Crime Busters (1977) Script

Thanks Sam.

Out of the way.

Any chance of yours truly pickin' up some change?

Nothin' doin'

What do you mean nothin' doin'?

The tubs just come in.

You got all your guys out on jobs.

I can unload it all by myself if you want.

I told ya no way.

Why not?

Eh, it's nothin' personal.

I'm just followin' the boss's orders.

And who is the boss around here?

Ask them.


No I was just askin' him if there's any chance of pickin' up a job, you dig?

Sure, just kick back 20%.

Yeah but if we give you the 30% there won't be nothin' left.

We gotta eat.

Already you're too fat, keep slim.

It's better for your health, now get movin'.

Alright, if I don't eat, I can't go to the toilet.

And if I can't go to the toilet, it makes me nervous and unhappy and that aint so good.

Aww it's a flat.

Hey dummy!

Now, why didn't you tell me there was a cart of junk, huh?

Have a nice day.

I oughta take care of that bastard.

Not now!

We got other fish to fry.

You, get another car.

Yes boss, right away.

Come back here you spaghetti head!

You ain't jumpin' ship you owe me five bucks!

So long suckers!

Get that son of a bitch!

Sorry friend!

Hey did you see where that guy went?

Yeah he was runnin' towards the exit of the port.

Lost him.

Hey you okay?

I've been better.

I don't know why you did it but thanks anyway.

You're a buddy.

I prefer to help somebody who considers me a friend and not just another chop suey.

Is there anything I can do for you?

Don't worry it's a small world and sooner or later one meets again.

Out of the way.

Hey chief, I got my stomach glued to my backbone.

Got any work for me?

Join the union.

Give me a break, there's a freighter out there waiting to be unloaded.

Get lost.

Something wrong?

This greaser wants work.

Listen sparrow, you flap your wings on outta here unless you wanna wear 'em in a sling.

Did you call me a sparrow?


Hmm, did you say you're gonna break my wings?


That's what I thought.

Let's see you do it.

Sorry boss.

You asked for it Holly.

Sorry boss!

Sorry boss.

Oh no.

So long.

Get another car.

Yes boss.

Beat it.

Right away.

Look Mac, you're on the wrong side.

Trucks to the right.

Put your blinker on, back up, and make way.

Hey, you're just gonna walk away?

Oh, you're chicken.

I hate that when a guy chickens out, you big yellow belly.

You trying to scare me?

Go on take a walk you big banana.


Get out of my way you little gas bag.

What do you mean get out of your way?

It's me they're after.

You stay here.


hey, hey!

Hey, hey!

Where's your boss?

In the office.

Okay let's go move.

Sorry boss.

Don't forget the doors.

They're doing a pretty good job.


Should I get another car boss?

No, call a taxi.

You know buddy, we got a lot in common.

I'm Matt Kirby.

I'm not.

That's a nice name.

A little short maybe.

Why did you bust up their car?

It's a question of toilet bowls.

Oh that makes a lot of sense.

You can't fool around with toilets.

And now that I told you the story of my life, go take a walk.

I'll be seeing you big banana.

Do you have any reason for hanging around here?


Shove off then.

District Police, Sergeant Adams, how may I help you?

Oh you sure can.

There's a bum just about to commit suicide.

The Rochester Street Canal Bridge.

Thanks, I'll notify the morgue.

But he hasn't done it yet.

Oh well then I'll call the psycho boys.

Meanwhile try to distract him okay?

With what a lollipop?

This guy is a regular bulldozer.

Okay, I'll send an ambulance.

But if he hears it coming he'll jump.

Don't worry, we use a two-door sedan in these cases, unmarked and it doesn't come with a siren okay?

Yeah that's perfect.


Got some business for the loony bin.

There he is, pull over.

Hi there.


How's it goin'?


Kind of a nice day isn't it?

Very nice, pretty hot though.

He's right, hot as hell.

If you're hot in that jacket, why don't you try on this one?

It's the last word.

Hey are you from the loony bin by any chance?

No, no.

Wait a minute, I'm the guy who called the police.

The crazy guy is over there.

He's an 18-wheeler.

Is he dangerous?

Nah, he's like a lamb.

He's just got this thing about toilet bowls.

Toilet bowls?


He says you can't trust the ones they make today.

He wants to end it all.

Mysterious of the human psyche.


The gas?


What's that?

Sleeping gas.

One whiff and he'll be drowsing off like a bear in hibernation.

Ha, great.

Stay here.

He might be dangerous.



Nice town huh?

It sure is.

You call this a town?

It's a big toilet bowl.

The gentleman said it.

It's a toilet bowl.

I don't get that comparison.

Modern toilet bowls are masterpieces of engineering which this town sure isn't.

