Bitch Slap (2009) Script

Oh, my God. How did it come to this?


How are you feeling, sweetie?

I'm fine. My noggin is still a bit throbbin'.

Shit.


Fuckin' nothin'. I told you!

I'm sorry, Trixie. It wasn't supposed to go down like this.


Fuckin' fuckers! Let me out of here!

Fuck off!

Stay down, dick splash!

You gotta be fucking kiddin'.

I trusted you, Boom-Boom, and you betrayed me?

I'm sorry.

Oh, you're feeling sad, are you, darling?

Well, fucking good, you back-stabbing ho!

Enough with the sublime wit, Gage.

You know why we're here.

Who the fuck are you?

Apart from one tasty little minge I'd like to slam like a screen door.

Where are they, Gage?

Well, now, darling...

I'm not exactly sure as to what you're referring.

And even if I was, I would have to ask you very politely, of course, to yank on my dong.

Have it your way.

Oh, here we go.

You still pissed off at me, Camero?

Obviously not.

Oh, yeah. Oh, that's right.

Oh! Oh...

That's right. I knew you couldn't resist Mr. Sticky much longer.

You said you like it rough.

That's right.

Oh!

Where's the goods?

Blow me, you psycho rug muncher.

Oh!

If I told you where they're buried, you're just gonna fuckin' kill me anyway.

So why don't you and your fucking fur pie jamboree...

...just gather 'round and slob my knob?

Oh! How about you slob my knob, huh?

So they're buried.

OK.

OK.

What the fuck are you laughing at?

You. I'm laughing at you.

Always with your nose in other people's panties.

I do what I want when I want.

It's cunts like you who'll always get used.

I told you never to call me that.

Let him go. Please, let him go.

Fuck you, joy ride! You're the reason he's here.

What happened? Open the trunk!

Let's go.

What the fuck? Fucking...

What the fuck is wrong with you?

How hard can it be to administer a simple oral serum while sloshing some guy's powder keg?

What are you doing?

She's black hair, blonde box, Hel, and I'm gonna wail on Tasty like a dog with two dicks.

Enough. Get a hold of yourself.

You promised me she could handle it.

What happened? I don't know.

I did everything you said. It's not my fault.

The fuck it isn't! Everything is destroyed.

We're never gonna find it now.

35.34.8.81 N... What?

Gage wrote it on a photograph. Some kind of desert picture from space.

And what good does that do us?

They may be vector coordinates. You're sure about those numbers?

I'm positive. I have a photojournalistic memory.

My mom used to say she wished I was born a midget because...

Let's go.

Tell us where to dig and the lid comes up.

It's as simple as that.

What's happening to him?

My heart.

Gage? No, Trixie, stop!

Stupid fucking cow. Thicker than a whale omelet.

Now, you get me out of here, or I'll snap her neck.

OK. Snap away. We don't give a shit.

What?

Give me the keys and the gun right fucking now.

OK.

Don't hurt her.

Right. Now the gun.

You fucking whore. You blew off my tea bag.

That's two you owe me, blow white.

Oh, my God, you could have shot me! But I didn't.

You're crazy! You're welcome.

Fun's over, Gage. Next stop, Brown Town.

If I tell you, Pinky's gonna do things to me you can't even imagine.

Pinky? What does Pinky have to do with this?

Whose shit do you think you're dealing with?

You work for Pinky.

Oh, yeah. Not so fucking clever now, are ya?

You stupid bitches.

When Pinky finds out about this, you're all fucking dead.

Oh!

What's he talking about? Who's Pinky?

If you help us, we'll not only let you live, but we'll take you out of here to safety.

What? No, that was never part of the deal.

I can't.

I was hoping you'd say that.

Just tell them, Gage. Please, just tell them.

All right, all right, all right.

Fucking shit.

It's over there.

Fifteen paces due east of the pickup.

Trixie, grab those shovels by the trailer.

Camero, tie him up and gag him. Put him back in the car.

What? We're not actually going to... Who knows if he's lying?

And if trouble comes, we need leverage.

This is bullshit! Just do it.

You take orders better than a Bangkok bum boy.

Shut your fucking cake hole.

You might have a deal with her, but you don't have one with me.

Who are they?

Puppets. To get what I want.

How do you know you can trust them?

Especially that one, that fucking stripper.

She's dangerous. You keep your eye on her.

Stop moving!

Hey!

Don't turn your back on this fucking toe rag!

