( Gasps )
( Burps ) Come here.
I'm sorry. Beethoven, what's the matter?
My lunch wasn't enough?
Oh look, Beethoven.
I guess this is Quicksilver, which is in the middle of... oh, what's the word?
I sure hope they have indoor plumbing.
I know, I know, we're a long way from home, and we've got a long month ahead of us.
What are we gonna do all summer?
There's no mall, no movies, and we don't know anyone except Uncle Freddy.
And we haven't seen him in, like, forever.
You know what this adds up to?
Disaster. ( Beethoven barks )
Driver: You watch your step now, little lady.
Have a nice day.
Somebody meeting you, hon?
Um, yeah, my uncle's supposed to pick me up.
He should be here any minute. How nice.
Maybe I know him. What's his name?
Freddy. Freddy Kablinski.
( laughs ) Freddy Kablinski?
( laughs loudly ) Freddy!
( Horn blaring )
( Siren approaches )
Sara? Sara Newton?
You're 12 minutes late.
Whoa! What happened to you?
Last time I saw you, you were a toddler.
I was six. Well, whatever. Hey, listen, sorry I'm late.
I was working on this baby and I kinda lost track of time.
Here, give me that bag.
Seems like I've got to tune it up every third fire.
Mom didn't tell me you're a firefighter.
For good reason... I'm not. I'm a grease monkey.
A certified mechanic.
Whoa! Is that the dog?
( Barks ) This is Beethoven.
Come on, Beethoven. Here, Beethoven, come on.
Come to Freddy. Come on and say hi. Come on.
( Barks ) No! Whoa!
Beethoven... don't lick Uncle Freddy. You don't know where he's been.
Have you ever considered a face lift?
Maybe just shorten these a little bit? A little tuck?
Get this wolfhound off me. He's a Saint Bernard.
The drool, please! Get him off! Come on! Come on, Beethoven.
So, Sara, kicked out of camp, huh? ( chuckles )
Way to go, I got kicked out of college twice.
I wasn't kicked out.
They asked me to leave.
Oh, excuse me. Oh, yeah, right, "asked to leave."
And just exactly why were you asked to leave?
They wanted me to use an outhouse.
Do you know what that is?
A bathroom that's on the outside?
It's a toilet seat on a hole in the ground.
So you got sentenced to 30 days hard time at Camp Freddy, huh?
Uncle Freddy, do you need glasses?
( Groans )
Freddy: And welcome to "Camp Freddy."
We got a whole month together before your parents get back from Hawaii.
Sara: They're in the Bahamas.
Freddy: Palm trees and coconuts, close enough.
It's okay, Beethoven, you can go on in.
Remember to wipe your feet.
Come on. Grab the mail for me, would you?
Huh? Uncle Freddy, I didn't do it.
Oh, it's okay. Go on inside.
Somebody clipped my mailbox again.
What kind of idiot can't see a mailbox?
I've got to call the sheriff about this.
I'd throw his butt in jail is what I'd do.
What have you done?
You've only been here 30 seconds and you've already trashed the place!
We're gonna get kicked out of here too.
( Burps )
Sorry about the kitchen.
Is something wrong? Well, it's kind of a mess.
Oh, yeah, I'm sorry about that, I should have cleaned up before you got here.
You mean, you did this, not Beethoven?
Why, is he a messy dog or something?
It depends on what you call messy.
Hey, no big deal.
I'll take care of this. Just wait here one sec.
Boy, can't wait to see my room.
Okay, Sara, grab a wall.
Sara: Oh! Uncle Freddy.
I put the linoleum in so I could do this.
Sara: Watch out, Beethoven!
This is a side benefit, I guess, for tuning up that fire truck.
Uncle Freddy, I already took a shower!
Your mom never thought of this. Beethoven, stay back!
Watch out, Beethoven.
And this is how I do my counters.
Pretty clean, huh?
So, what do you usually have for breakfast at home?
Mom says as far as nutrition is concerned, breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
You've got to have milk, and fruit, and protein.
Okay, coming right up.
( Barks )
There you go.
This is breakfast?
Fruit, milk, and protein... just like you asked for.
Uncle Freddy, it's a banana split.
I think I'll have some of your bran flakes, if I may.
Bran flakes... okay, sure.
I don't see an expiration date on this, so it should be okay.
It's a shame to see all that ice cream go to waste.
( laughing )
Hey, look at this. Who needs a maid?
That floor will never be safe for trash again.
I should have got a dog a long time ago.
Freddy: That's it, that's it, good.
A little to the left, a little to the left.
Good. Steady, steady.
Sara: Watch out, Beethoven. Freddy: Whoa!
Ahh! You are a natural.
Don't you have any work to do?
Well, the great thing about being your own boss is, nobody tells you when to come in, you can have lunch whenever you like, and, best of all, you can have creeper races whenever you want.
Come on, give it a try. I don't know.
Come on, it'll be fun, try it.
Um... no thanks, it looks dangerous.
All right, you know what?
Sometimes you've got to just jump in without your floaties.
Watch it, Uncle Freddy! ( barking )
Sara: Oh, watch out!
Freddy! Boy: Strike!
( Clapping ) I scored that jump a 10.
Hey, yeah it was, wasn't it? Awesome.
Uncle Freddy are you okay? You guys wanna hang out, or something?
No, I can't. I gotta put shocks on that Caddy over there.
But you guys should definitely hang out.
Hi, I'm Garrett. Hi, I'm Sara.
You're very tall for an eight-year-old.
Eight-year-old? Okay, so I was off a coupla years?
( Beethoven growls ) Hey, is that your dog?
Yeah, this is Beethoven.
You know, Saint Bernards are known for their psychic abilities.
Well, he is pretty smart.
Aren't you boy?
Hey, kids, you wanna see something funny?
( Burps ) ( both laugh )
Not that. Watch this.
Beethoven sit. ( can crumples )
Now does that dog got style or what?
( Barks ) Hey, wait, I got an idea.
Why don't you two kids go grab some lunch, huh?
Now, Garrett, you can take Sara into town and show her the sights, okay?
We have sights? I mean, you want a free lunch, or what?
( Beethoven groans ) Yeah.
I don't think Mom would want me to go without you.
Especially with a stranger.
He may be strange, but he's not a stranger, okay?
He's the smartest kid in town.
Now go have a good time. I'll take care of things here. Come on, let's go.
