Community S3E7 Script

Studies in Modern Movement (2011)

I'm glad you're moving out of this neighborhood, Annie.

Some dude peed on my car while I was parking it.

Oh, you met Spaghetti. Yeah, I won't miss him.

Speaking of missing people, how did Jeff dodge this bullet.

Of friendship.

He was under the weather. Yeah.

Thanks. Can you imagine how much fun this is gonna be?

Me living with Troy and Abed?

There'll be a honeymoon phase, but it won't be long till you hate their guts.

What's this little guy's name?

I'll never hate Troy and Abed.

Oh, my God, I forgot. You're 20. Don't worry. It's natural.

When you become roommates with friends the things you love become the things that make you wanna smother them.

But that's unacceptable to me.

Then I'm lying?

Forgetting something? Yeah.

Yes! Hit it.

Yeah, like I'm gonna get sick of this.

What, what?

We're here to help you move on the dance floor.

Nice. Tweet it. Tweeting.

What are you tweeting? Everything.

We're live-tweeting Annie's move.

Hashtag: Annie's Move.

How fun. How was I supposed to know it was a handicap space?

The man in the wheelchair was yelling it.

Oh, yeah, and he doesn't have an agenda.

Hold it.

Where's Winger? Sick.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm calling him.

Hello? So you're sick, huh?

Uh, that's what they tell me. Cut the wit, Winger.

Where are you, the Gap or Banana Republic?

Wow, Britta, you got me all figured out.

I can tell you're not in bed. That's right, Britta.

I'm pretending to be violently ill to avoid lifting a few boxes.

Because I'm 13.

And who's your primary care physician, Mr. Winger?

Dr. Schroeder. S-C-H.

Do you wanna see my insurance card?


Wait, are you at a hospital? No, I'm at The Gap.

You hear that? That's not a heart monitor.

It's a machine telling me I'm low on khakis.

Dr. Tarpenian to radiology, Dr. Tarpenian.

Crap, I'm sorry. I just assumed...

Whatever. I don't blame you.

I've lied before. It's probably karma that I'm sick.

But believe me, if you had what I have, you'd rather be moving boxes.

Okay, feel better. Sorry.

Yeah, I'll see you guys on Monday.

You are fantastic.

So are you. What are you doing after this?

Probably trying a couple of boot-cuts.

But after that, maybe, like, a blazer?

♪ Give me some more Time in a dream ♪

♪ Give me the hope To run out of steam ♪

♪ Somebody said It can be here ♪

♪ We could be roped up Tied up dead in a year ♪

♪ I can't count the reasons I should stay ♪

♪ One by one they all Just fade away ♪

How are we out of tape? I don't know.

I think I left some in the bathroom.

Nope, nothing in here.

You guys. You used all of it? I had a big breakfast.

Nice. Tweeting it.

There may be a slight danger I end up hating them.

Man-children. Can't live with them, can't leave them alone with your tape.

Britta, don't make jokes. You're bad at it.

Also, I can't afford to live anywhere else.

And everything is riding on this, and I'm out of tape...

Annie, listen. Breathe.

When I was in Amsterdam, I met this guy who ate too many shrooms, and fell out of a window at the Anne Frank House.

Oh, no, no, he's fine.

The doctor said that the drugs made his body just limp enough to keep him from breaking his neck.

Don't see what your taste in men has to do with my situation.

What I'm saying is if you're gonna live with two guys like that, you've gotta learn to go limp. Loosey-goosey.

Shake it all up. Limp. Loosey-goosey.

Okay. New Annie. Going with the flow.

Loosey-goosey. Is it loosey-goosey or goosey-loosey?

Is it hyphenated? You know what? Don't tell me.

I don't need to know. Broheim.

Okay, go.

Didn't feel it. What a fun use you found for my bubble wrap.

I know. We have to sell this to the military.

Yeah, baby. Yeah, baby.

Here's the other tape gun. Think fast.


You broke my pluggy thing.

No worries. That's what the security deposit is for.

Hashtag: That Is All.

No, you're not letting some slumlord take your hard-earned money.

I'll fix it. I used to do that kind of thing when I was a slumlord.

Really, Pierce? My landlord's coming by at 5:00.

Think you're gonna have it done? Easy peasy, George and Weezie.

This is the last that'll fit in our car.

I'll help you. But not in an uptight way.

I'm concerned about this living situation.

I've seen enough Friends to know that cohabitation leads to sex, drugs, and something called Schwimmer-fatigue.

Good, Shirley. What's the saying?

If you can't stop them, judge them?

Somebody's gotta be this group's moral compass.

Somebody has to be you?

Because by "moral compass," you mean Shirley's religion.

Oh. Want a ride?

If this is a forecast, I'll ride with somebody else.

Don't worry, Shirley. Keep me company while I fix this and I'll give you a ride over there.


Well, hey there, stranger.

What a coincidence, huh?

This is just like that Lake House movie.

I can only assume. Even I have limits.

Dean Pelton.

Jeff, it's Saturday. Call me Craig.

