Beauty Shop (2005) Script

(men) ♪ WJLM ♪ Whoo! Hotlanta, home of the Hawks, the Atlanta Stomp, and that fine-ass Michael Vick!

Michael, if you out there listening, come on over to WJLM and touch down on a sister's backside.

Your girl Helen's got an end zone you wouldn't believe, baby!

Holler at your girl!

(singing along) ♪ Call me any time

♪ Call me If you need someone to talk to

♪ Call me Satisfaction guaranteed...

Darnelle, you see my blue sweater? Leave me alone.

I know you been dipping in my closet, and I'm not going anywhere until...

Leave me alone. You missed.

Hey, Nana.

Oh, look at you! Come on, sit down, baby.

No, thanks. I'm late. Have you seen my blue sweater?

No, I ain't seen it. Go ask your mama. Mama!

Stop screaming. I'm back here.

OK. - ♪ Satisfaction guaranteed...

You almost ready? I can't find my blue sweater.

That's because it's in the truck where you left it.

OK, I guess I'm ready. Not with that pimp hat on.

Mom, it's not a pimp hat, it's fashion.

Alicia Keys has the same one. Good for her. Lose the hat.

Why send me to a performing arts school if I can't be creative or express myself?

Sounds like a contradiction to me.

"Sounds like a contradiction to me." Lose the hat and the attitude.

I'll meet you in the car. Go ahead.

Vanessa! Yeah?

Do these pants make my butt look big?

Yeah, they do. Perfect.

♪ Call me If you need someone to talk to... ♪ I'm out of here. I'll mess with it at the shop.

I see my blue sweater. Yep.

Hi!

- (sighs) Told you. Go ahead, get out.

Wait. Fly me some fingers.

All right, have a good day. Love you. Love you, too.

Can't believe it. She was right.

♪ Hollering with Helen in the morning ♪ Hotlanta, how y'all is?

I hope y'all feeling something like me.

I reckon y'all checking my good mood, 'cause your girl Helen is doing quite well, thank you.

One of my many mens-es came through last night and got crunk with my trunk.

He got a sister smiling like she just got a $1,000-credit increase on her gas card and ready to get pumped!

Y'all know I ain't lying to you. Just keeping it real, for real, for real.

Holler at your girl Helen. I'll holler.

Don't even worry about it. I'll get the hair.

Yeah, Wednesday at ten. All right, bye-bye.

No, no, I can't go.

I have my consultation later. Finally getting those implants.

Yeah. Dr Kopelin says it'll take a week or so to recover, but I'll be so doped up on Vicodin, who cares?

OK, I'll talk to you later.

Joanne, Joanne, Joanne, girl, I'm telling you, don't do it.

You'll be with your boyfriend, he squeeze too hard, that thing fly out your mouth.

You don't need that. You know why?

Why? Because you are beautiful.

Oh, my God, Gina! It's amazing. Well, you know.

You have to give me that conditioner you make.

You gotta keep that on the low, because Jorge only likes us using Jorge products.

Forget Jorge. You're the best thing that ever happened to him.

(Austrian accent) I thought the best thing to ever happen to Jorge's was Jorge.

My God, Joanne, you look fantastic. You look incredible.

Wow. So, when you getting the implants? Soon.

Jorge, you have a gem on your hands. Gina is a miracle worker.

Yeah. She's a... worker.

OK.

Sweetie, I gotta run. I've got crow's-feet screaming for some Botox, so, next week?

I'll be here. OK.

Jorge. Mwa! Great to see you, baby.

So, Gina, nice work. Thanks. Just doing what I do.

Yeah, well, just remember that in doing what you do, you're doing what I do, the person whose name is on the moniker, ja?

"My nigga"? What?

(snorts) Gina. Moniker. As in the name on the building.

OK? So, that being said, you just have a marvellous day, ja?

You need to learn how to pronounce that.

Jorge's time of the month again? Let's go get some lunch.

I could use some air. You got a dictionary? I gotta look up "ma-nigga".

Moniker? Ma-nigga.

Ma-nigger? That's what I thought he said.

My nigger? Don't say that. Whites can't say that.

But that's what I thought Jorge said!

The guy can do some hair. Well, he can work a flip. But he's a idiot to work for.

You got a chair. I'm stuck in shampoo hell.

Girl, you'll get out. Oh, dear God, let it be soon!

I been dyin' to show you something.

Pictures from a hair show I worked last weekend. Those are my models.

What?

Wow! You did this? Uh-huh.

Girl, this is good. Jorge is trippin' not giving you a chair.

Well, you always got a chair in my shop. Why, thank you!

Well, when I get a shop.

What do you want a shop for?

I always wanted my own shop. Sell my own products.

Vanessa getting into that music school just... moved it from Chicago to here.

But it'll happen. It will.

Until then, I'm just gonna kick back, stack my chips at Jorge's...

And try not to kill him.

(sprightly classical piano)

She can play, can't she? Yeah, just like her daddy.

Rest his soul.

She don't have the same passion for it since he died, though.

But all I got to do is hear her play, to know why I put up with Jorge's nonsense.

I want my daughter to have the best.

Hell, all I want from my daughter is some common sense and some clothes that fit.

Gina, the girl put on a pair of pants that came down to the top of her burning bush.

That girl make me mad enough to chew bricks.

Don't mess your dental work up over it.

I don't know. She gonna be all right.

You look fantastic. We going to make another appointment, ja?

- Ja. Thank you, Jorge. Great to see you.

Don't be afraid to hop on top. A man like a lady in the streets, a freak in the bedroom.

You got seven kids? I'm telling you...

Terri is here. I must go to Pilates. Please make sure that she's taken care of.

OK, soon as I square away Mrs Dexter. Pronto, Gina.

Fine, Jorge. Right away.

You might want to find a frame for your memories. Preferably not one from K-Mart.

Jorge's was not Best Designed Salon for having Scottish tape on some mirrors.

OK, I go now.

Gina! Hey, Terri. How you doing?

Come on, get comfortable.

(sighs) I'm having this major party for Steven and a few of his clients.

I just have to look remarkable. I have to.

So, I was hoping you would do a little magic on me.

I think I can conjure up something. You know what? Lynn, I got this.

Why don't you go finish setting Mrs Dexter for me?

I don't know. I was just supposed to shampoo till an available chair opens.

Well, do you see me at my chair? No.

Then it's open. Go ahead, girl, do your thing.

OK.

Come on back. Tell me about this dinner party.

Big party. But I've got everything under control.

I have caterers, um... the kids all have play dates...

That's good to hear. Life is really good.

You having problems with Steven again? Oh, yeah, I am. I am.

He just looks at me like he hates me.

He does. Come on, now.

Don't even worry about it. I got my special conditioner for that, so...

I don't know. I try to please him.

I've bought sex toys. Did you get them Chinese balls?

Do you think that'll work? Oh, man. That's the move right there.

I hear they make men go crazy. You just sneak 'em up in there and then go "Brrrr!"

I don't know about that!

Ow! Shampooer.

I guess.

So, drink a lot of water, take those vitamins and come on back next week, OK?

Thank you, Gina. Your cream has just saved my hair.

Take care now. Have fun! Don't stress!

Hello, shampooing girl. I didn't say you could leave the shampooing area.

You should be shampooing, no?

Lynn! Girl, you got some skills on you! Look at this. This is great!

Gina. (tuts)

I hope I didn't get her in trouble. I hope not.

This is not the way we do things here, ja?

Look, it wasn't proper protocol, but you were gone, and I was busy and Lynn...

Lynn has her licence. So I told her to take a shot.

Oh. So you told her to take a shot.

Yeah. And she dunked it.

