Crystal Fairy & the Magical Cactus and 2012 (2013) Script

This is my friend, Jamie.


Jamie: Yeah, Lobo. Hey, how are you?

What's up?

Yeah, glad to meet you.

Yeah, welcome.

How's Chile?

Man, I feel at home.

You want to have it?

Yeah, yeah, whatever you're having.

You guys wanna smoke some weed? Yeah.

Yeah, it's just Chilean weed, man.

I hear that it lasts, like, eight hours, and that the peak of it is really like four hours into it.

Yeah, that's true but one thing you wanna make sure...

Yeah, yeah, well, I read the doors of perception, you know.

He describes it basically as like we have a reducing valve in our consciousness and like, this kind of like opens up your, you know...

...your valve, your reducing valve?

Huxley? Yeah, I've heard of that book.

I've actually never read it.


These are my friends... This is Jamie...

It's really important that you fast if you take it...

You have to fast? 12 hours before or something?

Yeah, you should... Don't exaggerate , but...

Want some? No, uh, I'm tired of that.

Whatever knocks you out.

Try to be in a good mood too, man, like you you guys wanna like, kind take care of each other...

You have experienced... Jamie: Yeah.

I'm not afraid of like ... stuff.

Is that Chilean cocaine? Yeah, it's Chilean cocaine, you like that?

Can I get some of this, because I haven't had very good cocaine in Chile?

Yeah, manu, come we get you some...

Can I buy some? Do you have more?

Yeah, I mean... I can ask a friend.

Yeah, I know, it's like really... This is actually really good.

You know, and the weed is nice, too, that you have because the other weeds I've had here have been, you know, a little heady, like, you can feel a pressure on your face and like, you can't think through a clear thought... But this one was really nice.

Yeah, it sounds like you've done a lot of drugs here and stuff.

Not life, though, you know, I don't get high on life every day.

God, I would probably drop dead.

You wanna get out of this room? It's like really uncomfortable in here.

Hey, thank you.

What was her problem? Why?

She's like, "I'm high on life," and then she's like doing cocaine?

Ah, forget it. I find that shit so annoying.

I have to take a shit, that's like crazy, poisonous, Chilean drugs.

I'll see you.

Hello, is someone in here?

I'm sorry!

Hey, who's she? Yeah, she's an old friend, man.

Isn't she amazing? I love her!

Shall I go out with the other one then?

The other one is like, a dark cloud.

What the fuck is she doing, man?

Oh, poor thing! She's like a lonely tornado.

Let's go dance with her?

Well, she's embarrassing herself, right?

Yeah. Me also.

The other one's being nice to her, she's not like kicking her out.

Somebody save her! I'm gonna try.

Oh, really? Good luck, man...

In case she needs it!

Hola! Hola!

Do you speak English? Yes.

Where are you from? America, everywhere...

Me too. Yeah?

You're the first American I've met here. Hi!

Listen to me. Yeah.

You're embarrassing yourself.

Am I embarrassing yourself, you mean?

We're all one self, man. Yeah!

One giant consciousness.

What, what's your religion? Are you religious or something?

That's like doors of perception shit you're saying, you know?

You ever read that book? You know that book?

Aldous Huxley? The Doors of Perception...

Yes! Yeah!

Champa! Hola, amigo.

How are you, man? Hey, good, how are you doing?

Fine. This is Maca.

Maca? Jamie. Jamie, my friend.

This is Crystal Fairy. Sorry?

And this is Champa. I live with him, we live together.

Champa... Your name again, sorry?

Crystal Fairy.

She's gonna come with us to the north tomorrow.

She's gonna come in the Suburban, and we'll all drive together, and there'll be a female presence now on the trip.

Is that cool? Uh...

She wants to drink San Pedro.

But... are you coming in the car or in the...

She'll come in the Suburban.

Uh, hey, it's a problem because the Suburban is kind of full because I'm taking my little brothers, you remember?

You don't think we can all fit? Oh, I don't want to be an imposition.

Maybe take a bus then, meet us there. Yeah, I'll take a bus!

And then call me when you get there and we will find you.

I took the bus all over Argentina, have you done that?

That'll be fun. You just take a bus and go...

Perfecto, perfecto.

Hey, if I give you my phone number... 9-5-0-3-0.

You have to come. ...You have the bus?

Copiapo. Copiapo, that's it.

Just go on Google and type in boose or just type in bus, it's like the same word.

I'm going to go and look at the moon now.


This is such a good omen. That's amazing.

We should get going soon, because I think we're gonna... we going to get up like really early and go?

Yeah, yeah. I'm kind of tired, man. Yeah, me too.

I might do a little more of that blow, I have a little more left.

You wanna do some? No, thank you man. No, no.

Okay, I'm going to do it. See you later.

Then we'll go soon.

Yo, Jamie, dude.

Hola, amigo. We need to go, man.

Yeah, I'm just making one drink. It's too late. No more drinks, man.

No, no. I'm going man, sorry.

If you wanna stay, okay, but... Hey, I've got a little more blow.

Bye. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?

Get home safe. Yeah, you too.

Hi. Hi! Fucking me.

Hi, what? I can't afford it.

Tell her I can't afford it. Good night.

What's she saying? She wants apple.

No, I'm not giving you my apple!

How many dicks have you sucked tonight?

A lot.

What are their names? What are your names?

My name is Hannah. Hi!

And Botota.

Why don't you have some real food? We'll cook you dinner.

I'll cook you dinner. Come... a la casa!

Come on! No problem.

I'm going to bed, I'm so tired.