They may be masterpieces but where's the joy of answering the call of nature at sunrise in the country or by a flowing stream at sunset?

Oh well times have changed.

I have nothing against the toilet bowls of today.

How about you Mr. ?

Either are fine.

What I can't stand is turds like you.

You're rude and antisocial.

Hey what's that a can of mountain air?

Well not exactly.

Would you like to try this on?

Grab him!

Let's go you big banana!


Hey Bernie, how long does it take to cook two hamburgers?

Man they're ready now if you want them raw.

What were you saying?

I'm tired of looking for a job.

Well it wouldn't take much to change our lives like that.

What do you mean?

An armored car delivers the payroll to the supermarket every week and they go in the service door not the main entrance and, Hey, hey Bernie.

God it's hot today.

Nice cold beer boys?

Nah nothing alcoholic.

We're on duty, a coke.

Oh when you're on duty you don't drink huh?

No, where are you from?

Haha, I was born in Venice, Italy.

Then what are you doin' here?

You on vacation?

No sir, I'm a naturalized U. S. citizen.

This makes 16.

How about that, 16?

They sure don't eat like canaries.

What's your top speed?

Well if you can stay on, about 130 miles per hour.


I don't suppose you could let me try one out.

Afraid not.

Enlist in the police force, you'll get a chance.

We've been thinking on that haven't we?

We need guys who are on the ball.

Eat up we gotta go.


It's late, they're waitin' for us.


Forget already.


Attention all units, 16th district, we have a robbery at the pawn shop at 40516th Street.

Units 2112 and 2111 throw road blocks.

Oh boy.

They took off like a couple of rockets.

How many employees are there in a supermarket?


And in the office?

A pair of old maids.

What we actually need is a couple of guns.

All we need is a couple of fingers.

Huh, oh I got those.

Okay friend, I'll see you on Friday morning.

Not so fast burner.

From now on we're gonna cast one big shadow.

Is that so?

As my old man always said, if you have a friend you can trust don't trust him but if it's one you can trust blindly, then watch out.

Well I mean, if you've got the blind friend, well my old man had the whole thing down pat.

Just what we need.

Let's keep going and make believe we don't know them.

Hey boys.

Oh hi.


Well has the great day come yet?

Well, maybe.

See he isn't quite sure yet.

Well you'll never regret it.

You'll well off with the police.

By the way, did you catch those boys who robbed the pawn shop?


You bet, 15 minutes after we got the call, they were lyin' on the table down at the morgue and by afternoon their rotten brains were floatin' in formaldehyde in the criminal museum.

Serves them right.

That'll teach 'em.


Yeah, they don't get no pity from us.

Well so long.

So, so long.

So long yeah take care, see ya later.

Nice guys.

They'll remember this Friday for a long time.

You bet.

Let's put it off until next Friday.

No, you got a dime?

Just watch how your partner fixes things partner.

What are you gonna do?

Keep cool.

If they bite we go through with it.

The armored car will be here in two minutes.

I called the police and told them there's a suspicious looking guy hanging around the jeweler shop on 24th Street.



Hey, you're smarter than I thought.

I've crime in my blood.

This is it.

Keep calm, it'll all go smooth don't worry.

As soon as the jobs done, we'll go have some fun in Florida.

We're already in Florida.

We're really in Florida?


Hey, it's coming.

Your gun, ready, ready?


This is a holdup, reach for the ceiling.

You better say it.

Your voice is stronger.

Keep cool this is a,

A real nice day isn't it?

May I use the phone?

Get the door.

Yes sir.

Well boys, did you come to join up?

Actually it's an important step we're taking so we wanted to check out the situation first before.

Well you're in the wrong place.

This is the administration office.

Oh, this is administration.


Yeah the recruiting office is in back of us in Atlantic Street.

In back of us?

I told you so.

I told him it was on Atlantic Street, didn't I?


Well if you hurry around there you'll find Captain McBride in person.

So long.


Hi fellas how are ya?

Well look who's here.

So you've made up your minds finally huh?

We wanted to be sure.

Where are you goin'?

To see Captain McBride.

You can go through the office, it's quicker.

Oh we can?


He says it's quicker.

Yeah it's quicker.

Hey, what's baldy here been up to?

Armed robbery.

Some honest citizen called us and told us about a suspicious looking character on 24th Street.

We nabbed him on the spot.


You do the report.

I'll show these boys the way to the boss.

Don't worry, we'll find it.

No bother come on.

I'll take you to old Papa McBride.

Come on let's go.

So long, see you around.

Papa McBride, he must be a real nice guy.

After you.

Come in.

Morning Captain.


Where'd you catch them?

Actually they came by themselves.

Uh huh, well if you thinkin' that turning yourselves in is gonna help you, it's not.

