Cobra Kai S1E5 Script

Counterbalance (2018)



♪ ♪

♪ ♪

JOHNNY: Ready?

Yes, sensei.

JOHNNY: What does a Cobra do?

What does a Cobra do?

There's no tapping in karate.

♪ ♪

Watch your arms. Get your arms up.

My arms were up.

♪ ♪


What does a Cobra do?


Not bad.

♪ ♪


What? What the hell? That wasn't fair!

You want a fair fight? Dream on.

You can't always think your enemies are gonna play by the rules.

Yeah, but my ear! What if that baseball was your enemy's friend coming at you from behind?

You have to be prepared for everything.

Let me look.

No, it's fine, it's fine. Don't... just don't be a baby.


Hello. Ah, shit.

FAUNA: It's 5:00. Twilight is upon us.

Oh, right, okay. What's going on?

Uh, I had to sublet the, uh, dojo for a few hours.

Just till we get more students.

FAUNA: We need to change the energy in here.


♪ ♪ FAUNA: Center your energy...

♪ ♪

And stretch.


DANIEL: Nice, right?

They ship the 3 pounders in from Ogunquit.


I like the melted butter.


So, listen.

I have to thank you, LaRusso, for inviting us.

My wife and kid, they love Lobster Night.

But this country club?

They revoke my membership, son of a guns!

I know, and frankly, I don't like how they handled that, Armand, I mean, it's a stupid rule, if you ask me.

That's what I said.

This is the entire reason we wear flip-flops in the shower, am I right?

Mm-hmm! (LAUGHS)

Look, Armand, most of these people here, their money comes from mommy and daddy.

You and me, we earned this.

So when it comes to business in the Valley, it's in our interest to look out for each other.

Oh... so it's not only the lobster that's being buttered up, huh?

Tell me, what can Armand do for you?

By the way, thanks for coming.

Thought you were gonna be out with your friends tonight.

Yeah, um, I don't know.

Yas and Moon haven't been returning my texts.

We were supposed to go to a concert together.

Mm-hmm. And then I saw this.


- Suck it, bitches! (LAUGHS)

Yeah, maybe it's better that you're not there with them.

Anyway, we're always happy to have...

Anthony! Stop drinking the butter!

L'm gonna... get your brother.

My dad owns buildings.

My dad owns cars.

My dad makes more money than your dad.

My dad knows karate and could kill your dad.

DANIEL: So let's talk real estate.

I might be looking at a new location, and if some land were to become available...

ARMAND: You want me to tell you before I tell Mr. Tom Cole, huh?

I heard you guys had argument.

You kicked a hot cup of coffee from his hand.

It was a boba. It's like a tea.

It's got these chunks of tapioca, it...

Mm. It doesn't matter, really.

So, you want me to scratch your balls.

How you going to scratch my balls?

That's not the expression, but let's just say I might be able to get you reinstated here at the club.

All I want is first crack at any properties you're looking to sell in Reseda.

Reseda? I only have one strip mall in Reseda.

On Victory Boulevard.

Victory... oh, that's right, the one with the, uh, the karate dojo in it, right?

Uh, yeah, uh, Snake Karate or something.

I don't know.

Ever thought of selling?

Hey, Mom. Hey.

I went to Von's and got those frozen pizzas that you like.

Want to make dinner and, uh, watch a movie?

Oh, that's so sweet, honey.

Um, I actually have to run a couple of errands, but, uh, how about we do that tomorrow night, okay?

Yeah. Sure.

If you're not too hungover.


Okay, you caught me, I am going out, but, you know what, it is DineLA week, so.


You meeting that guy from the other night?

Oh, God, that nerd?

No, he was all bark and no stick.

Sorry, I know, that's, like, super gross, but, listen, you don't realize how hard it is to meet a good man.

I mean, just look at your father.

That's what we're working with here.

Oh, did I mention that that deadbeat came by to see me?

No. What'd he say?

Mm, just some BS about you moving in with him, as if he suddenly gives a shit.

L'm sure it's just a scam to get out of paying for child support.

Well, I mean, how do you know that?

Trust me. I know your father.

Listen, I know that you're super bummed out about tonight, but, um, you know, l'm trying to meet that special someone.

You're only getting older and bigger, and sooner or later, you're gonna leave me for a life filled with excitement.

You don't want to leave your mama alone, do you?

No. Thanks, baby, I love you.

SHANNON: Bye. Love you too.



What's the second rule of the Way of the Fist?

Strike hard! That's right.

There's only one reason to hit someone.

