Chasing Valentine (2015) Script

Drink it up, drink it up.

Let me get a selfie with it.

Sorry. Chase won this.

He's a true artist.

This is a film trophy.

Ever won a trophy before?

And painting your wang gold doesn't count.


I knew it.

I knew you thought these things were bull shit.

You are such a prick.

I'll get the rest of my stuff later.

Scarlet, Scarlet, stop.

I'm trying to be happy.

And that kills you.


We need to be apart.

For now.

Gonna march right out that door.

You're gonna turn around and be right back in here

10 seconds from now because you always do.

What are you doing, that's my grandmother's ring.

Yeah, I know, passed down for generations.

Worth 100 zillion dollars.

10, nine.

Eight, seven.

Six, five.

Four, three, two, one.

Hey, I'm sorry.

Just please, I know you're mad, but just, when you get this, if you could.



Where is she, can I talk to her?


Sorry for what?

What do you mean identify?

♪ Doctor I've paid for this painful melody ♪

♪ It's not so much a man ♪

♪ He's more like a respiratory ♪

Smells great.

It sucked.

I never should have became a lawyer.

Considering I hate most people.

Well, someone's got to do the dirty work.

This is old recipe from my Aunt Inglemar, Swedish meatballs.

Onions, with garlic and extra, extra virgin olive oil.

You can never have too much of that.

She stopped cooking for me a long time ago.

Even though I've rented this apartment, she's still moving in with her sisters, that's never good.

Open up for me, Michael.

Come here, you bad boy.


Can we just, I mean, hey.

But can we just talk for a little bit?

Oh, Michael's funny.

Talk. No, I mean, like, actually just like go for a coffee or something.

What the hell are you talking about?

Just like get out of here.

Not here to make friends, all right.

Just got out of here and we could just get, go, we could just... No.

You can keep the leftovers.



What the fuck?

You still have that answering machine from the '80s, dude, it's not the '80s anymore.

Call me back.

Hi, I'm just calling to say hello to you.

Wanted to hear your voice.

I know you're probably sleeping or still working, perhaps?

Work junkie.

Anyways, I've been thinking about what you said and I'm ready.


Living together would be fun.

Then maybe I won't miss you so much, huh?

Anyways, you should call me.

Call me.

Call me.

You should call me.

Oh, I wish you were here by my side right now.

You always make me feel special.

Special, special.

You are.


OK, babe.


Oh, la la.

You're serious. Yeah.

Does it look like I'm messing?

Get the fuck out of here.

He's not gonna be happy.

I'm sick of desperate old men.

Look, you'll help me or what?


You remember what I said?

10 years ago.

Foster care, jail for little people.

Got two more lined up.

One of them's a little different, but easy money.

And I'm done.


Remember what I said.

You'll help me out of whatever trouble I'm bound to make for myself?

Hey, thanks for helping me out, man.

The client needs this tomorrow, and they are breathing down my neck.

You know how hard it is to sync sound when you're just doing it blind like this?

Oh, don't worry about sound, I mean, we can record ourselves if we want.

I can feel your balls slapping, you know, that kind of thing.

She's good, though.

I'm thinking about putting her in a new trilogy I'm creating.

Hey, when's the last time you've been out of the house?

Because you smell like an old man's pubis.

You know I'm doing you a favor here, right?

Your whole place is full of boxes, full of Scarlet's stuff.

And I don't know if you've noticed, but you've started stuttering again.

When I knocked on the door, you thought I was the delivery man.

I... Come on.

I just. Come on.

I want to show you something. Hey, what.

The Eiffel Tower.

Ever been there in real life?

You have not.

Have you ever seen a volcano?


You haven't.

I'm pretty sure you haven't ridden bareback with a coed on a rocket that looks surprisingly like a giant dick, I bet you haven't even seen a real elephant or a real palm tree.

I have seen a palm tree.

Oh, congratulations, you've seen a palm tree.

I'm talking about being an artist, OK, which is evidently what you're going for here.

And you can't be unless you see the world.

You have to experience things.

You can't sit in your home all day like a fucking pile.

That is why you are coming with me tonight.

I thought you had to work.

