Ban jin ba liang (1976) Script

"We the poor working people"

"Getting ulcers, running around"

"Chicken feed is our reward"

"Rough deal is what we get"

"The boss is ever ready to explode"

"His barks are long, his face longer"

"When we ask for a raise"

"Brother, you're in for a treat"

"Working like a dog"

"Things keep on going wrong"

"Why don't we grab a gun and hold'em up?"

"At least making our effort worthwhile"

"It's tit for tat"

"Tat for tit"

"We the poor working people"

"Slaves to money for life"

"Our misery, it's unspeakable"

"But we don't take it for granted"

"Happiness is not ours to share"

"Sufferings are our to bear"

"A little more is a little more. We care"

"At least making our effort worthwhile"

"It's tit for tat"

"Tat for tit"

"We the poor working people"

"Slaves to money for life"

"Our misery, it's unspeakable"

"But we don't take it for granted"


You fool! Want to kill yourself?

Great! Great!


How much are the gas lamps?

Eighty odd dollars.

What do you want it for?

You are fired from tomorrow onwards.

Get a lamp and go sell your martial arts in the streets.


For sure it's sweet, try it.

It's rotten already.

Sir, any favorite chicks?

Just looking.

Seen a guy with a mustache?

Yeah, inside, having fun.

Want one yourself?

No thanks, I don't play such games.

You've taken some dope again?

How much do you charge?

You never take off your glasses?

Without them, I can't see clearly in my dreams.

In my dreams.

Come out! Dreamy eyes!

What is your name?

Sze Ma Keh.

Your real name?

Chu Mu.

Telephone number?

250136.

Say, what's that's for?

Nothing, we just have to call your wife.

That's worse than going to jail.

Next... what's your name?

Wong Yeuk See.

Telephone number?

Private detective.

Sir.

I used to be a cop at Cheung Chau.

Oh yeah?

Inspector Chen is my relative. Give me a break please.

Oh! One-eyed Chen!

How are you related to him?

He's related to my aunt's brother's mistress.

Give me a break please.

So that makes you a bastard.

Oh, yes. Give me a break, please.

Your telephone number?

No telephone.

Where do you live?

6, Tin Kwong Road.

Give him a break.

Bring his wife here.

Yes sir.

Thanks. Do you go to jail for cussing?

Next!

Don's move!

What's the matter?

Shut up and go inside.

Another guest coming.

Don't move, take off your pants, quick.

Take the money, but not the pants.

No? Want to die? Now quick.

Too embarrassing! I won't do it.

Quickly.

Hung, add some pepper for me.

Okay.

Have you ever seen yourself bald?

Oh please, I'll take it off.

Boss, another guest.

Take out your wallet, watch, and ring.

Give me... a break.

Want a break?

All right, here.

Boss, pepper has been added already.

Quickly.

No.

Mix up the clothes, get ready to split.

Left now.

Quickly.

Wait a second.

Wait for the next car.

You own this car?


I'm getting off.

You're ok, boy!

Just a beginner.

He can't even take care of a kid.

Serves him right.

Just talk, no violence.

We can't afford to make a scene.

You should know men's temperaments.

They can get tired of eating too much filet mignon and want some hamburgers for a change.

I will sue him till he is broke.

Then he can eat hamburgers for the rest of his life.

Yale key, 15B.

I left it in the office.

Kick it down.

You prefer hamburger to filet?

Mr. Wong, you'll be my witness in court.

Sure!

I even know the judge.

I even shook hands with the former governor.

Mrs. Chu, if it's convenient.

What? These few pictures cost $2,000?

These will earn you millions in alimony.

Isn't that cheap?

I'll send you a check next week.

Thank you, Mrs. Chu.

Mrs. Chu, leaving now?


Puffy!

Get my tele-photo.

Tele-photo!

Is the boss in? I am here for a job.


Who are you?

From the factory to see the boss.

From the factory? Welcome, have a seat.

This office is too small to display all my credentials.

Please sit.

Initial consultation fee is $200 per hour.

Deductible if we have a deal.

What is the problem?

I read from the newspaper.

There are lots of private detectives in H.K...

Somehow I get publicized the most.

I even shook hands with the former governor.

I saw your picture in yesterday's newspaper!

Oh yeah? What newspaper?

Sing Tao.

Jacky, get yesterday's Sing Tao for me.

