Better Call Saul S1E4 Script

Hero (2015)

Works every... I'm telling you, every time.

Do it, try it. What? Right now?

All right, all right.

Kind of... kind of that.

Got to work on it, bro. All right, man.

Seriously. All right, bro, I'll work on it. but... just, like, when... when do you know...

Right before the cork pops, you know?

Timing's important, but... but you don't do it, like... in her ear.

No, you don't do it in her ear. because... yeah.

It's a given you don't do it in her ear. but this is, like, scientifically proven, okay?

Really? This is, like, prehistoric stuff.

Crazy, man. It's like the medulla, the wolf brain.

The what? It's primitive stuff...

All right, let me try it again.

Yeah!

Yeah? That's the wolf brain. Nice.

Man, this town sucks!

I'm sorry, bro. I know it's yours and everything, but...

It's not even 2:00.

Yeah, it does kind of suck.

Hey, I know this after-hours place over...

A couple blocks off Cermak. You want to hit it?

Hells yeah! Let's do it.

That's what I'm talking about.

Whoo

Okay.

Not in her ear, right?

Not in her ear, not in her ear. Hey...

Bro, I never did catch your name.

Saul. Saul?

"S'all good, man."

Get it?

I do... all right, Saul.

Hey, hey, brother, whoa.

Check it out. What is that?

Holy shit.

There's got to be at least a thousand bucks in here, man.

My God, look at that.

Whose is it? Mine.

Hey, possession's like 4/10ths of the...

What did you call it, bro?

Like, is there an ID or... Yeah.

I don't know. Some fat guy.

I'm thinking that one.

Let's...

Jesus. Is he...

What? Is he...

I don't know.

Arhh!

Hey.

Hey, fella. You all right?

Hey, buddy.

Would you answer me?

Hey, answer this, you butthole.

What? butt-hole?

What the hell? Hey...

Hey, bro. Be nice, all right?

This guy right here is trying to help you.

Help yourself to some of this, you butthole.

Hey, we're not butt-holes, all right?

So stop saying that. ♪ butt, butthole ♪

♪ butt, butt, butt-hole ♪ Hey, man, what's your problem? ♪ butt, butt, butt ♪ My problem is I'm standing here talking to a couple butt-holes.

Actually, you're not standing, you fat bastard.

You're laying on your fat ass.

Hey, I'll roundhouse-kick you right in your head. and if you think I won't, I'll come to the McDonald's, where you work and I'll buy...

The whole damn place and then I'll fire you.

I'll say, "drop your mops, you butt-holes, 'cause you're fired." and then I'll roundhouse-kick you right in your stupid heads.

Then I'll go "John Claude Van Damme" on you...

S-s-s...

...you butthole.

I'm keeping the money.

Here you go, fatty.

I got dibs on that watch, man.

Let me see that.

What kind is it?

I don't know. It's just a watch.

We got to get out of here, man. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What kind of watch is it?

It's... I don't know. It's... Well, then, let me look at it.

It's a damn Rolex. I don't know.

Not cool to be greedy, bro.

I didn't know. Not cool.

I didn't know what...

So, how do you want to split this up?

I'll tell you what... You keep the cash.

I'll just keep the watch. but it's worth like 3 grand, man.

$3,000 easy. No.

Yeah.

Hey, hey, hey.

Come on, let's figure this out. We gotta get out of here.

All right, yeah. You're right. You know what?

I... sweeten the pot.

I got, $5, $20, $40, $60, $80... 580 bucks.

Add that to the $1,000... It's more than half.

What do you know about that thing?

I mean, is it worth more than 3 ?

No, I don't... I don't know. but we're good, right?

Yeah? We good?

Okay? Well...

Later, sucker!

Six left.

Can we get more?

God, I hope so.

It's like a license to print money.

A thing of beauty.

Hey, what was that, crazy stuff about roundhouse kicks?

Where the hell did you get that?

I don't know, man.

Just something in my brain, you know?

It just came out. Too much?

No. I loved it.

It was, like, deep or something.

You want to talk about brilliant? I mean we...

You're the man, me... I'm just...

I love watching you work, man.

