Cheaper by the Dozen 2 (2005) Script

Okay. Come on out. Everyone out.

They say that starting a family is an act of optimism.

Well, Tom and I were clearly very, very, very optimistic.

Of course, there are always good times and difficult ones along the way.

And with 12 kids, you learn a lot of lessons.

But the one that you never get used to is that moment when you look your child in the eye and find yourself having to say the most difficult word of all, goodbye.

Stay together. Let's go!

Boy thought I told you not to go outside

Trying your best to bring the water to your eyes Thinking it might stop her From whooping your behind There she is!

Sergio Archer.

She's right there!

Robert Armstrong.

Can we sit here?

Peter Bailey.

Hi.

Lorraine Baker.

Yeah, Lorraine!

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah!

He's really gotten good.

Yeah.

Oh, my gosh. Kicking, kicking.

All right. All right. It is time to toast the graduate.

Lorraine, we are all so proud of you, for keeping your chin up and charging the mountain.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Go, Lorraine!

And for being a truly unique and wonderful person.

And for getting that internship at Allure magazine!

Did you know about that?

Yes.

Even though I'm going to spend the entire summer trying to convince you that staying here in Chicago is much better choice for your future than moving to dirty, expensive, crime-ridden New York City.

But here's to Lorraine!

Okay, my daughter Nora and her husband Bud.

You want to say something?

And our future linebacker.

Do we stay up here?

No. We go. Let's go.

First of all, congratulations, Lorraine.

Bud and I hope that our baby will be as cool and accomplished as you.

And, second of all, I don't mean to make this toast all about Bud and I, but we have some kind of big news.

Do you know about this?

I've just been offered the vice presidency of a new advertising firm.

Yeah! Congratulations! Yes!

In Houston.

We're moving in September. Thank you!

Great. Wow.

Does this mean we're not gonna be uncles anymore?

You're gonna be uncles no matter where we live.

Maybe they thought it was the best way to break it to us.

Still, it's quite a surprise.

I'll say.

Can I get a beer and a white wine?

Hey, you guys.

Hey. Hi.

I feel like I'm losing two daughters in one day.

You're not losing us, Dad.

Well, I hope you have some help lined up.

Because, you know, with no family there, and you being a first-time mom, and, Bud, you're gonna be at work all day.

No. I'm not gonna be at work all the time.

We're gonna be fine.

And whatever house we get's gonna have a room reserved for you guys in it.

Okay. Well, at least you're gonna stay for the touch football game.

We can't. We have Lamaze.

Well, this'll help your breathing.

Thanks. We're gonna see you soon.

Okay. Bye. You're driving, right?

All right. Thanks. Hey, see you.

Bye, sweetheart. Bye.

There you go, sir. Thank you.

That's... They seem so casual and cavalier.

Well, time for me to get my hands dirty.

What, you're working? What about the game?

It's a rematch against the cousins. Come on.

I got student loans to pay off, Dad.

Okay. See you. All right.

Be safe, honey.

Did everybody forget that touch football is a time-honored tradition here at the Baker family?

Honey, you got 10 other kids to draft.

I forgot.

You forgot? Lorraine. Yeah.

You're staying for the game, right?

No. Didn't Mom tell you that I'm spending the weekend at Beth's? I'm leaving in five minutes.

Bye. Love you. Okay. Bye.

Hey, guys, ready for some touch?

Mike and me are competing at the skate park.

I volunteered at the animal shelter.

Bye, Dad.

Hey!

Nigel! Kyle! Football!

Right.

I'm here, Coach.

You just made the varsity, little lady.

Come on. There you go.

I'll block for you. Here we go.

Go, go. Good, good. Athletes.

You okay?

Yeah. Somehow I thought it'd get easier.

Ten minutes ago, they were all over us.

Now they don't want to be seen with us in public.

What's that doing here?

I bet Lorraine was looking through this.

That's sweet.

Gosh.

Cutest. Look at her.

She looks just like my mom.

Wow.

A lot of memories.

All those summers in Wisconsin.

Swimming, all of us camping out. Everyone together.

Yeah. That's sweet.

That had to be the last time we were there.

What was that, three, four years ago?

Yeah. Look at Sarah. No teeth.

We were all one tight unit back then.

Even if we never did beat the Murtaughs for the Labor Day Cup.

Look it. Jimmy Murtaugh. Mr. Competitive.

Yeah, yeah.

He was so desperate to win, he would... He would... You know, he would win.

All the time. Even when we were kids, this guy was like a...

All right, honey. Let's not go there.

You know what?

That's exactly what we should do. What?

Go back to the lake, the whole family on vacation, just like we used to.

I could call Mike Romanow and see if the house is available over Labor Day.

Honey, it's such a great idea, but the kids are enrolled in summer school and Nora's pregnant.

That's exactly why we should do it, Kate. We said it. Life's blazing by.

Let's go back to the lake one last time.

We did have such good times there, huh, honey?

And you and I had alone time, which was nice.

There's the proof.

Hey, Gunner.

Hey. Gunner.

Let's call Mike Romanow, honey.

Okay, Charlie, you're conferenced in with all of us and Lorraine.

Hi, Charlie.

Hey, guys, what's up?

Yeah. I'm here. It's Lorraine.

We've got a surprise.

Your mom and I rented the big house up in Lake Winnetka.

Winnetka? That's my middle name!

And Lake is mine!

And it's where we're gonna spend Labor Day.

Just like in the old days.

Dad, I'm gonna be very pregnant then.

Yeah, and I'm gonna be apartment hunting in New York in August.

And I wanna hang out with my friends this summer, dude.

How come Nigel and me are named after a house?

Good question.

Your middle name is Winnetka, and, Nigel, your middle name is Lake because you two were conceived in that house.

What does conceived mean?

It means Mom and Dad...

Had a conversation that we would discuss it much later when everybody can understand it.

Kyle and me will go anyplace that has our name on it.

Bingo. Come on!

Yeah. Well, I love the lake. I'm in.

I guess I can cancel a couple of gigs.

Bingo!

Okay. Okay, we're in.

All right.

We agree to participate.

Come on, dude. We'll bring the wakeboards.

We'll totally dominate.

Okay. We're in.

All right. And that leaves Lorraine.

Come on. You'll have fun. Come on.

Come on, Lorraine. Just come.

All right, you guys. Here's the deal.

I'll go to the lake if Dad stops nagging me about not going to New York anymore.

Deal! That's a dozen. We're going to the lake!

What if we could stay like this?

Sun coming down Everything's perfect What if we ever missed Another day that time forgets What if we? What if we stayed like this?

Who cut the cheese?

Gunner farted!

Gunner's laying on me.

Yeah.

Charlie and I are gonna drive up tomorrow...

You missed.

I love you, too. Bye. Lorraine's got a line on a place, so she and Charlie will come up in a couple of days and join us.

How great is that? A couple of days?

The whole point of the vacation is that the whole family's together.

Hey.

Honey, relax.

All right. Remember this? Look at the lake. It looks fantastic!

Wow. Come on, kids. Does it look great, or what?

All right. Let's all get out. Hurry up.

Let's go! Come on!

Everyone out! Come on. Let's check the place out.