Gina. I don't care if she touchdowned it, or any of your little street colloquialisms.

You don't get to give shots here, OK? I give the shots, unless you're diabetic.

The stylists here work for me, they don't work for you.

So, if you wish to work here, I suggest you give me some proper respect, ja?

I showed you respect when I took care of your client while you took a Pilates class.

So, you wish to altercate with me?

You have no idea what I wish to do with you. You act like you own me.

Gina. Gina, Gina, of course I do.

Without me, you would be back in Chicago washing hair in your mama's kitchen.

You wanna talk about my mama? Do I own you?

Have papers on you? No. Get your fingers out my face.

I've given you this lifestyle. Get your fingers out my face.

And, like all things, what Jorge giveth, Jorge can also taketh away.

You know what? I don't need a damn thing from you.

And you cannot "taketh" anything away from me. You know, I giveth it back. I quit.

You quit? Yeah, I don't need this. Shoot. I quit.

Out of here. Snatch my picture off the wall! Everybody knows I am the shit at Jorge's.

And what's up with the K-Mart thing? Is it 'cause I'm black? 'Cause I'm black?

You're nothing without me. You're going to fall flat on your ass, I promise you that.

Well, I got a little cushion. You wanna kiss it? I didn't think so!

(sighs)

What you doing up? Can't sleep.

I miss him.

So do I.

Does this mean I'm gonna have to leave music school now?

No. Why would you say that, Vanessa? Because, Mom, you got fired.

No. I quit. There's a difference.

If I wanted to go get a job at a shop, I could. But that's not where my heart is.

It's time I owned something.

I can't approve this.

But didn't you read my letters of recommendation?

All very impressive, but, uh...

But, uh... Miss Norris, see, you're missing what Southern Mutual and Savings like to call the three C's.

Credit, collateral... Colour.

No. Capital, something you could earn by acquiring one of our secured credit cards, as opposed to you throwing around your race one.

- (watch alarm bleeps) Oh! And that's my lunch calling me, but, uh...nature's calling me first.

So, Miss Norris, good day to you.


(gasps) Don't kill me.

- (Gina grunts) Ow-ow-ow! Ow!

Stay still, now, or I'm gonna mess around and take your eye out. Last one.

Ow! OK, OK. Let me get a look at you.

There, a new face at the bank.

You like it? Oh, you...

Is that "yes" or is that the way you fight?

No. I like it. I love it. Oh...

Oh, I haven't seen this woman in years.

Well, now you got her back. Try not to lose her.

All right, go get that cutie bank manager now.

Loan approved.

What? You got your loan.

I got it? Oh, yes!

(raps) ♪ Go, Gina, it's your birthday I got a hundred-fifty thou...

No, Gina, no. No, no. Not quite that much.

That's cool. I'll take a hundred thous...

No, no, Gina. What? What? No?

What? Like 95? 85?

I can work with seven... Lower? Thirty.

Thirty thousand dollars? What kind of shop can I buy with that?

Lord Jesus, have mercy! Somebody swallowed the '70s and threw it up in here.

I've been in some messed-up salons, but damn!

Ooh, girl, this is just straight-up nasty!

Thanks, Darnelle. Tell me how you really feel (!)

- (jazz piano upstairs) Eeuw!

What's that supposed to be?

Oh... looks like some kind of skylight.

That look like a big ol' hole in the ceiling.

I got an electrician coming to look at that.

- (rippling jazz piano) Listen to that.

Whoever's up there can play.

They need to stop. The realtor said I'd be inheriting a few stylists, not a whole band.

Gina, let's just look at the blessing in it. You've got your own beauty shop.

Be happy. It's yours.

Come on, let's make this place sparkle. Turn this into Gina's! Turn that music on.

♪ Tear the roof off, we gonna Tear the roof off the mothersucker

♪ Tear the roof off the sucker

♪ Tear the roof off, we gonna Tear the roof off the mothersucker

♪ Tear the roof off the sucker

♪ Tear the roof off, we gonna Tear the roof off the mothersucker

♪ Tear the roof off the sucker

♪ Tear the roof off, we gonna Tear the roof off the mothersucker

♪ Tear the roof off the sucker

♪ You got a real type of thing Going down, gettin' down

♪ There's a whole lot of rhythm Going round

♪ Ow, we want the funk Give up the funk

♪ Ow, we need the funk We gotta have that funk

♪ Ow, we want the funk Give up the funk

♪ Ow, we need the funk We gotta have that funk

- ♪ La-la-la la-la ♪ Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, oww

♪ Ow, we need the funk

♪ We gotta have that funk... ♪ There we go, Madam CJ.

Hi, can I help you? Yes, ma'am.

I received a message yesterday. Joe's Electrical Repairs. I'm Joe.

I found your card on Miss Angeline's desk. You've done some work here before?

A little. Miss Angeline wasn't into repair and upkeep.

Ha! Who you telling?

It looks nice. You've done a great job. Thank you.

And you are? Oh, I'm Gina. Sorry.

This is my mother-in-law Paulette and her daughter Darnelle. My baby, Vanessa.

Ladies. Hey.

So, you're familiar with the place. How bad is it?

The place needs a lot of work. Rotting wires, outdated sockets...

The main breaker keeps tripping.

Is that a problem? Not if you like standing in the dark.

A lot needs to be done. A total upgrade.

Right now, I just need you to take care of this one thing for me.

You see this hole in the ceiling? That just ain't working for me.

Neither's the piano-playing coming out of it.

I need those wires stuffed back up in there so I can patch up the ceiling.

Can you do that?

I could, but that's not going to solve your dilemma.

OK, so let's say I do the whole upgrade. How much is that gonna cost me?

I'd say between four to six thousand.

(laughs) Well, don't let the doorknob hit you on the way out.

OK, then, good luck.

Wait, wait. What about the ceiling? Don't look at it.

I guess I'll ignore the piano-playing, huh? I'll try to play more quietly.

Hey. I play piano, too.

Is that right, mademoiselle? Can I come up and play some time?

Vanessa.

Maybe. We'll see, little one.

Ladies, ciao. (chorusing) Bye.

Mama, I like him.

I know. And I like you with this broom in your hand.

Oh, Gina, it's looking beautiful. You think the ladies will like it tomorrow?

Compared to what they were working with before we got here, they should love it.

So, what don't you like about the place? I ain't saying I don't like it.

I just say, you know, I don't think it's all o' that. That's all.

For real. It's gonna take more than a paint job and some posters to impress me.

This woman had Popeyes cater her wedding.

It was Church's. It was chicken.

I had Gladys Knight Chicken and Waffles cater mine. I still got waffles in the freezer.

Let the woman who owns the shop talk. Thank you.

Say what you got to say. It's your shop.

What I was trying to say... They ain't gonna listen.

Talk to us, go on. Go on.

What I was trying to say was, no... I hope you're not raising the booth rent.

Can't be coming out of pocket. I can't come out of pocket.

MJ got basketball camp, baby A-Rod need a new stroller, and little Shaq need braces.

You got you a little Dream Team.

Look, Auntie Gina, this one here is Venus Serena Marion Jones, Jr.

Right, that's... that's Auntie Gina's baby.

OK. So, um... look, as of right now, no, I'm not gonna raise the booth rent, but I will be making some changes.

I'm trying to create an environment where you can come and relax.

We are professionals. You never know, Oprah might stroll up in here one day.

Yeah, if she mistook the place for a Krispy Kreme joint.

You hush. You ain't got a pot to piss in.

Oprah pot platinum, baby.

You know that poem Maya Angelou wrote? Phenomenal Woman?

"Pretty woman Wonder where my secret lies?

"I ain't cute or built to fit A fashion-model size..."

She's talking about Oprah, hon!

