Be Cool (2005) Script

Ah, sequels. Uh?

Only time I gave in, but sometimes you gotta do it the studio way.

What are you talking about, Get Lost? Yeah.

I thought the first one was pretty good.

Get Leo? Terrific picture. Terrific.

You know what else? It was good.

You know what I'm thinking, Tommy?

I'm thinking of getting out of the movie business, go back to my old job.

What? Being a shylock? Why? They're honest about being dishonest.

Come on. Why would you wanna leave all this? Hey! Hello! Hey!

See? I'm telling you, this town... Look, Chil...

You and me, we come out to Hollywood, sniff the air, and look at us, we made it.

And you know why? 'Cause we knew how to hustle a deal.

Like I got hustled into doing the sequel.

That sucks.

You know that unless you're willing to use the R rating, you can only say the F-word once.

You're kidding me? Know what I say?

Fuck that. I'm done.

Before you skate out of the business, I got a movie for ya.

Oh, yeah? What? About NTL.

What's NTL?

"What's NTL?" What, are you joking?

No. You're pulling my chain.

Nothing To Lose Records. It's like "the" indie label.

I sign bands, I produce their albums, I sell the distribution to the majors.

Now you wanna make movies. Yeah, who doesn't?

All right. Can you pitch it in 25 words or less?

I can do it in one word: me!

You? Me! Hello! Me.

I couldn't get your mother to watch that movie.

My life in the music business. Come on!

Gangsta rappers and the Russian Mafia.

You know? All that goddamn payola crap. This place is like the Wild, Wild West.

You're dodging bullets, taking arrows, and it's got a girl.

There always is. Her name's Linda Moon.

She plays a girl who wants to make it big in the biz and I am the record mogul who makes it happen.

It's a musical and Linda's been trying to get me ever since she saw you on Charlie Rose, where you were very smooth, and found out I knew you.

I said you would help her out, and she left you on the list at The Viper Room, expecting you to show up.

So tell me, how's your wife?

Edie? Who gives a shit? Don't be a buzzkill.

Hey, wh-wh-where are you going?

I gotta go to the men's. I just had two ice teas.

But how 'bout... Hey, Chili, how does the movie sound?

You don't have a movie yet.

You've got a premise and setting but you don't have character arcs or a plot.

OK, but still, you know...

Hey, who's gonna play me? Think about that.

How about Carrot Top?

Hmm.


Ugh.

Hey, Marla. Long time no see. Yeah.

How's organized crime treating you?

More exciting now you're in town. Oh yeah?

So, we've got reason to believe this was a mob hit.

Trust me, if this were a mob hit, they'd have hired a man who knew how to shoot.

He hit him in the chest. Finally. After he shot up my caddy.

What a shame.

Can you confirm that this fella was wearing a toupee?

Stevie Wonder could confirm he was wearing a toupee.

Mmm... So, out of the blue, this Mr. Athens just decides to look up your number and give you a call?

I know what you're getting at. You think I set him up.

The truth is, Tommy wanted me to do a movie about him.

But you can't do a movie where the main character gets popped in the first scene, can you?

Mmm, yeah, well it's not a bad opening.

You know, you're right. That worked forAmerican Beauty.

Mm-hm. Sunset Boulevard. Or Casino.

Mr. Palmer, I'm Glenn from Thrifty Executive Fleet.

May I escort you to your vehicle? But of course.

Marla, Detective.

There you go, sir.

What's that? I asked for a Cadillac.

The Insight is the Cadillac of gas-electric hybrid cars.

Not only is it fuel-efficient, it's great for the environment.


I got it. Thanks.

Hey. Hey, Martin.

Chili! How you doing, Chil? Good to see you.

Good to see you. You know Hy Gordon? What's up, Chili Palmer!

He did the soundtrack for Get Lost.

What's up, man?

Sorry.

Hy's taking me around, I'm doing a little research.

For my next part. I'm gonna play Johnny.

The Man in Black. "Hello, I'm Johnny Cash."

Oh, Johnny Cash. But he's like six feet something.

That's OK. You know, low angles.

Ha! You know, the movies?

Hey, Chili, is that your car?

Yeah, it's an Insight. It's the Cadillac of hybrids.

It's a little tight for a big guy like you.

Small price to pay for the environment.

57 miles to the gallon. What about speed?

Ah, Martin, if you're important, people will wait.


That's true. You know what I'm saying?

You have to let it go...

Linda. Yo. I ain't selling that.

Hey, sexy. You better go put your Chick shit back on.

You made these people out here pay to come see this shit.

Just give me one second.

I told you to put your clothes on.

I can't. Did I not tell you that?

Look! Don't "look" me again.

Mr. Palmer? Call me Chili.

It's an absolute pleasure to meet you.

Thank you. Please have a seat.

Can I get you something to drink? I have something coming.

So, Tommy's gone, huh? Yeah.

I can't believe it.

I guess this means you're not doing the movie?

I gotta be honest with you, Linda. I'm getting out of the movie business.

Here you go.

What's the matter? I'm tired of this, Mr. Palmer.

If I could get some cash, I would buy my way out of my contract and get out of music.

Are you kidding? After what I just saw? Why would you do that?

'Cause it sucks.

I could do the same thing topless and make $2,000 a week with tips.

Why don't you do that?

I'm Baptist. My father wouldn't approve.

So, then, you're like Aretha Franklin, you learned to sing in church?

I learned from my father.

My dad was in a jazz band. Nothing big, though.

See, everything I know about music, I learned from him.

I always thought we'd play together, but then he died, so...

Yo, Linda! Yo!

I ain't dismissed you. You're on my time.

That's my manager, Raji, with Miss Bangkok.

I told them I wanna quit and he's like, "You quit me, I'm gonna jack you up."

He talks like that? He thinks he's black.

His real name is Roger Lowenthal.

He's partners with this guy named Nick Carr. He's this music promoter.

Oh. I know Nicky. They caught me off the bus from Texas.

Said they'd make me this big star, and like a fool I believed them.

Yo, Linda! When you're done turnin' tricks, get your ass back over here.

I ain't done with you yet.

Look, I can't do five more years, not with these guys.

Who's the big guy?

That's Elliot Wilhelm, Raji's bodyguard.

He's got this thing that he can raise one eyebrow, give you that look.

He wants to be in movies.

That's it? He just does the one eyebrow?

As far as I know, he's gay too.

Word is he once threw a guy out of a 30-story building for calling him a fag.

He must have been mad. Yo, Linda!

If you didn't blow all your energy banging tourists, your voice wouldn't sound so flat.

Girl got a flat voice, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, that one was for me, so just relax.

You're gonna end up doing 50-cent lap dances like Miss Bangkok.

Chil, wait. You don't know these guys. They're bad guys.

Trust me, Linda. I know 'em a whole lot better than you do.

..ass-popping up and down a pole.

You'll be up at that place going pop, pop, pop. Pop, pop, pop...

What are you gonna say? Nothing more than I have to, if that.

Ass-popping. Snap, crackle, pop!

Chili, wait.

Man in a suit. You in town for some kind of convention?

No, but if I was, you'd be the man to see. Am I right?

Why would you say something stupid like that?

Well, the way you're dressed, you're either a pimp or a limo driver.

You gotjokes? You some kind ofweak-assed comedian?

