Being Charlie (2015) Script

# Happy birthday to you #

# Happy birthday to you #

# Happy birthday, dear Charlie #

# Happy birthday to you #

Charlie, why don't you tell us what you wanna thank God for and close your eyes and make a wish?

Six months of sobriety?

Nothing you wanna say?

# Everybody wants to laugh #

# Ah, but nobody wants to cry #

# I say, everybody wants to laugh #

# But nobody wants to cry #

# Everybody wants to go to heaven #

# But nobody wants to die #

# Everybody wanna know the reason #

# Without even asking why #

# Oh, every wanna know the reason #

# All without even asking why #


You look like you came from a funeral.

Close... a birthday.

That's dark, man. Where you headed?

Los Angeles.

I can take you to a bus station, but I gotta drop her off first.

Is this cool? Yeah, at this point, it won't make a difference. All right.

What's wrong with her? Besides her general disposition?

It's cancer.

Let me get you in your chair, Ma.

There we go. There you go.

Hey, uh, think I could use your phone?


Thanks. I'll be right back.

Here we go. Maybe your show's on, huh?

Hi, we're not home. Leave a message.

Hey, um... it's me.

I'm coming home.

Uh, just wanted to let you know that I'm okay, and, um...

I think things are gonna be different this time, so...

Yeah, uh... okay, bye.

Hey, man, um, mind if I use your bathroom?

Yeah, go ahead.

It's just, uh, down the hall to the left.

Kid. Hey, kid!

You still with us? Yeah, man.

Yeah. Can I get a smoke?


What are those? Oh, Camels.

No, the pills, man.

Oh, uh... I, uh, I got my wisdom teeth out.

Yeah? What you working with, Perks?

No, uh...

I switched the labels around, I'm not, uh...

Let me see those. Yeah, yeah, man.

These are, um... Let me see those!

My mother's Oxys?

What the fuck, man? Oh!

What else you take? Nothing, man, just those.

Get the fuck outta here! Get outta here!

Adam... your phone.

Adam, your phone is ringing.

What are you doing? You have like three missed calls.

What, are you my fucking secretary?

Who do you know from Utah?

No one.

Shit! Charlie.

I have to go. Shit! What about your parents?

Eh, don't worry about them.

You're just gonna leave all this out here?

Yeah, they don't come up here anyway.

All right.

Just don't do any while I'm gone.

There he is.

Hey, man. Ah...

It's good to see you. Oh, God.

Thanks for getting me. Are you kidding?

I can't get enough of Barstow.

# Book me in when I'm headed downtown #

# Give my crews pounds, they don't fool around #

# Pullin' back of the crews with no doubt #

# When I'm rolling dice, I got my boys on the lookout... #

So, who you been hanging out with?

No one, really.

Just been, uh, just spend a lot of time with this girl.

Actually, it's, uh, Stacey.


Stacey Chapman?

Stacey... Why would you ever hang out with Stacey Chapman?

She's a fucking train...

Boom. Holy shit.

Right? Wow.

She really changed. She's blossomed.


What about you? Me?

Oh, glad you asked.

What do you think, hmm?

She's a beaut, right? Yeah.


She really listens to me, too.

So, uh, how's Tyler, man? I miss that motherfucker.

Uh, started at UMich. Yeah?

How's Jackson?

Uh... a lot better than the last time you saw him.

What a fucking night, huh? I think he, uh... went to Stanford but he dropped out or something.

I don't know.

But, hey, I'm still here.

Fucking Barstow.

I guess we're just gonna have to improvise.

No... DJ Mills.

No, man. Come on.

I'm not doing it.

Come on, the beat's dropping, baby. I'm not doing it, no, man.

I'm not... I'm not gonna...


# I'm lean, mean, joint-smoking machine #

# With zero fucks given now that I'm 18 #

# I know that I'm white and I don't know the lingo #

# Copying styles like I work at Kinkos #

Oh! # Finally clear-headed #

# But not sober #

# And the smartest kid around without a high school diploma #

Oh! Unh.

# And I keep getting smarter #

# If you wanna fuck with me, then bop, bop, bop #

# Aaron Carter #

Aaron Carter? Yeah.

Okay. I boxed myself in with "smarter."

# Fresh off the flight, sunset #

# Thought I saw Snoop at the back in the coupe to the right #

# Yeah, the blue with the white, feed it on, feed it on #

# Have your whole style shitted on first sight #

# Party at Dre's, rooftop, room's hot #

# Chicks with the boo-wop going both ways #

# This be the banger for the ones on Cahuenga #

# Shorty outside thinking I'm a pop singer... #

Maybe you should hit up some open mics again.

You should have some great material from all those places.

Yeah, maybe.

# Looking good on my way to L.A. #

# Rodeo, B. Hills #

# Homie, this is how it feels on the way to L.A. #

# The L.A. way, pretty every day #

# Got Hollywood Hill skills, hear what I say? #

# Kobe shoots... #

# I got my Swishers with me, I got some bitches with me #

# You coming with me? I'm on my way to L.A. #

Guess they forgot the "welcome home" banner.

It's gonna be okay. Ah...

Yeah. I mean, it's gotta be.

I mean, I'm 18, and they can't just throw me out, so we're just gonna... we're just gonna have to hash it out.

You want me to come in with you?


Yeah, you can say a quick hi.

Do I smell like weed? No.

I think I smell like weed.




Hey. Hi, Charlie.

Hey. Hey, guys.

Happy birthday, sweetie. Yeah, happy birthday, son.


Hi, Adam. Hey, Miss Mills.

Oh, you must be Charlie.

Welcome, have a seat.

A fucking intervention. Really?

I... Did you know about this? No, I swear.

Charlie, please... Mrs. Mills, allow me.

This is what I do. Oh, you mean you're not a personal trainer? Charlie, take a seat.

Mr. Mills, just stay calm. Dad, I'm not gonna sit here and listen to you tell me what a piece of shit drug addict I am.

No one said that you're a piece... You need to go back.

How many times do I have to tell you, those places, they don't work for me.

Look, no one said that sobriety was easy.

Can you never speak again? That'd be... that'd be great.

Just why can't I stay here? Please?

That's, um, that's not an option right now.

We're here to save your life, Charlie.

Can we just talk about this? Let's just talk about it, please.

Your mother and I... have already decided.


Ahem, Charlie, I want you to be back home with us...

Honey, we just discussed this, remember?

Can't let him manipulate you.

I'm not manipulating her.

I'm asking her for her opinion.

You should try it some time. How fucking dare you.

Careful, I'm one of your constituents now.

You wouldn't wanna lose the governor's race by one vote.

Okay, you know what? Here's how it's gonna go.

You can either head back to treatment or live on the streets.

It's your choice. That's an easy one.

No, Charlie. Honey, honey.