It's good for making beer money. That's about all.

♪ Or you can smile ♪

♪ that's all right, my friend ♪

♪ it could be so... ♪

Please, okay? No one has to know.

I mean, you could just pretend you didn't find us.

We would never tell anyone, would we, Craig?

No, absolutely not. No.

I already called your lawyer.

Besides, this little family outing of yours...

It's put an innocent man in jail.

The cops are investigating this as a kidnapping.

They already rounded up some poor suspect.

A working-class guy. Father... I think. but anyway, you two... You almost ruined someone's life.

Potentially several someones. I... we had no idea.

Could this have been the person in the van?

What if the man they arrested is the one we were warned about?

Yeah, maybe he's not so innocent?

Warned? Warned how?

Well, we had a phone call. Someone disguising their voice.

Yeah, they said someone was coming for us. and there was a van outside the house...

As if whoever was inside was watching us. and, once that drove off, we... did what we did... For the kids.

I wouldn't know about any of that.

I just...

I can assure you that you and your family are safe.

I mean, the police are all over this thing, so...

It... it doesn't matter. We can't just go back.

I mean, it's... our case. They'll crucify Craig.

Can't you just call Ms. Wexler again?

You know, tell her you didn't see us after all.

If they think I ran away, it'll look like I did something wrong.

We can't risk losing everything just because of some teensy mistake.

I mean, it's... Can I ask you something?

What... what were you hoping would happen?

I mean, before I found you, what were you planning to do?

Well, we were in the process of, you know, working that out...

We were working that out. When you, um...

Yeah.

All right, well...

You still got a little bit of maneuverability, all right?

You... you're outdoorsy, right?

So you went on an impromptu camping trip.

I don't know. It's something people do, apparently.

You left the house a mess, and you kicked in your own front door because...

It's a free country.

Kim Wexler is very good. She'll make it work.

Yeah, what... what about the money?

Well, if she knows about it, she'll tell, right? She'll have to tell.

Well, like they say in Silicon Valley, "It's not a bug... It's a feature!"

Did you ever hear of a bargaining chip?

What we have right here is the mother of all bargaining chips.

Um, as in... you expect us to give this back?

We are not giving this back.

We are not guilty. This money belongs to us.

We... well, I mean, Craig earned it.

I worked very hard... Yeah.

You know, weekends, holidays... Yep, all unpaid, always. and, really, just because you're salaried, doesn't mean you don't deserve overtime.

I think that's only fair.

I mean, really, that's what this is about, right?

Fairness. Fairness, right.

I mean, not just what's legal.

If you want to talk about legal, slavery...

That used to be legal. Human slavery. So...

Yeah, this is right up there with that.

Please, just don't tell anyone about the money.

I can't take a bribe. Who would know?

We won't tell anyone. Yeah, take it.

I can't take it.

Please, didn't you say that you wanted to help us?

So just pretend you never saw the money. How hard is that?

Take it.

Take it.

I can't... I can't take a bribe. but...

You know what? I... I can take a retainer.

A retainer?

Yeah, for my services... As your lawyer?

You're not our lawyer. Well, not yet.

Look... I know that HHM is shiny and it's slick. and it's chock-full of lawyers and, compared to them, I'm like a...

A kiddy lemonade stand trying to compete with Wal-Mart. but here's the thing...

What are you gonna get from me that you're not gonna get from those other guys?

Passion Commitment.

Ask yourself this...

Who found you?

I don't see Howard Hamlin...

Ruining his $300 Gucci loafers out here.

If you're with me, you're my number-one client.

Morning, noon, or night, you call me... I'm there.

I would be singularly devoted to you.

but why not?

I'm sorry. You're just...

Just... I'm what?

You're the kind of lawyer guilty people hire.


Did it make the paper?

What? Did it make the paper?

Did what make the paper?

Okay, well, probably missed the deadline, but check it out tomorrow morning... front page.

The Kettlemans, all four of them...

Safe and sound.

Looks like you called it.

Yeah.

Camping... you know, pretty much right in their own backyard.

Well... five miles above it.

Jesus, the night I had. I got pine nuts in my shoes. but, I mean, can you believe it?

