Dead Ant (2017) Script

[music playing]

My people have used this peyote for generations to open the mind and to explore a greater freedom.

We have cultivated this medicine and this land.

Now all I have is this reservation.

Is that the moon?

This is the sun.

It's for your people.

This is big medicine.

But there's grave consequences if you abuse it.

[dramatic music]

Set my mind free, medicine man.

Take this, and you will explore every crevice of your mind.

You will know yourself more than you ever have.

You may realize your greatest desires, but you may also face your fiercest enemy.

[dramatic music]

There are risks.

Risks?

There's always risks.

You must respect this, and you must care for it.

[dramatic music]

[screeches]

[screams] I will.

I promise.

Promises are always broken by your people.

My words are pure.

I speak the truth.

That'll be $20.

This isn't going to end well.

[dramatic music]

[roars]

[hisses]

[screeches]

[hisses]

[screeches]

[roars]

[screams]

[hisses]

[splat]

[rock music]

Hey, would you stop it?

You're going to break it.

Would you just stop fidgeting and fucking with everything?

Got my lighter?

Just tell me one thing.

What is your philosophy, again, against putting a air conditioner in this car?

It's original, man.

It would be like me painting your Gibson sunburst fucking metallic blue.

It's criminal.

Metallic blue.

I could rock that.

Yeah?

[laughs] There's nothing criminal about being cool.

[laughs]

You know shit about being cool, man.

Oh.

[guitar music]

[SINGING] Vintage guitars on the boulevard.

You're my girl on the street.

You make me feel so high underneath the sheets.

I wanted to get away, but now you make me want to stay.

Why'd you do that?

Dude, I'm just singing what I feel, bro.

Come on.

Taught him that.

Sing what you feel, baby.

Love, this is not a band-whispering moment, OK?

This is members only.

Like Danny's jacket?

Yeah, I can smell it.

[laughs]

[laughs] Dude, rock and roll died when bands stopped wearing the makeup.

You said it yourself.

OK, sure.

Yeah, whatever.

We need to be current.

We can't go back.

Yeah, but current doesn't mean changing who you are.

I miss the makeup.

Mm.

[rock music]

Was that the guy?

No, man.

This guy doesn't eat jerky.

He's a vegetarian.

We're looking for a fruit stand.

A vegetarian Indian.

They got those?

Yeah, they fucking got those.

An Indian that doesn't eat meat?

You got to stop saying Indian, man.

It's not cool.

No, you got to say, like, Native American now.

Native American.

Yeah.

Come on.

It's what they're doing.

So wait, if I'm a kid now and I want to go out and play, I've got to play cowboys and Native Americans?

They don't care about Western crap.

Mm.

They're into robots and space shit.

Maybe a white guy should be offended when they call him a cowboy.

Yeah?

What do you want them to be called?

I don't know, maybe a tan-skin guy with a wide-brimmed hat.

Look, there goes an Indi--

Native American and a tan guy with a wide-brimmed hat.

That's what you want them to be called.

Yeah.

What we need is a hard-rocking hit, man, hard-working song that's going to define music today.

Back me up, Danny.

Metal is dead.

It's not coming back.

Get over it.

Dude, we changed our name.

We've changed our look.

We've changed our approach to the music.

Where's the integrity, man?

There's no truth in it.

Right?

We need to go back to our roots.

You know?

Look, think about it.

"Don't Close Your Eyes" was a bad-ass--

Don't even say the word "power ballad"!

Nobody respects a power ballad, all right?

AC/DC, they never had one power ballad.

That is true.

They do not have one.

What is this whole trip about, huh?

This whole trip is a search to find ourselves, to find who we are, to bring it back together.

Right?

Look at all these new bands now.

They don't have pyrotechnics.

They don't have sparks flying on the stage.

They don't have blood covering the audience from some animal who's getting its head ripped off.

It's all tame.

We need to go to Coachella and fucking rock.

Yes.

Yes!

Yes!

And I agree 100%!

By the way, it's called Nochella.

What?

No, it's Coachella.

Yeah, it's Coachella.

No.

No, I couldn't get us into Coachella.

But I got us in Nochella, which is way more hip.

Coachella's like the Sundance Film Festival.

Nobody goes to that anymore.

They go to Slamdance.

Where the new emerging acts are, making deals, that's where I want my band.

And that's where you're going to be, as long as you keep it to three songs.

And I know you're going to hate this, but I promised we'd open up with "Don't Close Your Eyes."

Come on, man!

I just said we're not playing that song anymore!

I just said that!

Fuck, Danny!

Come on!

That's bullshit, man!

No more power ballads!

No more power ballads!

We're going in a new direction!

That's what I just said!

I just fucking said that, Danny!

We are going to kill it!

[thud]

Shit.

There goes the alignment.

Fuck.

This road blows.

There's a meteor shower.

Dummy.

No, I'm not kidding-- like asteroids.

You know what I mean?

Or space junk.

Will you see if--

Look at that.

Fucking crazy.

I'm telling you, man, that could be like space junk.

That could be like the space station fell down.

You know what?

You just need to stop talking.

Careful.

Sputnik.

[dramatic music]

We're having no fun.

No, I don't care what Merrick's Facebook page says.

He's-- you know what's wrong with him.

OK, don't believe what you-- don't read his Facebook.

All right.

Bye.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Where are we going, guys?

Picking up supplies.

We aren't even on the 10.

Supplies?

Yeah, you want us to be a band, right?

Come together, write some good songs?

Can we consider this a job for a moment?

Does everything have to be a fun factory with you?

Everything?

You know what would be great?

How about a little more focus, little more disciplined?

Well, I took some [? focusyn?] earlier.

Maybe Stevie can find you a chill pill.

Guess what-- I've already had 10 freaking chill pills since we left LA, and this is what I got.


Organic, huh?

Supposed to be the best stuff, period.