Off campus, I'm just a Craigular Joe. Ohh.

What'd you get? Ahh.

Now I feel like I have to head back out there.

Dean... Craig, it's nice to see you, but I actually have to run.

Oh, yeah, you're probably heading to help Annie move.


Oh, I follow Troy and Abed on Twitter.

Looks like Annie's moving and you're sick at the hospital?

Curious. I might head there myself.

I could tell them you said hi.

I'd rather you didn't. Well, maybe I won't have time.

Especially if we're doing lunch?

Yeah, but your religion isn't the same as morality.

And calling me amoral because I'm atheistic is religious persecution.

How can I persecute you? You don't have a religion.

Oh, look. A hitchhiker. A person in need.

Oh, my God. What am I doing?

I'm pulling over to help him out.

Do not help him out.

Why, because it proves the existence of secular morality?

No, because he looks stinky. Judge not, Shirley. Judge not.

I really appreciate it, thank you.

Where are you headed, fellow human?

Riverside Falls? That's 40 minutes away.

Oh, I guess I'm just a really good person.

I knew you were. I could see the kindness in your faces.

I assume you both accepted Jesus Christ as your lord and savior?

Oh, that's nice.

Needed a coat of paint anyway.

Welcome, Annie, to your new home.

Okay. To reacquaint you, there's the bathroom, kitchen, and, of course, ta-da, our bedroom.

Room's a rocking, knock, because there's something probably wrong.

Yeah, we're pretty chill in there.

Mm-hm. Now let's go see your room.

What's that? That is your room.

You said this was a two-bedroom. It is, one, two.

Yours is a blanket fort. Awesome blanket fort.

But still highly flammable, so no candles.

What do you think? Tweet it?

Tweeting it!

I'm not surprised you're taken aback.

This is where dreams come true.

We spent our lives being told blanket forts are only for special occasions, like sleepovers or when uncles die.

That's a lie, Annie. You can live in a fort of blankets all day, every night. It's so awesome.

Surprised you haven't chosen to live in one.

We'll be spending time in yours. It's where we're gonna watch TV.


And what's that door over there? That's not a bedroom?

No. Oh, no, no, no.

Is it a linen closet? Something like that.

What's a linen closet?

A siesta salad and an iced tea.

Excelente, and for you?

The gentleman... Ohh.

...will have a top-notch-os and a watermelon Margarita.

Thank you, Jeffrey. So any brothers or sisters?

And we'll take the check too. Whoa. What's the rush?

We eat lunch, then I'm leaving. Okay. I just hope that I don't bump into your study group on Monday.

And I pray they don't ask me who I saw at the mall on Saturday.

Because, unlike a certain someone, I just don't think I could lie to those sweet people.

Dean, this is blackmail. Call me Craig.

And call blackmail "a day at the mall with Craig."

Because that's all I require, Jeffrey.

You and I are going to have some fun, and create a few memories.

And I suggest you get into it, because that counts.

A song for the señor, señor?

Oh, what a surprise.


This is actually quite calming for some reason.

And that's when I realized I had to forgive them.

That's a beautiful story.

So inspiring how he came to find the lord.

Isn't it, Britta? Yeah, yeah.

Well, I didn't exactly have to find the lord. He was inside me.

Amen. What's your name, friend? Jesus.

Ohh. Are you Latino? No, my child. I am him.

You're what now? I am the one true son of God.

I was sent here to save humanity.

Oh, no.

Well, it is a pleasure to have you in my car, Jesus.

Britta, stop. It's not funny now.

Hey Jesus, just curious, what's your position on marijuana?

It was given to us by God. It should be legal.

Oh, that's nice. Mm-mm.

Hear me, hear me.

Presenting the real-life fairy tale of how princess Annie was saved from Bad Neighborhood Forest by Woodsman Troy.

And Bebad, his emotionally unavailable unicorn.

Brought to you by the girl-yogurt Jamie Lee Curtis uses to poo.

A package of it is in the fridge.

Now, once upon a time there was a beautiful princess named Annie.

Hi. Who was harassed every day by Count Spaghetti.

The evil cracksmith who lived outside of her building.

Whoa! I just stand here?

Oh, come on, Jeffrey. Get in here.

This is gonna be fun. Or else.

So we just punch in the numbers? That's right.

Okay, you know this one, Jeff.

We've sang it a thousand times together in my mind.

Oh, come on, Jeffrey. Make-or-break time.

Unless you wanna be back here next Saturday.

♪ There used to be a greying Tower alone on the sea ♪

♪ You became the light On the dark side of me ♪

♪ Did you know the light That you shine can be seen ♪

♪ And now that Your rose is in bloom ♪

♪ A light hits The gloom on the gray ♪

♪ Jesus loves marijuana ♪

♪ Jesus loves marijuana ♪ Amen.

♪ Jesus loves marijuana ♪

♪ And drinking human blood ♪

♪ Baby I compare you to a kiss From a rose on the grave ♪

♪ Ooh, the more I get of you The stranger it feels, yeah ♪

♪ Now that your rose Is in bloom

♪ A light hits the ♪

♪ The gloom on the gray ♪

Ha, ha. Ah! That was great.

