Beauty & the Briefcase (2010) Script

Lo-oh-oh-ove Lo-oh-oh-ove Lo-oh-oh-ove Love you more More than ever So you're Shining waiting And we will wake I n the starlight Girl if you try to Love him any harder oh Nine million guys in New York City, you'd think there'd be one for me to date. You'd be wrong.

To start off, most of the good ones are taken.

Then there's the criminal contention.

Let's go.

The guys with the serious psychological issues.

The weirdos.

Yeah.

The bastards.

And then the guys in fashion, which is my world.

They do wonders for my wardrobe, but they do nothing to help me find my magic man.

Where is the one?

Hey, Joanne.

Lane. What's up?

Well, not one guy today.

Not one guy that possesses one quality on my checklist.

Oh, my God. The checklist again?

I've told you. You need to use my checklist. It's way more fun.

I know. Can you remind me what yours is again?

With pleasure. Item one, breathing. always important in a guy.

And items two through seven, cute.

If only love was that simple.

Come, help me.

Joanne is a fashion photographer who thinks she's my big sister. She tries to hook me up with cute guys, but, more importantly, she hooked me up with cheap rent.

Ah Gotta love it.

Oh, hey, I'm going out tonight, and his roommate is crazy cute. You wanna join?

Sh. Not in front of the Cosmo.

Hey!

I'm a writer. Oh, I love the way that sounds.

Oh, my God. Actually, everyone loves the way that sounds, and then they ask me what I write.

So far, it's been articles for my college paper and a few fashion blogs.

But last month, I wrote a freelance piece on shoes for Her Stye.

I got published in a national magazine.

Okay, so it's barely a national magazine, but it's a stepping stone and they want another story.

Those are nice flowers. Your birthday?

No. The doorman sends them to me every Monday for four years now. Can you blame him?

She gets flowers and I don't?

So, you will be doing the interview of Alicia McCullen, the party planner.

U h, cool. You know, I was thinking after that that maybe I could do a story on statement coats, because...

Just do the interview of the party planner.

Yeah. Sure.

So, what is this for again? ls it For Her magazine or something?

It's actually Her Stye.

Never heard of it.

You will. After this story, I'm sure we'll double in circulation.

Flattery will get you everywhere.

Thank you.

So, um, the story that I wanted to write is about fashion trends for the elite.

Oh, well.

Compliments of the house.

You never forget, do you?

No, ma'am.

Do they just bring you champagne when you come here?

My boyfriend Rodrigo took me here on our first date.

He's friends with the owner and he explained to him that he wanted champagne sent to me every time I come here so that I would always think of him.

That is so romantic.

M m, I know.

I've always dated rich, hot guys, but this one, he just leaves me breathless.

I think the most romantic thing he's ever done is he, uh, mid-match at Wimbledon, he blew me a kiss.

Are you speaking of Rodrigo Navarro, like, the tennis champion?

That's my boyfriend. I know.

I know I should be happy for her.

I mean, just because I can't find my magic man doesn't mean that...

You have got to be kidding me.

My beautiful angel Alicia.

I've been thinking of you all day.

How would you like to head down to St. Barts this weekend?

I'd love to.

Okay, can you stop torturing me?

Did I say that out loud? I'm sorry.

Okay, that's good. All right, guys, I want you to, like, lay back in a warm embrace. Good.

This shot, it needs to be sexy but not sexual.

And it needs to say " I love you" but not " I'm in love with you."

And I want you to be happy. Not overjoyed.

Okay.

U m, wait. Okay, take five, guys.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You yelled at her in the middle of a restaurant?

It was not the middle of the restaurant, okay?

It was towards the back, facing a window, and second of all, I didn't yell at her.

It was... It was more of a blurt.

I-I blurted at her.

I couldn't help it. She was being serenaded by her famous tennis-star boyfr...

Her gorgeous, famous, tennis-star boyfriend who has a foreign accent, and whisks her away to exotic places, and has passion and has the cutest little dimples you have ever seen.

I have to add that onto my checklist.

Lane. Stop it.

She has Rodrigo, and what do I have?

You have a pitch meeting tomorrow.

At a little magazine called, um, Cosmo.

What? Cosmo? The greatest...

Magazine of all time?

Oh, my God. Your friend called you back? Are you serious?

I'm serious!

Joanne, you're the greatest friend! Oh, my God!

Hey! I just got a pitch meeting at Cosmo. Yeah.

So, this is what heaven looks like.

It's a beautiful building, isn't it?

I love this crosswalk.

It's taking me towards my future, towards my dreams, towards the Cosmo editor who is not only going to buy one of my stories, but she's gonna be blown away by...

Whoa. Are you all right?

All right, just the legs.

Turn left. Let's get the side.

I'm pitching a story to Kate at Cosmo.

Really?

Hi, I'm Kate White. You must be Lane.

Yeah.

Very nice to meet you. Won't you follow me?

Okay.

How about wearing boyfriend jeans when you don't have a boyfriend?

I mean, fabulous or faux pas?

Well, thank you so much for coming in, Lane.

How about a story on statement coats? I think this season...

I'm so sorry, Lane.

I liked your piece for For Her magazine and I love your enthusiasm, but unfortunately at this time, we're gonna pass.

What if I just write something for you on spec and...

I'm so sorry, Lane. I wisHi could've helped you.

Me, too. Well, I guess I'm gonna rush home and cuddle up to my imaginary boyfriend.

You're preaching to the choir. I know that feeling all too well.

I doubt that, but thanks for saying it anyway.

U h, don't be so sure.

I just got dumped via B BM.

What?

He didn't even have the decency to email me like the last guy.

Were you into him?

I mean, he was straight, he opened doors for me and didn't live with his mother. I haven't met anybody better since.

My girlfriend and I were just talking about that.

I mean, fashion is great, but there's no datable guys anywhere.

I haven't even found a guy with two items on my checklist.

I have a checklist, too. Each year I don't find the man of my dreams, I take another item off the list.

Pretty soon, that list is gonna just be a blank piece of paper.

And you can't cuddle up to a gift bag. I've tried. It's really uncomfortable.

You know what? It's almost like all of the eligible guys in the city are hiding out in offices downtown or something.

Business school would've been boring, but at least by now we would've had some guy...

Wait. There's a story here.

Joining the business world to find love.

If you're gonna do this, you're gonna do this all the way.

Oh, my God. Cosmo wants me.

You're gonna switch careers, you're going into the world of business and you're gonna take your list with you.

Switch careers, bring my list.

Once you have a job undercover in the business world, you are gonna find a man that has every item on that list.

The magic man.

It's gonna be a great story.

I'm undercover. I'll be like that girl who pretended to be Playboy bunny.

You'll be like Woodward and Bernstein.

Yes, yes! Or like that girl who...

I'm taking a chance on you, Lane, so I don't want you saying yes unless you can really pull this off.

