Bugs Bunny's 3rd Movie: 1001 Rabbit Tales (1982) Script

WELL, HERE WE ARE.

PISMO BEACH AND ALL THE CLAMS WE CAN EAT.

[PRRR]

PUT IT RIGHT THERE, BROTHER!

YOU'RE TALKING TO CROWN PRINCE ABADABA, MY ONLY SON.

SUFFERIN' SUCCOTASH.

OOH, THAT PUDDY TAT'S UP TO SOMETHING.

POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!

S-SO YOU WANT A PARTY?

AAH! I WANT A MOUSE.

I'M SPEEDY GONZALES, THE FASTEST MOUSE IN MEXICO.

MY NAME IS SLOWPOKE RODRIGUEZ.

MY NAME IS GRETEL

UND MY NAME IS HANSEL.

MOTHER. OH, HA HA HA!


[MAN] VERY GOOD, MEN.

NOW I'D LIKE TO ANNOUNCE THAT AS A SPECIAL INDUCEMENT TO ITS SALESMEN, RAMBLING HOUSE IS OFFERING A GRAND PRIZE TO THE MAN WITH THE TOP SALES RECORD.

NOW GO PROVE YOUR LOYALTY.

WHAT A SALES MEETING!

I'M SO HOPPED UP, I'M READY TO BREAK THE RECORD.

THAT PRIZE IS AS GOOD AS MINE.

WHAT TERRITORY DID HE GIVE YOU?

I'VE GOT PISMO BEACH.

PISMO BEACH? THAT'S A LAUGH.

HA HA HA!

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, SELL BOOKS TO THE CLAMS?

HEY, AH, WHAT'S YOUR TERRITORY?

"THER-MO-POLIS, WYOMING."

IT MUST BE A BIG PLACE TO HAVE SUCH A LONG NAME.

WELL, I'M SATISFIED WITH PISMO BEACH.

IS THAT SO?

KISSING IT UP WITH THE BOSS SO YOU'D GET THE BEST TERRITORY.

I'M WISE TO YOUR UNDERHANDED TACTICS.

YOU CAN HAVE THERMOPOLIS.

O.K., SO I'LL TAKE THERMOPOLIS. WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

YOU GAVE IN AWFULLY EASY.

YOU WANTED THERMOPOLIS ALL THE TIME.

GIVE IT BACK! HERE, TAKE YOUR OLD PISMO BEACH!

PISMO BEACH-- WHAT A TERRITORY.

THE BOSS GAVE ME THERMOPOLIS BECAUSE IT'S PROBABLY TOUGH.

NATURALLY, HE WOULD PUT HIS BEST MAN ON IT.

NATURALLY.

WELL, ADIOS, RABBIT.

I'LL BE FLYING TO MY TERRITORY.

YOU SEE, US DUCKS FLY FREE.

YOU RABBITS ARE GROUNDED.

YOU'RE RIGHT, DAFFY.

I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO BURROW TO PISMO BEACH.

BOY, IT'S GETTING COLDER BY THE MINUTE.

WINTER'S ABOUT DUE.

I'LL WAIT FOR A FLOCK OF DUCKS AND WORK TO THE SOUTH WHERE IT'S WARM.

THERMOPOLIS WILL HAVE TO WAIT.

[QUACKING]

GOOD, THERE GOES A FLOCK NOW.

HEY, FELLAS, WAIT FOR ME.

I'M JOINING UP WITH THE SQUADRON.

I'M GOOD COMPANY.

I KNOW LOTS OF OFF-COLOR JOKES.

[WIND]

[GASPS]

WHAT A BLIZZARD.

I SHOULD HAVE FLEW SOUTH SOONER.

HEY, WHAT'S THAT UP IN FRONT THERE?

[CRASH]

HOLY SMOKE! THAT BUILDING RAN RIGHT OUT IN FRONT OF ME!

WELL, THERE'S ONE OF OUR BOYS THAT'S GOT THIS FLYING SOUTH BUSINESS LICKED.

SINCE I'M IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD, I'LL DROP IN.

SOME JOINT YOU GOT HERE, BUB.

YOU'VE DONE PRETTY WELL FOR YOURSELF.

A LITTLE LONESOME, THOUGH.

SHOULD HAVE A COMPANION FOR THE LONG WINTER EVENINGS, SO I'LL SPEND WINTER WITH YOU, BUT MIND YOU, I GOT TO LEAVE IN THE SPRING.

WHAT DO YOU SAY, DEADPAN?

PUT IT THERE, BROTHER.

AH, HALF BROTHER?

COUSIN?

TOTAL STRANGER?

OH, HO! A SNOB, EH? LISTEN, SPHINX-PUSS, DON'T GIVE ME ANY OF THAT UPPITY-PUPPITY STUFF.

YOU'RE NOTHING BUT AN OLD CANVASBACK DUCK LIKE I'M.

HEY, WHO YOU PUSHING? WHO YOU PUSHING?

WELL, I'M PUSHING YOU RIGHT BACK! THERE!

HIT ME WHEN I'M NOT LOOKING, EH?

I'LL KNOCK THE STUFFINGS OUT OF YOU!

TAKE THAT!

AND THAT!

TAKE THAT!

HEY, I DID KNOCK THE STUFFINGS OUT OF HIM.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW? HE'S A STUFFED DUCK.

STUFFED DUCK, EH?

HMM. THIS IS WHERE THIS INGENIOUS LITTLE BLACK DUCK GETS HIMSELF SOME FREE ROOM AND BOARD.

THERMOPOLIS WILL JUST HAVE TO WAIT.

NOW FOR THE OLD REFRIGERATOR AND THE GOODIES THEREIN.

[PORKY] NOW, UH, TO GET THE SURTAX, SUBTRACT THE TOTAL FROM SCHEDULE "G," PAGE 3, ADD LINE 1G, PLUS LINE 15, LESS 6%, OR WHICHEVER IS GREATER.

[CLOCK TICKING]

I CAN SEE WHERE THIS MORON IS GOING TO GIVE ME TROUBLE.

[CRASH]

YIPE!

[RUFF RUFF]

[BUZZING]

HE'S NOT A STUFFED DUCK AT ALL.

HE'S A LIVE DUCK. HE HAD YOU FOOLED.

QUACK! QUACK! QUACK!

[RUFF RUFF]

[RUFF RUFF]

WHAT'S GOING ON?

STOP IT, ROVER.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

YOU BURN OUT A BEARING OR SOMETHING?

YOU SILLY DOG, THAT'S A STUFFED DUCK.

I'LL PROVE IT.

LOOK, BRIGHT BOY, STUFFED WITH COTTON, AND HIS HEAD IS WOOD.

SEE? WOOD, WOOD, WOOD!

MMM.

YUM YUM.

HERE, BOY, HERE!

HERE, BOY! HERE, BOY!

GO GET IT, BOY!

YIKE!

AW, SHUCKS.

