Beowulf & Grendel (2005) Script




Yahhhhh!!! Yahhhhhh

Ahhhh Owwee.


Yoeyeo Yahhhheeoooooooooweewaaaa

Let this great horn tell the world no man stands above the Danes.

All we look up on is ours.

Hrothgar much loved king of the Danes.

Under Odirs eye I blood you lucky on all parts that leave this hall.



Ahhhhhh! Blehhahhhhh!

May all those who cross these steps find a happy heart.



Olaf! Pal!

Where were you when all this happened?


I'd had some beers.

What fucking thing would dare...

G'day G'Day.

I'd love much to know man, whereabouts?

Fish beach.

Likely I'm the only one who names it that.

Where I get fish.

I'm Beowulf Beowulf?

Yea Beowulf the what? Heh? The eel meal?

You've never had another? Wash up like myself?

In the name of Breca? Ahhh.

We were out hunting walrus a couple of days ago... when a storm came up and ate our boat.

So this is just you coming in now?

Yeah You've ever swum in the open sea?

I leave that to my boat.

Ahh. I'd like to think you'd botter me.

I can't see much life in that. Do you do this a lot?

I take what comes.

Good then you'll have no qualms if supper tastes like you.

Eat, be yourself.

So, what's it like being a hero?

Qualling things with axes and, and that sword of yours. And what.

Kinda bloody madness. Heh In truth I don't get all that mad.

So, ahhh hahh-hhhah, A hero ahhh, A hero for supper.

Don't my shit shine. Hah, hahhhh, hahhh I'm in your debt I'm in the fishes. All these days have come for theirs.

The winds were kind.

No storm waylaid Sawthwood from his hard walk home.

None in Geatland held so strong the love of kin as Beowulf.

But coming home he heard the tale.

Friends to the west slept with slaughter.

...from death upon the Danes.

Great Beowulf alone had best it bares thought fearless in their mood for men but now he brought a half score or more Geat swords to swing against this thing.

Let's hear the names

Breca the loud.

HahhhAhhhh Right from the seas.

Lost no son in hoisting sword.

Hoisting swords?

He couldn't hoist his own sail.

The huncho. Queller of puffins Hahhh.

...and beer.

Shook his shields to shake the world.

No. Just on that scum troll's head.


Well as we've done these last few years this sail holds grim bliss for me.

A thing that takes two hundred in arms is no small thing.

But I will see Valhalla or that thing's head on a pole.

Aye, aye, aye So that Danes might say Geats don't wield words where swords speak truer.

Ayyye. Yea.

Great as our own shield king Is, there is another nearest kin to me.

None bleed for a better king than Hrothgar I'd die happy.

Loved as he.

But we live happy even now.

So, Beowulf goes at dawn to the Danes all you who go along, keep us proud.


And if you can find Hondscioh a wife our sheep have had enough.



Trollll!!!!!! I call you out!!!!



Meet me the like if you dare! Or fight me in hell. You hairy creep.

Creep. Creep!



Are you wounded?

The thing wouldn't fight. It spared me to witness this.

Then get up off your arse with your Thanes insight.

This is no ground for a game.

Ahh, you're wrong where a king who has had his balls hauled up his guts it is the ground.

All the broken bone wretches I've flung to death.

And to Valhalla.

I don't know.

Is that the look of a man going happily up to the feast?

Or down to the worms?

You talk like a mad man.

No! Just like the Danish king of daylight Get up now or do we bury you here?

Is that your wish?

With your thanes in sight?

Whose wife would you have me be?

A burly sword of Christ to cleave you thus, and thus and thus!

That's one shiny sword.

I'm told you're the Dane's king.

Connaught wishes you well

Celt, you're a ways from home I am but safe with the sword of Christ. Father Brendan.

Christ. I - Heard of him. You ever have much luck with trolls?

I'm of the thought they've never crossed paths, but if you're willing to bow before Christ you shall feel the blessing of his great strength.

My gods don't ask me to bow.

And nor should they dare if they won't protect ye.

To fear god's fools is an honor. I've come to drive this evil out.

With your stick?

With the fire of heaven!

