Bride of Chucky (1998) Script

[THUNDERCLAP]


[BUZZER SOUNDING]


[PHONE DIALING]

[RINGING]

WOMAN: Hello.

Hey, I'm on my way, and don't forget my money.

See you soon. And, Bailey, Don’t you forget.

[HORN HONKS]

Shit.

[WOMAN LAUGHING]

Curiosity killed the cat.

[BEEPS] Shit.


[RADIO STATIC] [GASPS]

Jesus.

[GARBLED TRANSMISSION]

[TRANSMISSION STOPS]


[SCREAMS]

[HORN HONKING]


Cool.

Well, hello, dolly.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ What are you thinking about ♪

♪ Who do you think you are ♪

♪ Oh, rage in the cage and piss upon the stage ♪

♪ There's only one sure way to bring the giant down ♪

♪ Defunct the strings of cemetery things ♪

♪ We're one flat foot on the devil's wings ♪

♪ Crawl on me sink into me ♪

♪ Die for me living dead girl ♪

♪ Crawl on me sink into me ♪

♪ Die for me living dead girl ♪

♪ What are you thinking about ♪

♪ What are you thinking about ♪

♪ Who do you think you are ♪

♪ Oh, raping the geek and hustling the freak ♪

♪ Like a hunchback juice on a sentimental noose ♪

♪ Operation filth, they love to love the wealth ♪

♪ Of an S.S. whore making scary sounds ♪

♪ Crawl on me sink into me ♪

♪ Die for me living dead girl ♪

♪ Crawl on me sink into me ♪

♪ Die for me living dead girl ♪

♪ Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo ♪

♪ What are you thinking about ♪

♪ Aw, crawl on me sink into me ♪

♪ Die for me living dead girl ♪

♪ Blood on her skin ♪

♪ Dripping with sin ♪

♪ Do it again ♪

♪ Living dead girl ♪♪

Hello. I'm Chief Kincaid, Jade's uncle.

David Collins. Nice to meet you, sir.

David, come on in.

Jade, David's here.

Well, I've been hearing good things about you, David.

I understand you're off to Princeton next fall.

Yes, sir.

What are you going to study?

Theater Arts.

Mmm-hmm. But on an athletic scholarship, right? Playing hockey?

Figure skating.

Mmm-hmm.

Jade!

Warren, don't scream.

Hi.

You look great.

Jade, I have to tell you.

This guy is a big improvement over the last one.

I think your mother and father would have agreed.

My parents liked all my friends.

[SIGHS] I'll be home by midnight.

She's in good hands, sir.

Uh. . .

You forget something?

Oh.

This is for you.

I love lilies.

Actually, it's an orchid. Cymbidium orchid.

You put it in a vase and drop an aspirin in the water, it should last you the whole week.

Or so I read.

Nice meeting you.

[WHIMPERS]

[DOOR OPENS]

[INSECT BUZZING]

[DIALING]

She just left.

[GASPS] You look beautiful.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]

So Warren fell for it? Mmm-hmm.

David made quite an impression. I think Warren's in love.

Yuck. Not my type. I'm so over that whole uniform thing.

I won't go home now, mama Don't make a fool of me You see, I am the boogie-woogie...

[SIREN CHIRPS] Christ. It's Needlenose.

[ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES]

[PARKING BRAKE SETS]

Gotcha. [CHUCKLING]


[CHANTING]

Give me the power, I beg of you.

[CHANTING]

Give me the power, I beg of you.

[CONTINUES CHANTING]

Awake.

Awake!

Awake! Awake! Awake! Awake!

What a crock.

[THUNDERCLAP]

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

Hey, Tiffany.

What are you doing here?

Come on. Let me in. I'll catch my death out here.

Promises, promises.

[COUGHS]

Whoa. Whoo!

Hey, how was your day?

Same old, same old.

Hey, check it out. What?

Check it out.

What is it?

You mean, "Who is it?"

Who is it?

You mean, "Who was it?"

[GASPS]

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. You really did a number on him, didn't you?

[CHUCKLING] What did you use? Was it really bloody?

Did he scream a lot? Was he half. . .

You know, Damien, this guy looks awfully familiar.

I recognize the nail polish.

Shit.

You never really actually killed anybody, did you?

Did you? Did you? You pathetic worm !

Come on, Tiff. I'm working up to it.

Oh, man.

You know, it took me 10 hours to make that thing.

Damien.

Yeah?

Could you do me a favor, and see if my lipstick is under the sofa there?

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

Back on your knees. Crawl.

Good boy.

Stay down on the floor where you belong.

That's right.

There's nothing under here. [GASPS]

Charlotte.

How did you get out?

Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk. [MOANING]

Oh!

Ugh! [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]

Tiffany? [GASPS]

Well, here we are.

How long have we been going out for now, huh?

What?

Don't you think you've kept me waiting long enough?

