Cigarette Soup (2017) Script

Oh, hey there, buddy.

Hey, what's going on?

What are you up to?

That's your question?

You a big-time reporter man, that's what you come up with?

All right, fine. How many drinks have you had?

What are you, like six deep right now?

Too many.

Where's your imaginary girlfriend?

-Oh, ah-ha-ha ha-ha. -What's her name, Sarah?

Give me that thing.

Ah ha! Now the tables have turned.

It's my turn to make you squirm.

How about you start by telling us a little bit about yourself?

I hate you.

Uh, what do you wanna know?

My name is Sam Grady. I'm from Greenville, Ohio, population closing in on 15,000.

Uh... I'm a reporter for our local news station, channel one.

-There, you happy? -Why are we all here?

Well, I think you're here to wish me luck, send me off in style. At least I hope so.

Oh, where are you going?

I recently volunteered to document the war in Afghanistan.

I've been assigned to a specific army unit, and I'm gonna be following those guys around for the next few months.

-That's a brave thing you're doing. -Thanks.

Why are you doing that?

It's something that needs to be done.

And I wanna show all of you out there who these guys really are, and not just what you see on TV, but who they are right here.

And this woman right here put this whole shindig together to send me off the right way. Isn't that right?

She's the world's greatest woman.

The most bestest mom.

-Sam, not now, okay? -Come on, mom.

Say something into the camera.

-I can't. -Mom!

Come on, mom.

So here I am.

It's my third official day in Afghanistan.


The weather has been insanely hot.

Windy, but hot. The nights have been freezing.

I've been practicing digging my fighting hole from when we're out in the desert and we need to catch some shut eye.

But I guess if we're in the middle of combat, not gonna be much time for sleeping anyways.

So, right now, we're all riding in the back of an old piece of shit pick-up truck.

We're on our way to a foot patrol.

It's as good as it gets, baby.

It's as good as it gets. I guess so.

So we're still on our F.O.B.

"Fob", dude. Fob?

-Fob. -Fob.

Okay, so we're still on our fob, driving to the end of the wire.

We're gonna get picked up by an mrap.

They're gonna drive us approximately 10 miles.

From there we're gonna start the foot patrol.

I guess, from what they're saying, we're gonna be out there for about six hours.

That's gonna be well into the night.

My very first foot patrol.

Can't wait.

This has gotta be the coolest thing I've ever seen.

I mean, look at these people, their houses-- it's amazing. It's so different than home.

You think this is weird, check out lennie's cock.

That thing's like a fucking science project.

That's true.

Oh, I'm good, thanks.

Man, you call it weird, i call it unique.

That's like telling a fat chick she's got...

Go fuck yourself. Oh!

Could you imagine being able to actually fuck yourself?

I would just fuck myself whenever I liked.

How would that even work?

I'd fucking stick my dick in my own asshole.

I don't know, shut the fuck up.

Easy boy. You're gonna scare Geraldo up in the front seat.

Yo, Geraldo, who's dick did you have to suck to ride shotgun, anyway? For real.

I give a pretty mean bj to somebody riding up there, and I've never gotten to ride shotgun.

Oh, my god, you guys always make gay comments.

Yeah, pretty much.

Hey, do you wanna shut your fucking hole back there, please?

Jesus Christ.

All right, let's take five.

All right, men, you heard him!

Let's take five down here in this ravine.

Eyes up, boys.

Goddamn it is windy as fuck out here.

Goddamn it.

Hey, you might wanna keep your fucking head down.

Keep popping up and down, you're gonna end up like those last two fucking guys.

What happened to them?

Those reporters? Taliban, bro.

Killed by the fucking Taliban.

I saw the whole gruesome thing.

That shit was crazy. It was fucked up.

-Is he serious? -Dead fucking serious, bro.

-For real. -Hey, I'm just fucking with you, man.

-Lighten up, jeez. -He's not serious.

Listen, those last two guys were a couple of pussies.

I mean, even a vagina would have been like, "goddamn, these guys are pussies." Seriously.

I think a vagina said that to them.

-I think it did. -Like I heard it.

-Unironically. -Yeah, it was totally dead serious.

The pussy was like--

-you don't see that's-- -yeah, I got it.

-Hey, don't be a pussy. -No, I know you do.

"I don't want a pussy in my pussy."

-It's his job to harass a reporter, all right? -Yeah, uh-huh.

It's so hot out here, i don't know how you guys can think about vagina.

All I can think about is sweating my balls off.

Yeah, no kidding, it's hot. No doubt.

What? What's going on?

What's going on?


Is it okay to tell me what the mission is?

We're on area reconnaissance patrol checking out this specific area, looking at the terrain, seeing what type of transportation support we might need, equipment, weapons, shit like that.

It's highly unlikely we're gonna run into any enemy out here.

It's the bullshit job no one wants because it's fucking boring.

It's true.

I'm having a great time.

Nonetheless, it's the job we've been ordered to do, men, -and we're gonna do it. -Yeah.

It's bullshit, man, that's all it is, -is fucking bullshit. -Why do you think it's bullshit?

'Cause monti knows he should be out fucking killing bad guys.

-Amen. -Amen.

'Cause, you know, anybody can do this job right here.

My retarded little brother could do this in his sleep.

Wait, wait. You have a fucking retarded brother?

That means that your mom's pussy is a conveyor belt for retarded humans.

Like, it's like a factory of mass produced retarded humans.

The hand of god touched my mom's vagina twice.

-What in the fuck are you guys doing? -Sorry, sergeant.

We are on a goddamn mission here and you guys are horsing around like a bunch of goddamn idiots.

Are you a bunch of dumb fucking monkeys?

Stay focused. Do you understand?

Got it.

Jackson, you guys hear me down there?

-Oorah! -Oorah!

All right, one of our patrols came under some light fire about two kilometers from here.

Why aren't we helping our guys out?

We're not going anywhere. That's a negative.

We got a young, inexperienced journalist with us here.

We gotta keep an eye on him.

Are you kidding?

Does it look like I'm fucking kidding you, Montgomery?

Do you see me smiling, huh? Am I fucking laughing?

Look at me when I'm talking to you.

All right, listen up.

Apparently one of our guys got a little trigger happy back there and he greased a civilian.

We've been over the r.O.E a million goddamn times, but let me reiterate, no one is allowed to shoot anyone who is unarmed.