I'll tell the judge to forget that and throw the book at ya.

There's a misunderstanding Captain.

These boys are here to enroll in the police force.

Here's their application forms and the files we have on them.

Uh huh.

So you wanna be policemen do ya?

First thing you're gonna have to do is shave.



Because I don't like whiskers.

Now, you're Wilbur Walsh?

Oh no, that's him.

I've got nothing to do with that.

I just met him.

Ahh, it says here that, it says here that you wan kicked out of Canada for fightin' destroying property, and resisting arrest.

Did you say Canada sir?

That's what it says, Canada.

Oh yeah, I remember now I was working as a lumberjack.

Rough and ready, the only friend you have is your ax.

Always isolated in the woods with the wolves.

Nothing, well we work.

So on Saturday nights you went into town and raised hell.

Between the booze and the chicks, you know, a fight starts up and you know where these things go, don't ya?


I'm a baptist.

I don't drink.

Yeah I knew it.

Now, You're Matthew Kirby.

You can call me Matt, Captain.

Appreciate it.

Now, what is this mean?

It says here that you were disqualified for being aggressive disqualified from what?

From baseball.

I was playing with Red Foxes then.

Red Foxes of Ogichobee?

Yeah and it was a great team too.

I knew that team.

Captain, do you wanna know my side of the story?

Yeah, there was this real blind umpire who called me out on base.

I protested but he wouldn't listen so I punched him in the mouth.

Who knows where that bastard is now.

It's a good thing he aint around anymore because if only I could get my hands on him I'd, Would you like his address?

You know where he is?

He lives with me.

He's my brother-in-law.

No kidding?

Gee I'd like to apologize to him.

He was right after all.

He's got a great eye and nothing got by him.

What do you think?

Boys will be boys.

Who hasn't tied one on one time or another?

And besides, everybody calls your brother-in-law names.


Hey partner, how do I look best?

Like this or

like this?

Thank you.


Not for me thanks.

Come on, what size do you take?

Oh size.

XXXX Large.


14 and a half.

14 and a half?

Tell me them gunboats are full of feet.

Try these and if they don't go I'll get some pontoons for you.


Crime in my blood huh?

Can't win them all can you?

Anyway, we flunk the final exam and scoot them out on 20 weeks of training pay.

Do you think this training's gonna be a picnic?

You got another thought comin'.

In 20 weeks time, I'm gonna teach you how to make a proper arrest, how to drive a car at 200 miles an hour, how to tell the difference between marijuana and parsley.

In short, I'm gonna turn you into super goddamn cops.

In exchange for that, the taxpayers are gonna give you

250 dollars a week.

They're gonna give you a paid vacation, a Christmas bonus, beautiful uniform, a lot of respect and esteem.

In addition to that, at the end of 20 weeks time, you're gonna love me like your own father.


Now move your ass!

so, these should be here instead of here.

Hands out of the window.

Step out of the car, step aways from the car.

Face me down on your knees.

Lie down on your stomach.

Arms out to the sides, palms up.

Turn your head to the side.

Good job Fred.

Now, that was the correct procedure for makin' an arrest.


Come on, let's go.

I taught him that one.

Very good Kirby, very good.

Let's go.

You ever shoot before?

Who me?

Ready on the firing line.


Ahh, don't shoot at me!

Shoot at the target you bastard.

Ha, not one bullseye.

Okay wiseguy, you do better.

Where did you learn to shoot like that?

I've got bullets in my blood.

Bullets in the blood?

Now boys, for good or for bad, Your training is almost over.

Naturally we have left the best for the last.

Now we're really gonna see if you got the guts to be policeman.

Are you ready Doc?

Any time you are.

Want some gum?

What flavor?


I hate formaldehyde.

And now boys, I would like to show you.

You forgot to thaw him out.

He's as hard as a rock.

Last night I moved him myself from the freezer to the humidifier.

Think the thermostats broken?

I'm sorry Captain.

We'll have to postpone it.

Sorry boys, the party is off.

The Chinaman declined our invitation.

Is he Chinese Captain?

I would say so.

What happened to him?

Well we really don't know.

We found him by Dock 16 last night full of lead.

I knew that guy.

Oh yeah, from where?

Down at Pier 16 just before I met you.

Hmm, was he already horizontal?

No, vertical, actually diagonal.

He was bent over carrying a big box.

He acted like he was afraid of something.

He helped me out though.

Maybe he was a wharf rat.

Did he have any identification sir?

No he's just wearin' a dirty shirt and a greasy pair of pants.

Should I tell the Captain?

Nah, it's better to stay outside of these things.

I'm sorry about that.

Ahh bullshit, I ask you to do one little thing and you can't do it.

Oh you're a pain in the ass.

Get the hell out of here, asshole!