She'll betray ya!

Just like she did all the others at the fucking Glory Hole!

What's he talking about?

Oh, they don't know, do they?

You were at the Glory Hole?

Too fuckin' right she was!

It was Camero who'd have killed Liberty, and then...

So long, limp dick.


Uh!

I love Home Depot.

Now listen here, you fucking slag.

I have a reputation for being very persuasive.

And I know you're a virtuoso with them throat muscles.

So you better start spilling, or I'm gonna send Thaddeus here right up your chutney tube!

No!


Are you out of your mind? That wasn't part of the plan.

Maybe not part of your plan.

You told me no one's gonna get hurt. You promised me.

I know, Trixie. I know.

We couldn't have kept Gage alive. He was dangerous.

No. I said right from the start, "We don't kill anybody."

Now all we have is a corpse linked to Pinky and nothing to show for it.

My God, they're gonna lock us up forever.

Shut up, ax wound. You shut up.

What did you say? Back off, Camero.

No, why don't you let "Gland Canyon" stick up for herself?

What did Gage mean by "You'll betray us, too?"

He's fuckin' with your head, Hel.

Why didn't you tell me you were at the Glory Hole?

Why didn't you tell me you knew Gage?

Because I didn't. He was lying.

Exactly.

This is precisely what that conniving cock block was trying to do: get us to turn on each other. He's a master manipulator, Hel.

Besides, he told us where the stash is.

Where we hope it is. He may have simply been trying to buy time.

He trusted me.

And now he's dead.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's good.

That's it. Show us your grabber.

You like that?

Yeah, Daddy likes.

Try this one on for size.

Fuckin' hell!

I call that move "Shock and Awe."

Oh, God.

I've never felt this way about a gash before.

Aw!

You are so sweet.

And you're decent and pure, and I love you.

Now why don't we tie the knot, bump uglies, and ride the pork bus to Tuna City?

Well, I'll drink to that.

Fuckin' hell.

Hey. Hey.

I need you to stay strong and focused, Trixie.

Remember why we're here. We all need this.

You the most.

What's that?

Ring fucking ring. Ring fucking ring.

It's coming from Gage.

Los Angeles area code.

I thought I told you to check his pockets.

What's the big deal? Answer it.

The big deal?

With the right equipment, anyone can ping this phone.

If this is Pinky or one of Gage's thugs, they now know he and even we are right here.

Oh, my goodness.

See? This is what happens when you don't do as you're told.

Fuck you, Hel. I did check him. There was no phone on him when we left.

Well, obviously there was.

You calling me a liar? I'm calling you reckless.

Stop it, both of you.

What are we gonna do now?

I know what I'm gonna do.

Fuckin' relax, Hel. That call means nothing.

Just probably another one of his slutty slop buckets looking to get worked like a rented mule.

We can't take that chance.

We have to find what we came for and get out of here, fast.

Fine with me.

The sooner we blow this hellhole, the better.

But what about Gage?

Leave him for now. We'll bury him when we're done.

This was supposed to be easy.

So, who is this Pinky person?

Guys?

Pinky's a notorious underworld figure.

Runs drugs, weapons, industrial contraband, organizes hit squads, counterfeit rings.

He's rumored to have government contracts for wet work and supplying terror cells.

Nobody deals with Pinky directly, and nobody even knows what he looks like.

Many believe Pinky's a phantom.

Others think he sold his soul to the devil.

I think he is the devil.

Come on. You're just messing with me.

Listen up, super ball.

I've seen his victims hanging from hooks, cut open like slaughtered lambs, holding their guts in their hands, pleading for death.

A few years ago, a Russian Oligarch named Vladimir "The Butcher" Popmeov went after Pinky with 50 of his best assassins.

Pinky blazed through that shit storm armed only with a dusty old sword.

When it was over, the only thing left was a 15-foot pile of dismembered bodies and Popmeov's head piked up like the twinkly star on a Christmas tree.

There ain't a mac or a blow job on the streets that ain't scared shitless of him.

Now this guy's after us?

Oh, crap.

Oh, my God, it's so good! Give it to me. Oh, baby.

Get off. Gotta go.

Where's the key, Black Ice? Fuck you, busty. I don't have it.

Fuck you, bitch! Give me back my pick.

Hey, darlin', wanna go for the ride of your life?


What?

Nothing.

Oh, fuck.

Gage.

Let's get him in the trunk. Trixie, cover up any signs of blood.

