Bathtubs Over Broadway (2018) Script

None of this should have happened.

I shouldn't know about it.

This stuff is bizarre and hilarious.

Those are only the beginning layers.

We were not supposed to hear these songs.

We were not supposed to see these productions.

It was supposed to be all thrown away and forgotten.

But we played a trick on history, and we saved it.

Shows with songs And dance and humor ♪

♪ They made salesmen want to sell ♪

♪ It wasn't for you, consumer ♪

♪ You might say, "What the hell?" ♪

♪ A hidden world of showbiz ♪

♪ Sequins and CEOs ♪

♪ Profits and sales With top hats and tails ♪

♪ Corporate music ♪

♪ Corporate musical shows ♪ We've never heard of those!

Well, hang on 'cause...

It'll change your life ♪

♪ You're off the rails for shows about sales ♪

♪ It'll change your life ♪

♪ Soon you're itchin' To sell a new kitchen ♪

♪ They put the dazzle in diesel ♪

♪ They add the ooh to shampoo ♪

♪ When you see what These two worlds can do ♪

♪ It'll change ♪

♪ Change your life ♪

♪ But now this secret world is fading ♪

♪ Soon it will slip away ♪

♪ The grooves with that sound Still wait to be found ♪

♪ And the records ♪

♪ The records will guide the way ♪

♪ It'll change his life ♪

Hey, Todd. How's it going?

Sir. Is it a bloodbath?

He cut a decent amount, but we put in some saves and some new, uh, Patriots jokes. Okay. All right.

So right now, three elements?

Uh, yeah, closing on Cher. Okay.


And does Cher require a special cue?

Or is it just from off the previous stage joke?

She's just cued off the Kim Kardashian joke.

"Wound clear around her ass." Okay.

I feel like industrial musicals kind of chose me.

It just kind of crossed my path, and I seemed to be the right person at the right time in history to latch onto this.

The joke preceding that is, uh, one you have on your page about Kim Kardashian, uh...

"Big line for the... For the book.

Uh, the line wound clear around her ass."

I like your tie.


So I'm gonna double and triple-check that, but that seems to be where we landed.

All right, thank you.

From the heart of Broadway, broadcasting across the nation and around the world, it's the Late Show with David Letterman.

Steve kind of is the voice of the show.

Uh, I mean, obviously Dave is the voice of the show, but Steve has been around as a writer longer than anybody else.

I consider Steve to be the last vestige of the heyday of late-night talk show television writers.

There are precious few of these men and women who can do this.

All right. Do we just have him groan a little bit, like... Yeah.

Should we put that line earlier on?

'Cause I think that's funny that he has a compound fracture. Sure.

When you're a comedy writer, you become so calloused to so much out there, 'cause we're so immersed in pop culture and comedy that it takes a lot to entertain us.

We become hard laughs.

But with Steve, he's already, you know, way left of center.

Pull out the organs They must be inspected ♪

♪ No sign of disease can be detected ♪

♪ Gizzards, livers, necks and hearts ♪

♪ Are set aside as the giblet parts ♪

♪ The abdominal cavity gets a cleaning ♪

♪ The carcass then must pass a screening ♪

♪ On Thanksgiving, let's all sing ♪

♪ Of industrial turkey processing ♪

♪ Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ♪ Steve always takes it in a way that we...

You know, you just could never do.

After decades of writing comedy and working in comedy, I do think that many of the receptors in my brain that would allow me to enjoy comedy like civilians, I would call them, have been burned out.

People around me will be roaring with laughter at something, and I'll just be nodding politely.

For me, now, to find anything that makes me burst out laughing is somewhat rare.

That's just Bob's head on a stock-photo guy's body.

It makes perfect sense that Steve would be enamored with something called The Bathrooms Are Coming! Yeah.

Isn't that the name of it? Okay. Yeah.

I had been hearing The Bathrooms Are Coming!

As long as I can remember, but I didn't actually know what it was.

I thought he had just kind of made it up.

I thought he made it up, too. And, like, it was this thing in our family.

Now, here's something that nobody cares about.

Sorry. Back up.

Here's something that most people don't know about.

Um, and... And he's just turning it into this huge thing.

I found out that it was part of a bigger thing later.

Yeah, that was a shock.

So, how does a cynical comedy writer with comedy damage get emotionally involved with people who wrote musicals about ball bearings and light bulbs and bathtubs?

It began really very accidentally and randomly.

Here we go!

♪ Dave's Record Collection ♪ Perfect. Oh, good.

Uh, here we have an album, it's called Number One Hard.

Now, this is a musical.

Please don't make up your own jokes.

Number One Hard. It's a musical about the Canadian grain industry, and we'll be hearing a song from this album entitled "Wheat."

Wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat Wheat, wheat, wheat ♪

♪ Wheat makes your life complete ♪

♪ Wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat ♪

♪ Wheat, wheat, wheat ♪

♪ It makes our life complete ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

I didn't really collect any records before the Letterman show, but it became my job to look for records for "Dave's Record Collection."

It's a comedy bit we do on the show.

We find unintentionally funny and weird records, and make jokes about 'em.

I'm a bad bird.

Bloopers, I probably would not have gotten, 'cause that's already trying to be funny.

The best stuff for "Record Collection" was the stuff that was unintentionally hilarious.

But then I started finding these mysterious corporate souvenir records marked on the labels

"Not for commercial use," "Not for broadcast,"

"Souvenir use only."

And I had no idea what I was finding.

I just thought, you know, "This is something we can make fun of right away."

My insurance man ♪

♪ The man we rely on ♪

♪ My insurance man ♪

♪ The best of them all ♪

♪ Who serves all coverage needs ♪

♪ That's why he succeeds ♪

♪ My insurance man, is that what they... ♪ Hey. It's amazing, it's actually more annoying than my insurance man. Yes, you're right.

It seemed like, "This is too easy."

Some big faceless corporation trying to put on a musical like a Broadway show.

How pathetic.

A whole musical about diesel engines or Oldsmobiles or sneakers.

Thank you, comedy gods, because this is hilarious.

These weren't jingles.

These weren't commercials.

This was a full-fledged Broadway-style musical show for a private audience of people within the company.

You did it, and we are here today to pay tribute to you.

Some were live recordings, and you hear audience going, "Whoo-hoo!"

And sometimes you'll see a letter tucked inside.

"Here's the souvenir of the fun we had last May."

You just think, "Well, that's kind of sad, isn't it?"

What kind of people worked on this stuff?

I mean, that must be the strangest dead end of show business that anyone's ever wandered into.

Do you get out of that?

I thought, probably something wrong with me that I keep wanting to listen to My Insurance Man and Diesel Dazzle in my off hours.

They've got features To talk about ♪

♪ Features to remember ♪

♪ General Electric ♪

♪ Refrigerators and freezers... ♪ I didn't really know anything about musical theater, but I was pretty sure it wasn't supposed to be this.

Twenty-two slices of bread ♪

♪ A crust on either end ♪

♪ Cookbook's the name of this bread ♪

♪ Baked while you sleep, my friend ♪

♪ Twenty-two slices Of fine white bread... ♪ What shouldn't you write a musical about?

Let's write it, and let's make it really good, and let's not tell anyone about it.

The dishwasher And the disposal ♪

♪ They're moving up ♪

♪ The dishwasher and the disposal... ♪ I had no hobbies.

I barely had any friends outside the show.

"I just thought, "Wouldn't it be great if there were, like, dozens of these records?"

- ♪ Go, go, go... ♪ I don't really care about the rest of "Record Collection."

I just want to find more of these things.

There's a new world opening up ♪

♪ There's a new world opening up ♪

♪ There's a new world opening up ♪

♪ For the likes of me and you... ♪ Do you know if you ever have souvenir records from company conventions or sales meetings?