No one is allowed to shoot anyone unless you are absolutely certain without a shadow of a goddamn doubt that they pose an immediate threat to us.

Got it?



All right, let's move out.

-Move out, guys. -Let's line it up.

All right, so we're now entering hour four of patrol.

We haven't seen a single civilian, we haven't seen anything at all, actually.

Guess I can understand why these guys say this is such a boring mission.

At least it's not so hot anymore though.

Just tired from carrying around this equipment all day.

I know it's been a rough one for you, Geraldo, but when we get back to base, I'm gonna give you the fucking best hand job you've ever had in Afghanistan.

Oh, stop. Ask butch.

He fucking felt it. Fuck you.

Everybody down!

-Shit. -Anybody hit?

Montgomery, mills, take security.

Everybody else, on my command, Fan out against that cover there!

Ready, go!

Move, move, move, move!

Geraldo, stick with me, goddamn it.

Right here, right here on the ground.

Right there.

What the fuck?

Montgomery, mills, fall in!

-Engage! -Fuck!

Were you hit?

Motherfucker, i got nothing.

-How about you? -I don't see shit.

I got five straight across.

-Fuck with their heads! -Watch my back!

Stay down, that's an order.

-Fuck. -Climb over.

Goddamn it, Geraldo, stay down!

Say again, over!

Do you copy, over? Goddamn it.

-Comm just broke down. -Fuck me.

Let's find some shelter.

You take the... Get the hell out of here.

Stay on them. Stay on them.

I'll take the rear. Everybody out.

Butch, you two, get the hell outta here.

All right, stick with me and turn that fucking camera off.

What the hell is going on?

What does it look like is going on?

We're under attack, goddamn it.

Now stay close.

Come on!

-Get up! Get up! -Butch.

Come on, move, move, move, move!

Which way? Which way? Which way?


What the fuck, butch?

Which way? Butch?

Lennie! Don't lose him!

Where the fuck is that goddamn reporter?

Right here.

-Geraldo? -Goddamn it.

Oh, shit.

Take a knee!

You stay right up my ass, you got it?

Okay, status?

Alpha missing Kramer, sergeant.

Bravo, missing Jackson, Rodriguez.

All right, Alpha team, let's go.

Clear your right.


-Watch that. -Clear!

Stack on me. Stack on me.

-Clear! -Clear!

We found power.

Power, lights coming on.

Coming out. Step it up.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Is anybody hurt?

-Everybody good? -No.

Fucking damn it.

Where the fuck is Kramer, man?

Let's get an ammo check.

Red, sarge, all fucking red.

Oh, fuck that.

All right, listen up.

We got a big shit sandwich here, boys.

Those a & a shitbags, they left our flank wide fucking open, so we are on our own, understand?

We got three of our boys still out there, but we're gonna go and get 'em.

Got it?

-Hooah. -Hooah.

Nolan, Skinner! You're coming with me

-on a stealth op. -Hooah.

Now the rest of you, i want you to stand fast, and stay in the bunker.

Under no fucking circumstances are you to leave.

You understand?

-Hooah. -Hooah.

Perez, you're the designated babysitter.

You make sure nothing happens to this fucking kid, you understand?

I understand, i just think we should go out there as a squad-- who the fuck told you to think, Perez?

It's my job to do the thinking for you so that you don't fucking die. You get me?

-Yes, sarge. -You keep your mouth shut and you do what you've been trained to do.

Does everybody here understand my orders?

Hooah. Nobody leaves the bunker.

-Yes, sir. -If we don't come back, you hold the fuck out until you are reinforced.

All right, corporal butch, take command.

Let's move.

Later, guys.

Let's go.

All right.

Stay the fuck out of my way, you hear me?

Crook, crook, crook!

-Guard this door. -Crook.

You got your ears on? Goddamn it.

All right, yeah, let's check around, see if there's anything we can use in this motherfucker.

Ain't got shit in here.

Bullshit I.E.D.'S, we're fucking right in here.

-Geraldo? -Yeah?

This is where you keep your shit.

Make it cozy. We could be here a while.

Oh, god.

So here we are somewhere.

Now I know it doesn't say much, but honestly, i have no idea where the fuck we are.

The last thing I recorded was us making a run for it in the desert, and then me just face planting in the sand.


After my camera shut off, we ran for about 20 minutes, give or take, until Nelson and I stumbled upon this bunker.

It's clearly an enemy bunker, which makes me wonder why we're staying here.

I just have to hope that the Taliban decides not to return home.


I'll report back later.

Over and out.

We made it through our first official hour.

I did what I could to make my new area as homey as possible.

Moved my backpack around a little bit, put it in a few different spots.

I think it looks pretty good where it is now.

I hope butch approves.

-Can I interview you? -Now is not a good time.

What else are we gonna do down here?

All right.

Okay, start by stating your name and where you're from.

You know my name and where I'm from.

My name is Luis Perez and I'm from upstate New York.

My boys call me crook.

Why did you join the army?

Uh, good question.

Not just a good one, such a unique one, such an interesting angle.

Definitely never one I've been asked before.

Come back when you have something worth talking about.


Why don't you tell me why sergeant Nelson shot you down like that?

I mean, you brought up a good point.

Maybe we should have all gone with him.

Good point on that.

-I spoke out of turn. -You can't be serious.

Come on, Geraldo.

A non-ray like me talking back to a sergeant?

-You know what a non-ray is, don't you? -I can kind of guess.

It's a rank so low we're not even considered human.

So low we're not even worthy of a rank.

Christ man, I'm lucky he didn't shit on me right then and there.

You mean killing you?

No, I mean shit on me. At least killing me would have been respectable.

So you can't speak your mind freely.

Oh, no, we can, just not to authority.

It's as if we don't count, we have no business speaking our minds.

It's just how it is.

When I first got here...

One of my sergeants, we'll call him captain dipshit, was telling a joke to a bunch of other captain dipshits.

I thought the joke was funny, so I laughed.

I soon found out that if captain dipshit tells a joke to a bunch of other captain dipshits, better not fucking laugh.

At least he better not hear you laugh, 'cause god knows he wasn't tell you that joke.

Don't get me wrong, when I first enlisted, I was willing to jump on a hand grenade for any of these boys, and I hope they do the same for me.

