Crimes of Passion (1984) Script

(Eerie music)

(Eerie music grows louder)

(Man) Adam and Eve just had sex, right.

And God says to Adam, "Where's Eve?"

So Adam says, "She's down at the stream, washing off."

God says, "Damn, now I'll never get that smell out of those fish."

(Group of people laughing)

(Woman) You really think that's funny, don't you?

I bet every man here thinks that's funny.

(Man) Ease up, huh? All of you. Women, Christ!

Getting to be a real pain in the ass. You know that?

I don't know what's wrong with the way it used be when you just did what you were told?

(Woman) Fuck you, Hopper.

(Man) I do, every night. Me and my jar of Vaseline.

I can fuck any woman I want. I don't even have to make her cum.

(Woman) Really? I'd rather get fucked by a vibrator than your cock any day.

It's honest, loving and I don't have to make breakfast for it in the morning.

(Laughter)

You remind me of my ex-wife. She had an answer for everything.

Like whenever people would ask her what I did.

She'd say, "He struggles."

(Woman) You guys, you all think you are the victim.

Hey, wait a minute. I think we're taking a bum rap here.

I happen to be a very giving lover.

(Woman) Yeah, you're giving alright. You gave half the city the clap.

(Laughter) (Man) Alright, enough.

Mr Grady. You've been awfully quiet.

I know it's your first night with the group but is there anything you'd like to say.

No, I just came as a guest. My buddy Hopper over here brought me.

(Man) I know. But surely you must have something to say about all this.

I mean, you are planning to stay with us?

Me? Why, me, I'm happy.

Been married to the same woman for 11 years.

Been together since high school. We have two kids.

(Woman) Cut the crap. You wouldn't be here if something wasn't bugging you.

I told you, I'm here with Hopper. I have a great marriage.

I don't understand all these... hang-ups with you people.

I've never cheated on my wife in ten years.

(Woman) I thought it was 11?

(Woman 2) I've never met a man yet who'd admit he was a lousy lay.

What's that supposed to mean? You think everything has to do with sex?

(Woman) Admit it. You're a lousy lay and she's learn t to accept it.

(Woman 2) Like we all had to. Wait a minute!

You think I'm a lousy lay? (Woman) You got it.

I'm not the one who complains how tired I am every night.

Getting her to make love...

It's like asking her to run the Boston Marathon.

And then when we actually go through with it, I don't know whether to embrace her or embalm her.

So don't tell me that I'm a lousy lay.

What am I saying? What the hell am I doing here?

(High pitched trumpet)

Oh, thank you, ladies and gentleman.

(Gentle music)

I'm grateful from the bottom of my heart.

It is truly an honour to be named Miss Liberty 1984.

I have dreamed of this moment all my life.

And I promise I shall carry the name with dignity and with pride.

I will always serve my country and be a shining beacon of hope to nations the world over.

Spreading the true spirit of freedom and liberty that is America.

(Man) Oh, we're proud of you, Miss Liberty.

(Giggles)

What do you plan to do with your scholarship money?

Well. I plan to study music, sir.

Music, do you say? What kind of instrument do you play?

I play the flute, sir.

In honour of our forefathers who died at Concord and Lexington.

Would you like to see how Miss Liberty plays the flute?

Oh, yes. Yes, very much.

First, I unzip the case.

And then I take out the instrument very carefully. I'm very gentle.

And then I run my little hand all over it.

Up and down. Then up and down.

(Seductive) And then I fondle it so softly. So softly.

(Groans)

I love the look of it.

Oh, I love the feel of it. So smooth and firm.

I like to wrap my fingers around it and tenderly caress it.

Then I like to lift it to my mouth.

And wrap my lips around it.

And then I just wait for that sweet, sweet music to come pouring out.

(Ecstatic cries)

Fucking incredible. Oh!

(Soft rock music)

(Panting)

(Low repetitive grunts)

(Sniffing)

(Loud ecstatic groan)

Fucking incredible!

(Music grows louder)

Fucking incredible!

I knew it would be.

You knew it would be too, didn't you? Ha-ha.

We know each other so well. You know what I mean?

What did you say your name was?

China Blue.

No, I mean your real name.

Miss Liberty.

Well, that was some game of yours, Miss Liberty!

You wanted romance.

My name is Carl and I just split up with my wife.

It's gettin'' late babe. Got to move.

Can I see you again?

I work the street. Keep an eye out.

It's just that it's been so long since I got a hard-on just...

...looking at someone.

We were married 12 years.

She just walked out on me. Just like that.

I don't know what it was I did wrong.

I know what you mean.

My ex beat it out the door when he was tired of beating me.

Is that true?

Does it matter?

Yeah, well. I'll see you around, China Blue.

Oh, put the cash on the dresser.

(Door creaks shut)

(Gentle gasp)

(Loud upbeat music)

(Sniffs)

Hey! Shit!

(Eerie electronic music)

"Dear God! The heathen are come unto thine inheritance.

"Thy holy temple, have they defiled.

"They have laid Jerusalem on heaps.

"Their blood have they shed like water round Jerusalem."

Like, like, like... (Man in background) This guy is crazy.

They fuck and they piss and they shit like the fucking scum they are.

(Laughter in the background)

Dear God, hallowed is Thy name... In the spirit of Lucifer.

Forgive me Lord. Forgive me.

How long, Lord, shalt thou be angry forever?

Shall they jealously burn like fire?

Shall we keep on fucking and pissing into this.

(Sobbing)

Forgive me, Lord. That was... that was not me.

(Gentle saxophone music)

You child, victim of the night.

I am the Reverend Peter Shayne and I know the plague that cripples you.

I've been sent by the Lord to save you and to rid the earth of that plague.

I am His holy messenger.

(Music grows louder)

Do you recognise me, child?

Sorry, I never forget a face.

Especially when I've sat on it.

(Discordant music)

(Sinister laughter)

Save your soul, whore. Save your money, shithead.

(Discordant music)

(Gentle electronic music)

I'm sorry, man. I didn't think they'd come down on you so hard.

Forget it. Come on in and see the shop. You haven't seen it for a while.

(Loud voice) Hey, Jerry! Good to see you, Grady.