Let me do the talking.

We're here to do some shopping.

Yeah.

[dramatic music]

Bigfoot?

Yeah.

We want to buy the moon.

Moon's no longer for sale.

Fuck.

But I can sell you the sun.

[mysterious music playing]

Sun sounds good.

Yeah.

Come on back.

OK.

Don't step on them.

OK.

[groans] [grunts]

I know karate.

Man, you don't know shit about karate.

[WHISPERING] I took karate.

[WHISPERING] You took one fucking class.

I know enough.

OK, here we are, big fruit.

I can break a board.

You fucking got a splinter, man.

Yeah, but the board broke.

We get some organic drugs apparently-- first organic thing Art's had in his body for a long time.

Hope he doesn't explode.

[suspenseful music]

Wow, this place is amazing.

Yeah.

Look at all this fresh fruit.

Yeah, it's great.

Thanks for sharing, Love, as always.

Aw, yeah.

Thanks, babe.

Mm.

It's always so nice of you to share.

[laughing]

Yes.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh my gosh.

This one?

God?

Hey, that doesn't look organic.

Sure hope not.

I'm Pager.

Sam.

Lisa.

You hitting the festival?

Yeah.

You going?

I'm playing it.

What's the name of your band?

Sonic Grave.

Didn't you guys change your name to Timewarp?

Yeah.

Well, yeah, but we changed it back to Sonic Grave.

You know it?

Mhm.

My mom used to play "Don't Close Your Eyes" all the time.

Huh.

She got preggers to that song when you took her backstage at a concert in Philly.

It's nice to finally meet you, Daddy.

Really?

[laughs]

[laughs] No, man.

I was totally fucking with you, man.

No, but power ballads, they don't get the street cred they used to.

"Don't Close Your Eyes" is some serious shit.

You goddamn right it's serious shit.

And Pager here is going to rip a solo at that festival that'll make your panties roll down your legs, walk across the floor, and fold in the corner.

Danny Bloom.

Nice to meet you, ladies.

Hi.

Hey.

I'm not creepy.

Yeah.

I proved it in court, And besides, who needs to be within 600 of a grade school.

Am I right?

I actually mentor troubled trouble.

Just-- just stop.

OK.

Just--

We got to get some drugs.

--go lie down over there.

OK.

He's cool.

See you later.

OK.

Shut the door.

Sorry.

Is this where you keep the sun?

OK.

How much money you got?

I got $80.

That's how much the moon is, right?

$80?

It's $200 for the sun.

Well, I don't have that much.

What about your friend?

I don't carry a lot of cash, just a card, bro.

No problem.

Bang!

It's a $10 transaction fee.

[scoffs]

Tip.

[mumbles] OK.

You must be careful with the sun.

It has big medicine.

This is the most powerful peyote you and your friend will ever take.

[chuckles] Cool.

It's a goddamn gift.

Technically, I just paid for it.

You take this just before the sun goes down at the sacred Red Rocks.

OK.

But if you hurt or destroy anything on our sacred land while under this peyote-- and I mean anything-- you as much as hurt one fly, ramifications will be irreversible.

You'll be cursing till the next sundown.

Oh.

You respect it, like a baby in your mama's womb.

You understand?

Yeah, man.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We got you, chief.

Thank you.

Come on.

No tip.

Man, what was that?

That was weird, right?

No, you called him chief.

It was weird way before that.

[sighs]

Organic?

Mhm.

Or orga--

It's orgasmic.

That's what I thought.

[coughs]

Yeah, we're getting the good stuff, like the really good stuff, if you want to join us.

We're way ahead of you.

We got the sun.

Oh, that's cool.

You're going to meet us by the rocks later?

Yeah.

Yeah, we'll meet you.

Mhm.

Yeah.

Yeah, we'll be there.

Yeah.

We're going to be there.

We'll be there.

We were already going there.

Bye.

He's older than your dad.

Oh, [inaudible], Lisa.

40-something and still pulling 20-nothing, baby.

Yeah, that's a two-man job, brother.

We need another hit.

Yeah, we do before it gets sad, pathetic.

Hey.

What, did you get it?

Yeah.

Did you get the sun?

That's the good shit.

That's what they got.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah!

All right.

[inaudible]

Roll out.

Come on.

[MUSIC - "CUM ON FEEL THE NOIZE"]

[SINGING] Yow!

So you think we have a lazy time.

Well, you should know better.

And I don't know why.

I just don't know why.

And you say I got a dirty mind.

Well, I'm a big go-getter.

How much of this thing are we supposed to take?

I thought you've done it before.

Oh, I'm from the shire, but I've never danced with the sun before.

What are you fucking doing?

Man, you're supposed to wait!

For what?

Sundown!

Sundown at the sacred site, man.

He talked all about it.

Were you not listening?

Ow.

I was listening.

It's pretty dark.

I mean, I got my sunglasses on.

[chuckles]

It's all right.

It's all right.

I can handle it.

It'll be good.

Everyone will get there.

And I'll have another round.

It'll be good.

We're supposed to do it as a band, all together.

I got it.

We're together.

I just got there first.

I'm sorry.

Let's get out of here.

Yo!

No!

I'm going to--

[laughs] Ah, it's all right.

Come here.

You want some, together?

[SINGING] Cum on feel the noize.

Girls, grab your boys.

We get wild, wild, wild.

We get wild, wild, wild.

[suspenseful music]


Hey, you feeling anything?

Yeah.

I'm good.

[thud]

[? funny?] moon.

Oxygen.

It's so spiritual here.

Respect nature and it will respect you.

Oh, man, that's beautiful.

You're beautiful.

Woo!

Hey!

It's a little tree hugger for me.

Give it a chance.

It's a special place.

Wow.

I want to rock!

Art, man, you cool?

[coughs]

Yeah, he's cool.

Right here.