You were in a club, with hand-cuffs on too.

Boss, what do you want it for?

Burn it.

Have one. What can I do for you?

I saw your ad, I am applying for...

Go to the 10th floor,

there's an acting school.

Boss, I don't want to be a star.

I want to be a detective.

It's such a waste.

With a cigar, you'd look like Columbus.

Boss, give me a chance.

You know how to take pictures?

It's easy to learn.

That means no. Driver's license?

Five hours of driver's training.

That means no again. What do you know?

At times I practice kung fu.

You know kung fu? Show me.

Not bad! Let's see it again.

Sure!


Better go to the 11th floor.

Charlie the magician might use you.

You, with a big head and short neck and with this on, look just like a turtle.

Jacky, is it your birthday today?

Thank you, boss.

One is enough.

Boss, give me a chance.

That wasn't magic, it's real kung fu.

This job is not as easy as it seems.

24 hours a day we keep track of people.

Get burnt when it's sunny and drenched when it rains.

Hold on, give me back my wallet.

What wallet?

Don't play games, or I'll beat you up.

Come back!


You're alright.

$500 per month, including room and board.

Each meal not to exceed $2. Take it?

Only $2 for a meal?

This is good for you.

Too much rice will cause hemorrhoids.

What are you saying?

Name a person with hemorrhoids who doesn't eat rice.

Year-end bonus if we make enough profit.

Do you usually make enough profit?

We've been in the red for eight years.

I'll try it for a while.

See if you've lost any money.

Is this your mom or your wife?

I'll be damned!

What does this mean?

What do you think?

That means we have stolen someone's wallet?

Where are they?

In front, that's them.

You know the world record for 100 meters?

About 9.9 seconds.

See if we can make it in 9.8 seconds.

Go after them.

You think they'll hit us?

They are no marksmen.

We're in a jam. Stall them!

Damn! Scapegoat again.

Open the door, open up.

Aren't there two people in here?

Yes.

Where?

Just the two of us.

Don't be a smart-ass! I saw them coming in.

Watch him.

Sergeant, there's nobody.

Sergeant, there's nobody.

No? No!

Sergeant, no one.

How come?

That looks like him, except he's got bucked-teeth.

Do we have colleague with a bucked-teeth?

No!

Sir, I think you'd have to push.

What should we do now?

This profession involves trouble anytime.

It's a good thing we have this, or else.

Son of a gun.

What did you say?

I was swearing.

Break it down.

1, 2, 3.


Take me to the kitchen and show me what happened.


What shall we do now?

What else? Climb back up the ladder.

In Puffy, can't even buy a decent ladder.

He attacked me with those sausages.

Ended up hitting himself with the work.


Start the car.


Anything else?

No!

What's he doing?

Deducting my salary again.

Start the car.


Boss, got a case for me?

You're not qualified to handle a case yet.

Come with me to check on the bank case.

This guy bought a TV, refrigerator by installment.

He stop payment after one month and changed his address.

We'll wait for him to get off work today.

Learn how to use this camera.

See, a reflection lens inside.

So you're actually taking pictures on the side.

Then no one would know you're taking his pictures.

Let me practice.

What do you see?

A pretty chick is walking over.

Practice when you are in the office.

How come it shrunk 6 inches?

That's a cheap suit.

What do you expect?


He'll notice us if we get any closer.

But we won't know which entrance.

Count the steps, 11, 12, 13, 14

15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21...

But there are doors on both sides.

Didn't you hear the iron gate just then?

That's smart thinking.

You need this to be in this business, not magic.

Go and fetch Puffy to help us.

Give me the mic.

Pin it here.

Why put it on?

I'll check the TV and refrigerator serial number.

If they correspond, he'll have to pay.

Otherwise, I'll give a signal, you two can come and haul them out.

Puffy, give me a certificate.

This is the caretaker's.

I am not selling coffins.

Let me.

Get the two-way phone ready.

Testing! Can you hear me?

Over.

Yes, I hear you, over.

I'm going in, over.

Boss, what's today's signal? Over.

Buddha be praised, over.

TV repairman, your TV has a lot of snowflake.

Yeah, I'm freezing to death. Come in!

Help yourself.

We don't have any TV here.

Master, help me get rid of him.

Stick around, watch me handle him.

What are you doing here?

TV repair.

Certificate?

You bitch!

Why did you take so long to send a repairman?