You have to get a real business job and you have to date men in suits.

Yeah, it'll be my new mantra.

"Men in suits. Men in suits."

Lane.

Yeah. Sorry.

You can date no one else.

Nobody.

Remember, this is Cosmo.

I know.

I know.

This story is going to make Lane Daniels.

I'll work at some huge investment bank, meet a gorgeous, suit-wearing guy and fall madly in love.

I'm writing my first article for Cosmo. How did I get so lucky?

Lane Daniels.

Oh. Yes, that's me.

You're Lane Daniels?

Yeah.

You have a very impressive resume.

I've never understood resumes. They're just a contest to see who can lie the most.

Fluent in French, Spanish, German.

Oui. Si. Ja.

And you're proficient in Excel and Powerpoint.

Basic business tools. Gotta love 'em.

Oh, I just wanna kiss the guy who invented Google. I wonder if he wears a suit.

Well, today's interview is for a support position in corporate strategic planning at Thompson Fulworth.

Well, as long as it's a business-type job where the guys wear suits.

For a second, I thought you were serious.

Girl, you had me going.

Well, you know what they say, " Humor plus business makes for funny business."

Girl, you funny.

Tom Reinhart, Managing Director, meet Lane Daniels.

N ice to meet you. Please, have a seat.

Is this recycled paper? Yeah.

Very nice. You are more than qualified. Have you worked in corporate strategic planning?

Of course. I've worked in all three.

Her sense of humor. You'll get used to it.

I'm great witHinterviews.

I do this for a living. I'm going to wow this guy with my knowledge of the business world.

Or maybe just compliment him. And if I run into any trouble, I'll just start asking him questions.

And have you used deal Reporter?

Deal Reporter.

The deal Reporter? It's a great question, Tom.

It's such a managing director's question.

That's a great tie.

Now, did you always know you wanted to be in business?

Oh, always. How about you?

How about I what?

Always wanted to go into business?

Oh, of course.

I love the way people look all dressed up.

I think I'm beginning to get that sense of humor.

I told you.

I hope the salary works for you. We'll start you at 4 2.

Forty-two thousand?

Yeah, I can live with that.

Like a queen.

We have a deal. We'll see you Monday 30.

I can't wait.

Thanks. She'll be great.

Good seeing you, Tom.

That was easy enough. Hey, thanks for hooking me up.

U h-uh, not so fast. We still need to get you tested on the software.

Click once to begin. Good luck.

So, this is what deal Reporter looks like.

This is very bad.

Hey. Hey, you've got to help me.

I could get you free Laura Merceir samples.

Can you please be quiet?

Hey, you like these shoes? 'Cause I can tell you where to get them on sale.

I'm not gonna help you cheat.

Oh, she's so helpful.

Oh, that's not right.

Oh, that's not right. Go back. Go back.

God ! You stupid thing. Come on.

Sh!

Well, how do I go back?

You can't. You either know this stuff or you don't. And my guess is you don't.

Somebody has low blood sugar.

Here, have some candy.

I don't eat sugar.

H m.

I can't fail this test.


Ooh.

Oh.

Oops.

It's too bad about those lights. I was nailing that test.

How about you?

We don't have time to retest you before Monday, but you swear that you trained in all the financial software we talked about?

Oh, deal Reporter is my middle name.

All right.

YeaHi Thank you guys so much.

I gotta say I'm so nervous about tomorrow.

I'm walking into a job at an investment company. Me.

I don't know the first thing about investing.

Sure you do. You know fashion, right?

Yeah, but what does that have to do...

You know how the spring collection is introduced in the fall and the best designers know what is gonna sell months ahead of time?

Yeah. I mean, I've been tracking those trends for years.

Exactly. So, you just replace the shoes and dresses with stocks and companies and it's all about predicting trends, what people wanna buy.

Whoa. That's impressive.

That is selfish, actually, because I figure the more I help you, the sooner you become a big writer for Cosmo, the more assignments I get. Let's not forget. All about me.

But I want it to be all about me.

Wait a minute. I thought it was all about me.

M m, you're right. lt is, because we got you a present for your first day.

Get outta here.

We were gonna get you a gorgeous C E O, but most of them are either in jail or getting government bailouts, so.

If you're going to play the part, you need to look the part.

This is amazing. Are you serious? Thank you so much.

To our future C E O.

To our future C E O.

All right, Lane. This is your moment.

Seize it.

Oh, my God.

So many men.

And I get my pick.

Men with ties. Men without ties.

Men with ties tossed over their shoulders. Tall men. Short men.

Men with glasses. Men without glasses. Men standing, sitting, walking, running, bending over to pick things up. Blind men. Strong men.

Gorgeous men. Two-piece. Three-piece. ls there a four-piece? Who cares?

So many men in suits!

I just got hired by Cosmo, the world's greatest magazine, to go undercover and date hot men in suits.

Does it get any better than this?

How's it going?

I never understood the phrase "kid in a candy store" until today.

Lots of men in suits?

Joanne, thank you so much for setting this up.

Hey, I just made a couple of calls. You're the one who has to write the article.

You know, the business world looks a lot like heaven to me.

Heaven in a tie.

Yum.

Miss Daniels.

I'll call you in five.

Ah. Time is money.

Hi, I'm Lane.

Hi, John. I'm part of the team. You, me and Tom.

Oh. I'm a part of a team?

Yeah, like in junior high. Basketball.

Except I was kicked off the team.

Anyway, uh, so you're gonna be handling Tom's travel, calendar, expenses.

I'm part of a team. I hope the uniforms are cute.

Paperwork and, uh, profit research and everything.

Come on, let's, uh, go get your I . D.

Great.

If you like that I . D. , you're gonna love the cubicle.

Oh. I get my own cubicle?

First thing in the morning. Just give them to Jack.

Hey, Tom. Hey, how's it going?

Fine. How are you?

Great. Everything's great.

You look nice.

Thanks. So do you.

Do I recognize that shirt from the interview?

U h, no, you recognize its brother or sister.

It's the same shirt but not the exact same. You see, I have a number of these, the same but not the same same.

Got it. Different shirt.

Well, it's nice. I can see why you bought two of them.

Actually, I bought six. One for each day of the week and...

And a spare for laundry day. It's a great idea.

Let's start the tour.

The department downstairs makes models that study economic trends. They forecast...

What people are gonna buy? Like fashion designers.

Yeah, I guess it is.

A really great idea.

They're a pretty good department. Sometimes when we have concerns after a merger or a major consolidation, these guys make sure that the company has a really easy transition in the next phase.

The past couple years have been a little crazy.

I've always found it boring when guys talk about business, but Tom makes it kind of interesting.

Six shirts all the same. Weird.

And this department manages our hedge funds.

I nod a lot and act impressed as I survey the men-in-suits situation.