That kind of stuff is definitely gonna be a challenge.

Um, not off the top of my head.

Does that ring a bell?

No, you never saw something like that?

No, sorry, that's... All right.

That's crazy.

Could I give you my card?

Can I give you a card?

Hey, can I give you a card in case you ever see them? Oh, please, yeah.

I'd, uh, make it worth your while if it's, uh...

It's one I don't have for my collection. Will do.

♪ One thing's sure, you'll find pure ♪

♪ Xerox spoken here ♪ No one else cared about this stuff.

No one else was looking for it, with a couple specific exceptions.

I think the first one I consciously got was this one.

And, man, I was hooked.

At that time, 20 years ago, there was less Internet involvement.

It was canvassing record stores and cold-faxing record stores around the country.

I spent years trying to find other versions of this kind of thing.

And then eBay came, and it was...

It was like a wonder of miracles. Here we go.

♪ We're on our way to a brand-new day ♪

♪ And we reiterate... ♪ But every time I found one, which was still pretty rare, I was always outbid.

Always outbid by the same guy.

He just bought the same one three times in a row.

I can't get near this stuff.

I think I only had the Arrow shirt record.

And then another mutual friend and connoisseur of the incredibly strange said, "Yeah, yeah, I know that Arrow shirt record."

I mean, there's somebody who really knows about that stuff.

"You need to meet this guy."

And then I realized my competitor's name was PantsSteve on eBay.

There was nobody as serious as Steve.

♪ There's a new day coming our way ♪

♪ There's a new day... ♪ There are records that I know are out there that I do not have yet, and that... It's a little painful.

I should have them all.

I will have them all eventually.

Thank you very much, and good evening.

I am happy to be with you tonight for this great event in the life of Cities Service Oil Company.

This closed-circuit telecast is going to 10,000 of you Cities Service people in one private meeting.

Now, let's put on your "zoom" glasses, because everything's coming up Citgo.

Coming soon, wait and see ♪

♪ Cities Service is off on a spree ♪

♪ Brightening up, tightening up ♪

♪ Yes, sir, everything's ♪

♪ Coming up Citgo ♪

- ♪ Brand-new sign ♪ ♪ Brand-new sign ♪

- ♪ Watch it shine ♪ ♪ Watch it shine... ♪ What about that Frigidaire song? It's pretty good.

Yeah, I don't think I know that.

It's got a nice '60s, punchy, sort of a Walter Marks kind of feel to it.

Put Payoff Punch in Your Selling.

Wow. It's a Frigidaire show.

Great. No, I've never even... I don't think you've mentioned that one.

$6. Nice score.

Let's see.

Music to Spell... Oh.

We can put payoff punch In our selling ♪

♪ With the power of Frigidaire ♪

♪ Yes, we can put payoff punch In our selling ♪

♪ Of a thing that we all can share ♪

♪ Join in our happy bunch ♪

♪ That is telling a story beyond compare ♪

♪ We can put payoff punch in our selling ♪

♪ With the power of Frigidaire ♪

♪ Come on and spread the word To every sales creator ♪

♪ Get the news in each new refrigerator ♪ Take that up.

♪ See the freezers ♪

♪ That are pleasers there... ♪ I am 97% sure that is Michael Brown.

Really? Absolutely.

Well, is that... Does it sound like, uh, another track that he wrote? It sounds like seven of his songs were put in a blender.

Oh, wow. The reason I think I suggested, um, Walter Marks... Mmm-hmm. because it's a Kerbowie NPO production.

Uh-huh. But, uh, Michael Brown did the '64 Dodge show. Did he?

Which is Kerbowie as well. Oh, yes. Yes, it is.

Steve Young was my mentor.

He started the canon, and I added to it.

And this is always one of my favorites, too.

That's pretty scarce.

The Johnson & Johnson, uh, sunscreen musical of 1978...

Yeah. With that classic...

Actually, there's a few good songs in here, but Hot Promotions, that's pretty good.

Yeah that's one I always excerpt.

That is... That is really a terrific...

♪ Hotter than hot ♪

♪ Is what you've got ♪

♪ The hottest-selling Sunscreen under the sun ♪

- ♪ Hotter than hot ♪ There we go.

♪ Is what you've got ♪ That's how we know we're having fun.

♪ The hottest-selling sunscreen ♪

♪ To make you number one ♪


One of the worst shows I've ever seen.

This one I love. Lipton on the Move. Oh, yeah.

I think I first heard that at your place. Mmm-hmm.

And that song, um, is it the...

- Salesman Sonata? Salesman Sonata.

Yeah, great. That's pretty good.

The guy's voice is just terrific.

Oh, you've got this big Fantastic presentation ♪

- ♪ Yeah! ♪ ♪ You've rehearsed it ♪

♪ And you know it's gonna sell... ♪ We communicated, you know, once a day for eight years.

Sharing little tidbits of information.

Every new one that we find is a puzzle piece added to a very large jigsaw puzzle where we still can't quite make out what the overall picture is supposed to be. It's true.

But... But we're assembling some version of a picture of America in the 20th century that had never quite been seen before.

Allowances are The root of all goodness ♪

♪ They're what you grocers adore ♪

♪ So Purina comes To you with bigger ones ♪

♪ Than ever before ♪

♪ That's the way to work ♪

♪ These payments from Purina ♪

♪ That's the way to fatten your till ♪

♪ Get extra turn ♪

♪ As more consumers come through ♪

♪ Naturally there's profit in there, too ♪

♪ From the extra margins that accrue ♪

- ♪ Gee whiz, what a deal ♪ ♪ Gee whiz, what a deal ♪

♪ It's spectacular! ♪

Here we go.

- Hi, Steve. Hello, Melody.

- How are you? I'm good. How are you?

I'm good. I'm just trying to see you here.

All right. Oh, here. - There you are!

Let me try that... A little of that.

Where Steve took it into a different level was that he was contacting people who were actually in the shows.

Maybe they'll talk to me, and maybe they'll say, "Oh, sure, I have a closet full of records I'd be glad to... To fix you up with."

It just blew me away when I heard from you.

Mmm-hmm. - And then, when you sent that Purina Dog Chow film...

I mean, I just about fell over.

I didn't even remember that they had filmed that.

You don't have any, uh, records or tapes or videotapes or anything from your industrial stuff?

You know, I don't think I do.

Mmm. - I mean, it's been a long time ago.

Well, I've got some names I can toss out.

See if they shake anything loose. - Okay.

Uh, Sheldon Harnick?

Yes, of course. I did an industrial with him.

Really? - I forget what it was.

I had grown up not really caring about Broadway musicals.

So these records had names and credits on them, but I didn't recognize names.

A friend of mine had to say, "Do you realize who these people are?

Sheldon Harnick and Jerry Bock wrote Fiddler on the Roof."

"John Kander and Fred Ebb, they're famous.

They... They did Cabaret. They did Chicago."

So many performers and writers, choreographers have this stuff in their background.

Bob Fosse, Bob Newhart, Chita Rivera, Florence Henderson, Martin Short, Susan Stroman.

These are people who have changed American culture.

That's, I think, when it started to feel like I've found some sort of treasure trove here that we weren't supposed to know about at all.

Everybody else has been told, "This is not for you, and you can safely ignore it."

But something in me, maybe it's comedy damage, said, "That's where I want to go now."



Hello. Oh.

Well, hi, Steve. Hello, Florence.

Hello, Sheldon. Welcome to casa mia.

Ah, thank you.

I brought some memorabilia.

This is from the early 1970s... Oh, my God.

Hello, Hank. Good to see you.

It was almost like having a door open to a secret society a little bit.