Is the homicide squad dealing with this Captain?

No, no the whole force and if any of you have any ideas you're free to work on them.

And don't forget if you need my advice, my door is always open.

I like to help the young.

Hey were you two cell mates?

Well at the time I was You were what?

A truck driver.

He brought the lumber into the penitentiary and one time I asked him for a ride.

And I got the picture.

It don't work.

It's been busted a couple years.

Why don't you have a sign saying out-of-order.

If I say it's broken, who will put money in it?

Do you mind if I take a ride?

Go ahead.

Awkward huh?

No watch. you're a real turkey on crutches.

Oh no.

Shut up!

Hands up cripple.

If I raise my hands, I'll go down like a rock.

You don't say?

Well well.

Crawl for the chair, you can do it.

Up you go, up you go.

Get away.

No, no no, no.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

Thank you good man.

Hands up Yogi.

Hands up Yogi

I said hands up!

Hey Mr. He can't hear you.

He's a deaf mute.

Deaf mute?

Let's see.

Hey this guy really is deaf .

He's probably as dumb as he looks too.

Leave him in peace poor guy.

He's a halfwit.

Shut up you.

Hands up.

Let me tell him.

I know their sign language.

Okay but make it snappy, gimp.

Hey you, what'd he say?

He said, you'd better take off.

Otherwise he's gonna shove your head up your ass.

Can't he see I've got him covered?

Sure, I ain't blind.

You think you oughta help me?


Get your ass over here.

Oh yeah.

Come on!

What's your hurry?

He's hitting you with a stool.

Yeah, come on kid do yourself a favor.

Hey watch out.

What can I do now?

They wrecked the place.


Donation for the damages.

There you go.

Come on come on, oh that's nice.

Thank you.

This is our territory now, so get out and stay out.

It's all yours Darrell.

I don't know what to say.

Oh a hamburger and french fries.

We ordered them an hour ago.

Hey that's right.

Hurry up.

Who's missing?

Walsh is missing sir.

Here he comes now Captain.

Take your time Walsh, take your time.

We've got all day.

Thank you sir.

Hurry up!

Didn't I tell you to shave?

No sir.

Well I'm telling you now!

Yes sir!

He did tell you, I heard him.

Thank you Kirby.

Put your glasses away.

Get a haircut.

Alright men, I have good news, I have bad news.

The good news is you've all passed.

You're on the police force.

The bad news is I will accept no resignations for at least six months.

I will make exceptions of course for those killed in the line of duty.

Now, for your assignments.

Nelson and White, Car 75.

White's in charge.

McGovern and O'Hara Car 64.

O'Hara in charge.

Kirby and Walsh, Car 33.

Kirby in charge.

I didn't tell him to put us together.

Shut up and chauffeur.

Pope and Humiger Car 54.

You saw what he did, he cut me off.

This is a police car idiot!

What'd you do Walsh?

Kirby what happened?

What happened?

What happened was as I was coming out, those two jerks cut me off.

Walsh saw it too.

Is that right?

Captain, look what we've got here.

Jim McCoy and Tom Crane.

We've been looking for these guys for months.

See that.

When I saw who was in the car, I rammed it.

I thought better that than a shootout in the middle of the street.

Good thinking Kirby, good thinking.

You alright Walsh?

Take a lesson from your partner.

Quick thinking always pays off.

Take Car 11, go back to work.

Talk about beginner's luck.

Beginner's luck?

I call it good training.

Get this mess cleaned up Sergeant.

Things are kind of slow.

What would you say to a burger and fries?

Right on brother.

Headquarters calling 3211, Headquarter calling 3211.

Wouldn't you know it.

You got 3211 come on back.

We have a disturbance reported on the corner or James and 10th.

Swing by and check it out.

Ten four.

Hey knock it off, break it up.

What's going on here?

My old man dropped dead on the stairs from a stroke.

This lousy creep stole the false teeth right out of his mouth and sold them for nine dollars.

All this fuss if for a little thing like that?

Well seeing as how we're brothers, he oughta split it with me.

Ahh he's got a point.

It's not right, I found 'em first.

That's enough, give him his share.

There you go.

Oh by the way, is it true that the university pays 20 bucks for a stiff?

Yeah but it's got to be fresh.

Nahh, we'll just have to call an ambulance.

But who's gonna pay for it?

They are our guests.

Hey you know what?

I got 35 bucks stashed away.


3211 calling headquarters.

You got headquarters 3211.

Send an ambulance over to James Street.

There's a customer for the morgue.

Ten four.

Hey, look at that.

3211 calling headquarters.

You got headquarters go ahead.

Check this plate for me, 1WW23681.

Check if it's on the hot sheet and give me the owner.

Ten four stand by.