How come you're still here? I thought Mollie was sick.

They're coming to pick this up tomorrow.

Can't afford to lose customers, you know.

Well, don't worry about it. I'll finish it up. Now, get out of here.

Your wife is sick. You should be home. Well, thanks, Grady.

You know, you're the only one left who gives a damn.

' What do erry!

Step on it. (Nervous laughter)

What you afraid of? Step on it!

(Recorded voice) Got you surrounded.

Still playing games? It'll scare the hell out of any thief.

Do not attempt to escape. Keep your hands up.

Bobby, about that session. Things must be pretty rough at home.

Things are great. Just got a little wound up, that's all.

Like I said, still playing games.

You should talk. All the bodies floating in and out of that bed.

That's some kind of life, pal. Spend half of it changing sheets.

Sheila called me yesterday for the first time since the divorce.

Still can't let her go, Bobby.

(Bobby) Well, I got a great idea.

Amy invited Sheila to the barbecue on Sunday with Tommy and Patty.

So why don't you come? It'll just be like old times.

(Energetic drum music)

(Heels clicking on pavement)

(Loud guitar music)


(Eerie music)

(Creaking)

Who's there?

(Eerie electronic music)

(Shrill scream)

(Loud guitar music)

(Cries)

(Grunting)

(Eerie music)

(Grunting)

I didn't hurt you, did I?

A little rougher this time than usual.

Don't worry, 'sweet dick'. I'm tough.

"Sweet dick"?

Do me a favour next time. Don't walk so fast. Hard to keep up.

Maybe I should rape you, huh?

One way to get back at your old man.

Sorry? Your father.

I know he raped you when you were a kid.

You told me the first time we were at it together.

Oh, yeah. I forgot.

You said you trusted me. I do. You're the only one I told.

It is true, isn't it?

Sure it's true. Well, you don't seem too upset.

You were almost in tears when you told me.

I'm trying to block it out of my mind. Can't you understand?

I'm sorry. I didn't know it was still a sore spot.

Not as sore as it was then.

(Laughs)

Maybe, if you're real nice to me I'll tell you all about the time he tied my arms to the bed with black twine.

Did he really do that?

He did that to a sweet little thing like you?

See the scars.

Where? Look closer.

Oh, yeah. I see.

How low can you get?

As low as you can afford. And your meter's up pal.

That's the bitter truth.

Can I keep these?

For ten bucks.

Keep the trust.

(Gentle electronic music)

(Melancholic electronic music)

(Key turning in lock)

(Door slams shut)

I'm sorry I'm late honey. I had to finish up.

I ate with the kids. Well, I brought dessert.

Thanks. You know I'm on a diet. Open it.

Da-da!

(Loud crunch) Have you eaten?

I'm not hungry. I'll fix something later.

Dinner's still warm.

Listen, I invited Donny to the party on Sunday.

You know, he and Sheila have been speaking.

Or at least she called him. Are you crazy?

She only called him 'cause he was late with the alimony.

So how are the kids?

Jimmy needs braces. The dentist says he has an overlapping bite.

Will they hurt?

I'm not concerned whether it will hurt or not.

Well, if he needs braces, honey, give him the braces.

Just like that. Yeah, just like that.

So we'll go another year without a hot tub. We can use Larson's.

Sure, and when we need a new car we can just borrow the Murphys'.

I can borrow my sister's Cuisinart and Sally's microwave.

And Kathy just got a new video recorder. It cost 1,000 bucks.

She says it'll do anything she wants.

Well, for that price, she should go down on him.

Very funny.

Did you talk to Jerry?

So where's the salt?

You didn't, did you? Don't we have any salt?

Bobby! ' Amy, I told you!

I am not letting the guy go. I don't care how slow things are.

He's got a wife and kids.

And what do you have?

Maybe if you'd gone into a real business like a normal person...

It's on the stove.

No wonder we never have any money!

Amy, look, I love that business. I'm proud of it.

I work damn hard at it. We'll make out OK.

Haven't let you down yet, have I?

So, who the hell needs a hot tub? Who needs a bathtub?

Thinking of which, why don't you and I...

...go upstairs and take a bath together?

We could certainly use a bit of adventure in our lives.

I'm really not in the mood for a little adventure.

So what kind of lousy mood are you in? Did you get your period today?!

No, I did not get my period today.

Every time I'm in a lousy mood, you think I've got my period.

I wish.

By stocking Tampax I'll retire.

(Gentle electronic music)

There is nothing that means more to me...

...than this family.

Not even some stupid hot tub.

I have to clean up.

(Upbeat music)

Hey! What are you guys still doing up? Do you know what time it is?

Mum said we can stay up till the next commercial.

No, you can't, 'cause you're under attack. It's bombs away!

Watch out, here it comes!

Why don't you give your sister time on it, cowboy?

Come on, you too. March, up!

Did you hear the joke about...?

Yeah, well don't worry about it, because it's bedtime. Isn't it, Daddy?

Come on. Let's go! Give Daddy a big hug.

Goodnight. Goodnight.

Hello? Walt Pierson here.

Bobby Grady! How are you doin'? Great. You?

Yeah, I'm just fine, thanks.

Urn, listen. You asked me about doing some night time surveillance for you.

Yes. Do you think you might still be interested?

Yeah. Well, I was wondering is the offer still good?

You got to work nights, though.

No problem. I could use the money.

- I think I've got something for you. You do? Terrific.

- You got to work nights, though. No, no, that's great.

You didn't think I had the nerve! No, I didn't.

Neither did I. I guess it just comes with poverty.

Come on in and we'll talk about it.

Yeah, well, thank you very much and you take it easy.

- Yeah, right. See you tomorrow. Fine. Bye.

You tell them jokes and I'm the wicked witch who sends them to bed.

Well, I'll put them to bed.

What, and keep them up half the night with your stories?

It's good for the imagination.

Theirs or yours?

I'm going to be doing some tracking for Walt Pierson, so it means you can make room for that hot tub.

You act like I've... forced you. I don't even want it anymore.

Well, what do you want? Do you know?

And you didn't force me.

(TV on in background)

Maybe I'll do the magic act at the party.

You know, for laughs. What do you think?

Whatever you want.