I work in a bar, where the alcohol flows like alcohol and the sluts come in by the dozen looking for guys just like you to get on their jock.

Let's get weird with our dicks.

Say it with me.

This is a latch ditch attempt.

I don't know, I don't think there's much here, he's from his own 50 yard line.

There's not much of a play here.

Oh, look at Perdecky on the other side line.

Poor guy, heartbreaking, holy cow.

No, no, no, no.


And a suave businessman like yourself would probably appreciate the fact that I'm currently in preproduction on a slate of erotic thriller, their porns.

All about tit fucking.

No one's ever done that before.

You could get in on the ground floor for $5,000 you could be my executive producer, $3,000.


Brethren, you look amazing.

Try this.

It's called a Cold Nicole.

I name all my drinks after women I want to bang and assholes who don't tip.

Nicole, hi.

Looking forward to entering you at some point.

You look amazing.

You look a little bit like a magician, but that's fine.

You're here, putting out the vibe, I love it.

Yeah, to, to, to.

No stuttering, no stuttering.

Remember, you are a Oscar-ish winner, you know, that little trophy.

Think about it like that.

You're a filmmaker, award winning.

Cheap plastic toy rip off.

That's not the way you want to think.

For those five minutes in that post secondary institution, you were an award winner.

Think about it like that and you'll go from there.

I think I'm just gonna take off, actually.

This just doesn't feel right.


Have another drink.

And let me introduce you to a couple of co-eds that I think would be interested in a guy like you.


It looks like a poster to an excellent film, I don't know. A woman found it in the restroom. I don't go in the women's restroom.

In my office, B-Rad. Fuck.


We are not all right yet.

Hey, man.

Oh, geez, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Don't worry about it.

On the house.

This is not a big deal.

This is on the house.

Shots, everybody, shots.

Chase, buddy.

You should call me.

Call me, call me.

You should hug me.

The other night was so fun.

I love it when you take time off for me.

Makes me feel so special.

Fucking bloody hell.

What time is it?

You know that chalkboard is really quite girlish.

Does a girl live here?

Or are you just a 14 year old teenie at heart?

Do you lure children back here?

Is this a child pornography ring?

Do you have an ash tray?

You know, I gave you a key so that you could crash here.

A random on my couch?

We came to have a drink.


We came to have a nap. Ashtray.

Good stuff.

That's not.

Never mind.

Dude, I hate to do this, man, but apparently I agreed to work today.

She's leaving, she just needs a ride to her friend's place.

And I'm here editing your crap.

Fuck off.

I would drive her myself, but I am fucking still hammered.

I don't even have a car.

You do now, bitch.

It's like riding a bike.

You have seven new messages.

To listen to your message.

I have a package for a certain woman.

Hey, Ingrid?

Is that your real name?

Anyways, it's Michael from the other night.

Swedish meatball.

Don't worry, I'm not gonna ask you out for coffee again or anything, yeah, but I was wondering if I could make another appointment perhaps.

That's my husband, but he's not here right now.

Do you want to deliver your package to me?

Hey, it's me again.

I don't remember if I left you my number.

It's 416.

Just put it all down, OK, I told you I'm good for it.

Come on, man, you know me.

Thank you.

Is that a cassette player?

Yep. Cassettes, too.

Move, move.


My mom used to listen to all the classics on cassette.

Stevie Wonder.

Curtis Mayfield is the best.

Freddy's Dead, my favorite.

About a junkie that didn't make it.

Scarlet mix tape volume four.

Never Got to Say Sorry, True Story of a Lost Love.

Pretty on the nose, don't you think?

It's nothing.

No, thank you.

All right, you're one of those people.

You know they say that black licorice is like the Smiths.

Not everybody likes them, but the people that like them really like them.

Well, that's.




I mean, not that there's anything wrong, what, did you hit your head or something?


I just like to ask people questions, hear their stories, you know?

What makes them the way they are.

You know, I'm a writer, too.


Wrote a story once in fourth grade.

It's called the Day I Grew Six Feet.

Except they were actual feet, and I grew them in my backyard.

They ended up running around downtown wreaking havoc.