I CAN'T STAND TO SEE A DUMB ANIMAL SUFFER...

SO...

ADD COLUMN THREE TO COLUMN FOUR.

LOOK UP TAX TABLE TO COMPUTE FIDUCIARY.

[TAP TAP]

OH, ROVER, THERE'S A DOG TO SEE YOU.

ROVER!

GET IN HERE. WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

B-B-BEWITCHED OR SOMETHING?

ANY MORE TROUBLE FROM YOU, AND OUT YOU GO.

[RUFF RUFF]

[GRRR]

STOP THAT! STOP IT, YOU IDIOT!

YOU TRY THAT AGAIN, AND I'LL PUT YOUR TAIL IN THE PENCIL SHARPENER.

NOW I'LL HAVE TO STUFF THAT DUCK ALL OVER AGAIN.

HEY, FELLAS, LOOK.

NOW, THERE'S ONE OF OUR BOYS THAT GOT THIS FLYING SOUTH BUSINESS BEAT.

THIS DARN INCOME TAX WOULD COME OUT ALL RIGHT IF I HAD A FEW DEPENDENTS.

DID YOU SAY DEPENDENTS?

YOU GOT 'EM, BROTHER.

[SWING MUSIC PLAYING]

SO YOU WANT TO PARTY, HUH?

I'LL GIVE YOU A PARTY...

A BUCKSHOT PARTY.

[GUNSHOT]

WAIT FOR ME, FELLAS!

[BUZZING]

THIS DON'T LOOK LIKE PISMO BEACH TO ME.

OH, WELL.

IT'S GETTING LATE.

THIS WOULDN'T BE A BAD PLACE TO CAMP OUT.

I'LL GET AN EARLY START IN THE MORNING.

[HICCUP HICCUP]

[HICCUP]

15 DELIVERIES, AND ONE TO GO.

[HICCUP]

EVERYBODY'S GLAD TO SEE THE STORK.

HERE, STORK, HAVE A DRINK TO THE NEW BABY.

AW, HAVE ANOTHER. COME ON, BOTTOMS UP.

ONE FOR THE ROAD.

YOU GOTTA BE SOCI--

[HICCUP]

YOU CAN'T REFUSE THEIR HOSPI--

YOU JUST CAN'T REFUSE THEM.

[HICCUP]

WELL, I BETTER BE GOING.

THAT MOTHER GORILLA MUST BE GETTING WORRIED.

GONE? OH, NO!

I'LL BE DISMISSED, KICKED OUT OF THE STORK CLUB.

I'VE JUST GOT TO GET A BABY SOMEHOW.

[BUGS BUNNY] I DREAM OF JEANNIE

SHE'S A LIGHT-BROWN HARE

LA DA DA DEE DA YA DA

[WHACK]

[SLOWLY] I DREAM OF JEANNIE

SHE'S A LIGHT-BROWN HARE


CONGRATU--

[HICCUP]

CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'RE A MOTHER.

[HICCUP]

ELVIS, LOOK!

IT'S ARRIVED! OUR BABY IS HERE!

YAA. OOH.

AAH!

AH! HOW COULD YOU?

AFTER ALL, HE IS OUR BABY.

NO MATTER WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE, HE'S STILL YOUR SON.

OH...MY BABY.

BABY? OH, NO.

NAUGHTY BABY. MUSTN'T TRY TO RUN AWAY.

MOTHER 'PANK.

AW, HERE, DADDY. KISS YOUR SON.

RAAAAA!

WAA! WAA!

DADDY SCARED ME.

STOP SCARING THE BABY!

SAY, THIS PROMISES TO BE FUN.

EH, I'LL SELL BOOKS LATER.

[EEE EEE]

[EEE EEE]

WAA! I WANT A DRINK OF WATER!

WAA! I WANT A DRINK OF WATER.

WAA!

[GURGLE]

OOH, THAT'S NICE.

PLAY HORSY WITH BABY.

GIDDY-UP, HORSY. GIDDY-UP.

[THWACK]

HELLO, DADDY.

RAAA!

MAMMA!

DADDY'S SCARING ME AGAIN!

GIVE HIM ANOTHER, MOMMY, AND ANOTHER.

BAD OLD DADDY.

THAT'S NICE, ELVIS. KEEP BABY HAPPY.

DA DA DA DA DA!

GOO GEE GA DA!

AAH!

MAMMA!

DA DA DA DA DA!

AND SO--HIC-- I FINALLY FOUND YOUR REAL BABY.

SORRY, MADAM, IF I CAUSED YOU ANY INCON--HIC--

IF I CAUSED YOU ANY INCON--HIC-- TROUBLE.

SO LONG.

OH HO HO! ELVIS, LOOK!

THE STORK BROUGHT US OUR REAL BABY.

OH, ISN'T HE CUTE?

R-R-REAL BABY?

MOTHER.

ARGH!

TAKE ONE STEP ON THAT ROPE, AND I'LL CUT IT!

HEE HEE HEE.

MY, WHAT, UH, WHAT BIG MUSCLES YOU GOT.

ARGH!

[PANTING]

WELL, I GUESS I GAVE HIM THE SLIP.

ELVIS... GUESS WHAT THE BABY SAID.

UH, EEE, BUT--BUT--

OOH--EEE--NO!

BOO HOO HOO!

I'D LIKE TO SEE HIM "OOH--EEE--UGH"

HIS WAY OUT OF THIS ONE.

MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE SOLD HIM SOME BOOKS FOR THE KID.

[BUZZING]

[QUACKING]

IT'S NO USE. I'LL NEVER MAKE IT.

I'M ALL OUT OF CONDITION.

I CAN'T GO ANY FURTHER.

HELLO. CALLING EMERGENCY FIELD.

HELLO. CALLING EMERGENCY FIELD.

THIS IS DUCK 347. REQUEST LANDING INSTRUCTIONS.

OVER.

HEWWO, DUCK 347. THIS IS EMERGENCY FIELD.

YOU ARE CLEAR TO WAND. COME IN. OVER.

ROGER.

I CAN'T SEE A THING. I'M FLYING BLIND.

COME IN. DUCK 347, COME IN.

YOU'RE WIGHT ON THE BEAM.

HA HA HA HA HA!

I'M COMING IN ON A WING AND A PRAYER.

HA HA! I MADE IT! I MADE IT!

A PERFECT THREE-POINT LANDING.

HUH?

YEOW!

HA HA HA HA!

I'VE BEEN AMBUSHED.

QUITE COWWECT, MR. DUCK.

YOUR GOOSE IS COOKED.

[WHISTLING]

[RUFF RUFF RUFF]

[AROO]

THAT'S HIS FOOTPRINTS. BOYS, GET ON HIS TWAIL.

[SNIFF SNIFF]

[DING]

[GRR RRR GRR]

[GRR SNARL RRR]

[RUFF RUFF]

[CRASH]

[RRR RRR GRR]

[ARR GRR RRR]

[RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF]

[BARKING CONTINUES]

WELL, LOOK WHO DROPPED IN.