Yes, she was. And just like Oprah, I wanna be the best.

So, we got to change the game a little bit.

Please, no more food on the counters. Let's try to keep it clean.

I make you this promise. I ain't gonna get no food on your stuff.

Don't you...

OK, that's a little syrup. That's a white couch.

But it look like Louis Vuitton. They ain't gonna know.

High fashion. Turn it over. You can Shout it out.

Whassup?

We gotta work as a team. In order to work as a team, we have to look like a team.

New smocks, one size fits all. Porsche. Mercedes.

What?

They ain't had none with some Kente cloth or like a little motherland flavour? A cheetah print?

This ain't got no breast flap.

How am I supposed to... Maybe here. Maybe it'll slip through the hole.

Hey! Lynn!

Am I late? No, you right on time, girl. Come on in.

Everybody, Lynn is one of the baddest hair stylists to set foot out of Augusta...

Blue Ridge. Blue Ridge, Georgia.

The girl is talented. And she gonna be working in the shop with us.

Working here? As what?

As a stylist.

Hell, no! Hell, no!

Gina, come on. I'm sorry, but you doing a little too much around here, OK?

You ain't trying to brighten up the place.

You's trying to whiten up the place. For real.

So, here's what I'm gonna do.

I'll let you and little Miss Blue Ridge here have the shop.

Do your thing. Go on, girl, do your thing.

'Cause I can't be a part of this, OK?

Porsche, are you rolling? Yeah. I ain't gonna be able to do it, either.

I ain't meaning to run 'em out. Don't worry.

Better we get rid of the bad apples now.

They got too much attitude. I was about to slap the shit out of one of their asses.

Anybody else leaving? 'Cause this white bitch here is staying.

Chanel.

No white girl's gonna mess up my money. Y'all can go.

Whatever. All right. Whatever.

Y'all, you wanna fly out of here with them birds?

I got a business to run. I need to know.

That's what I'm talking about. All right.

(phone rings)

Gina's Beauty Shop. OK.

No problem. Thank you. Bye-bye.

Excuse me. May I offer you a cappuccino?

I don't want no damn cappa-whatever-it-is. Where's Angeline at?

Uh... I'm sorry. She's no longer here.

She die? No, no, no, she didn't die.

I got an appointment.

My name is Gina. I bought the shop. One of my operators can assist you, Miss...

Mrs Towner. Mrs Towner.

T as in Tom, O as in Othavee, W as in Willacoochee, Georgia. Willacoochee.

And "ner" as in... I don't live "ner" here.

Don't let me keep you waiting any longer. Come on, now.

Would you like water or something? Yes, please.

Lynn, take care of Mrs Towner, please.

Of course. Hi, Mrs Towner.

When'd you all get to be so integrated?

This morning. What can I do for you today?

Don't give me no 'fro. Keep my curls neat and tight.

Then maybe you can pin it up. Not a problem.

What you know about black folks' hair? I'm not gonna screw it up.

Good for you.

Here's your water, Miss Towner... Mrs. Thank you, sweetie.

I'm telling him to move back a little bit, but he wouldn't even move back.

Oh.

Either I'm buzzing from last night's party, or Miss Angeline done come up.

From backwood to Hollywood. This is nice.

I'm Gina. I'm the new owner. Can I offer you some cappuccinos? Or water?

I like you already, Miss Gina. Me, too.

Look at you with that rock on your finger! You ought to be careful rolling with that.

A little six-carat keepsake my husband bought me. Christopher Clark.

Power forward. Atlanta Hawks.

Three-point Chris? That's your husband? Oh, my God, girl, he got game.

Yes, he does. Anyhoo, I have an appointment with Mercedes today.

Uh, Mercedes? She... she no longer works here.

Well, we'll take Porsche today, then. Porsche? She gone, too.

Actually, we got rid of all of our foreign cars.

Well, damn! I couldn't get a heads-up?

We should just go on over to Aspire, girl, where we fit in.

Well, you could let me do your hair.

I know you like to keep it tight. I can tell. You don't play about your look.

I will have you looking fly as a mug courtside.

Did I tell you my name was Gina? I will lay that hair down.

I'll have it shining up on that Jumbotron, that big monitor TV in the arena.

Yeah, you gonna have to look at yourself, because everybody gonna look at you.

Gina? I'm so sorry, but I don't really know you.

I'll do it for free. Oh! So where should I sit?

Not highlights. My client has a big game and I'm going with the P-I-M-P look.

Well, perhaps Jorge is not for you, then.

No, no. You know... maybe Jorge is for me. Let's do this.

Great. Where is the shampooing girl? We need to get Corky washed.

You mean Lynn? She quit. Come again?

She quit. She called this morning. I left a message.

She said if anyone asked that she was working down at Gina's.

Gina's what? Gina's salon.

OK, well, today is your lucky day. I'll wash you myself. Come with me.

Have a seat. Jorge, don't forget to use a cape.

It's not my first day at the picnic, Stacy. I know all about the cape, ja?

Shouldn't I be taking my jacket off? Leave it, take off your pants. I'm kidding.

(shrieks)

Stacy! Stacy!

I'm sorry, I just need a moment.

Looks good, don't it? Girl, it looks good. That's all you?

This is my hair. Blown out.

Yup, girl, it's nice!

OK. Well, Gina, I'm booking you, girl. When can you get me in?

I can take you tomorrow at 10.00. I'll be here at 8.45.

(gangsta rap on radio)

Say, now, mama, how you doing?

Damn! You a nice little pound cake.

How y'all doing? Y'all want a little chocolate?

Y'all sitting here, all done up. I figured y'all want something.

Oh, so y'all just gonna float past a brother.

Brother can't get no communicato? A'ight, then.

How you doing? Damn, you a thick one! You got top and bottom.

Give me a quarter. I promised my mama I'd call her as soon as I fell in love.

What you selling? Candy bars.

I'm raising money for my music video. You could be in it.

Come and get low with it. Shake it like a salt shaker.

What is your name? Willie, aka Will-Boogie, from Decatur.

That my daddy pawn shop next door. You?

Gina. I own the shop.

If you want to sell your candy here, you have to be more courteous to the ladies.

I got that. My bad, Gina.

So, you gonna buy some $5 chocolate to go with those healthy milk-sacks you got?

Don't bring your little behind back here till you learn how to speak to a lady!

She loves me.

Uh-uh. You don't know whose bike this is.

Can I have one? Can you have one?

Hey, Nana. Hey. How's my girls?

Hey, Paulette. Go and get cleaned up, baby.

Oh... It feels good to be home.

So, Gina, how was it? Well, it was, uh...

Hey. Hey, Darnelle.

I know that bike out there ain't yours. That's PJ's bike.

I ain't even gonna ask. All right, Mama, I'm gone.

Bye. You be careful on that bike, hear?

Mama, I will.

Gina, I swear, it's more trouble having that girl than it was making her.

Your father-in-law had a crooked one. I had to walk around the corner to get on it.

So, what were you...

(Helen) I must've put it on the brother, he wouldn't leave me alone.

He was blowing up my phone, my girlfriend's phone, driving by my house.

This dude was straight trippin'.

So I did what any normal black woman would. A white girl wouldn't do this.

They go to the police station, get a restraining order, piss the man off and have him waiting in the bushes with a knife.

I had to get creative. Go ghetto on a black man.

- Y'all say "ghetto". Ghetto!

A sister had to get sinister on a Negro.

A woman had to do what she had to do.

What'd you do? - I lied and told him I was pregnant.

I ain't seen that fool in ten years. I ain't lying.

I wanna hear from you. Holler at Helen.

Or hit me on my website at www.how-to-shake-a-nigga.com.

No, she didn't.

