Desperate Housewives S2E4 Script

My Heart Belongs to Daddy (2005)

Previously on "Desperate Housewives"...

You're not taking me? Dad's gonna take you.

Lynette's new job came with a price.

If this charge sticks, I get sent away for eight years.

And Carlos paid for his mistakes.

Are you in love with Mr. Williams?


I think the machine picked up on something that I wasn't aware of.

While Bree detected feelings she'd never known.

You come within 10 feet of her, I will have you arrested.

Now get out. Susan discovered something...

Zach is your son, isn't he?

Too close to home.

The residents of the Fairview county jail looked forward to every Tuesday.

That was the day that Gabrielle solis came to visit her husband.

The inmates went out of their way to give her compliments whether she wanted them to or not.

With each visit, these accolades became increasingly inventive.

Still, Gabrielle was not flattered.

In fact, Gabrielle started to dread this special attention.

Until one day, when...

I don't think a conjugal visit is such a ridiculous request.

With all due respect, Mrs. Solis, let's just get through the discovery phase first, okay?

But I don't think I can wait that long.

I am trying to get your husband out of jail.

Do you want me to just stop everything so you can have a Booty call?

Excuse me, we are husband and wife.

We make love. It is a very sacred covenant.

Okay, look, all we need is 20 minutes.

I said no. You can't tell me no.

You work forme. You will make it happen.

You can't force me to do anything.

I am not your maid or your gardener.

Whoa! Oh!

I can have you arrested for that.

Oh, really? And how about for this?


You crazy bitch!


Hey, apologize to the lady.

Big mistake, pal. I play golf with the warden.

You're gonna rot...


You heard him. Apologize.

Look, fellas, I am just trying to do my job. This is all her fault!


If she weren't so damn horny... Ow!

All right! All right!

Come on!

It was at that moment it occurred to Gabrielle...


This was the nicest compliment she had ever received.


There was one thing all the fathers on Wisteria Lane had in common...

They could return home from a hard day's work to the family they'd left behind and not feel at all guilty about the precious moments they had missed.

Sadly, the same could not be said for the working mothers.

Hey, honey, I held dinner for as long as I could.

It just got...

Too late for them.

You couldn't have given 'em coffee or something?

I just feel like I'm missing out on their lives entirely.

Hey, you sit, eat, and I will fill you in.

Oh, don't eat that. That's been sitting out for hours.

That's for Mrs. Mulberry.


Is for you.

I'm sorry. Who?

Oh, Mrs. Mulberry.

Parker has an imaginary friend.

Um, British nanny.

I think he really locked into the whole "Mary poppins" thing.

Is that why he's sleeping with an umbrella?

He carries it with him everywhere.

It's a security blanket.

When did this start?

About a week ago, I guess.

And you don't find it odd that Parker's new nanny made her appearance right at the time I went back to work?

Kids have imaginary friends. It's no big deal.

I'll agree with you to a point, when they're flying kangaroos or giant robots, not surrogate mommies.


Parker is having a little trouble adjusting.

That's all. Apparently, so are you.

Honey, don't be so sensitive.

I hope you're right.

At the risk of sounding too sensitive, how come she gets a bigger portion?

That's it?

You're the one who said you wanted things to be casual between us.

Yeah, but that doesn't mean we have to act like brother and sister.

I mean, you bought me ribs. I have gratitude to express.

What's wrong?

I can't do this.

This casual thing... It's... it's weird.

No! No! It's not.

We're just gonna pretend like it was when we first started dating.

We just see each other occasionally, you know, until we get the Zach thing resolved.

Yeah, well, we'll just be easy about it. No commitments.

Except, of course, neither of us is allowed to date anybody else.

Look, I...

I know how you feel about Zach.

And, look, I don't blame you.

But he's part of the package right now, and either you can accept that or you can't.

Well, anyway...

Mike, wait!

I accept.

Are you sure?

Zach's your son.

And I have Julie, and you've totally accepted her.

I mean, granted, she's been the model child so far.

But she's almost 15. She's going to turn on me any minute.

And you better be there to help me when it gets ugly.