HOW DID YOU GET HERE, DAFFY?

BY DOG SLED. CAN'T YOU HEAR THE DOGS?

I'M STILL HEADING FOR PISMO BEACH.

I HAVEN'T SOLD A BOOK ALL DAY.

I'LL JOIN YOU.

O.K. START DIGGING.

WATCH IT!

YOU'RE DIRTYING MY TUXEDO.

OUCH!

WELL, HERE WE ARE--

PISMO BEACH AND ALL THE CLAMS WE CAN EAT.

WHAT A WAY FOR A DUCK TO TRAVEL--

UNDERGROUND.

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!

SINCE WHEN IS PISMO BEACH INSIDE A CAVE?

I WONDER.

YOU KNOW, I JUST BET WE SHOULD HAVE TURNED LEFT AT ALBUQUERQUE.

THEN MAYBE A RIGHT TURN AT LA JOLLA.

HMM. AHH...

[PRRR]

WELL, WE CAN'T BE TOO FAR OFF, SO IF WE, UH--

IT'S MINE, YOU UNDERSTAND?

MINE! ALL MINE!

GET BACK IN THERE! GO! GO! GO!

MINE! MINE! MINE! HA HA HA HA!

I'M RICH! I'M WEALTHY!

YA-HOO!

I'M IN THE MONEY

LA TA TA MONEY YA--OH!

BOO HOO HOO!

AAH!

[DAFFY] HELP! HELP! HELP!

SAVE ME, PAL!

SAVE ME! HELP!

HASSAN CHOP!

HELP! BOO HOO HOO!

O.K., DAFF. BACK HERE.

SAVE ME!

HASSAN CHOP!

HIM GO THAT-A WAY.

IS HE GONE?

YEAH.

OH, BOY! I'M RICH! I'M WEALTHY!

I'M INDEPENDENT! I'M SOCIALLY SECURE!

I'M RICH! I'M RICH! I'M RICH!

[YOSEMITE SAM] HEAD HIM OFF!

USE THE NET!

YOU MISSED HIM, YOU IDIOT!

GUARDS! CUT HIM OFF AT THE GATE!

HA HA HA HA!

HA HA HA HA!

OW! OOH! OUCH! OOH!

OW! OW! OOH! OOH!

DADBURNED HOT SAND GAVE ME A DOUBLE HOTFOOT.

I WAS ONCE... A HUMAN BEING.

HA HA HA HA!

THAT ROTTEN KID IN THERE WAS MY UNDOING.

HE DOESN'T NEED A STORYTELLER.

HE NEEDS AN EXORCIST!

HA HA HA! HO HO HO!

[THUMPING]

OHH! OUCH! OW!

THAT'S FOR FORGETTING TO LAY OUT MY ASBESTOS SHOES SO MY FEET WOULDN'T GET BURNT, AND THAT'S FOR LEAVING THE KEY IN THE DOOR AND LETTING THAT STORYTELLER FELLER ESCAPE.

IF THOU ONLY KNEW WHAT PLEASURE IT WAS TO BE KICKED AND CUFFED ABOUT BY THEE, BRINGER OF THE DAWN AND MASTER OF THE TIDES.

AIN'T NO FUN ROUGHIN' YOU UP.

YOU LIKES IT TOO MUCH.

OH, PLEASE FORGIVE ME, O SOUL OF CHARITY.

GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE, WHOSE MIDDLE NAME IS BENEVOLENCE.

OOH, I OUGHT TO BOIL YOUR HIDE IN OIL, YOU SON OF AN UNNAMED GOAT.

WITHOUT NO STORYTELLER FELLER, I'M STUCK WITH HAVING TO READ DUMB STORIES TO MY BENT-HEADED SON ALL DAY, WHICH GIVES ME NO TIME FOR RUNNING THE GOVERNMENT, TORTURING THE PRISONERS, OR PLAYING CANASTA WITH MY HAREM.

PRAISE BE TO THEE, O GREAT SON OF A SEVENTH SON.

THESE EARS HAVE HEARD OF A LAND CALLED HOLLYWOOD WHERE STORYTELLERS ABOUND.

PERHAPS WE COULD BRING SOME OVER HERE AS HOSTAGES.

I DON'T CARE WHERE YOU GETS ONE JUST SO'S YOU GETS ONE BY--

[GONG CLANGS]

I'LL GET THE DOOR.

[MUTTERING]

MAY I INTRODUCE MYSELF?

I REPRESENT THE RAMBLING HOUSE PUBLISHING COMPANY, AND I'M HERE TO SHOW YOU OUR LATEST VOLUME, ENTITLED 1001 TALES FOR TODDLERS.

SOLD!

Y-YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

THERE'S A BONUS THAT GOES WITH IT--

THIS HANDY-DANDY PLASTIC BOOKMARK.

WRONG, VARMINT. YOU'RE THE BONUS, AND YOU'RE GOING TO READ THEM STORIES TO MY PESTIFEROUS, SPOILED-ROTTEN, LOUD-MOUTH, CRYBABY SON!

YOU GOT THE WRONG IDEA, CLYDE.

I DON'T GO WITH THE BOOKS.

HOW WELL DO YOU LIKE BOILING OIL?

OH, WELL, I'VE NEVER TASTED IT.

I MEAN BATHED IN IT.

YOU TALKED ME INTO IT.

WHERE IS THE LITTLE TYKE YOU WANTS ME TO READ TO?

HE'S OVER THERE IN THE MAZE.

[THEME FROM JAWS PLAYING]

ALL RIGHT! WHERE'S MY STORYTELLER?

WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY STORYTELLER?

I WANT A STORY!

I'LL HOLD MY BREATH TILL I TURN BLUE.

HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?

YOU'RE A PRINCE.

LET HIM DO IT.

WELL, HOLD YOUR BREATH.

WHAT'S THAT?

HE'S YOUR STORYTELLER. HE'S A NEW ONE.

HE CAN TELL YOU REAL GOOD STORIES, CAN'T YOU?

SAY YES!

OOPS. OH, YES. I CAN DO THAT.

I GOT A LOT OF KEEN STORIES IN THIS BOOK.

STORYTELLER? HE'S FUNNY-LOOKING WITH LONG EARS AND TOOTHY-TYPE TEETH AND THAT FUZZY WHATCHAMACALLIT.

HE LOOKS LIKE A RABBIT.

HE MAKES ME HISTORICAL. HA HA HA HA!

YOU EXPECT ME TO TELL STORIES TO THAT?

I'D RATHER THROW PEANUTS AT IT.

WATCH IT, RABBIT.

YOU'RE TALKING TO CROWN PRINCE ABADABA, MY ONLY SON--

THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT--

AND HE'S HEIR TO MY THRONE.

HEAT UP THE OIL, DADDY.