Well if your heavers on fire you'd better look to that.

You leave me on a dish for the troll then.

Leave me. And if I don't see mars stone.

I shall see god's! I shall see god!


Selma, should I fear for my husband?

You've got nothing better to do?

Sweet don't play the bitch with me. I don't ask much and I don't ask often.

No one dares dirty your name around me.

Nor yours around me.

Hrothgar dies happy, in his sleep.

That's a lift.

Selma, I could find a place for you inside.

We chose our beds along time back.


Hold there!

As you wish.

Is this land Dane?

It is and you're not.

So unless you're ready for a shower of arrows you tell who you are!

Two blows from this and fifty men will be on this beach before your next breath.

Fifty birds maybe.

Is that then your word?

I'm Beowulf.

Beowulf the Geat?

Ahh, here we go.

We come as friends for Hrothgar.

Well we welcome friends.

Bring what you need.

I'll have men look to your ship.

Welcome to Daneland

By Thor they have the spark of cows.

Who's that?

Selma, a witch.

The happy would keep a boat length from her Happiness isn't everything.

She sees people's deaths.

That is one beer hall.

If you like to drink with the ghosts.


Oh my little Beowulf, nobody tells me anything.

I somehow think of you as smaller I was eight when I left.

Ahh you've grown. Ahh.

I'm sorry we didn't mean to wake you.

Wake me.

I'm a grief crippled king half drunk in the middle of the afternoon, what's there to wake?

By the gods it's good to see you.

Hahh, hahh!

Hah! Hah!

You think you need a beer?

Ah, ya. Aye.

If Geat were seeking a wife, this room would hold better up than most.

So many.


Widows far too early.

Ho, ho.


With my King I welcome you all.

We can never forget this gift.

Hahh. Nannnnannnannnannnnanaaaan From this night on the only working flesh this troll feasts on will be it's own.


With the morning, your curse will be less than a shadow.


Well maybe not less, but I mean to hold in my hand the head that by my sword no more steers a dead troll body.


We'll hoist the shield now Drive that hunger back down it's mouth. Await, can chew on it's tongue.

It can chew on it's own stinking stone of a heart, ...but no more Danes.

We mean to put an end to this fiend.


As other's vowed Unferth!

By you will dear Queen.

We're wiser in knowing the hearts of those who tangled with that thing.

Those are dead.

I don't brag of wrestling with it. Nor of Being able to kill it.

The troll broke down these doors with twenty Danish warriors sleeping inside.

What gives thirteen Geats better hope?

We won't be sleeping.



Or see your guts in a dish.

Now before the dark will sharpen us - play, drink.


Since it began we'll have Swedes, Saxons even Sloths even coming to see how weak we were.

Ya I know, I look like walrus shit.

Comes from fighting things you can't.

All bad dreams end.

We'll see you in the morning for herring and egg.

Herring and egg?

Now, if there's anything you need to tell me about it, now would be the time.

I'll stay here. Amongst you.

We'll bring you the head - throw it in with the herring and egg.

MMMMMMMMmmmm Ahhhh, hahhahahhhaa



Where did you spend the night?

Why was such a dark wretch spared?

That's not what he asked.

Wise king. You must know of the name of Clovis The Frank?

The Frank, yes, yes, the Frank.

The Christian Sword over land ten times what the Danes hold dear.

He's dead.

Yes, ten years now.

...but not before he saw God's grace.

The Visigoths of Aquitaine, the Romans and the Syagrius, Burgundians, Alamans all fell before him and all because he had God's ear.

As I recall yours had a thousand swords.

Neighbors offered wine and pork and no eyes at his ribs.

And no fucking trolls!

And no fucking trolls!

My skinny hand can only bless, but trust me.

This thing shall meet it's end in striking me or those of mine.

Madness has it's wonders.

The Celt sat straight in the path of the thing.

It was not touched.

The Celt held no sword. Perhaps the thing hates weapons.

The old men were armed, true.

Others here in arms have been spared.

I have been waiting for Odin to bring me my death.

He hasn't.

In his wisdom?

This is where the blood trails led.

I tell you, this troll must be one tough prick.

Do this climb every night after supper?