You got him? Come on.

Come on!

This is crazy.

Let's just tell the truth and end all this.

Don't say one fucking word. No way I'm going back to the stocks.

If I have to, I'll take him out.

No! Both of you just shut up and let me do the talking.


Ladies, everything OK here?

Boy, are we glad to see you.

I, uh, saw the fence down at the highway.

You aren't supposed to be out here.

The government used to test nukes.

If you stay too long, you'll grow a third eye.

How, uh, how did you ladies end up out here anyway?

Well, officer, it's quite a story.

See, my sisters and I are members of the Sacred Girls Virgin Choir out in Sand Dab, Arizona.

We were supposed to perform a cantata today out in Mojave.

Since we were so far from home, the local parish director kindly suggested that we stay as his guests.

Well, after we were all snuggled into our one little bed for the night, we heard loud music and laughter coming from outside.

We peeked our heads out only to discover the entire congregation dancing and... and laughing and smoking something that may not have been tobacco.

They tried to fondle our num-nums and even convinced Bambi Lynn to shoot communion wafers out of her...

Anyway, we got out and ran to our car, but they chased us.

Well, thank the Lord Cheyenne can drive and Bambi Lynn can gyrate because we lost 'em!

But then, well, it was 3:00 a.m. and... and dark.

And we were scared.

And someone's not very good with directions.

And well, we ended up out here.

And now, if you can believe it, our car is dead.

I see.

We tried to jump her, but we just couldn't get her off.

That's why we're all dirty and desperate.

You must think the worst of us.

No. Don't be silly.

I already called the tow company, and they're on their way, Deputy...

...Fucks.

Fuchs. It's, uh... Ahem. Fuchs, ma'am.

Oh!

You know, let me take a look at her.

Sometimes you just got to know how to finger these old beauties.

That won't be necessary.

Why not?

What happened to your hand?

Cut it on my crucifix.

You know what?

The towing company already made us post a $200 deposit for coming out here.

Said they'd arrive by noon.

Maybe I can save you that money.

Oh... Yeah, they don't make 'em like this anymore.

Nowadays, it's all computers and sensors.

You got to work at NASA just to change the oil.

All right, turn the key, please.

See? Nothing.

That's odd. It must be the starter.


You know what?

Sometimes these old cars have tool kits along with the jacks.

You can't!

Why not? Because...

Because the trunk lock is rusted out. Hasn't opened in years.

You OK, miss?

She'll be fine. She's still upset about last night.

You know, those choirboys tried to defile her.

Listen, you've been so helpful and kind.

The least I can do is come back here and cook for you.

Say, dinner Friday?

It's a tempting offer, but I'll, uh, tell you what...

I'll swing back around later, make sure you ladies got away safely.

Have a nice day, y'all.

I bet you he's calling us in right now.

We should have told him. He looked like a nice guy.

He doesn't suspect a thing.


Hey.


Who wants into my pearly gates?

Me! I do! I'm a minister!

Fuck off.


I'm Trixie, your little slice of heaven.

I am in love.

Good girl.


You know, I've been thinking.

Christ.

Is stealing from a criminal any better than just being a criminal?

I've got a better one for you, princess.

What's the most outrageous place you've ever been key-holed?

Why do you wanna know?

Just curious.

It says a lot about a woman.

Mm... Either a bumper car three-way at the Redlands County Fair or on top of a horse-drawn buggy in Amish Country with Jakey Stalfoos.

Hel?

Let's have a little less chitchat and a lot more digging, huh?

I'm gonna grind those secrets out of you one day, Hel.

I don't have any secrets.

Well, what about you, Camero?

My best bang was a contortionist out behind the freak show tent at Circus Nudieus.

I couldn't stand straight for days. Never did get her name.


Evening, Hot Wire.

Haven't seen your ugly mug since the Glory Hole.

Camero, I was just following orders.

No hard... Smurf, shit, Skittle, piss! ...feelings, huh?

Where's Gage?

I don't know.

I don't have time to be dry fucked tonight.


Honey, I'm undefeated here.

All right, all right.

Gage put together another Bombshell Bitchfest Blowout.

Friday, midnight.


It just keeps getting hotter and hotter.

I can't take this anymore.

Hey, don't waste all the...

Grab my nuts and call me Sally.

Uh... You might wanna cover up.

What?

Don't tell me you don't want some of what I'm selling.

I'm gonna get you wet.

