Bitchkram (2012) Script

Hi. You don't know me, but I'm emailing you because I want to write.

I'm only honest when I write, and I'm tired of lying.

As a child, I started writing a list of 1,000 things to do before I die.

A list to dare me, give me strength, make me see, think, be.

#089: SETA PINBALL HIGH SCORE Because life's a contest. Best high score at the time of death wins.

Who wants to get old and regret everything you didn't do?

New York is at the top of my list, and I'm about to go.

About to become myself- my written self, not the one I am.

This town is killing me. And I don't want to die.

I want to win.

#704: SING ALOUD IN A RECORD STORE I'd do anything to write for your paper.

Let me make my dreams come true. Kind regards, Kristin.

#067: GROW UR

#103: LISTEN TOGETHER

#045: WEAR A WREATH

#108: KISS

#099: HUG SANTA

#038: FALL IN LOVE

#033: ACT ON STAGE

#068: GO ABROAD

#042: GET A BEST FRIEND BITCH HUG

-Isn't this your sister's room? -Yeah, and this is her bed.


-I love you, Kristin. -Tell me before you come.

-I'm about to come. -Don't come inside me!

-Are we gonna leave it like this? -Sure, it'll be like a gift.

-What? Is that her now? -Hurry!

Wait up!

-What do we do? -You should probably hide.

Kristin!

Where am I supposed to hide?

Kristin! You filthy cunt, you had sex in my bed?

Well, somebody should. Your bed is developing a complex next to mine.

You're washing and sanitizing my sheets.

-Can't you take a joke? -A joke? You fucking...

What the fuck? You can't kill me with a grapefruit.

-"Can't you take a joke?" -Play in the same league.

-So I should fuck in your bed? -It's so done.

-Come up with something original. -You're such a joke. Hey, Sperm Boy.

I want my sheets washed, dried and ironed.

You heard her. Washing powder's behind you. Then you can leave.

But...I was supposed to get to sleep over. You promised.

And you promised never to say you loved me.

I just can't help it sometimes.

It's a turn-off to hear it in Swedish it doesn't sound believable.

I'm sorry. I'll never say it again, I promise.

#703: HAVE SEX IN LINN'S ROOM Am I supposed to use washing powder or softener?

Idiot...

I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want.

I don't want this.

I don't want to go to school, but discover the world.

I want to be in love with the person I'm with.

I hate living in a small town.

You slow down on that thing!

There are only things I love and things I hate.

HATE LOVE HATE

I love writing. I hate tangled wires.

I love a good window hang. I hate water.

I love New York. I hate Linn.

There are two ways of looking at things.

I'm like a coin with two sides.

I hate and I love.

I love myself...

...and I hate myself.


-Kristin... Wake up. -I'm awake. What do you want?

I just want to wake up my favorite baby sister.

-Why are you so happy? -Because it's 10 a.m.

So?

What the fuck! Where's my alarm clock?

Oops. You mean this one?

Hey, retard, I have a major interview!

Sorry, I forgot. Just like you forgot which room was yours last night.

This is not the same thing. This is life or death. Fuck...


-I'm here now. -Yes?

-I'm meeting the editor-in-chief... -Right, Daniel.

Daniel...something. I'm a little late.

-Can you tell him I'm here now? -Sorry, you just missed him.

-Sure, I'll get the herring... -Hi, Daniel! I'm Kristin!

-I'm so sorry... -Hey, Kristin.

Hate to break it to you, but you don't have what it takes.

If you give me a second...

You don't get extra seconds in this business.

You don't meet your deadline, you're toast.

Yes, but...this job is perfect for me. I have so many things to say.

I was on the school paper, the student council...

-I was almost on that 5th-grader show. -I couldn't care less about any of it.

But then I think: "Kristin - Young Swedish girl in New York."

-But... -It's got a nice ring to it.

-But... -Don't start a sentence with "but".

My assistant will email you the details.

I get to write for you? Seriously? I got it?

-Yes. -Thank you so much!

Don't thank me, thank your boyfriend.

-My boyfriend? But I don't have one. -Anders.

I mean August... Alfred. Anyway, he's my girlfriend's brother.

I promised I'd give you a shot. If you know what I mean.

Anton?

No, it's whatchamacallit...

The king, with the knights... The knights of... King...

-Arthur! -Congrats on your new job!

I didn't want it like this.

Oh, come on... This is how it works.

Apparently. And apparently I'm your girlfriend now?

-Come on, it'll be fun. -Fun? What is going to be fun?

-You and me. -You just want to get more cred.

Come on, I just want to be with you.

Yeah, well, I don't do couple.

But I like you. For real.

I just want to be with you your last week here. Please.

Fine. If you stop bugging me about it.

-What...? -We're a couple!

But when I go, it's over. I'm not doing the Skype thing.

Sure. But let's celebrate. Can't we go swimming or something?