(I "it's a Lovely Life", Rick Wakeman, based on "New World", Antonio Dvorék)


Oh, Bobby, come on. Stop it. We just got the cable.

Walt Pierson speaks very highly of you.

I've a lot of respect for Walt. His word's good enough for me.

I'm damn good at what I do, Mr Bateman, but I'll only take a job if I can do it right.

As long as you keep it quiet. I don't want to turn this into a major event.

I've always been a pushover for industrial espionage.

I'd like to help you. Just tell me what the facts are.

I'm one of the largest manufacturers of ladies' sportswear outside of New York, but I'm falling behind for the first time in 2O years.

Last week's orders were at an all-time low.

I believe someone in my organisation is selling patterns to one of my competitors.

I want you to follow her. Who is she?

The young woman's been with me about two years.

Very talented designer. Hell of a future, if she hasn't blown it.

What makes you think it's her? I don't know. Gut feeling.

There's something about her. I'll point her out to you.

Try and save some yardage in the sleeve, OK?

(Pierson) That's her, in the grey suit.

(Bobby) How could someone that looks like that be a criminal?

That's what I'm paying you to find out.

Follow her, where she goes at night, what she does.

Morning, Lou. Phil.

What do you mean, "there's something about her"?

She's a mystery. Divorced. Lives alone.

No boyfriends I know of. A real loner.

What's she like in here? Impulsive, ambitious.

Never stops working, never satisfied.

You know the type. Always proving themselves.

Perfection or bust. Any friends?

She gets along fine with the other women.

But if you've got a penis, you're in trouble. She turns to ice.

That still doesn't make her a criminal. It makes her a suspect.

I don't trust anyone that works that hard. She must be hiding something.

I want you to nail her lily white ass. What the hell is this?

You think she's that dangerous? It depends on what you discover.

(Whistling)

(Electronic music of the same tune being whistled)

(Car screeches)


(Music continues)


(Door slams)

Paradise Hotel. 4th and Main.

(Car engine starts)

(Woman) Hey, this is a fucking pain in my ass.

(Gentle electronic music)

(Soft saxophone music)

(Sirens in background)

Do you recognise me tonight, child? Ha! Well, if it isn't my saviour!

The Reverend Peter Shayne requests a few moments of repose upstairs, in your holy of holies.

A reverend, no less.

You know, the last reverend who tried t0, er, save me... lived to regret it.

I chased him all around the church until I caught him by the organ.

(Organ playing "Onward, Christian Soldiers")

Come on. (Laughs)

I make a great Joan of Arc. Can't you tell?

I imagine you do spend a good deal of your time on your knees, my child.

(Organ music continues)

Excuse us. We've got business to conduct here.

Hi, baby! How about a shot of the Grand Canyon, huh?

Holy shit!

(Playful electronic music)

Stick it there, Rev.

What do you want?

I want t0 help you. Admit you need it.

I need it.

With conviction. Make me believe.

Oh, please, Reverend. You're so good and wise and strong.

Please help this sick, disgusting degenerate.

I deal in truth. I'm bringing you something greater than a hard-on, assuming you consider truth to be greater than a hard-on.

(Clattering of coins on floor)

Depends on the hard-on. Try it again, sinner.

First month I was married, I tried t0 make my husband's favourite casserole.

I made a mess.

So I cried to my best friend Peggy all week about it, till I found out that when I was in the kitchen making it, he was in the bedroom making Peggy.

Don't stare at me.

You're wearing your anguish like a breakaway chastity belt.

You wanted the truth.

What else are you selling?

This is a fantasy business, Reverend.

You can have any truth you want.

And so can you. Isn't that why you're here?

Isn't that why you are? I'm here to save you.

Why don't you fuck me? That'll save me.

Not from your disease.

What disease? I'm healthy as a horse.

I'm fit as a fiddle and ready for cock.

Whores and metaphors don't mix. Who are you?

I'm Cinderella, Cleopatra, Goldie Hawn, Eva Braun. I'm Little Miss Muffin, Pocahontas.

I'm whoever you want me to be, Reverend.

But what are you doing here?

Satisfying. Who?

I think the confessional is about over. Don't you want to be saved?

Do you get that much out of this? I get paid.

I'm not interested in what you're selling, only what you're buying.

Why don't you assume the missionary position, Reverend?

My purpose here is totally humanitarian.

To make me see the light? To make you see through the bullshit.

You want truth, Father? I give the best truth in town.

So good, you wouldn't know it from make believe.

- Is it? If you believe it is.

Everybody needs something to believe in, don't they, Reverend?

Bow down, 0 Lord, and hear me for I am poor and needy.

Preserve my soul, for I am holy.

O Thou, my God. Save thy servant, that trusteth in Thee.

Save him from this bigmouth cooze with a motor driven ass.

Forgive me, Lord. I speak not in vain but this little bitch provokes me so.

Oh, Jesus! At least I can stay in character.

You couldn't even get a walk-on, unless it was you that was being walked on.

I am a messenger of God, you little cocksucker!

What's this, your mail bag? Let's see what's in it No!

What is this, top secret? No.

Let Mama have a little peak.

What have you got in here, the Holy Grail?

Oh, my God! Oh, excuse me, oh God!

Need I remind you, Jezebel, that curiosity killed the cat.

Not until it got out of the bag.

These are the Devil's playthings. Those who touch them will burn.

Put another log on the fire, Reverend. Let's see a sample.

It's a disgusting array. Disgusting's my middle name, honey.

What have you got in the bag? God, forgive me.

A tit pacifier.

That milk of human kindness, remedial, even in simulation.

A foam rubber pretty kitty, already house broken. You can teach it new tricks.

It comes with a battery pack. It's in here somewhere.

An auto-suck.

Modern technology at its most compassionate, and it swallows.

This one is a little on the blink.

Oh, are you hungry? How about a beat-me-eat-me liquorice whip?

The taste that leaves its mark forever.

Hey, no. Wait a minute. I'm not through here. What else you got?

What?

(Sudden burst of sinister organ music) What the hell?

Is this a cruise missile or a Pershing?

(Music continues)

' (Vibrating) ' (Laughs)

What are you gonna do? Fuck someone to death?

