

One word from him, money down the drain.

I guess Roxy told you the bad news.

Yeah.

Don't talk.

Okay? Just don't make a sound.

How's Bob?

I don't know.

I don't care.

I heard there's some weird shit going down at his place, some kind of slash-and-burn.

Why are you here? Why aren't you out looking for a job? What about our babies?

Yeah, actually, I was thinking about getting a tattoo.

You cannot afford a tattoo.

You cannot afford to take a shit on the ground that you're standing on.

I can shit anywhere I like.

I hate him.

I really fucking hate him.

I hate his guts.

Yeah, I hate them. I hate them. I hate them all.

How many tranquilizers do you need?

Oh, I'll take as many as you can spare.

Oh, honey, I got plenty.

Oh, Nick is gonna find a job, sweetie, he is.

Susan, he's a writer.

What the fuck can a writer do?

Good morning.

Ooh, ouch.

Ooh, that looked painful.

I'm so sorry.

Hey, don't be mad at me.

Hey, I never meant to hurt you.

It's weird he hasn't called.

I bet something bad happened.

Oh, no, Louise. Don't say that.

I mean, he's dumb, but he's not that dumb.

Like, if he were okay he'd call.

Maybe you should call him.

Why? He's your husband.

It would be such a human gesture, a forgiving thing, considering the fact that even as inadequate as he is, he loves you.

Bet you've got him to an accident.

Hello?

It's Louise.

Is Bob there?

Well, do you know where he is?

Never?

Okay, bye.

He never showed up at work even though he had a meeting with the writer from Alaska.

Something's definitely wrong.

So much is wrong, I don't even know where...

Well, he... he... he could be in jail, or bleeding to death somewhere.

Louise. Or else he could have a heart attack.

Don't say that. I'm sorry.

I can tell you're already freaking out.

I'm not freaking out. I'm just a little tired.

I think we're better off facing the truth.

I'm having a very painful realization.

What?

I still love Bob.

Oh, my God. I thought that's why you married him.

It's crazy how easy it is to forget how much someone means to you even if they've been a complete reptile, all their fuck-ups and flaws.

Oh, baby, if anything ever happened to him I don't know if I...

Mom, not now.

Okay.

I bet you it has something to do with Judy Small.

Judy Small.

Judy Small.

Judy.

Judy?

Filed a report.

If we haven't heard from him in 24 hours, we'll just have to come back.

Well, that's dumb.

What if tomorrow is too late?

I can't make you a little cozier.

Can you help me out here, babe? Judy.

Judy.

Judy. What? What?

You can't do this.

Judy, you can't do this.

You can't keep me prisoner.

Get it straight.

I'm leaving tonight, and you're coming with me.

Maybe he's glad that he left me.

He's not.

Oh, God, I really don't want...

When I saw them naked on that couch...

He... he is.

All naked and crawled up like two white dogs.

Louise!

Mom, you're gonna blow it!

I think I'm blowing it.

What are you doing? No, you're not.

I'm sorry!

Susan and I came to you because we needed your help.

Every child wants a grownup who will pretend so I'm gonna tell you what we're going to do.

We're going to drive, and then we're going to fly, and then we're gonna head towards water because I see a white sail against just the most ethereal blue sky.

Mom, we need to go now to Judy Small's office.

Not planned.

Hands on the wheel and eyes on the road.

Thank you.

I know the fires in need.

I know the truth.

I know the truth but Dr. Kingsley says human beings suffer from reminiscences, Judith.

You... you suffer from nothing.

Somewhere there is a human life for you.

Judy, I love my wife.

And yet I pretend you love me, and you must pretend the same.

I'm calling 911.

Come on, baby.

Coming.

We should break down the door.

Yes. We need something. We need like, um, like a hammer or-

Wait, go ask that guy. Okay.

Ask him for help.

Mom, money.

You don't need money.

Okay. Bob!

Susan!

Judy!

Help! Shut up. Shut up. Shut up!

You need help? Yes, he... my husband is in there.

You sure he's in there? Yes, I'm positive. He's in there.

Please, just break the lock. Okay. Okay.

I hear Bob.

Shhh!

Okay, I got it. Okay. You stay.

Bob! Susan!

Where's Bob?

Mom! That's Judy. That's Judy.

Hey, whoa, whoa. Where are you going? Just relax, lady, okay?

Ahh. Gah, aw. God.

Hey, hey, what's going on here?

Help. Just let me go. Help.

Let her go, now. No, no, but no...

What are you doing? Don't let her go! Get her!

She just bit me, man. She's crazy. Go!

Oh, my God.

I was so scared.

I'm sorry. Susan, Susan, Susan, my Susan.

Bob.

No, stay back.

I'm gonna jump.

2546, we need a jumper squad right away.

Hey, look. Mom.

Judy!

You okay? Yeah.

Whoa, what are you doing? You shouldn't be up here.

Stand down. It's okay.

I know her. I know her. It's okay. It's okay.

She's my therapist.

Judy.

Judy.

Hey.

Hey, Bob.

What are you doing?

Now, come on. Come here. Come here. Come here.

This isn't you.

No, come on.

Come on, Judy. You don't do this.

Judy Small doesn't do this.

No, you don't.

Yeah, I've got you.

Let me help you now. Come on.

Yeah?

Okay. Okay. Oh, oh, okay.

I've got you. I've got you.

Okay.

Okay.

Lover.

Jewel.


What are you doing home?

I have bad news.

What?

I got fired.

How can they fire you? You have a contract.

I know. I know. They're gonna buy me out for 30 cents on the dollar.

Well, what happened?

There was this thing with... with Reed and Walter, and I didn't tell you about it because I wanted to wait until it was done so I could come to you and say, here it is, here's the new deal.

Here's the big money.

Here's the new salary.

And Beaver found out about it, and told us to pack our bags.

Look, Susan, I know how bad this looks, but I'm gonna find another job.

You don't have to worry.

You've been fired and we have no income to speak of, and almost no savings.

But

at least we have each other.

Shit.

Does that hurt?

Not too much.

Good. Not anymore.

Being a tough guy?

If we hurry we still have time before Louise gets home.

Yeah.

Hello?

Oh!

That's weird. Yeah.

You know what that means?

Oh, God.

So gross.

They barely even talk to each other.

Eww.

Aren't married people supposed to do it at night?

I'm starving. Me too.