Daddy and Them (2001) Script

Come on! Come here!

No! I'm gonna do it! I swear I will!

Let me go! Stop it!

Stop it!

Stop it! I'm telling you!

Give me that!

Give it to... Drop it!

You're gonna cut both of us! What do you care?

You said you was gonna kill yourself anyway.

Stop it. Give it to me!

Give me that glass of piece! It's dangerous!

It's a piece of glass. You said glass of piece.

Well, give it to me. I don't care what I said.

Come on. And get up.

Quit actin' silly.

If I can cut that thing right off your arm, then I might have a reason to live.

You're the one that told me to get it covered up.

Talk to that dopehead that done it.

He's the one that told me it was artistic to do it that way... pointy, not blocky.

Well, it's still a rose.

Crossed out name or not, 24 hours a day a rose.

And to top it off, you got that feather or whatever down by your crotch.

I know it's just a cover-up job that's hidin' your true feelings.

What if I had your brother's name tattooed by my deal?

A sex reminder every time you went to fool with me.

That's how I live every day of my life, rain or shine.

Honey, a rose is just a symbol... that represents a flower called a rose.

And you ought to be damn proud that I covered her name up with a feather that way, 'cause I done it for you out of love.

Bullshit!

I stayed on your ass is the only reason you fixed any of it.

And the only reason you got that one that means "God"... is to take my attention off of her being all over you!

I didn't necessarily say it meant "God." That one guy in there said it meant "God."

The other guy said it was a weed whacker on a Communist flag or somethin'.

And they don't even believe in God... or Jesus.

Honey, I just picked it off a picture on the wall...

'cause it called out to me cosmic.

And you know I'd put your name on me anytime, anywhere.

I don't want it! You think I wanna be just like her?

Thanks, and no thanks.

Thanks, and no thanks! Thanks, and no thanks! Thanks, and no thanks!

Communists don't believe in God or Jesus?

I heard they're short on toilet paper too.

How do you know that?

That guy I used to work with, the one I told you about, till this tractor run over him and killed him?

He told me.

I'll be dogged.

I didn't know about that.

Come on, baby. Let's go in the house.

Okay.

Hey, look.

Does my belly look flat as it did yesterday?

Of course it does. Are you sure? Because it feels bloated.

Sugar, it's not. Come on.

You'll have to promise me that you won't leave me if I get fat.

Hand me them candy corn, will you, sugar?

Sure, baby. Thank you, baby.

Honey, it ain't that I don't wanna go see your mama.

It's that we can't afford to go to Nashville and back. I done told you that.

It takes gas money to go places.

You don't wanna go see my mama 'cause you hate her. I bet if Rose wanted...

Oh, come on. Don't start that shit with me again.

Well, what if I used to fuck your brother? You wouldn't like that a bit.

I didn't used to fuck your sister. She was my girlfriend.

We didn't fuck. You didn't fuck her?

Of course I fucked her! She's my girlfriend!

You know what I mean by that.

All your mama's gonna do is talk about your damn old boyfriends.

Here we go. How great they were.

I'm sick and tired of hearin' them damn stories.

I've heard 'em a hundred times. And they were idiots, every one of 'em!

Oh, so I'm such a dumb-ass, I went with idiots all the time?

Hey, you said it, honey. You like to hurt my feelings, don't you?

Okay, you're not a dumb-ass. I'm sorry.

But they were fuckin' idiots.

Every last one of 'em was little-dicked idiots!

Muscle men, half of 'em, which I know you like.

Fuck every one of 'em!

You hate my whole family, don't you? I love your family.

Does that mean I have to love yours?

Honey, you're gonna have to quit actin' like you're gonna kill yourself.

It's embarrassin'.

You know the neighbours talk about us, don't you? You fucked my sister!

You was 13 years old!

Did you want me to get thrown in jail?

I couldn't fuck you, could I? Back then?

It's on the washer. Where's my brush?

Hello?

You're shittin' me.

Is J.C. livin' there now?

Okay. All right.

We'll call you at 12:00. Bye.

Who was it?

Honey, it was my daddy.

Uncle Hazel's been thrown in jail for armed robbery.

What? Yeah.

We're gonna have to go to Little Rock. His bail's pretty high.

Uncle Hazel? Yeah.

Well, what's he doin' committin' a crime like armed robbery?

I don't know, honey.

Can you slice that bologna a little thinner?

You know how Ruby is about thin meat for sandwiches.

Well, it's pretty thin.

Hey, Dewey, is bologna pretty lean?

I think so. I mean, fat content-wise?

Oh, it's good, it's good.


What do you say we just put it on ticket, Dewey?

Well, now, Claude, you-your bill's pretty darn high right now as it is, and you ain't paid so much as a nickel on it as long as I can remember.

Now if you'd, you know, just pay a little somethin' on it every month, so it looked like you're tryin'... is all.

That's easy for you to say.

You're self-employed.

You don't have to work for the county for five and a quarter an hour.

I have to feed a woman that acts like... there ain't gonna be no more food and is skinny as a rail.

I don't get it. She ordered a goddam C.O.D. elephant.

A ceramic elephant. C.O.D. Now...

Her signature was right on it. You don't know what it's like, man.

Claude, you oughtn't take the Lord's name in vain... when you're talkin' to a deacon of the church, now.

You've just went to pot ever since your folks moved up Little Rock.

Your daddy paid his bills. I tell you what, then.

You just keep your damn thick-ass bologna. Here.

No-No... Claude. There you go. Keep it.

Keep it! I don't give a shit!

You just sit here in your air-conditioned store... while I cut weeds and fill potholes.

And your church can kiss my ass.

The only reason y'all go to church is to show off new clothes.

Don't think I don't know about stuff like that.

And you don't give a shit about Jesus.

Jesus was a carpenter. He was like me.

He worked for a livin', buildin' chairs.

Are you still an alcoholic, Claude?

Can you slice me another pound of bologna?

She'll have my ass if I don't bring it home. We're goin' on a trip.

How come she's gotta come down here at all? Ain't her people locked up in jail.

Honey, the whole family's gonna be there.

Now, your daddy and them is my family, and vice versa.

Other words, Mama and Rose is your family.

My folks should be involved in any big-time situations.

In other words, a crisis situation.

But how come we have to wait for her to come all the way from Nashville... to ride 81 miles?

Why don't she just go to Little Rock? We'll done be there and meet her.

Honey, it's what she wants. She ain't gettin' any younger.

You know all she'll talk about is your damn ex-boyfriends. Here we go.

Who wants to listen to that shit in their right mind? You hate her, plain and simple.

It ain't gonna take her no hour anyway. She's flyin' on an airplane.

