Criminal Activities (2015) Script

The philosopher Marcel Proust said, "We say that the hour of death cannot be forecast.

But when we say this, we imagine that hour to be placed in an obscure and distant future."

We gather here to offer support to Matthew's family and friends.

I must ask now, if your cell phone is still on, please turn it off now to be fully present.

There is never a convenient time for any of us to die.

And yet, how do we make sense of such a promising young man's life cut so short?

The eventual certainty for us all, the hour of our death,

suddenly went from obscure and distant to a very unreal, reality.

Yet, we are also here to celebrate Matthew Burd's life, and in doing so, knowing Matthew, he would want each of you to live life as he did.

To its fullest.

That if opportunity presents itself, do not hesitate, do not waver.

Do not take time for granted.

There is only now.

Holy shit!

Bye, see you later.

You can stay as long as you like, I'm going to Marie's.

You goin' there now?


She asked me to come over.

It's some sort of family emergency.

What, her family found out she works at Hooters?

Why do you always have to put her down?

Maybe it's because I can't walk from here to the corner without running into eight guys she's fucked.


Honey, I was just... Watch the suit, watch the suit.

Just kidding, it's a joke, come on.

Don't be so serious.

I love you.

I love you! Bye, bye.

Bye, bye!

Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye!

Hey. Hey.



What's up?

I ordered you a drink.

Good, I need one.

Coming. Hey, Zach.

Hey, Bryce! What's up, man?

How's it goin'?

All right, how long's it been?

It's been a while.

You look good. Thank you.

Thank you. You too.

There you go.

Can we get another round when you get a chance?

You bet, and there's your Coke, honey.

Thanks, Stacey.


Twenty-two days sober.

No shit?


You know that line between being a drinker and being an alcoholic?

He crossed it.

I crossed the shit out of that line.

Wow, sorry to hear that, man.

No. Hey, it's cool. I'm good.

So I hear congratulations are in order?

You're getting married.

I'm getting married.


Yes. How 'bout you?

No, no, I've been seeing someone off and on, but nothing serious.

To Matthew. Yep.

To Matt.

Can't believe he's dead.

Getting run over by a bus in broad daylight?

What are the odds?

When it's your time, it's your time.

That's life, one minute you're walking down the street, next minute... Bam!

Pulling your skull fragments outta the front grill of the city bus.

I'm not so sure that it was an accident.

What the fuck does that mean?

Well, Matthew called me a couple weeks ago.

He was depressed, he was incoherent.

And he thought he was being followed.

You know what, and then he told me he had been outta work since January, and that he was flat broke now.

So, anyway, Matt's getting harassed by creditors.

So he asks you for money.

No, no, he knows I don't have it.


All I'm suggesting is that, it wouldn't surprise me if a suicide note turned up.

What was that? Shit.

Shit, is that Noah Dorfman?

Scared the shit outta me.

Did you invite him here?

He cornered me at the services.

Why didn't you invite the whole goddamn funeral?

Bryce! Hey, man!

Hey! ha! How you doin'?

All right, all right. Good to see you, Warren.

Hey, man. Good to see you again.

Yeah, yeah. Hey!

Hey! Come here, buddy.

Poodles! How you doin'?

Are you good? Long time.

That's a nice fuckin' watch, man.

Thanks, man, that was my dad's, yeah.

Lucky sperm club?

It has been a long time!

Hey, make sure I get all of your e-mails.

I'm on the reunion planning committee!

I'm in charge of tracking everyone down.

Reunion? Yeah!

That's in... You know that's in three years?

Yeah, yeah. I know, I know, I know.

Yeah, you know, but, you know, but my New Year's resolution was no more putting off till tomorrow what you can do today.

True. That and buy a Stair Master.

New Year's resolution? Yeah.

It's like, October, Noah.

Time flies.

What have you been doing though, other than planning the reunion for three years?

Well, I am in real estate.

Real estate!

Yeah, yeah, let me give you a card, you know.

Of course, in this market you can't give shit away, but...

Is that your sales pitch?

'Cause you got me.

I hear you're gettin' married Zach, congrats.

Man, I got some great listings, great neighborhoods for starting a family, that kinda thing.

Yeah, I'm good, Noah.

So what about you, you got a girl, or...?

You know, I do actually.

Yeah? Good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's getting pretty serious actually.

It's true what they say, you know, there's someone out there for everyone, even him.

Even you, even you!

Even you, come on!

I feel like we're in high school right now.

Right now, at this moment.

I bet your rich daddy's gonna throw you one hell of a wedding.


He passed, actually, blood clots.

Sorry to hear that.

That sucks, man, sorry.

Thanks guys, thank you, yeah.


And he was worth a lot of money, your father.

You know, I mean dealing with lawyers and the estate, that's a big headache.

You know, you're spot on about the real estate market, I say the same thing to all my clients when they come in, I say, "Until things turn around, avoid it like the fuckin' plague."

The smart money right now is in portfolio management.

Is that right? I want you to take my card.

Look at that. Man, that is a card.

I want you to call me.

Well, thanks, man, I appreciate that.

You gonna call me? Sure.

All right, I'm gonna get outta here.

I got another round coming.

I'm hydrated, I gotta go.

Listen, if you, if you don't want any more to drink, you know maybe umm, you guys wanna smoke outside? A little four-twenty?

Truth is, the most prevalent thing that came out of a day like today is: at any moment, that could have been any one of us in that pine box.

Yeah, man.

That's why you have to live in the moment.

Like that preacher said, if the opportunity presents itself, do not hesitate.

Amen to that, my brother.

Hey, you guys ever hear of Bidexco?


Yeah, it's a pharmaceutical company, small startup, some guys at my firm, we helped them raise capital.

Why are you asking about Bidexco?

Well, my cousin works for this large accounting firm, you know, too large to take Bidexco on as a client, so, he helps them out on the weekends and they put all their cash right back into research so instead of paying him, they just issue him stock.

I hate to break it to your buddy, but, you should tell him it's probably not worth the paper it's written on.

Well, maybe.

Or maybe he overheard a researcher talking.

About a breakthrough.

A month before FDA approval.

And since he'd been doing all this under the table, he put all the shares in this account, in this trust account, under a fictitious name.

And now he's starting to freak out and he wants to sell the shares.

What's he asking?

Two hundred grand. Cash.

İs that all?

Yeah, why?

If what he says is true about that stock, it could be worth 10 times that tomorrow, maybe even more, the sky's the fucking limit.

My rent check clears this month, my account holds a little over 300 dollars, so.

Well, everything I got is tied up in investments right now, I'm not really a liquid...

You know, I can't get my hands on that type of cash.