Yeah, I'm so tired too.

I'm just going to cook this and eat this with them, I think, and go to bed too.

Yeah, the girls are waiting, man.

Okay, good night. See you tomorrow.


What's the situation?

Are you going to sleep after this, or are you gonna be working?

Oh, no.


Working, working.

Yeah, I got it. You've been...

How long have you been doing that kind of work?

No, no, eh... Hmm... Aburrida.

Perfect. But you don't enjoy it.

Thanks. Thanks.

Oh, you gotta go work right now.

Yes, yes. Want have the dollar.

Okay, okay. Alright. You don't want any rice?

Okay, bye! Bye Jamie-yo.

Jamie! Yo, Jamie!

Yo, man. Hola... hola...

What's wrong? You were supposed to be waiting down here with the stuff.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Yeah, please hurry up, man. My little brothers are waiting.

Um, can you give me 10 minutes?

We're kind of late, man. Please hurry up.

Come up. Okay.

We don't have to shout like this.

I'll be waiting in the car, man.

Okay, Lady Botota. I'll be five minutes.

Wow... Yo, man.

Great car.

Yeah, the only problem is, it's so expensive.

It spends too much gas.

I'll cover gas, man. I'll cover gas.

Really? Cool, thanks. No worries.

I'm sorry those women were scaring you last night.

So crazy. They were fun.

I liked Botota.. yeah, like, I liked Botota because she was kind of quiet but Hannah kept like, getting aggressive with me.

This is the perfect thing in my life right now, to do mescaline.

I'm just getting into all this, really getting heavy in to all this phenomenology stuff and it's all related, you know, it's like...

So your brothers are gonna take it too?

Did they decide they want to?

Yeah, I think so. That's what they tell me, yeah.

So I have to get enough because, uh...

I don't wanna take, like, you know, less than the recommended dosage.

We should all...

We should make sure there's enough for us to all do the right amount.

If not, maybe they'll just hang out or something.

- Yo! Pilo.

How are you, man? Good, how are you doing?

Fine, you? I'm dead, man.

Exhausted, man, we did so much cocaine last night.

We could hardly sleep.

I did more than him, but...

Somebody put some like Klonopin in it or something.

Yeah, bring those.

Hey, Lel.

Hey, are you going to drink this San Pedro with us?

San Pedro? Yeah.

We'll have a psychoactive voyage, you know?

Oh... Yeah, yeah. It's true.

It's just a plant, you know, I mean, it's just the San Pedro cactus.

It's been an ancient tradition.

They've been doing it for hundreds of years.

It's like... it's really traditional.

What are you saying? I'm trying to translate what you said.

It's, it's safe. Don't worry!

Uh, Jamie? My knees... it's like...

Sorry, man, I'm tired. Yeah, but please...

Is that better? Yeah, yeah. Great man. Thank you.

♪ ...I'm the king of bungle, baby, I'm the king bungle... [indistinct] ♪

♪ King of the bungle, King of the bungle ♪

♪ Hear me when I come, baby

♪ King of the bungle, King of the bungle ♪

Jamie, you want an empanada? Cheese?

No, meat empanada? No, no, I don't think...

Does he have coffee or something?

Do you have coffee? Cafe..?

Is it... real coffee or is it...?

Instant coffee. Yeah.

Are you not hungry, man? You haven't eaten all day.

Oh, you don't know what they put in them.

When they make them in these places, you know.

I had that bad experience, you know, I ate...

Oh, yeah, I remember.

An empanada and I... got really sick.

I had to lie in bed all day.

Yeah, I threw up on the driveway... Gracias.

Hello? Hey, Jamie, it's me, Crystal.

Yo, Jamie, your phone.


Oh, my God, it's me, Crystal! Jamie! Can you hear me?

I'm on a bus, I'm on my way to Copiapo...

I hope you're on your way there.

Listen, let's meet at the main square.

That was Crystal Fairy. What?

Crystal fairy, from last night. The crazy dancing girl?

Wow, yeah. Yeah, so?

She just called me. She says she's on a bus to Copiapo.

She's gonna meet us in the square, she says.

Are you serious, man? How did she get my phone number?

Fuck, you gave it to her, man. Don't you remember?

Ah, I gave it to her and she memorized it.

This girl we met last night at the party...

Oh, that wasn't an invitation.

I just told her what our plan was.

Yeah, it was an invitation, man. What is her problem?

Why did she think I was inviting her?

Because you gave her your cell phone and you told her to go.

That is an invitation. That's not...

That was not an invitation. Well, I knew it, man, fuck.

Why do you want to go to the Plaza?

We don't have to adopt this fairy just 'cause we talked to her for five minutes at a party.

Nobody wants to adopt the fairy, man.

But anyway, you invited her, so, you know like, since if she's there at least and... I don't know.

You are... Well, you're the one driving, you know, if you want to go, we can go check it out.

Yeah, let's do it, man.

Oh, great.

Who's this guy? This guy helps people, like, park.

Okay, look for a white girl.

A white girl? She's a gringa.

Do you have any other reference? I don't... like, her hair or something?

I don't know what else to say about her.

I don't remember that much else about her.

What are these guys doing?

That over there, that group of women.

It's like a whole group of fairies over there.

This isn't mine, this isn't mine...

Pink shirt there, I think.

Oh, this is nice, right in the middle of a park.

No, no!

I think that... Hey...

Oh my God, oh my God!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hey, hey, hey!

The drawing, I gave them a drawing.

I gave them two fairy drawings.

What are they saying? Ow!

Very bad karma!

They're going to have very bad karma.