You'd like to, wouldn't you?

Only the right woman.

I've got to go.

Just when we're making progress.

I can only handle one revelation a night.

Enough of them and you might be able to handle real life.

Real life, Reverend?

Tell me your name, or is that a tough one?

China Blue.

I like it. It's rather exotic, like something out of Charlie Chan.

B-movies have always been my inspiration.

What's yours'? Going My Way?

All you need to know about me is that I intend to save you.

And all you need to do is... be there.

Stay with me, China Blue. Trust me. I'll free you.

Who are you? You're not a Reverend. Who are you?

I'm you.

(Slow-paced playful music)


(Erotic music)


(Upbeat electronic music)


(Reverend) I will sing of mercy and judgment.

Unto thee, o Lord, will I sing.

I will behave myself wisely in a perfect way.

I will walk within my house with a perfect heart and I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes.

Not even the stupid douchebag who's luring me into her rotten spell.

The snatch can't fool me, Lord.

I'm not like the others. I know her cowardly game.

A fear of men so great, she can only feel strength behind her facade.

"Who so slandereth his neighbour, will I cut off."

I'll cut off, alright.

I'll cut off... her little tits.

(Gentle electronic music)


Why didn't you come to me, Phil? I would have loaned you the money.

Hell, I would have given you the money. Goddamn pride.

What about jail? No pride in there.

Who thinks? Cooper offered me a fortune for the patterns.

I lost control!

Please, Lou. I'll work for nothing.

Anything you want.

What this would do to Sarah and my boy...

(Phone rings in the background) I'll have to think about it, Phil.

I had to have someone around here to talk to about this whole damn thing.

The man's been with me 18 years. I trusted him.

He was so moved that I did that he broke down and confessed.

That's gratitude for you.

I didn't know my trust meant that much.

What do I do now?

Give him another chance. The man is a criminal.

Come on. You heard his motive.

The guy's only human. He knows he was wrong.

God knows we've all made mistakes. Why ruin his life over one mistake?

What about the law? Screw the law.

What good is he in jail?

Beside, he'll work twice as hard for you here.

And you can feel like the king of hearts.

I don't know what's right or wrong anymore.

Did you really believe it was her? So I'm a lousy guesser.

What did you get on her?

Not much. She stayed home all night.

(Knocking)

Is that you, Joe? (Man) Are you free?

No, but I'm one hell of a bargain.

I meant, are you available. You know... for action.

Action? Soldier, for 5O bucks, you can name your own battlefield.

I'm sorry! I'm not too good at this. It's my first time.

Oh? Are you that desperate or that horny?

I'm married. Oh, that desperate and that horny.

Go slow! I'm just... a boy scout.

(Laughs) Well, baby, you are about to become an explorer.

Oh, hot body!

Are you an athlete? Yeah.

Played varsity football, high school.

Quarterback. Mm.

Well, Quarterback, you can have the ride of your life, if you trust me at the wheel.

(Upbeat music)

Sit down.

How, er, good a driver are you?

Who said anything about driving? Driving's what you do with your wife.

Here, we fly.

Sound good, lover?

Bet you and your wife haven't done much flying, right?

Shit, me and my wife haven't been doing much driving lately.

- (Knocking) (Man) I'm ready for take-off.

You're on standby, babe. I got a full load.

OK, but next week it's first class.

Who are you?

It's not a prom date, sweetie. I'm a hooker, you're a trick.

Why ruin a perfect relationship?

Here, have a Quaalude.

To float. You'll love it, I promise. Flyer never lies.

(Laughs)

Fasten your seatbelt, honey, and say hello to freedom.

(Car horns beeping outside)

(Sirens outside)

Good evening. Welcome to China Blue Airlines flight 69, non-stop service to paradise.

We'll be taking off shortly. I'll be unbuckling your belt and seeing that big bird rise and rise, finally settling into the comfort only this wide body can provide.

We're here to serve you.

Please remember that although we may run out of Panam coffee, we'll never run out of TWA tea.

(Music continues)

(Slow-paced erotic music)


(Fast-paced music)


(Eerie music)

(I "Onward Christian Soldiers")

(Ecstatic cries)

(Bobby) Hey, Ivory soap.

99 and 44/100% pure. Kind of funny, isn't it?

(Eerie music)

- (Bobby) That guy... (China Blue) Don't say it.

(Bobby) You don't even know what I was going to say.

(China Blue) Do you?

(Bobby) Why are you in a hurry? (China Blue) Me?

You raced for that shower like it was the Indy 500.

You couldn't wait to wash it off, could you?

(Bobby) Now wait a minute... (China Blue) No problem.

Hey, I know the boy scout oath. "Cleanliness is next to godliness."

(Bobby) How the hell would you know?

You haven't been next to one in years.

(China Blue) What I do in this room might not win me a Purple Heart but it sure as shit beats the PTA meeting.

Why are we acting like this?

I thought fucking was supposed to bring people closer together, not drive them apart. Is that what it did for your marriage?

What we did tonight...

You felt it too, didn't you? You weren't just acting.

You felt what I did.

Tell me, please. I have to know.

Would you, um...?

Would you maybe like to see me again?

Yes.

But I can't.

Well, you know there are three things you have to know to be able to make it as 5O buck hooker.

You have to act, fuck and know how to count to 50.

You're lucky, you've seen all three.

Close the door on your way out. There are a lot of creeps around here.

(Eerie music)

(Music grows louder)

(Music stops)

Ready when you are, CB.

Not tonight, OK.

Freedom requires treatment.

Just leave me alone.

I would if I thought you wanted me to.

Get out.

Women, you mystify me.

The extremes you go to for a little validation, but you still go home alone.

What's your mystery, Reverend?

Authority never reveals itself.

Huh. Why?

Are you afraid I'll stop believing, or afraid you will?

Those are the rules. My 50, my game, my rules.

Game's over, fraud.

The game's never over.

That's what you're here for, isn't it?

I don't feel like playing games. I think you do.

Consider the alternative.

You want a game? Go sit down!

♪ Onward, Christian soldiers!

♪ Marching as to war

♪ With the cross of Jesus... ♪ Stop it!

♪ Going on before ♪

(Laughs) Come on, stud!