To inflict pain.

Striking hard is about giving your all.


What the hell?

No yoga till 5:00.

No matter how bad you need it.

I-I'm actually here for karate.

AISHA: I saw your website.

It said that there was supposed to be a session today.

I appreciate you coming in, but there are no girls in Cobra Kai.

Why not?

Same reason there aren't women in the Army.

Doesn't make sense.

MIGUEL: Sensei, I need to show you something in the office.

Don't give me this "sexist" bullshit.

All right, l'm just saying, women aren't meant to fight.

They have tiny, hollow bones.

Aren't you desperate for new students?

Yes. But this isn't a knitting class.

This is a dojo.

The kids at school call her names, make fun of her.

That's what happens when you eat an entire box of Twinkies every day.

Her dad is Isaiah Robinson.

Hall of Fame lineman for the Chargers.

Yeah, so you're saying it's genetic?

Her love for Twinkies comes from her dad?

No, l'm saying her family's loaded!

All right, and she's a paying customer.

But you don't need the money, right?


Okay, take off your shoes. Hop on the mat.

Okay, after further review, l've decided to allow female students.

But if you want to be in Cobra Kai, you can't act like a girl.

What do you mean? How do girls act?

Oh, don't give me that... You know, all emotional, loud, complain-y, never letting you finish a sentence.

Well, I know a few guys who act just...



My student tells me you've been harassed at school.

♪ ♪ Yeah.

Mostly online.

I get mean texts and emails sent to me.

Makes me not want to go.

And who sends you these messages?

Well, they're mostly anonymous.

These kids create fake accounts, and they tell me things like l'm ugly and that I should kill myself.

Oh, my God.

What a bunch of pussies.

Back in my day, if you wanted to tease someone, you did it to their face.

There was honor, respect.

These geeks hiding behind their computers, what a bunch of spineless losers.

You're not afraid of these losers, are you?


Are you gonna take shit from these losers?


Good, because when l'm done with you, you're gonna be sending a message back, only it's not gonna be with your keyboard.

It's gonna be with your fists.

DANIEL: Armand, come on.

L'll give you 10% over market rate.

That's a great deal.

ARMAND: Uh, yeah, it's a great deal.

Maybe too great, huh?

I don't know what you see in the Reseda.

It's a shithole.

Just call it nostalgia. I grew up there.

ARMAND: Well, then, you know it's horrible.

Ugh, and so is this, uh, boba-moba tea.

I don't like it. The straw's screwy.

I almost choked.

Look, if Reseda's so bad, why not sell me the strip mall?

I want to invest in my old community.

ARMAND: Eh, l'm smelling some kind of bullshit.

You know? I think you have another reason you want it.

I don't know what the hell you're talking about.

And, frankly, I don't know why you care.

The mall down the street gets more than twice the rent.

You're not even charging market rate.

You calling me stupid, LaRusso?

DANIEL: l'm just letting you know the truth, Armand.

L'm scratching your balls.

ARMAND: Thank you very much, but I can scratch my own balls.

I didn't get this far trusting a car salesman, huh?

No deal. Fine.

Then, enjoy pissing in your own shower, Armand.

ARMAND: Everybody does it!


♪ ♪


♪ ♪

My mom gave me this weed for my birthday, and she says it's, like, lower in calories or something.

Felt that one.

YASMINE: Oh, ew.

A homeless person. Don't look.

I feel bad not looking at her.

Oh, my God. We just made eye contact.

YASMINE: Great, now she's coming over.

You see what you've done? What do we do?

Just take out your phone and act like you're texting.


LYNN: Hey, open up and give me money!

Oh, my...

I ain't gonna hurt ya.

(WHISPERING) Lock the doors.

That'll look bad doing that right in front of her.

YASMINE: You want her hopping in the back seat, smearing shit everywhere and slicing your throat, be my guest.


What the hell, Sam?

We thought you were a poor person!

Why have you guys been avoiding me?

Why do you think?

Kyler told us what you said.

Wait, what did he say?

I didn't take notes, but pretty much that you think you're better than us.

You were no one before we let you in.

You didn't even electrolocize.

I never said a word about either of you.

That's not what went down.

Oh, Kyler told us what went down.

And who went down.

And in a movie theater? That's yucky.

Whatever Kyler told you was a lie.

Sam, just say you're sorry, and we can all be friends again.

Or don't and get the hell out of Moon's car.

Enjoy puking out your burritos, Yas.

YASMINE: Hey, don't leave the door open!

You're gonna get us killed!