Had to herd them back like cats.

It's stupid, right?



Have a good life.



You leave the house, you end up running 5K.

Yeah, we're not doing the whole healthy juice stuff.

It's not a juice bar.

I could squeeze you.

Something for you.

Got me working here.

Here you are.

It's fall, but I like to add a little summer to everything I do.


Just juice, seriously?

Oh, yeah, sorry.

Could add.

Didn't know you were a vodka jogger.

Look, I'm so sorry about his.

It's gonna be more than we thought.

Five more.

They think they earned me?

Fucking assholes.

Remember that girl Ashley, from New York, the loud mouth?

Yeah. Well, she's missing.

No, I don't think so.

This was a dumb idea.

Maybe I'm only good at one thing.

Hey, I've seen you do like five things at once.

Hey, beautiful salad for a beautiful woman.

You look hungry.

That's very kind.

I'm twice your age.

Can a 12 year old do this?

It's very impressive, did you learn that at summer camp?

Arts and crafts, maybe?

No, I was more of a bow and arrow guy.

I know your type.

Steve Andrews, made out behind the canoes, and I never saw him again.

I would never do that to you.

I would take you out on the canoe, then we would make love.

♪ Hey ho hey ho ♪

♪ Hey ho hey ho ♪

You know what, buddy, I'm fine.

I said I'm fine.

If you need a place.

I'd only be for a couple days.

I was supposed to stay with a friend, but I'll help out around the place.

So thank you, love.

Hey, Michael here.

I'm leaving you another message.

I've been texting, but I don't know if you get texts, so I'm not trying to bug you too much, but I wanted to see if you would do another session.

That's 219 Fort York Boulevard.

That's the address, in case you've forgotten.

♪ All right take the moonlight to the end ♪

♪ Can't do it all ♪

♪ And the day brings you near me and I and you ♪

♪ Here we come together I'll fall ♪

♪ Greeted by norms ♪

♪ When we cross arms ♪ Cigarette ash free, I promise.

♪ Fantasies ♪

♪ When we come together ♪ You mean, besides the cat's ass and the flaming chicken of death? Yes.

♪ When we cross the lines ♪ You know how when you first wake up, you don't even have control over your thoughts yet, and the very first thing that rushes to mind is someone else.


God, that would be so fucking awful.

That's for me.

Yep, OK.

I'll be back.


♪ Do it all ♪ Bye.

♪ Plug me in ♪

I have the plans of a head.

You want to get them closer.

You should have mask on.

But I don't have one.

I hope you like pickled herring.

No, I was just.

I think you're really hurting it.

Hey, I have some things to take care of, so I'm gonna take off.

I just wanted to let you know.

What do you actually do for money?

Nothing, I told you.

Nobody does nothing.

I know you saw me last night.

Alex told me.

Is that your?

Is that?


OK, fine, I'm a natural culinary artist.

It's my thing.

Oh, wow. Yeah.

Dude, teets. Yeah.

I'm uploading it right now. You're usually two days early.

I make promises to people and now I look bad.

I can't help you with that. Just let me know.

Are you busy with that girl?


No. Clemntine, whatever her name is. This just, really isn't my thing. Fine, whatever.

Just send it, OK?


Down five five, six seconds left on the clock.

There's the snap, he dips back.

He's close, he's flushed out of the pocket by Johnson.

He steps in, he sails up, throws the ball, it's downfield, hail Mary, into the end zone, touch down, he's got it... No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Fuck. Incredible.

Fuck, fuck. What a comeback.

Oh my God, I don't know what to say.

In all my years, incredible. Fuck.

This is the bench that my dad used to take me to.

You know, it was like our bench.

It's just funny because I didn't even like amusement parks or rides.

So I guess I probably should have known that he was just taking me here to feed his habit.

And I also probably should have known that good old Uncle Eddie was actually a completely unrelated drug dealer.

I don't blame him, though.

After mom died. Jesus.


It's all right, he found lots of replacements.

Have you ever dealt with a parent dating?

No. It's the worst.

Oh, my mom.

Well, she.

Went with men for money.

And other things.

To be honest, I think she liked it more than she liked us.