But I got news for you, dawg, ain't nothing in your contract when you enlist says your bosses will respect you.

So talking back to authority?

Don't do it unless you like being shit on.

Even when you're in war?

Especially when you're at war.

So you said earlier that when you first enlisted you were willing to jump on a hand grenade for any of these guys.

That's right.

Sounds like you knew what you wanted to do for a long time.

Yeah, as long as I can remember.

This is where I see myself for the rest of my life.

I mean, maybe not in a shithole bunker, but definitely in the army serving our country.

Does it discourage you, being here, defending our country, fighting for our freedom with your life at stake?

I mean, at most times, you're talked down to like a child.

Nah, it's fine.

You sure?

I said it's fine.

Look, right now I'm more concerned with how much food and water we got.

I don't know how long we're gonna be locked up in this hell hole and I just hope it's enough.

That's all for now.


I got five mre's left.

That means if I'm eating three a day, I'm gonna be out by tomorrow after lunch.

That can't be good.

Mason's from the south and he talks real slow like.

The boys call him lennie because he reminds them of lennie from "of mice and men."

He's not retarded or anything, he just has this crazy unearthly human strength when you push his buttons the wrong way.

He's the only southerner I know who listens to Janet Jackson.

Seems like you're pretty good at cleaning that rifle.

Pretty good? I'm gonna tell you something, boy, before I joined the army, the only thing I ever cleaned was my family's chicken Coop.

There was shit all over the place.

You never forget something like that.

I would clean this rifle with my tongue every single day if I had to, if it meant I never had to clean up chicken shit again.

You know, that's one of the first things they teach you when you join the army, how to clean a rifle.

They make you do it over and over and over till you get it right.

You ever shoot a gun before?

-No, I haven't. -Yeah, I'm gonna remember that when we get back out there on the field and I need someone to watch my ass.

Yeah, I've been shooting guns since I was a kid.

Shooting all kinds of stuff.

You know, my pop bought me my first gun when I was seven, maybe eight years old.

It was a Christmas present and the next two birthdays after that.

I mean, that's the kind of poor we was.

So let's say you have two minutes to teach a guy like me, who's never touched a rifle before in his life, how to shoot a rifle. What would you tell him?

What would you tell me?

You know, 50 years from now, when I'm old and grey and I can't wipe my own ass no more, I would still be able to assemble a rifle.

Blindfolded. But you know what?

It gets so ingrained in your skull that it becomes automatic.

It becomes instinct.

So how do I teach someone like you how to shoot a rifle in 10 minutes?

I don't know.

How do you teach someone to breathe?

How do you teach someone how to sleep?

You don't. You just-- you just do it.

Do you think we all should have gone with sergeant Nelson?

Yeah, I do.

Why do you think he ordered us all to stay here?

People do shit for crazy reasons sometimes.

You know, these Taliban guys we're supposed to be fighting take cocaine all day long so they don't even feel it when we shoot them.

You wanna know something else crazy?

I joined the army because I lost a bet.

I was 17 years old, it was my birthday, drinking too much, riding around town with a bunch of my buddies, and I just got it in my mind I was the baddest man in town.

So I bet them straight out, find me the biggest motherfucker you can and I will put him down.

And so they did, and he beat the shit outta me.

A lot of people would be mad at him for all of that, but every time I go back into town when I'm on leave, I still visit him every time.

Looking back, you wish you had won that fight?

You know, like I said, we all do things for a lot of different crazy reasons sometimes.

It was for the best.

We've been down here way longer than I thought we were gonna.

At this point, I need to take a break from the interviews.

There's a fine line between staying on top of these guys to get answers and keeping your distance so you don't piss them off.

Once that happens, you're done.

You lost 'em forever.


This is some fucking bullshit.

My black dick for your motherfucking mouth.

That's for you. My fucking dick--

I swear to god, you hick, if you don't give me back my fucking pussy, I'm gonna slit your throat when you're sleeping.

What the hell is going on?

Monti thinks we got a thief down here.

I know we have a fucking thief and his name is lennie.

Man, you just got to think of a pretty face next time you jerk off.

You got no magazine to look at.

You got no proof i did nothing.

-I just saw you reading one. -Man, that was my smut.

You read a completely different kind of smut than I do.

You read that Sunday school shit.

Kinda porn I read will make your dick fall right off.

You're a fucking hick and a liar.

Fuck you all!

Get off me, son.

All right, all right. That's enough. Guys!

Break it up. Break it the fuck up.

Back off.

All right, and, you, that's enough with that.

-Relax a little bit. -Hey, tell me this, who was watching the door while you three stand around jerking each other off, huh?

Lennie, the fuck back on the door.

The three of you keep your eyes open, your mouths closed for a change.

My shit. It belongs to me.

It's fucking freezing.

I don't know if you can see my breath or not, but trust me, it's there.

It ain't no comfort inn, I'll tell you that much.

Geraldo! Get your ass over here.

Come on!

Hurry up, bro.

All right, now that you got your ass over here get into this.

Monti, crook, slide over. Right there.

I never thought I'd be shacking up with a bunch of boys.

All righty then, fellas.

This is not his first time.

I swear to god, fucking Geraldo, you touch me and I'll rip your fucking ass.

-You're not my type, monti. -Oh, shit.

I don't think he meant to say "rip your ass."


-Now it's a party. -Yeah.

I don't remember a night this cold, i can tell you that.

Southern boys ain't used to the cold, huh?

This is what makes you a man.

Makes you a man?

I thought I saw your leg shaking.

Shut the fuck up.

So this is the gayest thing I've ever seen.

Well, you're welcome to go in the other room there and bust a nut in the fucking wall if you want to.

That would be definitely less gay, wouldn't it?

I mean, yeah, it would, actually.

It would be less gay. Yeah, it would--

-technically. -Technically speaking...

Being the authority on gay, lennie.

He's like our gay coach. He coaches us.

He invented this. This is called the lennie.

No, I'm the authority on other things, 'cause this-- it smells like a dog's vagina.

So you're an authority on dog's vagina?

-Too fucking easy. -Glad you made that clear.

He set himself up to get fucked up.

Just telling you, that ain't gay, all right?

It's a little worse, i think.

What do you call that, when you have sex with animals?

-Beastiality. -I've been around 'em.

I have some more questions about dogs vaginas.

Hey, crook, where did you get your name from?