Flyin' on an airplane?

Now, see there? She can afford to fly down here on an airplane.

We can't even afford some damn bologna... and candy... dreams or whatever they are. Candy corn.

Wait a minute. We ain't got no airport.

In Little Rock.

Well, yeah, in Little Rock. That's my point.

She'll be flyin' into Little Rock. It's the only place to fly into.

She'll done be there.

Honey, she's got somethin' she wants to talk to us about on the ride up there.

She's gonna get a taxicab in Little Rock to bring her out here.

Then she's gonna ride up to Little Rock with us so she can talk to us.

See? Want some candy corn?

That rash I get. Oh, yeah.

Y'all are wired different, you and your mama.

There's something off about you. Your common sense is off. Honey...

Hey, baby, will you...

Will you rub my foot, while we're waitin' for Mama and them, with Jergens?

Mama and them who?

Mama and them, Rose. Rose is comin' too.

She is?

Don't act so damn happy just 'cause you fucked her.

You're a sacrilegious person, you know that?

I've explained and explained to you.

If it's your girlfriend, you don't call it fuckin'. Now, don't call it fuckin'.

You're hurtin' my foot.

So you don't mind ridin' up to Little Rock all the way in the car with me and Rose?

She is my sister, and I love her!

I just don't like it that you fucked her!

And I call it fucking, 'cause that's what you did!

Look what you did.

You wanna play some cards or dominoes?

You know me and dominoes.

I sure do, baby.

Y'all go to church today, honey? It's Saturday, Mom.

What are you gonna do about work, Claude? What do you mean?

Well, what kind of work are you doing now, Claude? You switch around so much.

How come Uncle Hazel would rob a liquor store?

Ruby says that you are doin' some kind of forestry work?

It wasn't a liquor store, was it, honey?

I'm cuttin' weeds for the county. No, honey, it was one of them quick-stop marts.

How come he married a psychiatrist, reckon? I thought it was a foot doctor.

A psychiatrist. She's from England or something, I believe.

What's the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist?

Well, one of 'em can give you dope and the other one can't.

That's what I heard. Downers and uppers.

Claude, if you hadn't left poor Rose, you'd be with her right now ridin' to Little Rock.

Don't her hairdo look good? Mama.

I left him. He didn't leave me.

That ain't the way you told it before. Jewel, in the name of God, please give me some peace about that.

It was ten years ago. Poor thing's had ulcers ever since.

Hello! I'm here! I happen to be his wife, Mama!

Ain't you got any manners? I didn't mean anything by it, honey.

I was just braggin' on your sister's hair.

Would've gotten the colour part done too, except I had to buy these shoes.

What do you think, Claude?

Looks good. What's that? Some kind of little strawberries or somethin' on it?

Ruby, who was that boy... that you thought got you pregnant at camp...

Goddam it!

I am sick of that shit. Ain't you got somethin' else better to talk about?

It turned out she wasn't pregnant anyhow.

Shit!

Y'all can have it.

I'm just gonna get out of here, and y'all can drive to Daddy and them's... or go to Nashville, whatever you wanna do.

I'm gonna go to the bus station at Arkadelphia and just go on a bus the rest of the way.

Ain't you gonna go after him?

Not when he's like that. It won't do no good.

Gets them dead eyes. You can't talk to him.

If he was mine, I'd go get him.

You kiss my ass. You gonna drive or you want me to?

If I don't go on a diet and lose my rear end, I'm gonna kill myself.


Oh, shit.

Figured you'd be in here this time of night. Hey.

You and her have a fight? Yeah.

Need a ride? Yeah.


How's it goin', Al?

Who is that?

That's that psychologist Hazel married.

I wondered what she looked like.

I guess that's it, then.

Yeah, well, I'm gonna go to bed.

Well, some of y'all wake me up to eat in the mornin'.

She looks kind of English, don't she?

Ruby's in there in my room if you're lookin' for her.

How are you gettin' along, Alvin?

Oh, I stay nervous just about all the time.

Yeah, me too.

Hi. Hi, sugar.

Hey, baby.

How come everybody else is asleep and you're not?

Do you like this colour fingernail polish?

I can't hardly see it, can you? Yeah.

You know, I feel as good as I've felt in a long time.

That's good, honey.

Boy, Hazel's wife sure looks English, don't she?

I took a bath and washed my hair.

I like to sit with an open window with my hair wet, fiddle around with little things like fingernail polish.

It's like a little hobby, you know? Yeah.

I like to be clean, don't you?

Oh, yeah, sure. Well, you gotta be clean.

Yeah.

I like to be up when there ain't nobody else up.

Feels like the whole world's asleep.

Can't nothin' get you or bother you, you know?

Well, it seems to me that's when everything can get you.

That's when folks get knocked in the head... and shot and cut up and everything... at night.

But I don't wanna think about things like that right now.

So if you're gonna keep talkin' about it, you're gonna have to sleep on the couch.

I don't think so. Besides that, that Englishwoman's on the couch.

Oh, yeah.

Ain't you gonna ask me how I've been?

Well, I thought maybe you'd ask me how I'd been.

Well, I've had a belly full of gas all day. That's how I've been.

Oh. Yeah.

Boy, you got a pretty foot, honey.

Thank you, baby.

You don't reckon we can find some place to fuck around here... where there ain't nobody layin', do you?

Well, it's a nice night out tonight.

There's about six or eight car hoods in the front yard.

You're so fond of that. Yeah, I am.

Plus, I just love the way you look in the light of the moon.

This ain't the time of the month when it's easier for you to have a little old baby, is it?

No, I don't think so.

Would you still love me if I was gonna have a baby... and got to be a big fat lady?

Of course I would, baby.

I wouldn't care what you looked like.

You're my baby.

Plus, it'd be like that famous quotation, you know:

"There'd be more than twice of you to love."

I believe Ben Franklin or one of 'em said it.

Some of them bunch that signed the Constitution.

I never heard that.

How you been, honey?

Fine. You?

It's been a long day.


Claude. Oh, yeah. Well, I guess.

Mama made that little-bitty sausage for breakfast. Y'all better come on.

It's funny you to bring up meat right off the bat that way.

I was havin' a dream that there was a recall on some meat somewhere.

I believe it must've been California. Everybody was blonde-headed.

It might've been Switzerland or one of them places then.

Yeah. Yeah, maybe.

But the sun was out.

Well, it probably was California then.

Or Florida.

Well... we'll be in in a minute. Oh, boy.

I slept so good in that bed last night.

Well, I know one thing. You slept on most of it.

You didn't leave me but two foot to sleep on.

