Bombshell (1933) Script

Oh, what did you do that for?

Eh.. Somethin' kinda cute was about to happen.

I know. But it's six o'clock.

Oh.

Gee, what a business.

You might as well run a milk route.

Where's Mac? Isn't she up yet?

I'll get to her directly..

Mm, where is Summers with the orange juice?

His nice lukewarm orange juice with seeds in it.

Oh, I heard him flushing around in the kitchen.

Hey, I didn't give you that for a negligee.

It's an evening wrap.

I know, Ms. Lola.

But the negligee what you give me got all tore up night before last.

Your day off is sure brutal on your lingerie.

Just a minute.

Just a minute.

Can't you get up in time enough to put on your uniform?

Don't scold me with your steam, woman.

I knows where the body's buried.

Yes? Ms. Mac, Ms. Burns' secretary speaking.

Oh, it's you, is it?

Yes, I know it's six o'clock and I know she's due on location at 7:30.

And I know she's to wear the white dress without the brassiere.

And I know you'll always be just a second assistant director because you don't think anybody else is capable of thinking for himself or herself.

Ahem.

Oh, good morning, Summers.

How's your brother?

Brother, Ms. Burns?

Sure. The one in San Quentin.

Are they gonna let him out?

But I only have a married sister, Ms. Burns.

Oh, that's right, I was thinking of the guy that was here last week.

Oh, yes. His name was Summers, I believe.

I'm Winters.

Hmm. He was Summers and you're Winters.

Are butlers always in season?

Uh, I can't say, miss.

Hey! This isn't orange juice!

No, miss. I-i-it's, i-it's sauerkraut juice.

Well, take it away.

Mm, just like dipping your tongue in Lux.

B-but I-I'm sorry, miss, but there weren't any oranges.

No oranges? This is California, man.

Tell Mrs. Crawford to come in here.

She's supposed to order as well as do the cooking for this troop.

Mrs. Crawford isn't here this morning, miss.

Well, why not?

It seems her niece is..

...is having a baby.

That's life for ya.

The cook's relatives have babies and I have sauerkraut juice.

Good morning, Ms. Burns. Hello, sweetheart.

Give massage before or after?

Rub that in good, darling.

We're gonna use a darker make-up today.

Twenty-eight.

That cameraman must think he's Rembrandt or someone.

Trying to tell me about skin texture in yesterday's scenes.

Dear, I wish you'd bind your wave when you go to bed.

Ms. Burns, really!

Listen! One at a time! Can't you see I'm makin' her up?

Well, this is important too.

Ouch! Will you please be careful?

I'm sorry, Ms. Burns.

But every time, he and I get in the same argument.

Oh! Look what ya done now!

Will somebody please get me a towel?

Don't let that iron burn the bed!

Oh, that's terrible.

'I don't care, Mac. Gee whiz'

'with all the dough I drag down every week'

'I don't see why things can't be run better.'

'Every time I... ' Lola!

I can only do one thing at a time.

I really think you oughta discharge Loretta.

She's becoming impossible. And full of lip too.

Oh, Loretta's alright. Oh, good morning, daughter.

Pops, you old darling! What are you doing up so early?

Are you gonna settle down and help Lola out.

I, uh..

Your career is always paramount in my mind, daughter, I-I...

That's the same shirt and tie you had on yesterday.

Oh, yes, daughter. The laundry...

Oh, the laundry, nothing, you old rooster.

You've been out all night and you're still boiled.

I.. I've been in conference with some racing men.

We've been discussing methods of breeding.

Don't talk to me about your methods of breeding.

I don't wanna hear another word.

Where's the car? I gotta go to work.

Oh, I insisted that Jeffries get some sleep.

We-we've been using him a little hard lately.

Yeah, I get it.

Alright, Mac. Have him bring around my roadster.

Your brother took the roadster to Tijuana.

Tijuana? Say, who told him...

I sent Junior down there to look over a crop of fillies with the idea of a possible purchase.

Now, I know the kind of fillies he'll look over.

Alright. Have him bring around the station wagon...

Oh, Ms. Burns, the cook took the station wagon.

That's great!

Now, what am I supposed to go to work in, a kiddie car?

I don't know why I go on putting up with this.

I do all the work. And everybody uses my automobiles but me.

And Pops is stewed and I get soaked in sauerkraut juice and..

Ms. Carroll.

How do you do? Hello. Remember me?

Carroll from Photoplay. I have to have a story, Lola.

Of course.

Oh, Ms. Carroll, always glad to see the press.

I know it's pretty early but Space Hanlon said we could talk at breakfast on the way to location.

Your studio couldn't have a better publicity head than Hanlon, Lola.

He can always fit things in.

He certainly can.

Uh, Summers, uh, uh, Winters show Ms. Carroll into the music room.

I'll join you in a moment.

This way.

Ha! Space Hanlon always slips things in, does he?

He won't give me a minute to myself, that's what.

And all those lies he's had printed about me every since I've been in this business.

"Listen, sweetheart, you'd still be an extra if it wasn't for me and what I know to feed the public."

'I'll call a studio car, Lola.'

Space Hanlon, that double-crossing...

My daughter, Ms. Carroll is waiting.

A fine time to arrange an interview with a person not half awake.

Oh, but daughter, don't... Oh, Pops, stop.

And now, Ms. Carroll, what's it to be?

We can start in while we're waiting.

Alright. Uh, let's start with your early life, Lola.

Uh, see if we can get a new slant on it, eh?

Let's see, uh, born in Illinois, wasn't it?

Yes, you see when mother died...

We, uh, we had extensive acreage in the southern part of the state.

I-I dabbled in breeding thoroughbreds and trotters.

'Lola has always known and loved animals' ever since she was born.

You see, I always told her

'that animals were like human beings. I... '

When did you first think of entering pictures, Lola?

Well, always, I guess. Yes.

I always fostered Lola's interest and ability in histrionics.

Perhaps I should've heeded the call to the theater myself but I..

'I've been glad to be just a sportsman, I guess.'

'But I've always listened to Lola recite.'

'Forced her to, in fact.'

Watched her dictions, her postures, you understand?

Lola, the studio car just arrived with this new script.

You'll have to get right over there.

Studio? Well, what about location? Al...

It was raining out in Riverside. Called off out there.

Oh, new scenes, new lines, everything.

Well, what's this? I don't recognize it.

Retakes on "Red Dust." The Hays' office sent it.

Something in the picture's gotta open Monday in New York.

Come on. We'll have to hurry.

But I don't know these lines. I..

Gosh, that means a different makeup.

And I have to have my hair changed again. And..

I ask you, Ms. Carroll, as one lady to another.

Isn't that a load of clams?

It's a 9 o'clock call on stage seven. You'll just make it.

Alright, let's go. Of all the things that I..

We'll have to send for you some other time, Ms. Carroll.

But I guess you know everything anyway. Where's Loretta?

Where's Barko? Where's Blimpo?

Come on, will ya hurry up?

We're late for the studio now.

When the Marquis.. Down, Blimpo, down!

When the Marquis calls, tell him to come to the studio.

Down, Blimpo! Barko! Stop it.

Pops, you go to bed and sleep it off, will ya?

What are these scenes anyway? I don't know anything.

Well, here goes for another day's work and I'm dead on my feet already.

What's the way out of this squirrel cage?

Who knows? Who cares?

Is Hanlon in? Uh, no. He isn't.

'How nice you look, Ms. Lola.'

'Never mind that.'

'Where's Space Hanlon?'

Come on out of there!

Come on out!

I'll wait here, if it takes me a 100 years!

London? One minute please.

You big coward, come out of that office!

Mr. Hanlon, London's calling.

Open up this door!

Mr. Hanlon, London's calling. London!

'Tell them to call back.'

But it's London!

I'm not going to go away. You come out!

Listen, Alice, I'm just as sore about it as you are I don't know how it got in the papers.

Believe me, when I saw it I could've dropped dead!

Don't touch me! Don't touch me, you double-crosser.

You gave it to the papers yourself!

Who, me? How can you say such a thing?

After all I've done?

Like a brother! Look.

"Film star visits Xavier at hospital and stays overnight."

What'll my husband say?

He won't know anything about it.

He's in London, isn't he?

Listen, Alice. Get me Harrigan!

How do I.. Will you get me Harrigan?

After all these years, you think I'd do a thing like that to you?

You make me feel like a scum, no matter how much I want publicity there's a limit someplace.

I got some decency left. I...

Mr. Hanlon. Mr. Harrigan. Yeah.

Now, listen here, shyster. I'm getting sick and tired of this.

Did you read this morning's papers?

What kind of a legal department are you anyway?

What do you let 'em print stuff like that for?

I want you to start suing that paper immediately, for libel.

A $100,000. $200,000..

Do ya hear me? $250,000.

And I don't want any retraction. I want blood!

Now, stop crying, honey, I'll have 'em print an apology on the front page with your picture.

Mr. Hanlon, London's calling.

You know how I feel about you.

Oh, I wouldn't hurt you, kid any more than I would my own mother.

You leave this whole thing to me.

I'll straighten it all out.

Thanks, Space. I have a big day.

Alright, honey. You go on back on the set.

They'll be lookin' all over the lot for ya.

You just trust old Space. He'll fix it up for ya.

London's on the phone, Mr. Hanlon.

Why didn't you say so? Listen, Elsie.

Get in there on my private phone and call Schwartz at his home.

Tell him that I just found out that Alice Cole is gonna be over at the hospital again tonight wearin' a veil and for him to take a cameraman along. Hurry up!

I'm going to Pittsburgh in the morning and I just had to get your autograph.

Do you know me? I'm Vera Social.

Don't you recognize me? What?

I'm your husband.

Why did you go away and leave the baby?

Oh, please go away. Driver, go ahead!

You must come home with me, there's been two more babies since you've left.

Please! My darling wife!

Frank, come here. Help!

Driver, go on!

I can prove it by the mole on her back.

Ask her. Ask her about the mole on her back.

I haven't got a mole on my back.

Let me go! Let me.. Let me go!

So, they had to call out the army to keep me away from my wife, huh?

Well, I'll find a way.

We're all ready on stage seven, Lola.

So, snap to it, will ya? Please.

Alright, Broph. Alright!

And have some coffee on the set, will ya?

You know the new lines? I'll have them.