I will.

Good night.

Uh, Susan? Yeah?

Technically, we don't have to be casual anymore.

I can be naked in 20 seconds. That includes travel time.

Carlos, will you calm down?

You incited a prison riot.

It wasn't a riot. It was more of a melee.

Who's going to defend me now?

Doyle knew my case. He knew the judge. He called me a bitch.

Well, were you acting like one?

He refused to help me get a conjugal visit.

Hold it.

My lawyer's in traction because you wanted sex?

Not just for me, for us.

In case you haven't noticed, Carlos, our marriage is still on shaky ground.

And you thought a conjugal visit would fix it? It couldn't hurt.

Ever since you've been in here, all we do is bicker.

That's all we ever did when I was out. That's whatwedo!

Yeah, but when we would finish arguing, we would have this great sex. Now all we do is fight, and there's no payoff, and it sucks!

You and I need to get laid!

Oh, don't judge me.

You're not in here because you got caught helping the poor.

See, we'd be enjoying this argument more if we had something to look forward to.

Fine. Get the damn lawyer.

And make it quick.

I take it that was my good night kiss.

George, you're a very special friend.

You are, but Rex hasn't been dead four weeks, so I think kissing on the lips is...

Further than you want to go.

Exactly. I hope you don't mind.

Andrew, what are you doing?

Taking out the garbage.

Of course. You remember Mr. Williams.

Hi, Andrew.


Uh, well, it's getting late, so...

Yeah. So let me know if you want to go out to dinner again soon.

There's a couple new restaurants I'd like to try.

You know, we've been eating out a lot lately.

Why don't you come over Friday for a home-cooked meal?

Wouldn't that be nice? Oh, I would love that.

So you leaving or what?

We're not done talking.

She said it was getting late.

In case you missed that, that was a hint.


That wasn't a hint.

I'll go when I'm ready.

Actually, it is getting late, and I am tired so...

See? You heard the lady. Now...

Take off.


It's okay. He's not really that tough.

He knows I would never hit a child.



Stop it, the two of you, this instant!

This was a perfectly lovely evening, and now the both of you have ruined it.

I will not tolerate this kind of behavior.

Do you understand?

All right, then.

George, we'll see you Friday for dinner.

I'll be serving fish.

Hey, buddy.

Hey, wake up, sleepyhead. Parker.

Hi. Hiya, pal.

Hey, what do you say you and me go get some doughnuts, okay, before mommy has to go to work?

Yeah? Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

All right. Oh.

So what do you think you're gonna have, huh? Jelly?

'Cause I think I'm gonna have a bear claw.


I forgot Mrs. Mulberry.


Oh, um, well, since I'mhere, maybe she could just relax in the house for awhile, okay?

No, I need her!


Hello, Mrs. Mulberry.

Don't forget to buckle up.

Here we go.


You forgot her umbrella.

Well, Parker, we don't have time.




Hey, what are you still doing here?

I'm looking for Parker's umbrella.

Have you seen it? No. Nope. Sorry.

Hey, honey, you better hurry.

You're gonna be late for work. Thank you for that.

I couldn't find Mrs. Mulberry's umbrella, so I brought her her sun hat instead, all right?

And here we go. It's in the shower.


Mrs. Mulberry says she left it in the shower.

Well, why didn't mrs. Mulberry volunteer that information before I turned your room upside down looking for it, hmm?

Are you going to go get it?

No, I'm not gonna get the damn umbrella!

I'm so sorry, sweetie. I am not mad at you.

What are you doing?


We don't want doughnuts.


Andrew, you are not leaving the house dressed like that.

I'm just going to meet some of the guys at the swim club.

I don't care. Put this on.

Every time you leave this house, you represent this family, and the least you can do is not humiliate us.

A ripped t-shirt is just a look.

Yes, a bad one.

I hope you haven't made plans for tomorrow night.

Look, if you think I'm having dinner with the pharmacist, you're crazy.

Part of the reason I'm having him over is so that you can get to know him.

Yeah, well, I don't want to get to know him.

Honey, the feelings that you're having are perfectly normal.