It's a dump. Look at it.

This is it? Remember this?

It looks smaller.

And more disgusting.

Yo, why can't we rent that place?

Well, that place is new.

This place is...

Older. But still nice.

Yeah. You know, that might have a waterslide, but our place has...

There are stairs. They're fun.

Yeah. So, unload, camper dudes!

Girls in the north bunk room, boys in the south!

Bud and Nora in the loft!

Wow, careful.

Hey, Bud. Give the phone a rest. We're on vacation.

Hey, how'd Mad Dog like the trip?

Maybe the baby's not gonna be a mad dog, Tom.

Well, that's a classic linebacker name.

Okay. Okay. How about Dick Butkus McNulty?

Well, maybe it's gonna be a girl, Dad.

Donna Butkus McNulty.

Hey, we got the whole vacation to figure out a name.

Hey, Dad, someone's here.

Hey, Mike Romanow! Good to see you.

Good to see you.

So you finding everything okay?

Shouldn't be too disorganized. Only two renters this season.

The lake's a lot more upscale now.

You can thank Jimmy Murtaugh for that one. Remember him?

Yeah. Owns most of the lake now.

That's his place over there.

Well, good for Jimmy.

Hey, remember Kate?

Hey, Mike. How are you?

Good to see you. Good to see you.

So, listen, if you folks don't feel like cooking tonight, there's a big clambake up at the lake club.

You can come as my guests.

Guests?

Oh, yeah. Club's private now. And renovated.

Homeowners only.

Wow.

Put you on the list? Okay.

What's going on? Stop!

The Chiseler.

Tell me those aren't my keys.

Get him outside. Okay?

All right. I remember how to handle this guy.

I can't believe he's still alive.

You know that thing?

Hey. Yeah.

Don't hurt him.

I got him. I got him. Nice and easy.

It's a snap. Here you go. Hold still. Yeah.

Leave him alone!

Gunner! Gunner! Stay, Gunner!

Get him!

Mom, look out! Icky! Icky!

No! Don't light it!

No explosives in the house!

Nigel! Kyle!

Gunner! Come back!

No! No!

What was that beast?

The Chiseler? He's a pack rat.

He steals stuff and hides it in his hole.

I'll get a trap in the morning.

A humane trap, right, Dad?

Absolutely. Hey, you know what?

We got a fantastic first day going here!

So let's clean up and unpack, 'cause we got a clambake to go to!

Clambake, huh?

Hey, here we go! What is all this stuff?

I'm going as fast as I can.

All right. Come on. Remind me to put more sugar in your diet.

It'll get you moving. Oh, my gosh. Honey, you actually bought that shirt?

Hey, every dad is entitled to one hideous shirt and one horrible sweater.

It's part of the dad code.

Mark, you're on fireworks detail.

Okay.

What all that? Nothing.

Seat belts.

Okay, kids. You know the rules.

I'm underdressed. I thought this was supposed to be a clambake.

Excuse me. I'll be right back.

Okay.

Hey, guys, so glad you could come.

Hi, Mike.

Good to see you. So listen, kids, food's downstairs.

Mom, Dad, the bar's right over there. Have a great time.

Best behavior.

All right. Stick together. You'll keep an eye... Of course.

Food. See you later.

Lloyd, how are you? Good to see you, Jimmy.

There's Jimmy Murtaugh! Just engage me in conversation. Just...

We are talking. I know, but more intense, so he won't come up.

Okay, honey. Just hide your face. Hide your face.

Well, that's a little obvious.

Look at that. Oh, God.

Just gotta turn. Turn, turn, turn. Tom.

Oh, my goodness.

Look what the wind blew in, huh?

Hey! Jimmy!

Tom.

Look at you! How are you?

Wow. You're looking good. A little wrinkled around the edges, there, but not bad for an old man.

And you!

Kate.

Kate. Still looking very hot for a mother of 12.

Thank you.

What brings you guys back to my lake?

Your lake? Your lake now?

Well, you know, I just have to buy Romanow's place and one or two other properties and then I can keep the riffraff like you out of here. Huh?

I'm sorry, honey. Tom and Kate, this is Sarina, my new bride.

Hi. Nice to meet you, Sarina. Nice to meet you.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

This is the parents of that family of pranksters I was telling you about.

Jimmy's always been jealous 'cause we have 12 kids, and he only has eight.

It's kind of a manhood thing.

Well, your 12 never beat my eight for the cup, now, did they, Tom?

Well, no. No, they didn't.

Is that why you came back? No.

Trying to knock my family off the wall?

No, we actually just came for a vacation.

Come on. Buy me a drink.

Buy you a drink? Mr. Lake!

Jake Baker? Eliot Murtaugh.

No way. Dude, it's Eliot Murtaugh.

Hey. Hey.

That's Mike.

Hey, Mike.

That's such a cool stick!

Can you bang any tricks?

Yeah! Check it.

Awesome!

I'll have clams, please.

Sorry, there's no clams.

But we have some clam fritters.

So this clambake is clamless?

Then why not just call it a buffet?

You know, sometimes I feel like a stranger on this planet.

I couldn't agree with you more.

So, Tom, I read awhile back you quit the head coaching gig at Illinois Poly.

What was that all about?

Well, that job was taking up a lot of hours, and I wanted to spend more time with the family.

Kudos. Thank you.

That's my word for the day.

How fun. It's fun to have a word.

So, Katie, I guess with Tom at home changing diapers, you're kind of tearing up the best-seller list.

Well, I only had the one book. But I would love to...

Excuse me. Waiter. Yes, sir.

Another Scotch, por favor.

Anybody else? I'm fine.

Hey, what about Charlie? Is he still playing ball?

No, he's living downtown, and he's working in a garage to help pay for tuition to the University of Chicago.

I did a guest spot on Monster Garage back when I was acting, and I just love the whole engine and cars thing.

So, you're an actress. That's great.

Well, thank you, Tom.

You're welcome, Sarina.

Kudos.

How long have you two been married?

Six amazing months.

Right, honey? Yeah.

Happy anniversary.

Hey, there's Mike, Jake and Sarah.

They compete in skating contests on a regular basis.

See ya! Hey!

Well, that's good.

Got to start with the small steps before you take the big ones.

Yeah.

Mark Baker?

Kenny the maniac!

Well, if it isn't my partner in crime.

You're gonna get in trouble, Murtaugh.

Only if I get caught, Baker.

Come here. I wanna show you something.

Please don't get me in trouble like you did last time.

You worry too much.

And how are your kids?

Well, I've got three at a private school for gifted children in Lake Forest.

Two at Andover, one at Exeter. Calvin's at Yale, finishing up a field study in particle physics.

Generating a lot of interest there.

Eliot was featured in Sports Illustrated.

Just won the snowboarding junior nationals.

Slope style.

Well, that was no surprise.

But I got to say, Anne's still my superstar.

When she finishes Harvard after getting her M.B.A., she's gonna come work for me at Murtaugh Enterprises.

She is definitely corporate material.

Something reeks.

Watch out! Make way!

Look out! Look out! Watch out!

Look out! She's gonna blow!

Holy cow!

Cool.