Okay, can you not... I can't believe you.

I'm sorry, we did not discuss him living on the streets.

Yeah, we did... That was not an option.

Okay, you know what? We couldn't have just listened...

He comes in here reeking of pot with his drug buddy...

Yo, Charlie! Charlie!

Look, man, I knew that was gonna happen.

Let's just be smart about this, okay? I told you!

Oh, what, you're taking their side? No, no, man.

I'm on your side, all right? It's just...

Look, it's all about knowing when to fuck up, all right?

You think your dad's gonna give a shit about any of this when he's elected?

No, no, he's gonna be in Sacramento doing his governor thing.

That's the point, man. Now it's about fucking up his campaign.

Then it will be about fucking up his agenda.

Right, you're right. Go ahead. Go... go do what you always do.

Go shoot up, prove everyone right.

With no money, what are you gonna do, huh?

Go down to Skid Row and wave your virgin asshole around?

Just... stick it out for 30 days.

You know, I'll be moving out my parents and have my own place for sophomore year, you can... you can stay there as long as you want.

Right. No.

You're right.

Besides, I should probably save my virgin asshole for that special someone, right?

Someone who, uh, you know, love me for me, right?

I could be that guy.

I just... I just can't take another one of those lockdown places, you know?

They said it was supposed to be like a hotel.

Yeah, they always say that.

I'll probably walk the second I get there.

I'm here if you need me. I'll be thinking about you.

Oh, sure you will. Yeah.

You'll be sniffing coke off of some sorority girl's tits thinking, "I wonder how Charlie's sobriety is coming?"

Lift your scrotum, please.

It just covers you like a warm blanket, inside and out.

Hey, it's the new guy.

How you doing, new guy? They probably put him in Joe's room.

Yeah, he was way to cool for this place.

Yeah, he flew the cuckoo's nest, went McMurphy.

You guys do nothing but complain about how you can't stand it in this place here, but you don't have the guts to just walk out?

Paul, just finish, man.

Okay, so all I'm saying is, you could be under a bridge in a cold rain and still feel the warmth.

You could... hit the lottery, win the Nobel Prize, and bang the homecoming queen all at the same time, and it wouldn't touch that first rush.

Fuck. Man.

I'm sold.

But every shot after that... just sloppy seconds.

The luck ones, just mourn the feeling.

But most end up chasing it to the grave.

Okay, open your eyes.

So, before we start, would anybody like to share feelings about Joe's departure?

Joe's gone?

No one has anything to share?

I have something.

Before group, I couldn't help but overhear Paul talking explicitly and glowingly about heroin usage.

And I feel, in light of Joe's relapse, this kind of drug talk is counterproductive to working a rigorous program.

Yeah, Joe failed.

He, uh, failed to see his disease for what is it.

I guess, for some people, it takes a while.

They lose sight of why they're here.

Or as I can figure it out, it's because I, um, I fuck too much.

I think it's a little more than that.

I could put a bug so far up your ass you wouldn't know whether to take a shit or wind your wrist watch.

Okay, that's enough. What is it with you and that stupid movie?

I don't wanna break up the meeting or nothing, but she's something of a cunt, ain't she, Doc?

Language! I'd like to break that fucking DVD.

If you break that DVD, we're down to "The Notebook" and "Cars 2."

People, enough!

Look, I know this is an open forum, but can we please keep it to the parameters of acceptance, solution, and commitment?


Yeah, so, uh, in the spirit of the open forum, I was wondering why a myriad of web domains are blocked in the computer room.

You mean porn?


No, I was referring to certain destinations within the political blogosphere.

There's an outpouring of stimulating and thought-provoking material that we're being denied access to.

The only outpouring you're interested in is gonna wind up getting stuck to the fucking keyboard.

Guys, the rules of the computer room are not relevant right now.

What is relevant is acceptance.

That's what your recovery is all about.

Having the serenity to accept the things we cannot change.

Joining us today, we have Charlie Mills.

Hi, Charlie.

Is there anything you'd like to share with us today, Charlie?



Okay, Charlie.

Well, just know that if you continue to refuse to accept the disease that put you here, you will continue to be a repeat offender.

Don't you mean repeat customer?

You have a disease, Charlie. We all do, all right?

And acceptance is the first step towards controlling...

You know, you're right. I do have a disease.

It's this place, okay?

It makes you feel like a fucking leper, and then, when you get out, everyone's expecting you to fuck up again, so you start using.

And then, it's like, you hold their heads underwater, but then come down on us for trying to come up for air.

Sobriety is your breath of fresh air.

It's your ticket out, and it's priceless.

Priceless? Really?

What's the entrance fee to this place nowadays?


You're no better than the guy on the corner, okay, but you're not slinging dope, you're slinging false hope and serenity.

And you got everybody hooked... doctors, parents, teachers, lawyers, even the judges.

And we're paying out the fucking nose for it.

You think I do this for the money? No.

No, I think you do this for the courtside seats to human suffering.

Can't watch you do that anymore.

Hey, thanks.

I liked your, uh, your "Cuckoo's Nest" bit.

Yeah? Been in and out of these places for 20 years, and all I got to show for it's a bag of newcomer chips and an okay Nicholson impersonation.

Excuse me. I don't mean to pry, but are you David Mills' son?

See, I told you!

I'm a huge fan.

# Yo, ho, ho, ho #

# The battle has begun #

I fucking love that pirate shit, man. Oh, man.

Did he do his own fencing? Charlie!

Need you in the office. I'll be right there.

Now, kiddo.


Keep your head down, brother.

You know why you're here?

Let me take a crack at it.

You're gonna say that I'm being difficult, and that is hindering not only my own recovery but the recovery of those around me.

Thank you, sir, for, uh, taking time out of your very busy day.

Hello? Charlie? Dad.

What do you think you're doing?

Don't know what you're talking about, Dad.

Not one day goes by, and already they want to throw you out.

Sounds good.

Go ahead, be glib.

You think just 'cause you're 18, everything will magically slide off you?

It doesn't work that way, Charlie.

Well, tell me, Dad, how does it work?

Wanna be your own man, make your own choices?

Live with the consequences.

I got a call about that stunt you pulled up in Utah.

Yeah, they wanted to press charges.

But I pulled some strings with a friend who knows the judge.

And they said if you cooperate, they'll let it go.

But, hey, you're 18.

You do whatever you want.

Just know, if you don't comply, you won't have to answer to me.

You'll be facing possible jail time in Utah.

It's your choice.

Fine. You know what?

I'll do the 30 days.

And you can't just go through the motions this time, Charlie.

You have to complete the program to their satisfaction.

That could be longer than 30 days.

Like, how long, Dad?

Say, uh, till after the election?

And if you leave or get expelled, there will be a warrant out for your arrest.

I have to go now.

You think he'll stay? He has no choice.