Oh.

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

Whoa.

Art, man, you're tripping.

Whoa.

You've got a extra eye, right there.

Whoa.

Can it see me?

Can it blink?

OK.

Here's what's going to happen.

You're going to go to the truck.

You're going to get some sleep.

I'm going to come get you at sundown.

Only I'll take the stuff.

OK?

Yeah.

Come on.

I'm watching you.

Go bowling.

Is he all right?

Eh.

No.

Fuck.

Give me these poles here.

What are those stakes?

Oh, they go with it?

Give me these poles, man.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Nice being out here, right?

There you go.

OK, easy, easy, easy.

When do we take this stuff?

Sundown.

Just after sun sets, we pray to the music gods.

We wait.

You remember that time in Georgia?

Oh, yeah, at the fucking campground?

Camped with our fans--

Mhm.

--and they were awesome.

Then we wore those white hats with the fucking thing, and we put on the white a linen--

That was bitching, man.

That was cool.

Then we burned a cross.

That was bitching, man.

Remember that?

Then we wanted to put that in our video, and then the record company's like, oh my god.

That will ruin your careers and your lives.

And you were like, hey, oh, it's cool, man.

Later we found out it was a KKK convention.

But still, our fan base--

They were cool.

They were really cool.

Yeah.

Maybe we should give them a hand.

This goes through here.

Should we?

Would you rather have a thin, long dick like that or a short, fat one?

Dude, I don't have to worry about that.

Yeah.

It's all about teamwork man.

Let's do it.

[suspenseful music]


[shouts]

Hoo!

Ow!

[dramatic music]

Ooh.

Ow.

Oh, you little shit.

Come here.

Oh, you little fire ant.

I'm going to call the called fire department.

[siren noise]

[buzzer]

You as much as hurt one fly, you'll be cursed until the next sundown.

Take that.

Dude, you just fucked up.

I'm going to make it rain blood.

What?

Your lack of respect for yourself and others will be your demise.

[laughs]

[screams]

Late for every show for 20 years, that fucking guy.

He's the last fucking guy to show up.

Where is he?

I can't find him.

Can't find him?

What the fuck?

I'm not his mother.

Goddamn it!

Every time.

You guys can't come together on anything, not even taking our visionary medicine in unison.

You're fucking ridiculous!

You know what?

Never mind.

Never mind.

We don't need art.

He's the bass player.

It's not like he's the voice of the band.

It's true.

He'll get here when he gets here.

Let's get this going.

You got that shit?

You got it?

You got it?

Oh, that's it, baby.

Time for a trip.

Not for nothing, Love.

It's a band trip.

Maybe you should stay home.

Chill.

She's coming on the trip.

How much do we take?

This seems to do the trick.

Yeah, that's about right.

Good times.

All right.

[inaudible], woman.

Get on it.

Listen, listen, listen.

Bigfoot was very clear about this, OK? we take it.

We enjoy it.

It's gentle.

We open our minds.

Right?

But we got to respect the land, every living thing, every life.

OK?

We do that, then we'll have a good trip.

That's what he said.

I think this is the stuff that inspired Kurt Cobain.

Mm.

Yeah.

Yeah, let's hope you have a different outcome.

I'm going to write a fucking killer song.

I'm going to write a killer song tonight.

Hey, from your lips to the big man's ears.

This is a big, big moment for this band.

It is.

Important night for the band, man.

It is.

Are you fucking shitting me?

What the fuck?

It's all gone?

Yes, it's all gone!

Fucking-- are you fucking kidding me?

You guys are so fucking selfish and stupid!

Fuck you!

Fuck you!

Fucking Love.

I told Love.

Why do you always pick on me?

You saw that.

Fuck you.

Write a great song.

Danny, don't take it personal, man.

You're the business end.

I thought there was another bag, man.

[suspenseful music]

I really feel the need to say something.

Oh, fucking Christ.

What do you got to say?

By all means.

Say something.

As we embark on this moonlight journey, I ask the spirits to guide us, have them lead us to the music, take us to that place, take us on an epic journey to the land of Oz and back, allow us to see all things, let us learn, let us grow, because our time is now, so be it.

We are the music.

We are one.

Yeah!

[music playing]

Nice.

I really felt that one.

I felt that one over here.

Wow.

Wow.

Right?

Yeah.

Come here.


I feel my chakras aligning.


[screeching]

[gurgling]

[screeching]

[exhale]

[exhale]

I don't feel anything.

Do you feel anything?

Are you feeling it?

Whatever.

Metal's like a war for the people who can hear the whisper.

You know?

Danny's fucking right.

It's like we don't fucking have it, man.

We don't fucking have it.

He's fucking right, man.

[SINGING] It was a hot summer's night.

She was sweating all over.

She went to the fridge for ch-ch-cherry cola.

Hey, hey, girl, I want to get to know you and maybe even see your areola from your side boob, oh.

What do you think?

Yeah.

[inaudible]

Side boob.

[mumbles]

Stop.

Man, quit dicking around

[SINGING] Side boob.

Quit dicking around, man.

[SINGING] --come on.

Lean over.

What's that?

Who is that?

Is that a fucking cop?

Is that a cop?

Hey, we're camping out here.

Our fucking campground.

State your name.

State your purpose.

Your campground!

State your name!

We're-- this our zone!

I can't believe this shit.

No, you got to be kidding me.

Well, hey, if you don't want us, we can go.

Oh, shit.

I don't know where the hell we are.

We're in the Indian reservation or some shit.

It's those girls from the thing.

Hold my guitar, will you?

Yeah, you know I spent $20 on shampoo?

Oh, hey.

It's cool.

I know them.

Come on and join the party.

Oh, my hair's a disgusting [inaudible]..

What the fuck?

My skin's dirty.

I need a shower.

Hell no.

Hell no.

This is disgusting.