I'll take my drawing back.

Why are you even talking to them, you know?

They're really going to have bad karma.

I mean, they're just drowning in evil and hate.

I feel so sorry for them, I really do.

What did you say to them?

I... they wanted them, they wanted...

Man, I'm so sorry, God. That was insane.

Yeah, absolutely insane.

They, like, were pulling my hair out, you know?

My shirt. That woman ripped my shirt for no reason.

Yeah, whatever. It's over, man.

Let's get out of here. As soon as possible.

Welcome to the group, Crystal Fairy.

Hey boys, chicos? Do you think they have...

Do you have any fresher lettuce?

Can you ask her that?

Wait a minute, is this what you guys are buying?

Oh, boys, boys. This is a nightmare. No.

We're going to have fun with this.

All sugar. This is all, let me see this.

Chito pake? You don't eat sugar?

What is this puppy? This is how you poison?

It's not funny. You're very cute, but it's not funny.

Pure poison, basically, for your body.

Your pretty faces are going to be destroyed.

Oh. What am I going to do with you?

Hey, Crystal, they like, they just eat like this in Chile, you know?

You're not going to change the way these guys eat.

Jamie, do you know what's going on in America with this sugar epidemic?

You've seen that it's destroying... Yeah, they don't really get that here, you know? It's like not the same.

We've gotta spread the word! It is the same thing as Adenol...

You should just get your vegetables and they'll get whatever they want and you know...

I'm going to share the cheese pops with you.

You share your cheese pop with me, I'm gonna share my vegetables with you.

Champa versus Crystal. I dare you.

Sugar, vegetable food off!

It's gonna be fun.

She's kind of exhausting, huh? Nah, it was fun, yeah.

Man, what if we honestly just find a hostel and drop her off at a hostel or something?

No, man, you can't be serious. You want to leave her alone?

Is she really going to come all the way to Pan De Azucar with us?

I mean, can you imagine having her around?

Leave her at a bus stop, you know? It's like, we've done our job.

But she's, like, part of us, you know?

She's not part of me, man. I hardly know her.

Jamie! Amigo. Yeah.

Yeah, we're probably going to need some tampons now that we're dragging this woman around.

Get her some deodorant too.

Yeah, that's great. Get one of those.

Man, do you think this is going to be crazy to have her with us the whole time?

Like, who she is?

If you guys are cool with it, though, I mean, you know.

You guys are patient.

I just don't want it to ruin your trip.

She's not for me. Yeah, she'll be... no, it'll be cool.

If she gets weird, we'll figure it out or get rid of her.

Okay, guys, there's room. Let's get going.


That's mine. Okay.

What did she say, Champa? The room is only for four persons, but...

There's four of us. There are five.

No problem.

Jamie, I've been here before. When?


That's creepy.

I'm telling Pilo to give his bed to Crystal Fairy.

Oh, no. What?

No, no. Why?

I'm happy on the floor. I don't mind sleeping on the floor.

No, no, I don't. She's a woman, come on.

She's a woman? What difference does it make?

Don't be sexist. He's right, we're all the same.

Come on, I can sleep on the floor, really.

Yeah, you're okay with it. Yeah.

Yeah, you should have a bed. No, really, I don't mind.

No last minutes. Yeah, you should have a rest.

Pilo, are you sure? Yeah, it's fine.

Ah! Thank you.

Oh, you boys are so sweet and wonderful.


God, what was going on in that park today before you got there?

Those women, that was just, nuts, they were like, the true expression of Kali.

I mean, they had all the incredible goodness and the love in them and then all the darkness and evil and it just... bam!

It came together and it just was unleashed upon me in such a moment of wild humanity and then out of nowhere, you guys were just... there.

Yeah, that was crazy. It was amazing.

Okay, I think I need a beer.

You want to go buy a beer with me?

That's a good idea. Bring some beer back.

I would like some beer.

Would you like anything, Crystal Fairy?


You know, no, no.

I'm okay. You're good?


Thank you, sweet boys.

Okay, what would rather do?

Stick your nose into Crystal Fairy's armpit and breathe in through your nose for two hours or make out with your father for two hours?

Really try and imagine both.


I think I'll pick my father.

And you too. I don't blame you. Yeah.

I would have picked your father too.

No, honestly, man, if she gets on your nerves, which I'm pretty sure will happen, tell me.

Don't hold it in. Like, tell me and I'll deal with her.

Okay, thank you. Seriously.

What happened to the fairy? Did she fly away?

No, she's taking a shower, man. Will be cool.

That sounds good. She could use that.

We were playing this game on the street, would you rather, or what would you rather.

You know this game?

What about a horse, you walk into a room, there's a horse.

You have to eat the entire horse before you can leave the room or you shave your father's pubic hairs every Sunday and eat them.

10 horses before that, man.

Or run backwards for 40 kilometers with this in your ass?

I have a question.

If you don't eat your grandfather in two hours, if the two hours go by and he's not entirely eaten, what happens?

An endless stream of human shit coming out of your ears for the rest of your life and it's like, just part of your life. It's like, liquid shit.

Or a small man who's this tall...

Living with you for the rest of your life and he follows you around and just watches your every move.

Welcome back. Hey.

Would you like a beer? Yes, please.

I highly recommend the showers for everybody.

Beer. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, a shower sounds fantastic.



Ah, mm. Can I have that?

Yeah, of course. Gracias.

Mmm, mmm.

Oh, my God, yes.

I'm so glad I remembered. You guys.

Okay, let's see. Oh, those uglies...