How much does a timekeeper make?

Sure aint enough to go around with a beautiful babe in a car like that.

Where does he get his money?

Headquarters calling 3211.

Suspect vehicle registered in the name of Fred Shine, 2016 Palm Beach Drive, not reported stolen, Ten four.

Ten four.

I'm gonna follow him.

Fine mess you made.

Get your driver's license ready lady.

Now who's gonna tell the old man?

Kirby in charge.

I'm sorry Captain, I don't know what the hell was going on.

How can you be so dumb?

That's what I want to know, how?

I wasn't watching.

You'd better shape up or you're gonna be back walking a beat.

Get the hell outta here!

Isn't there supposed to be a door on both sides?

You don't miss a trick eh chief?

I couldn't help noticing.

What happened?

I had just given this lady a ticket and we're getting back in our car when these two big cars came right at us.

I just managed to jump on the hood in time.

Who could be wanting to get you?

Friends of the Chinaman, or better yet, enemies of the Chinaman, obviously.

Obviously, do you happen to know umm,

do you think you could?

Better keep an eye on Pier 16.

Pier 16, exactly my thought, exactly my thought.

Very good Kirby.

Thanks Captain, can we move on with our investigation?

Of course, I'm handling this personally.

But don't forget if you have any problems.

The door is always open.

Just knock.

You say this is a hog but yours is scrawnier.

Well, things worked out anyway if you ask me.

For the worse.

Give me a stick of gum.


I chewed it all.

Can I help you?

Yes you can.

I'm looking for 601 Pacific Street please.

Did you say Pacific Street?

Uh huh.

It's on the other side of town.

But they told me it was near here.

Oh they were all wrong believe me.

Is there a bus that goes to Pacific Street?

No I'm sorry, but I can take you there.

I was just going that way myself and besides it's part of our duty.

If a taxpayer has to go to the other side of town, a police officer is obliged to give her a lift.

May I?

yeah, it's a very interesting job, sometimes very dangerous, but we're ready to make sacrifices to help the taxpayer.

That's very honorable what you do.

What's life in exchange for helping others?


You policemen have the chivalry of the ancient samurai.

More or less, only we don't go around carrying swords.

What did you say?

Oh I was just saying you're right.

It's lovely here.

Yes, you're very beautiful.

If you don't mind my asking, what are you doing here in Miami?

Now where was I?

Oh, I said to myself, if I don't intervene now, I won't stand a chance.

So I smashed through the wall with the car and jumped out with my gun drawn and arrested all 36 of them.


Why sure.

Who is it?

It's me, Suzy Lee.


Come in.

Please come in.

Thank you.

Did you finish your joyride?

Look this is a very interesting case.

I'll make it interesting if you don't come back to work.

Come on, come on!

Please come in, please.


Honorable grandfather.

These honorable gentlemen are police.

Why's he looking at me like that?

My honorable grandfather says it's difficult to read your cow-like eyes but he feels

that the great dragon is good and that the tiger cub is sharp and quick-witted.

Thank you.

Tiger cubs sure know their stuff.

Please sit down.

Thank the old bishop but the big dragon and the alley cat have to get back to the street.

Please, please sit down.

I guess you don't know but the young lady's uncle, Better say the bread winner of this family.


He left a month ago for Shanghai and since then not a word.


He always sent word the moment he arrived but this time, Nothing.

Nothing, well when do you expect your uncle back?


In a few days but my honorable grandfather says that the moon is not lasting and that's a bad sign.

Well, we'll see what we can do but we need something to go on.

I'll give you his picture.

That's a good idea.

We're in business.

That way the moon lasts.

This is a picture of my uncle.

Yeah, this will help us.

We'll see what we can do.

See you soon.


They've screwed us.

No they didn't have nothin' with them.

Maybe we're still on time, let's go.

I must have been born on Friday.

Always of yourself huh?

Yeah, if you'd given me a job and a doctor I'd tell you I'd never have met you chump.

He who finds a friend finds a treasure.

Yeah but he who finds you finds himself a cop.

Six months go by like nothin'.

Why that ugly son of a bitch.

You were speeding Ed.

Don't worry, I'll take care of everything.

They're under my jurisdiction.

Hey we got ourselves a VIP.

Did you say VIP?

If we give him a rough time, we'll be bounced off the force in two minutes flat.

Officer, I admit we were going a little fast but we're in an awful hurry.

You see we were going to, Put your hands out of the window.

Don't make any sudden moves.

Come out facing me.

Come on.

Over there.

Down on your knees.

Down on your stomach.

Stretch out your arms.

Palms up.

Turn your head the other way.

Legs up.

Now what?

I can't remember.


Shut up!

Stand up you bums.

What's the meaning of this?

Make one more move and you'll be pushing up daisies.