WELL, PRINCEY, OLD BOY, SHALL WE ADJOURN TO THAT READING ROOM?

[MOANING]

YOU CAN LET IT OUT NOW.

"A LONG TIME AGO IN A FAR-OFF LAND, "THERE LIVED A LITTLE BOY AND HIS MOTHER.

"THE LITTLE BOY'S NAME WAS JACK.

"SINCE THEY HAD NO FOOD, "JACK'S MOTHER TOLD HIM TO TAKE THE COW TO TOWN

"AND SELL IT TO BUY FOOD.

"IN TOWN, JACK MET A SNEAKY SALESMAN

"WHO TRADED HIM SOME BEANS FOR THE COW.

"NOW, WHEN JACK GOT HOME

"AND TOLD HIS MOTHER WHAT HE HAD DONE, SHE WAS VERY, VERY UPSET WITH HIM."

JACK! ARE YOU CRAZY?

TRADING OUR COW FOR THOSE WORTHLESS BEANS!

GIVE ME THOSE BEANS!

THERE!


[YAWN]

SAY, THINGS CERTAINLY LOOK DIFFERENT THIS MORNING.

YIPE!

SUFFERIN' SUCCOTASH!

LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT HOUSE!

BOY! ACRES AND ACRES OF TWEETY BIRD, AND IT'S MINE, ALL MINE!

I TAWT I TAW A ITTY-BITTY PUDDY TAT!

[HEAVY FOOTSTEPS]

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT OF YOUR CAGE, TWEETY?

BACK YOU GO.

I'D BETTER HANG YOUR CAGE UP HERE WHILE I'M GONE.

[DOOR CLOSES]


[CRASH]

[GROWLING]

[CHOMP CHOMP]

[GROWLING]

[THUMP]

OOH, THAT ITTY-BITTY PUDDY TAT, HE UP TO NO GOOD.

NOW WHERE DID THAT ITTY-BITTY PUDDY TAT GO?


[BANGING AND CLATTERING]


[GROWLING]

OOH, THAT PUDDY TAT UP TO SOMETHING.

HELP! HELP!

THE PUDDY TAT'S GOT ME!

[FOOTSTEPS]

FE FI FO FAT, I TAWT I TAW A PUDDY TAT!

[BUGS BUNNY] "DOWN THE BEANSTALK SLID THE CAT

"WITH THE GIANT A CLOSE SECOND.

"NO SOONER DID JACK'S CAT HIT THE DIRT

"THAN HE GRABBED AN AX AND STARTED CHOPPING THE BEANSTALK."

AIN'T THAT EXCITING?

TIMBER!

"DOWN CAME THE BEANSTALK AND THE GIANT WITH IT."

"THE GIANT LANDED ON JACK'S CAT AND SENT HIM STRAIGHT TO CHINA."

WELL, I READ YOU A STORY.

AREN'T YOU GOING TO TELL ME MORE STORIES?

NOPE.

I'LL LOSE MY TEMPER.

THAT'S NO GREAT LOSS.

DADDY, HE WON'T TELL ME ANOTHER STORY!

WHAT'S ALL THE DAN-FANGLED RACKET ABOUT?

I DON'T KNOW WHY HE'S YELLING. I READ.

YOU INFIDEL VARMINT.

YOU DONE TOLD HIM ONE.

NOW YOU ONLY GOT 1,000 MORE TALES TO TELL HIM, SO GET A-GOIN' BEFORE YOU LOSE YOUR TAIL!

AND IF I REFUSE?

IS THAT STILL YOUR FINAL WORD, RABBIT?

I GOT A SUDDEN URGE FOR SOME SWELL STORIES.

GOOD BOY! I KNOWED YOU WAS ONLY FUNNIN'.

NOW START READING.

[DOOR SLAMS]

THIS STORY IS CALLED HANSEL AND GRETEL.

HANSEL?

"ONE DAY, HANSEL AND GRETEL WERE HAVING A PICNIC

"IN THE WOODS.

"HANSEL WANTED TO GO EXPLORING IN THE WOODS.

"FINALLY, DEEP IN THE HEART OF THE WOODS, THEY CAME UPON A WITCH'S COTTAGE."

IT'S GOOD, JA? JA, IT'S GOOD.

JA, IT'S GOOD...

UND YUMMY.

OOH, YUMMY, JA.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

IT'S GOOD, JA?

JUST A MINUTE.

IT'S PEACHY, JA?

JA, JA.

HOW DO YOU DO, SIR?

WHAT CAN A KINDLY, HARMLESS OLD MOTHER-TYPE LADY LIKE ME DO FOR YOU?

I AM THE TRUANT OFFICER, MADAM.

HOLD IT! HOLD IT!

YOU PUT YOURSELF IN THIS STORY.

WHAT GIVES, ANYHOW?

THAT'S MY UNCLE HUGO HARE.

YOU NOTICE THE FAMILY RESEMBLANCE?

YEAH, BUT HE'S A RABBIT.

YOU WERE EXPECTING MAYBE A GIRAFFE?

BACK TO THE STORY.

UNCLE HUGO DEFTLY RESCUES THE KIDS FROM THE WITCH'S CLUTCHES.

WHY AREN'T THE CHILDREN IN SCHOOL?

CHILDREN?

CHILDREN?

OH, COME, NOW. DON'T BE COY.

WHERE ARE THEY AT?

AREN'T YOU ASHAMED OF YOURSELF, ROASTING CHILDREN?

CALL IT A WEAKNESS.

AND, PRAY, WHAT ARE YOUR NAMES, MY POOR CHILDREN?

MY NAME IS GRETEL.

UND MY NAME IS HANSEL.

HANSEL? HANSEL?

HANSEL?

RUN FOR YOUR DEAR LITTLE LIVES.

SHE IS A WITCH AND MEANS TO EAT YOU FOR HER SUPPER.

AAH! UND HIMMEL!

AH, YOUR MOTHER RIDES A VACUUM CLEANER!

OH, DEAR. THERE GOES MY SUPPER.

NO HARD FEELINGS, GRANNY.

JUST REMEMBER THAT ANY RABBIT IS TOO SMART FOR YOU.

AHA! THAT'S IT! RABBIT STEW!

EH...

WHAT'S UP, DOCTRESS?

ME AND MY GENEROUS IMPULSES.

[WHISTLING]

NOTICE HOW I RIDE SIDESADDLE.

IT PROVES I'M A LADY OF QUALITY.

[YELPING]

WELL, WHAT'S THE USE OF BEING A WITCH IF YOU DON'T USE WITCHCRAFT?

HMM...

BUBBLE, BUBBLE, POUR IT IN FOR THAT RABBIT'S MICKEY FINN.

HEE HEE HEE HEE!

[SNIFFING]

WHAT'S COOKING?

I GET TO LICK THE POT, I GET TO LICK THE POT GET YOUR HANDS OUT OF THAT POT.

GO OUT UNTIL I CALL YOU.

