Beauty & the Beholder (2018) Script

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and in this case, I am the beholder.

I have my own idea of what beauty is and what it isn't.

We all make our own assessment as to what is beautiful.

And I choose to appreciate artificial enhancement when what nature has given, lacks in certain departments.

I am Dr. Joseph Neiman and I'm a board certified plastic surgeon.

I am considered one of the best in the country.

This is my facility.

I have a staff of over 40 employees.

I make dreams become reality.

Shape patients into Instagram and social media celebrities.

Why did I want to become a plastic surgeon?

Obviously I wanted to make an obnoxious amount of money.

It's also said we're born into a world filled with so many imperfections.

My job allows me to fix some of those imperfections.

I can find a flaw in any woman.

Small tits, make 'em bigger.

Fat, tuck it in or suck it out.

Need a larger ass?

Expand, reshape, and uplift it.

People have always been widely obsessed with achieving the perfect look.

Cosmetic surgery is the new drug and it's in high demand.

I know, they call it a god complex.

Why not?

Who else can literally change someones world?

So yeah, I am god.

I think it was Ayesha Curry that once said, "Everyone is barely wearing clothes these days.

"Not my style.

"I like to keep the good stuff covered up

"for the one who matters."

Well good for you.

Whoop dee fucking doo.

I need people to continue showing their ass and tits.

People feel insecure about themselves, they come see me.

Being what I like to call normal, won't even get you through the door.

However, beauty gives you limitless possibilities.

For example, I have it all.

Money, prestige.

I can pretty much get any woman I want.

Then I can make her into anyone my heart desires.

I have the power to create my own Mona Lisa.

Only thing I can't seem to understand or get in return is love.

So you wanna go bigger?

Of course bigger.

Stella Stunner has a rep to maintain.

So we're talking in a third person I see.

I'm losing ground with the fans of the Real Side Chicks Atlanta show ever since that bitch Tasty Tee got her bigger tits.

That little birdie been tricking attention from the producers and I'm not happy about that dumb shit.

Word on the street is she need to get her head game up though.

Weak as fuck from what I hear.

Not like the queen though.

No gag reflex.

Makes sense.

I want them to stand out a lot more on camera.

The camera adds pounds to your waste but takes a cup off your tits.

I need more.

Hey, what's up Mallory, how ya doing?

Hello, how ya doing Jeremiah?

Doing great.

Don't let society or the media brainwash you into thinking that you have to be reconstructed in order to be beautiful!

Embrace what God has given you!

Mallory, could you deliver this to Summer for me?

Sure, no problem.

Cool, Thanks.

Hey Summer, here's the breast implants.

Perfect, thank you.

Dr. Neiman, there are protesters outside.

What do you wanna do?

What the fuck Summer?

Can't you see I'm busy here?

What's wrong with you, you gotta knock.

Yeah, that's not gonna happen.

What do you wanna do, release a statement?

What protestors?

Those people who hate the whole plastic surgery thing.

They used to just trash us online but now they're organized and lined up outside.

I don't know, why don't you go buy them some coffee, some donuts, show them how classy I am alright?

I don't give a shit.

Hey Stella, how ya doing?

Trying to get there.

Sorry about the interruption.

Oh Dr. Neiman, your next appointment is here.

Hey, tell Mallory to take her vitals.

Properly this time.

Don't tell me how to do my job.

I love the smell of saline in the morning.

Watching these transactions gives me a hard on.

Although I always thought it was odd that the strippers never pay with a check or a credit card.

It's like they come straight from the job and pay in weed smelling sweaty bills.

Don't get me wrong, money is money, but get a bank account.

I mean you make upwards of 50 or 75 grand a year, you really shouldn't be keeping it under a mattress.

You're interested in getting more procedures done yes?

I gotta stay ahead of the curve.

I gotta always be in front of these chicks.

Well I think you're doing great.

Always room to improve.

So, what should I make a priority?

I know what you're thinking.

Don't judge, this stuff helps me keep focus so I can fly through a surgery in minutes.

Cocaine is like a Red Bull.

Only much better.

Dr. Neiman, my husband is scared to go, you know, down there.

What real man doesn't like to eat the pudding cup?

Maybe you got the wrong doctor?

Couples therapy, better option maybe?

I don't think you understand.

I mean, he doesn't like the way it looks.

You mean that this just happened?

Did he know this before y'all got married?

I mean I'm confused.

Alright.

I have to be honest with you.

I thought I'd seen everything.

Please put that away before you get arrested.

Hell, before I get arrested for allowing a saber-tooth tiger in here.

So you see what I mean then?

Labiaplasty would probably be your saving grace.

What exactly is labiaplasty?

Alright, I'm not the best artist, but try to bare with me here.

Vagina's, they come in many different shapes and sizes.

Kind of like a 7-11 cup right.

You got small, you got medium, you got large.

Then, you,

you have a Big Gulp.

Beauty comes from the inside.

Beauty comes from nature, not a knife.

Hey.

A courtesy of Dr. Neiman.

He knows how hard protests are to keep alive.

The problem is standing right behind me.

This is an enabler.

Enabler!

Enabler!

Enabler!

Daily, I get the neurotic female who wants a miracle performed.

Says here you want to look like Lady Gaga.

I just, I don't understand why you don't want to see me anymore.

Come on Talia, big girls don't cry right?

You think I'm fat?

Wanna be reality stars, exotic dancers, and potential sugar babies make up a huge portion of my business.

Only in America right?

So I come to the part and I see that bitch Stella all hugged up with Dirty D.

Bitch, what you doing in here with my fucking man?

That's my man.

I'm his number one side chick.

What the fuck you doing with my man?

You lost your god damn mind?

Come on, who wouldn't wanna be with this.

I'm the number one side chick, period.

Listen, y'all don't have to fight over me!

Hey!

I'm from B More bitch!

Don't you know we don't play that?

Trifling chicks step up to get beat down!

I'm an equal opportunity type practice.

I mainly service females, but when I do see a male client they are here for a specific need.

So, are you okay with the pectoral implant arrangements Mr. Mac?

Fasten your seat belts, here comes the number one question I always get from men.

Three, two, one.

So doctor, do you do...

The chart you requested.

Thanks.

The force is strong with this one.

So Charlie, spit it out.

What else you wanna ask me?

Do you do enlargements?

You mean your cock, your dick, your schlong, your meat stick?

Is that what you're referencing?

I tried everything.

Creams, pills, pumps, got a bad rash after the last one.

Unfortunately, there's not a whole lot we can do for, you know, to enlarge penis size.

The one they do have is very very painful.

I'm willing to make that sacrifice.

Sorry Charlie.

So there's nothing you can do?

Come on, don't you think if it was that easy every guy would be walking around with a 12 inch dick?