Raji, look at me. I'm looking at you, man.

You say you're looking at me, but are you really looking at me?

I'm really looking at you.

You got something stupid to say, say it.

So I can be done with you.

Linda's quit. She's out of the Chicks. She's got five years on her contract.

I just cancelled it.

You walkin' out the door? Who are you supposed to be?

I'm the one setting you straight. I'm Linda's new manager.

Come on, honey.

Elliot, light his ass up. Got it.

You're Elliot Wilhelm. You're an actor.

Yeah. I'm sorry. Chili Palmer.

I'm a producer. I did the film Get Leo. Do you remember that?

Yeah, it's great to meet you.

I walk into a club and I see a guy like you and I say, "He's got the look, but does he have the talent? Can he act?"

Watch this.

Oh, oh!

Elliot. Elliot! Elliot! Goddammit, what you doing, man? What?

Breathe. Up, up. You OK? Yeah.

You can do better than him.

Send me some pictures, I'll give you a call, set you up for an audition.

I'm at the Will Smith building.

Linda, you'd better talk to me. Good day.

Oh, it's like that, huh? OK.

OK.

I got an audition, Raj. I need to get my headshots.


Edie?


Edie?

Chili?

Is that you? Yeah.

Oh, man!

I'm so glad you came.

I'm sorry. If there's anything I can do...

Thanks. So how are you doing?

You know.

You were right there when it happened. Well, I was in the men's.

But you were with him in his last hour, right?

Mm-hm.

I, um...

I've had him cremated and, um...

I wanted to do something special with his ashes, you know?

Maybe something he'd like. You got any ideas?

Well, nothing that makes sense.

Huh.

Say, Edie, is that an Aerosmith tattoo on your back?

Mm-hm. Yeah. You know I followed them on tour, right?

I didn't know that. I thought Joe Perry was so hot.

Yeah?

So you were a groupie? No, much worse. I did their laundry.

They travel with their own washer and dryer.

I did everything except Steven's stage clothes.

He likes to send those out.

So, Edie, I was thinking, you know, maybe I, uh...

Maybe I could help you out with NTL Records.

What makes you think I need your help?

Eh... Nothing. Look, Chili...

Let me tell you something. I started NTL with Tommy.

Right. Equal partners.

Yeah.

Who do you think found the Dub MD's? I did.

Tommy's gone, and I'm devastated, but I'm not about to roll over.

I can run my own label. If anybody could, it's you.

Edie, why don't you get your clothes on and let's get outta here, OK?

It'll make you feel better. I wanna talk to you about Linda Moon.

Linda Moon? Yeah, she's a singer.

Put this on.

You know, I never made it with any of those guys from Aerosmith.

Oh, yeah? Mm-mm.

I played tennis with Tom Hamilton once, though.

Christ...

I was just a girl then. Edie, you'll always be a girl.

Oh, Chil. Thank you.

Who's this? That's Tiffany, Tommy's intern.

Hey. How you doin'? What's that?

Pizza. He means the urn, genius.

Oh. Tommy.

The cops came by NTL last night. They were asking me about you.

Oh yeah? What'd you say?

Nothin'. Just that you were gonna make a movie about Tommy.

It'd have to be a short. They take anything?

Mmm, Some boxes, a few files.

Ooh, but I think what they were looking for was this.

Oh, thanks.

Here.

Where'd you get this? Some guy with a Russian accent.

It's NTL.

A month ago he starts coming by, looking for Tommy.

Tommy's in the office, what, three hours a week?

So this last time he takes a picture.

He comes in, doesn't even ask for Tommy, lights it on fire and just tosses it on my desk.

No questions, no nothing.

Two days later he comes back. This time Tommy's in.

So I interrupt his meeting and buzz him.

He comes flying out of his office, walks up to the guy and nails him right in the eye.

Hey, just like that scene in Get Leo.

Then he tosses the guy on his ass right in the middle of the street.

I'm like, "Tommy, who the hell was that?"

Insurance salesman. OK.

An insurance salesman.

Insurance scam. Jeez, even I know that.

Guy takes a picture, says either you pay up or he puts your place on fire.

You know, Edie, that was Tommy's specialty in Brooklyn.

He sold protection.

He could write a book on the different ways to work it.

Did this guy have a toupee? Not after Tommy hit him.

Good morning. Carosell Entertainment.

Did you see the Chicks International?

I think these girls are gonna be the next big act to break.

Take my word for this.

What's up, Nick? I'm telling you, it was Linda Moon.

Is she a G-string diva or what? They give you wood?

What's up? I need to talk to you, Nick.

Give me mahogany. Goddamn tique.

You could deck the QE2 with the wood they gave me.

Who even cares if they can sing?

Look, man, Chili Palmer came in the club...

You're still my bitch. Love you, out.

We gotta talk about this Chili Palmer. Robin, who's on three?

Robert's on three. Marty's on four. Don't be...

Marty, you pimp. Make me smile. Nick, Nick, for real.

I'm serious. I need to talk to you. No, no.

Nick! Marty, hold on a sec, will you?

What do you want?

It says in the paper that Chili Palmer used to be a gangster.

He was a hired hand. You know him?

Tell me what you want, Raj.

Linda Moon says she's gonna leave and have Chili Palmer be her manager.

She told you that? He told me that.

What'd you do?

Told him she's got five years on her contract, you know.

You feel you had to explain it to him? You didn't kick his ass?

He hit Elliot right in the damn throat. He broke him smooth down.

Wow. What a surprise. Elliot's a faggot.

Pussy.

You think it's cool to have a queer for a bodyguard?

What good is he?

Chili Palmer's no manager, he's a talker.

You should have hit him in the mouth.

What he does is make movies about shylocks, 'cause that's all he was.

That's right, he did Get Lost. That's my shit. That shit was tight.

There is no way we are losing Linda Moon.

A, she's under contract, and B, she's under contract.

So what's crackin'?

You want Joe Loop.

All I want is for Chili Palmer to disappear.

You want Joe Loop.

Hey!

Yeah. Joe Loop.

Loop, Nick Carr said I should call.

Yeah, so? Got something for you to take care of.

Or do I need to call somebody else? No, no, no, you don't understand.

I would love to.

Here's your breakfast, sweetie. Pancakes again?

Pancakes... Yes, pancakes again.

Baby, would you tell this girl when we were coming up, all we had were sugar sandwiches.

Please. She does not know how good she has it.

She does not know how good she has it.

Bye, baby. Bye, Mommy.

Bye, baby. Deshawn, eat the pancakes, OK?

I put cinnamon on there, there's butter.

They're very good. The strawberries are fresh.

Eat up. We got ten minutes. I don't want you to be late.

Top of the morning, Marge! Top of the morning, Sin.

Ain't this something...?


'Sup, dog. Must you play into the stereotype?

Turn that mess down. This is the suburbs.

I'm on the damn Neighborhood Watch.

Who did it? Not me.

Hm. That bitch owed me 300 grand.

I should have sent the coalition.

Now shit's gonna have to get ugly. Ugly? Why are you trippin'?

It ain't like you need it. Dabu, it's the principle.

Today it's 300 grand, tomorrow it's three million.

I gotta send a message. I feel you, dawg.

You talk to the PD? The police?

The police... The program director. Oh.

Check this out.

Well, hello, Mr. Program Director.