But George isn't trying to take your father's place.

He's... well, he's just a friend.

Really? Just a friend?


So you're not planning on getting more serious with this guy in the future?

You know, I haven't even thought about it.

You're so transparent, it's pathetic.

You're worried about a ripped t-shirt humiliating this family?

Wait till people see that you're dating the town nerd less than a month after your husband's funeral.

I'll be serving dinner tomorrow night at 7.

Please don't be late. I'm sorry, but I already have plans.

Andrew, don't you have a meet at the swim club?

Yeah, so?

Doesn't it require a large entrance fee, one that you can't afford by yourself?

Are you blackmailing me into coming to dinner?

Oh, you don't know the lengths I'd go to for even seating.

Mayer, is this yours?

Blew into my front yard.

Oh, sorry. I'm helping Mike find Zach.

You know, so we can all rest easy at night.

Uh-huh. And put him in jail?

I don't think Mike would do that to his own son.

You know?

That Mike's Zach's real father? Yes.

Oh. Julie told Karl, Karl told me, and I, well, sent out a few e-mails.

Well, thanks for your discretion.

Boy, you would doanything to get Mike Delfino to love you.

So what's gonna happen to little creepy when he gets here?

Are you gonna be tucking him in at night?

Making him breakfast in the morning?

Careful to Bob and weave as he tries to blow your head off?

You know, Edie, could you just back off?

I mean, the truth is, we're probably never gonna find Zach anyway.

It's a needle in a haystack.

Oh, I see.

And then you'll still come off as little miss perfect, self-sacrificing girlfriend, putting his needs ahead of yours.

Oh, why, you conniving little shrew.

I don't know why we're not closer.

There was a reason David Bradley was the most successful lawyer in all of Fairview.

His arguments were persuasive...

No one ever has to know.

His manner was forceful...

Take it off. Take it off.

And he tended to win on appeal.


And when it came to the more challenging cases, he knew it was to his advantage to raise the first objection.

I'm not gonna take your case.



Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Bradley.

Your dinner just canceled. Want me to pull the reservation?

No, I still have to eat. I'm sorry, where were we?

You were about to turn me down, and then you reconsidered once you realized I was gonna throw a ton of money at you, which I am.

Ah. It's not about the money for me anymore, Mrs. Solis.

The fact is, if I don't feel passionately about a client, if I don't feel that fire in my belly, I don't bring my a-game to court, and from what I've read, it'll take my a-game to save your husband.

Is this about the gay bashing thing?

He's innocent. He went berserk and attacked a man in court.

Yeah, but that was a jealousy thing.

The man that my husband was trying to kill in court is not the least bit gay, trust me.

Your file also says you're seeking conjugal visits.

Trying to keep the old marriage alive, huh?

Why does everybody have a problem with me having sex with my husband?

Can I be frank?

Only if it ends with me getting what I want.

Your marriage is doomed.

Excuse me? I've been doing this for a long time, Mrs. Solis.

I know what incarceration can do to a relationship.

Marriage is hard enough, but when you throw in cement walls, armed guards, iron bars, it tends to go downhill rather quickly.

Conjugal visits notwithstanding.

But I... listen, you want my advice?

Walk away.

You're young.

You made a mistake. You learn from it.

Maybe next time you'll marry smarter.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have dinner reservations.


You're eating alone, remember?

And I have a feeling it's not the first time.

I'm so sorry I couldn't get here sooner.

I forgot my husband had to take our youngest to the pediatrician and...

It's all right, Mrs. Scavo.

So... What did Parker do?

Are you aware that your son has an imaginary friend, a Mrs. Mulberry?

Yes. We've met.

Well, um, yesterday, Parker demanded that.

Mrs. Mulberry get her own easel during art, which was fine.

But today it was a desk.

And unfortunately, we didn't have an extra desk.


That must have been ugly.

It was.

Patty was rammed with this.

Oh. I am so sorry.

Mrs. Scavo, have you experienced a death in your family recently?

No. No. Why?

Imaginary friends are often created as a coping mechanism to... to deal with loss.