Best advice I can give you is learn a few tricks in the bedroom.

Maybe lose some weight.

Lose some weight?

It makes your dick look bigger.

Hey Dr. Neiman, the leader of People Against Plastic Surgery would like to meet you.

Summer you continue to ignore the memo about knocking.

Should I set up a time?

10 years.

10 years and you still can't knock?

Well let's see, you eat all the lunches I leave in the refrigerator,

you have sex with your clients in every space available here.

Oh, should I go one with the list of privacy acts broken by you?

You know, I should fire you for your insubordination.

Yeah, but you won't.

You know how indispensable I am around here.

Plus, I have so much dirt on this place I could shut it down with one phone call.

What do you want?

Two things.

Would you like me to set up something with the leader of PAPS?

The other doctors in the building are concerned.

No.

And tell those wussies to man up, get a grip.

Lovely.

Okay, secondly, Carolyn in billing has a question.

She said, and I quote, "Tell Dr. Neiman's

"pussy ass to get down here."

Why do I have to be a pussy ass?

You're gonna have to dig that up with her.

Good luck.

Oh, also, I'm leaving a little bit early today.

I have some errands to run before Richards parents get in town tonight.

I have this Italian dish I'm making them.

You know, it's really adorable, the way you are trying to impress your boyfriends parents.

Now do me a favor.

You see this pen?

Make it disappear in my eye, like the joker in that Batman movie.

You're a sad man Dr. Neiman.

Maybe you should start dating again.

What are you talking about?

I date all the time, you know that.

I'm not talking about your strippers with benefits or one night specials.

I mean a real date with a real woman.

Summer there is a fine line between employer and employee, you're crossing it.

Think about what I said Dr. Neiman.

Summer.

Ah, the Billing Department.

The most ruthless, lawless, area of my practice.

You remember that extra $300 on your medical statement for that cup of water that you so desperately needed?

Well, that bill was processed here.

We charge you for everything.

You wanna use WiFi?

We're going to bill you.

You wanna use our electric to charge your smartphone?

You're gonna get a bill.

Nothing is free, nothing gets passed these guys.

Ma'am, I do not make the rules for your insurance policy.

This is where all the money is.

The central nervous system of my operation.

Most of my patients, they pay cash, get a loan, sell their first born.

Talk to your insurance company if you don't like their decision.

Well in the meantime I need payment.

I don't really care how they pay.

As long as I see the money rolling in I'm happy.

Carolyn here, she makes it all happen.

I'm calling on behalf of patient Charlotte O'Connor.

Insurance companies, pain in the ass to deal with.

They never wanna pay out.

Especially not for cosmetic surgeries.

Bastards.

Alright, let's cut to the chase.

Will the insurance cover the surgery or will they not?

What?

Fuck me?

No, fuck you.

Piece of shit.

Neiman.

Surprised to see you here.

I apologize Carolyn, I actually have patients to see.

How do you want to handle Bryan Mitchell's tummy tuck?

Bryan has a hernia.

If he doesn't get it taken care of right away, it might be detrimental down the line.

Bullshit Neiman.

You and I both know Bryan Mitchell's fat ass doesn't have a hernia.

I work with you long enough to know your shenanigans.

What!

So I bend the rules a little.

I write down in my notes one thing and she bills it under a different medical code to get the insurance companies to ante up.

Is it legal?

Strictly speaking, probably not.

Well I'm glad we can come to an understanding.

So we'll bill that code.

I just needed your approval.

You can leave now.

Quicker I can escape, the better.

Helps me forget the medical fraud I just sanctioned.


Nice magazine.

I'm sure you're just browsing for the great articles right?

Right.

Actually, the articles are pretty shit.

But I do like looking at naked women.

Nice.

Could you please move?

I see your breasts are fairly average.

Compared to the ones you were just looking at, Dolly Partons tits are rather average.

I'm a plastic surgeon.

If you ever decide to get some work done, especially your breasts, give me a shout.

I'll give you a free consultation.

Well, Dr. Joseph Neiman, there are several ways that I could respond to such inappropriateness, but I'll keep it simple.

You're an asshole.

Anyway, love to continue this little chat but I gotta go.

Here keep the change.

Well doc, you know why I'm here.

I mean my body is my business.

And business is good right?

Well, it could be better.

I wanna go bigger.

Well if you're comfortable, you know I am.

I'm more than comfortable.

Everybody wants to see my train wreck.

Listen, all they need to know is that you're just getting started.

Alright.

Numbing cream should be taking effect any minute.

You're not gonna feel a thing.

Babe, you know how I hate needles.

Hold my hand.

You two ever think about upgrading?

Keshia thinks more than a mouthful is a waste.

The more the merrier is what I always say.

Bigger is better.

Why do men always think that bigger is better?

I didn't say there's anything wrong with just a handful.

All I'm saying is I respect those that go the extra mile.

You're not gonna tell your boss to pay you less are you?

But, you know, today we're talking about lips.

Injecting yours, making them fuller.

You know, one might even say we're making them bigger.

You ready?

Women are not for decoration.

We are not objects to be sliced, and diced, and picked apart for your ideal of beauty.

Dr. Neiman this is Rainbow Drake.

She's leading the protest outside.

It's a pleasure to meet you sir.

To what do I owe this pleasure?

I just wanted to let you know not to take this protest personally and we will not be bribed by you.

Oh I'm not taking it personally at all.

I actually think your little agenda is going to be really good for business.

You have no sense of responsibility for your actions?

Of course I do.

If my client needs something I give it to them.

Sometimes a little extra.

It was nice talking to you.

Hey, I know you're busy son, but we're having an anniversary party and I want you to come.

Give me a call please when you're free.

I love you Jo Jo.

I love keeping Dirty D happy.

Why?

Well, he's never late with the bill, takes me on shopping sprees, and we take trips to Miami on the regular.

I have a wife at home, and she will always be my babe.

I mean that is my wife, but Stella, now Stella is fun.

And I love to have me some fun.

We really don't have anything in common.

Technically we don't have nothing in common.

But that girl body is banging!

Hey Jen, it's Neiman.

Oh, hey sweetie.

Can I schedule Susan?

Yeah sure, for when?

Tonight.

She's actually out tonight.

The earliest I could get you in is tomorrow evening.

I'm sorry honey.

Hey.

I have somebody I want you to meet.

Summer, will you go down to receiving and see if the Botox arrived?

You igging me?

Come again?

Ignoring me.

Yes I'm ignoring you.

Look, I have somebody that is perfect for you.

I highly doubt that I would be interested in anybody that you would hook me up with Summer.

She has an incredible personality, she's amazing.

I'm not interested.

Okay, at least let me show you a picture of her alright.

This will change your mind.

Are you serious?

Yeah.

Alright, first of all, do you see how elongated her chin is?