Give it to me. It's all a game.

Fly! Do what you want! You want freedom?

You need to manipulate women to feel like a man?

Do it! That's what we're here for.

Like you manipulate men to feel like a woman?

Let go, damn you. Why, it's only a game.

Let go, I said. It hurts, doesn't it?

Let go, you fuck! Tell me it hurts.

Yes, it hurts!

You see, you can feel.

(Cries)

(Sobbing)

I'm sorry...

(Laughs)

How was it, huh? Not bad?

PhD in emotionalism, huh?

I have accepted reality. I'm cured.

Free at last!

Shit!

You self-righteous son of a bitch!

I can play your goddamn game as well as you can and I don't use religion t0 pump myself up.

If you're a minister, I'm Snow White.

Yes, but, what fun it is playing the part.

Would you leave now, please? That was quite a performance.

There's no limit t0 my talents.

You're the head of your class, or is it the...

...class of your head? Oh, a man of words.

He makes up in diction what he lacks in click.

Lesson for today.

I've written you a poem. Would you like t0 hear it?

Behold this wicked woman She falls, she mends, she crawls, she bends She sucks it, fucks it, picks it up and licks it You can whip her, beat her, maul her, mistreat her Anything you want as long as you don't touch her Get out of here. Take your goddamn truth and get out of here!

Show her affection, she turns to stone.

You haven't had your 50 dollars worth yet!

Come back her, listen to me! Get away from me!

Urgh! You...! Do you know what you are?

A cheap painted slut who makes a fortune selling illusions.

Ah!

One of your regulars, my dear?

Rather eager tonight, isn't he?

I guess I taught that guy a lesson.

That was no guy. That was my saviour.

I've never been fought over before. Only been fought.

Yeah, well, it's tough work. You can't please everyone.

Oh, I didn't mean this work. In this work, I can please everyone.

Come on. What are you still doing hanging around here anyway?

It's OK. I'm not helpless.

(Gentle electronic music)

I guess I could use some help.

Thanks for the help just then. Or the attempt anyway.

Yeah, we're not all out t0 get you.

Now go on home to your wife.

I wish I could tell her, the way you made me feel.

She'll say it's part of my imagination.

It was.

Can I have another pancake?

No, you cannot have another pancake.

You had two already. Fat girls do not get married.

Bobby, are you OK?

What? Yeah, I'm fine.

Did you do something to your hair?

Yeah, I cut it last week. Glad you noticed.

Excuse me. Here you go, Dad.

When are you going to fix my garbage disposal?

I'll have a look at it. It might need a plumber.

You can fix it, Dad.

Daddy, will you teach me how to plant a garden?

Why me, Kiddo? Your mom'll teach you.

Daddy doesn't know how to plant a garden.

Amy, it's really not that hard.

Honey, easy! You know I don't like maple syrup.

Of course you like maple syrup.

When have you known me t0 like maple syrup?

I don't want to argue with you.

I'm not arguing.

Dad, what's strontium-90.

It's a term for a radioactive fallout.

He asked me, Amy. I didn't think you'd know what it is.

Of course I know what it is. What is it?

It's a term for a radioactive fallout.

Brilliant. Isn't your daddy brilliant?

What does the 90 mean? Yeah, hon, what does the 90 mean?

Tell us, Daddy, hm? You're the expert.

It means... that er...

...that you have 90 days to get an antidote or you die.

(Laughs)

I think you'd better ask your teacher, Jimmy.

I've got to get to work.

Daddy left food on his plate.

Daddy doesn't follow the rules. He only makes them.

Goodbye. Give Daddy a kiss.

' (Whispers) ' (Laughs)

(Van engine starts)

(Seductive music)

200 for a three-way.

You got a radio? We've got whatever you want.

Health insurance?

(Piano music)

Want to get to heaven early?

(Eerie music)

(Radio in the background)

Maybe we should make him an offer at 14.

He's got so much stock already, he might cooperate.

We can't go lower than 18. It's an insult.

I refuse to pay that opportunistic bastard more than he deserves.

It's a matter of principle.

(Sighs) I'm still worried about Fenley coming through, though.

The man has absolutely no sense of morality. Don't you agree, dear?

Mmhm.

I'd like to finalise this before Laurie comes home for vacation.

Hope she isn't bringing that boy she's seeing. You know, the Jew.

Not that I'm a bigot or anything.

You know the work I've done for crippled children.

If he's Jewish, what are we gonna do with him?

God knows we can't take him to the country club.

Claudia, have you ever heard of a Jew who didn't play golf?

(Rock music)


(Sudden squeak)

(Eerie music)

(Loud squeak)

(GasPS)

Arthur, don't stick your tongue in her ear.

You have to be careful with these people.

You don't know what kind of germs they could be carrying.

Stop this crate!

Close the deal quick before your tongue drops off.

(Seductive music)

The kids hate this salad. Where are they?

They're at my mom's.

Guess who we just saw. Janey Durant.

Remember, Amy? She beat you out for head cheerleader.

What a slut. She's not a slut.

She went to Ohio State.

Every two years they let a slut into Ohio State.

Her timing was good.

I sat next to her in Biology. She was always dropping her frog.

What's she doing now? She's a waitress at Seafood Heaven.

Didn't she marry Lenny Harris? That nerd?

He sat behind me in English and tied mirrors to his shoes so he could look up my dress.

Shit! What are you talking about? That was me!

(Laughs) I knew it was some nerd.

It's OK. I've got one.

Isn't it flat? I like it flat.

You never liked it flat when we were married.

I never liked anything when we were married.

OK, team. Get it while it's hot.

(Laughter) He thinks he's still in high school.

Alright!

You've got mustard all over!

OK, everybody. Look at me and smile.

One or the other. We can't do both.

(I "it's a Lovely Life", Rick Wakeman)

One more for posterity.

Promise me you won't do the magic act.

What? You told me you liked it. I lied.

Donny... Donny!

I think it's time for the old HP. A little nostalgia for the gang.

You rat porker!

Does Amy know? I thought I'd surprise her.

Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please. We have a treat in store.

That dumb magic act.

It's no magic act.

Live on our stage, direct from the wild jungles of Borneo...