Stay with him, Beethoven. I'll stay with Beethoven.
He can help me fix the Caddy, right Beethoven?
Oh, you like GM products? ( barks )
Guess this used to be a silver mining town.
Um, not really. Mercury, actually.
It was a surprise to the miners who came out here, too.
They were looking for gold but hit mercury ore instead.
Quicksilver is slang for mercury. You knew that right?
Uh, makes perfect sense.
But it turns out mercury's pretty dangerous.
It affects the brain's neural function. Like how?
Hello, Owen. How's it going?
It's dry, too dry.
Mercury, huh? That's Owen Tuttle, all right.
He thinks the polar ice caps are gonna melt and we'll have to learn to live underwater.
He goes to the lake every day to practice.
Hey, Garrett! Come in here!
That's Phil Dobson. He loves gambling, but always loses.
He owes everyone in town money.
You want to play some poker?
Mr. Dobson, Your wife said I wasn't allowed to play with you anymore.
She doesn't have to know. Let me try and win my computer back from you, okay? I need it for inventory.
I promised your wife I wouldn't play with you. That's so unfair.
Hey, what about you? You're not a local, are you?
You like to gamble? What's your game?
No, I don't gamble. I'll play anything... rummy, blackjack, war, go fish.
I just like a game. I'll play you for that blender.
I don't need a blender. How about this nice electric toothbrush?
Okay, I'll play you one game of Candyland for this nice electric toothbrush. No, thanks. Bye!
Man: Never saw her before.
You? Nope. She's not local.
Dresses kind of funny. Big city, I think.
That's Freddy's niece, isn't it? She'll come around.
Yeah, okay. See you later. She will.
Phil: Talk to her, huh?
This town is going to the dogs.
Getting too uptown for my likings.
That's the Carter family. They're just plain weird.
( Beethoven barks ) ( car horn honks )
Hey, get in, get in! It's an emergency! Where are we going?
Pete called... the fish are biting. Come on.
Freddy: Hey, feel those new shocks.
It rides like butter, huh?
Sara: Uncle Freddy, don't people mind you borrowing their cars?
Freddy: I like to think of it as more of a test drive.
Sara: Where I come from it's called "stealing."
Freddy: Ha-ha, very funny.
All right, kids, we're here. Everybody out. ( car backfires )
Follow the leader and watch your step. For what?
Rattlesnakes and mine shafts. Garrett: And ghosts.
( Scoffs ) Right.
Hey, everybody knows these woods are haunted.
Come on, nobody believes in ghosts.
Freddy: Oh, everybody knows there's ghosts out here.
At night, you can hear them whistling in the mine shafts.
Whoo-hoo-hoo! Uncle Freddy?
Hmm? I think I'm gonna puke.
It's just chicken liver. Look, it appeals to Beethoven.
Everything appeals to Beethoven even toilet water. Whoa!
Got a bite! All right, reel it in.
Is that a fish?
Whoa. I think I've got a big one!
( Barks ) Easy does it!
All right, you've got it Garrett! Don't let it go!
Freddy: All right, we got dinner tonight!
Look at that baby! Ee-yew!
Get it away from me. Look at that! Is that a dandy or what?
Sara: Ooh, there's no way I'm eating that.
Stay away from it, Beethoven! Garrett: Whoa!
A genuine gronas nigrilabris.
I told you he was the smartest kid in Quicksilver.
( Screaming ) Uncle Freddy, what is it?
Freddy: Hey, It's Owen.
Kids, always give a frogman a hand.
How's the weather down there?
It's wet. Too wet.
Gosh, we never would have guessed.
Is everyone in this town crazy? Both: Not us!
Beethoven! Come back, boy!
Oh, he's probably off chasing a rabbit. Don't worry about it.
Or maybe he's chasing a ghost?
Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it.
Garrett: My grandfather saw the ghost himself when he was a kid.
He and his buddies were camping by the lake when they came right at them.
They left so fast, they forgot the tent.
And when they came back later it was all shredded up.
Oh, stop it, Garrett.
There's no such thing as ghosts.
You know, Sara, sometimes spirits get trapped in this world and can't find their way out.
Scientists, with all their gobbledygook, they just can't figure it out either.
( Rustling )
Sara: What was that? Freddy: It's Beethoven!
Freddy: Come here! Here, boy! Come here! Sara: What's he got?
Freddy: Hey, you gotta love that dog.
He goes into the woods and comes back with money!
Anymore where that came from, boy?
Can I keep it? Yeah, I don't see why not. It looks old.
Hey, go get us all some more money, Beethoven.
Yeah! Buckets of it!
( Toilet flushes ) ( water running )
( Hammering ) ( pipes clanging )
( Knocking )
Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention, the bathroom's upstairs. Yeah, we heard.
Well, good night. Don't let the bedbugs bite.
Uh, Uncle Freddy? Yeah?
You don't really have bedbugs, do you?
No, not anymore.
Beethoven, this is gonna be a long month. ( barks )
So, I decided at that point to give up on a career with the NBA, and then I stopped eating for height and started eating for pure girth.
Give me the seven-eights, would ya?
You know, I think I'm gonna save a lot of money on lubrication with you around here.
( Tires screeching )
Three, two, one...
( siren wails ) Right on cue.
That, Beethoven, is the number one moneymaker in this town: the speed trap on Quicksilver Drive.
Out-of-towners think they can just blast through here at any speed.
And then they meet the sheriff.
Nine times out of 10 some yokel's at the wheel and he'll think he can handle her just 'cause she's a woman.
Perfect. She's a chick.
License and registration.
Darlin', what did I do wrong?
It's Sheriff Dempsey. License?
Well, you gotta hope that he doesn't start out by calling her "honey."
Honey, we can work this out!
Sweet thing like you...
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Yes! It's a takedown! Oh, yeah!
( laughs ) ( barks )
Don't you scratch an itch until I tell you to.
Yes, sir... ma'am! I mean, ma'am! Oww!
No, Beethoven, you do not want to mess with the sheriff.
See that right there? That's her dad, "The Equalizer!"
Yes, he was the greatest wrestler to ever mash a face into the mat.
Uncle Freddy? What are you doing?
Just a little wrestling talk between the guys, me and Beethoven, you know, sports fans.
So, what's up?
Um, me and Beethoven wanted to go check out some stores nearby.
Good, fine. Well, have fun.