You see what happens if you don't spin my records?

Hmm?

Good morning, guys!

Hey, y'all speak to my daughter. Good morning, Deshawn!

Deshawn, sweetie, why don't you go back inside, OK?

Daddy's having a little meeting. I'll take you to school in my car.

Bye, guys. Goodbye, Deshawn!

OK, boo-boo.

All right.

Play my records! You hear me? Play, play, play my records.

Play Dub MD's!

Be still!

She gone?

I'm telling you, Edie, she's got a voice, she's got the attitude.

You're gonna love her. Sounds like you love her.

If you're asking me if I think she's talented, yes.

I can't believe this.

Condolences on a two-way and half of them are Tommy's ex-girlfriends.

Look, Chil, producing an album, it's not like making a movie.

Good. Movies are too corporate. I like to be spontaneous and creative.

I'm just saying, the music biz is a bitch, you know?

It's dangerous. It's rough out there.

Believe me, I know.

That's why I loved working at MoMo's club, if you know what I mean.

What'd you do at MoMo's? Book bands? Not really.

Were you a bouncer? Not really.

You really were a shylock, weren't you?

Did I tell you that she writes her own music?

Oh. Here she is.

Here we go. Ready to show off?

Chili, look, I'm so sorry. My damn replacement didn't show up...

It's all right. Calm down, calm down. Edie, Linda.

This is Edie Athens, Tommy's widow. Nice to meet you.

I'm really sorry about being late. Don't worry about it.

So, Chili tells me you've got a great voice.

Really?

Well, you do. That is so sweet. Thank you.

Is this where you play? Um...

I can't afford my own piano, so they let me play here.

Come on, let's go hear you. Yeah? Let's go.


I'm impressed. Did you write that song?

Uh, yeah. It's called I'm A Believer.

Just tell us you got nine more just like it.

Forty more.

But as long as I can do 'em my way. I like that.

Let's get you in the studio. All right.

Good girl.

You weren't kidding, Chili. The girl's got something. She's amazing.

Told you.

The only thing is, it costs a lot of money to break someone, you know?

We gotta pay a mixer, a publicist...

Hey, look. Steven Tyler's in town. Oh, yeah.

Aerosmith playing at the Staples Center.

Tell me Dream On is not the greatest rock 'n' roll song you ever heard.

You know what we oughta do? We gotta call him.

Call who? Steven.

Why?

So he could listen to Linda's music, he could see for himself it's terrific and help us launch her at his concert.

That's a great idea, Chil.

Hey, maybe Bono and Sting'll come down and we could all cut a Christmas album.

You know him, don't you? Know him?

It's Steven Tyler, I know his socks. He's never gonna remember me.

Edie, you have a tattoo ofAerosmith on your ass, you can't get a meeting with him?

We want Steven Tyler, we get Steven Tyler.

I would let the music do the talking to tell me what lyrics to sing.

Even when I got caught up in not having anything prewritten, which I never did, I would scat to it.

It's just the music, the funk, the sounds, the words, the rhyme, the shit.

You can't be creative unless you step outside a little bit.

A little early, aren't you? Open house is on Sunday.


Yeah. It's Chili Palmer.

Yo, Chil. How soon can you get here?

2:00am and there's traffic on the 405. Oh!

Who's your friend? I don't know.

I come home and he's bleeding all over my one sheet.

Is this the guy that did Tommy Athens?

Nah. That guy had a black eye and was wearing a rug.

This ain't no rug. This guy's got plugs.

I hate plugs. It looks like doll's hair.

Personally, I think grafting's the only way to go. The look's more natural.

'Cause they use your own hair. Very interesting.

Are you gonna help me with him? That why you called me here?

Yeah, you're a big guy, I don't want to do it alone. Up...

Get his wallet out before the cops come.

All right, sit him down.

Here we go. Ivan Surva...

He's Russian. Been here for five months.

The guy that killed Tommy, he saw you? Yeah.

You can ID him. He sees your picture, sends doll-hair guy to take you out.

So, while he was waiting, he got depressed and shot himself in the back?

Good point.

Who are all these people tryin' to kill you?

I don't know, but I'm in the music business now, it could be anybody.

Mugambo, my brother, you check out the Chicks?

I told you, this Linda Moon, she's a belter.

Mugambo, I gotta jump.

Love you, bro.

Get me Raji on the phone.

What's up? It's Raj. Hey, Lowenthal.

Joe Loop was supposed to kill Chili Palmer. Instead, he killed some Russian.

For real?

You two better work this shit out or your ass is next.

You stupid ass.

I gotta tell you the truth. I never seen a hit like this before.

I mean, you actually gotta get in line to whack this guy.

How many men have you whacked, Joe?

Why? You wanna be next?

I'm asking you because you hit the wrong guy.

They serve one hell of a stuffed cabbage here, you know that?

The thing you want to remember is: don't eat it too late.

It tends to stay with you. I'll definitely keep that in mind.

Where we at, Joe? We ain't nowhere.

I've now gotta go find the right guy.

The thing is... it's gonna cost you another five grand.

What are you talking about? I already paid!

You're the one who did the wrong guy.

Whose fault is that?

It's your fault.

Tough shit. That's the cost of doing business.

Look, you tell Nicky there's now a new contract and I need five grand.

I can talk the deal with you.

It's my contract, that's why I'm here with you.

You can't talk shit. You're Nicky's girl.

Me and Nick are partners. We discuss all facets of the business together, be it music, be it underworld, girls...

Let me ask you a question.

Nice get-up...

How come he calls you his bitch?

What? His bitch.

Why does he call you his bitch?

What, mother...? Did I stutter?

What if I called you a fat, stupid, guinea bitch?

Bitch!

I'd take this baseball bat that I got out in the back of my Cadillac and swat you across the mouth with it.

I said "what if" I called you that.

Hypothetically, just a scenario. I wasn't actually saying it to you.

I'm always lookin' out. I want to make sure I got the right guy.

I need the right guy to get the right guy.

Now I want the five grand up front. Tonight at the Mayan.

Wait, the what? Take the wax out of your goddamn ears!

The Mayan downtown.

I never heard of the Mayan, so I was making sure I knew where it was.

You mean there's something you haven't heard of?

OK, man. Take off.

Are we cool? Hmm?

Come on, man.

J. Leazy, what's up?

My man!

All right, I feel that. Take off.

Mad respect for not giving respect. I feel you.

Let me tell you something. Don't do that J. Leazy shit.

That's what your name... I don't like that. Don't do it.

I'll see you at the Mayan club, my man. I respect you, Loop. Stoneface killa.

Next time try to find something red to wear.

The future is now It starts today...

How about that? That girl's voice is off the chain.

But I gotta say, she needs a sound.

What are you saying, she can't sing? No, that girl can totally sing.

But is she a star?

I don't know what you're talking about.

OK, take American Idol.

All those girls can sing, right? But who cares? Who are they?

Then take, like, J-Lo.

That shit's been remixed so much, I could be Jenny from the Block.

Are you gonna produce this or not? Well, leave it to Tommy, the last of the great spenders.

No wonder he kept the books locked up. They're empty.

We don't own any of this stuff. We're broke.

How can that be? You must have made a pile off the Dub MD's alone.

Weapons of Mass Destruction. I know who they are.