How'd you sleep last night, O.T.?

Not worth a shit 'cause of all that racket outside.

Don't think I didn't know you took little Rose to bed on top of my car.

Well, Daddy, what'd you expect me to do? We had a full house.

Why don't you try to keep your horse in the barn for a couple of nights... till your Uncle Hazel gets out from under all them charges he's up against.

That ain't no kind of respect.

So you know, O.T., that was me... makin' love to my husband.

He quit Rose quite a while back.

Why don't you correct somebody for once?

Oh, Claude was just sayin' last night...

Isn't Rose pretty?

Goddam you, Mama.

Claude was just sayin' last night, Julia, that you sure look English.

I was, and you do.

You just look English. Don't she? She looks English. You do. She looks English.

How come none of us was invited to you and Hazel's wedding, Julia?

Well, we just had a quick ceremony down at the courthouse... with witnesses, not a proper religious ceremony.

Your parents were there. Well, we just figured... we'd be invited, you know, being family and all.

I'm a massage therapist and a health and fitness nut, you know.

Max here, he works for the Gazette.

Gazette Democrat now. He's from Chicago.

I'm really sorry. We just did it rather suddenly, you know.

We just kind of got our feelings hurt.

I mean, God, Hazel is my uncle, after all.

I mean, he was always sayin' how pretty and how sexy he thought I was.

Well, not in the gross way.

Speakin' of gross, Billy, this woman is from England.

Do you want her to think all Americans are whiny-assed little shits like you?

Is that what you want?

Reckon we can stop at Pizza Boy after church?

I have to go see Uncle Hazel in jail after church.

Sure like me some pizza.

Well, let's see, I guess...

I guess maybe we'd better take two cars.

We're not Methodists. Me and the girls, we can stay here.

And we'll meet up after church with ya. Ruby can drive their car.

And you just go on and you just take Alvin and your mama and daddy.

That's four of ya. And Bill and Max in theirs. That works out.

Just go. Now, that's not right, little Rose.

You need to go to church with Claude.

A woman needs to be in church with her husband.

I just wish everybody'd get on the same page.

Thank you, Jesus.

We'd like to keep the Montgomery family in our prayers... as O.T.'s brother, Hazel, was incarcerated recently... for...

I believe it was burglary, wasn't it, O.T.?

Armed robbery. Armed robbery, then.

You don't have to tell the whole town, Daddy.

Brother Rush, would you strike something up for us?

Then you tell him to get hisself back out there and fix it.

Well... Little...

How'd he like to have his ass whooped? Tell him that.

Y'all stay off my hind end back there.

I'm goin' as fast as I can.

Ain't nothin' for me to whoop a plumber's ass, I guarantee ya.

Well, at least this is a clean jail.

I guarantee you... Bring him back out there.

We'll have a squared-off place for him. I'll just take care of him right then and there.

Hey, listen... Hey, y'all, you can't just walk through here like that, pretty as you please.

Get back over here. I got to check you out.

Hey, y'all.

Here's your wife.

Hazel, are you gettin' along all right in here?

Yeah, it's all right. Can you... Can you sleep pretty good?

Yeah, all right. Yeah?

That's a hell of a thing to watch a big brother and a baby brother... talkin' to one another on the jailhouse phone.

I said, it's a hell of a thing to see a big brother and a baby brother... talkin' to one another on a jailhouse phone. Yeah.

I'm sorry that everything's greasy.

Take a towel or somethin' and wipe it off. Yeah.

Somethin' about a jail gets me kind of horny, even in the movies.

What do you mean?

You mean because there's men in here? No, baby.

You mean 'cause there's men in here, No.

And they're built up and they're muscle men, and you like that.

I do not. That's exactly what you're talking about, isn't it?

So I guess I'd better get built up more... to keep you from runnin' off with a goddam criminal.

Claude and little Rose... drove all the way from Arkadelphia...

One of these days I'm gonna do it, Claude. You watch and see.

Honey, you know Daddy's senile. He knows damn well we don't live in Arkadelphia.

Honey?

Good morning.

Hello.

They usually don't come in on a Sunday.

Hello. Welcome, everyone. Hello.

Come on in. Here we go. Hi. Come on in.

Hi. I'm Lawrence Boen. This is my wife, Elaine.

Hello. I'm actually a partner.

In the firm. I'm not just his partner in life.

Yes, that's right. We're Mr... We're Mr Montgomery's attorneys.

Yes, and they would know that.

Sure they would.

Obviously, Julie and I have gotten to know one another quite well... as this thing, you know, has gone on.

And I assume that, that the rest of us... I've gotten to know Julia too... get acquainted as time goes on. because there are two of us.

Great. You see, we... we just had brunch, Lawrence and I.

Okay, well, I thought that, we'd get started by just getting to know one another... and letting you know where we are thus far...

Lawrence, perhaps... they might like to sit down first.

You see, Lawrence is from Chicago.

So sometimes his manners slip a little.

I'm Canadian. Enough said.

Please, sit down. Yeah.

Please. Go on and have a seat.

Why don't you sit in the middle? This seat, sir.

That's fine right there. It's very comfortable.

Are you going to sit down? Jewel, you sit over here.

Okay. What about his wife Julia?

Well, she's been here before. No, I'm fine.

It's perfectly all right. I love your hat.

I'm not very comfy.

Thank you. Sure.

I'd like to start by, just saying that... we have started formulating our case.

I'm actually the head of the firm.

I brought Lawrence in when we married.

You see, when my father moved to Little Rock from Toronto...

Elaine, I don't think they wanna hear about all that right now.

As a... Oh. Okay, Mr Whatever.

Let's just cut to the brass tacks, shall we?

Attempted murder.

It's a very serious charge, and I'm afraid it looks very bad for Mr Hazel Montgomery.

It also looks like a basically open-and-shut case for the prosecution.

Well, I'm actually quite sure...

70... 70 percent sure... that we can have this reduced to assault.

Oh, bullshit! Oh, be straight with these people, Lawrence.

I mean, my God, look how many of them there are.

Attempted murder?

Well, I thought it was armed robbery.

That's what y'all said.

I sugarcoated it.

Because of the nature of my work as a psychologist, I thought it would be a great, um, marital aid, so to speak, for Hazel to learn more about what I do.

Marital aid?

What? Marital aid.

Oh. Marital...

Okay. Sure.

What does that have to do with? Are y'all makin' fun of marriage?

Well, hell, no, honey.

We're not makin' fun of marriage.

We're talkin' about a marital aid.

It's just a little old plug with a string on it.

That's all right. Um...

Yes, it was indeed very helpful in understanding what we each deal with every day.

And Hazel...