LAND SAKES, I NEVER SAW SUCH A HUNGRY RABBIT.

HEE HEE HEE HEE!

COME AND GET IT.

MM-MMM!

NOW, YOU EAT THE NICE CARROT ALL UP, AND MOTHER WILL GET YOUR BED READY.

MOTHER.

HA HA HA HA!

ROCK-A-BYE RABBIT IN THE HOT OVEN

INTO MY MOUTH FOR DINNER I'M SHOVIN'

YOU KNOW...

[GULP]

SHE'S NOT SUCH A BAD OLD GIRL AFTER ALL.

GOTCHA, DIDN'T I, YOU SMART ALECK?

THAT CARROT WAS POISONED.

POISONED?

URK! EEP!

COME ON, COME ON. HURRY IT UP.

WAIT A MINUTE, CAN'T YOU?

I GOT ONE LEFT.

GAAH!

HEE HEE HEE HEE!

NOW FOR A NICE, FRESH BOTTLE OF RABBIT RELISH.

[HOOFBEATS]

HEE HEE HEE!

[NEIGH]

WELL, THANKS LARGE, MAC, FOR BRINGING ME OUT OF THAT, BUT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SNOW WHITE.

THIS HERE'S THE STORY OF HANSEL AND GRETEL.

HANSEL?

HANSEL?

HANSEL? HANSEL?

HANSEL?

[YAWNS]

WELL, THAT'S ENOUGH STORIES FOR TODAY.

YOU WANT ME TO CALL FATHER?

YEAH. GO AHEAD.

FATHE--

WANT TO HEAR THE STORY ABOUT THE THREE BEARS?

UH-HUH.

WITH A LITTLE GIRL NAMED GOLDILOCKS?

UH-HUH.

O.K., THEN, PAY ATTENTION.

"ONCE UPON A TIME IN A NEAT LITTLE COTTAGE

"IN A DEEP, DARK FOREST

"LIVED THREE BEARS--

"A FATHER BEAR, "A MOTHER BEAR, AND A LITTLE BABY BEAR."

HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

THEM'S CATS.

DON'T YOU KNOW BEARS HIBERNATE IN THE WINTER AND DON'T WAKE UP TILL SPRING?

SO?

SO YOU'LL HAVE TO SETTLE FOR CATS.

O.K. CATS.

"UH, SO THE THREE CATS STARTED TO EAT THEIR PORRIDGE."

YEOW!

MY PORRIDGE IS TOO HOT.

MY PORRIDGE IS TOO COLD.

WHOEVER HEARD OF CATS EATING PORRIDGE?

WHY CAN'T WE HAVE A MOUSE LIKE OTHER PUSSYCATS?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

LET'S TAKE A WALK IN THE WOODS WHILE OUR PORRIDGE COOLS.

NOW WHERE HAVE I HEARD THAT BEFORE?

OH, WELL. LET'S START WALKING.

I DON'T LIKE PORRIDGE!

I WANT A MOUSE.

YOU'LL EAT YOUR PORRIDGE AND LIKE IT.

I'LL EAT IT, BUT I WON'T LIKE IT.

WATCH YOUR STEP ON THIS BRIDGE.

SOME OF THESE BOARDS ARE LOO...

"SO THEY CONTINUED THEIR WALK, "AND THEY WALKED AND THEY WALKED

"AND THEY WALKED AND THEY WALKED AND THEY WALKED AND THEY WALKED."

FINISHED.

THAT'S IT. YOU HAVE HEARD GOLDILOCKS AND THE THREE BEARS.

TELL HIM THE WHOLE THING, YOU FLEA-BITTEN VARMINT...

AND THIS TIME DON'T TRY TAKIN' NO WALK, SEE?

EH, O.K., IF YOUSE INSIST.

HERE GOES.

"IN THE MEANTIME, WHILE THE PORRIDGE WAS COOLING, THERE CAME A TINY KNOCK ON A TINY DOOR."

[POUNDING]

ANYBODY HOME?

"IT WAS GOLDIMOUSE."

PORRIDGE!

"AFTER GOLDIMOUSE FINISHED THE PORRIDGE, SHE BECAME VERY SLEEPY."

I'M VERY SLEEPY.

"SHE TRIED THE FATHER CAT'S BED, "BUT IT WAS TOO HARD.

"SO SHE TRIED THE MOTHER'S BED, BUT IT WAS TOO SOFT."

"THEN SHE TRIED THE BABY'S BED."

IT'S JUST RIGHT.

[SNORING]

"MEANWHILE, THE CATS WERE RETURNING FROM THEIR WALK."

BUT, FATHER, WHY?

WHY CAN'T WE HAVE A MOUSE?

BECAUSE WE HAVEN'T GOT ANY.

THAT'S WHY.

SUFFERIN' SUCCOTASH!

SOMEBODY'S BEEN EATING MY PORRIDGE.

AND SOMEONE'S BEEN EATING MY PORRIDGE.

SOMEBODY'S BEEN EATING MY PORRIDGE, AND THANK GOODNESS IT'S ALL GONE!

SOMEBODY'S BEEN SLEEPING IN MY BED.

SOMEBODY'S BEEN SLEEPING IN MY BED.

SOMEONE'S SLEEPING IN MY BED, AND IT'S A MOUSE!

AAH! IT'S A CAT!

EEK! EEK! HELP! A NASTY OLD CAT!

PUT HER ON THE PLATE, POP.

EEK!

WELL, I GUESS SHE GOT AWAY.

BOO HOO HOO! I WANT A MOUSE!

O.K., O.K.! I'LL GET YOU YOUR MOUSE.

SPOILED-BRAT CAT.

ALL RIGHT, GOLDIMOUSE, NOW I GOT--

HELP! HELP! A CAT!

HELP! HELP! A CAT!

HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP!

HOW CAN I FACE MY FRIENDS WITH A FATHER THAT CAN'T CATCH A MOUSE?

FOR SHAME.

JUST HOLD ON TO THAT PLATE, SON.

YOU'LL HAVE MOUSE SHISH KEBAB IN A MINUTE.

[CLANG]

MOTHER, YOU BETTER BRING THE THING.

WELL, THANKS A LOT, BUT I COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT MYSELF.

COULDN'T I HAVE, JUNIOR?

SPOILED BRAT.

YOU SEE, SON, THE WHEELS IN YOUR FATHER'S HEAD ARE STILL CLICKING.

OH, MOTHER, BRING THE BAND-AIDS.

WHAT A FATHER.

MOTHER!

MOTHER.

YES, YES.

I KNOW.

YOU SEE, SON, IF YOU BUILD A BETTER MOUSETRAP, THE MICE WILL BEAT A PATH TO YOUR DOOR.

WHEN THAT MOUSE COMES THROUGH THIS OPENING, WHAM!

SHE WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT HER.

FATHER, I THINK I'D BETTER EAT THE PORRIDGE.

OH, NO. HERE.

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE MOUSE PANCAKE-STYLE.