And behave yourself. We will.
So long, Beethoven. Come on, Beethoven.
Come on, Beethoven. Let's check this place out. It looks friendly.
Get that Bigfoot out of here. Sorry.
Come on, boy. Come on.
Oh, did that big elephant scare you, Baby Cakes?
You stay here, okay? I won't be long.
Come back here, Baby Cakes! Listen to Mommy.
You know, little girl, this is a locals' store.
And you're no local. What are you doing in Quicksilver?
I'm visiting my Uncle Freddy.
Freddy Kablinski? The grease monkey?
He's a mechanic.
A certified mechanic.
Do you have any samples?
What does this look like, Saks Fifth Avenue?
Look, I've got surveillance cameras all over this place.
So don't even think about stuffing your pockets.
I guess I can charge you the "local" price.
$7.41. ( cash register rings )
What do you think, I was born yesterday?
What? Oh, I see...
The big-city folk are coming to Quicksilver to make the local yokels look silly, right?
This is phony, counterfeit... funny money. Really... I didn't know.
Didn't know? Hmm.
Everyone knows that Hamilton is on the 10s and Andrew Jackson is on the 20s.
There it is, Andrew Jackson, clear as day.
Issued in 1920.
Um... I'm sorry!
I better be going now!
I'll bring back real money. Bye!
Come on, boy.
Let's get out of here.
So you say Alexander Hamilton's supposed to be on the 10, huh?
Uh-uh, and Andrew Jackson's on the 20.
Hmm, well, we'll see about that.
Oh, I guess you have to have money before you can spot counterfeit bills.
We better go to the bank. Wait.
Here you go. Oh. Thank you, Mr. Gates.
I won it from Mr. Dobson.
You know, it pains me to admit that Evie Kling might be right about anything, but guess what?
She is right. It was so humiliating.
Maybe we should just turn this into the sheriff.
I say, ignore law enforcement. Let's keep it.
Yeah. No, no we better go to the sheriff.
As long as Beethoven doesn't get in trouble for passing funny money.
Freddy: Oh, I don't think they have room for him in the big house.
Come on, let's go.
Radio: Central, this is Unit Four...
Hey, Jim, is the sheriff in? She's right there.
Thank you. Oh, hey!
Oh, hey, Freddy. This must be your niece, the counterfeiter.
I didn't know, honest.
Sara, this is Sheriff Dempsey. Call me Julie.
Hey, hey, who's the thief? Sara: Beethoven!
Partners in crime, huh? Sorry.
He's kind of a bottomless pit. ( burps )
You can relax, Sara. You were paying with real money.
Well, look. I know, looks strange.
But come here. Come here, check this out.
I did a little web surfing.
You see? There were Andrew Jackson $10 bills.
Really? It says here, the first ones rolled off the press in 1914, and they stopped sometime in the late '20s.
Did you say 1920? Um-hmm.
This bill is very rare.
Collectors will pay anywhere from $50 to $200 a bill.
Let me see that.
Oh, yeah. There it is right there.
1920 in black and white.
Garrett: Whoa. I don't get it.
What's the big deal about the 1920s anyway?
It it true? Is it really "Rita and Moe" money?
That money is mine.
She snatched it out of my hand after I agreed to sell her some of my finest lip gloss.
It was in my hand, issued in the year 1920. Where'd it come from?
It wasn't me, it was him, Beethoven.
Nice doggie. Come here to Mommy.
Oh, yes. Do you want to come home with Uncle Stu?
Will somebody please tell me what's going on?
Well, Sara, it's all about the history of our fair town.
Hiram Berkin's mine produced more pure mercury than the rest of the country put together.
Millions of teeth have been filled and temperatures taken because of our little burg right here.
You know, the mine was open until about 15 years ago.
Then those troublemakers from the FDA started spreading those lies.
You know it's a medical urban myth that mercury is poisonous.
I use it all the time, I'm fine.
Oh, but our biggest claim to fame came back in 1926.
We made all the papers then.
You know why, Sara? Why?
Ah, come here, I'll show you.
The famous Moe and Rita Selig.
They were bank robbers like Bonnie and Clyde.
Well, not exactly like Bonnie and Clyde.
They were more accomplished than Bonnie and Clyde.
They just never got a movie made about them.
Rita and Moe, "The Courteous Crooks."
The Seligs were know as The Courteous Crooks because they would always say "please" right before they robbed you blind.
( laughs ) - And of course there's the red carnation.
Moe always pulled it from his lapel and left it behind after a heist.
But they never hurt anyone.
Yeah. They must have robbed, I don't know, 12 banks across the Midwest before the cops ever caught up with them. Guess where, Sara?
Quicksilver! Quicksilver, bingo! That's exactly right.
Cops chased them right into Quicksilver Lake and...
It was a black day for Rita and Moe.
Harold: Found the car... Garrett: But they never found the stolen money.
Absolutely right, Garrett. Not that everybody and his brother didn't look for it.
So you can see why we're all going nuts.
It seems like Beethoven has done what nobody's been able to do in the last 80 years.
Do you really think Beethoven found some of Rita and Moe's lost loot?
What else could it be? I mean, how many Jackson $10 bills do think are just lying around in the middle of the woods?
Yeah. Hey, wouldn't it be cool if Beethoven could find some more?
Yeah, if he's not afraid of ghosts.
( Growls ) Oh, come on.
Oh, it's been rumored for years, Sara, that the ghosts of Moe and Rita haunt those woods, protecting their money ever since they drowned.
It's true. Please.
I never believed it myself, but I gotta tell you something... something weird happened to me out there a few years ago.
I was squirrel hunting in the woods, and all of a sudden I knew that somebody was following me.
And here it was, the middle of the summer, and yet this icy wind blew right through me.
Even my dog started howling.
But there was nobody there.
And it's a proven fact that dogs howl when ghosts are around.
Dogs also howl at fire engines.
Well, Harold, we really enjoyed this little walk through history, but... we don't want to take up any more of your valuable time.
Come on, kids, let's go.
Thanks a lot, Harold. Bye.
Bye, Mr. Herman. Come back anytime.
You too, big fella.
My door is always open.
Sara: Hurry, let me out of here.
Ride's over, you survived.
Next time, I get the front, okay?
It's just as creepy up front.
You think it's creepy now, you should have seen it when they brought it in.