But don't think I'm gonna get in that rain barrel if the water is as cold as it was last time.

A polar bear woulda died in it.

'It's heated, Lola. Honest!'

Lola, I just seen Gillette about an extension of your contract. He says...

Don't bother me now, Ike. But the new contract?

I got a special Cadillac sports job out in front, Ms. Burns.

I thought perhaps you'd like to take a look at it. It's slight...

Hey, I got three cars of my own now and they're all used.

Here's that endowment policy, Ms. Burns.

Twenty year pay life with health and accident...

Say, what do you fellas do, sleep here?

But this is the one that your father and I went over.

'Who's selling her this policy, you or me?'

I know, Mac... And that reminds me.

I didn't get mine for the insurance on the house, come on.

Well, well, well, I see the bread lines already started to form this morning.

Here's a couple of more vultures.

I've come to collect the skeleton, boys.

That is, if you've got all the meat off of it.

I heard you, Space Hanlon. And I'm sorry.

But any conversation with you would be just too much of a strain this morning.

'And you don't need to keep standing there.'

Because there's absolutely no chance of that door being unlocked.

Hello, sugar.

Who put all the prune whip on your pan?

I feel a slight draft, Loretta. But go ahead.

"What's the idea of gettin' in that barrel?"

Hmm, wait a minute. Don't tell me.

Let me think.

One at a time, please! Don't crowd.

Step right up, folks. In the next tent we have Lola Burns.

The girl who actually thinks while thousands cheer.

Hey, Lola.

You get outta here with your cheap wisecracks.

I wasn't in there in the first place.

You fool!

Come on, Lola.

How 'bout you and me ending this cat-and-dog fight, huh?

Gee, I'd like to, Space.

Give him a break will you, Lola.

He's not a bad guy for a publicity man.

That's just it. We used to have a lotta fun.

But ever since I began to make a name for myself he's been double-crossing me with his rotten publicity.

He's seen to it that Lola Burns is a family slogan from Kokomo, Indiana to the Khyber Pass.

Strongmen take one look at your picture go home and kiss their wives for the first time in 10 years.

You're international tonic.

You're a boon to re-population in a world thinned out by war and famine.

You're the... That's all very funny.

But how do you think I enjoy reading all that scandal that hasn't an ounce of truth in it?

I've told you, sugar.

It isn't what you like to read.

It's what the public likes to read.

They see you in these Scarlet Letter Lily...

Well, I'm sick and tired of playing unladylike parts and of your undignified publicity.

And I'm gonna tell Mr. Gillette about it.

Don't blame me. I'm only doin' my job.

Hey, how 'bout you and me going to the Coconut Grove tonight?

It's, uh, collegiate night or somethin' like that.

I'll dig up a frat pin and we'll pretend we're 17 again. What do you say, huh?

I'm sorry, but I'm going with somebody else.

'Oh.'

Well, gosh, Space, you don't ask me till the last minute. How was I to know?

Why, tell him you've gotta work, tell him you sprained your ankle tell him you got Klieg eyes or somethin'.

I can't, Space.

Aw, go ahead.

I'll break a story in the afternoon edition just to prove it, huh?

See, that's just typical.

Another lie!

Who are you goin' with? A friend of mine.

Oh. That Marquis, huh?

Yes, if you have to know.

Aw, gee, Lola, what's the idea in runnin' around with that rummage sale Romeo?

Did I insult Alice Cole when she had you making calves eyes at her?

Why don't you take her with ya tonight?

'Alice Cole is now a respectable married woman.'

'And she hates my insides.'

That's why Hugo happens to be a charming gentleman.

Just because a guy with an out-of-town accent happens to have a dress suit with a hair ribbon across his chest you dames get a pedigree and start reachin' for the diamond tiara.

What's the next line, Loretta?

What are you gonna do, write him off your income tax?

Why don't you ask Georgia Mansfield or Thelma Joyce, how much he mooched out of them?

Excuse the noise, Loretta.

We seem to be passing the stockyard.

Oh..

Listen, sugar I know I'm no prize out of a Cracker Jack box.

But at least I don't allow a procession of dames to lead me around by the nose.

That's because somebody forgot to put a ring in it!

Hi, Ms. Lane. Back in Indochina again.

Hi, Lois. Hi, Lois.

Say, where's Clark, isn't he working in this with me?

Clark's on 15 till noon.

We're gonna shoot your close-up first.

And who's directing these retakes?

Jim Brogan. No. Jim Brogan?

When did he come back on the lot?

Yesterday. Does that give you any heartthrobs, pal?

Now, wait a minute, cupid.

Don't start sneakin' around this set with your bow and arrows because..

Broph, you remembered.

That's what's the matter with me. I've been hungry.

Hey!

You call me? Where's your pass, please?

Pass? I've never needed a pass before.

A new ruling, sir.

But I've come to see Ms. Burns.

Did she leave a word then?

I am the Marquis de Hugo... I know who you are.

But you see, it's a new ruling.

Let's not argue this here.

Call Ms. Burns on the set and explain the situation.

Alright.

Hello? Yeah, it's me, Frank.

What? Well, who said so?

Mr. Hanlon? Oh, he did, did he?

Well, you let him in right away!

I don't care. I said let him in!

I'll attend to Mr. Hanlon.

Alright! Let him in!

Tryin' to keep my friends out of the stu..

Jim! Hiya, babe.

They just told me you'd come back on the lot.

Gee, you look swell. So do you, Lola.

I was sorry to hear about your divorce.

No, don't be. Maybe that's why I'm lookin' so good.

You just couldn't make it work, could you?

No. But I don't blame her.

She was out of the business.

Couldn't get used to the long hours and..

Well, you know. Mm-hm.

I was a fool to ever look at anybody but you, Lola.

You kind of stood me up, didn't ya, Jim?

I guess a girl's gotta lose her head once just to get it back again for keeps.

You know, darlin' just seein' you again makes me crazier than ever about ya.

Cut, Jim. Cut.

No, on the level, honey. I mean it this time.

What do ya say? I say we go to work.

Oh, Hugo, darling. I'm so sorry.

Honest. I don't know how it happened.

It was very embarrassing to be stopped and questioned by an ordinary porter.

Oh, I know, Hugo. Do you know Jim Brogan?

Yeah, we met once or twice.

Glad to know you.

He admitted he knew who I was and yet he wouldn't let me pass.

Alright, clear the stage!

Gimme all your lights, honey!

Come on over and sit down.

Honest, it won't happen again, Hugo.

There, you can see everything from there.

Thank you. I've got to fix my hair.

A little hotter on that roof, pal.

A little hotter on the roof.

Alright, that's enough.

I'm sorry. I didn't know you were there.

Oh, Hugo, darling. Does it hurt?

He didn't mean to do it. Let me see.

No, it's perfectly alright. Places, please!

Hugo, dear, would you like a glass of water or-or some coffee?

Loretta, maybe... Whenever Ms. Burns is ready!

Alright.

Now, look, Lola.

You're in the barrel, see?

And Gable comes around there

'and when he gets opposite here'

'you watch my hand for the signal.'

You start splashing the water and laughing.

And, then..

Why, Jim. What's the matter?

Jim, now what are ya mad about?

Listen, will you kindly tell that glorified barber to get off my set?

He's not a barber.

He speaks French and Spanish and Italian...

I don't care if he speaks Eskimo!

I don't like him. Tell him to get off!

He's got royal blood in his veins.

I don't care if he's got a royal flush in his kidneys!

Tell him to scram! Jim!

I can't stand him, I tell ya. Tell him to get off!

'You can't talk that way about Hugo!'

Yeah, they told me you'd fallen for that gigolo.

But I didn't believe it. Are you talking about me?

Yes, I'm talkin' about you! Jim, stop it! Hugo!

Well, well. Good morning, everybody!

'Hugo! Jim! Stop it!' 'Get him away from me, Lola!'

Children. Daughter. What is this?

Here's old Colonel Starbottle.

What a morning's work this is gonna be.

This bore seems to infer that I am unwelcome in this place.

Oh, James, James, my boy. You mustn't quarrel with Hugo. No.

I thought, I threw that old lush off my set for good a year ago.

As my daughter's business manager..

Business manager? I demand an apology!

Eh, I'd forgotten all about you.

Since when did you drop your buggy whip and take up the reigns of finance?

Hey, now, you needn't speak of that so lightly, sir.

Horses are coming back. Pop!

Sure they are. You'll be behind every one of 'em with a broom!

You can't talk to my father like that! I won't allow it!

'But, Lola, after all... ' 'Who do you think you are?'

'Talking to a poor defenseless old man.'

'When I'm working I won't have my set buttered up' with a lot of loafers.

See here! I'm her father.

Whose round is this? You keep out of it!

Stay out of here, Hanlon!

I don't bother with your department.

Now, wait a minute, Jim. Wait a minute.

Now, listen, I don't need you to settle any of my arguments.

I know, but wait a minute.

Is this the old smooth- tongued easy-goin' Brogan the one genius in all Hollywood that hasn't got any temperament?

Only the other day, Gillette was sayin' to me

"Thank heaven, Jim Brogan's back on the lot."

I know, but.. Did he really say that?

Certainly said that, and a lot more.

Now, how'd you like to have him come poppin' in here right now and see you rantin' around here like any ordinary quickie director?

Why don't you get up there and check on your set up?

I'll get rid of this, fungi. Thanks, Space.

Hey! What else did he say?

I'll give you the low-down later.

I don't understand all this.

Just a little riposte but it happens to all creative sensitive people.

Marquis, you're just the man that I wanted to see.

Yes, you do.

You tried to keep him off the lot.

That's what you did. Oh, Lola, please.

It was all a ghastly mistake. A thousand apologies, Marquis.

What I said was that the minute that you appeared on the lot I wanted you to report immediately to my office.

That fool, Frank, got it all wrong.

Yeah, Frank usually gets things pretty straight.

Oh, Lola, please, I've just realized that the Marquis is the one man in a 1000 to help me out of a hole.

You see, we're having a little trouble getting stuff in European publications.

And I feel sure that if the Marquis will give us the benefit of his continental training I'd certainly appreciate...

But, why..

You know, I work very hard, Marquis.

But believe it or not, I have never been out of the state.

Naturally, I haven't got the pulse of the European public as well as I might have.

However, on the other hand, if you'll..