I-I guess you can.

It's just, you know...

You assume that criminals are gonna be smarter than they are.

I don't know.

It kind of breaks my heart a little.

Not the loquacious sort, are you?

We can't all be as blessed as you.

Well, thanks for your help. Don't mention it. and, if you ever need any assistance...

Whoa, whoa. Why is my client in handcuffs?

This man is innocent. He's a victim.

Why... Why on earth would he be cuffed?

Just go... go ahead. Take them off. There you go.

Free at last!

Hey, did he tell you the good news?

Never even kidnapped... How about that?

A family can't go on a little vacation without the whole city going on lockdown?

By the way, where is your partner? What? Did you lose the coin toss? because we expect an apology from him, as well as you.

You really don't want to push your luck with me, scumbag.

You got eyes on you, asshole. One little slip... just one.

Yeah, well, you're... You're both very pretty, so...

Well...

I believe I did more than what you asked of me, so, that would make us square, yes?

Great.

You need a ride?

Camping?

You expect me to believe that shit?

Yeah, I know it.

The things people do?

They decide to go camping right after I run my little offer by you?

Could be argued that all of life is one great coincidence.

Somebody told those people to, um, go camping.

Somebody warned them.

They're very woodsy. and between you and me, they're pretty rash when it comes to the decision-making.

I mean, they're not really the plan-ahead types.

Yeah, I'd cut the cute attitude right about now if I were you.

You ratted on me. There will be consequences.

Hey, if somebody warned the Kettlemans, it was probably somebody who was worried about those kids.

You know how much trouble you caused me?

You didn't need any help getting caught, okay?

The neighbor ID'd you. You were sloppy.

Any trouble you might have... That's on you.

Not to mention the blood in your van.

Here's a thought... Ajax, Formula 409!

You have no idea the tap-dance I had to give those cops to get you out of here.

You gave them probable cause out the wazoo.

Now, and whoever the somebody is who may have warned the Kettlemans got them out of there before you did anything even more stupid.

You should be thanking this good samaritan. because whoever he is, he did you a favor.


Okay, um, I'm thinking hourly here.

There were some special circumstances, so...

Our elite-tier pricing would be...

$950 an hour.

Round it off to 20 hours.

$19,000...

Plus $1,000 for travel expenses.

Consulting fees... $1,500. and, research... Five for filing fees.

I ate on the road.

and storage fees.

Miscellaneous expenses.

Upon this rock, I will build my church.

Double-breasted or single, sir?

Single. Now, I want you to cut the armholes high, okay?

Of course. and trim through the middle.

Trim. Cloth?

Well, wool.

Yeah.

"Super 170 Tasmanian Wool."

Beautiful choice, sir. Thanks.

Navy, all right?

Yeah. Uh... mm-hmm.

That's it. Perfect. Pinstripe.

Shall we discuss shirts?

Okay, I'm gonna need your finest sea island cotton with a white club collar and French cuffs.

I have the very thing. and I'm assuming you want to see some ties?

Yeah, I was, you know, picturing something in a...

A light-blue knit. Mm. and, could you make sure those are real mother-of-pearl buttons on the shirts, okay?

None of this fake plastic crap.

Of course. I'll be right back.

Some coffee, David, for the gentleman?


Here we are.

Shall we?

Yeah, let's go.

Yeah.

So, um, what do you think?

"Strawberry fields forever"?

No. Are you crazy? It's not even close.

Yes, it is. Look. No, no.

It's way more "sassafras glow". Way more.

Use your eyes... strawberry fields forever.

Ladies, back me up. Hey. Is it... sassafras glow.

Am I right? No.

Maybe "rhapsody in blonde, " but... yeah, see?

They agree with me.

Whatever happened to "the customer is always right"?

Sassafras glow... mix it up, all right?

You're wrong. You'll see.

Big deal. I'll wash it out in the morning.

No biggie. Geez. It's bleach.

It doesn't wash out. What? It's permanent?

We'll Photoshop the color, okay?

Change of plan, ladies.

I want to go with a simple curling-iron job, okay?

Give me, like, ringlets...

