Blank Check (1994) Script

[ Panting ]

[ Thunder Rumbling ]


[ Grunting ]


WHERE ARE YOU ?

OH. HELLO, BEAUTIFUL.

[ Kissing Sound ]

DID YOU MISS ME ?

DAD, I'VE GIVEN THIS SOME THOUGHT...

AND I'VE DECIDED THAT SINCE DAMIEN AND RALPH HAVE THEIR OWN ROOMS, WELL, THERE'S NO REASON WHY THEY SHOULD BE BRINGING THEIR JUNK INTO MY ROOM.

WELL, HOW DOES THAT SOUND, HELEN ?

[ Gulping ] [ Door Opening ]

OUT OF THE WAY, STICK BOY ! HAND & FOOT IS HERE TO STAY.

OOPS, KICKED YOUR BABY MONKEY. GET OUT OF HERE, RALPH !

HERE, TAKE THIS. GO AWAY, DAMIEN. THIS IS MY ROOM.

WAS. NOW IT'S ALSO THE WORLD HEADQUARTERS OF HAND & FOOT, INCORPORATED.

HAND & FOOT ALL THE WAY ! HAND & FOOT, HAND & FOOT, HAND & FOOT !

HAND & FOOT ? YOU GUYS AREN'T GONNA MAKE A DIME. OKAY, WE'LL USE THIS.

YEAH ! HEY, THAT'S MY LIFE SAVINGS !

CONSIDER YOURSELF OUR SILENT PARTNER. YEAH, SAY SOMETHING AND YOU'RE DEAD.

YEAH. HOW'S THE BIG MOVE GOING ?

GREAT. GOOD.

COME ON, RALPH. GOTTA GET TO WORK.

DAD ? [ Clears Throat ]

DAD...

WELL, I'VE GIVEN THIS A LOT OF THOUGHT, AND I'VE DECIDED THAT...

S-S-SINCE DAMIEN AND RALPH HAVE THEIR OWN ROOM-- PRESTON, THEY NEED THE SPACE FOR THEIR BUSINESS.

NOT MY SPACE. YOUNG MAN, IN THIS FAMILY, INDUSTRY GETS REWARDED.

WHILE YOU'RE IN HERE PLAYING, YOUR BROTHERS ARE HARD AT WORK.

YEAH, KISSIN' BUTT FOR MONEY. [ Ralph ] WELL, YOU KNOW THE GOLDEN RULE.

HE WHO HAS THE GOLD MAKES THE RULES. ONE DAY YOU'LL HAVE A JOB.

WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, I HAD MY OWN BUSINESS CLEANING WHEELS. [ Mimicking Dad ]

I WAS PULLING DOWN 100 BUCKS A WEEK POLISHING CARS.

YOU USED TO SAY 75. WELL, YOU GOTTA THINK BIG, PRESTON.

SURPRISE. [ Brothers ] WHOA, CHECK IT OUT.

YEAH, IT'S FOR YOUR BUSINESS. WE HAD A SPARE AT THE OFFICE.

DAMIEN, THE SPEAKERS ARE OUT IN THE HALL. HOW DOES IT WORK ?

IT IMITATES HUMAN INTELLIGENCE, LIKE YOU GUYS.

PRESTON, MAYBE YOU COULD TEACH YOUR BROTHERS HOW TO USE IT. NOT POSSIBLE.

[ Dad ] THE SOFTWARE WILL TEACH YOU HOW TO DO EVERYTHING BUT MAKE LOVE TO A WOMAN.

NOW I KNOW WHAT PROGRAM TO GET YOUR FATHER FOR CHRISTMAS. MOM !

OOPS ! UH, HERE. LET ME HELP YOU WITH THAT. PRESTON, YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE...

FOR BUTCH'S BIRTHDAY PARTY. WHO WANTS TO CELEBRATE BUTCH'S BIRTH ?

[ Dad ] IT'S IMPORTANT TO GET OUT OF YOUR ROOM MORE. [ Brothers ] OUR ROOM.

WELL, GOOD LUCK, GUYS.

[ Computer Beeps, Talks ] DAMIEN AND RALPH SLEEP...

BUTT TO FACE, BUTT TO FACE, BUTT TO FACE, HUH ? WHO SAID THAT ?

BUTT TO FACE, BUTT TO FACE, TYPE "QUIT." HIT "DELETE."

BUTT TO FACE, BUTT TO FACE, BUTT TO FACE-- TURN IT OFF ! PULL THE PLUG !

OW ! DON'T RUB IT. BE A MAN.

[ Moaning ] OUCH ! LITTLE WIMP.

[ Dad ] COME ON, PRESTON. YOU DON'T WANT TO BE LATE FOR BUTCH'S BIRTHDAY PARTY.

ARE YOU GONNA HAVE FUN TODAY ? [ Preston ] HOW CAN I, DAD ?

I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY. NOW, LOOK. HERE'S A COUPLE OF BUCKS.

AH, HECK, YOU CAN HAVE FUN ALL DAY ON THAT.

YOU DON'T GET OUT MUCH, DO YOU, DAD ?

[ P.A. ] WELCOME TO FUN LAND. FUN, FUN, FUN FOR EVERYONE.

WELCOME TO FUN LAND. FUN, FUN, FUN FOR EVERYONE.

HEY. HEY, MAN. HEY, BUTCH.

HEY, MAN. YEAH ! HEY, WHAT'S UP ?

OH, LOOK. IT'S PRESTO THE PESTO.

HELLO, BUTCH. [ Kids Laughing ]

OH !

TOKENS ! [ Kids Cheering ]

GIVE ME 50. IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. FIFTY.

TWENTY-FIVE, PLEASE. TWENTY-FIVE.

TWENTY-SEVEN. TWENTY-SEVEN.

SIX, PLEASE. SIX.

SIX.

COMING ? I DON'T KNOW.

[ Screaming ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Shouting ] IT'S GONNA BE AWESOME !

YEAH, LET'S GO OVER HERE ! THIS ONE ! HURRY !

[ Butch ] HEY, PRESTON ! HEY, OVER HERE !

HEY, PRESTON, HOW'S YOUR OSTRICH ? WATCH OUT !

PRESTON HAS AN OSTRICH !

HEY, PRESTON, COME WITH US !

JUST KIDDING ! [ Laughing ]

[ Groaning ]

[ Dad ] DID YOU HAVE FUN AT BUTCH'S BIRTHDAY PARTY ?

I HAVE A QUESTION. ARE WE BROKE ?

NO, WE JUST HAVE TO WATCH OUR SPENDING HABITS. THAT'S RIGHT.

LIKE WHEN YOUR MOTHER CALLS HER SISTER BACK EAST AND TALKS FOR 97 MINUTES.

SO IF WE'RE NOT POVERTY-STRICKEN, THERE MUST BE SOME OTHER REASON I'M SO DEPRIVED.

WE'RE OUTTA HERE ! WHOO ! GOIN' TO THE BALL GAME.

CAN I GO ? WE BOUGHT TICKETS, TOAD.

DAMIEN ! YOU NEED SOME CASH ?

NAH, WE GOT A BUNCH OF CHANGE. LATER, PRESTON.

IT'S NOT FAIR. WHY CAN'T I HAVE ANYTHING ?

WELL, PRESTON, THEY HAVE JOBS, AND THEY'VE LEARNED TO SAVE.

HOW CAN I SAVE MONEY IF I DON'T HAVE ANY ?

A PENNY SAVED IS A PENNY EARNED.

WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY ? MONEY...

SO I CAN PAY TO HAVE RALPH AND DAMIEN KNOCKED OFF.

ANYTHING ELSE ?

WELL, MAYBE WE'LL GIVE HIM ONE OF HIS BIRTHDAY PRESENTS EARLY.

A GIFT CAME FROM GRANDMA TODAY.

HMM. WHAT A RIP-OFF ! IT'S A CHECK FOR NOTHING !

I'M HAVING A BAD DAY.

OH, YOUR GRANDMA JUST FORGOT TO FILL IN HOW MUCH IT WAS FOR, BUT SHE SIGNED IT AT THE BOTTOM, SEE ?

IT'S A BLANK CHECK.

WE'LL JUST FILL IN THE AMOUNT. HOW MUCH DID YOU GET LAST YEAR, HONEY ?

A THOUSAND.

TEN DOLLARS. WAIT, DAD. WHAT ABOUT INFLATION ?

OH, MAKE IT 11. [ Muttering ]

YOU'D BE SURPRISED HOW FAST...

ELEVEN DOLLARS CAN GROW WITH INTEREST.

PRESTON ? PRESTON ?

[ Preston ] ELEVEN DOLLARS...

AT 3.45% INTEREST.

[ Computer ] YOUR ACCOUNT WILL REACH...

ONE MILLION DOLLARS...

IN 342,506 YEARS.

I'M STUCK HERE FOREVER.

[ Dad ] LIGHTS OUT UP THERE. WHY ?

MY HOUSE, MY RULES.

"MY HOUSE, MY RULES."

MY OWN HOUSE.

[ Yawning ]

[ Engine Stops, Car Door Shutting ]

[ Man ] DAVE, WHO NEEDS ASSETS ? I'M YOUR ASSET.

I'M A BIG ASSET. OH, C-- [ Man On Phone ] I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU.

DAVE, DAVE. COME ON, COME ON. WHY ONLY BORROW 150,000 ?

OUR MONEY IS YOUR MONEY. ROUND IT OFF TO TWO.

DO I QUALIFY ? OF COURSE YOU QUALIFY FOR THE LOAN, DAVE.

WE'RE GOLF PARTNERS.

-YOU DON'T LOOK HAPPY TO SEE ME. -QUIG--

QUIGLEY. QUIGLEY.

THAT'S FUNNY. I DON'T REMEMBER YOU STUTTERING ON THE WITNESS STAND.

YOU JUST SANG LIKE A BIRD, DIDN'T YOU ? I HAD NO CHOICE, CARL.

I MEAN, LYING IN COURT-- YOU ALSO POINTED AT ME.

THAT HURT. WELL, I WAS UNDER OATH.

I MEAN-- COME HERE.

THE ONLY REASON YOU'RE ALIVE, BIDERMAN, IS I KNEW I MIGHT NEED YOU AGAIN SOMEDAY... LIKE TODAY.

OH, SURE. YOU NEED A LOAN ? THE RATES ARE GREAT NOW.

AND YOU GET A TOASTER. I DON'T NEED A TOASTER.

BEFORE I WENT AWAY, I PUT ASIDE A LITTLE NEST EGG.

[ Gasping ] THESE BILLS, THEY'RE MARKED CONSECUTIVELY.

THEY'D TRACE THESE IN A MINUTE. THAT'S RIGHT.

[ Coughing ] THAT'S WHERE YOU COME IN, OLD BUDDY. I WANT NEW BILLS.

WE'RE BACK IN THE S&L BUSINESS, BIDERMAN. AH, MONEY LAUNDERING...

IS VERY DIFFICULT THESE DAYS, CARL. YOU STILL DO IT THOUGH, DON'T YOU ?

THAT'S A GOOD-LOOKING FAMILY RIGHT THERE.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA HURT THEM, ARE YOU ?

HATE TO HAVE TO. ALL RIGHT.

HOW DO YOU WANT TO DO THIS ?

I'LL SEND MY GUY IN TOMORROW WITH A CHECK FOR A MILLION. TOMORROW ?

YEP, JUST LIKE THE OLD DAYS. YOU GIVE HIM THE CASH, UNMARKED, SEND HIM ON HIS WAY.

WHOM SHOULD I EXPECT ? WHOM SHOULD--

WHOM SHOULD YOU EXPECT ? HIS NAME IS JUICE.