You making a break for it? What makes you say that?

Where you headed?

Anywhere but here. Really?

So, what, you'd be okay with, like, Iraq?


New Jersey?

Maybe not Jersey.

What are you doing out here?

I'm on night watch.

You're on the staff?

Why were you in group with everybody else?

Well, I was just there as an observer.

I mean, I introduced myself, but I guess you were out of it.

I'm gonna have to report this, you know?

Okay, that wasn't funny.

It was a little funny. Yeah, you're the next Moms Mabley.

Who's that?

Oh, she's an old black comedian. She died in the '70s.

Oh, yeah, that's me, old, black, and dead.

Yeah, she got me through, like... like three months at this shitty place in Utah.

Her and, uh, George Carlin, Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor.

Lord Buckley.

What, you're some kind of comedy expert?

No, I'm just more of a fan.

But, uh, I did do some open mics.

How'd that go?

I'm on a porch in rehab playing to a crowd of one, how do you think it went?

That was you. Hmm?

The cloves, I smoked one at the table earlier.

It was... stuck in the mesh.

I smoked it.

Well, look...

Here you go.

Full one for the road.

You sure? It's your last one.

Yeah, I've got another pack.


I get anxious here, too.

Sterile white walls.


There's nothing there.

Nothing but you.

Come on, everybody, let's go. Two vans...

Whoa, what are you two doing out here?

Just having a smoke before the meeting.

Let's go.

Charlie, you coming?


I'm Daniel, and I'm an alcoholic.

Hi, Daniel.

I'm gonna be running tonight's meeting, but before we hear from our speaker, I'd like to hand out some chips for various lengths of sobriety.

Now, all of us have had one day at some point.

And maybe some of us still do.

Are there any newcomers who'd like to be recognized?


Chase, alcoholic. Hi, Chase.

I have 37 days, so technically, I'm not a newcomer, but since we battle this wily demon one day at a time, I can't help but feel like a newcomer every day.

So I wanna share my experience, strength, and hope.

Anybody with 30 days of sobriety?

I know some of you see me as a washed-up swashbuckler who got bored marauding the high seas, but I've lived all of my adult life in California.

And as I stand here, at the start of my campaign, I wanna let my opponent know that...

"Yo, ho, ho, and the battle's begun."

60 days? Anyone have 60 days?

God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Hey, here you go. You gonna give Harper hell, Mr. Mills?

You bet. Oh, man, I love your work.

Thanks. Hey, can I get a selfie with you?

Yeah, sure. Oh, this is great.

Oh, that's great. Thank you. You're welcome.

When can we get outta here?

I feel like we're all gonna be kidnapped and forced to squeal like pigs.

Hey, how are ya? You have one more speech in Eureka, then it's San Jose, San Luis Obispo, and Fresno.

Wait, I thought we were going back to L.A. before picking back up.

Hi. From here till the election, it's pretty much wall-to-wall. This is very great.

Thank you so much. Hi.

Hi. Yes, but, uh, Charlie is getting out of in-patient.

You knew about these dates, honey. Yes, I know.

Thank you so much. Thank you.

Thank you, I appreciate it. Yes.

But I, you know, there's, uh, family group at the new sober living house, and I thought we should be there for him.

Hi. Don't do this to me.

Do what? Hi.

If you want, I can arrange for you to fly back.

Here you go, sir, you want a burger? Yes, please.

There you go.

Yes? Hey, Drake, I'm all packed.

So anything I need to sign or what? Just a minute.

Hey, I wanted to congratulate you on moving forward to the next phase of your Changes Ahead treatment program.

Thank you.

Now, uh, where are those dotted lines, huh?

Hold on, hold on, all right? We gotta debrief.

It's part of our discharge procedure. Great.

Debrief the shit out of me.

Okay, um, do you have someone responsible to transport you to our sober living facility?

Absolutely. # Come on, fuck it #

# Pass the blunt #

# Come on, motherfucker, said pass the blunt #

He's very responsible. Fine.

If you'll just sign here, and you're all set.


Well, it's been real, Drake.

You, uh, have fun holding down the fort, okay?

Oh, I will, Charlie, and unless you're a speed reader, I'm sure you missed the part about fraternizing with people from this facility and how it applies to when you leave here as well.

Yeah, shouldn't be a problem. Good, good.

But just in case, I went ahead and let your, uh, sober living house know about your friendship with Eva.

I let her house know as well.

Friendship during sobriety, not a problem.

Romance, however... tends to get in the way.

But like you said, that, uh, shouldn't be a problem, should it?

Yeah, right.

Good luck.

So, you're finally free. How do you feel? Actually, not that shitty.

Can you just say "good" like a normal person?

Normal people don't move into halfway houses.

Let's get the fuck outta here!

An all-girls halfway house. I think you might be on to something.

You're an idiot. What? Pussy island.

Dude, this is not some slutty sorority, okay?

You don't just fall asleep with a boner and wake up with a girl on top of you.

She knows you're coming?

Yeah. You texted her?

Yeah, yeah, I told her I'd come by right after I got out.

You told her you're making a beeline here?

Oh, dude, so desperate. Stop.

It's too eager. Stop.

Can you just wait in the car? Please?


Remember, less is more.

Hi. Can I help you?

Yeah, uh, I'm just... I'm looking for somebody.

Are you Charlie? Yeah.

Eva will see you at a meeting. No, I just wanted to say hi...

Have a great day.

Fat fucking whale!


You know, you shouldn't talk about whales like that, they're an endangered species.

Go around and wait for me, okay? Yeah?

Hey. Hey.

Who's that?

Oh, that is my piece-of-shit best friend.

Well, I thought I was your best friend.

You're such the comedian. Just fucking with you.

So, are you gonna break me out of here?

Well, I thought, um, now that we're both out of in-patient, and... and we have some free time, and, you know, uh, I was just thinking that maybe we could...

I think...

Can I have your number?

God, our first time on free soil and you're asking for my number?


What, what's the matter? You don't wanna give it to me?

Not now.

Do you have a pen?

Tapping that must've been a nice perk. I haven't.

What? Yeah.

What are you talking about? Are you just not making the moves?

No, no, no, no, no. It's a rehab thing.

Like, we'd get tossed. Oh.

That's bullshit. Yeah, tell me about it.

Men fuck each other in prison all the time.

What's the harm? Right?

Yeah. It gets in the way of your recovery.

Maybe they're trying to motivate you, you know?

I mean, fuck...

I'd do all 12 steps in like a week to hit skins with a girl like that.

You're an asshole. Why am I an asshole?

Oh, because I wanna fuck your girlfriend?

Yeah, yeah, it might be that.

Wake up at 6:30, then morning chores, breakfast, then inspection.

You miss anything, you get a mark.

Being at out-patient comes with more freedom but more responsibility.

