Budapest (2018) Script

This is the real story of Crazy Trips, National Registry of Commerce #517621124 Paris, a LIMITED LIABILITY company.


All the American movie stars party here.

It'll be Jennifer Lawrence and us tonight!

I swear, it's true.

After they wrap for the day, they come here.

It'll blow your mind, man.

How cool is that?

It's not looking great now.

I called the chick in charge of reservations.

She said, "No sweat, you're in."

No sweat, I'm telling you! D'you say we were five guys?

I told her we were five guys.

We're reserved. This isn't some dive. We're set.

So we'll get in? Don't be such a downer!

We'll get the red-carpet! Game of Thrones!

I don't even know why we're waiting.

Let's wait our turn! You wait!

I called, it's no sweat!

Good evening!


Good evening.

I called Sabine. There are five of us.

We're here to party. Am I right or what?


Sabine didn't tell to me.

What do you mean? I had her on the phone.

Anyway, no big deal. Our table's reserved.

It's this young man's bachelor party.

Let's not embarrass him.

And call in the fire brigade, 'cause we're gonna set this club on fire!

That's not helping.


Can we go in? That's impossible.

You're not on the list.

Get rid of them. It's not happening tonight.

Hold on! She decides.

You're five guys, no dates.

Give it a break. But I called.

It's my best friend's stag party.

It's my last night!

I did call! This is totally insane.

Let's go. I'm pissed. I fucking called!

It's not like I didn't call. She's a bitch! Shitty club...

I called the chick. Fuck! It all went smoothly.

Now we're in a dump with dumpy chicks. Quiet!

She doesn't speak French.

What matters is we're together.

I didn't expect a striptease by Rihanna.

She's sure not Rihanna. More like Yoda!

Sir, I do speak a little French.

Excuse us.


Forgive us. He's pissed because we couldn't get into another club.

Even though I called.

You French people open places people can't even get into.

Not bad. Smart.

A pal of mine once partied...

That's my liver! SeaWorld.

My pal partied in Prague once. He never recovered.

Prague's for fags.

We're from Budapest.

What is this insanity? Fuck!

Is that club hard to get into?

It's not hard to get in, it's hard to leave.

Milena, it's wall-to-wall chicks.

Is this a country of women?

Budapest has many more women than men.

Fuck, man...

We should've had his stag party in Budapest.


Plus, vodka's cheaper than Coke.

Why don't we have that in France?

You were all good students, good interns, good interviewers.

But school days are over.

We want you to work intelligently.

But don't stay locked in your computers all day.

That's exactly what our competitors do.

Then you all have the same ideas. So I say...

Hang out outside a bit. You'll still be working.

Go to the movies, museums, meet people.

Search outside.

Well, your reports are due at 10 a.m.

So you can fuck around in the park later. Go!


Stroke victims!

What winners!

You talk to them like that?


You... coming tonight? To the reunion?


Are you thinking of bringing your girlfriend?

Well, she's my wife, if you mean Cécile.

I don't think so. She's not too social.

Yeah, obviously...


That's all. You can go.

This is my office.

Just kidding.

Well played.

See you later. Yeah.

Huh? Huh? No, no.


See you later. Bye.



Arnaud... Yeah?

Is the Cooper file that funny? No, why? Not at all.

Okay. What's up with Cooper? When do they sign?

I think the Brits will sign whenever we want.

Whenever we want.

That's the big news I planned to announce today.

We're really this far from signing one of our biggest contracts ever.

I had Cooper on the phone... When? Last night.

We laughed so much.

We're sort of pals now.

Sweetheart, don't bother.

Just tell us if you have a meeting.

I was just about to say when you cut me off.

It's been two hours. Not since I've been talking.

Since you've been texting.

We need an answer. When do you meet?

We're meeting.

We're meeting this weekend.


See, Audrey? Just ask nicely.

Now, let's eat!

What's with you?

Stop calling me "sweetheart" in meetings.

That's not the problem.

No, the problem is I can never express myself.

I was about to give a report. You cut me off.

Can't I finish? In front of my father?

They know you don't have a meeting?

Really? Wanna see?

Go ahead!

Yeah, well...

Listen to the signs!

What sign? The fact that we had a lousy time?

We open our own company. You and me.

We offer French bridegrooms stag weekends in Budapest.

They'll have the time of their lives.

We're middlemen between them and bliss.

Look at us! We planned a stag party and got thrown out like bums. Even though I called.

Who gives a damn? I do!

That was a sign. That says it all.

It says we're not on the list. We're not in the club.

Wasn't that our dream?

We busted our ass to get MBAs.

And ten years later, we've got shit jobs.

I've fucking had it!

I can't take it anymore.

Neither can you. Not true.

You hate that job, you get no respect.

Nobody respects us. We're the "scholarship kids."

And that's engraved here!

Let's bust outta these chains, man! Like Django!

Stop me if I say anything stupid.

You're saying, we open a company that plans bachelor parties in Hungary...

In Hungary! Yeah.

'Cause we didn't get into that club?

Yes! I ran the numbers.

A cheap flight + one night in a four-star hotel

+ a party in any club

= 280 euros. Okay?

I think our client will be psyched enough to cough up 400 bucks.


For the insanity factor. That's a profit margin of 120 euros.

Multiplied by a group of ten, we rake in 1,200.

How many weddings are there in France every year?

There are 250,000.

I have a hard-on.

If we can nab just 1%, that's 2,500 X 1,200.

Equals? Take your time.

Three million.

Three million euros profit margin!

But we don't know anyone in Budapest. We know Milena.

Terrific, we're in business.

Milena, the 69-year-old hooker? She's not a hooker.

She's only 54, younger than your mom.