Okay, listen, mister. Accident or not, you're gonna be taking the garbage out for a month or something you don't wanna do for 30 days.

So sit down. Please, everyone. Quiet for me.

Parenting comes down to one word, Tom. Push.

If you don't push, they don't do anything.

Well, I think it's a little more complicated than that.

Is it?

Most of them went through periods in their life when they worried about making their car payments.

Hey! Got you!

Yeah.

Hey, Nigel! Leave Kyle's pants alone.

Look. No one was hurt. It's fine.

In fact, why don't you and your family come over to The Boulders sometime?

The Boulders?

Yeah, our cottage.

We would love to do that. You know, sometime in the future.

Hey, kids, why don't you leave the fireworks at home?

You're all welcome at our place anytime.

We've got Sea-Doos, lasers, wireless Internet, plasma screen satellite TVs.

All the toys and whistles.

Cool! Awesome!

Hey, you know what? Actually, we're here for quality time with the kids.

Come on, kids. It's time to go. We've done enough damage here.

Up and at 'em! Thank you.

So we'll probably see you on the lake or something.

Sure. Another time.

Nice to meet you.

Nice meeting you, too.

Good seeing you again, Tom. Bye.

You too...

Kate.

Kate.

Boy, you know when we were kids, I used to be so envious of Tom Baker.

He just had it all.

Well, I guess the Gucci loafer is on the other foot now, isn't it?

Everyone straight to bed.

What a moron. Honey, he's our son.

Not Mark. He's a kid. Murtaugh.

"Seems like you could use the word push."

Well, next time we see him, let's just agree to completely ignore him.

There's not gonna be a next time.

I don't know if the kids will agree with that.

You think that waterslide can compete with the tire swing I'm gonna put up?

Rise and shine! Daylight's burning!

It is breakfast at the Baker's! Day one!

Come on, sleepyheads.

Is there a particular reason that we're eating breakfast outside?

Yes. Because it's a beautiful day here in Lake Winnetka!

It's vacation, sweetheart.

Hey, guys! And there's the rest of the clan!

Come on! Hey, guys! Hey, guys! Look! Come on!

Hey! Welcome to the land of plenty!

It still smells the same here.

Like dead leaves and unwashed animals and murky lake water.

That's called fresh air, sweetheart.

Watch the hat, Dad. Sorry.

Hey, you guys!

Come on. Let's go eat!

Guys, we're gonna need a forklift to get Lorraine's suitcase out of here.

What? Have I been here 30 seconds, and you're already making fun of me?

Yeah, that was my foot.

Is that suitcase just for makeup?

Whatever, butch.

Okay. Big breakfast, everybody.

So you have enough room for family activities!

Family activities?

Absolutely. Appleschmear.

Fishing off the dock for Big Daddy.

Hanging up the tire swing! Getting out the diving board!

I was gonna go boarding with Eliot.

And Kenneth has video games.

Jessica and I were gonna use the Murtaughs' Internet hookup so that we could research for the academic decathlon.

Precisely. We need the extra hours.

Well, you got all vacation to go over to that place.

We have all vacation to do the family activities, too.

Well, Sarah. Hey, what about you?

You wanna hang out with Dad today?

Actually, I was gonna go boarding with Jake.

And Eliot.

Well, you know, I guess we can do lake stuff another day.

Here we go, scone.

Henry, Jake.

All right. No... Leave it there. The dog will get it.

Someday When my life has passed me by I lay around and wonder why You were always there for me

Did you nail down an apartment?

I'm just waiting to hear.

You know, I'll bet you can get a place in Chicago for half the rent.

Dad, I thought we made a deal.

Man, that dock needs work.

Where you going? I'm going to the hardware store.

I'm gonna fix this place up.

You got a crazy look in your eye.

What are you gonna get there? Tools!

Express yourself

Express yourself

You don't ever need help From nobody else

'Cause all you got to do now Honey?

Honey?

Okay. Do not stand up. Do you hear me?

Dad! Dad! Dad!

Dad!

Hey, kids! Tire swing ready!

Tire swing not ready!

Well, it's not What you look like When you're doing What you're doing But what you're doing When you're doing And what you look like doing Express yourself

Express yourself

Do it on the moon y'all

And in the jungle too

And the trampoline... Please?

Come on, Mark.

Hey, Dad.

Hey. Get bored over at the Murtaughs?

No. It was cool. We're going back after study time.

Hey, you guys are making time for your studies. I'm really proud of you.

Not us, Dad. Them.

Mr. Murtaugh forces all of the kids to read and write two hours every single day.

Lame, I know.

Who are these guys?

What?

There's no way I'm camping out.

Yes. Honey, you can do it one night for Daddy. Come on.

Right? This doesn't sit well with me.

I know what you mean.

Lorraine, are you serious?

What is she doing? Is she kidding?

That's not gonna fit in your tent, Lorraine.

I'm gonna make it fit, Dad.

Hey, come on! Making s'mores.

S'mores! I'll help you.

Actually, we're trying to eat only organic food, right? Here.

Yeah, we're trying to eat only organic food.

Is that for the baby? Yeah.

Come on. The baby will love a s'more. Party in your tummy. Let's go.

Cool! The Bakers are having a campout.

Can I go over?

Why have a campout when you can have a full-on fondue party right here, huh?

Sweet. Yeah?

Charlie, get away from the kit.

Babe. That's your fourth s'more.

My parents never let me have these. They're amazing!

Do you ever think we should be more strict with the kids?

No, honey. We give them love and guidance.

And that's... You know, what else is there, really?

Yeah, but every time we turn around, they're either in trouble, about to get into trouble, or laying out a long-term plan to create trouble.

Dad, how come those guys know how to camp so good?

Hey! Hey! What if we sing a camp song, huh?

Okay. Sounds good.

There once was a man named Michael Finnegan He had some whiskers on his chin again The wind blew them off and they blew in again Poor old Michael Finnegan Begin again There once was a man named Michael Finnegan He had whiskers on his chin again What do you say we give them a run for their money?

Finnegan Begin again There once was a man named Michael Finnegan Will the circle be unbroken By and by, Lord By and by Poor old Michael Finnegan Begin again Better home awaiting

Up! Stand up!

There once was a man named Michael Finnegan He had some whiskers on his chin again The wind blew them off and they blew in again Poor old Michael Finnegan Begin again By, Lord, by and by Oh, yeah Well, there's a better Oh, yeah Home awaiting Home awaiting In the sky, Lord In the sky This guy is so competitive!

There once was a man named Michael Finnegan He had some whiskers on his chin again Lord, by and by Poor old Michael Finnegan

Oh, boy, I love camping.

Yeah. This is fun.

Good times. Good times.

Good times. Yeah.

Hey, kids, didn't you love blowing Murtaugh off the lake last night, huh?

Kids, huh?

Honey, they're all in the house.

No.

Yeah.

Hey.

Hello?

Happy?

They can't spend one night in the tent?

Hey, Tom!

Now what does that show-off want?

What a day! Hey, Tom.

Boy! You have got this place looking...

Anyway.

I see the troops are sleeping in.

No. They're already up.

They're out cutting wood and making biscuits and blazing a new trail out back.