You're crazy! You've got the wrong number.

Who are you?

Don't touch me.

Don't you dare...don't you dare.

I warn you, I am serious.

You try again...my last warning.

Alright, I'm leaving.

You want to fight?

I'll let my 2nd brother handle you.

Junior!

Hit the one with glasses.

He doesn't have them on now.

Buddha be praised.

Even Buddha won't help you now.

Let big brother have some fun, it's his birthday.

King Kong!


Where're you from?

Mongkok, Kowloon, Buddha be praised.

What did you say?

Buddha, Buddha be praised.

What's wrong with your neck?

I got whacked in the last case.

Really?

That's mild.

Sometimes you can really get hurt.

You mean like him?


Mr. Chen,


look what's this?

My elbow's got rheumatism. Have a seat. Okay.

Someone's been cutting up the theater's seats lately?

Worse, look at this, a letter too.

Just to prove he's not joking.

If I don't pay, he'll set one off

US $300,000.

Yeah!

I think we had better inform the police.

We can't, we'd lost our audience.

So you don't want to pay him. Puffy!

No!

There's no end paying them.

Check if this is real.

How?

Told you before, 1 red wire, the other blue.

Connect them, if it's fake no problem.

If it's real, you'll be 23 tomorrow.

I am just 20.

Chinese people usually add 3 years to their age when they die.

You need not worry.

I've come upon something similar, then what are you doing?

Didn't you ask me to connect 2 wires?

Is it real?

But if it's real, you'll blow us up.

Where then?

Go to the bathroom.

Mr. Chen, don't worry.

This happened before, though not in a theatre.

Boss, if that's real, I'll get blown up.

Can't you count, only one in there.

But three out here.

I guess you're right.

Mr. Chen, don't worry.

They only want to scare you.

With my experience, I can tell.

That is real stuff.

What happened? Still alive?

How come you are here?

I don't know, I connected two wires.

It didn't explode, so I walked out.

Now you are using your brains.

Go with Mr. Chen and see if you find anything suspicious.

Mr. Chen.

Miss, is the boss here?

Mrs. Mok, have a seat.

Boss, Mrs. Mok is here.

Which one?

The Chatterbox?

The ugly duck who tries to look young?

Yes... No...

The boss lady of Da Wah Supermarket.

Okay, I'll be there.

Boss is coming.

Mrs. Mok, you look younger.

Just look at you...

Like an ugly duck.

No, just like a tender chicken.

Every man will fall on love with you.

You look like a pig.

It scorched by the stock market.

What can I do for you?

Oh. Shoplifters in my supermarket.

I am losing more than $1,000 daily.

I want you to catch them.

Go check the other side.


What are you doing?

Look!

Why don't we arrest them now?

They can claim, they'll pay at the door.


What?

These 2 rolls cost $128.

Including those in your stomach.

I don't have any money.

It's fine.

You get free meals in jail.

Boss lady, I think...

Stop, stay right here.

How do you feel?


Use your "Five Animals" kung fu.

Dragon style.

Snake style.

Tiger style.

Leopard style.

Crane style.

You're even better than your boss.

I should just call you next time.

You need skill to prepare cream chicken.

Pluck the feathers, using lukewarm water.

Around 80 degrees will do.

Hot water effects the skin texture.

The meat will also become tough.

Put the chicken on the chopping block.

For sauce, half a bowl of coconut milk.

Some lard, green pepper, bay leaf, and green onions.

Ginger, and 2 bottles of milk.

I shall repeat.

Coconut milk, lard...

It's 8 already, get up.

Boss, such bunk beds!

They're worse than those on the Macau ferry.

What do you expect for $100?

What do you want to sleep?

Why don't you get rid of it.

It's easy to break my head.

No way, I need this in case I hire another helper.

Anyway, it's worse than a coffin.

Sure, a coffin costs more than $1,000.

All you know is how to loaf.

Let's do some waist exercises.

1234, 2234, 3234, 4234.

Let's place our hands on the stomachs.

Massage, it can slim down fat.

Get ready, 1234, 2234.

Left 234, Right 234, spread the legs.

Move the head in circular motion.

This will help loosen the neck.

Ready, 1234, 2234.

Change side, 1234, 2234.

A deep breath,

then lie on the floor.

Hands straight, sit up with the waist.

Ready, bend waist, exhale, lie back.