Well, I could, I could get it.

You could get what?

The money. I can get it.

You can get the money? Sure.

How much of it?

I can get... I can get all of it.

Really? Yeah.

Want some more of this?

Thank you.

Um, you know of course, if everyone wants in, we'd have to split it four ways, you know?

Um, that way we, you know, would be, equal partners, you know?

On principal whatever you pay back, plus some accrued interest, but, you know, this, I mean this is how it works, right?

You know?

We can, like, be the Four Amigos or something.

With business.

Wait, it was three.

Four Musketeers.

Let's sign a treaty!

I like this!

It's a great tip.

I'm starting to feel a sensation here.

This is Zach.

Warren, what's up?

What, no, I'm at work.


What channel?

Hours after the SEC seized hard drives from its corporate offices, its chief executive officer, Peter Nelson, was apprehended.

It seems Bidexco, a startup pharmaceutical company was under heavy surveillance by federal authorities for the past six months.

It's unclear whether Peter Nelson acted alone, or if Bidexco's executives...

Yeah, Warren. I think this means our shares are fucking worthless!

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Fuck! Fuck!

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

How many different ways you want me to say we got fucked, Warren?

The stock has no value!

The CFO just got arrested by the Feds!

You know what, I can't...

Hey, what?

What? Hey!

Jesus, what the fuck's going on? Listen!

Listen, listen!

Hey. How ya doin'?

Hey, guys, I don't...

Mike. Just...

Now, if you don't want to repeat this exercise, you'll keep your mouth shut, and let me do the talking.

Let me be brief.

You and your partners borrowed a substantial amount of money from my benefactor.

And in light of recent events, he's concerned about getting paid back.

Which is understandable.

He wants a sit-down, tomorrow, the Royale, three o'clock.

That's it.

And don't forget to bring your buddies.

Little Mike.

Where is he?

Fuck if I know!

He said three o'clock.

Are you sure he said three?

I'm pretty sure he said three o'clock, Warren, yeah.

Considering I was thrown in the back of a fucking trunk.

Couldn't wear a nice shirt?

I just got off work.

If you need to borrow a fucking shirt, you can ask me.

I do not want to...

Are you sure he said he wanted to talk to all of us?

Actually he said he wanted to talk to everyone but the black guy.

Yes! He wants to talk to all of us!

Real fucking cute, Zach.

Noah, what the fuck did you get us into?

Guys, you asked me to get the fucking money, I fucking...

We thought you had the fucking money!

What the fuck are you talking about?

Did you bury it with your fucking father?

Gee, "Hey, Noah, thanks for getting the money...

Shut the fuck up. I swear to you...

Would you sit down? Shut the fuck up!

Who did you borrow this money from?

Hey, Eddie.

Paula, hold up there.

How you doin'?

It's not as bad as it looks.

What happened?

I, fell down a flight of stairs.


You know how clumsy I am.

Still with the mechanic?

Eddie it was my fault, it was, I screwed up, it was all my fault.

I gotta get back to work.

Okay, okay. Good seeing you, Eddie.

Yeah, you too.

They here?

They're here, at your table.

Yeah, that's him.

Guys, I am so sorry I'm late, traffic.

Yes, kale shake.

Dehydrated cactus powder.

I'm training for a 5K.

Hello, Noah.

Mr. Lovato.

Eddie. Come on, we're in business together.

I think it's appropriate to be on a first-name basis, don't you?


So, how are you?



You boys ever hear of the seven rules of economics?

That's okay.

Basically there's seven fundamental notions, let's say, that reflect how our economy operates.

There's scarcity, there's subjectivity, there's inequality, competition, imperfection, ignorance and complexity.

But I believe there are eight.


Which as of yesterday morning, you boys seem shit out of.

Because as of today, you owe me 400 grand.

The number was 200.

You forget the cost of money.

Which is a theory, another basic fundamental rule.

With all due respect, sir, we didn't borrow the money from you, Noah did.


Are these your partners?

Yes, yes they are.

Well, then, you share the debt equally.

Mr. Lovato... No, Eddie. Eddie, please.


Can I ask you a question, and I mean this with all due respect.


Are you, you know...?

Am I what?

Am I Italian? Yes.

What are you getting at?

Am I...?

You know... Am I this?

Noah, you borrowed money from the fucking mob?

It's one of your New Year's resolutions, Noah, become a complete fucking moron?

What do you mean become a moron, he's always been a fucking moron.

I am with ya, I swear, and a guy I know referred me and he borrowed money, he had no problem.

Noah. Yes.

Did he pay it back?

Yes. Yes, he did.


Fucking idiot!

Why am I the only one catching blame here?

Yell at Bryce's cousin! Fuck!

He didn't borrow money from the fucking mob!

Hey, hey, hey!

You guys. Shh!

Hey, hey, hey, calm down.


Okay, all right, this is the deal.

My sister's husband, Buddy, that's his name, not the brightest bulb in the lamp store, okay?

He got a cocaine habit, my sister didn't know it, nobody knew.

And I don't blame her, I mean, you know, she's in love and she, you know, sometimes you don't see the warning signs.

But this habit, you know, it went from like a few lines a week to 2,000 dollars a day.

And he runs a forklift, okay, so he's not exactly Warren Buffet.


So now he builds up a hefty tab to the source, who's tired of looking in the mouth for his check, and now the source is looking to collect on what he's owed.

So, he kidnapped my niece.

And because of this world-class degenerate, in my opinion, my baby niece's safe return is of the utmost importance to me, is being held in lieu of payment.

So why don't you just pay off the debt?

Normally that would be the standard operating procedure.

This dealer, this fucking, Tyrone is his name.

Got a chip on his shoulder.

Now he wants Buddy for my niece.

Okay, just to make some sort of example.

The problem is, Buddy is MIA, which is where you guys come in.


Well, Tyrone's got a brother.

From what I understand, he's not gonna be up for Citizen of the Year Award, either, so you won't have an ethics problem, because you're all men of principle, when you go to pick him up for me.


Mr. Lovato...

No, Eddie, Eddie, please.


I'm sorry to hear about your niece, we all are.

I mean that's horrible.

But we're not criminals.

We don't know the first thing about kidnapping someone.

I mean, look at Noah, I mean...

Besides why wouldn't you just have...

Them handle it.

Well, that would require a two-part answer.

One, which is of no concern of yours.

They'll be busy looking for Tyrone to set up the exchange.

And two, and this is head and shoulders above the first.

They don't owe me 400 fucking thousand dollars!

And unlike a bank, there will be no late slips.

So say we pick him up, then what?

Zach, are you fucking kidding me?

I'm not kidnapping anybody!