You're letting this place go.

Yeah, I fired my maid.

You know people are hunting you.

Yeah, relax.

Here, just relax, we're straight.

We're not.

Look, man, if that Valentine chick's out, she needs to pay up.

So either she does, or you do.

I'll get it.

You're crazy.

You're fucking crazy.

♪ Is there a feeling in your bones ♪

♪ Simply wasn't there before ♪

♪ It's in the air ♪

♪ It's in the water ♪

♪ Wasn't ♪

♪ There last week when you went home ♪

♪ Is there a feeling inside your mind ♪

♪ Keeps replaying all the time ♪

♪ Can't erase it, can't disguise it ♪

♪ It's getting clear across your eyes. ♪

♪ Rewind, replay ♪

♪ Repeat ♪

♪ Rewind ♪

♪ Replay ♪

♪ Repeat ♪

♪ Rewind, replay ♪

♪ Repeat ♪

Sorry you had to hear that.

I haven't played in so long.

I used to play all the time, but then, I don't know, it just got busy and then I wrote that song when I was like 14 and I haven't really written anything since, but.

♪ Is there a feeling in your bones ♪

♪ That simply wasn't there before ♪

♪ It's in the air ♪

♪ It's in the water ♪

♪ It wasn't there last week when you left home ♪

♪ Rewind, replay, repeat ♪

♪ Rewind, replay, repeat ♪

♪ Rewind, replay, repeat ♪

I'm surprised, and I'm not easily surprised, of a horrifying life.

To be honest, it doesn't even totally feel like me.

Which could be a good thing.

Just don't get hurt, man.

I was actually wondering if I could get your help with something.


Is it back, baby?

The best God damn cocksucking fucking party in the city?

The costume party to end all costume parties?

Is that back, baby?

Sorry I didn't let you throw it last year, man.

Totally get it.

I know, this thing's like Christmas to you.

It's like Christmas with a boner.

You will never guess where I am.

Look, I need that money back.

No, no, I knew you would do this.

I've just changed my mind.

I don't have it.

Look, I said we were gonna be...

That was my life savings.

I said I would take care of you.

Can you just not mention that part of my life when you meet her? You mean the whole other job involves working with naked women constantly part?

Yeah, I don't think she'd be too into it.

She's more refined than that.


I'm just saying, man.

This is not the B-Rad we all know and love.





How are you? I'm good.

Good. I'm like a doctor.

Always on call. I appreciate that.

Although I hate doctors.

I'm not really a doctor. Good.


My friend Chase and I, we used to do this great Halloween thing, and it's back.

You want to come?

It's a party.


Would we go trick or treating first?

Prague, if I could go anywhere.

That's where you should go.

You know, we get lost in streets full of strangers, delirious on absinthe.

Go find a park where Kafka played the violin.

Fall in love with a clock tower made in the 13th century.

Oh, I hope you don't.

Give me. No way.

Come on, I'm serious. I am, too.

I got to go.

I have to, he needs me.

Look, you don't know the whole story.


What are we doing here?

What's your deal?


Who are you, really?

I'm here.

You don't need to see that.

Yeah, but what is with being all these other people?

The accents, playing dress up in stupid costumes, why can't you just be you?

Sometimes I just don't like being me, OK?

I just don't.

That is part of you, too.

OK, all of it.

And you know, maybe some of us actually like you being you, OK?

You know, I've got a riddle.

Why don't you just try being yourself and see if the world ends.

It's not a riddle.

They're coming for me.

I lost it.

I lost all of it. Jesus.

They said they're gonna hurt me.

There's this guy, a real rich guy.

They call him Fat Bobby. Nice.

Hey. Hi.

Out of the way, Halloweener.

Come on in.

Let me take your coat there.

This is a screaming banshee.

I just mixed it for you.

It's about 100 proof.


It's very good, thank you.

Jeff, tell her what you do.

I wear hats for a living.

No, he's an amazing DJ.

He brings a tiger shark on stage.

Yo, bro.

How are ya, good to see you come out of retirement.

You should do more of these.

Hey, it's me.

Sorry, this is silly.

I guess I just wanted to hear your voice.