NO SPOILED-BRAT SON OF MINE IS GOING TO HAVE TO EAT PORRIDGE.

[SNIFFING]

CHEESE.

I JUST LOVE CHEESE, REALLY I DO.


[EXPLOSION]

FATHER, DID YOU GET MY BREAKFAST?

HUH, FATHER? DID YOU GET IT?

HUH, FATHER? HUH?

YES. HERE.

SPOILED BRAT.

AND THAT'S THE STORY OF THE THREE BEAR--

I MEAN, THREE CATS.

WHAT HAPPENED TO GOLDILOCKS?

SHE'S SERVING TIME IN TEHACHAPI FOR BREAKING AND ENTERING.

THAT'S RIGHT, RABBIT.

NOW WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER.

YOU JUST KEEP READIN' PRETTY-LIKE, AND WE WON'T HAVE TO SPLIT HARES.

THIS IS THE STORY OF LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD.

"ONCE UPON A TIME, "THERE WAS A LITTLE RED HOOD AND CAPE, "AND BECAUSE IT WAS ALWAYS WORN BY A CERTAIN LITTLE GIRL, "SHE WAS CALLED LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD.

"SHE LIVED IN A MODEST LITTLE HOUSE IN THE CITY.

"ONE MORNING, RED RIDING HOOD PLANNED TO VISIT HER GRANDMOTHER

"AND BRING HER A GIFT.

"SHE STARTED OFF TO CATCH THE BUS TO GRANDMA'S, WHO LIVED IN THE COUNTRY."


I TAWT I TAW A PUDDY TAT.


ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

THEY--THEY KNOW WHO I AM.

AHA! HERE--HERE COMES...

UH, WHAT'S HER NAME?

WHAT'S HER NAME?

OH, YEAH, YEAH.

HERE COMES RED RIDING HOOD. YEAH.

AHA. WHERE ARE YOU GOING, MISS, UH...

MISS, UH...

WITTLE WED WIDING HOOD.

YEAH, YEAH.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH THE CAGE, RED RIDING HOOD?

IT'S A PRESENT FOR MY GRANDMA.

WELL, GOOD-BYE, MR. WOLF.

I GOT TO GET GOING.

WELL, UH, GOOD-BYE, MISS, UH...

UH...HMM.

WHAT'S THAT KID'S NAME AGAIN?

RED RIDING HOOD.

UH, YEAH.

GOOD-BYE, RED RIDING HOOD.

GOING TO GRANDMA'S HOUSE, HUH?

HMM...YEAH. THAT GIVES ME AN IDEA.

GOING TO GRANDMA'S HOUSE, EH?

HMM. THAT GIVES ME AN IDEAR.

[CHUCKLING]

[CHUCKLING]

UH, WHERE WAS I GOING?

OH, OH, YEAH-- GRANDMA'S HOUSE.

THAT'S IT.

[CHUCKLING]

COME ON. OUT YOU GO.

OUT, GRANNY! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT!

AND STAY OUT!

OOH, THAT WOLF!

ONE OF THESE DAYS, ONE OF THESE DAYS, POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER.

NOW, LISTEN, PUSSYCAT, YOU-YOU'RE MUSCLING IN ON MY RACKET.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

QUICK! QUICK! UNDER THE BED!

[KNOCKING]

[IMITATING WOMAN'S VOICE] COME IN, LITTLE, UH...

Quick. What's that kid's name again?

Red Riding Hood.

COME IN, LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD.

[DOOR OPENS]

GOOD MORNING, GRANNY.

I BROUGHT YOU A PRESENT.

JUST SET IT DOWN, DARLING.

HEWWO, WITTLE WED WIDING HOOD'S GRANDMA.

WHAT YOU DOING UNDER THE BED?

MY, GRANNY, WHAT BIG EYES, NOSE, AND SHARP TEETH YOU HAVE.

THE BETTER TO SEE AND SMELL AND EAT YOU WITH!

OH! THE BIG BAD WOLF!

EEK! THE BIG BAD PUDDY TAT!


[CRASH]

[BUS APPROACHES]


I TOLD 'EM!

ONE OF THESE DAYS...

[TOGETHER] POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!

HEE HEE HEE!

OF COURSE, THE WOLF HAD NO WAY OF KNOWING GRANNY WAS THE BUS DRIVER.

THEN AGAIN, HE WOULDN'T HAVE REMEMBERED IF HE HAD.

I THINK THAT'S THE LAST OF IT.

JUST A QUICK CHECK TO SEE IF I MISSED ANYTHING.

HEY. WHAT'S THIS?

POLISHED UP, IT MIGHT BRING ANOTHER QUICK FOUR BITS ON THE OPEN MARKET.

I AM THE GENIE OF THE LAMP, O MASTER.

OH, NO, YOU DON'T!

YOU WANT MY TREASURE!

WELL, IT'S MINE, UNDERSTAND?

ALL MINE! DOWN! DOWN! GO! GO! MINE!

DUCK, YOU HAVE DESECRATED THE SPIRIT OF THE LAMP!

PREPARE TO TAKE THE CONSEQUENCES!

CONSEQUENCES, SCHMONSEQUENCES.

AS LONG AS I'M RICH.

HELP! SAVE ME!

HELP! WHERE ARE YOU?

OOH!

[RING]

HEY, HOW ABOUT THAT?

IT'S TIME FOR A COFFEE BREAK.

COFFEE BREAK? RABBITS DON'T GET NO COFFEE BREAK.

DADDY!

WHAT'S ALL THE RUCKUS ABOUT?

HOW COME YOU AIN'T READIN', RABBIT?

BUT IT'S MY COFFEE-BREAK TIME.

RABBITS NEVER GET NO COFFEE BREAKS.

RABBITS GET NO BREAKS OF ANY KIND UNLESS I DOES THE BREAKING.

THEN HOW ABOUT A CARROT BREAK?

RABBITS ALWAYS GET A CARROT BREAK.

ALL RIGHT, YOU SNEAKY COYOTE.

TAKE FIVE, BUT DON'T TRY TO SLINK OUT OF HERE, 'CAUSE I'LL HAVE MY EYE ON YOU.

WELL, TA-TA.

SEE YOU GUYS LATER.

FLYING CARPETS. HMM.

HA! TWO CAN PLAY AT THAT GAME!

JUST TRY TO GET AWAY, YOU DUMB RABBIT!

OH, NO!

I PLUMB FORGOT TO FASTEN MY SEAT BELT.

THE ONLY TROUBLE COMING DOWN THAT WAY IS YOU GOT TO HAVE YOUR TURBAN REPACKED.

AH!

GOT HIM!

HA HA HA HA!

THE LITTLE MAVERICK'S PULLED THE RUG RIGHT OUT FROM UNDER ME.

AND NO MORE COFFEE BREAKS.

YEAH. THEY GIVE YOU SADDLE SORES.