And she's a serious chick.

Plus, she has a contact there.

A French guy who's in tourism. We're assholes if we don't go!

Let's take a look.

Just to check it out.

Okay? I can smell it!

Can't you smell it?

We'll see. I'm down with that.

But not a word to them. No, are you nuts?

Never. But we're gonna think about it.

Know what the guy did? Can I tell them?

He didn't budge and cried like a baby!

Hey, scholarship kids!

No trouble parking the Twingo?


Take it easy! Just kidding, guys.

You can't say anything to these two.

No cracks about the scholarship kids.

They're respectable. In France, they're off limits.

School's out, man. Give it a break.

Vincent, stop right there!

I'm your superior. I'm not your "man." Okay, bro!

Show some respect. What kind of talk is that?

You can't talk to him that way. I don't work for you, pal.

I can punch you out.

'Cause I insulted your friend?

Jeez, guys! I insulted his friend.

His panties are all in a twist, "It's not fair!"

Fuck! Shut the fuck up!

Laugh! 'Cause we have a great idea.

Big and nasty, just like our 'hood.

We'll knock you on your shitty bourgeois asses.

Come on! We're going to Budapest.


Was that Arnaud's idea?

Yeah. But something tells me we should... you know, check it out.

Just to see. I don't know, I've got a feeling.

Come with us!

No way, honey.

Going to clubs with chicks way hotter than me...

Just to come home with even more complexes. Forget it.

And then...

Then what?

It's a good idea because the cost of living is cheap there.

Manpower's cheap, people are poor and exploited.

I knew you'd say that.

Own up to it.

You really think I exploit people?

The added value in Hungary is the price of girls!

You're right. Why was I thinking of others?

Let's not invest foreign capital in those struggling countries.

Don't improve their lives. Look out for number one.

Save those girls by fist-fucking them! That's the best way.

I punched Tristan in the nose.


I punched Tristan in the nose.

No way! Really? I did.

Really, honey?

I'm so proud of you! Cool!

Where'd you find the balls?

Borrowed 'em from a he-man.

I'm so happy. He finally got his just desserts.

So you're outta work.

That's what I meant. So it's Hungary or bust.

Pardon, excuse me.

Move over. Thanks!

Calm down, sir! Yeah, right...

Where were you? Don't start.

Not after that ball-buster at home.

You told her about Buda?

No, she thinks I'm on the Eurostar.

And meeting with Cooper in London.

We fought about something else.

The company idea? No.

No way. I barely mentioned the words "stag party" and she said it was a lousy idea.

A shitty idea.

No, the fight was later.

In bed.

Tell me, man. What's your problem?

I don't feel like it.

Then don't tell me.

I'll tell you. Go on!

Well, Audrey was in the midst of... foreplay. She wanted me to talk dirty. And then...

She's on top of me and starts pulling my hair.

She says, "What do you want?"

Audrey? Yeah.

She's going, "Want your wet-nurse?"

What is this shit? What is this?

Sometimes she breast-feeds me. But that's not it.

She does that with her tongue.

That's disgusting. No, it's hot.

Then she goes, "What do you want, you little piggy?"

She's asking me! So I said...

I asked her...

I asked her to jerk me off while I looked at a chick on Instagram.


I asked her to jerk me off while I looked at a photo of a chick I think's hot.

Okay, so I did understand. But...

What chick?

You don't know her.

Yes, I do. I can tell. Fuck, you do!

Marie Darmuzet.

The Marie Darmuzet? Yeah.

From our class? Yeah.

Ten-ton Marie?

Don't say that?

She's not ten tons, she's solid. With amazing feet.

Fuck, yeah...

I'll jerk off to Marie Darmuzet.

Go on, jerk me off! Stop.

Let's use this one!

Look, here she is on vacation.

Shit, my battery's dead. It's flashing...

I'm coming on my laptop.

Shut up! Fuck!

Where-oh-where is the guy?

Where is the guy?

Where is the guy?

Welcome to Budapest!

How's it hangin', dudes?

You're the one who's picking us up?

Yep! I'll take your bags and we're off.

He didn't take 'em.

It's hip-hop. It's like rap in France.

Can you turn it down a notch! What?

Turn it down, please.

It's unbearable back here. Sure.

Know Milena well? She's my mother-in-law.

Your father's wife?

No, my mother's wife. I mean, my wife's mother.

You're a tour guide? I'm in tourism.

If you have a GED, you're Steve Jobs here.


So I drive people around, back and forth.

Airport to city. City to airport.

So you're a cabbie.

I don't know many cabbies with an Action GED. You're MBAs, right?


Funny, in the end, we're all in the same boat.

Ain't life funny?

On your left, you'll see the first European Chorizo factory.

Buddy Holly's the CEO.

He's dead, Georgio.

That's what they say, but now he's the sausage king.

Up your ass, Elton John!

Thank you so much.



Have a nice trip?

Yes. Yes?

The landing was a little bumpy, but... Yes.


Yes, yes.

Yes, yes?

Eiffel Tower? No, not at all...

Musée Quai Blow-job...

No, it's Branly. Yes, Jacques Chirac!

Georges Poo-poo-pidoo!

Look, I don't think you should insist.

I'm not interested.

I'm sorry, I'd like you to leave.

Okay. Thank you.

What room is Vincent in? I'm Vincent.

Oh, Vincent...

Stop. I'm sorry.

That's it, end of the line. Everybody off.


A chamber maid just tried to give me a hand job.

I swear! There?

A pseudo chamber maid. A trap.

I said, "Thanks, but no thanks."

Then she said, "What's Arnold's room number?"

Fuck! D'you tell her?

No way! I nipped that in the bud!