OK, quit messing around, Trixie. I mean it.

You fuckin' bitch.

Hey.

Don't even think about it.

You two fucking bitches are dead.


Did the verbals from Sat Comm concur?

Gage must have a sick sense of humor.

And a death wish.

Does the girl suspect anything? No, Phoenix.

Everything is proceeding as planned. Mobilize the ops.

We move in five days' time.

The nano-swarm is active, and the casualties will be immense.

Time to move. They've traced us.

Ow...

Are you OK? Something's poking my heinie.

What's that?

Help me dig.

I think this is it.

Hooray for us. We rock!

Oh, my God.

Looks like he hasn't been out here that long.

Maybe a few weeks.

No one I know. Poor bastard.

Didn't die quickly.

Someone was trying to work something out of him.

Gage? No.

He was dark, not this dark.

There's only one person that would do this kind of thing.

Are we being watched?

This is crazy! I've had enough! I wanna go home!

Calm down, Trix. Calm down?

That's all you keep telling me, Hel, but people keep dying!

I can't end up like him!

We're running out of time.

Your friend's losing it. She'll be fine.

I'm not going down because of her.

I said she'll be fine.

Check the perimeter.

I'm sorry, Hel.

I thought I could do this.

I thought I could be strong.

No, Trix. I let you down.

I never should have asked you to do this.

You didn't force me.

I wanted to be here...

...with you.

You're the first person in my whole life who's ever really believed in me.

We shouldn't.

Not here.

Please.

I need you.

I've never felt this way before...

...about anyone.

Then, why don't you kiss me?

Now.


Mommy! Mommy!

Hi, honey.

What happened? Did you drop your snow cone?

It tastes like salty balls.

Oh, no.

Well, we can get you another one. Can't we, Helen?

It will surely be done, Princess Lily.

You see? You go that way. We'll be right there.

Is everything OK?

Yeah.

Everything is perfect when I'm with you.

Well then, turn that frown upside down, girlfriend.

There's something I'd like you to do for me, but I'm having a hard time justifying it.

Why? It's dangerous.

And you mean too much to me.

After everything you've done for me, Hel, I'd do anything for you.


What the fuck?

Camero, I can explain.

I'm out there sweating my ass off, and you're in here bashing gash?

And Gage was right. I can't trust you. Yes, you can.

Bullshit! What else aren't you telling me?

You planning on cutting me out of the score as well?

Don't be ridiculous. Who's being fucking ridiculous, Hel?

It's my fault, Camero. I asked Hel not to tell you.

I knew you'd fly off the handle and become even more uncontrollable.

So I need to be controlled.

Is that what you think? Is it?

No.

Because I'm not the one here plumbing the depths of cooterlicious pretending to be something I'm not.

I knew you were trouble.

I never should have let Hel bring you in.

We wouldn't have found this place without her, remember?

True. So now we can waste her.

Kill her and you'll have to kill me, too.

And then you won't have anyone to fence the goods or work the contacts.

Is that what you want?

I'm sorry, Camero.

I should have told you about us right from the start, but I never thought about betraying you on this deal.

We're all in this... to the end.

Either we all win or we all lose, and losing now has way too high a price.

Oh!

Lie again and you're both dead.


Oh. I'm sorry.

That was my fault. I couldn't control myself.

Don't ever apologize for being you.

You know, she scares me, Hel.

Are you sure she's not gonna try something?

With Camero, there's no sure things. Help me up, will you?

Whoa!

Looks like Gage was ready for war.

Camero, get in here! We found something!

K-14 Corsair rail gun, carbon fiber mounts, hellfire dampening system, and zion laser scope.

This is some serious and classified hardware.

How do you know all that?

My father was a part of the CIA's Ghost Recon Group in the '80s.

Oh.

Camero, you hear me?

Where did she go?

Camero?

Where are you?

Trixie, get inside, quick.

What up, bitches? Hi, hi!

You ain't kidding, Kinki.

It's the Poontang Valley Express around here.

Who the hell are you?

Think of us as, uh...

...debt collectors. Pussybone parfait!

Oh...

Oh!

Oh...

Oh...

Huh!

Uh-oh!

Naughty girl.

Kinki is spanking.

Take it easy. Take it easy. You're OK.

Oh!

Looks like we got you by the balls this time, Camero.

You know these two?

When she came looking for Gage, I figured something big was up.

Love me long time, jeeter!

We've been tracking you.