Oh, by the way, Mr. Burns, will you drop over to Hurrell's as soon as you can, please and have some new photographs taken.

I'm, uh, gettin' up an article about you in "The American Sportsman."

Ha-ha. Certainly, Space.

"American Sportsman," eh?

That Hanlon's a bright young fella.

Well, at least he sees Hugo as a man of intelligence after all.

Yeah. Photographs, eh? Well, I'll do that just..

Just as soon as you sign this check, daughter.

Four hundred dollars? I want to wire it right away.

Who for? Well, Junior didn't explain.

He just... Oh, I get it. Tijuana again.

They've been giving him a sleigh ride on that roulette wheel.

Now, Lola, you mustn't be too hard on your brother...

Not another nickel!

He's been supporting every gambling joint on that border with his millionaire complex and my money!

Yeah, but they're liable to... Well, let them hold him.

Let 'em put him to work on a rock pile. I don't care.

I'm through. He's a liar and a no-good.

And, uh..

Oh, what the heck, ma liked him.

Good evening, everybody.

This is Gus Arnheim, speaking to you from the Coconut Grove.

I see quite a few notables here this evening, folks.

'Why, right here in front of us, I see the beautiful Lola Burns.'

'The bombshell herself, folks.'

'And she's dancing with the Marquis Di Binelli Di Pisa.'

'What a romantic couple they make.'

Good evening, Gus. Hello, Lola.

Oh, Ms. Burns. Oh, Ms. Burns.

Ms. Burns, where'd you get the lovely gown?

Everyone in our town is just crazy about you.

Uh, gentlemen. I..

Oh, uh, well, uh, who did you work for?

There he is.

I could dance with you forever, Hugo darling.

Sorry, Ms. Burns, I'll have to cut in.

I beg your pardon.

Are you the Marquis Di Binelli Di Pisa?

I am but what... We're federal.

From the immigration office. You'll have to come along.

The commissioner wants to talk to you.

Hugo, what on Earth?

Take your hands off me! Don't get tough.

I haven't had my dinner yet. What is the meaning of this?

How dare you come in here! Hugo, what do they want?

Well, you pulled it off on schedule alright.

It's a good thing you did.

If you hadn't, we'd be in a nice sweet jam.

You stick with me and you'll scoop the town every time.

Now, this stays on the front page tomorrow I send over another case.

Was that Walker Black Label alright?

Perfect, Space.

That's all I want to know.

Come on, blow, will ya?

I do not know what you're talking about.

It ain't that much of a jigsaw puzzle.

Do you know what you're doing?

This is the way we make our living, Ms. Burns.

Give the Marquis his hat and coat.

What's going on here? How are you Marquis?

Oh, Space, you've got to do something.

They're arresting the Marquis and he hasn't done anything.

Why, boys, boys. You can't do a thing like this.

I'll answer for this gentleman.

He'll give the answers himself.

You can't pull a trick like that here.

This is a private party.

Uncle Sam can pull anything anywhere.

Madame.

I tell you, it's all a mistake.

We've got all the records, Marquis.

Oh, Space, please!

Now, what's the rap? What's he done?

He's been two years in this country over his original passport limit.

It's about time we got around to him.

Oh, so, that's it!

It's alright, Lola. Listen, boys.

I'm E.J. Hanlon of the Monarch Studios.

Now, if any of you boys like to drop out to the studio on your day off, we can use extra on the set for around, oh, say, a c-note apiece.

Nothin' to do but stand around and talk to the beautiful extra girls.

Yeah, you might be the secretary of the interior for all I know.

And we don't get no days off. Where are you taking him?

To the county jail until he can appear before the commissioner in the morning.

Jail? Oh, Space, they can't do that.

Unless, of course he can put up $3000 cash.

That's the standard bail.

And where am I going to get $3000 at this time of night?

That's your worry or Ms. Burns' or your loud-mouth friend here.

Get in, please.

You two coppers haven't heard the last of this.

There's gonna be a couple of badges without owners down there tomorrow.

Oh, don't worry, Hugo. I'll get the money tonight.

Honest, I will. Now, don't worry. I'll find it some way.

Just about the nerviest...

I've got to get $3000 right now!

Well, gee, sugar I'd give it to ya...

Are you sure you didn't have something to do with this?

Honey ball, don't talk like that!

Swear now?

You can cut out my appendix without ether if I did.

Wasn't I plannin' to work with him all week?

Listen, you're a little bit upset.

Let's drop back up and duck into a pint of Paul Roget I got in a cooler and have a couple of dances, huh?

With Hugo is sitting in jail?

Oh, what's the matter? It's a nice clean jail.

Brand new, modern plumbing.. Oh, it's awful.

Get me a taxicab.

I gotta go home and find pops on account of I've gotta get some money.

Oh, listen, sugar.

Why don't you come up and have a couple of dances and recover from the shock?

I can't, Space.

812 North Linden, please. Okay.

You didn't need to come, Space.

You think, I'd let you run around alone at night.

Listen, sugar.

You don't need to worry about Hugo.

I'll blow down there tomorrow and when I do, I'll pull enough wire to string another Atlantic cable.

Well, if Hugo had only told me about this in the first place I coulda fixed it all up for him.

You know, sometimes you're so rotten.

Sometimes, you're so nice.

Yeah? Moody sort of a guy, huh?

Why don't you go see a psychiatrist or whatever you call 'em, so you can be nice all the time?

Listen, sugar... 'Extra!'

'Read all about the Marquis and Lola Burns!'

'Extra!' Boy! Come here. Boy!

'Read all about the Marquis... '

Boy, gimme a paper.

Quick work, wasn't it, Ms. Burns?

Well, they, they gave it quite a spread, didn't they?

If I wanted to soil my hands, I'd spread you all over the...

You act like I had somethin' to do with it?

Who else could?

Poor Hugo was arrested just two minutes ago and here it is spread all over the front page!

Yeah, but, sugar, modern journalism has speeded up just like everything else.

You know, special open wire story goes right in the Linotype, on the presses.

You see it in the newsreel.

Prr-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa. Bam.

Out comes the editions, all folded up.

Spread all over the city by special cars.

Newsies start selling to the man on the street.

He reads the story, gets the dope exactly as if he'd been right on the spot the minute it happened.

Stop this cab and get out of here!

Oh, sugar. You got me all wrong.

You proved to me what kind of a guy Hugo is.

Besides, he's your friend.

He's a charming cultured gentleman.

We need more men like Hugo in this country.

We're all pioneers and backwoodsmen.

Well, listen, I think that there oughta be a quota for all Hugos.

Uh! Be careful, Lola!

Step on it, driver. I'm being annoyed!

Now, listen, Lola, sugar.

So, you'd let me cut your appendix out without ether, would ya? Huh!

I got it on you there.

I had mine out long before my voice changed.

Charge it, please. Alright, Ms. Burns.

Um. Oh-oh. Argh!

My loving wife!

Oh, what kind of a rib is this?

Rib? Rib! That's it!

I'm Adam, you're Eve. You came from one of my ribs.

Oh, I came from Peoria. Oh, please.

Oh, go away. Go away.

Say, baby. We oughta get goin'.

'We don't wanna get caught around here.'

Aw, she won't get back for hours.

And anyway if she doesn't like it, she can..

Shh.

Well..

Some of my friends just dropped in for a little drink.

Well, where's Pops? I gotta see him right away.

He hasn't been here all evening.

What's the matter, did this gang drink up all the bourbon?

Just because I'm in your employ is no reason for you to insult my friends.

Listen, I gotta find Pops and get $3000.

Is there that much in my checking account?

Since I'm not trusted with your financial affairs, I can't say.

Okay, but I know that you're taking pretty good care of my wardrobe.

Barko. Blimpo.

Loretta, you know they have a couch of their own on the sun porch.

Yes, ma'am, but things was goin' on out there the last time I looked.

Come on, trio. Let's try it again. Come on.

Come on.

Hello?

Oh, hello, baby.

What's the matter? I've gotta have $3000 now.

"Three thousand dollars?"

Yes. I can't find Pops any place.

I'll see that he pays it back to ya in the morning.

What for? Well, I, I..

I couldn't call on anybody, but you, Jim.

But brother's in trouble in Tijuana and I've got to send it to him tonight.

Oh, sure, a check'll do.

Oh, no, Jim. I'll send Loretta for it in a cab.

Oh, thanks. I'm in an awful hurry, Jim. Goodbye.

Loretta, call a cab. 'Yessum.'


Lola really means this? Precisely, sir.

And I'm with her to the hilt.

Poor harassed little child.

I insisted that she write this letter immediately.

Just a minute, please.

The Burns Company isn't working today, is it?

'No, sir.'

Tell Mr. Hanlon to come in right away.

Uh, this is disgraceful, Gillette.

Why, Hugo comes from a noble family.

And, uh, as for Lola, uh, on my side she-she's descended from everything back of Edward IX.

You mean the eighth, don't you? There was no ninth.

Yes, of course, I, I.. Slip of the tongue in my excitement.

Good morning, H.E. How are you, Pops?

Well, we got everything in, but your picture, Pops.

But you know, the funny papers don't come out till Sunday.

Eh, remember our stand, Gillette.

As for you young man, I wouldn't waste my breath on you.

That's right, Pops, save it. Natural gas, a little scarce.

Why, you, I..

Honest, H.E., how are they? Doesn't it look pretty?

AP sent out over a 1000 words. And more to come.

But that's not so pretty.

I don't want to interfere, Space.

But when you meddle in her personal affairs like this well, that's another matter.

Well, listen, H.E., Binelli is no more her personal affair than one of those sheepdogs.

That's a swell item about Burns.

She's great copy, because she don't know what she wants and she wants something different every day.

That's a story.

She wants your job there.

Sure it wasn't anything personal about it on your part?

I don't get you, H.E.

No jealousy connected with it? Jealousy?

Listen, H.E. I'll smooth this whole thing out for that ungrateful little pirate.

She wants my job, does she?

After I got the whole country talkin' about her over their coffee cups this morning.

No actress has had a break like that since the dark lady of the sun and sang mammy songs.

Imagine that little Peoria cornflower tryin' to give me the runaround. Ha!

'But, Space..' Now, don't worry, H.E.

Where I kick her, the camera'll never pick up the scar.

Oh, is, uh..