HOW ABOUT THE PIED PIPER OF HAMELIN?

I ALREADY HEARD IT.

GUADALUPE?

NEVER HEARD IT. GO AHEAD.

"OUR STORY BEGINS

"IN THE QUAINT AND COLORFUL LITTLE TOWN OF GUADALUPE.

"THE TOWN WAS INFESTED WITH MICE, "AND THE MAYOR CALLED ON THE PIED PIPER, WHO HAPPENED TO BE A MICE-HATING CAT."

AMIGOS, LOOK!

THE GRINGO PUSSYCAT, HE'S GONE MUCH LOCO IN THE CABEZA.


[FLUTE PLAYS]

DON'T GO, ORLANDO! NO! DON'T GO!

[FLUTE PLAYS]

THERE. THAT'S THE LAST ONE.

NOT ALL OF THEM, MR. PIED PIPER.

YOU DON'T CATCH ME.

YOU BETTER PUT BACK ALL MY FRIENDS.

PUT THEM BACK? WHY, YOU LITTLE PIP-SQUEAK, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

I'M SPEEDY GONZALES, THE FASTEST MOUSE IN ALL MEXICO.

PUT THEM BACK, OR I'LL TAKE THEM BACK.

OH, YEAH? JUST GO AHEAD AND TRY IT.

O.K. HERE I COME, iCOMRADOS!

iYEE-HA! iANDALE! iARRIBA! iARRIBA!

iYEE-HA! iEPA! iEPA!

iYEE-HA! iANDALE! iARRIBA! iEPA! iEPA! iYEE-HA!

ALL RIGHT, WISE GUY.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU.

[DANCING]

iANDALE! iANDALE! iARRIBA! iARRIBA!

iANDALE! iARRIBA! iEPA!

iYEE-HA! iANDALE!

iARRIBA! iARRIBA! iEPA! iEPA!

iYEE-HA! iANDALE! iARRIBA! iARRIBA! iEPA! iEPA!

[SQUEAKING]

iEPA! iANDALE! iANDALE! iYEE-HA!

iANDALE! iARRIBA! iYEE-HA!

iARRIBA! iARRIBA! iANDALE!

[FOOTSTEPS]

[PANTING]

[GULP]

COME ON, PUSSYCAT. YOU CAN MAKE IT.

YOU ONLY GOT THREE MORE STEPS.

DON'T GIVE UP.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

LA CUCARACHA

LA CUCARACHA

YA NO PUEDO CAMINAR

BUENOS NOCHES, SENOR GATO.

MY NAME IS SLOWPOKE RODRIGUEZ.

IS THIS WHERE LIVES IT MY COUSIN SENOR SPEEDY GONZALES?

SLOWPOKE?

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. SURE.

COME RIGHT IN.

PORQUE NO TIENE

PORQUE LE FALTA

MARIHUANA QUE FUMAR SLOWPOKE! WHAT YOU DOING HERE?

THIS IS NO PLACE FOR A COUNTRY MOUSE.

IT'S TOO DANGEROUS.

WHEN DO WE EAT? I'M HUNGRY.

THERE'S LOTS OF FOOD IN THE REFRIGERATOR, BUT YOU GOT TO GET BY THE PUSSYCAT.

THAT'S GOOD.

I GET IT. I'M HUNGRY.

ONLY THE FASTEST MOUSE CAN MAKE IT, WHICH IS ME, NOT THE SLOWEST MOUSE, WHICH IS YOU.

I'M HUNGRY.

O.K. I GET IT FOR YOU.

iANDALE! iANDALE! iARRIBA! iEPA! iEPA! iYEE-HA!

iANDALE! iEPA! iEPA! iARRIBA! iANDALE!

iARRIBA! iARRIBA! iEPA! iEPA! iARRIBA!

iANDALE! iANDALE! iARRIBA!

HOW'S THIS, COUSIN SLOWPOKE?

THAT'S VERY GOOD, COUSIN SPEEDY...

BUT YOUR FORGOT THE TOBASCO SAUCE.

O.K. I GET IT FOR YOU.

iANDALE! iARRIBA! iARRIBA! iEPA! iEPA! iYEE-HA!

iEPA! iEPA! iANDALE! iANDALE! iARRIBA! iARRIB--!

WHOOPS! I'M STUCK.

[CHUCKLING]

WELL, HUH!

IT'S TAKEN A LONG TIME TO GET YOU, BUT IT'S BEEN WORTH IT.

YEOW!

OH, SENOR GATO, YOU FORGOT YOUR FLUTE.

DON'T YOU WANT HIM?

NO, I DON'T WANT HIM. YOU CAN HAVE IT.

GRACIAS, SENOR GATO. GRACIAS.

[BUGS BUNNY] INSTEAD OF THE PIED PIPER LEADING THE MICE OUT OF TOWN, THE MOUSE LED THE PIED PIPER OUT OF TOWN.

BOY, WHAT A DUMB CAT.

I'VE SEEN DUMB CATS, BUT THAT'S THE DUMBEST CAT OF ALL.

WELL, IT TAKES A DUMMY TO KNOW A DUMMY.

DADDY, HE CALLED YOUR DARLING A DUMMY!

NOW YOU'LL GET IT.

YOU'LL GET BOILED IN OIL.

DADDY!

PIPE DOWN!

IF YOU KEEP QUIET, I'LL TELL YOU A VERY SPECIAL STORY.

WHAT'S IT ABOUT?

IT'S ABOUT A SINGING FROG.

A SINGING FROG!

WHOEVER HEARD OF A FROG THAT COULD SING?

IF YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT, SIT DOWN AND KEEP QUIET.

"THIS STORY BEGAN NOT TOO LONG AGO

"IN A BIG CITY CALLED THE BIG APPLE.

"THE BIG APPLE WAS SO LOADED WITH PEOPLE, "THEY HARDLY KNEW WHERE TO PUT THEM ALL.

"THEY PUT UP BIGGER BUILDINGS.

"TO PUT UP A BIG BUILDING, THEY REMOVED A LITTLE BUILDING."


[CROAK]

HELLO, MY BABY, HELLO, MY HONEY

HELLO, MY RAGTIME GAL

SEND ME A KISS BY WIRE

BABY, MY HEART'S ON FIRE

IF YOU REFUSE ME, HONEY, YOU'LL LOSE ME

THEN YOU'LL BE LEFT ALONE

OH, BABY, TELEPHONE

AND TELL ME I'M YOUR OWN


[CROAK]

EVERYBODY DO THE MICHIGAN RAG

EVERYBODY LIKES THE MICHIGAN RAG

EVERY MAME AND JANE AND RUTH...