The general public had no knowledge of what was going on unless you were at one of these sales meetings.

They were never publicized. There was no advertising.

There were no tickets sold or anything like that.

It was like we were CIA agents.

You'd travel all over.

Great hotels, great salary.

It was a dream job.

It was great if you could get one, and there were a lot of them.

I did them for Shell gasoline.

The Buick show.

The Ford tractor show.

York air conditioners, American Standard air conditioners, General Electric.

I did Dodge, Cadillac, RCA, McDonald's.

- Burger King. Ragu.

And Nabisco.

At one point, I did a big industrial show for Maidenform.

The 75th anniversary of the Ford Motor Company comes to mind as one of the most extravagant.

I'm partial, but I think the ones we did, the Oldsmobile industrial shows, were by far the best.

I got your number through Melody.

Now, did you know some of the other Chicago people?

Oh, yes.

The more I looked, the more it just opened up and got broader and deeper.

How about Sandi Freeman of the legendary show, - The Bathrooms Are Coming!? Yes.

Oh, she was on the Pure Oil tour with me.

- She moved away. I started to suspect that there were thousands of other shows.

So, what else was out there, and just how far does this go?

You uncovered a whole new world that was going on in those days.

Yes, and it's still unfolding.

Everywhere throughout the civilized world, people know this street.

Broadway, USA, the longest street in the world.

But Broadway is a street of many moods, and we're going to see most of them.

When I arrived in New York, I wanted to be Richard Rodgers.

But when I got there, I found there already was one.

And he was very active.

Yeah, I came along at what they call the Golden Age.

And that was when there was...

Every single theater had a...

A hit in it.

Theater was something I knew absolutely nothing about, but a friend loaned me a copy of Finian's Rainbow.

I listened to it, and I thought those lyrics were so clever.

That is what I want to do with my life.

So, your first awareness that there was something called an industrial show was after you had gotten to New York and you were trying to break into the songwriting business.

Yeah. By that time, I had placed songs in revues.

I don't think that I'd had a book musical yet, but I was broke and that's where the industrials came in.

Money, money, money, money, money ♪

♪ Paychecks come to quite a sum ♪

♪ Money, money ♪

♪ If you're gonna get this plum ♪

- ♪ Money, money ♪ ♪ You gotta shake it loose ♪

♪ You gotta shake it loose ♪

♪ You gotta shake, shake, shake it loose ♪

During that period of '50s, '60s and '70s, there was this enormous optimism in the United States.

And the industrial shows represented that optimism.

America came out of World War II, and we just kept right on going.

Tomorrow's gonna be better than yesterday, and everybody felt that.

It looks like an ordinary day in the USA, but in the city of Flint, Michigan, all is excitement.

For on this day, General Motors is building its 50 millionth car.

No one has ever come close to that before, so no wonder celebration is in the very air.

Now, I know that your district managers already told you something about our August-September-October sales drive, but the details of this program are so startling that we thought our entire selling organization would like to be together to hear about them.

Honolulu's waiting For you, Firestone ♪

♪ Honolulu's celebrating Firestone ♪

♪ Win a prize, come to paradise ♪

♪ Have a happy, happy, happy time ♪

♪ There'll be music like You never heard before... ♪ During a certain time frame, it was very popular for business people to hold an annual meeting where they would bring in their salespeople.

- ♪ You can be the one ♪ ♪ All yours ♪

♪ You can have the fun... ♪ Over 1,000 salespeople will spend the next four days learning more know-how from top sales executives in the industry.

So I say to you, go out and sell Tupperware.

But also sell America.

The executives wanted to introduce new products to all their salesmen.

So they combined education with entertainment.

There are going to be cars, singing, dancing, movies and more cars.

To me, all I can think of is a hotel banquet room, and they're clearing the plates and the half-eaten roast beef, and the cigarette butts are being taken away, and...

And there may be, uh, Baked Alaska for dessert, and then the house lights dim, and then...

Shh. Your attention, please.

Your A.B. Dick Company pacemaker sales meeting...

♪ Is about to begin ♪

Detroit Diesel is dazzling ♪

♪ Diesel is dazzling ♪

♪ Diesel is dazzling now ♪

♪ Detroit Diesel is dazzling ♪

♪ Diesel is dazzling ♪

♪ Diesel is dazzling now ♪

♪ We're here to celebrate The wonderful past years ♪

♪ Been moving fast ♪

♪ These last years ♪

♪ Now that we're a company That they must watch ♪

♪ Just watch ♪

♪ Detroit Diesel dazzle ♪

♪ Our competition knows ♪

♪ Who's having the last laugh ♪

♪ As our profits climb ♪

♪ Right off the graph ♪

♪ And when they see They'll never stop it or stall it ♪

♪ They'll call it ♪

♪ Detroit Diesel dazzle ♪

♪ Dazzling sales, dazzling growth... ♪ How much money are we talking about to put on one of these?

They spent a lot of money.

The first Chevrolet show I did, uh, the budget for that was three million.

You can compare that, for instance, to what it cost to put My Fair Lady on that same month in 1956, which was $446,000.

So the amount of money being spent on the real Broadway musicals is being dwarfed by the amount of money spent over decades on the industrial shows.

At the time, yes, absolutely.

Yeah. So, real Broadway is this little tip sticking above the water.

Industrials are the eight-ninths of the iceberg under water.

Certainly, in terms of money spent on live shows, yeah.

They're setting the pace ♪

♪ Yes, setting the pace ♪

♪ They're setting the pace ♪

♪ For the world... ♪ In the '50s, you had the car companies and appliance companies.

But by the '60s, it turned into a flood.

Everybody was doing these things.

Giant companies, tiny companies, cast of 40 people, cast of two people and one piano.

You get shows for weird products like plastic wrap for butchers, floor tile, car key blanks, roller bearings.

Anything can be a musical.

In polyester Who's got the bester? ♪

♪ In polyester, the texturized kind ♪

♪ May we suggester who leads the rester ♪

♪ In polyester, the Milliken kind ♪

What would the world be like Without great spark plugs? ♪

♪ Gloom and misery ♪

♪ But just as long as there's a Champion ♪

♪ It will never be... ♪

We're gonna show the world ♪

♪ Just who's-a the boss ♪

♪ 'Cause all across the land ♪

♪ There's a cry for new sauce ♪

♪ The sauce, the sauce ♪

♪ Nothing shakes the kingdom ♪

♪ The kingdom of Ragu ♪ So, over the course of several decades, there were thousands of shows being done around the country.

Many were song parody shows based on preexisting material.

But my favorite writers were the original music and lyric people.

Hank Beebe, Michael Brown, Sid Siegel.

That's what I was really looking for.

It says Care-A-Van. That was supposed to be some crazy thing with hippies and appliances.

But there was no centralized bureau of information that I could draw upon.

The Library of Congress has corporate films, but within that, there's thousands of them, and very few would actually be of interest to me.

You understand why they needed a musical, because, oh, my God.

It's a great big Beautiful morning ♪

- ♪ At the start of... ♪ That's Michael Brown music.

That's Michael Brown music.

That's Michael Brown. That's Michael Brown!

"Starring Michael Brown." "Written by Michael Brown."

Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my.

That is an exciting find.

Who knows who's ever looked at this in the last 50 years?

♪ Come on along and find a treasure ♪

♪ Much nearer than the rainbow's end ♪ There he is. - ♪ Come on along ♪

♪ And try the pleasure ♪

♪ Finding your heart's desire, My friend... ♪ He wrote his own lyrics. He wrote his own music.

He directed his own shows.

He quite often starred in his shows.

He was just this all-around showman, not shying away from the human emotion element in these things and the hope for a better tomorrow.