Okay, Beethoven, you get a good whiff of this 10 spot and you lead me to its little brothers and sisters. Okay, go!
Sara: Why are we going at night again?
Freddy: So no one will see us looking for the money.
He's gonna do it. He's better than a lottery ticket.
Attaboy! Freddy: Come on, boy. Use your smeller, feller.
( Growling ) What is it, boy?
Sara: What's that?
I don't like it, Uncle Freddy.
Probably just a possum.
Sara: That's no possum.
What are you doing out here in the middle of the night?
Oh, just, uh... enjoying the walk.
With a metal detector?
Well, you'd be surprised some of the things you can find in woods and tonight I hit the jackpot.
How about this fork?
You know, you can never, ever have enough forks.
One buck and it's yours.
The weird thing is, I happen to have more forks than I need right now, so, you have a nice night, okay?
Oh, listen, Freddy...
I was never here. You can count on that.
He is not out here looking for silverware.
I got a bad feeling about this, kids.
Beethoven... take us to the dough! ( barks )
All right. Come on, boy.
Sara: You don't think this is a wild goose chase, do you?
Garrett: No, Saint Bernards can smell a person buried under 20 feet of snow. Really?
( Growling )
What are you doing out here? I was going to ask you the same thing.
We're looking for money... Mush-mushrooms! We're looking for mushrooms.
Come on, kids. Owen...
You find anything in the lake?
Water, lots of water.
The lake is mine. Stay out of it.
( Growls )
Who's that girl? She's not local.
That's my niece. I don't trust her.
( Beethoven barks ) Come on, Carters.
Freddy: Well, I think this town could use some non-locals.
You know, spruce up the gene pool a little?
Garrett: Now what? Freddy is that you?
Sheriff Julie? I heard there was some treasure hunting going on, so I figured I'd better make sure nobody got hurt.
You got that right. This place is a real madhouse tonight.
Actually, I'm glad I ran into you, Freddy.
My car's been acting up again.
Twice around the odometer, what're you gonna do?
Oh, bring it in. I'd be happy to give you a tune up anytime.
Well... uh, I mean, I mean your car.
( Chuckles ) Right, great.
I'll drop it by first thing in the morning. You take care now.
Sure. Uncle Freddy!
I didn't know you were sweet on Julie.
Am not. He sure is.
Admit it, you like her.
Do not. Do too.
Do not. Do too.
All right, that's it, I don't want to discuss this. Come on, let's go home.
( Growling ) Come on, boy.
( Howls ) Uh, Uncle Freddy?
Sara: What is it?
( Screams )
What's wrong, Sara? What is it?
I saw them, the ghosts... Rita and Moe... they were right there.
What's going on? Sara just saw the ghosts.
They're over there!
Beethoven, come back!
Freddy: Sara, wait! Sara: Somebody get him!
Stay, stay here. Stay right here. Don't go anywhere.
Garrett: It's Moe's carnation. ( howls )
Julie: Somebody's up to no good.
( Door creaking )
( Gasps )
( Screams )
Maybe camp wasn't that bad.
Hold on a moment, there are no ghosts. You said so yourself.
You said there were... "Spirits can get trapped in this world."
Well, I was kidding, okay?
A little thing adults do for fun.
Okay, maybe it wasn't that funny.
But the point is, I mean, there could be a million reasons why that carnation was out in the woods last night.
What? Somebody dropped it on their way to the prom?
Ooh, a little teenage attitude here, huh?
It would be if I was a teenager, but I'm only 12.
Plus, I saw them, clear as day.
Half the town was in the woods last night, Sara, come on.
And what about Beethoven? He was howling.
Dogs howl when they're around ghosts.
Dogs also howl at fire engines. Look, the point is we've got to stay focused here, Sara.
I mean there is big money at stake here, and we have the only key.
Oh, man, you really are milking it, aren't you, pal?
Sara: So what's up with you and Sheriff Julie?
There's no story there.
She's way out of my league.
Come on, that's not true.
You should ask her out.
Well, actually, I... ( doorbell rings )
Saved by the bell.
Good morning. Good morning!
Oh, how... shabby. ( laughs )
Hello, dearie, how are you? Come with me.
I brought a present for you, dear.
A welcome-to-Quicksilver present.
That's how we locals are... friendly.
Lip gloss galore. Oh, thank you.
Where's Beethoven? I thought he and Baby Cakes could share some quality time.
They got along so well the other day.
Beethoven? Oh, yes, of course. They're just like soul mates.
Baby Cakes would like us all to take a big long walk together!
( Gasps ) Oh, oh! ( shrieks )
Baby Cakes! She's just playing hard to get.
Come back, sweetie. Listen to Mommy.
Sweetheart, come back. What did Mommy do wrong?
Oh! This isn't the plan.
Baby Cakes, Beethoven will think you don't like him.
Yeah, I can see they get along just great. Baby Cakes!
Freddy: Okay, so a few people know about the money.
It's not the end of the world.
We just have to lay low and not attract any undue attention.
Got it? Good boy. Greetings, canine!
Hey, Beethoven! Hey, Beethoven, where's the loot?
Hey, big dog. Woof, woof! Woman: Hey, Beethoven, you rock!
Oh, brother. Well, so much for laying low.
Yoo-hoo, Beethoven! Want to come over and play?
Oh, yeah. Beethoven's great, isn't he?
Don't you just love him?
Aren't you Mr. Popular, maybe you ought to run for mayor.
Come out and visit! Hey, puppy.
Maybe I ought to start drooling and people would wave at me.
Beethoven, say "cheese."
Nice smile. ( sighs )
Hey, wait, don't I get to buy anything here?
( Barks ) Oh, good idea, Beethoven.
We'll do a little cleaning. That'll make Sara happy.
Ahh, finally we agree on something.
( laughs ) Oh, what was I thinking?
All right, how's that Beethoven?
( Sighs )
Okay, look cool, stay calm, act natural.
I should go over there and talk to her.
No, she's not going to want to talk to me.
Most people would have just said hello.
Aw, what a mess! I'm sorry.
You'll have to forgive him, it's his first time shopping.
So, uh... when'd you become a wrestling fan?
Oh, since your dad took down "Titus the Terminator" in Houston.
Boy, I mean, what a takedown.
That was absolutely brilliant.
"Defy the Equalizer and be equalized!"
Wow, you really are a fan.
Yeah, well, you know.