What?

Yeah, and her left breast is bigger than the right one.

No thanks.

Are you serious?

Yeah.

Actually, you know what, I change my mind.

Bring her in for a consultation.

And make sure I schedule at least two hours with her.

Hey, Dr. Russell come here.

What do you think of this woman?

Wow.

Yeah that's what I said.

She's a project.

Oh man I'd love to hit that from behind and use her ass as an ashtray.

Holy cow she's sexy.

Disgusting.

Okay see Dr. Neiman, you're completely oblivious to what sexy is.

Who is this jail bait?

This girlfriend of mine that I was trying to hook Dr. Neiman up with but he turned me down like an idiot.

Joseph, you turned down this once in a lifetime opportunity?

I mean, I would let this girl give me syphilis she's that beautiful.

Why don't you just look at the picture Mike.

I am, and I'm telling you, I would dry hump her until my pants caught on fire.

Look, all I see is a long ass face, weird breasts.

If you can call them that.

What?

This girl is absolutely beautiful.

Even I would have to drug her so she'd have sex with me.

You know, pull a Cosby.

Allegedly.

Look, I didn't go through all those years of Med school just to become an anesthesiologist.

Gross.

I'm reporting you to HR.

Look, Dr. Neiman just think about it, okay?

Yeah, no thank you Summer.

That picture is already gonna give me nightmares, imagine what she's gonna do to me in person.

Hey doc, so how is she?

You mean what does her breast look like?

Yeah.

You want the truth?

Absolutely.

I turned your wife into a hot piece of ass.

And I don't think she's gonna be hanging out with you much longer.

Especially not after she starts getting a lot more attention from other men.

No offense.

Don't worry, you're an average looking guy.

Average income, I'm pretty sure somebody will scoop you up after a messy divorce.

She's just not gonna be as hot as your wife is now.

Congratulations, you're officially the biggest jerk off I've ever known.

I'm the asshole?

He asked me to tell him the truth, I did that.

You could've put it a little differently.

Remind to me to tell you about UNLV back in the hay day.

Can't wait to hear about that one.

Hey, I've got your Botox for your two o'clock.

Put it in the fridge Summer.

Do your job.

I know how to do my job.

My father, Marine Sergeant Neiman.

Retired, still a tough son of a bitch.

Well, except when it comes to my mom.

He's a pussy when it comes to his relationship with her.

And I haven't seen him in a while.

I hope he's not here to kick my ass for not returning his calls.

Dad.

Joseph.

What are you doing here dad?

Well, been trying to contact you about your mother and I anniversary celebration.

Since you won't answer the phone I was gonna send a messenger pigeon, but I thought what the heck.

Come see my only son.

Yeah I'm sorry dad.

I've just been busy.

Yeah I can see, you're running a successful practice.

I see how you're busy and in the fast lane.

Hey, by the way, I've been keeping up with the Real Side Chicks of Atlanta.

Stella.

Wow.

You did a great job with her.

Her ratings jumped through the roof after she met these magical hands.

Proud of you son.

Living the American dream.

I appreciate that dad.

But you're not here to talk about reality TV.

I want you to come to our anniversary party.

I'm not sure if I can make that.

I'm booked with patients months in advance.

It would mean a lot to your mother and I.

I know she's never been mom of the year, and you two don't see eye to eye on anything, but she really loves you son.

How about we just don't get started on that dad.

I mean, don't you see how fucked up I am?

I mean if I had a shrink, we both know where the blame would lie.

Maybe that's cliche but in my case it would be true.

When you were off fighting a war, mom was unhappy for whatever reason.

Always going under the knife trying to look like she's in her 20s.

Involved with other men.

We were never quite good enough were we?

No.

She passed, she pushed my past my breaking point dad.

Your mom, yes, she could bring out the worst in a person.

I know she's been all hard on you son.

But she did it in her way to make you a better person.

It's not better dad.

She wanted me to be perfect and I couldn't be that for her.

Joseph,

people do change you know.

You of all people should know that.

Hell, it's what you do!

The one thing that hasn't changed is the fact that you're our son.

We love you.

We both love you.

I could understand if you can't make it.

But I'd really love to see you there Jo Jo.

We have choices in life.

And plastic surgery is a smart choice.

The world doesn't care what's in your brain.

It's about what you look like.

Don't believe me?

Check your Instagram.

Look at the beautiful women with a nice rack popping out of her shirt.

Millions of followers and millions of likes.

Now go to the women that's not ease on they eye, but she has an IQ of 128 and her followers is about 20.

With maybe 15 likes from her mom and college professor.

See my point?

Beauty is everything and it's the only choice in life.

Put the knife down!

Don't become a race of plastic faces!

Beauty comes from nature, not a knife!

Put the knife down!

Put the knife down!

Put the knife down!

I do wanna put everyone's concerns at ease about the added attention we have outside with the People Against Plastic Surgery group.

Bottom line, don't sweat it.

It's not like we have Occupy Wall Street out there.

The fact is, they're just a rag tag collection of ugly ass people that can't afford our services.

So let's focus on our own patients and make the world beautiful.

Would you ever marry a woman who's never been under the knife?

You know where the pens are?

Storage closet.

Sorry, what'd you say?

Would ever marry a woman that's never been under the knife?

I don't think I can trust a woman who's never had surgeries.

Seriously?

They're on the left.

Top left.

You know what, I'm hungry.

You going out for lunch?

What do you want?

I don't know, pick me up some Mongolian chicken.

Yeah, I don't have my wallet with me.

I am not paying for your lunch again.

Okay you spend a grand on a pair of shoes, stop acting like a cheapskate.

Look, I really think I lost it alright.

Let me go check the car.

What, did you go to the strip club last night?

Looks like those people out there want to burn you at the stake.

It's all bark, no bite.

Aren't you that nosy lady from the gas station?

And aren't you the egotistical jerk who dropped his wallet, right?

So that's where I left it.

What's your name?

Alana Upton.

Well Ms. Upton, how'd you find me?

Remember, you gave me this?

Well thanks for bringing back my wallet.

Looks like you have a nice place here.

I read your reviews on Healthgrade.com.

It's pretty impressive right?

Hardly.

People seem happy with their surgeries but not your bedside manners and I can't say I blame them.

I find that very hard to believe Ms. Upton.

Look obviously I'm a great guy.

Beguiling personality.

So how about that free consultation?

Follow me.

Bitches be hating but I make my money.

I don't mind paying her bills for now, I don't see why not.

I got the money.

I give it another week or two before I move on to the next chick.

Wait, hold up.

Is my wife gonna see this?

So, right now you're a, pretty much a B.

We add 275 cc's you'll be pretty much a full D.

Afterwards you'll be absolutely gorgeous.

So is this what you tell all your patients?