Do you know he really started to feel some real self-worth?

He was helping people, you know, and not just "selling wood," as he put it.

Claude, you sold a little wood, hadn't you?

In my time.

Well, then this fellow Tommy Christian started calling.

Actually, you gave it away, didn't you?

Goddam you, Claude. Can't you give me one night... where you don't drive me crazy and break my heart?

Well, don't give me shit about it. Talk to your sister there.

Tommy was very disturbed.

And he started talking to Hazel incessantly about thoughts of suicide.

Hazel practically became his therapist.

A Russian that wrote Lolita.

He took that word and split it in two... to where it came out "the rapist."

But what happened is, Hazel made the mistake... of meeting Tommy in person.

Tommy became obsessed with Hazel, started calling him in the middle of the night.

All the time. At home, at work, always threatening suicide.

Hazel couldn't stand the son of a bitch.

He was about to drive him crazy, so he went over there and tried to kill him with a doorstop.

Yes, well, that's the short version.

Around here that's better. Hazel maintains his innocence, and I believe him.

I could go into why, but, um, perhaps another time.

We could all use some rest, I'm sure.

Could I ask you a question?

Like, a businesslike question about your psychology business you got?

Certainly, Claude, yes.

Now, are you the one that can give out dope or the one that can't?

So which one of you used it on who?

What? The plug deal!

Mama, please quit playin' that monkey.

Claude Montgomery, political science.

Linebacker.

Listen, I don't know. I could explain it to you better, maybe.

Listen, y'all stay off them cars tonight.

I wanna get me some sleep.

Well, I don't think you gotta worry about it, Daddy.

I mean, Ruby's mad as hell at me tonight.

What's that got to do with anything?

Well, I-I-I tell you the truth, I'm just... I'm just wore plumb out.

Rose looks like she's mended up a little.

She ain't finally carryin' me a little grandbaby, is she?

Daddy, I wouldn't have a clue what Rose is carryin'.

Well, good night. Y'all say a little prayer for Hazel.

Yeah, we will. I had an awful dream about him... gettin' cornholed down at the jailhouse... by a gang of white guys.

Hey, sweetheart. How ya doin'?

Yeah, that's right.

I don't know. Whatever you wanna do.

See there?


What do you say, puddin'? What you doin', playin'?

You better start talkin'. I want it all.

Don't you let another minute go by without telling me... every little nasty-ass bit of it.

It's my right to know what I'm dealin' with here.

'Cause if you used that contraption on her, whatever it is, tuggin' in and out of my sister or you tuggin' in and out of her, I have the right to know.

You mean her tuggin' in and out of me.

You said me tuggin' it out of her, and then you started to say me tuggin' it out of her again.

You know what I mean, you son of a bitch. Just start talkin'!

I wanna know where I stand, fantasizin' and all.

'Cause if you like that shit... doodads, little diddle sticks and stuff...

I swear to God I'll go to the hardware store tomorrow mornin'... and buy a carload of shit to run in and out of us that will cripple us both for life!

Honey, I'm always straight with you.

I mean, you know, maybe it hurts, but I don't bullshit ya.

I'll tell you everything. I'll tell you every little detail... about everything you wanna know.

You know that. Every little detail. I bet you'd like that.

You like talkin' about it and killin' me.

What are you talkin' about? You told me to tell you.

I thought you wanted to know everything. What about you?

God knows what you've done. You probably just lie about it. Oh, here we go.

Am I the best? God knows. Who the hell would know?

You've probably been out with guys before that just... Oh!

Don't even say it to me. Don't tell me.

You talk about killin' somebody. Oh, you could kill me, and you know it.

I've told you a million times you are the best. But you're lyin' about it.

It always turns into your shit! I'm the one we're talkin' about now!

My feelin's are hurt! Can we talk about me now?

It's not you! Now, what the hell happened with that thing? What exactly is it?

It's just a toy. It's just a little old bitty toy.

And it was a million years ago, honey, back when me and Rose here was two consentin' adults.

You keep your voice down! You want her to hear us? Add that to injury.

Listen, sweetheart, a... a man's got a past.

I wish it wasn't that way, but, you know, that's the way the world goes around.

Yeah. Well, a woman's got a past too, and you keep bent out of shape about it all the time.

I do not! Oh, my God.

Ruby, do you remember that time... that you run off with that Efford boy? Oh, God.

And y'all didn't show back up for three days, and it turned out y'all was in jail... for, um, stealin' a whole bunch of Pet milk... and, what, frozen pizzas?

Popovers, Mama. Yes, that's right.

It was popovers.

Why'd you wait so long to call me?

I had the most awful nightmare about that... that you and this boy was takin' poison instead of stayin' in jail, like Romeo and Juliet and them done.

It's okay, Mama.

You was in jail for three days with a guy.

Just go back to sleep. You never told me that.

You was in jail for three days with a guy. You never told me that.

Yeah, three days.

I'm gonna go outside and pray for Uncle Hazel right now.

He needs our prayers.

He's laid up in that jailhouse probably gettin' cornholed as we speak.

Now, there's you some tuggin' in and out.

You see that? Now, look at you.

I always did say one thing you can do is shoot.

Now just do the same thing and get me a grandson.

Little girl, aren't you proud of your husband?

Which one of us are you talkin' about?

See that, Jewel? Good shootin', O.T.

Yeah, there may be snow on the roof, but there's still fire in the fireplace.

Or whatever that deal is that they say.

I'm sure there is.

Claude, can I shoot your gun?

In a minute. I'm usin' it now.

Claude, can I shoot your gun?

What's wrong with you, Miss Priss?

Can't you ever just have fun? Elbe, what in the world are you doin'?

I'm over here shootin', and Jewel and... one of the girls is watchin'.

I just got it in me to pick something pretty.

Honey, what are you doin'?

Kiss my ass!

Well, I don't know what them lawyers want, but out of all of this they ought to find somethin' they like.

We got the list. We know what to do. Let's go.


Problem is, everything Elbe cooked is raw... and everything Billy there cooked is burnt.

I should've knew better than to let them try to barbecue anything.

But I got foot trouble.

Is Hazel goin' to the pen?

Well, if he would agree to plead guilty to a lesser charge, maybe we could work something out.

However, he insists on pleading not guilty.

I thought that's good, isn't it?

It's real good if you're not guilty.

Mr Montgomery's our client, Elaine.

We don't represent people that we feel are guilty.

I know that, Lawrence.

But I also know when a case looks tough.

I mean, they have an eyewitness.

Don't forget, I've been around a little longer than you.

Nobody's arguing with that, sweetheart.

Look, do I have to remind you again and again and again...