JUICE ? MMM, HE'LL BE HERE IN EXACTLY 24 HOURS.

LET'S CALL IT 1:00.

COME ON. WALK ME OUT. SHOW A LITTLE RESPECT.

WHOA.

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.


HI. HI. CAN YOU SEE OKAY ?

OH, YEAH. OH, YEAH, SURE.

I WOULD LIKE TO OPEN AN ACCOUNT, PLEASE.

ELEVEN DOLLARS.

DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER MONEY YOU'D LIKE TO DEPOSIT, MR. WATERS ?

OH, UH, I COULD, BUT IT'S SORT OF HARD TO SAVE AROUND MY HOUSE; THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.

I'M AFRAID WE HAVE A MINIMUM BALANCE. IT'S $200.

TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS ?

THAT COULD TAKE A MILLION YEARS.

WELL, WHENEVER YOU'RE READY, PLEASE COME BACK AND SEE ME.

MY NAME'S SHAY STANLEY.

ASK FOR ME. OKAY, I'LL DO THAT.

THANKS. BYE-BYE.

I-I'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME. I HOPE IT'S NOT IN A MILLION YEARS.

B-BYE-BYE.

[ Biderman ] EXCUSE ME. CARL, CARL !

HERE. YOU CAN USE THESE CHECKS. THEY'RE TEMPORARY.

THANK YOU, EDWARD. LIKE OUR RELATIONSHIP.

SUCKER ! GIVE ME THAT !

[ Laughing ] GIVE IT TO ME !

BUTCH, GIVE IT TO ME !

PRESTON, COME ON ! BUTCH !

GIVE IT BACK ! WHOA ! IF YOU CAN CATCH ME !

COME ON, BUTCH !

[ Control Panel Dings, Engine Revs ]

[ Preston Screams ]

[ Screaming ] [ Tires Screeching ]

PERFECT.

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING ?

I-- I--

HUH ? [ Butch ] I SAW THE WHOLE THING.

I CAN BE A WITNESS IF THE PRICE IS DECENT. GET OUTTA HERE.

HE'S PERFECTLY ALL RIGHT, AREN'T YOU ? AREN'T YOU ?

YES. GOOD. GET THAT THING OUT FROM UNDERNEATH MY CAR.

WHAT ABOUT MY BIKE ?

KID, WAS I THE ONE THAT PARKED THERE-- OH, MY WORD !

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT ? HE'S FINE. IT WAS JUST A LITTLE ACCIDENT. HE'S OKAY.

I THINK THIS GUY'S BEEN DRINKING VODKA. I HAVE NOT BEEN DRINK--

[ Laughs ] I DON'T DRINK AT ALL. SERIOUSLY, SERIOUSLY.

KID, TALK TO ME. HOW MUCH YOU WANT FOR THE BIKE ?

A THOUSAND BUCKS. I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU !

BYE, KID. GO ON. WALK AWAY.

WHAT DO YOU WANT, KID ? NAME A FIGURE, WE'LL DISCUSS IT.

GIVE THIS TO YOUR DAD. HE'LL KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT. I GOTTA GO.

[ Tires Screeching ]

[ Tire Squeaking ]

OH, MAN.

I THOUGHT WE UNDERSTOOD ABOUT TAKING CARE OF OUR VALUABLES.

VALUABLE ? IT WAS A PIECE OF JUNK.

IF THAT'S HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT A GIFT FROM YOUR PARENTS, I DON'T SEE GIVING YOU A NEW ONE FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY.

I DON'T WANT A NEW BIKE. I WANT MY OWN ROOM.

I'M WARNING YOU. YOU'RE ON THIN ICE AS IT IS ABOUT THE BIKE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT ?

WHAT I WANT IS MY OWN HOUSE.

MY RULES, MY MONEY.

LISTEN, YOUNG MAN, UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE, YOU'RE GROUNDED.

WHAT'D I DO WRONG ?

[ Sighs ] FRED.

HMM.

IT'S A BLANK CHECK.

** [ Computer Start-Up Tone ]

PRESTON WATERS.

TWO HUNDRED.

HMM.

A THOUSAND.

HMM.

ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

CASH.

WHOA !

ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

[ Electronic Zooming ]

HEY, SONNY.

CASHIN' A BIG ONE TODAY ?

UH, SORT OF.

YOO-HOO. OVER HERE, YOUNG MAN.

WELL ? I-I-I'D LIKE TO...

CASH THIS CHECK, PLEASE.

OH, A COMEDIAN. [ Laughing ]

N-NO, MA'AM. OKAY, THEN WE BETTER TAKE IT TO MR. BIDERMAN. COME ON !

[ Ticking ] [ Door Opening ]

EXCUSE ME, MR. BIDERMAN. WE HAVE A LITTLE PROBLEM HERE.

WHAT IS IT, MRS. UDOWITZ ?

SOMEONE THINKS THIS IS SOME KIND OF GAME. WHAT ?

LET ME SEE THAT.

I SEE.

IS THERE MUCH OF A LINE OUT THERE, MRS. UDOWITZ ?

YES, WE'RE SWAMPED. THEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ?

PLEASE.

[ Door Closes ]

JUICE ? NO, THANKS, I'M NOT THIRSTY.

NOT THIRSTY.

MR. QUIGLEY GIVE YOU THIS CHECK ?

HE DID.

HE DID.

HOW DID YOU RUN INTO MR. QUIGLEY ?

I DIDN'T. HE RAN INTO ME.

AHA.

[ Snickering ]

[ Laughing ] BRILLIANT. BRILLIANT !

[ Groans ] I SUPPOSE YOU WANT BIG BILLS.

ACTUALLY, REGULAR SIZE WOULD BE OKAY.

REGULAR. HMM.

THAT'S CUTE.

PUT YOUR BACKPACK ON THE TABLE.

HEY, HEY.

I ASSUME YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THIS.

UH-HUH. YEAH. UH-HUH.

NEXT !

LOOK HERE, SWEETHEART. MMM, YOU'RE LOOKIN' KIND OF GOOD THERE.

YOU GOT YOUR PEARLS AND EVERYTHING ON.

HATE FOR SOMETHING TO HAVE TO HAPPEN TO 'EM.

LOOK HERE, MY NAME IS JUICE...

AND I GOT SOMETHING RIGHT HERE, AND I WONDERED...

IF YOU'D BE SO KIND ENOUGH AS TO CASH IT FOR ME.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ? A MILLION BUCKS ?

WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT, I DO.

[ Sighs ] GO SEE BIDERMAN.

MM-MM. OH, MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS.

HERE WE GO. HERE WE GO.

YOU TELL MR. QUIGLEY THAT HE HASN'T LOST HIS TOUCH.

UH-HUH. ALL RIGHT. YOU CAN GO NOW.

HEY, KID !

STAY AWAY FROM THE RACETRACK. YES, SIR.

GOOD ONE, MAN. LOOKING GOOD.

MMM. OH ! EXCUSE ME, SWEETIE.

[ Gasps ]

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, LITTLE BOY ? [ Preston ] I'M SORRY.

DON'T BE MESSIN' UP A VIEW AS GOOD AS ALL THAT.

I-I'M SORRY. WHAT YOU DOIN' OUT OF SCHOOL ANYWAY, HUH ?

YOU KNOW YOU OUGHTA BE IN SCHOOL.

GO ON AND GET UP OUTTA HERE BEFORE I START TO GET UPSET.

HURRY UP.

HOW, UH-- HOW MAY I HELP YOU, SIR ?

I'M BIG JUICE, MAN. QUIGLEY SENT ME.

EVERYTHING IS FINE.

NOT TO WORRY. UH-HUH.

YEAH !

THE EAGLE HAS LANDED. HMM ?

THE HORSE IS IN THE BARN.

THE CHICKEN... IS IN THE POT.

LOOK HERE, MAN, I DON'T KNOW NOTHIN' ABOUT NO EAGLES LANDIN' AND ALL OF THAT.

I DON'T KNOW NOTHIN' ABOUT NO HORSE RUNNIN' THROUGH THE BARN.

AND I CERTAINLY DON'T KNOW NOTHIN' ABOUT NO... CHICKENS BEIN' IN THE POT.

YOU UNDERSTAND ?

BUT IF YOU DO ME A FAVOR...

AS TO BE SO KIND AS TO CASH THIS CHECK RIGHT THERE, I COULD BE ON MY WAY. WAIT.

QUIGLEY SENT YOU ? THAT'S RIGHT.

WHAT ABOUT THE KID ? WHAT KID ? MAN--

THE KID ! THE KID WITH THE BACKPACK !

LOOK HERE, MAN. I'M TIRED OF TELLIN' YOU THIS.

BUT IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME THE MONEY FOR THAT CHECK, I GUARANTEE THERE'S A BULLET WITH YOUR NAME ON IT IN THIS CHAMBER.

[ Moaning ] THE KID WITH THE BACKPACK.

THE KID WITH THE BACKPACK ! THE BACKPACK !

THE BACKPACK ! SHIT ! OH, MY GOD !

[ Quigley ] 150 GRAND, CASH.

IT'S MY LAST OFFER, GUYS. [ Woman ] YOU'RE OUR REALTOR.

YOU TELL US. THIS OFFER IS SO MUCH LESS THAN OUR ASKING PRICE.

WELL, MRS. APPLETON, IT REALLY IS A BUYER'S MARKET.

DO YOU MIND IF WE TAKE A MINUTE TO THINK ABOUT IT ?

LISTEN, I GOT ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD, SWEETHEART.

TOO BAD I CAN'T SAY THE SAME FOR YOU TWO.

APPLESAUCE, WHAT'S WITH THE LONG FACE, MY MAN ?

I BOUGHT YOUR PAD. YOU'VE GOT SOME CASH. IT'S A BEAUTIFUL THING.

SU CASA IS SOON TO BE MI CASA. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING ?

GROOVIN' THING, MAN. YEAH, WELL--

[ Dial Tone ]

** [ Start-Up Tone ] [ Sighs ]

[ Phone Ringing ]

HELLO. [ Computer ] GOOD AFTERNOON.

...YOUR HOUSE. [ Computer Beeps ]

I'D LIKE TO MAKE A CASH OFFER ON YOUR HOUSE.

SOMEONE ELSE WANTS TO MAKE AN OFFER.

WHAT ? ON THIS DUMP ?

UH, HELLO, SIR. CAN YOU HEAR ME ? WHO IS THIS YO-YO ?

[ Typing ]

[ Computer ] ONE-SIXTY. WHAT KIND OF HUSTLE IS THIS ?

AND WHAT'S WITH YOUR VOICE, PAL ?

SORE THROAT-ITIS. [ Computer Coughs ]

YEAH. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. ONE-SEVENTY RIGHT NOW, CASH, AND I WALK AWAY.

YOU TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT RIGHT NOW. ASK THE BOX.

ONE-EIGHTY, PLUS CLOSING COSTS.

ONE-EIGHTY, [ Preston ] TOP THAT, SUCKER.

PLUS CLOSING COSTS.

ONE-NINETY, DARLIN'. TOP THAT. PRESTON, HONEY ?

I HAVE A FEW ERRANDS TO RUN. I'LL BE BACK BY 2:00.

OKAY. BYE, MOM.

[ Computer ] TWO HUNDRED. TWO-TEN.

JUST TO BE SAFE, MAKE THAT 3:00. [ Laughs ]

THREE HUNDRED ? MA, YOU'RE KILLIN' ME ON THIS DEAL.

COME ON. ARE YOU TELLIN' ME WE'RE GONNA SIT HERE AND LISTEN...