No.

Oh.

You know what the French call an orgasm?

[SPEAKS FRENCH]

[SCOFFS]

The little death.

Come on, Tiffany. Let's die a little.

[THUNDERCLAP] [TIFFANY SCREAMS]

Ah! [SCOFFS]

Hi. I'm Chucky. Wanna play?

Where the hell did you get this thing?

Got him from the cops.

He's the actual doll from those murders. I stitched him together.

You got to be kidding me.

No, I'm not kidding you.

Why would I kid you? Come on, Tiffany.

I knew you were obsessed. I'm not. . .

But Chucky? He's so '80s. No, he's not.

He isn't even scary. Yes, he is.

Look at him. What are you looking at, punk?

You looking at me?

[LAUGHING]

All right. So, I was wrong.

I thought he'd make an interesting toy.

Damien? Huh?

You wanna play?

Okay.

First, I do this.

Are you ready for a ménage à trois?

What's that?

I thought you understood French.

Ow!

[LAUGHING]

Now you watch me.

Both of you.

You know, Damien, there's something I never told you about Chucky.

Don't tell me Schmucky is one of those dolls who wets his pants.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. I wouldn't talk that way about Chucky if I were you.

He has a very bad temper.

Ooh!

You see, we lived together for years.

Of course, that was before the cops killed him.

That was before he passed his soul into that doll there.

[LAUGHING] Boy, was he ever jealous.

Anybody even looked at me, Chucky would take care of him.

Wouldn't you, Chucky?

We were gonna get married.

God, was he an incredible lover.

He was the best I ever had.

Come on, baby.

He ain't big enough to take care of a woman like you.

[THUNDERCLAP]

It ain't the size that counts, asshole. It's what you do with it.

[SCREAMS]

All right.

[LAUGHING EVILLY]

[MUFFLED SCREAMING]

Hi.

How you been?

Okay.

You? Peachy.

Actually, to tell you the truth, I've been kind of out of it.

I know. It took me 10 years to find you.

That is sick.

What are you doing with this jerk anyway?

Ten years is a long time, Chucky.

Besides, I was never actually with him. You know me.

I'll kill anybody, but I'll only sleep with someone I love.

You look great, Tiff.

Thanks.

I mean it. I gotta be honest.

I always thought you were gonna let yourself go.

Come here.

Yeah.

Huh?

[CHUCKLING]

[LAUGHING] Stop it.

[BEEPING]

Hmm.

Are you satisfied?

Can I wait in the car, please? No.

[SIREN CHIRPS]

All right, Boogie Nights, you're up.

This is such a load of shit.

You know we haven't been drinking.

Well, then you've got nothing to worry about, do you?

[BEEPING]

Evening, Chief.

Seems like a false alarm here.

That's okay, Norton. Better safe than sorry, right?

This is a new low.

For you, too.

Get in the car. Bite me.

Jade, when you're 18, you can go to hell, for all I care.

But until then, I'm stuck with you.

And I'll be damned if I'm gonna let you embarrass me by ending up on Jerry Springer with some trailer trash lowlife.

You fuck.

But you won't.

Not Jade anyway. Not anymore.

In the car.

You can't keep us from seeing each other.

I'm the Chief of Police, sport. I can do whatever I want.

So if, for example, I was to run a blood test on you tonight, and the results made you look like Christian Slater on New Year's Eve, you think anybody would question me?

He's bluffing. Try me.

I wish we really could choose our own families.

David, you keep your orchid dry now, you hear?

Come on, sunshine.

[LAUGHING]

"Try me."

Screw him.

If I were you, I would take Jade, get the hell out of Dodge, and never look back.

Look, Chucky. I made Swedish meatballs, your favorite.

Honey, you shouldn't have.

Well, I wanted everything tonight to be absolutely perfect.

Tiff, what the hell is that?

It's a playpen, silly, for the nursery.

You know, Chucky, I still have the ring.

What ring? The ring, the one you left for me.

I found it on the mantel the night you were killed.

I've never taken it off.

Oh, that? The one I got from Vivian Van Pelt.

Vivian who?

Vivian Van Pelt.

I dumped her in the river, remember?

That ring is worth five or six grand, easy.

You mean, you weren't gonna ask me to marry you?

What are you, fucking nuts? [LAUGHING]

You thought. . .

You haven't changed.

You'll never change.

What the hell was I thinking?

Now, the first thing we gotta do is get me out of this body once and for all.

No.

I think I prefer you like this.

You're kind of cute. You're just like a little baby.

Is the little baby ticklish? Is he?

[LAUGHING] Stop!

Is he? Is he? Is he?

Stop! Stop!

Is he? Is he?

Okay. Mommy's tired. [LAUGHING CONTINUES]

Time to go to sleep.

Okay, I get it.

You're still hung up on the domestic thing.

No problem. We'll get hitched.