Why'd you do that, man?

She wanted to jerk us off!

So, let her!

She wanted to jerk us off! You don't get it.


You're a pain.

So? D'you have a ball or what?

Find your welcome gift?

Yes, we did.

Rather than getting flowers or Pâté, Georgio got you a babe.

Now, the weekend just went up a notch.

Let's go!

Let me explain, Georgio.

No way is that our thing.

You prefer China dolls? I wondered...

Not at all...

I know, an Arab.

We'd prefer nothing.

I don't get it. You wanna sell "festive" weekends.

Aren't you here to sample the goods? Aren't you?

I don't know. It's up to you, dudes. But watch out.

We're here to work.


And one small detail, we're married.

Me, too...

I'm married, too. But to a woman.

And life's funny because we work together.

Suzanna! Honey!

Hi, Vincent.

Try to speak to her in French.

Because she makes no effort. It pisses me off.

We've been together for seven years and... it's like the first day.

Shall we? Let's hit the road!

Thank you.

Let's go.

What? Why are you sulking?

I'm not sulking. Yes.

You're not? I am.

See! I am sulking!

From now on, don't make my decisions for me.

Like what? Georgio's chick!

Stop deciding for me. Really...

I'm telling you nicely.

You're pissing me off now. I'm serious.

Stop laughing. I wouldn't have fucked her, okay.

She's not my type. Really.

Just let me decide. That's all.

I apologize.


I'm serious.

I wouldn't have fucked her! Obviously.

Attila, 20 euros for a massage is way over our budget.

There. So I think at...

Ten euros. Ten euros. Wow! That's great.

That's great!

It's a deal. Glad to do business with you.

Here's my card, call me. And Köszönöm!


Did he say ten?

Ten bucks for a massage!

Now the flight-hotel- restaurant-massage package...

It's not 250, it's 200.

This is insane! I love this city!

I love it, man!

It's Berlin, but free!

How about a dip in the pool?

No, thanks. We're working.

The day after the big bash, let's bring the guys here.

With a bonus massage, it'll blow their minds.

There are other massages that aren't on the menu.


Great. Georgio, we have a question.

Is there anything we have to settle with the guys in the 'hood?

What guys in the 'hood?

Any guys we have to...

I mean, Vincent and I...

"coax"... you know, so it all goes smoothly?


Yes! If you want boy-on-boy playtime, I can take you to some men-only clubs.

That's not the question.

It's no problem at all.

I also had my little phase...

No, that's not it at all.

Well, I'll take a dip.

Then we'll check out the clubs.

Far out.

The guy's wasted.

My arm! I think I broke my arm!

You okay? Fine, guys.

I've had it, Georgio.

Let's go back to the hotel. I saved the best for last!

What is this insanity?

Let's go to the VIP room. Come on!

Forget the singer!

Can't we stop to think?

Who wants a sandwich?

After, huh?

Have a seat!

That's Wolf Blitzer's favorite seat!

This is nuts! What is this place?

The Traian, the most exclusive club in Budapest.

You're off the guidebooks now!

This'll blow their minds.

We can't bring them here.


Drugs, hookers... They'll never go home.

Marriage is our business.

No, Vince.

Our job is blowing their minds. Period.

You go to Disneyland to meet Mickey.

They're not meeting Mickey!


Relax, it's a fig.

Be polite and eat it!


Say hello.

Go on, say it.

Really, what's in it? What's in it?

Liquid ecstasy.

We're eating ecstasy?

Well, there's some fig, too.

Are you crazy? You allergic to figs?

You gave us ecstasy?

I don't feel well. I'm getting high.

Listen to her! I'm getting high!

No, it's all in your head.

Look at me. I'm here with you.

Nothing will happen. I'm not budging, okay?

Give me some milk!


That hurts! It feels so good.


Have you seen Vincent?


The Queen of the Stags...

Queen of the Stags, do you know where Vincent is?

Thank you, Queen of the Stags!


Please, stop fucking! I need my friend, Vincent.

Vincent's my best friend.

He's tiny and very cute.


The hooker tripped me.

Oh, my ass!


There you are. Help me, Vincent!

Audrey called me. Look!

She called.

No, she's not. What?

My mother's kissing a girl.

No big deal. Help me.

She's gonna kill me.

Carry me on your wings. And we'll fly away.

I'll take her. You never know.

Now? I don't know...

I can't say, exactly.

Where are we now? We're...

Near Big Ben. Big Ben...

No, I haven't been drinking.

Maybe two or three drinks. Less. With Cooper, you know.

I'll call you when I get to the hotel.

Okay, great.

I love you, too, sweetheart.


I'll send it along.

I love you, sweetheart. Ciao!

She wants a photo! Great!

She wants a photo of me in London.

A photo of me in London, man!

A photo of me in London, man!

We're fucking dead! Shit.

Don't panic.

Arnaud, first of all, put down the dwarf.

Put her down!


She's never done that.

Never. She's so fucking smart.


My wife's so smart!

We're dead!

Drink this, you'll feel better.

Drink lots of water.

I need a photo!

Grab one from Google images.

Google images. No!

And send it. You know why? 4G.

No! You have no idea.

She's smart. She's clever.

Fucking think! There's your photo.

Right there. Go on!


The redhead from Harry Potter.

With his magic candle and the whore.

Yeah, that's good.

Smile more.

More, more, more, more... Stop.

Smile less.

No, that's too much.

More relaxed.

Really light. Lighter. Lighter...

There. Georgio, take off.

'Cause now you're...

London Bridge.

Fish and chips.



That's perfect!

The expression's... That's great.

It's no good unless you send a text with it!

Because with a little text, it sings.

