Campus Confidential (2005) Script

♪ Whoa ooh whoa ooh whoa ♪

♪ I've been losin' my mind ♪

♪ And I'm on my way ♪

♪ Time for me to fly ♪

♪ Time for me to soar ♪

♪ Time for me to lay down all my worries ♪

♪ And I'll spread my wings ♪

♪ Time for me to fly ♪

♪ Whoo ♪ Che? Here, Kitty.

Did you see Che?

No, Mom.

Che?

Out you go, Che.

Go on. Go make new friends.

Oh, Mom!

I think Che relieved himself on one of your old articles last night.

Yeah, well, he wouldn't be the first.

Are you still bummed about theBerkeley Guardian shutting down?

Why do you ask?

Because you just put espresso in your wheatgrass.

Gggg!

Ugh! Gross.

Yeah, sure. I-I'm gonna miss it.

But you know, change is a good thing, Honey.

Although it's not a hotbed for advocacy journalism, I'm sure there's lots to write about at theWestland Hills Bugle.

Mom, last week their lead story was about a new spray-on tanning booth at the mini mall.

True, but never forget, Violet, there is oppression and injustice everywhere.

Come on. Let's go.

♪ Time for me to soar ♪

♪ And time for me to open up my heart ♪

♪ And knock on heaven's door ♪

♪ Time for me to live ♪

♪ It's time for me to sing ♪

♪ And time for me to lay down all my worries... ♪ ♪ Oh, oh, Honey, I packed you a lunch.

A little comfort food.

Your favorites. Alfalfa sprouts and hemp nuts.

Mom, they do have a cafeteria.

So you feel okay about your first day of school?

You're gonna make new friends, Sweetie.

Hey, Scooby, move the Mystery Machine!

You're blockin' my spot!

Today!

I gotta go.

Bye, Honey. I love you. Bye.

(Tyler) who you're dealin' with?

♪ Never gonna get any better ♪

♪ Uh-huh uh-huh ♪

♪ Never gonna get it together ♪

♪ Uh-huh uh-huh ♪

♪ Should I stay or should I go? ♪

♪ Because I really need to know ♪

♪ Or do I stick and cry ♪

♪ 'Cause now it's time to say good-bye? ♪

♪ Please baby please baby ♪

♪ Bye-bye ♪

♪ I ain't got nobody ♪

♪ That I can depend on ♪

♪ Just me myself and I ♪

♪ I ain't got nobody ♪

♪ That I can depend on ♪

♪ I said me myself and I ♪

♪ I ain't got nobody ♪

♪ That I can depend on ♪

♪ Just me myself and I ♪

♪ I ain't got nobody ♪ ♪

What areyoudoing on this side of the hall?

Walking?

Wrong.

This side of the hall is reserved for people who cruise in the fast lane.

That side of the hall is reserved for the drivers who have yet to discover Botox, highlights, and Prada.

So scoot plebe. Plebe.

Plebe?

Okay, people.

Next month marks the beginning of our oral report season.

This semester, our first book is going to beAnimal Farm, George Orwell's story about the corruptive nature of power.

So let's get some dates nailed down, shall we?

Thank you.

Okay, uh, Jenna Hardcastle, why don't you get us started off on October 8th?

(Jenna) Okay, gotcha.

Richard Powell, you'll be utilizing your oral abilities on October 15th.

Brandon Dunn.

October 22nd.

Mm. Talk about oral abilities.

(girl) Oh, God.

October 29th, how about you, Melinda?

Ooh! No can do.

That's the week of my Fall Ball party.

I'm gonna be, like, totally swamped.

Very well then.

How about Violet Jacobs?

Oh, um, would it be okay if we could do it on another date?

Um, that's the anniversary of my grandmother's death, and my mom and I usually do this whole ceremony.

I'm sorry, I'm afraid you're gonna need a better excuse than that.

Oh.

Like what? A manicure?

Hi, can I have some chicken please?

Football team's got first dibs on the KFC.

Game day rules.

But it looks like they already had first dibs.

Not to mention second, third, and fourths.

Hey, kid, I don't make the rules around here.

I just wear the hairnet.

Turkey coquette?

First day, huh?

Yeah. How'd you know?

Because I'm the kid that you talk to on your first day of school, then pretend you don't know once you make your real friends.

Name's Mokhtar, by the way.

Although, around here I'm generally referred to as "Mokh-turd."

I'm also the photographer for theHillsider.

That's our school newspaper.

Oh, well, that must be fun.

Not really.

Well, I'm Violet.

Violet Jacobs.

Bye.


Cough, cough, kitty.

Keep that hairball down next time.

Dressed like that, I give her a month.

Okay, people. Did you see the denim?

Water.

This is flat water, you oaf.

Ugh. Oh, my God!

Melinda, what's wrong?

Someone is sitting in my seat!

What about this sign don't you understand?

Hey, this is the cafeteria.

You can't reserve tables.

That new girl is sitting in Melinda's seat!

That is so not okay.

This tray is so heavy.

Yeah, well, my mom just got carpal tunnel from unloading the dishwasher.

So if I were you, I'd...

Take a load off?

Good idea.

Later.

(boy) Strangely enough, I think it's an improvement.

Oh, my God!

In case you want to file a lawsuit.

(Violet's mother) Is that some sort of weird hazing ritual?

No, usually after they haze you, they let you in to their club.

I think this falls more under the heading of

"cafeteria entertainment," with me as the featured act.

Well, I've never heard of anything so cruel.

Tomorrow morning, I am going down to that school of yours and having a talk.

Mom, I have enough people thinking I'm a freak.

I do not need you mounting one of your freedom protests to the principal's office.

Violet, you cannot just sit back and let people treat you like this.

You are a fighter. Now fight.

Easy for you to say.

You didn't just have a Jell-O cream rinse!

I have had plenty of stuff thrown at me in the name of free speech.

I promise you, you are gonna find your place.

Was there anyone there whodidn'tabuse you?

Mokhtar, hey.

Mokhtar?

Mokh-turd.

Oh. Hey, Violet.

Hey.

So what you doin'?

Oh, I was on my way to the school paper.

You wanna come?

Sure.

But keep it between us, 'cause it's, like, the only place around here that isn't an A-list minefield.

I can see why nobody bothers you down here.

Where are you going?

I think I'll try Debate Club.