Well, whatever we made off them, I can't find it in the books which means we can't afford to record her, which means no masters, which means no CDs, which sure as hell means no more NTL Records.

Hello? So what'd you think?

I would love to produce your record, and because I'm going to produce it, it will rock.

That's great. Capitol can miss you for a few days?

I think we can negotiate that. Wait, you are with Capitol?

I was supposed to meet an A&R guy over there, but, uh... then I signed with Nick Carr.

Excuse me, Linda.

Uh, did you just say you're under contract with Nick Carr?

Oh, no, not any more. Actually, Chili told Raji that it was cancelled.

Oh.

Linda, why don't you take a break, honey?

All right.

Chili, it doesn't work like that, OK?

You've gotta get the contract back from him, otherwise he still runs the show.

Edie, I was a shylock. I know how these things work.

I've known Nicky for years. You'll get your contract.

Edie. Slight problem.

Ooh.

This could be ugly. Why's that?

That's Sin LaSalle. He manages and produces the Dub MD's.

Tommy owe him money? Hmm. I would say... yes.

Tiffany, man the phones. Huh? OK.

Hy, get in the office. Look like you know what you're doing.

Edie, behind the desk. You're still the boss.

These guys need to see that NTL is still in business.

OK, where shall I hide the books? Leave them on the desk.

And whatever you do, don't mention the Russians.

Don't mention the Russians, OK.

No. Oh, no, we're totally booked. That would have been good.

Oh, hang on one second.

Sin, hi. How are you?

Enough with the pleasantries. Where's our money, Edie?

Sin.

Sin LaSalle. Man.

What's up? Come on.

No? OK, you know what? I totally get it, man, I totally get it.

First, welcome to NTL. Second, I want to introduce myself...

Hy Gordon. I know who you are. Capitol Records.

Eight years ago you turned down our demo... Hyman.

You know what? You know Capitol, man.

It's like art by committee over there, OK?

Personally, I totally dug all y'all's sound.

All right? Seriously. I'm thinking about leaving Capitol.

Look, Sin, you know, Tommy left his will a mess.

If you give us a few weeks...

Then I call up and the phone is disconnected.

Why don't you write a check for 300 grand and we'll kindly be on our way.

Sin, you know we don't have that kind of money on hand.

Then I need to check your books. Sin.

Be cool.

"Be cool?" You don't know me.

Oh, I know you a whole lot better than you think I do.

Ivy League rich kid goes to Wharton, gets an MBA, puts on some Timberlands and a throwback and suddenly you got street cred?

Hey! Um, Sin, look, I'll tell you the truth, OK?

The Russians took it. The what?

The Russians.

With one of those insurance scams, like "Give us a mil and we won't kill you."

And Sin, you knew Tommy, right? He never wanted any trouble.

He gave them everything we have, but these Russians, OK, these monsters...

They're animals!

They kept on coming back for more, so Tommy told them to get lost.

Make a long story short...

..I'm a widow now.

Russians...


Excuse me, Chuckles.

He's my wife's cousin.

I really enjoyed that story, Edie.

I mean, Russians. Russians.

I know it's hard, but... I'm a highly educated man.

Sincerely, you don't expect me to believe a story about some Russians?

Now, I suggest that you open up those books or things gonna get real ugly up in here.

Sin, the books are none of your business.

You'll get the money when NTL has it.

Dabu. Thank you, thank you.

Popping me's not gonna do you any good.

But if you wait till Friday, I'll get you your money plus the vig.

Plus the vig. All right, all right, OK.

Everybody cool out. Everybody calm down.

Dabu, calm down. So you saying plus the vig?

Plus the vig. All right. OK.

All right, cool. We're gonna do this. Aw!

Bu. I never get to shoot nobody. Never!

You never let me do what I wanna do. You know, it's a long day, man.

You'll get a chance to kill somebody, all right?

Calm down. We got some other stops to make today.

All right, so... I'm not gonna kill y'all today.

I'm gonna be generous.

But come Friday, if you don't have my money, the next meeting I arrange will be between you and Tommy Athens. if you get what I'm saying.

I feel you. You feel me. You...

Edie.

Dabu.

Playa.

The vig! What's a vig?

Oh, my God! What are we gonna do?

You're gonna give them your fancy equipment or have a garage sale.

We're not selling anything.

Where are you going? Gotta see Nicky Carr. Hey...

Black Eyed Peas are playing tonight, if you're interested.

You say there's a dark parking lot by the Mayan, right?

Why are you tripping on me, Elliot?

You still crying over that Chili Palmer shit?

No, he just... he said he was gonna call me, that's all.

And did he call you back?

He's just messing with your head, man.

No Samoan faggot going by the name Elliot Wilhelm is gonna make it to the big screen, raising a goddamn eyebrow.

I understand shit like this 'cause I ain't a homo.

Once you turn faggot, you lose all self-respect. You're not wired right.

What the hell you stopping the car here for? You crazy?

Hey! You move the car, we can all get to work!

Why you stopping the car here? What you doing? Get your ass back in...

I'll kick your ass! What's up? What?

You say it again and I quit. What? Oh, the faggot thing? Homo?

I'm walking. I ain't even tripping, man. What'd I say? What'd I say?

Look, I know you frustrated with all this bodyguard shit.

I smell you, man. I feel you pain.

This shit's temporary. Stop crowding my shit!

When I signed you four years ago, I said, "That man can sing. He's gonna be a big star." A big star, man.

That's why I laid out all the paper to put you up in a video.

I put paper down, man, to put you in a video.

Right? No one else on this damn beach has a video.

I love you like a brother. I used to bag on you all the time, man, you tripping.

Why you doing that, man?

You wanna take a shot at me, do it. Do it.

I'm just sayin', if that's what this is gonna be, it's gonna be that, but I'd prefer to stay on the same page.

Man, let your voice be your ladder. I'm serious.

This acting shit's got you acting crazy, man.

What's up? You know I love you, man.

Come on, man. E. Weazy!

Come on, baby. E. Weazy! Come on, baby.

E. Weazy!

Come on, I'll clown it, baby. You know I'll clown it.

Turn around, 'cause you know I'll clown it.

Come on, player, stop hating. Stop hating. Start participating.

Start participating, star. Come on. Twinkle twinkle, baby. Twinkle twinkle.

Come on, Larry, you sound like an A&R guy.

I'm banging the phones like a goddamn wild man.

Larry, I'll call you back.

I heard Sean Penn lives up here. You see him much?

Not as much as I'd like. Hmm.

How did you get in here? Your maid left the back door open.

I don't have a maid. I can tell.

Come on, get outta here before I have to shoot you.

Aw, Nicky, sit down and stop being such a hard-on.

So, Mr. Red Hot Chili Pepper...

I heard you were at The Viper Room.

Oh, so Raji told you about Linda Moon.

She's somethin' else, huh? The heart and soul of that group.

I'm tellin' you, bro, the Chicks are gonna be big.

How's that? By singing songs from the '70s?

Don't laugh. You're a movie guy, so you don't know, but the music biz goes in cycles.

It's like Linda. When I signed her, girl power was dead.

It was the year of the singer/songwriter.

But now the market's flooded, what do the labels want? Girl groups.

Nicky, look at me. I am.

I want Linda's contract.

If you wanna produce Linda's album, great.