So...

...the legendary Gage treasure is true.

Where is it at?

We don't know. Look, don't dry fuck me.

I won't think twice about having Kinki...

Shit me a loud purple Twinkie!

...your pretty little faces.

Gage lied to us. It's not buried where he said.

Oh...

Well, then you better keep digging.

Fuck that. I ain't shoveling anything for you but your grave.

Enough!

We'll dig. Just leave her alone.

I'm gonna enjoy beating seven shades of shit out of both of you!

Still... Bunghole Barney bungalow! ...the same old Camero.

Now start fucking digging.

I want to play with the...

Not you, cherry pie.

You stay here.

Do as he says.

You see, Kinki likes you.

Kinki want to play.

What does she wanna play?

Yeah.

I need help gettin' off.

I'm going to miss you, Camero.

You certainly have livened up my incarceration.

Inmate 1138, you're ready for processing.

All clear. Evac cell 2187.

But...

I told you. I can still get you out, but you have to give me something to work with.

I'll give you something to work with.

Stick your finger in her ass, Camero.

All right, let's go.

Can I trust you?

Of course.

Get me out of here and I'll split 200 million in diamonds with you.

Oh!

Giddy up! Giddy up!

Come on! Go faster! You're my horse.

Come on. Let's go. Faster.

Whoo! Yee-haw!

Ride her, Kinki! Whoo!

Giddy up. Show your mama. Come on.

Let's go. Faster. Huh? Hey.

It's a private show! Back to work!

Let's go! Come on!

If I make a diversionary run for the guns, you think you can get close enough to Trixie?

Huh?

Oh, what? Are you not talking to me now?

Come on, Camero. I need you.

To save Miss Magic Mouth? No way.

Are you on something?

I don't even know who you are anymore.

I should've never trusted you, certainly never fallen in love.

That's it.

Get up.

Get up.

No! No! Stop!

No!

Forget about her.

We can pull this off. It's about you and me now.

No! No! Stop it! Help! Help me!

Stop! No!

Hey, we've found something!

Gorgonzola orgy!

Come on, flat ass.

Clear it.

Clear it!

Open it. I said open it.

On your knees, balloon boobs.

It's the only place you've ever been good at anyway.

Open it!

Maybe there's some kind of code.

Well, who knows the... Plumps when you cook it! ...code?

Who knows it?

No one?

Kinki's right. No one spills, no reason to keep you alive.

Wait! Let me try.

Let me try.

Hurry up! OK.

Hurry it up! OK.

Hurry up!

Thank you, happy sacks. We'll take it from here.

Kinki, kill 'em. OK.

Hold it!

I knew something was going on here.

Drop it!

Everybody on the ground. Go!

Drop it! I said, "Come on. Drop it."

All right, this is the last time I'm gonna tell you.

Drop the weapon and get on the ground!

Oh!

OK, let's go. Let's go. Come on.

Oh, no.

Get away! Somebody has a problem here.

Get away.

Here I come.


Grab my... Ah!


Oh, shit!

Whoo!

No!

Fortune cookie say, "Future not so bright."

Who... Stop!

...are you?

Camero, stop! Fuck you!

Stop it, Camero! No!

That's it, Pop-tart.

I'm gonna dogpound you straight to China.

That's enough, God fucking damn it!

I've had enough of this bullshit! It's gonna end right fucking now!

Starting to lose our cool, are we?

We tie him up in the trailer.

Let's gank this fucker right now. No matter who he is, he won't nipple-lick us if he's sucking daisy roots.

No more killing today, period.

If you were up for seven to ten, Hel, how did you fly in under three weeks?

And how the fuck did you spring me with 1 2 years left on my sentence?

Well, this is America.

She's sexy and loaded and has high-powered connections.

Bullshit.

I just saved your ass, again.

The fuck you did! I had it under control.

You're becoming a liability, Camero.

Not to mention a martyr with selective amnesia.

You're so hopped up on whatever shit you're dropping, you're irrational.

Fuck you!

I'm finally starting to see you for who you really are.

What is she talking about?

The prison, the weapons, the cash, your mastery of Honduran snuff sex...

You wanna tell Good & Plenty what you punched in, or should I, Hel, huh?

7-5-6-5-0. What does that spell?

Oh, my God! Why did you do that?

I had no choice, Trixie.

She's clearly delusional and off the rails.

Grab his cuffs and secure him inside.

What are you gonna do?