No, I've got a ton of stuff to do.

-What are you doing? -Updating my relationship status.

-We'll go, but promise to behave. -Yeah. Sure thing.

-We're a couple! We're a couple. -Wow, that's great. Congrats!

Let's drink to that.

Cheers!

-Yeah! -What did I tell you?

Sorry.

Last one in sucks!

Kristin, you suck!

Kristin, you suck!

Seriously...

Kristin! Check it out! I'm doing the elevator!

It's embarrassing you're dating Arthur.

Was he really the best you could do?

Have you met Dennis? He goes to tennis high school.

-I'm Dennis. -Kristin is left here by herself.

-It's because she can't swim. -Everybody swims.

I've just got better things to do than go swimming.

Come on, let's go.

New York. Two words that could hold the answer to everything.

No more school, no more pointless equations, French revolutions, or African lakes.

I've got my first job - writing this column.

I'll get to write, and you'll get to read.

Performance anxiety...

Please...

What do you write when your words might reach everyone?

Am I supposed to grow up now? Make all the important decisions?

As far as we know, we only live once.

And that's now.

You're fucking kidding me!

-Are you coming? -Um...yeah.

Great. What?

-There? -There.

A little slower...

Dennis... I want your big, bad cock inside me right now.

What the fuck...? What are you...?

-What are you doing? Get off me! -I'm sorry!

-I'm sorry. -Get the fuck out of here, you bitch!

Fuck. I came...

You fucking retard. Don't you have any sort of boundaries?

You've been at it for an hour because your vag is too loose to come in.

-What did you say? -I'm sorry.

-You're deranged. -Well, you're pathetic.

Fucking anyone just to impress me.

You're the one who's fucked everyone.

-Including the guy you're fucking now. -What? You cunt! Fucking cunt!

I'm kidding! I'd never fuck a guy as disgusting as Tennis-Dennis!

Ow! What the hell?

You're such a failure. You have to leave because you're so fucking sad.

I'm sad? Am I the one who's working at mom and dad's all summer?

-Are you the one going to New York? -How will you make it there?

-Will you fuck your way up there, too? Fuck you.

-Let's hear it, then. -Hear what?

Let's hear what you've succeeded at.

-I'm going away. -No, you're running away.

Because you're a loser. You've never succeeded at anything.

-I'm going to write. -What? I didn't hear you.

-I'm writing a column. -That you fucked your way to.

You're so scared. You're scared people will see through you.

And see what a failure, and how talentless and disgusting you are.

You have no one to whom you mean the most in the entire world.

Take a fucking look in the mirror.


#103: PROVE LINN WRONG New York, New York, New York...

Soon I'll be taking off. My city, my friends, my thoughts...

It'll all be left behind.

Turned into small, insignificant miniatures in the periphery.

Everything that once mattered, will no longer bear any significance.

One day. By the time this is in print It'll be 24 hours to take-off.

24 hours until my new life begins.

I love that I'm going, but I hate leaving you.

I've got a list. Going to New York Is at the top of it.

I'm counting down every second.

Thanks for helping me soar. I'll "nostalgia-miss" you.

Especially my little big sister. Thank you!

Bravo!

Over here, by the sign.

-Better turnout than your graduation. -I didn't invite everyone I've fucked.

-Say "cheesecake." -Cheesecake!

They're so cute... One more!

-You're such a phony. -Better phony than lonely.

Upon graduation, eager and keen Is my blonde little darling, princess and queen About to embark on adventures unseen Blossoming into a rose evergreen She's fragile and fair, with a rarefied sheen A gemstone of precious aquamarine To be treasured forever in a shrine of sateen A girl so ravishing, nice and pristine Our own little graduate, our lovely Kristin Thanks, Dad. Let's hear it for graduating! Cheers!

For school is finally over, For school is finally over For school is finally over... We did it and we rock!

I would just like to propose a toast to Kristin.

I've just spent the best week of my life together with her.

Even though I hate to see you go, I want you to know I believe in you.

I'm confident you'll make it, and...you'll conquer the world...

Oh, for... 500 kronor says she's back before Midsummer.

Who'll bet against me? If she's so great it should be easy money.

-What are you doing? -No one?

-I'll bet you a thousand kronor. -Yeah, we're all in.

-Great. It's a deal. To Kristin! -To Kristin!

-Come on! I've just graduated. -So has everyone else.

-Huh? -So has everyone else!

-Take it, it's on the house. -Thank you!

This is my song!

That's great.

New York! It's so insane! I'm gonna miss you so much.

In New York, every night will be exactly like this one.

I don't want this to be the last I see of you before you leave for New York.

That's hours away. We've got all night.

-But we are sleeping together? -Of course we are.

Yes...

-What about your boyfriend? -What boyfriend?

The guy who ran after us screaming you were his all, that he loved you...