What kind of text?

What? It has to sound real.

A relaxed version of the truth?

Relaxed version of the truth!

That's no good because it's not the truth.

As if it's the truth. He doesn't get it.

Truth is relaxed. Like?

Like, "I've got nothing to hide."

She's in her bathrobe... "Who's gonna give me shit?"

What do I write?

Concentrate... I've got it!


I could just rape this kid!

It's gone.

It's gone!

I hate these moments. They stink...

She's reading it!

Fuck, she's about to respond.

Originally, it was 85 feet. But there was one like that in the city.

So he added three feet. Now it's the longest Hummer stretch limo in the world.

If we pick 'em up at the airport in that, they'll flip.

It's insane! Tell him we'll take it? Okay?

Now, it's not just about going to Budapest.

But going to do something even more twisted.

See what I mean?

Something they can't do in France.

Something that's Hungarian.

I got it. I have it.

That's what relaxing the truth means.

I get it. Now I'm happy.

Great. So something Hungarian.

A great Chorizo bar with lots of varieties?

What's that?

That's Gabor, the owner. He's really sloshed.

Not the bum. The thing next to the bum.

What is that?

Oh, that? That's really Hungarian.

Here's our marketing pitch...

"The Hidden Treasures of the Eastern Bloc."

Wanna shoot it? No.

Just one shot? No.

It just went off. It's dangerous.

He's nice.

You're so nice.

I'm 100% sure he fucks him. Nice.

Watch out...

There, Gabor weapons.

What a killer machine gun!

Don't touch!

You can't hit people like...


Robocop. No.

That's Predator. Yeah, Predator.

Robocop used, too. Okay.

That, Rambo!

Rambo in mountains.

Yeah, Rambo 3.

That, Al-Qaeda.

"For Gabor Oussama."

With little heart.

He knows bin Laden.

That, Lethal Weapon. Yes.

Mel Gibson. We love him.



You wanna try, dudes?

I'm talking.

Man, these guys are batshit.

Don't you wanna shoot?

No, I wanna go. Let's shoot!

In three hours, we'll regret it.

Martino, if you keep screwing up, you're gonna taste my lead sauce. And it's good and salty.

I warned you!

He seems to have paid the tab.


Stop sulking!

You kill a cow with a minigun and see how you feel.

That cow was sick already. She limped.

Gabor said she had hip problems.

Let's just say you can kill one cow a month, no more.

On the other hand, tell Audrey this week. Or else I get 51% of the company.

You can count on me there, man.

Obviously, I will.

I don't know what they put in this but it's like...

I think it's sage.

Audrey, Arnaud and I have a business idea.

A brilliant idea that could skyrocket. So we're excited.

Then why are you so gloomy?

In fact, it's not gloomy at all.

You look like you're strung out on coke.

And you just said "sage" for the first time.

Not true. I've said it many times.

Just listen.

We've mulled this over for a few days.

It's in tourism.

That thing you mentioned in Bucarest.


It's Budapest, but that's it.

But a tourism-based business has to be your sole source of income.

So we have to quit our jobs. As for me, that's done, as you all know.

But one of us is missing.

Because Arnaud still hasn't...

Quit? Quit.

I hope not.

I said I hope you're not gonna quit.

But he is. No.

Yes. No.

To launch that business, he has to.

You're not really gonna quit?

Now I feel like I'm caught is some sleazy trap.

It's not a trap. It's a lousy idea, a niche industry. It's a crock of shit.

It's not a crock of shit.

We did a projected budget and the business plan is edifying.

Take a look.

We brought it along for everyone.

We project 4.3 million...

4.3 million for the first year.

Then it grows exponentially. It just goes up.

And it's in the Social Economy sector.

What are you recycling? Your client's vomit?

Or the sperm!

How much? 4.3 million.

We were stunned ourselves.

How do you have such precise figures?

When'd you go?

Arnaud, you answer.

Last weekend?

Last weekend?

I'm sorry. I've had it. Stay!

What's wrong with you?

I'm sick of this. You're sick of this?

Yeah. You?

You're the big fuck-up and you're sick of it?

See how you talk to me.

Think I like "fucking-up"? Think I enjoy lying to you?

I can't talk to you. 'Cause I'm scared.

Yeah, I'm scared.

Like some eight-year-old.

The minute I open my mouth, you bust my balls.

I need to express myself but you won't let me.

I love you. But let me express myself!

Let me do my thing, let me fail, let me succeed.

You have to stop!

We have one helluva brilliant idea.

I can feel it like never before.

I need you.

To open the windows and let me fly.

Because I'm a fucking seagull. A seagull.

I'm sorry.

No... I'm sorry.

It was the seagull...

What do seagulls eat? Want a trout?

I'm not sure I understand.

You want to organize group excursions for French women to have abortions out of the country beyond the legal limit?

No, that's pretty far off-base.

I think you're thinking about termination of pregnancy.

We're terminating bachelorhood. It's more festive!

We're less into, "Hey, no babies!" We're more into, "Hey, let's make babies!"

It's the opposite.

Let's withdraw to deliberate.

It's touch and go. Maybe three out of five.

The three guys are with us. The chicks are a nightmare.

Don't touch that.

Why? I don't know.

Why not? I don't know, just don't!

Man, it's not a... Test.

I think it's a test. Really?

Don't touch the water. I'm afraid it's bad luck.

You're right.

You didn't fart? I'm stressed. I've been holding it.

Oh, fuck...

Man, you're such a fuck-up!

Sorry! Keep it on your side.

It's warm in here.

The commission's approved your travel agency license.

Thank you! Be careful.

It's much easier to lose than obtain.

We'll be careful.