What needs to be done.

I'm sorry.

Thank you, Trixie.

How do you know my name?

Uh...

Who are you?

I'm a big fan.

A what?

An aficionado of your ass... ets.

I've seen you at Papa Piccolo's Naughty Knickers Round-up.

You're astonishing and...

...oh, God, gorgeous.

When I came by earlier, I knew it was you.

And I could tell something was wrong. I was worried about you.

Oh, God.

I'm sorry. You must think I'm some kind of crazy stalker.

You were worried about me?

What's your name?

Roy.

Deputy Roy Eugene Fuchs, ma'am.

That's a nice name.

Ow...

What are you mixed up in? Who are those women?

I don't even think I know anymore.

Let me help you, Trixie.

Come on.

Oh...

I'll be back.

It's not too late to make the right decision, Trixie.

Either way... I'm here for you.


Where's Camero?

You chained her up?

She's all right. Come on.

I'm scared, Hel. What's going on?

You're just gonna have to trust me on this, Trixie.

Now, let's go.

I'm sorry.

You better pray to whatever God you worship I don't get out of this thing.

What is it that troubles you, Sister?

You have to help me, Mother Superior.

My impure thoughts have gone beyond inanimate objects and devolved into lusting after strapping Latvian gymnasts.

No!

Oh, Sister Sara.

Oh... Oh!

God fucking damn it.

Sister Prudence Bangtail.

Well, this is the last straw.

Save it, crusty. I'm vapor. This place bites anyway.

May God have mercy on your soul.

Freeze, Sister!

Put your hands in the air. Do it now.

Well, well, well.

Hiding out in a convent, impersonating a nun, juggling pussy in a pornographic circus.

Oh, that is tasteless, even for you, Camero.

Oh...

Right-o, lads.

Don't be afraid to use excessive force on this one.

I can't see a thing.

Move back.


What is all this?

It's everything Gage stole from Pinky.

Huh?

That crafty fucker's been funneling Pinky's goods for years.

That's why he stashed out here.

So he could secretly distribute the goods each time a buyer was secured.

How do you know all this?

If you lay with criminals...

Be careful. There will be dangerous shit down here.


Hey, Hel, look at this.

It's beautiful.

Can I keep it?

Sure. Keep it.

I found them.

Oh, my!

Flawless...

...uncoded...

...and all ours.

Well, what now?

Time to disappear.

Shit.

What do we do? What do we do?

Just get to the car and start it up.

But we can't leave Roy. Go!

But... Just go to the car!

Time to get medieval.

Camero, ease up!

We have the diamonds. OK? The plan worked.

All we have to do is drive away, and we've won.

Bullshit.

I trusted you before. Look where that got me.

Goddamn it, Camero! I'm not gonna let you fuck this up now!

Drop that chain and get your head on straight.

Time to test your loyalty and see what you're really made of.

A wet job, Polly Punanni, and all is forgiven, whoever you are.

Come on.

You and me started this. You and me should finish it.

No, we're in this together. Fine.

Then I'm gonna sleigh-ride your sorry ass once and for all.

If you want me...

...come and get me.

Come on, guys. Don't. Please don't.


Come on, guys. Stop!


I said stop!


Stop! Camero, stop it!

You're next, pantyraid.

Stay down, Camero. I don't wanna have to kill you.

Ah!

How do you like it, bitch?

Did you really think you could beat me, huh?


Get this fucking going!

Trixie. Trixie!


Trixie!

Fire in your hole.


So long, bitches.

Ram this in your clambake, bitch cake.

Roy! Roy!


Go ahead and kill me.

I don't care anymore.

It's all a lie, isn't it?

Yes.

Why?

Who are you?

Are you... No.

I'm not Pinky.

I'm...

Give me the specs, Deiter.

The specs! Now!

You've got the wrong uberman.

I know nothing of this murderous plague you speak of.

Wrong answer, Deiter.

Congratulations, Foxy 69.

Mission accomplished, Phoenix. I have the antitoxin data.

I have another assignment that demands your immediate attention.

As you know, the Glory Hole was a regrettable miscalculation, but Tac Comm has learned of another opportunity to retrieve the nano-swarm.

I'm sending you to Honey Junction Women's Prison to infiltrate and make contact with a former colleague of Mortimer Gage.

She goes by alias Camero.

I'm on it.

Good. Now, bury all evidence and get yourself home.

Phoenix out.


Oh, my God.