Hi there!

I'm Cornelia. And you are...

This is Violet.

She's interested in joining the paper.

I am?

Well, then by definition, we're interested in having her.

Ha!

Come! Walk with me.

Um...

(Cornelia) I'll be the first to admit that our profile isn't exactly where it should be.

But I'm working on it.

My goal is to blanket Westland Hills High with the good name of theHillsider.

(woman) Young man, I want you in my office in one hour.

Well, you're off to a great start.

Actually...

I think we're low on back issues of this one.

"Be the Ham You Always Wanted to Be," by Violet Jacobs.

What do you think about that?

I think you should write about what's really going on around here.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about the cheerleaders with their own lane in the hallway.

Football players who make everyone else go vegan on game day.

Paris Hilton wannabes who reserve tables in the cafeteria.

Violet... May I call you Vi?

I'd rather you didn't.

Look, Vi, I know this school may seem a bit elitist, but we all make an effort to fit in, because you just never know.

Someday, it might be you and me sitting at that reserved table in the cafeteria.

Now go to it, star reporter.

Wai...

NewHillsider!

NewHillsider, people!

Come and read the latest.

Oh, speaking of the latest, so how goes your first day on the beat?

Oh... Find any good stories for me?

Well, it appears as if the team mascot is allergic to his uniform.

He is, uh, sampling various anti-itch ointments as we speak.

Great!

We'll have a follow-up.

What else?

Oh, well, I looked into that.

"Longtime School Librarian Remembers" piece you suggested.

Super.

I bet she had lots to say about our school's storied tradition.

Actually, she's so old, she's having trouble remembering what she ate for breakfast.

Here, come on.

That's cool.

Hey, what happened to Mokhtar?

Afraid there was an incident in the boy's locker room.

Tyler Larkin borrowed his turban and used it as a rattail.

Ow!

How could he get away with this?

He's the star quarterback, Vi.

(girl 1) Thanks.

(girl 2) What is that?

(girl 1) I don't know.

I'd steer clear of that one, if I were you.

Word is, he's been through the entire female student body quicker than a Tijuana burrito.

Oh!

There's our school president, Mike Davis.

You rock.

Go get a sound bite.

Oh! Um... Excuse me, Mike.

Violet Jacobs from theHillsider.

I was wondering, would you care to elaborate on the No Freshman Left Behind program?

I'm sorry. Who'd you say you work for again?

TheHillsider.

You know, the school newspaper.

I didn't know we had a school paper.

Oh. Well...

(Lacy) As if. Hillsider.

Brand-new issue.

Hillsider.

Can I have one of those?

(boy) Wait, Melinda, come on!

Much better.

I'm sure I can fit into those alligator chaps now.

Oh, my God!

It absorbed the whole thing?

Breaking news, everyone!

Four out of five soccer moms prefer school newspaper to Bounty in drip test.

Huh!

I will make this paper a success if it's the last thing I do!

Corn, don't let those jerks get to you.

Easy for you to say. You're the new girl.

You just have to get through your senior year here.

I've spent my entire life being laughed at by these stuck-up jerks.

Well, I'm not laughing at you.

No.

You're not.

Are you?

(PA announcer) Cornelia Nixon, please report to the principal's office.

Cornelia Nixon to the principal's office please.

Did you hear that?

The principal wants to see me!

I bet he wants to talk about giving us a hand with theHillsider.

Come on!

You wanted to see me, sir?

You are? Cornelia Nixon, sir.

Editor in Chief of theHillsider.

Our school newspaper?

Oh, right. Please, have a seat.

I'll get straight to the point.

As you know, we all take great pride in our athletic program here at Westland Hills.

Speaking of which, is there any possibility that you could release the KFC to the general population on game days?

Football players need protein and iron, girls.

That's what makes them such a force to be reckoned with on the field.

Oh, I guess it has nothing to do with the steroid shakes they wash it all down with.

Principal Glavin, just wanted to remind you about your nooner with Ms. Davies at the PTA.

You mean my noon appointment?

(receptionist) Sorry.

Tell her I'm on my way.

You were saying, sir?

Oh.

We've been meaning to give the girls a training facility equal to that of the boys.

Problem is, that takes money.

Eh, the bottom line is, we gotta cut back.

And the school newspaper seemed like a good place to start.

I must admit that's not quite what I was expecting to hear, but, um, my staff and I can roll with the punches.

We'll tighten our belts. That's all.

Actually, there won't be any staff.

But I don't get it.

If there's no staff, then how are we supposed to publish?

Corn.

I think he means he's shutting down the paper.

Shutting down the paper?!

No moreHillsider?

I can't believe it. What am I going to do?

Well, there's always Debate Club.

There is no Debate Club at Westland Hills High.

There's no debate, period.

If you're not the A-list, you just have to shut up and take whatever bitter medicine they make you swallow.

Violet, you didn't see Che, did you?

Last time I saw him, he was in one of your boxes.

Oh, oh, okay.

Hi.

Mom, this is my friend and former editor, Cornelia Nixon.

Cornelia...

Naomi Jacobs. Hello.

Naomi Jacobs? As in the reporter?

Oh, my God! I'm, like, your biggest fan!

Oh!

Well, I didn't know anyone read theBerkeley Guardian around here.

Actually, I was talking about theWestland Hills Bugle.

That story on the new traffic light you wrote the other day was first-rate.

Well, gee, thanks. Ha ha.

So what are you guys doing?

School shut us down. Aw.

Why? Funding.

Ugh!

I am so sorry to hear that.

Whenever the press is silenced, it is a sad day for democracy.

Yeah, well, Mom, this school isn't a democracy.

It's more like a monarchy with Homecoming kings and queens.

What do you think you're doing?

Sitting down.

Not in my seat.

You know, Logan's gonna be out of town this weekend.

Another male Brazilian wax convention?

Oral guy just cracks me up.

Violet, Cornelia! Come quick!

You need to check this out!

Equal training facility, my ass!

They turned our office into a day spa.

So are you gonna do this all day, or are you actually gonna polish them?

I don't get it.

Why would Principal Glavin lie to us like that?

(Violet) Because Stacy's and Lacy's parents probably pay for his golf lessons.

Face it, Corn, some people matter around here, and some people just flat-out don't.

Let's go to my place.

I could use a drink.

My dad's this totally successful plastic surgeon.