-Just a nickname. -All right, hold up.

"How did crook get his name?"

And then the little kids clap.

"Yay!" All right, so, our little boy Luis, he's a beautiful man, a puerto rican man, he graduates from boot camp and some of his boys come down.

They said they're gonna pick him up, take him on a joy ride.

His boys get to the gate, he runs out, he jumps on the car.

They go driving for a little while.

Fucking driver looks down at the gas Gauge, he goes "shit, we don't have any fucking gas."

So, naturally, they pull over.

They stop. It's hot as fuck.

So Perez goes inside, grabs a soda, cracks that bitch open, and he starts drinking it.

He looks over, he sees a shelf full of fucking "playboys" and "hustlers" and shit, and naturally he's like, "yeah, I wanna see some titties."

-Naturally. -Naturally, right?

That's not where the story goes.

-It's not unnatural. -It is totally normal shit.

And then, so he opens up this porno mag-- let's ask lennie. Is it natural?

It wasn't dog dick.

-It was some woman's-- -did I say dick

-or did I say vagina? All right, all right.

I'm telling you a vagina's a vagina.

Shut up. He's checking out these fucking titties, and he's drinking this soda, right?

A couple of minutes go by, he's looking at some titties, pretending like he's reading some articles, but really he's just looking at titties, he hears, "meep, meep."

He's like, "oh, shit, i gotta roll."

So he puts the fucking porno mag down, he rolls outside, next thing he knows, boom!

Fucking gi Joe undercover motherfucker rolls up, slams him against the fucking car, calls for motherfucking backup, and because this Latin, beautiful Ricky Martin-looking motherfucker is not white as fuck, these motherfuckers put his ass in jail for the night for motherfucking shoplifting.

I'm sorry, you tell this story every time, but he did steal a coke.

So, he gets back to fucking base on Monday morning after he gets bailed outta jail, which was not fucking cheap, as I recall.

We all know, word travels fast as fuck.

We hop out of our fucking bunks.

We're just pointing, hooting, hollering, laughing.

So we started calling him "crook" because he almost pulled off the perfect crime.

-Amen, brother. -That's right, that's right.

No one-- that's old to everyone?

-Yeah. -You fucking always laugh at that shit.

-I did laugh. -Inside, though.

-That was me laughing. -I needed real support from you.

No, that was it. That was pretty good.

Guys, he's telling my life story here!

It's good, I like it. I value that.

Shh, shh.

What, man?

I farted.

That was it. That was it.

-That was what it was. -Anything that'll keep us warm.

It actually made it smell better in here.

You fucking mortar attacked.

Actually smells better now that he farted.

Lennie, lennie's also the authority on ass funk, so he probably is an expert.

How does that rank with dog vagina?

-Smellwise? -Smellwise, yeah.

-You know, I'm not gonna-- -and gay smell.

I mean, put gay smell in there, too.

How is a vagina gay? I'm sorry.

You can be an expert on more than one thing.

-Yeah, I'm sure you can. -Don't limit yourself.

Vagina's not gay.

Just because you didn't graduate from fucking junior high does not mean you can't be an expert on some shit.

I'm so fucking hard right now.

This is the last thing you hear before you die.

Monti, do you know any spirituals?

-Hey, man. -No, we don't sing spirituals no more.

We do a foot up your ass.

That's a fucking hot one.

It's gotta be morning, 'cause all the guys are picking up their shit and it's at least 40 degrees warmer than it was during our little cuddle session.

Although I'm not fully convinced that it's morning yet because I didn't sleep a wink.

Ah, fuck me.

Here is the biggest jerk ever.

Julian Montgomery.

Back at camp, the guys told me they called him private duh, because he's such an idiot.

They'd say, "it's not that he's not smart, he's just a fucking idiot."

Now I can see what they mean.

To his face though, we call him monti.

I mean, we're not fucking stupid.

Nobody likes the guy.

The only reason why they keep him around is because he's such a tough asshole.

He's the bully you always wanted on your side whether you like the guy or not.

The fuck you want?

I was just wondering if I can interview you?

I hate reporters.

Because we're so cute?

No because you remind me of chicks.

Always wanting to fucking talk.

What makes you think I want you to interview me, huh?

Answer me!

-I don't know, i-- -answer me, you fuck!

-Monti, chill the fuck out. -Shut the fuck up, crook.

No, no, no, no. I want you to get this shit on the camera.

Oh, yeah.

So how's it feel, huh?

How's it feel for somebody to invade your personal space?

Gets a little fucking uncomfortable, doesn't it, huh?

Go ahead, ask your question.

I said, ask your question, Geraldo!

What do you miss most about home?

I miss pretty little bitches like you.

-Sweet little fucking-- -come on, man.

I'm gonna take our that eye. You won't be shooting shit

-after this, you motherfucker. -Get off of me, man!

Fuck you, you son of a bitch.

Monti, what the fuck?

Come on! Somebody get this fucking guy off of me, man.


Oh, shit!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

-Get off! -Back off!

Epw check!

That's a fucking I.E.D.

That's fucking I.E.D. On there.

-Defuse that fucking thing. -I got it.

Get down here take a look at this.

Holy shit.

I don't know if you understand English, but understand this, we are locked and loaded and looking for a fucking reason to end you right now.

-Go easy, bro. -All right, that's it.

Ain't got shit.

-You sure? -I'm sure.

Hold on one second.

Fucking stop shaking. Hold still.

-I got it. -All right.

-Are you sure? -Yeah, I'm sure.

-Holy fuck. -Help me get her up to her feet.

Help me get her up.

Okay, we'll take this off.

-She can't do that. -Shut the fuck up right now.

Jesus Christ!

-How are we doing? -You got it?

Moving back, moving back.

Step off. Boom.

Make sure she's clean.

Tie this bitch up in the back.

What the fuck, lennie, man?

Hey! What the fuck are we gonna do with her now?

Fuck, man! I haven't gotten that far yet.

You're in charge, you better figure that out.

What the fuck, man?

You should have just let me cut that bitch.

We wouldn't even be fucking having this conversation.

Listen, private duh, if we had killed her, she would have dropped the dead man's switch, we'd all be dead right now, and we would not be having this conversation.

How are we doing back there?

She's secure. We tied her up good.

Yeah, make sure you tie that bitch up tight.