I nearly cried when he lost the championship to "The Bricklayer" in Memphis, I mean, oh, man.
I did not sleep for a week.
You know it was all scripted, right?
Yeah, I know, but I was just a little kid, you know?
What does a little kid know?
Oh, remember this?
"The Equalizer Death Grip." Yeah!
Oh that's a good one. Do you remember this? Oh!
"Gentleman Jim"? Yeah.
Sorry. Oh, no, no, no, really. I was impressed.
Well, I think maybe... ( cell phone ringing )
Oh, sorry, I've got to get this.
Julie: Right. Nice try, big fella.
It's pretty simple.
One talisman for you, one for me.
Salt for you, salt for me.
Nettle for you, nettle for me.
Pa-kua for you, pa-kua for me.
We now have maximum ghost protection.
I don't think Mom would want me to go. She'd want me to stay home.
Wait, I forgot to give you the most important thing...
"the Peruvian Crystal."
Wow. What is it again?
It's the Peruvian Crystal. It's from the lost city of Machu Picchu.
Not only does it ward off ghosts, it also protects you against all danger.
Just remember, it's got to be on you at all times.
But what if something goes wrong?
Come on, you've got to come.
We need you.
All right, kids, I've got your flashlights right here.
Freddy, what do you have for dinner? Nothing.
( Sniffing ) I don't smell anything. Yeah, I smell garlic.
What is that? ( growling )
Oh, you big traitor!
Okay, sure, I've got a little garlic here just as insurance to keep the ghosts away.
Come on, let's go. I thought you didn't believe in ghosts.
And, garlic's for vampires.
They have vampires?
Okay, Beethoven, get a good whiff of this and then show me the money.
Freddy: I'm smelling a Ferrari and a liquid plasma TV, come on.
( Growls )
Sara: What is it, boy?
( Whines )
Do you see that? Yeah, maybe we ought to hold on a second.
And come on back tomorrow. Exactly.
They're coming for us! Go, go, go, go!
( Barking ) Beethoven!
Beethoven, get back here!
Beethoven! Whoa! Oh!
Oh, man, I cannot believe...
Uncle Freddy, what are you doing up there?
Oh, I'm just hanging upside down 'cause I like it.
Hold on a second. Don't worry, I got it. Get me down!
I got rope burns on my butt. I'll cut you down.
What am I, a sack of potatoes?
Garrett... no, no, no.
Garrett, do not cut...
( grunts ) -the rope.
Are you okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah, fine.
What's with Beethoven? ( barking )
Help me! Help!
Come get this tank off of me!
Come on, Beethoven. Off, off, off, off.
That's Crazy Cora. Cora: Freddy?
Why is she crazy? Cora: Are you out of your mind?
Those aliens could abduct that young little girl just the way they did it to me.
Unlike every else, she's really crazy.
What I want to know, Cora, is what's with all the traps around here?
Did I catch you?
Oh, maybe you did and maybe you didn't. ( laughs )
Too many people sneaking around up here of late.
The wood creatures don't like it.
They told me so, telepathically.
Hmm. You know what I think, Cora?
I think it's you don't want any people around here looking at your still.
Hey, I was just reading about stills.
Is it a pot still or a column still?
Well, I can't confirm or deny that I have a still.
But if I did have a still, of course it would be a column still.
Do you single or double distill?
Well, I don't distill since I don't have a still.
But, if I did have a still, I'd triple distill for smoothness.
Now, if you had a theoretical still... Oh, what the hey, why don't you just come and have a look at it, kid?
Sara: What's a still, anyway?
Garrett: It's kind of a homemade whiskey warehouse. Oh.
Cora: Business has b een slow, Freddy. Really?
I was hoping you were a new customer.
So, all these people are looking for Rita and Moe's cash?
Oh, that's a hoot!
Don't they know Rita and Moe took it with them?
Cora, you can't take it with you when you go.
No, they took it with them... to Cleveland.
Or maybe it was Kansas City.
No, no, no, they drowned right here.
You can't believe what you read in the papers.
No, my daddy told me... they got away, they settled down, they raised a family... probably joined the PTA.
Cora: Yep, Rita and Moe must have been living on easy street.
There's no loot? But Beethoven found this $10 bill.
They're long gone.
The Elohim... the most holy of all the extraterrestrials.
They saw it all.
And reported it back to my daddy.
Well, we gotta be pushing off, Cora.
But I'm sure business will pick up.
Sara: Eew, that stinks.
( Cora laughing )
You were right, Freddy.
Business did just pick up.
Sara: Uncle Freddy, you stink.
Smells like you've been to a few too many happy hours.
( Barks ) ( siren blares )
Oh, no, I do not believe this.
What's wrong? I can't let Julie smell me like this.
Okay, somebody else has gotta be driving this car.
Garrett, have you got your license yet? I wish. I'm only 12.
Oh, no. This looks bad.
This looks really bad. ( pulls emergency brake )
Whoa, Freddy? What have you been doing?
I can explain. This is Cora's moonshine.
I can smell that. Out of the van.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself, Freddy.
With the kids? I am not drunk, okay?
This is all Beethoven's fault. Oh, great.
Now you're trying to blame the dog? Arms out, eyes closed.
I do not drink and drive.
Right forefinger to your nose. Is this really necessary?
Left forefinger to your nose.
Satisfied? Right elbow to your nose.
What? Do it.
It won't reach.
Stand on one foot.
( laughs )
Can you hop? Oh, ha, ha, ha.
All right, all right, I get it.
( laughing ) Very funny.
So, you found nothing on the net?
Nothing we didn't already know.
That's why I thought we might have to approach it the old-fashioned way.
It looks normal, but this is Quicksilver.
What's the catch? Wait till you see inside.
The building was donated by some lady who was a feline freak, and the cats were part of the deal.
Sara: Eew, they're stuffed.
Yep, it creates an interesting atmosphere.
Interesting isn't the word. I know, I know.
It's a very weird town.
Hey, come on Beethoven, come on.
Come on, Beethoven.
So... so far I found nothing about the Seligs.
Why don't you try looking under "bank robberies"?
Maybe there'll be a chapter on Rita and Moe.
Yeah, good idea. Mm-hmm.
Looking for something? Mr. Giles!
We were just researching Rita and Moe.
Rita and Moe.
Yeah, y'know, the bank robbers?