I didn't know you could say the N word.

No, no, sweetie. She can say it, you just can't.

You know what? You could be black, white, ghetto past, no ghetto past, nobody says the N word in this shop.

No bitches and ho's. Except for the ones who don't leave a tip.

That's for real. That's for real.

But we will be wearing our smocks. Oh, I forgot.

Look good, don't it?

I had to put a little motherland flavour on it. Some sexiness.

A little too sexy. You could use some of that mud cloth and cover up the girls.

"Does my sexiness offend you?"

No. I'm just saying... "Does it come as a surprise?"

(Chanel) Oh, Lord.

"That I dance like I got diamonds At the meeting of my thighs?"

Here we go. Her and her Miss Ang-er-loo.

Angelou. "Does my haughtiness offend you?"

"Don't you take it awful hard

"'Cause I laugh... Ha! like I got gold mines

"Digging in my own back yard."

Don't dig too deep, Miss Josephine.

"Leaving behind nights Of terror and fear

"I rise into a daybreak That is wondrously clear

"I rise bringing the gifts That the ancestors gave

"I am the dream And the hope of the slave

"I rise...

"I rise... "I rise..."

Yeah, I rise!

All right, let's rise our asses back to work. Come on, now.

(rippling jazz piano upstairs)


Hotlanta, Helen be talking to you standing up, 'cause I just got me a bikini wax.

Damn! That ain't natural, that torture! What's the big deal about some stray hair?

You look all clean, but it hurts so much you don't want him near it!

You can make some serious bling if you start doing waxes, girl.

You like landscaping, plant a garden. Oh, please, honey. My man loves it.

And it helps them know where they going.

Nobody'll come over if they can't find it. My man found my door just fine.

That's a revolving door. OK, nasty heifers.

Real men like a woman natural and wild!

You are preaching to your damn self, honey.

My man likes it trimmed and perfect. He waxes his own brows.

Oh, girl, you got one of them crying men. Uh, no. No, I don't.

You show me a man can't cry, and I'll show you one that's hitting somebody.

I only got time for one crying man, and it better be the one in the diapers.

How about when you're making mad, passionate love and he reaches his climax and that one little tear starts rolling down his face like Denzel Washington in Glory?

Then you got him whipped!

It had to be Denzel. She couldn't have said Brad Pitt. Or Bozo the Clown.

Hey, darling! How you doing? Bet you no good, darling.

Whoo-oo-ee! Look at this! Is that Eye-talian marble?

Whoo, girl, who y'all got invested up in here, Ted Turner?

Lord, Miss Rita got catfish dinner, sock-it-to-me cake and bean pie.

Excuse me? How you doing? Get in line.

I'm Gina. I'm the new owner of this place. Oh, you're the new owner?

I'm glad you the new owner. Angeline used to skim off my fish dinners.

She's a Christian, but I think she La Cosa Nostra.

Here, darling, I'll always have a plate of food for you, Gina.

Extra monkey bread? Eeeeh! The monkey just jump right out of me.

Oh, you! Yeah, you there. Hey.

Could you park my car? I'll tip you later, because...

Shit. Hold this for me.

Terri, how you doing?

Excuse me. Give me them damn keys! What's wrong with you?

Hi! Where'd the valet go?

He's going to take a coffee break.

What are you doing around here? Look what Mindy at Jorge's did to me.

I look like a scarecrow!

You saved my hair, Gina. Don't make me save it again.

I'm coming here.

Monkey bread? Eeeh! Just come out. No, thank you.

I made it fresh this morning! You'll love it.

Rita. You gonna love it.

She says she don't want none. I'm just trying to put a little fat on her.

Take that with you. Steven wants me to lose a few pounds.

Who is Steven? Her husband.

He wouldn't be singing that song if you had one of them J. Lo/Beyoncé booties.

Yeah. Or if he had one of those.

This is the picture I was talking about... Damn! See, that's just too much ass.

If a plane crash, we could eat for days.

That's all burger right there. Enjoy the view? Take a picture.

Get your ass out of my window before I call the police! This ain't Magic City!

Broke-asses! You see them pervs?

I do miss Steven. Seems like he's been gone forever.

Where is he this time, Mr Big-Time Sports Attorney?

Hawaii, three weeks. He's closing some big deal or something.

Closing a deal on smacking some Hawaiian ass.

Girl, he's down there being a Don Ho. He tapping on something.

What's tapping? Tapping, tapping, tapping.

No, no, no, Steven's not like that. He loves me. He just works really hard.

I bet he do.

I want to look pretty for him. You will.

I cannot believe Jorge.

That shop is out of control since you left. Well, good.

Sorry. Speak of the devil.

Jorge. Hello?

My angel. My God, I'm so sorry.

I heard about the mishap and Mindy has been released.

Sweetheart, don't worry about that. Gina's taking care of me.

Gina who? You know, Gina Gina. Say hello, Gina.

It's Gina, bitch.

Bye, Jorge. Ooh, that felt good. Yes, it did.

Can you get her a free cappuccino? The devil is everywhere.

Be nice. I ain't talkin' to her.

So, what you girls think about that Janice Jackson?

Janet. Janet, baby. Janet Jackson.

She's crazy, huh? Why?

You know, with the titty. What's wrong with her titty?

No, I like... You like titties?

No, I mean...

Gina, I don't know if I'm fitting in. You just got here.

Yeah, I know I just got here, but I feel really...

...really white.

You feel really white as opposed to what other colour?

You know. I'm not as hip as you guys are.

I can handle the girls, as lame as they are. I can roll with the punches.

But I've only had one client since I got here, and you gave her to me.

So maybe I should just go.

No. Who should go is that crazy-ass lady hustling pies and monkey bread. Eeeh!

Like she got Tourette's or something.

Ain't never seen nobody do that. Got a twitch or something. No, Lynn, you fine.

You know, like when I was at Jorge's. Shoot.

You think it wasn't hard being the only "moniker"?

But I stuck it out, people warmed up, and eventually, it was like, "Blam!" I was doing the damn thing.

And so will you.

OK.

You can't leave me with these crazy people.

Girl, I knew you liked them greens!

Mm! You keep eating like that, you gonna grow a big ol' Petey Pablo, Lil Jon, Ying Yang Twin booty!

Mm-m-m! Big booty like Ida got. Turnips did all of that. Girl, I knew you liked them.

Thank you, Gina. No problem, girl. I got your back.

Me, too. All right.

What? I got hungry. They're good.

(Gina) I see.

The oppressor. Who?

State Board.

Hi. I'm Gina. I'm the new owner.

Guess what. You have major problems. Inspector Crawford, State Board.

I have to cite you for the discarded equipment in the alley.

Big Mike's Moving & Hauling is picking that up today.

They always are. No. They really...

Hey, hey. This is for $500. Come on, man, I just bought this place.

I can't afford tickets like this. You can't. Next one will be $1,000.

One more and I shut you down. Have a nice day.

"Have a nice day." - (horn tooting)

Now y'all coming.

Well, your timing is perfect. You're slow.

My bad. I'm running solo and my boss think I'm a slave.

Sign here.

How long was you down for?

Four months. Paroled out early.

Possession? Why you gotta assume a brother...?

Illegal sale of a restricted narcotic.

Where's the countertops and stuff?

Um... Everything's back there in the alley.

By the way, who does your hair? Your braids is tight.

Thanks. I do it myself. Come on.

I used to braid in a shop around the way.

Then I caught this little case. But in the pen, I did braid all the homies' hair.

You like driving that truck? Ain't nothing really else out there.

Well...

Dawg, how long it gonna take?

Our boy is fine.

Damn fine. I'd do him in a heartbeat if I wasn't so damn fertile.