I'm sure you could even get a buck a record.

But I got her booked into some major gigs, bro, and I'm two seconds away from getting her a deal.

You mean you've had Linda for two years and never gotten her a record deal?

Chili, a trio is not born overnight.

I've had her for three days and I already got her a label, so it looks like we don't need you.

Let's get somethin' straight. This isn't the movies.

You can't tell everyone you're a wise guy and charm their pants off.

This is the music business. We're all wise guys.

All right, wise guy, I'll make you a deal.

Carosell, which is the dumbest name I've ever heard for a company, gives me Linda Moon's contract, and if you ever threaten her in any way, you'll regret it for as long as you live, if that.

That's some deal. What's in it for me?

I'll make believe that that dead Russian in my house had nothing to do with you.

You don't know what you're doin', Chil.

What makes you think Linda can make it on her own?

She's got me.

So are you a rapper now? Hey, Sniff Doggy Doo-Doo.

You clowning my gear again? You like this shit.

Come on, Joe. You know my style makes the ladies smile.

They just started Chattanooga Choo-Choo, I love that song.

Damn, man. I wish I heard that. I like a good choo-choo song.

Do you want your money, my man? I ain't your man, asshole.

You remember my driver Elliot? Elliot, give this man the envelope.

Ain't you gonna count it?

Nick ain't got the balls to stiff me.

I like that idea you had about having a bat in the car.

I had my man Elliot go out and get one.

A red bat!

You don't send a queer to get a bat! They like shiny, queer things.

It's not your fault. What you want is a wood bat, like a Louisville Slugger.

Let me see. Hold this, please. Thank you.

See? A bat like this messes up a kid's swing.

You gotta take too long of a swipe across the plate, see?

He never develops those fast hands he's gonna need for the majors.

I don't know how fast it's gotta be for my needs, know what I'm sayin'?

I ain't gonna be up no majors... Like that one, huh?

Have a sandwich.

What's up?

Raji, I think he's choking. You clowning me?

Joe, are you clowning with me?

You! Don't! Ever!

Disrespect! Me! One!

Raj, Raj, Raj.

Damn. He's dead.

Man.

Talk all that shit, man.

This right here, this is the cost of doing...

..business!

All I want is appreciation, Elliot.

Chili Palmer don't realize how hard I work for Linda Moon.

And what do I expect in return? What do I expect in return?

My name on the damn CD so small you can barely read the damn thing!

And where's that at? Where's that always at?

On the back, at the bottom.

"Produced by Raji." In tiny little letters, man!

I will not let him take that from me! It's time I got some respect!

I will straight smoke Chili Palmer.

Hey. Edie.

Hey.

I didn't take you for a Black Eyed Peas fan.

Well, when they hooked up with Sergio Mendes, they won me over.

Did you ever think about becoming a singer?

A singer? Me? Yeah.

Nah.

But I was a real live Vegas showgirl once.

Really? Yeah.

As soon as I was done washing clothes, I got lucky.

One of those Tropicana revues, you know?

Chili, I worked so hard starting NTL, and I'm a bit too old to go back to Vegas.

I want you to stop worrying. We're gonna meet Steven Tyler.

You know, I'd have liked to have seen you dance.

Yeah? Mm-hm.

Well, you still can. Oh yeah? How's that?

Do you dance, Chili? Edie, I'm from Brooklyn.


OK. So we walk in the Staples Center with Linda's CD, and then what?

Eh... We put a gun to Steven's head and say Linda's playing with Aerosmith.

You really like the music business, don't you, Chil?

Love it.

Me too. Tommy and me, we had a few records on the air, but I'd just like one time to turn on the radio and say, "That's my song.

I produced that."

Something with soul, you know?

Your hair's different, huh?

Yeah.

I had it trimmed.

Night, Chili.

All right. Drive safe.


That's the pawn shop my friend told me about.

It's surrounded by the Feds. They're watching these Russians.

There he is.

Oh, yeah. His name's Roman Bulkin.

What are you doing? You crazy? They know what you look like.

What are you gonna tell 'em? No more than I have to, if that.


You've got a lot of balls.

I wouldn't do that if I were you.

There's half a dozen undercover cops outside.

Don't give 'em a reason to come in. Nyet!

Now, did you take this picture?

Go to hell, you greasy wop son of a bitch.

Now you're the one that's gonna need protection.

You go now.

Is that chest hair real?

Roman, look at me.

The next time you send someone to kill me, make sure I'm home.

Have a nice day.

Yes!

Whoo!

Hm!

Like that?

Whoo!

Ow!

Scorching!

Hey, Mr. Palmer. How're you doing, Marla?

All right. You got a second? Sure.

So what are you doing here, Mr. Palmer?

Well, you know, when I was a kid I went to a Jimi Hendrix concert.

This pawn shop has got a '68 Stratocaster, the same guitar he used to play. The guy won't sell it to me.

This guy look familiar to you?

Maybe from back in your Brooklyn days?

Oh, yeah. That's Joe Lupino. Joe Loop. Is that his headshot?

In Griffith Park last night, two dudes pulled in, one of them's wearing one of those pimp hats, they pop the trunk, toss out a body that's been worked over by a bat.

It's Joe Loop. Baseball bat?

Baseball bat. They pulled a Mama Cass on him, too.

The coroner found half a ham sandwich stuffed down his throat.

You don't know what Joe was up to would you?

No, but I wouldn't be surprised if he was in the record business.

It could have been a mob hit? Maybe. Except for the ham sandwich.


There he is, right there.

See the two seats next to him, that's where we are, come on.

Chil, do you think Steven's gonna remember me?

Aw, Edie, believe me, you're hard to forget. Come on.

Edie, over there. Got it.


How'd you get these seats? I have a friend.

They're incredible.

Please, at the conclusion of tonight's show, listen for the Laker wrap-up show...

Edie?

Steven? Oh, my God!

Look at you. You look gorgeous. Oh, my God!

You look incredible. How are you? I'm great.

Look at you. Look how those legs go up and make an ass out of themselves.

You still got that Aerosmith tattoo on your ass?

Where would it go?

It's working. Why don't you park that right there?

Tell me something. What was that stuff you put in our clothes?

Do you mean the lavender water? Yeah, the lavender water.

I will never forget that smell. Joe Perry's still talking about that.

Oh, my God. Steven, I want you to meet my very good friend...

It's an honor to meet you. ...Chili Palmer.

The shylock. Yeah.

I saw you on Larry King. It was you and...

Ariel Sharon.

That was a hell of a show. Thanks, man.

Yeah.

Woo!

Listen to me, there's no problem. No one's left the Chicks.

We're gonna play the gig, bro. Ciao.

Linda's gonna play the gig? What do you think?

Where the hell's Joe Loop? I haven't seen him since I paid him.

Gave him what he had coming.

Christ. I'm banging the phones from dawn till dusk.

Bobby finally wants the Chicks to play, but we don't have Linda.

My man. My man.

You guys'll never guess who I saw today.

Chili Palmer. Has anyone not seen him?

I'm at the Boot Barn on Sunset and I see him talking to this cop in a Crown Vic.

Remember the pawn shop by the bakery? Yeah, I know that place.

Stolichnaya? It's thick with Russians.

One of 'em walks out, points his fingers like a gun at Chili.