Good morning, Kemmerer ♪

♪ Good morning ♪

♪ It is 6:00 a.m. ♪

♪ And no one's come ♪

♪ I've swept the sidewalk ♪

♪ Twenty times this morning ♪

♪ My heart is beating ♪

♪ Louder than a drum ♪ Historians didn't really know about it.

♪ Won't you come? ♪ Music people didn't really know about it.

- ♪ Won't you come? ♪ No one knew what it was.

No one cared. No one wanted it.

♪ Won't you come? ♪ There are many records in my collection that are the single known copy of a show.

It's that close to having disappeared forever.

♪ Please come ♪ This is a record I've never heard, I've never seen.

I didn't even know it existed.

Now I'm gonna see if we have a great new masterwork.

Here we go.

Who else but Whirlpool Could ever be ♪

♪ First of all in the industry ♪

♪ First with the products That serve so well ♪

♪ First with the features ♪

♪ That sell, sell, sell... ♪ I don't know a lot of other dads who sit in front of their record collection just sitting there for hours and hours and hours just listening to these records that, like, only he knows about.

No lyrics about Whirlpool appliances?

All right, let's go. Here we go.

She only buys one When she finally buys... ♪ I don't think I've ever been able to express to myself what I'm trying to do with collecting this stuff.

♪ Just one... ♪ I remember just as a... A snapshot of how, in the early '90s, I was in New York, I was working at the show.

There was two weeks off in August.

My wife was working.

We didn't have kids yet.

After a couple days, I ran out of things to do.

I literally didn't have any interests.

I just went to a bar and just drank like four drinks and came home, and the room was spinning, and I passed out, and that's all I had to do.

♪ Just one... ♪ Cut to two years later, and I'm finding the first industrial show souvenir album.

♪ Just one ♪

♪ For only one... ♪ If no one else in the world liked or cared about industrial musicals, I would still just want them for myself, even if I was the only one cackling with glee over a particularly good air conditioner selling song.

♪ First at any price... ♪ And then I would also think, maybe not this year, maybe not in ten years, someday there's gonna be somebody with the weird, uh, psychological makeup that I have, more or less, who's gonna like this also.

♪ Just one ♪

Hello, Don. Hey.

Don Bolles is well-known from the punk-rock world, but, uh, he's also a very advanced collector of weird records of all sorts, including industrials.

Cool. We record vocals in here.

I met him at the Rose Bowl Flea Market, and he was selling records with somebody, and I said, "Do you have anything with this kind of corporate musical thing?"

And you ask that question a hundred times, you think people are never gonna understand what you say, and then he immediately says, "Oh, yeah, sure.

I got the Listerine show. I got the Life magazine show.

I think I got the Westinghouse show."

I said, "You and I need to be friends."

This is Chez Bolles.

Indeed. Come on in. All right.

Mi hovel, su hovel. Oh, merci.

Here's my collection of "lost pet" flyers.

Do you find many of the pets?

Uh, no, mostly just the flyers.

Here's a pretty good one.

It's okay. Yeah.

If you like that sub-subgenre.

I wanted to show you this.

I don't know if you know this record.

Mead Johnson. I don't have that one.

It's a real good one.

Pharmaceutical men and women ♪ Oh, really? - ♪ Rise up to hear the call ♪

"Rise up to hear the call."

Well, I want one of those.

And here. All right.

May I hold that?

This is the pièce de résistance.

That's right. We think this is the only known copy confirmed in the world at this point.

There was a rumor that one had been snapped up by a Japanese collector.

Growing ♪ So here you go.

All right. So you know I've wanted this one for a long time. Oh, yeah.

Yes, and you've copied it for me.

And I feel bad, you know, not, uh...

Not just handing it over to you outright.

Well, someday I will find it.

There are records that I've looked for for a dozen years and then found.

If I find it, you know, you're getting whatever copy is more scratched up.


♪ We bring power To millions and millions ♪

♪ We've the expertise and resources ♪

♪ To control electrical forces ♪

♪ We provide the power the world uses ♪

♪ Store, convert, we even make fuses ♪

♪ We're that corporation You know as Gould... ♪ I wish I could do more trades with Steve, but I don't find enough stuff.

If I actually blundered into 'em, it usually means they're the ones that are relatively, if you can even use the word, "common," by the standards of this.

And Steve not only has one copy, he may be sitting on a closet full of them, that wicked hoarder.

Jell-O, this is only the second copy of this record I have ever seen.


I might have to talk to you, uh, about some sort of trade.

Uh-oh. Because this is...

He's coming to collect his debt.

Yeah, well... He warned me.

"Here, you can have the Bathroom record." Then he goes, "Someday you're gonna owe me." That's right.

It's hard to top The Bathrooms Are Coming!

I mean, because it's the '60s, it even starts out with a song about revolution, but it's all a revolution in plumbing fixtures.

And, you know, you're the new...

You're the new Paul Revere, the new Samuel Adams.

You're crossing the Delaware to better toilets.

It's revolution ♪

♪ Bathroom revolution ♪

♪ Hurry now, the bathrooms are coming ♪

♪ The bathrooms are coming your way... ♪ The Bathrooms pretty much is perfection on vinyl, I must say.

♪ Get behind American Standard ♪

♪ American Standard today... ♪ The album cover has all these wonderful vignettes of mysterious moments from the show, and for years, I'd been saying, "Oh, I wish I knew what that caveman toilet thing was."

"Or, "I wish I knew what was going on with this hillbilly with his jug of moonshine."

I guess we'll never know.

There were a lot of cast members who I couldn't find.

And the composer, Sid Siegel, I couldn't find.

Sport noticed on YouTube once somebody had put up the song "My Bathroom."

But one of the comments was, "Oh, my aunt sang that."

That's what broke it open.

So I'm talking suddenly to Patt, one of the cast members from The Bathrooms Are Coming!

She e-mailed me at one point and said, "I didn't want to tell you until I was sure, but I went and looked through a lot of stuff, and I do have a 16-millimeter film of The Bathrooms Are Coming! Show."

This was a bolt out of the blue.

I could not have even dared to hope that there was a film.

I put the DVD into the player with trembling hands.

After all this time, questions were going to be answered.

My bathroom ♪

♪ My bathroom ♪

♪ Is my very special room ♪

♪ Where I primp and fuss and groom ♪

♪ Where I can get ♪

♪ Away from all ♪

♪ And really feel in bloom ♪

♪ I'm free, I'm free ♪

♪ I've closed out the world ♪

♪ I'm free ♪

♪ I'm free, I'm free ♪

♪ Now at last ♪

♪ I can really be me ♪

♪ In my bathroom ♪

♪ My bathroom ♪

♪ Is much more than it may seem ♪

♪ Where I wash and where I cream ♪

♪ A special place where I can stay ♪

♪ And cream and dream and dream ♪

♪ And dream ♪

♪ Dream ♪

The film, it's a... It's a mess.

Well, I mean, I love it. It's at the far horizon where the usual adjectives of "good" and "bad" don't even apply anymore.

That sweet spot where I can't tell anymore.

"Is this the best thing ever, or is this the worst thing ever?"

Now, that's a good place to be.

Come on, Femma, come alive.

Lead a revolution for us.

What do urinals and doctors' wash bowls have to do with us?

What do I look like, a piano tuner?

I'm a plumber.

Today, I finally get to meet Patt Stanton Gjonola from The Bathrooms Are Coming!

It's like a summit meeting, a...

I don't... I don't know how I'm a somebody at a summit meeting.

That's usually... Presidents.

I don't even know what Patt looks like now.

I have this vision of her from 45 years ago, and I'm trying to update it in my head.

No more will we be contented... ♪ I'm sure I will, uh, get the idea once I get down there and there's a woman sort of looking attentively in my direction.