What the hell?

-Why are you hiding? -I dunno. You did.

Hi, what are you guys doing?

Hi, Neo. We're just playing hide-and-seek.

-You found us. -Yay! Now you come find me.

Yes, go hide somewhere great, where no one will ever find you.

Cut it out.

Can't sleep? Go back to bed, and I'll come read you a story.

- The Little Prince? -Sure.

-His name is actually Neo? -Yeah, so? Like "The Matrix."

-Wait, you're leaving? -Yes.


Who are you? What are you doing in my room?

I'm just looking for the bathroom. I need to pee.

And I know your brother. Kind of.

-I'm Kristin. I don't recognize you. -I don't recognize you.

-Sure you do. I graduated today. -Congratulations.

-And I was published in the paper. -That's great.

Can't you turn that thing off?

Yes, turn it off.

-Hi! Didn't you graduate today? -No, I'm only sixteen.

Oh, okay... But this is perfect! Because Gustav bailed on me.

So I'm gonna need someone to keep me awake.

-What, you mean me? -Yes. Are you game?

-But I... -You keep your brother's promise.

-Of an unforgettable night. -Okay...

What if your parents wake up?

-They're away camping. On Öland. -Okay...

Holy shit....

-What would you like? -Whatever has the most alcohol in it.

-You planning on flying drunk? -Yes, I am.

Video games! Awesome!

I've got a list of 1,000 things to do before I die.

One is to get a word into the Swedish lexicon.

-It's kind of complicated. -So you got any words?

"Café crush." It's when you're in a coffee shop...

...and you spot a guy that you kind of think is hot or whatever...

And you kind of start fantasizing about him.

I guess you get a crush on him, or whatever.

I've got quite a few more words, but none comes to mind right now.

It's all a bit dorky.

It's an hour before I have to leave.

I know what half of a movie we can watch.

-No way. -Come on, let's do it.

No way. One, it's half a movie. Two, we'll fall asleep.

Come on. I don't fall asleep to movies, not even bad ones.

-This one's got the best beginning. -Okay, fine. Bring it on.


-Where's my cell? -It's there somewhere.

The alarm went off, so I turned it off.

What are you, retarded?

Fuck!

Call a cab!

Say bye to dad and Linn. Okay, bye!

Panpipes - that's the stuff. World's oldest music.

It was the shepherds who came up with it, and started playing...

They wanted to replicate the sound of the wind as they herded sheep.

You bet. That's how it happened.

Oh, my... It's just great.

Keep the change!

-Here you go. Good luck! -Thanks!


You can't reschedule after take-off.

I'll die if I can't go. I've already paid three months' rent upfront.

That was literally all my money. Please, please!

-Please, please, please! -Fine, I'll tell you what.

I'll put you on a waiting list. We'll call you if a seat becomes available.

Thank you so much! Thank you, thank you!

I still get to be on the list, right?

Mm-hm.

I'm sorry.

-I don't know what to say. -That's right, you don't.

Thanks for the ride. And you - you I don't want to see ever again.

-Just so you know. -All right.

Okay, all set. I'm coming.

Watch out, expensive bike coming through.

-Watch it! Ow! -Fucking...crap bike.

It set me back 25,000 kronor, and I can't even get it out the door.

-Who keeps their bike inside? -There are so many lowlifes out there.

Fucking pisses me off. Goddamn it! The paint job's all...

-That's hardly my fault. -...fucked. Huh?

-Kristin speaking. Hey, it's Daniel.

-Oh, hi... Why are you whispering?

I've just boarded the plane. They asked us to turn off our phones.

So I'll be brief. Just wanted to say, everybody loved your column.

Everyone on the staff thinks your piece is, um, tight.

- Walt, is that right? Stoked. -Yes...

We're stoked to hear about your adventures.

Because your writing is tight.

Keep it up when you get to New York. Take in your surroundings.

Just "fasten your seat belts" and...talk soon.

- Questions? -No, I...

- Great, bye. -Bye...


Hi. I thought you never wanted to see me again.

I don't, but I had to return the scooter, so I had no choice.

-Can we talk? -Sure, talk all you want.

-Okay, I meant in private. -You'll have to come to the beach.

-We're going swimming. -We're going swimming.

-You're not coming in? -Um, no.

The water's crazy cold and rancid. There's, like, dinosaur pee in it.

-Besides, the airline might call. -They won't call the same day.

Can you time me while I hold my breath underwater?

Okay. Ready?

Ready...set...go!

Aren't going to say something? You owe me a summer in Central Park.

This trip was my life. What should I do now?

-I don't know what I can do... -No, you don't. You have no idea.

-How long was I under? -16.12 seconds.

-One more time. -No, Neo...

Ready...set...go!

-Listen, I'm sorry. -"Sorry" won't get me to New York.

-Just wait for the airline to call. -Yeah, but I can't go home.