Why don't you blow your horn now, I wouldn't mind those fifty bows bragged of.

I could bring the bows. But the men are gone.


Are you alright?

I'm fine. Good

A little high up for driftwood.

What are we fighting here?

A Thing beyond our ken.

Could spread out... meet back here in a year?

We're out of our world.

Padre, santi...

Go in peace my son, go in peace. Next!

I was off in a dream.

Wish I could bring a better one.

Baptism they call it.

Unferth feels that he's fallen from the grace of the gods.

It's not every mars wish to sit in blood.

If this Christ can stiffen Unferth's heart, what's the harm?

They swim only out of fear.

But still... they swim.

Dusk soon, eh.

You a herd dog?

I've been called worse.

I'm Beowulf...

Yes. The much-told hero from Geatland.

So who are your people?

None. I came here in my teens.

A whore to Unferth's uncle, Alvis Three-Legs.

So you're not then Dane?

Oh I am. My family was killed by Wulfing raiders.

Ah, my father too... not killed, but...

I mean, but a feud with the Wulfings brought us here.

I guess you werert made a whore.

I'm told you know of things to come.

Hmm, that's a wide sea.

Of deaths of things.

Seeing that everything living dies you still give me the sight of gods.

Speak clean. You wonder of yourself.

More of the troll.

Not of yourself?

In some things I'd rather be blind.

You're worse than Loki with your sheepshit twining.

The death of the troll will cost dear both the Geats and the Danes... as it bloody well should.

Why as it should?

The Danes have done their doom on him. And you come here to kill.

Day's going down.

If we want to be ready...

Careful with what you don't understand.

Has this thing, this troll killed any children...

No women?

Old men?

What are you saying? It fights with a clean heart?

It kills the strongest first. It shows us and kills the strongest.

Who cares if he spares the children?

They'll die anyways without their fathers.

My wits still war with how this all began

It came for the mead hall... I can only guess.

The night we finished it, before creep came, we hadrt seen a troll in fifteen twenty years.

So nothing was done to the troll itself?

Oh Beowulf!

It's a fucking troll!

Maybe someone looked at it the wrong way!

Some Dane?

Who hands you this? Selma?

Come on.

She's been out in the wilds too long.

Her head is full of spiders, her lap is full of moss.

It's said she sees things.

Well the crazy do see things.

I never begged anyone to come here and take on our fight.

I don't hold you here...

I know you don't.

Then don't saddle my heart with the talk of why a fucking troll does what fucking troll does.


Ahhhhhhhhh!!!! Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!

Watch the sides!

Cone on crab slime, show me these teeth.

O'er the night, the warriors waited, sword and shield in ring wrapped grasp.

Then the fiend of bog and brine reached those doors of ten mers weight, ...bade it creak by breath alone. But then smelt God amongst the men.

Hardly had they hoisted steel, this thing's rank guts gave out.

Great Beowulf, God's awful arm... -

Enough! Go on, go off kids.

Go on, go off!!

You scare them doing that.

O fuck, Thorkel.

They've only had months of waking to the scattered parts of kin!

Don't feed them lies.

That was piss the other night - piss on us.

If any gods were around there, they were sleeping.

Celt says that Jesus Christ never sleeps, that he walks amongst us.

Oh, that's all we need. A god gone mad from lack of sleep.


He's already fighting like that Dane.

You want to waste your strokes on me and the air - go ahead.

Hondscioh had a bad dream.

And yours were good?

Here with the smoke of the dead?

I don't see fear helping us.

Watch you don't drop that.

Fear has it's place.

I wondered if you threw the bones.

I need the right path.

There is the one that leads back to Geatland.

If the bones say so.

What if I lie?

Then the gods will bring me back.

So. No thoughts at all for my cunt.

Warrior-monk huh, there's not many of those.


Leave here... or stay and meet your doom!

Doom... doom... doom doom doom doom doom doom doom Is that talk?

It isn't barking


You're not Dane, that's why you still breathe.

I'm blood-bound to Hrothgar!

Blood, blood, blood, blood... owhhhhooohha He says that's your burden.

My burden... your stinking life!