♪ This is the time, the time for change ♪

♪ We've gone and made a vow ♪

♪ We want a bathroom really new ♪

♪ Must be a woman's dream come true ♪

♪ It's a big job you've got to do ♪

♪ The time for change ♪

♪ Is now ♪

Excuse me. Are you Patt?

I'm Patt. Are you Steve?

Yes. Sandi.

What? Yes.

I got a twofer? Hello, my friend.

Hello. Oh, my God. We've got a surprise for you.

Wow! Sandi.

So good to meet you. Sandra.

Ah, you can call me Sandi. All right, just for one night, you're Sandi again. You have to call her Sandi.

You have to call her Sandi. Oh, my goodness.

Well, that is a stunning reveal.

I've gotta say, you girls know your showbiz and how to spring a surprise on the audience.

That was all Patt's idea. Oh, my gosh.

Well, this is a historic occasion.

Sandi, oh, my God.

Proximatics ♪

♪ It's the latest way to get things done ♪

♪ And it's fun ♪

♪ Proximatics ♪

♪ Soon will be the way of life ♪

♪ It's gonna come ♪

♪ All you have to do is get near ♪

♪ That's true, just like that ♪

♪ You'll pop your toast ♪

♪ Get a little close ♪

♪ Just a little close ♪

♪ Very soon you'll cook his roast ♪

Steve, you're nuts.

♪ All you do is get a little near... ♪ Did you have any inkling that someday this would come up again?

No. No, never.

I think we knew that we weren't gonna become stars doing this.


You know, but it was, uh, just a wonderful way to pay the rent and to continue doing what we loved. Do what we loved, yeah.

Well, I will correct you on one point.

Forty-five years later, you are stars.

But getting to The Bathrooms, I know one huge thing that resulted from The Bathrooms Are Coming! For you is...

I met my husband on that show. Yes.

The caveman.

Yes. Yes.

Yes, I chased him until he caught me.

You marry him, what, like a year and a half

- after The Bathrooms Are Coming!? - Yes.

- Dave Shelley. Dave Shelley was my husband's best man.

At your wedding, at which you danced to...


My bathroom, my bathroom ♪ Just, like, I could not have imagined a more, uh, thrilling detail in my little world.

They said It couldn't be done ♪

♪ Said it couldn't be done ♪

♪ With Ultra Bath We went ahead and did it ♪

♪ They said it couldn't be done ♪

♪ Said it couldn't be done ♪

♪ With Spectra 70 we went and did it... ♪ Now we are heading up to Buffalo Grove to track down the elusive Sid Siegel.

I had tried to find Sid many times over the years.

I thought I had missed my chance.

I thought he was gone, but what a delightful surprise a few months ago to find Patt, and then Patt says, "Oh, yeah, Sid, yeah, he's around."

♪ This is your lucky day... ♪ The man who put pen to paper and wrote the immortal lines, "My bathroom, my bathroom is a private kind of place."

The impossible dream has happened.

I found the master, and I'm on the phone with him, and he's telling me he did 250 industrials.

He seemed mildly pleased to hear from me, but he didn't seem thrilled or excited.

They say, "Don't meet your heroes."

What if we just don't click?

♪ The lucky one is... ♪ Oh, my God, I hope this is gonna be good.

What has he got in there that I can't get anyplace else on this planet?

♪ You! ♪

Steve? Sid?


You like my... You like my, uh...

Door... Door chime? I do. That was charming.

Hello, Sid. Pleasure to meet you at last.

Yeah, at last. Yes, here we are.

May I come in? Yes. Who's she?

Well, those are our documentary people. Oh.

Were you surprised when this 45-year-old production that you had just done and moved past seemed to be catching on as this underground favorite?

Yes, I discovered it was on the Internet and was very surprised. Uh-huh. Mmm-hmm.

Everyone laughed about the bathroom.

They thought it was gonna be, "Isn't that funny?"

But it was nothing like that.

It was all about new fixtures for the bathroom.

I want it all changed.

It doesn't do what a bathroom should do.

It, uh... It's unsafe, it's inconvenient and it's ugly.

When you hear it years later and you're just somebody from the outside world, not in the business, it just seems crazy. Right.

Is there any show that you worked on over the years that you recall as a particularly good one?

Oh, yes.

IGA, International Harvester.

Two Hardee's shows I did were very good with Tony Randall and a big cast.

You're a family with pride ♪

♪ You're a family who's sharing ♪

♪ Always doing your part Reaching out with your heart ♪

♪ Serving people and caring ♪

♪ And you love what you're doing ♪

♪ All for Hardee's, you get things done ♪

♪ You're a family and look How far you have come... ♪ Some of these melodies and tunes seem so primal and durable that you wonder, if they had had different lyrics that were not about a certain company or product, would everyone in America know this man and his work right now?

If you want a bathroom ♪

♪ We'll give you a bathroom ♪

♪ We're here to serve ♪ That was it. - ♪ Here to serve ♪

♪ A pink one, a blue one ♪

♪ A tan one, a new one ♪

♪ We're here to serve, here to serve ♪

♪ Our shelves are all full ♪

♪ Yes, we're ready ♪

♪ The line doesn't change, But it's steady ♪

♪ We're the distributors ♪

♪ Kindly distributors, give us praise ♪

♪ We carry our customers 90 days ♪

♪ We may be conservative, but it pays ♪

Well, that's quite a treat to be able to sit in the room with you and have you play those songs and let me bellow the lyrics, which I've been singing to myself for, I don't know, 18 or 20 years now as I go about my daily life.

They're just so darn catchy. What have you done?

My biggest fan. That's right.

If the patient gets bloody ♪

♪ Real bloody ♪

♪ Surg-O-Pak is the way ♪

♪ If I mess up the cover ♪

♪ We'll get another ♪

♪We throw the old ones away ♪

♪ We never enjoyed our operation more ♪

♪ Every complication more ♪

♪ Love that modern Surg-O-Pak way... ♪ The cleverness of the writing to incorporate this thing that you're selling and being clever enough to make it a part of their lives and show it in ways that they would never dream of seeing it.

- ♪ Stunning... ♪ With humor, with sex appeal.

I mean, you can make the product come alive.

How can we demonstrate its versatility ♪

Hank Beebe, with his late partner Bill Heyer, wrote what I think are some of the very finest of these shows.

The lyrics and the music just, uh, just spoke to me.

When you write something, sometimes it just is fun to write.

Other times, it's... It's pulling teeth.

But we had to make it work.

The silicone number is a good example.

Silicones had something like 180 uses, and they wanted 'em all in there.

First let's see What we can see ♪

♪ About the many uses of RTV ♪

♪ The furniture molding That you see here ♪

♪ Would not have been Possible in yesteryear ♪

♪ But now with RTV, We've got those molds down cold ♪

♪ And vinyl shoes can also use A perfect mold ♪

♪ Silicones are just a must ♪

♪ They're also used on the lunar dust ♪

♪ When man walked on the moon Picking up stones ♪

♪ The soles of his boots Were made of silicones ♪

♪ As a construction sealant It's really worth noting ♪

♪ For industrial roofs It's weatherproof coating ♪

♪ It works on the tops Of the big sports domes ♪

♪ For sealing and for caulking In motor homes ♪

♪ Insulates the transformer On your TV set ♪

♪ Makes custom ski boots The best you can get ♪

♪ It's the coating on your waistband ♪

♪ To make your waistband hold... ♪ It went on for, oh, I don't know, five, six minutes, something like that.

Uh, five minutes and 55 seconds. Five minutes.

Ah, there you go.

Once you started doing industrial shows, and these producers and production companies found out that you could handle all of this material, - then you worked a lot. A lot. Mmm-hmm.