I don't where--

Give me your phone!

Hey!

Listen, I want everybody's phones.

We're on a spiritual quest here.

Real bands don't get spiritual inspiration from fucking smartphones.

You too, missy.

Put it in there.

If you try anything creepy, you're going to have a whole new set of problems.

Don't flatter yourself, baby.

I've had plenty of ice cream running down this arm.

Put it in there.

Hey, you guys, you got to focus if it kills you.

Put your phones in here right now.

There.

There.

There.

Now listen to me.

Now I'm dead serious.

We are this close to getting another shot, but we're also this close to being a band that nobody fucking remembers.

And it's up to you guys.

This is your moment!

Find it!

Sh.

[inaudible]

I see a boob from the side.

I can see her boobs from the side.

[music playing]

You know what?

I'm kind of thinking I'm feeling a little something.

I think I'm kind of tripping.

Those idiots will never get their shit together and write another hit.

Fuck!

[glass shatters]

[music playing]


I love you.

You got to know that.

I know it's hard.

I'm on the road all the time.

But I want to be there for you.

Do you understand?

I'll stop asking for threesomes all the time.

Like you said, it's just not romantic.

I'm through playing around.

I'm serious.

[music playing]

What are you doing, man?

Hey!

No, no, no.

What are you doing?

What are you doing up there?

Rock gods can fly, Pager.

No, man.

No!

It's what we do.

No, man!

No!

Don't!

You can't fly!

[SINGING] I will fly like an eagle!

No!

[thud]

Ow!

My wings-- my wings failed me!

Ow!

[banging]

Wake up!

Wake up!

Wake up!

Wake up!

Ow!

Ah!

What'd you do last night?

Nothing, right?

What'd you write last night?

[grunts]

[SINGING] Side boob--

[SINGING] Oh, don't walk away.

[SINGING] Side boob--

[SINGING] I want to play.

Nothing.

You know why?

Because you're an amateur.

You're all amateurs, and you've always been amateurs.

And you know what's worse than that?

Only thing worse than an amateur is an asshole who believes in amateurs, and that's me.

Oh, shit.

OK?

Because I believed in you guys.

All I ever asked was for you to get up on stage and play your music, show off your God-given talents.

Can you lower your voice?

I've given you time, 25 years.

Every day I'm on the phone fucking busting my ass for you guys.

I gave you every penny I've ever made.

And worst of all, I gave you my fucking soul.

And last night, you murdered my soul.

You shot my fucking soul in the back.

So fuck you.

I quit.

Oh, come on.

Wait.

Can I have my phone, please?

It's in the car.

[suspenseful music]

Ah!

Son of a bitch!

[shouts]

Fuck!

[screeches]

Christ.

Holy shit.

A fucking ant?

That's a big-ass ant.

OK, bitch.

Come on!

Love, baby.

[screams]

Shit!

Yeah!

Cut it!

Oh, shit.

There's another one!

There's a whole bunch of them!

[screams]

Ho!

Help!

[screams]

[screams]

Get him in there.

Get him in there.

Art!

Is that you, man?

[cries]

There you go.

Ah!

[shouts]

[pants]

Come on.

Hurry.

All right, get in!

Get in!

Hurry up!

What are you doing?

Oh, man!

[screams]

We're coming, man!

We're going to help you!

Fuck Art!

[pants]

Shit.

What's up?

Fuck!

Save yourselves, guys.

They're coming!

Holy shit!

Get off my friend!

Get off of him!

He's a fucking bass player!

Shit.

Keys. keys.

Come on!

He's not even [inaudible] anymore.

Artie, let's go!

Artie, come on, man!

[shouts]

Get off!

[screams]

Oh, fuck!

You bit me!

Come on, Artie.

Let's go.

[shouts]

[screams]

[screams] Shit!

Hey, those ants are coming!

Come on!

[suspenseful music]

Keep going!

Keep coming!

It even got my fucking gun!

We're going to die!

We're going to fucking die!

They're fucking eating us alive!

Maybe it's the peyote.

Maybe this is all just a big hallucination.

I didn't eat any peyote, OK?

[groans]

Where's Lisa?

Oh, she's in the car.

She's in the car.

She's fine.

She's fine.

Fucking took Art's fucking arm off!

I know!

Bit his fucking arm!

Calm down!

[inaudible] in my arm!

We've been through worse!

That's not the first band member we've lost!

Man, he's the best bass player there ever was, man!

Fuck!

We're going to die!

His fucking arm.

We can hire another bass player.

We don't give up, man.

That's right.

That's right.

All right?

We'll replace him.

You actually mentioned [inaudible] somebody the other day.

Remember?

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

When you were like, hey, maybe we can get that other guy?

Joey Ferraro.

Joey Ferraro!

He can make it out here by tomorrow.

He was better!

I didn't want to be the one who told Art he wasn't in the band.

Now with him being dead, we don't have to go through that.

That would have been traumatic.

Call him up.

I'm going to call up Joey Ferraro.

Call him up.

Yeah, he's got two arms!

So far.

OK.

We're going to be OK.

OK, done with that.

I want to go home!

Oh my god!

We're going to be OK.

We've been through so much worse.

Are you kidding me?

That shit happens every day in rock and roll.

[thump]

[glass shatters]

[screams]

[pants]

[screams]

What is that?

[screams]

[screams]

Oh, shit.

Look at the size of them.

Can ants even get that big?

No, man.

I know ants.

Really?

Holy shit.

Oh my god!

Shit!

Get it off me!

[screams]

Back up.

Don't kill it!

Just kick it out the door!

What are you doing with a gun?

I'm in the music industry.

[gunshot]

Oh!

Shit, that's fucking loud!

[chuckles]

[screams]

You're going to be OK.

You're going to be OK.

Get it off me!

Get it off me!

Yeah, I'm not so sure about that.

I got it.