Me neither.

I'd be a liability.

We have no fucking choice, he's not asking us.

We're classically fucked no matter which direction we look in.

Quantum physics.

Did you ever hear of the Quantum Ten?

Group of guys, they got together, fired by ambition and passion.

They created quantum physics.

They knew with ambition and passion comes execution.


I'm shitting green, and then running three times a day, 'cause I know what it's like to execute.

Okay? I know what it takes.

It takes motivation.

And you guys have plenty of it.

I'm offering you gentlemen a way out.

I'm offering you a panacea to your problems.

All you have to do is collect him, hold him, for 24 hours.

My guys'll hunt down Tyrone, they'll set a time and place, I'll contact you, okay.

We exchange my niece for his brother.

And if you do this for me, I will consider the slate clean.

I hate this shit.

It's like wheat grass, but it's not as good as wheat grass.

Hey, Bernard, lemme tell you though, Let me tell you what this motherfucker said to me That if I don't give him my club seats to the Indians game this Saturday night, he will tell his little sister about what I did last weekend.

What about it?

Well you know, I ended up with that redhead chick from Lakeview.

Give him the fucking tickets, man.

Man, fuck no! Mastiff is pitching!

All right, we'll tell him that if he don't back off, then you'll break his elbows.

Man, I can't do that man, he's still my brother in-law.

Besides, the nigga so dumb, he shit in his own hat.

By the third drink he forgot his own name.

Look, man, he can't open up his mouth, because if he do, I spend now until eternity in Lawyer Land.

Shit, man.

Hey, Marques, what would you do?

First off, I wouldn't be stupid enough to cheat on my wife.

And then advertise that shit to half the fucking neighborhood.


You might as well have posted fliers.

Aight, I'll be the grown-up and say what's on all y'all niggas minds at this table.

You all mouth, Lamont.

That's your problem.

And we can't afford to be havin' no soft-ass niggas in this crew.

In case you gentlemen have forgotten, that is the protocol to our industry.

You wanna climb the corporate ladder?

Keep you mouth... fuckin' mouth shut!

And, unfortunately, we got a zero-tolerance policy, my nigga.

Lamont, I'm just fuckin' wit' you.

You cold, man!

Cold, man!

Hey, this stall's taken, motherfucker.

Get him!

Grab his fucking arm!

Fuck off! Fuck off!

Grab the fucker's arm!

Hit him! Hit him!

Man, go check on Marques!

Nah, man, fuck that, you go.


One of y'all motherfuckers go!

Hurry up, hurry up!

Open up!

All right, he's in, he's in. Go, go, go!

Go, go, go!

Go you fucking idiot!

Jesus Christ!

Christ! Do you know how to fucking drive!

It's a junky piece of shit!

Are you fucking hit?

Go, go! Go, go, go!

Jesus Christ!

Jesus, get the fuck off my foot!

We're taking this car too fast!

Who in the heck was that?

I don't know.

Whoever it was, they were professionals.

Jesus Christ, Coleman.

My bad!



What the hell is this?

That's on a need-to-know basis.

Right now you don't need to know shit.

Who the fuck are you?

Don't worry about all that, Marques.

This'll all be over in 24 hours, as long as you behave.


You got a set of stones, I'll give you that.

Where the fuck am I?

It's like an old warehouse.

And artists live, work, subsidize rental arrangement, my company has the listing.

Shut up!

You're a fucking real estate agent?

No, no.


Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't get stupid!

Hey, hey, be easy, I'm just trying to get comfortable here.

Just put the...

For fuck's sake, is that my gun?

I mean, it's bad enough I get jacked by the local neighborhood watch, but now you're gonna point my own fucking pistol at me?

Being that it's yours, we certainly don't have to remind you that it's loaded.

Can you bring it closer?

Yeah sure, you wanna hold it, too?

What the fuck for?

Look, I'm aware that there's no official kidnapping handbook, but if there was, I'm almost dead certain that it would have no objection to you moving just a little bit closer to me when there is zero chance of me getting up out this motherfucking chair!

Go ahead, he's not going anywhere.

I tied him myself,. He's not going anywhere.

Now, that's just icing on the cake.

It's scratched.


Right there on the handle.

Shit, yeah I see it.

God damn right you see it!

You know what that is?

That's one-of-a-kind, Grade A Tahitian pearl!

Fucking flawless!

Do you know what a scratch that size, that sure as shit ain't coming out, does to its value?


It's worthless now.

Okay, okay.

I just made my first decision.

What's that?

When I get outta here, you the first one I'm gonna shoot.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and take an educated guess.

Since I've never set eyes on any of you before, the reason why I'm taped to this chair is not personal in nature, which makes this unfortunate chain of events... a business transaction?

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Am I gettin' warm yet?

And since I'm taped here, and not face-down in the ditch, somebody must of offered to bump you fellas up a couple of tax brackets in exchange for me.

And factor in y'all weak-ass gear, my guess is this is a life-changing sum of money.

Am I right?

Did I hit the nail on the head?

Well, it's like 400 grand, but it's not like we get to keep it or anything.

Shut up!

I'm sorry, Zach.



Did we not have a conversation on the way over here?

What the fuck did we talk about?

In the fucking car?

What was it about?

No fucking names, man!

Shit man, I'm so sorry. It's just...

No, you know what, I'm sorry, I overreacted, you're right, you're right.

You're right.

What are you doing? This is my wallet.

Noah Dorfman, 316 North Flushing Avenue.

Get the fuck off me!

That's an old address.

What you probably are unaware of Zach, and Noah Dorfman, is I have Demetrius Flemmings' blood coursing through my veins.

By the pathetic look on y'all faces, suffice it to say you've never heard of him.

Google him!

Here, I found something.

A lawyer for Demetrius Flemmings, head of the black crime syndicate, filed a motion Wednesday formally asking the judge to dismiss all charges against his client.

Flemmings is currently under felony indictment for drug trafficking, conspiracy, money laundering and the disappearance of two federal agents.

It goes on.

Me and this kidnapping master share a very special bond, me being his favorite nephew and all.

And factor in, you miserable fucks snatched me off the motherfucking toilet.

Which in my books is as sacred a ground as Saint Mary's fucking Cathedral.


That means y'all are pretty much fucking dead!

You're dead!

Eddie just fucked us!

Will you calm down?

Okay, you're gonna break something.

Remember, everybody promised that we're gonna leave everything exactly as they found it.

Did you not just hear, less than ten seconds ago, who the fuck we have tied up in that fucking room?

Yes, I fucking heard!

Shut up!

We are so fucking royally fucked!

What are you doing, are you okay?

What is that?

It's fine, okay?