Wait, you've been purging and not telling me?

Okay, let's see what you got, Ms. Robinson.

JOHNNY: Face me. Bow.

Face each other. Bow.

Mr. Diaz, show her everything you've learned.

Uh, whoa, wait, I don't think this is right, Sensei.

You don't think what's right?

She's a girl, l'm not gonna...

JOHNNY: And? I thought you said women were equal to men.

I did say that. I didn't mean it like that.

I meant that she...

All right, show her women are equal.

Give her everything you got. AISHA: Wait.

I just want to remind everyone this is my first day.

Your enemies don't care what day it is.

JOHNNY: They prey on weakness.

If you want to beat them, you gotta conquer your fears and jump face first into the fire.

JOHNNY: Now, are you ready, Ms. Robinson?

I guess. Mr. Diaz.


Don't just stand there. Fight!


l'm sorry.


Oh, my God, Aisha, are you okay?

L'm so sorry.

Come on.




Girl's a natural Cobra.

NESTOR: You can't do this!

All right. Students, wait here.

JOHNNY: Diaz, you're in charge.


This is wrong, l've been a tenant here for ten years!

And ten years you don't pay more rent!



L'm trying to run a karate dojo next door.

Look, this cabrón's trying to double our rent.

I just trying to make the market value, that's all.

How am I supposed to pay double rent?

I don't know, you can't pay, I get other tenant!


ARMAND: Come on, Roland, let's go.

You see? You have to be tough.

You're a big man, Dad. Thank you.




(WHISPERS) Okay, shh, be quiet. You be quiet.

(GASPS, WHISPERING) You be quiet!

(LOUDLY) You be quiet.

Okay, boss man. I like how you take charge.

Hey, gotta be an alpha to work at TBS biz affairs, right?

Yeah, you do.

Okay, be quiet, my son is sleeping.

Okay. Okay.



♪ ♪ LYLE: Yeah.

This is all pretty much trash.

You want to throw it away here or take it home and toss it?

This is a classic swimsuit edition.

Elle MacPherson in her prime.

Yeah, if it were mint, l'd throw you 5 bucks, but this is, uh, let's just say, well-loved.


All right, what about the Nintendo?

It's an Atari.

Normally, l'd offer you 20 bucks and flip it to some douchebag hipster who wanders in, but my rent just went up, so l'll give you a ten-spot if it helps you out.

All right.

I didn't want to have to do this.

I know gold's been going up.

And I don't want to sell 'em all.

Just tell me how many I need to part with to get 1,200 bucks.

Okay. Let's see. How many you got?

Six. 12.




Okay, yeah.

If you happen to have 60,000 more of these lying around somewhere, I think we can work something out.

What? This is solid gold.


Got a certificate of authenticity.


Mm, that's a nice one.

They even put an eagle on there and everything.

All right, you know what?

You just lost an opportunity of a lifetime.

♪ ♪


♪ ♪




DANIEL: Got any red spray paint?

NESTOR: Uh, yeah. Keep it in the back.

Otherwise, the kids will steal it.

DANIEL: I got a little art project.

Big canvas, right on Ventura Boulevard.

NESTOR: Yeah, uh... watch it for me, will ya?

DANIEL: Yeah, no problem. Thank you.

What's going on?

Oh, just checking out the neighborhood.

DANIEL: I was actually considering opening up a dealership on this side of town, but now I don't know, man.

The rent seems to be going crazy out of control.

Frankly, I don't know how you afford it, small business like yours... More-more power to you.

You know, on second thought, I don't need the paint.

L'm sorry, l'll just take the gum here, and, uh, put that guy's beer on my tab.

Looks like he's had a rough day.



Ooh, the 2013? Yeah.

Somebody's in a good mood.

Well, somebody got some payback.

Aww, Daniel, do you really think it's a good idea to start a war with Tom Cole?

What? Oh, no, no, no.

It turns out Tom Cole was not the one who messed with the billboard.

It was Johnny Lawrence.

After 30 years, I thought that guy mighta changed, but he's still the same prick he was back in high school.

Guy thinks he can bring Cobra Kai back to the Valley?

Not on my watch. What did you do?

I told Zarkarian I wanted to buy that Cobra Kai strip mall.

W-why would you do that?

What do you want with a crappy strip mall in Reseda?

This is... no, no, no, no.

No, no, no. You're gonna love this.

I wasn't really gonna buy it.

I just wanted to tweak Zarkarian so he would jack up the rent, and it worked

'cause now Cobra Kai is gonna have to shut down.