Ah, damn! It's the old ace pick.

(Laughs) Skill and daring, ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves, you're about t0 experience... the human penis.

(Applause)

Bobby, don't. I mean it!

(Hums theme to "2001: A Space Odyssey")


(Laughter)

(Music reaches crescendo)

(Applause)

Bravo, bravo!

Did your mother teach you to wash your hands after you go to the bathroom?

She taught me not to piss on my fingers.

Did it feel good to get even? Did it feel good to lie?

I thought you liked the magic act.

I just didn't want to hurt your feelings.

I guess you can't win.

You can win by being honest with me instead of humouring me.

What do we have if we can't be honest with each other?

I don't know, Bobby. What do we have?

I don't know, Amy.

What else have you been humouring me about?

Go to sleep.

No, I want to know what else you've been sparing me from.

I'm really not in the mood for this.

Are you ever in the mood for anything?

Don't turn away from me. I want to know what's bugging you.

Is it the way I eat?

Why did you pour all that maple syrup on my pancakes?

It was a mistake, alright?

Was it? What do you think?

I'm trying t0 poison you with maple syrup?

If you're unhappy about something, just tell me.

Don't take it out on me.

I'm really tired.

(Loud) No, damn it! Stop avoiding this.

You've been acting like I have the plague or something.

I want to know what the hell is bothering you.

Is it money again?

Nuclear war?

What about the way we make love, if you can remember back that far?

All your ooh-ing and ah-ing.

Is that so you just don't hurt my feelings?

Stop! Come on, I want to know. Tell me.

Bobby, don't do this. Tell me, damn it!

Be honest for once. I can take it.

Have you been getting off too?

You've just been humouring me. I really hate this kind of talk.

It's not the HP and it's not the magic act.

It's just us.

I want the truth.

You wanted the truth.

I'm sorry.

You're sorry.

(Crying) What do you want me to say?

Why couldn't you just tell me this before?

All this time it hasn't been good for you.

Why did you have to lie about it?

(sighs)

I am your husband. Don't you think I would care about something like that?

That I'd want to do something about it?

Didn't you trust me enough to believe that?

(sighs)

I didn't say it wasn't good for me.

I just don't need the same thing from it that you do.

It's never been important to me.

And you know I feel funny talking about it.

Do you feel better faking it?

You were satisfied.

Satisfied?!

What do you think I am? Some kind of machine?

That I just need a hole to cum in?

I mean, what do you think makes me cum?

Stop! No.

What do you think makes me cum? I don't care!

I'll tell you. I thought it was being inside the woman that I love.

And giving her as much pleasure as she was giving to me.

You know, the two of us, together.

Some kind of magician I turned out to be.

So good, I conned myself.

Maybe it's time we both stopped the conning.

Started learning again.

On our own.

(Knocking)

I know you're pissed, but before you go crazy, just let me explain.

You followed me! I don't fucking believe this.

I just want t0 talk t0 you. I don't to make any trouble. I promise.

I have to go to work. It won't take long. Please.

Thank you.

Well? It's a great apartment.

What are you, a real estate agent?

I saw these in a book once.

They say that in the East, it's forbidden to have sex with someone who knows your secrets, or shortcomings.

(Laughs) You'd never be horny there.

I'm never horny here.

I guess not.

Cut the crap.

What do you want from me?

What makes you think I want something?

Everybody wants something.

Why did you come here?

I wanted to see you again.

Look, if you think you're gonna get back in my panties forget it.

There's one asshole in there already.

Maybe I just want to know you.

I mean, I've never met anyone like you.

Who has?

I just thought after last week maybe we could be friends.

You really think we could be friends after last week?

Yeah, I can't think of a better way to start a friendship.

We haven't met. I'm Bobby Grady.

Joanna Crane, I saw it on the mailbox.

What are you, about 30? Still call yourself Bobby?

I'll grow up when I'm ready. Oh, I think you're ready.

Are you alone?

Aren't we all?

You remind me of this hamster I had when I was a kid.

I remind you of a hamster? Yep.

He ran away whenever you tried to touch him.

So I wanted to show him there's nothing to be afraid of.

So one day, I just picked him real fast and I held him.

And he turned tender and loving? No, he shit in my hand.

(Laughs)

Well, I'd better get going 'cause you're gonna be late for work.

It's OK. I'm used to breaking rules. I'm a criminal at heart.

You meant you had one.

Thanks a lot, and I'm sorry for busting in on you like this.

I really appreciate you listening and I won't bother you again.

(Phone rings) Oh, Bobby, if you, um...

If you ever really need me... (Phone rings)

...t0 talk or whatever, I'm here. I know.

(Door slams) Joanna Crane.

Hello? (Phone rings off)

Hey, cowboy.

Hi. Hi.

Dad, Morn said you've moved out.

Well, your mom and I, we have to be on our own for a while.

I swear, that doesn't mean we've stopped caring about you and Lisa.

Dad, if Mom gets married again, I don't have to call the other guy Dad, do I?

Oh, Jimmy. No matter what happens, I'm always gonna be your dad.

Why do you have to go?

Promise you won't be any trouble t0 your mother.

You watch out for your sister. (Child) Jimmy, come on!

I will, don't worry. I'm not worried.

(Whistling)

(Slow-paced upbeat music)

(Eerie music)

(Lift in motion)

(Eerie music continues)

(Vibrating)

Hello, Joanna.

What are you doing here? You have no right to be here.

I had to.

For both of us.

Get away from me.

I don't even want to know you.

No more deceptions, Joanna.

I know who you are. We're the same, don't you see?

The same rage, the same fear.

We hurt the same, we escape the same.

But we don't have to any more. We have a chance. Both of us, together.

No more disguises. I don't need you!

I'm crying out to you, for God's sake.

(Thud) Is everything a negotiation here too?

Stop it. Just shut up! Listen to me. Help me.

I'm tired of standing at street corners.

I want t0 love and care and need, just like you do.

We can help each other. We don't have to grow old...

(Gasps) It's alright. Joanna?

Run away. Turn on me.

I was only trying to save you.

Well... the game's not over.

The messenger of God will return.

And this time... he'll bring the final word.