I'm a realist.

If you're not attractive or wealthy, there's really no way to get anywhere in this world.

If you're not one of those two things you might as well kill yourself.

That's such a shallow opinion.

What's wrong with being shallow?

The world is a shallow place.

Excuse me, I need to see Dr. Neiman right now.

Well Miss, there's only one way people get to see Dr. Neiman.

I'm sorry, you'll have to make an appointment.

I don't have time to make an appointment.

I need to see him now.

Dr. Neiman isn't here right now.

So unless you plan on spending the night, you'll have to go.

Okay, I'll be back.

But he better see me then.

Don't fall for the sick lies told by these butchers!

You are beautiful as you are!

Say yes to less!

Yes to less!

Hey, is this against Dr. Neiman?

Yes ma'am.

Oh you give me one of those signs.

Say yes to less!

Yes to less!

Would you support using plastic surgery to repair the body?

Of course.

Well then you're contradicting yourself.

Why is it okay to use surgery to fix the body but it's not okay or acceptable to use surgery to enhance it?

When was the last time that you repaired a damaged body?

Guessing you can't remember because it's been that long.

You're just a slave to the money.

Why did you even want this consultation if you don't even approve of what I do?

I just wanted to waste your time.

Clearly you've succeeded.

Yeah.

Alright I'll be right out.

I better get out of here.

I wouldn't want to waste anymore of your time.

You might send me a bill.

Hey you know, that's not a half bad idea.

Why is this door locked?

Go away Summer.

Be out in a few.

We have a situation.

Duty calls.

Let me know if you change your mind about that surgery alright?

Give you a 10% discount.

Don't hold your breath.

You know Ms. Upton, I'm not a bad guy.

I'm just trying to make the world a better place.

My own way.

You know there's plenty of people that actually appreciate what I do because I make them feel beautiful.

There are plenty of ways to make the world a better place without turning people into plastic dolls.

Okay well one, this isn't just plastic, this is beautiful.

And two, I get what you're saying but I'm running behind schedule.

I bet you have never been in love.

Okay.

See, now why would you say something like that?

I actually plan on falling in love.

Live happily ever after.

It's on my schedule.

You are unbelievable.

We've already established that, what's your point?

You are incapable of giving or receiving love.

Okay Ms. Upton, it was a pleasure but please leave my office.

What's going on?

Why was your door locked?

I'm offended.

I had a breast implant consultation.

Interesting.

And why is that interesting?

You hate spending more than 10 minutes with a patient.

They either want the procedure or they don't.

But you spent an hour with this mystery woman who wasn't even on your schedule.

Well I felt a discussion was necessary in this case.

Interesting, very interesting.

Ladies, don't be mad because your man can't keep his dick out of me.

But fear not, I'm gonna give you the top 10 ways to be your mans main side chick.

Being sophisteratchicated is what I like to call it.

Hey Dr. N, where do you want me to place this?

Just drop it down there for me.

Thanks Jeremiah.

So how are you doing?

Can't complain, how about you?

When are you going to let me kick it with you at one of your parties?

How about you get your medical degree first and I'll let you slide without residency.

Damn yo, Stella Stunner tried shitting on everybody in the game right now because of you.

Really?

Yeah, she's been dropping this ratchet manifesto on her.

She's lit with about five million followers.

She's definitely the queen bee of reality TV.

Hands down.

Wow, five million.

Wonder how she got that many.

You gave her those magical titties doc.

Everybody wants to watch her talk with them perfect puffs popping out her front.

And that excites you?

Yeah, I may be a nerd, but big titties excite anybody.

Alright.

Get out of here man.

The oldest cliche in the book is true.

Money can't buy you love.

However, money does afford you a lot of other distractions.


Hi, how can I help you?

Guess it depends.

Well if it isn't Dr. Plastic surgeon of the stars.

I see you are already on the attack.

Oh I'm ready to pounce.

Guess I deserve that, it's expected.

So, what brings you here?

I guess I just wanted to see if you changed your mind.

Look, like I told you before, I'm happy with my natural anatomy.

So if that's why you came, well, I'm a little busy.

Is that why you came Dr. Neiman?

No.

Actually I came because I wanted to ask you out.

On a date.

Like a debate maybe, I don't know.

What are you talking about?

I don't know, I guess I feel like I owe you a bit of an apology.

Why is that funny?

So you're not trying to sell me on getting plastic surgery?

You really wanna take me out?

Yes.

I mean no.

Look, I just wanna go out and have a civilized conversation about our differences.

You know this can't be real.

Why not?

Think about it.

That we're polar opposites.

But I will try anything at least once.

Well how about tonight?

Deal.

I know this restaurant located off eighth street.

Food so good it make you wanna slap your own mama.

Well I actually don't need any motivation to wanna slap mine.

It was just a joke.

Look, you're already working on your second awkward encounter, do I need to take back my offer?

No.

I'll see you tonight.

I haven't been on a real date in years where I didn't have to order them over the phone like Chinese food.

This should be interesting if nothing else.

♪ I never told you ♪

♪ I would stand by your side ♪

♪ No I never told you that honey ♪

♪ You can't say that I lied ♪ Nervous, but I don't know why.

I should be focused on how this dates gonna go, but I can't help but notice women when I'm out socially.

Think about all the ways I can change them for the better.

In a way, I guess I'm trying to create the perfect woman.

♪ And they took him alone ♪

♪ He looked at her ♪ Wow, you look gorgeous.

Thank you.

You ready to go in?

♪ He hung on a Sunday ♪

So, let's get to it shall we?

Sure.

So, for the record.

Okay, for the record.

If it wasn't a financial issue, would you get cosmetic surgery done?

No.

Why is it so hard for you to comprehend that I'm happy with myself?

Most women I know aren't happy with themselves.

Low self-esteem perhaps?

In some cases maybe, but not all.

I believe that a woman has to look within herself, not a mirror to find the courage and confidence to believe in herself.

You see, that's easy for you to say because you're easy on the eyes.

Most women, would jump at the opportunity to improve themselves.

Look, I'm trying to understand what you're saying, I just don't get it.

You know, I can improve myself without having someone cut on me.

This is so surreal.

Well, maybe I'm just a figment of your imagination.

I think you're a freak of nature.

Why do you think that most women would jump at a chance to be cut and reassembled?

I guess I can show you better than I can tell you.

Look over there, you see those three women?

Two out of those three have gone under the knife.

And I guarantee you the third one is thinking about it.

Just to close that achievement gap between them.

What makes you so convinced?

I've done enough collagen injections to spot that a mile away.

Look back there.

Trophy wife.

Do I even have to say it?

Now that's an easy one.

What about that one?

Nose job, rhinoplasty.

Way more people than you realize have had that done.

And everybody else wants to get it done.