Can I have yours? This is delicious.

Wait, wait, wait, you're telling me that the whole Zarkarian dinner was just some convoluted plot so you could raise the rent on your childhood karate rival?

I think you're oversimplifying things.

Well, what about the other stores in the mall?

I mean, did you even consider them?

Look, I don't know about Johnny Lawrence or Cobra Kai.

All I know is that my husband is acting like a mental patient.

I mean, embarrassing Sam at the Halloween dance, kicking Tom Cole, and now this?

It's like ever since that dojo opened, you've been off.

The guy spray-painted a dick on my face.

So what? He's an asshole.

Don't let him turn you into one.

Look, I don't know what you need to work this out... Therapy or acupuncture or some cross-country motorcycle trip...

All I know is, I want the Danny LaRusso that I married to come back.


♪ ♪

Oh, don't even think about it.

Come on, I need a place to sit.

Oh... you can go sit with Kyler.

I hear he doesn't mind that you suck.

Think it's funny to spread lies about me?

What're you talking about? We saw a movie, and that's it.

Well, maybe I saw a little bit more than you.


Yeah, we heard you got pretty choked up.


♪ ♪ KYLER: Hey, guys.

You know that billboard with a big-ass dick on it?

I guess Sam takes after her dad.


MIGUEL: Hey, Kyler!

Why don't you shut the hell up and stop being such an asshole?

Want another beatdown, 'Rhea?

L'm ready for your lame-ass karate this time.

It's not lame-ass karate.

♪ ♪ It's Cobra Kai.

♪ ♪



♪ ♪ No mercy!

♪ ♪


♪ ♪



♪ ♪

BLATT: Hey! Hey!

Get down from there right now!


JOHNNY: All four of them?

Yeah. Even that big dumb one?

Yeah, it all happened so fast. Everything just came together.

I was blocking. I anticipated. I slithered.

Your mom's gonna kill both of us.

Well, she would if she knew.

When my school called, my ya-ya answered.

Never seen her so proud. She won't talk.

All right, so let me get this straight.

You took all the lessons I taught you, and you used them to straight-up beat the shit out of those punks?

Well, yeah.

Follow me.

♪ ♪ I wore this when I was training for my first tournament back in '81.

I want you to have it.

♪ ♪ Are you sure?

Hell, yeah. You earned it.

♪ ♪ JOHNNY: That's it. It's the best thing l've got.

Thank you so much, Sensei.


♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Hey, Mr. Miyagi.

I know it's been a few months, but better late than never, right?

L've been thinking about you a lot lately.

I, um...

♪ ♪ You know, it's... it's funny.

When I was a kid, you seemed to always have all the answers, and I guess I thought when I got older, l'd have it all figured out too.

But now I just... feel like l'm clueless.

Makes me wonder, was it different for you, or were you just better at hiding it?

Maybe that was it, huh?

♪ ♪ I feel like lately l've let my anger take control.

You know me, l've always been a bit of a hothead, so...

♪ ♪


I really wish you could be here right now.

♪ ♪

MIYAGI: Daniel-san.

You remember lesson about balance?

Yeah. Mm.

Lesson not just karate only.

Lesson for whole life.

♪ ♪ Whole life.

Have balance.

Everything be better.



I understand.

Look, you'll get your damn rent.

No, I don't have it now.

As l'm saying, l'm working on it.

I got a plan.

Hey, l'm gonna call you back.


♪ ♪


Looks like we're in business.

♪ ♪

Wow, this is an impressive high school transcript.

Why do you want to sweep up around here?

Shouldn't you be in college?

Just taking some time off to figure things out.

This is exactly where I want to be.

Okay. Well, l'd love for you to meet my husband, but he's taking a personal day.

Can you start Monday?


Well, welcome to the LaRusso family.

♪ ♪


♪ ♪


♪ ♪

♪ ♪


Are you sure you're right-handed?

Yah! You can do better than that.

You got weight, use it. Ready?

Yah! Nice shirt.

Thanks. L'm joking, it sucks.

Try not to be so hard on them?

Oh, come on, Diaz, they're a bunch of losers.

MIGUEL: Yeah, well, some of those losers are my friends.

And they're your students.

You wanted a full dojo, you got one.

Not full like that.

How's the new kid working out?

MAN: Oh, great. We got a bunch of stuff piled up for weeks... Inventory, sticker swaps.

Kid knocked most of it out before lunch.

DANIEL: Keep up the good work.

ANTHONY: My dad hates his guts.

When he finds out l'm working for him, he's gonna lose his shit.