He's worked on almost every girl in town.

He jokes, Westland Hills didn't even have hills before he started practicing.

Egg cream?

They're sort of a guilty pleasure of mine.

No thanks.

Talk about guilty pleasures.

Oh, yeah. My mom loves those things.

I must admit, they are great at nailing those celebs that walk around all day like this is their world and the rest of us just rent space in it.

Why does that sound so familiar?

Oh, yeah.

I go to Westland Hills High.

"Governor Spins World Wide Web of Deceit and Pornography.

From Office in Capitol Building."

Didn't you tell me that the school treasurer blew last year's budget on that lap dance webcam site?

The "lapcam," I think it was called.

Yeah. So?

"Pop Diva's Cup Runneth Over."

"Breast Reduction Surgery Leaves One Bigger Than The Other."

They think that's bad?

I saw this nose job casualty in the hallway whose nostrils looked like semicolons.

Okay, I'm losing you here, Vi.

What's your point?

My point is, Stacy, Lacy, Brett, Melinda, and all those A-list kids, they're just like celebs.

And how do you bring celebs down?

I don't know.

Let's do it.

Let's start our own tabloid.

A high school tabloid?

Hello? It's perfect!

What better way to rid our school of the creeps who make our lives a living hell?

Who take away our paper a-and-and turn our office into their own personal day spa, with the school's money, no less.

You know what, it's like... It's like what I said.

We should write about what's really going on at Westland Hills High.

Let's expose all of their embarrassing little sec... Vi.

Yeah?

You had me at "Hello?"

(Violet) What is all this stuff?

Surveillance equipment.

All the celebrity gossip rags use it.

Here, take a look.

Ooh.

I can't see anything.

Ugh! Infrared goggles.

For night work, silly.

Oh, walkie-talkies.

Never go out of style.

Ooh. Hey, I think we should call ourselvesThe Tattler.

"Inquiring teenage minds wanna know."

What do you think?

Love it.

Now we're just missing one thing.

What? Scoops.

There you go.

(Violet) This is not gonna be easy.

I've seen my mom when she goes into investigator mode.

You need sources, leaks, information.

Any way that you can get it.

Now, we're not friends with these people.

And we don't go to their parties.

Oh, and I draw the line when it comes to going through other people's garbage.

Bad ethics? Weak stomach.

No friends, no parties, no garbage.

Yep. We've definitely got our work cut out for us.

(Brett) Hey, hey, Esmeralda.

Those acid-wash high-risers must be just perfect for, like, a, you know, a late-night border crossing.

Where did you get them?

C'mon, girl, you must give us the skinny.

Oh, I... I did not just say that. I...

God, he is so cruel.

Tell me about it.

Brett and his well-dressed buds are Westland Hills' answers to the Fab Five.

Nothing escapes their queer eye.

I've known plenty of gay guys, and they're not like that.

I mean, he's worse than Joan Rivers on a red carpet.

This school tends to bring out the worst in its social groups.

The fact is, gay is way in, and Brett milks it for all it's worth.

(Brett) Esmeralda.

Make sure to clean my locker, por favor.

He makes her clean his locker?

If there was ever a candidate forThe Tattler, it's him.

You don't think there's any well-dressed skeletons in his closet, do you?

When I give you the signal, let 'er rip.

Okay.

(PA announcer) All students, please proceed in an orderly fashion to the designated assembly points in the school parking lot.

Remain calm, students.

Come on! Please meet your teachers at the designated...

Pores are so gross.

Totally. I'm gonna have mine removed.

Along with what's left of your brain!

Hey, Esmeralda. You got a sec?

Sorry, it's a little messy.

I'm supposed to clean it tomorrow.

Oh, that's okay. Thanks for helping us.

Ooh. Oh, my.

Oh! Okay.

Tacky, but hardly a skeleton.

Wait a sec.

So?

So people keep their entire lives on these things.

It's worth a quick search.

Just as long as you keep it quick.

Remember, you've only got 20 minutes.

Why 20 minutes? That's when tennis practice ends.

I'll stand guard outside.

When I see Brett come back from the tennis courts, I'll give you a heads-up.

Roger? Roger.

(boys) Mmm. Ooh.

Oh, password-protected.

It figures. How much time do we have?

11 minutes.

Oh! Think, guys.

You've known him longer than I have.

Okay, I'm thinking, I'm thinking.

Um, let's see, uh, birthday, pet names...

He did used to have a little Chihuahua.

What'd he call it again? Isaac?

As in Mizrahi?

Nothing doing.

Uh!

He is looking so Roddick today.

Uh-huh.

I must get my camera and record the moment.

Okay, try Esther.

Madonna's Kabbalah name.

Bingo!

The peacock has landed.

I repeat, the peacock has landed.

(on walkie-talkie) Over and out.

That was Cornelia. Brett's on his way.

Find anything yet?

(Mokhtar) Manicure appointments. Facials.

Nothing unexpected.

What's that?

"Call Sam. 555-0125.

Break up."

6:00pm Friday. That's last week.

You know what they say.

Hell hath no fury like the wrath of a fabulous ex-boyfriend.

Thanks again, Esmeralda.

My pleasure.

Oh, hey, whatever you guys were planning to do to Brett, make it good.

All clean, Brett.

That's Senor Brett to you.

And weren't you supposed to clean it tomorrow?

I-it needed it today.

Your spandex thongs were getting kinda musty.

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

Did you call Sam?

Yeah, but I got one of those computerized messages telling me to leave a callback number, so I left your cell phone number.

Why not yours?

Well, my mom won't let me have one.

She thinks they create institutionalized ADD.

Hello?

Yes.

Sam?

Yes! We'd love to meet you.

Frijole's Restaurant?

That... that's the one by the outlet center, right?

Great!

We'll see you then!

You are not going to believe this.

What?

Sam is...

Guy pops in three times a week, easy.

Drops a few charm bombs, flashes some cash.

Last six months alone, he's hooked up with half the waitstaff.

By that, you mean womenandmen.

Are you kidding?

That boy's as straight as a Raiders fan in a Barcalounger.

What a dupe I was, falling for all his promises.

What kind of promises?

Nah, it's too embarrassing.

Oh.

He said he'd make me a model.

I got a PDA full of pictures.

You wanna see?

Are any of them of the two of you?

Sure.