TO SOME TALKING BOX WITH A ROBOT VOICE ? WHAT IS THIS ?

UH, 300 IT IS. ARE YOU PREPARED TO TOP 300 ?

NO, I DON'T THINK I'M PREPARED TO TOP 300 ! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND ?

WE HAD A DEAL HERE ! ARE YOU REALTORS JUST A BUNCH OF CROOKS ? IS THAT IT ?

WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU PEOPLE ?

WELL, I AM SORRY YOU FEEL THAT WAY, BUT I HAVE AN OFFER ON THE TABLE OF 300.

[ Computer ] THOUSAND. UH, WE'LL TAKE IT.

SOLD. YEAH.

YOU PROBABLY WON'T LIVE TO ENJOY THE CASH.

[ Realtor ] JUST ONE THING, SIR. WHAT IS YOUR NAME ?

MY NAME IS PRESTON--

BINGO.

MACINTOSH.

MY NAME IS MACINTOSH.

WELL, CONGRATULATIONS, MR. MACINTOSH.

YOU HAVE A HOUSE. YES !

I'M RICH !

YEAH !

WHOO, YES !

YEAH !

MONEY ! MONEY !

YOU DID WHAT WITH MY MONEY ? [ Juice ] YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS.

HE GAVE ALL YOUR MONEY TO A LITTLE OLD BITTY BOY.

THAT WAS MY NEST EGG. THAT'S ALL I HAD TO START A NEW LIFE.

I WORKED HARD TO STEAL THAT MONEY, BIDERMAN !

YOU GAVE IT TO SOME ZIT-FACED LITTLE KID ?

NOW WAIT A MINUTE. I SEEN THE KID.

HIS SKIN LOOKED PRETTY SMOOTH. THE BOY HAD A CHECK SIGNED BY YOU.

I DIDN'T WRITE A CHECK TO ANYBODY EXCEPT FOR THIS GENIUS HERE.

NOW HOLD ON A MINUTE.

I'M NOT THE ONE WHO CASHED A CHECK FOR A MILLION DOLLARS.

THAT WAS THIS MAN RIGHT HERE. HAD YOUR SIGNATURE.

I SAID I DIDN'T WRITE IT ! YOU GAVE ME THE CHECKBOOK, I PUT IT IN MY POCKET, I GOT IN MY CAR, I--

I-- I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS.

UH, I-- OH, OH, OH.

CALM DOWN. I'VE GOT A SURVEILLANCE PHOTO OF THE BOY.

[ Stammering ] WE'LL FIND HIM IN NO TIME.

OH, YEAH, THAT'S HIM. I CAN'T SEE A THING.

I RECOGNIZE HIM. I'D KNOW HIM ANYWHERE.

IT'S UPSIDE-DOWN.

ALL RIGHT. SO WHERE ARE YOU GONNA FIND THE KID, MR. FAMILY MAN ?

NEWSPAPERS. YOU WANT ME TO ADVERTISE, IS THAT IT ?

NO, NO, NO. THEY HAVE LISTINGS.

UH, FAMILY ACTIVITIES WHERE, WHERE-- YOU KNOW, THINGS WHERE KIDS GO. SEE ?

FINE. YOU'RE GONNA HELP ME FIND HIM.

YOU UNDERSTAND ? DEAD OR ALIVE. UH-HUH.

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

OH, DON'T THINK YOU AIN'T COMIN' WITH US. [ Gasping ]

SOMEBODY'S IN THERE WITH BIDERMAN NOW.

A COUPLE OF GUYS I'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE. THEY'VE JUST LEFT.

THE MONEY LAUNDERING IS DEFINITELY ON AGAIN.

WE'VE GOT TO NOTIFY THE BUREAU RIGHT AWAY.

[ Man ] HELLO, LIMOUSINES UNLIMITED.

YOU HAVE THE CAR KEYS ? NO, YOU HAVE THE CAR KEYS.

OH, YEAH. YOU MAKE SURE YOU-KNOW-WHO STAYS GROUNDED. AND HE GOES TO BED EARLY.

YOU GOT IT, POPS. DON'T CALL ME THAT.

UH, EXCUSE ME.

SORRY, KID. NOBODY FAMOUS INSIDE.

DO YOU WANT TO TAKE YOUR MITTS OFF THE CAR, PLEASE ?

I'M WAITIN' FOR A CLIENT HERE. BUT I'M YOUR CLIENT.

OH, RIGHT, YEAH. AND I'M MADONNA.

SORRY, KID. THE BOSS DOESN'T LIKE ME TAKING BASEBALL CARDS AS PAYMENT.

SO IF YOU WANT TO RIDE IN THIS, YOU NEED SOME BUCKAROOS, BUCKARINIS, SOME MOOLA, SOME DINERO, SOME MONEY, SOME FROGSKINS, MUCH SIMILAR TO THE MONEY YOU'VE GIVEN ME--

IN FACT, IDENTICAL TO THE MONEY YOU'VE GIVEN ME RIGHT NOW.

I WAS JUST KIDDIN' ABOUT BEIN' MADONNA.

MY NAME'S HENRY. HI, HENRY. I'M PRESTON.

PRESTON, GOOD TO SEE YA. PRESTON WATERS.

YES, NICE TO MEET YA. HOP IN.

GO AHEAD.

I DIDN'T ACTUALLY MEAN HOP IN, BUT--

SO, WHERE TO, BOSS ?

WELL, HARRY, WE'RE GONNA GO BUY SOME STUFF. YES, SIR.

[ Tires Screeching ]

* HEY, YEAH

* OW, WHOO

* THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE *

* BUT YOU CAN KEEP THEM FOR THE BIRDS AND BEES *

* NOW GIVE ME MONEY * THAT'S WHAT I WANT

* THAT'S WHAT I WANT, YEAH * THAT'S WHAT I WANT

* THAT'S WHAT I WANT YEAH * * THAT'S WHAT I WANT

* THAT'S WHAT I WANT

* BABY, YOUR LOVIN' GIVES ME A THRILL *

* BUT YOUR LOVIN' NEVER PAID MY BILLS *

* NOW GIVE ME MONEY * THAT'S WHAT I WANT

* THAT'S WHAT I WANT * THAT'S WHAT I WANT

* THAT'S WHAT I WANT * THAT'S

* WHAT I WANT

* THAT'S WHAT I WANT

* GIVE IT TO ME, BABY UH-HUH *

* OH * MONEY

* I WANT M-M-M-M-MONEY YEAH *

* I GOT TO HAVE SOME MONEY

* I WANT TO HAVE THE MONEY UH-HUH, HEY, HEY * * MONEY

* HEY, YEAH

* MONEY DON'T GET EVERYTHING IT'S TRUE *

* WHAT IT DON'T GET NOW I CAN'T USE *

* I WANT M-M-M-MONEY, HEY * THAT'S WHAT I WANT

* THAT'S WHAT I WANT * THAT'S WHAT I WANT

* THAT'S WHAT I WANT * THAT'S WHAT I WANT

* THAT'S WHAT I WANT HEY, YEAH *

* I WANT SOME MONEY * THAT'S WHAT I WANT

* THAT'S WHAT I WANT * HEY, YEAH

* THAT'S WHAT I WANT

* MONEY * THAT'S WHAT I WANT

* THAT'S WHAT I WANT * OW, HEY ICE CREAM ! TURN AROUND, HENRY. OH, RIGHT ON.

* I NEED SOME MONEY, BABY I NEED SOME MONEY *

* I JUST NEED A FEW *

HEY, THANKS A LOT FOR THE GREAT WATCH. YOU'RE WELCOME.

HEY, THIS GUY, UH-- WHAT IS IT ? McINTYRE ? MACINTOSH.

UH, MACINTOSH. YEAH, YEAH.

IF YOU DON'T MIND ME ASKIN', WHERE DOES HE GET HIS MONEY ?

WELL, HE DOESN'T GET IT, HE JUST HAS IT.

WHY DOES HE GET A KID LIKE YOU TO GO OUT AND BUY ALL THIS STUFF FOR HIM ?

HE-- HE NEVER HAD A REAL CHILDHOOD.

SO NOW THAT HE'S REALLY, REALLY RICH, HE CAN HAVE ALL THE FUN THAT HE COULDN'T HAVE WHEN HE WAS A KID.

OH. OH, I SEE. YOU KNOW.

SO HE DIDN'T HAVE ANY FUN WHEN HE WAS A KID, BUT NOW HE'S OLD AND HE'S GOT MONEY.

YOU'RE A KID HAVING THE FUN FOR HIM NOW...

THAT HE COULDN'T HAVE WHEN HE WAS A KID.

OKAY, SURE. STOP ! PULL OVER, HENRY ! IT'S SHAY !

STOP ! HEY ! [ Shay Screams ] YOU SCARED ME !

SORRY. PRESTON, RIGHT ?

YOU'VE GOT A GOOD MEMORY. THANKS.

GREAT, KID. VERY NICE. NICE WHEELS.

OH, THIS ? AH, IT'S MY BOSS, MR. MACINTOSH.

DO YOU WANT A RIDE ? NO, THANKS. I'M OUTTA SHAPE.

NOT FROM WHERE I'M SITTIN' YOU AREN'T.

SO, UH, I'M THINKIN' ABOUT COMIN' INTO THE BANK TOMORROW...

AND OPENING MY ACCOUNT. WOW, YOU GOT THE $200 ALREADY ?

JUST ABOUT. ALL RIGHT. WELL, SEE YOU TOMORROW.

BYE. BYE.

WAS THAT HIM ? WAS THAT BIDERMAN ?

NO, SOME KID WHO CAME INTO THE BANK TODAY. NICE WHEELS FOR A KID.

YEAH. SAYS IT BELONGS TO HIS BOSS, A GUY NAMED MACINTOSH.

MACINTOSH. WHEN ARE WE GONNA SEE BIDERMAN ?

[ Man ] IT LOOKS LIKE A CIRCUS.

HEY. HEY, HEY, MOVE IT. I'VE GOT WORK TO DO TOO, YOU KNOW.

WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO GO ? YOU SEE AN OPENING ? HUH ?

HEY, WHAT'S THE HOLDUP HERE ?

YEAH, SAME TO YOU, BUDDY. HEY, MOVE IT !

WHAT IS ALL THIS ?

WHAT A MESS.

THIS IS ABSOLUTE MADNESS !

YO, WHO'S IN CHARGE HERE ?

[ Preston Over Speaker ] YOU WITH THE RACE CAR, PUT IT IN THE BACKYARD.

UH, THE WATER SLIDE GOES BACK BY THE POOL.

YOU GUYS WITH THE TVs, PUT THEM IN THE LIVING ROOM.

HEY, YOU WITH THE CADILLAC, OUT BY THE POOL.

YOU IN THE GREEN JUMPSUITS, BRING THAT AROUND THE BACK.

PRESTON ? HI, DAD.

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE ? MOVIN' IN.

WHO IS MOVING IN ? MACINTOSH.

WHO'S MACINTOSH ? I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU, DAD.

COME ON, BOYS. I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY.

OKAY, MR. WATERS, THE SECURITY SYSTEM IS ALL IN PLACE.

EXCUSE ME. THIS IS THE REMOTE.

HERE ARE THE INSTRUCTIONS. ALL RIGHT ?

WE APPRECIATE MR. MACINTOSH'S BUSINESS. HERE YOU GO, PAL.

WHAT'S WITH ALL THE SECURITY ?

MR. MACINTOSH SAYS YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO PARANOID, DAD.

WELL, WHO IS MACINTOSH ? I WORK FOR HIM. HE'S PAYING ME.

