Believe Me (2014) Script

You see, it's these factors, ladies and gentlemen, that lead to a widespread shortage of clean drinking water in the region, leaving thousands upon thousands of diseased, dying people.

Your support may be the last chance we have of ending this suffering.

We are not gonna miss it.

Not on my watch!

I remember when a dear friend of mine, Sam atwell, when he first approached me about joining this mission, and it was his determination that sparked my passion to make a difference.

His actions have saved lives, his message... well, it's brought people all over the world closer to our lord, our savior.

He is a leader. He is a servant.

He also just happens to be my best friend.

It is now my distinct pleasure to introduce to you the man behind this mission.

Ladies and gentlemen, my good friend, Mr. Sam atwell!

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

Morning, Baker.

High is 97, and your low is 75.

Sam, buddy, you can't bail on me. I mean it.

Yes, I can. No, you can't, Sam. Uh-uh.

What did she say exactly? Okay, she said, "Abby and I are going to go to worship service this afternoon."

Don't know why this is funny.

"Bring Sam along, and we'll meet at church."

You know what? You need to take Baker. I'm not taking Baker.

No way. I need somebody who can party, Sam.

Somebody like me, and you're closest... At church?

Oh, yeah.

Phil, I'm just sensing the gloomy skies over you, man.

Look alive. The floor's lava.

Next time you can do that with a smile.

Tyler, I'm gonna leave in a sec if you want to come with me.

I got to bail, man. Still got to finish these internship apps.

Why are you going so early, anyway?

I got a meeting before class.

Give this to Baker if he gets up, okay?

What time... What time does this class end?

4:30, Pierce.

Which is just crazy because this church thing's popping off at 6:00 P.M.

All right, what are we even wearing... hey, all right! That's great! Good!

Okay, listen, if you want to be colorful, Moses apparently had a whole bunch of colors on his coat, so I got something made out of fuchsia... maybe a skinny black tie. Have a bit of edge.

Phil, grab my keys in my bag, please.

I owe you, man. I do. Appreciate that.

As long as everybody's happy. I'll see you guys later.

It is not that bad. It is that bad.

No, it's not. Sam, I haven't slept in three weeks.

Okay, I've got stats homework growing out of my backseat.

And to top it all off, I've got to go in front of the I.F.C. Tonight and deny all of the hazing allegations they have on you guys.

I-I-I... I'm not like you all.

I can't just get up in front of people and just lie to their faces.

Okay. Who's your stats Professor again?

You're in Elliot's class, right? Yeah.

And did he start off the year talking about how even Einstein failed math as a kid?

Yeah. Yeah, pretty amazing story, right?

Only problem is, that story never happened.

Einstein didn't fail math as a kid.

He mastered differential calculus before he was 15.

Teachers still tell their students that today because it...

It inspires a sense of hope that their students can overcome obstacles and achieve their dreams.

Sometimes people do want to be lied to.


So you want me to sell out?

No, I want you to buy in.

Look, Phil, I think you're bad-ass, dude. I really do.

But if you want to join a fraternity, make sure there's one to join.

You're gonna be all right. You know that, don't you?

Morning, gentlemen. Morning, sir.

Grab Phil's stats book along with my bag, please. Yes, sir.

Boys, Phil has fallen deathly ill.

When you get back to the dorms, see that he goes straight to sleep and isn't disturbed.

Understood? Yes, sir.

I'll leave this on my porch for you when I finish it.

Have a good day, Mr. atwell. Have a good day, Mr. atwell.

What are you doing? I just said that.

Come on!

All righty.

Your transcript and your application to graduate.

Thank you.

Pretty darn exciting.

You're cool, right?

Yeah, you're cool.

Uh, for my address, should I put my current address or permanent address?

Here's what's gonna happen. The business office is going to to whatever you put in the blank under "address." What... sorry.

I'm gonna be switching houses is all, because I'm going to law school here in the fall.

So I'm wondering if I should... Mm-hmm.

I was supposed to go to law school.

It was the end of my last semester as a political science major...

I'm a poli sci major. And my therapist convinced me to take a semester off.

Just thought it might help me find myself.

My therapist and I went to cabo San Lucas, and they found her with...

Shut up, shut up, shut up!

Shut it!

Are you okay?

I'll put my permanent address.

It says here there's a hold on my application for $9,211, but my scholarship should cover that.

Hmm?

Would you mind just checking on that?

Check to see if we made a mistake?

Have a real quick look? Now?

Yeah.

You took summer school last year?

Yes. Some of my professors were saying that it'd be a good way to make time to prepare for the lsat's, so...

Mm, that makes sense.

Yeah, I know. That's why I shouldn't be penalized.

No, this tuition bill.

It all seems to be adding up correctly.

Your scholarship expired last semester.

I'm gonna pour you a drink.

Uh, hold on. That's not gonna work for me. I can't pay that.

Oh, shoot. I guess that makes you the only student who can't afford college.

Hold on, hold on. I'm not gonna be able to come up with nine grand in three weeks.

Then take a semester off. I'm not taking a semester off.

Son, stop thinking about your dreams being crushed as a bad thing.

It's fantastic.

This is the first day of the rest of your pathetic life.

Take the advice my father gave me:

Life is difficult.

Jesus.

Amen. You guys can be seated.

We're gonna continue to fan the flames of the spirit, but first off, we're gonna hear from Macy about our missions team.

Hi everyone. I want to talk to you this evening about our annual summer mission trip.

After a lot of prayer and fasting, our group has felt the lord's calling to go and make disciples in Hawaii!

Now, reaching the Hawaiians with the gospel of Jesus will be impossible without the financial support of our church.

I'd love to answer any questions you may have after the service, and we just really appreciate your support.

Thanks.

We have decided to give tonight's offering towards our missionaries in their efforts.

As the ushers come forward, all that I ask is that you give in a way that reflects the faith that you claim.

Let's continue to worship together.

Look alive, look alive. Here we go.

Hey, Macy.

Hey! How are you? Good!

Sam atwell. I didn't know you went to this church.

I don't. I came with some friends, so...

Oh. Yeah.

How's it going? How's the fundraising going?

It's going well. It's definitely a challenge, though, to raise 20,000.