It's my anxiety medication, I'm fine.

Great, he's high.

I say we just let Marques go.

Okay, all right, that sounds like an idea.

And then what?

What do we do then?

Eddie blames us for his dead niece, we end up in the back of a trunk.

We go to the police, we ask for protective custody!

No, no, no, no!

We did the kidnapping!

Yeah, I know, I could see how that could potentially work against us. Okay.


Is that Eddie? Hello.

Yes, hi, this is him.

Um. Yeah, can you hold please?

It's not.

Warren, Warren can you have a word with him?

Okay, no one can know we are here.

I could lose my agent's license over this!

Look, Zach's a little stressed out right now.

Dude, we have a Crip or a Blood, or Snoop Dogg's cousin tied up in there. We're all a little stressed right now!

Listen to me, he's not sure but, Zach thinks that his fiancé's been seeing somebody else.


You know how she was a registered nurse?


Yeah, well, she's been coming home late, and you know, which shouldn't set off any alarm bells in itself but, he finds this little match book from a hotel.


So then he hires this private investigator to see if it's true.


Yeah, so there's a lot going on right now.


I feel terrible for him that's...

Yeah, I know.

You think I'll be invited to the wedding?



I think I want to move this right here, yeah.

Well, if I was you, my son, I would take this one and move it right here.

Because see, you don't want these mens to get over on your side.

You have to protect your queen and your king, so if I was you I would have done that one, that way you can save them.

Hey, Bobby. Go on over with Leon.

For you, boss. Says it's important.

Okay, what is it now?

Are you kidding me?

When, who?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hold him down.

I'll take care of it.

Appreciate your call.


Spread the word.

Two million dollars cash to whoever finds my nephew.

I'm starved.

Do y'all got any food in this place?

I'm sorry, fridge is empty.

Nobody lived here for ages.

I could eat something. Yeah, me too.

Well, we're shit out of luck, 'cause there's no food.

So let's just stop talking about food.

Come on, we're gonna be here for God knows how long, and nobody took the fucking initiative to pack some sandwiches?

I could go out and pick something up.

You know it's just, there's not a whole lot around here.

Well, we passed that ice cream place on the way here.


Okay, yeah, yeah, that's something.

We're not going out for ice cream.

I could pick it up.

I said no, no ice cream!

We're not fucking going out for ice cream!

Zach, what's the worst that could happen?

You just got through saying you were hungry.

We're all hungry.

All right. Fuck it.

Sure, you're right. Get me mint chip.


Sea salt caramel, cone.

A pistachio cup.


Um, vanilla bean.

Great, all right. Don't be long!

Shit, guys, I need money, I don't have any cash anymore.

I don't got shit.

I only got three bucks, man.

I'm light too, don't look at me.


There we go.

Triple scoops for everyone.


Thank you.

Now that is wrong on so many fucking levels.

It's him!


Put him on speaker.

How 'bout you, Zach?

You screwed us! - How's that?

Black crime syndicate? You knew who this guy was!

You got him then, that's good!

For your niece maybe, not so much for us!

Come on now, you know, Marques has had a rough day, he's been kidnapped.

You know, it's part of the territory, occupational hazard.

Occupational hazard?

Eddie, I hit this man in the head with a fucking toilet lid!

Putting a bullet in the back of my fucking head is gonna be the first thing on his list.

You know what, Eddie, maybe we'll untie him and let him go.

Or better yet, why don't we just let him know and his fucking uncle, fucking who put us up to this!


Now you listen to me, you little motherfuckers.

I'll cut your fucking heads off and stuff them down your fucking necks, okay?

Until my niece gets back, you're gonna do exactly what I want you to do.

You don't want to see my response if something happens to her, buddy!

You don't wanna see it.

All right, Eddie listen, just relax, okay?

Eddie, Eddie?

Let's do it.




Wow, look at all that.

You Julian?

Now, come on.

I was told that that's the name of an athletic-looking brother wearing a bright red tracksuit.

Hangs out in front of the building with this address.

Unless my information's off by a country fucking mile, that makes you Julian.

Okay, so I'm Julian.


'Cause you looked at me like I asked you to recite the Gettysburg Address.

You got me cracking, now what?

Cut to the chase, I like that.

We're looking for Tyrone.


Who? Again with the perplexing look.


And before you tell me where I can find him, I want you to know I see that semi-automatic you're eyeballing on the table over there.

Little Mike, would you agree that Julian reaching for that pistol would ignite an already flammable situation?

Most definitely.

So from where I'm standing, I see that you have two options.

One, you can make a play for that gun, in which I blow your fucking brains out.

Or two, simply tell me where I can find Tyrone.

Me and my little buddy here will be ancient history.

What do you say?

Door number one or door number two?

Door number three.

Holy crap, that's impressive.

Look at him go.

Yeah, probably lettered in track.

Hey, kid.

Do you know where we can find Tyrone?

And if you give me that same fucking look Julian gave me, I'm gonna shoot ya.

How old are you?



What's your name?


William what? Harrison.

Okay, William Harrison, this is one of those rare moments in life, that you're gonna get a second chance.

You're gonna get up, walk out that door, check yourself back into school, study, read Catcher in the Rye, graduate, you get a shot at not ending up back here.

Word gets back to me that you so much as fucking skipped woodshop, I'll be paying you a house visit.

We clear?

Pick up your shirt, get the fuck outta here.


Summer time's here, babe!

Jesus, Noah.

How long's it take you to pick up fucking ice cream?

Hey, I didn't see you volunteer to go, Warren.

All right, who had the pistachio?

That was me. All right.

What the hell? It's melted already.

I know.

Salted caramel.

That's mine.

I wanted a cone.

Jeez, umm, my bad. Sorry.


This is for you.

And, Mr. Marques.


Umm, we're gonna have to untie his hands or something.

Out of the question.

Well, how's he gonna eat?

I'm sorry about this.

What, kidnapping me or the spoon-feed part?

All of it.

Hey, nice tattoo.


Yeah, all the guys in my squad got one.

It was kinda a solidarity thing.

Didn't peg you as ex-military.

Me, yeah, signed up after graduation.

I bought into the whole girls and guys in uniform thing.

And the... pussy just fall into your lap?

No, I never actually saw any action in the Army they found out I had a lazy eye.

Signed me up to SPO.

Strategic planning and operations?

Yeah, didn't get me laid, but I learned a lot.

Glad to know our tax dollars didn't go to waste.

You know what?

Sometimes what looks like a dead fucking end to a dire situation, can be an opportunity.

I don't follow.

Have you ever ended up at the end of an unexpected windfall?

Me, no.

I don't catch breaks.