Bend waist, exhale, lie back... now we do leg exercises.


Isn't this good?

I don't know what I look like with this on.

As you said, a small turtle.

Only you look like a small turtle with your short neck and small head.

I have a long neck and a big head.

Then you look an ostrich.

No, you don’t look like an ostrich.

What? You...

Boss, Mr. Chow sent us his wife's pictures.

His wife is going to the salon today.

He suspects she is having an affair.

So he employs us to follow her.

You two go together.

Boss, I want to go to the doctor's.

What for?

I think I got the flu.

Have you over heard of people dying from flu?

If it's swine flu.

Certainly!

Listen!

If you got flu, you'll be okay.

If you got swine flu, you'll die anyway.

Either way you'd waste money by going to the doctor.

You are right.

Yeah.

Well, you'd better see a doctor anyway.

Or else you'll think I am too mean.


Learn to use this.

Just press the black button.

Let me try.

Boss, can you hear me? Over.

Boss, can you hear me? Over.

Boss, can you hear me? Over.

How?

With no antenna?


All women fool around?

Any young wife married to an old man is a nun if she doesn't fool around.

Why does the husband want to find out?

It's just more headache.

To save on alimony, later.

Rich people are pretty shrewd.

Or they won't be rich people.

Her husband should not get uptight.

The wife's having an affair.

Is like playing a game of mahjong?

Boss, I haven't seen your wife yet.

Has she gone back to her mom's?

To play mahjong with someone?

Damn, don't you know how to drive?

Stopping the car in the middle of the road?

You'll flunk all road tests for sure!

Use the bus for the rest of your life.


She just sent the driver away.

Might sneak out any time.

I'll guard at the rear door. Call me if anything happens.


Boss, can you hear me? Over.

Boss, can you hear me? Over.

Damn, don't you know how to drive?


What's up?


They're over there.

They've gone inside.

Together?

All right, let's rent a room also.

What's this?

Tell me it's not true.


You can't die before you are 80.

Why?

Because you won't be able to pay me back.

The designs in our rooms are many and varied.

This is "Modern Times".

"Through The Looking Glass'.

This "Enjoy Yourself Tonight" suite is taken.

Please come over here.

Taken by a man with a mustache?

No, he is in room B3.

Let me recommend the room with water.

The sensation is like floating on water.

Why not enjoy yourself?

I know you guys like special pleasure.

How do you know?

Both of you are not women.

Isn't that special? This way please.

You can pay when you leave.

Really comfortable? Huh?

Never tried this before.

Quit thinking of pleasure, you kid.

You know what they say about the wheel of fortune.

That's terrific! My fortune's been bad for the past 20 years.

If it turns, I can live it up the next 20 years.

I feel this world owes me a lot.

You didn't even bring a diaper when you were born!

What does this world owe you?

Let's start working.


What are they doing?

Playing mahjong.

Which round now?

End of the last round.

looks like they'll have another round.


Let's have a drink first.

Great!

You think your old man would notice us?

Yes, if we were stocks and shares.


Cheers.

You always carry your gun, any good?

Why not?

I am the best shooter on the force.

And the fastest?

You are being needy

I don't understand, why that old man...


What's this?

Submarine.

Submarine?

What's that noise?

Don't be suspicious, let's take a bath.

Ok.

Change the bath water.

Good.


5

15

-10 -5 Got it!

I lost again.

You lost again.

Let's do it again.

Who are you?

I am the plumber.

How come you are here then?

Because the plumbing is here.

Don't run away.

Get up!

What have you done? Been swimming.

You too!

How did this come about?

Water bed gives you the floating sensation!

That's why it's worth...

What happened?

Just sleeping on water bed.

It's so horrifying!

You'd be lucky if you don't drown.

Mr. Chen.

You go to get a car.

Okay.

You get them some tickets.

How come you like raw carrots?

What else can I eat for $2 per meal?

Don't get jumpy!

You know too much carrots can make you...

As long as you know.

Hey, watch where you're going.

Mr. Chen, that's him.

I'll make a phone call.

Jacky, what's the matter?

I'll come right away.


Don't move, stop the projector, turn on the lights.

This is not the ticket office.

Don't talk, quick.

What happened?

Live show on stage!

This is not a blackout.

Neither is it a live show; it's a robbery!

I want cooperation, please don't panic.

Then nothing will happen to you.

Robbery.