Yeah, geez. That's a lot.

So, uh, how much have you all got left to raise?

Well, let's see...

$4,000 as of Wednesday, which, you know, we started a week ago, so...

Wait, you've raised 16,000... you raised $16,000 in... where did you get all that money?

God has been so good to us in our mission.

Hasn't he? My gosh!

Actually, a lot of my friends have had success raising money for mission trips.

My cousin Allison is in ruhongo for living water, drilling Wells.

There was a flood in Lesotho, so I'm pretty sure she moved there, but, ah, she's everywhere.

So what kind of accountability is there?

What do you mean? Oh, I guess...

I guess I'm just thinking, like, how do these people know that you're not, like, running off to Vegas with the money?

Right, yeah. Obviously, that's ridiculous.

Um...

Well, I'm... Bringing my camera.

I don't get it.

Okay. Okay.

What do you not get? Guys, we only have three months left together before we have to graduate.

I'm having a quarter-life crisis here, and you're talking to Africa?

No. No. We're not going to Africa.

But you want to dig Wells.

Well, it's this big thing right now. It's about clean water.

We're not actually gonna be digging any. You're dipping again, huh?

Yeah, I'm trying to quit smoking. That a boy.

It's a healthy choice. Guys, why do people go to charity events?

'Cause they want to help people. Wrong. Because they want to feel like they're helping people, and that feeling comes with a price.

The sadder the cause, the higher the price.

And what's sadder than kids in Africa without clean water.

So I've been doing my research.

It seems that now, saving Africa is as popular with christians as Jesus Christ himself.

So if we can challenge christians to prove their faith through giving, they're gonna give whatever they have to to not feel guilty.

Basically, we're going to... steal.

Yeah. You want to steal from christians.

Yeah?

Pierce clovins. Long-time listener, first-time caller.

Uh, presentation looks great. It's really cute.

The idea is awful. It's just terrible.

But I appreciate the brewskis and I appreciate the bro-skis.

I got things to do... Pierce, you'd be doing me a real solid here.

I don't think so. You'd be helping me out.

Sorry, buddy. There might be money in it for you.

Would you all just listen to Sam? Really!

Sam, please continue. Thank you.

Very well-thought-out idea. Thank you. Guys, look, all I'm asking you to do is help me put on one event.

Sam, I think Pierce was trying to say was that there has to be something else... there isn't, dude!

I can't get a tuition loan fast enough, I can't get an emergency loan big enough.

All the scholarships are way past due.

And I'd be lucky to get two grand for my car.

A lot of people take a year off to pay for college. It's no big deal.

What do you know about paying for college? Hey, hey.

I'm sorry my parents love me, decided not to be poor.

Guys, everyone that takes a year off either moves home or they lose momentum.

I'm not gonna be that guy.

I'm going to law school.

Okay.

Okay. Okay.

You know what? Screw it. Yes!

I don't really get it. Well...

But, guys, how many more chances are we gonna get to steal from people under false pretenses as a family?

That's not really... Huh? College, no parents.

I'm in.

And I know Tyler's in.

No, I'm not in. Tyler?

I couldn't live with myself if we weren't giving most of the money to charity. Okay.

You know that I don't do public speaking. That's fine.

We can give 20% to a real charity.

Plus, we need someone on sound. Perfect. Pierce.

Sam! I do not care about charities. Not one bit.

But I will take a percentage of those profits.

Yes, you will. Perfect. But, guys, listen.

If we're gonna do this, we're gonna need to go all the way.

And I mean, we're gonna need some serious help.

Baker, you don't think that...

Oh, I do think that. I was hoping you'd say that.

You are the worst pledge trainer ever.

Certainly the most handsome. Thank you kindly.

Amen.


It is. It's just the craziest thing. I know.

But then I thought about it, and I realized, how could I not get involved?

You know what I mean? It's just a cause so close to my heart.

Hey, could you just get, like, two more jars for table two?

Thanks, dude. Appreciate all your hard work. Hey, excuse me.

Sorry. Could you just tell me who's running this event?

Uh, yeah. I am.

Sorry. Hi. I'm Sam. Oh!

Oh, my gosh. Hi. That's awesome. How are you?

I actually worked in Lesotho a few summers ago.

No way. Wow. Wow.

What district are you guys in? I think it's game time.

Hello. I wish I could stick around.

I got to go and do this show. Sam!

Yikes. Yeah. But, uh, yeah, any questions you got, just check your pamphlet. Should break everything down.

No, no, no. That's... It's confusing.

He has given us so much, and we think that it's time to give a little back.

Project "get Wells soon" would like to challenge you to give in a way that reflects the faith that you claim.

So, before you go to the donation tables, I want to ask you, will you give today for a better tomorrow?

Praise God. Thank you all so much for coming out!

We really appreciate it.

Please be careful going home.

Good night!

I looked down, and there were two benjis sitting there.

No way. So way.

I think we hit the frickin' jackpot.

Hey, wake up, you lucky bastard.

You are really gonna graduate. No, I am not.

No, no!

We got to help these kids!

Saw that coming.

It's not enough. It's not enough. I couldn't agree more.

Ken Hopkins, executive director, cross country.

Good to meet you. I've got to tell you, I was out there listening, and, boys, I was impressed.

I would like to...

Bless you.

Thank you.

I would like to take you boys to dinner, and I would like to discuss your future plans.

I have every intention of putting you on the national stage to make all the money you need for your charity.

I really want this mission of yours to succeed.

One dinner?

27 cities, 27 shows.

We've been doing cross country for 15 years, and we've seen thousands of people come to know Christ.

Last year, the holy herald ranked us the second-most impactful ministry in the country.

So why, uh... Why us?

I absolutely love what you guys are doing with project "get Wells soon," and I love you guys. You're just... Cool christians.

I am so sorry that that took so long.

Hi, everyone. Sit, please.

Gentlemen, this is Callie Edwards, the best tour coordinator we ever had.

Hey, Joe's not gonna budge. He said we could only afford one.

That's what I thought would happen.

Fellas, here's the deal.

We can only afford to offer you one signing bonus, but it is $15,000, and we can cover all of your food and lodging expenses while you're on tour.

"On tour"? We would be doing what, exactly?