You can come and go as long as you sign in and out.

So, I can just leave? To the gas station or the market, but there's a 10:00 curfew, and you'll be given random urine tests.

And if you fail... You'll keep it between us, right?


If you work hard and follow the rules, in about a month, you'll be eligible for an overnight pass.

Okay. Um... there's still group, though, right? Every day at out-patient.

And who attends these, uh, groups?

What do you mean? Everybody.

Everybody? Yeah.

Eva's included in "everybody." I didn't mean that.

You know, it's just good to get different opinions.

You can look but you can't touch.

You'll be rooming with Jimmy.

Hey, man. What's up? Hey. Nothing much.

Remember, Charlie, wake up at 6:30. All right.



So, uh, tell me.

How shitty is this place?

Compared to where we just were, it's somewhat shitty.

Yeah? We got family group tomorrow, which is gonna suck. Oh, your mom coming?


And they got this talent show thing this weekend.

Oh, thank God I made it for that.

Charlie! Hey, Paul.

You dirtbag.

Hey, you're lucky they put you in with Jimmy.

I had Chase.

Chase? Oh, yeah, Chase.

Um, alcoholic. Experience, strength, and hope.

He's gone, though. Oh, what happened?

Looking to score, but didn't want to get tossed, so he punched a cement wall and broke his hand.

He thought he'd get some pain killers, but all they gave him was Advil.

So he flipped out and split.


Well, I guess his program lost some of its rigor.

I guess so.

Now I'm stuck with Dylan.

That guy jacks off right in front of me.

Like I'm not even there.

How do you deal with that?

I guess you just gotta "accept the things you cannot change," right?

I guess so.

Shit. Western Civ.

Hey, Adam. How's my favorite degenerate?

Uh, really good.

Got any plans this weekend? Not really.

Actually, um, there's a talent show this Friday, and some asshole signed me up. You gonna do stand-up?

Fuck no. You are doing stand-up, and I'm coming. Text me the address.

I will do no such thing. You will do just such a thing, and I will see you Friday night.

I don't know what I did wrong.

I tried to be a good mom.

When he was young, his teachers loved him.

Said he lit up the classroom.

And then... all my hopes, my dreams... shattered.

What have I ever done to you... but love you?

Jimmy, do you have anything you'd like to say to that?

Not really.

Thank you for being so open and sharing, Cathy.

Thank you.

Cathy, are you okay? I'm fine.

I just relate to what Cathy was saying.

Of course.

The crying Cathys.

Dylan, I'm so glad that both of your moms could be here today.

Well, it's not so bad. It's a little like a fraternity.

Yeah, yeah, you can just pretend that I'm in college.

Charlie, that's not what I was saying.

I know, I know.

Travis seems nice. Yeah, yeah, he's really cool.

Uh, he says that if I work really hard that I can get an overnight pass.

Well, that's great. Yeah.

But both you and Dad have to sign off on it.

Well, if Travis says it's okay, then I don't see why Dad would have a problem with it.

Could you talk to him? Sure.

Thanks. Of course.

So, what have you been up to?

Uh, you know.

Same old campaign stuff.

Boring speeches and a lot of nodding and smiling.

But what about you? Have you made any friends here?

Yeah, yeah, I made, um...

I've gotten pretty close with a couple of the guys.

That's good. Yeah.

What is that? I...

Oh, that. Uh, that is the number of my new dealer.

Funny. Yeah.

Uh-huh. No, it's just... it's somebody that I met.

Is this someone a girl?

Aha. What's her name? Eva.

Eva. Yeah.

And when do we get to meet this Eva?

Uh... All right, everyone.

It's time to say your good-byes.

I gotta go. No, yeah.

Wait, Charlie, Charlie.

I love you.

I love you, too, Mom. Okay.

All right, see ya. Uh-huh.

Talk to Dad. I will.

Do you feel a connection?

Yeah, I think I just stepped in it.


Tell me more about that.

Okay, class, take a deep breath in and move into downward dog.



What are you doing? I'm focusing on my breathing.

Son, you've been nothing but a disappointment to me.

Charlie, what do you want to say to your dad?

I don't know.

Fuck you?


Okay, quick check in.

Charlie, how's it going? Really good, actually.

I feel like I'm, um, I'm finally turning a corner.

That's great.


Not bad.

I got my Internet privileges reinstated, and my roommate was gone this weekend, so I had a lot of alone time.

Okay, okay, that's enough.



I don't know.

It's okay.

This is a safe place.

It's just...

I thought that once I got out of in-patient that things were gonna feel a lot better.

But they don't.

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister, they're are on a sinking ship, right?

And the rabbi gets up and he says, "Hey, let the women and children go first."

And the minister gets up, he says, "Fuck the children."

And the priest gets up and looks at his watch, and he says, "Do you think there's time?" I don't get it.

Really fucked up. Hey.

Hey, Eva. Hey.


What's going on?

Nothing. Talk to me.

I can't.


I don't want to.


Hey, some... some idiot signed me up for the talent show tomorrow night.

He, uh, ahem...

I tried to take my name off the list but they wouldn't let me.

I don't think I'm gonna do it, though.

You should.


Because it would make me happy.

Come on.

Doesn't this make you happy?


I mean, what... what the fuck is this, Charlie?

It's so... it's so retarded.

It's like we're in fucking middle school.

Come on.

We need to get an overnight pass.

I'm trying.

Try harder.

# Crying on the corner, waiting in the rain #

# I swear I'd never, ever wait again #

# You gave me your word, but words for you are lies #

# Darling, in my wildest dreams #

# I never thought I'd go home #

# Talking 'bout trickle-down economics #

# If it weren't so tragic, it would be comic #

Okay, thank you.

Thank you.

It's such bravery... Come on.

...being shown here tonight.

Um, okay.

Who's next? Charlie, just go.

No. You gotta.

Remember that is, uh... uh, nonthreatening place where you can explore and express yourself.


Charlie Mills...

Come on. I'm not gonna do it.

You have to. You have to. I'm not gonna do it.

Why do you want me to do it so bad? I signed you up.


Hi, everybody.

Ahem. You know, I was a little nervous getting up here today when I heard it was gonna be a talent show.

But after watching you all, I feel a whole lot better.

Now, I'm not trying to be critical.

I know it's hard, but now I understand why you all do drugs.

I know what you're thinking, I do.

You know, who is this kid with the silver spoon in his mouth, and why does he keep cooking heroin in it?

Total waste of a good utensil.

So, yeah, my dad's a piece of shit.

Uh, yeah, I mean, he...

I don't really have a joke there. I just wanted to say it.

As you all know, he's running for governor.

It's a big deal. He's hanging up the old eye patch for, uh, you know, the governor's mansion.