Let's smell your breath.

You smell like a brewery.

You're in big trouble pal, real big.

It's you who are in trouble, I'll guarantee you that.

You shut up.

Give me your driver's license.

Miami club, rotary club, country club, golf club.

You're big on the country clubs eh pimp?


I'll have you kicked off the force for this, you'll see.

Haha, kicked off the force!

I'll buy you a drink if you can.

What is this?

That's the pass to the governor's mansion.

Oh yeah, and what do you do there, empty garbage?

No, I'm the lieutenant governor.

Do you hear that?

He's the lieutenant governor.

Oh is that so?

Terrific huh?

Speeding and drunken driving.

You'll have some talking to do with the district attorney when I haul your ass in.

I hold that office.

I'm the district attorney and I'll see that you are ruined for this.

Oh he's the district attorney, congratulations.

Now I'll keep this.

At five o'clock you come to the 16th District with a couple of good lawyers.

You don't want to spend the rest of your days behind bars.


Oh it'll give me such pleasure to see you guys thrown out in the street.

I hope so, I sure hope so.

Oh I promise you that.

Now don't move until I drive off.

This is a disgrace!

Nice going partner.

We'll be off the force in next to no time.

You say it so.

Monsieur Scarface is here sir.

Tell him to come in.

Hi Boss.

Your foot.

Got back all of them.

Oh good.

One more thing, we saw them two cops from the docks coming out of the chinks house just before we went in.

That's funny.

Why chief?

Oh it's not a job for a cop on the beat.

This one smells of the narcotics bureau to me.

Want us to take care of 'em?

And have the entire state police force on our tails?

Nah, six months in the hospital will be enough.

Okay boss.

What do you say Geronimo?

200 dollars to bust up a couple of cops in uniform seems stingy to me.

It'll be our first offense you understand?

You heard the judge.

What if we throw in some good stuff with the 200 bucks?

What do we do to 'em huh?

Just put 'em in a wheelchair for six months.

He's on the war path.

Headquarters calling 3211, headquarters calling 3211, 3211 come in please.

3211 is all ears.

Hold on boys, McBride wants to speak to you.

Hey, yes Chief.

McBride here, was it you two who was hassling the lieutenant governor?

The laws the same for everybody or am I wrong?

That's just what I told them.

They called me a few minutes ago and said they were treated like a couple of delinquents.

They wanted me to suspend you from the force.

That's what they promised us.

Let them try.

I'll raise so much hell, they'll have to resign.

You did exactly the right thing.

Is it worth it to go against two big ass politicians?

I told them you did exactly the right thing.

Now who's in the wrong is gonna, You don't understand.

We were in the wrong.

McBride out.

You and your great ideas.

Ice cream.

I only have vanilla left.

Hey chief, nobody makes vanilla like he does.


Give him a taste.

You like it?

It's easy for you copper.

You take advantage of your uniform.

Okay, four o'clock parking lot, Orange Bowl.

You see, one of them has already split.

100 bucks for me and you keep the rest okay?





Right 32 power.

Right 32 power.

Okay, this time we'll show 'em.



Remember the Alamo!

Come here you!

Get up!

What's your real name Geronimo?

John Phillips Forsythe.

An unusual name for an Indian.

Okay John Phillip Forsythe, why don't you tell us who sent you?

I can't think of anything I'd rather do.

Well now.

Yeah, sure boss, I think so.

He'll be here any minute.

Yeah I'll call you when he comes okay?

Hey he's crazy.

Come on.

Hey what the?

Hold it.

Sit down.



Geronimo spilled the beans.

Who's Geronimo?

You don't know him?


either they're pretty dumb or they're smarter than we think.

Did you hear that noise it made?

Those two are trying to pull off something big.

That's why they didn't arrest Geronimo or any of you.

When's our next load coming in?


Yeah we gotta distract their attention.

Keep them busy until Saturday night.

I'll find a way.

Nah, she'll find a way.

What can I do?

Phone your sisters, I have a little job for them.

Oh that's nice Curly.

Oh it's you.

Hey what's happened?

What's wrong with the old geyser?

They've been robbed.


Last night a little after we left.

What did they steal, the mice?

The kids' rag dolls.

Rag dolls?

Yes, all of them.

Then they turned the house upside down.

They said there should have been another one.

My uncle brought them from Shanghai.

He would always bring something when he came back from a trip.

Do you remember the name of the ship he was on?


He says, if the great dragon follows the tiger cub, he'll find the truth.

Tell the bishop that the big dragon followed this tomcat once and he got screwed for doin' it, your honor.

I can't understand.

He says he agrees with grandfather.

Bye, I have to keep an eye on the dragon.

You know something funny?

No what?

That chinaman's following us around.