Except it's sorta hard to tell.

There are only a few shots with his head above the sheets.

We finally have our scoop!

Monday morning, that boy is getting inned!


I don't get it.

We stuck one in every locker, and they didn't even notice.

Maybe it's true what they say about our generation.

Maybe we just don't read.

Unh! Unh!

Or can't.

Oh, my God!

(boy) Lemme see!

(girl) Oh, my God!


How could you do this to us?

I never would've come out of the closet and alienated my parents if it weren't for you.

Tell me about it!

I gave up a Saab for my 16th birthday.

Would you mind explaining the meaning of all this bad opera?

Read it and pretend to weep, you faux pansy.

I have just one question.

Why, Brett? Why?

All right, I'll tell you why.

Because I suck at sports, I couldn't give a crap about grades, and my mom's a freakin' dental hygienist who raised me in a tract house with shag carpeting.

Oh, it gets uglier by the second.

So, yeah, I had to find some way to stand out around here.

Because being a nice, middle-class kid with good fashion sense just wasn't gonna cut it.

So I had to become...

Don't even utter the "G" word around us.

Speaking of "G" words, you're gone, buster.

From now on, we're the Fab Four.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I can still wear an Armani pullover better than any of you! Whatever.

Get outta my way.

I know.

I think we should tell everyone that we're the geniuses behindThe Tattler.

Are you crazy?

That goes against everything we're trying to accomplish here.

How can you be a fly on the wall when everyone knows you're buzzing around?

Way to go, ladies.

How'd you know it was us?

Cornelia, I always knew behind that rah-rah facade of yours beat the heart of a true guerrilla journalist.

See? That's what I was just saying.

Plus, my buddy at the PC store told me your dad dropped two grand on a killer desktop publishing system.

What do you want, Mokhtar?

To offer my services.

Can't have a tabloid without a paparazzi.

Hm?

You're hired.

Consider yourself the official eyes of The Tattler.

Thank you, Violet.

Well, off to work I go.

We've definitely whet their appetites, Vi.

Careful.

Another step or two, you'll be walking on the wrong side of the hall.

Excuse me?

Just kidding.

I don't buy into any of that A-list nonsense.

Apparently, neither do you.

Very healthy attitude for a new girl.

Seriously, that Orwell crack to Melinda in Mr. Hackett's class the other day classic.

I-I'm Brandon, by the way.

Violet.

But obviously not a shrinking one.

So wanna talk dates?

Dates?

As in English class.

For our oral reports.

I remember you saying something about your grandmother?

Yeah, right. Yeah.

Well, I was thinking that I'd switch dates with you if you want.

I'll take yours, you take mine?

That would be great. Thanks.

Cool.

Uh, well...

I've got some reading to do.

It's that time of year again, people!

Fall Ball time!

Hey, everybody!

(Logan) Ha! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Yeah!

Logan, care to shake out your branches?

The invites, you cretin.

Oh! Right.

Sorry, Melinda.

Now, now, before everyone gets their hopes up, let me just say that unfortunately, a wing of Melinda-land is currently under renovation, so my parental advisors are making me keep the guest list a little shorter than usual this year.

Sorry.

I know, I know.

Okay. Sorry.

Come and get 'em.

Who's comin'?

Here you go. See you there.

Come dressed and fresh and ready to impress.

Ready to impress.

We've got to find a way to get in to that party.

How? That's the most exclusive A-list invite all year.

Maybe, but parties are petri dishes for gossip.

And the Fall Ball probably has the mother lode of all A-list scoops just waiting to be dug up.

(Melinda) See you there.

Thank you.

Yeah, well, at the moment, Melinda's leaves don't seem to be falling in our direction.

True, but you never know when the winds will shift.

Gimme your phone.

(Stacy) My little black dress.

So perfect for fall.

From the wrong side of the hall to the hottest party of the year!

And all it took was a few clicks on Photoshop.

It's our first A-list party!

This is something I'll be able to tell my children about someday!

Wait. What are we doing?

This is simply for scoops.

You're right.

This is purely professional.

See you tonight.

Where are you going?

To buy a killer outfit, silly!

Well, what am I gonna wear?

(Naomi) Violet, look what I rented for tonight.

Your favorite, JFK.

Actually, I am going out tonight.

Wow.

This is front-page news.

It's just a party.

Yes, but, Honey, you've come a long way from the days of Jell-O highlights.

You know, I'd be glad to take you.

Oh, Mom, no offense, but I think if I show up in the Scooby Mobile, it would pretty much put the kibosh on my social life.

Besides, Cornelia has offered to give me a lift.

Boy, you and this Cornelia are really becoming quite the team, aren't ya?

Yeah, Mom.

Are those your investigative antennae I see twitching above your head?

I am just happy that you found a friend.

Especially one on the school paper.

It's a shame you girls have nothing to work on now.

What can you do?

Mm.

(Tyler) I don't see your name on the list.

I don't care. Get outta here.

What's up?

(boy) Hey, what's up, man?

Hey!

Wait up.

I can barely walk in these things.

Hey, Pee-Wee Herman called. He wants his shoes back.

I shoulda worn the bad minidress.

♪ Oh yeah ♪ ♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ All right ♪ ♪ All right ♪

♪ Put your hands together just don't get no better ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪ ♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ All right ♪ Okay, let's split up.

I'll work the dance floor, and you can take the patio.

Mind if I mingle for a bit first?

Come on, Vi.

This is the biggest bash of my life.

Oh! Before I forget.

What's this for?

Afraid you're gonna have to double as the staff photographer for the night.

Mokhtar freaked when he heard.

Tyler was working the front door.

♪ ' Cause there's a new day coming ♪

♪ Ah yeah ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪ ♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ All right ♪ ♪ All right ♪

♪ Put your hands together just don't get no better ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪ ♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ All right ♪ ♪ All right ♪

♪ Music takes you higher ♪

♪ Lovin' can begin ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪ ♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ All right ♪ ♪ All right ♪

♪ Put your hands together just don't get no better ♪ ♪ Gross!

Oh! Oh!

Gross!

Oh, my God!

Did someone just throw up on us?

Guess that makes us even after the cafeteria?

Believe me, you will never be even with us.

Ne.

Ver! Ver!

Practicing our phonics, ladies.

Don't get me wrong.

It's a really great way to build your vo-cab.

Maybe even bust it into the double digits.