You know, and I hear a lot of people these days on the news, they're telling that he's cold, he's distant, he's not really there, but, you know, I'll tell you right now, that's not true. It's not.

His mother was the only woman in medical history to have an igloo for a pussy, but that's not relevant.

Excuse... excuse me!

Do you think that works for this situation?

Really, Shelia, Dylan just recited a haiku that was clearly about his penis, okay?

We don't know that. Uh, I think we do.

But I'm not here to talk about other people's penises, okay?

I'm here to talk about my own.

Now, um, as you all know, when you enter rehab, you get strip searched.

And if I had known that that would be the last time that anybody would touch my balls, I would've tried to enjoy it more.

All right, you're done. You're done.

Uh, and there's this beautiful couch in the halfway house, this soft, plush leather, and if I don't get action soon, I'm gonna fuck it.

I'm gonna fuck that couch, all right?

Okay, that's enough. Oh, Sheila, looking a little winded.

You gotta try meth, okay?

It's bad for the complexion, you kinda lose your mind, but it's great for keeping the old weight down.

Hey! That is entirely inappropriate.

Inappropriate? In this crowd, Drake? Yeah.

Listen, raise your hand if you ever sold your ass for drugs.


You were funny, man. Thanks.

I can't publically endorse what you did, but you got something.

It's not for everybody. It's for you.

Just being up there.

I don't know.

Yeah, you do.

You just gotta stay focused. Keep doing what you're doing.

You've been killing it since you got here.

Thanks, man. You know, I'm actually considering giving you an overnight.

Really? Yeah.

But the Sheila fat jokes are gonna cost you toilet duty for a week.

You're really getting in there, dude.

Gotta embrace the work. I don't know.

As a recovering junkie, I'm pretty hesitant to get on my knees.

Hey, unlike you, that does not bring back any memories.

Hey, I never sucked dick.

Good for you.

Some guy did blow me once, though.

What, it was for some H.

Some guy sucked your dick for heroin?

Sure, why is it such a big deal? I'm not gay.

I was desperate.

But you gave some guy heroin to suck your dick, so technically...

Wait, no, no, no, no.

He gave me the H.

I was jonesing.


Wait, that doesn't make any sense.

It was a fucked up time, and I'm not proud of it.

Ho... Wait, hold on, hold on.

Some guy gave you heroin to suck your dick?

Yeah, it's not that complicated. But...

Addiction is a disease, man. No, I get why you did it.

I get what you got out of it, but what does he get out of it?

Fuck if I know.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but that doesn't sound like such a bad deal.

Yeah, if you close your eyes and think of Jessica Alba, it's really not that much of a difference.

Although, he had like this goatee... Stop.

Yo, Travis, do you think it's gay... If you gotta ask, the answer's yes.

Good work, Charlie. Thanks.

What the hell are you doing?

I get more leverage when I use my foot.

That's a mark right there. Fuck.

One more week of this shit.

Maybe if you let him blow you... Fuck you.

So, I spoke to Charlie's counselor.

And, um, according to the house manager, he has been a model member.

He got an... I'm sorry to interrupt.

Mr. Mills, I just wanna shake your hand.

Thank you. Hi.

We... we're all pulling for you. Appreciate it.

And I'm a big fan of your films. Thank you so much.

"Yo, ho, ho, and the battle begun."


Thank you, man. You got it. Take care.

Willow, I told you, he's just a regular guy.

Gotta love those likely voters.


So, as I was saying... Yeah.

...I spoke to Charlie's counselor, and they are inclined to give him an overnight pass this weekend, but we both have to sign off on it. Yeah, yeah.

No, I'm not sure that's such a good idea, honey.

Why not?

Well, because we're only three weeks away from the election.

He's been sober for months.

Honey, just three weeks.

Well, I already told him we would sign off on it.

What? Yeah.

Honey, honey. How many more times do we have to talk about this? He is even more handsome in person.

Oh, look at those eyes. Thank you. Thank you.

What the fuck, man? I just sent it to a few friends.

Fuck. This girl I've been seeing is on this student activity thing that books comics for college shows.

She loved you. Great, great.

I'm glad some random girl you're boning thinks I'm funny.

I can die happy now. I thought I was helping.

You're not helping.

I was think fucking close to getting an overnight with Eva.

And if this video gets out, it's done.

Sorry, man. Fuck, I didn't think about that.

It's all right.

I just... I worked really hard for this.

Well, a wise man once said, "Work makes you free."

Pretty sure the Nazis said that.

No, I heard it in class.

It was first said by a German writer in the 1800s about the cleansing nature of work.

And the Nazis put that shit on a big sign outside Auschwitz.

Really? Yeah.

The Nazis stole all the good ideas.

Dad. Hey, Charlie.

There's something I wanted to talk to you about.

Yeah, um, listen, are you with Mom?

No, she, uh, she went out. Why?

Uh, well, just...

Look, there's this pass that I've been meaning to talk to you about.

My house manager says... Yeah, that's what I wanted to discuss.

I don't think it's such a good idea right now.

You need more time.

No, Dad, I think you need more time.

Have a great fucking day! Fuck!

Hey, brother in recovery. Hey.

You up for some fellowship?

Got my pass. I got it.

I got this cousin Marie to sign off on it.

I'm all yours. Eva, wait.

Stop, please. God, I want you to fuck me.

Stop, Eva, stop.

I didn't get it. What?

I didn't get the pass. My dad pulled the plug.

What are you talking about?

Charlie, I can't do this.

I just can't do this... Come on, don't say that.


We have nothing. That's not true.

It's not true.

Yeah, that's right.

We have our sobriety.

A Jewish fella and a Chinaman were standing on the corner talking about who the greatest man that ever lived.

An Irishman walked up.

He said, "If you tell me who the greatest man that ever lived, I'll give you $500 in cash."

Little Chinaman said, "Chiang Kai-shek."

He said, "Nah."

Little Jewish fellow said, "St. Patrick."

He said, "You're right."

Reached his hand in his pocket, give him the $500 and walked away.

Little Jewish fella looked at the $500.

He said, "I had Moses in mine, but business is business."

Charlie. Charlie.

Wake up, man. No.

What'd you say? Scrub your own fucking toilets.

What the hell are you talking about?

It's your pass today. What?

Yeah, you been riding me about an overnight since you got here.

Now you don't wanna leave?

Your ride is outside. Come on.

What? Yeah.

Hey. Hi.

How'd you convince Dad? Hmm, so you're gonna need a place to stay.

How about the beach house? Why are you doing this?

Because you earned it.

Why don't you ever take me someplace nice?

'Cause I don't like you that much.


Gotta stab a lot of people with fake swords to get this.


So, this is the living room.

Uh, this is the kitchen.

Uh, this is the deck out there.

There's a sitting chair thing.

Um, there's the beach.

Do you want, uh, do you want to go check out the ocean?