I'm like the unluckiest guy you'll ever meet.

Well, maybe, maybe not.

Well, okay.

Take this for example.

My father, he died this year.

I'm sorry to hear that.

He was kind of a big shot on Wall Street, okay?

He made a, made a ton of money.

The lawyer calls me, he tells me after the sale of three homes, which is worth less than what is owed to my father's creditors, his ex-wives, taxes, all that shit, there's pretty much nothing left.

You know, I walk away with a check for 3,000 dollars and this fucking watch.


You know what, Noah?

Sometimes you gotta make your own luck in life.

I have a proposition for you.

A way for you to walk away from this, and in the process, take with you some very heavy paper.

Un-cuff me.

I'll pick a moment where I'll make it look like I untied the ropes myself, I disappear from here.

And you wake up tomorrow morning with a bag full of cash under your pillow.

Yeah, I can't do that.

You don't think there's a search party out there right now looking for me?

I bet you dimes to dollars, somebody caught a few digits on that license plate of yours.

It's only a matter of time before that doorbell ring.

I ain't gonna lie to ya, Noah.

Somebody's getting invoiced for this shit.

It just doesn't have to be you.


Where's Marques Flemmings?

I didn't even know that puto was missing?

We know all you pimps and drug dealers, you have your noses in up each others' business.

You know somethin'.

Yeah, I know somethin' all right.

My motherfuckin' rights?

This shit illegal!

Fuck off me, puto!

Let's see if this refreshes your memory?

What the fuck!


Your memory comin' back now?

Marques Flemmings.

Shit! I told you I don't know!

What the fuck you do?

Man, I'm sorry, my bad.

When he gets into the office, can you have him call me, please?

Thank you.

Fucking moron.

Thought you were done with that shit, man.

I'm trying to stay awake.

All right. Don't judge me.

I am not fucking judging you.

Don't... Get off your high horse, you've been... you've been sober 15 days.

I am not judging you, Zach, take it easy.

Everything okay?


Anything I can do to help?

This girl's taking a wrecking ball to my life, you could help with that.

Well, maybe there's nothing there.

That was the private investigator.

She left the house an hour and a half ago.

She still hasn't come back yet, she said she was staying in.

Okay, where did you tell her that you were going tonight?

What the fuck does that have to do with anything?

Well, isn't it obvious that you didn't tell her the truth either?

And it's not like you're out fucking around, that's what I'm saying.

I'm not talking about me, I'm talking about her.

Are you trying to make me feel worse here?

I don't know! Whose side are you on?

No, I'm just saying, maybe look, maybe this is naive of me to say, but isn't it possible that there's nothing going on?

No, not possible.

Okay. Too many holes.

All right.

Too many gaps.

God dammit.

Look, Zach.

I'm not trying to be your couples' therapist.

All I'm doing is talking to you as a friend right now.

Okay, well then, talk to me.

I'm telling you that if you keep going down this path, you're always gonna be questioning and doubting every little thing that she does.

Until it's gonna get so bad, she can't go to the dry cleaners without you making a list in your head about who she's gonna fuck.

You understand?

If only that stock went through.

I mean Janie, she's... she's beautiful.

I mean, I really love her, we really have a connection.

The only way to manage a woman like that's happiness, is with "fuck you" money.

I put every single one of my clients into that stock.


All of them. I mean, how many times do you get to play the slots knowing the next pull, three cherries are gonna come up?

I mean that's a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Well, listen, man, you know, sometimes these things just work themselves out.

In my line of work, when you fuck up like that, it doesn't really promote career longevity!


She's gonna leave me.


For sure.



Go over to Diamond's.

What for?

Okey-doke, we're on our way.


Okay, let's do this.

Come on.


How can I help you?

Tommy, is he here?

He's under that taxi.




I'm a friend of Paula's.

Okay, she's got a lot of friends.

Who the fuck are you?

I'm her cousin Eddie.

Fuck. God, God!


Tell her you're sorry, you buy her some flowers, and don't make me come back!


I've been expecting you.

What's going on here?

Him, you haven't heard?

Flemmings' nephew got snatched.

He put up a big bank roll for whoever can find him.

Negro over here knows where he's at, but as you can see, we're having a little bit of a communication problem.

We're taking a little break right now.

Yeah, evidently.

Well, we're looking for his other nephew, Tyrone.

Eddie says you got an address for us.

Just waitin' for the call.

Friend of mine hangs out with Tyrone all the time down at Sullivan's.

Eddie tell you we agreed to five grand?

You get this when I get the address.


No problem.

Have a drink, shouldn't be long.

All right.


Come here.

So that was Eddie.

He said everything on his end is going forward.


And that's it.

Now we just sit, and we wait.

Sit and wait, wonderful.

Well, did he give you any idea how much longer it'd be?

Shut up, Noah!

Look, let's just take shifts watching him, all right?

We'll switch out every two hours.

This way we can get some sleep.

Yeah, all right. Okay, all right.

I'll go first.

You sure?


Did I ever tell you guys how I got this scar on my ear?

You haven't heard that?


I thought I told that to ya.

Crazy story.

My older brother, who was pursuing a career in law enforcement, decided to go in a different direction, and was dealing eight balls that were one-third product, two-thirds baking soda.

I'm home with chicken pox, when, you know, one of his disgruntled clients decided to pay a house visit.

So, he wanted to know where my brother was, and how a household baking ingredient ended up inside the bag.

I told him I don't know, and that my chicken pox was contagious.

He apparently wasn't pleased with that answer.

Meanwhile, this kid Isaac was living in the apartment downstairs.

On this day, he decides to come home a little earlier than his mother expected.

Finds her home a little earlier than he expected as well.

So he goes into the kitchen, and instead of looking in the refrigerator for his usual, you know, after-school treat, he helps himself to his father's sawed-off shotgun.

Meanwhile, my situation upstairs was deteriorating.

This asshole was gonna cut my ear off.

It was nothing short of divine intervention.

I'm telling you, man, if it wasn't for this kid Isaac, the guy would've taken my ear clean off.

It was a fucking miracle.

What the fuck?

You've got a gun, get me.


What the fuck'd you do that for, Jerry?

Say hi to Isaac.

Hi, Isaac.

What are the odds of that?

I don't know.

Hey, buddy.

You look like shit.


Yo, Tyrone is hangin' with his ho at Second Side Apartments.

Second floor on the left.


We're good.

We're good!

You good?

Let's get the fuck outta here.

You ever fire one of those?



Call me crazy.

You don't seem like the type.

Not that you couldn't if you had to.

Well, let's not give me a reason to have to.

Hey, I'm on board with that.