-Why not? -I just can't, okay?

-How long was I under? -14.12 seconds. You did great!

-No, I did worse than last time. -But you came really close.

-Again! -No, enough.

Ready...set...go!

You'll have to make sure I can stay here for now.

-Of course you can stay here. -What? So I can just stay here?

But we're not best friends or anything. You keep to yourself.

This is just because you owe me an apology.

-How long? -Sorry, I forgot to stop it!

Oh, no!

Neo, I'm so sorry. I really didn't mean to. I swear.

Please, Neo.

Let it go and move on already!

-This is the kitchen. -It's nice.

-Take whatever you want in the fridge. -Thanks.

-This is the dining room. -What's the deal with all this?

The right amount of something ugly makes it pretty.

Huh? Say what?

-This is the bathroom. -Okay...

But...who did all this?

I did.

Sick.

I mean... Like, what the fuck?

-It's nice, huh? -You've got a basement swimming pool?

Make the most of it while you're here.

Yeah. But you better not push me in. I'll kill you if you do. Okay?

You can swim in the pool if the sea's so rancid.

No, thanks. I bet you and your brother have had incest sex in it.

Or, like, your parents.

Help!

-I could have died! -You can stand in the water.

So? People have drowned in puddles.

You can stay in Neo's room. He can sleep in my room.

It's a bit gay.

We need back-up.

What's this room? I can stay in here.

It's my parents' room, so you can't.

I can stay in here till they get back.

No, you can't. I'd feel weird about it.

-How long have your parents...? -I said no.

Okay, relax.

Great... An attic.

I guess you could go home.

No, it'll be fine. I'll just pretend it's my penthouse in New York.

If that makes you happier...

If you'd been to New York, you'd get it.

Yeah. But whatever. I'm going out for a run.

What about me? You're just going to leave me all alone?


Why, hello... So you're awake?

-Yes. You woke me up. -It's 11 a.m.

-Not in New York. -No, that's right.

-Wanna help? -No thanks.

-I've got more important things to do. -Okie-doke.

Basement. Penthouse. Small town. Big city.

Tragedy. Euphoria.

I love contrasts. Clear distinctions.

Right...and wrong.

Love...or hate.

I love how the skyscrapers soar like pines towards the blue sky.

I'm really here. Breathing, thinking, living.

New York. People swarm like ants.

I go up the elevator of Empire State Building.

It's not the only thing moving upwards now.

It's the city that never sleeps. People living 24/7.

Thump, thump, thump. I can feel the throbbing pulse.

I feel the possibilities. I feel...


Hi, Neo.

-Morning. -Hi.

Was it yesterday that we...?

No, I missed my flight because you turned off my alarm.

Now I'm stuck here till they sort out my ticket.

Cool, cool.

I'm finally in the city that feels as fictitious as Duckburg.

But in reality, It's more alive than anything else.

I see all kinds of people. Hunky bartenders in East Village and midnight cowboys outside the movie theaters.

I'm so ingenuous!

-Ingenious. -What?

You mean "ingenious".

-No, it's "ingenuous". -Ingenious.

No, it's not. Ingenuity, ingenuous, ingenuousness...

Ingenious.

Gustav, is it ingenious or ingenuous?

No idea, I've never used that word.

"Have you met Gustav?" "Who's that?" "The ingenious guy."

You have one new message.

Hello, Kristin! I just added you as a friend on the Facebook site.

I've actually poked you repeatedly.

You haven't reciprocated any of my pokes.

Is everything all right?

Your image would benefit greatly if you took a few pictures.

Some people have no imagination. Which is just so totally right.

That's exactly the kind of modern approach we take.

I thought it would go great with your list.

Voice mall, it's so tricky. There's no back and forth.

You never know when to stop talking.

They're calling me on the other line here.

Don't forget to send pictures. Okay, bye.

Andrea! Wow, it's so nice up here.

-You awake now? -Yes. And I need your help.

-But... Come on, please! -No.

-Please. -I don't know...

Come on, it'll be fun.

-No, I've got a ton of stuff to do. -You'll do them later.

-Please. -No!

I'll help you if you help me. Please, please, please...

No... I don't know.

Yes, please.

Come on.

I'll swat every fly in this place!

Please, please, please!

Okay. Fine.

-Okay... What do we do now? -Here, shoot me using Hipstamatic.

There... It'll make it look like New York. Okay?

-Ready? -Yes.

Ready...set...go!

#604: USE A FIRE EXTINGUISHER IN A PUBLIC PLACE

#359: SHAVE A FUR COAT

-I can't run any faster! -Come on!

Wait up!

-Take a pic! -Okay.

#324: JUMP ON A MOVING TRAIN

"I rub my eyes and pinch myself- I'm really here."

"I fear if I close my eyes it'll all be gone when I open them."