Is Ms. Burns in? Oh, why, yes, sir.

What's the matter, Mr. Hanlon? Are you ill, sir?

It's, uh..

It's my appendix. Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

Ms. Burns is in the drawing room.

Thank you.

Hugo, dear, don't say things like that.

Well, but, Hugo. I don't understand.

Your lawyer? Yes. My lawyer.

You might be interested to know that Mr. Brogan's check was canceled to the bank.

Or did you know? Hugo, dear.

I just want you to know that you are a cheap common little peasant.

Alright, if that's the way you feel about it you big patent leather peanut vendor!

Seem to be gettin' rid of a lot of people around here today.

Well, what are you doing here?

I just.. I just came to say goodbye.

You win, Lola.

Gillette fired me.

Well, I guess, you can get another job alright.

A lotta people seem to think you're clever.

No.

Once you're fired by a monarch it sort of puts a tab on ya in this business.

It's alright.

But, uh, what are you gonna do?

Well, I don't know.

I been wantin' to get away for a long time anyway.

China maybe. Or Australia, Tahiti. The South Seas.

I guess that's as good a place as any to end things up when you're a failure.

You mean like Gable did in "Susan Lennox" with all those sailors and, and women?

Yes. I-I guess it won't be so hard to-to forget.

Will you shake hands, Lola, before...

What do you mean, Space Hanlon?

If you're clever enough to think up all those things about me you've got better sense than to do a thing like that.

Well, you know that.. That's a funny thing I..

Before Gillette telephoned me this morning I-I decided, I'd gone too far with you and I..

'I oughta change the type of stuff.'

You mean give me nice publicity?

Sure, I got the first interviewer outside right now.

Thought maybe you might give her a couple hours since you're not workin' today.

She's, uh..

She's from "The Ladies Home Companion."

Gee, that sounds nice, Space.

Strictly women's stuff, you understand?

Photographs too.

You know, a story about you in your own home.

Just.. Just your natural, simple self.

You-you mean, with me cooking?

And-and, and my favorite recipes?

Yeah, and walkin' in your little garden and readin' all your books, and..

And giving advice to young girls and everything.

Well, you-you can see her if you want to, Lola I, I just did it as my last official act, I..

Do you mind..

Do you mind if I write now and then?

Last official act? We'll see about that.

Wait a minute, Lola. What're you gonna do?

Gillette should at least have discussed the matter with me.

We all lose our temper sometimes.

Now, Lola, I don't want you to do that.

You're a big star and you'll just make yourself look foolish.

I'll do whatever I..

Hello, Irene? This is Lola Burns.

Is Mr. Gillette..

Well, when he comes in, tell him not to pay any attention to that letter I sent him this morning. It..

'It was a joke.'

Yes, that's right. Goodbye.

You go to Tahiti?

Why, you might get leprosy or, or somethin'.

Oh, gosh, Lola, thanks. I, I don't know just what to say.

I guess, I'm kinda choked up or somethin'.

Shall I send in Mrs. Titcomb?

You were right about Hugo.

Any man that would say the things he said to me over the phone!

He threatens to sue me! Uh-huh.

You find your true friends amidst adversity, Lola.

Jim Brogan certainly was sweet.

I called him up in the middle of the night and he sent down the bail money, $3000 without asking any questions or anything.

Well, why not?

I imagine that bluebird would just love to get you under a three grand obligation to him.

Jim Brogan did that out of pure friendship.

Ha-ha! Any time Jim Brogan does anything out of pure friendship for a dame I'll call the undertaker, he's dead!

Jim Brogan's a fine man. And besides, he's a genius.

Oh, will you stop tellin' me all you know about him?

Get outta here! Aw, sugar.

What do you see in that guy?

I see as much in him as you see in Alice Cole!

Oh, that's all over. Besides, you wouldn't know anything about it, until you come bustin' into people's offices without knockin'.

Get out! Sure, I'll get out.

I got work to do.

I don't lay down on my job.

And furthermore, if you think I'm..

'Over a little further, Ms. Burns.'

Like this? Oh, that's fine.

Now, hold it.

Still. Thank you.

Oh, that was sweet. So sweet.

Mm, that smells good.

I just love baked potatoes, don't you?

'That's my last plate, Mrs. Titcomb.'

Oh, I just hate to go.

But I think I have everything, don't you?

Oh, do stay and have luncheon, Mrs. Titcomb.

No, dear, I must dash off and start putting down the words.

They're just itching at the tips of my pinkies.

Such a dear little nest you have here.

It is cozy.

You know, I imagine with all your work as fascinating and inspiring as it must be you don't have much time to enjoy your own fireside, do you?

No, our life is dedicated to our public, Mrs. Titcomb.

But tell me, dear. You're a woman.

You're the sweet, unspoiled child I knew you were.

But don't you ever in the midst of the grueling pace of your career doesn't there ever come a longing for..

...for the right of all womanhood?

Um.. Let's see, uh, uh..

You mean that, uh..

'Oh, I, I mean' don't you ever find yourself listening for the patter of little feet?

Why..

Oh, yes, Mrs. Titcomb. Yes.

The call of motherhood is so strong in some women.

The call of fatherhood in men too.

Sometimes I think that's what killed Mr. Titcomb.

Oh, well..

We must all bear the cross that's given us, I always say.

Uh, goodbye, my dear.

Oh, uh, don't let that studio work you too hard now.

Goodbye, Mrs. Titcomb.

Au revoir, as the French say.

Winters?

Yes, miss.

Have you ever had a baby? No, miss.

I-I never had anything but my married sister.

'Your hat, sir?'

'Well, I won't be here'

'long enough to take it off.'

Jim, it's you. Sure.

I just dropped in on the way to work to tell you you can't make a sucker out of me.

Why, Jim..

I read the papers too, you know?

Well, that barber of yours can stay in the can as far as I'm concerned.

And I called up and canceled that check too.

I only lied to you because I knew you wouldn't do anything if I told you who it was for.

You see, I was trying to help somebody whom I thought was a friend.

What do you mean, "thought was a friend?"

He called me up and abused me frightfully.

He said I did it purposely for publicity.

Sure, that's fine.

Didn't I tell you that guy was a no-good immigrant?

That's a closed chapter in my life.

Besides, an American must be the father of my child.

Well, for..

Say, what's the matter with you?

You're an American, aren't you, Jim?

Well, I don't know, that's what they told me.

Jim, I'm serious.

Why don't we get married like we should've done in the first place?

Lola.

And have lots of little babies.

Say, what's got into you?

What's the idea of this fancy dress costume?

Jim, didn't you ever feel the call of fatherhood?

Hey, wait a minute. I mean to create things.

Life. To keep the world going on.

To.. Well..

Like the trees and, and the little birds, and..

There. Like-like Fanny there.

Fanny? 'Yes, the big one.'

I call her Fanny on account of her fantail.

But the man at the bird store said that she was gonna lay some eggs.

Isn't that sweet?

Honey, why don't you go upstairs and lie down?

Maybe that's the reason I've been so upset and miserable, Jim.

You know, deep down in every girl's heart there's the desire for the right of all womanhood.

Beside her fireplace with her husband and their children around...

Say, listen, you can't raise a family and make five pictures a year.

Oh, look, Lola.

You're-you're just in a mood and you're playing a scene with yourself.

I'd like to have a camera turning on you right now.

Say, you'd be a sensation.

Holy smoke.

I got a story conference at 12 o'clock.

But I'll be back just as soon as we're through.

Because I've heard enough to know that it's gonna be Lola and Jim again.

Aw, honey, you just think you want a baby, that's all.

Why don't you call up some orphan asylum?

Tell them to send you over one on a 30-day free trial.

Winters? Winters?

It-it kind of gets you inside, doesn't it?

I guess you've sort of decided. Eh, Miss Burns?

Oh, he's beautiful.

You're right next to me and you're gonna stay there.

Do you think his hair'll be any lighter when he grows up?

That's hard to tell.

Wouldn't it be nice if he were a blonde and then people'd think he was really mine?

Yes, that would be nice if you were ever married.

You know where you're going, huh?

You're going home with Lola.

And I'm gonna get you a big blue bunny with pink eyes. Yes, I am.

'Of course, before anything can be decided, Miss Burns' two of our committee members will have to call on you at your home.

Really? Why?

Well, we're rather strict where we place these children.

Well, could they come today anytime this afternoon?

'Well, I'll see.'

Gosh, where have you been all my life, hm?

'Now listen, Joe, I... ' You can't! This is a private...

We know, lady, but this is important!

'Call me back.'

Boys, boys, where is your etiquette?

Is it true Lola Burns is gonna have a baby?

We can't.. Huh? Ho!

Wow. Why, why don't you change your brand of narcotics?

'It's true, Space. Every paper in town's got the tip.'

'Hospital, doctor, everything.'

You can't.. Ho-ho! Why don't you grow up?

You got your tongues hanging out over some loony rumor.

Hey, where are you goin'? I'm going over to her house.

And get a signed statement of denial with her own lily, white hand.

Okay. We'll go over and have a look at her ourselves.

Are you nuts or something?

After last night's headline she'd shoot the first reporter that she saw.

Well, listen.

Don't you know that Lola Burns can't have a baby?

No, no. Why?

It's not in her contract.

Oh.

Hey, pops. Mac.

Come look what I got. Hey, everybody come here.

Now look out, Blimbo, down. Hey!

Look out. Well, somebody.. Winters, take the dogs.

Now, don't let 'em get my things.

Hey, here. Come along. Eh..

Daughter, Miss Mac has just been telling me of your plan, to adopt a, a thing, uh...

Pops, look, it's got blue elephants on it.

Ohh, huh. Look out, Barko.

Four dollars for a..

I, I don't approve, daughter.

The added responsibility...

Look at the little booties and the little flannel jackets I got.

Aren't they sweet? And the teddy bear.

Listen, let's go upstairs, everybody.

I thought we'd turn the guest room into the nursery.

And we'll move the furniture out now so that when his crib and his little table up there...

My daughter, you can't be serious about this.

The added expense is too big...

Oh, wait till you see him, pops. He's the sweetest thing.

I bet you won't take another drink for a month.

Oh, brr..

Where's Miss Burns? Uh, she's up in her room, sir.

Oh. Oh, Mr. Hanlon, sir.

What? About your appendix.

Now, when I had mine out...