Okay, I've been saving these for months, I didn't know why and now I know why.

They're blessed with the ability to open up all your chakras to receive positive energies, which we all need to do for the San Pedro, you know, so that we're in that good frame of mind we were talking about.

We're supposed to ingest their essence with liquid, so let's have them in our beers, yeah?

That's cool. It's okay with beer, or it has to be with...

No, no, it's good with beer. Yes. That's cool shit.

You have to keep this, okay? You drink it and then you keep it.

Thank you, Crystal Fairy.

I'm okay. I don't like shit in my drinks.

No, no, no, it's important that you ingest the essence of this.

I like just ingesting beer by itself. It's like a weird thing I do.

So, um, Crystal Hairy, why are you naked?

You like that, Pilo? You like Crystal Hairy?

I like Crystal Hairy, that's good.

It's fine, I mean... Sorry, I just thought we should talk about it.

'Cause you're like... your pussy's hanging out, it's like you wanna talk about it or something?

Am I making you uncomfortable, Jamie?

Honestly, it's like... kind of hard to be comfortable and just act like it's normal.

Okay, well, I'll put some clothes on.

It's cool for me, Crystal Fairy.

Yeah, whatever, I mean. I'm okay with your nudity.

What's the plan for tomorrow?

Tomorrow, we're going to get to San Pedro.

Lobo told me Tierra Amarilla and you have to look at the yards of the houses and you find, and you like, ask the people and offer them to, I don't know, an exchange or to buy it.

Champa! Champa!

Your bag!

Hey, we're going.


I feel a lot of aggression coming from you.

Is there something you want to talk about?

Have I upset you? What? No.

No, we really are just going.

Sorry, I didn't mean to rush you or anything.

'Cause I'm open to talking about anything.

There's nothing. It's like, that's just how I act in the morning.

I'm sorry, we're just all ready to go and we have this big day ahead of us, so, we should probably get going soon.

But finish your thing and you know... Okay.

Okay, guys. Hairy Fairy is getting ready.

She'll be ready in a minute. Champa!

Hey, are you ready? Asking for some directions.

Okay, you ready to go? Yeah.

You know how to get there? Yeah, it's very close.

Don't forget your bag in the room, we're not coming back.

Okay everyone, roll down your windows and let's start looking for the San Pedro.

You know, it's like a huge cactus, with huge, like, long arms.

What about this one? Yeah, that one!

Pilo: Donde, weon? Champa: Pilo, Pilo, that's not it.

Yeah, there's one that looks a lot like it.

Champa: There, stop the car, stop the car.

It's not a big one, but we can ask.

I'm okay to park here? Yeah, it's okay.

Yes, that is it. Yeah.



Hola. Hola you pulpa.

What did he say? Tell him we'll pay him.

He's going to take you with some friends.

Yeah, how much does he want? It doesn't matter.

So then let's go, what the fuck are we wasting our time for?

Okay, thanks. Whatever. It doesn't matter.

We'll find another one. Whatever.

Did he not understand that we were going to pay him?

I don't know.

Some people don't care about money, Jamie.

Some people have...

That's one in the back, right?

That's... a big one.

She's got to sell us some of that, whoever lives here.

Oh my God, that's the biggest San Pedro I've ever seen.

Man, you've seen two.

They have to give us some of that, right? They've got so much.


Senora, we want to buy your cactus plant.

We want to give you money.

Ask her why she won't even think about it.

You have so much. You're never going to use all that.

Come on, man, take it easy. She's not going to sell.

Look how much you have.

Let's go, man, she's not gonna sell it. Yah.

So close. Champa, get it.

You wanna jump the fence, man?

No, it's kind of criminal, isn't it?

Hey, you guys, I was just going to say, we can't wait in front of this poor man's house all day.

We've gotta just let it go. Yeah, you're right.

Jamie, Jamie, come on.

Let's go get a drink.

I think we should spend a little more time looking.

'Cause honestly, I expected us to spend a lot more time than what we've spent so far looking.

Yeah, but it's getting late and we've spent so much time.

I don't know if it's enough.

Do you guys feel like it's been a long time?

I feel like it's, you know, only been a...

I thought we would be looking for a lot longer than this.

How long is the drive to, to Pan de Azcar?

Um, at least three hours or something like that.

Yeah, I think we should hit the road before the sun goes down.

No, hey, Crystal, you need to stay out of it.

We made this plan a long time ago.

The whole part of the plan was for us to drink San Pedro on the beach.

That's really what started this whole trip.

It's kind of weird to show up without it.

Doesn't make any sense.

Who here wants to go and do it?

I mean...

Okay, yeah, sure. It's too bad.

We'll make another trip. Yeah, I'd like to, man.

And, you know, if it's just the two of us, we can search all day, we won't get tired of it... I know you don't get tired of it.

Hey, you guys. There's a San Pedro cactus here.

Oh, it is, yeah, it is.

That definitely is.

Wow, Crystal! Thank you.

Okay, we have to ask. We have to ask.

You want to ask? Yeah, I mean, it'll take five minutes.

We're here. Come on.

Hola. Not like that, no, no, no.

Yeah, I know, you're right. Sorry, Crystal.

Hola. Tell her, um...

We'd like to buy your cactus. Pay you money for your cactus. Money.

Hola. Como estas, how are you...

We'd love to give you some money for your cactus.

Tell her how many, like, tell her how many people we've asked...

About our day, and... We'd be very happy.

She'll have to think about it.

Well, yeah.

She said yes.

She knows we want the plant, right?

Oh, she's got so much.

Hey, we won't be long here.