Nothing out of the ordinary.

Yeah. Really impressive. Listen.

The missus and I are thinking of putting on a little spread today. Okay?

Now, since the kids are getting along so well, why don't you and the gang come over to The Boulders for brunch?

You know, actually we have to...

Cool. What time?

Mimosas at noon on the dot!

Yeah! Let's go!

Attagirl. Take it away, honey.

Whoa!

Adios, amigo!

Isn't he, like, the coolest dad ever?

Oh, yeah. Cool.

We're here.

Huge!

Awesome! Dude!

Kids, we stay right here.

Welcome to The Boulders.

Hey.

Hi.

Hey. Hi, Tom.

Thanks for having us. Where's the gift shop?

You brought your dog.

Sorry.

You just say sit. Down dog.

Tom! Baker!

Okay!

Somebody help! Don't join him!

Stop!

Get your paws off my wife.

You know, they have these things called obedience schools, Baker.

Are you all right, honey? I'm fine. I'm fine.

Why don't you tie Fido up for five minutes?

Honey, he's fine. Just let him play.

Honey, we don't want that animal near the dining set.

It was a gift from the King of Thailand.

Mark, there's a leash in the car. Get it.

Why don't we all go inside?

Good idea, honey.

Everybody inside. I'll be right back.

I'm going to the car. Hey, Sarah.

Do you want to go on the Sea-Doo with me and Jake before we eat?

Yeah. Sure.

Cool. Let's go.

You coming or not, dude?

Yeah.

Jimmy. Almost forgot.

Tom, for heaven's sake. You didn't have to do this.

"Sparkling Cheesehead?"

Wisconsin's finest bubbly.

I'm sure it is. Might have to let this baby age about 200, 300 years, Tom.

Superstar, do me a favor.

Take this down to the cellar and bring us up a nice bottle of Taittinger.

Sure.

I'll give you a hand.

It's a fantastic place.

Oh, it's not much, but I call it a second home.

How come you guys haven't built your own house up here?

Well, with 12 kids, you know, you got to use the money for food and water.

I bet if Tom had kept that job at Illinois Poly, he could've built a place like this.

Oh, well, life's full of choices. Some good. Some not so good.

Honey, why don't you take Kate and show her the dining set that the King of Thailand gave us?

Okay, honey.

Love to look at the plates.

From a king.

Don't get lost, honey.

Come on, Tom. I want to show you something.

Feast your eyes on these honeys, Tom.

Albino ironwood right out of the Peruvian rainforest.

You can still smell the jungle on them. Go ahead. Take a whiff.

Come on. Rest your honker on the log and take a whiff.

Smells like global warming.

That's moss. That's moss, Tom.

Well, this is the trophy room.

Are those your kids?

Yeah. That's the Murtaugh victory reel. It's on a loop.

It's a good room.

I'll tell you why I love this room so much, Tom.

All the trophies, the ribbons, the prizes, past, present and future.

It's proof that children can be groomed to reflect the best aspects of any given gene pool.

Just have to keep them on a short leash.

I couldn't agree more.

My Anne's proof of that.

You're looking a lot more put together than you did a few years ago.

Thanks.

Well, remember your nose was a little too big for your face.

And that skin irritation you had on your hand...

It just kept working its way up your arm and into your neck and over the side of...

It's... Glad that it's gone though. It looks good.

Well, if I remember correctly, you weren't so hot yourself.

That mutt could use a shorter leash, too.

She's so cool.

Yeah, the kids and I spent a weekend putting that dock together.

Nothing like a little manual labor to keep you humble. Sit down, Tom.

Let's hope Jimmy has matching pants to that shirt.

Yeah, boy. This place wasn't put together overnight.

Does Daddy know about your tattoo?

No!

I'm sorry, Mom. I'm so sorry.

Mom, I... It's okay. Yeah, I'm fine.

It's like spring break. Hope I win the contest.

I've got a shirt you can borrow.

A shirt? Okay. Yeah.

Mom... I'm sorry.

You okay? Yeah. I'm fine.

If my dad finds out before I tell him...

You'll get grounded?

Please.

Just don't say anything.

Nice hands.

Hey, guys, look at this!

That's awesome!

Hey, Sarah. Hey, Dad!

You should see Mr. Murtaugh's new Sea-Doo. It's so awesome!

That's terrific.

Now turn around and pretend to be looking at the view.

Why?

Turn around and pretend to be looking at the view.

Are you still in touch with your dark gifts?

Punking? Practical jokes?

Soaking underwear in... Meat.

Yeah.

Classic. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm in touch. Why?

I... I have a mission for you.

Who's the target?

Murtaugh.

Hmm.

I can help you.

Hi! As long as I don't do time for the crime.

Hey, guys. Hi!

Done.

No grounding.

No allowance dockage.

No boring spiel about the difference between right and wrong?

And you have no problem with the methods that I choose?

Hey! It's your contract.

Do with it what you will.

Agreed?

Agreed.

Hey! Give Daddy a hug! Nail him.

Guys, guys, guys. I have a mission for you.

It's top secret, and it's high priority. Yeah?

What is it?

Come on. I'll show you.

Positions.

Check. Check.

Thank you.

My gosh! It's a purple bigfoot!

What?

The purple bigfoot!

A what?

I don't see anything.

Made you look! Made you look! Made you look!

You're so stupid.

Did I mention the dining set was a gift from the...

King of Thailand? Yeah, you did. Yeah.

Hey, Bud. Give me that roll!

Well, I see your kids can't wait to get started.

Well, that's just the way they are.

Hey, you guys, no eating until everyone's seated.

Okay. Now...

Wow.

Eyes up here, honey.

Doesn't she look hot?

Wow. She doesn't hold a candle to you, honey.

Where you been all my life?

All right.

Tom, right over here.

Thank you.

Ignore the place card, Tom. Sit next to your wife.

Fine, fine. If you want chaos.

Right here, Tom.

Believe me, I don't mind.

Dad, don't...

The seat cushion is soft.

So, you two play tennis?

Yeah. Yeah. We play tennis.

You're in the meat seat.

The what seat?

I knew that dog was gonna be trouble!

Whoa!

Whoa!

Sit! Stop!

My china.

Where is he?

I don't know.

You don't know?

Whoa!

It's okay. It happens all the time.

No, it doesn't. I'm so sorry. I'm really embarrassed.

Thank you for the lovely shirt.

Jimmy, I insist that you send me a bill for this.

Don't even think about it, Tom.

What's a few thousand dollars here or there?

The main thing is you had a good time.

We'll talk about it later.

I'll see you on the tennis court.

Yeah. And bring your A game.

Bye.

What was that? Nothing.

No, no, no. That was not nothing.

This was not nothing. That was something.

That was... All right. In the house.

Yeah, I know. I'm a horrible father.

Well, honey, you know, you broke your promise.

What promise?

You said, you weren't gonna get involved in this whole competitive thing with Jimmy.

And that you were over it, and it's just all so infantile.

Well, he tried to tell us how we should raise the kids.

Meaning what?

Yeah, he thinks the kids are, you know...

Did he say the kids were... He didn't say that the kids were, but you could tell that he implied, that's what he thought.