(Eerie music continues)

(Slow-paced upbeat music)

' (Groans) (Thud)

(Dramatic electronic music)


(Slow-paced erotic music)

(Dramatic music)


(Groans)

(Groans grow louder)

(Loud groans)

(Music continues)

(Anguished groans)

(Music fades)

(Unlocking)

There's Ivory soap in the shower. It's... 99 and 44/100% pure.

Isn't that funny? (Spits)

(Water splashing) (Gasping)

(Slow-paced upbeat music)

(GasPS)


(Discordant music)

(Car horn beeps)

Yeah?

I don't know how to do this sort of thing. I've been driving around for an hour.

Drive on, lady.

Please, it's not for me, it's for my husband.

Just the two of you.

I want to buy you for an hour, if that's what you call it.

Is this some kind of freak trick? Nothing like that, I swear.

You know what it'll cost? I'm the hottest piece of life on this street.

It'll cost you 100 bucks. Have you got 100 bucks?!

I'll drive you there and bring you back. Ten minutes on the expressway.

I just need someone to be with him.

My husband is dying.

Maybe another three months.

He's still functioning. In fact, you'd hardly know he was sick.

We've been married for 28 years.

But since I found out, I haven't been able to go near him.

He needs me so badly. I just can't do it.

I want you t0 make him feel like a man again.

His name is Ben.

(Knocks)

My wife takes her guilt very seriously.

I'm sure she told you I'm sick. Yes.

I didn't want her to do this.

I haven't been with another woman in 28 years.

But she insisted.

Yes, ma'am. She insisted.

Charity really does begin at home.

My God, you're lovely.

What's your name?

China Blue.

I see. Image and all, eh?

Well... China Blue.

My body's not in the greatest shape, as you know.

I'll try and not make it too painful for you.

No, don't say that.

I want to make it good for you.

(Seductive music)

(Seductive) Oh, I want you so.

You're my master, my king.

Please let me have it. I wanna feel that big strong man inside me.

Please, I want you so bad. Don't.

Alright.

Well, your wife got you the best. I'm the best there is.

I'm gonna give you the hottest night of your life.

Do you think you can raise the dead?

(Cries) Oh no, Ben, don't.

Don't be afraid. (Sobbing)

It was only a game.

I'm sorry... I'm so sorry you have to see me like this.

Don't be sorry.

You have a lot more courage than I have.

At least you've stopped pretending.

Well, so long, China Blue.

Joanna.

Joanna.

(Soft upbeat music)

(Knocking)

(Knocking)

- Yeah'? (Man) It's Bobby.

Look, I'm sorry. I know it's late.

Remember when you said, "if you need me, I'm here."

Well, I need you.

Come on in.

God, I don't believe that you're still working.

When do you sleep?

Valentine's Day.

Is it your wife? Is it my wife?

The first time Amy and I made love, she asked me if I still respected her.

Hell, I thought that's the reason we did it.

Well, it's all over.

Go and sit down. Do you want some coffee?

No, I could use a shot of morphine, if you've got it!

I'd love to kill the last 12 years.

You'll survive.

I'm a goddamn fool.

Why did I believe so hard?

Now what do I have to believe in?

Bobby, come on. it really is late and I have a lot that I have to do.

Don't judge me, Grady, huh?

We both live our fantasies. (Shouts) Only mine's over!

And you're just still hanging around.

Come on.

What the hell is the point, Joanna?

You work so hard at getting these people who want you when it's not even you that they want!

Well, I do!

You're the one that said, "When are you gonna grow up?"

Well, I think it's about time that we both did.

It's so hard, Bobby.

No man's ever given me that kind of faith before, that kind of respect.

But that hotel is the safest place in the world.

I can do anything there, I can be anything I can dream of because it's not me.

Don't you see?

I'd only end up disappointing you. I can chance it.

I'm tough.

I'm not. Wait a second.

Just remember one thing.

We're friends.

What we did in that hotel room we can do here.

We're the same people. We've done as much as two people can.

Only now it'll be for each other instead of to each other.

And you can't buy any higher than that.

(Gentle music)


O God, to whom vengeance belongs.

How long shall the wicked triumph?

How long shall the utterance speak hard things?

How long shall they turn 50 buck tricks and strut their evil bodies in smelly silk underwear?

Tear off that dress and she's as helpless as I am.

China Blue, alias Joanna Crane.

Alias Peter Shayne.

They'll all be saved.

(Eerie music)


I have to talk to you.

What is it? Is it the kids? What's wrong?

Nothing's wrong.

I wanna talk to you.

About what?

Didn't you used to have a funny painting on that wall?

Yeah. I took it down two years ago.

Now what's up?

I've been doing a lot of thinking,

and I think I made a mistake.

I'd like us to give it another try.

Women! I give up.

What do you mean, "women"?

Who else?

Amy, Why?

You love me so much you can't stand being apart, or you're having trouble getting a plumber?

It's hard being alone, Bobby.

Me in that big bed.

Last night I thought I heard somebody trying to break in.

I'll rig up another alarm system.

I don't want another alarm system.

I don't want that damn hot tub. Really...

...all I want is my husband.

And the kids really need a mother and a father.

For what?

To watch them murder each other...

...and teach them about... hate?

How about teaching them responsibility?

What about letting them learn it for themselves?

You only learn if you're taught.

Oh yeah? Well, we were taught everything, and we didn't learn shit!

I happen to think there are some values left to believe in.

(Laughs sarcastically) That's great, Amy!

Just keep believing. I can't anymore.

What was so wrong with the way we lived?

Do you know what scared me the most during our whole marriage?

Do you?

It's not the mortgage.

It's not this shop.

It was just admitting I was scared and letting you and the kids down.

You've met somebody, haven't you?

Of course you have. I can smell her all over you.

I am so dumb!

Who is she?

One of those swinging singles?

Boobs out to here.

The morals of a bitch in heat?

It may come as a shock to you, but sex is one hell of a way to show what you feel.

It's no crime to enjoy it, Amy.

It's only a crime...

...when you lie about it.

Well, I think you'd better just get yourself out of that bed of roses and remember the responsibility you have t0 your wife and your children.

You have t0 make a very tough decision.

I suggest you think very hard about the things in your life that really count.