Crazy.


Don't move or you'll get hurt.

Everybody stand up with your hands up.

Please notice the guns are real.

No need to risk your lives.

Be fast, put them in.

It is important to be honest.

Put everything you own into the bags.

I'll search a few to make sure.

If find out there're something...


Again the same lousy congee.

Right!

Get 2 bowls to the back alley Ok. Ok.

Why do you like the congee here?

Miss, hurry up!

Better give us the money.

Don't pretend to be a fool.

Don't bother to count. All of it.

Don't play games.

Tired of living?

Take off the jade bracelet.

It won't come out.

Then chop off your hand.

Oh, no, I'll take it off.

They rob, would they rape too?

You wish.


I'll search another person now.

You'll be in trouble if you hide something.

The one standing next to the priest.

The lady next to him.

It can be rape.

That one looks cheeky.

Come forward too.

Quick!


Nothing, very cooperative.

Applause please.

Thank you for your cooperation. Go now.

Come over here.

What's this?

It's a rubber band.

Have you ever played Russian Roulette?

No.

Well, I'll show you.

Spread out your legs.

How many cylinders are there?

Six.

Look, here are three bullets.

I'll mix them up.

You won't know which is where.

Your left or right foot? Speak up.

I want them both I'll choose for you, right foot.

I need it to play right wing in soccer.

Your may switch to left wing position.

Leave us alone, I'll let him go if he wins.


I told you'd to play left wing.


Quickly, go!

Just go on enjoying the movie.

Don't look at us within 5 minutes.

That'll be the last thing you'll see


Let's go.


Damn baldy!

Of all cars he stole an ice-cream truck.

Maybe he likes good air-conditioning.

Any questions?

No.


Everybody... Excuse me.

Welcome, everybody.

Mr. & Mrs. Chow will present the award.

Mr. Lee, our brave citizen.

Mr. Lee, you look very familiar.

I used to be a plumber.

Oh?

Mr. Lee, a speech?

I just hope all our citizens will cooperate with the police.

Remember, the police are your friends.

They are your close friends.

Together we take a giant step forward.

"Why is there so much deceit?"

"Why is happiness not shared?"

"Why is the dripping water the only consistent thing?"

"Shortsighted are the social climbers."

"Gloating with self-importance."

"Little do they know the castle's made of sand."

"It's all ordained. What's yours is yours."

"What's not, is not."

Ever seen those two after they quit?

They haven't visited you for some time.

Jacky, do you think I am mean?

No.

When do you work here?

When was your last raise?

I don't think you ever gave me one.

We have to advertise for two new assistants.

No! Kids nowadays are too smart.

They'd work for a month or two, then quit.

Better think of another way.

How? You can't even walk.

Why not?

Hold this, look, how's this?

Tell me it's not true.


Consultation fee is $200 per hour.

It's deductible if we got a deal.

Have a piece of candy.

Thanks!

In our profession, connections are important.

Right!

I shook hands with the former police commissioner.

Please start from the beginning.

He never did need a secretary.

Excuse me!

Boss, well, have a piece of candy.

Starting your business with this small space?

Why not?

With a couple of fake credentials no one can tell.

In a short while, business will pick up.

Business has been slow already.

Now with you next door, we will just starve together.

It's still better than just the two of us starving.

Let's cooperate, and talk about the terms.

Why should I? I know all you know.

But you don't know what I know.


Boss!

Is it a 50/50 deal?

But at least 2 days off every week.

Why so many days off?

So I can play mahjong with Jacky!

"We the poor working people"

"Getting ulcers, running around"

"Chicken feed is our reward"

"Rough deal is what we get"

"The boss is ever ready to explode"

"His barks are long, his face longer"

"When we ask for a raise"

"Brother, you're in for a treat"

"Working like a dog"

"Things keep on going wrong"

"Why don't we grab a gun and hold'em up?"

"At least making our effort worthwhile"

"It's tit for tat,"

"Tat for tit"

"We the poor working people"

"Slaves to money for life"

"Our misery, it's unspeakable"

"But we don't take it for granted"

"Happiness is not ours to share"

"Sufferings are our to bear"

"A little more is a little more. We care"

"At least making our effort worthwhile"

"It's tit for tat"

"Tat for tit"

"We the poor working people"

"Slaves to money for life"

"Our misery, it's unspeakable"

"But we don't take it for granted"