As unbelievable as it sounds, the majority of guys here are single.

No photos of families or crayon drawings from their kids.

And as if it couldn't get any better, the few women here, they're not even trying.

So, what do you think?

There are so many men.

That's what they all say. But after a while, you hardly notice.

This is your desk.

Oh ! I love it!

Okay. Well, happy birthday.

Oh, this chair is perfect.

My own cubicle. It's paradise.

Okay, well, enjoy your chair. I will be in my office which is right over here.

Sure.

Why doesn't my chair spin?

Does your chair spin?

Yeah.

Yes?

Yep.

Still going well?

Yes. I have a swanky new cubicle, Joanne.

I'm on my work phone being all business.

I'm like Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada.

I hope my boss isn't evil. But now all I have to do...

ls to collate and distribute the documents and I'll check back in with you.

Here you go.

Thompson & Fulworth has secret handshakes?

No, they're hand signals.

Our traders use them on the floor but I adapted them.

You and I can gesture without having to worry about noise or using another line.

It's more efficient. Like, conference call, I'm leaving the office, I'll return the call later.

And that means okay.

I'll learn these right away.

Okay, this is a list of frequent callers.

This group, apologize, I'm in a meeting.

This group, put them into the queue. And these two, you put them through right away.

It's the C E O and my mom.

That means I'm on it.

Oh, my God.

What?

More men.

What's good here?

I'm not really the guy to ask. I get the same thing every day.

Every day? What is it?

Chicken breast with walnuts and plain yogurt. This meal boosts neurotransmitters, balances omega acids and I don't have to waste time deciding what I want to eat.

Well, how does it taste?

Let me guess. Efficient.

All right, smart ass. Tour's over.

Where are you going?

Back to my office. I always eat up there...

It's a more efficient use of your time?

You catch on quick.

Okay.

No. No, no!

Oh, God, you stupid... Come on.

Don't you know what you're supposed to do when the copier breaks?

What's that?

Run away.

I'm serious. Otherwise everyone will know you're the loser who couldn't fix the copier.

Right. And who's the loser who currently holds that position here?

Danny Gold in Accounting. Three months running.

But, since you're new, I'll help you.

Step aside.

For the record though, I was never here.

We never met and I have no idea how to use this thing.

Got it. I'm Lane, by the way.

Hey, Lane. I'm Seth.

I normally don't like guys who know they're cute, but Seth's really cute.

This never happened.

I saw nothing. Yum's the word.

Mum's the word. Oh, God. Stupid.

Good morning.

This place is crawling with potential magic men.

Once they start asking me out, I can write this article in a week.

Lane, what's this?

A diagram. An office diagram to show the key employees, so I can better serve you.

Well, you're just full of surprises, aren't you?

I double-checked your 00 p. m. reservation. ls Whitney a client?

No, she's my girlfriend. It's Monday night. It's date night.

Hey, Whitney, come here. I want you to meet my new assistant, Lane.

Eekl Draggy nails!

Pleasure.

Ugh, bird grab.

Charmed.

Tom, I'm starving. Can we please go now?

Okay, hon. Well, I'll see you in the morning.

Okay.

Night, John.

Hi, John.

Weird handshake, huh?

Did it feel like a predatory bird?

Can't decide if I like it or not.

Lane, right? Hi, I'm Eddie.

Welcome to Thompson & Fulworth.

I was wondering if you could grab a drink with me tomorrow night?

I would love to.

They're drawn to me like moths to a flame.

I'm the best undercover journalist in the history of the world.

Hey, go already. It's your turn.

I'm thinking. I'm thinking.

Are you thinking or fantasizing?

Okay, Okay. Do you have one phenomenally tanned six-pack?

I do have one phenomenally tanned six-pack.

Yes! How about super hot guy in a towel?

Go fish.

Okay, do you have a perfectly shaped butt?

You know I do.

I n your hand.

Oh, I have that, too. Okay, okay, it's my turn.

Do you have one rocking set of abs?

I do.

Oh, lan. Now, that's a six-pack I'd like to forget.

You know who that is?

You can't even see his face.

Don't need to. I remember that body.

Joanne, you work with these hot guys every day all day.

How do I get your job?

I don't know how M r. Six-pack would fare on the checklist.

She has that checklist to help her find her soul mate.

Where did this list come from?

Every romantic comedy Lane's ever watched.

That's not true.

Okay, it's mostly true.

I just want to find my magic man.

Magic man. She thinks that a guy is gonna solve everything.

I don't think it's gonna solve everything. I just wanna meet a guy that, you know, I'm happy to wake up to every morning and that makes time drift away.

I want all of those things.

And if he happens to have a perfect set of abs, I'll take that, too.

I don't blame you.

Order one for me.

To butts and abs.

To butts and abs.

Welcome to day two, Ab Fab.

Ab Fab?

Yeah, I was just trying out a new nickname for you. You like fashion.

That's a show about fashion, right?

That is so much better than my college nickname, "Lame."

You ever had a nickname?

Nope.

Lane! Pay attention.

I am.

To me.

Gotcha.

No, that means return the call.

I know. I know. I knew that.

Working in big business can be stressful, but I'm gonna get the hang of it.


Life at the investment bank is fun.

I get to make my cubicle beautiful and creative.

And I get to date a bunch.

These guys actually have items on my checklist.

So far, just two or three items each, but that's two or three more than in the fashion world.

My magic man is out there.

I can feel it.

You've already found eight guys who could be the one?

I know. Put a man in a suit and things happen.

H m, I guess we can safely cross the junior analyst off the list.

What about that guy Seth? The one who fixed the copier. Get him to ask you out.

My editor is so cool. She's forcing me to flirt with Seth.

Could life get any better?

Hey.

Hey.

Get Seth to ask me out? Watch me work.

How are you?

I'm good. How are you?

What is wrong with this guy? Take the bait.

Lane.

And here we go.

You're not here to ask me about the copier, are you?

I don't know anything about copiers, remember?

Yeah. No, I'm not here to ask you about the copier.

I bet he's a great kisser. Sometimes you just know.

Are you not getting your mail?

'Cause either that new mail guy is the laziest ever or...

No, my mail is fine. Mail's all good.

Oh, good.

Hey, Lane.

I was wondering if you'd like to get a drink sometime.

I thought you'd never ask.

How is the article going? Have you started writing?

M m, I'm still in the research phase. But I have a date with Seth this Thursday.

I know. I feel like he's gonna do really well on my checklist.

Good, 'cause you said he has fashion sense, right?

He does. ls he spontaneous? Does he take exotic trips on a whim?

M m, I don't know, yet.

Does he put passion above common sense?

Witty statements on the tip of his tongue?

Sort of, yeah.

Sexy accent?

That would be a no. But he is fearless in the face of danger.

What happened?

He saved me from the copier. lt was getting out of control.