Sorry. I'm not into short guys.

[LAUGHING]

[COUGHING]

My mother always said love was supposed to set you free.

But that's not true, Chucky.

I've been a prisoner of my love for you for a very long time.

Now it's payback time.

You let me out of here right now!

Sweet dreams, asshole.

♪ I'm crazy ♪

♪ Crazy for feelin' so blue ♪

♪ I knew ♪

♪ You'd love me as long as you wanted ♪

♪ And someday ♪

♪ You'd leave me for somebody new ♪

♪ Crazy for tryin' ♪

♪ And crazy for cryin' ♪

♪ And I'm crazy for lovin' you ♪

♪ I'm crazy for tryin' ♪

♪ And crazy for cryin' ♪ Jesse, honey, could you give me a hand with this?

Yeah, okay, just a second.

Thanks, sweetface. I owe you one.

Yeah.

Shit!

Hi. Hi.

So, you moving out already?

No such luck.

Oh, sorry.

You want me to put that in the car?

Yeah, I'm just, you know, taking some stuff to the Goodwill.

[GRUNTING]

[LAUGHING]

It's heavy.

Oh, yeah.

What do you got in here?

Oh, you know. A little of this, a little of that.

Stuff that's gone out of style. Yeah.

You ever look at something, and you realize you are just sick to death looking at it?

That's how I feel about that shit.

Here. In the trunk.

In the trunk?

You can do it.

Bend your knees.

Wow. You are strong. Nice muscle tone. You work out a lot?

I've been doing some push-ups.

Sorry.

No, that's okay.

Can't hurt it. Might help.

CHUCKY: Tiffany, where the fuck are you?

You got some company?

No, just babysitting. Foul-mouthed little fucker.

Let me help you with this.

So, what are you doing later on?

'Cause I was thinking maybe you and I could go get a drink or something?

That is, if you're up to it.

No, no. I can't.

Why?

I'm seeing someone.

Really?

All the good guys are taken.

I gotta go.

Okay.

Bye.

Jesse?

Treat her right, Jesse.

Excuse me?

Treat her right. Never take her for granted.

It's like my mother always used to say, "A woman spends all day slaving over a hot stove for a man, "the least he can do is the dishes."

She's kind of a philosopher, my mother.

Hmm.

Take it easy.

See you around.

MAN ON SPEAKER: Spell "woman."

B-I-T-C-H.

That is incorrect. The correct spelling of "woman" is W-O-M-A-N.

Shows how much you know.

Yoo-hoo! I'm home.

Oh! Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.

If you can't play nice, I may just have to take your toys away.

I have a surprise for you.

I've been thinking about what you said about wanting to get married.

Yeah? I think it would do you good to settle down.

Babe, this is great.

You won't regret it, I promise.

I'm gonna treat you like a princess.

What's that?

Your bride.

With this ring, I thee wed.

Oh, Chucky. She's beautiful.

[LAUGHING]

You are so dead.

Congratulations, Chucky.

Now, I'm sure you two kids would want to be alone.

WOMAN ON TV: While there are still no leads in the murder of Officer Bob Bailey, evidence suggests that his death may be linked to another body found earlier today.

Damien Baylock, whose real name was Howard Fitzwater, was dragged from the East River this afternoon.

Detective Preston, is there a connection between these two murders?

Could be. Possibly. We're looking into it.

Is this the work of a serial killer?

Maybe. I didn't say that.

No, sir, you didn't, but what can you tell us about these murders?

Nothing.

I can tell you that this used to be a nice, quiet, rural community...

She's alive! Alive!

[GROWLING]

[LAUGHING]

The bride of Frankenstein.

I promise to love, honor and cherish till death do us part.

You got that right.

[MOANING]

[SCREAMS]

[LAUGHING]

She hate me.


We belong dead.

[YELLING] [SCREAMING]

[CHUCKY LAUGHING]

[CHANTING]

Give me the power, I beg of you.

[CHANTING CONTINUES]

Awake!

[THUNDERCLAP]

Awake!

What a crock.

[SCREAMING]

You son of a bitch! What have you done to me?

You got your wish. You're mine now, doll.

And if you know what's good for you, you are going to love, honor and obey.

I wouldn't marry you if you had the body of G.I. Joe.

Hey, Raggedy Ann, you looked in the mirror lately?

Now is not the time to get picky. Hmm.

[GROWLS]

Face it, Tiff. You need me. Otherwise, you're stuck like this for good.

I don't need you. I'll look it up myself.

Oh, go ahead. Chapter six.

Page 217.

The Heart of Damballa. What's that?

An amulet.

We need it to transfer our souls into human bodies.

Okay. And where the hell is it?

I was wearing it around my neck the night those bastards gunned me down.

It was buried with my corpse in Hackensack, New Jersey.

All right, let's go.