-Shut the fuck up, monti! -Shut the fuck up!

Everybody shut the fuck up.

She's gonna be fine tied up there tight back for a while, all right?

Why didn't she detonate that bomb?

She had all the time in the world when she came in here.

Why didn't she do it? She get cold feet or something?

What you fucking mean, "cold feet"?

She's not getting fucking married, lennie.

What the fuck you think is going on?

-Who cares? -The fuck off of me!

All of you shut the fuck up, all right?

You gonna blow yourself up in a million pieces, you think you're gonna straight do it?

You'd be scared as shit, too.

Whatever the reason, she didn't, all right?

And we're not all fucking dead, so unless anybody has a problem with not being fucking dead, I suggest we drop it right now.

Graham, guard the prisoner. Everybody back to your post, and the next time I ask you to guard the fucking door, it means do not let some vested up hajji bitch waltz into my fucking living room!

How did she get through the fucking barrier?

You don't have 20 fucking questions!

You're off this fucking post. Crook, get over here!

Go in that fucking room right there and cry to yourself until you remember how to be a fucking soldier.

Get down there! Jesus Christ!


Sometimes there's just nothing to say.

This is why I came here. I gotta say something.

Truth is...

We could all be dead right now.

That is a scary-ass thought.

I don't know why she didn't detonate that fucking bomb.

I just know it'll drive us all crazy if we try to figure that shit out.

This guy, he's gotta be one of the funniest, nicest guys around.

And by nice, I just mean he won't fuck with you unless you fuck with him first.

-Graham? -Katie Couric.

-Feels good to be alive. -Very funny, very funny.

So, you told me how crook got his nickname, -how'd you get yours? -You love these fucking nicknames, don't you?

Well, um, I was back in boot camp and hanging around the barracks.

A bunch of these fucking meatheads started fighting each other.

And I just wasn't in the mood for that shit, so I ran over, i broke it up, and then a bunch of guys started calling me Gandhi.

But it turned out "Gandhi" was already taken by the only other Indian guy in our unit, and I think that both of us can agree that Gandhi works a little bit better for an Indian guy than it does me, so then they started calling me "Billy Graham".

What's with the old newspaper there?

Crosswords, man.

You do know they make crossword puzzle books, right?

-I do know that. -Okay.

-I do, thank you. -Just checking.

I just like having the paper around, you know, in case I wanna take a look at it.

It might be old news and fucking depressing, but it's something of the outside world, you know?

It makes me feel like...

There's something out there other than this.

I mean, I guess that's why we take pride in little things like brushing our teeth or even just taking a shit, because we all just wanna feel normal.

Because when you think about it, this shit is not normal.

What else do you do to keep your mind off all this?

Well, you don't really keep your mind off all this.

I wish you did, but back on base most guys just fucking, you know, read, work out, play pranks, jerk off, clean their rifle.

I write-- i write letters a lot.

Also, I jerk off.

-Naturally. -But don't tell anybody that because--

-in the locked box. -Okay, good.

Who usually writes you letters?

My family. You know, mom, grandma, aunts.

My wife, mostly, though.

-Your wife? -Yeah, my wife.

-You're married? -Fucking dude.

You gotta be-- holy shit, how did I miss that?

There it is. How did you miss that?

It's my fucking bling right there.

Listen, well, you're not gonna fucking miss this when I show you. You ready?

Keep it together, all right?

-Okay. -Bam.

-Whoo! -That's a woman right there.

-You kidding me? -No, I'm not.

-That's your wife? -That is my wife.

You didn't rip that out of a magazine or something?

I may have done that, but then married it.

But, um...

We made that.

That's my son, Max.

He's two weeks in that picture, but he's bigger now.

Congrats, man, he's really cute.

Yeah, I haven't met him yet, but my wife says he's got my personality.

Would you like to say something into the camera for Max?

I don't-- no, I got--

I got what I wanna say right here.

What the fuck are you doing, huh? Answer me!

What the fuck are you looking at, slut?

Pull your fucking head together.

Hey, look at me.

Fuck, man, she keeps staring at me.

Let it go. Focus.

Fuck it. I'm looking at her, man.

-Calm down. -Easy.

Goddamn it, Geraldo! Get that goddamn thing off!

Monti, calm down! Jesus!

Shit. Fucking piece of shit!

Come on, kid.

You gotta steer clear now.

My first wounds in battle.

It's not a broken bone or detached limb from stepping on an I.E.D.

Bloody nose, bloody lip.

Hey. Hey, can you hear me?

What the fuck?

Get the fuck away from her.

Don't let her innocent face fool you.

Did you forget she tried to blow us the fuck up a few moments ago?

That is exactly how they get you.

They look like innocent civilians, and they will kill you without even a second thought.

So for your safety and for ours, stay the fuck away from her.

It's been over 20 hours.

I think it's finally starting to catch up with everyone.

There's been a few signs of breaking down, but I think you can see how being locked up this long would make you act in ways you normally wouldn't.

I don't know how much longer we can take it down here.

But for now, we wait.

Dillon Moore, aka butch, the newly appointed sergeant for the time being.

I think he's from Montana or maybe it's Colorado or something.

I'm not sure.

I just know that he grew up on a ranch that's bigger than my hometown.

The guys named him butch after butch Cassidy

'cause they're both from the wild west.

I think they named him butch because he can be one tough dude, but only when he has to be.

He certainly put me in my place before, that's for sure.

Is this how you normally conduct your interviews, just wait for your interviewee to start talking?

What do you fear the most in this situation?

Okay, um...

Well, what's the one thing that you think my audience needs to know about your men?

Um, that soldiers don't just live one kind of life.

You're interviewing them and you're getting them in this moment, but look at my guys out there.

These guys have girlfriends and wives, kids.

They deal with all the same stuff everybody else does.

Births, deaths, you know, a root canal.

Car breaks down, birthday party.

I guess that's it, that soldiers live more than one way of life.

-Do you have family? -Oh, yeah.

A great pop, two brothers, one older, one younger.

All are or were soldiers, including my grandfather-- three generations worth.

What about your mom?

She left when we were kids.

And you're not married?

I hear the divorce rate for servicemen is higher than any other profession.

Is there any truth to that?

I think that if you're gonna make a career out of the military, you are at a higher risk.

Why do you think?

Well, the military is-- you know, it's funny, when you sign up, that becomes your priority.