Oh, this is a fine time to talk about operations.

Say, uh, Lola. Yes?

I didn't send for you.

I know. But what's all this, um..

...this, uh, tornado about you're gonna kick a bassinet around the house, huh?

You would try to be funny about it.

Well, do you mean..

You mean it's true? A..

A baby? Yes.

And this is one thing I don't need any help from you on.

Aw, gee, you poor kid.

No wonder you've been so upset lately, and..

And I've been as rotten as... Why all the sympathy?

Aw, Lola, honey baby girl.

You don't have to keep a stiff upper lip with me.

You know..

Hey, listen.

What's his name? That's all I want to know.

Don't tell me it's that..

Is it that... Don't be silly.

I don't even know his name yet.

You don't know his na..

You mean, you..

You know..

Well, holy smoke. When are you gonna find out?

If it's any of your business, as soon as I adopt the baby and get a good name to suit him.

Oh.. So, you're going to adopt a baby?

Well, I'm not gonna kidnap one.

For a minute there, you had me thinking you were going in for independent production.

I don't care to discuss it further.

Listen. You can't adopt a baby...

As if you or anybody else could stop me.

Yeah, but that isn't your line.

The fans don't want to see the "It" girl surrounded by an aura of motherhood leanin' over a cradle, sterilizin' bottles.

I dubbed you the Hollywood bombshell and that's the way they like you.

Men. Scrapes. Dazzling clothes.

A gorgeous pinwheel personality.

Not patting babies on the back to bring up bubbles.

I thought you were going to change that type of publicity.

I'm gonna cha.. Well, that isn't what I mean.

I mean your work. Long hours.

You'll never see it half the time.

Nurses will be bringing it up.

There's a lot of other people in this business have happy, healthy babies.

Oh, don't. I... Yes, Winters?

The-the Fairfax Home phoned.

The two ladies from the committee will be here at four o'clock.

Oh. So that's the reason for the, uh sweet and simple little automobile duster, huh?

Uh, you'll serve refreshments, Winters.

'Cocktails, miss?' 'Certainly not.'

'We'll have tea and cakes on the sun porch.'

Oh, and Winters, uh, show Mr. Hanlon to the door.

Okay, baby, you win.

But I'll tell you one thing.

This home with your family is about as fine a place to bring up a baby as an alligator farm.

And you stay out of this, Space Hanlon.

I'm the only one that has anything to do with it.

Mm, but don't try to do too much.

Just remember to leave an extra order for the milkman in the morning.

Is this, uh, 814 Linden? Yeah, yeah.

Uh-huh. I'm from the telephone company.

You might not know, but there's something the matter with your telephone, where is it?

Phone? There. Yeah. Hmm.

I talk phone just now. Work good.

That's probably what happened to it. You confused it.

Hello, Monarch. This is Hanlon talking.

Get me Jerry Beyers, publicity.

If he's talking to anybody else, bust in on him. Mm-hm.

You know, the telephone is a wonderful invention.

Hello, Jerry? This is Space talking.

Now listen and listen fast.

What's the name of that shyster lawyer Binelli's got?

Randolph. Ben Randolph.

He called here just five minutes ago.

Okay, I'm calling him next. Now get this.

Tell those reporters in my office to meet me on the corner of the Burns block as fast as their varicose veins can get them there.

Right!

Yokohama, if this show comes off I'm going down in history..

...with Barnum.

She makes a large salary.

We should easily be able to get..

Yeah? Who wants him?

Oh, yeah? Well, who're you?

Well, I'm just a friend that doesn't like to see a gentleman like the Marquis get kicked around.

If you're gonna sue, you better lam out to her house right now because she's planning to leave for New York and Europe on the five o'clock train.

Right. Right.

Right.

How do you do? I am Mrs. Ward.

This is Miss Talley. We've come to discuss the adoption.

How do you do, my dear?

Why, you're just a girl.

Won't you come out to the sun porch? We can talk there and have tea.

Tea is not necessary, Miss Burns but, uh, of course if it's ready..

You know, from everything I'd heard I thought you were a much older woman.

Well, I do play rather experienced characters on the screen.

Yes. I've only seen you in one of them.

Rather warm weather for California, isn't it?

Nothing to what it is in the East, I am sure.

You must understand, dear that we're only here, because we must consider the placing of a child very carefully.

Oh, yes.

Frankly, Miss Burns the committee is a little dubious in your case.

After all, you have figured in the newspapers in a not so, uh..

'This morning's headlines were not t-too, uh... '

Miss Ward, I'd only known the gentleman you mean a very short time.

A merely social friendship, you might say.

In trying to help him, I found out..

Well, I never want to see him again.

Will you forgive me if I don't discuss it?

Certainly, my dear.

Now, just when did you decide to adopt a child, Miss Burns?

Well..

I'm going to be honest with you. It was just this morning.

'Maybe it was just a whim then.'

I'm funny like that.

But, gosh, Mrs. Ward, when I held that little fella in my arms and knew that he didn't have a home and that I could give him one, that he wouldn't have to grow up like the rest of those poor kiddies and to love him to death for the rest of his life and be so proud of him when he grows up..

Well, it just seemed to me that having a baby was the only worthwhile thing in life.

And, now, as to your immediate family is there anybody besides your father?

Uh, yes, my brother. That's all.

I'm so sorry he isn't here. He, he's away on business.

Your brother's just returned, miss.

Why, uh, oh, yes.

He's putting his car in the garage.

Oh, I must run out and meet him. Will you excuse me?

Of course. Certainly.

Can't go in there.

Gimme that fix.

Why, you good-for-nothing...

Now, there's no use getting excited, Lola.

Junior. Junior. Here's Sonny boy, C.O.D.

Who are you? Where did you come from?

Oh, you're a Burns, aren't you?

Oh, your little brother ran across me cryin' my eyes out down in San Diego.

It's awful lonesome down there when the fleet's in Honolulu.

Oh, bro, please!

That's little Nellie. She's a nice little girl.

She'd be a good bet for pictures.

I want to introduce her to Gillette.

You can't come in here now, either of ya.

♪ I'm stealin' the home.. ♪♪ Hey, shh, I got some nice people, some ladies in there.

Ladies? I love the ladies. And ladies love me...

Take him up, take him upstairs the back way!

Come, Junior.

Why didn't you send me that dough?

Why didn't you send me that dough?

Come, Junior.

A little rest will do you good..

You keep him upstairs and you stay up there too.

I'll explain everything later.

You mustn't mind her. She's a little upset.

We're, uh, we're all very hospitable here.

You old cutie!

I'm so sorry. But my brother asked to be excused.

He's completely worn out by his trip.

Oh, poor boy. Really, Mrs. Ward.

Not one-hundredth of the stories they print about me are true.

It's what the publicity man at the studio thinks is good publicity.

But I told him this morning I wouldn't stand it any longer.

And you're quite right, my dear.

I'm just my natural simple self with my dogs and my books and my fireside.

'Hey, Lola! Where are ya, baby?'

I took the afternoon off, what do ya say we tie you to the shaker of a cocktail..

Oh. Why, it's uncle.

Darling, where is Abby? What are you...

Uh, this is my Uncle Jim. Mr., uh, Mr. James Logan.

'Mrs. Ward and Miss Talley.' How do you do?

He always comes in that way. He's such a joker.

You big meanie, why didn't you bring auntie with you?

Now, none of your excuses, I've heard all of those.

You know how I wanted to see auntie.

What do you mean by coming in here shooting off your face like that for?

Well I.. Say, who are those dowagers in there?

They are two ladies from the foundling home.

How do you think I'm ever going to adopt that little baby when you come in here broadcasting like a sailor?

Now, listen, Lola. You're not really serious about that.

Are ya? Yes.

Oh, he's beautiful. I saw him today.

He's got the cutest little button nose and the tiniest little mouth...

Oh, those three sheepdogs and that brother of yours are not enough, huh?

You don't understand, Jim.

Oh, now listen, Lola.

If you're really that serious, let's get married and...

Oh, no, Jim! No.

Oh, you changed your mind since this morning. What's the matter?

Oh, it's different now.

It's gone beyond anything fleshy.

This little baby... For the love of..

Lola, listen to me.

I, uh, I think if we let him rest a while.

Yeah, sure. I wanna look this joint over anyway.

I have a small gaming room in the basement.

'I'm staying out of basements. I was born in one.'

Oh. Ahem.

Along this wall we have a few of our ancestral portraits.

Is that the aunt, do you suppose?

Just a minute, boys. How about it? Where is she?

Listen, you Navajos. I told you there was nothing to it.

She laughed in my face. Won't even discuss it.

Looks like the laugh's on you. He drives for old lady Ward.

She's in there with another dame talking to Lola Burns about adopting a kid.

Oh-ho-ho, that. W-Well..

What's great news value about anybody adoptin' a kid?

Why, to Burns, it's worth a column.

Maybe it's a role she had farmed out for a while to cover up.

Say, why don't you take the mud out of your...

Hey, look who's here. Hey, Marquis?

What do you know about a baby? How 'bout a statement?

Yes, what about American jails?

Answer nothing, Marquis. They'll pay for a signed story later.

You look like you're headed somewhere, Hugo.

I'm headed for Miss Burns with my lawyer.

I shall then call upon Mr. Brogan.

And later, I shall come to see you.

Oh. Well, listen, Marquis.

Brogan's in there, saying goodbye to Lola.

You don't want to bother them now.

Hah. Two birds with one stone!

Now, listen, you mugs. Get it on this! This is a real yarn.

You got enough perch in that birdcage of yours?

Yeah. Well, go on, you Comanches.

This is Custer's last stand.

There you are! Were you planning to go away with him?

How dare you break into my house?

'My lawyer has some information that might interest you.'

'You get out of here immediately.'

I thought you were sealed up for good.

I won't contaminate myself much longer.

I just want to inform you that I'm filing suit for defamation of character and the...

I've been annoyed with your kisser long enough.

Jim, stop it!

Brogan, that'll cost you $5,000.

'Ah, it's worth ten!'

'Oh, you can do this in your house.'

Hey, Joe, get 'em out in the light, will ya?

Here, Hedy, here. What's happening? James!

My boy. Hugo! Brr.

This is outrageous!

It's pure vandalism!

I won't stand for this!

I'm gettin' sober, aren't you?