But it doesn't mean that most women want it.

It only proves that celebrity magazines try to bully regular women like me into thinking we need to get it done.

Doesn't it bother you that the world is obsessed with the selfie?

Honestly I love it.

More people realize their imperfections, the easier my job becomes.

Besides, for example, women that get breast implants, I see it as them making an investment in themselves.

That's how you guys pay your bills.

I'm quickly beginning to realize that you're hopeless.

What is so wrong of people taking a photo of themselves just to feel better?

It's crazy that someone can take a pic or a video of themselves and millions of people follow them.

I don't see what's wrong with that.

It's just the world we live in.

What's wrong with it?

It sends a bad message to our youth.

I mean I'm tired of scrolling down my timeline seeing ass and breasts.

Really?

Like leave something to the imagination.

I think you underestimate the millennials.

They're a bunch of selfish, self-centered bastards.

Do you get a lot of reoccurring customers?

Repeaters, what I call them.

See, that's my point.

You know, what is your point?

I guess I'm missing it.

When does it stop?

I make people feel good about themselves.

Why does it have to stop?

If you make people feel better about themselves, then why do they need to come back?

Are you a bad plastic surgeon?

I know you do a great job, but it's not enough to satisfy them.

People have to feel good about themselves and no amount of surgery is gonna fix that.

Can we get another round?

Well I guess we should get to some of the more important stuff.

Like your favorite movie.

Oh, you wanna go deep.

Okay, that's a hard one.

There's so many great movies.

Yeah, get to the point.

I guess I'll have to say A Street Car Named Desire.

Really?

Alright, didn't expect that one.

It's a classic movie though.

Stella.

Stella!

Marlon Brando was so hot in that.

What about you?

Godfather.

Not specific enough.

One, two, or three?

Well I like all three, but if you're gonna make me choose, I'm gonna say one.

I guess I feel like Michael Corleone sometimes.

In what way?

Struggle with the duality between good and evil.

I can empathize with his ambivalent views on what is best for his family versus what is morally right.

And how far he's willing to go to preserve the Corleone legacy.

Pretty profound.

Yeah well Godfather's deep.

Deep?

So this is my stop.

Well, Alana I had a really good time with you tonight.

Weirdly, I did too.

Well can we do it again?

I'll think about it.

Fair enough.

I don't buy into the love at first sight bullshit.

But there is something special about Alana.

When I see her I get this unexplainable feeling in my stomach.

She isn't the centerfold type that I would have multiple orgasms with and then kick her out the next morning.

Nah, for the first time in my life I had looked at women differently.

She makes me wanna be a better person.

Beauty is not perfection!

Beauty is not perfection!

Beauty is not perfection!

Beauty is not perfection!

Beauty is not perfection!

Beauty is not perfection!

Beauty is not perfection!

Beauty is not perfection!

Beauty is not perfection!

Beauty is not perfection!

Where the fuck have you been?

Just been taking care of some business Stella.

Your business should be taking care of me Dr. Neiman.

What can I do for you?

For start, bend me over and spank me red.

Then cream all over my back.

Come on, seriously.

I told you about that role I was going out for.

I feel like my ass and tits are a little out of proportion.

Look, I think it's a really bad idea for you to keep going bigger.

I'm not asking for your permission Neiman.

I want that tramp Tasty Tee to throw shade at me.

Just think about it.

It's a done deal.

Don't you think they like you for your charming personality?

Oh fuck no.

I hope not.

Alright.

Thank you doctor.

Now, can you assist me with other services hmm?

What's your malfunction Neiman?

You're not turning homo on me are you?

You don't find me attractive anymore?

What?

You got a side piece or something?

Her pussy will never be good as mine.

Look at me when I'm talking to you.

I have other patients to see.

So, you're going to let this five star pussy go to waste?

Why don't you go on and set up your appointment.

I see what you're trying to do.

You're trying to resist me.

And I like it.

It's getting me all moist and wet.


Wow, how'd you find this place?

My dad was an architect before he passed away.

Yeah, every Saturday we would stop at Starbucks to get me a Frappuccino and then drive around the city looking at various architectural landmarks.

This happens to be my favorite.

Because it was the last artistic model he helped design before he passed away.

So much passion and pain went into it's construction.

Sounds like you and your father had a good relationship.

Yeah, my mom and dad both believed in traditional values when it came to marriage.

I mean they would fight a lot, but they managed to keep it together for 30 years.

I wish I had a family like yours.

You know how family is.

There are highs and lows, but we still gotta love 'em.

What about yours?

Let's just say my family is functionally dysfunctional.

Not unusual, whose isn't?

My dad had two families.

He had the military and then he had us.

He was a good dad though.

I mean I love my dad.

Great serviceman too.

Kerry on the other hand is a different story.

You call your mom by her first name?

Yeah, when I'm being kind.

Wow, sounds like you and your mom had issues.

Kerry should've been in the military.

She drilled me every day.

Whether it was school, or work, or just life.

Wasn't that a good thing?

Looks like it turned you into a successful doctor.

The Jackson family was successful right?

Doesn't mean Joe Jackson was a role model dad.

In the end he probably just screwed up all of his kids.

Well I can see how that effected you.

Are they still together?

Yeah, unfortunately.

I have no idea why my dad's still married to her.

Well maybe they share a bond that you just wouldn't understand.

Yes ladies, you witnessing the mighty Dr. Neiman running over.

I am taking bets.

What's going on?

Dr. Neiman's running over.

But he never runs over on a case.

Right, that's why Dr. Russell's running a side hustle.

What?

Okay people go, get back to work alright.

Play time is over.

Well well, I guess Mr. Perfect isn't so perfect after all is he?

You have the best job ever.

I know, I'm a lucky bastard.

Get paid a shit ton of money to administer happy drugs.

What more could I ask for?

How are you feeling?

Better.

Good, well I'd like you to take the Percocet every four hours.

It'll help keep the pain under control.

The vaginal swelling should last about two to three days and then dissipate gradually over time.

Can I take a shower?

Yes, you can take a shower.

Just make sure that you use warm water.

Mrs. Martinez, how are you?

Still a little sore.

Yeah it's gonna take some time.

But I do have something that's gonna make things a little bit easier.

This is the amazing Mr. Pillow.

It's gonna alleviate a lot of the pressure from your vagina.

It makes recovery so much easier.

Thank you Dr. Neiman.

And as for you mister, a couple of weeks, minimum.

Before you can take a peek under the hood.

Alright?

Thank you Dr. Neiman.

Alright, well listen I gotta run.

You're in great hands, but call if you need anything.

Okay?

Thank you.

What's going on with you?

You're never late on a procedure.

It happens.

Bullshit it happens.

It's never happened before and it's not your style.

Maybe the streak is over Summer.