Or it might occur as the result of some major change or extensive alteration in their lives.


A manifestation of some deep-seated unhappiness.

Can you think of anything that might shed a little bit of light on this for us?

Mrs. Scavo?

Thank you.

And I'm thinking, it's the golden gate bridge.

What a great place to get a picture of the sunset.

So I lean outwayover the rail to get the shot.

Next thing I know, the police arrive.

People had called 9-1-1 from their cell phones.

Thought I was suicidal.

I can't believe how well those two are getting along.

Yeah, it's freaky.

Andrew is being polite and engaging.

He's even laughing at George's jokes.

That's why it's freaky.

George's jokes aren't funny.

So, George, can I ask you a question?

And it's kind of personal.


Have you ever actually been with a woman?

Excuse me?

Well, let's be honest. I think it's obvious by the way that you talk and act that you're not a player, so I was just curious to find out if you had ever actually gotten in the game.

My experience with women is none of your business.

Oh, I think it is.

I mean, you're dating my mom.

And we both know that at your age, dating's a little more than just holding hands.

We're not dating exactly.

Oh, sure you are.

And you know what? I think it's great.

But I wanna make sure my mom's happy, you know, and it would really set my mind at ease to know that she's with a guy that knows how to please a lady.

This is inappropriate.

You know, my parents had a great sex life.

Man, I heard 'em through the wall of my bedroom once.

Please shut up.

You should've heard my mom, too.

She had this... this weird moan.

It was kind of like, um... mmm.


Isn't that bizarre?

That's the sound my mom makes when she climaxes.

Okay. Time for cobbler.

Sorry, one of the dessert plates doesn't match.

I tried to replace it, but it's spode Florence.

It's a rare pattern.

It belonged to my grandmother.

But hopefully once you taste the dessert, you'll forget all about it.

I'm not hungry.

George, you have to have this. It's absolutely scrumptious.



Go to your room!


You heard me. Go to your room.

Mr. Williams, what's wrong?

Did I say something wrong?

Bree, please back me up.

Well, what did he say?

I can't say. It's too sordid. But he said it!

Are you gonna back me up or what?

George, I can't allow you to discipline my child if you won't even tell me what he did.



Mrs. Solis, David Bradley.

Look, I feel really bad about the tone of our meeting, so to make up for it, I'm gonna do you a favor.

The more I think of it, the more I'm convinced your marriage is a train wreck...

The gnarly type, you know, mass casualties.

Anyway, I'm passing on the name of a great divorce lawyer, kir...

You have some nerve, leaving that message on my machine.

You realize this is entirely inappropriate?

I will tell you what is inappropriate.

Youmaking sweeping assumptions about the state of my marriage.

Care for a drink?


I like to keep a clear head when I'm telling people off.

What makes you think you know anything about me or my husband?

Well, your husband's record speaks for itself.

With you, I had to rely on my instincts.

Would those be the same instincts that picked out that Cologne?

You're privileged. You're pampered.

You're spoiled.

You want what you want when you want it.

You want excitement.

A quickie every five months in a prison trailer isn't gonna scratch that itch.

With all due respect, I will decide for myself what needs to be scratched and when.

Mrs. Solis, you are a beautiful, desirable woman.

Now your husband is a dimwit, corrupt, violent criminal.

You could do... So much better.

Are you hitting on me?

What would you say if I were?

I'd say I'm pregnant.

So I see, you're stuck.

I'm not stuck, Mr. Bradley.

Believe it or not, I love my husband.

I charge $700 an hour, plus xeroxing.

I'll pay you 6, and I expect a conjugal visit tomorrow by noon.

Aren't you demanding?

Like you said...

I want what I want when I want it.

So a woman I talked to at social services said a lot of runaways hang out here.


Just happy to be spending the day with you.

At homeless shelters and bus stations?

I'm gonna go ask these guys if they've seen Zach.

I think we'll cover more ground if we split up.



Have you seen this boy?

Uh, missing kid. Anyone?

Going once...

Going twice?

Oh, do you mind keeping those and passing them out when people get their ice cream?



Well, isn't that him, over there?