Cuteness isn't an excuse for rudeness, poster boy.

Check it out!

The football players are about to light the pool on fire.

Someday, archaeologists will find the missing link, and it will be wearing a cheerleader skirt.

Still clutching onto a fossilized pom-pom, no doubt.

Uh-huh. Oh, yeah.

(Violet) The good news is, they're easily distracted.

So I didn't expect to see a rebel like you at Melinda's fall soiree.

Yeah?

Well, sort of a long story.

Or, a long lie, I should say.

Not important.

What is important is that I get to spend my Friday night with you.

Beats hanging out at the house watching my dad play 31 flavors with his dates.

One was actually a senior when I was a freshman.

My mom's single too.

Sometimes I feel like I'm being raised by my older sister.

So you don't really seem to be this total boy toy on the make like they say you are.

Who says that?

Everyone.

Sometimes I really hate this school.

Oh! Uh...

What... Geez.

I haven't seen a dance like that since...

The Breakfast Club.

Get out. You like that movie too?

It's comfort food.

So what are you doing at a party like this?

Hmm...

Why don't I give you all the juicy details when you come back from getting us a couple drinks?

Good idea.

What am I doing here?

I was just wondering the exact same thing.

First, you cop a squat at my cafeteria table.

Then you muscle in on my chair in English class.

And now this little home invasion.

If you weren't so meek and pathetic, I'd add you to my list of potential stalkers.

Tyler!

Care to show our uninvited guest to the door?

Can I just say good-bye to a friend of mine?

You have no friends here.

Get your hands offa me!

Do you know how many hours of sensitivity training you're looking at, buster?

I've already been twice.

Get off! Ugh!

Argh!

Come on, guys, seriously.

Come on!

Will you please get off?!

(Melinda) Later!

Hey, join the club.

Logan.

What are you doing out here?

Mm, same thing as you.

I'm in exile from Melinda-land.

What happened?

I forgot to pick up the special leaf-shaped hors d'oeuvres platters.

So Cruella had to use her mom's expensive china.

Big deal, you know? What's gonna happen?

(Melinda) Oh, my God!

Okay, so I screwed up.

But still, that is no excuse for Melinda to treat me like some kind of... Whipping boy.

Thank you!

I-I am so sick and tired of cleaning up after her spilt bottled water.

Yeah, I swear, if she doesn't start showing me a little appreciation...

What?

Nothin'.

No, come on.

You can tell me.

Really? Why is that?

Well, 'cause I'm... I'm the new girl.

Who could I possibly tell?

Seriously, Logan, I think you need to get this off your chest.

And what better way to vent than to a faceless, nameless plebe like me?

Well, I guess it beats seeing a shrink.

Yeah, and you don't want to start taking those antidepressants.

They'll kill your sex drive.

Follow me.

I've never told this to anyone before.

So you gotta promise this stays between us.

I promise.

Okay.

"Westland Hills self-proclaimed glamour girl, Melinda Thompson, "burns with the secret desire

"to be the queen of the trailer park.

"Sources tellTattler that the belle of the Fall Ball

"is battling a spiraling addiction to Shop Mart.

"Where she purchases almost all of what a trusted member

"of Thompson's inner circle

"described as her mega discounted wardrobe of shame.

"Buried deep in the darkened recesses of Thompson's garage, "in a box deceptively marked 'good jewelry I'm tired of, '

"is shocking polyester proof

"of what a battery of psychiatrists, "high-end stylists, "and two very concerned parents

"were no longer able to hide:

"Melinda's raging trailer park halter-ego, Betty Jo-Linda."

Bravo, Vi! Your best work yet.

(Melinda) What? This can't be happening.

How dare you? This is my table.

You can't just sit here.

Melinda, I... Uh!

Did you just see that?

Melinda let a plebe take her table.

That is, like, so against the rules.

Melinda...

Melinda, wait!

Come on!

This is troubling.

But for now, I say we play it cool.

Be impossible for us to play it anything but.

I think it's starting to work, Corn.

I think we're actually starting to make this school a better place.

Girl, I think we're starting to find our place.

Hi.

You said Principal Glavin shut down the school paper.

Uh... yeah, yeah.

Uh, theWall Street Journal.

Seriously.

You wouldn't believe how many kids around here play the market.

(girl) Would you look at that big hair?

Anyway, gotta go.

Gotta go.

Violet...

Do you have something to tell me?

Like...

Why that cute boy over there has been staring at you?

No comment.

"No comment."

Hey.

What happened to you the other night at Melinda's party?

You just vanished.

Uh... um the friend who was giving me a lift had a pretty strict curfew.

So we had to split.

Well, you should have told me.

I could have given you a ride home.

Next time, I guess.

Well, speaking of which, I was thinking that we could take a break from the party circuit and just hang, you and me.

Grab a pizza?

Watch a movie.

Maybe make it a double feature.

Depending on your curfew, naturally.

That would be...

Great?

It's a date.

Cool.

Okay.

Well, um, see you in class.

Yeah, see ya.

How could you?

You promised me you wouldn't tell anybody about Melinda.

Look, I'm sorry, but...

Oh, you're sorry?

I just lost the only woman I've ever loved.

I mean, sure Melinda bullied me around sometimes and took me for granted, and flirted with other guys right in front of me.

Even slept with one or two.

You know, but that's what made us such a mature couple.

Well, now that I know you're behindThe Tattler, you're not gonna be the only... tattler around here.

(Violet) Logan knows it's us, Corn.

He can blow our cover like that...

I got a news flash for you.

Our cover's already blown.

What are you talking about?

Brett got to Esmeralda and made her fess up that it was us who broke into his PDA.

When she told me what happened, I-I had no choice but to start telling people that we were behind The Tattler.

Better to hear it from me than from Brett.

But Corn, without our cover...

Without our cover what?

The Tattleris making the school a better place.

I mean, you even said it yourself.

For God's sakes, Vi, I think it's time to come out of the closet.

Get yourTattlerhere.

All the dirt that's fit to print.


Thank you all.

I'd also like to thank my father who instead of investing in new liposuction technology, decided instead to buy his daughter a new state-of-the-art desktop publishing system!

Well, well...

This is front-page news.

Former Dorkettes.

Have Moment of Glory in Caf.

"Moment" being the key word here.

You might have gotten lucky, digging up some dirt on Brett and Melinda.