Please get it off me!

I got it.

Oh my god!

That is some fucking picnic.

[rumbling]

These are the last two.

Poor little guys-- they're really taking a beating out there on the highway.

You'd think these motorists would have a little more respect.

Look, we got a bigger problem.

The musicians?

Fucking Sonic Grave.

That power ballad is overrated.

They never rocked.

We need to prepare.

I'll get the bazooka.

Not loaded yet.

Hm!

Maybe you should carry it.

What are we going to do?

We were warned.

What do you mean we were warned?

Bigfoot.

Who-- who is Bigfoot?

Bigfoot!

The Native we bought the peyote from.

He said crazy shit would happen if we effed up!

How the fuck did we eff up?

Art.

Art must've killed an ant.

We were told if we hurt one living thing while we were on this sacred land, anything-- an animal, even a bug-- it'll rise up.

It'll come get us.

Are these magic ants, man?

Are these magic ants?

It's going to get worse.

[suspenseful music]

[pants]

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

[groans]

They're gone.

Great.

Let's get out of here.

Let's go.

Shit.

What?

Art has-- had the keys.

Of course he did.

You guys, I have mine.

OK, great.

Great.

Get the fuck out of here.

Let's go.

Hey.

[screeches]

[screams]

[pants]

What was that?

It was an ant, a giant fucking ant.

Shit, Lisa.

We gotta get out there.

My god.

We got to do something.

Great.

We got the keys.

She's got the phones.

What?

I-- they're in the back seat.

Why did you do that?

'Cause I thought it was a good idea at the time, obviously.

Oh, man.

What are we going to do, man?

We can't go out there.

It's too fucking dangerous.

We'll never get those keys.

We got to get out there.

We're going to save her.

Don't worry.

We're going to die.

We're going to be-- it's going to be OK.

We're going to get her.

I'm going to save her.

We'll get those phones, babe.

I don't know what we're going to do.

It's so dangerous.

Get the phones.

[pants]

[screeches]

[screams]

Lisa!

[suspenseful music]

We got to do something.


[glass shatters]

[screams]

Oh.

[screams]

God, what it she doing?

I don't know, but I'm pretty sure this is not going to end well.

Die, bitches!

[screams]

She's fine.

Oh my god!

I've survived worse.

[screams]

[explosion]

[gasps]

[screams]

That was crazy.

Oh my god.

Don't look.

Don't look.

Don't look.

It's fine.

She's fine.

Oh my god.

She's all yours.

It's going to be OK.

It's going to be OK.

She was a good kid.

She was a good kid.

She'll be missed.

Hey, guys.

We'll dedicate a song to her for sure at Nochella.

I mean, that's going to be--

Yeah.

Maybe she's going to live.

Listen, it's sad, but it's mesmerizing.

It's horrible.

She's probably fine.

Those assholes.

The worst kind, except for that Friday night in '95.

[inaudible]

Yeah, it's fine.

They're so fucking big, man.

They got bigger.

It's a big fucking ant!

Wait, wait, wait.

We killed a man inside of here, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Every time we kill one, they'll get bigger.

OK.

How do you know that?

I don't know how I know.

Do you know how to stop them?

No.

OK, well, wait.

Maybe we can't stop them but we can outsmart them.

What?

I know ants.

Look.

Look.

Look, there's-- ow-- there's 22,000 species of ants on all the continents.

Right?

But none on Antarctica.

OK, yeah, you know what else is weird?

You were supposed to be fucking practicing and writing songs.

And now I know you were watching Jeopardy, because I saw that question!

Look, I know about ants.

And like, I used to have this ant farm, and I used to watch them.

And they would make these little tunnels and little rooms and stuff.

And I studied them, like their behavior and everything.

I can think like an ant.

That's true.

I believe that.

Yeah, he's got a little-- ant-size brain.

Right.

Look, ants, their whole purpose is to get food, to bang the queen, and make more drones-- soldiers-- so the cycle continues.

And everybody thinks the queen is there to rule the roost and stuff.

But it's not the case, man.

She's just there to bang and make more ants.

OK.

OK.

What's the fucking point, man?

What's the point?

I don't know.

But the point is, one ant, it can't live by itself.

It's like a single cell.

You know?

It needs an organism to survive.

So in the case of ants, the colony is like a super organism.

OK, what the fuck are you talking about?

What is he talking about?

I have no idea.

Hey--

Exactly.

What the fuck--

--let him finish.

He's not finished yet?

He seems like he's done, though.

It seemed like it was the end.

We need to take out the super-organism.

We need to cut off the communication.

How do we do that?

We fuck up their antennas so they can't communicate, and then they die.

K.

Cool.

He did hear that mostly on Jeopardy.

I was sitting there with him.

Hey, everybody.

Danny here, a little update from the road.

Right now, we're trapped in a fucking stinky tuna can with no air condition.

And oh-- and two guys died.

Yeah.

And over here, yeah, we got a broken leg on this guy over here.

Yeah.

And the likelihood of us making the festival is about the same likelihood as my second ex-wife taking back the herpes she gave me when she fucked the pool guy because I was on the road with you fuckers all the time.

Oh, and I almost forget to mention-- we're being attacked by giant ants.

Yeah, something to do some cursed peyote, which I had none of, because you guys are selfish pricks!

That pretty much sums up everything unless somebody else would like to share some insight.

Pager?

Danny, come on, man.

It's not the time.

It's not the time.

How about in 10 minutes when we're fucking dead?

Would that be the good time?

You know what?

If we do get out of here, I'm done.

I'm done.

You know, it'd be cool if we could figure out a way to confuse them.

You know?

Like jam their frequency.

Hey, man, if you can figure something out, I'll play that power ballad whenever you want.

Right on.

You'd play the power ballad and you wouldn't complain about it?

Yeah.

We'd rock that shit.

Yeah.