Come down here, I swear I'll hammer these stones right up your hairy arse!


Why won't he fight me?

Why should he? You've done nothing to him.

What was he doing at your hut?

I forgot. You're the great Geat - welcome to women wherever you go.

Swimmer of oceans... able to kill five Swedes with one stroke of his great blade...

We came to help the Danes find peace.

I'm Dane. I'm at peace. Not that I always was.

When Alvis Three-Legs died in my bed, some claimed I killed him.

So they drove me to the wilds.

Then they'd only come around to maybe spill some seed.

Not since Grendel.


Your troll.

Weirdly enough he has a name. It means grinder.

Of bones.

No, of teeth.

He was born with bad dreams. Nothing I say will help you kill him.

As long as the king wins the day.

Always, my lord.

Another bloodless dawn. For you at any rate.

I'm pissing it.


It's cone and gone over the last few months.

I'm turning into a woman. Or a dying man.

I spoke with him last night. Grendel.

You talked?

If you can believe what Selma says.

He was above me in the rocks. But he spoke, words.

He only wants Danes. He blames you for something.

Oh he blames me!

He blames me!

Of all the shit he blames me!

There's coves north of here no Dane even dares to go!

How much land does one mouth need?

What does he think he is some sort of fucking troll Caesar - with rights to everything he looks upon?

Beowulf, the word on the waves is I die happy.

No gods I've ever know has offered me that.

They promised me beer, fish here and there... and friends to burn.

It's hard to hold you spoke to that thing.

From well beyond my sword.

Something has you turning.

I fear he just waits for us to go.

Same thought gnaws on me.

Now Celt bless me or be done.

Go in peace my lord, go in peace. Wise king go in peace.

That's it my lord, praise the Lord. Praise him.

Go with the thorn of Christ, wise King.

Grimur's got a troll-heart! He brought the troll here!

I'm a Dane and a Christian!

And your mother screwed trolls!

You little prick! You!

The Troll killed my brothers.

But this wretch didn't but we'll get the one who did.

Now on you go. All of you, go on!

I can lead you to the Dane-killer's cave.

Why didn't you before?

Ahh... I feared it's wrath, my death. No more. No more.

Over there.


So who jumps first?

It'ss... a-a short climb down.

Our scabby friend's right.

I can see the hole.

Give us a hand.

I-I swear - by Christ.

Let's leave Christ out of this.

We need a rope.

I'll rope ya. Might not be a bad idea.

Hey troll - have some of ours! they came to the cave of the killer.

Wrecked by rush and slime of slope Hondscioh fair fell to Valhalla Let's uh let this sad tale sleep.

Hondscioh shows up - great Odin asks how he died.

He says -

I... fell?



Even the trolls love my wonderful hair.

I think he wanted you for more than that.

Great Breca, the Troll-house Pisser!

I'd be more careful where I wave my spear.

I'd piss in his mouth if he dared to show it.

Best be ready to do more than that.



Our friend Grendel doesn't come from mist and shit alone.

I curse you and all your kin.

He wasrt in his cave.

How does he die?

Unless your teeth can catch an axe.

I led my men into this... not knowing.

If I'd known, I'd've come alone.

Now I see doom hanging over some of them.

Doom I brought.

You found the cave.

That's where I see him dying.

Would you wait in your cave and for killers who knew the path to your door?

Take me to Grendel.

What, you think I can sniff him down?

Maybe not, but he can sniff you.

Which way up from here?

Straight... but you'd need claws.

Then again, heroes... -

You hit me, I'll be the one -

One to what?

I can't stop his death from coming... nor can I hurry it.

He needs to know... I know he was wronged.

But if he doesn't leave here I can't stop...

You're warning him.

Careful which side you end up on. You're a long way from the village.

You're a longer way from home.

Wake up men, or never again!

By Christ, demon, you shall die!


Now you truly know our loss.

You only told us half the tale.

The other half would dull your sword.

That troll didn't give a shit about us, not till we wronged him.

He killed one, ah, he could've killed more.

He killed the one he held in blame.

Were it so easy... l'd have been the one.

I killed his father.

And even that might have been an end

...had it only been the father there...