I understand, Bobby. It's your family. If you can't stay, you can't stay.

I'm going t0 dinner, that's all. It doesn't mean I'm not gonna be back.

No matter what Amy says, I can't go back to that life.

Maybe you'd better not come back here either.

What's that supposed to mean?

Maybe in a month or so, you'll start feeling guilty about leaving the kids.

Maybe I'll start feeling crowded and trapped.

Maybe you'll start resenting my past, the time I put in on my work.

You'll want a good meal, I can't cook. Why don't you just go, goddamn it?!

You don't know what it took, Bobby.

How long I wanted and hoped for somebody to care for.

To let somebody care for me. I'll be back.

Oh yeah, you say that. I know that. But you're just so fucking honourable.

Sheila told me a good one the other day.

She says, er, the secretary says to the boss, "So, could I use your dictaphone?"

And he says, "No. Use your finger, like everybody else."

(Laughs)

(Kids talking in the background)

I made a new recipe tonight...

It has all your favourite vegetables in it. It looks pretty good.

Oh, you know, listen, don't er...

Don't forget it's Parents' Night at Lisa's school next week.

Well, I was gonna save this until later, but...

Here.

Why don't you go on, open it?

(Soft music)

I found it in the garage.

I bet you forgot that was still around.

I washed it up and had to sew up a couple of places on it...

Put it on.

Oh, I used to get so turned on with you... in this.

(Music grows louder)


(Knocking)

Bobby?

Last rites.

(Thud) (Glass smashing)

Lovely apartment. What do you call it, Paradise Lost?

The Reverend's gonna save you tonight.

Who are you? You son of a bitch!

Don't fight me, child. I'm the messenger of God. I only want to heal you.

Heal thyself, pimp shit!

(Glass smashing)

You're opposing me, Joanna. You have to trust me.

One more game. The final one that will free you forever.

(Sinister organ music) Do I have your trust?

Because we can only play if I have your trust.

Do I have it?

You are out of your fucking...

Now listen to me. I want your trust and I'm gonna have it any way I can.

(Anguished cry)

Now, you will follow the Reverend's orders.

Is that clear?

Good. (Blows a kiss)

I believe you'll find this game unique.

It's one you've never played before and never will again, so make the most of it.

It's known as 'exorcising the demons'.

In my calling, it's the ultimate salvation.

And its ends are sacrosanct.

With my ecclesiastic gift, plus the grace of God, and a little help from... Superman here, I shall bestow upon you the supreme humanitarian blessing and give you your freedom.

You, er, do want that, don't you?

I knew you would.

(Anguished) What's the game... Reverend?

Sudden death. Now smile. Smile, pig!

~ Ah! ~ (Thud)

Why are you doing this? Why?

My mission has always been your salvation, but you never trusted me.

You refused to see. But I saw.

I looked at you and I saw myself.

I saw the same escape, the same malignancy.

But I know the cure and I know how desperately you need it.

And only I can give it to you.

I want to, Joanna. Why?

Because it's my gift to you.

Freedom. The only thing I have left to give.

You refused it once but this time you have no choice.

Getting into the part, my love? I know I am.

Go fuck yourself. (Spits)

"Go fuck yourself“? (Chuckles)

Not a very nice thing to say to a man of the cloth.

(Shouts) Remember, scumbag, I'm here for your benefit. Got that?!

(Frantic breathing) (Kiss)

Healthy looking plants.

You must water them diligently.

I've always preferred plastic flowers myself.

I could never bear to watch the real ones die.

But that's the trouble with living things, I suppose.

Inevitably they die.

You've never seen anyone die, have you?

Certainly not up close.

The swift final gasp and then... (Clicks fingers)

...absolute silence.

The stillness of the body as the flesh turns white.

You're terrified right now because you think of it as death.

But, er, think of it as...

...freedom.

(Plays sinister tune on piano)

♪ Forget your troubles, come on get happy

♪ You better chase all your cares away Sing Hallelujah, come on get happy

♪ You're heading for the judgment day The sun is shinin', come on get happy

♪ The Lord is waitin' to take your hand

♪ Shout Hallelujah, come on get happy

♪ You're heading for the promised land ♪

(Vibrating) _ (whimpering)

(Sudden burst of eerie music)

(Anguished cry)

(Gasping)

There's somebody coming by here any minute.

Then let's not waste any time.

Kill me, Joanna!

Give my life value. Give me something to die for!

Save me. You are me!

One of us has to die so the other can live.

(Gasping)

(Anguished cry)

(Eerie music)

Kill me, you worthless cunt.

I'm all the men who ever hurt you, who made you feel like shit.

Who stole your self-respect and turned you into China Blue. Kill me!

Release the rage. Get it out. Get even!

Too late.

(Pouring) (Anguished cries)

Take it out.

China Blue lives.

(GasPS)

Strip, bitch.

(Knocks)

(Joanna) No! (Reverend) Come on.

(Joanna) I can't. Joanna?

(Reverend) Do it, you bitch! What are you waiting for?

Joanna? (Glass smashing)

(Soft music)

Jo, are you OK? You OK?

(Discordant music)

(Discordant music grows louder)

(Screams)

No!

(Discordant version of "Onward, Christian Soldiers")


Goodbye, China Blue.

(Soft saxophone music plays over discordant music)

I'm here tonight...

...because I wanted to finally start telling the truth.

My wife and I, we've split up for good.

That's right. Me, the boy scout.

(Faint laugh)

I just never had the guts to admit the truth, that Amy and I had just stopped loving each other.

There's nobody to blame.

That's just what happened.

Then...

...I met this woman, Joanna.

She saved my life.

We're together now.

I'm not sure if it's gonna work out.

We don't have a whole hell of a lot in common other than the fact that...

...we both need help and each other.

The thing that scared me the most during my marriage was just admitting that I was scared, and letting Amy down.

Well, I can't pretend anymore.

I was scared shitless to come back here.

I told Joanna.

And she took me in her arms and she said, "it's OK to be scared."

I felt... stronger.

And freer.

And more like a man than I've ever felt before in my life.

Then we fucked our brains out.

(I "it's a Lovely Life", Rick Wakeman, based on "New World", Antonio Dvorék)