One hundred per cent received.

Good luck, gentlemen.

Good luck to you all. The best and for life.

Kisses... Oops! Goodbye.

Excuse me.

We didn't touch the water bottles.

We're up! We're online.

Congratulations. You did a great job.

Wow, it's dynamite!

Really dynamite.

We all stay together till we get the first call. Nobody budges!

You're on!

It may take a while. That's one of those drunken vows.

No big deal! We can spend all night here.

I invested 100 grand!

Don't remind us every five minutes.

Just a little!

I think that's an incentive for everyone!

What's that?

Get rid of that! Don't you like it?

Audrey's here. She's not your target.

She's our majority shareholder.

Can we see it? Get rid of it.


Great job, guys!

Really cool! Good job, Rémi.

It's great.

Frankly, we expected to see hookers.

No, that's not the spirit!

Pick up! Go on!

Go on! Two seconds!

Speaker phone!


Crazy Trips, good morning.

Hello... Hello.

Well, uh... a buddy of mine's getting married this summer.

I'm his best man.

He's from the north.

I saw your website.

What does it consist of exactly?

Great. I'm glad you called. Congrats to your buddy who's getting married. That should be a once-in-lifetime thing for him.

But just once in your friendship! Good.

That's where we come in.

Planning a stag party is super cool.

But the host can't really enjoy it.

So we plan your buddy's stag party for you.

Let me transfer you to our sales director.

Hello, I'm the sales director.

May I have your name?

My name's Guillaume.

Pleased to meet you, Guillaume. Let me be clear.

For 400 bucks a head, you'll bond like never before in Budapest.

Okay? The 400 includes airfare, two nights in a three-star hotel.

You'll take part in the most insane daytime activities that no one has access to.

At night, we'll take you to the best hot spots in Budapest.

With us, there are no lines.

You go right in the VIP entrance.

Then we guarantee your return to Paris, Sunday evening.

The only thing we ask on this we're uncompromising - is that you have a valid passport. That's it!

What are you doing?

I goofed.

Hello? You still there?

Hello? Yes.

"That's what I did when I got married and it was amazing."

That's what I did when I got married and it was amazing.

You still there?

He hung up? It's over.

Guillaume? Yeah...

I fucked up... And how does it work for the payment?

For payment, I'll transfer you to Mr. Duglou.

You can pay with Paypal.

Buda! Buda!

Guys, stop! They'll think we're a bunch of goof-balls!

Get 'em pumped up. Go for it!

Testing... Paris-Bordeaux.


Tourcoing! Excellent.

Welcome, everyone!

And a big welcome to Antoine.

Antoine, man of the hour!

Congrats, Antoine!

You're making a commitment, man! A commitment!

As of next week, it's responsibility, commitment, loyalty, fidelity... love, sharing...

A shitload! Marriage!

Gimme the mic.

Okay, guys! Are you ready?




That's what I like!

Buda! Buda!

Guys! Keep it down!

I hope that's not the police.

I hope it's not the police.

Shit, shit, shit!

Oh, fuck, it's the sex police!

They didn't hit the target once!

Great, guys! SWAT!

Real sharp-shooters!

Vincent! Arnaud!

I have for you activy...


Activity with... How do you say odrenaline?


In fact, if you wanna kill a guy, that's possible.


Kill a guy? What do you mean by a "guy"?

Or by "kill," in fact?

For 800 euros, Gabor has very kindly offered a manhunt.

For... I don't know. Who?

Dnobli, for example.


Him not problem. Him very happy.

Even without asking the others, I'm in!

Relax, man. He's just kidding.

No way. What is this bullshit?

Six hundred euros. We split 50-50.

Him no family, no papers...

Skinny body. Easy to hide, disappear.

Gabor, no!

Maybe in Chechnya, they kill guys for a hair dryer and it's a fiesta.

But not for us.

That's "relaxing the truth" exactly.

Now I get it. Stop, you don't get it at all.

What a shame... Stop!

300 euros. Okay, guys! Target practice is over.

Everybody in the tank.

These guys are fucking savages.

Easy, guys!

All groups won't be like this.

Or maybe all groups will.

Guys, take it easy! Stop!

Guys, stop. Slow down.

Charge! No!

Gabor, sorry...

Gabor, we're sorry. You pay.

Fast and Furious.

Crazy Trip. We'll pay.

Give me watch.

That's impossible, It was my grandfather's.

To our first stag party!

We're back in control.

Guys, don't touch them.


It's not over yet!

Guys, guys...

Get up!


I don't... Hello?

I can't understand you, Georgio.

Calm down. Hurry, man!

Fuck, man!

What? Look!

That's our group.

Giorgio took them to an after party. That's our mess.

I don't believe this.


No! I swear.

Get dressed, quick.

No, no, no!

No! Get dressed.

Those assholes!

Now you get here!

Shut up!

We almost died! Shut up!

What'd you do? It was the driver!

The jerk was plastered!

The driver was wasted. You, shut up!

Come here.

We came to an arrangement.

If the old lady withdraws her complaint.

I negotiated six million.

Forints! Six million?

I know, it's a great deal. What's that in euros?

That's 2,000... No, it's 20,000 euros.

20,000, right. It's that or a lawsuit.

I recommend coughing it up.

We already got hit with 15,000 for Gabor's car.

I'm not paying for those assholes! Yes, you will.

I'm a corporate lawyer.

You're a lawyer? On the Bar of Tourcoing.

And my clients behaved within the parameters of your offering.

So according to the Article, you're responsible.

Exactly! Meaning, we won't pay!

Before she started hooking, she was a Mossad agent.

Let go of his dick!

A 35,000 euros loss.

Not a great start, but that's the game.