Well then, guess what, buddy-- we're back.

We're back.

Let's use our heads for a change.

OK?

Number one, fucking fire kills these ants.

All right?

We know that!

Yeah, Danny, and every time it makes them bigger again.

Why do you have to say that?

Give her break.

She did just witness the cute black chick dying in a huge explosion.

Can we please just take a moment to mourn the loss of my friend?

I just did.

I called her a cute black chick.

Oh my god.

We got to keep moving, guys.

What else do we got?

If we just figure out a way to communicate with them, you know?

Babe, you've got to give it a rest.

Got to give it a rest.

Ho!

Maybe we could use these.

Yeah.

What are you going to do with those?

You seen the size of these things?

Extremely flammable, keep away from open flame.

Yeah.

Bug bombs!

But twice as dangerous.

Death from above.

This is how we get the keys.

Yeah.

What keys?

Your keys that are fucking out there in the fucking desert.

We throw these up in the air.

Danny shoots them out the sky with his .38.

Like a cowboy!

We gas those fuckers!

That's right!

Yeah!

And it's going to fucking explode, and a cloud of fucking death is going to rain down--

Yeah!

--on these motherfuckers!

And make that fucking show!

Yeah.

Right.

Yeah!

Never make the show!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Am I right?

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Now that's a plan I can get my head around.

Yeah!

Rock and roll!

Yeah!

We're going to rock!

1, 2, 3, 4.

And by the way--

Let's try it.

--I was completely lying about the herpes.

I don't have herpes.

OK?

Nobody in this band has--

Herpes.

--herpes.

[rock music]


Where'd they go?

Why are you always so sweaty?

Maybe the explosion really did it.

Well, I'll be.

Coast is clear.

Yeah.

Let's do this.

Let's do this.

All right.

They're coming back.

Always so negative, man.

You know what, Stevie?

The first time I heard you drum, I payed you the highest compliment you can pay a woman.

I said, that chick has balls.

Well, they must've fallen off, but you better grow them back, 'cause it's time to take some goddamn chances.

Are you ready?

I'm ready.

Let's do this thing!

Hey!

Easy!

I got it!

I got it!

OK.

OK, let's go.

You ready?

Yeah, 1, 2, 3.

[thud]

[shouts]

You all right?

Oh my god.

Shit.

[screeches]

[screams]

Shit.

[thuds]

[screams]

I've got five bullets left.

All right?

[thuds]

[screams]

What are we going to do?

These things are getting in here.

[screeches]

[thuds]

[screams]

What are we going to do?

We're gonna die!

No, we're not.

We're not going to die.

Now close those curtains.

OK.

Fold those fucking up.

Let's not let them see us.

We're going dark in here.

[thuds]

[screams]

Fucker.

Dude.

Hey, you remember when we did that first album?

Self-titled.

Yeah, everybody hated it.

People hated it They fucking hated it.

Yeah, so what?

Remember how we had to go dormant for a little while?

We did.

We did.

And then we came back with fucking--

[inaudible]

With fucking rock!

Yeah!

Then everybody loved us?

They did!

And we fucking ruled!

Yes!

Every time we kill one of these fucking ants, they come back bigger, just like that.

But there's that period of dormancy.

Yes.

That's when we fucking strike!

That period of downtime, that's when we have to make our move!

So we kill one, and then they go away for a minute.

We get the hell out of here!

[thuds]

[screams] Are you sure it's going to work?

You got any better ideas?

[thuds]

[screams]

They're taking us!

We're moving!

Ugh!

We're moving!

OK, everybody calm down.

We got to kill one!

WE got to kill one!

Calm down!

He's taking us to the queen.

She's always hungry.

Yeah, and she's three--

[screams]

Guys, I got it!

Oh my god.

You got it!

[screams]

Let's kill it!

Come on!

Let's go!

I got this.

Holy mother of all that's holy.

[gunshots]

You make them mad?

I'm trying.

I'm trying.

OK?

Don't waste your bullets, man!

We have three left.

We're fine, buddy.

I don't want to die!

You're not going to die!

[glass shatters]

I don't want to die!

[screams]

Get out of my way!

Hey, get the hell out of my way!

Don't make me shoot through you.

[screams]

Move ahead!

I'm going to shoot between your legs.

Move!

[sprays]

Ah!

[screams]

[thump]

[screeches]

Yeah, dude!

[rock music]

[shouts]

[glass shatters]

Oh!

[screams]

[gunshot]

Woo!

Did it.

[music - "pink panther theme"]

Dead ant.

Dead ant.

Dead ant.

Dead ant.

Dead ant.

Dead ant!

[cheers]

Danny!

Oh, Danny.

Danny, dude.

Stay with us, man.

Dude, wake up.

Dan.

Get up.

Dead ant!

Fuck you!

Oh, fuck!

My hand is gone!

Oh my god, my hand is gone!

It's bleeding everywhere!

Give me some fucking shirts!

It is gone.

Goddamn it.

This is all you could find?

This is our best tour T-shirt!

We sell these for 25 bucks!

Goddamn it!

My fucking hand!

[thump]

Oh, shit!

[screams]

Man, I fucking thought they were supposed to retreat!

[screams]

[screeches]

I thought they were supposed to retreat!

That's what I fucking thought!

Where's the [inaudible]?

Find the [inaudible]!

Stopping.

[thuds]

[screams]

[shattering]

Oh, man!

Oh!

This is horrible.

We got to get of here, man.

Can you see them?

You see any hands out there?

Where are they going?

Going underground.

To get bigger.

[suspenseful music]

Next time you think I'm dead, don't do that cross thing on me.

I'm Jewish, guys.

Oh, shit!

How do you not know that?

Because you always wear crosses, man.

Well, those are fashionable crosses.

That's right.

Those aren't the fucking Jesus cross.

It does look like-- yeah.

I love you.