Champa, hey, would you just translate what I say?

Tell her... you have to tell her we just want to pay for the cactus.

We don't really want to, like, hang out here for a long time or anything.

Just tell her, yeah. Yeah, good.

I don't think she understands that, yeah, 'cause the kids are impatient, just tell her we want to buy the cactus.

Cactus... Um, bien.

Hey, guys, let's get going. It's getting late. We have to go now.

Just give us a moment, Jamie.

Just give us a moment, Jamie. Jamie, settle down.

Jamie, settle down. We're in the middle of a we're in the middle of a conversation with...

Yeah, senora Pichita, I'm very sorry...

Chelita, it's senora Chelita. No, come on, man.

No, it's time to go. It's just time to go, you know?

I have a surprise that I think you're gonna like.

Guys, let's move fast.

Hey, I think you guys wanna see something.

Take a look in the back.

You're a son of a bitch, man.

You crazy fucking chicken! You're wild!

All right. Okay, let's get out of here.

Hey, Crystal, I want you to sit in the passenger seat.

You need to be the co-pilot. Oh, my God!

'Cause you're the one who saw it first.

Be the co-pilot. All right.

Come on, guys.

Ah, oh yeah. You know, I'm thinking we should do a little karmic cleansing.

Man, I like having this big boy between my legs.

Crystal, why don't you pass it back, you know? Don't...

It's getting me too excited having it up here.

Okay, okay, let me just finish my blessing.

Yeah, and then pass it back.

Maybe we'll cook it as soon as we get there 'cause it'll...

We need to give about nine hours to cook it, so if we do it as soon as we get there, we can drink it tonight.

Oh, I think we should cook it today and take it tomorrow.

Yeah, but it would be so nice with the stars and the nighttime.

I'm not sure if I'm taking the San Pedro anymore.

Yeah? I don't feel very well...

What? Why not? Since I slept on the floor.

I'm so sorry. No, it's not your fault.

When we get there, we'll do some, we'll do some healing work, okay?

I'll fix you right up. Hey, that's a good idea.

You guys should definitely do that together.

Incredible. I've never seen anything like it, it is so beautiful.

We've gotta stop and get out.

I'd rather not stop right now.

The only thing is we're making really good time, and it would be nice to start cooking it before the sun goes down.

We're just zooming through this gorgeous landscape.

Yeah, we're making such good time is the only thing and we can get to the beach.

No, please, just a few minutes, plus I've gotta pee.

We're gonna have to stop anyway, I've gotta pee.

I mean, there is pee literally coming out of my vagina.

All right, guys. What?

Let's get going now. What are we doing?

We're in this beautiful place. Here, this is chamomile.

Sniff it, this will relax you. Wow, that's really nice.

Isn't that pretty? Yeah, bring it.

Yeah, it kind of smells like...

Boys, smell this chamomile. Chamomile.

Aye-yai-yai, that pollo loco is driving me loco.

Come on, asshole.

Shut up, asshole.

♪ Pollo loco, ♪ I made a song for you. ♪ This I would watch.

♪ Oh, my pollo loco. ♪ Okay

♪ You need to leave your soul on this desert floor. ♪

♪ The voices in my head are shadows, shadows ♪

♪ She comes to me to tell me

♪ what they're after ♪

♪ says, "it ain't the end, boy, ♪ but you'd best be careful, careful ♪

♪ might catch your tail end in a circle, circle... ♪

Yo, Jamie. Can you help us, please?

Look! This is perfect over here. Pilo, come over here.

Guys! Bring all the stuff over here.

It is beautiful. Yeah, this place is fucking perfect, man.

Let's put up the tent. It's beautiful here!

Thank you for bringing me here.

I'm gonna grab the tiny kitchen, ciao.

Yeah, okay, we're gonna set up the tents.

♪ Look to the sea...


Hey... Hey-ya, whoo!

Okay, I'm a little disappointed!

♪ Black, loving eyes, ♪ and a stare that sees for miles ♪

♪ says she wants to, ♪ Oh, wants to stay a child... ♪

Take this one. Yeah.

Okay, I'm gonna go hunting, man, okay?

Oh, good, yeah, okay, good.

I'll catch you some fish. Catch something for dinner.

Okay, I'm gonna try. See you later.

Thank you.

Yo, Crystal. Yeah.

We got a tarot reading pending, okay?

I know, I'm excited. Cool.

I'll be waiting.

Jamie, can I help? Oh, that's okay.

Oh, I'd like to.

That's okay, I'm just taking the thorns out right now and now I'm just using this little knife.

Yeah, look, I even have my own knife.

I'm gonna remove the skin and... Wonderful.

I can kind of... it's kind of a one-person job.

No, look, if we move it just like this.

Now it's a two-person job. Yeah, perfectly.

It's okay.

The outer layer of it in little chunks. That'll... that's what you want.

Like this, yeah? And there's still a little green left here, so get all of that, get all of that. Okay, okay

So, once we get this cooking, I think we should all sit around the pot, right?

We're gonna cook it in that little stove?

Yeah. And just have a gathering, you know, and talk about maybe our fears, you know?

We can just sort of... You think that's important?

Yeah, I do, I think it would be nice to have a little ceremony, you know, in preparation.

It's very important before taking drugs as a group that everybody sort of commune with one another, you know?

Yeah, I agree. Yeah.

I mean, it's either that or an orgy, and I don't think you boys are ready for that.

What else do I have to show you? Oh, this guy... I never finished her.

Lel, lel!

There was... my lady. There she is.

Uh, I'm gonna play futbol.