No big deal. We'll recover.



We're not gonna quit?


We keep going. Full steam ahead.

Obviously, we're quitting.

What other option do we have?

On our first job, we blew everything. I disagree.

We almost had guys in jail.

We could have had casualties.

We messed up... We're not cut out for this.

And what if I bought you out?

You'd continue without me?

You're the one who wants out.

Would you rather see the company fold?

Or see the company continue to live, but without you?


I'd rather not share a taxi.

He's called 50 times. He can drop dead.

Doing that to me, after 20 years of friendship.

He's on his own. You wanted to quit.

You're on his side?

I'm not on his side. Stop being such a drama queen.

You're too much.

Honey, get over it.

It didn't work. It's not the end of the world.

He just needs time to realize that.

Try to relax. Breathe.

You don't have to shower today.

Because I'm not gonna either. Right!

Don't move. Play dead.

It's him. You go too far.

I won't be accomplice to your bullshit.

I fucked up.


That's dumb.

I'm the dumb one? Open it!

I'm sorry, bro. I obviously can't run this business without you.

I need you. If you wanna quit, we'll quit.

Okay, what? We quit or I'm forgiven?

We quit. Fuck...

Vincent, listen to him!

We have 93 requests!


That shitstorm in Budapest was a publicity bomb.

The website's exploding. We're on all those little bands.

You know, all those little news items...

You know... News tickers.

We're on every one!

I talked to the union. They said, next time they'd revoke our license.

Ninety-seven reservations. It's nuts!

Ninety-seven reservations!

I'm sorry, man.

I'm sorry. I apologize.

We need rules. Yeah.

A charter. Otherwise, we're dead.

We're dead. I totally agree.

I was scared we'd be mad forever. And another thing...

We need a chick like Suzanna to keep each group in line.

Who's she? Suzanna's a bruiser!

One in every group, so they shut their traps.

Isn't that a good idea? Yeah.

And we need a charter for us, too. Seriously.

From now on, we stay in the hotel. It's their party, not ours.

I agree. It's their party, not ours.

You bullshitting me? No.

No, I swear. It's just that I'm happy.

But we've got a big problem. What?


Ninety-seven reservations means we'll have to... open an office.

I did the same thing for my wedding. It was amazing!


Talk to them like friends.

We're not a bank.

Break down barriers.

You're selling a dream.

Wish I could come!

STAG #6...

1,500 likes! Superb!

I was there with Malik. He had fun with his pals.

Not with whores, as you say.

Well, that's more than a slight difference.

What gives guys a thrill?

Basketball... Good.

Curling. Bowling.

The chicks against the guys.

Base jumping. Very good.

Slalom... Legos... Kapla... Blind man's bluff...

You're the elite of interns. Come up with unusual activities.

Porn film workshops?

We already border on prostitution.

Keep it clean. Clean activities.

Hot-air ballooning with chicks.


Call it Seventh Heaven.

Ideas are flowing. What else?

Being chased by dogs.

Really good.

#Dog Attack

The "cops" show up...

They arrest the groom.

Then there's a dwarf...

That kind of thing. Not bad.

We'll think that one through.

What else?

Machine-gunning what?

Cars. Yes!

That's very good.

#AK47Shootout Smashing it with bats.

Fiesta, fiesta!

That's for you, Georgio. We're not supposed to drink.

It's in the charter.

Let's go!

To our 100th stag weekend!

To everyone's health!


To you!

Very good.

Really good.

Delicate bubbles.

It's not too strong? I like it, it seems less...

Shall I turn on the TV for some music?

Don't we have a Bluetooth speaker?

No, I didn't bring it.

I'm sorry, this kinda sucks. It's our 100th stag!

This is a lousy party. Even the dog's bumming me out.

Just for tonight, can't we forget the charter and do a teeny Traian stop?

No, no, no. No?

What do you think?

I don't really have an opinion on the matter.

We said that, well...

And now we're here...

There's that, too. True, we are here.

Sure, but...

It's interesting to know what you think, for example.

But I just told you.

Meaning, it's a thing that, indeed...

The process has evolved, too, with... It has evolved.

Now we're here. Just to say that, in fact... there's the side where...

There! And the side where we no longer... See what I mean?

There is the side where... and... There!

And the side that's interesting to hear what you really think, in the end.

Georgio, what's your position?

Since I suggested it, I...

You're for going.

Well, let's go. Let's go.

No, no, no! But...

Is that in the charter?

If you just sing with her, it's within the charter.

If you give in, so will I.

We're not giving in.

Hang in there. Don't give in. You're right, who cares?

Our 100th stag, bro!

Our 100th stag!


I fucking love you.

I love you so much...

You could really hurt me.

But that's also why I love you.

Let me give you a hug. Okay, buddy.

Georgio, we're proud of you, too. You know that.

Hedi, come here. We love you, too.

Georgio, what are you doing? Are you nuts?

I'm here for you.

I'll just close my eyes. It's an old wing chun technique.

Then I'll be back, full of beans!


I hurt myself...

Fuck the charter!

What's with all the post-its? They don't grow on trees, you know.

Unbelievable! You already did that.

Georgio supposedly sent us a promo reel.

Put the video on the front page.

I already posted it.

Is it good? Great!

Let's see it. Go to the front page.

Our 100th Stag Party Kissy-kissey!

Fuck! I don't believe this. Shit.


Come here, please!

I don't believe this. What is this?

What is that? Look!

That was posted? Yeah, he did it!

I thought it was cool! Is this a joke?

I'm sure my chick's seen it.

Are you an idiot or what?

Interns are allowed to make mistakes.

Is this a mistake?

Take it down, now! How long's it been up?