But if you even think that you are taking all of us down, then you are more clueless than that freak who thought everyone wanted to read the school newspaper.

Yeah, like, whatever happened to her anyway?

I don't know.

Now get out of my way.

I'm late for a facial.

Why not start with a meat pack?

This isn't over!

(man yelling on phone) I eat people like you for lunch!

Melinda is my princess!

If you humiliate her...

Yes, Mr. Thompson, I realize how humiliating this must be for you and Melinda.

(Mr. Thompson) I will sue you!

I will break your legs!

Sir, I don't think that...

Litigation or personal threats will solved anything.

(Mr. Thompson) Find out!

Trust me, sir, I will find out who is behind this.

And when I do...

Oh!

Your club membership gone!

They will feel my wrath.

Did you really think you were gonna get away with this?

We think the students deserve a school newspaper.

Especially after you got rid of our last one to make room for Club Cheerleader.

That is an equal opportunity athletic training facility, young lady, and don't you forget it.

Well, you say "potato."

I say, I see one more copy of that in my school then both of you will be looking at immediate expulsion.

Oh, darn.

I love that putter.

(woman on phone) Principal Glavin.

Ms. Jenkins of the PTA is ready for your appointment.

Thank you.

I can't believe this is the end of The Tattler.

No, maybe not.

I have a hunch that there's a headline working in the principal's office.

And it starts with the letters PTA.

We already pulled that trick with Brett.

PTA, not PDA.

I have to figure out a way to get into that office.

Have a good evening, sir.

I'm sure I will.

Excuse me.

I'm sorry, sir. I'm sorry.

Smells of Eau de PTA to me.

(man) Can anyone tell me what the pigs represent in Orwell's allegory?

Tyler? Livestock.

Does anyone have a slightly less literal meaning?

Violet?

Oh, um...

In the power struggle between the animals, I think that Orwell saw the pigs as, um...

(woman) Will Violet Jacobs please report to Principal Glavin's office?

Immediately.

Go ahead.

Does anyone else have anything to add to that?

Breaking into my office, stealing personal property.

Blackmail.

I have never dealt with such insubordination from a student before.

You forgot impersonating a member of the janitorial staff.

I could have you booted out of here so fast, it would make your head spin.

Not as fast as yours.

That thing is in your hands now.

But it could be in the hands of every student in this school by noon.

Or as the preferred term around here "nooner."

Okay...

Name your price for keeping this out of circulation.

Hmm...

You could start by giving us our office back.

Where are all the freshman?

I have a 3:00 foil and frost.

What goes around here?

Actually, we thought we'd start with you.

You heard her, ladies.

Your spa membership is up.

Says who?

Our principal.

That's ridiculous.

We've had him in our pocket since freshman year.

Well, trust me, his two-hour free lunches are over.

She's so freaky.

It's our time now, Vi.

Can't you just feel it?

Feel what?

The power.

Our office back.

The Principal Glavin threat defused.

Stacy and Lacy frantically searching for hair foils.

It's all starting to come together.

Yeah, maybe this will finally be like a normal high school.

There's no such thing as a normal high school, Violet.

Don't you get it?

It's just like the world out there.

Only the strong survive.

You're starting to weird me out a bit here, Corn.

The name's Cornelia.

(Cornelia) Okay, people, dish away.

What have we got for the new issue?

Big SAT scandal.

Half the seniors bought exams over the Internet.

Bor-ring.

Everyone cheats nowadays.

If it's not outright theft, it's having a shrink diagnose you with ADD, so you can take them un-timed.

Okay, what else have we got?

I'd like to propose a photo essay on Tyler Larkin's insufficient, um... manhood.

I had a camera rigged in the boy's locker room complete with much needed telephoto lens.

Can we tie it into steroid abuse?

Actually, I think the guy's clean.

He just happens to be a little light in the athletic protector.

Let's hold out for any sign of needles.

If you can't find any, plant some.

Is that ethical?

I mean, I think the guy's a jerk, but I don't know if we should...

We're a tabloid, Mokhtar.

You want to print pretty photos of anatomical parts, contactNational Geographic.

Anything else?

How about a follow-up on Brett?

Where is he now?

Answer:

Nowhere.

You're 20 minutes late.

Next time I'll bring a note.

Listen, people.

We have to stay on the offensive.

We may have won a few skirmishes with the A-listers.

But I've known Stacy and Lacy since they were in saddle shoes and believe me, they are not about to go down without a fight.

In fact there's a rumor going around that they're about to rally the troops.

Every A-lister in school.

Hello!

Are you with us?

Yeah. Why?

Because if it's true, I need you to slip back into dirt-gathering mode.

They are going down!

I know we have to get more scoops, but don't...

Violet.

Can I ask you something?

You want your perfect clique-less high school?

Your cafeteria with festival seatings?

Your lane-less hallways?

Yes.

Well, then put away your bleeding heart and get to work!

Let's go, people!

Hey. What's up?

Kind of what I was wondering.

I've left you a couple of messages.

Remember? Pizza, double feature?

I've got a big match on Friday.

You know how it is.

Actually...

I had no idea you were behind that gossip rag.

That has nothing to do with us.

Come on, Violet.

Nobody's been through the rumor mill around here more than me.

I would never write anything bad about you.

You know, when I first saw you in class...

I thought you were above this place.

But I was wrong.

You are more than happy to sink to its level.


We have a responsibility here, people.

Not only to Westland Hills High.

But to high schools everywhere.

If this place falls to the plebes, who knows what school could be next?

I'm just curious but how exactly are we gonna win this school back?

(Melinda) Good question.

Stacy?

Lacy and I have put our heads together...

Thus forming almost one whole brain.

Sorry, old habit.

Anyways, like I said, we've been doing some thinking, and...

And we were kind of hoping you guys had some ideas.

I got it!

You didn't get it from me, that's for sure.

My dad is in PR.

And whenever one of his celebrity clients needs an image boost, he'll do this thing where he gives back a little to the community.

Uh, what do you mean "give back"?

You know, hang out with the little people, visit some dying kids.

My dad calls it, "sprinkling around the stardust."

So you're saying we're like stars here.

Yeah!

I am a star. No you're not.

I say we reach out to the little people and make them love us again.

I like it.

I mean, there's definitely a yuck factor involved, but it's good.

Really good.