Everything else falls in line behind that.

Maybe it's not fair, but that's just part of the sacrifices we make in service to our country.

But family shouldn't take a back seat.

A wife and kids, they shouldn't have to come second.

But truth is for me, these guys have become my family.

What's the toughest part about being a leader?

Living with the consequences of your decisions.

Have you ever made a decision, you look back in retrospect and realize it was the wrong one?

Oh, sure. I mean, we all have.

Maybe one that sticks out a little more than the others?

Look, I think it's important that my audience knows the difficulties of being a leader, that not everybody is cut out for it.

What is that supposed to mean?

I think you need to tell me what that decision was.

A while back I was with a different unit.

A whole different group of guys, different personalities, and we were going into the city of marjah, and at the time there was no real threat there, so it was pretty standard stuff.

I was the squad leader, and we encountered these-- this group, it was, like, a 60-year-old man and a woman in her twenties.

She was crying, she was screaming.

And there was a little boy, and you could tell from 50 meters out he was covered in blood, and so they need help.

So I turn to the soldier next to me, private Kelly, and i-- we called him fozz, after fozzie bear on "the muppet show", because, man, he told the worst fucking jokes.

In fact, he just walked right up to me and he said-- he tipped his helmet back like he did when he talked, he said, "what happens when a pepper gets mad?"

It gets 'jalap-eno' face."

Right? Like that.

"Jalap-eno". Terrible. That's what he said.

That was the last thing he said.

I mean, you see an old man and a woman crying and a little kid who needs help.

You send over-- we're supposed to be winning the hearts and minds of these people.

We're supposed to be helping the civilian population.

That's what we're doing here, right?

So, fozz goes over there, he drops to one knee, and he tips his helmet back like he's gonna tell them a joke, it's gonna be all better.

Old man takes a gun and shoots him right in the face.

You asked me what I'm afraid of.

It's not the chance that I'm gonna get killed, it's the certainty that I'm gonna lose one of my men.

So, how do you tell somebody's mother that?

You trusted me with your boy, and I made a bad fucking call, and he's not coming home.

You told me that these guys have become your family.

Does that make you feel like you're all brothers?

Oh, yes, for me, it does.

Even if you wanna kill some of them sometimes.

I mean, these guys-- but the thing is, even the ones you hate, you love.

You see, that's what i don't understand.

How is it that sometimes you guys hate each other so much, but yet, when the shit hits the fan, you have each others backs?

I mean, it's drilled into us.

I guess you don't know they do.

You hope they do.

-Well, I think they do. -You think so?

That's good.

What are you gonna do with her?

-Hold on. -Butch! Butch!

Hey! Hey!

-Shit! -Jesus Christ.

We got you. We got you.

Oh, my god. What the fuck?

-Here comes Nolan. -Back! Move! Back! Move! Back!

Put pressure on it.

Yeah, we gotta get pressure on it.

What the fuck happened to Nolan?

-He didn't fucking make it. -Goddamn it.

Come on, man!

Sarge, get with it! Sarge!


You're gonna be fine, sergeant!

Sarge, you are fine. We're gonna get you out of here.

You're gonna be fine.

It's not that bad. It's not that bad.

Keep your eyes open, sergeant.

Keep your eyes open, sergeant. You're gonna be fine.

-That's it, in and out. -You're gonna be fine, okay?

You're good, you're good.

Sarge, come on, look at me.

-No, no, no! -Sarge!

-No! -Come on, come on!

Shit. He's breathing, right?

-Fuck. -Shit.

Come on, sarge.


What the fuck, man?

We should get the fuck out of here is what we should be doing.

I told you, shut the fuck up.

All right, men, here's what we're gonna do.

We are leaving this bunker immediately.

We're low in food and water, and more importantly, we've still got two of our brothers out there.

So we're leaving in 5 minutes, and that includes you, Geraldo.

It's a madhouse out there, butch.

-I'm sure it is. -You have no fucking idea.

You remember ziraj? Multiply that by five.

It's way too fucking dangerous out there for a reporter.

-He will not-- -i can't leave him here by himself.

You have to, butch. It is no place for a non-combatant. He will only be a liability.

All right, we have to leave somebody with him.

No, you can't. We're red on ammo.

Everybody needs to go out there.

Well, I can't fucking leave him here, Skinner.

You have to if you want him to live.

Goddamn it! Fuck!

-All right, here I go. -Shit, shit, shit.

All right, Geraldo, you're staying here. What?

-No questions. -We had an agreement, okay?

I stay with you guys. I document this war.

-I said no questions. -I'm not asking any fucking questions.

What part of goddamn no questions don't you understand? I said no questions!

I thought you journalists were supposed to be smart!

All right, okay! He fucking stays, all right?

It's done. Let's go get our shit. Come on. Come on.

We're leaving in 5 minutes as soon as that fighting out there dies down, so everybody get fucking ready.

Fuck this. I'm going with you guys.

You listen to me now. You get a free pass right now because you haven't been doing this shit as long as we have.

But when you're in a war, i don't care if you're a soldier or a lonely fucking reporter, you listen to the one who's in command, and this one is fucking telling you you are staying here.

We're coming back for you, okay?

Just fucking hold your ground.

This decision is such bullshit.

I stay here, they go out there-- leaving me all by myself?


Yeah, um...

I wanna get a second chance at my interview now.

Yeah, sure, okay.

I mean, a little bit more privacy...

-And no camera. -But I have to document this.

Look, I don't care who you're filming, but I'm saying I just don't wanna be seen saying it.

Okay, why now?

Why all of a sudden this change of heart?

What are you feeling right now?

-I'm fucking pissed. -I can see that.

Look, we got some fucked up r.O.E.'S., man.

Rules of engagement?

I mean, who would have ever thought that there would be rules to who you can and cannot shoot in a fucking war?

No, I wanted to cap that bitch back there.

Not just because I wanted to shoot somebody, you know?

Because we cannot shoot anybody who is dressed in civilian clothes.

But that bitch works for the Taliban, and I can't shoot her because she's unarmed?

She was sent here to kill us and I have the right to protect myself.

You know?

I see somebody, right, that I know is the enemy.

I see them with my own two eyes, and I know that he's the enemy, but I can't shoot him because he's unarmed.

But he's on the fucking cell phone with his buddy up in the fucking mountain trying to blow up the I.E.D.