I was thinking about that riddle that you told me and I think I'm gonna take you up on it, because if you like me, that's at least one less person I have to convince.

You're Fat Bobby?

I've been working out.

You really are something special.

My name is Monique.

Let me get to work, OK?

I thought you were supposed to be French.

Yeah, yeah.

You're the trick who doesn't fuck.

I'm sure we can find you someone else, we can call it even.

That would be the best idea ever.

We should invite that upstairs guy named Mark, he's a nudist.

Like maybe weird gremlins, then I got.

Put it down.

I'm not hungry.


I'm gonna sit over here.

And you.

You're gonna get undressed.

Or is that against the rules?

Let me see.

Tell me what a bad little girl you've been in school.

I thought I was a French maid.

You're whatever the fuck I say you are.

You're doing this part time, right?

To help pay your way through school, right?



What are you afraid of?

You've been a bad little girl, haven't you?

Answer me. Yeah, yeah I have.

I knew it.

Hey. Hey.

How was the party?

Nothing special. Sounds nice.

I don't think I'm gonna be going back.

Thank you.

I don't know, but it feels good.

You know what I've been craving all night?

Jamaican patties.

I've been cooking for too many losers.

You want one?

Way too fast.




OK, listen to me.

Chase, I.

Set this up?

Yeah, I knew Brad from before, but it's not what you think. Of course he would do this.

Did he pay you to pity fuck me?

I don't sleep with people for money, asshole.

God, I'm such a fucking idiot.

Brad did pay me to hang out, Chase, at the bar that one time.

I didn't even want to take the money because you ran out.

Where's Brad?

Hey, bro.

How you been?

What the fuck?

I can't believe you did this to me.

You're such a fucking dick.

I'm the guy who checked on you for six months.

I gave you a job that you could do out of your own apartment.

Fine, it was a job that was beneath you, but, that's not fucking fair.

I'm a dick?

Do you ever ask me about me?

Do you ever just call me up and say, "How are you doing?"

No, you don't.

We talk literally everyday.

About your fucking depression.

I have spent 365 times two, 730, I don't, a lot of fucking days talking about your depression,

and I'm the dick.

Not depressed anymore.


I'm not depressed.

That's good news.

Certainly lightened up.

You learned to throw a punch in there, somehow, too.

Fuck. Did you think I wouldn't find out?

Fucking nerve.

What are you talking about?

Bob's not doing too well, Alex.

You, I didn't do anything.


No, no, Rob, come on, man, please.

Wait, please, please, please, please, please, don't, I didn't do anything.

Who, who, I don't know who you're talking about?

Your fucking foster care friend.

I don't know.


This would be.

So embarrassed.

No need, trust me.

Sorry about what happened.

Brad told me.

She leaving for good?


She lied to me.

Try faking a marriage for 15 years.

Sorry. Don't be.

I'm not.


Hell, life sucks a lot of the time, but don't let that stop you from experiencing the time it doesn't suck, you know?

If it's not one thing, it'll be something else, trust me.

Yeah, I'm probably still just buzzed from last night.

I don't give myself to them.

They don't even get a piece of me.

They don't get this.

This is me.

Yeah, I'm looking for your friend, she's about this tall, real cute.

Yeah, if I did, I wouldn't be here, would I?

Hey, I'm gonna use your bathroom, buddy.

What exactly do you think is going on between you two?

Are you guys like dating?

You think you're her boyfriend, is that what you fucking think?

You should probably just...

Hey, hey.

Where the fuck is she? She left.

You don't understand.

I need to find her.

I need to talk to her.

You have to tell me where she is.

Would you just, not now, man.

Yeah, OK, fine.

Someone doesn't understand what the fuck, hey, hey.

Got my texts?

Yeah, yeah, come.

Yo, Chase.

Jesus Christ.

Bro, I did not know it would come to this.

Brad, you have to tell me everything you know about this girl, all right?

Who is this guy, what am I dealing with?


How are your dreams coming around?

About as well as your marriage is.



No, I deserve it, I mean, fuck, just look at me right now.

You deserve to be happy.

I mean, at least as much as anyone else does.

This is so cliche.