Can we check it out from the bedroom?


That was great.

I mean... a little quick, but...

Just kidding.

Greatest 30 seconds of my life. Great.

Yeah, glad you're having fun.

I am.

I am.

You know what would be so great right now?


A drink.

I know what you mean.

Didn't I see a wine rack in the kitchen?

Are you serious?

Why not?

If we fail our urines, we get tossed.

How many times have you bragged to me about beating those?

You're not having a good time?

No, uh... I am.

It's just...

You have a good time? Yeah.

Wow, no sarcasm. There's a first.

You haven't done any meth. No X.

No barbiturates. No opiates. No coke.

Should be proud sticking it out another day.

Yeah, when can I hang my hat on something more than just "sticking it out"?

You haven't been on the street shooting dope.

You can hang a hell of a lot more than your hat on that.

What if you still think about it?

The cravings?

That's all they are.

As long as you don't act on them.

They ever go away?

Think of how hard it was for you scoring drugs and maintaining that lifestyle.

Why should this be any easier? You gotta work.

I see other people... Oh, other people.

Other peo... You can't worry about other people.

Especially other addicts.

Getting sober is a selfish thing.

Because getting high was selfish.

Yeah, but I thought sobriety was about helping people.

Yes, it is.

But you gotta help yourself first.

If the plane's going down, you put your oxygen mask on first, right?

I mean, you wouldn't go all "Baywatch" on a drowning person if you don't know how to swim.

You know how to swim, Charlie?

You know, everyone keeps telling me that he comes across cold and distant...

What is this? What am I looking at?

It's Charlie... I know who it is.

I wanna know what it is. It's on the Internet, sir.

It has over 50,000 hits.

Are you telling me over 50,000 people have seen this?

So far. It's growing. Take the goddamn thing down.

Only the person who posted it can do that.

This is beyond fucked!

Uh, I mean, you could try reaching out to "Raw Dogging It 15."


Is the possible it could be coming from the Harper campaign?

There's no evidence of that, sir.

This is a fucking disaster.

We'll craft a response and issue a press avail.

Do it. Do it now.


I thought we were past the whole waiting to text thing.

Just be happy you're pulling some ass in this place.

What if something happened to her? I hope something did happen to her.

Then you'll actually have something to complain about.

Morning. You guys good? Yeah.

Group's in half an hour. Let's get a move on.

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

Uh, I have just come from a very substantive and productive meeting with the head of the SEIU.

And I am delighted to announce that they have pledged their full support.

I've always stood up for the workforce, and they know that I will stand should-to-shoulder with them on living wages and good health and retirement benefits.

But I'm sure that, uh, you're not all here for that reason.

Many of you may have seen a, uh, comedy performance that my son did that has been posted on the Internet.

First of all, you should know that Charlie had nothing to do with that posting.

He was merely fooling around and having some fun at a party.

He and I spoke earlier today, and he is behind me 100%.

And quite frankly, I found some it pretty funny.

Isn't it true your son has struggled with substance abuse and is currently at a rehab facility in Los Angeles?

We have never tried to hide the fact that Charlie has had his challenges, uh, but, no, he is not in rehab.

Uh, I'm happy to report he is sober and doing great.

Thank you so much, thank you.

Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.

Mr. Mills has a meeting with the Superintendent of Public Instruction.

Hey. Uh, you seen Eva? She was at the house last night.

I mean, she should be here.

Hey, man. Did you... did you see your dad on the news?

He was talking about you.

Hey, you seen Eva? You haven't heard?

Heard what? She took off.

Took off? Wh... When? This morning.

What the fuck? Why?

Why do you think?

Charlie! Come on, man.

Come on, talk to me. Say what?

What do you want me to say, huh? What can you say?

You say it.

Say it, man. Say what?

Why are you doing this, huh?

Say it! Be a man and tell me.

You're about to throw everything away and you can't even tell me why.

Look, I know what you're gonna say.

"Work the program," hmm?

"One day at a time. Let go and let God."

What do I have that's mine? You got you, man.

And that's all you'll ever have.

You think drugs are gonna change that?

Look, man, I'm not... I'm not leaving for drugs.

Leaving for a girl, is there a difference?

Look, man, I just... I can't stay here anymore, okay?

This place, it's like a fucking prison.

It's not even close.

You see these?

You think I got these at a tattoo parlor in Hollywood?

Be grateful it's 90 days here and not two years in county.

But don't worry, if you're not dead, you'll probably end up there anyway.

Look, I don't give a shit, okay?

I don't. Fuck that, okay?

If those charges in Utah come back and bite me, so be it.

What are you talking about?

There's nothing in your files about charges.

And the political season now is beginning to heat up all over the country.

With less than two weeks to the election, the California governor's race...

What the fuck was that?

...and in Southern California, as you can see, are showing a dead heat in many areas.

The demographics are what's gonna make the difference in this gubernatorial race. Stay here.

Oh, Jesus, Charlie. What the fuck are you doing?

Hey, Dad. It's great to see ya.

You know, I decided to stop by. Oh, yeah.


This is how you wanna live your life, huh?

Messing things up so that Daddy has to clean up after you?

Clean up after me? Yeah, yeah.

If it's not smashing a church window, it's stealing a car.

If you're not stealing a car, posting a video.

Video? What are you talking about? It's all over the fucking Internet.

What, are you gonna deny that now?

Adam. Oh, yeah, sure.

Keep blaming other people for your shit.

Why can't you just be honest and own something for once?

Honesty? Great.

I'm really glad you brought that up, Dad.

I am, because, um, I was never a big fan of your pirate movies, but that sociopath you played on the phone with that Utah bullshit, that was spot-on!

You left me no choice! Bravo!

Oh, no choice? You're gonna talk to me about choice?

You've had plenty of fucking choices, Charlie!

Yeah, rehab or jail. You know, quite a wide selection there.

We're really gonna do this?

Was... was that Charlie? Uh-huh.

Well, where's he going? I don't know.

What do you mean you don't know? I don't know. He didn't tell me.

He just stole the car and took off. Same old shit.

Hey, it's Eva. Leave me a message.

Hello? Eva?

No. Who the fuck is this? Where'd you get this phone?

Some girl sold it to me. Where?

Hey, I bought it fair and square. Where the fuck did she sell it to you?

Venice. Where in Venice?

I don't know. Somewhere on the boardwalk.

No, I don't want him arrested.

Just, um, ahem.

Just keep an eye on him.

'Cause if anything does happen, obviously, we need to know about it, right?

Eva. Eva.

Hey. Hey, don't run away. Come on, give me a second.

Eva. Eva! What?

Just look at me, all right? Just give me a fucking minute, all right?

Listen, you don't think I know what you're going through?

I've ditched 1,000 of these places.

It's different. Yeah, it's fucking different.