Yes, every few years or so I get a little run on research about them.
This week it's been like a stampede.
Apparently some young girl, not a local, found an interesting $10 bill.
Was that you?
Uh, actually it was my dog, Beethoven.
So, it is true.
Do you mind if I see the money for myself?
Actually, it's at my Uncle Freddy's house.
Exactly where was this bill found?
Well, we don't know, but that's why we're here.
So we can get clues about Rita and Moe's last day.
I can't help you.
Why? Everything is checked out.
Everything? Checked out, for a long time.
Come on, boy.
Hey... "The Saga of the Seligs."
Hey, Garrett, this is it! This is it!
I'll take that. ( barks )
Come on, Beethoven.
Garrett: What's he taking it up there for?
I don't know, but I'm gonna find out.
So, what do you know about Mr. Giles the librarian?
Giles? I don't know.
I'll go out on a limb and say he likes books.
You good? Uh-huh.
Dealer takes three.
Well, I don't know. He's been around forever.
He sticks to himself. Why?
Well, Garrett and I went up to the library today and he seemed a little strange.
You'll get no argument from me there. ( chuckles )
Okay, but one question first. Mm-hmm.
What do you call it again when you have all the same suit and they're all in order?
A straight flush?
Oh, yeah. That's right.
Okay, then, I bet all of this.
You bluffed me! Oh, man, I can not believe it.
I learned from the best.
Torched by a teenager. I am losing my touch.
And, to think, I'm only 12. Yeah.
I'm going up to bed. Hey, don't eat all those.
We're playing again tomorrow. Okay.
You know, Camp Freddy's not so bad.
Better than the Bahamas?
Well, I wouldn't go that far.
Good night. Good night.
Hey, Beethoven, know what a royal flush is?
Then I'm not playing you either.
( Rustling )
( Barks )
( Howls )
( Barking )
What is it, boy?
I think Beethoven just scared off a burglar.
I heard him howl.
That could've meant it was the ghosts.
No, I don't think so. Is anything missing?
I don't know, I don't even know what I have.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
The Jackson 10 is missing.
And, look, they left this in its place.
Julie: This treasure huntin' has gotten out of hand.
So, as far as you know, nothing else was missing?
Well, no... as far as I know, I think.
The ghost took it. How else do you explain the flower?
Julie: Any idea how they got in?
Yeah, they got in through the window, which I left open.
It's a hot night.
Sara: But what about Beethoven? He was howling.
Beethoven never howls.
Honey, listen, don't worry about this.
I mean, we got Beethoven here to protect us, we got my trusty Louisville Slugger, and Sheriff Julie is only a phone call away.
We're gonna be safe, don't worry.
I know, it's just a little freaky, that's all.
Hey, listen, don't you worry about it.
If anybody tries to come in here, I'll do my very best Mark McGwire impersonation, and I'll...
( laughs )
And I will, at that point, call Sheriff Julie to help.
You see, your uncle will take good care of ya.
I better get back to the station. Well, I...
Uh... I was wondering... if... you... would... you wanted us to go to the station with you?
Oh, no. That won't be necessary, I have everything I need for the moment.
Keep up the good work, Beethoven.
And I might have to deputize you. ( barks )
I know, I know.
I chickened out.
But what's the point? She's not gonna go out with a slob like me.
Well, why don't you ask her out, Mr. Cool.
Hey, no, no, no. You already had yours.
No, no, no, no, no. This is mine.
You know, everyone in town has a motive for stealing that money.
Woman: You idiot!
What are you gonna gamble away next?
One of the kids?
And Phil owes everyone in town money. That gives him a motive.
And it's obvious Owen doesn't believe in floods.
I mean, he's probably been looking for the money all the time.
And then there's Stu. We know he'll do anything for money.
( Change jingles )
( Phone rings )
( Whistles )
There's a good girl, there's a good girl.
Who can trust anybody with a dog that irritating?
And then there's Mr. Giles.
I mean, hoarding all those Rita and Moe books.
And it's always gonna bother me that the day I tell him that we have the Jackson 10 dollar bill, it's stolen.
I mean, what's up with that?
True. Something's going on there.
You know what we need, Uncle Freddy? What?
We need a personal tour of that special collection room of his.
Okay, all right, here's the deal... when there's more of your drool than my ice cream in this bowl, it's yours. You want it?
You don't fool me with that coy thing, you know?
I saw you looking off, pretending that you didn't want it. I know you wanted it.
Garrett: Shh, there he is.
Freddy: 12:00 noon, just like clockwork.
Giles goes for his chili burger and Rolaids. Okay, let's go.
All yours. Okay, Julie would kill me if she saw me doing this.
Where'd you learn how to pick locks?
I used to be a locksmith... something like that.
It's just up those stairs.
Okay, fine... now, nobody touch anything. No one can know we were here.
All right, you two stay here and keep guard.
Beethoven and I'll go on a little recon. Come on, Beethoven.
Keep it down. Shh.
Beethoven... what part of "Don't touch anything" didn't you understand?
Come here, boy. Shh.
Hey, what are you doing?
Beethoven, cut it out.
Quiet, or the whole town will be here.
Oh, no. Thank you.
Uncle Freddy... what happened to being quiet? Shh!
Everything's fine. I got it under control, okay?
Like the old days.
( Alarm ringing ) Ahh! Ahh!
( Ringing continues )
( Silence )
Yes, sir. That's it.
We're going up, come on.
Needless to say, I didn't last very long in the security business.
Both: Yeah. Come on, bird dog.
Now, this is very weird.
Do you really think our $10 bill's going to be in here?
Freddy: Well, there's only one way to find out.
Let's search the place, come on.
Whoa... Rita and Moe!
This is a little suspicious.
Sara: Hey, the red carnation. Let's look in here.
Find anything, Freddy? Nothing from this century.
Hey, look. What'd you find?
Can't tell what they're of.
Garrett: Must be important if they kept them in here.
Sara: Let me see.
What's wrong, Beethoven? Someone's coming!
Don't panic, okay? Stay calm.
Everybody just, we just... Or what, go to jail?
No, no, no.
Okay. When I tell you, I want you to run.
What, you're gonna time us? What? No. Go, go, go, go.
Out the front door.
( Clock ringing )
( Ringing stops )
We should tell Julie. I don't think we want to tell the sheriff.
We just broke into the library and trashed the place.