Oh, sure. I'll steer and you can work the pedals.

We're dolls, you dope!

Oh, my God! What are we gonna do?

[CRYING] Ay-yi-yi.

Shut up.

You shut up.

I don't get it. Why don't you just mail the dolls?

TIFFANY: These dolls are very special.

What do you mean, "special"?

I mean, there's $500 in it for you if you get them there by tomorrow.

No questions asked.

I'd do it myself, but I have to take care of a friend who's mentally incapacitated.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'll do it.

But I want $1,000.

Okay, sweetface, I can give you half now, and my friend in Jersey will give you the rest.

Keys are under the mat.

[BLONDIE'S "CALL ME" PLAYING]

♪ Color me your color, baby ♪

♪ Color me your car ♪

♪ Color me your color, darlin' ♪

♪ I know who you are ♪

♪ Come up off your color chart ♪

♪ I know where you're coming from ♪

♪ Call me ♪ ♪ Call me ♪

♪ On the line ♪

♪ Call me, call me any, anytime ♪

♪ Call me ♪ ♪ Call me ♪

♪ My love, you can call me any day or night ♪

♪ Call me ♪

Wow!

Barbie, eat your heart out.

Uh. . . Um. . .

Just act natural. Right.

♪ Call me ♪ ♪ Call me ♪

♪ My love, call me, call me any, anytime ♪

♪ Call me ♪ ♪ Call me ♪

♪ My love, call me, call me for some overtime ♪

"Please deliver dolls to Caretaker's office, Forest Creek Cemetery.

"Hackensack, New Jersey. Love and kisses, Tiffany."

Cemetery?

♪ Call me for your lover's lover's alibi ♪

♪ Call me ♪ ♪ Call me ♪

♪ On the line, call me call me any, anytime ♪♪ David, you remember when you were seeing Brad Barker?

Oh! Vividly. Whoo!

You loved him, didn't you?

Yeah, I did.

What happened?

His mother found a letter I'd written him.

She freaked, and we haven't spoken since.

You know, Jade, we get very few chances in life to be happy.

You gotta grab the brass ring when you can.

We don't have time for this shit.

Jade, I need to talk to you.

Hey, Jesse.

JESSE: Hey, David.

I want details.

Jesse, Warren will be home any second. If he catches you. . .

Jade, you know I'll never take you for granted.

Jesse. . . You know, like if you'd cook, I'd do the dishes, right?

What are you talking about?

I'd do anything for you, anything at all.

You know that, right?

Right?

[SCOFFS]

Yes. Yes, I know.

Then marry me.

What? Marry me.

Tonight.

Warren would kill us.

I don't care about Warren.

That's why we're gonna disappear.

Where are we gonna go?

Anywhere you want.

Well, what are we gonna do for money?

I got money.

Where did you get this?

You know my neighbor, Tiffany?

She's paying me $500 to take a couple of dolls to a friend of hers in Jersey.

Jade, there's another $500 when we get there.

Oh, shit, Jesse. What has that freak gotten you into?

[LAUGHING] JESSE: I don't know. I don't care.

I can put a deposit on an apartment. I'll get a job.

I'll help put you through college.

I think I'm gonna throw up.

Jade, marry me.

What do you say?

I say, "I do."

Come on. Let's get you packed.

Okay.

Aw, that's so romantic.

I give them six months, three if she gains weight.

[PHONE DIALING]

It's me.

His van is parked right in front of my house as we speak.

[BEEPS]

Who the hell is this bozo? What's he doing?

Screwing with our ride, that's what.

Ah, what the hell. I need the exercise.

Were you born with that knife super-glued onto your hand, or what?

What are you talking about?

For God's sake, Chucky, drag yourself into the '90s.

Stabbings went out with Bundy and Dahmer.

You look like Martha Stewart with that thing.

Who the fuck is Martha Stewart?

My idol.

And what does Martha tell you to do when guests drop by for dinner and you haven't had time to shop?

You improvise.

What about. . .

Predictable.

Hmm. . .

Uh. . .

A-ha!


[TIFFANY LAUGHING]

Who's there?

[CONTINUES LAUGHING]


Ugh!

Now! [GASPS]

[SCREAMS]

Why does that look so familiar?

See? Now, that's the work of a true homicidal genius.

Not bad, for an amateur.

[DOOR OPENS]

Shit. Here they come.

JESSE: Yeah! [JADE LAUGHING]

What do we do with him?

I don't know.

What would Martha Stewart do?

Here.

Come on. Help me.

I am helping. He's heavy.

[GASPS]

Wait.

Huh?

What's the matter?

I could've sworn that door was locked.

Come on. We have to go.

[ENGINE STARTING]

Oh, yeah!

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

Give it back My, my Shit!

I'm empty And sad

[SIREN CHIRPS]

Now what?

How you kids doing tonight?

Going somewhere?