The kids were... Yeah, you know.

Uh-uh.

"Uh-uh" is right.

"I do not like green eggs and ham."

"I do not like them, Sam-I-am."

You're a little old for that book, aren't you, Bud?

She's reading to the baby, Tom.

Reading to the baby? Yeah, unborn babies, they're comforted by the sound of their mother's voice.

Yeah, just don't spoil my linebacker.

The baby's gonna be what it wants to be.

Just let us be the parents. Okay, Dad?

Come on, Bud. I'm hungry.

Yeah, me, too.

Hi, Mr. Baker!

Hi, Eliot. What's up?

I was looking for Sarah. You mean Jake.

No, Sarah and I and Calvin, we're going boarding again this afternoon.

Well, well, she'll be back soon.

Okay. I'll just wait on the dock.

Sit down.

Okay.

Yeah.

So...

What do you do for a living, Eliot?

I'm in eighth grade.

Oh, yeah, right. Right, right.

And how's that going for you?

Fine.

You on any teams?

Football, boarding and baseball.

All that focus on sports, that must impact your grades quite a bit.

No. Actually, you know, I'm an honors student.

Right. Yeah.

You play any instruments?

Drums.

Yeah. You're probably in one of those punk bands, right?

Timpani? You know, school orchestra? Yeah.

Hey, Eliot.

See you, Mr. Baker.

Later, dude... Dad.

Guys!

What now?

Mind if I go water boarding with you?

It's kneeboarding, and I'm pretty sure that you can't do it.

Hey, if Jimmy can do it, I can do it. You must be Calvin, huh?

Yeah, nice to meet you. I just got back from Yale.

Congratulations. I'll just squeeze in over here.

There we go.

Everybody ready? Yeah.

Okay.

Fun, huh?

Yeah, why don't you go first?

You guys keep an eye on him, all right?

You ready, Mr. Baker?

Okay, I'm...

Sorry he interrogated you.

It's okay. My dad would have done the same thing.

Really? Yeah.

You should come to my house sometime.

Slow down!

Hey! Hey! Hey! That...

He's really easy, really nice.

Really?

Do you have a favorite subject?

Probably math.

Little help.

Oh, God!

Stop!

You'll do better next time, Mr. Baker. It's okay.

You sure he'll be okay?

Yeah. He'll be fine.

Dad! Are you okay?

It's all good!

Well. I'll go put on a little perfume.

Sarah, Eliot seems okay.

I see why you like him.

Somebody's turning red.

Shut up!

You know, thanks a lot, Dad.

What'd I say?

Men can be so clueless.

Honey, men aren't clueless.

I'll go talk to her.

Mom, let me do this, okay?

Trust me. I've got a little experience in the area of parental harassment.

Hey, I totally know how you feel. How are you?

Dad can be pretty hands-on, in-your-face sometimes, huh?

Just leave me alone.

A, I'm never trying to help her again, and, B, I cannot wait to move to New York.


What are you doing here?

This is where I run. What are you doing here?

I like to get out of the house.

Take a break from the perfect daughter bit, huh?

Hey, I'm not the only one who's putting on an act for Daddy around here.

You've hated the city since we were kids.

Why'd you go to school there?

Seemed like the right thing to do at the time.

Did it seem like the right thing to do because your parents said it was the right thing to do?

No, because my parents wanted me closer to home, that's why.

Are you gonna live at home forever?

No. I just gotta figure out my next move.

And do it.

But how about you, Superstar? What's the master plan, huh?

Somehow I gotta figure out how to tell my dad that I'm not built for the corporate life.

Good luck.

So, for now, I'm just gonna draw.

What do you draw?

Stay still, Baker.

Yeah, right. You're not drawing me, 'cause I'm gonna...

Okay. Right here? Is this good? If I stay right here, I think it might be better if I... Stop smiling.

Sarah! Come on! Hurry up!

Okay, okay.

Has anybody seen my other tennis shoe?

No.

No. I haven't.

Have you seen my other tennis shoe?

No. Chiseler!

You chiseling little...

Great.

Hey, how you doing?

Hey, guys.

Good to see you. Hi, Sarina. Hi.

Nice shoes. Kidding. Let's warm up.

Okay, let's do it, huh? Let's do it.

Come on, Murtaugh.

Got it!

I don't remember you out here when we were kids.

Dad didn't allow us to come out into the woods.

Okay. I'm done.

That's Charlie Baker, figuring out his next move.

You're good.

Tell my dad.

Maybe he'll let me transfer from Harvard to Madison Art School.

You wanna live up here and go to school?

This lake is, like, my favorite place on the planet Earth. Why?

I've just always fantasized about moving up here.

I don't know, maybe open up a garage or something.

Looks like you figured out your next move.

I think you're right.

You... You wanna go for a walk or something?

Is Charlie Baker asking me out on a date?

I'm not sure our fathers would approve, but...

Let's go. Yeah.

Yours. Nice. Nice!

This is mine.

It's these shoes. Okay. All right.

A poor workman blames his tools, Tom.

Just serve it.

This is payback for the china.

Come on. Give me your best, Jimmy, give me your best!

I got it!

I got it.

I got it. I got it! I got it!

I got it. Got it!

Mine!

Got it! I got it.

Mine.

It's turbo. Dude, I'm in so much trouble from the other night. There's no way.

Don't be a wimp.

I'm not a wimp.

Come on. Get in.

Okay. Just one little cruise.

Come on, Baker. I'm getting old here.

Just be careful.

Slow down!

Mr. and Mrs. Baker, excuse me.

There's a call from security over at the gift shop.

What's this about? Just follow me.

Slow down! Stop!

Okay. We're willing to let it slide this time if you promise to keep your kids under control.

I really appreciate that, and we'll take care of it. Thank you.

There you go. Thanks again. Thank you, Mr. Murtaugh.

You just gonna talk to her, Tom?

How I discipline my kids is none of your business.

You know, I've been trying to say this in a nice way, but...

Well, there's a reason your kids are screw-ups.

My kids screwed up. They are not screw-ups.

You're not strict enough.

Parenting isn't a popularity contest, Tom.

But I guess if you knew that, your kids wouldn't be so undisciplined.

The only problem with my kids is that they're hanging out with your kids.

It wasn't my daughter who got caught stealing.

And it wasn't my son who trashed a tennis court!

Do you actually think I'm screwing up my kids, Baker?

Yeah. And one day, they're gonna crack.

Well, why don't we test that theory on Labor Day? Murtaughs versus Bakers.

For the cup.

You're on.

We'll see you there.

Let's go.

Honey, did you just agree to that competition thing, and the cup and... Yeah.

Okay, missy, let's go walk and talk.

Wanna tell me what this is all about? Because it's so not you.

I was embarrassed.

Look at me, honey. Embarrassed about what?

Makeup.

Oh, honey.

You know you can come to me any time with anything. You know that, right?

Okay.

And I know why you wanted the makeup. It was for Eliot, right?

Yeah. Yeah.

I'm just not pretty like Nora or Lorraine.

I thought maybe the makeup would help.

You're beautiful.

And I want you to remember something else, and it's really important.