YEAH, BUT WHO IS HE ? I NEVER MET HIM.

YOU MEAN YOU HAVEN'T MET HIM ? NO, I HAVEN'T MET HIM.

HE'S HEARD ABOUT YOU. REALLY ?

YEAH, ABOUT WORK AND STUFF. REALLY GOOD THINGS.

WELL-- HIS STUFF IS BLOCKING OUR DRIVEWAY. DAD.

BOYS !

COULD YOU CLEAR A PATH, PLEASE ?

GET A MOVE ON IT !

ALL SET, DAD.

* I KNEW A GUY WHO WAS TOUGH BUT SWEET *

[ Henry ] GO, GO, GO, GO, GO, GO, GO !

* HE'S THE ONE HE CAN'T BE BEAT *

* HE'S GOT EVERYTHING THAT I DESIRE *

* SETS THE SUMMER SUN ON FIRE * BRAKE, BRAKE !

* I WANT CANDY

* I WANT CANDY FLIP, FLIP, FLIP, FLIP, FLIP !

* YEAH [ Game ] BODY BLOW. UPPERCUT.

BODY BLOW. LEFT HOOK. UPPERCUT. BODY BLOW. OW.

UPPERCUT. COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON !

BODY BLOW. TEN, NINE--

* I WANT CANDY YEAH ! YES !

* I WANT CANDY

* GO TO SEE HIM WHEN THE SUN GOES DOWN *

COME ON, HENRY ! COME ON ! * AIN'T NO FINER BOY IN TOWN *

HEY ! WHOA ! * I WANT CANDY OH, HENRY ! * I WANT CANDY THE BLOOD RUSHED TO MY HEAD. * HEY

* HEY

* HEY

* HEY, HEY *

[ Woman ] IS SOMETHING WRONG ?

NO. I WAS WONDERING WHO COULD SPEND CASH LIKE THAT THESE DAYS.

OH, YEAH. THE MAN'S NAME IS MACINTOSH.

MACINTOSH ? MM-HMM. HE JUST MOVED HERE.

APPARENTLY LOADED. APPARENTLY.

I DON'T FEEL GOOD ABOUT BEING HERE. PEOPLE MAY GET THE WRONG IDEA.

REALLY ? YOU DON'T FEEL GOOD ?

HOW DO YOU THINK I FELT WHEN YOU GAVE AWAY MY MILLION DOLLARS, HUH ?

JUICE. SEE ANYBODY THAT LOOKS LIKE HIM ?

OH, YEAH. HE LOOKS LIKE HIM. UH, SHE LOOKS LIKE HIM RIGHT THERE.

WAY BACK OVER THERE, UH, THERE GOES HIS LITTLE TWIN BROTHER.

YOU GIVE ME ONE PICTURE AND EXPECT ME TO FIND HIM OUT OF ALL THESE KIDS ?

YOU MUST BE CRAZY. I'M GONNA GET ON THE WATER SLIDE. I'M STARTIN' TO SWEAT.

HEY, MISTER, YOU KNOW WHERE THE REFRESHMENT STANDS ARE ?

[ Pops Balloon ] NO.

[ Girl Crying ]

BOOM, BOOM, BOOM ! I GOT YOU !

BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM !

[ Electronic Gunfire ]

[ Butch Whimpering ] HE SAYS HE KNOWS YOU, BOSS.

OH, WELL, JUST THROW HIM OUT.

[ Screaming ] OW ! OW !

BANZAI ! * I WANT CANDY

[ Preston Screaming ] * I WANT CANDY

* HEY

* HEY

* HEY * HIYA.

I DIDN'T EXPECT TO SEE YOU HERE.

-OH, WHAT YOU DOIN' HERE ? -I CAME BY TO SEE MR. MACINTOSH.

OH, NO, HE'S IN A MEETING. THAT'S OKAY, I'LL WAIT. I JUST REALLY NEED TO SEE HIM.

HE'S IN MEETINGS ALL DAY. ALL DAY ?

SWAMPED. HEY, I MISSED YOU AT THE BANK.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA COME BY AND SEE ME ABOUT OPENING UP AN ACCOUNT.

OH, I HAD TO WORK. WOW. THIS IS WHERE YOU WORK ?

NOT TOO SHABBY. COMFORTABLE. I BROUGHT AN APPLICATION.

DO YOU STILL WANT TO OPEN UP AN ACCOUNT WITH ME ? YEAH.

OKAY. DO YOU HAVE YOUR DEPOSIT ? I'LL GO GET IT.

OKAY. GREAT.

[ Preston Screaming ]

WHOA ! THAT'S AMAZING !

SORRY, JUST PRINTED IT.

TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS. LOOKS LIKE YOU FELL INTO SOME MONEY, HUH ?

I MAKE A LIVING. YEAH, WELL, I GUESS MR. MACINTOSH--

HE KNOWS A GOOD MAN WHEN HE SEES ONE.

WILL HE BE OPENING UP AN ACCOUNT WITH US ? UH, MAYBE.

YEAH ? GREAT. YOU KNOW, I'D LOVE TO MEET HIM. HOW'S TONIGHT ?

UH, TONIGHT. WHAT'S TONIGHT ? TONIGHT'S WEDNESDAY.

WEDNESDAY.

WEDNESDAY. I'M SORRY, HE'S BUSY.

TOO BAD. UH, BUT I'M NOT.

OH, I HANDLE ALL HIS FINANCIAL AFFAIRS.

YOU DO ? NOT ALL OF THEM, BUT I CAN TELL YOU A LOT ABOUT HIM, SORT OF LIKE A PRE-MEETING.

AND HE WOULDN'T MIND ? HASN'T COMPLAINED YET.

OKAY. I'LL COME BY AROUND 8:00.

OKAY. WAIT, I COULD SEND A CAR FOR YOU.

OKAY. COOL. IT'S A DATE THEN. BYE-BYE.

A DATE ?

A DATE ?

I'VE NEVER BEEN ON A DATE.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY CALL ME DOWNTOWN ? THE BABE-MEISTER.

THINK ABOUT IT.

OKAY, I'M GONNA TELL YOU ABOUT THE REAL DEAL ON DATING, WHICH I KNOW.

FIRST OF ALL, WOMEN LOVE A GREAT BODY. THEY LOVE-- LOOK AT THIS BOD.

WHOA. SEE ? YEAH, YEAH.

OF COURSE, YOU'VE GOT A BOD NOW THAT'S OF A GREEK GOD. REALLY. THINK ABOUT IT.

WOMEN LIKE YOU TO HAVE A GOOD BOD BECAUSE THEY WANT TO FEEL THEY'RE PROTECTED.

YOU MIGHT HAVE TO FIGHT SOME GUY, YOU KNOW ? BUT NOT WITH THOSE ARMS.

YOU DON'T WANT TO HIT A GUY WITH THOSE ARMS 'CAUSE THOSE PYTHONS WOULD TAKE A GUY'S HEAD OFF.

SERIOUSLY. YOU'RE BUFF, BUT WE'RE GONNA GET YOU CHISELED.

OKAY ? OH, WAIT. WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

I'M HAVING A VISION HERE OF A DATE.

THE PERFECT DATE FOR YOU GUYS. UH, STEAK HEAVEN !

HO, HO ! MY LITTLE FRIEND, YOU REALLY HAVE THE HOTS FOR THIS ONE, HUH ?

YOU KNOW, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO GO UPSCALE, THAT ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT SALAD BAR-- WOMEN LOVE THAT.

AND TAKE SOME WITH YOU. YOU KNOW, LINE YOUR POCKETS WITH PLASTIC BAGS.

PUT THE FOOD IN THERE. 'CAUSE IT DOESN'T SAY "ALL YOU CAN EAT HERE."

DOES IT SAY "HERE" ON THE SIGN ? I DON'T THINK SO.

SO YOU TAKE SOMETHING BACK FOR LATER. A LITTLE SNACKAROO.

OH, WOMEN LOVE THAT. YOU GET HOME AND YOU GOT A POCKETFUL OF HOT WINGS.

THERE'S NOTHING MORE THAT IMPRESSES A WOMAN.

GET YOURSELF SOME FLOWERS. GET YOURSELF A GREAT BODY, SOME NICE HAIR, SOME GOOD CLOTHES, A CAR, AND LEARN TO SAY WORDS LIKE "NONCOMMITTAL."

YOU ARE A DATE AND A HALF, PAL.

* THERE HE IS SOME TINY TIM *

* THERE HE IS SIX FOOT AND RISIN' *

* OOH, THERE HE IS HE'S A KNOCKOUT MACHINE *

* HE'S NUMBER ONE HE'S DOUBLE COOL * YEAH !

* HE'S THE NAKED TRUTH IN MAGAZINES *

* I BELIEVE IN HIM * WONDERMAN

* HE IS A MR. WONDERMAN * WONDERMAN

* HE IS A MR. WONDERMAN

* AH, YES

* WONDERMAN EW.

* WONDERMAN ONE MORE ! YES, YES, YES !

AH !

[ Preston ] HEY, I'M GONNA GET YOU !

[ Henry ] YOU ARE LITTLE SUSHI MAN. SUSHI MAN DOWN. BIG BOY THROW.

THEN THEY CHASE AROUND. COME AROUND OTHER WAY, FALL DOWN. SPLAT.

[ Preston Screaming ] * HERE COMES THE WONDERMAN HE'D LIKE TO SAY BYE-BYE **

WHY ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE A GAME SHOW HOST ? I'M GOING OUT TONIGHT.

JUST A MINUTE, YOUNG MAN. YOU'RE STILL GROUNDED.

BUT IT'S FOR MR. MACINTOSH. I DON'T CARE.

MACINTOSH MAY HAVE A PILE OF MONEY, BUT HE DOESN'T DECIDE...

WHEN MY SON IS OR ISN'T GROUNDED.

BUT IT'S FOR MY JOB. YOUR JOB IS TO BE GROUNDED.

[ Both ] GROUNDED. SO MUCH FOR PLAN 442.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT PLAN 442 ?

WELL, IT'S THE INVESTMENT PLAN YOU'VE BEEN WORKING ON, YOUR "PRESPECTUS."

PROSPECTUS. WHAT ARE YOU DOING GOING THROUGH MY WORK ?

WELL, I DIDN'T WANT TO SAY IT, BUT I TOLD MR. MACINTOSH...

ABOUT YOUR PLAN 442, AND HE WAS VERY, VERY INTERESTED.

YEP, I PROMISED HIM I'D BRING A COPY OF IT TONIGHT AND SHOW IT TO HIM.

BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO TELL YOU JUST IN CASE YOU GOT YOUR HOPES ALL UP AND--

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, OF COURSE NOT.

LET ME GET YOU A FRESH COPY OF THE "PRESPECTUS."

I'LL GET A COPY OF IT, SWEETHEART. PROSPECTUS.

YEAH.

HERE. YOU'RE WELCOME. OH, THANK YOU.

HURRY UP. GO. GO ! YOU WANT THE CAR KEYS ?

NAH, THAT'S OKAY, DAD.

I DON'T DRIVE YET.

[ Dad ] YOU WANT ME TO DRIVE YOU ? [ Preston ] NO, IT'S OKAY.

YOU KNOW, I STILL HAVEN'T MET MACINTOSH. MAYBE I SHOULD GO OVER AND--

NO ! YOU'LL RUIN EVERYTHING. WHY NOT ?

HE HAS A DATE TONIGHT AND HE'S VERY NERVOUS ABOUT IT.

I GUESS I CAN SEE HIM FIRST THING IN THE MORNING. OH, I DON'T KNOW, DAD.