Paying you to be my therapist. Therapy's expensive.

I know.

And they charge double for couples.

Yeah, and it's not either way.

I know, that's what I'm saying.

What are you doing?

No, I mean.

Why aren't you traveling the world and living a life?

What do you mean, this is me living my life.

Just like how amazing, like...

You are.

Forget it.

I have to go.

Look, I'm sorry. Please, I can't, I'm just gonna go, all right.

Michael, seriously, I'm just gonna... No, just.

We're good, man.

Jesus fuck, does no one listen anymore?


Fuck you.

You said we're good.

I know she's fucking in here.

Yeah, like we're good man, like you know, we'll see you later.

Do not try and fuck with me.

Tell me where she is.

Fuck off.

Alex. What the fuck is going on here, man?

Stop it.

I told you, I told you they were fucking serious.

Alex, listen, you don't have to do this.

Yes, I do.

No, God, no.

I told you, you did this.

Let her go. Holy fuck, shit.

It's a party in here.

Chase, don't. Slow down, man.

Fuck you, don't you fucking tell me to slow down.

You slow down.


Alex, you need help, OK?

I need you to help me.

Help me, help me.

Please, please.

Hey, it's all right.

She's done, she's done, OK, hey, it's over. Fuck you.

Look at her, man.

You care about this girl?



Then stop. No, fuck you.

Back the fuck up, back up.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

But I have to do this.

So, you're the girl.


I like it.

Hey, look, I have nothing to do with it.

Hey, shut the fuck up.

Let her go.

Thing is, you hurt one of our top clients.

I get it, the guy is fucked up.

But for us, he was the golden goose that laid the golden egg.

Yeah, well, he had it coming.

All I know is it's gonna take a lot of work to pay this off.

And I don't like unstable employees.

So that leaves us in a predicament.

Look, I can come up with the money.

I mean, we don't care about...

Well, I care a lot.

Chase, don't.

It's an heirloom.

It's worth a hell of a lot more than all this.

You take it, you walk.

Valentine, wait.

That, that is my world.

You're not a part of it, and I'm getting the hell out.

But you left that note, you wanted me to find you.

Don't Chase.


I figured I'd swing by my dad's favorite theme park bench one last time.

My flight's in two hours.

It'd be nice to see you just one last time.

Thank you.

It was my mom's.

Guardian angel.


I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry that I ran off.

Here, I thought it might come in handy during a lonely night in Prague. Very first mix tape.

On an actual cassette, none the less.

Damn right.

That's what a mix tape is.

What am I supposed it play it on, though because I don't.

Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry, I don't really, I don't really know how to do this or what to say or.

I guess.

Have a good life, Valentine.

♪ Bought some whiskey at the corner store ♪

♪ Yeah it was stuff we can't afford ♪

♪ Let's climb up on the roof tonight ♪

♪ The stars above the city of light ♪

♪ We break bread ♪

♪ We drink wine ♪

♪ We play records ♪

♪ To fall in line ♪

♪ Take the train to a stop ♪

♪ Broken buildings on the side of the road ♪

♪ We got some of the night ♪

♪ It's a luxury ♪

♪ Trying to keep ♪

♪ We drink beer ♪

♪ And take it back ♪

♪ Tucked in ♪

♪ And make plans ♪

♪ When you're feeling down ♪

♪ And you got to get out of this town ♪

♪ But your roommate's gone ♪

♪ Drive as fast as we can ♪

♪ But if the money's tight ♪

♪ And you can't afford to leave tonight ♪

♪ Take the bus to the beach ♪

♪ Get the least of the weed cigarette ♪

♪ Don't need much power to turn ♪

♪ Yeah, we don't need much power to have a good time ♪

♪ When you're feeling down ♪

♪ And you gotta get out of this town ♪

♪ But your roommate's gone ♪

♪ We'll drive as fast as we can ♪

♪ But if the money's tight ♪

♪ And you can't afford to leave tonight ♪

♪ Well, take the bus to the beach ♪

♪ Got the rest of our weed cigarettes ♪

♪ We don't need much to have a good time ♪

♪ Yeah, we don't need much to have a good time ♪