Ey, oh. Pilo.

Yo, Jamie, come on.

Hola, amigo. Hola.

He can really play. Thank you.

Yeah, I'm gonna check on the San Pedro, it's almost ready.

Okay, man. Yeah.

Hi. Hey.

Welcome. Lie down, breathe.

♪ I don't want to stay and then... ♪ So, maybe we should break the ice with talking about, you know, maybe what we're afraid of a little bit.

I know that you're... you've got a lot of fear surrounding taking the San Pedro.

What's your biggest fear?

In life, not... just in life.

Really, anything, and just, and just throw it in that fire.

Extinguish it.

Um, I think my main fears are, uh, madness and, hopelessness, and then I could say, like, cops.

Cops, that's a serious one.

And Lel? But no English.

That's okay Speak your language.

People with bad intentions? Yeah.

Interesting. Okay, Champa.

I just want to say thank you guys for being so honest and vulnerable and it's beautiful.

Okay, Champa.

Um, I really don't, don't think about a huge fear that I have, but if you ask me, I would say, like, uncertainty.


So, is there any... anything at all that the big bad pollo is afraid of that he wants to share?

Yeah, I don't know, the ocean and, like, sharks.

It seems like maybe you're just afraid of being honest, you know, and vulnerable and, and, and opening up...

Like these boys have.

Yeah, I really am, actually, just afraid of sharks, though.

Like, they... I hate the idea that they could be swimming underneath you, and you don't know, and then you're just like, I don't know, it's really...

I actually am really afraid of sharks.

Crystal Fairy, so why don't you share your fears with us?

Well... You know, I guess my biggest fear is that, that this incarnation of humans is not gonna realize its freedom, you know?

Freedom... freedom from time, from this mechanized world that we live in. From ego, you know?

We, we have to awaken to, to our own nature, to ourselves, you know, so we can cast aside our ego and, and, and reconcile with the divine, you know, with earth, and, and now is the time to do it.

We've gotta, oh, we've gotta work hard and unleash that ancient voice of consciousness that, that now only belongs to the, to the angels and to the fairies, you know?

And it's, it's difficult, you know, it's destructive.

It's a darkness that each of us have to pass through, you know, that the world is passing through, the world, it's suffering so much the way that we are, but at the end, this world will end, and it will transform and we'll be in a new world, in or around December 21st, 2012, which is the end of the Mayan calendar, you know, and then we will be living in a transformed, beautiful world that is surrounded by the new sphere.

I'm gonna try to translate a little bit to Lel.

Are you sure you're translating correctly?

Yeah, because you talk too much, I'm getting, like, a little bit of what you said, but...

I just... 'cause he's laughing. Si, yeah.

Are you laughing at me? You're laughing at me?

Oh, my God. Sorry.


Crystal, I have to say you're, you are hilarious.

You're such a character, I love you.

You guys, this is serious. It's up to us. This is serious.

It's... 2012 is around the corner!

Pollo! Good morning.


Come do my magical passes with me! Okay.

Oh, my God, look at your face. You look like a crab.

Yeah, I got a little sunburn. Here, you don't want that.

So we're gonna start with right arm up, left leg up.

Okay, and vigorous breath.


Ideally, you have snot pouring out of your nose, you know?

That's good. Put a little force into it.

Kind of like yoga? Or something?

Similar, similar.

Hey, crystal.

Maybe you just finish your magical passes and I'll wake the guys up.

Jamie, remember yesterday how we talked about just letting things unfold in their own time and not rushing or forcing them?

Yeah, Crystal, I'm not rushing anything.

Don't be so patronizing, you know? I'm just...

I'm not rushing it. We didn't do it last night, we're doing it today, so it's not really rushing it.

I think you should just let the boys get their rest.

Well, I think we should do it first thing in the morning, you know?

Maybe you should put some sunblock on today.

Yeah, more, more, more.

Oh, yeah, it looks good.

This is good.

Boys, your breakfast is ready! No, we're not supposed to eat!

Hey, Champa, your brother said it is better to fast.

We're supposed to be fasting.


Don't eat that!

Come on!

We're supposed to have empty stomachs.

It's easier to digest... They are hungry.

I had a nice big plate of food this morning. I feel great.

Okay, I'm not eating and I'm gonna go and drink over there because I don't think we should be near the kitchen stuff in case people start throwing up, which now you guys are probably going to.

Come over here when you're ready.

You boys, you don't worry about him.

You just enjoy your breakfast, yeah?

Well, guys, I just want to say I'm really happy we're all...

Oh, we need our magical pebbles!

We need our good energy pebbles, our crystals.

Does everybody have them?


I didn't keep mine.

Okay, well, I will find you another one.

Cheers, my friend. Cheers, amigo.

Strong flavor. Strong.

I think I'm going to wait for the...

Hey, wait, what are you doing?

You started drinking it without us? Mmm.

Yeah, it's got a really interesting...

Yeah, I don't think I really need this, Crystal.

I don't think I need it.

Yah, Jamie, Pilo. Cheers.

Very bad? Here you go, Crystal.




Yeah, no, I still have, like, a headache, I'm not sure.

Ya po loco, go!

Oh, the headache won't be a problem. This will probably...

Why don't we do a little healing together as you take it?

That will help. That will soothe you.

Yeah, do like, a healing thing.

Okay, uh, yeah, I want you to actually sit facing the east.

Okay. I don't think it has anything...

We're going to do a little energy work, yeah, just to get ourselves straight here.

And breathe in...

And that's right.

It's a good time to start drinking it...


Very good.


It's very toxic...