'I call you out for a duel!'

'We'll do it in the hospital!'

Hey, Hugo!

This is medieval! It's medieval!

Hugo, don't!

I don't know these people. Really, I'm sorry, I..

Look out!

Look out! You're stepping on Fanny!

Blimbo, go away. Winters, get the dog!

Water, quick! Loretta, water! Fanny!

They'll stop in a minute. I, I gotta get some water.

Fanny!

Oh, dear!

Where's the fight? Where's the fight?

I'm Lola Burns' brother.

Did you molls start this?

I don't blame ya, girls.

Not enough action.

Oh, Loretta! Hurry up!

Well, stop it! Stop!

Stop it, I tell you, Jim. Don't!

You had enough?

I've given my ultimatum.

We'll see you in court, Mr. Brogan.

Argh!

Dog! Dog!

This is the most disgraceful disturbance, I've...

Oh, pops, oh, don't get so excited. Remember your heart.

You're liable to have the DTs again.

Oh, I, I'm perfectly under control.

Perfectly!

Boys, never...

Where is Mrs. Ward and Ms..

All those reporters, you did this! You, you...

Sugar, I tried to keep them out.

And that Marquis brought them right in with him.

Well, please tell them not to print anything. Please, baby!

I'll do my best, Lola.

Oh, where's Mrs. Ward and Ms. Talley, Winters?

The ladies, miss? Yes.

Oh, th-they left very hurriedly.

Oh. Oh, where? Where..

Oh, pops!

I-I-I..

You swallowed Fanny.

Oh, the ladies!

'Oh, boy! What a story!' I've gotta get to a telephone!

Now, listen, you illiterates, play this up big and we'll be on the front page for a month.

She's got a fat chance of adoptin' a kid now.

Why should she, you think I want my bombshell turned into a rubber nipple? Now, get this, you Seminoles.

Get this in your lead. "Two lovers brawl in Burns home."

You know, jealousy angle. Primitive stuff. Stone Age.

Two savages fighting over a gorgeous girl, mad with desire!

'Use some of the lines you had in those pulp novels' you've all been writin' for a long time. Now, listen...

Oh, Ms. Burns, how 'bout a statement?

I guess Mr. Hanlon can give you all the filth you want!

Takin' it big?

Oh, gosh, don't take it on the chin like that, Lola.

You know that was just a follow-up on that Marquis story.

Right on time too.

Now they'll never let me have a baby.

Oh, come on.

That's just somethin' that you wanted this week.

You'll forget all about it next week.

You'll want another, uh, another sheepdog or..

I got it.

Another Marquis, huh?

You never held a baby in your arms, did ya?

A little baby that grabbed at ya that somebody didn't want and left in a basket someplace.

Oh, gosh, sugar. I..

I didn't know that it meant that much to ya. Honest.

Oh, it was so cute and soft, and..

He smelled so sweet.

The little soft spot on top of his head that hadn't closed up yet and you had to be careful of.

Aw, I'm sorry.

I'd acted entirely differently if I'd known.

Come on. You..

Aw, don't.

You make me feel like a worm.

You know, I'm..

You know, I..

I'm more than just like ya, Lola.

Oh, wait a moment, sugar, please.

Oh, leave me alone, I don't know what I'm doing or what I'm saying.

Oh, now, darling. Don't get upset.

Just leave everything to me.

Oh, shut up!

I've left everything to you long enough.

After all I've done for my little girl..

Lola, you better get upstairs.

Well, are they whipping you down, sister?

Oh, get away from me, all of you!

You're nothing but a pack of leeches.

Leeches? Yes, leeches!

At least he was right in one thing.

I don't know how I ever expected to bring a baby in here.

With an old fool for his grandfather that's half-drunk all the time.

After the way I worked to handle your affairs!

Oh, what about my affairs? Where are they?

Why aren't my bills paid? Where does my money go?

I never see any of it. Lola, you're excited...

And what are you mewing about?

Don't think I don't know about you and your stealing and the cuts you get from the stores.

Oh, listen, sis...

And you, who never haven't had a job to your name for three years.

And bringing her in here like it was a hotel for traveling salesman.

I've only stood it because it's the only home and family I've got. But I'm getting sick of it!

Do you understand?

There's only Loretta and the dogs that ever do a single thing for me.

All the rest of you are just out for what you can get!

And I'm getting pretty tired of being a golden goose or whatever you call it.

Attagirl, sugar... Don't "attagirl" me!

I never wanna see you again as long as I breathe.

You're worse than all the rest of them!

Yeah, but, Lola... "Stone Age stuff!"

"Mad with desire!" "Lovers brawl!"

Is that the way you prove you just more than care for me?

Treating me like a strip act in a burlesque show.

A glamorous bombshell, eh?

A glorified chump, that's what I've been.

Well, I'm through! Do you understand?

With the business! With everybody!

You can get another "it" girl, a "but" girl or a "how", "when" and "where" girl.

I'm clearing out!

And you can all stay here in this half-paid-for car barn and get somebody else to pull the apple cart.

I'm going where ladies and gentlemen hang their hats and get some peace and quiet.

But, my daughter...

And if any of you try to interfere with me, I'll..

I'll complain to the authorities!

Oh, but.. Now, let's..

Shh!

Well, as I was telling you...

I don't want to be told anything.

She's gone and she's got to be found!

New York sold this picture for release on the 15th.

And if we don't finish it by...

By the end of the week, the company breaks faith with exhibitors and loses a lot of dough.

But a contract's a contract. She can't leave...

Leave you holding the bag with $750,000 worth of useless negative? I know all that, H.E.

And I don't blame you. But don't worry.

She can't get very far without being spotted.

There's a 110 million people that know that face and know that figure.

But incognito what if she's...

I'd know her in a diver's helmet.

Put Flaherty on here.

But if you knew she was upset why didn't you stay with her?

My son and I had to attend the breeders' convention last night.

Keep quiet! What?

'No one gets heard at headquarters.'

Are you sure you made every effort to find her?

Every beat cop in the state has been tipped off.

They're watching all the docks, the railroads the comfort stations from here to Seattle.

It's been over 24 hours since she disappeared.

She ought to have been in one of those places in all that time.

Telephone, Mr. Hanlon. Oh.

Hello? Yep. Hanlon talking.

If Lola thinks she's not going to pay me the rest of my commission, she'll be...

You speak of money when my only child has disappeared?

Only child? What do you think I am, a chipmunk?

Tune off, will you? Yeah?

She is? When? Yeah? Yeah?

Okay. Boy, I'll see that you get thanked proper for this.

Have they found her? Tell me, have they found her?

Yes. You leave everything to me, H.E.

This is a delicate filet mignon.

Too many cooks will just make hash out of it.

But I have the right to know!

I'll call you just as soon as I'm hot.

Didn't I bring her back to you before?

That libidinous little leopard can't change her spots on me and get away with it. Ha-ha!

You leave everything to Space Frank Buck Hanlon.

I'll bring her back alive.

And no scars.

Good morning. Good morning, sir.

Hanlon's the name. Monarch. Get my wire?

Yes, Mr. Hanlon. You must've driven all night.

Will you want breakfast? No, thanks.

I had it, uh, on the way down.

Your bungalow's right in back, sir.

Okay.

Thank you.

Good morning, Miss Burns. Oh, good morning.

Do you know if they got that horse I ordered...

Well, Lola.

Of all people. Fancy meeting you here.

I might've known it.

Well, it's no use to even unpack your luggage, Space Hanlon.

You can turn right around and go back and tell Gillette I'm through.

Through forever. Do you understand?

You're just chasing a wild goose.

Well, looking at those pants, it's a temptation.

Listen.

I'm chasing nothing but leisure myself.

Gillette fired me for good and all this time and no if's about it.

And so you come right down to China and the South Seas?

It's the first stop.

What a coincidence that I was here too.

Oh, wait a minute, you aren't the only one that knows about Desert Springs, you know.

Besides, the desert is just about the best place that I know of to get dramatically drunk.

I've got two suitcases there full of high tone tonics that's gonna make me forget I ever saw the inside of a studio.

The need for Tahiti and a blue lagoon and chasing those brown-skinned babies through the bamboo bushes.

You know as much as I'd like to I wouldn't even believe it if I'd heard you'd been eaten by a shark.

Boy, take those bags to my bungalow, will you?

Yes, sir.

Breakfast, sir? Right this way.

What'll it be, sir?

Just, just toast and coffee. Yes, sir.

Hiya, Lola.

They just insist on throwing us together, don't they?

Say, the, uh, Marquis and Brogan certainly broke into the headlines here. Huh.

Boy, what a story. Huh.

Well, every Napoleon has his Waterloo.

"Marquis sues Brogan..."

I don't care to hear anything about it.

Especially those columns and columns of lies about my disappearance.

Oh. Nothing much about you in here at all.

There isn't? No.

You're supposed to be at home recovering from the shock.

I saw to that.

You know, I don't blame you for liking it down here.

Lot of culture in this place.

I feel like a gentleman myself already.

I'm afraid that's the nearest you'll ever get to one.

Say, you know, Gillette's gonna have an awful lot of trouble casting that "Alice In Wonderland" now that you're gone.

As if Gillette ever thought of me in connection with "Alice In Wonderland."

Well, there's the item right there. I released it myself on his own memo.

You were to do it next.

Finally got wised up to the kind of parts you oughta play.

Well, it's too late now.

It's a swell part though, I hear that, uh Alice Cole was gonna do it.

Just because her name's Alice, I suppose.

Oh, no, no, no.

She's the perfect Janet Gaynor type.

You know, sweet and untouchable.

That empress of drama couldn't possibly conceive Alice's part on account of she hasn't a bit of whimsy in her.

Imagine her sitting in that pumpkin with those white mice.

What pumpkin?

I don't expect you to know anything as lovely and gentle as that story.

The pumpkin drawn by the six white mice that Alice went to the ball in.

That wasn't Alice. That was Cinderella.

It was Alice. It was Cinderella.

Alice! Cinderella!

Didn't you.. Ms. Burns.

Yes? Your horse is here.

Don't keep the horse waiting.

Will you please see that my maid's informed immediately?

Yes, Ms. Burns. Yes? Oh, and, waiter?

I'll sit at a different table at luncheon.

Yes, Ms. Burns.

Waiter. Sir?