Why are you looking at me like that?

In and out has always been your motto.

What happened?

It ran over.

Normally you're halfway up to Mars by the time a patient even wakes up.

This is not the Dr. Neiman I know.

Something's wrong.

Yeah, I actually just finished up my last case.

What do you have in mind?

Okay, I'll see you then.

This explains everything.

Explains what?

Who is she?

Why?

Well is she a dancer?

A model, actress, a porn star maybe?

Does she meet your standards?

Are her breasts the size of watermelons?

Wait, hang on a second, how long have you been seeing this mystery woman?

Hasn't been that long.

I mean your longest relationship was, been what, four days, six hours?

Alright, enough.

You ready to hear my UNLV story?

I don't know, are you ready to give me some answers?

I am.

Okay then, let's hear it.

1989, 1990, UNLV, they beat the living shit out of Duke.

103 to 73, and the NCAA tournament to win the title.

Okay wait, this is a basketball story.

I don't follow and I don't see how it relates?

Well just listen to the story.

UNLV, they were a powerhouse right?

They were crushing teams all the time by wide margins.

They were probably the most exciting team to watch in the entire country.

I mean all American like Larry Johnson, Greg Anthony--

Greg Anthony, yeah, he's the guy that got busted for the prostitution ring.

You wanna hear the story or not?

Okay, continue.

Just for the record though, it's pretty boring so far.

The very next season, UNLV had pretty much exactly the same team.

Undefeated record the whole season.

However, they end up losing the championship to essentially the same Duke team that they crushed the previous year.

Some people actually think that some of the players were paid off to lose.

And do you think they were paid off?

I don't know.

All I know is that the previous season they had five losses, won the championship.

Next season they go completely undefeated in the regular season just to lose in the Final Four.

Summer, the point I'm trying to make is this.

You can still win even with a few losses along the way.

You lost me at the beginning.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

I think I get it.

Hey, if you're happy, I'm happy.

I think I am.

This is a no flex zone.

Yes, that's right honey.

Make your own chickies so you don't have to worry about them.

And tomorrow you hoodrats out there that's trying to be me, you ain't me, okay?

I've never really done the whole arts and crafts things before.

Relax, loosen up.

You might actually have some fun tonight.

What a unique piece of art.

What, that glass over there?

Look at the deformities of the glass.

It's magnificent.

Blemishes gives it it's own unique identity.

Like a birthmark.

What do you think?

I think it looks like a five-year-old made it.

And I have this need to fix it, so yeah, sorry.

There's no American beauty moment here.

Come on.

Let's get our hands dirty and have some fun tonight.

Hopefully I can break you out of your little box.

There's a beauty at how Alana looks at things.

She's opened my eyes to discovering a wider color palette.

I just don't see greens and reds.

I see yellows, purples, and cyans.

Every artist undergoes growth and transformation, so why can't I?

Wow, I'm actually having a really good time.

Don't worry, I won't tell anyone.

Hey, what was your favorite video game as a kid?

Man I didn't really get to play many video games.

I was always studying.

That's right, you live in Alcatraz.

Well, okay there was a few times where I snuck out to the arcades to play some Pac-Man.

Pac-Man?

Get out of here.

That's my favorite video game.

Well, I did like Ms. Pac-Man.

Yeah, I could play Pac-Man for hours.

Huge fan.

The only thing that pissed me off about it is the fact that it's unbeatable.

Yeah.

Damn game never ended.

I have a question for you.

What's up.

Was Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man married?

Yeah, obviously.

Well then why is it Ms. Pac-Man and not Mrs. Pac-Man?

Yeah, they were definitely married.

Well then explain why there's no Mrs. Behind her name.

Don't know, don't care.

All I know is you're ruining my favorite childhood game.

You do know Santa Claus isn't real right?

I'm having the time of my life.

I feel alive when I'm around you.

Like nothing else matters.

So are we boyfriend and girlfriend?

I think it's time for me to show you something cool for a change.

I literally eat, sleep, and breathe this place.

It's all I know.

It's all I've ever known.

You know, I actually make a pretty decent living doing it.

In all that time, and all this success,

I never once knew what real love was.

Until now.

You know, people they always tell me, "Dr. Neiman, Joseph, you're so successful."

For a long time I believed them.

Went to my head a couple of times.

Little did I know there was this giant void that was growing inside of me.

I didn't even know it was there.

Until you showed up and started filling it with something I'd didn't even know existed.

Alana true love is not something that I ever thought possible for me.

You're making me believe that it's real.


Yeah, I never really believed somebody could change your life.

But she really has.

I feel like a new man.


Five years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

My surgeon that I have a total mastectomy on my left breast.

So we decided that would be the best solution for me.

And my husband has supported me the whole way.

Doc, I wish I could've taken her pain away and put it in me.

Seeing her go through that, it was like being stabbed with 1,000 knives.

You know, at first I thought I'd be okay being breastless for the rest of my life.

But when I stare into the mirror at myself and I see that scar where my left breast used to be, I feel so much less of a woman.

Honey.

I love you just the way you are.

I'll always love you.

You'll always be beautiful to me.

You're my sunrise Savoy.

Doc, I wanna know, what would be my options for reconstructing my left breast.

There's so many plastic surgeons in the area, why do you choose to protest outside Dr. Neiman's office?

Well there is certainly a lot of blame to go around, but it starts with these butchers who mutilate women into society's ideals just to get a paycheck.

We do not stand for that.

This is not what we stand for!

That's right.

And Dr. Neiman is the worst of their kind.

We all think that you need to take some time off until this mess blows over.

We are just trying to look out for what's best for this practice.

I can't believe they want you to take time off from your own practice.

So what are you gonna do?

I am going to enjoy every last second I have with you.

You know, this older couple came in today.

Their love between them, it was, inspiring to say the least.

Kinda reminded me of the love I want between us.

That's funny.

Why is it funny?

You.

What do you mean?

You never cease to amaze me.

When I first met you, you had no idea what love was.

You had a warped perception of beauty, and now you're sounding like a true romantic.

It sounds good.

But is it real?

People evolve and grow, you know?

Music to my ears.

Wow Summer, finally learned how to knock.

Come in.

Hello Jo Jo.

What are you doing here?

I've missed you.

I needed to see you.

What do you want?

I'm here because I haven't seen you in such a long time.

Well I've been busy Kerry.

Son,

we've both gotten older.

I realize what I put you and your father through.

I don't think you do.

So I wasn't the best mother in the world, and yes, I cheated on your father.

And I put the weight of the world on you.

That's an understatement.

Joseph, I pushed you because I wanted you to be the best.

And look, it's worked out right?

I mean you're a great success.

It's not what I wanted.

I wanted a mother.

What, like a real mom?

One that bakes you cookies and goes to PTA meetings?