No, you don't have to remind me every time you get a fuckin' hot flash, okay?

How much more fuckin' often could that be?

I mean, what are you reminding me of after all?

Your daddy's rich and he bought you a career.

I don't know how fuckin' impressive you think that is.

Go to hell. Listen.

Don't you think the important thing right now...

You know, I think I finally realised... is Hazel's defense?

The cuteness... wears off really fast.

And besides, with a 30-year-old, you think you would expect more than a four-minute erection.

I mean, it is the point, isn't it?

So you just take your mail-order law degree... and you shove it up your ass.

'Cause it's over.

I, um, think maybe we're not the best attorneys for Mr Montgomery.

Well, Claude, are you happy now?

Hazel ain't got no fuckin' lawyers.

The County Superior Court is now in session.

The Honourable Mr Dorn presiding. All rise.

All down.

Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble in France.

I did most of my fightin' in Belgium, military-wise, but I kicked up my heels in France a time or two.

What war did you lose your legs in?

I ain't old enough to be in no war, except the Gulf.

Oh, that wasn't no war. Just a bunch of missile shootin'.

My ex-wife shot me in the back.

Didn't even shoot 'em by hand. They used computers.

One of 'em was broadcasted on the news from up and under a bed.

They say a lot of 'em over there got poisoned with somethin'.

I guess nobody told 'em a bed wouldn't stop a nuclear rocket.

No. Yeah.

Shot you just like that?

Drunk a half a bottle of Uncle Somethin' or another's bourbon, then shot me.

I ain't heard from her since.

That middle boy of mine's a crack shot with a rifle.

All right, will the defendant please rise?

Mr Montgomery, do you understand... the nature of the charges against you, sir?

To tell you the truth, Judge, I don't understand any of this mess.

Say "Your Honour."

Not "Judge." "Your Honour."

Well, Your Honour, I didn't do anything to get myself here... that you wouldn't have done or anybody else... who had to go through what I went through with that little shit right there.

Oh, my God! You head-knockin', redneck son of a bitch! All-All... All right!

You are crazy as a loon! And, Judge, let me tell you somethin'!

You don't know the devil that this man turns into! All right!

Your Honour! That's what they told me to say.

All right, I have order, both of ya, right now! Do you understand?

We understand the charges, Your Honour. No, we don't.

Yes, we do. You're damn right you do!

You hit me in the head with a doorstop made of solid iron! Kiss my ass!

What you doin' here?

Oh, my baby brother is being arraigned on some serious charges.

He didn't do it, though. There's somethin' off somewhere. He's a good boy.

Married an Englishwoman.

I didn't even know she was mad at me.

She ain't spoke two words to me since Teddy turned three... six months ago or somethin'.

Well, see there? Children. That's somethin'.

J.C. is screwin' everything that ain't nailed down, and ain't come up with no babies.

I think he uses them darn "condrums."

And Alvin, he's got his nose in a dag-burned book all the time.

And Claude, for all his "carhood" and God knows what all with that little girl, must be shootin' blanks, or she's got female troubles.

Them your boys?

Grandchildren's a whole lot easier... to live with than real kids is what I heard.

My boys is all I got.

Teddy and Jack, three and four, over at their granddaddy and grandmama's house.

Well, see there? Grandchildren.

Ain't you goin' in to watch your brother?

I can't watch.

He lost his lawyers.

They had a "May and December" marriage.

They give him a government lawyer who seems nervous and ignorant.

All right, we're gonna try this again. Mr Montgomery, how do you plead, sir? Not guilty.

Not guilty? Not guilty!

All right, sir, let...

Mr Caldwell, can you get control of your client? In cold blood!

A nut the size of a damn loon! You lie like a rug!

Order! Order! All of ya! Everybody!

I'll kill you, you psychotic little bastard!

Order! Order!

You in court?

My cousin Russell, all over 38 dollars.

He was a hyperactive child and still is, I guess.

Folks is messed up these days.

Life's easier, and folks is more messed up.

Yeah.

Must be awful not to have the use of your legs. Yeah, it is.

At least I can hug my boys.

I was thinkin' the other day about somebody bein' paralysed all the way up, turnin' their wheelchair with blowin' in a straw.

Imagine that.

Not even bein' able to shake a man's hand.

But your kids.

Imagine that.

Just havin' to sit there and stare at 'em.

They wouldn't understand. Daddy!

You're never gonna believe this!

What?

A man from the newspaper wants to take our picture.

Lauren Walsh. I know him. Good guy and good shooter.

Hi.

Hi.

Well, how come to make that court date so far away that way?

I mean, why don't they just do it and get it over with?

Oh, courts are notorious for that.

Supposedly they have a backlog of cases.

Suppose it's true? That boy back there... got his legs shot out from under him by his crazy wife.

Y'all gonna be takin' us to the airport after a while.

Okay, Ruby? That'd make you happy.

They can stay the rest of the year if they want to.

You'd like that, wouldn't you? My God!

Ruby, there's the bags.

Goodness gracious, girl!

You got a rear end just like your mama.

Oh. See there?

That's it. That's it. I'm either gonna kill myself or get dumped by you... for some tight-ass insurance woman or somethin'.

Real estate woman. Let's go! I didn't say it.

Here, honey, I'm gonna put it back here.

You sure do make good ham hock. Come see us sometime.

Nashville ain't that far away.

You know, I miss seeing your sorry ass.

Well, I miss you too.

Well, you take care of her, okay? I really love her, even though we got our problems and stuff.

I love her too. And I'm sorry if I was the cause of any of your problems.

Well, no, that's just family, you know. Yeah.

It'll all work out. We'll come see y'all. Yeah. Okay.

Okay. You look real good, Claude. Thanks.

Oh, my God! I give up, you sorry bastard! You sorry bastard!

Why don't you just throw her down on the couch in front of everybody!

Goddam you! Get it over with, why don't you, Claude!

Go on in the house and beat off!

Hon, that's nasty talk. Ruby, come on, honey.

You know that boy Gerald Plummer?

He's workin' down at the airport now on airplanes.

Cheer up. We might see him. Great. That's just great.

Yeah, tell her that, why don't you. That's all we need here.

Honey, why don't you go see Gerald Plummer at the airport and watch him fix airplanes.

Would you like to do that? I never touched him. I never touched him!

Well, he must've had leprosy! God! I give up!

I wasn't doin' nothin'. Don't you start with me!

Rose, you stay out of it! You stay out of it, Rose!

Go away!

If you didn't start this shit, it wouldn't happen anyway.

Get in the fuckin' car. You watch to see if I don't go to a nightclub!