Must've been surreal to just do this stuff that you maybe have half of an understanding of what you're even talking about.

Sometimes no understanding.

Uh, perfect example, the John Deere tractor company.

I had a long speech that I had to give about liquid manure.

And so I learned a little bit about a lot of things.

Mmm-hmm. Dangerous, dangerous.

I remember one song was...

I'd rather be a Fury Than a Ford ♪ And through dry ice and dancing girls, the new Fury would come out and...

And I remember Andrea Martin and I doing...

Molded bucket seats Power at your feet ♪

♪ Chrysler ♪ Oh, or Andrea and I did another Spanish number.

Festival nights With the moon shining bright ♪

♪ That's Cordoba ♪ I was dancing around like a monkey.

But what was exciting about it was because you got paid more money than you'd ever gotten paid as a performer, and, you know, you'd learn to sing and dance.

You had to do it. You had to do it well.

If you could book maybe four industrials a year, you could survive in New York.

But for me, uh, as a creator, they actually helped me develop how I arrange music for dance, how I put a show together.

I did learn from them.

Case by case We grab the space ♪

♪ In kegs and bottles and cans ♪

♪ Every detail counts And the numbers mount ♪

♪ When we're working hand in hand... ♪ I choreographed an industrial show for Miller beer one time, and they ended up putting a group of lovely dancers in beer... Giant beer cans.

We were in rehearsal, and the two beer cans slammed into each other, and then the girls couldn't get up.

And of course that made me hysterical.

I thought it was, like, the funniest thing I'd ever seen.


We ended up keeping it in.

Could somebody help me up?

So, doing industrials gave me confidence.

I mean, it's not necessarily the material that you studied as an actor, prepares with Stanislavsky.

But it was about the product.

And you have to... And one needs to be as sincere and supportive about that particular dialogue as if it were Chekhov or Shakespeare.

It's just that it's not the product it's supposed to be, Frank.

And, Frank, three pickles instead of four?

Come on. Oh, boy.

Now you're counting pickles!

I'm losing money and you're counting pickles!

You guys are some help.

There was therapy involved, too.

They wanted to teach their managers management techniques that would make things better for the people involved in their operations.

So we would write a show about a manager, disaffected, of course, finding ways that he could find his way back into the fold.

You tell me that Your profits are down ♪

♪ And things are not What they used to be ♪

♪ You're ready to close it down ♪

♪ Well, just take a moment And listen to me ♪

♪ Wishing won't make a winner ♪

♪ Nothing good in life comes free ♪

♪ It takes energy, effort And determination ♪

♪ To get you where you wanna be... ♪ So, the audience is full of salesmen

- and distributors. That's right. Yeah.

And suddenly they were being shown a version of their world in which they're heroes and it's glamorous.

We tried, we aimed for that at least.

He's important to the buyer ♪

♪ To the dealer and supplier ♪

♪ He's important to the USA ♪ You think the shows that you worked on actually had an effect on the sales force?

They must've, because they'd call you back the next year.

It must've worked.

They tell you that you're the best, you're the best, and after awhile, it really starts to sink in.

It's got them all hyped up and ready to go back and give it the ol' Culligan thing again.

Salesmen were really...

They were thrilled about this whole thing.

And they just went out gangbusters, like a pep rally.

When you heard these dealers, my gosh, you'd think it was some kind of...

- I don't know. Religious revival?

Yeah, or a sexual experience.

I don't know how you would exactly, uh...

But they were like, "Whoa! The new cars!"

That was exciting to see how excited they were.

Industrial shows seemed to just disappear.

I don't know what happened.

The car shows kind of fizzled out a bit, and so did the, uh, the other types of products.

Now look at me And I'll put you wise ♪

♪ I'm the spirit of free enterprise ♪

♪ And I'm gonna be with you Through every day... ♪ For years, Detroit was a symbol of what made America great, and what Detroit made, the world wanted.

It is over, perhaps forever.

♪ I've been with you a long time... ♪ Only thing I can say is move somewhere else.

The shock that hit Wall Street was just the beginning.

The next will hit the American economy itself.

It's a bloodbath out there today.

- ♪ Now I came here... ♪ By the late '80s, with economics and tastes changing, what had had a great golden era for a few decades had fallen apart.

It was tough going, because it was winding down.

They just stopped, and so we, who relied on industrials to a great extent, were out of work.

Everywhere you go... ♪ Oh, get used to the idea of life without your Top Ten list every night.

In another seismic shift in the world of late night television, David Letterman, host of the Late Show on CBS, says he is retiring next year.

Paul and I will be wrapping things up and, uh, taking a hike.

Thank you. Thanks to everybody.

Yes. And the cast.

Some official bureaucratic notice or something.

"Your separation agreement."

Oh, ooh, "Review the document."

Well, I'm not really sure what this all means, but I will review the document at my leisure.

I've had a steady job and a steady paycheck for so long that I've never really had to think about month to month, what am I gonna do next?

And now I... I'm almost 50 years old, and I haven't had to look for a job in a quarter of a century.

There was an S.O.S. ♪

♪ Survivors afloat ♪

♪ Then to the rescue came ♪

♪ A simple fishing boat ♪

♪ We were there ♪

♪ We were there... ♪ It's at the point where I realize, uh, everything that I do every day that I'm so familiar with, it's gonna be over.

What does a comedy writer with comedy damage do when he's still got a fair amount of time left in his career?

There are several items set aside there in the costume room, I hope that's okay.

Well, it's okay.

I just want to tell you that Alan would not fit the, uh, Communist hat.

He has such a large head, so we'll have to deal with sizes.

Yeah. Do you have a smaller head for him?


Good Lord, Susan, these are the final days of Rome.

We have to do what we can do to make this happen.

Ah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I can save all the scripts and whatever I write, but there's something about a show and music that if it's...

If it's not alive and being heard, then it's really... It's really gone.

And so I feel a kinship with so many of these people who worked on projects and shows that they knew the best-case scenario was it was gonna be a tremendous success and people would leave saying, "Wow, that was terrific," but that was the end forever.

Oh, look at that.

More programs.

An International Harvester show.

You realize how rare these things are?

You probably have the only ones in the world.

Star World '79, another one I've never heard of.

Yeah, that was a big one.

Las Vegas announcement. Went to two...

Two cities, I believe.

Did you ever ask for a discount on a car or truck?

No, they didn't offer me.

Oh, you gotta ask, Sid.

Oh, look at this. This is beautiful.

"We're number one. Amoco, Chicago North District."

So these weren't even necessarily national conventions.

This was a regional show. No. Regional.


What does it say? Oh, my goodness.

Burny Brothers. That's the '70s. It says Burny Brothers Bakery.

That looks like a sexy show, Sid.

Yeah, yeah, it was.

It's all about bakery goods.

Did you get some free rolls?

Sid, you're killing me.

You gotta ask for free stuff.

Okay, from now on.

All right. I'm gonna be your manager, and I'm gonna make, uh, some outrageous demands from now on.

You did these shows very quickly.

You moved on and you did the next one and the next one.

And it all became a blur.

And it's been nice for me that, 40 or 50 years later, I get to tell somebody, "You know", I really enjoyed this thing you wrote in 1966."

They never had the time or the luxury to really assess what they were doing.

So we have found the lost Library of Alexandria here.

That's right.

Is it okay if I go up and take a look?

Be my guest. I'm glad for it.

Dig through stuff. Yep.

I dreamed of being an archeologist when I was a kid, like Howard Carter, uh, uncovering the tomb of King Tut, and this is probably as close as I'm ever gonna get to that.

Well, you dug me up.

I did, and you're... You're still walking the Earth, thank God.