That's funny.

First I see him in the port, then in the morgue, then by pure chance we go to his house.

I get a feeling he's taking a personal interest in the case.

Okay, so all he;'s gotta do now is let us know who killed him and why.

Oh that's asking too much.


High times.

You in a hurry to see your mother-in-law?

Wise ass.

Hey where are my french fries?

In France.

Headquarters calling 3211, come in 3211.

3211 is all ears.

There's a car stalled on Cedar Street, check it out.

Ten four, you'd better get going.

Hmm, you better get going.

Why me?

Kirby in charge.

Yeah and don't you forget it.

Oh wow!

Shut up you big banana.

Move your ass.

What's up?

Two beautiful blondes.

Hey wait for me!

Wow, he's beautiful.

You take the boy.

I'll look after the big hunk.

I'd like you to meet our specialist, Mr. Wilbur Walsh.


Uh Miss?

Angie, Angie Crawford.

Miss Angie Angie Crawford.

Hello Angie.

And Miss?

Galina Kochilova.

Hello Galina.

And that's their car, do you think you can fix it?

I think the trouble is over here.

Trouble, okay, let's take a look.

I see you know just where to put your hands.

You aint seen nothin' yet Galina.

I love your uniform.

Oh thank you.

Yeah, pretty tough being a policeman, even dangerous, but exciting at the same time.

I'm sure.

Yeah, do you live around here?

Oh no, I'm from Philadelphia.

You see, I'm the Countess's guest.

The Countess?

Yes my friend Galina is a countess.

No kiddin' a countess?

Yes, she's Russian and she has a lovely place here in Miami.


It was the cable to the battery.

See how good he is?

He's wonderful.

You're just too much Wilbur.

He's a good dancer too.

Well thank you so much for helping us.

We don't know how to show our gratitude.

Do you think we can have you as our guest at the villa this weekend?

The address?


Palm Beach Drive.

It will be an unforgettable weekend.

You can count on it Galina.

Until Friday afternoon then.

Until Friday Angie.



Bye now.

What class.


How the hell those Russian countesses can smoke with one of the these things is beyond me.

Oh here they come!

Hey Whiskers go answer the door will you?

Oui Mademoiselle.

If the gentlemen will come in.

That's why we came.

May I have your hats?


Well I should say that in the house.

Think again.

If the gentlemen will come this way please.

Hey, we gotta date with two seals, not with a penguin, buddy.


So I advised Princess Valet to buy this castle.


Oh how nice to see you.

Excuse us if we're not dressed but it was just so hot outside that we felt we just had to take a dip in the pool.

We don't mind. No.

Oh these are for you.

Oh thank you very much.

They're lovely.


You know they're plastic?


You don't have to water them.

They last for years.

This is gonna last two minutes.


Well we'll get into something more comfortable and meanwhile make yourselves at home.

Thank you.

Don't worry, take all the time you want.

But don't be long huh?

Oh isn't he cute?

Hey look at this. What?

This picture.

We've seen here before somewhere.

Hey you remember Fred the timekeeper?


It was his girl.

That's right.

And this is his house.

2016 Palm Beach Drive.

Yeah but why?

Because they don't want us nosing around that's why.

And now what?

Now listen, I'm hungry.

First we eat dinner and then we'll see.

You got a point there.

You rang Mademoiselle?

Listen Whiskers, cut out the French crap and loosen your garter.

Now I want you to bring some booze, lots of booze, and during dinner keep the wine flowing get it?

Got it.


In an hour, they'll be drunk as skunks.

Hey did you catch that?


They want to get us drunk.

Yeah so?

How do you hold your liquor?

Well the first two gallons is okay but after that I could get rambunctious.

What about you?

Are you kidding?

I was weened on whiskey.

My blood is 86 proof.

Hey here they come.

Well are we forgiven?

You two could get away with murder.

You're a real peach.

Wilbur is a poet at heart.

Well should we drink to our meeting?

I'm with you.

Well in there then.

No, no, no let's just hang on the feed bag.

That's a good idea, let's go huh?

Alright then.

This way please.

Sit down.

Hey come on, sit down.

It's a lovely evening isn't it?


Call for the feed bag please.


The penguin.


How about that?

The Countess rang?

She sure did.

You may serve dinner now Pierre.

Hold it. Hold it?

Oui Monsieur?

Oh yeah.

He bought it at the convenience store but it's good whiskey anyway right?


Oh but that's enough no no.

Come on.

Merci Monsieur but I don't drink.

Shut up and drink.

Oui Monsieur.

To our meeting.

To our meeting!

To their meeting.

Come on girls down the hatch.

Very good girly! Get us another one.

In Russia we drink vodka.

How about that, vodka.

Hey who's that sophisticated broad over there in that picture?