Jesus Christ. The guy in Chili's house, the dead guy?

Mm-hm.

I read in the paper he was Russian. So?

These Russians are probably the ones that killed Tommy Athens.

And they know Chili can identify 'em.

Whoa! Whoa!

Why are you trippin', man? Why am I trippin'?

I'm tripping, G, 'cause there is actually Someone who wants Chi-li Palmer dead more than me I say we help him get what he wants.

Bam!

I'm a believer The future is now It starts today Damn! She's good!

She sings, she writes her own stuff. She's got it going on.

Not only does she write her own stuff, she's got the voice, the looks, this girl's the whole package.

She wanted to put her in a movie, you know, struggling singer...

That makes it big.

Exactly.

Hey look, she sounds cool. Don't get me wrong.

But I gotta tell you guys. I'm not one of those singers who shows up in movies.

I made it this far without having to do it.

No, Steven, we don't want you to be in a movie with her.

Then what's this all about?

I know that look, Chili. I mean, what are you thinking?

I'm thinking of a song, one of yours, Steven. Sweet Emotion.

Hmm.

Sweet Emotion, I love that song.

I mean, it's a classic.

Do you mind my asking you, what were you thinking when you wrote that?

What was I thinking about?

Man, at that point in my life, Chil, we were neck-deep in Toys in the Attic.

I mean, I had this high.

This buzz was goin' on, see.

This incredible emotion like I never felt before.

Or maybe it was just the rock 'n' roll.

That is interesting.

Would you like to know what I think?

I don't think it was the rock 'n' roll. I think it was your daughters.

My daughters? Mia, Liv?

Nah. They were babies back then.

That's right. And you were a father for the first time, feeling things you had never felt before.

It's different than music and tours. This was pure.

You wanted to be with them, you wanted to protect them.

Nah, this high you were feeling, that wasn't rock 'n' roll.

It wasn't?

It was the love you felt for your girls.

That sweet emotion.

It was. You're right.

I never thought about it like that.

You see, Steven, you and me, we're not that different.

That's why you can understand why we care about this girl Linda Moon.

I'll give it some thought.

Yes!

You know what else?

I can't believe Linda's gonna play with Aerosmith.

We get Linda to do a duet with Steven and we use his name to promote her CD.

Oh, my God, that's genius, Chil!

There's something I've been wanting to do for a long time.

Oh yeah? What is that?

Don't move.

Did you put the TV on?

No. I didn't think so. Stay here.


Elliot, what are you doing?

I've been waiting on your ass all night.

I got so bored, I made some tea, I put in my video...

You broke into my house? You told me you were gonna call.

I left you a message two days ago.

Elliot, I said I would get you the audition and I will.

When? When? What the hell are you waiting for?

If you don't mind my saying, I don't like your attitude one bit.

Now, apologize.

I'm sorry, Chili. All right.

It's just...

I bought a brand-new suit. I bought new shiny red boots.

I got my new headshots done.

I ever prepared a monologue from Bring It On.

Well, then, do it.


You guys have to go to Nationals!

What is this? Hush money? We don't need you.

Why are you so mean?

I'm just trying to be strong for my squad.

And I'm trying to make it right.

You wanna make it right? Then when you go to Nationals...

..bring it.

I'll bring it. Don't worry.

I never do. Hm.

Scene.

Wow.

Is that the only monologue that you got?

Yeah. OK, well, that wasn't bad.

But when you're doing a monologue, you don't do both parts of the conversation.

You choose one continuous speech, and you might think about doing a part that's written for a man.

Right. Now, you sing, right?

Yeah. Raji directed the video, though.

Well, I like it, but you might think about singing a man's song.

OK.

Yeah, thanks. Thanks.

All right. Now, go on, give me that eyebrow thing.

Look at that. I mean... That's somethin'.

Wow.

Uh... When are you gonna call me? When your phone rings.

OK. All right. Uh...

You guys can keep the tape. I got another one.

Thank you. Thanks. See you, Elliot.

Whoo-hoo! Ha-ha!

Red aluminum.


I hear we could help each other.

I have ten seconds alone with Madonna.

I'm like, "I sat front row atthe Blonde Ambition tour, not intimidated by your sexuality." Hey, what's up?

Hey! We heard about Aerosmith. Yeah.

Where the hell was I, you guys? Where's Linda?

I don't know. Linda hasn't shown up. I haven't seen her since yesterday.

What do you mean she hasn't shown up?

I'll call her.

Hey, Linda. Do I sound like Linda, bitch?

Who's that? Yo, Vanilla Ice, just put her on the damn phone.

Miss Moon's about ready to go on stage.

You wanna talk to her, you best wait till after the show. Bitch!

What are we gonna do? They're making her perform.

I'll handle this.


This ain't no negotiation, we're in a contract.

You're making a mistake.

Get your ass out there on stage.

I ain't doing this. You gonna perform or not?

How about not? Hi, honey. Hiya, Chil.

We were talking to your friend Linda here about the kind of cash she can make if she stays with the Chicks.

Well, I can see by the dressing room it's a preview of good things to come.

Hey, at least we can afford to record her.

Don't think I don't know that NTL is broke.

Come on, honey. Let's go. You know what? This is bullshit.

You wanna go, after all I did for you... fine.

But let me tell you something, sweetheart.

You're a dime a dozen. That's right.

We got gigs lined up, recording sessions scheduled, there are dozens of girls who are dying to take your place.

Here. You want her so bad, you're gonna need this.

What is this?

It's where Linda's contract is.

Trying to set me up, Nicky? I don't go by that name anymore.

Then why don't I call you Joe Loop?

Seeing how he doesn't use his name anymore either.

What are you talking about?

Nicky, look at me. Do you even know where Joe Loop is?

How the hell do I know where he is? Why don't you ask Sisqo.

We can handle this shit like gentlemen or we can get into some gangsta shit.

You shouldn't talk shit about what you don't know.

What? You mean that you beat Joe Loop with a bat and dumped his body in Griffith Park?

Raji, what is he talking about? He's just talking.

It's impossible that you're this stupid.

That's probably his gun you got stuck in your waist there.

Look, all I know is Raji told me to come here if I wanted my money from the Viper Room gigs.

Now, are you gonna pay me? Am I gonna pay you?

Are you gonna honor your goddamn contract or not?

Then you get paid. This man can't do shit for you.

Oh yeah? Then why is she playing with Aerosmith this weekend?

What? Yeah.

Oh, my God!

We'll leave some tickets for you at will-call.

You hit the goddamn hit man.

The man was bad at his job, man. Yeah, just like you, stupid ass.

I'm so sorry, Chil, for real. Why's that?

Because I didn't even wanna come here.

Raji said he was gonna pay me the money he owes me, and I'm broke.

Look, at least we can get my contract back.

Believe me, there is no contract. This whole pawn shop thing's a setup.

It's Nicky Carr's way of getting my head blown off. What's this?

Well, now, imagine my surprise.

We're out getting Mongolian barbecue and we come across your little weak-ass ride.

Did you leave any food in Mongolia?

What do you get on those Hummers? About 12 miles to the gallon?

Nine. Hmm.

Dabu, thank you, Mr. Goodwrench.

Now, I told you you had till Friday. Your time is running out.

I know how the days-of-the-week thing works. You'll get your money.