You know, on top, like Tony Curtis in "Spartacus."

Yeah, like the bath scene in "Spartacus."

Okay. "I am Spartacus."

Stop talking about it!

Make me beautiful, already.


Hello.

You've reached the law offices of James M. McGilll, esquire, a lawyer you can trust.

Kindly leave your information at the tone, and Mr. McGilll will phone you promptly.

Hey. It's me.

Hi.

Anyway, "the thing" is playing downtown on Saturday.

Thought you might be up for some Kurt Russell action.

I owe you one, so why don't we just grab some dinner first?

My treat. and... you know, if not, can you give me a call anyway?

I really want to talk to you.

Okay. Bye.

Come in.

Hey. Hey, hey.

How goes it?

Tricky, for sure.

Craig and Betsy really put us in a corner with the police.

Not to mention the press. but this camping story of theirs...

They've been keeping it consistent, at least.

If it's okay with you, I think I should try to talk them into hiring a PR firm.

Certainly for the next couple of weeks.

So, okay on the PR firm?

Do you have a minute? Yeah, of course. What's up?

Take a ride with me.

Okay...

Where are we going?


Whoa. Yeah.

Shit.

Yep.

That's...

I mean, that's my suit, right?

Am I crazy here? No, you're not crazy.

Look at the logo. That's our logo.

He's just straight-up copying us.

I mean, what the hell is he thinking with this?

I really... h-h-he's, you know, a free spirit.

Yeah, that's one way to put it.

You two are still friends, right?

I wouldn't exactly... You talk, though.

Not really...

Still, you're the one he called when he found the Kettlemans camped halfway up the sandias.

He was just looking out for his own client... that's all.

This isn't the third degree, Kim. I really don't care one way or the other.

I just...

He's really forcing my hand here.


Hey!

Hey. Hey.

Am I interrupting?

Not at all. Perfect timing. Come on.

Sit. Have a massage, free of charge.

Okay. Got to try the foot bath, too.

Oh..Yeah.

Give the old dogs a rest.

and go for the deep-tissue setting. Otherwise...

Is that the small fist? Use the three arrows.

I did. I pressed it. Just... yeah.

Now you feel it? Good.

Now relax, okay? Okay.

You deserve a break today.

It's very nice. Told you.

I get this free every night...

Just one of the perks of salon living.

The others being...

Free cucumber water, obviously.

Obviously. Free mani-pedis?

Deep discount mani-pedis. because the ladies still got to eat, you know?

Well, it's still a deal. Yeah.

Living like a king, then.

What's this? Is this a cease and desist?

Yeah.

Yeah. How pissed was he?

Well, his head didn't actually explode, but, you know, pretty damn pissed, like "this won't end well for you" pissed.

Yeah.

How about that? Jimmy.

This is serious. I know.

Do you? I mean... Yeah.

What the hell is with that billboard?

I know you have a problem with Hamlin, but I...

I just don't get your angle here.

Aren't you trying to build your own law practice?

Instead, you're spending God knows how much money turning yourself into a little Hamlin clone.

I mean...

Why are you making this personal?

It's not personal? It is so personal.

It is completely and totally personal.

No, no, no. It's not. No. Yes. Yes, it is.

Stop trying to pretend.

I can advertise, can't I?

What, do I have to clear everything past the great and powerful Howard?

Yes, you can advertise, Jimmy, all you want.

That billboard is not advertising. That is a declaration of war.

Declaration of war? That's...

It's right at Hamlin's exit. You know he drives by it every day.

It's business. I'm building a brand.

You're ripping off a brand.

There is nothing original in that ad.

It certainly doesn't represent Jimmy McGilll.

Hey, all right, now, he fired the first shot, okay?

Trying to keep me from using my name, my own name, Kim?

I get that. but this...

You better than this I'm better than this? Yeah.

I'm better than this? You are.

Well, you're better than that schmuck Hamlin!

Come on, Jimmy. You could work anywhere.

You could be somewhere where they appreciate you...

You know, where they see how valuable you are, where, I don't know, maybe they care about you?

Forget it, okay?

If Hamlin wants to come after me, he knows where I am.