Oh, my God, the actual material here from the Seagram's Symphony.

A whole batch of RCA stuff I've never heard of.

And this is just like one one-thousandth of what's up here.

Oh, it's... It's thrilling and fatiguing to look at this.

For every one I know, there's probably dozens and dozens of things that were never recorded.

That's right.

Do you... Do you feel regretful about that?

Do you think, "Oh, I wish..." I... I did for a minute.

When Nancy and I would sit at the show and listen to the overture and realize that's the last time we're gonna hear that overture, and then hear the opening number, last time we're gonna hear that.

It was a bittersweet time.

Are you proud of what you did in this world?

Absolutely. Absolutely.

Working with the captains of industry to improve the lives of the people in the audience, and then fanning out from there, uh, the general public.

I was part of it.

Did your family understand what you were doing with these shows?

No, they didn't.

It was a tragedy for me at the time.

My mother wanted me to not only play but to live in Carnegie Hall.

That was her dream for me.

And of course, the way things worked out, what I was doing was not something that she was proud of.

Uh, she said, not to me but to someone else...

I guess it was Nancy.

"Why, it's nothing but a bunch of commercials."

And, uh, when I heard that, it... It really hurt me, you know, that... That she didn't see what I saw.

It bothered me, at the time, that when people would say, "Well, and what do you do?"

And I'd say, "Well, I mainly do industrial theater."

And they didn't know what it was.

Mmm-hmm. That only the employees inside these companies knew and the general public didn't know. Mmm-hmm.

How can there be something so large and so crazy in the world that we had no idea of?

This is too good to just let disappear.

Unless I'm greatly mistaken, there's something really valuable and memorable and worthwhile here that I would like to do my part to preserve.

Everybody waits for miracles ♪

♪ Everybody wants a sign ♪

♪ Every lifetime has a moment ♪

♪ When all tomorrows combine ♪

♪ In an instant, you see everything ♪

♪ All your juices start to flow... ♪ I was just bursting with this feeling that I want the world to see the crazy, thrilling excitement that's in this that we weren't supposed to have at all.

♪ It's time ♪

♪ Out of my way 'cause it's time ♪

There was no guy, and now there's a guy, and thank God there's a guy because this stuff needed a guy, and I was the guy.

♪ It's time ♪ Ladies and gentlemen, you're in for a special treat tonight.

Please welcome a good friend of ours and longtime staff writer, Steve Young, come on out.

♪ Steve Young's Record Collection ♪

♪ It's wack, that's a fact ♪

♪ MP3s and CDs ♪

♪ Lots of vinyl, that's final ♪

- ♪ Here comes Steve ♪ Hi. Welcome back.

Nice to have you on the program. Dave. Hi.

Thank you. Before we get started, I'd like to point out that you're the co-author of this, uh, fascinating book.

Tell people what we're looking at there, Everything's Coming Up Profits.

Yes, it's a book about one of the least known and least understood musical genres that ever existed.

This is Fresh Air. I'm Terry Gross.

With us is Steve Young, who has a whole new book about industrial musicals.

Steve, do you have another favorite?

Do you have a... A York air conditioner song?

Oh, I like that one!

Yes, excuse me.

Some of these are just so much fun.

You know, the response is great.

I think people get it the same way we get it, which is nice.

Every time I look at the book, I think, "Yes!"

And if we hadn't done it, I don't know that anyone ever really would've.

It's been a long time coming, but I'm very proud how it turned out.

Oh, this... Oh, it's wonderful.

Hard copy. Yes.

I'll show you the pages that have some of your work on it.

After the book came out, I got an e-mail from a young woman in the Midwest, and she said, "Oh, my God.

My dad made that illustration."

She was very excited and brought it home and said, "Dad, you're finally published."

These people have given me a great deal of their time, letting me talk to them and seeing stuff in their collections.

I just wanted to make sure that they were able to hold the... The book in their hands.

Michael Brown, he...

After the book was done, he passed away.

But, you know, we all felt just so good that it made him so happy.

You have come out and said, "Look, this is what was happening back then, and it was important, and it gave pleasure to people."

I think, just pleasure.

So you would tell people that yes, they should buy the book at full retail price?

Oh, yes, absolutely. No question about that.

On a purely logical basis, I shouldn't be here.

I should never have met Sid, who wrote music I wasn't supposed to hear.

But I did hear Sid's music, I did meet him, and here I am this evening.

Life can be so rich and wonderful when we step off the logical path and embark on eccentric adventures.

Getting to know people like Sid and Patt and their families and becoming a little part of their lives, it has meant so much to me to be able to say to Sid, and others like him, "Your work is great.

Your work has not been forgotten. Your work endures."

Thank you, Sid, for a wonderful, eccentric adventure.

And just that I merited inclusion here is...

Is very touching.

At first, I was looking at it very practically, from a record collecting standpoint.

I focused on people that I thought could find me more records.

I certainly never thought I would end up making friends with people all over the country and getting to know their families and being part of these emotional reunions and these moments that really...

It was far more than...

Than you would think you would get into when you start looking for a ridiculous record album to make a joke about.

So, what do you think?

What will we be doing next?

You've got a million things on the plate.

Yes, and I should make a clear five to seven dollars from them, if I'm lucky, over the next year.

Goodbye, Joe. I love you. You're my buddy.

I've enjoyed working with you tremendously.

I've enjoyed it, too.

Times have changed Since I was around ♪ Bye, Kirsch. Bye, Zach.

- ♪ Times have changed ♪ Bye, Mike.

♪ It's clear ♪

♪ Things that once were wondrous to me ♪

♪ Are now no longer here ♪

♪ There are other things More wondrous now ♪

♪ It's all been rearranged ♪

♪ Well, I guess there's always Somebody saying ♪

♪ My, how times have changed... ♪ Are you out for the day, Steve?

Yeah, I don't think I'm going back in, so let's have our...

Our hug while we have our, uh, large, awkward items.

Hey! Steve.

It was great working with you, man.

It was great working with you, too.

A lot of fun.

Well, what do you think of that, Charlie?

Wow, Mr. Morton.

Xerox is the greatest!

Sales keep climbing and climbing.

Yes, you're right, Charlie.

But a dream is an unending thing.

Always changing.

Always growing.

Always on the threshold of an exciting future.

Our dream, our dream of destiny is yet to be fulfilled, and today we know more than ever that this fulfillment is within our reach.

Thank you all for coming out tonight.

This evening, I'm going to lead you through a door, a door that's usually locked.

It's marked "authorized personnel only."

On the other side of that door, you're going to see and hear things you were never meant to see or hear.

Should there be another lifetime, I would always want to come back and be in the theater, because the theater is life.

You talk to people. You tell them stories.

You watch them enjoy it or be moved by it.

You're a part of people's lives.

Even when applied to the project of selling a piece of agricultural equipment?


Musical theater is our art form, American art form.

Opera is Europe's, but this is ours.

It's peculiarly American.

And if the musical is the American art form, then the industrial musical is the hyper-American art form.

Absolutely, absolutely.

I think it has an unexpected importance that you and certainly I would never have noticed when I was holding up the records on the show.

It, uh, illuminates an American business world that doesn't exist at all anymore, and that says a lot about the change between now and then.

You know, people were lifers.

They would work for Kinney Shoes their entire career.

I don't even think you could anymore.

The people who made these cars cared about them, so they could say, "Yeah, I'm part of this, I made this."

You don't get that now.

It was an extremely important part of the entertainment industry.

It was important to me, both financially and as an education.

I'm very proud of those shows.

I think some companies might think about doing it again, Steve, and you should be the producer.

Okay. Maybe you should star in it.

Since the book came out, I've found, to my surprise somewhat, that there is more of this industrial sort of work still going on, very much in, uh, the old tradition.