Well, obviously, you would be getting donations, but primarily you'll be preaching. Oh.

Uh, well, I'm not... you're not... yeah. You're not doing that.

He's actually our tech guy.

He's actually interning with us this year, aren't you, Tyler? But he's as much a part of the team as anybody.

Tyler, are you from South Africa? What's that?

Quick question, Ken, just because you had mentioned fundraising... how much money could we expect to make?

Uh, for Africa?

Um...

Safely, quarter of a million.

Now, I know you've probably already discussed this, but I'm curious.

We would love to hear more about your work in Lesotho.

Ah.

Well, uh, yeah.

Uh, I mean, really, uh, if you're boiling it down, if you're really just...

Let's really look at the base facts.

I mean, this is...

This is really the lord's work, wouldn't you say? Amen.

Amen.

And you guys, are you all set up to handle your own accounting for the... Oh!

Well, yeah. We recently switched to a quarterly based accrual system, right.

Which is going to... Perfect. Good enough.

Our only requirement is that 100% go to the mission work.

Sounds great. Yeah.

But we can't actually, um... We can't... yeah, we can't make a decision without talking it over first.

Right? This guy...

Would you mind if we just discussed it real quick?

Oh, certainly. Certainly. Take a minute?

I've got tough decisions of my own.

So Callie's a smoke shell. Intern, huh?

Yeah, let me just explain.

Uh, okay, guys? I think we can do this.

Oh, absolutely. Oh, he's joking.

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought I heard him say, "quarter of a million dollars." You guys hear that?

What if project "get Wells soon" was a legitimate nonprofit?

We can't do it. Why?

100% percent of the proceeds...

Has to go to the charity work. Yeah, sure.

But I'm talking about cash. They're gonna be keeping records of the card swipes and the checks, but most of this money is gonna be cash.

All I'm saying is, at the end of every night, we're adding up the total...

We just skim off the top. No one's gonna know the difference.

And then the rest, we can give to a legitimate charity.

I already know one. It's called "living water." This would really help them.

Real noble, Sam. Will that bonus top off your tuition?

I'm not even thinking about that right now.

Okay, yeah, all right. It would, okay?

But you guys got to think bigger than this.

This could be great for all of us.

Ty, I know you don't want to be someone's coffee bitch all summer.

Become an intern for project "get Wells soon."

Baker, what are you gonna do after graduation?

Huh? You want to kill yourself at someone's desk job, or do you want to get paid to come have a wild time with us?

It's stealing.

I don't know, Sam.

Baker, trust me. Okay.

Guys, I think we can do a lot of good with this one.

Okay, why are you so into this?

Why do you always think I have ulterior motives?

Huh? There's a lot of good I want to do in this world.

I lost all my summer rent money.

If I ask my dad for any more, he's gonna make me work for him, and I just can't have that.

So technically, it is my only option, but it is a plan I believe in. It's a good plan.

Great plan. Great plan.

Great plan.

Look, dude, if you don't trust me, if you're not feeling it, that's fine, I'll stop talking about it.

All I'm asking is, give me one good reason why the hell not.

Hell is why not. Sam! Tyler, you...

come on, dude.

You'd better write me one hell of a recommendation.


Hey, could one of y'all just turn off the sun, please?

I heard you won big last night.

Could I see your bag real quick.

I know I'm throwing a lot at you guys, but any questions you have should be answered in those packets.

Oh, um...

Those are just the tour policies you agreed to.

You're strict about the no-alcohol policy? Definitely.

That's good, definitely.

Okay, so this will be your typical green room.

This one kind of sucks, but every place is different.

This is where we'll get your makeup and microphone on beforehand.

Guys, this is awesome.

Dude, it's a microwave. Yeah, but we've, like, made it.

You guys are the guys!

Hey, we're the guys.

You're Sam, Baker, Tyler, Pierce!

Oh, I totally friend-requested you guys last night.

I'm kind of the eyes and ears backstage.

Hey, you might want to change your privacy setting.

Okay, I got three wireless and a headset. Who's running graphics?

That'd be me. Sweet. Yeah, okay.

Be careful with those rascals in the back. They don't get out much.

Okay. You all know how these work, right?

It's pretty simple. You just hold this button right here and it turns on, and to turn it on, it's the same.

You just hold it. It's great. And make sure you don't mess that up.

Hey, Tyler, do you want to go up to the booth and meet the team?

Uh... Do it, dude.

Go up to the booth, dude. Yeah, that'd... awesome. It was great meeting you guys. Seriously.

Bye, Yale. Have fun in the booth.

Okay.

Let's just keep going with this.

All right. I like this guy.

Yale must be a decaf man.

So this is the best part of our already amazing tour, yes?

Um, you know what? You guys should meet Gabriel.

He's the worship leader, and his whole band's here.

It's our only song. It's not that hard.

Every moment is a teaching moment.

Fellas! This must be the God squad.

Hey, Sam. How are ya?

Hey, Gabriel, obviously. Friends call me Gabe.

Let's keep it at "Gabriel" for now.

Like the archangel. That's cute. What's that so, uh, yeah... oh, Gabriel's your... that's your real name.

You weren't kidding. No.

This is Gabriel, the worship leader.

Well, now, I wouldn't call myself that.

I mean, my life is worship, and, uh, I am a bit of a leader.

I see how that label would fit, but, no, no.

No, I'm just an artist.

Wow. Yeah.

But I'm also really busy, so I got to get back to it.

By the way, big fan of you guys. Love your work.

I mean, stay sweet.

Hey are we still on for 8:00? Yeah.

Can I talk to you for a second?

Just two seconds. Hey, scales, scales.

G-c-d. G-c-d is for...

I mean, do you think he still wakes up watching vh-1?

Because the goo-goo doll... whoa.


All I'm saying is, just know your talking points before you go in there.

Dude, relax. You're over-thinking it.

All I got to do is walk out, say a couple verses, teach the word of the lord. No, dude, the only thing you should be focusing on is having an emotional response.

Yeah, don't go out there and try to teach what you don't understand.

It's fine. It's covered. Seriously.

Baker, you're talking about the problems in Lesotho.

Pierce, you are... Gonna show 'em how to fix 'em.