I MEAN, HE MIGHT BE UP PRETTY LATE WITH THIS WOMAN.

[ Chuckles ] LUCKY DOG.

LATER, TOADS.

[ Groaning ] THANK YOU. THAT'S ENOUGH.

OH ! SORRY.

I CAN'T BELIEVE MR. MACINTOSH WENT TO ALL THIS TROUBLE.

THIS PLACE IS GREAT. MR. MACINTOSH HAS BEEN EATING HERE FOR YEARS.

OH, YEAH ? I THOUGHT HE JUST MOVED HERE.

THERE WAS A TANGERINO WHERE I USED TO LIVE.

OH.

[ Gargling ]

COMPLIMENTS OF THE CHEF FOR MR. WATERS...

AND HIS LOVELY GUEST.

TH-THEY LOOK LIKE LOBSTERS, ONLY WEENIE.

OH.

MR. MACINTOSH WANTED YOU TO HAVE THIS TOO.

OH, THANKS.

OH, WOW.

THIS IS BEAUTIFUL. OH.

BUT I CAN'T ACCEPT THIS FROM YOU.

BUT IT'S FROM MR. MACINTOSH.

WHY ? JUST A LITTLE BUSINESS GIFT.

I MEAN, IT'S DEDUCTIBLE, ISN'T IT ?

I'M NOT REALLY SURE, BUT IT'S WAY TOO EXPENSIVE.

MR. MACINTOSH HAS A MILLION DOLLARS.

A MILLION DOLLARS DOESN'T BUY ALL THAT MUCH THESE DAYS.

DO YOU THINK HE SHOULD HAVE ASKED FOR MORE ?

WHAT EXACTLY DOES HE DO ANYWAY ?

OH, A LITTLE OF THIS, A LITTLE OF THAT.

YOU KNOW. NO, I'M AFRAID I DON'T.

OH, WELL-- IS HE AN ENTREPRENEUR ?

NO, HE'S AMERICAN. VERY SECRETIVE.

HE HAS SOME QUESTIONS FOR YOU TOO.

OKAY. SHOOT.

"ARE YOU MARRIED ?" NO.

"WHAT'S THE SHORTEST GUY YOU EVER DATED ?"

MMM. I'M NOT REALLY SURE.

"THE YOUNGEST ?" YOU KNOW, THESE ARE PRETTY PERSONAL QUESTIONS.

WELL, MR. MACINTOSH IS VERY INTERESTED IN YOU.

HE IS ? HE'S, UH, NEVER MET ANYBODY LIKE YOU BEFORE.

HE'S NEVER MET ME BEFORE, PERIOD.

TECHNICALLY NO, BUT HE'S BEEN THINKING A LOT ABOUT YOU LATELY.

HE HAS ? YEP. WHOA !

PRESTON ! ARE YOU OKAY ?

[ Screaming ] [ Gasps ]

DO YOU LIKE HAMBURGERS ?

I LOVE HAMBURGERS.

NEVER SAW THIS KID BEFORE IN MY LIFE.

THIS IS A WASTE OF TIME. COME ON.

WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT THIS PLACE ?

YOU'LL SEE. MMM, COME ON. TELL ME.

OKAY. YOU GONNA TELL ME ?

COME WITH ME. ALL RIGHT.

WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME ? YOU'LL SEE.

SEE WHAT ? OKAY, GET IN THE MIDDLE.

OKAY, READY ? FIVE, FOUR, THREE, HERE ?

TWO, ONE.

[ Shay Laughing ] HOLY SMOKES !

OKAY ! OKAY, NOW, COME HERE, SHAY !

OKAY, OKAY, NOW ! PRESTON, I DON'T BELIEVE THIS !

OKAY, NOW, LET'S RUN AROUND !

DON'T GET WET ! GET US OUT !

RUN ! [ Screams ]

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY ! WATCH OUT !

NO, WE'RE GONNA GET SOAKED ! NO, NO, NO. NOW COME--

COME AROUND HERE ! COME AROUND HERE ! COME ON !

OKAY, HOLD ONTO ME. [ Screaming ] HEY, WHERE ARE YOU ?

[ Screaming ] YEAH ! YES !

WHOO, YEAH ! PRESTON !


[ Clapping, Cheering ]

THIS IS A GREAT IDEA, BIDERMAN. WHERE'S ALL THE KIDS, HUH ?

CARL, IT'S LATE AT NIGHT.

ALL THE LITTLE BOYS AND GIRLS ARE TUCKED IN BED. WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ?

WHAT I EXPECT IS WHEN I GIVE SOMEONE A MILLION DOLLARS, AND I COME BACK A DAY LATER, I FIND THE MILLION DOLLARS. THAT'S WHAT I EXPECT.

CARL, I'M NOT A MAGICIAN. YOU CAN MAKE IT DISAPPEAR, YOU JUST CAN'T GET IT BACK, RIGHT ? I'M TELLING YOU--

IF Y'ALL WANT A KID SO BAD, THERE GO ONE OVER THERE.

[ Biderman ] THAT'S THE LITTLE BOY FROM THE BANK !

SHH.

SHH.

[ Preston Screams ] GO GET HIM !

OH, I'LL RACE YA TO THE LIMO ! I'LL RACE YA TO THE LIMO ! WHAT ? OKAY, I'LL RACE YA !

[ Shouting ]

[ Screaming ]

I GOT THE DOOR FOR YA ! OPEN THE DOOR. IT'S FREEZING !

GO, HENRY ! GO, HENRY, GO !

[ Henry ] HERE WE GO ! [ Groaning ]

HE GOT AWAY AGAIN ! I DON'T BELIEVE THIS ! HE GOT AWAY AGAIN !

[ Screaming ]

[ Shay ] THIS WAS THE MOST FUN.

I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING LIKE THIS SINCE I WAS A LITTLE KID. ME NEITHER.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

WHEN CAN I SEE YOU AGAIN ?

WELL, I REALLY HAVE TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH MY JOB RIGHT NOW.

WELL, UH, I'M HAVING A PARTY.

ON FRIDAY.

CAN YOU COME ?

IT'S FOR MR. MACINTOSH.

UM, IT COULD BE FOR YOUR BUSINESS, SORT OF.

MR. MACINTOSH WILL REALLY BE THERE ?

UH-HUH. IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY.

OKAY. WELL, GREAT.

IT'S A DATE THEN.

OH, I'M GETTING OUT UP HERE.

IT WAS REALLY FUN.

AND, UH, I HAD SUCH A GOOD TIME. ME TOO.

GOOD NIGHT, PRESTON. GOOD NIGHT, SHAY.

SEE YOU LATER. BYE-BYE.

GOOD NIGHT, MA'AM. BYE NOW. IT'S BEEN A PLEASURE. THANK YOU.

[ Henry ] SO YOU'RE HAVING A PARTY FRIDAY ?

[ Preston ] OH, YEAH, IT'S MR. MACINTOSH'S BIRTHDAY.

OH, I THOUGHT YOU SAID IT WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY FRIDAY.

WELL, WE'RE GONNA HAVE A JOINT PARTY FOR THE BOTH OF US.

OH. WELL, IT'S A GOOD THING IT WORKED OUT YOUR BIRTHDAYS ARE AROUND THE SAME TIME.

HEY, YOU WANNA MOVE THAT HORSE ? COME ON. WHAT IS THIS, BONANZA ? LET'S GO !

WELL, HERE WE ARE. HOME AT LAST.

THANKS, HENRY. MY PLEASURE.

HEY ! PRESTON WATERS !

GOOD NIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU GOT, PAL ?

WHAT ? S-T-Y-L-E.

STYLE. GOOD NIGHT, HENRY. STYLE. GOOD NIGHT.

TAKE IT EASY, MAN. GOOD NIGHT.

MACINTOSH AND I ARE HAVING THE BIGGEST BIRTHDAY PARTY EVER.

HONEY, WHERE'S PRESTON ? HE'S WORKING FOR MACINTOSH.

OH. WHERE'S DAMIEN AND RALPH ?

THEY'RE WORKING FOR MACINTOSH TOO.

OH.

HAVE YOU MET MACINTOSH ? NO, I THOUGHT YOU MET HIM.

NO, I HAVEN'T MET HIM. WELL, I HAVEN'T MET HIM EITHER.

[ Machine Humming ]

KEEP 'EM COMIN'. MR. MACINTOSH WANTS ME TO GET PLENTY OF PRACTICE.

[ Screams ] WATCH WHERE YOU'RE HITTIN' THOSE !

QUIT MESSIN' AROUND. MACINTOSH IS WATCHING.

WHERE ? WE'VE STILL NEVER SEEN HIM.

JUST GET BACK TO WORK. HE'S WATCHING.

** [ Loud Rock ] [ Man ] ...COMING OUT OF THE GARAGE.

RUINING THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

** [ Continues ]

[ Shooting Noises ]

[ Henry ] HEY, PRESTON !

YOUR PARTY PLANNER'S HERE AGAIN.

[ Woman ] PISTON ! PISTON ! PISTON !

TURN OFF THIS CONTRAPTION. I HAVE WONDERFUL NEWS.

MR. MACINTOSH'S BIRTHDAY IS GOING TO BE THE EVENT OF THE CENTURY.

WE GONNA MAKE THE FRONT PAGE FROM COAST TO COAST.

OH, WE ARE SO LUCKY, LUCKY, LUCKY !

NOW WHAT KIND OF FOOD DOES MR. MACINTOSH LIKE ?

I DON'T KNOW. AND WHO ARE HIS FRIENDS ?

DO YOU HAVE A GUEST LIST ? UH, I DON'T THINK SO.

YOU KNOW, DEWDROP, I THINK I SHOULD MEET HIM BECAUSE...

I'M GONNA NEED A LITTLE CASH DEPOSIT.

OH. UH, HERE. LET ME GET YOU SOME CASH.

OOH, YES, YOU DO HAVE MONEY, DON'T YOU ?

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. CAREFUL WALKING AROUND WITH THIS MUCH MONEY, DARLING.

SOMEBODY COULD JUST RIP YOU RIGHT OFF.

NOW, THIS FIRST $10,000 IS GOING TO BE THE DEPOSIT.

NOW, OF COURSE, I'LL GET THE BALANCE AT THE PARTY, AND MR. MACINTOSH IS GOOD FOR IT ?

I AM JUST SO LOOKING FORWARD TO MEETING HIM.

WHO ISN'T ? WAITERS, SECURITY, GUEST LIST, PAPARAZZI-- OH, AND YVONNE ?

YES ? REMEMBER, IT'S PRESTON.

WHATEVER !

HEY, UH, HEY, HENRY.

[ Grunting, Laughing ] IT'S ATTACK OF THE 50-FOOT CHAUFFEUR FROM HELL !

I WAS JUST WONDERING IF YOU WANTED TO PLAY SOME VIDEO GAMES.

OH, MAN, I WISH YOU'D HAVE SAID SOMETHING.

I CAN'T. I PROMISED SOME FRIENDS I WAS GONNA MEET 'EM IN A WHILE.

OH, OKAY. NO PROBLEM.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. I'LL DROP YOU OVER AT ONE OF YOUR FRIEND'S PLACE...

ON THE WAY OVER, AND YOU CAN HAVE SOME FUN THERE.

NAH. MAYBE I'LL GO TO THE PARK.

ALL RIGHT. IT'S UP TO YOU. HEY, PRESTON, IS MY TIE STRAIGHT ? WELL, IT LOOKS PERFECT.

ALL RIGHT. LATER.


OVER HERE. OVER HERE !

