Cobra Kai Never Dies (2018)
[SEDATE MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
So this damn thing crashed.
Took our holiday pictures with it, wedding too.
My wife is pissed.
Well, l'm sorry about that.
Let's see what we can do.
♪ ♪ Ah, the 15-inch. That's a nice machine.
Don't worry. I get 20 of these a day.
L'll take care of it.
No problem. Uh, it might take a little while, though, because these, uh, logic boards use ATX-standard form factor, which is just a little more complicated than the Neo-ITX...
You know what? L'm just...
L'm just gonna go grab a Starbucks, and l'll come back in, what, an hour or so?
That sounds great.
Oh, and, uh, what's your password, just so I can log in?
It's, uh, "password."
Don't sweat it.
[LAUGHS] All right.
Thanks for taking care of this, um...
You're a lifesaver.
It's my pleasure.
♪ ♪ Yo, Robby, what'd we get?
♪ ♪ Thanks, Eddie.
We'll get you your cut.
I got three guys right now willing to pay $400 and no questions asked.
Dude, have them each Venmo half and then give it to who shows up first.
What about the other two?
Sucks for them.
[LAUGHS] Come on.
[LAUGHS] What, you looking to take karate?
It's my fucking dad.
♪ ♪ Come on. Let's get out of here.
[SCREAMS] Mi hijo!
I don't want you ever coming near my son again, do you understand me?
I should never have gotten involved.
No! Cobra Kai never dies.
[PAINT CAN RATTLING]
♪ ♪ Ugh.
♪ ♪ What are you smiling at?
♪ ♪ Hey, man.
Wanna trade cans?
Banana-rama chocolate chip pancakes are up.
Ah, sweet! Cha-ching!
Hey, hey, remember, save some for your sister.
You know those are her favorites.
Oh, like I don't like pancakes?
Hey, come on, Sam! You're missing out.
Nice! Pancake taco.
Come on, dude.
Hey, hey, hon.
Hey, uh, are you close?
Yeah, l'm... Sorry l'm running late.
I wanted to talk to Sam, but she snuck by me.
L'm pretty sure she hates me.
She's a teenage girl.
You embarrassed her in front of her boyfriend.
Of course she hates you.
Look, uh, I just wanted to brace you for the billboard.
Holy shit, it's huge.
Tom Cole's clearly compensating for something, right?
No, babe, l'm talking about our billboard.
Why, what happened to our bill...
Frankly, we're big supporters of the department.
We donate every year to the charity drive.
I just want you to go out and round up the scum that did this.
Uh, excuse me, Officer.
Can you just give us a minute? Thanks.
Honey, if they arrested everybody who painted dicks on things, there just wouldn't be any room in the jails for all the murderers.
All right, but they can still go look for the guy.
I understand that you're frustrated, but try not to think about it.
Just... think positively.
Positive? W-what's positive?
I have a dick in my mouth.
Yeah, and you'll "blow" the competition away!
Okay, look, no one's even gonna see it.
We picked that specific location because of the traffic level.
Okay, fine, fine. Let's assume people see it.
Let's assume everybody sees it.
Okay. No one's gonna recognize you.
Really? All they're gonna see is the dick.
Okay, it is the dick's billboard now.
Okay? People drive by so fast, they're not even gonna spot you.
Did you guys see the billboard?
It's freaking hilarious!
We're painting over it.
That's a good idea.
Here, hold this ice on your ribs.
Miggy, why don't you tell me who did this?
L'll call the school. They can protect you.
It'll only make things worse, Mama.
Worse than this? Yes!
If I just had more lessons, then maybe...
It's not Sensei Lawrence's fault.
I just... I just wasn't ready.
No. No more karate.
Thank you. [SPEAKING SPANISH]
He is not. You don't know him.
I know he's a loser.
He is not a loser.
If you knew him, you'd see.
He's a great man.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Who is it? - Mr. Lawrence?
This is Ms. Jenkins, the vice principal at Robby's school.
We spoke a couple of months ago.
Right, yeah, hi. I remember.
L'm sorry if l'm interrupting the big canoe trip.
Canoe trip? As much as I appreciate a boy and his father bonding on the mighty Colorado, your note said he'd be gone two weeks, and it's been almost a month.
Wait, are you saying Robby's been out of school for a month? L'm sure it's easy to lose track of time on the river.
I grew up on the Mississippi Delta.
But if your son's not back in school this week, we'll have to discuss holding him back.
Oh, he'll be there. Don't worry.