I'll be ready, guns blazing.

The cease and desist is just the beginning.

The next step is an injunction. You can't win this fight.


Your honor, I'm a humble solo practitioner, merely trying to ply my trade in an aggressive and evolving marketplace.

As I've argued repeatedly, this is trademark infringement.

Mr. McGillll's new logo is an absolute copy of ours.

I think it falls firmly under fair use.

Fair use?

You're clearly profiting, so fair use doesn't apply.

It... there are only so many fonts out there.

Does Mr. Hamlin outright own them all?

No, but we've been using this particular font for 12 years now, and it, in concert with our tri-rectangle graphic and hamlindigo blue, constitutes a trademarked brand identifier.

Whoa, whoa. Back up. Hamlindigo blue?

Yes. That is our trademarked name.

Holy crap.

You seriously named a color "hamlindigo"?

That is... yikes.

"Yikes"? From the man dressed exactly like me.

Your honor, I feel like I'm in the mirror routine with Groucho Marx, like we should be standing, waving our arms at each other.

Really? I don't see it.

In addition, the name McGillll appears in both logos, which, I believe, Mr. McGillll is hoping to further confuse potential clients.

So I can't advertise under my own name now?

I'm to be penalized 'cause I happen to share a name with one of HHM's partners?

You can't take my name from me.

The name is not the problem here, Mr. McGillll.

Mr. Hamlin certainly seems to think so.

I mean, he wants me to change my name 'cause he claims that...

That... what... it's some kind of threat to his business?

Your honor. This is restraint of trade, okay?

Whatever happened to the free market?

No, Hamlin here wants you to tell... Okay, okay, I've... enough.

Mr. McGillll, I've heard enough.

All right, yes, you are within your rights to advertise using your own name.

However, in my estimation, the billboard clearly and intentionally duplicates elements of the Hamlin, Hamlin, McGillll logo.

You're actively copying their established brand for your own gain.

I don't see any other reasonable explanation.

Your honor, I... Jimmy, Jimmy.

Wise up. The billboard must come down within 48 hours.

This is a classic David vs. Goliath story.

I mean, you got your gigantic law firm stomping all over the little guy.

Can you hold the door?

Yeah, but it's investigative journalism at its best.

I-it's right up your alley.

Yeah, o-okay, well, let me give you my cell just in case.

Yeah. Thank you.

Can I get the news desk, please?

I got a hot tip. don't you want to be the station that brought down big law?

You could be like the reporters that brought down big tobacco.

Look, I'm talking woodward and Bernstein here.

Hey, your exposé on predatory atm fees... that was... wow!

Well, it's a miscarriage of justice, and I think your viewers would be very, very interested and, grateful to you for exposing this injustice.

I wouldn't characterize this as a community health risk, but it's definitely in the community interest.

No, yes, HHM is a pillar of the community, yes.

No, I... the war is an important story, as well.

That's why this action is so egregious.

Sure. Okay.

Well, at least consider the human-interest angle here.

Are you kidding?

It's... lawyer pulls himself up by his bootstraps, only to be ground under the heel of the old-money megafirm?

That's hearts and minds! You... hello?

Yeah, I have your number, too, so...

Yeah, I see.

Okay.


No, no, no, no, no, no, man.

Can't touch the goods.

I signed the form... Only I can touch the camera.

Fine, may I suggest you widen the frame to include... the billboard is the story, okay?

No, I'm also the story, so... got to get me in there.

Okay, so, get on your mark.

You know, no offense to your minutes of experience, but I'd like to see what we got before we do this, okay?

Other guy.

Other guy!

Only other guy that's here, go stand where I was standing.

Shrink down. Shrink down.

You know, scrunch. Yeah.

Okay, widen the frame. Get the billboard.

Okay, now get me. Me, me, me, me, me.

No. Not me... get him. He's me. Yeah, like that.

Got it? Yeah.

Good.

Okay. Is he in the shot?

No. Dude, just go.

How do I look? Great.

I'll... no, this is my good side.

Is... is the billboard in? Yes!

Jesus, just... you said $100 for one hour, not freaking 3.

You clearly have a journalistic impulse.