Will you both get out of the van now, please?

Officer Norton, I have a question.

All this following us around. . .

Is that covered by your regular salary?

Or does my uncle pay you extra?

Extra.

Look, I'm sure you're not a bad person.

I know that you're just doing your job.

But couldn't you just please give us a break?

You know, I wish I could.

You seem like really nice kids.

It's nothing personal, at least on my part.

But. . . The money.

You're disgusting. Shut up! [LAUGHING]

Shut up, or I swear to God, I'll fucking vaporize you.

[CROWD EXCLAIMING]

[COUGHING]

[INHALING]

Ahh!

[GASPS]

Come on. Take it easy. Take it easy. Come here.

Oh, God. We're never gonna get away with this.

They're never gonna let us go.

JESSE: It's gonna be okay.

All right?

Now, why don't you go get us something to eat for the road, and I'll deal with Needlenose.

All right? Okay.

Ugh!


Ah!

Oh, that's bullshit!

You know this isn't mine.

You're in a lot of trouble, kid.

Now don't you fucking move.

Shit! Shit!

Figures you'd hitch us a ride with the fugitive.

Give me your lighter.

What are you doing?

Improvising.

Now, sit back and learn from the master.

WOMAN ON RADIO: Chief Kincaid isn't answering.

What do you mean, "He's not answering?" I just talked to him.

[WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Rude fucking doll.

Come on, Jade.

[SNIFFS]

WOMAN: Norton?

Are you still there?

Norton!

Bye! [LAUGHING]

[SCREAMING]

[CROWD SCREAMING]

Jesse!

Jesse! Jesse!

Get in ! Get in.

There they are. Call the police.

Shit. Shit. Go!

Jesse, drive! Go!

Go!

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[HORNS HONKING]

Well, at least you haven't forgotten how to show a girl a good time.


Where were you? ls that all you have to say?

What do you want me to say?

I should think you'd have something to say about what happened back there.

I got something to say. I think you're fucking crazy.

I'm crazy?

You say you'd do anything for me, and this is what I get?

Wait a minute. You don't think that I had anything to do with that explosion back there? Didn't you?

No.

To be honest, I was thinking the same thing about you.

How could you think that?

You announced in front of a hundred people that you wanted to vaporize him.

Oh, it was a figure of speech.

Well, you were just as quick to accuse me. [RINGING]

Hello. What the fuck!

David, I don't know what to tell you.

I don't know what the hell is going on around here.

Well, the cops seem to think it's all pretty cut and dried.

Think of Mickey and Mallory, Bonnie and Clyde.

You get the picture?

Mickey and Mallory? Bonnie and Clyde?

They were mass murderers, David.

Multiple murderers, actually.

Mass murders happen all at once, like at the post office.

Multiple murders are serial killings.

Am I missing something? Norton was just one murder, right?

They found a cigarette lighter next to Norton's car.

Belonged to that cop who got his throat slashed.

And there's Another thing.

Jade, your uncle's missing.

What?

Look, I know you two had nothing to do with this.

But maybe you should turn yourselves in until they figure it out.

David, are you whacked? Nobody is gonna believe us.

They're setting up roadblocks at the border.

You two had better lay low for a while.

Thanks.

[PHONE BEEPS]

Did you see Warren tonight?

Not since this morning.

Did you? No.

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Our little room on Seventh street is getting cold ♪

♪ I saw a pattern on a blanket just the other day ♪

♪ It looked just like the pillow you threw away ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ I just woke up the other night ♪

♪ And now I know what to do I guess I'll see you in hell ♪

♪ Yeah ♪♪

What are you doing?

Do you trust me, Jade?

Of course I do.

[DOOR SLAMS]

Sucker.

I think they make a cute couple.

And if you ask me, it'd be a shame to break 'em up, if you know what I mean.

MAN: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here tonight to celebrate the union of two people in holy matrimony.

And what God joins together, let no man tear asunder.

WOMAN ON RADIO: Violence in movies and television...

What is this shit?

Never mind...

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

Jesus, the music scene's gone to hell since I've been dead.

[HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING]

That's more like it.

TIFFANY: Isn't it beautiful?

I always dreamed of having a big church wedding with bridesmaids and a cake and my picture in the paper.

Not just the usual mug shot, but something really flattering.

Tiff?

I'm sorry.

For everything.

Um, I guess I can't complain.

I mean, I always wanted us to spend more time together, maybe do some traveling and see the world.

Well, just look at us now.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Yeah. Life sure is full of surprises.

[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMS] [SCREAMS]

Stop him!

Kill him!

[GRUNTS]

MINISTER: For better or worse,

for richer or poorer,

in sickness and in health, till death do you part.

[GASPING]

Congratulations. You may now kiss the bride.

Huh?

A true classic never goes out of style.

That was good.