The thing was like eating my...

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

No, it's all right. It's all right.

Do you have the time?

Beautiful and a sexy accent.

Wait, what did he just ask me? Oh, the time.

U m, yes, it's 6:4 2.

Great, then I have just enough time to let you spill one more drink on me before my dinner meeting. What'll it be?

I mean, shouldn't I be the one buying you a drink?

No, I'm rather enjoying things in the current state.

You feel guilty for making me look as thougHi've wet myself, and you've no choice but to sit here with me till I finish my drink.

It's the only polite thing to do.

Polite or infatuated? You decide.

Okay, when you put it like that, I will have another pomegranate martini.

Two.

So, do you ladies spill your drinks on innocent men for fun or is it a professional sort of thing?

No. Actually, um, I'm a writer.

Undercover, trying to find the love of my life.

Named Lane. My name is Lane. And this...

What if he likes her more than me? ls my friend who has a boyfriend.

Creep. I'm such a sixth grader.

Who has a boyfriend? I've never heard that name before.

Oh, yeah, it's been in my family for generations, but friends call me Joanne.

Liam.

Liam, are you in finance?

Oh, no, no, thank God. No, I used to be a guitarist, but now...

Seriously? What band?

No, those days are long gone. Now I sit on the other side of the glass.

Lane, I'm not leaving this seat until you agree to have dinner with me next Thursday night.

Dinner? Oh.

I love you.

I mean, I'd love to. I-I can't wait. Yes.

Well, that's great. if I could just...

Here's her number.

A pleasure.

Cheers.

Okay, I'm really sorry about the whole boyfriend thing.

I would have done the exact same thing. I thought you had to date a guy in a suit.

Liam.

Some of the lessons I'm learning for my article are more obvious than others.

Like it is impossible to imagine wearing sexy lingerie for an accountant.

As long as you itemize your deductions...

Where's the craziest place you've ever had sex?

Well, one time in college. I did it on the living room carpet.

Oh.

You know what? You are way too sexual for me.

Oh, excuse me. Hey, can I ask you for a favor?

Lane.

Tom. How do you like what I've done with the place?

Oh, it's quite festive.

I'm glad you like it.

The beads block the sight line from my office to the rest of the floor.

You know, they are made from recycled glass.

I mean, I know I'm no sandals-wearing, guitar playing, tree hugger...

I am.

You are?

Yeah. I mean, we wear shoes here and I play the harmonica.

Hold on. You play the harmonica?

I did. Strictly summer camp thing.

So, to be more accurate, I guess I am a shoe-wearing, ex-harmonica-playing tree hugger.

I mean, I'm not M r. save-the-fuzzy bunnies or anything.

I just cannot tolerate wasting resources.

So, you hate bunnies?

I do. I hate them. They infuriate me.

U h-huh.

Okay, get back to work. And take down these beads, okay?

Let's get going on these calls, Lane.

Okay.

Hey, you still having trouble with your router?

You know, I'm the tech wizard around here.

Not a bad wizard, but a good one.

John, what are you doing?

What? No, nothing. No, I-I mean, I'm doing something.

Helping Lane with her... Her router is broken, so I was just... This is my girlfriend, Margo. She works up in equity ratings.

John has a girlfriend? Go, John.

Hi, Margo.

Hi, Lane. Are you coming to lunch, or are you happier down there?

Yes. I mean, no, no, I'm not happier down here.

I'm coming to... Oh, sorry. Yeah. No, just call, uh, I. T. and they'll fix it.

Yeah, I got it. Thanks for trying. Margo, uh, John's always talking about you.

He is?

Yeah. It's kind of disgustingly sweet, actually.

Thanks.

Well, that was easy.

Thank you.

Thanks.

Lane, to the pink contents of that glass staying where it ought rather than on my lap.

Cheers to that.

You look absolutely stunning.

Thank you. You don't look so bad yourself, you know.

Pleasure to see you as always. And the lovely lady.

This is Lane.

Lucky you. He never makes time to date.

You make me sound rather lonely and pathetic.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean...

No, it's all right. I come here whenever I'm in New York.

I'm often alone.

Or with your artists.

Artists?

I produce music.

He runs his own label.

What?

It's nothing.

Can I get you an appetizer?

How about some calamari?

That's great.

Okay. So, what kind of music do you produce?

Oh, no, no, no, Lane. Let's talk about you.

I'm sure it's much more interesting.

Okay, but I don't know how interesting you're gonna...

Nonsense. Who is Lane Daniels?

Well, I enjoy long walks on the beach, kissing under the moonlight, and the world of fashion.

What a relief.

I thought you were gonna say fun loving, a people person and a dog lover.

I am a dog lover. I've actually rescued seven, but I don't like playing games, and I've been told a few times that I'm a first-rate kisser.

I hope you don't hate all games.

Well, I only indulge in those involving feathers and chocolate.

I'm gonna have to see if that's on the dessert menu.

Do you enjoy Europe?

Oh, I've been desperately wanting to go to Paris with my friends for New Year's, but tickets are so pricey.

I love Paris. Do you visit often?

Well, yeah, in my dreams.

You've never been?

Lane, we must remedy this immediately.

Let's hop on a plane tonight.

Yes, yes, yes!

No. I've got work. I can't.

Flimsy excuse.

Sounds like you're dashing off to meet another bloke.

Oh, he said bloke.

You've busted me. He's actually gonna be here in a few minutes.

You are breathtaking.

I'll get you a cab.

SetHi There is another bloke.

The article. Cosmo.

Sweet dreams.

Thank you.

That's right. Nice.

Tilt your head a little. Yes, nice, girl.

Rapido. Rapido.

Lane. Hey! Wow, you've been on a date.

I was and it was amazing. I've got another date in like five minutes.

You have another date? Where?

Sam's on 6th.

You can't go to Sam's like this.

I know. I need your help. Come on.

And ever since then I promised myself I'd never ride another horse again.

I don't blame you.

Well, maybe a pony.

There's nothing wrong with Seth, but he's no Liam.

Do you wanna go for a nightcap?

You know what? I shouldn't.

I-I have a busy day tomorrow.

Yeah, I understand, but I had a really good time tonight, Lane.

Yeah, I did, too.

Thank you so much for dinner.

Let me get you a cab.

Thanks. Okay.

Maybe I'm not the best undercover journalist after all.

Seth and the other men around me have become a faceless blur.

I'll send the clearance documents to London right away.

Did somebody say London? Oh, it's the land of Liam.

Lane.

Lane. Lane!

This is the document we're sending to Paris.

You don't speak French, do you? lt depends on how you define "speak."

I'm really disappointed in you, Lane.

This would have been disastrous if I'd sent this out.

I'm sorry.

I've gotta send an email.

So much for Seth being fearless in the face of danger.

Your resume was riddled with exaggerations, Lane.