You're a real go-getter, you know that?

Go get this.

All right, count me down.

In 5, 4, 3...

Gravitas.

I'm James McGillll.

Like most Americans, I'm a self-made man.

I put myself through law school.

Working in the courts as a public defender, I represented those with nowhere else to turn.

I believe in service. It's what I've built my career on. but I've also had a dream, a dream that many of us have...

A dream to own my own business.

Well, I-I scrimped and I saved, and finally, I was able to buy one billboard...

A tiny foray into advertising for my fledgling law firm.

I've always been told that America is the land of opportunity, and I believed it... until today.

Not 24 hours after my billboard went up, a large law firm came after me.

They said that I was hurting their business.

They're rich. They're powerful. I'm just... one man.

So, who do you think the courts sided with?

So now my little billboard comes down.

Let me tell you something...

If they want a fight, they're gonna get a fight, because I'm not giving up, not...

Holy shit! Dude, the dude!

Help! Dude, the dude!

The worker guy! Holy shit.

Please! Aah! Get me down!

Dude! Yeah, okay, call 911!

Help me! You got a cell?

Yeah, yeah. Please!

Yeah, a guy just fell off a billboard from frontage road south of mountain.

Hey, man!

Help me!

Hey, man, I don't think that's very safe!

You need to be, like, licensed for that!

Help me! Man...

Not looking down. One rung at a time.

Not looking down.

Hurry up!

Come get me!

Help!

Help me! Aah!

Sir, I'm right here! Please!

Please!

Pull me up! Here, grab my hand!

Pull me up!

Pull me up! Here!

Aah!


You okay?

Took you long enough.

I was scared, yes.

I mean, I'm not really a big fan of heights...

Let me tell you. but, you know, something inside me said, "you have to do this."

I'm sure our city's first responders would have been here momentarily.

Can you believe this guy? but at least I was able...

This whole thing was a publicity stunt. It's got to be.

I think that's kind of all anybody wants when they're in trouble.

Of course I didn't think...

You don't think anyone's gonna actually buy this?

It's hard to say. People love a hero.

You take it as it comes, right?

The universe put me in that spot at that moment.

Who am I to say no?

You know, as a lawyer, while I help people every day...

Whole thing's a damn stunt. but I think my clients know...

That when they're in trouble, I'm there.

I was just a guy who was in the right...


You have seven new messages.

To listen to your messages, press "1."

First message, received at 5:40...


It's just showmanship, Chuck.

Yeah, right.


You're early.

Did you... Yeah, I grounded myself.

Hey, big day. My phone's ringing off the hook.

I have three consults before lunchtime... three.

That's great, Jimmy. Yep.

The worm has turned.

That's really great.

So, to what do you credit this sudden change?

Well, I got to admit... You were right.

How so?

Well, you told me to keep plugging and, you know...

Do good work, and the clients will come.

You know, I'll admit.

I almost lost faith a couple times, but the worm has turned.

So, what... you've been getting referrals from your pd clients?

Yeah. You know...

You work hard, show you got half a brain, and people come knocking, like you said.

I just needed to get my face out there.

So, prosecutors, then... referring clients?

Yeah. Yep. Exactly.

Was it Bergeron?

When I was starting out, she sent me a couple good ones.

Yeah, it was...

It was someone on her team. You know?

I mean, hey, just took some elbow grease and clean living...

People noticed.

I knew you had it in you.

I don't see the journal here.

Right. Here you go. No, no, no.

Albuquerque Journal... It's not here.

Yeah. I didn't see it outside.

Wasn't out there? It's always out there.

I didn't see it. Maybe they forgot to deliver it.

Maybe some kids grabbed it. because if there's one thing kids love, it's local print journalism.

I don't know what to tell you.

You got a ton of reading material there.

Look, hey. Financial Times.

You know, I know Albuquerque is a hub of global intrigue, but you think that'll tide you over?

All right, fine. but if it's not here tomorrow, I'm gonna need you to call the subscription office for me.

Yeah, will do. Look, I got to go.

I don't want to be late. Hey, good luck today!

Thanks. Keep it up.

Hard work looks good on you.