Yeah, might have been a little fun.


And you e-mailed your therapist that you wanted to be alone this weekend.



Thank you. Thank you very much.

And now, with your permission, I'd like to sing a little song about race-mixing.

This one's called "Don't You Do It."

Get out! Get out!

Ah, good evening, senator. Any requests?

What do you wanna do next? I paid for a full hour, so...

I e-mail my therapist from my Greendale account.

The same account where I received an e-mail from Physique 25 telling me about today's sale. Is that why you're at the mall?

You read student e-mails?

Now the Patriot Act says I can do it, Jeffrey, technically.

Need I remind you the nation is at war?

I'll kill you. No, Jeffrey, no.

Jeffrey, come on.

Just remember, we were making memories.

No, Jeffrey, no.

We weren't making anything.

It's too violent.

Don't let the terrorists win! We weren't making anything.

And then the three of them lived happily ever after.


Bebad became the little dipper.

The end.

Kiss me, Woodsman Troy.


You guys. Living here is gonna be fun all the time.

Let's make the entire apartment a fort. I'll get more blankets.

This is a space we reserved for virtual adventures.

Like a playroom, but only works in our minds.

We call it the Dreamatorium.

But it's a bedroom. No, no.

There's only two bedrooms, including the blanket fort.

This is the Dreamatorium.

All day, I've been jumping through hoops to fit in.

Including the literal hoops in front of the toilet.

Yes. And you guys are hoarding this second bedroom as some kind of playroom?

And making me sleep on a pile of laundry?

We worked hard on that. It's a blanket fort.

It's an asylum for half-witted children!

As the only adult in this apartment, I am making an ultimatum.

Me or this stupid Dreamatorium.

Dreamatorium is non-negotiable. Read the lease.

The part added in crayon. Don't wanna take this to court.

Could be a court in the blink of an eye.

This doesn't work for me.

From the minute I joined the group, I've worried about how uptight I am, and how I'm no fun.

I was worried that I wouldn't fit in here or be able to hang with you. But you know what?

Why don't you ever ask whether you can hang with me?

Why am I always the one that has to adapt? I'm sick of this crap.

Enjoy your stupid Dreamatorium.

We will!

Because this is our apartment too.

And just because we're awesome doesn't mean we're not adults.

Candy cigarette? I don't want candy.

I want ourAnnie.

Yeah, we blew it.

I picked the wrong week to quit.

What the hell is this?

In security deposit terms, it's a gold mine.

Lucky it's only gonna cost money.

Your friend nearly killed himself.

Yeah, that's me. Lucky Annie.

I'm really sorry, Annie.

I had some island girls over and one of them must have slipped me a mickey.

I'm just glad you're okay.

You can pay me back by helping me get all my stuff from Troy and Abed's.

You're moving again? How long was I out?

Is Napster still a thing?

You've been out long enough for me to realize that I'm gonna need to keep living alone.

Come on. Let's get you cleaned up.

Oh, what the hell? I have brain damage.

Nothing I do counts.

Where is all my stuff?

Troy, Abed?

It's all yours.

We're sorry. Sometimes we get stuck in our own little world.

Then in that world, we make even littler worlds.

And sometimes there are tunnels between those worlds.

Or a subway. One time a snake.

We're sorry. Do you like it?

Of course I do. It's perfect.

I can rearrange the pillows.

You arranged by size. What did I say?

But what about the Dreamatorium? It's more important than us.

You're more important than our room.

We put the bunk bed in the blanket fort.

This is all gay code.

You sure I'm worth it? There's a couple things we were hoping you'd help with. Where does water go in the iron?

What's the iron for? What gets out Kool-Aid stains?

The opposite color Kool-Aid doesn't work.

Troy scraped me when we were fork-jousting last week.

I don't think it's healing. Oh! That's infected.

Infected. That's the word.

Hi, guys. I thought you were sick.

I wasn't. I kind of made it up to get out of helping.

Oh, that's okay.

It is? Yeah, it is.

Oh, hey, Jeff, did you know that when it snows my eyes become large?

♪ And the light that you shine Can be seen ♪ He tweeted it?

♪ Baby ♪ He tweeted it!

♪ And now that Your rose is in bloom ♪

♪ A light hits The gloom on the gray ♪

Oh, look out, asteroids! That was close.

Thanks for getting us to planet Greendalia safely, Horse-bot 3000.

Oh, no. Greendalia has been overrun by evil King Blorgon.

Look out, Troyborg.

Ahh! I'm dead.

Horse-bot 3000, no. I love you.

I am King Blorgon. My plan is to blow up the world.

Your lasers are useless against me.

Aim for his butt.

It's his only weakness. Bam, bam, bam!


We did it. Peace and tranquility have been restored to Greendalia.

And all thanks to Horse-bot 3000.

He belongs to the stars now.

Five minutes and we should probably put a stop to this.

Jeff, are you... I liked Horse-bot 3000.