You're a wicked cool covert operative masquerading as a sex toy tycoon?

Mm-hm.

My mission was to reclaim that: a weaponized vial of synthetic nano-swarm that Gage hijacked from a CIA convoy.

It's filled with trillions of self-replicating robo-viruses that latch on to any living organism and suck the carbon out until you, me, even the cockroaches are nothing more than gray goo.

It could wipe out an entire continent if properly deployed.

I had to extricate it before Gage tried again to sell it to another combatant country or crazed libertarian.

So the plan, the diamonds, us...

...was all just a crock?

No.

Not us, Trix.

What I am doesn't change how I feel about you.

Everything between us is real.

You've changed me.

You've made me see a life I've been missing.

Craving really.

I'm through being Foxy 69, but you can't just walk away from Flesh Force Foxy with a wink and a hi-dee-ho.

I needed leverage and a huge bankroll.

The vial and the diamonds give us both.

Now you, Lily, and me can slip off to a small Micronesian island together...

...forever.

And playfully wrestle in the surf?

Among other things.

I love you.

Oh...

The bitch is back, baby!

Oh, yeah!

Hang on, Trixie. Hang on.

Fuck me!

Who says drugs are bad for you?

It hurts, doesn't it? Having someone you love taken away.

It wasn't her fault, Camero.

Fuck you! It was all her fault.

I have nothing.

Nothing!

And it's all because of her... and you.

I'm gonna booty-bang bitch slap your fucking ass until you're just this side of salvage.

Then I'm gonna ram-ride girly's show tits asunder before I plow both of you bitches under!


Oh! Oh...


Open wide, psycho slut!

Lube my boobs, skank twat!


You had enough?

No. You?

Blow me.

Fuck layin' tube!

Fuck wad!

Lick my love pup!


Blow my biscuit!


No.

Camero, stop!

No! Please, no! Stop!

No!

No. No. Hel, no!

Just us now, buttercups.

Stay away from me. Stay away from me!

Mrs. Honeypot, can Trixie come out to die?

Stop! No!

Come on. Fight me!

I'm too weak and vulnerable.

Ah!

Fine. If you won't fight, then you got to fuck.

Prepare to come about, bitch. Camero, stop!

Time to get me some of what Hel's been gettin'.

Stop! Stop, please! Don't! Please!

Hello, kitty.


Yeah!

I'm gonna baste your giblets, butter britches.

You're her?

You're my best lay ever?

Surprise.

You lying fucking whore!

The women's movement will hoist my skirt for all eternity.


Oh, my God. Oh...

Oh, my God.

How did it come to this?


How did it come to this?

I'll tell you. Human nature.

Early Christianity tells us of humanity's seven deadly sins.

I'm unclear whether lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride are human sins or defining human characteristics.

Foxy 69, target on sight.

Roger that.

Foxy down in 20, 19, 18, 17...


Foxy 69 in position.

Hold it. We'll take those.

Oh, that's a bit frightening, isn't it?

Foxy, take 'em out.

Help me!

Oh, my God.


Camero!

What the fuck is that?


Bite me!

Oh, yeah.


Trixie, why?

What can I say?

We're all just bitches in the end.

Oh!

Who are you?

I think you know.

But why me?

Why Camero?

You were lost souls, and I thought it would be fun.

And Phoenix?

Phoenix works for me.

Always has... or did.

He got careless.

I guess we know where that ended up.

So this whole thing...

...my mission, us meeting...

...Camero...

It was all for this.

Made in the 16th century by master craftsman Umatada Mjouji.

This naginata has seen battles won and empires fall for over 600 years.

It's the one thing I love on this godforsaken Earth, and Gage was stupid enough to think I didn't care.

How could you do this?

Play the victim? I loved you.

A girl's got to get her jollies somehow.

Oh.

And I really get off watching girls fight.

You guys were awesome.

What are you waiting for?

Go on. Finish your sick little game.

"We read we ought to forgive our enemies, but we do not read..."

"...that we should forgive our friends."

Cosimo de' Medici, 1454.

Go to hell, Trixie!

Last one in's a rotten egg.

Last one in's a rotten egg.


"All warfare is based on deception.

Hence, when able to attack, we must seem unable.

When using our forces, we must seem inactive.

When we are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away.

When far away, we must make him believe we are near.

Hold out baits to entice the enemy.

Feign disorder and crush him."

Sun Tzu, The Art of War, 380 B.C.