I love you.


So... so what, then?

It's... it's us against the world?

I get lost in you and you get lost in me and we live happily ever after?

I can't outrun this.

Come home with me.

Now, with a political campaign of this magnitude, it's gotta take some toll on your family.

Well, I'm glad you asked that question, Eddie.

We wouldn't be doing this if we didn't think we could make a significant impact on your education system, and ultimately, on the health of our sagging economy.

So can I ask how your son's holding up?

It's not been easy for him. You know, we-we-we spoke to him earlier this morning. He's having a hard time.

And he's doing just fine.

All right, thank you so much for joining us today.

Thank you. All right, you're watching our exclusive interview with David and Liseanne Mills.

Just two weeks away from California's gubernatorial election.

For Fox 11 News, I'm Edward Barnes. Back to you guys.

All right, we're clear.

They found Liseanne's SUV at the Malibu house, but no Charlie. Okay.

I mean, what do you want me to do, huh?

Personally search every crack house and meth lab in the city?

Every counselor, every therapist, told us the same thing.

Mm-hmm. "Be strong! Hold the boundaries!"

Yes. That's what they told us!

Did they also tell you to lie to your son?

Oh, come on. Did they do that?

We've been through all that already. No, he came 1,000 miles with nothing!

And we turned him away! That's right!

Yes, and you lied to him! And you lied to me!

Oh, yeah? Yes! Yes!

Well, what do you call going behind my back and giving him an overnight pass?

What do you call that? I love him!

I love him! Oh, and I don't love him?

I don't know! He's our son!

Of course I fucking love him!

One of us had to keep him safe.

For him... or for you?

I'm trying to sleep...

Shut the fuck up.

# I don't mind the sound #

# Of your voice #

# Of your voice #

# When you use it like your gun #

Hey, you awake?

# So much fun... # Yeah.

Hey, you got enough to cut tonight?

I don't know.

It's kinda late, dude.

I know a guy who's got some real fire.

I'm down.

# He strings himself on up to your front door #

Get the money!

Get the money!



Is that you?

Talk to me.



Come on!

Hey, man. What the fuck happened to you?

Can I stay here?


Forget it, man. She's a bitch.

She's not a bitch. She is a bitch.

She is a weak-willed bitch that left you hanging with your dick in your hand.

You're better than that. Oh, yeah, I'm way better.

I'm strung out, got no money, and a fucked-up face.

Why is the glass always half fucking shattered with you?

Fuck. Look, you can stay here with me as long as you want, all right?

We'll hit some parties, meet some ladies.

You can do whatever you want. Yeah.

You know, just no heroin. Think you can handle that?

You bet.

And you gotta cut this sad-sack-of-shit routine.

It is just total pussy repellent.

Not to mention you smell like a fat person's ass that's been wandering around Disneyland all day.

I'll take a shower. Please, for the sake of mankind.

It is really pungent. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, God. Hey, remember, tomorrow's a new day.

Oh, you think of that all by yourself?

Yo. Hey.

I'm gonna fuck her.

Huh? Lucky girl.

Whoa, whoa. Devin, get over here!

Come on.

This is my boy Charlie. He just got outta rehab.

He's a bad boy. Oh, really?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm absolutely terrible.

So, what program are you in? None of them.

So, you're at UCLA? No.

So, where do you go to school?

Do you really care? No.

He's been with Adam the whole time?

No, he's been to a couple different homeless shelters, then the streets.

Should we bring him in?


Just keep an eye on him.

Suck it down, bitch. Drink it.

Did you drink the whole thing?


Oh, my God. What?

Yeah! Oh, my...

Oh, I wanna feel a little of that. That's it, that's it right there.

You were on fire tonight, baby.

Oh, man.

Yo, this could've been us the whole fucking time.

I know. Yeah.

Hey, come here.

Bring it in. Oh...

I fucking love you, man. Love you, too, man.

I love you, though. I love you.

I love you, man. You being honest?

Yeah, mostly. You feel the real...

I love most things about you. We don't have to get into it.

Oh! That was tight.

I'm gonna make you a Star of David.

Really? Yeah, it's my heritage.

Just let me do it.

Fuck it.

Hey, what was the name of that, uh, that ugly chick? Mm.

Stacey Chapman? Oh, no, no.

Uh, the other one. Um, fuck, what's her name?

You know, she had the big nose and the really close-set eyes.

She looked kinda like, um, Paul Giamatti.

Jenny Henson. Yes, Paul... Yes.

Yes, fucking Paul Giamatti.

Jenny Paul Giamatti Henson. Giamatti Henson.

Oh, my God. You know, she was the one that ratted us out when we released those mice from the science room.

You still holding on to that shit?

Fuck, yeah, I'm still holding on to that.

You gotta let go of that, man. Yeah, easy for you to say.

You never fucking got caught. I never dodged a single fucking bullet.

Yeah, well, sometimes you dodge one, you just... you move in front of another.

You never fucking know. Yeah, like you ever got hit.

Really? Yeah.

You kidding me, dude? You're fucking Teflon.

You do whatever you want, you never get a fucking scratch on you.

Yeah, yeah, that's me. I'm un-fucking-scathed.

Yeah. That's what you think?

That's what I know. Really?

Are you kidding me? That night at Jackson's?

Perfect, the night at Jackson's. Let's talk about the night at Jackson's.

Let's talk about it. All right, so... we all took the same shit... Jackson OD'd, I got shipped off to the wilderness, and you, you went back to school the next day.

Am I missing something? Well... it just as easily gone to shit for me, too.

But it didn't, that's the point.

Two very large men did not come into your room at 4:00 a.m., kidnap you, drag you off to desert.

You got a total fucking pass. Pass?

After the police showed up and took Jackson to the hospital, my parents came to pick me up.

The entire ride home, they didn't say anything to me.

Nothing. Not... not one word.

Okay, I was sitting there in the backseat waiting for the hammer to drop, but they didn't say anything.

The fucking silence was unbearable.

Ten minutes from the house, I just...

I confessed to everything.

What'd they say? That's the point.

Absolutely nothing.

They didn't open their mouths until we got home, and then all they said then was, "Go to your room and do your homework.

You got your interview at Harvard-Westlake in a week."


Jackson almost died, and I was all fucked up.

And all they cared about was my fucking homework.

I mean, I... I could have track marks up and down my arms, and as long as I had good grades, you know, that's all that mattered.

It's like all they cared about was that... fucking bumper sticker.

"My son is an honor student."

Hey, enough of that emotional shit, right?

We're all good now. Yeah.


Oh, fuck.

I'm thinking about taking some classes here.

Dude... do it. Yeah.

Yeah. Join me, baby.

Fuck, you think I can do the college thing?

Oh, yeah, you're doing it right now. This is it.

Well, I gotta get my G.E.D. It's easy.