And didn't have a husband. He is cute.

Thanks.

Thanks.

You got me next, right? Uh-uh. I think I was here before you.

What the hell is you talking about? What's he gonna do, braid your scalp?

I promise I'll take care of both of y'all. I think she was here first.

Let me take care of her and I'll get back to you, 'cause in my mind, I'm still trying to figure out how I'm gonna...

(both) OK.

I'm telling you, something just ain't right.

Yeah. It's like he's too good-looking.

You can't tell if he's gender-specific.

Josephine, come on. Look at the muscles on that boy.

Fifty percent pumping iron, and the rest from fighting the brothers off that booty.

He got a little swish down river.

Oh, he is beautiful, ain't he? (others) Mm-hm.

Diamond in the rough. All shiny.

Let me see if he wants some cappuccino.

Dang.

I don't know, I think he's straight. You are so new.

James, you want a cappuccino? Yeah, please.

You want one? No. I'm OK, thanks.

Swish-swish.

Uh-oh. - You better work, work it, girl

- Cover girl Do your thing

- Shante, shante On the runway...

Get that phone.

It's a great day for a press and curl here at...

Oh. Hold on.

Gina, it's a Darnelle.

What up, D?

You where?

How does a grown-ass woman get into this kind of trouble?

Gina, I didn't know the bike was stolen!

It don't matter. You have to make some better choices with men.

This is the last time I'm bailing you out.

Next time, I'll let the chicks from C Block pass you around for a carton of cigarettes.

They'll love a little freak like you.

You gonna tell my mom about this? No, I ain't gonna tell your mama. I should.

Why raise her blood pressure?

Thank you. Look, I'm sorry, and I'll pay you back.

With what? You ain't even working. I know that.

But look, I'll find a way. I promise.

That's for sure. Ain't no secret I'm getting my money back.

I'm gonna get my money one way or another.

♪ Don't you wish your girlfriend Was hot like me

♪ Oh, don't you wish your girlfriend Was a freak like me

- ♪ Like me ♪ Don't ya...

Hm?

Cappuccino?

Ahem. - (sighs)

Cappuccino? Water?

There you go. Say it like you mean it. No, scratch that. Like you love it.

Hey, you want a cappuccino? No, baby.

I don't eat or drink nothing I can't spell.

(clears throat) Wow. You must be like the spelling bee champ.

Don't look like your mouth is shy to a fork.

Y'all hold it down. I'm going to make a bank run.

Say now, lover. Looking like a piece of red velvet cake, so nice and sweet.

Is your body named Visa? 'Cause it's everywhere I wanna be.

Why don't you get some business?

I'm shooting footage for my music video. You can be in it. Shake a little something.

Let me guess. You want me to wear tight booty shorts with a fishnet halter top.

You ain't gotta wear no fishnet. Wear a T-shirt.

Just as long as you don't mind getting it wet. What's that you listening to?

Bach. You listen to Pac, too?

Bach. As in Johann Sebastian. Classical composer.

He look like the old dude on the oatmeal box, right?

Yeah.

Why you listen to that boring stuff? It's not boring. It's art.

Dang. Well, you got your art and I got mine.

Now, that's a money shot right there.

Let's hat up, y'all! Cracker Barrel "bring-a-friend" gonna be over!

I'm driving. Y'all gonna be too full to walk back.

Is that a purse? No, it's a man bag.

A man bag? Yeah, it's like the hottest new accessory.

You got some man lipstick in that bag, James?

They done took metrosexual too far.

Darnelle, you wanna come? I gotta stay and watch Vanessa.

Lynn, you coming? No, I'm gonna hang out. I'll be fine.

I'm gonna bring you back something, anyway.

OK.

Them girls don't like me much. They don't even know you.

How do you get to know someone without trying to? Like asking them to lunch?

Some folks prefer kicking it with people they have something in common with.

That's just racial profiling.

When I worked in my mama's shop in Blue Ridge, I did black, white, polka-dotted hair.

This ain't your mama's shop in Blue Ridge. This is the SWATS, the ghetto.

You need to show you're trying to fit in. I'm not following.

Look, Lynn, it is all about the visual, OK?

You could be the best in here, but can't nobody tell by looking at you.

Girl, presentation is the key.

Presentation? What do you suggest? Just wait and see.

Just trust me.

Miss Gina! I've been seeing everything you have been doing and the shop is fabulous! Thank you.

If you wanna let these divas have it, you need my handbag

'cause it's spring and you don't want to be caught in suede.

And you gotta have your pink. It's spring, girl. Push, push, fierce! It's fierce!

You always get me started out here. Girl, honey.

Better work it. I'm gonna work it, girl. I'll catch you.

I'll catch you. Now, push, baby. Push, diva, and catch it.

That's right. I done told you about slamming in front of my shop.

(women murmur approvingly)

Oh, my God.

Oh, hi, Gina!

You like it? Isn't it cute? Don't look over here. Darnelle did that.

It look good, right?

Right? Right.

I just said, "When in Rome..."

(radio) ♪ He's all caught up and it's all because of me

♪ I'm so sorry it had to be you, boy...

Don't shake that baby loose. - (Gina) Lord, don't do that.

We gonna get indecency charges.

(Helen) I'm not a salad-chomping sister that weighs 52 pounds in a wet T-shirt.

I got hips, thighs and don't discriminate against pies.

But this getting your stomach stapled just to lose weight? That ain't good.

It ain't gonna stop you from popping one of your mama's biscuits in the mouth.

Am I in line?

Hotlanta, you know Helen's keeping it real with you. Holler back at me.

Holler!

- (cheering) Be quiet, y'all. Oprah's on.

(mobile phone rings)

Uh... where you think you going? I will be right back, OK? I'll be right back.

That's what I'm talking about. Hey.

Give me some of that thug love. Thank you for coming to see me.

What's happening with you? Oh, man.

I got in trouble, and Gina loaned me this money, so she got me working it off.

They got you twisted, huh? Come on, get with the money train and let's ride.

Money train? I got a plan for you, shorty.

Hell, yeah. They'll be all right. Can we go shopping?

I hear that. I got something for you, too.

Word for today is "chutzpah". Do you know that word?

Who keeps unplugging this? - It is a Yiddish word...

(screaming)

♪ Whoa, amazing grace... ♪ Shut up!

Dang! Are y'all having a slumber party? Y'all didn't invite me?

Now is not the time! A'ight.

But I saw that inspector dude at the barber shop.

Like I need something else to be worried about. Hold him off, I'll be right back.

I got that, Miss Gina. Go on, get out of here. Go ahead.

Please be home, Joe. I can't believe this.

You wanna buy some candy bars? No, thank you.

I got Kit Kat, Mars, Snickers. Not tonight.

Please let his sarcastic ass be here.

Please be there, please be there, please be there.

I need your help. OK, let me grab a shirt.

I got... I got cherry, apple. No!

You buy some candy, and I don't tell them that you got a Rolex in that briefcase.

I don't have...

You say you got Blow Pops? Every flavour, dawg.

A cherry. Five dollars. You kind of broke.

- (women cheering) All right, Joe!

My God! Thank you, Joe. You saved me.

The generator is only going to hold for a while. You need to get this place fixed.

I will. I just... I have to find the money to do it.

Pay me later. I'll help you out.

OK? OK.

Bye, ladies. - (all) Bye, Joe.

Miss Norris.

Are we the only shop in Atlanta you like to harass?

When Angeline owned this place, I never seen you.

I'm just doing my job.

The generator is just temporary, but an electrician's coming on Monday, he's gonna rewire the place.

It's very nice.

But a new state regulation says that all these hairdryers have to have a wall plug.

How am I supposed to know about it?