Oh, good! Maybe you can meet somebody pretty!

You get in that car... Get in and shut your mouth! Get in that damn car now!

How come y'all be cryin' like that, Mama?

Sometimes, it just gets cluttered up in my head, hon, and I... and it causes me to cry.

And...

I don't know how come her to be cryin' though.

Can I see that book?

Can I see that book?

That's a psychology book.

You mind if I read it?

Of course not.

My God, J.C. You look like a cat burglar.

I heard the whole thing, bud. Let's go to a nightclub.

I'm not sure what it is. I'm not sure what it is I'm supposed to do.

I wish you could help me.

Oh, my God.

What a horrible night for somebody.

God bless 'em.

Sir, you've been in a wreck. You need to be real still, okay?

All right. All right. Don't look around. You know where you're at?

You know what happened? I don't know exactly where I'm at.

All right. We're gonna get you to the hospital. Be still. Don't move.

Stay right there. Nancy, no.

Well, you may have internal injuries we don't know about.

With the bleeding on your head, you could've hit the steering wheel or the windshield.

Don't move around. Do you know how much you had to drink tonight?

Well, I had a 30-pack. You'd have to tell how many's left over there. All right.


Hold up. Oh, my God, it's...

What are you doing?

Do you know who the president is?

Yeah. Bill.

Okay. You know where you're at?

Now, come on.

Hey, sugar britches, you just gettin' back from the airport?

Oh, baby. Oh, my baby.

Oh, my baby. You mean, you're not hurt too bad or dead?

You should've seen it. We whacked the shit out of that dually over there.

Big old cowboy's eyes got as big as a pie plate.

I seen him just before we hit him. Man, oh, man.

You mean, you're okay? They were all drunk.

There doesn't seem to be anything at all wrong with him except a bruise or two.

Oh, God. See there? We was drunk.

Thank God y'all was drunk.

Thank God. Oh, baby. I've got so much apologisin' to do to God.

Oh, baby. Honey. Honey, please.

Please, let's never go nowhere that we're apart, okay?

Okay? Okay. Okay, honey.

If we can. What's wrong, baby? I'm fine.

I just got knocked around a little bit. That's al right.

Honey, wh... Wait a minute. Where's J.C.?

He's over there in the truck. He's stuck in there.

They're trying to prize him out. Is anything wrong with him?

Well, yeah. He can't get out. But physical?

He's fine. He was the drunkest one of 'em.

Anyhow, we're gonna take him to the hospital for observation.

We're gonna do chest X-rays. We're gonna check for internal injuries.

And if you wanna follow us, you can.

Well, who... that?

Oh, I'm sorry, honey. This is Tamara.

Tamara, this is my wife, Ruby. Ever since we got here, she's been so nice.

She just practically saved my life, even though there wasn't anything wrong.

Well, it's nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Tamara is your name?

You think it would be al right if I talk to my husband for a minute before you took him?

I know you have to take him. Just for one moment? Private?

One minute. Okay.

I'll see you in a minute, Tammy.

She's so nice.

Did you have your shirt and your britches undone and open, or was it Tammy who did that for you, honey?

She done it, honey. She had to check me.

You heard what she said... internal injuries possible.

I bet you liked that. Pretty-lookin' checker you picked out for yourself.

Interesting you picked her, isn't it? Shit, I didn't pick her out.

She just come over here. She's the ambulance driver. You didn't pick her out?

One woman and a bunch of men, and you didn't pick her? Okay. I didn't pick her out.

I can't even have a head-on collision in peace. I could've been tore to pieces here.

Have fun at your nightclub? Shit. We didn't get to the nightclub.

We ain't but a mile from the house. We was headed that way, and J.C. bent over to pick up his Molly Hatchet tape, and we been here ever since.

Is that right? Well, yeah, it's right.

Well, then, let me ask you something... if you're so smart, Mr Nightclub, okay?

'Cause you're busted. How come the truck is pointed towards the house?

You ever hear of a little thing called female intuition?

Well, yeah. It was pointed in the other direction till we hit that line dancer there.

Did you ever hear of centrifugal force? Sorry your night got spoiled, but it's so great, 'cause you're fine now, baby.

Everything's okay. So as soon as they prize Hugh Hefner out of the truck, you can go back to your little nightclub you missed in the first place.

Hey, Ruby. Hey, J.C.

They're tryin' to prize me out.

They're tryin' to prize me out.

I hadn't wanted to get into this.

I wanted to keep my opinions out of the way of the family.

But in view of what's happened tonight... and in the light of hard times ahead of us, with Hazel's trial, I thought I should.

Frankly, I thought it would be irresponsible of me not to have this little talk with you.

Listen.

I really love Hazel, as unlikely a pair as we are.

I mean, who's to say how love comes about?

I've heard him pour out his heart, seen him cry, laugh and play... and get angry.

And the reason he was drawn to me, I believe, is because he wanted someone stable in his life, some order, some communication.

He's gotten to the point where he can't stand to be around you!

And he loves you all. But for God's sake, I mean, think about it!

I should start seeing you all regularly, on a one-to-one basis.

I can't really do that... That wouldn't be ethical... but there are other people like me you can talk to.

Haven't you noticed you're fucked up, totally fucked up?

You're so negative!

You don't ever communicate to each other, and you never ever resolve anything.

Plus, you're all alcoholics. You drink constantly, and two of you were nearly killed tonight because of it.

Killed? J.C. Claude.

In a car crash tonight.

And they were drunk.

My husband can't stand to be around his own family.

He didn't realise that, poor love, until somebody... me... pointed it out to him.

Help me. I mean, why do you just sit there, You're not going to die. You're going to fade away.

Talk to each other, not at each other.

Connect, connect, connect!

You talk. You listen. You respond.

You respond to the response. You see, that's how it works.

You see, you never ever connect.

Do you drink? Yes!

From time to time, like normal people!

Now, if I'm not mistaken, the English invented whisky.

I'm not an alcoholic! I'm not like you people!

Well, I tried.

Yes, Julia, you tried.

Maybe I'll see you when my husband comes up... before the supreme high judge.

Goodbye.

Well, she got a bee up her ass, don't she?

Yeah.

My goodness.


Watch this.


I'm sorry. For what?

Hazelnut hittin' you in the head with that iron deal.

Well, that's how come me... to come on over here.

Oh, that's old business. Well, I lied.

Okay? And I need somebody to talk about it.

All right. Let's get away from this music.

Okay. Here. Have a seat on the steps over there.

Set yourself down. Okay.

Now, I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to kill me, but it's been eatin' at me.

The truth, that is.

See, I've been workin' on myself a little bit at a time.