Consider this a courtesy call.

Because come tomorrow, my nine's gonna be a lot less courteous.

Since you are being so courteous, I'd like you to meet Linda Moon.

Linda, this is Sin.

And Dabu. Dabu.

Yeah... I know who you are. You, uh...

You did the remix on Samurai Soul's album, right?

Linda Moon, you're the girl with...

Dabu.

Could you make your dining experience a little less obtrusive?

You're the girl with that big voice I've been hearing so much about.

If you ever decide to get out the bargain basement, maybe I can remix a song for you.

You're too pricey for us, Sin.

Brother gotta get paid, right?

Miss Moon.

Chop-chop. Yeah.

Dabu. Playa.

Damn. Will you stop playing with that thing?

You ain't gonna figure out your two-way, Elliot.

Why don't you take a break and daydream about things you like, like, you know, flying on a unicorn with chocolate-covered cherries raining.

I'm not the one who disrespected you, Raji, Nick did.

Not me. Nick. Nick ain't even my boss.

How's he gonna do me like that? We're supposed to be partners. Damn.

Raji, Nick left a message for you.

If you go near Linda, he'll see that you suffer excruciating pain and never walk again in your life.

In other words, he'll break your legs.

Why's he gotta say it all poetic like that?

Why can't he just say, "I'm gonna break your legs?"

A nice ass won't get you through your whole life.

When you turn 30, you better have a personality.

We don't need him anymore, Raj.

I say it's time you took Nick out.

What about Chili Palmer, genius?

You can't even work your pager, sitting there scheming.

You'll get to Chili in good time. Nick's the problem.

If I take Nicky out, all roads lead to me, Elliot.

You don't think about shit, man.

Not if it ain't you who does it. I'm talkin' about a setup, bro.

Hello. Sin LaSalle?

Who wants to know? Shut your punk-ass mouth!

NTL owes you 300 large, right?

Chili Palmer was gonna pay you, but Nick Carr says, "Sin LaSalle? I wouldn't give my money to that Alabama porch monkey."

Alabama porch... Nick Carr said that? You heard me, fool.

He told Chili to give him the 300 grand instead in exchange for some contract or whatnot.

Look man, you want your chips? Do you want your chips?

Then you best see Nick Carr. C-A-R'r.

If I want my... Yeah, I want my chips. Who is this?

I'm the one schooling you, son.

Ooh...

That is beautiful. You did it.

Let's get some Roscoe's up in this bitch.

You want some chicken breasts, some collards, some yams.

Some waffles, man. Extra syrup.

I love Roscoe's.

I never told you this. You know what I love about Roscoe's?

I can take one drumstick, put it in my mouth and suck all the meat off and then pull out that bone.

Don't be puttin' your sucked-on drumsticks with my chicken breasts.

You better keep that shit... I'm serious. Keep that shit separate.

Only thing wet on that shit better be the syrup.

What's up? It's Raji.

Hey, baby. Hi, Daddy.

How you doin'? Good.

Good. School was good? Yeah.

You had a good day at school.

You know what? We're gonna skip ice cream today.

Let's drop her off real quick. Yeah.

Detective, my husband was an amazing man.

Please.

But... he didn't leave NTL in the best financial position.

We spoke with his assistant Tiffany and she told us about an incident involving an insurance salesman.

Yes.

Are you OK? Yeah. Fine.

Mrs. Athens... Please, call me Edie.

Edie, um, we have reason to believe this gentleman was not an insurance salesman.

Really? I don't understand.

Do you think it's possible that your husband was involved with the...

...the Russian Mafia?

The Russian Mafia? I mean, not that I know of, but...

..I did find something.

Maybe this will help. I found it in Tommy's desk drawer.

Nick Carr. It's a pawn ticket.

Pawn ticket?

Huh.

I wanna pick this up.

Get your black ass out of here.

What do you tell a man with two black eyes?

Nothing. He's already been told twice.

Are you gonna give me what I came for, or are we gonna have a problem?

Da.

An envelope? That's it.

They bought it. You're up.

How much can I get for this?

And don't worry. Your hair looks fine.

Damn!

I'm walking, man. I'm walking. Have you lost your...

Sit your ass down. Hang up the phone, Nick.

Goodbye, Martin.

Sin. Good to see you, bro. Sit your ass down.

I can explain it to you. You best hope you didn't lie to us.

If I can explain what happened, we could get on the same page here, you know?

Jesus Christ. What the hell's going on?

It's a misunderstanding. Shut your ass up.

Your man here says you got our money. I can explain it to you.

Raji said that? It's a misunderstanding.

Would you shut it up. Don't get excited.

Let me tell you something, NTL owes us 300 grand.

Now, from my understanding, Chili Palmer took that money, gave it to you for some contract.

Raji said that? He's full of shit. Watch what you say.

'Cause we will drop his ass. Take him outside.

Come on, man. Easy! Don't land on my Porsche.

This ain't cool, man! Come on, man. Pull me up, man!

You can't hang me like this! That's a long way, man!

Come on, man! Pull me up, man!

Come on! There's cameras all over this bitch.

You're gonna be all over the surveillance!

Please! Help! Help!

Stop playing, man! Stop bullshitting, man.

That's a law office down there, man! I'm gonna wake the lawyers up!

Lawyers, can you see me? It's Raji from Carosell.

C-A-R-O...

I'm gonna drop your ass. Ah!

You can't hit me, man.

You can't hang me over a thing and hit me! Pull my ass up!

Sin, my bro. Cut the "my brother" shit.

You're insulting my mother. I'm not in business with Chili Palmer.

I'm trying to get him out.

That piece of shit stole my act. Son of a bitch.

You set me up. Who the hell are you?

I give you ticket and you tell me Chili Palmer come to my store and I kill him.

But nyet, no Chili come.

Yo, Tolstoy, take a number. The cops come with ticket.

Cops? What cops? Excuse me, Vladimir.

I don't know about the Ukraine, but I was here first.

Be cool, nigger.

Nigger?

Look, you don't understand. This is how Chili Palmer operates.

It's like a game between us. He knows I tried to set him up, so he did it right back to me.

Then game is over. No more setups.

No more... nigger cops.

Have you lost your mind?

I mean, how is it that you can disrespect a man's ethnicity when you know we've influenced nearly every facet ofwhite America?

From our music to our style of dress, not to mention your basic imitation of our sense of cool.

Walk, talk, dress, mannerisms.

We enrich your very existence, all the while contributing to the gross national product through our achievements in corporate America.

It's these conceits that comfort me when I'm faced with the ignorant, cowardly, bitter and bigoted, who have no talent, no guts, people like you who desecrate things they don't understand when the truth is you should say "Thank you, man" and go on about your way.

But apparently you're incapable of doing that, so...

Dabu.

My bad, dog. And don't tell me to be cool.

I am cool!

Racial epithets. Why does it always come down to that?

Makes me sad for my daughter.

You need money? I got you.

Nick. Nick! I got you!

Focus.

Sin, I'm the one who promoted you.

I'm the reason you're even owed 300 grand.

I'm telling you, you want Chili Palmer.

Pull my ass in! Bring his ass back inside.

I want you to give it up and lay it down for a good friend of mine, Linda Moon!


She's a diva. Told you, she's gonna be huge.

Ain't that right, Joe Perry?