WOMAN ON TV: ls it true that Jesse and Jade may in fact be the serial killers that you've been tracking for the past few days?

MAN: We have some...

We can't confirm that at this time.

The previous murders appear to be the work of just one killer.

It's possible, actually, it's possible that one of them is a hostage or simply unaware of what the other is up to.

WOMAN: Detective?

For the time being, in the absence of any other information, these kids have to be considered armed and extremely dangerous.

[INAUDIBLE]

First thing tomorrow morning, we deliver the dolls.

We collect our money.

We're gonna need it. [DOOR OPENS]

Oh!

Excuse me. The, uh, door was open.

I didn't realize there was anybody in here.

Russ! I thought we were getting a suite.

[ROARING]

Whoa!

Who's this?

I thought we were getting a suite.

No. This is our room.

Oh. [LAUGHING]

Oh!

Russ!

Look. Have you ever seen anything so cute in your whole life?

What a great idea for a wedding gift. She's beautiful.

Oh.

Well, this little guy has a face only a mother could love.

Hi. I'm Chucky, and I wouldn't talk if I were you.

Hi-de-ho.

Chucky! Of course. I remember. He was a Good Guy doll.

They were programmed to say all kinds of shit.

Ooh.

Well, I don't like him at all.

You know, you two really make a delicious-looking couple.

Hey, Diane, don't you think?

Oh, absolutely.

I mean, imagine what their children are gonna look like, huh?

Listen, it's getting late, and. . .

So, what are you guys up to tonight? Hmm?

JADE: It's our wedding night.

Well, so what are you watching TV for?

Well, you see, it's our wedding night as well, which is what makes this just so perfect.

You know what they say? "The more, the merrier."

Okay, yeah. No.

You know what? We're really tired. Gotta get to bed early.

Okay, well, we'll be right next door.

Okay.

That thieving slut.

She doesn't deserve to wear that ring.

To us.

Oh, Russ, give me a break.

We are, technically, on our honeymoon, remember?

Yeah, well, it was your idea to come here, not mine.

I told you we'd have seen more action at Club Med. [GASPS]

Come on, we're here. Let's make the best of it.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[MOANING]

Ohh! [LAUGHS]


Yeah, baby, come on. Yeah. Come on.

[WHIMPERING]

Huh?

[BOTH SCREAM]


I love you.

I should have asked you this a long time ago.

Tiffany, will you be my bride?

Oh, Chucky.

Yes. Yes.

[GRUNTING]

[CHUCKLES]

[CONTINUES GRUNTING]

Ah !

[LAUGHS]

[GASPS] Oh!

Chucky.

[WEEPING]

Why are you crying?

I always cry at weddings.

Oh, my God. I'm crying.

I wonder if all the plumbing works.

Well, I don't know about you, but I'm starting to feel like Pinocchio here.

Ohh!

I am anatomically correct, you know.

Ohh!

[MOANING]

[BOTH MOANING]

Wait. Wait.

What? What? What?

Have you got a rubber?

Have I got a rubber?

Yeah.

Tiff! What?

Look at me. I'm all rubber.

Oh, that's right. Wait. I thought you were plastic.

Tiff. What?

Kiss me. Okay.


[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Hello? David, it's me.

Jade!

Where are you? Niagara.

The Honeymoon Sweets motel, which, believe me, is even worse than it sounds.

Are you okay?

No. I'm married. ls that bad?

I'm really scared.

I think, maybe he did it, David.

I think Jesse has totally lost it.

Jesus.

What should I do?

Are you sure?

Pretty sure.

Then you've got to go to the police.

I don't think I can.

I still love him. ls that wrong?

[BEEPS] Hold on a second.

Hello? David, it's me.

Hey, Jesse.

I'm sorry to call you so late.

I got a problem. It's Jade.

Listen to me. Go to the police.

Now, before somebody else gets hurt.

Yoo-hoo! Anybody here?

Housekeeping!

[SIGHS] Hello? Housekeeping.

Joy to be here.

Okay. Oh, my. . .

Newlyweds. [CHUCKLES]

What the heck went on here?

[HUMMING]

[SCREAMING]

[ALL SCREAMING]

I can't do this.

What?

I can't go with you, Jesse.

Not anymore.

[SIGHS]

Oh, man, I'm glad you said that first.

Why?

Jade, this is too much for me.

I love you. I will always love you.

But there is a limit to how much I can take.

Would you please stop talking to me like I'm the one who's crazy?

You're the crazy one! You're the mass murderer!

You mean multiple murderer.

So you admit it? No, I don't!

I can't take this shit anymore.

[SCREAMS]

Anyway, the thing that struck me was how sure you both sounded.

And to me, that meant one of three things.

One of you is lying, both of you are whacko, or both of you are wrong.

Add to that the fact that I know you both better than anybody else, and I've never seen either of you so much as hurt a fly, and I've concluded that what we have here is a terrible misunderstanding.