♪ ♪ Uh, hey, Sensei, my mom says that I can't train with you anymore, but I had this idea that maybe if we went to the dojo before...
You don't get it, kid.
There is no dojo.
L'm closing it up.
What about me? I-I need you.
I gotta go.
[SNORTING] I think she's gonna cry.
How are you feeling?
L've gone viral.
How do you think I am?
Look, they're mean, but they have short memories.
Well, l'm not gonna forget.
Hey, Miss Piggy!
Hey, there's my girl.
Hey. What's wrong?
Nothing. I got the movie tickets.
You sure l'm not dragging you?
No, it'll be fun. You know it's one of those dying-teenager-in-love movies, right?
Yeah, I love tragic shit.
Really? Just promise me you won't tease me if I, like, tear up.
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
Hey, l've gotta get to class, but l'll see you tonight.
I can't wait. Yeah, me too.
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
Come on, Sam.
Did you order lunch for everybody?
This guy says you ordered 100 sausages?
[BASS GUITAR MUSIC]
Hey, can I... Can I see that slip?
♪ ♪ What's going on?
It's from Cole's on Van Nuys.
Tom Cole, that son of a bitch.
Special instructions say you prefer your sausages long and thick.
Do you think Cole's behind the billboard?
Who knows? But hey, free lunch.
Yeah, well, l'm not hungry.
Hey, how's it going up there?
I want to see it. Uh, yeah, you know, not gonna lie... We've had a couple hiccups.
That my cousin?
Let me talk to him.
Hey, what's up, cuz?
Beautiful day out here in the Valley.
Me and Anoush, we're gonna get some beers later. No, we're not.
Just show me the billboard.
All right, we're getting some things done here.
How come you didn't start in the middle?
The middle? Come on, man, have you ever painted anything before?
You want even lines. You start at the end and you work your way down.
I mean, it's bad enough you got us up here looking like Ghostbusters.
I gotta put up with this? Okay.
Do you see what l'm dealing with here?
Just paint over the...
L'm on it. Don't worry.
It's gonna be totally fine.
Okay, okay, we're gonna do things my way...
God, I just stepped in dog shit.
Dude, how would a dog even get up here?
[HEAVY METAL MUSIC]
I mean, she's noice, but... the booty's fake, right?
What you talking 'bout? She got them gams.
Man, that's Grade A, organic, gluten-free, booty butt ass cheeks.
Sorry to interrupt your circle jerk.
What the hell, man? Don't you knock?
Been knocking for five minutes.
Guess you couldn't hear me over that trash in your boom box.
What the hell's a boom box?
What the hell's that thing on your face?
[MEEKLY] It's a mustache.
What are you doing here?
Got a call from your principal.
Heard about our trip to Colorado.
Well, I had no idea what a real father-son trip looked like, so I had to use my imagination.
If it makes you feel better, next time, you can pick where we don't go.
Hey, this isn't about us, all right?
This is about the fact that you should be in school, not wasting your life hanging around these jack-holes.
Hey, screw you, man! Screw you.
Is your mom around?
What am I saying? Of course she's not.
It's 3:00 in the afternoon.
It's gotta be happy hour somewhere.
Don't talk about my mom like that.
Look, I get it.
School can be a drag.
But you got your whole future ahead of you.
Does that mean I can grow up and have my own strip mall karate school?
L'm not talking about me, all right?
You could still make something of yourself.
Like your old pal Daniel LaRusso?
Must be nice to be a winner.
Go to school, don't go to school, I don't care.
See, that's the thing. You don't care, or this wouldn't have taken so long.
Hey, the school just called me this morning.
It took 16 years.
And l'm not going to school. L'm done.
And Mom's okay with it, so we're good.
You can go.
So that's it?
No more karate?
I guess so.
It's probably for the best.
It was starting to boost your confidence.
Isn't that a good thing?
No. What has confidence ever gotten anybody except for a black eye and their backpack thrown in the trash?
Well, I thought it was kind of cool how you stood up to Kyler.
DEMETRI: Are you insane?
Let me ask you.
What is the best superpower anyone could have?
Super strength. Wrong.
A distant second would be super speed to run away fast.
Run away from who?
It's the object of a preposition.
Remember English class...
And we were just leaving.
Hey, where you going?
Oh, look at this freak.
Oh. [LAUGHS] Oh, shit!
What kind of girl would ever kiss this shit?
Leave him alone, Kyler.
What'd you say?
You haven't had enough, 'Rhea?
Get the hell out of here, man.
♪ ♪ You don't want this shit.