I mean, I like her, but the inside of a jail cell is not the best way to make an impression on her.
( Creaking )
Hey, don't skimp on the whipped cream.
Don't worry, I got a whole case in the garage.
That's weird, he never misses breakfast.
I'll check around front.
Beethoven? ( whistles )
Well, thanks for coming by so quickly, Julie.
I don't like it. Somebody's getting a little too serious about this money. Yeah.
Don't forget to put those posters up.
I'll let you know if I get any leads on Beethoven.
( Starts engine )
( Backfires ) - Sara: We'll find him, right, Uncle Freddy?
Don't worry, Sara. We'll get Beethoven back.
( Coughs ) We'd better get inside.
He's missing, huh? Yeah.
Well, that's just too bad.
( Barking )
Thanks for letting me post this here, Mr. Herman.
Bye. Bye, Sara.
I'm sorry to hear Beethoven's missing.
I'll bet you a 100 bucks the dog found a collie and ran off to Vegas.
What makes you say that? That's what I'd do.
Hey, how about 50 bucks? 20?
C'mon, give me a number. Hey, there you are.
You gotta check this out. One and one makes three.
Whoa! Rita and Moe had a baby?
I know... I know who has Beethoven!
Sorry to bother you, Mr. Giles, but I need to ask you a few questions.
About what, sheriff? We're looking for Beethoven.
Have you seen him?
I suggest you check the Central Cemetery in Vienna.
Look next to Mozart's tomb.
Very funny, Mr. Giles.
I meant Beethoven, the dog. Were you home last night?
No, I was cleaning the library.
And blow-drying some wet cats.
Sara: We know who you really are.
You are the son of Rita and Moe Selig.
Why are you so sure of this? It was Crazy Cora.
She said that Rita and Moe got away.
She also said she was selling moonshine to aliens.
But it made me think, what if they really did get away?
It would explain why they never found the bodies.
And Cora also said that they had a kid.
Show them the negative you printed, Garrett.
That you were hiding, Mr. Giles.
But, what really did it was this... the letters I saw in the store window.
Selig... spelled backwards.
Of course. An anagram.
What do you say, Mr. Giles?
You're a regular little detective, aren't you, kid?
It's true. Mom and Dad survived that plunge into the lake.
Of course, they never did get over it. Scared them to death.
They escaped to Canada and put their bank robbing days behind them.
All these years, everyone's been looking in the wrong place.
They'd buried everything from all their heists somewhere in that old mercury mine.
They were too scared to come back to America.
Well, besides, the only map to the money went down with the car in the lake.
Anyway, after they died, I came back here to see if I could find the money, and I never found a thing.
Why'd you give up?
I got tired.
I thought my secret was safe until... this week when your dog found some of the loot.
So, are you going to bring me to the jail?
What about Beethoven? Did you take him?
No, no. Go ahead and look around.
I didn't take him. He isn't here.
It's too neat, believe me. He'd be hard to hide.
Well, then, there's no reason to arrest you, Mr. Giles.
You're not your parents.
So, if he doesn't have Beethoven... who does?
It's your moment of truth, mutt.
Come here, all right.
Here, I'm gonna show you something.
See this? There... my ticket out of this dump.
I loathe this place.
Oh, look at that. Huh, see that?
All right, look, get a whiff of that cash.
You smell that? You smell that?
That's what we're gonna find tonight, all right?
Good. Listen, you take me to that cash, or I'll bury you right here.
Come on, now, now.
Yeah, keep it up, keep it up.
Come on, where is it? Don't lose it now. Don't lose it now.
I've been dreaming about this day.
You know you can't even get a decent latte in this rat hole?
Just keep going, come on, come on.
It's gonna be great. Whoa!
Hey, what the...? What, you think you're smarter?
Listen, you can't fool me, all right? Now, come on!
Wasting my life in a town where the yokels think a Twinkie is a French pastry...
Who said you could take a break?
Come on, dog breath.
( Barking ) Whoa! What the...?
Hey! Hey! What? Oh my... what?
Hey, hey, hey, hey! No, no, hey, wait a minute!
Hey, hey, wait, wait, where're you going?
Ow! Don't... wait... where are you... come back, come back here. Hey!
Get back here! Ow!
( Footsteps )
Did you hear that? Yeah.
Beethoven! What did they do to you? Here.
Is that better, boy? Oh, where were you?
Hey, where are you going?
Come here. Come here, Beethoven.
Uncle Freddy, he wants us to follow him.
We aren't gonna follow him?
Things are getting a little crazy around here.
I'd like to get you home in one piece, okay?
Are you telling me now you believe in ghosts?
No, I'm telling you now maybe I should start using a little common sense for once.
I say we get dressed, get Garrett, and find that money.
Well, what about the ghosts?
Y'know, sometimes you just have to jump in without your floaties.
Okay, guys, we've been out here long enough.
It's gonna be light soon. Come on, Freddy, just a little longer.
We've got to be close. Yeah, well, that's what w orries me.
We might run into something we can't handle.
Sara: Wait... I think he's got something.
Who'd I catch tonight? Oh, hey, hey! Over here.
Over here! Come on. Who is that?
( Beethoven barks )
Sara: I bet it's in there. Come on, Garrett, let's go.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, come back here!
We don't know who we're dealing with.
Come on, Uncle Freddy. Kids, come back.
Garrett: Wow, look at this place!
Don't you know that mine shafts and kids equal disaster?
I hate this.
( Flapping )
What was that?
( Spitting )
Garrett: Oh, my gosh, he's digging... look!
Come on, Uncle Freddy. What is it, boy?
Freddy, he's found something. Yeah, what are we standing around for?
I thought you hated mine shafts?
But I love buried treasure. Come on, let's go.
Okay, Beethoven... dig or get out of the way.
Come on, Beethoven, help out here.
That's it? That's your shift?
Oh, man, well, there better be something down here more than a bone, Beethoven, or I'll tell ya, I'm gonna be really angry.
Hold it, hold it, hold it. What is it?
This is it. This is it. Oh, my God, the money.
Come on, help me with this. I can't believe it.
We are finding pay dirt. There's the lid!
Hold it. Hold it. That's it, come on!
( All gasp ) Sara: We're rich!
Uncle Freddy, we're rich! Garrett!
Freddy: Ka-ching, ka-ching. ( laughs )
Ohh! You are looking at Moe and Rita's money.