Over there?

Oh there yes that is my sister Princess Alexia.

She lives in Paris.

She's married to a prince, Prince Molotov.

Ivan Molotov.

Oh the guy who invented the Molotov cocktail?

Yes that's the one.

That's a great, that's a terrific drink.

Really helps you to keep you warm.

Now, here's to Molotov.

To Molotov! Molotov!

I don't drink Monsieur.

Shut up and drink.

I don't drink Monsieur.

That's the way slosh it down.

Come on Galina very good, very good.

Okay okay.

Give me a small piece.

There you are sweetie.

Oh sorry!

Here she comes chief.

Are you sure it's the White Lady?


Give them the signal.

By the time the shitfaced cops are in circulation again, the goods will be stashed and shipped out to sea again.

Want to take it to the usual place?

No, I found a much better place.

You see that.

They got some stuff through customs.

I don't see anything suspicious.

Everything here is suspicious.

Let's go.

They're unloading bowling pins.

Yeah, let's follow Fred's car.

Hey it's in there he's parked.

Now what?

We wait.

What are you doing here?

We're on duty.

Well with the beard and all you looked kind of suspicious.

I've been following you.

Can I help you in any way?

Well if you hang around here, do us a favor.

Let's go.

About face.

Twice, once, twice.

Twice once twice what?

Open sesame.

Should we go have some fun?

Hey look, the bowling pins.

Open it.

Hey rag dolls.

Yeah, you were right.

The chinaman was a wharf rat.

He stole them but he didn't know what was in them.

You got the picture?


Let's go.

There's only five of them.




Yeah I know.

You say hands up because your voice is stronger.


Hands up!

I thought you said there was only five.

Now there's 18.

Get over behind your boss.

Come on, come on, come on.

Check the buyer's pockets.

Hands up!

There must be at least 100 grand.

Keep them covered.

Couldn't we talk this over?

No Fred, there's a dead man involved.

What's so funny?

Your guns are unloaded.

Hey, didn't you load them?

No you just told me to clean them, not load them.

And I'm supposed to follow his orders?

May I use the phone please?


Hey boss, I think I spotted two guys coming in!

It's closed.

Hold it, catch.

Wilbur, Wilbur.

Hey look what I got for you.

Punch him in the belly it slows him down.

I told him he should've punched you in the belly.

Hey boss, there were these two guys hanging around outside

No no, hey Wilbur, Wilbur give me a hand.

What's your hurry I'm busy.

And now, you're gonna break my wings.

That's right sparrow.

Hold it!

This I gotta see.

Okay, let him have it.

Give it here.

Hit me in the belly it slows me down.


Alright round them up boys.

Here's some more.

You still like the old Saturday night brawls huh Walsh?

What happened here son?

Have a look in the office.

In that office?


I mean it boss.

I seen these two creeps hangin' around out back.

I knew something was wrong the minute I seen them.

Our little thing with the police force is over.

We're rich.

No, no, I'm rich.

What do you mean you're rich?

Well, you did a wonderful job Kirby, wonderful job.

It was nothing Chief.

Take care of this Sergeant, it's evidence.

Yes sir.

You know Walsh in the beginning I didn't think you were gonna amount to a damn.

That's why we're gonna hand in our resignation.

Haha, the only thing you're gonna hand in is a complete report tonight in my office.

Kirby, did I tell him to shave?

More than once sir.

I thought so.

Oh please come in.

Hi, hi.

It's a pleasure to see you again.

Please sit down.

No thanks we're on duty.

This is for the kids.

Thank you.

Thank you, it's good to see the children smile again.

My honorable aunt asks if you have any good news for her.


You know in life, things don't always go as we like.


it was an accident.

Yeah it was an accident in Hong Kong.

He fell off a gangplank but the captain of the ship gave us the insurance money to bring to you.

Oh yeah but it's not too much you know?

What do you mean?

There's enough to bring them up well.

My honorable grandfather says, that only good men don't know how to lie.

Well, we're on duty.

We'd better go now, bye.

So long you kind generous dragon.

So long you good tiger cub.

So long.

The tiger cub is a real SOB and the good dragon is a sucker.

That's it.

Now that we finished casting one big shadow, I'm splitting.

Too bad, we made a good team.

What about the car, do I keep it?

Oh no, we sell it.

We go half and half.

Attention all units 16th District, Attention all units 16th District, Captain McBride wants to speak to you.

Boys this is McBride, Pearson and O'Hara have been seriously wounded in a gunfight.

We need special blood donors right away.

RH Negative.

Now I'm countin' on the old police force spirit if any of you got it.

Thank you boys, McBride out.

What kind of blood do you have?

RH negative.

You think you have enough for both of them?

Shut up and step on it.