I just told you. That's how.

Get up to speed, Miss Norris. One more of those, closed for good.

Ladies.

A thousand dollars?

I take two steps forward to get knocked three steps back.

Can you ask them to increase your loan?

I'm barely keeping up with the payments I got now.

Something gotta turn around or it ain't looking too good for the shop.

We can do something. I got a little bit stored away. We can have a garage sale.

I mean, how much do we need?

Oh, shit! Excuse me, Lord.

We need Jesus.

Hey, y'all. Oh!

In before dawn. Goodnight, Gina.

Gina, did you tell her? No.

I swear Mama stay mad at me. I wonder why.

What happened to "I'll be right back"?

Oh... my bad, Gina. Glen just came down from New York, and I hadn't seen him.

He has a record label, and he wants me to be on his next album.

You can't even sing.

All right, look at this.

What's this? That's the bail money that I owe you.

Glen gave me some cash, now I don't have to work in the shop.

What'd you do to get that money? Come on, please!

You know I don't get down like that, OK?

If a dude wanna pay my bills, I'm gonna let him.

Shut up, 'cause you sound real stupid right now.

OK? You just lazy and you wasting your life. And you wasting my time!

Why don't you use your little money to go buy a clue?

Stacy, I don't understand. Joanne Marcus was supposed to be here at ten.

And this is not a coffee shop. You eat in the back.

Hey.

Doughnuts.

You killing me, D.

If you change your mind, they'll be in the back. I'll even restock the shelves.

Gina! Joanne Marcus!

Terri, where did you find her? Look at you!

Oh, why not? Everyone else is.

You grew. Yes, I did.

Eight thousand a pop.

Had my nipples done, too. Wanna feel? Maybe later.

I ran into Joanne down at Saks and dragged her down to see you.

Girl, what you doing with that hair? My hair misses you, Gina.

Well, your timing is good. My chair is open.

I got that purse. Did you get yours from Bernard at the Piggly Wiggly in Decatur?

Piggly Wiggly? Yeah, and he sells thongs, too.

He works here? That he does.

Is that cat-bread lady gonna be here today?

Bitch.

Mm... mm! Mm! Mm-mm-mm!

How many grams of fat would you say are in a plate of your greens?

My greens is all fat. I found every fat you could find to put in my greens.

Fatbacks, salt pork, Vienna sausage, ham slices, pork chop, pork rinds and bacon bits.

Talk dirty to me. Say it with me, "Fat is good."

Fat is good. Sho' nuff is.

You should cater. Baby, franchise. Think big.

Tell me you have that magic potion stuff. You know I do.

Your magic what?

It's just some conditioner that I mix up in my kitchen.

Mix up in your kitchen? What, hair crack?

The stuff is great. They should be selling it in stores.

They really should.

I know a few corporate vendors. They're always looking for the next big thing.

I wanna be the next big thing.

Float me a few bottles. I will float you a damn case.

Hook us up with some of your hair crack.

It's conditioner.

Yeah, Gina, hook us up.

Either you got a bee sting to the breasts or you got some work done to your bosom.

I sure did, and I love them.

For 8,000 a pop, you better love them.

Hold up, Heidi. You paid 8,000 American dollars per titty?

Yes.

You could've bought a Saturn with that.

OK, you see all this ludicrousness here?

This implant stuff, it's more of a white girl thing.

No, Chanel. Black girls get it done, too.

I'm just saying, we don't get all crazy like y'all do.

Injecting your asses in your lips is nasty. Girl, who you telling?

I get a couple of unruly back or chest hairs plucked, other than that I just be chillin'.

What?

So, what I'm saying is, some folks have to pay to look good while others are just born that way.

It's the motherland, baby. Were you born ass-backwards?

That statement personifies your ignorance as it pertains to the topic of beauty.

Whoo! - (sizzling)

Excuse me? I know Botox Barbie isn't trying to call me ignorant.

I heard her say, "Your mama". Calm down, hussies.

I throw the peace card on you. Thank you.

Come on, let's go get this hair done.

(jazz piano upstairs)

Does he ever leave that apartment?

That piano is getting on my nerves. Which is why you haven't patched it up.

Excuse you. I've been busy, mademoiselle.

Get your things together so I can take you to church to practise.

Have you decided what you wanna play for your recital yet?

Vanessa.

Vanessa.

(plays relaxed jazz melody)


Shoot.

I was just, um...

...checking out your big spear.

Sorry.

Would you like to join us?

Can you show me the intervals again?

Each chord progression is three steps apart.

See? That's why he called it Giant Steps.

You won't hear this at my recital.

So what are you gonna play? I don't know.

I'm all confused. What are you confused about?

Listen to your heart... (plays chord)

...and your fingers will follow.

(plays "Giant Steps" by John Coltrane)

This goes out to all the finger-in-your-face, calling-me-out-my-name heifers.

Get all up in my face if you want to, but don't get it twisted. 'Cause guess what?

- ♪ If you mess with me, I'll take your man ♪ Uh, uh, uh

(sings along) ♪ Well, I'll take your man Right out the box

♪ And put him under my padlocks

♪ So when you see us together Chillin' in the place

♪ Cold walkin' And sportin' him in your face

♪ Go ahead, roll your eyes Suck your teeth

♪ Keep huffin' and puffin' like a dog in heat

♪ You know whassup, I ain't no poo-putt

♪ 'Cause Pepa kick butts off dumb young bucks like you and the rest of your crew

♪ If moms want static I'll diss her too

♪ So scram, you know who I am

♪ Damn, chick, don't play me close 'Cause I'll take your man...

Chanel, hey. (clears throat) Hey.

Um... You know, I was just, um...

Taking someone's man?

♪ I'll take your man... ♪ I'm not playing any Beethoven or Mozart. Too overdone.

I'm thinking Coltrane or Monk.

Then again, some Miles or Stevie Wonder. Maybe some...

Girl, go and play with your little friend, please.

Clown. Yo, whassup, V?

Still shooting behinds, huh? Yup.

The booty is the cornerstone of all hip-hop videos.

If it ain't shaking, it ain't selling. Whatever.

Are you down for some Krispy Kreme? My play cousin Howard works there.

He got shrimp doughnuts. Buffalo doughnuts.

He got... big booty doughnuts.

No, I don't eat doughnuts with boys who exploit women.

How about a burger, then? I don't want any of your burgers.

So you can get to stepping! See, that's why I like older women.

There's one of your men.

Mm! I'll be right back. That's what you always say.

I ain't gonna say she's a ho 'cause that's Gina's sister-in-law.

Hey, baby. Are you happy to see me? Hey, baby.

You're so sweet. Oh, thank you.

This is how sweet you are.

My good... Is that for me? Oh, baby.

You and only... you.

Let's go get a drink, just chill out for the rest of the day. How's that sound?

Baby, it sounds so good. I wish I could, but I gotta work.

Baby, I'll bring you back. I know, but I've really got to work.

I'm trying to get close to you. Gina needs me, OK? Thank you.

I don't give a damn about Gina! Oh, oh, oh!

Don't you ever grab me up like that!

What the hell?

What's this going on?

Get in my car, you hear me? Hell, no!

You didn't put your hands on that girl.

Take your ass back in there. Take your ass from the front of my shop!

Bitch, get out of my face. Bitch? I will burn your ass.

Careful with that.

Keep your hands to yourself. I'll be back.

What you? Go do some hair. I'll burn your ass.

Hold on. We got a problem here?

You the mascot of the shop? Take your foo-foo ass back in there.

Go braid your eyebrows or something.

Check this out, dude.

Did you see that?

I hate violence.

See? You come here talking all that stuff and you got knocked out!

See, you need to learn how to respect women.