I have to believe that I can do it.

And you know what?

I truly believe I can!

So, a few companies have kept the flame alive.

I've seen, uh, Walmart The Musical, less than ten years old.

Really very much like an old line industrial with a plot and characters set in a Walmart store.

I don't know if this night has been real or some incredible dream or if we've been inhaling too many fumes from the paint department.

Maybe the wheel has turned and what is old is new again.

I hope everyone becomes interested in it.


'Cause then I can sell the ones I don't care about for lots of money.

Capitalist pig.

Well, I learned that by listening to these records.

I really got motivated...

To sell, sell, sell.

You know her, the brunette from The Bathrooms Are Coming!

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Patt Stanton Gjonola.

Come on over here, Patt.

My bathroom ♪

♪ My bathroom ♪

♪ Is a private kind of place ♪

♪ Very special kind of place ♪

♪ The only place where I can stay ♪

♪ Making faces at my face ♪

♪ I'm free... ♪ My friend, my hero, your hometown hero, Mr. Hank Beebe.

I've closed out the world, I'm free ♪

- ♪ I'm free ♪ That's right.

- ♪ I'm free... ♪ Come on over here, Hank.

You know her as Femma.

Here she is, my friend, SuEllen.

Where are you, SuEllen?

There she is.

♪ In my bathroom... ♪ Thank you so much. See you soon. Coffee.

Coffee, yes. Coffee.

♪ Is much more than it may seem ♪

♪ Where I wash and where I cream ♪

♪ A special place ♪

♪ Where I can stay and cream ♪

♪ And dream and dream ♪

♪ And dream ♪

♪ Dream ♪

I felt like I was in a stadium with 20,000 people.

I mean, to me, that's how it sounded.

I just haven't received that kind of appreciation for my talent.

Uh, you know, my husband was the star.

It was just... It was really, really nice.

You know.

Getting to know a lot of these veterans from the field has...

Opened up my ability to be receptive to people.

Whereas before, they might have just passed through my field of vision without a thought, or I might have made some snap judgment in a snarky way.

Now I think, "That... That old guy?"

He might be the Sid Siegel of something.

That woman there, that might be the Patt Stanton Gjonola of some realm of creative work that I will never know, "but she might be fantastic."

You know, everyone says, "Be yourself and do what you want to do."

But he definitely showed me that I can do whatever I want to do, even if it's something weird that literally no one else has ever heard about.

It's gone further than I've imagined.

Now I'm working on songs with Hank Beebe.

I saw his name in 1995 on a record album, and just thought, "Who's that guy?"

But it is a thrill to be...

On a piece of music paper where it's his name and my name.


That's, uh, worth a stack of records to the moon.

If your life Is gray and normal ♪

♪ And you're wishing there was more ♪

♪ Clues about a different world ♪

♪ May whisper, come explore ♪

♪ That little voice inside you ♪

♪ Knows how rich your life could be ♪

♪ Even though most people cannot see ♪

♪ The things you see... ♪

Take that step Shine your light ♪

♪ That left turn might be right ♪

♪ Don't wait for the world to say okay ♪

♪ Find your own way ♪

♪ Find that path others missed ♪

♪ Life is grander with a twist ♪

♪ There's that knock you've heard before ♪

♪ Open that door ♪

♪ You may find that selling ♪

♪ Is what you're born to do ♪

♪ Or singing or collecting ♪

♪ Is what makes you feel like you ♪

♪ Take that step, shine your light ♪

♪ That left turn might be right ♪

♪ Don't wait for the world to say okay ♪

♪ Find your own way ♪

♪ You may find you're doing jazz hands ♪

♪ When someone says Dow Jones ♪

♪ Or maybe you start dancing ♪

♪ When you hear silicones ♪

- ♪ Silicones ♪ ♪ Silicones ♪

♪ Silicones ♪

♪ Take that step ♪

♪ Open that door ♪

♪ Hear a song and you may realize ♪

♪ Now you have the power ♪

♪ There's a sparkle in your eyes ♪

♪ You want to sell a shower ♪

♪ The more we keep on moving ♪

♪ Stepping toward our dream ♪

♪ The more we find our people ♪

♪ We are stronger as a team ♪

♪ Take that step, shine your light ♪

♪ That left turn might be right ♪

♪ Don't wait for the world to say okay ♪

♪ Find your own way ♪

♪ Find that path others missed ♪

♪ Life is grander with a twist ♪

♪ There's that knock ♪

♪ Open that door ♪

♪ Take that step ♪

♪ It'll change your life ♪

♪ Take that step ♪

♪ It'll change your life ♪

♪ Take that step, take that step ♪

♪ It'll change your life ♪

♪ Take that step ♪

♪ It'll change your life ♪

♪ It'll change your life ♪

Farewell, you pacemakers ♪

♪ Farewell to thee ♪

♪ Good luck to each one of you ♪

From A.B. Dick Company... ♪

♪ It all started back in 1993 ♪

♪ When I found a souvenir album from GE ♪

♪ A utility executives' musical show? ♪

♪ I said, "That's weird" Little did I know ♪

♪ Find records to laugh at That was the plan ♪

♪ But I couldn't stop singing My Insurance Man ♪

♪ Songs about diesel engines Service and selling ♪

♪ These corporate show tunes Are oddly compelling ♪

♪ I was digging through, digging through ♪

♪ Records at a record store ♪

♪ It wasn't too long before I happened to find a few more ♪

♪ A Ford tractor dealer show Not so easy to mock ♪

♪ It's by those Fiddler on the Roof guys Harnick and Bock ♪

♪ The Westinghouse appliance show Had me humming ♪

♪ And don't look now ♪

♪ But The Bathrooms Are Coming! ♪

♪ K '71, It's a Kellogg's Year ♪

♪ '86 Pepsi advertising premiere ♪

♪ On the go with Westclox, going great ♪

♪ Silicones, I've got to investigate ♪

♪ Now I'm digging through Digging through ♪

♪ Records at a record show ♪

♪ Meeting new people ♪

♪ And they're helping My collection to grow ♪

♪ Sing a Song of Sewing That's showbiz ♪

♪ Royal Typewriter's Telling it like it is ♪

♪ I got 7UP and 7-Eleven ♪

♪ And Red Carpet Team Rally 1977 ♪

♪ Mattel-Za-Poppin, The Mighty "O"! ♪

♪ '57 Ford introduction show ♪

♪ Lipton's on the move, so is Listerine ♪

♪ Here's the best and the only Road grader show ♪

♪ I've ever seen ♪

♪ Now I'm digging through ♪

♪ Digging through records on eBay ♪

♪ And I'm tracking down writers ♪

♪ And singers to hear what they say ♪

♪ I'm Penney Proud And if you think that's strange ♪

♪ How about a birth control musical ♪

♪ The Challenge of Change ♪

♪ Owens Corning Fiberglas original cast ♪

♪ Great start for the Edsel Although it couldn't last ♪

♪ That Minute Maid salesman So square he's hip ♪

♪ Coke is tightening Their grip of leadership ♪

♪ Cadillac had the most fabulous year ♪

♪ Xerox said, "Hey, Steve You can take it from here" ♪

♪ I'm still digging through Digging through ♪

♪ Digging through history ♪

♪ Industrial musical theater's Grabbed a hold of me ♪

♪ Chevy, Standard Oil, U.S. Steel ♪

♪ Exxon, McDonald's I swear it's all real ♪

♪ And somehow 20 years have gone by ♪

♪ And they call me The industrial musicals guy ♪

♪ I'm still digging through Digging through ♪

♪ Digging through history ♪

♪ Industrial musical theater's Grabbed a hold of me ♪