Zach! Zach!

Oh, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no.

Don't, don't, don't, don't. Zach!

Don't, don't. Zach, don't run away!

Wait! Come on!

Just... would you get back here?!

Come on, really! Let's just talk!

Damn it, Zach!

It's enough already.

Aah! Oh!


Nobody here has seen Zach.

But there's a halfway house on the westside I want to check... out.

Are you okay?

I got you some ice cream.

You did?

But then I got hungry.

So then I just threw my ice cream at him and ran.

Well, somebody say something.

Thank god you were in flats.

I'm still recovering from Mike is Zach's real father.

I should've told Mike I saw Zach.

I'm a horrible person, right?

Oh, Susan, come on.

Zach attacked Felicia. He blew up your kitchen.

Evidently, he tried to kill Mike.

I think we can all agree this kid's a freak.

What do you think, Bree?

Well, I think given everything that's happened, it's perfectly justified that you'd be frightened of Zach.


But Zach is Mary Alice's son.

He grew up playing in our yards.

If he has any hope of surviving, I have to believe he's better off here than on the streets.

I couldn't have imagined how much going back to work would upset Parker.

Look, he's going to be fine. He's just gotta get used to daddy providing all the love.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

I am kidding.

Look, kids are resilient. He will adapt.

Tom, he attacked a teacher with an umbrella.

It was a poke. He poked her.

I don't know.

Maybe I shouldn't be working.

The kids would certainly benefit from having two stay-at-home parents, although buying food might become an issue.

Maybe I could change my work schedule, try and get some flex time.

Would Nina go for that?

No. No.

No, no, no!

No, no, no!

It would help if you came up with some ideas.

How about hugs?

Hugs? Yeah, I read in one of those family magazines the kids are supposed to get, like, ten hugs a day.

It makes 'em feel more secure.

I say pile on the hugs.

That'll fix everything? Hugs?

Yeah. Come here.

Come here.



It's working, isn't it?

Shut up.

Hey, buddy, you busy?

Yes. Mrs. Mulberry's reading to me.

Well, isn't she nice?

But it's time for bed, so I'm gonna tuck you in, okay?

I'll take that.


I know things have been hard for you since I started back to work, but it is just as hard for me to be away from you.

And you just have to remember that even when I'm not around, my love for you is real.

You may not be able to see it, but it's not imaginary like Mrs. Mulberry.

It's real.

Okay, honey?

Mrs. Mulberryisreal, and she said you're a liar.



We're reading.

I don't understand.

Why can't we see each other anymore?

Because ever since I found out what Andrew said to you, I've been doing some soul searching, and I realize that everything's that happened is completely my fault.

No, no, no, that's ridiculous. No, it's not.

All the things that Andrew's been saying and the way he's been acting, it's all connected to his father's death.

And it's clear to me that I need to spend more time focusing on him and his needs.

You know...

You're right. You do need to focus on Andrew.

Thank you, George, for being so understanding.

Of course.

So have you thought about counseling?

That place you sent him to...

That behavioral modification camp...

He got counseling there, right?

But I only sent him there because his behavior at the time was so completely out of bounds.

You don't think that what he said to me was out of bounds?

I just think if I spent a lot of time with him, it'll really help. Why not do both?

Let him spend a few months with some caring professionals, and then bring him home.

You know, what he said to you was horribly rude, but that camp, it's extreme, and, I mean, unless I felt like Andrew was getting really out of control, then...

Well, let's hope it doesn't come to that.

You know, in spite of everything that's happened, I really like Andrew.

Oh, George, really?

Yeah. The truth is...

He reminds me of me.

The conjugal visit rules are you got 45 minutes.

We call every 15 minutes to make sure you're still here.

You understand?

Yes, we got it.

Uh, we interrupt our lovemaking to answer the phone, or you call out the dogs. Okay!

I'm ready whenever you...

Obviously are.

Carlos, are we gonna make it?

We just did. You want to go again?

No, I'm talking about us...

Our relationship, our marriage.

Carlos, you're going to be a father.

And when you get outta here, you're gonna need to get a job and make an honest living for me and our child.