Willie got it all on camera and he sell them in the 'hood for 14.99.

(♪ "Tainted Love" by Gloria Jones)

♪ Sometimes I feel I've got to

♪ Run away, I've got to

♪ Get away from the pain You drive into the heart of me

♪ The love we share

♪ Seems to Go nowhere

♪ And I've lost my light

♪ For I toss and turn And can't sleep at night... ♪ Well, I'll be damned!

I'm gonna get him. Jorge!

Hi, Jorge. Remember me?

Ja, the shampooing girl. How goes it with the shampooing? Good?

The name's Lynn, and I'm a stylist now, for your FYI.

So...

So, yup.

Well, you must be lost or something. Did you make a wrong turn in your BMW?

No, I took the Jaguar, and it's good to see you too, Gina.

He's in the "Yaguar". I thought you were in the Beamer. What do you want?

I want for nothing.

I was curious about the place that's been stealing all of my best clients.

Now I see why. It's very trendy. Very SoHo loft-ish. I love it.

I'm not doing bad, especially for a woman who should be falling flat on her ass.

Yeah, well, about that, Gina, I want you to know I'm truly sorry for my words.

I was speaking from an angry place, and I do not wish to reside there any more.

I mean, I wish no ill will upon you or... or your shop or your peeps.

I mean, girlfriend, you are doing it, ja? Yeah.

It can't be easy, what with the overhead, the fine and the State Board coming by.

I've been there and back to the other place.

And your point?

I just wanted to say that if you ever need anything, anything at all, lean on me.

When you're not strong, I will be there.

I am Jorge, and there will always be an open chair at Jorge's for Gina, ja?

Thanks. That means a lot, coming from you. But I don't think I'll be needing that.

OK, well, fair enough.

Ciao. Wiedersehen.

Oh, Joanne.

Wow, congratulations on the twins. But I see that they are not identical.

What the hell did he want? He came over to hate.

He's just jealous.

Who was that? That was the infamous Jorge.

Nice shoes. You got some issues.

Gina, who's your girl? You are.

And who, when asked to make something happen, is making something happen?

You again? Correct.

And who talked up your conditioner for CoverGirl's line of boutique products?

And they want to meet with you. Don't play with me.

They wanna fly you to New York, talk business.

They wanna fly me to New York? Me? Oh! Oh, my God!

What? Thank you, Joanne! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

CoverGirl is interested in my conditioner.

No! I can't believe it!

You talking about that hair crack? Yes.

They can call it whatever they want, if they sell it. I feel like I won the lottery.

Why don't you feel like taking us out? I think I can do that.

We got to toast on this somewhere.

I can't drink, but I sure can eat. Cosmopolitan cheesecake!

Tonight we're celebrating. We're getting it on, getting tipsy.

Go sit your butt down.

We going out tonight. We partying! Joanne, please.

Hey, Joe. Hey, little one.

CoverGirl might buy my mom's conditioner.

Her and the girls are going out tonight to celebrate.

Thought maybe you'd wanna meet them there.

I'm not sure she wants me there.

But tell her I said congratulations. That's great news.

OK. Talk to you later. Keep practising.

(♪ "Vibrate" by Petey Pablo)

(whooping)

Hey, baby.

Look at that girl over there.

If I wasn't married and pregnant, I'd get with one of these little chocolate kisses.

Yup. I can see why they call it happy hour!

Please, honey, happy hour ended a long time ago. It is get-crunked hour, OK?

OK, ladies, and James, I just want to say thank you so much for hanging in there with me, y'all.

You wanted a Jorge's, but you belong right here in the 'hood with us.

That's right.

When I met y'all at Miss Angeline's that morning, I thought I was in for the worst.

And that's what I got. Until them two birds left the shop, and then I had the best.

Ah, yes. Yes, I do.

To Gina. Sister, you are an inspiration.

"Whether it's the arch of your back Or the sun of your smile

"The ride of your breasts Or the grace of your style

"You are and always will be A woman phenomenally

"Phenomenal woman!" That's you.

Yes, it is. Congratulations, Gina. Would you like to dance?

What are you doing here? Asking you to dance.

Now, please say yes so it can look like I have a little bit of game.

Oh, my God, girl! Ooh, ooh! Ooh, ooh!

I wanna get tribal with y'all. That was, like, 1989.

OK, hand me the scissor.

So, Lynn, you wanna move a little something?

Move what? He asking you to dance, crazy girl.

I thought he wanted me to move some chairs or something.

Sure.

All right, go have fun. Go on, now.

They're gonna need some scissor, for real.

Did you see that? All these beautiful black girls and he goes for the white girl.

I'm telling you, MTV is the devil.

Girl, the boy is gayer than Peter Pan in a pair of ice skates.

♪ Shawty crunk On the floor wide open

♪ Skeet so much they call her Billy Ocean

♪ Roll like an 18-wheeler

♪ That... fine but this... killer

♪ She leakin', she soakin' wet

♪ She leakin', she soakin' wet

♪ Shake it like a salt shaker Shake it like a salt shaker

♪ Shake it like a salt shaker Shake it like a salt shaker

♪ ...Poppin' till you percolate First booty on duty, no time to wait

♪ Make it work, with your wet T-shirt

♪ You gotta shake it Till your calf muscles hurt...

She dropped it like it's hot!

♪ Call that... Bojangles

♪ Juicy like fruit or douche like Coupe de Ville...

Uh-oh! Uh-oh!

♪ Five dollars get yourself a table dance

♪ If you got ten then bring a friend Shake your... to the song again...

I think we're being outdone. What? You think?

♪ If you ain't gonna dance, well, don't, then

♪ Why you wanna waste a... song, then? See you when we're down doin' nothing...

What? James is gay, all right.

He happier than hell!

Girls...

I see something I need. Come on. I'm gonna show her how you do that.

This goes out to my girl Gina.

Some old-school Chicago stepping music, girl.

(♪ "Could It Be I'm Falling In Love")

That's my song.

♪ ...With you

♪ With you

♪ I don't need all those things That used to bring me joy

♪ You made me such a happy boy

♪ And honey, you'll always be The only one for me

♪ Meeting you was my destiny... ♪ Is this your family?

My happily married sister and her two kids. They live in France.

Well, what about a wife and kids?

That never happen for you?

Many things never happened for me.

(she plays notes)

And many things have.

Joe, I don't think I'm really...

- (piano chord) Oh!

You just played the most beautiful chord ever.


(chuckles) Gotta make sure you arrive safely.

Oh, my goodness. That's it.

A case of my future is on its way to CoverGirl. If they call you and need more...

This is enough. Let's not get frantic, OK? OK.

Come on, stop doing that. James?

Could you carry this to my car for me? It's just outside.

Yeah, I'll take it. Thanks.

Firm.

Excuse me, Joanne. Uh-huh.

Would you mind not doing that?

Doing what? The smacking-on-the-butt thing.

James and I are kind of hanging out now.

Oh, I didn't know you guys were... Yep, we are. So you understand.

Yeah, I understand.

That you're afraid of a little competition.

You afraid James might grow tired of your wannabe-black-girl routine and fall for something real like me?

Real? Since when are two air-bags for breasts real?

Maybe on my daddy's Chevy they is real, but on you, they is just ridiculous.

Excuse me? You heard me.

Yeah, but I shouldn't have. Yeah, but you did.

And my girl wants you and your tetherball titties to leave her man alone.

OK, Little Miss Hip-Hop, I was speaking to Lynn.

White girl gone crazy.

What? Little Miss Hip-Hop? I will hip-hop my foot up...

She threatened me. Did you hear that? Yeah, I heard all y'all.

I'm the client. She should be fired.