OK, what are we going to do?

I love you.

What's the plan?

OK, here's the plan.

Love, you take Danny and Merrick.

You get them back to the truck.

How's that cut?

You're going to be OK?

Uh-huh.

OK.

All right, you're coming with me and Stevie.

We're going to find what's left of Art, get those keys, meet you back at the truck, and we're out of here.

All right.

Just in case.

Keep your eyes for a extra left hand out there.

Where's the truck?

Over this way.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Let's go.

OK.

Ah!

Oh!

You got it, buddy.

[groans]

You got it.

Get the gate.

Hold on.

Get the gate.

Let's get him in there.

[crunch]

AH!

Get him in.

Check the cabin for the keys.

Check for the keys.

Ow, thanks a lot.

It's fucking Art's bass.

Who needs that?

Let's go.

Fuck him.

Let's drive.

Let's drive.

OK.

Let's get out of here.

We got to go!

We got to go!

Let's go, baby.

OK.

Let's get out of here.

Right.

Got to be somewhere.

Go to be a piece of him around here somewhere.

We got to hurry up!

Hurry up.

We got to find him!

They're coming back any minute.

We've got to get the fuck out of here.

[groans]

Can't find them.

Well, keep looking.

[gasps]

I don't want to die in this little truck.

We're not going to fucking die in this truck.

We're warriors.

We made it this far.

Yeah, that's the kind of stuff we write songs about.

Yeah, unless we die in this truck.

What?

Whatever.

Got to hurry!

Find something!

[screams]

What is it?

That sounds like good news.

Did you find him?

[muffled screams]

Oh my god!

Oh, shit.

Art.

Is that him?

A piece.

[screams]

Oh.

That's disgusting.

Oh my god.

Yeah, that's Art's foot.

It's tiny.

Oh, man.

He had small feet.

Yeah, everything.

Yeah, well, he had a big dick.

He had a big dick.

Hopefully she'll find that next.

We got to dig him up.

Come on.

Let's dig.

We got to find the shorts.

[groans] I'm going to be sick.

Come on!

Get over it!

Dig!

Get the keys!

Help us dig!

Find the keys!

Come on.

Find them.

His calves are big from carrying all that weight, but--

[groans]

--beat.

God.

I can't do this.

You got to get in the fucking game!

Come on!

Stevie's right.

Get in the game.

[groans] Gosh.

Get over it!

We got to dig.

Oh, god.

What's that?

I feel something here.

Yeah.

Aw, it's smushy.

Ah, there's something here.

Oh, it's his pelvis.

[screams]

Oh my god.

[screams]

Move it to the side.

See, that was really bad!

[screams]

OK, keep going.

Keep going!

His shorts got to be down here.

[groans]

Is that the shorts?

It's the shorts.

Where's the pocket?

Nothing.

Wait, you guys!

I feel something.

You see that?

It's right here.

Where the fuck--

I feel-- oh my god.

I can't fit my hand through.

Stevie, see if you can fit your hand through.

Oh, god.

Stick it in there.

Hurry up.

Go on.

OK.

OK.

Oh, god.

Oh, god.

That's it.

That's it.

Go, go, go, go, go.

Oh.

Hurry.

Hurry.

Hurry.

It's deep.

It's deep.

I can't reach it, man!

Come on, guys.

Go get it.

You guys, what if the ant's coming through here?

Hurry up!

Go, Stevie!

[screeches]

I'm going deep.

I'm going deep.

We got to hurry!

Almost there.

Almost there.

[screeches]

I got it!

Shorts.

Oh.

Ugh.

[screams]

We found the keys!

Go!

Let's go!

Come on!

Hurry!

Hurry!

[rock music]

We got they keys!

We found them!

We got the keys!

What?

[sighs]

Yes!

Thank god!

Come on!

All right!

Yeah, we'll write a song about-- ow!

Oh, I'm sorry.

[explosion]

[screams]

[screams]

Oh my god!

Oh, no!

Fuck!

Keep coming with the keys.

Forget her!

No!

No!

Only the good die young.

Hurry up!

Hurry up!

Focus!

Hurry!

Come on!

Let's get here!

Hurry!

Hurry!

Come on!

Save yourselves!

Come on!

Keys!

Hurry up!

Go.

Let's go, go, go, go.

[stalled engine]

Come on!

Come on!

[explosion]

Oh, get it going!

[stalled engine]

Go!

[explosion]

Go!

They're coming!

Go!

Go!

1, a 2-- a 1, 2, 3, 4!

[screams] Go!

[explosion]

[rock music]

We're going the wrong way!

Hey.

Hey, we're going the wrong way!

Going the wrong way!

Stevie!

Oh, shit!

Holy shit.

That shit is fast.

Go, faster, faster!

Look at how big they are!

They're coming at us like an angry herd of Corvettes!

Those are good cars, though.

Go faster!

Go faster!

I'm trying!

[inaudible]

If this wasn't so scary, it would be awesome.

[gunshots]

Fuck!

Come on!

Fucking--

Go!

Shit!

Here comes one!

That one's coming up fast!

Oh, shit!

Do something!

He's coming!

[screams]

Oh, shit!

No, give me the axe!

Give me the axe!

Get it, Pager!

[shouts]

[bang]

Oh, Jesus!

Ha-ha!

[bang]

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

[bangs]

Get him!

[shouts]

[cheers]

[shouts]

Give me the spray!

Do we still got that can?

You got it, buddy!

[shouts]

Yeah, in your eyes!

In your eyes!

Die, motherfucker!

Get him, Pager!

Kick it!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

[cheers]

Yeah!

Fuck you, ant!

Fuck you!

They're still fucking coming!

Ha!

Ha!

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la!

I've never seen so many.

Assholes?

Ants.

They're leading them to the festival.

Well, we got to get down there and warn them.

Let's go.

You're a rad driver.