You don't type 1 20 words a minute, you don't have a photographic memory, and you keep dropping names off my call sheet.

Oh, my God. Are you firing me?

I'm giving you a warning. But I do not tolerate lying.

Now, get back to work.

This is all Liam's fault, with his sexy accent and his smile and his lips.

Oh, those lips.

Lane, stop it. He's distracting me from my work and completely screwing up my story for Cosmo.

Oh, can't think straight.

Wait.

I'll change my story.

My story shouldn't be about finding love in the business world.

I'm not good at business stuff anyway.

My story is going to be about meeting the perfect guy when you least expect it.

Because you never know when your magic man is gonna find you.

It's good, right?

Lane, this is not your college paper.

This is not some crappy blog that you can write in your pajamas.

And it sure as hell isn't an article on shoes for For Her magazine.

It's Her Style, but that's okay.

Lane, this is a cover story for Cosmo.

A cover story?

Yes, it's a cover story.

I gave you the chance of a lifetime.

So, you are gonna deliver whether you like it or not.

This piece has absolutely nothing to do with Liam, so stop seeing him.

This story is about the business world.

Get your butt back to Thompson Fulworth and un-quit.

If you're not good at the business stuff, get better.

If you can't find the right guy in a suit, look harder.

You have two more weeks to have an article about finding love in the business world on my desk, and it better be great. Are we clear?

Yes.

No Liam, get better, work harder, date often.

Ah ! sorry.

Oh, hey, Lane?

Drinks? Sure. 00 00.

Lane?

Tom.

I was just turning out your, um, office lamp.

I left it on? Really? lt must have slipped your mind.

Oh. Lane?

I'm on my way.

I finally find my magic man and I'm not allowed to see him.

Thank you.

Something wrong, Lane?

No, not while I'm with you.

Liam, there's something I have to tell you.

It's really difficult for me.

See, I'm writing this article and...

lt would be very easy to fall in love with you.

What? Really?

Yes, really. You're stunning. You're funny.

My heart races when I see you.

And that dress you're wearing, a bloke doesn't stand a chance.

I know I'm supposed to date a man in a suit, but Liam's a man and he's falling for me.

At any rate, I do have to protect myself with a woman as beautiful as you.

I'm afraid I've had my heart broken before.

Aw. Tell me about it.

No.

Come on, you can tell me.

Well, we'd been together for years and, uh, I worshiped her. I thought she worshiped me.

We'd survived long distances, parental disapproval, a sailing accident.

A sailing accident?

That sounds more dramatic than it was.

Point is, I snuck out early one Sunday morning to buy eggs and caviar.

You know, surprise her with a little breakfast in bed.

But I was the one left surprised.

Tiptoed in to find only a note. lt said, " I'm done."

There is so much pain in the world.

I declare my one mission in life, if it's the last thing I do, I will heal Liam's wounded heart.

Dessert at your place?

We could.

But I bet my place isn't as luxurious as yours.

See, I...

I wisHi could have you over, but my father's in town.

So, unless you want to share some warm chocolate and creme fraiche with him...

My place will be fine.

Whoo!

Shall I get some spoons?

We won't be needing any spoons.

This is gonna be great.

Maybe for you.

It's like a day at the spa.

Instead of the organic healthy detoxifying seaweed, you're being wrapped in. . . plastic.

Wheel her in.

There you go. Don't trip.

Now, I want you to show off the purse.

I want you to toucHit. It's the love of your life. Good.

Good morning, Joanne, and plastic- wrapped models.

Oh ! Somebody looks like the cat who ate the canary.

More like the chocolate.

Were you with Liam?

Yes, I was. And must say he's pretty skilled in the chocolate and love-making department.

Belgian?

No no, he's British.

No, the chocolate. was it Belgian?

Who cares? lt was delicious.

But all of those calories.

Oh, don't worry. We burned them off last night.

Okay, wait wait, Lane.

I thought that Kate from Cosmo told you to stop seeing Liam.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Lane?

You know I love you, but...

Relax, it's fine.

What am I gonna do with you?

Just love me for who I am.

Aw.

Okay.

I want you to stay still exactly like that. You know how hot you look right now?

Joanne.

Seriously, I want you to lift up the purse. Just like you love it.

Joanne, there's a small problem.

Like it's your lover. You're running away together.

Joanne, I have to pee.

All right, that's a problem. Wheel her out.

That's why I'd like to absorb those losses now. I n two years...

Don't talk to me about long-term growth.

If we're gonna take the hit on these properties, we're gonna need to compensate by selling other asses...

Assets. Sell other assets.

Yeah, but... wow.

I need serious performance from your division, gentlemen.

This isn't a year to skirt change...

I mean, short change. I'm a happily married man.

M r. Belmont?

Lane!

Oh.

Hi there.

I apologize for the distraction, sir.

No apology necessary.

Okay. Look, Liam sounds amazing, Lane, he does.

But is he worth risking everything over?

He places passion over common sense.

He has a sexy British accent.

He's spontaneous. He has great fashion sense. We like the same foods and...

Okay, okay, I admit he does well on the checklist.

Does well? He's a nine out of a ten, Joanne.

That's like unheard of. And the one thing that he's missing, the crazy public fights and torrid makeup sex, I'm thinking about taking that off the list because...

Yeah, Okay. Liam is a nine out of ten. And I like seeing you happy, but he's not a man in a suit. You have to find a man in a suit.

Ew.

What, you don't like guys in suits?

No, I ate some of my mask.

This is like junior high. I feel like I'm at a sleepover.

We need snacks.

We need more wine.

M m, let's go to that store downstairs.

I can't go there, remember? I had the thing with the cashier. Remember?

Oh, my God. Okay, we'll go.

Say hi for me though. He's hot.

Oh, Lane, I don't feel so good.

What?

Do I look green to you?

Oh, I forgot the ice cream and Sprinkles.

Trying on a new fall color, Ab Fab?

Ab Fab?

Tom? What are you doing here?

I was just shooting hoops down the street, and I heard they were having a special on green goo.

Out of the office, he looks different.

Just buying some snacks.

Take a walk on the wild side.

Oh, no no no. I don't...

I know, I know, there's no protein and neurotransmitters.

But this stuff is utterly delicious.

See, it's the delicious part that makes me uncomfortable.

Right.

And what army are you about to poison?

Well, I just have a couple of...

I actually have a lot of friends over.

Well, I will not stand in your way.

It's not a problem. By the way, today in the conference room...

Don't worry about it. lt took a bit to get M r. Belmont's concentration back, but it was the highlight of the meeting.

I-I'll see you in the morning.

Okay, sounds good.

That's Tom, your boss?

Yeah, can you believe it?

He's cute.

What are you talking about? He has a girlfriend.

A boss like that, now I am green with envy.

Shut up.

Hey, Lane. Do I look okay?