You know where I come from, if somebody asks you to put some iron in the back of somebody's head that you never met, you just do it.

No questions asked.

When you was growin' up, did your pops ever tell you to do uncomfortable shit because it made you build character?

All the time.

My pops, too.

You know, he was a big proponent of character building.

And me, you know, I was like the oldest, so he decided he wanted to get me started early.

Check it out, he sent me over to this house.

With nothing but a flare and some matches.

By the time the fire truck showed up, there wasn't nothing left but ashes.

Now I didn't find out 'til I saw in the paper the next morning, that there was a family of four inside.

None of which made it out.

Nigga, I was 13.

As you can imagine, sucked all the fun right out of my childhood.

You ever wonder what your life would be like if you chose a different path?

You mean doing something other than going into the family business?

Only every day.

Hey, Noah, are you awake?


That cow on the window is really freaking me out.

Shit, yeah.

That's some freaky shit, man. Christ Almighty.

Hey, Noah, um, there's something I kinda want to talk to you about.

Yeah, what is it?

Well, you know how in AA there's that whole thing about, you know, making amends, whatever, with people that you've hurt in the past?

You know Zach and Matthew and I, you know back in the day we, we were pretty relentless about torturing you.

Warren, I was the only kid in school who knew how to use the word binary in a sentence, that pretty much warranted open season on me.

I mean, Noah, we really pulled some shit on you.

Yeah, well.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.




I just wanted you to know that, you know, I feel bad about it and, and I'm sorry.

All right.

Half, a million, dollars.

That's my offer.

All you got to do is un-cuff me, and let me walk out that door unchecked.

I can't do that.

500K that you get to keep.

For yourself.

My brother, you better think hard.

My offer ain't just gonna hang out there in the ether.

Before sunup one of you's gonna realize, that you ain't got the stomach for this kinda thing.

Now take the dough.

Hey, Bryce, man, I...


Fuck! Fuck!

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Jesus Christ, you scared the shit outta me!

Fuck are you doing?

I'm planning my great escape.

What the fuck does it look like?

İt stinks!

Wanna wipe my ass? You look eager!

Paula. Hey, Eddie.

How are ya?

A couple guys showed up, said that, they had a meeting with you so I sat them at your table.

They're drinking Diet Cokes.

Put it on my tab.

Eddie. Yeah?

Thank you. For what?

Thank you.

Hey. How are you?

Hey, Eddie. Good to see ya.

How you doin'? Good.

Take care.

Gentlemen. Traffic, sorry.

Agent Reichert.

Hey. What happened?

Line of duty.

This is my partner, Agent Santos.

How do you do? Sir.

Wanna talk? Yeah.

Let's do it.

You look good, Eddie.

Thanks, how's the wife?

Well, you know how it is.

She ain't getting any younger or any thinner.

Mr. Lovato.

Eddie, please.

Mr. Lovato, as you may have already heard, Demetrius Flemmings' nephew, Marques was kidnapped yesterday.

You know about this?

I do not.

Well, the two of us know that the two of you have past issues.

I have?

Sorry Eddie, we have to ask.

Anything you can give us will be a big help.

Sound and fury, signifying nothing.

It's a line from Macbeth, have you ever seen it?

No. No.

İt's my favorite play.

I love it.

I saw it on Broadway with Patrick Stewart.

He's the bald guy from Star Trek, remember?

Yeah, he's good.

Macbeth is the king of Scotland.

And he's told by a bunch of witches that he can never be killed by a man that was born from a woman.

So he believes these witches, why wouldn't he?

And so when his rival challenges him to a fight to the death, he accepts.

And, one fell swoop of a sword, he's decapitated.

Turns out that the guy who killed him was taken from his mother's womb, like a C-section, not natural birth, so technically, he is not born of a woman.

I'm sorry Eddie, we are not...

We are not connecting.

Sometimes things aren't as they seem.

You ready?


Tyrone, my man.

Got somethin' for ya.


Yeah, all right.


Well, who was that, what was that?

Janie's fucking around on me, man.


Are you sure?

I'm pretty sure, yeah.

He said he's got fucking photos.

Damn. Sorry about that.

You know what the fucked up thing is?

I fucking wanted to catch her.

I mean, how fucking sick is that?

Come on, don't do that to yourself, you know?

I mean, what kind of fucking sick individual is happy that his fucking fiancé's getting banged in the back seat of a car that he's fucking paying for?

You didn't put it in her name, at least?

Noah, really?

Listen to me, and stop fucking talking, I'm serious.

Okay, okay. Okay?

All right.

You know, you spend every fucking waking minute going through their fucking phone, going through their fucking email, going through their fucking laundry.

I mean anything, anything to fucking nail the fucking bitch to the wall, and I fucking knew it!

I wanted it, I wanted to be right, and I fucking knew it!

She's a fucking whore!

Zach, you probably don't wanna to hear this, but at least you got some closure now, you know?

You know what the detective said?

85 percent of his clients who think that their wives are fucking around on them, they are!

At least there's some comfort in knowing you're in the majority.

Noah, just stop fucking talking!

What, I'm just trying to make him feel better.

The way I look at it, life is a zero sum game.

It's one of the evils of humanity.

We all win somethin' and lose somethin' at the same time.

Okay, so you're Socrates now?

No, I'm simply saying that we all brought into this world with a sheet of columns.

And the shit you do in one column has to be balanced out with the shit you do in the other.

What does that have to do with anything?

Okay, stay with me and see if what I'm saying don't start making perfect sense.

All right.


I'm here, cuffed to this chair, because of some malevolent act that I did out there.

And, as you can imagine, given my line of work, that side of the column is pretty god damned full, so I'm fairly certain that your friend here did something on his end, let's just say something that he's not terribly proud of to deserve what's happening to him.

Actually, you're very wrong, Marques, because he was faithful.

No, it don't have to be that.

It can be anything, I'm talking about fucking karma, here.

Yeah, how about sometimes things just don't add up in the world?

And you just get fucked over either way, no matter what you do. What about that?

Nah. There's always something.

There isn't anything.

Come on, Zachary, there's something.

Your fucking bullshit theory doesn't apply here, Buddha!

Okay, so you want us all to believe that you some kind of saint?

I don't give a fuck what you believe!

See the thing is, you can deny culpability all you want, but the way I see it, based on laws of balance, you might as well have dressed your little cupcake in some lace garters, and put her pussy up for auction yourself.

Shut the fuck up!

Hey, I'm just trying to give your friend some clarity, here.

Let me give you some fucking clarity, you fucking piece of shit!

A man who discovers that his fucking fiancé is cheating on him six weeks before the god damn wedding, is probably not a guy you want to fuck with!