A few hours.

A few hours.

A few hours. 2000 likes!

Who cares? I'm in deep shit!

Is that my chick?

Did you take it down or not? Answer me!


Stop counting! Stop counting!

Hi, sweetheart!

You okay? Fine.

I'm having a beer. Want one?

You know what, I'll tell you.

You got wasted, fucked some bitch, puked your guts out.

Proud of yourself? Okay.

Don't try to justify yourself or I'll be a lot less cool.

Here's the deal.

Go out, grab a city bike and take a long ride.

Think hard about what you did.

And we'll never mention it again. But you won't get a second chance.

We're not talking about it. Get a bike and go.

Walk, jog, I don't give a damn. But go!

I've never kept anything from you. I've always told the truth.

I'm not gonna start bullshitting now.

Be careful. We don't have to say everything. Especially now.

I don't want that.

I'm sorry.

Something did happen with that girl.

You're such an idiot! Get out! Stop!

Get out!

Why'd you do that?

Why, Vincent? Why'd you tell me?

You really hurt me.

I'm sorry. It's ridiculous, but I...

Here's your comforter.

Want some sweat pants? Shorts?

Arnaud? What?

You didn't rape anyone?

What's with you now? Stop!

What happened after that?

After the video? Nothing happened.

Vincent sodomized that girl and you had a cup of tea.

I didn't sodomize anyone.

I'm talking to my husband.


What do you wanna know?

That whole seagull trip was for this?

Look, you wanna rewatch the video?

I'm drunk. Do you see anything else?

No! Nothing happened.

Even if you wanted it to happen, nothing did. Sorry to disappoint you.

I didn't have tea or sodomize anyone.

As opposed to Vincent. I didn't sodomize anyone!

You really bust my balls.

I thought we'd settled all this.

I thought we talked. I spoke from the heart.

I was sincere and this is the result? No way!

I'm not going backward!

I don't wanna feel like I'm eight.

You are eight! That's your problem.

That's why you started that shit company!

To play games. I put in 100,000.

Not so you could fuck every chick on earth.

Know why you invested 100,000?

You did it so you could control me.

Keep me in a cage.

Stop with the bird metaphors.

That pisses you off? You clip my wings!

You know what? Go!

Fly away! Take off!

Get lost! Take a nose dive! Fly out the window!

Stop throwing pillows in my face!

Get out!

Want me to go? I'll go! And believe me, for a long time!

Comfortable? Maybe I'll go.

Good idea. Excuse me.


Your jacket.

I forgot my jacket.

Excuse me.

Have a nice evening.


This break'll do us good.

It's just what we need.

Cut the crap, man. Enough.

You made a scene. But don't blow smoke up my ass.

What do you guys wanna eat?

What's better?

Confessing or what you did.

I made a scene on purpose, man.

So she'd stop obsessing over that story and busting my balls.


I lied, I slammed the door, I left. I accept that.

Why would you tell your chick the truth?

No one'll nag me anymore. I can do what I want, when I want.

You're getting scary.

I'm getting scary?

Yeah, scary.

Pizza? Indian?


I'm becoming what I'm meant to be. Sorry.

If that's twisted to you, I'll go, full speed ahead, no problem.

She overslept, what can I say?

Don't laugh.


He's crushing my hand, man.

Viva Algeria!

I think I'll move here.

Paris is so small. This is the Wild West.

The possibilities are endless.

And it's good for the company if one of us stays here and the other's in Paris.

On the urgent side, Audrey sent us an email.

What does she want? Her 100,000.

We have 15 days. Holy shit.

She thinks she can tank the company.

I think things are tough for her at the moment and...

The company exists thanks to her?

It wasn't her or Cécile, it's thanks to us. You and me.

Who cares if she wants her 100 grand? We've made 500 grand.

Can we pay her back or not?

Yeah. See!

We pay her off. End of story.


I'm happy to see you.

Arnaud's not here? What?

Arnaud's not here?

No, he had stuff to take care of in Buda...

So we're splitting the responsibilities.

I left him the dirty work.

So he couldn't come.

The good news is that gave me lots of time to write your check, which I have.

I'll give it to you.

I'll try...

not to tear it.

I also took the liberty of drawing up a contract to iron out every little hitch.

So everyone remains friends. Listen...

I went over everything. Just initial and sign.

Tell your playmate I'm not signing anything.

I'm converting my shares to become principal shareholder.

So now it's my company.

Excuse me... He didn't get it.

He seems totally lost.

I'm surprised. That's all.

What did you think? Your little thing's a big hit.

I'm not taking off.

So now there's three of us. Excuse me...

Four of us.

Audrey slipped me some stock.

I was a little lonely.

So we're flying back to Buda with you tomorrow.

Don't tell your pal the boss is coming.

Have a nice day.

Bon appétit!

There's one hitch. The sea's in Croatia.

That's 800 km away, sir.

Fuck Croatia! I want my clients to jet-ski in the city.

On that brown thing there, called the Danube.

Excuse me. Mull that over!

Georgio, where are your keys? Stop pissing me off!


Surprise! Yep.

Excuse me.

I had no choice. What is this?

I had no choice.

You could have warned me. I had no choice.

No way!

You're not getting one share.

Is that clear? Legally...

You've been holding a penis for two hours. So, please!

I'm taking the reins, Arnaud.

I have a problem with last month's petty cash.

Is that coke, champagne, hookers? Stop!

You're just here to bust my balls.

Watch your tone, Jack Sparrow.

I'm your boss.

Flamingo style!

Howdy, dudes!

Where does this go? On the table.

What's with the porkies? You having a BBQ?

Is that it?

Don't eat that, guys. You'll get sick.