Well, I been seein' a therapist and eatin' fresh fruits and raw vegetables... and all kinds of things, and it ain't helped me none, other than the fact that I'm regular and I don't eat as many antacid tablets.

Anyhow, when I was talkin' to your uncle on the hot line...

See, I was drinkin', which I've quit, other than smokin' reefer... which I do every now and then with my next-door neighbour, who's eat up with glaucoma.

Anyhow, I was just bitchin' and complainin' and moanin'... and just blamin' everybody for everything, and he was just so nice to me... that I... well, I just kept it up.

And we became friends. And I'm always shitty to my friends, especially the nice ones.

You know how that is. Anyhow...

Oh, I guess I was just bein' terrible to him.

I mean, to the point where I was just huntin' him down just to tell him how much I hated him... for not making my life right.

Anyhow... Well, I guess he became some disgruntled office worker, 'cause he comes over to the house and starts screamin' and yellin'... and just spillin' his guts about how much I'm ruinin' his life... and how much I remind him of his family.

And that's when I told him to kiss my ass. Well, see, I shouldn't have done that.

'Cause then he comes into the house. And he's angry. And he starts screamin'... and throwin' things around, and I tried to stop him before he got into my shoe closet.

You see, I'm a shoe nut. And then he throws me off of him. I go flyin' through the air, and I hit my head against that big old doorstop... which they would've found out ain't made out of iron anyhow once we got into the courtroom.

Then my neighbour, the witness... Well, he was high on pot and all eat up with that glaucoma.

So I had him say that he saw Hazel hit me.

Anyhow, Hazel can't stand y'all.

Not near one of ya. He hates every single one of ya, but he's too afraid to tell ya.

Now, I'm gonna go down, and I'm gonna drop the charges and tell the law I lied.

And all the good eatin' in the world or therapy or nothin' did one thing.

And my therapist told me to go to a spa and get some rest, and I did. I went, and I got massaged and I meditated.

I ate oat bran, and nothin'... not one thing... did one thing.

But then I got a facial. And I don't mean a deep-cleansing, but a relaxing facial.

And I fell asleep. And I started to dream, and I dreamed these boys, they come along, and they threatened to cut me open, fill my belly full of saltwater and then sew me back up... if I didn't start tellin' the truth and acting grown-up.

So your uncle's gonna be a free man, even if I go to jail for "abstraction" of justice.

And, oh, God, I just thought you might wanna know.

I'm gonna go buy you a record player, Mama, so you can listen to some different music.

Boy, that'd be something, wouldn't it, hon?

Daddy? Oh, oh! I ain't...

I ain't ready yet, Lord. Please. I can't go now. I ain't got no grandkids yet.

It's me. It's me, Daddy. It's me.

Alvin, what in the shit are you doing? You scared me half to death.

I was havin' a nightmare. I got ganged up on by a bunch of boys.

You might wanna tell somebody about those nightmares sometime.

If you'd talk to Mama sometimes, she might quit playin' that damn monkey.

Alvin, you're one of my boys and everything, but you are the oddest poor son of a bitch there is.

Ruby?

Ruby?

Oh, hey, Alvin.

Is something wrong, hon?

If Claude still wanted to be with Rose or anybody else for that matter, he'd still be with her.

Your fear of losin' him makes you want to blame him... for stuff you don't do.

Lord knows he's got his problems.

Y'all both want to mess things up before the other one does.

He told me one time... you look like an old-time movie star... so pretty, you're not even real to him.

Actually, he didn't tell me. He told it to you.

I just heard it.

He talks to you while you're sleepin'.

He's just crazy about you.

'Night, Ruby.

Goddam it.

What you doin', Alvin? Ain't you got somethin' to read or somethin'?

Brothers ain't supposed to see brothers on the shitter.

I don't even let Ruby watch me take a shit. Maybe you ought to sometime.

Claude?

What, for God's sake, Alvin?

Ruby wouldn't hurt you for anything in the world. She's crazy about you.

Any man in the world ought to be happy as hell... to have somebody care about them that much.

She's had a lot of boyfriends. Women that's daddy's run off, they do that sometimes.

They're lookin' for something.

She found it. You're a lucky man.

Sure wished I was built like you, lean and everything.

Sometimes I think Ruby'd be crazy about you if you was as fat as a hog.

You think so?

Sometimes I don't think she's bluffin'.

Don't ever let it be too late.


Wake up.

I'm awake. No. Wake up.

So what am I supposed to do? Pick a colour and a number?

One or the other.

All right. I'll pick a yellow. Y-E-L-L-O-W.

And one on the inside, right?-

Ours. O-U-R-S.

I'm so glad you're eatin' cheese.

What are you talkin' about?

You know, you're supposed to pick a word now, but I forgot to write anything on the inside.

Oh.

You know what I was thinkin' about?

That one of these days when we get rich, I'm gonna build us a house.

I like our house. I like our house, too, honey, but this is gonna be a special house.

I'm gonna build a tunnel from the back door to plumb out in the woods, and at the end of the tunnel there's gonna be a toilet.

That way, can't nobody bust in on ya, ya know?

And then right next to it, there's gonna be a little room... with a weight machine in it so I can keep my muscles good, my belly flat.

'Cause if my belly ain't flatter than all your ex-boyfriends', you can't stay with me.

I'd have to leave you, honey.

I gotta be better than them, all of 'em, in every way.

You are. I told you a million times.

But I mean in every way.

I hate them bastards, honey. I hate 'em as bad as you hate Rose.

I don't hate Rose. Then quit eatin' my ass out about her, honey.

It ain't my fault. I don't do nothin'. Why don't you tell her... to leave you alone and stop flirtin' with ya?

And then I don't have to do it.

If you don't love her and you do love me, then act like it.

It's embarrassin' to me. You don't do nothin' strong or hard enough.

I can't believe you said that to me.

That's the very thing that kills me, and you just sat right there... and looked me in the eye and said that to me.

You wanna get one of your ex-muscle men, is that what you want?

Then you can have all the strong, hard shit you want.

You make me feel like a gnat.

I don't mean that kind of hard. I don't mean fuckin'-wise.

Don't say that word when we're talkin' about muscle men.

I mean, look me in the eyes and tell me you want me, not her or the ambulance driver.

Make me feel safe once and for all.

That's all I want.

You are the flattest belly and the strongest and the best.

And it ain't fair for you to keep sayin' you ain't gonna be with me.

You can't ever say that again!

I ain't ever even been with a muscle guy.

I just let that on to make you jealous. Jealous?

To make me jealous? Yeah. I did.

You're funny as hell. I don't even wanna hear that shit.

I can't believe you'd say that either.