What did you think?

What, her? Yeah.

San Pedro?

It's definitely not, no. The onset is like, 120 minutes.

Do you guys see those faces in those rocks? Those smiling faces?

What faces?

There's a family of smiling faces right up on that Ridge.

Really? Yeah.

Where exactly, where specifically are they?

Right up at the, starting at the... Are you kidding?

There are no faces in the mountains.

No, I think I see some.

No, it hasn't hit yet. You're just pretending.

You don't need to like... Crystal.

Like, just enjoy the beauty of it, you know. They're just mountains.

Like, just enjoy what they are.

You don't have to like, imagine that there's something there, because there isn't, you know.

Like, I don't need a rock in my cup when I'm drinking this stuff either.

Like, all of this stuff... All right, Jamie, okay, it's fine.

...Not really necessary. Be real, you know?

I mean, it hasn't hit you yet. Seems like...

Maybe, you need to be alone or something. I don't know.

I'm gonna go hang out with those rocks. I'll see you guys later.

Come on, don't be an asshole, man. You know it's...

I'm not being... I'm being an asshole now? I'm just saying like...

Yeah, it's Crystal Fairy, man. You know her, you know that's...

I'm not being an asshole.

I'm just saying she doesn't have to do all that stuff that she's constantly doing.

Yeah, but maybe you were too honest, you know?

Besides, it's not necessary to say that to her in that way...

Somebody needs to say that to her.

She's obviously never heard that in her whole life.

I'm, you know, I'm just trying to tell her how it is.


What do you think if we go to explore the area? Over these rocks?

It's an amazing place.


You guys, you think I was really an asshole... to Crystal?

I don't know, you made me feel... ah!

You gave me so much grief after we had that weird moment.

Like you gave me so much grief about it. Do you think she's okay?

Just forget about it, man.

Just relax, it was nothing, okay?

I can't stop thinking of it because you gave me so much grief, you know.

I just... I feel like it was too much or something.

No, just relax, man. I am. What do you mean?

I am.

I don't think... What's wrong, man?


I don't think it's hitting me very well. What?

Wait, wait. What's wrong, man?

Wait, wait.

Okay, I'm a little better. Yeah, you are, man.


Huh? What'd you say? You said something about me?

No, don't worry. Just tell me!

I need to know. Lel thinks you are little bit pale.

Don't laugh right now! Don't laugh right now.

Don't laugh at me.

Come on.


Oh, my voice sounds so weird.

Okay, man, just relax. Breathe. Breathe slowly.


Wait for me! Wait, wait.


Oh, my voice sounds weird, right?






Oh, mah!

It's weird.

It's really...


Yo, Jamie, what the situation, Jamie?

Yeah, that's right, man.


Come on. What the situation, man?

Why are you acting like that?

Why are you being so strange? You're acting so strange.

Everything is fine, man. Everything is so fine, it's all right.

My little brothers is nice people. Me too. Okay.

Why are you being so strange?

What the situation, man, come on.

Come here, man. Come here, hey.

Let's go to the sea, man. You want to go to the sea?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Let's go in the water, yeah. Let's go in the water.

No, let's go in the water right now.

Come on, lazy wog. Let's go right now.

Come on, botota. Botota!

Botota, man! Oh, what's the situation?

Such a fucking baby. Oh, it's so hot.

Oh, please, let's go in the water.

Yes. I like that idea.

♪ if you're feeling fancy free ♪

♪ come wander through the world with me ♪

♪ And any place we chance to be will be our rendezvous ♪

♪ Two for the road, we'll travel down the years ♪

♪ collecting precious memories ♪

♪ Selecting souvenirs and living life ♪

♪ the way we please ♪

♪ In summertime, the sun will shine ♪

♪ in winter, we'll drink summer wine ♪

♪ And every day that you are mine ♪

♪ will be a lovely day ♪

♪ As long as love still wears a smile ♪

♪ I know that we'll be two for the road ♪

♪ And that's a long, long while ♪

♪ As long as love still wears a smile ♪

♪ I know that we'll be two for the road ♪

♪ and that's a... ♪

♪ Long... Long while ♪ Hey, guys, I think I'm... starting to feel the mescaline!

Are you guys feeling it?

Oh, my God, where did you come from?



You guys all look so much alike.

Genes are so weird.

It's a monster.


Fossiled whales in the desert from seven million years ago.

What kind of whales? Rorquals. Orca whales.

For the most part.

Sir, this is my brother Pilo. Pilo.

Hola, Pilo.

They are whale experts. They're researching whales here.

Oh, really? Yes.

What are you guys doing here?

We are studying the ancient life from seven million years ago.

They get preserved in the desert and we find them.


Why does that look so weird?

It's really creeping me out right now.

Let's go look at those pelicans.

What were you doing? I was talking to these guys.

...They leave a record.

And that's what we do, is find that record and figure...

Come on.

No, I like the one with his neck like... he's got his neck back there.

Yeah, it's like this.

What is this stuff that I'm sitting beside?


A net...

There's little knots in here, huh?

Oh, I'm stuck in it. Jamie...

No, no, no, don't, don't.

Jamie a fish.

A fucking fish. What is this place?

Like, there's a sock there. Whose sock is that?

Look at that fish. That is really weird.

What do they do here? Do they, like, catch fish here or what do they do?

That's the grave of Tom Jones, look.

Creeping me out. Tom Jones's grave.

Where is, uh, the Hairy Fairy right now?

Oh, I don't have no idea.

I kind of actually want to see her right now.

I really want to look in her eyes right now.