"We're on rooftops, at coffee shops, and by an indoor pool."

"But New York is no longer a dream. It splashes you with cold water."

"The last thing I see at night is the Manhattan skyline from Brooklyn."

-"Tomorrow it'll get real when I..." -What? Did I misspell it?

It says you have an audition for a Tobey Maguire film.

-What do you think, too much? -I mean...maybe a little.

Fuck! She's calling me.

Hi, Linn! Yeah...

Give me ten minutes to get to a Starbucks.

They're everywhere here.

Bye.

Is there a Starbucks around here?


Hi, Kristin! Long time no talk.

What's up? It seems pretty tight there.

It's so amazing. The city, the people - everything.

-It's my friend Andrea. -Oh... Who's she?

Can I talk to her? Can you just turn the computer around?

Um...they have a no-filming policy at Starbucks.

She's just going to order, she'll be right with us.

You can barely order a coffee without signing a bunch of papers.

Wow... Is it like in the movies?

Yes, it's exactly like the movies. I mean, you've seen the movies.

Is it a long line, or...?

Um, yeah... Kind of. Oh, here she is now!

We'll have to talk more. There's not much going on here...

Yeah, but there's lots going on here.

I have to hang with Andrea now. I don't want to be rude.

But say hi to Tennis-Dennis, and we'll talk.

No... We're not dating anymore.

What? Oh my God, I'm so sorry.

Maybe it was just as well. You deserve so much better.

-Thanks... -Okay, well, talk soon. Bye!

This is so awesome. I'm turning you into a French photography student.

-How original... -Yes, I'm very original.

Aren't you afraid you'll fall and die?

No. Why, are you afraid I will?

No, but it would be a shame if you slipped a little and just...

-That's not the sound you make. -Sure it is.

This is so nice. No more work.

Bacon. One point.

What are your plans in life? After I'm gone.

-I dunno. -What do you want to become?

I don't want to become anything in particular.

-Be serious. -Not everyone wants to "become."

Isn't it enough to just be?

That is so pretentious. Like, what do you know?

Shut up!

Cut it out!

Cut it out with the voice.

Oui, oui.

Life is so simple for you. You have no problems.

You just live and enjoy yourself- content, like a cow.

-Maybe it seems simple, but... -What is it?

Nothing.

-Something's up. -No, it's nothing.

-Andrea... -Can't sleep?

There's a scary clown in the closet, and Piglet's still in there.

We'll have to burst the clown's balloons so he comes out.

Kristin! They quoted you on the front page!

Seriously? What's it say?

"New York is like a bitch slap in the face."

Holy shit, I wrote that!

"New York is like a bitch slap in the face." What does that even mean?

That is like, totally unreal.

She says that right after.

So she's living in a penthouse?

-Yes. -Wow.

Sounds pretty tight. A penthouse, that's...

Then she writes: "It's sad to think of the people I've disappointed."

-Maybe she's talking about you. -Get real.

-I'll never make it. -Come on. Don't give up so easily.

You came really close.

#520: MAKE A HOLE-IN-ONE

-Oops... -We have to come up with something.

Almost.

Next shot you'll get super lucky!

Yes!

Okay, here it goes... I can't swim.

Does it bother you? I kind of understood that.

But how come? I thought everybody learned to swim.

I know, but...

I just hate to be seen as being bad at stuff, and the years just passed...

It's just stupid.

I can teach you how to swim. I taught Neo.

Stop making fun of me.

-No, I'm being serious. -You want to? For real?

-You can use one of those floats. -I'm not twelve.

-Oh, come on... -What's the matter with you?

-What do you mean? -What I mean?

You left Neo waiting for you to get him.

Oh, with his arms crossed like this?

-It's not a joke. -I'm sorry. I lost track of time.

You forgot you have a responsibility. I had to call in sick to get him.

You know I can't risk my job like that.

I know.

Oh, great...

What are you fighting about?

Small, insignificant things. It's nothing.

-Let's go read a story. -Yes! The Little Prince!

-You need to chill out. -Stay out of it.

What kind of parents run off to Öland leaving Andrea to handle everything?

-What are you talking about? -Your incompetent parents.

You are dumb. Our parents are dead, haven't you figured that out yet?

Did you figure we live here by ourselves for the fun of it?

-Are you going out for a run? -Yeah.

-Wanna do something later? -No, I need to sleep.

Then I've got lots of catching up to do. All right, see ya.

-What are you doing? -Giving you a bitch hug.

What does that mean?

It's like a bitch slap, but a hug instead.

Almost instinctual, with minimal thought and maximal force.

All right...

Hey...


Andrea?

Andrea.

-Can't I come in? -I'm going to sleep.

-We can fall asleep to a movie. -No.

-Can't we just talk? -No, because I'm working tomorrow.

Okay.

Good night.

Good night.

-Can you to teach me to swim today? -No, I have work to do.