Honey, I'm the most jealous son of a bitch in the world.

I know. My God.

I don't need any help. Don't be doin' me no favours. Besides, I've seen your pictures.

I've seen that one big old guy, that Chuck, or whatever his name is.

He was fat.

And I didn't screw him anyway.

I didn't screw half of 'em I told you about.

Are you serious? Yes, I am.

Just half? I was kind of hopin' it'd be less.

You know what I mean. Not exact arithmetic.

Just a few.

A few? Like what? It don't matter. You're the strongest... and the handsomest and the most beautiful and the funniest.

But how about the biggest? Yes, but it don't matter, 'cause I love you!

But I am, right?

I ain't sayin' it again! I said it for the last time!

What, honey?

I don't care how many muscles anybody else has got... or how pretty they are or how rich they are or how poor they are... or how smart they are or how ignorant they are or... They ain't you.

You see this? You see this?

You see this? You see this?

There ain't but one of them things in the whole world, and they're on you!

I don't want nothin' or nobody in this whole world but you!

You're the only one that thinks about my old boyfriends... not me!

And I don't lie to you, so have some faith in me.

I love you, and I'm good to you.

And that's all you get. And that's all I want from you.

That, and tell Rose to fuck off, and maybe I'll stay off your ass about her.

You are my friend.

Don't you know that?

You're my friend.

I know that.


Alvin busted in on me in the toilet tonight while I was doin' lumber.

I'm sorry, sugar.

I guess it's okay. He's my brother.

He didn't mean no harm.

You know what I've been thinkin' about ever since I met Hazel's wife?

What's that?

About packin' up the car and takin' you on a vacation over to England and France.

We ain't never been nowhere further than St Louis.

It's about time.

And that wasn't for you.

That was for the Cardinals.

I wanna do something for you that girls like.

Something romantic.

Take you over there and see all them castles... where all your kings and queens lived.

See all them places where folks got their heads cut off.

That kind of thing.

Sometimes, when you threaten to kill yourself, it scares me, 'cause sometimes I'm afraid that you're really gonna do it.

I couldn't make it without you.

I wouldn't even know what to do.

Plus, every time I'd be making out with whoever I ended up with, I'd just be thinking about you.

'Course, I wouldn't end up with anybody else anyway, not ever.

I'd probably become a preacher, one of them kind that "abstracts" from sex, you know?

You look like an angel to me when you're sleeping.

I love you so much.

You'll never know.

Mama. Mama, tell me what to do.


Daddy.

I had the weirdest dream last night, Daddy.

I dreamed you and Mama was out in the backyard dancin'.

Gettin' around pretty good, too, to be as stove-up as you are.

Whole bunch of us was watchin' y'all.

Ruby wasn't even mad at the ambulance driver. Why not?

Oh, and, you know, I heard Chet Atkins play guitar, too, but I didn't see him.

That was it? Yeah.

That was just it? There wasn't nothin' chasin' you or nothin'?

Not much of a nightmare.

I said it was a dream, Daddy, not a nightmare.

Daddy, I read to escape.

How come you started talkin' so much lately?

Sorry about your car, Claude.

It's all right.

I'm just glad you didn't get hurt any worse.

Besides that, I had a dream somebody bought me a hot rod... I believe it was Willie Nelson.

McGwire hit 70. Y'all are going to have to get a TV, you know it?

I know.

I know.

All right. I'll see y'all. All right.

I'll see you. Bye-bye. We'll see y'all soon.

Bye.

All right. Y'all come see us sometime. All right.

You come back. Remember what I said.

I will, Daddy.

Hang on to that thing. Hang on to what thing?

That truck. All right.

We'll see you, then.

Bye, Mama. See y'all soon.

You know, honey, we really should get Mama and them to come up and visit us.

You said "Mama and them." Yeah.

You know, Alvin said he was gonna start drinkin' pop instead of beer, just like that.

Yeah. He told me that. J.C.'s the one that needs to start drinkin' pop.

That boy goes through a whole bunch of vehicles.

He gets uncoordinated when he drinks, you know.

Cross-eyed, just about. Yeah.

Do you ever get tired of things?

Like what? Like the way you are.

Yeah. I even get tired of the way you are.

Well, I meant both of us, yeah. Everybody else too.

English are smart, it seems like.

They even talk pretty when they're mad.

When we had that head-on collision, I didn't really see that cowboy's eyes get big as plates.

That's just a old sayin'.

I seen you.

Just for a second. Kind of like in my mind, you know?

What was I doin'? Just holdin' your hand out.

Sometimes things seem magic, know what I mean?

I sure do, baby.

I had fun, too, this week, you know, besides all the horrible things.

It's kind of good seein' everybody in the same spot.

And we got that dream started about us a honeymoon.

It's kind of like that book they had us read one time in school.

It started out sayin', "It was the best time I ever had, and it was the worst time I ever had."

I believe it was by Dick somebody. I'll be dogged.

Hey, boys! Wait a minute! Hey! Come back! Come here.

We forgot something, didn't we? What'd we forget?

To tell us we love you. That's right.

I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you.

I love you. We said it at the same time, didn't we?

That's cool?

All right. Y'all's mama is gonna pick you up this afternoon after school, okay?

Okay. Daddy's gotta go back to work. Y'all go play. Be careful.

Okay.

Don't throw any rocks at anybody.

All right. Come here. I know what you want.

You want a hug, don't you?

Have a good day. See you girls later.

You're so safe. I know that.

Miss Montgomery, can we borrow y'all's hose?

Sure, hon.

What's goin' on, honey?

Little Ricky borrowed the hose.

What?

Little Ricky borrowed the hose.

Playin', sprayin' one another. Oh.

Morning. Good morning, baby.

I had a dream that we got a station wagon.

I had a dream I stopped usin' protection.

Protection?

You know, my deal. My diaphragm.

I didn't know you used one of them things, hon.

I thought I should.

Don't they stop babies from happenin'? Of course. That's the point.

Right?

So I've been puttin' up with all that shit from Daddy all these years about grandbabies, and I've been shootin' at a steel door?

It just didn't seem like it was okay to have one.

Now it seems okay.

Babies know when they're supposed to get here.

That's what I think.

They sure do, honey.

There was a carload of 'em in that dream.

How many of 'em? Two or three of 'em.

Will you look at me in the eyes next time we do it?

I sure will, baby.

I promise you.

It's gonna be okay, baby.

It seems like there's a lot more air today than there usually is, don't it?

Yeah. It does seem like it, don't it?

Some clouds comin' in.

Maybe there's a storm comin'. No.

Them ain't storm clouds.


In spite of ourselves.