Poor kid!

I won't apologize Joseph for wanting the best for you.

You know, ever since I was a kid, I pushed myself to be perfect.

Pretty much on everything I ever did.

Not for me, not to make me happy, but for you.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry Joseph.

I've made mistakes.

Your father has forgiven me, why can't you?

'Cause I see straight through you.

I was in such a dark place when I, when I cheated on your father.

Joseph I'm not proud of it.

Fantastic.

So I should feel better now because you are not proud of it.

My infidelities were eating away at me from the inside out.

I pushed you because I didn't want you to turn out as horrible a person as I was.

Don't justify it Kerry.

I'm not.

Joseph it was wrong.

I was wrong.

Goodbye Kerry.

I love you Jo Jo.

And truth is, I actually love my mother.

I feel bad saying all those hurtful things I said to her and about her.

No mother deserves that.

I love you too mom.


You look beautiful in your sleep.

Wow, creepy.

I'm dead.


Let's play hooky today.

Yeah?

What do you have in mind?

Babe, you look like you're a million miles away.

I thought we agreed that you wouldn't let work get to you.

Kerry came to see me.

How'd it go?

Not too good.

I had a lot to get off my chest and basically told her how shitty of a person she was.

Don't you believe in forgiveness?

And how am I supposed to do that?

She almost ruined my life.

People change.

Kerry won't.

She can't.

Well maybe it's not her that won't change but you who won't let her.

Why are you taking her side?

She's the one that messed me up.

Life's too short to be holding grudges.

Well maybe you just haven't had a mother like I've had.

I just think--

Look, I don't need your advice on this one.


I'm Dr. Russell, I'm gonna be your anesthesiologist.

Okay.

You're gonna feel a slight pinch with a short burn okay?

Relax.

Think about your favorite vacation.

And sounds.

Hey doc, how'd it go?

You may be trying to ignore me...

But other parts

are paying strict attention.

Summer, I'm gonna need you to set up that interview for me.

Oh now you see the light.

You think that's a good idea right now?

Absolutely.

I have a lot to get off my chest.

Are you gonna act a fool with them?

Boss can I ask?

A lot on my mind Summer.

I just wanna say I hope you can get back to that happy place I saw you in recently.

You work well.

Oh, and I need you to take a look at the sight screeners from the patients.

You might find it interesting.

Can you give me your name?

My name is Stella Stunner.

Your real name please.

My name is Lana Townes.

And how old are you?

I'm 19-years-old.

And what do you do for a living?

I work at a gentleman's club.

So, tell me a little bit about yourself.

What do you want to know?

The basics.

I grew up in Baltimore Maryland.

And my mom raised me.

My father only came around when he wanted sex from my mother.

Never had a father daughter kind of relationship with him.

Not exactly an idealic life you know.

So, is this your first surgery?

Yeah it is.

And why do you wanna have surgery?

Why do I wanna have surgery?

The surgery will give me the attention I want from the world.

Frankly, I just don't feel pretty enough.

Lana, you know the surgery isn't gonna change the way you feel about yourself?

It doesn't matter how I feel about myself.

It's all about perception and how I want to feel about me.

♪ Tears that trickle down ♪

♪ Never touch the ground ♪

Looks like you've got a lot on your mind.

I'm just thinking about what my mom told me the other day.

I thought you didn't talk to your mom?

I don't.

She just kinda showed up unannounced.

Like you.

What are you doing here Stella?

Obviously I'm here to swim.

Well there better not be any cameras following you.

No need to worry, I came alone.

I thought you liked the attention?

I love it.

But sometimes, I just need time to think and get away.

I never knew you liked to swim.

I've always been fascinated by water.

Ever since I was a kid.

There's such a dichotomy about it you know?

It can be relaxing and soothing,

but also very dangerous.

Even deadly.

You think I'm beautiful?

You created this you know.

Beauty is subjective Stella.

But yes, I think you're beautiful.

But I didn't create it.

I just molded that was already there.

I'm not having the surgery.

Yeah, why change your mind?

I'm done.

It's too hard to live up to the expectations of being this thing.

This idea of a person that everyone expects you to be flawless.

Yeah I know how it can be, trying to live up to other peoples expectations.

Thank you for everything Dr. Neiman.

Now, let's take a dip.

♪ Tears that trickle down ♪

♪ Never touch the ground ♪ Come on.

Come on, the water's great.

♪ Voices reaching high ♪

♪ Never makes a sound ♪

♪ In this isolation flow ♪

♪ A peace that never ♪

Are you okay?

Alana.

You didn't tell me how the surgery went with Mrs. Lynch.

It went okay.

She came out like a champ.

That's wonderful.

I remember when you said that their love was something that you wanted for us.

Well yeah, absolutely, I still do.

Really?

'Cause I went down to the pool the other day and I saw the most interesting thing.

I can explain.

What can you explain Dr. Neiman?

I can explain what you saw at the pool.

You can't explain shit!

At least I now know what kind of relationship we had.

Can you at least give me a chance?

Do you even think I'm beautiful?

You know what, none of this is real.

What are you talking about?

I think you're gorgeous.

This love, the relationship we had, all of it has just been an illusion!

'Cause you and I were never together.

Stop saying that.

You can't play both sides of the fence.

You have to choose a side.

You made me believe in true love Alana.

Really Joseph?

Or have you just been pretending to love me?

Alana.

Stop!

I really do love you.

It's strange how life has it's own direction it wants you to take.

Alana's right, we all have to make a choice.

Otherwise there's nothing at stake.

And love is amazing, but it's also dangerous.

It's meant for the strong at heart.

We have to decide whether you are strong enough to love somebody.

'Cause if you're not, your heart will give out.


Jo Jo.

Hi mom.

Steven.

Steven Jo Jo's here!

Hi dad.

Jo Jo.

Come inside.

Love it don't cut it!

Love it don't cut it!

Love it don't cut it!

Love it don't cut it!

Can you give us your reaction to the protests against your plastic surgery facility?

Love it don't cut it!

Love it don't cut it!

You know what they say about opinions, they're like assholes.

Everyone has one and they all stink.

I'm a tax paying citizen who makes a pretty healthy living off of the insecurities of men and women just like yourself.

Love it don't cut it!

Love it don't cut it!

Love it don't cut it!

Love it don't cut it!

Am I breaking the law?

I don't think so.

Love it don't cut it!

Love it don't cut it!

How could you Joseph?

I loved you.

We could of had something special.

People like you and I don't fall in love.

We wreck marriages, break up happy homes, cause fools to become homicidal, suicidal.

We had a lot of fun together.

Why resist me?

I will always be your little secret.

None of this is real.

Maybe I'm just a figment of your imagination.

Wake up Joseph.

Wake up Neiman.