Exactly.

What do you need from me?

Uh, nothing.

Just do your thing in the booth.

I will take care of the rest.

Ten bucks says we don't make it through this show.

Twenty. Guys, guys, okay.

Ready to have some fun?

All right. This is it.

Battle stations, everybody. Now transitioning from the charity portion into the message sequence.

All hands on slides.

Plus, we're saving lives.

I mean, how neat is that?

Ladies and gentlemen, a man who needs no introduction, Mr. Sam atwell.

Yeah!

This place is dead.

Wow!

Praise God!

Praise God! Am I right, Atlanta?

My name is Sam atwell, and welcome to cross country.

Tonight, I, uh, I want to talk to you about God's plan for you.

I think the big question is, was Jesus really walking on water here?

No. No.

This is obviously a story... a story... a story to represent these moments when the fear and-and... and, uh...

I mean, yes, we all know that Jesus did walk on water.

He can do that. We know that.

But I think the question we have to ask is why? Why?

You don't think that God couldn't have just sent a row boat?

"Row boat"? What the hell is he talking about?

My best guess, uh... that is, uh... that's...

move over. Yeah.

Danica, switch the lights to cyan and bring them up to 70% on my count.

Camera, get me some ambient guitar.

This is the master, right? Yeah, yeah.

All right. Everybody ready?

But you know what more than that?

More than that...

I believe that God has amazing plans for your life.

Do you believe that?

I believe that God wants to change the world through the christians in this room.

Do you believe that?

I believe... I believe that, through project "get well soon," we can make the water crisis history.

But do you believe that?

If you believe that God still does miracles, I'm gonna ask you to join us in our efforts.

Will you give today for a better tomorrow?

And as the ushers are coming forward, all I ask, all I ask is that you just... just give in a way that reflects the faith that you claim.


Looks like they had over $1,000 in that bag.

I can't believe it. Hey, you saved our ass out there.

Congratulations on your first show, you guys.

Callie, you had us thinking there was a no-alcohol policy.

Oh, yeah, this is all non-alcoholic.

Do you guys throw a party like this after every show?

Yeah, pretty much.

We try to plan fun things for the whole tour.

This should be on all of your lanyards.

I took a closer look at the song, and I realized, "this is supposed to be about Jesus, so what are all those other words doing in there?"

Ladies and gentlemen, congratulations on a successful first show!

Ow! Hey! Hey-hey!

Whoo!

Honestly, I couldn't have asked for a better way to kick off the tour.

I think we have a few kinks to work out.

Gabriel, we have to see if we can get you to quit preaching sermons between every song.

Hey, okay. All right. Take it easy.

But seriously, you guys were very flexible and considerate, and I couldn't be more proud.

If we keep this up, we really will be the most impactful ministry in the nation.

Now, as we wind down the first of many celebrations to come, I'd like to get someone to close us in prayer.

And who better than our very own God squad. What... God...

Baker, would you mind?

All right, guys. Look, I'm sorry!

Bake, half of your prayer was ripped from Jerry mcguire.

No! No, I was saying the-the-the lord's prayer.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Hey, Sam, do we have a tax I.D. Number?

Um, yeah, I got it right here.

All right, and don't let me forget to have you sign this.

Mm-hmm. How much do you want to report?

Uh... Hey, guys, I think we did pretty good.

Yeah, we're gonna need a bigger bag.

Bake, you brought that extra bag, right?

Yeah. Wait, hold on, guys.

We aren't really gonna carry this around like drug dealers, are we?

Uh, Tyler, it's just like you said... we can't deposit the money because technically it doesn't exist.

Okay. Hey, hold on, hold on just one second, Baker, before you get into that.

Guys, real talk...

I would've blown it for us tonight if it hadn't been for Tyler.

I really would've. And I can't ignore the fact that we might be a little in over our heads, but all we got to do is just get through this tour, and if we're going to be playing Sunday school for the next two months, we got a lot of homework to do.

The goal is to blend in, but to do that, we're gonna have to learn everything we can about these people.

How do they worship?

What are their mannerisms?

What do they like to eat and drink?

How do they pray?

What do christians love to wear? What's their sense of humor?

Do they have any hobbies other than God?

How do they socialize? How do they interact?

We all need to read up on some Bible stories, maybe even memorize a few verses.

If we can do that, we're good.

We're gonna get together every night and teach each other.

Sound good?

Let's get to work.

All right. Yeah! Yeah!

Who's ready to worship and pray? Okay. Worship and pray.

Starting off with worship, this is basically the best way to advertise your faith.

And from what I can tell so far, there are four essential hand-raising techniques.

First one... the gecko.

It's just hands by the side, palms open.

Just going for God, like this.

This one's really good for blending in, 'cause no one can tell if you're worshiping or not.

It's just like this. Could go either way.

Your mom could...

Play it out, play it out.

Your mom could... whenever she... stop. You're dead.

Second... call this one "casual five."

One hand in the pocket, one hand up in the air.

High-fiving God. Subtle. Simple.

The straightjacket.

This is very, very, simple. You're literally gonna hug yourself.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I recommend this one when worship goes acoustic.

I don't need to hug anybody else? It's just me?

Last but not least, my favorite... the Shawshank. Now, this one, this is a little intense... maybe too intense.

Do we jump up and down while Shawshank-ing? No.

How do you know? Right? No. Please.

Look, again, if the situation calls for it, if everyone's going to town, I recommend just little calf raises, balls of your feet.

You don't want to force it. You don't want to be Shawshank in a room full of geckos.

Got it? Okay.

Let's talk about prayer.

The idea is to say these words as many times as is humanly possible within one prayer.

This is your saving grace.

This the crutch word. Sprinkle this in anywhere.

Other ingredients include metaphors, self-degradation... very popular.

Dramatic pauses. That's nice.

What is? I saw what he did there.

What'd he do? And also, of course, old English.

Got that one? And as long as you finish with an "amen" or an "ah-men," you're solid.

Questions?

And that's how messed up everything is in Africa.

Let's pray.

Father God, lord, Jesus Christ, God, father, we ask that you just break our sinful hearts and just...

Just...

Just help us.

Please help us help you...

Help Africa.