That when you like a boy, never be anybody but yourself.

Eliot liked you without makeup, didn't he?

Do you think he really likes me?

How could he not?

No more felonies. Deal? Deal.

Deal. Good.

I guess the Labor Day Cup's gonna be a bloodbath.

You got that right.

All right. From now on, no seeing the Murtaughs, no talking to the Murtaughs, no thinking about the Murtaughs.

Can't we compete, and still, like, see them?

No! Right now, I am not a father. I am a coach.

And we're gonna be training twice a day, every day, starting outside in 10 minutes.

Jumping jacks! Jumping jacks! Good!

Lorraine, come on!

Push-ups! One, two! Now back up to jumping jacks.

Lorraine! Come on!

And toss.

Toss. Toss.

Toss. Dad!

Just toss! Dad, lay off!

Toss! I'm tossing!

No crying!

Step back! That's it! I can't handle this pressure, Dad!

Eggs cost money!

Okay, it's a three-legged race.

You will run as if you had two!

On your mark, get set, go!

Come on! Go! Come on!

Hey! Hey, hey, hey! It's your fault!

Come on, come on. Get in. Come on.

Murtaugh, Murtaugh, Murtaugh, Murtaugh, Murtaugh, Murtaugh!

Dad! JESSICA: Dad! We're not Murtaughs!

Chipping around Kick my brains around the floor These are the days It never rains but it pours

Take a deep swing, boom. Just like that.

Hold it up.

People on streets People on streets

It's the terror of knowing What this world is about Watching some good friends Nice.

Give it a good one. Come on.

One more.

That's a zero.

Under pressure

Pressure

I really love having a family dinner where all you can hear is forks hitting the plates.

You know, this could be our last chance to be together, and you're totally ruining it.

I'm glad we're moving to Houston, and so is Iron Mike or Donna Baker Butkus McNulty.

Bulk up.

You're burning a hole in my face.

Tom.

You gotta stop this whole training camp thing.

This is not some little fence line squabble, Kate.

This is an epic battle between two families.

No. No, no, honey. I think this is Tom versus Jimmy.

And I'm sorry, General, but you're starting to lose the respect of your troops.

And that's dangerous. Give the kids some space.

Are you asking me to back out of the competition?

No, honey. It's just... Especially with Sarah.

This is her first crush. Come on.

What, with Eliot?

Yes.

She needs to know that we trust her.

She couldn't even come to me and tell me she wanted to wear makeup.

Is that the kind of relationship you want her to have with us?

Hey, Sarina. Oh, wow. Hi.

Let's run.

Just leave it. They'll get somebody. Okay.

The kids drop stuff all the time and then run away, leave me standing there.

Can I ask you a question?

Sure.

How do you manage 12 kids?

With great difficulty. Trust me.

Good. 'Cause I have no idea what I'm doing.

Well, you got a lot of fruit in the cart.

I'd get some of this refined sugar.

It's great for negotiating purposes, or whatever.

Jimmy's gone overboard with this whole tough love thing.

I mean, the kids are miserable, and he doesn't even see it.

Well. He and Tom bring out the best in each other, don't they?

I'm actually getting a kick out of it. I find them very entertaining.

And exhausting.

Mmm. This is good.

If tonight's good, I'll ask my dad.

So, hopefully, tonight will work? Yeah.

Okay. See you.

Not my little girl.

Hey, Dad.

Are you okay? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I just need you to help me pace out 25 yards for the egg race.

Starting here. Okay? There you go.

Yeah. Okay. Go ahead.

Hey, Dad, I was...

Those... Those steps are too small.

Those steps are... Can I go to the movies with Eliot Murtaugh tonight?

...are too big.

I guess so.

Sarah!

Sarah, Nora has to urinate.

And a full bladder puts inordinate strain on the amniotic sac, which can...

Kim! Thank you. We could just go with "hurry up."

Hurry up! Hurry up!

I need Lorraine.

You get Lorraine. I'll pee outside.

Hey, it's me.

How's it going?

Well, Eliot asked me out, and I'm kind of new to the whole dating thing, so...

Aren't you gonna make me beg?

I was thinking about it.

Come on.

Let's start with your makeup.

Lorraine...

Thanks. Don't worry about it.

Pink? Come on.

Can't we do, like, a skin color?

Come on.

There you go.

It looks good.

And my brother, 15 stitches under his eye.

Hey, you guys. Guys!

I need everybody's attention. Sarah's about to come downstairs, and she's going on her date tonight.

She looks a little different, okay?

So I would really appreciate it if you guys could give her the respect that you never gave me, all right?

And not ridicule her style choices before she enters the world of multi-gender interaction.

Okay, so go about your little chores and act completely natural.

Lorraine.

I think you're gonna do just fine in New York.

Thank you!

Hubba-hubba!

You look very pretty, honey. You always do.

Thank you. Well, I'm going to the movies.

Well, sounds good. You need some money?

No, I have some from lawn mowing.

Limo's here!

There's Mr. Murtaugh.

Okay. Well, have fun.

And I'll pick you up outside the theater at 9:00.

Okay. Bye.

Bye. Bye, cutie.

And I'll save a spot for you on the varsity.

Have fun.

How cute was she, huh? Yeah.

Seems like yesterday that was you, missy.

You're not gonna start crying, are you, Dad?

Hey, I'm a football coach, remember?

Right.

I like Henrietta. You are not gonna name our baby Henrietta.

All right, what do we got to eat?

Can I go to the movies with Eliot Murtaugh tonight?

Can I go to the movies with Eliot Murtaugh tonight?

Can I go to the movies with Eliot Murtaugh tonight?

Honey, you want something to eat?

Tom, sweetie, do you want something to eat?

Oh, no. You know what? Actually, I should go get Sarah.

It's 7:30. The movie just started.

I'm not going directly there. I'm just gonna stop and get gas first.

Okay.

There's bound to be traffic, you know, 'cause it's Labor Day weekend and everything, and...

Sure there is. I'll get going.

And I don't trust those fish clocks.

They're notoriously slow.

I love you, sweetheart.

Thank you.

One, please.

What are you doing here?

Well, if you must know, I'm still here to make sure this movie is appropriate for our children.

It's rated G.

Mom. Sir, could you please sit down?

Yeah.

What are you doing here so early?

Father of the daughter always arrives early for pick-up duty. Everybody knows that.

Excuse me. Is there a problem here?

Yes. This man's harassing me.

This man's guilty of overparenting.

If you two can't keep it down, I'm gonna throw both of you out.

Oh, my God! Look at this.

What? He's stretching.

He's doing the move.

What move?

You're sitting in the theater. You fake a yawn.

Oh, boy, am I tired.

Hand comes over.

Then a little while later, the head comes over, giving extra reach here, right?

Mom, look. Those two down there.

See what I mean?

Oh, sweet Jesus.

Warning number two.

He was showing me the move.

Do you mind?

You don't know the move?

No, I don't know the move, okay?

And I wasn't a hormone-crazed Romeo when I was a kid. I had self-control.

I had social sophistication, just like my son. Be quiet down there!

Your son has raging hormones like every other male teenager.

Meaning what?

Meaning on the sophistication scale, he's one step above ape.