Joseph, I'm Dr. Lisa Rainbow.

The coffee that hit your face was filled with hydrochloric acid and caused damage to your nerves and your blood vessels in your skin.

We had to perform an autograft to prevent infection and fluid loss.

Dreams sometimes reveal the deepest desires of the unconscious minds.

My desire is love.

Yes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

And it took me a very long time to understand what that really meant.

You see, I used to think that everybody made their own opinions on what beauty is and what it's not.

The truth is, beauty is in all of us.

And it's up to the beholder to see it.

All we have to ask ourselves is are we willing to accept the way he or she sees it?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Hi, I'm Lana Townes.

I'm a huge fan of your work.

Question, how did you come up with the idea for the illustration and title?

This image came to me in a dream.

Well do you mind signing it for me?

Yeah of course.

Do I know you?

Not that I can recall.

Thanks, I look forward to your next book.

It was nice to meet you.

You too.


♪ I close my eyes ♪

♪ And I dream away ♪

♪ But you'll finally do ♪

♪ The things that you say ♪

♪ But you break ♪

♪ My heart ♪

♪ Each night ♪

♪ I close my eyes ♪

♪ And try to forget that you ♪

♪ Will do what you want to do ♪

♪ Leaving me broken and blue ♪

♪ And when I'm awake ♪

♪ And you're still not ♪

♪ I'm going get in ♪

♪ And I ain't got a problem with you not him him and him ♪

♪ If you wanna go 'n call him him and him ♪

♪ I might go 'n call him him and him ♪

♪ Identify man like it's him him ♪

♪ Now it's him him and him versus him him and him ♪

♪ I dunno why I'm swinging with him ♪

♪ He's in church on Sunday singing a hymn ♪

♪ I'm going get in ♪

♪ And I ain't got a problem with you not him him and him ♪

♪ If you wanna go 'n call him him and him ♪

♪ I might go 'n call him him and him ♪

♪ Identify man like it's him him and him ♪

♪ Now it's him him and him versus him him and him ♪

♪ I dunno why I'm swinging with him ♪

♪ He's in church on Sunday singing a hymn ♪

♪ You don't war with Marty ♪

♪ War with Marty is also him, also him, also him ♪

♪ LDN is all so grim ♪

♪ Could've been searched but they brought all those tings ♪

♪ And they just don't do it in sports clothing ♪

♪ Could've been searched but they brought those tings ♪

♪ And they just don't do it in sports clothing ♪

♪ Man I've got a main chick and an also ting ♪

♪ Yeah, I've got a ting as well ♪

♪ Beef with me is him as well ♪

♪ Him as well ♪

♪ Him as well ♪

♪ Don't forget about him as well ♪

♪ I do fight then flight as well ♪

♪ Manna take your girl for a bite as well ♪

♪ Man I might as well ♪

♪ Cah I'm going get in ♪

♪ And I ain't got a problem with you not him him and him ♪

♪ If you wanna go and call him him and him ♪

♪ I might go and call him him and him ♪

♪ Identify man like it's him him and him ♪

♪ Now it's him him and him versus him him and him ♪

♪ I dunno why I'm swinging with him ♪

♪ He's in church on Sunday singing a hymn ♪

♪ Cah I'm going get in ♪

♪ And I ain't got a problem with you not him him and him ♪

♪ If you wanna go and call him him and him ♪

♪ I might go and call him him and him ♪

♪ Identify man like it's him him and him ♪

♪ Now it's him him and him versus him him and him ♪

♪ I dunno why I'm swinging with him ♪

♪ He's in church on Sunday singing a hymn ♪

♪ I'm back in the loop not trapped in the cycle ♪

♪ Too many man move sideways ♪

♪ But in the U.K. it's not a sidewalk ♪

♪ So when they try to walk, my replies short ♪

♪ Man are wounded ♪

♪ Then I find salt ♪

♪ See what the tune did ♪

♪ Well it's my fault ♪

♪ It's confusing ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm grime taught ♪

♪ And according to this U.K. rapper ♪

♪ When those guys don't do jack but climb stalks ♪

♪ My mind's full so I'm mindful ♪

♪ Some guys are running on empty more dangerously ♪

♪ Some guys are running on envy ♪

♪ But my girls got a beautiful soul ♪

♪ My household ain't running on sexy ♪

♪ I go in when I want that's flexi ♪

♪ I go in when I want that's flexi ♪

♪ I'm going get in ♪

♪ And I ain't got a problem with you not him him and him ♪

♪ If you wanna go and call him him and him ♪

♪ I might go and call him him and him ♪

♪ Identify man like it's him him and him ♪

♪ Now it's him him and him versus him him and him ♪

♪ I dunno why I'm swinging with him ♪

♪ He's in church on Sunday singing a hymn ♪

♪ Cah I'm going get in ♪

♪ And I ain't got a problem with you not him him and him ♪

♪ If you wanna go and call him him and him ♪

♪ I might go and call him him and him ♪

♪ Identify man like him him and him ♪

♪ Now it's him him and him versus him him and him ♪

♪ I dunno why I'm swinging with him ♪

♪ He's in church on Sunday singing a hymn ♪

♪ Which one of you are messing with Solemn ♪

♪ I've got bare lines no collagen ♪

♪ My temper ain't ugly, just too short for modeling ♪

♪ They wanna know what I'm offering ♪

♪ Picture music like a soccer ting ♪

♪ I'm on the ball ♪

♪ Out the box ♪

♪ I proper sing ♪

♪ Cos I've got a teacher I often ring ♪

♪ Them lot are up in the box ♪

♪ I cross 'em in ♪

♪ Blissfully unaware as I knock 'em in ♪

♪ Do or die is a sitch that I'm often in ♪

♪ But in the stop league ♪

♪ Even those at the bottom win ♪

♪ So big of Austin for hollering ♪

♪ Gonna alter your perception and add you to the following ♪

♪ Cos I've got the bars just needed ♪

♪ The venues to drop 'em in ♪

♪ I was tryna do 1000 gigs with Terrabyte Records ♪

♪ I'm going get in ♪

♪ And I ain't got a problem with you not him him and him ♪

♪ If you wanna go and call him him and him ♪

♪ I might go and call him him and him ♪

♪ Identify man like him him and him ♪

♪ Now it's him him and him versus him him and him ♪

♪ I dunno why I'm swinging with him ♪

♪ He's in church on Sunday singing a hymn ♪

♪ Cah I'm going get in ♪

♪ And I ain't got a problem with you not him him and him ♪

♪ If you wanna go and call him him and him ♪

♪ I might go and call him him and him ♪

♪ Identify man like him him and him ♪

♪ Now it's him him and him versus him him and him ♪

♪ I dunno why I'm swinging with him ♪

♪ He's in church on Sunday singing a hymn ♪