Okay? Please?

Okay. Now, when we're done highlighting, we're gonna dip it into the water to give it that distressed look.

While these dry, let's talk vernacular.

Now, the first thing you need to know is that christians hate swear words but love swearing.

If you want to swear like a Christian, you either spell out the word or make it into a letter.

"F" that. Exactly. This'll help you sound edgy while you're preaching.

All you have to do is preface it with something like, "now, I know I might get in trouble for this, but..."

So here's this guy, and he's traveling around, persecuting christians.

Now, I know I'm gonna get an e-mail about this, but he's being kind of an a-hole.

Am I right? He is.

But this is the thing... and I'm gonna keep going back to this point...

Granola bars. No.

Fast food. It depends on how much you spend.

What about pie? Now we're talking desserts.

If the dessert is part of the meal, it's probably already been prayed for.

If the dessert is the meal, best bet's to pray for it.

And then I said, "what's a calvinist doing in a buffet line?"

Whoa. Allow me, all right?

Heavenly father, thank you for blessing us...

Bartender, can I get two Shirley temples, hold the fruit?

Check it out.

It's Hebrew.

What? Hebrew.

It's an ancient language.

What does it mean? I'm not sure.

So, uh, how long have you and Gabriel been...

You and Gabriel?

Um, like, a year.

Wow. That's something. Yeah.

Actually, he's been talking about starting his own nonprofit someday, and I think that's great. That's great. Yeah.

It is great.

Who is it?

Don't worry about it. Do you have somewhere to be?

Uh, no.

It's nothing. It's just a guy.

Were you just drinking surge?

Okay. He's trying to quit dipping.

Stained-glass windows, organ players, church hymnals... all these things are dead.

Christians have traded them out for smoke machines, hipster fashions, and fair-trade coffee.

Now, with this change comes new revenue streams, including, and most importantly, Christian apparel.

Which is why I propose we start a clothing line, and we're gonna call it...

"Cross dressing."

Pierce, don't give me... I like it.

Really? Yeah.

Thank you. Every t-shirt that Yale kid wears has has a Christian brand name or positive slogan, so if we come up with our own name or message, we'll kill it with merchandise.

You know what I say about little African babies, like, who's born in the filth with flies in his face, nothing to drink but dirty sewer water, and I think, not on my watch.

Yeah.

Not on my watch!

Not on my watch!

Not on my watch!

Not on my watch!

Show me the money!

Not on my watch!

Cross dressing's all about making a statement.

"Abstinence is bad-a!"

Yeah, it's looking at you, kid! Right in the face!

"F Satan!"

Yeah! Look at that, girl!

Okay, now, to the left.

One more time to the right.

So what does he do? He goes crawling around, all around the desert, only to fall plumb smack-dab in the middle of quicksand!

Ladies and gentlemen, we can get this baby out of the quicksand!

Brothers, I only ask you one question:

God may love you,

but does he like you?


All right. Good morning.

Hey.

Shall we?

Let's join hands.

Heavenly father, we thank you for this wonderful day, and thank you for all the blessings that you've given us.

Father... father God... as we live out this day, what are you doing tonight?

Please remind us of all your unyielding love and endless grace.

Got to come get some barbecue with us when we're in Austin.

I'll try.,..As we head to Austin.

It's kind of non-negotiable.

That you continue to build this ministry up, that we would fulfill your calling to be the biggest faith event in the whole world.

Let me talk to Gabriel, and maybe we can meet up with you guys.

Yeah?

Amen.

Amen. All right.

I'm sure most of you know about the recent tragedy in Zambia, the earthquake, and as we pair up, pray for the victims of that tragedy and that God's name be praised throughout.

And be ready to leave for Austin at 1:00.

Break it up.

Sam, would you like to be prayer partners with me?

Do you want to... dear lord, first of all, I want to thank you for this day and for all the blessings that you've given us.

Father God, in all this tour craziness, I want to pray for Sam.

I pray that you stop anyone and anything that might distract him from helping people reach you.

Father, throw out all temptation, and please give me the courage to do whatever is necessary to hold him accountable.

Oh, and I want to echo what Ken said earlier about Zimbabwe.

Amen.

Sam, would you like to pray?

Did I... did I do something?

Good chat.

Oh, no, man.

Sam, you have to stay away from her, all right?

The last thing we need is that guy running around playing detective.

I got it. Because if he figures out about the bag...

I said I got it.

Okay, I'm almost ready for you.

Sam, Brent's almost ready for you.

All right, look. We have to do something with that bag.

Get it out of here. Maybe we should drop it at the house before... no. Yeah.

Check one.

Check one, check one. Keep going.

Sam, he's not getting anything! Yeah, yeah, it's fine.

Check, one, two. I swear, I can never get this thing.

It always sticks. Check one.

You got something?

Uh, hi, I'm Sam atwell.

Hello. This is Tyler. We're good.

We're good? Good. Are we good?

All right. Tyler.

No, you know what? Just stay focused, Sam.

Okay?

Hey, Sam, hey.

I need to check the pickups in your mic.

Yeah, it's fine, it's fine.

That's what I thought too, but the pickups... let me just...

Yale, it's fine. I said I got it.

I can handle it. Okay?

Yeah, you can handle it.

Hey, you know what? You could lighten up a little bit.

We're putting on a pretty amazing show. It's not just a show anymore.

Hey. Hey, Sam. Hey!

How are you? Fantastic, thank you.

I just had to tell you how truly inspired I have been by your last two sermons.

That's great, dude. That's awesome. Thanks. I appreciate it.

Hey, Sam... Yeah?

I think God wants me to go to Africa.

Just forget about school. Drop everything here and just go.

I know there are missionaries leaving from Houston in a few days.

I understand that money may be a huge issue and everything, but...

I just had to ask you, how do you know what it is that God wants you to do?

Well, I mean, if you think about it, why wouldn't God want you to go to Africa, you know?

I say if you feel in your heart that God's calling you to do that, just go for it, dude.

Yes, yes, yes! Definitely.

I... I just wish that God would just pick up the phone, you know, and give me a call and tell me what to do, but maybe if you wouldn't mind praying for me.

Of course, dude. Yeah. I'd really appreciate that.