Just get that and then golden.

Should I get a tutor? No, dude, just get a book.

You'll be fine.

Want some of this?

Yeah. Oh, shit.

What? Your no...

Oh. Ah, fuck.


The bleeding stopped, so...

Adam, what the fuck are you doing?

Oh, fuck, Adam!

No, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, my God. Fuck.

Adam! Adam! Hey, buddy, come on!

Fuck! Um... fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Hey, I'm getting help. Oh, fuck.

Can you hear me, bud? Stay with me, man.

Stay with me, man! Come on! 9-1-1, what is your emergency?

Hey, uh, hey, I need an ambulance.

Um, uh, my friend did too much shit.

Um, fuck! I don't know what to do! What is your location?

Can you just help me out, please? It's 158 Olive Street.

Just hurry, please! Please!

Fuck. Sir, if you could just remain calm.

Come on! Fuck! Sir...

Stay... Come on, man.

Yeah, go ahead. We're clear.

So, what can you tell me?

Did you see anything?

Remember anything? Take your time.

Look, man, we just don't want anymore dead kids turning up.

Did you put this kid in the system? I did, sir.

Pull him, put him in an empty cell, and give him a bed.

Hey, Charlie.

Come on, let's go.

Your mom's outside.

We want you to come home.

With only three days before Californians cast their ballets, and the race being as tight as it is, this could be the 11th hour event that swings this thing away from Mills.

Unless the voters have already baked in his issues with his son.

It's one thing to have a child with drug problems.

It's another to be involved in a death.

Mills' son was completely cleared of any involvement in his friend's death.

I'm just saying, in some voters' minds, there will always be lingering doubts.

Hey. Hey.

You look better. Thanks.

Why did he have to die?

I don't know.

I don't wanna die.

That's good.

Hey, Mom, I don't, um...

I don't think I can stay here tonight.

I know.

That's okay.

# Many's the time I've been mistaken #

# And many times confused #

# Yes, and I've often felt forsaken #

# And certainly misused #

# Oh, but I'm all right #

# I'm all right #

# I'm just weary to my bones #

# Still, you don't expect to be bright and bon vivant #

# So far away from home... #

Mr. Mills, Mrs. Mills, who did you two vote for?

Well, I can't speak for my wife, but I'm sure you can figure out who I voted for.

Thank you.

# I don't know a soul who's not been battered #

# I don't have a friend who feels at ease #

# I don't know a dream that's not been shattered #

# Or driven to its knees #

# Oh, but it's all right, it's all right... #

With all the other counties reporting in, and with Santa Cruz going to Harper, Mills looks to be in trouble.

It's gonna come down to little Del Norte, population 28,000, and all Harper needs is 45% of the vote in what has traditionally been a republican stronghold.

Hey, Jenny, how are ya? Thanks for coming.

No returns from Santa Cruz or Del Norte have come in.

Well, what the hell are they doing up there, counting votes on their fucking fingers?

Excuse me, sir.

Are you all right? Does it matter?

Is, uh, is Charlie coming back?

I don't know.

Why don't we go inside, huh?

# Still, tomorrow's gonna be another working day #

# And I'm trying to get some rest #

# That's all, I'm trying to get some rest #

Come on, let's go sit down, okay? Did we win?

It doesn't look that way.

I'd really like for you to be there at my concession speech, though.

There's a first, you having to make a concession.

Here, come on.

Can you just...


I miss our boy.

All right, look, um...

I'm gonna get you some coffee, okay?

All right?

Just wait right here. Okay.

Sir! We did it.

Did what? We took Del Norte by seven points.

Can't be. 7.2 to be exact.

You're wanted out there, Governor.

In a shocking upset, Mills has beat out his opponent Thomas Harper in Del Norte County.

Fox 11 News is now prepared to call this election for the new governor of the state of California, David Mills.

Let's get the whole family up here. Liseanne, Charlie.

Come up on stage.

Did not expect this to happen.

And right now, they are chanting for their new governor, David Mills...

Please welcome the new governor of California, Mr. David Mills!

Here he comes. Let's focus in on him.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Thank you.


You're up early. Haven't gone to sleep yet.

What are you doing?

Just cleaning up.

You need some help? I'm fine.

Mind if I sit? It's your house.

Look, uh, ahem.


I know you're angry to me, and you probably don't wanna hear this right now, but I do love you.

I'm sorry.

Every expert with a desk and diploma told me I had to be tough on you.

But every time we sent you away to another one of those programs, I... I saw you slipping further away from us.

And all I could tell myself was...

I'd rather have you alive and hating me... then dead on the streets.

So, what do you want me to do?

Tell me what to do.

You don't have to do anything.

You, um... you wanna come up to Sacramento?

Get away from all the... What?

The drugs?

It was never about the drugs.

All I ever wanted was...

a way to kill the noise.

But the more I used... the louder it got.

I was part of the noise, wasn't I?

So, uh... what are you gonna do?

I don't know.

I'll figure it out.

I don't hate you.

I don't.

You take good care of yourself, okay?


Hey, so... did you win?


All right.

If they say you only have a year to live, do it sober.

It'll seem like an eternity.

It's been kind of a weird year for me.

You know, I managed to get fired from an unpaid internship.

Do you know how bad you have to be to get fired from a job that you're not getting paid for?

It's like if the Pharaoh came up to you and he said, "I'm not letting all your people go, just you."

Yeah, but, uh, things have not been much better with the girls either.

It hasn't.

You know, from my limited experience, I found that girls, for some reason, have a problem with stand-up comics.

I don't know why. I mean, they say that they want a guy to make them laugh, a guy that has a sense of humor, but making them laugh just never quite closes the deal.

You could be the greatest stand-up of all time and you won't get half as much pussy as your average bass player.

I'm kind of embarrassed to say that I've been checking out Tinder.

Ah, I got a few, uh, regulars in the audience here.

You know what, I take that back.

Tinder is the greatest invention of the 21st century. Seriously.

I mean, fuck Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, all that bullshit with the likes and the comments and the fucking followers.

Tinder is the only app where people who like you will actually fuck you.

# So whether music or madness #

# Live by one of the two #

# By one of the two #

# So go on, fill your heart up with gladness #

# Not a moment too soon #

# Not a moment too soon #

# Should we ration the reasons #

# To the charts that ignore? #

# Of this I've never been sure #

# So I will follow the feeling #

# And sing fever to the the form #

# Oh, my fever to the form #

# Maybe that's why I'm #

# At your window #

# Hear me at your door #

# Singing give me some more #

# Oh, fever to the form #

# Won't you hear me at your door #

# Singing give me some more? #

# 'Cause you were never empty #

# And we've been here before #

# Yes, we've been here before #

# But now there's always plenty #

# Yet still we ask for more #

# Singing fever to the form #