Do you guys smell something in here? [SNIFFING]

JESSE: Okay, for the sake of argument, if it wasn't you, and it wasn't me, then who else would want to kill Warren and Needlenose?

And those people from last night.

You're assuming Warren's dead. He's only missing.

You're suggesting that Warren. . .

Yes! Why not?

I'd buy him as a psychopath before either of you two.

Pooh ! Something really stinks in here.

I told you not to leave your dirty socks back there.

Honey, this ain't no dirty socks. [SNIFFING]

[GASPS]

I feel like such an idiot. Me, too.

JESSE: I mean, I can't believe I thought that you could kill someone.

I know. I'm so sorry.

David, what would we do without you?

What do you mean, "Without me?"

I mean you set us straight. We owe you one.

You're a good friend. The best.

[COCKS GUN]

Pull over! Pull over now!

[TIRES SCREECHING]

David, come on, buddy, it's me. Come on, let's talk this over.

I'm not your buddy. Fuck, David!

Please put the gun down.

Why? So you can kill me too?

We didn't kill anybody.

Oh, you're good. You're good! You even had me fooled.

What are you talking about?

This!

[BOTH GASP]

You son of a bitch!

David, I didn't do it. She did it!

I would never. . .

Shut up!

Hey, help! Over here!

[SIREN BLARES]

Nobody move! [GASPS] Oh, my God!

[HORN BLARES]

No!

[BRAKES SCREECHING]

That works too.

Get this heap of shit moving ! Now! Now! Now!

[SIREN WAILING]

[CACKLING]

I imagine at this point you two must have a lot of questions.

You do know who I am?

Chucky. And this is Tiffany.

I believe we've already met, haven't we, sweetface?

So, how did you end up like this?

Well, it's a long story. lt sure is. ln fact, if it was a movie, it would take three or four sequels just to do it justice.

What are you gonna do with us?

Funny you should ask.

These bodies are okay.

But they're like apartments that we're just renting.

But now we're movin' on up.

Like George and Weezie.

And we're looking to buy.

And you know what they say about real estate.

Location, location, location.

Well, you guys are definitely in the right place at the wrong time.

[BOTH GIGGLING]

MAN ON RADIO: This is a WEBH special report.

The Jesse and Jade case keeps getting weirder and weirder.

Fingerprints discovered at two separate crime scenes have been identified as belonging to Charles Lee Ray, the notorious serial killer gunned down in 1988.

Now police confirm that Ray's corpse will be exhumed from a Hackensack, New Jersey cemetery sometime today.

What? Chucky, the Heart of Damballa!

I know! What'll we do? What'll we do?

Shut up! Just let me think, okay?

First we gotta get some new wheels.

Every cop within 500 miles is looking for this van.

We need something inconspicuous, but with a little style.

Hold still, honey, or I'm gonna poke you in the eye again.

[TIFFANY HUMMING]

Yes. I believe I'm going to look absolutely ravishing.

[BELL DINGS]

[CONTINUES HUMMING]

[GASPS] Excuse me.

[CONTINUES HUMMING]

Nobody makes Swedish meatballs like you, babe.

Peachy! Thanks, honey pot.

I hope you left room for dessert.

You know it, pooky.

[KISSES]

[TIFFANY HUMMING]

You know, if I had known that marriage was such a great gig, I would never have waited this long to tie the knot.

On the other hand, she's not much of a housekeeper, is she?

CHUCKY: Tiff? Huh?

Those dishes aren't gonna wash themselves, you know.

You were nice enough to cook for him.

The least he could do is wash the dish.

Oh!

What are you doing?

[YELLS]

What would Martha Stewart say?

Fuck Martha Stewart.

Martha Stewart can kiss my shiny plastic butt.

Here I am slaving away over a hot stove, making cookies, making Swedish meatballs, and for what?

For a man who doesn't appreciate me.

For a man who can't even wash one fucking dish.

For a man who isn't even a man at all where it counts, if you get my drift.

Take it from me, honey.

Plastic is no substitute for a nice hunk of wood.

I didn't hear her complaining last night.

Any guy would need a hunk of plastic, probably battery-operated, to get a reaction out of you in bed.

And by the way, where the hell did you learn to bake?

How dare you speak to me that way!

You started it!

I did not!

No!

[SCREAMS]

Whoa!


Jesse? Jesse, please. Please. Oh, God.

Jesse?

[METAL SCREECHING]

[WHIMPERING]

[SCREAMING]

Get me out of here!

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING STOPS]

TIFFANY: [SCREAMING] You bitch !

[SCREAMS] [GROWLING]

Jade!

Hurry!

Go, go, go! Not without you !

I'll be right behind you !

CHUCKY: Hey, beautiful.

[SCREAMS]


[TIFFANY MOANING]

Aah!

Jade!

Move it!