I would really, really really appreciate that. I got to get back to the booth.

Okay. Thank you, guys. Thank you, thank you.

Hey, congratulations.

You're awesome. Thanks.

What's up, you d.B.? What up?

Brought you all some breakfast taquitos.

Hey, guys, you got to read some of these fan letters.

"Dearest God squad, you are my heroes, and I'd love to make your sidekick. Unrighteousness?"

Not on my watch. Four exclamation marks.

What the hell is that? Ty, you got to check these out.

What?

Why did you do that? What?

Oh, you d... you didn't see how excited that kid was?

That kid's name is Cameron.

And you can't just push a decision like that on someone you don't know.

I'm not pushing anything on anyone, okay?

I'm just... he... he believes that God wants him to go to Africa.

I can't help if he's convicted. That's not my fault. Are you kidding me?

You keep saying you're supporting people who believe in God, but you're not.

All you're doing is pushing God on people that believe in you.

You have to chill, okay? I'm not doing anything except saying what people expect me to say... that's it.

And if people want to give money to a good cause, what's so bad about... what we're taking is worse than their money.

You just turned Cameron's life upside down for something you don't even believe in.

It doesn't matter if I believe it, if you believe it.

It doesn't matter if any of us believe it. We're here to facilitate... no, we're here because you got backed into a corner. That is it.

That's it, man.

It was you that needed them, not the other way around.

Let me get this straight. So you think that Cameron shouldn't go to Africa?

You think that christians shouldn't make the world a better place, is that right?

Not if they're doing it for bullshit reasons. It's not bullshit to Cameron.

He believes in Jesus. Why does that bother you so much?

He only believes it because people like you stand on that stage and sell it to him.

He doesn't know any better than to buy it.

Hey, Tyler, chill out, man.

Guys, we're all tired.

We're all stressed. We've been on the road a long time.

Okay? Look, what I want you to do... I'm done.

What?

I'm done, man.

What do you mean? I'm not doing this anymore.

I can't do this anymore.

And, guys, maybe we don't have to.

Maybe we can just leave the tour.

We all heard about the earthquakes in Zambia, right?

And Cameron was just telling us about some missionaries that are going there in the next few days.

We could just go to Ken and tell him that God called us there.

How could he argue with that?

We made enough money, and the time to get out couldn't be better.

What's going on in Zambia?

Don't worry about Zambia, Baker.

We're not going to Zambia. We're not going to Zambia.

'Cause there's plenty of money to be had right here.

For once, this is the perfect time for you to quit while you're ahead.

I didn't ask for your opinion. I'm not lying to these people anymore.

Good, then leave, get out. You just forfeit your share for somebody else.

Okay? Go find some other internship.

Why don't you think about someone other than yourself for a second?

Quiet!

No one's leaving.

We're gonna finish what we started.

Works for me, Sam.

Okay?

Tyler? Tyler!

Sam, I am not trying to put you guys in a tough spot,

but tonight is my last show, man.

And if y'all want to keep going, then...

Well, then, that's on you.

It's on me?

Hold on. Tyler.

Tyler!


So I know this is just the worst timing.

Oh, no, no. No.

I understand. I do.

Well, these are the total donations from Dallas, and Sam will be coordinating with our offices for the remaining shows.

Well, fantastic. We sure will miss you around here.

Thank you for everything, and God bless you.

Hey.

I'm sorry. What are you doing?

I'm sorry. Thanks for that. I really appreciate it.

What are you doing? What's up?

Awesome job tonight.

That was... That was...

Oh, high five. Okay. I'm going for it. Yep.

So, Gabriel has to meet with Ken about something, and I think it's gonna be a while, but...

I would still be up for hanging out with you guys if you want.

Oh, yeah.

Uh, I don't know if the guys are gonna be able to make it anymore, so... That's fine.

But I'm still happy to show you the city if you want.

Uh... I'd be up for it.

Yeah. Yeah?

Yeah, sure. Are you ready now?

The trailer park's just down the street. Okay.

Wait, what?

Honestly, I spent more time playing soccer with the kids than I ever did teaching. Yeah?

Yeah. Why am I not surprised?

Here, I want you to see them.

Oh, wow.

Oh, he's a good-looking guy. I know.

He's strapping.

Hey, I know you hear this enough, but I have to say it:

You're really making a difference over there.

It's just, it matters, that's all.

He's a cool kid.

Mm-hmm.

You really miss Lesotho, huh?

Yeah.

How come you came back?

I wanted people here to know Jesus too.

You know, I wanted them to come to things like this and not miss the whole point of it all.

I don't know. I just...

I'm not sure if I've really changed anything.

Callie, you are not responsible for changing everybody.

You can't be. Yeah.

The truth is, some of these people are gonna show up, and they're gonna miss the point of it all, they just are.

But, you got to believe that these events inspire hope, and that is better than being hopeless.

That's something.

I guess I just feel like if your hope's not in Jesus, then...

Maybe you are hopeless.

Don't you?


Hey. Hey, good morning.

Good morning.

You sound tired.

You weren't driving some poor girl around the city till 1:00 A.M., were you?

Hey, uh, do you want to grab breakfast with me or something?

I just, uh...

I just wanted to talk to you about something.

Hold on a second. Can you hold on?

Hey. Hey.

You got a sec?

Hey, did Baker sleep in here last night?

Uh, I don't know.

Where is he?

I think he went to some party near campus, but I'm not sure.

Where are you going? Okay, that sounds fine.

What's that? I said that sounds fine.

Uh, great, okay.

Why don't I meet you downstairs at a quarter till?

Okay. Okay, see you in a bit.

Hey, have you seen my keys anywhere?

Uh, no.

What are you doing?

Uh, big Russ got a glimpse of my credit card statement showing where my allowance money went, so he said I got 48 hours to get it back to him, or I'm gonna have to work for him to pay it off.

So I'm gonna need my share of the cash.

Yeah, uh, I'm gonna need to talk to you about that. What's up?

I think we should give the money back.

That's great.

I think we should give it to a real charity. Uh-huh.

I'm serious. Look, I get that this was my idea.

I get that. I get that I said it didn't matter where the money went, because it's not about money to these people, and it's probably not, but there's a whole other group of people that are just dying, hold on.