No, come on, not the trash!
I just threw a... yogurt in there.
Now it's double dip.
♪ ♪ Oh...
[LAUGHS] Oh, that was a burn, Ky.
Dumb shit. [LAUGHS]
What a bunch of losers.
[LAUGHS] Dude, I think he was gonna cry.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
[CAR HORN HONKING]
I changed my shift so we can go to the movies and see that new "Spider-Man."
And to keep me away from karate.
You can put the M& ;M's in the popcorn.
I just want to go home.
♪ ♪ Okay.
We'll go home.
♪ ♪ You know, when he gets here, don't mention the billboard.
It's a bit of a sensitive issue.
Hey, l'm sorry l'm late, everyone.
It's been a crazy day.
L'm sure you've seen the... We haven't.
So, Marketing, Daniel and I are both excited to hear your ideas.
We've been meaning to update our advertising for a few months now.
Well, first of all, let me say that it makes our job so much easier when we pitch to a company that already has great branding.
Your karate gimmick is just fantastic.
Well, it... it's not a gimmick.
Uh, well, we use karate in our ads because back in the day, karate in the Valley was like football in Texas, you know, and Daniel was a champion.
Uh, same thing with the bonsai trees.
It's... it's something personal.
But if people think it's a gimmick, maybe we should change it.
I mean, Tom Cole doesn't rely on a gimmick.
Oh, actually, didn't Bobby just do that Yankee Doodle thing for Tom?
You could probably pull it up on the shared drive.
Just don't let him know we showed you.
["YANKEE DOODLE" ON FIFE AND DRUM]
Patriot Tom Cole here.
When l'm not busy fighting the hated British for your freedom, l'm fighting to bring you great deals, great American deals.
And because I love this land we call home, l'm giving every new customer their very own drought-resistant cactus.
In these dry times, it really is the only responsible plant to own.
A strong American plant from the strong American himself...
Me, Tom Cole.
Cole's on Van Nuys.
"musket" down here.
Well, we'll let you know.
And that is an internal audit.
Now, obviously, an external audit is similar, but as you can imagine... [SLURPING]
The stakes are a lot... higher.
Are you sure l'm not boring you?
No, no, no, this is all very, um, fascinating.
Because I love the numbers.
They're just everything you want to know is right there.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY OVER SPEAKERS]
Wow, what a nice surprise.
I called you eight times.
Then I just started circling your usuals.
Um, you know what, PJ?
Why don't you go grab us a table and I will meet you over there?
Terrific. Uh, you know what?
I will order us a dozen oysters.
Oh, isn't that thoughtful? [FORCED CHUCKLE]
♪ ♪ What the hell are you doing here?
I should ask you the same question.
Shouldn't you be at home with our kid instead of scamming for a free meal with this nerd?
For the record, I actually came here looking for a bartending position.
Yeah, sure, you did.
You need an application, Shannon?
Shut up, Terry.
Do you know that our son is at your apartment skipping school and smoking dope with a bunch of dirtbags?
Well, that would be the first time ever that you actually know where your son is, so congratulations.
Our table's ready. Okay.
L'm sorry. We were just about to sit down for dinner. I hope you don't mind.
Word of advice: she's not gonna go down on you unless you buy her dessert.
♪ ♪ All right, well, l'll let you guys finish up.
L'll just be over here. Yeah, you let us finish up.
So you're just gonna let Robby drop out of school?
I can't make that kid do anything anymore.
Then he can come stay with me.
L'll make him go to school.
Okay, yeah, sure.
Uh, you'll take care of him with all of your amazing dad skills.
Yeah, at least l'm not giving up on him.
Eat shit, Johnny.
You gave up on day one.
Okay, I was the one that was there for him when he got mono.
I was the one that was there for him when he built his own half-pipe and he broke his wrist.
Where the hell were you?
All right, well, l'm here now.
It's too late, Johnny.
There are no do-overs.
♪ ♪ You okay?
I hear they make a fantastic apple brown Betty.
♪ ♪ And your hotel guests are gonna love the entertainment system.
So you thinking of, uh, replacing the whole fleet all at once or maybe just in segments?
But before you buy, l'd read the fine print.
I hear the guy that runs this place loves to sneak in bogus charges.
Dealer prep, extended warranties.
You know, they get you any way they can.
[LAUGHS] Hey, Dan.
Could you excuse me just for a moment?
Uh, help yourself to a... A boba tea.
Angela, can you show her the boba?
So how was lunch?
Cut the crap. I just saw your new TV spot.
You did? What'd you think?