[YELLS] Ow!

[TIFFANY GROANING IN PAIN]

[DIRT SHOVELING]

[GUNSHOT] [SCREAMING]

Get down there. Move!

Open the coffin, Jade.

Hurry up. I'm trying, you fucking midget!

[GUNSHOT] [SCREAMS]

[SQUEAKING] Ugh!

Ugh! You really didn't need to see that.

Give me the amulet.

Oh!

Bitch! You broke my neck.

[SCREAMS]

[THUNDERCLAP]

Let her go.

Let Jade go first.

Get moving.

And Jade? See you real soon.

Get out of here.

Why can't I ever get it on with the real good guys?


You're a lucky girl.

[SOBBING]

Catch me, Chucky.

[MOANS]

[COUGHING]

Ugh !

Aah! [GROANS]

JADE: Oh, God, no!

God, no!

Pull it out.

[WHIMPERING] [GROANING]

I'll take that.

It's show time.

[CHUCKY CHANTING]

Give me the power, I beg of you !

[CHANTING]

This is it.

I love you, Chucky.

I know.

We belong together, forever.

Kiss me.


Hah! [SCREAMS]

[GROANING]

Why?

Oh, Chucky, look at us.

Don't you see?

We belong dead.

Goodbye, darling.

I'll see you in hell.

[SIGHS]


[GROWLING] [YELLS]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[YELLING]

[MOANING]

[SCREAMING]

[GASPING]

My mother always told me love would set me free.

Get off my knife.

[SCREAMING]

[RATS SQUEAKING]

[SCREAMING]

Let me see your hands!

Drop the gun! Drop it!

[CHUCKY SCREAMING]

Let me out! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out!

[YELLING] Whoa.

Don't move!

[THUNDERCLAP]

Go ahead and shoot.

I'll be back. I always come back.

[GROANS] But dying is such a bitch.

[GROANING]

No one's ever gonna believe this. You know that?

What's gonna happen to us?

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Preston. Yeah, I'm here now.

I'm afraid we've got another corpse to add to the list.

Jesse and Jade?

Hell, they didn't do it.

Just get forensics down here.

You're never gonna fucking believe this.

Right.

You two go on home. And stay put.

Let's go home.

Ooh.

Jesus.


[BOTH SCREAMING]

Goddamn! Son of a bitch!

Holy. . .

[WAILING]

Bitch! Jesus!

[SCREAMING]

[BAWLING]

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

[Man] ♪ Here's to my mother ♪

♪ From her tribe I have crawled ♪

♪ Get on my feet I walk three steps then I fall ♪

♪ Don't try to save me, mama Don't kiss my wounded knees ♪

♪ I won't go home now, mama Don't make a fool of me ♪

♪ You see I am the boogie-woogie king ♪

♪ Yes, yes ♪

♪ Take my hand Take my other hand ♪

♪ Take my hand Take my other hand ♪

♪ Take my hand Take my other hand ♪

♪ Take my hand ♪

♪ Boogie-woogie king from the mountaintop ♪

♪ Is what I am ♪

♪ The boogie-woogie king from the mountaintop ♪

♪ Is what I am ♪

♪ The people watch me ride this wicked mule ♪

♪ From its stall ♪

♪ Into the streets where a thousand eyes stare at all ♪

♪ What do you see now, mama ♪

♪ This wicked mule and me ♪

♪ Or do you see a child try to get a gal to leave ♪

♪ See, I am the boogie-woogie king ♪

♪ Yes, yes ♪

♪ Take my hand Take my other hand ♪

♪ Take my hand Take my other hand ♪

♪ Take my hand Take my other hand ♪

♪ Take my hand ♪

♪ Boogie-woogie king from the mountaintop ♪

♪ Is what I am ♪

♪ Yes, the boogie-woogie king from the mountaintop ♪

♪ Boogie-woogie king from the mountaintop ♪♪

♪ Boogie-woogie king from the mountaintop ♪

♪ Is what I am ♪♪

TIFFANY: We belong dead.

[HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Obsessive acts of hate ♪

♪ Abductions and mass torture ♪

♪ Create emotions of vengeance ♪

♪ When the living become the dead ♪

♪ Home invasion ♪

♪ Private party of thieves ♪

♪ Blood spilled material thrill ♪

♪ A sign of the times ♪

♪ Self-destruction ♪

♪ Self-destruction ♪

♪ A human disease ♪

♪ Jealousy killed the queen Sliced her neck from ear to ear ♪

♪ Money and power set the king free ♪

♪ A jury of his peers let him be ♪

♪ Jealousy killed the queen Sliced her neck from ear to ear ♪

♪ Money and power set the king free ♪

♪ A jury of his peers let him be ♪

♪ Jealousy killed the queen Sliced her neck from ear to ear ♪

♪ Money and power set the king free ♪ CHUCKY: That's more like it.