And that depend on this money just to survive.

I can't... we got to do the right thing here.

Sam, that's just not gonna work for me.

Pierce, just... just listen for a second. That's not happening.

Sam, you make decisions based off what's right for you.

Okay? And that's fine. That's what everybody does.

But you're not the authority on what is right and what is wrong.

You do whatever you want with your share, okay?

Give it away. I don't care.

Just don't all of a sudden pretend like you're some good guy I'm not acting like because you had a conviction last night.

I'm a good guy, I just... anyone would agree that this is wrong, okay? No shit.

No shit, Einstein.

Where was this four months ago?

Huh? Wasn't so obvious when you needed the money.

And now I'm in a bind, and you just leave me hanging to dry?

I'm not leaving you out to dry, okay? That's just unreal!

You talk about doing the right thing. Why stop at giving the money back?

Why don't you stand there on stage, tell those thousands of people you lied to who you really are.

Maybe I should! Mm-hmm, but you won't.

'Cause you only tell the truth when it's convenient...

To you.

So do whatever you want with your share,

but I'm taking mine.

Thank you.

We got a problem.

He's just trying to freak us out. He's doing a pretty good job.

Tyler wouldn't take... we don't know that! Find him, okay?

All right. Where are you going? Just meet me at the house.

And find out where Baker is! All right, all right.

These guys have been pretending to be christians so they can scam money off people. What?

The prayers, the sermons, the charity, none of that is real!

Oh, my gosh, you're being ridiculous! Callie, listen.

Sam has never drilled any Wells.

He's never even been to Africa, and he certainly does not believe in God.

I found a whole bag of donations hidden in his closet.

How did he... he's been playing all of you. Hey, Callie?

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Hear it from him. Gabriel...

Now, I know you don't believe me, and he will never tell you, but you can hide in the bathroom. You sound crazy!

I know, I know. I'm sorry.

Hey, uh...

Hey, listen, something's come up. Just call when you get a sec, okay?

Sam, are you lost?

Where's Callie?

Sam, I thought we had an understanding.

All right, Gabriel.

Sam, did you lose something?

What did you do?

I didn't do anything.

You're the one stealing from the tour, Sam.

Where did you hear that? I heard it from you.

You're gonna want Yale to replace that microphone, which, by the way, I got to side with Tyler on your argument.

Cameron would not last a week in Africa.

I don't care what you think you heard, but you've stolen what belongs to me. I need that back.

What I found does not belong to you.

Prove it.

I did.

You see, I knew Ken wouldn't believe me, so I had him count last night's donations before he handed them off to you, and suffice to say, there were some significant accounting errors.

What do you want, Gabriel?

It's not about what I want, Sam.

It's about what's right.

Your fans deserve the truth. My fans?

You really think people come to see me or see you?

They're here to worship God, not to get your autograph.

Are you really gonna lecture me about God?

You and your friends are going to jail, Sam.

You are.

And you have no one to blame but yourself.

Let's get breakfast.

Ken, if there's anything that I can do... don't.

I think you're done talking.

This is fraud and embezzlement, Sam, the kind of thing that will put you away for a long time, and I can't even begin to tell... excuse me.

None for me, thanks.

I won't be pressing charges, Sam.

What?

I was part of a church where the pastor was exposed for having an affair.

It was a good ministry, but it slowly fell apart once the news hit.

As long as I'm in charge, we are gonna stay 100 feet from either side of a scandal, because there is no winner.

Ken, you're not gonna let these guys get away with this... my mind is made up. You need to think about how this could ruin people's faith, not to mention our donor list.

I can take over the charity. I actually care about these people.

We are not having this conversation again.

You play the songs. Be grateful for what God's given you.

If people want the God squad, then that's what they're gonna get.

How are we gonna go about getting the money to the charity?

It turns out the money you stole is nothing short of an answered prayer.

See, it's just enough to cap off the funding for cross country's fall campus tour.

Ken, you cannot... you are gonna sign over all ownership and rights for project "get Wells soon" to cross country.

You are gonna travel with the crew, you are gonna preach through the summer, and you are going to be very wise with your words, because discretion, Mr. atwell, is the only thing keeping you boys out of jail.

Now, is there anyone else who knows anything about this?

Let's keep it that way.

So we're not going to jail?

We lost the money, bake.

Are you kidding me, man?

Just forget about the money. We're lucky to have a way out of this.

Look, I can still fix this. Maybe we do have to stay on tour...

Sam. Hey, Sam, we don't have to do anything.

Do you want to go to prison? No.

It's over.

I had a best friend growing up.

We were super tight.

He went to prison.

He said he hated it.

Look, guys, maybe if we can just...

Stop. Just stop.

I'm gonna finish this tour, and I'm gonna get back to my life.

Me too.

I'm sorry, man.

I'm sorry.

Heard this movie is so bad-egg.

Did anybody invite the God squad to the movie?

I did, but they were saying...

You can't just invite those guys to a movie.

They're probably busy doing charity work right now.

Really? Oh, yeah.

You see how tense they are? They're sold out for the spirit in ways you guys would never understand.

That's my daughter in there. Pull yourself together.

Her brain is in a coma, not her heart.

What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to forgive?

I don't even know where to begin.

Begin with God.

Your whole life you've been building houses, but you've never thought about your own foundation.

It's too late for me now.

It's just too hard.

It's never easy to forgive.

We have to give up our advantage, like Christ did for us.

Oh, it's a terrifying and vulnerable thing, but it sets us free.

You're never gonna save grace if you don't let grace save you.


All right, all right.

Can you just talk to me for a second?

I won't give you two minutes.

Okay, I'm fine with just one. What do you want, Sam?

I just want to explain myself so you don't think I'm...

I think you're a liar and a thief because you lied and stole from thousands of people.

Is that about right? Is that pretty much what happened?

I did lie about what I believe, and I did lie...

Sam, stop, okay?

I am forgiving you, all right? And that's it.

You're forgiving me? Just like that? Yep, just like that.

I don't accept. Excuse me?

You're playing the Christian card and don't mean it.

Just be honest with me!

Why do you assume that acting like a Christian means not being honest?

Because I know you're upset. I know that I let everybody down.