THERE IT IS. THAT'S THE PARK UP AHEAD.

WHERE DID ALL THESE KIDS COME FROM ?

KEEP DRIVING AND MAYBE SOMEDAY I'LL TELL YOU.

HOW COULD YOU HIT A KID ? I DIDN'T HIT A KID. I RAN OVER HIS BICYCLE.

I HAD A DOG ONCE THAT GOT HIT BY A TRAIN.

THANKS FOR SHARING, JUICE. OLD KING COLE WE CALLED HIM.

HE WAS A MERRY OLD SOUL. IT'S HIM.

BOY WITH THE BACKPACK. GO ! GO ! GO !

THE SIGN SAYS "NO CARS ALLOWED" ! JUST DRIVE !

QUIGLEY !

YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THIS ! JUST DRIVE !

CARL, THIS ISN'T A GOOD IDEA. SHUT UP ! WHOA !

LET GO, MAN. WHAT'S GOIN' ON ?

OOOH ! OOOH !

I'M GONNA GET HIM. WE'RE GONNA TEAR HIM UP !

REACH OVER THERE AND GET HIM ! YOUR BUTT IS MINE, KID !

I'VE BEEN WANTIN' THIS LITTLE PUNK.

I OWN YOU ! I OWN YOU, KID !

COME HERE ! HE'S GOT MY MONEY !

AAAAH !

FOLLOW HIM ON FOOT ! GO ! FOLLOW HIM ON FOOT ?

DO I LOOK LIKE A BLOODHOUND, A PROFESSIONAL TRACKER ? JUICY, LISTEN.

IF WE DON'T GET THAT KID, NOBODY GETS PAID.

[ Groaning ]

I WANT CASH BENEFITS, DENTAL, EVERYTHING. NOT A PROBLEM.

INSURANCE ! HERE, KIDDIE, KIDDIE !

OH, THERE YOU GO. COME HERE, BOY. I'M GONNA GET YOU NOW.

I'VE BEEN LOOKIN' FOR YOU !

HUH ? OH, NO.

THERE HE GOES. YES. COME HERE, BOY !

I'M GONNA GET YOU NOW ! AAAAH !

DON'T BELIEVE THIS ! KILL THAT KID WHEN I FIND HIM. I'M NOT GETTIN' PAID FOR THIS.

WHERE ARE WE GOING NOW ? MY HANDS ARE OVER MY EYES. SHUT UP !

GET OUT-- [ Screaming ]

THERE HE IS ! STICK WITH IT ! I GOT YA !

[ Juice ] I'LL GET YOU !

HANG ON, HANG ON.

OKAY, THERE HE IS ! COME HERE ! COME HERE !

JUICE ! RUN AFTER HIM. YOU MUST BE CRAZY. YOU RUN AFTER HIM.

JUST RAN THROUGH THIS WHOLE ENTIRE PARK. FINE, GET IN THE CAR.

[ Coughing ] DON'T BLOW CHUNKS IN MY CAR. I JUST HAD IT DETAILED.

I'M COOL ! ARE YOU SURE ? ARE YOU SURE ?

I'M NOT GONNA MESS UP YOUR PRICELESS DETAIL. COME ON.

[ Retching ] HEY !

[ Boy ] WOW, WHAT'S THIS ?

LET'S GO ! AFTER HIM !

HEY, DUDE ! [ Juice ] MOVE OUTTA THE WAY.

SORRY !

GET 'IM ! YOUR BUTT IS MINE !

I WANT THIS KID-- WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

YEAH ! NO ! CARL, WATCH OUT !

[ Juice ] OH, NO !

WHOA !

AAH ! NO ! OH, MAN !

YES !

NOW THAT'S A DISPLAY OF FINE DRIVING RIGHT THERE.

YOU KNOW, CARL, IT MIGHT BE EASIER JUST TO STEAL ANOTHER MILLION DOLLARS.

HELLO, MR. JACKSON.

WELL, WELL, WELL, IF IT ISN'T THE WORLD'S YOUNGEST PERSONAL INJURY ATTORNEY.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE IN A LOT OF TROUBLE TODAY, LITTLE MAN.

YEAH, 'CAUSE TODAY I HAVE BEEN DRINKING VODKA.

TAKE A HIKE, BUTT-BRAIN. WHAT ?

TAKE A-- NEVER MIND, NEVER MIND. NEVER MIND, NEVER MIND !

[ Chattering ]

[ Yvonne ] ANTOINE, GET THAT TRUCK THING OFF THE STAGE. THANK YOU !

GET THOSE GOLDEN GLOVES OFF ! THANK YOU !

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE ! WHAT DO YOU THINK ?

TA-DA ! IS THIS TO DIE, OR WHAT ?

UH, YEAH, SURE, IT'S, UH, TO DIE.

I CAN'T WAIT TO SHOW IT TO MR. MACINTOSH.

COME ON, HONEY, LET'S SEE WHAT THEY DID WITH THAT--

"IS IT TO DIE FOR OR WHAT ?" [ Laughing ]

WHERE DID YOU FIND HER ? OH, MAN.

WHAT DOES THIS COST ? I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT DO YOU THINK IT SHOULD COST ? LOTS, LOTS.

KID, WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO KNOW. I'M A GOOD GUY.

OKAY, HOW GOOD ARE YOU GOING TO BE TO ME ? IN ROUND NUMBERS.

I DON'T THINK YOU GET THE PICTURE, SONNY.

MAYBE YOU NEED A BETTER VIEW. [ Screaming ]

[ Screaming ] PRESTON WATERS, 1508 OAK STREET, HILLSDALE, INDIANA !

THANK YOU. [ Crying ]

YOU ALL RIGHT ? AAAH ! AAAH !

IS SOMETHING WRONG ? NO, NOT AT ALL.

IS MR. MACINTOSH AROUND ? UH, NO.

BUT HE WILL BE HERE TONIGHT ? YEAH.

IN PERSON ? IN PERSON.

OKAY. I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT ? OKAY.

OKAY. YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD. BYE.

I'LL BE CALLING. WHAT A BABE.

BABY BROTHER COMES INTO HIS OWN.

FOR A LITTLE WEASEL, HE SURE KNOWS HOW TO GET A GIRLFRIEND.

TOO BAD HE PICKED A FORTUNE HUNTER. LITTLE LOVE PILOT...

SHOT DOWN IN FLAMES BY A GOLD DIGGER.

BY A WHAT ?

GOLD DIGGER, SOMEONE WHO IS ONLY AFTER MONEY. I KNOW WOMEN, AND THAT ONE IS AFTER MACINTOSH'S COLD, HARD CASH.

FOR YOUR INFORMATION, ME AND SHAY ALREADY WENT ON A DATE...

AND SHE HAD ONE FANTASTIC TIME, BOYS.

OH, YES, EVERY SECOND SHE WAS GETTING CLOSER...

AND CLOSER TO MR. MACINTOSH. [ Laughing ]

SHUT UP ! JUST ANSWER ME THIS.

DID SHE EVER, EVER JUST ONCE, COME BY WITHOUT SAYING, "MEANWHILE, I WONDER IF I COULD SEE MR. MACINTOSH ?"

SHE'S A GOLD DIGGER, MAN. SHE JUST WANTS MACINTOSH'S MONEY.

YEAH ! OW ! DON'T RUB IT. BE A MAN.

DON'T RUB IT. I'LL RUB IT IF I WANT TO.

SHE WANTS A GUY WITH MONEY, NOT SOME LITTLE KID WITH AN EMPTY PIGGY BANK. YEAH.

* WELL, I'LL WAIT BY THE WINDOWS I'LL WAIT BY THE DOOR *

* TO MAKE SURE YOU DON'T COME HOME **

YOU EVER KNOWN ANY GOLD DIGGERS ? MAN, HAVE I.

I HATE 'EM. THEY'RE THE WORST.

ANYBODY WHO IS YOUR FRIEND BECAUSE YOU HAVE MONEY IS NOT YOUR FRIEND AT ALL.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT GOLD ?

"HE WHO HAS THE GOLD MAKES THE RULES" ?

NO, NO, NO. "A FOOL AND HIS GOLD ARE SOON PARTED."

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?

"A FOOL AND HIS GOLD ARE SOON PARTED." THOSE OLD SAYINGS, MAN, I DON'T GET 'EM. I DON'T EVEN KNOW REALLY WHAT THAT MEANS.

YOU EVER HEARD: "MORE THAN ONE WAY TO SKIN A CAT" ?

WHO SKINS CATS ? WHY WOULD YOU SKIN A CAT ?

AND THERE IS NOT MORE THAN ONE WAY TO SKIN A CAT. THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY.

YOU GRAB THE CAT, YOU RIP THE SKIN OFF THE CAT.

WHAT IS THE NUMBER TWO WAY ? YOU PUT A HOSE UP THE CAT'S BUTT ?

HE GETS SO BLOATED THAT HE SKINS HIMSELF ?

DOES HE HAVE A PIECE OF VELCRO UNDER HIS BUTT ? NO.

"KILL TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE." YOU HEARD THAT ONE ?

YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO HAS EVEN KILLED ONE BIRD WITH ONE STONE ?

KIDS TRY IT ALL THE TIME. YOU CAN'T HIT A BIRD WITH A STONE.

UNLESS YOU GOT A HUGE STONE AND THEY'RE TINY BABY BIRDS.

THEN-- [ Imitating Crash ] BEEP, BEEP ! DEAD.

[ Sighing ] "A FOOL AND HIS GOLD ARE SOON PARTED."

I GUESS IT MEANS THAT IF YOU'RE A FOOL, YOUR GOLD OR YOUR MONEY IS SOON GONE.

ONCE IT'S GONE, IT IS OUTTA THERE. IT IS HISTORY.

IT IS DUST. IT IS VAPOR. IT IS NO MORE. YOU ARE LIVING IN BROKESVILLE.

UNLESS YOU HAVE MACINTOSH'S KIND OF MONEY. WHAT IF YOU DON'T ?

I GUESS THEN YOU FIND OUT WHO YOUR REAL FRIENDS ARE.

MAN, WE LOOK GOOD.

IS EVERYBODY HAVING A GOOD TIME ? [ Woman Laughing ]

GOOD, YOU ARE. "YES, WE ARE, DARLING." WOW, LOOK AT THE BALLOONS.

THIS IS GREAT. LOOK AT THE ICE SCULPTURE. PRESENTS !

HEY, HEY, HEY, KID, NO TOUCHING. THOSE ARE MR. MACINTOSH'S.

GO FIND YOUR PARENTS. GO ON, GET OUTTA HERE.

GO ON !

I JUST WANT TO SEE MR. MACINTOSH. I JUST WANT TO PIG OUT.

[ Chuckling ] HEY, LOOK AT THAT.

EXCUSE ME.

SORRY ! EXACTLY WHO ARE YOU LOOKING FOR, PRESTON ?

HAVE YOU SEEN SHAY ? I HAVEN'T SEEN HER, BUT SHE'LL BE AROUND.

COME ON-- OH, MAN, LOOK AT ALL THIS FOOD !

MACINTOSH DOESN'T SHOW, WE BRING THE KID IN, AGREED ?

IF PRESTON SAYS MACINTOSH IS GONNA BE THERE, MACINTOSH WILL BE THERE.

BUT YOU DON'T MAKE A MOVE, UNTIL I GIVE YOU THE SIGNAL, UNDERSTOOD ?

WE GOT EIGHT MEN READY TO GO IN AND NAIL HIM THE SECOND HE SHOWS UP !

WE CLOSE THIS DEAL TONIGHT !