Yeah sure big meeting?

Big lunch with Margo's parents.

Oh. Pressure.

Yeah.

Come here, I'll fix your tie.

Oh, thanks. ls that the weekly report?

Yeah, why?

Where'd the new visuals come from?

Oh, I did them.

I thought it would be easier for everyone to pass the bullet points.

I'm impressed.

Yeah. Maybe you can help me with the write up on the Victoria property.

I would love to.

Now, go charm the pants of Margo's parents.

Ugh. Not a... not a pretty picture.

Her dad's super pear-shaped.

This stuff about you getting the job is great.

U m, minor trouble at work, that's fine.

U h, but now what we need is some more depth.

I mean, this can't just be an article about you dating a bunch of men in suits. lt needs to end with you finding your magic man.

WhicHi'm trying to find. Trust me.

M m, your story needs a real relationship to anchor it.

Do you think any of these guys have that potential?

Well, there's Liam. Oh, and, uh, Liam.

You stopped seeing Liam, right?

Oh, yeah.

Then you have plenty of time to go on a dozen more dates.

A dozen? That's every night.

Yeah, exactly. And I expect to read every single detail from every single date. Cover stories are full-time gigs.

For what it's worth, I still think Seth might be the one.

But I think you should go on a date with him, you know, one more time.

He might surprise you.

Got it.

I have a new mantra.

"SetHis the one. Seth, Seth, Seth."

I can't see Liam. I have to see Seth.

Seth, Seth.

Seth!

Hey, any chance you're free for lunch tomorrow?

Sure, but I didn't think that you...

Dude, what are you doing?

Yeah, sure.

Great.

Oh. This story for Cosmo is going to ruin my life.

So then we had the leverage we needed to complete the takeover, which meant more...

Seth might not be my magic man, but if I'm not allowed to see Liam, at least Seth has good fashion sense and a nice butt.

If he's the trade-off for a cover story in Cosmo, I'll take it.

Turns out they had a few companies in Germany, which means I had to hire a translator for a few days just to help me navigate through the books.

And after 1 8 months of approving the financials, we finally closed the deal.

Now, we're one of the most powerful...

This isn't working. My body's here but my spirit is doing naughty things with...

Liam.

See him. I said see him.

See him? See who?

Him. My-sh... My girlfriend.

She's texting me. There's this guy and She shouldn't see him.

He stood her up like three times.

Do you want to call her?

No, it's...

Yeah, I should. ls that okay?

No, of course.

I'm sorry. She needs me.

We can get together later in the week.

Really?

Okay. Thank you.

New plan for my article. I'll date Liam, write about him, but instead of using Liam's name, I'll say it's Seth.

Now, that is creative writing.

I have a surprise for you.

Thai chicken wrap. Healthy and delicious.

You can try something new every once in a while.

I had them put extra neurotransmitters and a dash of omega acid. Just try it.

Fine.

Wow.

Yeah, delish, huh?

That is the best neurotransmitters I've ever had.

I'm glad. What's this for?

It's for the presentation next week. What do you think?

It's O K.

You don't like it?

It's not that I don't like it.

It's awful.

It's awful. If you're gonna make visuals, Tom, you should make them visual.

You could use color and composition to enhance your pitch.

You wanna surprise them. Entice them, you know, make them want just a little bit more.

Wait, what are you...

It's all right. It's all good.

If it makes you feel any better, I like the shirt you wore into work today.

It's the same shirt I wore yesterday.

Really? The same?

Well, not the exact same. It's brother.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

You know, maybe I will take you up on that Lane Daniels makeover someday.

Anytime.

Eat your transmitters.

Dating Liam. Oh, Seth, is wonderful.

He's charming, he's romantic, he's sexy.

We're in our own little love cocoon.

Hey.

Hey.

How's your friend?

She's great. Thank you for asking.

Cool.

Even if we're just passing each other in the office, we have crazy sexual tension.

Okay, I probably shouldn't tell you this, but ever since college I've had this thing.

It's a list for eligible guys.

It's basically a checklist to find my magic man.

Your what?

My magic man. I know.

What, like card tricks? Rabbit out of a hat? ls that what we're talking about?

I know it sounds silly. But, okay, I just wanted you to know that you've scored highest on the list. I mean, almost perfect.

Wait. "Almost perfect"?

M m-hm.

Give me a chance, Lane. What am I missing?

How could you possibly have seduced my twin brother when you knew it would rip my soul from my body, leaving a gaping hole that will always bear your name?

You know what? I only slept with him once. And it was just to make you jealous!

Besides, you led me on to believe you were freaking dead!

I was in a coma! But I'm awake now, Lane. ls there anything I can do to win you back?

Yes. You know what? Lose my freaking number!

Just met her tonight.

Dreadful sorry about the big fight last night.

Oh, not me. The makeup was wortHit.

Wait a moment. Does this make me ten out of ten?

U m, after last night, I think that that makes you eleven out of a ten.

Looking forward to our next fight.

M m, me, too.

' Ello.

Sorry, I didn't know I was supposed to cook for three.

Oh, that looks delicious.

Because of fake Seth, I'm famished.

Yeah, nothing like deceiving Cosmo to work up an appetite.

Everything is true, except for the fact that it's fiction.

Kate just said that she wanted a good story, okay?

And trust me, this is gonna be a good story.

Yeah, I know. I think I heard the climax last night.

I just don't want you to get in trouble.

I hear you, but it's fine.

It's fine.

Yeah. Well, now that you're exaggerating characters and making things up, I want you to name me. .. Lucy. I'm your best friend.

I'm the other hot girl at Thompson Fulworth, and I'm using Cosmo's "ten most exciting places to have sex in the workplace" as my extracurricular guide.

You know, with an imagination like that, I think you should be the writer.

I'm thinking about it. Okay, friends share, so you don't get this anymore.

No, no, you were bad. You did a bad thing.

As I'm sure you all know, our internal review with M r. Belmont is on the 2 7 th, and we need to prove our department's value moving forward.

The presentation needs to be visual and we're gonna mix it up.

We need to surprise him, entice him.

We're gonna run everything through one person.

Lane?

Yeah.

You'll handle the visuals.

Lane has a really great eye for this stuff and I have complete confidence in her.

All right, gentlemen, that's it. Thank you very much

Jackie has a thing I n addition to the presentation, I'm writing my Cosmo story, starring fake Seth, the sexiest guy ever.

Who happens to look a lot like Liam.

And she can Make it swing

That's really good. They're really yummy.

Even if she's Trying to forget Between the stage lights And the threat Hey-hey-hey-hey! Look.

I'm working long hours but I'm part of a team, and that feels great.

The lonely night Of sad rain Like a lone Lost child Who's on His own again Lane.

Yeah?

Recycled paper. That's great.

Oh, I thought you'd like that.

So, why don't we use recycled paper around here?