They're our wives. What?

They're our wives! I'm so happy to meet you!

I'm Georgio, Crazy Trips coordinator, general manager and Georgio Mobile driver!

I suggest we have a really cool dinner together.

I won't take no for an answer. I think we'll pass.

You're ruined my appetite.

So that's Georgio? We're not disappointed.

I have a great restaurant app...

Fuck that, take us here. To the Traian?

No, not the Traian.

We'll go without you.

Pleased with yourself?

Keep jerking that guy off.

Did you do anything with her? Isn't that your thing?

No, nothing.

You didn't fuck her? I don't think so.

I don't believe you. That's your problem.

Get lost!

Guys, we have a predicament. Panic mode...

Which group? Amiens or Saint-Etienne?

Amiens. It was the bonus box.

What's a "bonus box"?

Are we talking figs or what?

Yeah, figs. You gave figs to clients?

For testy groups, we created the Georgio package.

You knew? Yeah.

If I asked you, you'd say no.

It's urgent.

Supply and demand! Or they'll go to the competition.

Excuse me. Guys!

We can talk on the way!

What the fuck?

Excuse us!

What's up? We have a problem!

What's going on?

We're in deep doo-doo!


Look at me!

It's Elias. He's the groom-to-be.

Does he speak Hungarian? No.

We have to speak to him in French.

Don't be stupid. Come down!

Shut up! I'll do what I want.


You're wasted, man!

No. First of all, I'm not wasted.

I had three little figs. I'm not wasted.

It doesn't matter.

It's over, okay?

I'm not going back to Amiens!

Ever been there?

There's no tramway.

Just try and get bread at 10 p.m.!

I'm going up.

Keep talking. Redeem yourself. I'm coming.

It's over, okay?

I'm not going back!

Wanna see my in-laws?

Give it to me!

Elias! Look at me!

Think of your girl!

I don't give a damn!

That's not true.

Shut up!

I've had it. She just stresses me out.

Fuck it! I'll kill myself. No!

Wait, Elias! What?

Wait, Elias.

We're 100% with you!

We understand you! Yes!

You're right, leave your fiancée! She's a shit!

Yeah! Are you an idiot?

Yeah, Georgio!

Maybe she nags you because she's worried.

She knows you're in danger.

She's your girl. She can't be your mother.

Maybe she had no choice.

I didn't say that.

She just wants to be your wife. And for you to be a man.

Huh? You cut me off and say...

I'll piss on you.

What? I'm gonna piss on you!

That's disgusting!

I don't know if Elias does this often but at the moment...

Elias! No!

And now I'll fly!

No, Elias!

You're not gonna fly. That's bullshit!

I wanted to fly, too.

I wanted to become a fucking seagull!

I know how you feel.

You feel bullied, frustrated.

You feel like you're not yourself. Am I wrong?

You're wrong.

You're the one at fault. We're at fault.

If we just tried to stay together, be honest, accept who we are, you wouldn't be on that roof!

I blew everything. I lost my wife, my best friend, Now I'm losing my business.

I know what you're doing!

You're trying to fix your problems, by way of my situation.

No! Out of the way or you'll get spattered.

Wait! Elias!

Now what? This suicide is endless!

Elias, trust me! That's an illusion.

Come back down.

There's only one way to come back down...

That's to come down.

You want me to jump?

That's not what I said!

You guys aren't very clear.

I'm confused.

Someone wants to speak to you.



I'm not talking to you!

What are you doing? You gonna jump?

I don't know. I'm torn.

We're getting married in three days and you wanna jump into the void?

Is that what I inspire?

I trusted you. I let you go off to party.

And now you'd rather kill yourself than marry me?

You're lucky I'm not there or I'd push you myself, you motherfucker! What?

Jump! Don't say that!

He's on the edge!

Shut up, you! Put my fiancé on!

What's going on up there?

Ask if they're thirsty? We have water.

Are you... What's wrong with you?

Forget that!

You don't even have the balls to marry me!

Fuck you! Now, I'm talking!

You've never let me talk or do anything for years. Now I'm gonna spill my guts!

I've been wanting to say this for a long time. I think it'll hurt you and I don't give a shit.

I eat gluten.

Push the bastard! Whenever you go out, I eat pasta.

Gluten-free pasta tastes like shit.

That's not even a real illness.

It's shit!

Does that fucking feel good!

"Gluten" sounds like a German word. Gluten!

Still got those he-man balls?

Sounds like some shitty footballer!

Hans Gluten.

You know what?

Gluten is life.


Gluten Tag!

I made a pun.

D'you hear?


Oh, fuck! Thank you.



I was up there!

I love you. Me, too.

Forgive me.

I get it.

I'll go check...


I was so fucking scared!

You guys are so dumb!

You okay?

Isn't this great, dudes?

We were so scared for you.

Really. I even imagined your eulogy. Wanna hear?

No, thanks, Georgio.

"Vincent..." No, Georgio, that's okay.

Come on, follow me!

I really hurt myself.

I think I broke my arm again... My ulna.

Or maybe the arm's malleolus.

It's dumb, I threw away the cast.

No, I'm fine, in fact.

I apologize.

It's fine.

That was our 199th wedding.

For our 200th, we wanted to celebrate by seeing the groom right to the end.

We gave up the Georgio package and all that bullshit.

The heart of our business is getting guys happily married.

First, they have a wild weekend!

But they definitely do not meet Mickey.

Mickey stays home with mommy.

...committing yourselves to the path of marriage, you vow mutual love and respect for the rest of your lives.

You may kiss the bride.

Let's split.

Ciao, guys. Great to see you.


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I hit all 18 holes in the Golf War.

I peed my pants.