Where do they usually ride around here?

Well, they generally ride outWarm Springs way, sir.

'Oh, Ms. Lola!'

Yes?

Can I stop for a minute? Alright.

Come on, Blimpo and Barko.

Guess we better drive back pretty soon anyway

'cause I think I'm gonna get all sunburnt out here.

Oh, isn't it beautiful and quiet here?

What's the matter? 'Oh, that's just Blimpo.'

Come away from there, boy. That ain't no tree!

That's a cactus!

Hmm. Oh.

I found you, my darling wife.

You can't escape me like this.

Help, Loretta! I love you!

I'll follow you to the end of the world! Please!

Help! 'Come home with me.

'Please, I love you!' 'Help me!'

Don't you realize that? What's going on here?

That's not your wife. She's mine.

I think he'll not come back. Did he hurt you?

No, he-he's just some crazy man that's been chasing me around.

Hey, thank you so much. Not at all.

There seem to be a lot of odd people in this part of the country.

Allow me. I'm Gifford Middleton, Boston.

How-how-how do you do? Uh..

Hmm. Perhaps I'd better ride with you a little way, huh?

That would be awfully nice of you, if you would.

It'd be a very great pleasure.

Queer place, California.

Insane chaps running about the desert and all that.

It's rather nerve-racking.

Not as bad as Hollywood though.

You ever been up there? Oh, why, I, uh...

I stayed there about a week.

Then that movie crowd began to get under my skin.

Dreadful people.

Don't you like the movies?

Oh, when I was a kid.

You couldn't drag me into one now.

Oh.

By the way, you didn't tell me what your name is.

Uh, i-it's Lola Burns. Oh, that's a beautiful name.

It's very musical.

Didn't you ever hear it before?

I can't say I have.

But here riding along as we are in the early morning it seems to me I've known you a long time.

Do you mind my saying that?

I-I think it's nice.

I'm down at the Desert Inn for a couple days.

Father and mother are going to join me and then we're off for a trip around the world.

Oh, that's what I'm gonna do someday.

See all of those things and go all those places.

People need change, don't you think?

They certainly do.

Are-are you in business?

Oh, just looking after the estate now.

Father is quite alone.

And then, well, I write a little verse now and then.

I've had a couple volumes published.

Poetry, really? Mm-hmm.

I'm sure I've seen you somewhere.

Did you ever ride the Aiken Hunt?

Oh, no, I, uh, no.

Why, then I must've seen you sculptured on a frieze.

You're like Diana riding a Macedonian stallion.

You're some slim, lovely Amazon riding proudly in her captor's wake.

Or perhaps you're just the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.

Do you mind my saying these things to you?

Oh, no, I..

No, I..

I-I love it.

Yes, sir?

Yes, sir. What? Well, listen, H.E.

You just sit tight and I'll have her back in no time.

Yeah, she fell pretty hard for that

"Alice in Wonderland" gag this mornin'. Ha-ha!

Uh, no, sir. I haven't seen her since then.

Okay, I'll keep you posted.

'Isn't the moonlight beautiful?'

Today and tonight will live forever in my heart.

Oh, it has been wonderful.

I'll lie awake all night, on the pillow of its memory.

But you hardly know me.

I've known you in every ripple of moonlight I've ever seen in every symphony I've ever heard in every perfume I've ever smelt.

'Gifford, that's lovely.' 'Your hair.'

Your hair is like a field of silver daisies.

I'd like to run barefoot through your hair.

'Gifford, I..'

You-you mustn't, Gifford.

Oh, Lola, my dearest.

Your mouth is like a gardenia open to the sun.

Your lips... Hiya, Lola!

H-how about a little game of hot hand, huh?

Don't speak to him. He's drunk.

Oh, introduce me.

We'll all go in my little shack here and gargle a little vodka.

Your presence is uncalled for.

Oh, pardon me.

I'll keep running around the block until my number is flashed.

I'm sorry, Gifford. Who is he?

I mean, he seems to know your name.

Well, I might just as well tell you now.

He's the publicity man in the studio I worked for.

Studio? I... Lola Burns is a movie star.

Everybody seems to know that but you.

Oh!

I didn't mean to hurt you, Gifford.

I won't even think of it.

And I'll never think of it again either.

That's why I'm down here. I've run away from all of it.

It was a life I was forced into when I was too young to know any better. Honestly.

But I'm through with it all now.

Poor, tired little flower.

Does-does it make any difference, Gifford?

You're just an orchid that dropped and bloomed in a swamp.

I'm going to take you away from all that sham and cheapness, I'm going to transplant you.

We'll be married, dear heart, and go together to utopia.

You mean 'round the world?

Around the universe, to the moon!

I'll put the ring of Saturn on your finger.

We'll sleep on Venus and the Milky Way shall be our coverlet.

Oh!

Not even Norma Shearer or Helen Hayes in their nicest pictures were ever spoken to like that.

My adored one.

This-this is my bungalow.

Lola, may I..

No, we mustn't spoil this.

Mother and father will be here tomorrow, dear.

You shall meet them and they'll know you and love you as I adore you.

I better go now.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.


'Is that you, Ms. Lola?'

Yes, Loretta.

But don't talk to me, please.

Listen, Lola, I just thought that perhaps..

'Oh-oh. Don't get sore.'

'I just wanted to talk to ya. I'm, I'm lonely.'

I don't care to be annoyed by a drunkard.

Say, who is this adagio dancer?

He's a-he's a little bit upstage, isn't he?

His name happens to be Gifford Middleton.

Does that mean anything to you?

Wait a minute, you don't..

You don't mean one of the Middletons of Boston?

Yes and neither he nor I are interested in swilling liquor with you.

Uh-uh-uh-uh! Get..

He's, um, he's gone a little bit nuts

'about you, hasn't he?'

A gentleman, Mr. Hanlon doesn't go nuts about anything.

Yeah? What's all this about your hair bein' like a field of daisies and him runnin' barefoot through it or somethin'?

Can't you find any better way to pass your time than spying on matters that don't concern you?

He looks like an athlete, I wouldn't want him puttin' his foot in my scalp.

Get out of here or I'll call the night watchman!

Do you mean to tell me that that you've fallen for all this guff?

I've been treated like a lady for the first time in my life.

Don't kid yourself, he's got ideas just like all the rest of 'em.

He doesn't even think of things like that.

Now wait a minute, Lola, do you mean to tell me that you're really serious about this guy?

He's asked me to marry him. Do you understand?

And I'm going to meet his mother and father tomorrow.

And by the time you're lying in some gutter where you belong I'll be Mrs. Gifford Middleton living in peace and quiet among people who understand me.

And if you want to put that in the paper you've got my full permission to do so!

Mother said they'd be out here having tea.

I'm so nervous.

Do you think they'll really like me?

How can they help it, darling?

Oh, there they are. Where? Oh!

Wouldn't you two like to park here?

There's, uh, plenty of room.

Mother, this is she.

How do you do?

This is the greatest pleasure of my life, Mrs. Middleton.

And my father, dear. How do you do?

I-I'm trying to see which one of you Gifford takes after.

We like to think of him as resembling both of us.

Why, that's natural, isn't it?

Uh, Gifford told us that your father and brother are in California.

Yes, father and brother are in business here.

Oh.

Business? Why, yes.

Father's really more of a retired sportsman but he's still interested in the in the transportation business.

Of course, when Gifford told us about you this morning uh, we were naturally very much surprised.

Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

A mother hates to lose her boy.

Oh, we can all live together. I'm used to that.

I don't understand.

I mean, my family's always lived with me.

Of course, that's one of the first things.

We must meet your family before we...

Yes, yes. We're a little zealous about the Middleton stock.

Carrying on of the name.

I'm afraid that's something that was born in us.

Miss Burns, your father and brother are in the lobby.

You mean here? Splendid.

Send them out here. What a fortunate coincidence.

We can now discuss the whole matter together.

No, wait. I-I'll go get them.

Shall I? Oh, no, Gifford, I..

I'll be right back.

Daughter! Daughter! What a nightmare!

Leaving us this way with bitterness in your heart.

And no money.

But how did you find out I was down here?

And why didn't you go to my hotel?

Well, a guy phoned us this morning.

He wouldn't leave his name, so we took a chance on anything, didn't we, Pop?

Yes. Gillette is up in arms. You've a contract.

He says you won't be able to work in another studio in Hollywood.

I'm happy to announce that I'll never have to work in another studio again.

On account of I'm going to be married.

Married? Who to?

He's Gifford Middleton from a fine old Boston family.

And he and his mother and father are out there now.

And they want to meet you. So, please...

But, Lola, marriage is a serious business.

You.. Are you sure you...

Surer than I've ever been sure of anything in my life.

Now, pops, please be nice. And don't make any breaks.

You know you can be a gentleman when you want to be.

Naturally.

And don't tell any of your jokes, Junior.

Because the Middletons are very conservative people.

Now, come on.

Moneyed people, I suppose. Why, naturally pops.

They're very refined. Ha-ha!

I'll be delighted.

Oh.

This is my father and my brother, Mr. and Mrs. Middleton.

Uh, it's a great pleasure, sir.

Quite so.

Madame, it's an honor. How do you do?

How are ya? 'And this is Gifford.'

Oh, my boy, my boy!

How do you do, sir? How are ya?

A thoroughbred.

I can see that, fine head eyes wide apart. Ha-ha!

So, you're taking the only jewel in my crown, eh?

Well, my boy, I'd...

Father, why don't you sit down?

Ah, here.. Here.

I presume this was as much of a surprise to you as it was to me, huh?

Yes. Or more.

I guess we oldsters can't keep the pace, eh, Mrs. Middleton?

Things move faster than when you and your husband got together.

And, yet, father came down here the minute he heard about it.

I knew a Burns at Harvard.

George Burns. Class of '98. Any relation?

Uh..

Uh, no.

Uh, that was the New England branch of the family. Ha-ha.

Great college, Harvard. Heh-heh.

My tutor used to say to me when we were going through Europe...

Pop, won't you have some tea?

Maybe the folks would like a little dramola?

Pop, you got something on the saddle, haven't you?

Yeah! How about a little libation? Huh, Mister..

No, I thank you.

I don't suppose madam-am would..

No. That's just father's way.

Gifford, my boy?

Gifford never touches alcohol.