That man would probably have no fucking issue fucking blowing your fucking stupid face right across the fucking floor!

Zach, Jesus Christ, take it easy.

I'm gonna fucking shoot him.

Calm down, man!

Give me the gun.

Zach, give me the gun.

He's trying to fuck with you, and he's trying to get in your head.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Be cool.

Man, I'm sorry.

I'm not having a good day.

This conversation is fucking over, do you understand me?

No problem.

I didn't mean to upset anybody.

It's just a healthy exchange of views, that's all.

All I was trying to do is shed some sunlight as to what would warrant some strange guy's jizz all over his little princess' tits, that's all.

Shit, calm down! Get the fuck off me!

He's fucking with me!

Jesus Christ, you're gonna fucking kill him.

What are you doing?

I'm fine.

Yeah, you're fine, my fucking ass, you're fine.

Jesus Christ..

What the hell is that?

It's a god damn microphone.

Holy shit!

He's fucking wired!

What? He's wired, Noah, like on TV?

You mean he's been recording us this whole time?

Somebody has been!

You see anybody?

No. Fucking screwed.

Who knows how far that signal travels!

Warren, smash that thing, smash it!

Noah, you can stop.

All right, all right!


What the fuck?

Who the fuck is out there, you fucking son of a bitch?

Who's listening to us?

What should we do?

Guys, I vote we get the fuck outta here, right fucking now.

Yeah, I agree.

Well, wait, wait, wait. Hold up.

Let's think about this.

Now, if someone was listening in, they woulda came through that door, guns blazing, long before now, no?

Zach's right.

We'd already be dead.


Ho, ho, ho.

That's good. What?

That's fucking good.

What's good?

You don't get it?

He wasn't wearing the wire for us.

He was wearing a wire for his friends.

Back at the diner.

I'd be willing to bet money that this fucking piece of shit is working for some branch of law enforcement, most likely the FBI, they got him all fucking wired up.

So he can eavesdrop on his fucking drug-pedaling gangster fucking friends.

And put them all behind bars.

Isn't that right?

Isn't that right?

You fucking piece of shit.

Holy shit.

You say he's an informant?

Actually in his circles, it's better known as a rat.

Or a snitch.

Or maybe just a plain cock-sucking weasel.

So back in the alley there, that was probably...

Most likely Feds chasing us.

We probably interrupted one of their recording sessions when we showed up.

I do not feel well.

Do you guys have any idea how altogether fucked you are?

I think you're confused on who's in the fucking doghouse right now.

Now I'm not sure if there's an official gangsta handbook, but I'm dead certain that if there was one, it would frown heavily upon you recording conversations with your gangsta friends.

I bet Uncle Demetrius is gonna be tickled pink when he finds out about your bureau buddies.

You guys look umm, pleased with yourself.

I wouldn't say pleased.

What makes you think my uncle, or anyone from my side of the fence is gonna believe an inconceivable lie like that?

What you gonna do?

You gonna show him that mush?

And you clowns were worried about what I was gonna do to you.

Have you ever bumped heads with the type of cats at the other end of this wire?

It's what's known as a task force, fellas.

Those motherfuckers have killed more motherfuckers than...

...than you've had hand jobs.

And you just kidnapped they star witness.

In the middle of a six-month, round-the-clock surveillance!

You guys are fucking fertilizer.

Hey, Eddie.

Everything's set, time and place.

All right, let's call 'em.


Yeah, good news, ready for pick up.

You're ready for pick up?

Well, there's been a change of plan, Eddie.

What are you talking about, there's been a change of plans?

The kind where I fucking call you back!

What... motherfucker hung up on me!

Get the fuck out.

You shouldn't have hung up on him, Why'd you hang up on him? You shouldn't have...

Shut up, Noah.

I can't hear myself fucking think.

Sure, no, that's great.

Guys, let's give Zach time to think.

What the fuck are you doing?

Don't you think that before you hang up on a guy who's most likely gonna see us sleeping with the fucking fishes, you should of consulted with us first?

Are you fucking yelling at me?

Yes I'm fucking yelling at you!

Whoa guys, yelling won't help!

I'm just trying to have some fucking input here.

We wouldn't even be in this fucking mess if it wasn't for you, shut the fuck up!

Shut up!

Eddie Lovato?

Great, fucking great.

That's who's behind all this?

Why he got beef with me?

What the fuck he want with me?

Do me the decency of a straight answer with the fucking state I'm in.

Fine, have it your way.

What's the difference?

Y'all wrote your own obits anyway.

You just shut the fuck up?

Yeah, shut the fuck up, you fucking love hearing yourself fucking talk!

You shut the fuck up!

You think you a lion?

You a mouse!

I dare you to untie me, motherfucker!

Everybody, shut the fuck up!

Shut up!

Jesus Christ!

I'm gonna tape his fucking mouth.

Yeah, okay, great.

Yeah, I know where it is.

All right, I appreciate it.


Who was that?

That was a guy I did some work with a couple months back.

He works at the Treasury Department.

He says our only course of action right now at this moment, is to turn ourselves in.


What about him?

If he is who he thinks he is, they'll be happy to have him back.

Where's the car?

It's out back.

All right, well, give me the fucking keys.

What about Eddie? What about his niece?

Fuck Eddie, fuck his niece!

We're going to the FBI, this ends right now!

This is it, this is it, we're going to jail.

We're going to jail for God knows how long.

And when we get out, Eddie'll kill us, or maybe Marques'll kill us.

Or maybe we'll just die in jail, butt raped with a bullet in the back of our head.

Thanks, Zach, fuck!

I agree with Noah, we need to stick to the original plan, Zach.

Did you hear what I just said?

I can't believe you're not backing me up on this, Bryce!

What do you think Eddie's gonna do to us?

Look, this is a true life line.

Trust me!

Give me the god damn car keys.

Give me the god damn car keys!

Give him the fucking keys.

I'm gonna pull the car around.

All right?

This is a good thing.

I'll be right back.

Get Socrates ready.

You hung up on me.

Mr. Lovato, I mean, Eddie.

I was gonna call you back.

Hello, Marques.

Fuck you.

Sounds like he's happy to see us.

How'd you find us?

What's it matter? The important thing is, we're here.

You boys did good.

Your parents should be proud.

So I just have one little favor to ask of you, one little detail, and we're done.

Consider the slate clean.

That's it, it's over?


No need in discussing that this guy had a fucking wire on him when we picked him up?

You already knew that, didn't you?

Look Zach, I think the less we know the better.

Shut the fuck up!

Zach, Noah's right, let's just get this over with.

What's left?

Okay, I need each of you to put a bullet in him.