None of the others saw the child.

But I could've quelled it there and then... but weakness stopped my sword.

Or kindness.

Well then it's the hardest kindness I know.

All the gods are running away from me now - as though I were the death itself.

What had the father done to you? Why did you kill him?

He crossed our path.

Took a fish.

Without an arm...

Unless it grows back.

He's a troll

Tell me, Thorfinn. What is a troll?

They say there are lizards that can grow back limbs.

They say there are worms that can grow back heads.

This thing's no more worm than you or I.




You know, I've put my thing in other mers wives, other mers daughters...

All can be forgiven I slept with a witch -

You slept with a witch?

That's gotta be bad.

I put my thing in her. That was a while back... -

So long as you vow to change your ways.

Oh, y'know I'll try, right, but... ahhh.

Ya! Ya!

Ya! Ya! Ya!

Where's the arm ring? I wanted that arm-ring.

He didn't have an arm-ring.

Sure he did. Listen the creep near snapped my neck.

Figured I'd at least get the arm-ring.

To the end of gloom!

To the end of Gloom!

To the end of Gloom.

I don't think I'm the worst king...

Not at all... -

...when I think of the others.

Martin Longsword has got a long sword, but no brains.

Half his kin ran off to Angle-land.

Six-tooth Peter the Slav can't keep his warriors from fighting each other.

Then... there's Sig!


Sig Skullsplitter of the Hathboards. Havert you heard of Sig?!

I don't know... something... with sheep?

Sheep! Good God, man! Sheep are just the tip of it.

They say he tried it once with a dead walrus... he's tried horses... he's, he's tried goats.

They say he tried it once with a, with a rabbit... and got stuck...


I tell ya, when he comes to a fight, he comes with six legs... and you want to see fast?!

If he ever comes here, I'll just send out a batch of squirrels!

That'll stop him!

It's over now. It's over. The troll's dead.

Come on now dear.

Let's lie down a bit.

There'll be many more nights now to drink.

Is this more or less as you saw it?

With the troll?

I saw you more bloodied.

Luck stood at my side.

Luck can be a whore too.

Arert you missing the meal?

Guess I miss my friend more.


And one Geat's life won'th - what? Huh?

Two Danes...? Three Swedes...? Ten trolls...?

Hondscioh's life had won'th to you, since you knew him.

Others know others.

You mourn the troll.

I knew him.

One night Grendel found my hut.

He never took me again.

So why did he keep coming back?

Keep the Danes away.

The ones who'd fuck me and then cut my throat.

Where... Where did that have it's birth.

You thinking you can tie me up and drag me like a dog.

Don't forget.

I know how you die.

Been a while?

With men... yeah.

He slept with a witch. Who sleeps with a witch?

I'm tellnya, Christ y'thought the Celts were work but these it's one hand on their sword, the other on their dick... which hand they'll use to cross themselves, I almost fear to ask...

Learn from your child, hag!

Aeschere! Aeschere!

It's Aeschere.

Aeschere! We will right this wrong!

God will burn this devil-bitch-fiend!

Nothing lives here.

Cave doesn't end here. There's outflow from the other side I'll go.

You can't swim for shit.



Your father.

Then be proud.

Valkyries will have their hands full with that old goat.

I'm sorry to have brought you to all this.

We brought ourselves.

At least it's over.

The Celtic priest said I'd be forgiven. I just need to hook the right god.

You ever worry about that? Heaven?

I'm thinking I'll likely go where I'm sent.

You know they'll kill your son if they find him.

You couldn't.

I'm not them.

No. You just killed his father.

Hrothgar taught you nothing then.

Sleep, Grendel.

...born of scum and swampy things lurking in his mother's moss the mark of Cain came to his brow, of evil and a sea-hag born, Grendel, grinder of lost mers bones. Felt hated toward the happy Danes.

Cain... what's that?

Man who killed his brother in a Christian tale.

What's Cain got to do with Grendel? Grendel kill his own brother too?

No, I think Thorkel's saying that Grendel's like Cain - a Killer.

We all are.

Ya, well Thorkel's tale is shit.

By Odirs will... ...let us find our way home.