Don't even think about it.

[suspenseful rock music]

Give us a break.

[hisses]

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

Go!

Go, go, go!

Go, go, go!

Fuck.

They're coming!

[screams]

Go, go, go!

[rock music]


Whoa, whoa, whoa-- can't let you go through with that, chief.

You're in a lot of danger.

We need to evacuate this place.

OK, stop with the crazy talk.

Hand over the weapon.

Then we can go play cowboys and Indians.

How about that, huh?

Is that a racial slur, asshole?

Oh, you do not want a piece of us.

Hand that over too, big fella.

I'm not handing it.

I'm stuffing it.

You got about two minutes before 1,000 ants come over that ridge and kill every single one of you.

[MUSIC - "DON'T CLOSE YOUR EYES"]

OK, I'm not sure what peace pipe you're smoking.

But if you don't hand over the weapon, I'm going to take it.

Forcefully.

Don't threaten him with a good time, or me.

[groans]

Whoa, back it up.

Back it up.

Oh, it's going to happen.

It's not going to.

Put the dynamite away.

Just turn around.

That's it!

Give me it!

That's it!

Oh my god!

[SINGING] Don't close your eyes.

Don't close your eyes.

Don't sing your last lullaby.

Don't close your eyes.

It's the festival!

Yes!

Nochella!

[cheers]

Fuck yeah!

It's the festival!

[SINGING] Don't sing your last lullaby.

[screeches]

You have one minute to live.

OK, buddy.

Look, you get to see this.

[rumbling]

It's them.

[screams]

I've got to get to the PA system.

[screams]

Stevie, get to the main stage.

Warn everyone you can.

We're right behind you.

OK.

You.

You led them here.

Your band sucks.

You disgraced my land and my people.

I'm sorry.

You will be.

OK.

Where are we going?

To the main stage.

I bet they have a band bunker underneath it.

Look at our sign--

Oh, god.

--right next to the shitters.

We suck.

[explosion]

Come on!

We got to go!

We go to go!

[music playing]

[singing]

I need to get on the mic!

Hey, what are you doing?

Put me on the PA!

Ladies and gentlemen-- hey-- it's not working!

Weird!

You guys are in a lot of danger.

Wait up!

Oh, no, they got to warn them.

[cheers]

[applause]

OK, everybody.

That was Stereoblasters.

Let's hear it for them.

We can't hear you-- microphone!

Now we're going to have a 10-minute intermission, and then we're going to have Sonic Grave performing, [screeches]

Run!

[crash]

[screams]

[crash]

[screams]

Come on, babe.

If we don't make it, I--

I just-- I need you to know--

I know.

[screams]

[crashes]

[screams]

[hisses]

Oh, shit!

[thuds]

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit!

Not my first fucking concert!

I can't die on the fucking shitter!

[thump]

[screams]

[sighs] Oh.

[screeches]

Oh, fuck.

Want a sip?

Oh, fuck that!

[music playing]

I'm not going to die.

You're not going to die!

I got a song to sing, and I'm going to go save us.

No!

Pager!

Stevie!

Don't leave me!

Ah!

Pager!

Stevie!


[guitar music]

[hisses]

[guitar music]

[music - "blow my fuse"]


[SINGING] Come on, start a fire.

[explosion]

[shouts]

[cheers]

[rock music]

Baby, cross my wires.

[explosions]

Light up my hair.

Overload my circuits.

Let me feel the juice.

[explosions]

Make me an offer that I can't refuse.

Blow my fuse.

[explosions]

You got nothing to lose.

Blow my fuse.

[explosions]

I need a good shot.

I can't give it to you on electric cruise.

Blow my fuse.

[explosion]

You light my light.

I'll light you.

Baby, shake my tower.

Get it while it's hot.

Baby, feel my power, 50,000 watts.

[explosion]

Come on, feel the voltage, light thick and through, from the whites of my eyeballs to the soles of my shoes.

[explosions]

Blow my fuse.

You got nothing to lose.

Blow my fuse.

I need a good shot.

I can't give it to you on electric cruise.

[rumbling]

Blow my fuse.


Cool!

[claps]

Fuck yeah!

[applause]

Yeah!

[cheers]

Ah!

Fuck!

Oh my god!

You killed it.

Fucking A.

[music, "side boob"]

[SINGING] It was a hot summer's night.

She was sweating all over.

She went to the fridge for a ch-ch-cherry cola.

I said, hey, girl, I want to get to know you.

I can almost see your areola.

She wore a rock-and-roll tee cut up on the side.

It was only in the front that she bothered to hide.

She moved to her left, so I peeked to my right.

Oh my Lord, it's such a wonderful sight.

It's a side boob, naked and free.

Side boob, staring back at me.

Side boob, like a D-cup K. That sugar's sweet, baby, I could eat all day.

Yeah.

I see it from the side, and I like the slope.

Oh, yeah.

Creamy hot and butter on my breakfast toast.

Start my engine, baby.

Pull my choke.

I got a full tank of gas.

I want to motorboat.

I come a long hard road many country miles.

I've seen a lot of tour groupies, nothing like your style.

I want to rendezvous, don't need the number to dial.

Spin halfway around so I can see your profile on your side boob, baby, naked and free.

Side boob, staring back at me.

Side boob, you're like a D-cup K. That sugar's sweet, baby.

I could eat all day.

Yeah.

Was it an A, B, C tucked underneath the tee?

Size don't matter, baby.

It ain't important to me.

What can I do to set them free?

I know that there's a present waiting just for me.

And it's a side boob, baby, naked and free.

Side boob, staring back at me.

Side boob, baby, D-cup K. Side boob, baby, make it just for me.

I said side boob, don't matter the size.

Side boob, baby, they're bigger than mine.

Side boob, I can't see nothing else.

Side boob, baby, got me screaming for help.

Ah!


[music playing]