(all) Really good.

Hi. Hi.

You want some chocolate?

Hi.

How 'bout trying one of these on for size?

You know, so you can practice being a queen for a day.

Hi, how would you like to practice being a queen for a day?

Talk about manipulative.

Yeah, it's like when those drug dealers hand out turkeys on Thanksgiving.

There you go.

We have to nail them, Vi.

It's the head of the beast.

If Stacy and Lacy win everyone back, the kids will start treatingThe Tattler the same way they used to treat theHillsider.

Cupcake?

Okay, gotta go.

Hi.

Oh, my bag.

Oh.

It's only you.

In that case, shove off.

Can you believe that plebe?

"Dilutia"?

Okay, Dilutia what the hell are you?

And why are you so important to cranium-challenged cheerleaders?

Looking to drop some water weight?

Oh, not me.

This fell out of Stacy's backpack in the caf today.

This is hardly page one worthy.

Half the girls in the school are trying to tinkle away the pounds.

Dig harder, star reporter.

(Stacy) Not on top of the garbage, idiot.

Stuff it way down in the bottom.

(Stacy and Lacy) Wait!


Ugh!

So what's the poop with Stacy and Lacy?

Funny you should put it that way, seeing how I've just been rummaging through some dirty diapers.

What are you talking about?

Diuretics.

Stacy and Lacy.

They've taken so many of them they're actually incontinent.

Between the two of them they go through a pack of Depends a week.

The head of the beast!


Can you believe we actually did it?

I mean, we are sitting at an A-list table, girlfriend.

News flash, everyone!

Party at my house this Friday.

Everyone's invited.

Hey, Mokhtar, where are you going?

Home.

But why?

This party's for the entire school.

Tell that to him.

Stay right here.

I'll be out in a sec to get you in.

Hey, your name on the list?

Please, would you be able to read it if it was?

Next.

We're thinking of expanding into the middle school market sometime this spring.

How does this sound?

'Tween Tattler.

"Developing minds want to know."

Oh, be a dear and fetch me another egg cream, will you?

We need to talk.

I just got stopped at the door by Tyler.

Do you want to tell me what's going on?

Look, inviting the whole school was great in theory, but I didn't actually think everyone was gonna show up.

I mean, we'll have a fire hazard on our hands if we're not careful.

Besides, do you really want to party with all those people?

Don't you mean "plebes"?

Oh, don't do this, Vi.

We've worked so hard for this.

Whatever.

This party's just a little too A-list for my taste.

Got a second?

You don't know me, remember?

Listen, I'm really sorry about what I said.

Truth is...

Nobody got a bigger kick out of what you guys did to Melinda than me.

God knows she deserved it.

So that's why you're here, to celebrate the fall of the A-listers?

I'm here because I knew you'd be here.

So?

How 'bout letting me make it up to you?

Ten free tennis lessons.

Five.

And a free dance lesson.

♪ Look inside and find ♪

♪ What you've been searching for ♪

♪ Come and fall into my arms ♪

♪ And know you're home ♪

♪ Everything is here ♪

♪ That you've been waiting on ♪

♪ Rest assured no matter what ♪

♪ You're not alone ♪

♪ You're right here and now ♪

♪ Let's entangle in the moment ♪

♪ Right here ♪

♪ Right here ♪

♪ And now ♪ ♪

May I cut in?

Listen up, Vi.

We're part of something big now.

Where are we?

My father's home office.

He sees patients here sometimes.

All those times you were looking for scoops, and it never occurred to you to just go through your father's files?

Are you insane?

That's completely unethical.

I mean, this is my father's practice we're talking about.

The fact is, we have reputations to preserve.

Which means you can't get caught sucking a face that very well might end up on the front page of our paper.

That stuff they say about Brandon is total bunk.

Let me spell it out for you, Vi.

Pure and simple.

He's a rumor weed and you're the fertilizer.

Gee, thanks, Corn.

Now look...

I took a chance by deciding to go public and putting a face on this paper.

And I won't...

I thought we only fessed up because Esmeralda told Brett?

You lied to me.

I don't have time for this.

I have a party to attend.

Oh, Mokhtar.

God, I'm so sorry!

Mom.

Are you okay?

It's sort of late.

I was just doing some reading.

I found these in your room.

Mom, listen, I can explain.

I seriously doubt that.

Violet...

I've never laid down too many rules with you because I have always trusted you enough to do the right thing.

This is not the right thing.

You always taught me to fight fire with fire.

You're putting gasoline on the fire.

Nothing good can come from a gossip rag like this.

Look, Honey, if you have problems at your high school, you have to go about it the right way.

Otherwise, what's the difference between you and the cheerleaders you're going after?

I could hold it in.

I liked you better with Jell-O in your hair.

What the hell is this?

"Hunky Tennis Him-Bo.

"Running Groupie Racquet, Has Already Snared A Dozen Girls In His Net."

I think I preferred it when Melinda was spreading dirt about me.

At least she was honest about what she was up to.

What is this?

You should know. You wrote it.

I did not. I didn't even know about it.

Then what is your byline doing on it?

How could you?

I needed to know where your loyalties lie.

A good reporter's always willing to expose anyone for a scoop.

Oh, speaking of which.

Tell me what you think of these?

(Violet) Wait a sec.

These are normal kids just like Brandon.

Normal?

Is that what you call the Speech Team Captain's Secret War with Tourette's?

Cornelia...

I know that kid.

And he does not have Tourette's.

You cannot print this!

Why not?

For starters, can you prove that it's true?

Can you prove that it's not?

FromCitizen Kane. One of my favorites.

You know, besides, since when is printing the truth the point?

Actually, the point was to make this school a little less of an elitist hellhole by nailing the A-listers.

Wasn't that our mission statement?

Mission accomplished.

They've all been nailed.

Right onto that wall.

Maybe that should be the end of The Tattler.

Hello.

This paper has a life of its own now, Vi.

And thanks to it, so do we.

Maybe you forgot.

But we were nothing before this paper.

And we can be nothing again.

Which means if a few innocent kids have to be sacrificed, if I have to make up a few bogus stories, then so be it.

Corn. Yeah?

You lost me at "Hello."

Be careful, Vi.

You're either with us or...

Or what?

Or you could be our next headline.


Mokhtar, you don't have to eat here anymore.

Yes, I do.