Yeah, Sam, that's what happens when you try to please everyone.

You have to lie to keep them happy, and then eventually you run out of lies and everyone hates you.

Wow. Okay. Okay.

Did you ever hear that Einstein failed a math class?

Yeah, that's actually not true. Yeah, I know, but the point is, teachers still tell students that today because it inspires a sense of hope.

Well, those teachers are stupid, because there's plenty of other stories out there that are inspirational and actually true.

Yeah. Yeah.

Look, Sam, if you want to live right, if you want to do right by people, just be honest.

You want me to be honest? You want me to be honest and go to jail.

You want me to be honest and go to jail... what about all the people that are gonna walk away from their faith because of me?

Is that what I should do? You have no problem lying and letting an entire village suffer for it?

Of course I have a problem with...

Sam, listen, listen.

I am not trying to tell you what to do, okay?

But if anyone's faith is in you, they should walk away from it.

And this isn't me trying to make some come-to-Jesus moment, okay, it's just...

It seems like you don't even know what you believe, and I think until you do know, your best answer is that you don't have one.

I just think you should put your hope in something that's worthy of you.

That's all.


Callie...

I'm so sorry.

For everything.

I hope you know that.

I hope that's true.


You got a minute?

We're not getting to the money.

I can get to the money. That's not the problem. What is?

Ken will never let me... Ken cannot stop you.

Then somebody else will. You don't understand.

These people put me in this box, like the only thing I can do is music.

And then they resent me 'cause they're jealous.

They don't resent you because they're jealous, they resent you because you're kind of a dick.

No, no, look. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Look. Listen.

You need to cut this rock-star crap, dude, okay?

Listen, I think you're the perfect guys to run project "get Wells soon."

I know that your heart is in the right place, but, man, you got to change your attitude.

I think we can really help each other, but you got to trust me.

Now, do you know any other songs?

Mm.

Aha! Come in! Come in, come in.

I'm just getting my stuff ready. Yeah. Yeah.

I about fell out of my chair when you called and said you had a new song.

Yeah, well, I'm just experimenting with a few new words.

Ah, I get it. Artist thing.

I understand.

One second. Hello.

Yes, it's him. Huh?

Oh. Uh...

Wh... uh...

Absolutely.

And you are here right now?

Well, yeah, I can come down right now.

Sounds great. Thank you see you soon.

Gabriel, this is it!

You just tune up, do what you need to do, warm up, whatever.

I'm gonna run downstairs real quick.

Apparently someone from the holy herald is here talking about rankings.

All right. I'll just do some scales or something.

Great. Bye-bye.

Good evening.

I can't tell you how happy we are to be back here in Houston.

Tonight, let's get rid of every distraction and focus on praising Jesus.

Amen? Amen!

All right. Here we go.

Yo!

What's up, dude? How you doin'?

Hey, dude, you never told me about the party the other night. How was it?

You don't even... It was a disaster.

Really? Yeah.

I drank 19 beers, and three months ago, that's bad-ass.

And now it was just like, "who's the old guy with the drinking problem?"

Still, college, no parents. Right?

No.

Nope.

I got to get a life.

Yo!

Yo, yo, what's up? What's up, you d.B.'S?

You guys just making out, or...

Baker, we've got a real love.

Yeah. Something you wouldn't understand.

Hey, uh, guys? I just wanted to say, I'm really, really sorry about everything.

If I could do this whole summer over again, you know... ah, you're good, Sam.

Yeah. I mean, the idea, from the onset, terrible. Thank you.

But you got to see it to the end.

I did you get you a hell of a recommendation.

Don't worry about that, man. Unless you already wrote it.

'Cause, then, yeah. Yeah, I'll take it.

I did. You will.

I just wish all y'all could've got something out of it.

Uh... we got something out of it.

Check this out.

Boom, for you. Boom, for you.

Thanks. What is it? What is this?

Our fat stacks, yo! Royalty checks from cross dressing!

Baker, this is $6,500.

Guys, I'm the frigging man. This happened.

Yeah, yeah. You know what?

You should just take my check.

All of y'all, just split it up. What?

I got to work for my dad anyways after this to pay back some debts, so I already got a job.

I don't need... although, with all these checks, I could pay him back right now one fell swoop, which would be great for me and him, probably you guys too.

You know what, Pierce? None of us could thank you enough.

That's very sweet of you. That's...

Are you serious? Yeah.

You're supposed to say, "no, we couldn't," and then you give me my... forget it. Just give me my... are you gonna go down? All right, you're going down right now.

Hey, you guys, Gabriel's...

Uh...

Gabriel's on his last song.

Hey, Baker, let's finish what we started.

You got it, Pierce.

Yeah, man, I'm gonna get to the booth.

Okay.

Hmm?

Will you give today for a better tomorrow?

You know, if you make $25,000 a year, you're in the top 10% of wealth in this world.

I mean, we are blessed beyond belief, and yet I don't think there's anybody in this room who cares.

That's it.

All right.

It's heavy.

Hey, what are you gonna say?

Uh...

I don't know.

Just... I'll just get out there and say the first thing that pops into my head, I guess.

Hey, can you... Can you deliver something for me?

Uh, yeah. Sure.

Thanks.

Callie?

Yeah?

You...

You know how the other night you were talking about how you feel like you're on tour, and...

You haven't changed anything?

You really shouldn't worry about that so much.


It is now my distinct pleasure to introduce to you the man behind this mission.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Sam atwell!

Thank you guys.

Thank you all so much.

I was just reading Matthew, and, uh,

there's this story about a rich, young guy who meets Jesus, and he asks him, "how do I get into heaven?"

And Jesus is like, "have you obeyed the commandments?"

And the guy's like, "yeah, I have."

But Jesus told him that he had something missing, so he asked him to give up everything, sacrifice everything,

and follow him.

But the guy couldn't do it.

And it says that the rich, young guy walked away sad,

because he had too much to lose.

This guy believed in Jesus right up to the point that it was gonna cost him something, and then he just bailed, which makes me wonder if he ever really, really believed in the first place.

Sometimes a decision comes your way, and it's...

It's a hard decision.

But it shows you in that moment what you really believe.

I, uh...