STOMP AND ROMP AND POMP THE MICHIGAN

JUMP, CLUMP, HUMP THE MICHIGAN RAG

THAT LOVIN' RAG

[CROAK]

COME BACK TO ERIN, MY BOY, MY BOY

COME BACK AGAIN TO THE LAND

OF THY BIRTH

...WILD ABOUT HARRY

AND HARRY'S WILD ABOUT ME

OH, I'M JUST WILD ABOUT HARRY

AND HE'S JUST WILD ABOUT, CANNOT DO WITHOUT

HE'S JUST WILD ABOUT ME

"...McCLOSKEY" WAS TO BE THE BATTLE CRY

THROW HIM DOWN, McCLOSKEY, YOU CAN LICK 'EM IF YOU TRY

AND FUTURE GENERATIONS WITH WONDER AND DELIGHT

WILL READ ON HISTORY'S PAGES OF THE GREAT McCLOSKEY FIGHT

[ONE PERSON CLAPPING]

EVERYBODY DO THE MICHIGAN RAG

EVERYBODY LIKES THE MICHIGAN RAG

EVERY MAME AND JANE AND RUTH

FROM WEEHAWKEN TO DULUTH

SLIDE, RIDE, GLIDE THE MICHIGAN

STOMP, ROMP, AND POMP THE MICHIGAN

JUMP, CLUMP, HUMP THE MICHIGAN RAG

THAT LOVIN' RAG

WON'T YOU COME OVER TO MY HOUSE?

WON'T YOU COME OVER AND PLAY?

I'VE LOTS OF PLAYTHINGS, A DOLLY OR TWO

WE LIVE IN THE HOUSE 'CROSS THE WAY

I'LL GIVE YOU CANDY AND SWEET THINGS

I'LL PUT YOUR HAIR IN A CURL

WON'T YOU COME OVER TO MY HOUSE

AND PLAY THAT YOU'RE MY LITTLE GIRL?

[CROWD BOOING]

[CROAK]

[SINGING OPERA]


[CROAK]

PLEASE DON'T TALK ABOUT ME WHILE I'M GONE

OH, HONEY, THOUGH OUR FRIENDSHIP CEASES FROM NOW ON

[BUGS BUNNY] "FINALLY, THE POOR GUY DECIDED

"TO DUMP HIS WARTY PRIMA DONNA

"BACK INTO THE OBSCURITY WHERE HE FOUND HIM.

HE TIPTOED OFF INTO THE MISTS OF TIME."

AND THAT'S THE STORY OF THE SINGING FROG.

WATER.

I--I GOT TO HAVE WATER.

C-COOL...

C-CLEAR...TINKLING...

HA! WATER!

HUH!

JUST A MIRAGE.

COME ON. LET'S GET GOING.

I AIN'T GOT ALL DAY.

LET'S HAVE ANOTHER STORY.

I AIN'T TELLIN' YOU NO MORE STORIES.

YOU'LL BE BOILED IN OIL.

NO MORE STORIES. ME MIND'S MADE UP.

DADDY, HE AIN'T GOIN' TO TELL ME NO MORE STORIES!

COME QUICK! IT'S AN EMERGENCY!

DADDY!

ALL RIGHT, YOU RAUNCHY RABBIT!

WHAT'S ALL THE FUSS ABOUT NOW?

I ABSOLUTELY, EMPHATICALLY, AND WITH GREAT CONVICTION REFUSE TO READ ANOTHER STORY TO YOUR SON!

YOU WHAT? HEH HEH HEH!

YOU KNOW WHAT I THOUGHT YOU SAID, THAT YOU WEREN'T GOING TO READ NO MORE STORIES.

YOU DIDN'T SAY THAT, DID YOU?

NOT ONLY DID I SAY THAT, BUT I'LL EMPHASIZE ME SENTIMENTS LIKE THIS.

NO!

OW! OOH! OUCH!

OOH! OW! TAKE IT!

OW! OW! OUCH! OW!

OOH! OW! BACK AT YOU!

EEE! YA! YOU TAKE IT!

YIPE!

OUCH! I DON'T WANT IT!

[YOSEMITE SAM] OUCH! OOH! OW! OH!

EASY!

[YOSEMITE SAM] NOW YOU'VE DONE IT, RABBIT!

NOW I'M GONNA DUNK YOU IN THE BOILING OIL!

GUARDS!

HEAT UP THAT OIL!

THE COLONEL'S CHICKEN HAS GOT COMPANY.

I DON'T MIND BEING DUNKED IN BOILING OIL.

A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF OIL IS GOOD FOR YOUR SKIN.

EVEN BEHEADING ISN'T SO BAD ONCE YOU GET USED TO IT.

BUT YOU GOT TO PROMISE ME ONE THING--

PROMISE ME YOU WON'T THROW ME IN THAT HOLE.

LOOKS DEEP AND DARK.

I'LL TAKE ANYTHING, BUT NOT THAT HOLE.

I'LL SUFFOCATE IN THERE!

YOU CAN AFFORD TO BE MERCIFUL!

PLEASE...NOT THAT HOLE!

THROW HIM IN THE HOLE, DADDY!

THAT'S MY BOY!

HE'S BEGINNING TO THINK LIKE ME.

THROW HIM IN THE HOLE!

NO, NO. NOT THE HOLE. NOT THAT.

YAH!

[IMITATES BOMB FALLING]

CRASH!

THE CRITTER MUST HAVE BUSTED EVERY BONE IN HIS BODY.

WHERE ARE WE GOING TO GET ANOTHER STORYTELLER?

[BUZZING]

WATER! WATER!

H2O! WATER!

I CAN'T STAND THIS HORRIBLE THIRST!

WATER! WATER!

WHAT THE--

AH, WHAT'S UP, DOC?

IT'S YOU! YOU'RE NOT A MIRAGE!

I CAN FEEL YOU. YOU'RE REAL.

OF COURSE I'M REAL, DAFFY.

AND IF YOU'RE REAL, THEN THAT BIG HOUSE IS REAL.

IT'S REAL.

IF IT'S REAL, IT'S MINE. I SAW IT FIRST.

BACK! BACK! BACK! IT'S MINE, MINE, MINE!

DOWN! DOWN! DOWN! GO! GO! GO!

MINE! MINE! MINE!

I'LL SELL A MILLION BUCKS WORTH OF BOOKS IN THAT HOUSE!

DAFFY, WAIT! THERE'S SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW!

YEAH?

GOOD DAY, SIR.

I REPRESENT THE RAMBLING HOUSE STORYBOOK COMPANY.

COME ON IN, STRANGER.

WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU.

WELL, IF HE WON'T LISTEN, HE'LL JUST HAVE TO FIND OUT THE HARD WAY.

[YOSEMITE SAM] TELL MY SON A THOUSAND STORIES, OR I'LL PLUCK EVERY FEATHER OFF OF THAT CARCASS OF YOURS!

[DAFFY DUCK] I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY.

SLOW DOWN, RABBIT! WAIT FOR ME!

I SHOWED THAT SULTAN HE DOESN'T SCARE THIS LITTLE DUCK.

HEY, YOU DON'T HAPPEN TO HAVE ANY SUN TAN OIL ON YOU, DO YOU?

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.