-I'll help you if you help me. -No, it'll take too long.

-What's the matter? -Nothing. I just don't have time.

Morning... Morning.

It's time for you and me to do some bonding.

-Huh? -Come on.

-What about my coffee? -Leave it.

What are we doing?

-This is just goddamned stupid. -You're being so negative.

#576: ROLL OVER A COW It's a myth, you can't roll over a cow.

-Besides, these are wide awake bulls. -So? Same thing. Right?

Come here! Stop!


#711: PICNIC ON A HOOD So you were there, in the car?

Yeah... In the back seat. We were coming back from camping.

-Holy shit... -We don't really think about it.

-Andrea dropped out of junior high. -She quit school?

She couldn't stand the attention, feeling like a victim.

I wish she'd been able to tell me.

Isn't it a little kinky to eat a penis-shaped popsicle?

What's wrong with you? You ruined this whole moment we had going.

-Let's go home. -What? No, I've gotta get to work.

What about me?

-What are you doing? -I'm hiding.

-Okay... Cool, cool. -What am I supposed to do all night?

Beats me. This wasn't my idea.

See you in a few hours, then.

How long is this going to take?

It's the holiday season. Many people go to New York to enjoy summer.

-What the hell happened? -Um... Hide.

-What? -Just hide.

-What the hell... -Get down.

-Thanks for giving me a ride. -Yeah, no problem.

It's so hard to write something smart using just 140 characters.

You'd have to be a genius to become famous on Twitter.

-Right... -What's so funny?

I just thought of something funny.

-Did you hear what I said at all? -Yes, it's tough, it's hard.

-Think about it. 140 characters. -Right, that's a lot.

-That's... not a lot. -Right, that's not very much at all.

-This is you, right? -Yes. Thanks for the ride.

-No problem. -See you around.

Bye.

You've got a real competitor there.

Can you help me get out? My leg's asleep.

Yeah, all right.

Can't you come up with me to my room? I don't want to be alone.


-Don't do anything stupid. -What are you doing here?

-I got worried. -So you followed me?

No. You have to tell me why you do this.

-I don't have to do anything. -You're running away, just like me.

It's not the same thing.

It was all so much easier before I met you.

It was easier for me, too, before I met you.

But that doesn't mean it was better, does it?

Please step away from the ledge, you're making me nervous.

I'll just sit here in silence till you tell me why you run here every night.

Maybe I just like the view.

I like running at night, when everyone's asleep.

Stop it!

So you're not going to say anything?

Why would I tell you?

Because for the first time in my life I'm curious about someone.

I want to know all about you. I want to tell you everything.

-Stop being such a drama queen. -What do you want me to do?

I've run half a marathon.

I've tried asking you nicely and I've tried pissing you off.

What will it take for you to tell me?

They're dead.

They died in a car accident two years ago.

Is that why you dropped out?

Yes. I couldn't stand people feeling sorry for me.

They would say, "I know how you feel," but they don't.

'Cause no one knows how anyone else feels.

-No... -You happy now?

-Now you too can feel sorry for me. -No. I won't.

I don't know how it feels or anything like that.

And no one needs to know. No one needs to know about me.

Yes, they do.

You're the best, and you owe it to the world to reveal yourself to it.

And right now you're making me never want to go.


-It's looking nice and warm. -No, it's not.

Yes, come on.

-I don't want to. -A little further.

-I've changed my mind. -Kristin. A little bit further out.

It's super disgusting.

-It feels great. -No, it doesn't.

You don't know what great feels like if this feels great to you.

You need to learn, it's now or never.

-Take my hand, and we'll jump in. -You gay or what?

-Wanna become a swimmer? -Yes. But not a lesbian.

Relax.

One, two...jump!

#705: LEARN TO SWIM

That's great.

It's so hard to coordinate arms...and legs.

Come on! You're doing great!

Stretch your legs, you're almost there.

Just a little bit more.

Stop being such a show-off, Neo!

You've probably read about her adventures in her column about being a young Swedish girl living in New York.

She's now with us live. Hi, Kristin.

-Hi. So, tell us...

- My, my... Seems busy. -I'm walking among the skyscrapers.

You have to keep your eyes open and take every chance.

Yes, it's a different world. But you seem adjusted to your new life.

Yes, I'm living here with this girl, Andrea.

I don't know what I would have done without her.

So you're not homesick? Not even today, on Midsummer Night's Eve?

What's herring and schnapps compared to Still and Snapple?

Right, maybe not much.

Thank you, Kristin, with us live from New York. Good luck!

Thanks. Happy Midsummer to everyone out there.

I hope they are inspired to do something with their lives.

- You can read her column... -You were so awesome!

You're so good at lying! We have to celebrate.

Someone's having cuddle party.

The herring's served. The guests will be here soon.

-What do you mean? -My Midsummer party.