Oh, you know, it's a good question. The short answer is it's out of my control.

Why don't you make it in your control?

It's good for the planet, and I bet you could save this place a lot of money.

We could save a lot of money, but only over time.

U h, hey, this is gonna sound silly, but I wanted a new suit for the presentation.

I was wondering if I could take you up on that makeover we talked about.

Would Whitney be okay with that?

Whitney? We broke up.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, no-no-no, don't be. lt wasn't meant to be. She was...

A little demanding?

Yeah.

And she wore fake nails.

Well, there was that, too.

You should've told me. We could've gotten drunk and had cupcakes and thrown eggs at her apartment.

We still can if you want.

No, no, no, that... That's okay. But thanks.

Well, let's get you a new suit. There's nothing like shopping to cheer you up.

Let's do it.

You Give me exactly What I need Return the call?

Spin around.

Oh, yeah.

Now do a little dance.

Oh, my goodness.

So, do you like it?

I do.

H uh?

Oh.

Yeah!

I like. I like it. Are we done?

M m. Almost.

Come on.

You think this is better?

Yes. I will miss your brother and sister shirts, but I think you look really nice.

I guess I should thank you then.

U m, I'd better get back.

Yup. I'm gonna run to the printer's, grab the mock-ups and I'll see you in an hour.

Okay, yeah. I'm just gonna change and then I'll... Okay.


Ta-dah!

What do you think? Great, right?

They're fine, Lane.

U h-oh, somebody's in a mood.

My article.

Where did you get those? lt was sitting on top of the printer. The folder was on your desk.

Tom, this isn't what you think.

All this time, after everything...

You smug little bastard.

I think I'm missing something.

You don't understand. Tom, the article wasn't what you think.

Wait a minute. This is for a stupid article?

It's not a stupid article. It's a cover story for Cosmo magazine.

I'll just be in my office.

You're staying right here. lt wasn't Seth.

What wasn't me? lt was a fake Seth. I made it up.

Yeah, the sexual tension between you guys, the chocolate sex.

We had chocolate sex?

Get out.

I thought I knew you, Lane.

And not to sound too personal, but I really enjoyed working with you.

And now I find out everything is a lie.

Don't say that. That's not true.

Then what the hell is true, Lane? I hired you. I believed in you.

And I worked really hard.

No, you worked hard on your story, on tricking everyone.

I thought that you were becoming a great assistant.

But I didn't know you were hooking up with every guy in the office.

I didn't hook up with anyone. And I did become a great assistant.

Okay, I learned your hand signals, I studied those tutorials, and I worked late every night and I poured my heart into these visuals.

Goodbye, Tom.

I just had the most horrible day ever.

Oh, are you okay, love?

No. I just got fired from my job and ruined everything.

I want you to just come over and hold me and hand me tissues.

I'd love to, Lane, I really would, but I'm actually out of town.

You are?

I had to hop over to London. One of my acts had a little meltdown.

I'll be back Friday. We could pick up some cheesecake, Enjoy it in your bedroom.

Okay. Well, I miss you.

I miss you, too. Bye.

This is where Liam and I had our very first date.

Do you know what's wrong with dating a British guy?

When you really need him, he's in England.

Joanne, what am I gonna do?

I got fired from my job, I let tom down, and now my article is dead.

No, it's not.

Aren't you forgetting about your best friend who vouched for you at Cosmo?

You can't just declare your article dead.

I know that you vouched for me, and I feel horrible.

But my story was supposed to be about finding love in the world of business, and the world of business has kicked me out. So now what?

Lane, I told you not to date Liam.

I told you not to write lies.

I know you did. I screwed up.

Lane.

Lane.

I think I just saw Liam.

He's in London.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

A pleasure to see you as always. And the lovely lady.

You had time to make it out while you're here.

Oh, it's so nice to visit New York.

I've been so cooped up in the studio.

He's a producer, you know.

Okay, okay, so you're a record producer as well?

It's fascinating.

Yes, it is.

Lovely to see you, Lane.

Hello, Liam. How was London? lt was rather... Let's talk outside.

Just one second, love. Let me tell you how this works.

This, uh, waiter has a great British accent, and he's gonna tell you all of these fantastic stories about his exciting life in England.

And he's smooth, so you're gonna fall for it.

And it's gonna turn out to be one big cheap lie.

I just wanted to impress you.

You just wanted to get laid.

Shall we?

Oh. Yes.

I definitely think we shall.

That was good. Well-played.

Jerk.

I know I deserve this.

I lied to everyone at work and Liam lied to me.

It's karma, and it strikes quickly.

And because everything has to fall apart at once, I can't get my story about fake Seth to work.

Tom?

Lane, where are you?

What do you mean?

Did you forget we have a presentation today?

Did you forget that you fired me?

I didn't fire you.

That's what it sounded like to me.

I was upset with you. The presentation is in two hours and I need those visuals.

Two hours? I have to get to the printer's to pick them up.

Well, then run to the printer's.

Everyone is mad at me. I lied to everyone.

Lane, this isn't the seventh grade.

It's investment banking. Now, get me those boards.

What's up?

Tom needs me to come back to work.

Wearing that?

No.

Thank you for coming today, M r. Belmont.

Let's begin with...

Oh.

Sorry.

M r. Belmont, hi.

Lots of traffic.

M r. Belmont, Lane here is going to provide us with some visuals that I think will really enhance the presentation.

Let's begin. This year's numbers for corporate strategic planning were depressed by a few factors but, given the overall climate in emerging markets, we feel confident that we will see an increase in profits.

All you have to do is take a look at the Indian market. Prepared to skyrocket.

If we can consolidate these gains, we'll move forward.

This is gonna be a great year, and we hope you'll agree.

Well, Tom, you and your department certainly put together an impressive presentation, and I must say the visuals were quite impressive.

Unfortunately, the economic realities of this are not pretty.

We have to cut $34 million this month, and I'll have to pull key players from your group into M&A.

What happens to everybody else?

We'll let you know who's making the transition shortly.

And the rest of you, will work through the beginning of the month.

Yeah. Thank you. We're finished here.

Tom.

Wait, M r. Belmont. Lane, no.

M r. Belmont, I think you're missing the point.

And what point is that, young lady?

If you could save even more money than the $34 million you're looking to cut from the budget, and simultaneously improve your image in the business and consumer markets, you'd be interested in that, wouldn't you? ls this a riddle? I have another meeting in five minutes.

Okay. Just...

Didn't you say that you could do all of this by going green?

You told me you could save this company money.

I said it was out of my control.

This isn't seventh grade, Tom. Take control.

Go.

M r. Belmont...

Go.

I wanna propose a green initiative.

Our bank can reduce our environmental impact, support eco-friendly traders and save millions of dollars.