Are you calling my son an ape?

He's an ape like every other male teenager.

Take it back.

I'm not gonna take it back.

Take it...

Take it back.

Were you gonna poke me?

No, I was not gonna poke you.

You were gonna poke me.

Because you were asking for it.

Well, if I'm asking for it, why don't you give it to me? Give me a poke.

You want a poke?

What is going on down there?

There.

You call that a poke?

I call that a practice. Give me your best poke.

You don't want my best poke. I want your best poke!

You're asking for it.

Go ahead! No, I do! Come on!

Call somebody! We need help!

Hi.

Great.

Help him, pull him up.

Hey, honey, how did it go?

Dad was totally spying on me!

You ruined everything.

There's no way that I'm competing for you in that stupid cup tomorrow.

I can't believe you did that.

Really, Dad. That is so Big Brother.

Yeah, let's go.

Come on, Bud. Let's put this baby to bed.

Not cool, Dad.

You know, you and Jimmy aren't so different, Dad.

Different styles, yeah, but same result. Let's go, guys.

Oh, honey.

Honey, we talked about this, didn't we?

The tighter you hang on, the more they're gonna pull away, right?

Oh, God. I'll go talk to her.

Well, we're gonna go compete for the cup. Hey.

Couldn't get any more volunteers, huh?

You gonna come and watch us kick some heinie?

Well, maybe I will, honey, if I get everybody fed and...

I'm sorry.

Okay, guys. Come on. Let's go.

Come on, Dad.

Yeah.

And I'm sorry, too.

Did Dad go?

Yep. With Kyle and Nigel.

Hey! The Chiseler's got my wallet.

Check it out. Yeah.

He must have an escape hatch. Look at all this stuff.

That's mine from, like, the '80s.

Oh, my goodness.

Underwear.

Careful. Careful.

Honey, let me see that.

Look at this.

It's our old team flag.

From that year we lost to the Murtaughs by two points.

Yeah, 'cause Mom fell in the sack race.

Daddy carried me all the way home. Lot of memories.

And you know your father. He wants to be a part of every single one of them.

That's why he's having such a hard time letting go.

But you know one thing for sure. No matter what Daddy says, if he's in a good mood or a bad mood, you're his favorite team, right?

And left! And right!

And left! And right!

And left! And...

Bakers.

What gives, Tom? Couldn't rally your team?

Well, it's all I've got, but it's enough to take you down, Murtaugh.

Are you kidding me? You'll be lucky to beat the Doobners.

Come on, Big Daddy, shake it out. Shake it out.

We'll see. Come on, guys.

We'll see.

Okay, ladies and gentlemen, here we go. Welcome, everyone, to the 46th Annual Lake Winnetka Labor Day Cup.

Now we have seven families competing in 10 events today.

And the family winning the most events will win the cup.

Simple enough. So let's get to it, all right? Contestants, here we go!

Okay, guys, let's do this, huh?

Hey, Dad! We're here!

Dad!

Hi, Dad. Good, good!

There's a team! There's a team!

You can't keep the varsity down.

And I promise never to go on a date with you and Eliot again.

Hey, Murtaugh!

This is our year!

Huddle up! Huddle up! Come on.

Let's see what you got, Tom.

Okay, Murtaughs.

Huddling. Okay, now. Okay...

I know I've been a jerk all week, but that's old news.

Okay, now look. You gotta get loose. Don't let them intimidate you.

You each have a special talent. I want you to use it.

I don't care if we win or lose...

I just want you to do your best.

Hey! Hey! Hey! What are you doing?

Stop with the nicey-nice.

Here's the game plan. We're gonna step on their throats and press down until they stop breathing.

Finally, get focused and stay with the game plan!

And what would that be?

Okay, well, we don't have a game plan.

But you'll just...

Chin up! Charge the mountain!

Exactly! That's the game plan! Okay, break on three!

One, two, three!

Come on, come on, come on, come on!

Come on, go! Come on, go! Come on, go! Go! Go! Yes! Yes!

Go! Go! Go!

Charge it! Charge it! Charge it!

Good job!

Okay. That's okay.

Holiday

Bull's-eye!

Yeah! One for the Bakers!

Holiday Celebrate

If we took a holiday Come on, Charlie!

That's it. That's it.

Go! Go!

Just one day out of life It would be Yeah!

It would be so nice Gotta be tough, Baker! Gotta be tough, huh?

What is this?

We're gonna have a celebration All across the world Out!

In every nation What was that?

It's time for the good times Forget about the bad times Oh yeah One day to come together To release the pressure Here we go, Tom.

Okay, Murtaugh.

Look out. Now. Yeah. Yeah.

Not your sport?

Let's go for a jog.

Reverse!

Couldn't have asked for a better day, huh?

Look out!

Well, folks, for the first time since 1961, our Labor Day Cup has ended in a tie.

Okay! Okay! We did good.

The Miller family is gonna be taking third place.

And to determine second place and our champion, the Bakers and the Murtaughs are gonna have a canoe race from here to the state forest end of the park and back.

All right? And all family members must participate.

Mike. Mike, I got a daughter who's due in a week. She can't do that.

Gee, Tom, maybe you can work something out with Jimmy here, I guess.

Looks like you're gonna have to forfeit, Tom.

Well...

Look, she can't do it, so we're done.

And congratulations.

Okay.

I'm going, Dad.

You just pissed off a severely hormonal pregnant woman.

Let's do this!

You sure? Yes.

You sure?

Okay, I need a life jacket, a big one.

Let's go, Bakers! Come on, Bakers!

Bakers!

Lorraine, lose those shoes. They're fancy and brand-new.

What? Yours are the same.

No. I'm a mom. I need the height.

Look at Jimmy's wife. Take those off.

Mom, mine tie my whole outfit in together.

Stay on the north side of the lake. There's less wind there.

Thanks, Murtaugh.

You're welcome, Baker.

Let's go, Superstar.

It's supposed to be fun.

You ready? Ready.

Come on.

On your marks! Murtaugh!

Get set! Murtaugh!

Go, Bakers! Go, Bakers!

Stroke! Stroke!

Stroke! Stroke!

Stroke! Stroke!

Come on, everyone! Let's go!

We're gonna win this, Murtaughs!

Come on! Put some muscle in it, Bakers!

Stroke!

Stroke!

Stroke!

Come on, Superstar! Come on, Kenneth!

Not this time, Murtaugh.

That's what you think.

Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!

Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!

I think we're taking on water!

It's me.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Nora's water just broke!

Jimmy!

Stroke! Stroke! Jimmy!

Something's wrong, Jimmy.

He's trying to pull a fast one. Now paddle.

I don't believe it.

What if somebody's hurt?

Honey, we have a substantial lead. It's a trick.

How can you be sure?

I don't want to lose, Annie. Now, paddle! Stroke!

Okay. Everyone calm down.

If we cut through the woods here, the road's not that far.

Can you get us there?

Hello. Nature boy, remember?

Let's go!

Row faster!

No, Bud, stay with Nora.

Stroke!

Annie, what are you doing? What are you doing, Superstar? Paddle!

I'm not a superstar, Dad.