Oh. You don't use it, eh?

No. Ha-ha!

You know, Giffie. You know, I like ya.

And when I like a fella, I like him.

It comes straight from the shoulder.

Do you know you're gettin' a great piece of goods in sis.

She's a corker. She's all wool and flat on the table.

Miss Burns, can I have your autograph?

Oh, no. Please.

Miss Burns is through with all that.

Oh, please, Miss Burns. I'm leaving today.

Oh, just this once, Gifford. Please.

Alright.

Oh, thanks, Miss Burns. That's for our Lola Burns Club at home.

There you are, dear.

'Oh, mommy, look.' The Lola Burns Club?

What a forward child.

What on Earth did she want your autograph for?

Gifford, didn't, didn't you tell them?

Why, not yet. I... 'Tell us?'

'What?'

That, that I've been in pictures.

That, that movie star?

Not the Lola Burns that we've been reading about in the...

Yes, that's right. But you see, I can explain all of that...

'Gifford, have you read the papers recently?'

I haven't seen a paper since I've been here. Why?

Lyndon, I'm feeling suddenly faint.

Ah, dear. Please take me to my room.

Pardon me. Pardon me.

Uh, Mrs. Middleton, please...

You'll excuse me, I'm sure.

But, Mrs. Middleton... Lola, let me handle this.

Oh, but you've got to make her realize...

Now, you go to your room and wait for me to phone.

I'll smooth everything over.

I know father and mother better than you, dear.

Oh, please make them understand, won't you?

Certainly, darling.

Hey, something we said? No..

No, you didn't mean anything, pop.

Come on. Let's go back to my hotel and wait.

Gifford was right. He can handle everything.

Yes. Certainly, daughter.

Listen, Lola, I saw him give you the high and mighty chill over there.

And if there is anything I can do, I..

You know, I was a little tight last night and..

If you're really in love with this guy, why, I'd be only...

Just never speak to me again!

Gifford didn't say whether that little difficulty had been all ironed out.

No, he just said to come over right away. Oh, here it is. 92.

I'm tellin' you, Mr. and Mrs. Middleton, that's the way it...

What have you been telling them?

Mrs. Middleton, don't believe a word he says.

I most assuredly don't. You see?

You see what it is when you come up against decent respectable people?

Now, wait a minute. You don't get it. I'm on your side.

I've been trying to tell them that all that publicity was my fault.

Of course, I don't agree with you about your boyfriend here.

But I don't see the percentage in your taking it on the chin if it's going to interfere with your happiness.

Reputable newspapers can't be hoaxed as easily as all that.

And where there's smoke, there's fire.

Oh, but it's all true, Mrs. Middleton.

He was discharged for it. Weren't you, Space?

Why, sure. Don't you see, Mrs. Middleton?

The girl must be okay to have a termite like myself trying to bore holes in her character and still be the idol of a 110 million people.

A public character. Displaying what...

All you need to do is explain that you were responsible for all of those stories.

If it's pictures that are worrying you Mrs. Middleton, I'm out of them. I'm s...

No, no, it isn't only pictures.

The Middleton name has to be considered.

Our bloodline dates back to Bunker Hill.

I'll have you know, sir that one of my ancestors stood with Christopher Columbus on the poop deck of the Mayflower!

Gifford, what do you say?

What can I say? You, you mean..

I think it best to forget the whole thing, don't you?

Are you forgetting all those beautiful things you said to me?

"Lovers brawl in Lola Burns' home."

I guess that sort of line suits you.

I'm afraid I've been rather a chump.

You mean you're going to stand by your father and mother?

Certainly.

I've done very well so far in abiding by their wishes.

Gifford, you see, is a Middleton.

Gifford's a sap! That's what Gifford is!

I'd give him away with a spray of horseradish.

I wouldn't be caught dead with him in a duck boat.

And if you're a lady and they're gentleman I'm Amy Fibber McCutton on a raft.

You can take your Bostons and your Bunker Hills and your bloodlines and stuff a codfish with 'em!

And then you know what you can do with the codfish!

Oh, come on, pops! Ahem!

Come, daughter. Get in the car.

We're well rid of scum like that.

Say, sis. Shall I go back and bust 'em in the bugle?

Yeah. Oh, bro, pops..

Please leave me alone for a minute.

Gee, sugar, I'm sorry. Really I am.

Hello, Space. Thanks.

Thanks for standing up for me. Oh, what the heck?

I'm just trying to make 'em see daylight, that's all.

They can live in a tomb for the rest of their lives for all I care.

Imagine that dopey baked bean wanted to put his feet in my hair!

Oh, well.

Everything would've been alright if your old man and brother hadn't showed up.

You know, after all, they're a little thick.

What's the matter with pops and Junior?

They didn't do anything.

They're just natural ordinary people, that's all.

Well, I guess it's really pictures, Lola.

You know, it kinda puts a tag on you with society and all that.

What's wrong with pictures?

It's perfectly honest work, isn't it?

It's more work than those clinkers ever did.

Is it any disgrace entertaining people?

Making 'em laugh and making 'em cry?

Not like I'm cryin' now, but try to get some fun out of it.

Oh, well, you're through with pictures anyway.

And there's a lot more people just as good as the Middletons who are a little bit more, you know, broad-minded.

I don't want to know any more people like them.

Oh. What are you gonna do with yourself?

I don't know, Space.

I'm so miserable!

I bet old man Gillette's full of grief.

And he's got it comin' to him, too after the way he mismanaged you.

I never had anything personal against Mr. Gillette.

He was always lovely to me.

I'll bet those stockholders'll have plenty against him when they look at that loss on your unfinished picture.

Aw, he was a gyp anyway.

Mr. Gillette's a very nice man.

And it isn't his fault that I...

Oh, what do you care? It's not your funeral.

Let him burn your fan mail... They can't burn my fan mail.

Those people are my friends.

Why, they sent me presents and wrote me all their troubles.

Oh, well, the fans'll pick on somebody else to write to.

Even Alice Cole.

I'll bet they'll be forming Alice Cole clubs in Hindustan this time next year.

What's up? Why the hurry?

Nobody's gonna burn my fan mail and nobody's gonna blame Mr. Gillette for somethin' he didn't do.

Get in. We're gonna pack up and get outta here!

'But, daughter, where are we going?'

'Back to the studio.'

Alright, you Ransacks! It worked like a Tiffany watch.

The little lady has gone back on the rollercoaster and screaming happily on all the turns.

Here's the final payment and you're my favorite character actors for all time.

Thank you. Well, rather undignified, of course.

And we wouldn't have considered it if we hadn't had a rotten season.

Yeah, I know. Here you are, Joe. It was great work.

I couldn't have written better dialogue myself.

Hey, listen. Not a word about this performance.

I'll never get a job in pictures.

Just between the little old quartet here.

What we really want, Mr. Hanlon is a chance in pictures.

Oh, it's a cinch. You're all set.

I'll leave word tomorrow. Ben Berand, our casting director.

And you'll all be working in a week.

Well, I can't understand why Lewis Stone gets all these parts.

I've always been compared to Alice Brady.

Yes, yes, I know.

You know, everybody thought I was Jackie Cooper until Greta Garbo took me on her lap one day. Ha-ha!

Well, uh, I'll be seein' ya.

And then he said, "Why, you little spit..."

Never mind that, Loretta. That's tomorrow's work.

Look, I know everything for today.

Hey, greasepaint. Is she about ready? The cars are comin' up.

Oh, they're hurrying, Broph.

We're on the back lot this morning.

Gee, it's great to see ya back, Lola.

Oh, it's marvelous to be back, Broph.

You know, everybody's been so sweet to me.

Hey, did you see the flowers from Gillette?

You know, everybody is so thoughtful.. Ow!

Sorry, dear. I'm just hurrying.

Well, I'm working here as long as you're here, Lola.

And when you quit, Broph joins the gypsies.

Mac. Hey, Mac? 'Yes, Lola?'

Did you call Desert Springs?

Yes, but they said Mr. Hanlon checked out last night.

Oh, gee.

Say, Monty? Yeah.

Where does the boat sail from to Tahiti?

Well, we took an old tub from San Pedro when we did White Shadows down there. Why?

Oh, nothing.

The car is here, Lola. Let's go.

I'm through. Okay.

I'm ready.

Hey, Loretta, get my hat on account of I wear it in the scene.

Yes, ma'am. Ha-ha! Well, daughter...

Lola, before you go, the new contracts..

I have a neat little sports job outside..

Say, sis, why can't I have that roadster?

Mac, look, try calling up the steamship line at San Pedro, will you?

Monty tells me that the boat sails from there to Tahiti.

'And maybe Space's name's on the passenger list.'

'I can't let him go off like this without seeing him.'

I-I've just got to..

But, Space? You're here.

Well, I'll be darned.

What.. What is it, Space?

Would you really want me to go to Tahiti?

Well, I.. I just wanted to say goodbye.

Do you wanna say it now?

Space? I don't know, I.. What?

Gee, I never thought we'd come to this.

What? This.

'I knew I should hate that cussed contract.'

'I tell you we can't dress in those dressing rooms.'

Why, even on our last Orpheum tour we were treated better than this.

I just finished doing idiotic antics for this company.

'Okay, missus, you can have these dressing rooms'

'right up here.'

I'll paste three stars on the door.

Frankie, who are those people in there?

Oh, I don't know, Ms. Burns. Three legit hams.

Just come from playin' that haylofts in the corn belt.

They get upstage the minute they get in the studio.

Casting has the front office already using 'em in the new Barrymore picture.

Mm-hm..

You know them? Do you..

Lola, honey. Why, what's wrong, daughter?

You dirty double-crossing...

Come on, Lola, we're two minutes over already.

I'm coming.

And never speak to me again!

Why, eh.. Who, eh.. Well..

Now, there.. Lola, baby girl.

Wait just a minute, will ya? Yeah, uh, daugh..

Lola. Now, listen, sugar. Stop it, will ya?

Please, I love you.

Wait till I get in there and you can put 'em all down.

Ah! Oh.

Did the little baby hurt her little hand?

Stay. Aw, that's a sweet..

I found you, my loving wife..

Oh, hello, Mr. Hanlon. I didn't know it was you.

How am I doin'?

Oh! You did that...

Now, listen. darling. It was all publicity!

Argh, get out! I won't. No!