You know how we clown around. Y'all are grown women. Y'all can work this out.

So, you're not gonna fire her? No.

No? Joanne, no.

No OK. OK, fine, yeah.

I see how things work around here.

You can forget about your meeting with CoverGirl. And forget about me as a client.

How's that?

Fine. I'm so sorry, Gina.

No. Ain't nothing to be sorry about. I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

Joe.

What's going on?

There's a problem at the shop.


I still have men checking the area. I'll let you know if we find something.

Thanks.

(sighs)

You try doing your own thing, and then something like this happens.

Sorry, Gina. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

I can't catch a break. I just...

I have Vanessa's recital tomorrow, and I have to go up in there with all of this on my brain.

It's OK, Gina. You'll get through this.

- (whispers) You'll get through this. I wish that was true, Joe.

You will.

It's OK.

No. I can't... I can't fix this one. I can't.

Gina.

And now, coming to the stage for a piano solo, Vanessa Norris.

(plays "Prelude No 4 in E Minor" by Chopin)


(mouths) Play from your heart.

(segues into Coltrane's "Giant Steps")


Go, baby. That's my baby girl.


That's my baby! That's my baby!

(laughing) Oh!

Mom, how did I do?

You were everything I ever imagined.

Mom, you OK?

Yeah. I'm fine. I'm just happy.

Come here. Fly me some fingers, girl.

Let's get out of here.

(♪ "Hard Times" by Chico DeBarge)

♪ And she cries My baby, my baby

♪ Oh, Lord, what we gonna do now?

♪ It's crazy, it's crazy Got to figure something out

♪ Sometimes, sometimes Feels like I'm gonna lose my mind

♪ Hard times, hard times I'm fucked up without a doubt

♪ Drinking Kool-Aid in a mayonnaise glass

♪ Gotta boil your water just to take a bath

♪ A drunk uncle had a family reunion

♪ Crazy in the kitchen Where they broke a straw broom and

♪ Wearin' socks On your hands for gloves...

Surprise!

What? What the...

Y'all, I don't know what to say. This is, uh... This is crazy.

No. This is Gina's House of, um...

OK, maybe it's just Gina's House, OK?

Darnelle. Oh... Mm-hm!

Check that out! Oh, yeah.

D, that's what I'm talking about, girl!

Oh, man, y'all...

Ooh, this is nice.

It is.

But I don't think we can do this.

Why not? We brought blow dryers and curling irons and...

A new picture of Madam CJ Walker.

Money. Did you bring any of that? The point is, Gina, we're here.

The shop's here! We're with you.

Lord, it is hotter than a jalapeño's coochie out there! Thank God y'all open.

I been to five shops in four blocks and all them bitches is booked.

I got a wedding to get to!

Lord, please, can somebody do me? Please?

Anybody, please.

Sure. Let me see what we working with under this hat.

Damn! Oh, my God! What the...

I'm having some Don King issues, damn it.

Um...

One of you heifers do me, please!

OK. You know what? I can work with this.

Don't even worry about it. Thank you.

Darnelle, get her shampooed. And use a bottle of my conditioner. Two bottles.

James, get that percolator percolating, baby.

We back in business. Shoot.

And everybody else...

...thank you.

Gina, we love you.

That's right, girl, we open for business.

Ooh! What happened here? Well, not enough to make us quit.

How you doing, girl? I'm terrific, now that Steven and I split up.

You all right? Fine. Y'all knew he was cheating on me.

Now I know, and now I'm free.

Good for you. Hey, Ida, hook Terri up. Oh, good. Hi.

Come on. You want me to sic my cousin Travis on him? He just got out the pen.

I just might take you up on that. OK, sit down.

Shoot! Look what the collard greens did to her booty!

Go, girl!

Back that thing up! Where did you get that?

That is a ass. You have a ass, girl.

- (women) Hey, Joe. Hey.

Hi, Gina. Something to brighten your day?

Thank you.

But you brightened my day as soon as you came through that door.

What a transformation! Yeah, huh? They hooked me up.

Looks like you're sticking around. Yeah, I guess I am, huh?

No, it ain't going down like that. How you doing?

What's up with you? I'm all right. You feeling froggy? Jump!

What is this?

Stacy? Hi, baby. How you doing? It's me.

I'm just closing up, so I'll meet you at the spa.

(horn honks)

I call you back.


Gina, wow. What a...

Surprise. Ho-hay. I bet I'm the last person you expected to see in here, huh?

No. In fact, I knew you would be back.

I don't have time for such a sudden intrusion. I have a prior engagement.

Sorry, I didn't mean to intrude.

You going to meet Crawford and figure out how to burn my place down this time?

Gina. I just love it when you let that imagination of yours run wild.

It's so street. You haven't even begun to see the street.

I knew you had something to do with it.

Talking about how hard it is to own a business, what with the paying of fines and the State Board coming by.

I asked myself, "Why would he say that?"

Gina.

Look at me. Look to Jorge.

Do I seem the type of person that would reside in such deviant behaviour?

With those split ends? Yeah.

What is this?

That is World's Dumbest Criminals starring you and Inspector Crawford.

You should be a little more secretive.

So, George Christie, of Austria, via Nebraska.

Yeah, I know about you. I know your secret.

The point is this.

You didn't break me. I'm still standing.

And my shop is open and doing very good business.

And you will never, ever intimidate me, 'cause I'm a phenomenal woman.

Kind of like what you try to be but don't really pull off.

Hey. Hey!

(American) Have a nice ride back to that rib shack you call a shop!

Don't cut yourself on the broken glass, bitch!

Did somebody say cut? What? What...

(Jorge) No! Aaah!

Sit up, man. No! No! Shit!

- (shaver buzzes) No! No! No...!

(Helen) Hotlanta! Whassup?

It's your girl Helen, hollering at you this morning, telling you to get your ass up, because it is a lovely day.

Hey, Gina. Hey, Josephine.

It's good, right? It always is.

Gina, telephone.

Hello. Gina Norris. - Gina, it's hollering Helen.

Shut up. You lying. Turn the radio up. Turn it up.

(feedback)

- Gina, y'all doing the thing down there! I'm on the radio!

Ask her to give a shout out to my kid! Shout out to Africa!

Gina, I just called to say thanks for hooking my head up for my cousin Shondrella's wedding.

You saved my life!

That hair crack conditioner got me looking all Halle Berry-ish.

Don King? That was you? - Sure was.

I need a touch-up. My man came over last night and kind of sweated out my flip.

That's what got you in trouble last time.

Hotlanta, if you want to get your crop dusted, your do did, or your flip whipped, jump your butt in the hoopty, get on down to Gina's Hair Salon and let 'em hook you up with some of Gina's famous hair crack conditioner.

Since y'all are my peeps, I'm gonna let you ladies pick Helen's topic for the day.

Holler at me, ladies. I'll holler!

Talk about how come there's never a black man as The Bachelor.

People who name their kids names they ain't never gonna live up to, like a Porsche that look like a Buick and a Mercedes that look like a Pinto.

Talk about these athletes going to jail. They're in court more than on the court.

Keep this up, half-time gonna be a plea bargain.

No, talk about interracial love. You know you black.

Let's talk about legalizing marijuana, 'cause my glaucoma's getting bad now.

If you have sex with a man, he put you out before breakfast.

I like to go cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!

Watch it, y'all! Big ups to you, Gina. I'll be calling you in a minute for a touch-up.

Keep holding it down. I'll holler.

Holler!

♪ Living my life like it's golden Living my life like it's golden

♪ Living my life like it's golden Living my life like it's golden, golden

♪ I'm taking my own freedom Putting it in my song

♪ Singing loud and strong Grooving all day long

♪ I'm taking my freedom