I quit the paper.

Just like you.

What happened?

Cornelia wanted me to doctor some photos, said the real tabloids do it all the time.

It's like she's become a totally different person.

Which I guess is second nature if your dad's some big shot plastic surgeon.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

He's worked on every girl in Westland Hills.

Including his own daughter.

What are you talking about?

Well, there was this time in the second grade when she missed almost a full month of school.

I just assumed Daddy worked magic on her.

A whole month, huh?

(Violet) Thank you so much for agreeing to see me in your home, Dr. Nixon.

I have this thing about my arms.

You know this, uh, flabby part.

Well, that seems fairly typical to me.

It's probably nothing that a little time at the gym couldn't fix.

That's the thing.

I hate gyms. All those perfect bodies.

I feel like I'm in pod person land.

Well, have you ever just considered exercising at home?

Oh, that's a big no-can-do, not with the remote and the couch calling my name.

Listen, I know obsessing over something like this might not seem like a big deal.

But when I close my eyes, I just imagine myself in 20 years and my body is this one big turkey waddle.

You should see my aunt.

She's got underarm flaps as big as elephant ears.

Okay, I can see that this is important to you, so if you'd like, I could probably do some basic nipping and tucking.

Thank you, Dr. Nixon.

I really appreciate that.

Showtime.

Excuse me just a moment. Let me get that.

May I help you?

Yes, food delivery. One chicken vindaloo.

And two orders of that, uh, really puffy bread.

I didn't order any food.

I know you didn't.

But that's just the thing.

We here at Fat Samosa just opened up a new franchise in Westland Hills.

And we're going around to a few select customers, giving free samples of our delicious menu.

Oh, my...

You might say we're trying to "curry favor."

Oh!

Oh...

Get it?

Would you like to share a Twinkie?

"Share a Twinkie?"

Stupid.

You know, I've been thinking, for the benefit of our leaky cheerleaders, we ought to have baby changing stations installed in the girl's bathrooms.

What do you think, everybody? Yeah?

♪ Grew up in a small town ♪

♪ And when the rain would fall down ♪

♪ I'd just stare out my window ♪

♪ Dreaming of what could be ♪

♪ And if I'd end up happy ♪

♪ I would pray ♪

♪ I could breakaway ♪

♪ I'll spread my wings ♪

♪ And I'll learn how to fly ♪

♪ I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky ♪

♪ And I'll make a wish ♪

♪ Take a chance Make a change ♪

♪ And breakaway ♪

♪ Trying hard to reach out ♪

♪ But when I'd try to speak out ♪

♪ Felt like no one could hear me ♪

♪ Wanting to belong here ♪

♪ But something felt so wrong here ♪

♪ So I'd pray ♪

♪ I could breakaway ♪ ♪

Mom...

I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the paper.

Ah, Honey, that's okay.

You are entitled to your secrets sometimes.

This didn't happen to be one of those times.

But still...

I guess the kids that we smeared inThe Tattler were entitled to their secrets too.

I just wish we could run one giant retraction.

Mom, what should I do?

I can't answer that for you, Violet.

But I know.

That you will figure out a way to make it right.

How can you be so sure?

Reporter's hunch.

Stacy and Lacy have gone over the deep end big time.

Stacy showed up this morning with her haired dyed black.

And word is Lacy got so zonked out on Xanax and pizza over the weekend, that she could barely make it into school.

(Cornelia) Good work.

Throw in a pair of painkiller addictions and you've got yourselves your first page one.

I've got something better.

Much, much better.

Okay, let me guess.

You found some photos from my freshman year.

Oh, you found out about my brief stint as the school mascot.

Actually, this tail looks pretty real to me.

How did you find this?

Well, let's just say I had a home consult with a well-known plastic surgeon.

And hey, it worked.

After looking at those photos, I'm feeling pretty good about myself.

You wouldn't, Vi.

This is below the belt.

When it curls up like that it sort of goes over the belt.

It's a physical deformity for crying out loud.

You can't make fun of something like that.

Besides, it was surgically removed a long time ago.

Really?

Because according to this file, there's enough still left to justify the wearing of baggy plaid and corduroy well into the summer months.

You always were my star reporter, Vi.

And you were my friend, Corn.

Maybe the best one I ever had.

Fine.

What do you want to make this go away?

Put an end toThe Tattler.

But not before you print a retraction apologizing to all the kids that you all the kids thatwesmeared, including Brandon.

Fine.

I'll do it.

I'll put an end toThe Tattler.

Yeah.

(Violet) Animal Farmis the story of a cruel man who oppresses the animals on a farm.

It's a system.

In which the vast majority of life's perks are enjoyed by a select few.

Then the animals throw him out and take over the farm with the idea of everything being more equal.

Until one of the animals decides that some animals are more equal than others.

I think what Orwell was saying was that in a blink of an eye, the oppressed can become the oppressors.

And in the end

that's just as dangerous.

Is that it, Violet?

That's it.

You really brought the book's themes to life.

Well done, Violet.

Well done.

Yeah, well, you could sort of say I lived it.

Oh, guess what?

You know that little piece that I wrote about the new traffic light?

Well, I did some digging, and it turns out that that street is not zoned for commercial traffic.

I-I could actually have a real story on my hands.

That's great, Mom.

Maybe theWestland Hills Bugle will become a hotbed for advocacy journalism after all.

(man) Hello?

Pizza delivery.

Everything on it. And, um, recyclable cardboard.

Mom, this is Brandon. Ms. Jacobs.

Oh, hello, Brandon.

I think I'll heat this up.

I just unpacked the microwave.

Oh. Mm-hmm.

Breakfast Club? Director's cut no less.

Speaking of cuts.

Careful.

Thorns can get pretty sharp.

I don't know what to say.

Don't say anything.

Oh!

Wait a sec.

What about your mom?

Don't worry about her.

It'll probably take her all night to actually find the microwave.

(Naomi) Found it.

♪ Don't you forget about me ♪

♪ I'll be alone ♪

♪ Dancing you know it, baby ♪

♪ Going to take you apart ♪

♪ I'll put us back together at heart, baby ♪

♪ Don't you ♪

♪ Forget about me ♪

♪ Don't Don't Don't Don't ♪

♪ Don't you forget about me ♪

♪ As you walk on by ♪

♪ Will you call my name? ♪ ♪