Now I know you're asking why, but I'm gonna give you that two-part answer, okay?

Okay one, my niece, done, safe, I'm happy, All right?

But I do not need Marques alive.

Okay, and two, and this is for your protection as well as for mine.

I can't have you guys talking about this.

My feeling is that accessory to murder is the greatest motivation for you guys to shut the fuck up.

Eddie, this is none of our business, you know?

I mean we would never say anything.

I know that you wouldn't talk about it, but I need an insurance policy.

Come on! It's simple.

So, all you have to do is decide who's gonna be first.

And you guys can decide amongst yourselves, I don't really care who's first.

Let's go, come on.

Let's do it.

Noah, you go first.

What? You go first.

What, no!

You fucking got us into this fucking mess!

You're going first!


It's only fucking fair that you fucking go first!



You fucking little fucking parasite!

Fuck you, Zach!

Fucking shoot him, you little fucking parasite!

We're not in high school anymore, you can't just order me around!

If you don't fucking shoot him, I swear to God I'm gonna fucking shoot you!

Zach, what the fuck, put the gun down!

You wanna fucking shoot him Bryce?

Leave Noah alone, put the fucking gun down.

Fuck you!

If you don't shoot him, by the time I count to three, I swear to God I'm gonna fucking shoot you.


I am not your fucking bitch anymore!

Yes you are, you are my fucking bitch!

Fuck you!

You have always been my fucking bitch!

Test me! One!

Two! Fuck you!

Jesus fucking Christ, Warren!

My fucking God he's fucking dead, he's fucking dead, there's a fucking dead guy!

Warren, are you okay?

What the fuck? Far from fucking okay.


Hey, fellas?

We don't have all night. Who's next?

Come on!

Mr. Lovato?

Noah, yes.

Technically Warren shot Marques three times and since there's four of us, I was wondering maybe if you would consider the possibility of just one of us left having to shoot him?

That's not possible.

Okay, there you have it.

We need another volunteer.

Let's go.

Let's do it quickly, men.

Let's get it over with.

Somebody pick up that gun, or you're all gonna wake up tomorrow with a fucking toe tag.

We don't have all night boys, come on.

Marques... was a disappointment.

Well, Noah, friends think I should of tossed you in with him.

What do you think?


Well, I think if they got to know me a little better, they'd think differently.

I'm sorry you had to go through all this, Mr. Flemmings.

But there's a lesson to be learned here today.

You fuck people over, you end up at the bottom of the lake.

So do I get the money or do I end up in the lake?

And thanks for agreeing to meet me on such short notice, I know you're a busy guy, so you know, I appreciate the gesture.

I think you'll like this.

So a friend of mine works for the FBI.

White collar crime division.

Hey, you guys ever hear of Bidexco?

A startup pharmaceutical company was under heavy surveillance by federal authorities...

And one of the guys does a coffee run, brings my pal someone else's latte with six spoonful's of sugar.

So he walks it over to the agent with a sweet tooth who so happens to be working with an informant who's spending all his afternoons putting his associates on tape.

You wanna climb the corporate ladder, keep your motherfucking mouth shut!

You know what keeps me up at night?

Knowing that when this cock sucker's done testifying, we're gonna place him in witness protection and buy him an Escalade.

So when no one's looking, why don't you just plant one in the back of his fucking head?

Noah, you do realize we're no longer in Iraq, right?

But the guy they're really after, the big prize, Demetrius Flemmings.

Very popular with the DEA Special Operations Division.

Now, from what I'm told, the only thing more important to Flemmings than money is his family.

Two million dollars cash to whoever finds my nephew.

And that's why I have this.

Let me play it for you.

I think you'll agree, the sound quality is excellent.

Nice work, Marques, I can't wait to see your uncle's face when we play this back in court.

Yeah, fuck you Detective.

Next time, try taking this thing off without taking my fucking skin with it.

And that's where you come in.

We're looking for Tyrone.

Do you know where we can find Tyrone?

So, Eddie says you got an address for us.

Hey, hey, hey!

Tyrone, my man. Got somethin' for ya.

Nice work, Marques.

I can't wait to see your uncle's face when they're playing this back in court.

Yeah, fuck you Detective.

Next time, try taking this thing off without taking my fucking skin with it.

The way I see it, there's a lot of money to be made here.

I get a third, my Army buddy gets a third...


And you get a third.

And you've always said, failing to plan is planning to fail, well you can rest assured that while I'm still working out a few last details, I will have dotted all the i's and crossed all the t's, you have my word.

So what do you think, Uncle Eddie?

You came up with this all by yourself?

Pretty much, yeah.

That's fucking awesome.

We say that the hour of death cannot be forecast.

But when we say this, we imagine that hour to be placed in an obscure and distant future.

Do not take time for granted.

There is only now.

Let's do this, Warren!

All over it, you fucking sick fuck!

Hey, ladies. How's it goin'?

Yo, is it recording? Hey!

I'm back!

This is fucked up, man.

Get the fuck outta here, faggot!


The man of the hour, everybody!


You know Zach and Matthew and I, we were pretty relentless about torturing you on a weekly basis.

Twenty-two days sober.

No shit?

On the count of three!

Everybody ready?

- One. Two. Three! One. Two. Three!


I feel like we're in high school, right now!

Right now, at this moment.

We always fuck with him. He loves it!

I put every single one of my clients into that stock.

You're having a pretty shitty morning.

Yeah, yeah.

Sorry in advance for making it worse.

You know the man you asked me to look into, Eddie Lovato, seven nephews, all boys.

He doesn't have a niece.

Until my niece gets back, you're gonna do exactly what I want you to do!

No niece? No niece.

You don't wanna see my response if something happens to her, buddy.

I'm not so sure that it was an accident.

Matthew called me a couple weeks ago.

Matt was getting harassed, and he thought he was being followed.

You fucking whore.

How about you, Noah? You got a girlfriend?

Matter of fact I do, yeah.

It's getting, well, it's getting pretty serious actually, yeah.

It's true what they say, you know, there's someone out there for everyone, even him.

Summer time's here, babe!

Jesus, Noah, how long's it take you to pick up fucking ice cream?

Good timing.

Nice work, kid.

You know, all these years I kept you away from the family business, 'cause my sister, she wanted it that way.

You know, said you didn't have the stomach or the head for it but...

Boy, was she wrong.

What do you say you come work for me?

Aw, thanks for the offer but, you know, I met a girl, Uncle Eddie and she wants to get away from all this, you know?

Can you blame her?

Well, you know where to come.

If it doesn't work out, okay?

Uncle Eddie! Come here!

I love you!!

Awesome, let's go.

See ya, kid.