-You're having a party? -Yes. It's a hat theme.

-Quite a few people are coming. -What about me?

Can't you guys stay up here, if I get you a little wine?

Cool, cool. Coming!

Great... I might as well drop dead right now.

It'll be fine. We're in New York, remember?

What else?

I've been focusing more on hating stuff.

Like kids, swimming...and Linn.

But how did it get like that between you guys?

I don't know.

We've just always competed with each other for friends, guys...

Is it hard for you, or...?

Not really. I just don't think about it.

Don't... Oh my God, you're so cheap.

Just because you've got your own mansion.

I just graduated high school.

No, don't...

All empty.

Hi! How's everything going?

-Fantastically. -Cool, cool.

-Hi... -Hi.

I just saw Linn!

-What's she doing here? -I don't know.

Fuck, all my friends are here.

Don't worry, it's cool.

-What are we gonna do? -Come with me.


-Holy shit... -Come on!


I'm so relieved I'm not at that party.

Being with a bunch of people you don't even like. I'm so sick of it.

-You're so disgustingly innocent. -Cut it out.

-Just because I don't sleep around. -What are you doing?

What? That's something you'd say.

Yes. But don't you become like me.

Like Kristin or like Kristin?

I just wanted people to like me.

But what if Linn's right? What if I don't have what it takes to make it?

Everyone will see right through me.

It's a good thing if people can see through you.

Then they'll see how great you are.

-Fuck, they're coming here! -Sit down!

-They can't see me! -It'll be fine.

No, it won't be!

-Yes, you're with me. -Last one in is a dumb-ass!

-Sit down. -Kristin?

-What the hell's going on? -No, don't!

No! What the hell are you doing?

-She can't swim! -Yes, she can!

Kristin!

-Kristin! -Kristin!

Does anyone have a phone?


-What do you think you're doing? -I thought I'd ride along.

It's relatives only. Don't you think you've done enough?

And you people... You all owe me 500 bones each.


-Hear about Kristin? -She was never in New York.

-You heard? -I know. It's insane.

I don't know what to say. It's insane.

She's like hiding in a house in the woods. Here!

-She's never really been there. -That's such a bitch move.

-What did she live off? -So fucking sad.

-So disgusting. -At that party...

-She just jumped into the water. -She wanted to die. Too embarrassed.

NEW YORK TRIP WAS A HOAX LINN SPEAKS OUT She's pretty brave, at least.

-Hi, honey. -Hi... You gave us a real scare.

Have you slept at all?

-It's Rickard. -I think he looks really good.

Daddy is going to make you some chili.

It's looking good, so we're going to send you home tomorrow.

-Bye, Kristin. -Bye.

This is completely outrageous.

A snotty kid gets in over her head, lying to a whole town of people.

It's bigger than Lewinsky, Woods, and King Carl fucking Gustaf combined.

-You realize what this means? -I'm so sorry. I really, really am.

Why are you sorry? Since we outed it, our numbers are through the roof.

Our sales are like a Boeing 7 47.

Everyone wants to read about your failure.

-But... -It's time we found out...

...who this Kristin really is.

-But... -No buts! What did I say about that?

Here's what you'll do. In your next column you'll come clean about lying.

Then, you go. It'll be great.

-Go where? -To New York, where else?

I've booked your ticket, you're all set.

Write up your column, Kristin. Give us your story.

It's going to be a hit.

Hi, it's Kristin Wester. I'm in New York right now but you can reach me via email or sms.

Hi, it's me.

Give me a call when you're feeling better, okay?

Bye.

Look at that. Overtaking me right before the traffic light.

You only see Volvo drivers doing that.

So, what now? Are you back together with Arthur?

Dunno.

-What's the matter? -Nothing.

I won't say anything, it's better.


Hi... I've got a little surprise for you.

What surprise? And why are you dressed like Marilyn Monroe?

-Come in. -What is it?

If I tell you, it won't be a surprise. One...two...three...

Surprise!

The money from the bet paid for your homecoming/goodbye party.

-Pretty cool, huh? It's New York. -Hi...

-Nice to see you. -What is it?

-Hi, Kristin... -Hi.

-Thanks. -A Manhattan?

-No. -Relax. Have fun.

-What do you mean? -It's a party.

So party. You could at least enjoy yourself.

-Hi, Kristin. -I don't feel like enjoying myself.

Should your failure be the last thing people remember?

Hi...

Go on, take it.

-Here's to Kristin. -Cheers!

-I don't have a costume. -Yes, you do.

He can be the sweetest guy if he really wants to.

But then he acts completely different, and I'm like, what are you doing?

So then this morning...

-Spider-Man... -It's actually me.

Oh, my God, hi! Wow, how are you?

It all happened so fast with us.

What do you mean, "us"? There was never an "us."

-You're way too good for me. Right? -Yeah, I know...