Babe, I've learned my lesson.

Okay, when I get out of here, everything's gonna be different.

We're going to start over with a new life and a great family, and nothing is going to get in the way of that.

Hey, so you never told me...

How's the new lawyer? You like him?


Yeah, I'm still here.

Okay, enough chitchat. We only have 30 minutes left, and I want to make the most of it.

Okay, please... please don't run.

I can't. I hurt my foot.


I landed on it funny when I was running away from you.

What do you want?

To talk to you.


'Cause I have a lot of things to say.

So you can just listen. I'll buy you some food.

When was the last time you ate?

My dad's alive? Where is he?

I don't know. He disappeared.

But Mike did not kill him. I mean, he's alive, you swear?

I swear. Maybe he's in Utah.

I know that he used to have a life there...

Before me.

I don't know. I just... I just...

I need to get some money and find him.

Zach, you know what I think?

I think you should come back with me. Why?

Because there are still people at home that care about you.

And there's things that you need to know.

Like what?

Well, I can't tell you.

You know, you messed up a lot of people's lives, Zach.

You can't run away from that.

Do you mean Julie?


I know that I messed up her life, but I didn't mean to.

I really miss her out here.

I think about her all the time.

Yeah, well, Julie's a really special girl.

Has she said anything about me?

Because if she has, then I might still have a chance with her.

If I come back with you, then I-I could make it up to her.

Do you know what I think?

I think you were right.

I think you should try to find your father first.

Yeah? Yeah.

I mean, now that you know he's okay, you should go to him.

He'll want to take care of you.

That's what parents do.

Let me help.

How much money do you think you'll need to get to Utah?

Daddy, I can't find Mrs. Mulberry's umbrella.

Where is it?

Oh, I don't know, sport. Honey, have you seen the umbrella?

No, can't say that I have.

Okay, listen, don't worry about it.

I'm sure Mrs. Mulberry's around here somewhere.

Or, uh, maybe she's not.

She could've left. You know...

Maybe she had some other little boy that she needed to help.

Like who?

I don't know. It could be a little boy in, uh...


Named... Spencer.


I mean, this is conjecture on my part.

But it is possible that someonelikelittle Spencer needs Mrs. Mulberry more, 'cause he doesn't have a daddy and a mommy who love him.

Yeah, that's it.

He's an orphan...

With no hands.


You're so sweet. Come here. I love you. You all right?

Okay, go get dressed.

What have you done to Mrs. Mulberry?

Until there's a body, there's no evidence of a crime.

Mrs. Mulberry!

She's back!



Mrs. Mulberry's back!


She got ran over. She's dead.

Don't you worry. I'm here.

Maybe it's okay, buddy. Maybe we can call 9-1-1 or...

No, Tom, she's gone.

Swimmers, take your marks.

George, what are you doing here?

Don't worry, Bree, I'll be quick.

I thought about what you said, and you're right.

Andrew needs his space.

Well, thank you, George.

It's... Best that I stay away.

And I completely understand if you want to change pharmacists but...

I did want to give you a little good-bye gift.



It's my pattern! Where did you find it?

I got lucky on an online auction.

I love it! Thank you! Oh!


Oh, George!



Andrew, what are you doing?!

Aah! Aah!


Get off of him, Andrew!

Stop it!

Knock it off!

Did you see him?! He was kissing her!

Oh, my god, you're bleeding.

That freak was kissing her!

I don't care. You gotta calm down now.

The world is filled with good fathers.

How do we recognize them?

They're the ones who are missed so terribly that everything falls apart in their absence.

They're the ones who love us long before we've even arrived.

They're the ones who come looking for us when we can't find our way home.

Hey, what's wrong?

Because of me, my son's imaginary friend got crushed by a garbage truck.

I am the worst person in the world.

Yes, the world is filled with good fathers...

Honey, he is going to get over this in no time. Trust me.

And one day when he is all grown up, you and Parker are going to laugh hysterically about this.

You really think so? Really?

And the best are the ones who make the women in their lives...

I promise.

Feel like good mothers.