Well, I don't know if my favorite part is when you steal the whole plant thing from me or imply l'm a water waster.
Or maybe it's when you suggest that I am somehow unpatriotic.
You know what's patriotic?
Besides, l'm just doing what you're doing.
L'm not really a Revolutionary soldier, and you're not really a karate guy.
Actually, I was two-time All-Valley champ.
Whoa. Did you hear that, everybody?
We got a two-time karate champ over here.
Guess I should be worried. Wha-sah-sah!
Come on, Dan. L'm just joshing with you.
Let me get you a boba. Angela!
Get LaRusso a boba. No, thanks, Angela.
Look, I just came down here to tell you to back off, okay?
I got a lot of stuff going on, and I don't need this.
Hey, l'm sorry, Dan.
I guess the, uh, rivalry gets the best of us sometimes.
The Valley's big enough for two auto kings.
Am I right?
You sure I can't get you a boba?
All right. Ah, I guess you must be full after eating all that dick.
["BATTLE WITHOUT HONOR OR HUMANITY" BY TOMOYASU HOTEI]
GIRL ON SCREEN: I don't understand.
The doctor said there's a chance it could work.
Let me give you one of my lungs.
BOY ON SCREEN: No, it's too risky.
Besides, you've already given me your heart.
[WHISPERING] This is so sad, right?
Just watch the movie.
We don't actually have to watch the movie.
♪ ♪ What's wrong?
I saw what you did to those kids in the library.
Oh, 'Rhea and that dude with the lip?
We're just messing with them.
We're all friends.
Kyler, stop it.
I said stop it.
[MELANCHOLY GUITAR MUSIC]
Please don't close the door.
Look, I know I wasn't there for him when it mattered.
I let him down. I guess I let you down too.
And I know there's no do-overs, but that kid... is the only person in the world who hasn't given up on me.
And I don't want to give up on him.
♪ ♪ I know I messed up big-time, but if you let him come back...
I won't fail him again.
♪ ♪ All right? Please, just think about it.
Oh, come on.
You're still upset about Cole?
I took care of that.
I just... wish I could take care of this.
She can't stay mad forever.
A dry English muffin? What is this, Afghanistan?
L'll take a burrito.
Hey, this isn't a restaurant.
What, no banana-rama pancakes today?
Are you kidding?
L'm just about to whip up a batch right now.
I thought this wasn't a restaurant.
Just eat your muffin, okay?
Hey, Sam, it's gonna be hot again this weekend.
Maybe you, uh, wanna invite Kyler back over for a swim?
I don't think Kyler's gonna be around anymore.
L'm sorry, honey. Uh, that's too bad.
Don't look too excited, Dad.
What? What excited? Who's excited? What?
Excited? This is my sad face.
It's a very, very sad face.
[DOOR BELLS JINGLE]
♪ ♪ My mom says I can train again.
She did? Yeah.
I mean, if we still have the dojo.
We do for now.
All right, but I need to know, are you ready to take things to the next level?
You got your ass kicked because you didn't have any defense, so l'm gonna teach you the best defense that you can know.
And the best defense...
Is more offense.
♪ Throw some perm on your attitude ♪
♪ Uh ♪
♪ Girl, you gotta relax ♪
- ♪ Ooh ♪ ♪ Uh ♪
♪ Let me show you what you got to do ♪
♪ You gotta lay it back ♪
♪ Matter of fact, band ♪
♪ Show her how to lay it back ♪
- ♪ Uh ♪ There it is.
♪ Show her how to lay it back ♪
♪ Uh ♪ Good morning.
Great job out there.
Hey, Daniel, uh...
I gotta show you something.
We found a bunch of these up on the billboard.
That's the guy you went to high school with, right?
This son of a bitch disrespected our family name.
You gonna take that shit, cuz?
Huh? Louie, relax.
No, don't tell me to relax.
I thought this was cute at first.
This isn't funny. This is personal.
What are we gonna do about this?
[ROCK MUSIC] l'm here for karate.
I appreciate you coming in, but there are no girls in Cobra Kai.
Aren't you desperate for new students?
But this isn't a knitting class.
This is a dojo.
Kyler told us what you said. Wait, what did he say?
You think you're better than us.
You were no one before we let you in.
Whatever Kyler told you was a lie.
Somebody's in a good mood.
Well, somebody got some payback.
After 30 years, I thought that guy might have changed, but now Cobra Kai is gonna have to shut down.
What did you do?
Put that guy's beer on my tab.
Looks like he's had a rough day.