Linda Moon! Linda Moon! That's right! Thank you!

Hey, you expect me to follow that?

That was incredible. I feel like I can't even breathe.

20,000 people will do that to you. Oh, my God.

You were great. Good luck. The crowd's only gonna get bigger for you.

Thank you. See you.

Linda Moon! Gonna be a big star.

What about our girl? She was amazing.

Amazing.

To Linda Moon. To Linda Moon. To you.

You said something when Elliot was here, that you wanted to do something.

What was that?

Hmm... Oh. Um...

I think it might have been something...

Something like this.

Are you using me to get into the music business?

Oh, Edie. I like you.

Good.


Chil. Wake up.

What? What is it? Listen.

What's wrong?

I didn't leave the stereo on.

Sounds like Knockin' on Heaven's Door.

All right, I'll check it out, I'll check it out.

Evening, gentlemen. Interesting choice of music.

"A cold black cloud's coming down."

Gotta love Dylan, man.

Biograph. It's a great album. We wouldn't have this song without it.

But we would have.

Because Dylan wrote that for that Peckinpah movie with James Coburn.

You're in no position to correct me.

It was for a soundtrack. Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid.

Yeah. Song they played when Slim Pickens died in his wife's arms, right?

This man knows his Westerns.

Good movie.

Gentlemen, thank you very much for that VH1 moment in music history.

Time's up. I want my money.

All right, tomorrow you come by the office and we'll deal with it.

How bad d'you want this? Hmm?

Know what that is? It's Linda Moon's contract.

Nick Carr give you that? Much to his dismay.

Now, that 300 grand you owe me, I just doubled it, and you got one minute to come up with my money.

At the end of that time, I wanna smell money or smell blood.

It's your choice.

Sin, I want you to hear something. I don't wanna hear shit.

You call that a minute?

You don't even have to say nothin'. I already know. I-I know.

I can't help it, man. Don't give me no gun, then.

You know what I'm gonna do.

Look, Sin, you're a music producer. You gotta hear this.

Shoot me later, but hear this now.

[pop song playing, Linda singing[

What the hell's going on here?

Edie. I'm playing Sin the CD.

Yeah. I noticed.

Sorry to wake you, Edie, but your girl here's got a good voice.

I mean, the first song was nice, but this one...

Powerful lyrics just resonates with me.

You know what Sin said? He said he just needs to put his touch on it.

That's it. That's exactly what I said.

So, how is Sin proposing to do this? Let me produce it.

I'll fatten up her sound, give her some edge, maybe even add in a little... a little...

a little blues guitar, yeah, huh? Man's got a point, Edie.

Nothing against Hy Gordon, but the man is white.

That's true, Sin. But... what's that gonna cost me?

Just a producer's credit... and a little something on the back end.

Which could end up being millions. Only if I make it a hit.

Dabu. Tea!

What's with the finger? What's that?

That's not gangsta. That's not gangsta.

Got you.

What do you want, Raj? Sin LaSalle produced her single.

So? That bitch hung me out a window!

Now he gets to be her producer? I ain't havin' it.

At least he's not hanging out in strip clubs in the middle of the day.

Listen to me. Chili called, he said Linda played with Aerosmith and killed.

Tried to offer me a back-end bullshit deal to promote her.

Can you believe the balls on this guy? So he's gonna make her a big star?

Not if he's dead.

Are you saying we can smoke him?

I'm saying you and Elliot take care of him and I'll forget you tried to take me out.

Elliot!

Elliot, you home?

Elliot?

Elliot, Chili Palmer.

I got you an audition on a Nicole Kidman picture.

It's next Tuesday at 3:00. Give me a call.

No, he ain't. Delete that shit.


I love that blues guitar. It's nice.

It's lyrical but tough now. I can almost see the video.

We should get Shotgun to do the video. Now, he tight.

We'll never get him.

The man's the Scorsese of music videos. It won't happen.

The man was my production assistant on Get Leo. I'll get him.

Linda, beautiful, but when you do the hip thing, I need more hip, like a sexier hip, like a bigger, sexier hip.

You'll do it. I'll be back.

OK? Right on "action".

It's late. Shouldn't you and Baby Huey be sleeping?

That's it?

No, "Hey, Nick. Good to see you, man. Did you lose weight?"

She's good, bro. You get Miss Bangkok in there, you got something.

You always had an eye for talent. It's time you, me and Edie had a talk.

You wanna talk business, talk to me. Leave Edie out of this.

I'm already in negotiations with Edie. I'm just coming to get you.

Is that right?


Edie.

Well, if it isn't Flea Diddy.

It's P. Diddy. Don't be coming up in here like you know anything about rap.

Oh, I bet I know more than you do.

You probably don't even know who the Sugar Hill Gang is.

But I know who the Bust A Cap In Your Ass Gang is.

Let me tell you something, Chil.

When I told you I wanted us to work together, I was being genuine.

Oh, I could tell.

But now that Linda's making a name for herself, she's gonna need a real professional managing her career.

So I'm gonna need that contract back.

You know, just take it. It's yours.

Takes a big man to realize a bigger man swings a bigger dick.

Nobody's a bigger dick than you, Nick.

So what the hell's this?

That's Linda's contract. We thought you'd appreciate the irony.

You know how turnabout's fair game. Fair game. I like that.

That could be the name of my next girl group.

Take care, Chil.

You disrespected me. Move your ass.

It's a damn shame, Chili.

'Cause now you're gonna have to go commit suicide in a dark alley.

There goes your audition.

What audition? I left you a message.

Stop bullshitting, man. At home and on your two-way.

You didn't leave me a message. I checked, nobody called me.

Maybe somebody erased your messages. Check your two-way. Go ahead.

Stop this shit.

We got business to take care of.

Hey. You need help?

All right. There you go.

Is that it? Just hit that...? Mm-hm.

How could you do that, Raj? What are you talking about?

Why am I standing here?

You've been erasing my messages? I have an audition on Tuesday.

What? There ain't no damn message on that thing.

How could you do that, man? Why you tripping on me like that?

E. Weazy! Elliot, be cool.

Cap-easy! In your ass! How could you?

Put the gun back where it belongs. You never want me in movies.

Come on, Sugar Tank. After all these years? Sugar Tank?

Come on, man. Check in. Check in. I'm your ace, man.

What? They got me! Damn! They got me, Elliot!

They got me, man!

Tuesday, right, Chili? That's right.


Sorry about your comrade, comrade.

What the hell is this? Don't know.

What the hell...? Nick Carr!

You're under arrest for the murder of Joe Loop.

And now, the final nominee for MTV's Best Video of the Year:

Linda Moon with the performance ofhersmash hit, Ain't No Reason.


Tonight you've heard the five nominated songs. Dabu.

Yeah, I'm Dabu the Great. We got the Dub MD's in the house.

Yeah!

The Best Music Video Award goes to...

Tell 'em, Dabu!

First Believer, and now this.

Yeah, Ain't No Reason To. Linda Moon's fourth award of the night!

Sin!

Oh. Wow.

This is amazing.

First I would like to thank my producer, Edie Athens.

I'd also like to thank Hy Gordon and Sin LaSalle. Thank you.

And last but not least, I would like to thank the guy who has believed in me from the very beginning.

He made all of this happen. Chili Palmer, thank you.

Thanks.