Oh, yeah! Come on, let's get it.
Thank you, Beethoven.
Put it in the bag.
Kids, I think we're gonna need the services of a good financial planner.
( Engine sputtering )
Garrett: What's this, a mechanic whose truck won't start?
What's going on? Oh, man.
It looks like we're gonna need a ride out of here.
Julie, can you hear me? Yeah, it's Freddy.
No, no, no, not Eddie... Freddy.
Oh, Freddy, where are you?
Listen, somebody cut the wires to my truck.
We got the money, but we're up here about two miles on Old Lakeview Road.
Can you come and get us? I can't hear you, you're breaking up.
What did you say? Did you... can you... Old Lakeview Road...
Old Lakeview Road? Yeah, come and get us. Did you hear that?
Okay, I'll be right there. Hello?
Julie's on her way. Good.
( Barking, howling )
He only does that when... He hears ghosts.
Sara: Beethoven, come back!
Freddy: Beethoven, hold it! Where do you think you're going?
Sara: No, boy, no! Come back! Beethoven!
Freddy: Guys, this is getting out of hand.
We've got to wait for Julie. Sara: Beethoven!
Oh, no, not this again.
Sara: Come on, you guys! There's something in here.
Garrett: Whoa! Sara: It's a ghost.
It's Rita and Moe!
( Barking )
Beethoven! No, Beethoven, no!
What the heck?
Cora? Oh, man.
You've got to train this moose.
This is the second time he's knocked me over.
Cora, what is all this? All what?
Look, this... you pretending to be ghosts.
So, there were never any ghosts?
If I didn't go along with it, the Genesis 1 was going to beam me straight up.
And I'm not ready to go, I'll tell you that now.
And even when I am ready to go, it sure as heck's not gonna be to Saturn.
So, what... aliens are behind all this?
Oh, don't be such a fool.
It wasn't the aliens. It was Harold.
Harold Herman talked you into this?
He spoke to the aliens.
Well, he was the one who told us dogs howl when they're around ghosts.
Howling? You want howling?
( Silent whistle ) ( howling )
Harold gave me this to lure you guys in here.
Beethoven! Beethoven! Wait up!
( Backfires )
Oh, come on, come on. Not again.
Get off! Get off!
I said get off!
Come on! Get off!
Harold, are you okay? You got some explaining to do.
Freddy? It's him. He's the one who kidnapped Beethoven.
Don't let him get away! Hey!
Come on. Come on.
Harold! Give up, Harold!
( Growling )
Get him, Beethoven!
Nice takedown, big guy.
Hey, ow! That's for taking my money.
And that's for taking my dog.
"Equalizer Death Grip." Dad would be proud.
Meet the ghost of Moe and Rita.
I must admit, the carnation was a nice touch.
Julie: Harold Herman, you're under arrest.
Dog napping, reckless driving, hit and run, and that's just for starters.
You know what? You leave me no choice, Julie, you're fired.
You can't fire me, I'm an elected official.
I'm the President of the Chamber of Commerce, I can fire anybody I want!
Let's go, Harold. I deserve that money.
Stuck in this dump all these years only to have my ticket out of here ruined by some... dumb dog and some stupid teenagers. She's not a teenager.
I deserve that money! She's only 12.
Howard: You almost let me go.
You're not dumb. You're a hero. Yeah!
Freddy: Ah, the new library's really looking good, isn't it?
Garrett: Yeah, Rita and Moe's money sure went a long way.
Freddy: Nothing like being a good citizen.
Look at that... the bus doesn't get here for 10 minutes.
Wait a minute, we're actually early?
Yeah. Well, don't be so surprised. I've been early before.
Like when? Well... just because I can't think of an example doesn't mean I'm lying.
So, you got everything? Um... uh-huh.
Ticket? Oh, no, ticket. ( barks )
Uncle Freddy. I gave you the ticket.
Didn't I? No!
I think I gave you... oh, did I give you the ticket?
Gotcha! Oh, that was good.
That was real good. I'm impressed, I'm impressed.
( Siren sounds ) Uh-oh, the cops.
Okay, you kids run, I'll try to hold them off with Beethoven.
Thought I wouldn't make it in time.
I don't think so. In that baby?
475 horse power, zero to 60 in 4.8 seconds.
She's a beauty, all right.
And I have one good-looking courageous treasure seeker to thank for it.
Don't I, Beethoven? You're my hero.
Thank you for the police cruiser.
I suppose Beethoven just did it all by himself, huh?
I'll thank you at dinner tonight.
Freddy: Oh, boy, here it comes.
It's official, I guess. Our little party's over.
Well, let's get this show on the road.
It's okay, I got it.
Here's your Peruvian Crystal.
Beethoven, what are you doing?
I'm sorry, Garrett.
I guess this is as good as time as any to tell you that it's... it's not really from Machu Picchu. It's not?
It's rock candy.
( Burps, barks )
You lied to me. Hey, I had to think fast.
I mean, you were gonna chicken out and miss the adventure of a lifetime.
You mad at me? Yeah.
Time to go, Sara. But I'll get over it.
Bye, Sara. We're gonna miss you around here. You too, Beethoven.
Bye, Julie. Bye, Garrett.
Well, I wanted... I wanted to...
I thought I... Uncle Freddy, I...
Wait, wait, okay... I have something for you.
Thanks, Uncle Freddy.
I was wondering... could I make a reservation at Camp Freddy next summer?
Well, that depends on whether or not you're gonna be beating me at poker.
I'm gonna bleed you dry.
( Barks ) Bye, Uncle Freddy.
Yes, you can come too.
But you gotta work on that drooling thing.
Come on, Beethoven.
Bye, Sara. Bye, Sara. See you next summer.
Bye! Bye Sara! Bye, Beethoven!
I'll have a banana split waiting for ya, Sara.
Sara: I'm gonna miss Uncle Freddy.
And I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm actually gonna miss this town, as bizarre as it is.
Duck, quick, it's Baby Cakes!
Too late! Beethoven!
Sweetheart, stay! Sit!
Baby Cakes! Baby Cakes, why?
No, please, Baby Cakes, that is not how a lady acts.
Oh, Baby Cakes!
Sara: Looks like somebody's gonna miss you, Beethoven.
So, do you think now that Quicksilver's a little richer, it'll be any less weird?
I don't think so either.
( Instrumental music playing )