I'm just a person who's trying to have her own life.

And this is not my idea of living. It's yours.

Like my tattoo?

Annie, get back in this boat.

You're gonna have to win it without me too, Dad.

Eliot, don't you dare. Don't you... Don't you...

I'm out of here.

Kenneth!

Not cool, Dad.

Becky! Don't you...

You gotta lighten up.

Daniel.

We like the Bakers.

Yeah, Dad.

Lisa? Robin?

Okay. Okay. That's it. You know what?

You kids are gonna be cut off!

If you don't, you know... No more charge accounts!

Think about that! What is wrong with you?

I want to win! You don't get it, Sarina. It's not me. It's him!

It's Tom! He was always the popular one.

He was the one everybody liked! Everybody!

All the girls liked him, all the parents liked him.

My own father even liked him better.

That was 18 years before I was born! Get over it!

Look, your kids are trying to tell you something.

And unless you want to start looking for wife number four, you better listen.

Now paddle!

Watch out!

Nora, you okay?

Fifty cents says it's a girl.

I'll take that bet. I'm in.

Hold on! Mom, Mom, Mom!

I'm all right. I'm all right.

Oh, Mom! Mom! I got you. I got you.

That's okay. I got my hips to balance me.

All right, how are you feeling, sweetie? Cramping a little.

Okay. How often? Just a couple of times so far.

All right. Okay.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

Pay attention to her!

Is she okay?

Yeah. She's delivering lakeside, but yeah.

Did you swim all the way over here?

Hey, Baker, what's going on?

Nora's having her baby. We got to get her to the hospital.

What can I do to help?

Oh, honey, you can help with Nora.

Mark's on point, right, Mark?

I know the area really well.

My dad forced me to do topographical maps of this area for no apparent reason.

Hey, that's my boy. Lead the way, Kenneth Murtaugh.

Well, it just so happens that my dad has let me have almost every animal in the world, which makes me an expert at scouting scat trails.

That's my boy. Point us in the right direction, and I'll find us a scat trail to follow.

What's scat?

Animal poop.

Cool! We're following poop!

Okay, I'm a little competitive.

I know. Go! Go!

Come on, guys! This way, guys!

Yeah. There's a road up ahead.

Come on. Okay. Okay.

You okay?

Yeah! We did it!

Come on, guys! Come on!

Let's go, guys! This way! Come on!

Come on! Come on!

Come on! Hurry! Come on! Hurry up!

Okay.

I'll take it from here. I got it.

Move it! Move!

I've got a daughter who's about to deliver any second.

I need you to get her in right now. Okay.

I don't want her to feel any pain, and I want the baby to be healthy. You got it? Get it? Good.

All right. If I could get you to fill out... I don't think so.

I wouldn't mess with her if I were you, okay?

Right.

Oh, wow! Shh.

She's having a baby!

Stay calm! Could we get the chair over here?

Get me in a wheelchair!

I need a wheelchair, stat! Get the chair!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Good luck!

It must be this way!

That way! All right, family only in the delivery room!

You're all family?

Yeah! Help me out here.

I'm her mother, so...

Of course.

Let's go. Let's go, please. Kate.

Do your thing.

Okay, come on. Let's go.

Tom, actually, we'd like Lorraine to come with us.

We want you to be the godmother.

Really?

Yeah.

Bud, I'm having a baby here! Wow!

We'll try to get you a linebacker, Tom.

Come on, everybody. Come on.

Let's go. Let's go. Come on.

Now this is a hospital. You guys have to be quiet. Got it?

Tom?

You mind if we wait with you?

That'd be great.

They're good kids, Jimmy, all of them.

And you're saying we have nothing to do with it.

They're born hardwired.

Dad, look what we found.

Check it out.

Hey, hey. Just... Just be sure and disinfect them.

It's a bedpan, Kenny. Take it off.

So your kid gets my kid to wear a bedpan, and you're saying we have no impact? I didn't tell him to do it.

You look in the face of a six-month-old and that's the way they are.

That is the way that...

Hey. Hey.

You look like you have something to say.

I'm done with the city, Dad.

I'm gonna open up my own garage, and I'm moving up here this fall.

And I want to audit art classes at Madison.

Pardon me?

Dad, I want to be an artist.

I don't think that's gonna happen.

Dude, dude, dude.

Jimmy.

Although it does sound pretty exciting.

Sweetheart, is this what you really want?

I'm sure.

You know, Annie, I... I was just trying to be a good father.

I know.

So, Dad, what do you think?

Sounds like you got your mind made up.

I do. Are you okay with that?

Yeah. I think I am.

Excuse me. Tom?

You want to meet your grandson?

Yeah.


You did a good job, honey. A really good job.

That's a big boy. Too bad he wasn't there to help us win the cup.

He'll get a chance. Mike Romanow gave me a deal.

Now we own the big house at the lake.

It'll be nice having you in the neighborhood, Bud.

You Murtaughs better start cranking out grandkids if you want to compete.

You guys.

My godchild's trying to snooze.

So, any ideas on names?

I think we're gonna go with Tom.

'Cause you taught us that there's no way to be a perfect parent, but a million ways to be a really good one.

And you're about as good as they get.

Say hi to Grandpa.

Go on. Okay.

You're so beautiful.

Okay.

Hey, Tom. Hey, Tom.

Welcome to family.


Bye, Nora. See you. Bye, Nora.

Bye, Bud. Bye, Nora.

Bye-bye. Bye.

Letting go is the hardest thing you can do as a parent.

You have to settle with the past, engage in the present and believe in the future.

That vacation at Lake Winnetka reminded Tom and me that we're always learning as parents, and that the bond is forever.

Even as the kids grow up and venture out on their own, we'll always be with them, and they'll always be with us.

'Cause life is a voyage that's homeward bound.

That someday it would lead me back to you That someday it would lead me back to you That may be all I need In darkness she is all I see Come and rest Your bones with me Driving slow on Sunday morning And I never want to leave My fingers Trace your every outline

Express yourself

Express yourself

You don't ever need help From nobody else

'Cause all you got to do Is this my normal face?

Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

Hi, boo-boo! You want a treat?

Can I redo that?

What are we going to do?

She'll never walk again. I'll tell you that.

Hey, now Oh, yeah Watch it, y'all

Some people have everything and other people don't But everything don't mean a thing if it ain't the thing you want Express yourself Express yourself

Do it, do it Do it to it, yeah Do, do, do Do it now You can do it Put your mind to it Everybody wants to do it now Express yourself

Express yourself All right Do, do, do, do You can Express yourself

Express yourself Don't settle for nothing else, you'll Express yourself Come on, yeah Express yourself

That's right Well, express yourself

Express yourself

Express yourself

Hey, its funny how Everything is changing Trying to figure it out And so these past few days You and me together Going separate ways And everything I see is a blur What if we could stay like this?

The sun coming down Everything is perfect, perfect What if we had ever missed Another day that time forgets What if we? What if we stayed like this?

What if we stayed like this?

I know as time passes We get stronger What if we could stay like this?

Sun coming down Everything's perfect, perfect What if we ever missed Another day that time forgets What if we? What if we stayed like this?

What if we stayed like this?