WHERE'S THE PIZZA AND THE ICE CREAM ? WHAT'S GOING ON HERE ?

THIS COULD HAVE BEEN A PIZZA BEFORE IT GOT RUN OVER BY A COUPLE OF TRUCKS.

OH, THAT LOOKS TASTY. LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING YOU'D FIND BETWEEN YOUR TOES.

AH, AH, AH ! IT'S SUCKING THE LIFE OUTTA ME !

SHUT UP ! EVERYBODY'S LOOKING. SO WHAT ? WHO CARES ?

RELAX, HAVE A GOOD TIME. SHE'LL SHOW UP. OH, THERE'S SHAY NOW. HA !

JUST KIDDING. I WAS KIDDING YA ! WOULD YOU JUST RELAX ?

SHE'LL BE HERE. IT'S NOT AT ALL WHAT YOU THOUGHT IT'D BE LIKE ?

HATE BEING RICH, HUH ? PRESTON ? PRESTON ?

ICE CREAM, ICE CREAM.

YOO-HOO, PRESTON !

NOW, WHERE IS OUR MYSTERY MAN ? IT'S TIME FOR MR. MACINTOSH TO MAKE HIS APPEARANCE.

I LIKE TO GIVE MY EMPLOYERS THEIR BILLS DIRECTLY.

THAT WAY IF THEY HAVE ANY QUESTIONS OR HEART ATTACKS OR SOMETHING--

I'LL GIVE IT TO HIM. FINE.

BE QUICK ABOUT IT.

$100,000 ?

SWEETHEART, I KNOW THIS SEEMS LIKE A WHOLE LOT OF MONEY TO NORMAL PEOPLE LIKE ME AND YOU, BUT TO A MAN LIKE MACINTOSH THIS IS JUST PENNIES.

NOW, YOU GET UP THERE AND GET ME MY MONEY ! OW ! I'LL GET YOUR MONEY.

[ Computer Beeping ]

PARTY: $100,000.

NOT A PROBLEM. YOU CAN LEAVE IT.

THIS IS FINE. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. THANK YOU.

[ Computer ] TRANSACTION NOT POSSIBLE.

INSUFFICIENT FUNDS.

CURRENT BALANCE: $332.17.

TRANSACTION NOT POSSIBLE. THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS ?

INSUFFICIENT FUNDS. TRANSACTION NOT POSSIBLE. OH, NO !

NO, PLEASE, GOD. INSUFFICIENT FUNDS.

THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT.

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR--

[ Chattering ]

IT'S GONE. IT'S ALL GONE.

[ Knocking ]

MR. MACINTOSH ? OH, SORRY TO BOTHER YOU.

IT'S FRED WATERS, PRESTON'S DAD.

I KNOW YOU GOT A BASH GOING ON HERE, SO I'LL MAKE IT BRIEF.

BUT, UH, I WANTED TO ASK YOU A FAVOR.

YOU SEE, TODAY IS PRESTON'S BIRTHDAY AND IF YOU SEE HIM, IF YOU COULD SEND HIM HOME A LITTLE EARLY.

LATELY HE'S BEEN WORKING SO HARD.

ALL OF A SUDDEN MONEY'S BECOME SO IMPORTANT TO HIM.

I GUESS THAT'S MOSTLY MY FAULT.

YOU DON'T HAVE KIDS, DO YOU, MR. MACINTOSH ?

I'LL TELL YOU, IT'S VERY EASY TO MAKE MISTAKES WITH THEM.

I HAVEN'T ALWAYS PAID ENOUGH ATTENTION TO MY KIDS.

I PUSHED THEM TOO HARD... MAYBE.

ESPECIALLY PRESTON.

I GUESS I EXPECT MORE FROM HIM.

HE REMINDS ME OF MYSELF AT THAT AGE. I COULDN'T WAIT TO GROW UP.

I'M AFRAID HE'S MISSING OUT ON HIS CHILDHOOD.

SO AM I.

WELL, THANKS. I WON'T TAKE UP ANY MORE OF YOUR TIME.

AND WE APPRECIATE YOU SENDING PRESTON HOME EARLY.

IF-- IF HE WANTS TO COME, THAT IS.

[ Whispering ] I WANT TO COME HOME. THANKS.

DAD. DAD ?

DAD ?

DAD ! DAD !

DAD !

DAD, WAIT !

DADDY ! HENRY ?

HENRY ! WAIT A MINUTE, WHERE'S HENRY ?

YOUR DRIVER ? HE LEFT A LITTLE WHILE AGO.

H-HE LEFT ? YOU SURE IT WAS HENRY ?

BIG GUY, WHITE LIMO.

HE'S GONE.

THANKS.

NOW I KNOW WHO MY FRIENDS ARE.

EXCUSE ME. SORRY.

[ Door Opening ] [ Shay ] PRESTON ?

MR. MACINTOSH ?

MR. MACINTOSH ? IT'S JUST ME.

WHICH ONE OF US DID YOU WANT ? I WAS LOOKING FOR YOU.

OH, GOOD. AND MR. MACINTOSH.

LOOK, IT'S VERY, VERY IMPORTANT THAT I FIND MR. MACINTOSH RIGHT NOW.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND ? HE'S NOWHERE.

HE'S GONE. I THINK YOU'D BETTER LEAVE TOO. PRESTON...

YOU COULD BE IN DANGER. JUST GO, OKAY ?

YOU GOT YOUR NECKLACE. JUST TAKE IT AND LEAVE.

* GIVE IT BACK THERE'S NO TIME TO LOSE *

* SO GIVE IT BACK GIVE IT BACK **

RIGGS ? RIGGS ? RIGGS ?

LOOKS LIKE NO ONE'S HOME.

SHUT UP, WIENERMAN. BIDERMAN.

WHERE IS HE ? I DON'T KNOW, BUT HE MIGHT BE DOWN THE STREET....

AT MR. MACINTOSH'S, THAT'S HIS BOSS.

MACINTOSH. COME ON ! [ Whimpering ]

YOU KNOW, I DO LIKE WHAT THEY HAVE DONE WITH THIS COLOR.

THERE YOU ARE, PUPPY-BUTT. DID YOU GET ME MY MONEY ?

UH, MACINTOSH HAS DISAPPEARED. WHAT ?

NOW, I AM WARNING YOU, TOM THUMB, DON'T YOU TRIFLE WITH ME.

IF I DON'T GET PAID, I WILL SUE MR. MACINTOSH...

FOR EVERY DIME HE IS WORTH !

WELL, BE SURE AND TELL ME WHEN YOU FIND HIM.

OKAY, LITTLE MR. MAN, THIS PARTY IS OVER !

QUIET ! STOP THAT PLAYING ! STOP THAT MUSIC ! QUIET ! ATTENTION ! ATTENTION !

EVERYBODY, THIS PARTY IS OVER !

OUR HOST... CAN'T PAY HIS BILLS !

MR. MACINTOSH IS A FRAUD ! [ Woman ] WHAT ?

[ Crowd Murmuring ] WHO'S THAT KID ?

SHE'S RIGHT. HATE TO TELL YOU THIS, BUT THERE'S BEEN A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.

NOBODY S-SHOULD HAVE BEEN INVITED.

MACINTOSH IS-- IS GONE.

AND HE'S NOT COMING BACK.

SO I THINK YOU SHOULD ALL LEAVE TOO, SO GO. GO ON.

CLOSE DOWN THE BAR ! COME ON, LET'S GET OUTTA HERE.

COME ON, ANTOINE. MOVE IT !

COME ON, MOVE IT !

COME BACK WITH THOSE GLASSES ! GIVE ME THAT !

OH ! OH ! OH !


[ Knocking ]

HENRY ?

HENRY ! I KNEW YOU'D COME BACK !

HENRY-- [ Gasping ]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I'M HERE TO BLOW OUT YOUR CANDLES.

OH ! LET ME GO ! WHAT'S YOUR HURRY, KID ? GOT A BIG CHECK TO CASH ?

LET ME GO ! I LIKE THIS PAD. WHAT DO YOU THINK, JUICE ?

OH, YEAH, I LIKE THE PAD. IT LOOKS REAL NICE.

CAN YOU HANDLE IT ? GOT THE TV, DRUMS. OH, I LIKE THIS.

TV, DRUMS. ALL KINDS OF TOYS.

HE'S GOT A LITTLE TASTE, A LITTLE FLAVOR. WHAT'S THIS THING HERE ?

I DON'T THINK I'VE SEEN ONE OF THOSE BEFORE. HOW DO YOU WORK THIS ?

WELL, YOU TURN THE KNOB--

YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T LET HIM IN SUCH A NICE HOUSE AS THIS.

ALL YOUR STUFF COULD GET BROKEN.

KID, WHERE'S MACINTOSH ?

N-NOWHERE.

HE'S NOWHERE. I'M GOING TO ASK YOU ONE MORE TIME.

WHERE IS HE ? HUH !

THERE IS NO MACINTOSH.

I MADE HIM UP. IT WAS ME THE WHOLE TIME. DON'T GIVE ME THAT.

WHO BOUGHT THIS HOUSE ? I-I DID.

YOU ? YOU OUTBID ME ?

WAIT A MINUTE. YOU TRYIN' TO TELL ME THAT THIS LITTLE BOY HERE...

OUTBID YOU WITH YOUR OWN MONEY ?

BE A FLY ON THE WALL, OKAY, JUICE ?

LISTEN, KID, YOU KNOW IT'S ILLEGAL TO TAKE THINGS THAT DON'T BELONG TO YOU.

I KNOW. I FEEL AWFUL. TAKE ME TO THE POLICE.

CARL, DON'T DO IT. IT'S A TRICK. GET OUTTA HERE.

SON, I DON'T WANT TO TAKE YOU TO THE POLICE. JUST TELL ME, OKAY ?

WHERE'S MY MONEY ?

I-I SPENT IT.

ALL OF IT ? ALL OF IT.

HOW COULD YOU SPEND...

A MILLION DOLLARS IN SIX DAYS ?

YOU MUST NOT HAVE BEEN SHOPPING LATELY.

CARL, CARL, WAIT A MINUTE.

MAYBE WE'RE THINKING ABOUT THIS MACINTOSH THING IN THE WRONG WAY.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ? YOU NEEDED A NEW HOUSE, A NEW IDENTITY.

THIS KID, HE'S DONE IT FOR YOU.

I MEAN, MACINTOSH COULD RUN FOR MAYOR HERE.

YEAH, I KIND OF LIKE THE IDEA OF THAT-- MAYOR QUIGLEY.

NO, NO, MAYOR MACINTOSH. I LIKE IT.

LOOK, THERE'S ONLY ONE PROBLEM WITH THAT. THE-- AAAH !

HEY ! COME BACK HERE !

WAIT FOR ME ! I'M COMING ! HE'S UPSTAIRS, MAN !

BREAK IT DOWN ! BREAK IT DOWN !

THERE HE IS !

WHERE IS HE ? WHERE IS HE ? HE WENT DOWN THERE !

JUICE, GO AFTER HIM ! I AIN'T GOIN' DOWN THERE.

GO ON ! NOW ! YOU'RE CRAZY. I AIN'T GOIN' DOWN THERE.

WATCH YOUR HEAD. WHAT IS IT, ABOUT 230-- WHOA !

AAAH ! I'M NOT GOIN' IN THERE.

OH, NO, HE DIDN'T. DID YOU SEE HIM ?

OH, NO, YOU DID JUST PUSH ME IN THE POOL ! GET OUT, WE GOTTA FIND HIM !

WHAT ?

WHAT HAPPENED ?

ACT LIKE YOU GOT A PURPOSE IN LIFE. GO.