So Arthur... Throw yourself out among the skyscrapers...

-Don't joke around about this. -Arthur... It is a joke.

-Hey... Are you okay? You sad? -Yeah...

This was always going to happen.

Why are you so logical about everything?

This is all your fault. You had to throw your stupid party.

-You'll get over it. -No.

Maybe it'll pass, but I'll never get over it.


-You seen Kristin? -The Ninja Turtle.

-Huh? -She's over there.

-Hi. -Hi, are you here?

I heard you were having a goodbye party.

Yeah, I got a new ticket, so I had to do something.

-Come on! -I'm coming.

-Where have you been lately? -I just haven't had time.

Here. Have a drink.

-What are you doing? -What do you mean?

-I don't recognize you. -It's a costume party.

It's kind of the point.

-You're an idiot. -No... I'm a Ninja Turtle.

-I thought you were better than this. -Yeah, well... Okay.

A drink? Can't you just enjoy yourself?

-What do you mean? -You're young.

You don't have to feel so goddamned much.

-Let go a little... -You have no idea what I'm feeling.

No. Because I don't know you, and you don't know me.

No one knows how anyone else feels. Isn't that what you said? Cheers.

Sure. It's good to see you live a little.

Since you haven't lived all summer, right?


-Hi! -Hi. What are you supposed to be?

-Kristin. -Nice.

-Thanks. You okay? -Yes.

Come on, you look so sad. You're Spider-Man.

You can't look all sad if you're Spider-Man.

-You're supposed to save the world. -Yeah, okay.

-Come on. -Yeah, sure... Or, I mean...

-Can't we go back to my place? -No, it has to be here and now.

-Got a condom? -In my jacket.

Fuck it.

Andrea? Andrea!

Hang on. Wasn't that Kristin?

-You want to do it, or what? -Fuck it.

Andrea!

-No... -Yes.

-Stop it. -What, you don't want to?

Of course I don't fucking want to!

Andrea! Andrea, wait up!

Andrea!

Andrea, wait up, please!

Andrea!

What do you want?

I want lots of things.

What do you want from me? What do you want me to do?

-I don't know. -Great, then.

-Andrea... -What?

-I'm sorry. -For what?

-For being me. -But this isn't you.

Maybe you just don't know me.

You were you, in New York.

Stop calling it New York.

So it didn't mean anything?


Andrea, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that.

Andrea!


I don't know who I am. But I know who I'm not.

I'm not this.

I don't want to play this game anymore.

But how do you it, then? If you just want to be yourself?

I'm not sure about anything anymore, but I know one thing.

The person you think I am, that's not me.

No one knows me, except for you. You're my best friend.

Because when I'm with you, you make me like myself.

I'm not doing this anymore.

I'm not going to listen to everyone else.

I'm not going to take on any more responsibility. I can't.

I'm too young. There are so many things I don't know.

So many things I haven't felt.

So many things I want to do... That I should do.

Lots of mistakes. I should make more mistakes.

There was no Central Park, no yellow taxi cabs.

And the skyscrapers were just ugly pine trees.

But everything I wrote from there was real.

You and me, we were New York. And now I'm left alone.

I'm starting high school in the fall.

Or taking an evening class, or whatever...

I have to do something.

Let's go home. What do you say?

I am doing it.

And you have to listen to me, because you're all I've got now.

Yeah... Come here.

It's going to be all right.


You're sitting there, thinking you've understood it all. Right?

As if you knew me. But you don't.

Because no one - no one - knows how anyone else feels.

We can never know.

But we can show that we care, and I didn't.

It's irrelevant that I never went to New York. The column wasn't the lie.

It's everything before it. And now I've lied to you.

You, who were everything but all that.

I guess it wouldn't be completely impossible to do, maybe.


-I don't want to see you. -Wait, please...

Don't close the door.

-Can't you just leave? -I won't say anything.

I just want you to open this present.


I love you.


When did you measure it?

When I was bored once.

This doesn't change anything.

I know.

But it's nice.

-Here, take it. It's yours. -But I...

No buts. I don't need it anymore.

It's all in there.

-I want to stay. -No, you don't.

Yes, I do. I don't want to go to New York.

It feels so pointless now.

It seems like you haven't thought this through.

I haven't. But I've felt it through.

-That is so pretentious. -Shut up...

Hey... You really have to go.

-You've wanted this since forever. -I know, but...

-No buts. -Oh, no?

We both know you'll regret it if you don't go.

Why don't we finish watching that movie?

Yeah.


Nysäter, please.

Did you have a pleasant journey?

Very.

I have a list. A book with a thousand things that I want to do.

But none of that matters anymore.

Because there's two sides to everything.

What's visible on the outside, and what's inside.

If you just listen.

I hate myself...

...and I love myself.

Subtitling by Mario Bernengo TC:subtitling