Yeah? Sad, sad.

Sad? Yeah.

I guess I should apologize to her.

That would be nice. I didn't wanna make her sad.

I'm gonna go find her.

I'll go find her and then I'll come find you guys.

Yeah. Okay Okay, I'll see you later, man. See you.

Good luck.


Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

Oh, Crystal.

Are you kidding me?

Oh... What?


Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Yo. Lel.

Jamie! Jamie!

Get out of there!



Pilo, I was looking for Crystal Fairy.

Are you all right? Yes.

I was looking for her because I haven't seen her all morning.

You cannot drive, man.

Hola. Hola.

Hi. I guess you're American, too.

Well, uh, I don't know how I got a shirt, but... I think you might need it.

Yeah, I lost my clothes! And I don't wanna look at you because this is insane. I don't know when.

What are you doing here?

I'm, I'm trying to get back to the beach.

I'll give you a lift. I've got room.

That'd be great, thank you.

That'd be really nice of you.

So, what is your name? Isabel.

Nice to meet you, Isabel.

Have you seen Crystal or... she hasn't been around here, right?


No, 'cause I, like, the last time I saw her was this morning.

Yeah, we too, but there's no problem, I think she was...

It's okay? Yeah.

I just want to make sure she knows how to get back here 'cause it's cold and...

Yeah, it's kind of cold.

It's starting to... sun's starting to go down.

Yeah, but take it easy, man. Stay calm, sit down.

I feel good. I think it's starting to come down a bit.

Yeah, we're landing. We're landing. Yeah.

From a famous artist. Oh, yeah?

There she is! Crystal!

Oh, wow. Whoa. Oh, my God, what happened to your clothes?

I was so worried about you. You were?

I was looking all over. Crystal, I really need to say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

♪ Everybody wants

♪ safety (Safety and love)

♪ we all do.


How are you? Hi.

Are you cold? Fine... yes, I'm freezing.

We're really sorry. I'm okay I'm sorry, I'm sorry for being...

Are you hungry? I'm starving.

Oh... Where's the bonfire?

What are you guys doing?

Cookies, I want cookies. They're so good.

Yeah, Crystal was my accomplice today.

Accomplice today. She helped me.

Really, you... No! You're giving me away?

I look at here, at his eyes, and...

Oh, you know, that's okay, man, you gotta be ready for it.

You can't take it if you're not ready for it.

It was so obvious. Yeah, but you are...

You had a good time.

I remember when I was 12 years old, I was obsessed with a girl, and I called her house, like, eight times in one day, and they had call I.D.

And her mother saw that I called that many times.

And call the police.

No, she answered the phone one time when I called, and she went, "Jamie, how many times did you call here today?"

And I was so scared in the moment, I didn't expect her to answer or for her to be mad at me about it, and I made up this lie, I made up a lie in one second, so I said, "oh, hey, um, hey, Donna.

My, uh, the problem was that my Internet connection had the wrong phone number in it.

It accidentally had your phone number, and I was trying to connect to the internet all day. I kept hitting connect, and it kept calling your house. It was a stupid mistake.

When I was 17, I went to this Halloween party.

I was dressed as a mechanic.

I went with this guy. I barely knew him.

We'd gone on, like, one date. I didn't even really like him.

But I was bored and I was lonely, so I went with him, and it was at, it was at this girl's house.

She is really rich. It was this huge pool party.

And we drank a lot. I drank a lot.

And at some point I took a pill. I thought it was ecstasy.

I didn't even really know what that was.

And then...

This guy who had invited me was, he wanted to take me to the pool house.

I didn't really understand what was going on.

I remember...

Being pressed up against this window and seeing the whole party kind of... happening, and feeling really... scared.

And then there were... two more guys in there, and I was completely naked.

And they were... having sex with me.

I mean, they were raping me.

I could see this whole party happening on the other side of the window.


Anyway, the next thing I remembered was that I was in this... bathtub.

Waking up in this awful, warm pool of water and the sun was rising, and it was...

But I had never... I...

I know it's kind of crazy, but I haven't actually told this story and I've never told this story.

Okay, easy. You're with us now, you're okay.

You have all our support and... okay? We love you.

Thank you. I love you.

Thank you, I love you guys.

Oh, my God, we made the... Wait a minute.

We made the pollo cry.

My friend.

Oh, my... we made the pollo cry.

My friend.

Come on, this is Crystal Fairy's time, man.

Don't take her opportunity, man.

What the fuck?

Nah, it's okay. I'm sorry.

It's okay. We're getting emotional.

It's okay It's actually...

Do you have any more secrets?

Oh, yeah, I do.

Actually... I'm a dominatrix.

I'm a dominatrix.

What is a dominatrix?

Dominatrix is a woman who, uh, straps on a black dildo and has sex with a man who's sitting in a swing.

Oh, my...

Oh, my God, you saw my...?

You saw my pictures? I'm sorry.

Oh, my God, did you see the...

I had a surprise for you in there?

No, I didn't see anything. I didn't see any surprise.

What surprise?

Can we see? No, no, no. No.

I love you guys.

I'm gonna go to bed. We love you, too.

We love you, too.

Can I sleep in your tent? Please. Please do.

Thank you.

She didn't see any faces in the Mountain.

♪ Maybe reaching for

♪ heaven and stuck on the earth

♪ will do.


♪ And as you eat ♪ don't think of the

♪ one you love ♪

♪ and on the street

♪ don't look at the sky above

♪ if there's no one home, ♪ don't expect nothing ♪

♪ 'cause nobody wants a lonely

♪ heart. ♪