[ Biderman ] I THINK I'M EXPERIENCING CHEST PAINS.

[ Indistinct Noise ]

CARL ? JUICE ?

HUH ? OH.

LITTLE BOY ? LITTLE BOY FROM THE BANK ?

HA, HA.

OH ! [ Groaning, Grunting ]

WHERE AM I ? OH-OH !

OOH ! OOH ! OOH ! OOH !

[ Sheep Bleating, Cow Mooing ]

[ Muttering ]

[ Rooster Crowing ]

HEY, HEY ! [ Cow Mooing ]

GOT YA ! UH-HUH !

HEY ! GOT HIM.

IT'S TIME FOR A LITTLE BATTING PRACTICE.

HERE WE GO !

HEY ! WHAT'S HAPPENING ? WHOA ! HEY !

JUST OUTSIDE. LET'S TRY A SINKER. A SINKER !

ANOTHER ! ANOTHER ! LET'S TRY A SCREWBALL !

TURN, TURN, TURN ! BE COOL ! OW !

HEY ! HO ! COME ON, BOY !

SCREWBALL ! BOOM !

WHOA ! OOOH !

THAT MUST HAVE HURT ! MY GOD !

FASTBALL, FASTBALL ! JUST INSIDE !

OOOH ! OW ! WHAT'S NEXT, JUICE ? HOW ABOUT TENNIS ?

IT'S OVER, KID. OW ! OW !

PRESTON, COME OUT, COME OUT, WHEREVER YOU ARE.

NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED, YOU KNOW, IF YOU HADN'T BEEN A BAD BOY !

TELL ME SOMETHING, DID YOU THINK YOU WERE GOING TO GET AWAY WITH IT ?

SPENDING SOMEBODY ELSE'S HARD-EARNED MONEY ? HUH !

WE NEED TO HAVE A CHAT.

PRESTON... I'M NOT MAD ANYMORE.

I KNOW YOU'RE SORRY.

COME ON, BUDDY.

PRES ? COME ON OUT NOW !

BANZAI !

QUIGLEY, I'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE.

DON'T LEAVE ME HERE-- OH, WHERE AM I GOIN' ?

WHOA ! KID ! DON'T YOU MOVE.

JUICE ! BIDERMAN ! GET YOUR USELESS BUTT OVER HERE !

[ Motor Revving, Tires Screeching ]

WHOA ! OH ! OH ! KID ! KID !

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' ? OH ! OH !

KID, KID, STOP, PLEASE, PLEASE ! STOP !

OH ! [ Groaning ]

KID, PLEASE ! DON'T DO THAT !

OOOOH ! [ Screaming ]

QUIGLEY ? ARE YOU OKAY ?

AAAH ! I GOT YOU NOW ! COME GET HIM !

I GOT HIM NOW. COME GET HIM, YOU GUYS. ALL RIGHT, HOLD HIM.

BASEBALLS ! YOU'RE NOT A VERY NICE BOY, YOU KNOW THAT ?

FREEZE ! PRESTON, ARE YOU OKAY ?

WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT ? WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE ?

STANLEY ? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ?

LET GO ! AS OF THIS MOMENT, YOU'RE FIRED FROM MY BANK !

F.B.I., BIDERMAN. FROM THIS MOMENT, YOU'RE FIRED FROM YOUR BANK.

WHAT ? YOU'RE WITH THE F.B.I. ?

YES, PRESTON, I AM. OKAY, KID, FINALLY, AT LONG LAST, WHO'S MACINTOSH ?

UH, UH, UH, UH, UH, UH, UH, UH--

I'M MACINTOSH. YOU'RE MACINTOSH ?

I'M MACINTOSH ! AND I WANT YOU ALL OFF MY PROPERTY NOW !

HE'S MACINTOSH. YOU SURE ?

I TELL YA, I'M MACINTOSH ! PLEASE TELL THESE GUYS I'M MACINTOSH.

OH, HE'S MACINTOSH. DON'T YOU KNOW PAPA MACINTOSH ? MR. MACINTOSH.

AND BIG MAMA MACINTOSH BE HANGIN' OUT WITH THE BROTHERS.

MR. MACINTOSH, YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR FRAUD, MONEY LAUNDERING AND GRAND THEFT.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ? BRING IN BIDERMAN TOO.

I'M A BANKER ! AND TAKE MR. WISE GUY TOO.

WHO ? ME ? I'M NOT WISE. GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME.

MAN, I FLUNKED RECESS. TAKE IT EASY, MAN.

TAKE 'EM OUT. I'M NOT EVEN FROM HERE, MAN. I'M A BANKER.

I WAS ROAMING DOWN THE STREET. CAT SAID, HEY, THERE'S A PARTY. I OWN A BANK !

SIR, STAY BEHIND THE LINE THERE. EVERYONE, JUST CALM DOWN, OKAY ?

HONEY, I'M GONNA CHECK THIS OUT, MAKE SURE THAT PRESTON'S OKAY.

YOU TAKE THE BOYS HOME. [ Chattering ]

WHAT'S GOING ON ? SOMETHING TO DO WITH MACINTOSH. THE F.B.I. IS ALL OVER.

UH, HAVE YOU SEEN MY SON, A LITTLE BOY ? HE'S INSIDE WITH THE F.B.I.

EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME, PLEASE. OFFICER-- WHOA, WHOA !

NOBODY GETS IN THERE WITHOUT A BADGE, SIR. I'M LOOKING FOR MY SON.

KIND OF NEAT. CAN I SEE YOUR BADGE ?

SHAY STANLEY, F.B.I.

COOL.

WAIT A MINUTE. SO THAT MEANS OUR DATE...

WAS JUST FOR YOUR-- JUST FOR YOUR JOB ?

WELL, IT STARTED OUT LIKE THAT.

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.

HEY, YOU KNOW, I WOULDN'T HAVE TRADED THAT NIGHT FOR ANYTHING.

SO WHEN CAN I SEE YOU AGAIN, SHAY ?

MMM, WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME A CALL IN, SAY, ABOUT TEN YEARS ?

FIVE. SEVEN.

SIX. OKAY, IT'S A DATE.

GOOD NIGHT, PRESTON.

[ Dad ] PRESTON !

PRESTON ? OH, MY GOD, HE'S IN SHOCK.

OH, OH, I'M FINE, DAD. I'M FINE NOW. OH, I'M GLAD TO SEE YOU.

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE ? IT'S A LONG STORY.

WELL, WHY DON'T WE GO ON HOME, YOU TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT ? OKAY.

I WANT TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO A FRIEND, OKAY, DAD ?

WOW, THIS IS JUST GREAT. I CAN'T STEP OUT FOR A COUPLE OF SECONDS.

I MISS ALL THE ACTION. THANKS.

ARE YOU OKAY ? I THOUGHT YOU LEFT, MAN.

NO, I DIDN'T LEAVE. WHAT DID WE SAY THE PARTY NEEDED ? ICE CREAM, RIGHT ?

I JUST WENT TO GET ICE CREAM. I DON'T KNOW IF I GOT THE EXACT RECIPE, BUT I THINK I GOT IT CLOSE.

SO ? HEY, IT'S PRETTY CLOSE.

WELL, I GUESS MACINTOSH IS NO MORE, HUH ?

IT'S TOO BAD, BECAUSE, UH, I REALLY ENJOYED WORKING FOR HIM.

I HAD A GOOD TIME TOO-- DO ME A FAVOR ?

NEXT TIME YOU SEE HIM, TELL HIM, UH, THAT I'M REALLY GONNA MISS HIM.

I'LL MISS YOU TOO, HENRY.

YOU'RE GONNA DO JUST FINE.

SEE YA.

HEY, HENRY. HUH ?

KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE ? WHAT ?

S-T-Y-L-E, STYLE. STYLE.

HEY, PRESTON, YOU'RE NOT GONNA FINISH THIS ICE CREAM, I GUESS, HUH ?

WELL, NO SENSE LETTIN' THIS GO TO WASTE.

SO, WHAT HAPPENED ?

OH, WELL, UH, MACINTOSH WASN'T--

HE-- HE WASN'T WHO HE THOUGHT HE WAS.

HOW DO YOU MEAN ? WELL, HE SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE WHAT HE DID.

HE SHOULDN'T HAVE FOOLED EVERYBODY.

I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.

IT'S BEEN A LONG NIGHT. BETTER GET ON UP TO BED.

YEAH, I THINK I OUGHT TO GET SOME SLEEP TOO, DAD.

AND TOMORROW, I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT MR. MACINTOSH.

SLEEP WELL, PRESTON.

[ Group ] TA-DA !

* HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

* HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR PRESTON *

* HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU *

MAKE A WISH.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, "BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR."

OH.

WHAT ELSE DO I WANT ? I MEAN, I GOT EVERYTHING...

THAT I NEED RIGHT HERE.

ON THE OTHER HAND.

* I'LL WAIT JUST A LITTLE MORE TIME *

* JUST A LITTLE MORE TIME

* TO MOVE IN A NEW DIRECTION

* I'LL WAIT JUST A LITTLE MORE TIME *

* 'TIL YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND

* YOU KNOW THAT YOU'RE NEEDIN' ME TOO, YEAH *

* WHY NOW ARE YOU FEELING SO SCARED *

* AND UNWILLING TO BE THERE

* WHEN SOMEONE'S THERE FOR YOU *

* WHY TIME HAS TO BE SO UNKIND *

* FOR NO REASON BUT LOVE HAS NO MEASURE *

* THIS IS TRUE

* OH, WELL, I KNOW WHAT I FEEL INSIDE *

* I TRUST IN LOVE AND WHAT MY HEART TELLS ME *

* HAVEN'T I BEEN GOOD THE WAY I SHOULD *

* I'M WILLING, I'M ABLE I NEED YOU TO GIVE ME A SIGN *

* NOW, I'LL WAIT JUST A LITTLE MORE TIME *

* JUST A LITTLE MORE TIME * JUST A LITTLE MORE

* TO MOVE IN A NEW DIRECTION

* I'LL WAIT JUST A LITTLE MORE TIME *

* 'TIL YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND *

* I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE FEELING IS TRUE *

* I'LL WAIT * I'LL WAIT

* YES, I'LL WAIT * I'LL WAIT

* JUST A LITTLE MORE TIME BABY *

* NEW DIRECTIONS * I'LL WAIT

* JUST A LITTLE MORE TIME 'TIL YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND *

* I KNOW THAT YOU'RE NEEDING ME TOO *

* BABY

* YEAH, HAVEN'T I BEEN GOOD TO YOU *

* THE WAY I SAID I WOULD BE *

* WHY ARE YOU LEAVING ME NOW *

* WELL, I KNOW WHAT I FEEL INSIDE *

* I TRUST IN LOVE AND WHAT MY HEART'S BEEN TELLING ME *

* HAVEN'T I BEEN GOOD THE WAY I SHOULD *

* I'M WILLING, I'M ABLE I NEED YOU TO GIVE ME A SIGN *

* I'LL WAIT * JUST A LITTLE MORE TIME

* JUST A LITTLE MORE TIME * JUST A LITTLE MORE

* TO MOVE IN A NEW DIRECTION * * I'LL WAIT

* JUST A LITTLE MORE TIME 'TIL YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND *

* I KNOW THAT YOU'RE NEEDIN' ME TOO *

* I'LL WAIT * I'LL WAIT

* YES, I'LL WAIT * I'LL WAIT

* I'LL WAIT * I'LL WAIT

* YES, I'LL WAIT * I'LL WAIT

* I'LL WAIT JUST A LITTLE MORE TIME **