That I'm standing on.

We got some fucked up r.O.E.'S man.

And the scary shit about it, the Taliban, they know what we can and cannot do.

You see, these rules, man, they're not about saving lives, they're about winning the hearts of others, about creating an image.

They're not about saving lives.

So are you pissed or are you scared?

I mean, why did you want a second chance at this interview?


We're going out to war for real this time, and I guess I realized that this was the last chance that I might have to say something important.

Seeing sergeant Nelson dead like that, man, it made me wanna go out there and shoot somebody.

You know, not just to shoot somebody, man.

I wanna go and make somebody suffer.

You know, payback.

And I'm not talking about that everyday feeling that I had that I wanna fight somebody, you know?

I want revenge.

That one motherfucker, i want him.

I want revenge. That's my friend.

That's my friend.

Are you okay with this?


You know, most reporters that I see out here, they're just out for themselves.

They'll get they're own story, no matter what the cost.

So I'm surprised you didn't put it on me sooner.

Yeah, well, they told me not to, so I didn't.

But right now it's just about two war buddies talking shit, am I right?


You got that right, Sam.

All right, let's go! Let's go, let's go!

Let's lock it up.

This is it.

Look, man, basically it's this.

This is the safety. Red means dead that means it's live. Do not shoot yourself in the leg.

Do not shoot anybody but one of those motherfuckers coming in here.

You only got a couple rounds.

-Good luck, man. -Just use this.

-Red means dead, man. -See you soon, Geraldo.

You're gonna be all right in here, all right?

-Come on, guys. -We'll come back for you.

Let's pick it up.

I know this isn't the decision you wanted, but it is the one that's gotta be made.

All right, guys, let's go.

As far as she goes, as an American, I'm saying do what it takes to keep her alive, but as your friend, I'm saying do what it takes to keep you alive.

-Come on, guys, pick it up. -You understand?

-Yeah. -Pick it up.

We're gonna come back for you as soon as we find our brothers out there.

We are coming back for you.

-Move out! Hooah! -Come on!

Let's go! Let's go! Come on, guys!

Lennie, hurry up.

They left me with a pistol and a woman from the opposite part of the world, neither of which I know what to do with.

Holy shit.

What the fuck?

Give me your arm.


Here you go.

What's your name?

Don't move. Just don't move.

Do you speak English?

I said, do you speak English?

Hey! What!

Sit. Shit.

Oh, shit.

Fucking shit!

Oh, my god.

What the fuck am I supposed to do?

The fucking guys were right. Fuck!


If you'd just-- just come back.

We found that when we first got here.

You never put a koran on the floor.

Will you just-- will you tell me something?


Tell me your name.

Hey, sit down!

Sit down.


What's your name?

My name is Sam.

My name is zarmina.

It's been an hour since you told me your name, but whenever you're ready.

What is that?

These are babies' bones.



Holy shit!

Sam, please be gentle.

It's okay. I got it.

Oh, my god.

Have you ever known a child who died?

No. Have you?

Yes, too many.

What are we gonna do?

We pray.

You know there are two different types of tears-- regular tears and tears when you lose a child.

They are very different types of tears.

It's been 30 hours.

It's a personal record for me.

One time I had the flu and my mom, she made me stay home for 24 hours straight.

I went crazy.

I had the worst case of cabin fever.

Go, go, go.

Go, go, go! Hurry!

Stay down. Don't move, Sam.

Sam, put the camera down.

Sam, please.

Put it down, Sam.

I have to. I have to.

Are you okay?

I think I just need a minute, please.

About a-- about a minute and a half has passed since I turned the camera off.

I always told myself that I would never stop capturing a moment no matter how fucked up the situation.

I'm not about to start now.

I don't know, I guess i just never thought those fucked up situations might happen to me.

Are you okay?

Um, I haven't decided yet.

Do you think they'll come back?

-I don't think so. -How do you know for sure?

I do speak pashto.

One of them said that he didn't see any signs of U.S. military, so they'll move on and probably won't be coming back.

You weren't straightening things up earlier, you were hiding them.

You knew they'd be coming.

-Thank you. -You're welcome.

No, really, I mean it.

You could have handled that situation any way you wanted I could be dead right now.

I'm just returning the favor.

I wanna interview you.

-Zarmina. -I heard you.

Please don't.

You didn't show up here with a bomb strapped to your body by choice.

If anyone from the Taliban were to see this video, they would kill me and my entire family.

Look, I don't know anything about you.

I'm sure no one dies.

I wanna know your stories.

You could be the one person who changes everyone's stereotypes of Afghans and muslims.

You could change that whole perception.

You could be the one woman who captures the hearts of Americans.

I mean, we're suckers for these kinds of stories.

Tell me why you came here.

Tell me why you came here with a bomb strapped to your body.

You're right.

I didn't come here by choice.

Tell me why.

Yesterday when I was walking home from the market, a group of Taliban soldiers saw me.

They grabbed me and beat me.

They threw me down on the ground and strapped a bomb to my body.

They told me that i needed to go to an area where they believed that U.S. soldiers were and detonate the bomb, killing myself and as many Americans as possible.

If I didn't, they would find me and kill me and my whole family.

I decided to go to a remote area, killing only myself, and therefore dying in peace.

I didn't know anyone was in here until I got here.

As a woman, what was it like growing up in Afghanistan?

Zarmina, when my audience sees these tapes, I want them to get to know this side of people, the side they didn't expect.

They need to know it exists.

Without you, they won't know.

Come on, zarmina, you can do this.

I remember when the Taliban came to my school and forced the girls out.

As they were pushing us out, one of my best friends fell to the ground.

They shot her in the back. She died right there.

I have never experienced what it is like to have rights.

Do you know any members of the Taliban personally?


Two cousins, and I love them dearly.

How? I'm sorry, how is it possible that you have two of your own flesh and blood belong to such an evil organization and yet you still love them?

Some men believe that the only way to provide for their family is by joining the Taliban.

They would rather be known as terrorists, then see their wife and children die of starvation.

Holy shit!

I'm about to introduce you to our traditional Afghan dinner.

So the first thing that we do is we take off our shoes.


Oh! Maybe we should keep the shoes on.

No! No!

You never eat with your left hand.

Your left hand is used for your personal hygiene.

You don't want to mix the two, now do you?