Tom, I wouldn't mind saving the planet, but we have some hard decisions to make and a few cosmetic changes. lt would take more than a few cosmetic changes. We have to target heating, cooling, waste and transportation. I can show you the math.

What makes you think your group should lead this initiative?

Corporate strategic planning is the only division in the entire company that deals with every other department, and we handle properties for our clients and our bank.

All right. Fine.

I'm listening, but I wanna see the math and I wanna see a ten-year projection.

And if you can back this up, I'll keep your department together.

You won't be disappointed, sir.

All right, Thomas. Impress me.

That was so great.

You saved our department.

N ice work, Tom.

Seth, I'm sorry about mixing you up with my article. lt was nothing personal. You were so nice to me and I should have...

Lane, it's all right.

Really?

Yeah. Besides, I could never do what you described in your article.

I'm allergic to chocolate.

Right.

Oh.

Amazing work today.

You, too.

Good luck on the article. I'll be looking for it.

Yeah, well, don't believe everything you read.

What? So, you're not gonna write the true story?

Cosmo doesn't want the true story.

They want the story that I pitched.

And I've been wanting to work there for as long as I can remember.

H m. Yeah. Well, I get that, but I think you owe it to yourself to write what actually happened. lt could be a great story.

Thanks, Tom. I didn't deserve to work for a guy like you. And I'm sorry.

It's okay. Working in investment banking, I don't meet many women like you. lt was, um, an adventure.

A great adventure.

Goodbye, Tom.


Good, huh?

What really happened may not have a happy ending, but love just doesn't happen to girls like me.

Girls who built their hopes on an intricate web of daydreams.

The trutHis that everyone has issues, and maybe building up a fake perfect man in my mind is my biggest issue of all.

I've been walking around with the ghost of my magic man.

He's been haunting me, keeping me from recognizing a world of opportunities that were right in front of me.

My anger at Liam eventually faded away.

After all, he was just giving me what I wanted.

Every lovesick girl's fantasy.

An idealized version of what I imagined love should look like.

But there's no such thing as perfection.

Love is for people who are realistic and smart enough to open their hearts and minds, and who realize that a real relationship is the ultimate fantasy.

I haven't found that relationship, yet, but I've shaken off the shadow of my magic man and I'm finding myself.

I think that's a pretty good start.

I'd say you told the truth.

Yup, nothing but the truth.

I just couldn't tell a lie, you know, after everything I learned.

Well, it's probably the last article you'll be writing for Cosmo.

And I don't imagine they'll be calling me anytime soon.

I'm sorry, Joanne. You stuck your neck out for me and I...

Okay, enough. You did the right thing. I'm proud of you.

It's Kate.

Kate from Cosmo?

Hello.

Lane, hi. U h, I need to see you in my office first thing tomorrow morning.

U m, sure. So, what did you think bout the article? I know that it's...

I'll see you here.

So, what does one wear to get fired in?

Oh. Hang on. Here, take mine.

I need it.

Why did I tell the truth? What was I thinking?

I should've just written the article Kate asked for. She's gonna be so pissed.

So, this is what hell looks like.

Oh, I hate this crosswalk. It's taking me to my doom, my destruction, the crushing of my dream.

Thank you for coming in today, Lane.

Kate.

I'm sorry about the article.

I don't... I know that it's terrible and I'm gonna redo it.

I got sick and I fell and I hit my head and...

Lane, it's perfect.

I don't know what got into me and...

What?

It's everything I ever wanted.

Everyone at Cosmo loves it.

When you came into my office asking to change what the story was about, I realized this was about something much deeper.

I realized this was about you figuring things out for yourself.

I want to congratulate you on your outstanding cover story for Cosmo.

Thank you.

And of course I'm gonna want updates on you and Tom.

Tom?

It's so obvious you guys are into each other.

What? Me and Tom?

Wait a second. So, you just went in and kicked ass on the big presentation, packed up your desk, said goodbye and just walked out?

Yes. That's what happened.

You never mentioned how he scored on your checklist.

Because I didn't do a checklist for Tom.

Oh, my God. Okay, hold on. What was it?

Okay. Does he take trips to exotic places on a whim?

Where are you going?

Back to my office.

Does he put passion above common sense?

Actually, I bought six. The same but not the same same.

Not really and no.

Do you have crazy public fights and torrid makeup sex?

This is for a stupid article?

We actually did have a public fight, but it wasn't crazy and there was definitely no makeup sex.

Does he share your taste in food?

Why don't you take a walk on the wild side?

No.

Does he have an accent? Does he play a sexy musical instrument?

Yes. No.

Well, he plays the harmonica.

Are you starting to see a pattern here?

That Tom is a zero out of a ten?

And?

And...

I think I have to go.

That's my girl.

All that time my true magic man was was right in front of me and I didn't even notice.

I have to find Tom.

Lane.

Hey, where's Tom?

U m, sorry I was spinning in your chair, but it spins good.

John.

U h, I don't know. Are you okay?

Oh, we'll see. I need to find him. Do you know where he is?

Maybe he's down the hall. lt spins better if you go the other way.

Oh. She's right.

Ooh ! Seth. Hey. How are you?

I'm... I'm good. I-I started seeing my ex-girlfriend again.

I used to think she was crazy, but after dating you...

U m, I'm glad I could help. Look, I need to find Tom. Do you know where he is?

He's actually in the conference room, but he's in a meeting.

N ice seeing you, Lane.

Yeah.

All right, guys. The entire department...

Tom.

Ab Fab, what are you doing here?

I figured it out.

Figured what out?

You have no style, you like boring food and you have way too much common sense.

U m, okay.

You're not spontaneous, you don't have a sexy accent and you are nothing I want in a guy.

Thanks?

No, it's a good thing and it just took me a while to realize that.

I don't think I follow.

Tom, I... I'm in love with you.

I love you, too.

You know how you want your first kiss to be strikingly passionate and beautiful with everyone rising for a standing ovation?

Well, it turned out to be exactly what I hoped for.

Ow!

I'm sorry.

Well, almost.

Ah, the articles. They're fantastic.

I told you you should've used my list.

Tom is cute and he breathes.

So, now that you're a big-time writer, are you gonna pitch in for groceries?

Oh. Well, you can call my people and see what they can work out.

Okay. Well, tell your people that I loved your article.

Thank you so much, Joanne.

And the cover photo is amazing.

You're not so bad, you know.

So, my article comes out and people read it and seemed to like it, whicHis great.

I'm onto my next big piece for Cosmo.

A story about helping your boyfriend become fashion savvy, whicHis no small feat.

Tom's green division is up and running, and he convinces me to help out on his presentations now and again.

Tom is. . . Tom.

And there's no leading man quite like him.

The little quirks are precisely the things that I love.

It's our romance and it's a real romance.

It's wonderful because all the pieces of me fit with the pieces of him.

Lane. Lane, I can't feel my arm.