Thank you for your hospitality.

Hospitality is an essential part of Afghan culture.

This is probably the best meal I've had in a long time.

Thank you.

You come across as a very independent woman.

I'm sure you had dreams as a kid.

I still do have dreams.

Tell me about them.


I always wanted to be a journalist, much like yourself.

I think that's great.

What made you want to become a journalist?

I think civilians have the right to know what is going on in the world.

It's their world, their home.

Our home.

Our country.

What is it that instilled this belief in you?

When I was 17 the Taliban kidnapped my father.

My father had his own business.

He was a Baker.

And when the Taliban found out that he was having my mother bake from our home, they took him away from us.

And for seven months, we didn't know what happened to him.

And then we found out that they were using my father to test explosives.

But that's not the worst part.

The first time they threw him out into the field, only part of the bomb detonated.

But he was still alive, so they set him on fire.

My father dying the way he did was...


Being a woman in Afghanistan is hard, but being a widowed mother is even harder.

How can you provide for your family if you're not allowed to work?

My mother tells me that Afghanistan used to be a beautiful place to live.

Women used to have freedom.

They could get an education, have a successful career, much like my mother.

She's the one who educated me and taught me English.

And then the saur revolution, and everything changed.

Why didn't you just leave the country like most women?

Would you leave your country if things got bad?

It's your home.

Why should you leave your home?

No one should be forced to leave their own home.

So that is my story.

Are you guys hanging in there?


What about you, monti?

I'm doing all right, butch. How about Julian?

You hanging in there?

You know it.

You guys, i just want to say, after all the bullshit we've been through, my libido is still fucking cracking and I would fuck every single one of you guys.

Especially you, lennie, that's looking good for real.

Hey, you keep sweet talking about that, boy, I will come right over there and fuck your balls.

That's, oh, that's so gross.

Yeah, when you say that it just sounds disgusting.

Fucking gross.

-Hey, crook? -Yo.

What you missing about home, man?

Oh, man, watching good old fashioned war movies with my brothers.

Yeah, you know, fucking classics.

Yeah, well, for me, to be hanging out on my front porch with my buddies, shooting squirrels.

Just bullshitting.

I'd say definitely my wife's pussy right now.

Yeah, me, too, guys, put me down for that.

Sounds good. You should feel it.

No, man, for real, i just miss my wife.

My kid I haven't even met yet, man, that's all.

What about you, monti?

Nothing, man.

This is pretty fucking cool right here.


To your left! Left, left, left!

Stay on him! Stay on him!

Now it is your turn.

You feel uncomfortable about it, right?


Tell me how your childhood was.

I don't like this.

Come on!

This could be your chance to tell us what the Americans are really like.

So tell me, what was your childhood like?

My childhood was good.

My mom raised me.

She was only 19 when she had me.

I know it was difficult for my mother.

You know, I didn't have a father growing up and I tried, i tried as best i could to help out, but, you know, as a kid, you can only do so much, right?

She's such a cool lady.

What made you want to be a journalist?

Well, I've always just had this really strong desire to get to know people and then to tell their stories.

I want to tell the truth.

Being a reporter is a lot like being a good friend.

You have to care about your subjects, you need to be thoughtful, and you have to listen.

I mean, those other things that make people open up about themselves-- am I right?

You're right.

I mean, there's an answer for everything.

But the difficult part is when there's an answer behind an answer, and it's my job, as a journalist, to find out what those answers are.

What made you want to cover the war?

My dad.

You said you didn't have a father growing up.

Well, growing up I didn't.

My dad was in the army.

My mom tells me that he was a very patriotic man.

She says that's where i get it from.

In 1983, when U.S. troops invaded Grenada...

He was killed by a group of Grenadian soldiers.

I'm sorry.

Has covering the war changed the way you feel about it?


I mean, I have a new found respect for these soldiers.

These guys they choose to go out there during war, risking their lives so that i could stay here and be safe.

I mean, that's something that not many people would do for anyone.

Those guys...

My friends...

Are out there risking their lives for us.

For me.

And what am I doing?

Sitting here? Doing nothing about it?

Sam, they ordered you to stay here.

I heard them myself.

They were just doing their job.

I mean, don't you think that you would be scared shitless out there?

I know I would be.

I gotta-- what? Sam!

No, what are you doing?



-Sam, no you can't. -Zarmina, please.

Sam, you will die.

It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when.

But you will die out there.

I'm sorry, Sam, you are not a soldier.

Can you just-- can you just give me a minute, please?



All right! I'll do what I can!

Fuck you!

On your knees! Now!

Get on your knees now!

I have a good deal for these to fuck us over.

But the virgin mother, dude, fuck.

The last few--

-Where has my messenger been? -I don't know.

Fuck that fucking piece of shit.

Hey, fuck you!

You fucking pussy!

Where are they?

I said I don't fucking know!

I don't know, goddamn it, you just killed two of-- don't gripe to me. Where are they?

Where is everybody else? Goddamn it!


I will ask you one more time.

There isn't anybody else in front of me. Where are they?

-There isn't anyone. -You're lying!

Fuck you! Stand back!

What in the fuck did we do--

I can't stand it.

We gotta get the fuck outta here.


-Move! Move! -This is bullshit.

Move! Move!

Let's get the fuck out of here quick.

-Get up, get up, quick! -You're fucking walking outta here, Geraldo.

Get up, you fucking pussy!

-We're fucked. -We're fucking walking outta here.

Stay on your knees or I will shoot.

We got it, you fucking cunt, piece of shit!

-It's gonna be okay, bro -it's okay.

We'll be walking outta here like we walked in.

I don't know why we don't get the fuck-- is he crying?

Face the wall.

Face the wall!

Motherfucker, your turn.

Motherfucker, take your hands off me.

You fucking dirty--

I beg you, please. Please!

Keep your hands off me!

Are they awake?

I don't know who will be watching this, but I need to tell you that there are dozens of Taliban occupying bunkers in qalat and dozens more in shindand.

I don't know where I am.

I cam hear the two Taliban that brought me here, in the next room.

If you are watching this, you need to find Sam Grady's mother.

They're from Greenville, Ohio, and you need to tell her that he loves her more than anything.

You should be very proud of him.

I wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't for him.

I just heard the door shut.

I think they may have left.

I hope this reaches someone, and I hope it helps.